The Cynical Christian

A Christian Perspective on Black Friday

noreply@blogger.com (Jason) — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 15:45:00 +0000

I used to say that Christmas was a month-long holiday that started the day after Thanksgiving and ended on New Year's Day. Now, it's a two-month-long holiday that starts as soon as retailers have cleared out enough "90% percent off!" Halloween candy to make room for the Christmas tree displays, and ends after the last overpaid sportswriter has written the last monotonous column about how terrible the BCS system is.

And smack in the middle of all that is the retail orgy of Black Friday, where people sacrifice precious, long-weekend snooze time and schedule their day around buying low-rent, loss-leader crap that they normally wouldn't pick up if it fell off the back of a truck.

The Gospel.com blog has posed the interesting question of how Christians should respond to Black Friday and to the commercial side of the Christmas season in general. By now, it's kind of a cliched question (which Gospel.com acknowledges). But it's still well worth examining again, because introspection is one of the things that Christmas (and Thanksgiving, which I'm afraid is well on its way to getting demoted from legitimate, Charlie-Brown-special-worthy holiday to just the undercard for Christmas) is all about.

Gospel.com recommends that Christians respond to the commercialization of Christmas by turning away from Black Friday and doing more "positive" things like focusing on spiritual growth.

I am all for spiritual growth, and the suggestions the blog makes for that are good ones. But I take issue with the automatic assumption that the commercialization of Christmas is a bad thing.

What do we even mean by "commercialization" anyway? That retailers use it as an excuse to run more sales and get more people into stores? Well, so what?

Look at it this way: Let's say it was the middle of July, and suddenly everybody in town descended on the mall and started buying the place out, and the local TV station sent a reporter to find out what what going on.

Let's say that the reporter interviewed a bunch of people, asking, "Why are you here buying all this stuff?" And the people all responded, "I'm buying it to give away! To family and friends and co-workers! I'm even giving some stuff to people I don't even know--a name I drew out of a hat at a party... an underprivileged child I heard about, whose day will be brightened by just getting a little gift."

We'd watch this news report on TV and, wiping a little tear from our collective eye, we'd say, "What a beautiful example of love and generosity! This should happen all the time!"

But when it really does happen around Christmas time, we say, "Egad! What horrible crass commercialism! People should stop buying gifts right now and do something really Christian, like sit at home and think about the Bible!"

When you see all the news stories about all the people lined up at the stores buying stuff for Christmas, remember, those people are buying stuff TO GIVE AWAY. And whether you think the stuff they're buying is worth having or not, they're buying it as a symbol of love for the gift's recipient. It's true that sometimes gifts are bought and given with other motivations--pride, as a demonstration of the giver's wealth or taste; or peer pressure. But if you think that accounts for the bulk of gift giving at Christmas, I'd say you have an unreasonably low opinion of your fellow man.

So I say to Christians on this Black Friday and for the rest of the Christmas shopping season, go forth, buy stuff, and give it all away.

(pic by Feuillu)

"It's impossible, really, to caricature this White House"

noreply@blogger.com (Jason) — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 14:52:00 +0000

The Baseball Crank has been fired up about political/legal happenings lately, and who can blame him?

So, Barack Obama will be staging his own New York production of Chicago, with Khalid Sheikh Mohammed as Roxy Hart ("You had it coming, you had it coming, you only have yourselves to blame...." ). We will be treated to months upon months of front page headlines giving a platform to this lunatic war criminal.

...

Just imagine the controversy, if there are Muslims in the jury pool, over what questions prosecutors are permitted to ask them and whether they can be challenged. And of course, it sends the message to our enemies that there's nothing you can do to us that will get you sent through a process rougher than the one we used on Michael Vick or Martha Stewart.

One Day, Everything Will Be Made Out of Bacon

noreply@blogger.com (Jason) — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 03:46:00 +0000

I don't want to ever be accused of not having enough bacon-related material on this blog, so with that in mind, I give you "MmmVelopes," the envelopes with the bacon-flavored adhesive strip.

It's a shame I don't mail anything anymore. I'd almost consider getting a pen pal so I could use them, except that I'd rather use that time to cook and eat actual bacon.

My Eyes! It Burns!

noreply@blogger.com (Jason) — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 21:24:00 +0000

Has anyone ever said to you, "Ewww! This smells terrible! Smell it!" Well, that's what I'm doing here, except with YouTube:

When Does Life Begin, Y'all?

noreply@blogger.com (Jason) — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 05:49:00 +0000

Alfonzo Rachel touches on some fundamental issues.

Out of the Darkness, A Teeny Ray of Sunshine

noreply@blogger.com (Jason) — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 15:28:00 +0000

Birmingham's mayor Larry Langford was convicted on 60 counts of bribery and money laundering this week. It's never a good thing when someone has to go to jail, especially an elected official. It means the life of someone who most likely went into public service with the best of intentions has run off the tracks, the public trust has been violated, and the faith of the people in their leaders has gotten that much more ragged.

(And for crying out loud, hasn't Birmingham been through enough embarrassment already?)

But, in times like these, when so many politically connected operators seem to be doing whatever they please without even being brushed back by the fastball of justice, it's heartening to see somebody take one right off the melon.

Often, when the powerful are accused of wrongdoing, their defense is, "Dragging this allegation into the open would be bad for the people." This is, of course, complete, self-serving nonsense.

It is good for the people--good for the republic, good for democracy--to see proof that there is such a thing as justice and no one is beyond its reach.

Now, Birmingham has a big, big mess to clean up, but now there's at least a chance that the cleaning will be done by someone who is a little bit less of a crook.

Technorati Tags: birmingham, langford, scandal

Poker Face

noreply@blogger.com (Jason) — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 13:15:00 +0000

Let's get the day started with a little Cartman, shall we?

Evengelical Atheists

noreply@blogger.com (Jason) — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 03:52:00 +0000

An atheist ad campaign hits New York. Man, I hope they don't use the same ad agency as the Mormons, 'cause those people are good:

The United Coalition of Reason says the New York ad campaign is intended to reach out to nontheists and let them know that they are not alone. At the same time, the organisation wants to break stereotypes and let the public know that atheists are good people too.
"We want everyone to know that people can be good without religious beliefs," said John Rafferty, a spokesperson for Big Apple Coalition of Reason, which is affiliated with the United coalition.

Wellll, maybe you can be good without religion, but you can't be good without God, a point made later in the article and by little ol' me in this post:

Let's stipulate, just for the sake of argument, that the world was created by a Creator. And let's assume that this Creator was God, just because that's the first creator I could think of. It would be safe to assume, I think, that anything created by God would carry his fingerprints. Just like you can tell the difference between a Picasso and a Monet by the style of the painting, if God is a distinct, independent intelligence, you should be able to see His style in His creation.

Style isn't something that you have to think about; it's a revelation of your personality. When I write something, I don't wonder, "What would Jason say about this?" I just write what comes to mind. When I buy clothes or furniture, I don't have to stop and think, "What would Jason like?" I just prefer some things over others. I think that those things are "good." But they're not good in an absolute sense; they're just good to me. Since other people might have different preferences, they wouldn't necessarily say my style is good, but they would say that it is indicative of my unique personality. Or, to say the same thing in a shorthand way, they'd say it's "very Jason."

If I created a universe, I would create one that was "very Jason." The things that I liked would be the things that were considered "good," and the beings that I created in my image would rejoice in those things like I do. And it would be that way not because I thought about it, but because it was a reflection of my nature as the creator. In my universe, 1 Corinthians 13 would say, "And now these three remain: peanut M&M's, Stevie Ray Vaughn, and Star Wars. But the greatest of these is Star Wars." Come to think of it, this universe is probably better than mine would be. But the point remains: The stuff that we see as good is the stuff God likes; the reason we see it as good is because He likes it. This universe is indicative of His preferences; it's "very God." It all boils down to this, my one-liner Philosophy of Goodness:

When we say "God is good," we're not describing what God is, we're describing what good is--good is God.

The atheist ad says, "A million New Yorkers are good without God." But that's not true. To the extent that they are good (and by "good" I don't just mean "slightly better than the shmuck next to them riding the subway with mirrors on his shoes"; I mean genuinely good), they're good because God is working through them, whether they know it or not. That's the only way they could be good.

Christians are going to have to deal with this and many other atheist misconceptions more and more frequently, I'm afraid. The evangelical strain of atheism is growing aggressively. For some tips on approaching atheists, check out the series on that subject I did with the extremely great Jen from the Conversion Diary blog.

Because As We All Know, Communism Is Just Better

noreply@blogger.com (Jason) — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 04:27:00 +0000

In an early entry in what I'm sure will be a rapidly growing genre of "journalism"--history-revising communist apologetics--Newsweek tries to make the case that Russia was better off under communism. You know, because everybody had free government health care, and no one was bothered by troublesome things like opposing political parties and dissenting opinions. Reason.com gives that argument what for:

If we are to take these numbers at face value—I couldn't track down some of the stats, but will trust that Newsweek is being straight...with the notoriously unreliable figures produced by the Soviet dictatorship—what conclusions can we draw from a decrease in the number of hospitals? Is it that the criminal free market has skimped on health care in Russia, or is it that, during the Yeltsin years, the creaking health care bureaucracy created in post-Stalinist Russia was consolidated and made more efficient. As The Independent noted in 1990, health care in "the Soviet Union compares favourably only with parts of the Third World." And were those hospitals back "then" stocked with the latest technology? Were they fully equipped with prescription drugs and equipment? (The answer, obviously, is no).

Now, Where Was I?

noreply@blogger.com (Jason) — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 03:56:00 +0000

After a long, internetless week, I'm finally back online (barring future complications). And what better way to celebrate than by blowing an anvil 200 feet in the air and watching it plummet back to earth?

They're awfully casual about getting clear of the blast zone. If I was doing this, there would probably be more running and diving under things.

Why Baseball Isn't Boring

noreply@blogger.com (Jason) — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 03:26:00 +0000

A lot of people say they don't like baseball because it's so slow and boring. But once you know how the game works and what to look for when you're watching it, it's hard to believe that so much is going on during every pitch. As exhibit A, I give you this video of the battle of wits batween the catcher and the baserunner during one at bat of a Twins/Tigers game.

"Utterly Ridiculous"

noreply@blogger.com (Jason) — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 15:47:00 +0000

I Am Second is a web site where people (some you've heard of, some you haven't) share their testimonies about the impact that Jesus has had in their lives. It's just people, sitting alone, talking directly into a camera about God, which, actually, makes for some pretty compelling viewing. It even includes Stevie B., and it is still enjoyably bizarre to me to watch the Christian testimony of a guy who got stabbed in the neck by Keyser Soze.

End Income Tax Withholding

noreply@blogger.com (Jason) — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 10:59:00 +0000

If I was king for a day and could make only one change to make America better, it would be this:

Fold payroll taxes into the personal tax code, adjusting the rules so that everyone still pays the same total, but the tax bill shows up on the 1040. Doing so will tell everyone the truth: Their payroll taxes are being used to pay whatever bills the federal government brings upon itself, among which are the costs of Social Security and Medicare.
The finishing touch is to make sure that people understand how much they are paying, which is presently obscured by withholding at the workplace. End withholding, and require everybody to do what millions of Americans already do: write checks for estimated taxes four times a year.

That, I think, is all it would take: make everybody actually write a check for their taxes, and every wish of the conservatives would come true.

Some of the opposition to this idea comes from people who say, "Oh no, the average taxpayer isn't smart enough to put aside money for taxes by himself." Well, that might be so, but it would only happen once. Because when the average taxpayers got a bill and actually saw how much they pay in taxes, they would march on Washington and absolutely burn the place to the ground. After that, income taxes probably wouldn't be much of a problem for anybody.

"It’s good to know that at the most fundamental level, they have no idea what they’re talking about."

noreply@blogger.com (Jason) — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 20:10:00 +0000

Jonah Goldberg on the defenders of Polanski:

It all boils down to the fact that Polanski is famous and talented and an Olympian artist, living above the world of mortals. Indeed, if he didn’t rape that girl — and he did — Polanski would still be considered a pig in most normal communities....

His defenders don’t care. They are above and beyond bourgeois notions of morality, even legality.

Equal, but Not Precious

noreply@blogger.com (Jason) — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 04:24:00 +0000

By now, everybody's seen the videos of school children singing praise songs to America's Cool Black Friend. To all but the most sold-out hopeychange supporter, this has got to seem more than a little bit creepy. Whenever America borrows primary education ideas from North Korea, it gives one pause.

But something about this video bothered me a little more. Here's the description of one particularly egregious verse from NRO's Corner:

Obama/Jesus comparisons- "Red and yellow; black and white...they are equal in his sight." (Him being Obama). These lyrics may sound familiar to Sunday school alumni.

The Sunday school song he refers to is "Jesus Loves the Little Children," and the original lyric goes like this:

Red and yellow
Black and white
They are precious in His sight.

Leave aside the substitution of Obama for Jesus (just add it to the ever-thickening "What if Someone Had Tried That Under Bush?" file). Note how the word "precious" in the hymn has been replaced with "equal." I think this speaks to a deeper problem than just the personality cult love-fest that is the Obama administration.

We've reached the point in our society where equality is the greatest moral good. That seems like a good idea on paper, until you realize that the easiest way for a government to make people equal is to make them all equally miserable. In fact, that's the way it usually goes, from the French Revolution to the "People's Republic" of China. Government efforts to unite the people in equality often end up uniting a whole bunch of them at room temperature, and the survivors never get the omelet that's supposed to come from all those broken eggs.

As for me, I'll take "precious" over "equal" any day, especially from my wife when she's comparing me to the UPS guy or that dude from Twilight. Anybody would rather be considered precious themselves, but in our interactions with others, we buy into the conventional wisdom of equality above all. And I think the popular fetishization of equality comes from the fact that we're starting to consider people less precious, not more.

If considering people precious makes you more like Jesus and considering them equal makes you more like Obama, I think I'll stick with the old messiah over the new one, thank you very much. Equal is easy--you can treat all your kids equally by sitting them in front of the TV and going about your business. There, equal. Precious is hard; it demands action, because if you say something is precious but don't act to make it distinct from everything else, then it's not precious. It's just average.

You can tell from Jesus' actions that He thinks we're precious. And I'll give the kids credit for accuracy: you can tell from Obama's actions that he thinks we're ... equal.

How Do We Know What the Bible Says?

noreply@blogger.com (Jason) — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 11:52:00 +0000

I didn't think there could be many interesting or controversial thoughts on Bible translations (except when people don't use the King James Version, because we all know that's how Jesus talked!), but that just shows what I know. Bible translator Leland Ryken has written a whole book making the case for more literal translations:

In Understanding English Bible Translation: The Case for an Essentially Literal Approach, he points out that the more literal a version is, the more of the interpretive possibilities of the original are preserved. If the translator chooses a phrase that conveys what he considers to be the meaning of the original, while not remaining close to its form, he is actually foreclosing the reader’s options in understanding the text.

A good point, but I will still only read his book if it's translated into King James English.

Change...!

noreply@blogger.com (Jason) — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 03:22:00 +0000

Into one of these great new tshirts, comrade!

Still an Idiot

noreply@blogger.com (Jason) — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 04:34:00 +0000

I wasn't going to say anything about Jimmy Carter's latest, because seriously, why bother? But then I realized it gave me a chance to pull out this picture again:

Who Wants Theirs Well-Done?

noreply@blogger.com (Jason) — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 02:39:00 +0000

Before we let another summer go by without anyone getting 3rd degree burns over 70% of their body, here's how to properly light a grill with liquid oxygen:

Turnout

noreply@blogger.com (Jason) — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 11:56:00 +0000

I'm glad so many people turned out for the 9/12 Tea Party protest and everything, but I can't help but wonder, where were you guys during the election? Y'know, a few months ago we had a chance to pick out who'd be making decisions in the government, and yet here we are. They're called elections, and they happen every couple of years, usually in November. Mark your calendars. Here's hoping you show up for the next one.

You Lie!

noreply@blogger.com (Jason) — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 02:56:00 +0000

Here's something our government could use more of: our elected representatives heckling each other. I'm not kidding--I'm sick of hearing "my honorable colleague" this, and "the distinguished gentleman" that, from people who obviously hate each other. Let's have some more honest interaction, like Rep. Joe Wilson of South Carolina, who yelled "You lie!" at America's Cool Black Friend during the speech on health care.

Priceless.

7 Quick Takes

noreply@blogger.com (Jason) — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 14:43:00 +0000

1) Some guy, who writes for some magazine that used to be famous, is astonished--astonished, I say!--that people think there are communists in the Obama administration! I don't know whatever could have given them that impression. Aside from the government takeover of banks, and car makers, and their relentless efforts to take over the health care industry. And the fact that they have a "pay czar" who has authority over how much private business executives get paid. And the administration's affinity for communist dictators. Oh, and there's that guy who publicly proclaimed that he's a communist. Other than that, though, I don't know what people are thinking. Buncha' right-wing crazies.

Really, I'm glad that the word "communist" is still considered an insult. We'll see how long that lasts.

2) Next month, I'm going on a mission trip with my church. Our team of six will be spending a week in a remote mountain village in Ecuador. Not only is it my first trip to South America, it's my first ever serious camping trip. Except for the missions aspect (God wants us to spread his love around the world and junk like that), nothing about about the trip interests me. The more I study up on camping, the more I know I'm going to hate it. Why? Because I have a house. And a bed. And central air. Why would anyone reject all that to sleep outside on the ground and poop in the woods?

Friends have asked me to go on camping trips before, and I said, "Won't you get cold at night?" They replied, "It's no problem. I've got a zero degree sleeping bag." And I said, "Well, I've got a 72 degree bedroom. You enjoy yours and I'll enjoy mine."

3) When I was growing up, Steve Martin was a goofy guy in a white suit with an arrow through his head, and very few people knew that he was a flat-out great banjo player. Now I think more people know him for banjo playing than for stand-up. That, my friends, is a renaissance man.

4) Every year since she was a kid, my wife has been interviewed by someone from the Department of Labor for the purpose of gathering statistics. Seriously, someone from the DoL actually came to her house and interviewed her. This will be the first interview since we've been married, so I will do my best to observe and report back what actually goes on, and if I possibly can, screw up the survey results. "Department of Labor statistics report that 30% of Alabama households consume more than 9 pounds of bacon a day, and have working nuclear reactors in their basements."

5) Punctuality. Let me pause here to give a shout out to Bobo Pest Control, a representative from which is currently inspecting my house. I've had the guys from Bobo come by several times, and not only do they get here when they say they will, they're usually early. It's so unheard of, I don't know how to deal with it.

Bobo: Ok, we'll be there at 9:00.

Me: You mean, sometime between 9 and 5?

Bobo: No. At 9.

Me: You mean, sometime on the 9th? Sometime in the 24 hour period that makes up the 9th of the month.

Bobo: No. 9.

Me: You mean sometime during the year 2009?

If they offered cable TV or plumbing services, I'd hire them to do that too.

6) We don't have termites, by the way. We were just renewing the termite bond, in case there's anybody out there who maybe, possibly, somehow, could conceivably be interesting buying my house.

7) And finally, we could always use a little dramatic chipmunk:

Prithee, What Price Victory?

noreply@blogger.com (Jason) — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 01:04:00 +0000

ESPN's Bill Simmons, in pointing out the lameness of the WNBA, once encouraged readers to try this experiment: Go up to an average sports fan in a WNBA city and ask him which of these things he would rather happen: his WNBA team wins the world championship, or he finds a $5 bill on the ground.

I would bet most sports fans wouldn't pass up an easy fin to get a WNBA title. However, this hypothetical got me to thinking: I wounder what response you'd get from asking the same question to fans about their favorite college football team. In fact, knowing what I know about college football fans, what I really wonder is how much cash it would take to get the fan to choose found money over the national championship.$100? $500? Here in Alabama, my guess is that the average number would have to be well north of $1000.

So how 'bout it, all you hard-core boosters? If I gave you a choice between finding [blank] dollars, and your team winning the national championship, how much money would have to go in the [blank] for you to take it?

Why We Don't Need Socialized Health Care

noreply@blogger.com (Jason) — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 04:16:00 +0000

The whole argument for socialized, government-run health care (and lots of other government-run things) seems pretty simple to me: Either people are smart enough to make decisions in their own best interests, or they're not. If they are, they should be left alone to manage their own health, find their own doctors, and buy their own insurance. If they're not, then why are they even allowed to vote? People who are too dumb to take care of themselves certainly have no business picking our leaders.

But of course, there are all different kinds of dumb. This video was originally a pro-Obamacare video and extremely dumb, but it's been corrected by someone who actually knows how the world works.

Playstation 3 - Good News Edition

noreply@blogger.com (Jason) — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 03:32:00 +0000

If you've been holding off on buying a Playstation 3 because it doesn't include a Polish Bible, here's the bundle you've been waiting for!

Also included: a special version of Grand Theft Auto in which, instead of beating up bums and hookers, you witness to them and give them soup.