We are very excited to celebrate Providence’s graduation from Rosslyn Academy in Kenya class of 2025!

We wanted to invite you to join us in celebrating “open house style” virtually and learn what is next for her!

In High School in Kenya I participated in:

Learn more about what is next for Providence:

Fun memories in pictures:

Want to Celebrate with me?

I’ve never lived in the US as I apply for jobs and begin university any funds I will be using to pay for school or buy groceries.

I know many of you have prayed and supported me for many years. Thanks for celebrating with me!

It is a bit hard to articulate or even navigate the myriad of emotions rolling around on this day for us. Our firstborn is sixteen.

Sixteen years ago I touched my baby girl, under the lights of the NICU. In the same few hours I said goodbye to her sister. I held Marylou in my arms and then I’ve spent sixteen years living with my arms feeling a bit empty.

Don’t get me wrong, it is not that I mourn every day, or that the grief is raw like that first day, but my love for her comes with a bit of grief, especially around moments when I know we would celebrate who she was becoming.

Today we celebrated joy, sixteen years with our Providence Joy.

She has really become so much herself this year. She has leaned into her uniqueness, her joys, fears, her compassion, her intelligence, and her art in new ways. She has courageously shown up and allowed herself to be seen, and she makes her communities better for her presence.

So what does it mean to hold grief and joy together on the same day? I think of my twins, it is the grief of goodbye, the joy of hello all in one day. It is the journey of life, to try and hold them both well.

And today I’m holding joy, I’m holding grief and God is meeting me in the dichotomy.

Sixteen years. I’m so incredibly grateful for my spunky joyful girl and I’m so grieved we don’t see how Marylou’s presence would be impacting her communities, friends, and family in the present.

So I end this rambling post with a truth that has carried us through the years.

God’s strong grace within his providence has kept our souls’ safe within the fortress of divine purpose, while his strength sustains with the knowledge of his will being so very good; and our great reward – we’ve been blessed by one used of God to make Heaven so much dearer now, since a treasure marked by the image of God has been ushered there, to be met one day.

What reward, that our spiritual awareness and joys would be tenderly deepened by one used of God to make heaven so much dearer now, since a treasure marked by the image of God has been usherd there to be met one day.

So today I celebrate the reward we’ve been given in our sweet daughter, watching her become a beautiful young woman is a great joy, and I celebrate the joy of my firstborn, my Marylou and the reward her life has been in our lives, she has been used of God to set our heart and longings toward heaven.

4 years ago I was wheeled into the OR to deliver our sixth child.

The entire night before I had slept very little, very sure that this little soul would die before I would ever meet her. I had no medical reason for this fear, just a lingering historical fear (our firstborn was stillborn).

A literal flood of relief overwhelmed me when I heard her first cries and glimpsed her legs flailing as they gathered her weight and did a quick medical check.

In the OR recovery room I willed myself stable as quickly as possible so I could be reunited with her.

I sat in awe gazing at her as she grunted on my chest. Memorizing each toe, finger and sound. My husband went to pick up the rest of the family to meet her and some dear friends arrived to meet the newest addition.

Rapidly the situation changed and the next two weeks were a tumultuous time of unknown as our little E for unknown and unanticipated reasons fought for her life. Life support, a medical evacuation to South Africa, several times when doctors told us to stay close so we could say goodbye.

My postpartum emotions ran the gamut of fear, relief, joy, fear again, unknown and then cycled through them all over and over and the result a feeling that hope had become elusive and moments of despair.

For the believers,I think elusive hope rarely comes from a lack of faith, or even a lack of understanding about who God is. More often it becomes elusive because our history, our story, tempts it to run and hide when we need it most. I find most often elusive hope is just a sign that our emotions have not quite had a chance to catch up with what we know to be true.

In those dark two weeks I could verbally tell you of the goodness of God, I could re-count for you His character, but it did not restore my feeling of Hope.

In those dark two weeks I lost the ability to cry out in prayer to God but it wasn’t as simple as merely that I was lacking faith.

My emotions never had a moment to catch up with what I knew in my head to be true so hope felt elusive and that was marked for me by a sense of darkness.

In this season of global unknown brought about by Covid-19 and the approach of our miracle girls 4th birthday I find myself thinking of Hope and times in my life where it has been elusive.

Hope is one of the things that give us courage to go on through hard times, it lets us look forward and helps us lean into the unchanging character of God. Webster dictionary defines it as,

“a feeling of expectation and desire for a particular thing to happen.”

The unexpected can temporarily rob us of Hope. When our little E was born the storm of unexpected, the constant changing medical challenges and the deep unknown made hope elusive to grasp and hold onto. The unknown temporarily robbed me of dreams that are birthed from hope as I clung to minutes rather then anticipating years with my daughter.

Covid-19 itself, as well as various government responses has the propensity (at least in my part of the world) to create the same affect. We can limit life to minutes or dates unable to plan for the future. A future that cannot be anticipated makes it hard to dream, it even makes it hard to grieve losses as things swiftly change. Often I find myself reminding myself how little time has passed because the quick and drastic changes feel that they must have taken place over a lifetime not just a few weeks.

As the years since E’s dramatic entry to the world have passed time has illuminated the elusive hope I had thought I had lost had always been present in those dark two weeks. In retrospect hope is \what sustained and was executed through prayers of loved ones, through kindness of medical staff, through the outpouring of love and kindness from strangers, through scriptures hanging around our home and flooding our inboxes. The suddenness of change, the need for grieving losses, and no time to do so, the unexpected and the intake of large amounts of medical news for a time made it seem non existent but it had always been present because deep rooted hope (the kind rooted in God’s character) cannot be uprooted by a storm of unexpected.

So if hope feels elusive to you amidst the storms of Covid-19 my prayer is that you will find yourself intentionally strengthening your roots and knowledge of the character of God. That you will give space for emotions to catch up to the every changing events and cling to the truth that deep rooted hope is not so easy to uproot as the storm of Covid-19 may tempt us to believe.

I smiled on Saturday, a week ago, night as I was sewing masks. There was a law rather swiftly introduced here (that continues to be increased) about wearing masks. We appreciate our government’s stance here to protect the most vulnerable. Practically though we were looking at major fines for being out in public without these masks and no where to find them (since then you can find home-made masks many places PTL). So I took all my older fabric out and like many of you started sewing.

Thirty masks later I had masks for most of our teammates distributed, and our guards and I confess to enjoying creatively loving on those around me.

Like many of you we are feeling limited, limited in what we can do, limited in how we can love others and limited by what we know. But also like many of you we are thrilled to find new ways to connect with others, new rhythms, and new memories with each other. 

It is hard to describe life here in Kenya during Covid, mainly because things keep changing… As we sit outside we hear helicopters in the evening and you can see us scurrying indoors (our understanding is that curfew applies even to our yards here), we have to wear face masks in our car and can only carry 2-3 people in our vehicles so our whole family cannot travel together anywhere. International flights are stopped here as Kenya attempts to seal its borders. We have concerns for the many who cannot work from home here, and are suffering from hunger, and we cannot leave the city limits . One of the hardest things here is poverty that restricts the ability of many to follow WHO guiidlines.  We are just a few blocks from Kibera, one of the biggest slums in East Africa. Here  there are 250,000 of the world’s poorest population crowded into 2.5 sq km. As you can imagine this makes social distancing very difficult for many. Surrounded by need and immediate impact of this virus has, draws us to be continually asking the Lord what He wants us to do with our resources.  Like you we find ourselves wondering what is next, what will change and can find ourselves consuming lots of news.

I loved this encouragement a friend gave me, “Abuk, be sure you don’t consume (news) more than you create…” 

So these days I’m limiting my news consumption and increasing my creativity. R— is learning to paint better, so I dabble with her, D— wants to learn to fight so we look up Kung Fu videos. E—- wants to do Yoga so we practice downward dog…and PJ is writing a book while W—- ups his lego skills. I’m enjoying creating resources to help our team and J– and I often create by gardening and are enjoying watching little plants push up through the soil.

A big and exciting update for us is J– has taken on the role of Country Director for South Sudan effective immediately. More information on that is here. We have spent the last year praying, interviewing and seeking counsel regarding this and are humbled and excited to begin this new role. In addition to this he is playing a key role on the Covid group (CMT) here for our SIM entities (3 of them). Abuk is also serving in this group and is leading a team of five as we look at increasing resilience and people care response to our people in a stressful season. We are also crisis schooling our middle schoolers and homeschooling our boys. Like many of you we are finding the days full, and our hearts full as we process. 

BUT friends what a perfect time for Easter to arrive. He has risen (amen?) and this reflection has been such a breathe of joy. Because of this we have such hope and because of Jesus we see such redemption even amidst this global situation. We look forward to sharing in coming months what God has been doing in these weeks in our hearts, in our team and why we are thrilled to be here in East Africa but for now can I say THANK YOU. Things are hard, there is a lot of need, finances are changing for all and your sacrifice of prayer, finances and support to our family is huge. There isn’t a day that goes by that we don’t thank God for you . 

In this season where God is redeeming and calling people GLOBALLY we are honored to represent Him here in Nrb and South Sudan alongside you. Thank you.

Please let us know how we can be praying for you in this season as well.

With lots of Love,
    J— and Abuk Cross

                  As many of you know our team has been in search of the next director of South Sudan as our current director is stepping down for medical reasons. After prayer and council this past year I decided to enter the process and pray if this is something God would have me pursue. As I have moved through interview stages I have felt that this is indeed where God would have me serve him in the coming years and God has confirmed it through several voting processes.

It is with joy that Abuk and I share with you that I have been appointed as the new country director for SIM South Sudan.

I was asked if I would consider directorship last year and while initially I was hesitant as Abuk and I prayed God begin to give me vision for our team. My initial desire to enter into the process of becoming a candidate for director came from a deep love for my teammates, the people of South Sudan and what God is doing through His people and church.

My hope, as I enter this role is to sit with the team and our partner churches and discuss how we can reach what God has called us to together and use this unified vision to prune, refine, and expand ministries..

I have not lost my vision for the water team but rather will be using this opportunity to direct the water project to be more self-sustaining. This position allows me to increase my scope of impact in South Sudan as I support missionaries, encourage discipleship across many different programs, and help align vision for us moving forward.

The step to move forward in this process came with fear and trepidation from recognition of the responsibility it entailed but began to subside as members from the team asked if I would consider it, and through prayer.  In addition, and strangely, the secular psychologist Jordan Peterson’s words on encouraging men to be good leaders and not sit idly by, reminded me of what scripture calls his people to as leaders in the work of the gospel. 

Covid-19, has globally, had us all step back and say, “what really matters?” as the world has shifted. What a wonderful time to be in leadership with an amazing team of folks on the ground and alongside you, our faithful supporters, and to be able to ask the question, “how can we proclaim Jesus in communities where He is least known in South Sudan.”

I value your increased prayers as you are led as I lead and direct. More to come,

J– (and Abuk)

My thirteen year old is afraid of heights. In tall places she gets shaky and starts to panic. This is her. As I watched her complete the high ropes course I was struck by bravery. It never exists without fear. While we all want to be brave, and none of us want to be fearful we must first have fear in order to step out in courage. Without fear the courage doesn’t exist.

So much of our life is like this picture right now, fear and courage all mixed up into one. Happiness and sadness living side by side, grief and joy holding hands. Rarely do emotions exist in clean isolation, usually the blooming of good things is born from the roots of hard moments.

This week is big for our family. For the first time our two oldest girls will be going to school away from home. While they are both in middle school this venture feels to me like I imagine it would feel for a parent sending their child to kindergarten or first grade for the first time…just delayed for us by eight years. I am not quite convinced that those eight years have made this transition any easier. You see we have all grown accustomed to this good thing of learning and growing and doing life together. For the past thirteen years I have been the primary teacher and shepherdess of my children’s hearts. I have (mostly) relished our times together…teaching them to read, learning mathematics, language study. Bible studies around our various kitchen tables in the morning, memorizing multiplication facts through songs as we wash dishes, baking classes together. Our memories have been built in the days that have strung together into years and now I am sending two of my girls away from our daytime memories into a place where their primary teachers will not be me, where their friendships will blossom away from the four walls of our home and where their exploration and laughter will grace different walls then mine.

I am sad. I am happy for my girls to be in place to be challenged by new teachers, to be daily engaging with a multitude of kids from many nations, for the opportunity to choose friends to engage with and how to be kind with others who are difficult to get along with. I’m excited to help them consider boundaries in friendships, and recognize how to manage time and commitments and opportunities. I’m thrilled they are following God into a place where they will be challenged in their faith, and engaged with others their own age. But I am also so very sad. I am sad that their laughter will no longer fill our home during daylight hours, I’m sad for their siblings who will no longer benefit from their help with school, creative play or imaginative creations. I am mourning the loss of their presence at weekly prayer gatherings, or helping me create a home for hosting on a moments notice. And so the joys of beginning school ride upon the back of grief.

And my girls? They are scared, so much unknown in new teachers, and classrooms, routines and schedules, the normal social anxt of who friends will become or how they will fit into social circles, but the are also experiencing courage, it rides on the back of the fear, but they are leaning into who they are apart from others, developing new systems of organization and processing fears out loud and praying for courage and bravely stepping foot onto their new campus tomorrow.

They are not strangers to new places, my brave middle schoolers last summer entered a myriad of youth groups as “new” and knowing no one and delved in as we traveled across the US. They have bravely stepped into Sunday school where they are the only Americans, gone to preschool in a language foreign to them, gone to a camp knowing no other campers and made friends without a shared common language. They are brave, strong courageous children, who are real enough to be frightened of a new beginning and change. Does their fear make weak? On the contrary it makes them brave, courageous and strong.

This afternoon we sat in the backyard with our bibles and pens open. At their request we were drinking smoothies in fancy glasses with fun straws. The girls and I are doing an inductive study of John. As we studied and laughed and underlined and prayed we prayed thanksgiving together over the fears that await in the school hallways tomorrow, trusting that the courage will rise up to meet them. That bravely stepping into God’s calling will result in deeper courage, faith and trust. As we prayed together over their hallways and school experience I found myself praying the same over my house.Oh how they will be missed.

So are we excited for the girls to go to school here? Yes! But it rides on the back of grief, as their courage rides on the back of fear and these opposing emotions entrusted in God’s hand can result in deeper Faith for His glory.

Did my daughter afraid of heights regret doing the high ropes. Never. But her experience rode upon the back of fear, and fear in God’s hands can be transformed into courage, trust and faith. Lord let it be.

Today I am very honored to be sharing a rather vulnerable conversation with others about a lie I had come to believe about God…

“…..It had been a hard three years on the field. I was tired and seeking rejuvenation and had decided to do what refreshes me: go running. I was in a great rhythm and routine when I landed wrong. A few weeks of recovery had turned into a few months, and I was sitting on the couch in a non-weight bearing state trying to entertain my one-year-old and requesting medical consultations in a foreign country where I was supposed to go to relax.

What I had most desired was to feel God’s love, to meet Him anew, and instead I felt too dry to even seek Him. Our family went to Switzerland and the conference was as I feared, deeply frustrating for me as I hobbled around on crutches, unable to even carry my food to the table let alone my child.

This month I am teaming up with the amazing Claire who has a knack for capturing and creating beauty wherever she lives. You can find her on instagram I think ..Thanks for doing this with me friend!

Also in true form with our 2018 this 10-on-10 fell on another not normal day as I was in training with First Aid Arts for most of the day. Such a joy filled learning experience!

Quick stop at home to get supplies and these cuties greeted me.

Our table was a mess of creativity, paper, pencils, markers, and scissors covering every surface area. The kids had their “adventure books” open and we were working on them. Our adventure books are how I am trying to help our kids know who they are (since they have lived so many places). It is where we journal feelings, emotions and do activities such as maps of where we’ve lived and pictures of favorite places and people.

We were working on the page marked “Who am I” and “my family” and I moved around the table chatting with each child helping them fill in the blanks. “What do we do well as a family?” I asked. I am sure you can imagine what things I was hoping they’d say.  We host a lot, or we play games, or we are silly, or we like to camp or rock climb. However; as I moved around the table each child in utter confidence proclaimed, “We ride airplanes well…”

There you have it folks. Our family’s skill in life. We ride airplanes well.

I really, really, really wish at least one child had chosen a different answer after all what mom wants to be able to proclaim that her legacy is her children can sit in a metal tube for hours on end. I really don’t want my claim to fame to be that my kids can navigate metal detectors with ease or that they really can rock pushing through jet lag.

At one point this week I watched as my six year old (D-man-) filled his book with airplanes. My oldest decided one page of memories should be devoted to airplane memories and I just sighed.

I guess that is life though, whether you find yourself nomadic (as we have) or a bit more secure in your surroundings we don’t get to choose the stories that are written about us. We like to think we can, that we can dictate memories our children cherish, or things they cling to. I certainly wish that I could dictate what things didn’t stay with them or what they would say when prompted, “what are we good at?”.

But we aren’t authors of our stories so there are days where I have to just sit back, laugh and proclaim, you know what we are really skilled at as a family? Riding Airplanes.  I can think of all the places that means we can travel, the cultures and people that will shape our understandings. I can rejoice at how flexible my children are, or how they view the world a bit closer to its vastness and diversity then most. But the reality is whether I’m thrilled or disappointed with it part of our family culture and skill is riding airplanes. I can fight it, or embrace it but it is a part of who we are. I like to think I am the author of our story but the reality is I am not and so I’ve decided to sit back and enjoy the ride embracing the unknown and God as the ultimate author that has decided to write in my children’s hearts this skillset of airplane riding. So bring on the jet-lag, the long metal tubes and the airports that indicate we are at home as a family living in between worlds and seeking God in a life of transition.