Such places are much more common now, but back then all I knew was that the fresh baked bread looked delicious and the smell coming from the place was divine. Also, I was cold and hungry.

They had as one of their soup specials that day something that they called “West African Peanut Soup,”  which felt to me like it was all of the comfort of a bowl of tomato soup, wrapped up with child-like joy of having a peanut butter sandwich as an adult. Creamy (but with no cream), a little sweet, a little spicy, incredibly hearty and filling and great for warming up on a cold day. It came with some of that freshly baked bread for dipping.

I was in love.

As to how authentically “West African” this is, I can’t say. After a lot of searching I found this recipe that most closely matched what I fell in love with, however it seems there are a lot of variations. Some recipes call for additional ingredients, such as bell peppers, squash, eggplant, or even rice.  So, as always, feel free to adjust and experiment as you like.

I like to keep it simple. This particular recipe also happens to be completely vegetarian, and seeing as I am usually such a huge carnivore, sometimes it’s nice to make something hearty and filling that is also meatless.

This is a pureed soup, which you can do either in your blender in batches or with a an immersion blender if you have one (I recommend this highly). However if you prefer it chunkier, like a stew, go for it.

West African Peanut Soup

Ingredients

• 1 large onion, chopped (about 2 cups)
• 1 tbsp peanut oil (or the oil of your choice)
• 1 tsp freshly grated ginger
• 1/2 tsp cayenne pepper (adjust as you like, or leave it out, or replace with paprika if no spicy heat is desired but you still want a little somethin’-somethin’)
• 2 cups carrots, peeled and chopped
• 3 cups sweet potatoes, peeled and chopped
• 4 cups vegetable stock (or the stock of your choice… or water, but it won’t be as tasty!)
• 2 cups tomato juice (plus more if needed)
• 1 cup peanut butter (smooth)
• ~1 tbsp sugar, to taste (optional. I also like using brown sugar.)
• salt and pepper to taste
• chopped roasted peanuts
• chopped scallions or chives

Directions

1. Saute onions in oil until softened and slightly translucent.
2. Stir in cayenne and ginger, and until aromatic.
3. Add carrots, and continue cooking for a few more minutes.
4. Add the sweet potatoes and vegetable stock, and bring to a boil.
5. Let simmer for 15 to 12 minutes or until the vegetables are soft.
6. Add tomato juice, and puree the soup, either with an immersion blender right in the pot, or in batches in your blender or food processor (be careful, it’s hot!). Return soup to the pot if necessary, when smooth.
7. Stir in peanut butter until well incorporated.
8. Taste the soup, and adjust salt and pepper to your liking. Add sugar if there is not enough natural sweetness from the carrots and sweet potatoes. Add more stock, tomato juice, or water if you desire a thinner soup. Gently reheat if necessarily.
9. Top with chopped peanuts and scallions, and serve with some good bread for dunking.
10. Be warmed and comforted.

Recently, a small part of the small corner of the internet that is occupied by stay-at-home dads (like myself) was abuzz about the news that you are working on a remake of your 1983 movie “Mr. Mom.”

I know, this is actually old news (Variety reported it almost a year ago now), and I’m sure the remake has actually been in the works for some time before that. But, seeing as I’ve been unable to find any more up-to-date information on the state of the project, I’m hoping it’s not too late to chime in.

By no means do I speak for every stay-at-home dad, I just hope someone out there is listening to a few simple requests.

Let me get the obvious one out of the way:

1. Please don’t actually call the movie Mr. Mom again

Oops, I mean outrageous and unrealistic request, I guess.

Look, I know, that was the name of the original. And yes, I know there are specific marketing considerations you need to keep in mind in order to capitalize on the success and familiarity of audiences with the Michael Keaton film.

But in the almost 20-years since the original, it has been the moniker slapped onto men who act as primary caregivers for their children, and it has always been awful. At best it’s a tongue-in-cheek insult to the masculinity of men who care for their kids. At worst it insults women too.

Dads who care for their kids are not “moms,” any more than moms who go to work every day are “dads.”

Sure, you could make a movie about a stay-at-home mom who goes to work and humorously struggles with the change, but you would never call that movie “Ms. Dad,” would you? Of course not.

I would suggest finding an alternative, that could still use the term while perhaps poking fun at it, like “Don’t Call Me Mr. Mom.”  Or better yet, call it “At Home Dad” or “Daddy’s Home” or “Modern Man” or something, anything other than “Mr. Mom.”

2. Please don’t make the dad a bumbling idiot

Yes, I know that it’s a comedy. And yes, I know that much of the humor by the very nature of the project is going to come from the fish-out-of-water situation of a guy having to do things he has never done, and make some hilrious mistakes along the way. That’s a given. I don’t expect a movie about a guy who suddenly finds himself as an at-home dad and has it all figured out from day one.

But don’t pretend men of these recent generations of young fathers are stupid when it comes to anything domestic. It’s 2012. Men do laundry. Men do dishes. Men cook. Men are involved during  pregnancy and present at the birth of their children. Men go to PTA meetings. None of these things are exclusively the domain of men who are primary caregivers.

So show him learning. Show him screwing up. Show him finding his footing. But don’t treat him like a moron. There are already enough movies about dads who are morons.

If you’re going to poke fun of anyone, poke fun at the people who can’t accept dads as equal and important parents beyond dispensing discipline or playing catch when the kid is old enough. Poke fun of the passive-aggressive way stay-at-home dads are treated by nice little old ladies in the grocery store. Or how so few public men’s restrooms have changing tables. Or how SAHDs are so often categorized by the local mom’s group as being super guys, but who are still treated like a probable sexual predator.

I honestly believe that there is ample fantastic material that comes not from humor based on male domestic incompetence, but instead on the shared struggles of all parents of little ones. Please don’t go for the cheap, easy joke about a man shrinking the laundry or not expecting a baby’s poop to smell.

3. Please don’t focus on the economy

I know you’ve been reading about the “Mancession” and how this increase in laid-off men whose wives still have jobs has resulted in a rise in the number of stay-at-home dads. I’m almost positive that “a successful businessman gets laid off, and has to take care of the kids while his wife returns to work” is exactly the plot of the movie you are planning. And sure, how the economic downturn has been affecting families is definitely a huge part of the zeitgeist right now. So it’s understandable that’s the direction you’ll go.

However, you need to understand that when it comes to the rise in numbers of at-home dads, the role of the “Mancession” is mostly baloney.

Yes, there are a lot of men who have been laid off, and many of them are doing the right thing by stepping up and taking on primary care of their kids for a time. Many of them are finding they love it, and some embrace the role while it lasts.

I was recently contacted by a reporter who wanted help in finding some of these laid off men who are apparently all becoming stay-at-home dads in droves, because she was having a terrible time finding any. I told her what I’m telling you, which is that few of those guys call themselves “stay-at-home dads” at all, or identify as such. They call themselves “temporarily unemployed” and define themselves by the job they are seeking to return to, as soon as possible. In the meanwhile they are just being a dad. Awesome dads, who are doing the right thing.

But by a very large margin, those who call themselves “stay-at-home dads” are men who have made the decision with their wife that it is the best arrangement for their family. Usually their wife has the higher income (or income potential), but not always. They’ve embraced the role not out of necessity, but because they have been given the opportunity to choose the role of full-time caregiver.

So, again, while I understand your main character may end up in his situation because of a layoff, let the layoff be less a reason he gets “forced” into being an at-home dad, and more of an opportunity (if also a challenge) to do it instead. At the very least, please let him encounter some fellow at-home dads who chose and are thriving in the role.

4. Please make the most of this opportunity

The actual name “Mr. Mom” aside, I must admit that for a lot of people the original movie was something of an eye opener about the shifting gender roles of the time and how fatherhood was changing in that generation. I was recently reminded that, in the end, Keaton’s character was a champion, and the message a very positive one. So for all my hatred of the name, I can’t hate the movie.

But, the world has continued to change. Roles have continued to shift. Dads who can change diapers are not anywhere close to an anomaly any more. At the same time and on the other end of the spectrum, many communities are facing an epic amount of absentee fathers.

People need to see a positive, honest depiction of what full-time dads do, but more importantly they need to see competent fathers being involved and engaged with their kids’ lives from before they are even born and when they are still young.

The time is definitely right for a movie that sheds some light on this new reality of gender roles in our current society in a fair and accurate way.

Please don’t screw this up.

(Clearly Coltrane is taking after his brother in this regard.)

They’d asked about where they could take the boys to play and we gave them directions to a local McDonalds with a large Playland that would be very easy to find. Lots of slides, warm inside, and our three-year old Tucker had been asking to go there a lot recently. Perfect.

After we’d finished our movie, we called to check in and see how things were going.

As it turns out, they’d taken the boys to McDonalds for some playtime and lunch.

As it turns out, Tucker got a Happy Meal with McNuggets.

As it turns out, he started throwing up after only one or two bites, and didn’t stop for several hours.

“Poor little guy,” I thought to myself when I heard. “He’s totally Wrestling the Clown.”

—

In 1997, I was studying classical animation at the Vancouver Film School. My classmates and I, being mostly rather poor young artists, didn’t have much money.  Eating out simply didn’t happen very often.

In fact, my mom became slightly famous and greatly loved among my classmates, because I would often come to school with enough leftovers from meals she made that I could share with a couple of the guys who were particularly in need.

The big treat for many of us was to work a little late on the occasional Wednesday, and walk over to a little local bar for 10 cent Wing Night. Two dozen wings for $2.40? DEAL!

But for many of the students, the quickest, cheapest lunch available was for them to grab something from the McDonalds just down the street.

Inevitably, the cheap, greasy food wouldn’t sit well. Let me tell you, when you are a student animator, crammed into one room with 20 or so others all sitting at your desks in close quarters drawing for 8+ hours a day, you know when someone is having, shall we say, digestive issues.

We came up with a term for this rumbly in the tumbly, woozy-headed state that would so often follow an ill-advised visit to McDonalds: Wrestling the Clown. Eventually the term came to be synonymous with eating there at all.

“Ugggggh, I feel so terrible. I’m totally Wrestling the Clown right now.”

“Dangit, I forgot my lunch. I guess I’m Wrestling the Clown today.”

“I know I’ll regret it later, but I am having a huge craving to go Wrestle the Clown right now. You coming?”

“That’s it. I am through with Wrestling the Clown. Never again.”

There came a point where I made that vow to myself, that I was done Wrestling the Clown for the foreseeable future.

It certainly didn’t last forever, but I’d say it was probably a solid two years at least that I managed to avoid eating at McDonalds entirely.

(Desperate for something to eat while attending a convention one day, and with only McDonalds available and affordable, I broke down and got myself a little personal pepperoni pizza — yes, this was so long ago that McDonalds in Canada was still selling McPizza.)

—

At the turn of the millenium, my friend Dan and I, being both roommates and co-workers, commuted together daily to the office of the tragic dot-com where we were employed as designers.

One day, Dan asked if we could go through the McDonalds Drive-Thru, so he could get some food. He inexplicably ordered a 20-piece box of McNuggets for himself.

He definitely Wrestled the Clown, and made me promise to never, ever to let him do that again. Someone should warn his wife though.

—

It’s 2012, and here I am, full-time dad to two little boys, and responsible for teaching them about good food and proper nutrition.

Although I know it’s certainly way easier to get healthier, higher-quality choices at McDonalds now, we almost never eat there. When we do, it’s usually limited to a coffee drink grabbed on a pit-stop during a long drive, at an off-the-highway McDonalds.

I don’t even really have a big problem with McDonalds itself, but . . . I just like cooking and eating good food too much to go there. Even the times when the convenience of fast-food is trumping everything else, there is always something better available.

Certainly, we make use of their indoor play areas on rainy or cool days, and one time I paid $1 for a pair of socks so that my toddler could use it.

But actually getting food? No. I haven’t really Wrestled the Clown in years.

Tucker has no notion of what a Happy Meal is, or who Ronald McDonald and the Hamburgler are. He calls it “The place with the big yellow M,” or “Old McDonalds,” or, most often, “The inside park.”

—

I don’t blame the food for Tucker getting sick that day in December. Not at all.

In fact, he not only felt better later that night, but the rest of us got sick a day later with whatever bug had manifested itself in him first. It wasn’t food poisoning, or even a disgusted reaction to chicken nuggets so clearly inferior to the ones Dada makes.

What it was, was perfect timing.

Partially because he was in the capable hands of his Grandma and Papa. Who got to deal with the mess? Someone other than me.

But mostly, it was perfect because when we drive past that McDonalds now, Tucker is most likely to say: ”Dada, that’s the Old McDonalds where I went with Grandma and Papa and then I threw up!”.

I smile a little, and hope this means he never really has to Wrestle the Clown.

Because when you Wrestle the Clown, the Clown always wins.

A couple of days ago, a video was posted on an at-home dad Facebook group page, of yet another incident where Seattle’s Mars Hill Church pastor Mark Driscoll makes statements that malign stay-at-home dads.

This one wasn’t the ridiculous “stay-at-home dads are worse than unbelievers” thing from a few years ago, but rather a sermon segment from last year about one “cowardly” kind of man he called “Little Boy Larry,” who stood as a representative of men who are really just boys that never grew up. Nice guys, but guys who don’t really want a wife, they want a new mommy to take care of them. The important part comes when he included in his description of this man-boy the line: “He’ll come up with dumb ideas, like ‘I’ll be the stay-at-home dad.’”

Naturally, this led to a handful of comments from at-home dads in the Facebook group, myself included, talking about how silly such a statement is, and lamenting that Driscoll’s wrongheaded, machismo-filled ideal of manhood and fatherhood is influencing so many. One of the comments included the statement that, in their opinion, the work of an at-home parent in “raising the next generation” is the “most difficult and manly job imaginable.”  Somewhat hyperbolic, sure, but I don’t think the importance of involved fatherhood can ever really be overstated.

Anyhow, the video itself aside, fast forward a couple of days, and a new comment appeared that, well, I just couldn’t let go.

Rather than reposting all of it, here are some excerpts to give you an idea of what was said by this one person, over the course of two posts (emphasis mine):

“For a bunch of guys that want to break out of preconceived gender roles, calling child raising “manly” isn’t the best way to go about it. So is a mother raising kids a woman doing a man’s job? . . . [I]f one was to make a list of the most “difficult and manly jobs” around, I doubt raising kids would make the list. Maybe being a soldier, or a logger, or something, but changing diapers and singing babies to sleep, probably not. While a few SAHD’s are probably sacrificing lucrative careers in finance, law and or medicine to stay home with their kids out of principle, I think more than a few may be shiftless layabouts who just prefer to let the wife earn the dough, and be what amounts to a kept man. However this “we’re so much more enlightened and in touch than the working fatherly masses” attitude is pretty weak sauce . . . I’m sure there are easier and harder days as a primary caregiver, male or female. But comparing it to “normal workday” . . . I mean, do you get the occasional nap in? Can you hang out in your pajamas all day if you feel like it? How’s the brutal commute? Oh wait, you don’t even have to leave the house sometimes. You can order a pizza if you are so inclined? Do a little blogging, etc? Catch up on Sesame Street? . . . All I’m saying is that this defensive “it’s a legitimate, tough job” apologetic that the SAHD’s seem to toss out there makes people more antagonistic, not less antagonistic. It’s a little like when rich celebrities complain about how tough they have it. The SAHD community would likely have it better if they would just sorta try to fly under the radar . . .”

Clearly, a big part of why this bothered me was because it just was so nonsensical and insulting.

But mostly? It bothered me, and bothers me still, because it actually came from a long-time friend of mine.

I’m not going to call him out personally here by naming him or anything, but I figure since he saw fit to post it publicity I’m not going to worry to much about whether he wants me reposting some of his thoughts on SAHDs, here. In fact, I’m fairly sure he stands by every word, anyhow.

Although he’s never confronted me outright about it, it’s actually been no secret to me that he doesn’t like (or maybe understand) what it is I do every day, or why. Which is fine, honestly. I know that some of my friends and some of my family probably feel the same way, to varying degrees, and it’s no impediment to us being friends or me loving them and appreciating them. But when I read the line about “shiftless layabouts” and “kept men,” I truly believe that he was expressing there specifically what he thinks of me. Y’know, since as a professional artist I was obviously not walking away from a respectable job “in finance, law and or medicine” to stay home with my kids “out of principle.”

I know him well enough to know that, while he probably believes every word he said, he mostly loves getting people worked up and acting as the antagonist. Maybe he was just trolling, and me writing so much about it is just feeding the troll. So be it, I suppose.

Mostly (he says, after over 850 words of introduction), what I want to do is post my follow up responses to him.

Why? In part because it’s clearly just something I want to get off my chest.

But perhaps more so, when I re-read what I had to say to him, even though it was as a somewhat ranty response to his specific criticisms, it’s something I really want anyone who is judging at-home dads (and moms) like my friend is doing to read. As I told him, I am not saying this stuff to be a martyr or complain about how tough it can be. I love what I do. But rather, this is a response to his outrageous ideas and conceptions about what makes a “normal job” so clearly much more difficult; how those of us who make caring for our children a full-time job have it so very easy and should shut our yaps about how tough it is.

Rather than editing it after the fact to re-word anything to make myself look smarter or my arguments sharper, I’m going to just leave pretty much it as it was, and I’ll add some footnotes down below about things I wish I had included.

So, here’s my rant (seriously, it’s good stuff, but it’s definitely a rant):

[Name redacted], no one is saying that a hands-on, active role in raising your kids is “manly” because it is specifically a “man’s job.” Geez. And clearly no one is saying that one has to be a SAHD to be an active, involved “enlightened” father. NO ONE.*

But if one feels the need (like Mark Driscoll does) to preach about what makes a “real man”, and then define fatherhood mainly as bringing in a paycheck and finding a subissive wife to take care of the kids, they are so completely missing the mark they are likely to shoot themselves in the eye.

You also have a completely wrong view of what it is that makes raising kids difficult. Are there more physically demanding or dangerous jobs? Of course! Is “the most difficult” somewhat hyperbolic? Sure. This isn’t a competition. But you try spending a few days taking care of your own infant and/or a toddler by yourself and if you tell me it isn’t one of the hardest, most physically and mentally and emotionally draining things you have ever done (as well as one of the most fulfilling and rewarding), I know you’ll be lying to me, or to yourself.

And while I’m SURE there are guys who sign up to be a SAHD because they are a “shiftless layabout” (however you determine such a thing, and I’m kind of araid to ask if that is why you think I do it…), it’s BECAUSE of attitudes like yours that they do it, because you incorrectly paint the full-time care of children as “changing a few diapers and singing babies to sleep,” presumably leaving plenty of time to watch football or play XBOX or whatever it is you think stay-at-home parents do with all the downtime you think they have. The truth is, such people either don’t last very long, or learn some hard lessons, before figuring out how to make it work.

[Later...]

Your whole argument about how SAHDs should just stay under the radar and whatever is, frankly, ridiculous and insulting at BEST. Yeah, man, the world would be such a better place if unfairly maligned minorities stopped complaining about being judged, mistreated, ignored and minimized, right. Geez, it’s ridiculous even if ONLY because YOU are the one who came to THIS – a page dedicated to discussing being at-home dads – in order to give voice to opinion on what we do. YOU came HERE.

So, as you read this, please keep in mind this isn’t me being some sort of martyr crying “woe is me” but rather ME, your FRIEND, answering YOUR specific questions and statements about what I do.

So.

WHO said there were not easier and harder days? No one here. I LOVE what I do and certainly don’t apologize for recognizing that I am incredibly lucky that I get to do it. You have a very wrongheaded view of what makes it hard though, particularly when comparing it to a “normal job”.

But since you ask, if I DO get a nap (which is very, very rare now), it’s not because I have ample opportunity, it’s because the stars align such that both of my boys are napping (very rare) and I am okay doing it instead of doing one of the million other things I need to do like feed myself, do the dishes, clean the dumpster-bottom-like area on the floor around the baby’s high-chair, do laundry, prep meals, take a shower, or do some of my paying freelance design work . . . or do what I WANT to do, like work on my own projects, for that matter. Anything for myself: blogging, drawing, reading, watching TV, writing out tirades like this on Facebook . . . they all have to happen during the few hours I am “off.” Y’know, just like people who go to the office every day, who also, incidentally, are known to sometimes take quick naps at their desk, in their cars, etc. during breaks. When I DO nap, it’s because I am at such a point of exhaustion after weeks of getting no more than 4-5 hours of sleep every night that my body doesn’t give me a choice and I say “screw it” to everything else.

Pajamas all day? I suppose it happens, like, when I’m sick. Y’know, just like how if you’re sick and stay home from work you get to stay in your jammies too. The difference is that while I’m living it up home sick in my pajamas, I STILL have to do my job. No sick days for me. Otherwise, I guess someday maybe you’ll get to experience being holed up with a toddler without leaving the house for a day and see how much “but you got to stay in your jammies” makes up for it.

The ability to order a pizza? Are you kidding me? As opposed to getting a lunch break every day where you can eat wherever you want? This… THIS is what defines whether something is a hard job or not?

Have you ever read about how for soldiers, a lot of the stress and weariness comes not from the actual fighting but from the hours and days of being at peak readiness for a situation that requires engagement? No? Well you should. But anyway, caring for an infant and/or a toddler all day is not unlike that. It is hours and days of being on constant guard. And man, I’m no soldier, but that ALONE is freaking exhausting.

Try having a job where in addition to 12 hours a day in the office, you are on-call the other 12 as well, during which you must do anything you didn’t get done during your 12 hour “shift” as well as anything else you want to do in your life. Typically find yourself working for 4-6 of those hours you are “off.”**

Try having a job where you have two bosses, and your entire day is spent addressing their every want and need, which are usually at odds. No, you don’t have to give them everything they want, but they don’t take “no” very well sometimes. You DO need to give them everything they need, and more often than not they do not want it and will make it a fight.***

Try having a job where your bosses do not even have the basic skills to care for themselves. YOU are responsible for feeding your bosses, cleaning your bosses, cleaning up AFTER your bosses (they love making messes), clothing your bosses, nursing your bosses’ many and frequent injuries, as well as educating them not just in reading, writing and arithmatic but in how to function in society, proper manners, sharing, anger management, how to be respectful to authority, to love learning and healthy foods and physical activity, serving others, and knowing about Jesus.****

Fail at any of these things and the threat is not that you will be fired (although you might), but that rather you will be condemning your bosses to a life without as good a chance at success, happiness, or stability.*****

Did I mention that this job doesn’t pay any money? No, no, you only do it because you really LOVE your bosses, and being a part of shaping them into good men is worth every lost hour of sleep and hair torn out in frustration.******

Now tell me again how at-home dads shouldn’t get just a little miffed when a guy who isn’t even a dad comes around telling them that they are most likely just lazy, kept men, like whining rich celebrities (seriously!?), who should just shut up and accept that no one will ever accept what we do as “natural.”

Ahhh, that feels so much better.

My friend says at one point that his main point is that SAHDs should stop being so defensive about what they do, and instead just quietly do it from the shadows, under the radar, where no one will see us. He says that when SAHDs get upset when someone attacks them, they just makes things worse.

What do you think? Whether it’s a public and influential figure like Driscoll using what us at-home dads do as the “dumb idea” of a perpetual man-boy, or someone taking it upon themselves to suggest that us at-home dads are shiftless layabouts and kept men, should we defend ourselves? Or should we just shut up, already?

—

1. They offer FREE child care while you exercise! The hours this is offered are slightly limited, but this is a massive incentive for me to get to the gym a couple of times every week.
2. Unlike many gyms, each of the showers are private, rather than a wall and a dozen shower heads. Call me crazy, but a couple of extra walls and curtain make me feel a lot more comfortable.

It’s so nice to be able to drop the boys off for an hour or so while I simultaneously get a break, get some exercise, and am able to get a hot shower uninterrupted by a crying baby or invading toddler.

What I have noticed recently though is a startling correlation between the days I don’t get to the gym and the days I never am able to find time for the luxury of a shower. The only exception seems to be days when my lovely wife is home to run defense for me AND I have somewhere I need to go that requires some consideration of personal hygiene.

It’s something we’ve talked about doing for a while, and really wanted to do it now, the idea being we could get it in before it got too cold and we’d have to wait for spring or summer. We knew it would be chilly, but I did plenty of winter camping when I was an active Boy Scout. No problem.

Little did we know, Saturday night would see the lowest temperatures around here since last March, dipping down to 22°F during the night.

The phrase “we barely survived,” in retrospect, seems like hyperbole, but it was definitely how we felt at times.

This is what I learned:

Believe it or not, frigid weather and leaking air mattress aside, we really had a great time. The boys did great. They slept a lot better than we did, at least.

Looking forward to doing it again when it’s warmer and the sun stays up longer.

Well, I’m incredibly proud to announce that I’ve just published my collection, Life of Ronnie – Volume 1: Making It Up As I Go Along!

This book is 148 pages and contains about 270 strips. It’s a great read, if I do say so myself!

If you like Life of Ronnie, I’d love your support for making more, which you might say would be greatly influenced by how many of these I can sell. If only there was a terrific gift-giving occasion coming up…

ANYHOW.

Buy the book by December 14th and use the coupon code BUYMYBOOK305 and save 25% off of your purchase! Wow!

It’s not so much that I am like my toddler, but he sure is turning out a lot like me…

‎Tuck: Dada, I watch Diego on computer please?
Me: Sorry, bud, it won’t play. Our internet isn’t working.
Tuck: You try unplug and in again?

—

BBFs

Tuck: Dada, Baby Cole woke up! I go see him now?
Me: Yes, Tuck, we can go in and get him.
Tuck: That’s a GREAT idea, Dada! He’s my BEST baby brother!
—

Uh-Oh

Tuck: [calling] Daaaadaaaaa! I made a proooooobleeeeeem!

—

Dress-Up

Me: Tuck, what should I dress up as for Halloween?
Tuck: A baby! You dress like Baby Cole!
Me: Haha. Alrighty then. What should Cole dress like?
Tuck: Like Dada! Hee-hee!
Me: Somehow I knew you’d say that. What about Mama? What should she dress like?
Tuck: The KITCHEN!

—

Contrary

Me: Would you like some more cauliflower?
Tuck: I don’ like cowy flah-wah.
Me: What are you talking about? You ate three servings last night and just ate more for dinner. You love this stuff, silly.
Tuck: Noooo! I don’ like it.
Me: Ah, you’re just saying that to be contrary, aren’t you?
Tuck: ???
Anna: Tucker, ‘being contrary’ means you’re saying the opposite of what the person wants you to say. When someone asks you that the correct answer is to say ‘NOOOO‘ as sarcastically as you can. Are you just being contrary?
Tuck: . . . Yes. ^_^

Batman. Wolverine. Spider-Man. Captain America. Wonder Woman. The big league heroes from DC and Marvel were well represented, and even allowing for geek-parent influence in costume choice, it does this geek-parent’s heart good to see so many kids who love these characters.

It really got me thinking about the fact that most of these kids don’t actually know and love the characters from reading comics, but rather from their appearances in other areas of entertainment such as movies, tv shows, video games and toys. Not that there is anything wrong with those things, inherently. I like them too. But to me there is something sad about a kid who loves Spider-Man or Batman or Wolverine — so much that he wants to dress like him on the one night he can dress like anything – not getting to actually read about this character they love, in the medium that gave him life.

What it seems like to me, to be honest, is a missed opportunity.

How many parents don’t jump at the chance to get their kids reading more, when their new favorite movie is based on a book? For any of their faults as books or films, the Harry Potter, Twilight, Lord of the Rings, and Narnia movies, for example, have all directed kids right to their source material and encouraged them to read. That resulted, happily, in many, many kids learning to love reading.

So why do we usually try to satisfy our kids’ desire for more Spider-Man or Batman by getting them toys, games, or DVDs, rather than comics?

Comics are a much maligned medium, and if you know their history you know they have been pretty much since their inception.

These days, the whole industry is struggling, supported mostly by selling their ideas to Hollywood. Even beyond the “death of print media”  – which has, depending on who you ask, either already happened or is happening now — comics as an industry has had it tough for a long time. Sales are way down. Costs are up. Brick-and-mortar comic book stores usually have to rely on sale of non-comic merchandise to make ends meet. In the minds of many people, comics are still considered cheap, shallow, disposable entertainment that will rot your brain. They’re still thought of as being “for kids,” yet parents are often reticent about their kids reading them.

But the truth is, the kinds of comics available today are as wide in genre, target-audience, and quality as the contents of any library or book store. Some people seem to feel like comics, due to their very form, are a waste of time for kids to read because they’ll just look at the pictures instead of reading the words. BAH! Hogwash, I say. Ask anyone who is a comic fan and they will probably be glad to share with you how comics played a role in instilling a love of reading in them at a young age. I know it did for me. And recent studies have shown what every comic fan knows: that comics are as legitimate a material for teaching kids to read as picture books, or any children’s book with illustrations for that matter.

It used to be that most superhero comics were made mainly with kids in mind, but the average reader is almost 30-years old now, so it is no longer the case. The industry now aims most of its comics to older teens and adults, and even the titles about the most well-known, mainstream characters can be way too violent for a young kid. But there are fantastic, age-appropriate books out there if you take the time to look, featuring the major Marvel and DC heroes and a whole range of other kid-friendly characters.

I could probably rant on and on about this, so let me get to my point before I lose you:

If your kid dressed up like a comic book superhero for Halloween, don’t let the opportunity pass you by to get him or her reading about that hero. Especially if your kid is struggling or not interested in reading!

Go find a local comic shop and talk to the proprietor about what titles they have that are age-appropriate for your child. Or look into the ever-growing world of digital comics, so your kids can read on your tablet or computer. Find something you think your kid will enjoy.

You just may end up instilling a love of reading (and don’t even get me started on what reading comics did for making me a better artist) that will last a lifetime.

To help fight boredom during the drive, dad had picked up several books on tape.

One of these was John Wyndham’s post-apocalyptic novel Day of the Triffids, in which large plants (in my memory I always think “alien” plants, but strictly speaking this is not the case in the novel) take over the world. I actually remember little else about the novel, having been too scared by what I heard to ever pick it up for an actual reading, except that there were giant killer plants and that they were terrifying. Also, lots of people were blind.

Anyhow, while we were in Florida enjoying Disney World or Epcot, at some point, somewhere — the details lost to history — we came across a farming display of some kind that featured giant sunflowers.

To my 9-year old imagination, nothing I had ever seen could possibly have looked more like a giant evil killer plant than a giant sunflower, with it’s looming height and empty, soulless face.

They gave me the creeps.

That was when I made the mistake of saying out loud what, in hindsight, I should have kept to myself. I told my family that “those giant sunflowers creep me out.”

Over the years, my loving family has never let me forget it. The details or my reasoning behind why I said it hasn’t mattered. It went from “giant sunflowers give Chris the creeps” to “Chris is scared of sunflowers” rather quickly. In fact, it’s probably second only to “It’s like I’m afraid of that sandwich!” (a whole other story, there) in the pantheon of Things My Family Won’t Let Me Forget. I’m pretty sure that at some point my sister even got me a birthday card with a sunflower on it just to see my reaction, and I’m glad to say I let her down by not even noticing.

Anyhow, all of this is to say, sunflowers and I have a long and complicated history.

But, I believe it’s healing, now that I realized you could make sunflower butter out of the seeds, and just how cheap, delicious and easy it is to make yourself. It’s also healthier than most nut butters (30% less fat than peanut butter), full of Vitamin E, safe for kids with nut allergies, and by making it yourself you can control the salt and sugar content. Yay!

This stuff works just about anywhere you’d use peanut butter. In cookies, on toast, added to smoothies, or with apple slices. Be creative, and enjoy!

Day of the Sunbutter

Ingredients

• ~4 cups shelled, unsalted sunflower seeds
• ~1 tsp salt (or not)
• ~1 tsp sweetener (sugar, Splenda, honey, stevia, agave, or nothing. Whatever.)
• ~1 tbsp olive oil or other neutral oil of choice

Directions

1. Toast/roast your sunflower seeds. If your seeds are raw, put them on a baking sheet in a 350 degree oven for 8-10 minutes, or longer, until just browned. If your seeds are not raw, I would still recommend toasting them, but you can just do it in a pot or pan for a few minutes until they start to smell toasty and get slightly brown as they release their oil. Either way, watch them closely.
2. Put the seeds into your food processor, along with a teaspoon each of salt, if you want to use it. I recommend it, but you can experiment based on your preferences.
   (I haven’t tried it, but you could also do this in your blender, particularly if you have a very powerful one.)
3. Turn on the food processor and just let it do its thing, stopping occasionally to scrape down the sides of the bowl.
4. Keep going. As the seeds break down, they will release more of their natural oils, and they will proceed through several stages of consistency. Don’t stop too early, of you may find you have grainy sunbutter. Your patience will be rewarded!
5. When the mixture is still crumbly but looking more moist, you can optionally add some honey, about a teaspoon would be good. Then let ‘er rip again.
6. Looking more like peanut butter now? Awesome. Keep the processor running and drizzle in your oil until it reaches the consistency you like. Adjust taste with more salt and sweetener as needed.
7. Transfer to a jar or container, or use immediately.

Pretty good, right?

I mean, yeah, the whole “haha he’s a dude yet he knows how to braid hair” thing is a little cheap, but it’s cute and pretty funny and I’d WAY rather see humor based on how good a guy is at something domestic or child-related than how he’s a bumbling buffoon, whose place in laundry commercials is only to be the guy who shrank or discolored something. Again.

So, in that vein, I want to make this really clear: I honestly believe that this commercial exists because someone (and very likely several “someones”) at Tide really is conscious that there are dads out there who care about doing their laundry well, and are trying to present at-home dads in a positive light. Maybe it’s just recognition of an untapped market-segment, rather than an attempt to be progressive as a company about parenting roles. I don’t know.

But I appreciate it. I really do.

Then I saw the name of the clip, as titled on YouTube by whoever at Tide (it was posted by Tide) does their social media: “Tide – My Tide TV Commercial – Dad Mom Short Version.”

Something didn’t feel right.

What the heck is a Dad Mom?

When I found the “long version” — or, rather than a longer version of the previous commercial, it appears to be a longer commercial as part of the same campaign — I got my answer, and was disheartened to find out that what I’d feared was true. Tide has decided to make “Dad Mom” the title of this new at-home dad ad campaign and character:

Seriously, Tide?

Dad Mom?

What’s wrong with just . . . Dad?

I know the whole Mr. Mom-sensitivity thing among us at-home dads can seem like a waste of outrage, and be written off as us getting upset over something silly and harmless. But can you imagine how insulted women would be if a company — any company — made a commercial that targeted or featured a working mom and called her “Mom Dad,” based on the idea that she was a mom but out every day working like a dad usually does? How she works every day at the office with all the dad dads? And how then the big joke at the end is that she makes a sound business decision as if she was (ha ha ha) a man?

It would never make the air. So why does this?

Look, I’m not calling for a Tide boycott, or anything of the sort. Like I said, I believe this was done with the best of intentions.

But when I watch these commercials, the prevailing feeling I can’t help but feel is “Aaaaaargh! They were so close!”

For the most part, I love the way this dad is presented in both commercials. He’s confident. He’s comfortable. He’s competent. He’s funny. He’s not taking himself overly seriously, but takes his job seriously. The line that being an at-home dad “means that while my wife works, I’m at home being awesome,” is, well, awesome.

So why completely emasculate him by suggesting that his proficiency with washing and folding his daughter’s clothes makes him in any way a mom? Why insult actual moms by suggesting that doing laundry is in any way, shape or form anywhere close to being a part of what makes them who they are?

Please, Tide . . . please think seriously about jettisoning the Dad Mom and the Mom Mom references in this advertising campaign.

There are definitely challenges, but we’ve been quite blessed when it comes to the whole “sleeping through the night” thing, and in general bedtime is not a struggle as long as we honor the routine. For the most part, lack of sleep for myself has been due mostly to being a night-owl who stays up way too late, rather than because I am woken up really unreasonably early by one or both of the boys.

Since baby Coltrane (9-months old) moved in to share a room with his big brother Tucker (now 3!), however, mornings have been starting earlier and earlier.

I’m not completely sure what it is, but my suspicion is that Tuck is reaching the end of a sleep-cycle right around the time my wife is unavoidably making some noise in the adjacent kitchen, getting her breakfast ready or packing lunch before running out the door to the office. I think it wakes him up juuuuuust enough that he starts Wake-Up Mode, which usually involves a lot of crying until I come and get him.

Yes, he waits. I can actually count the number of times I’ve discovered that he has gotten up out of bed and wandered out of his room on two fingers, because it has literally only happened twice.

This perk, of little worry that I’ll wake up one morning to find Tucker rooting through the fridge or attempting to reprogram the TiVo, does have a downside, though.

After Cole moved in with him, Tuck’s Wake-Up Mode crying would often unceremoniously wake up Cole as well. Rather than just having one kid who is up earlier than I would like, I have two, both of them crying and wanting one-on-one attention, with one of them not particularly ready to be awake in the first place. I found myself most mornings going from a dead sleep to immediately trying to help a crying toddler (probably in need of a change out of pee-soaked jammies) and a sobbing infant.

It’s part of the job, but not a great way to start your day.

I’ve found that even if it’s particularly early (i.e. Tuck should really still be sleeping) my best bet is usually to get him out of his room ASAP, and laying down on the couch with a pillow and blanket. Most mornings, if I act fast enough, Cole will fall back to sleep for a little while. Tuck won’t actually sleep on the couch, but I can usually get him to lay quietly until it’s time to get up, giving me a chance to wake up myself and start getting breakfast together. Everything feels so much more “in control,” if that makes sense.

All of this is to say that last night I had a brief conversation with my wife about how she can help me with this.

See, most mornings when this goes down she is frantically trying to get things together to get out the door on time, and leaves it to me to deal with the boys. This is totally understandable, of course. But this week I’ve been sick, fighting a cold, and between the nighttime medication and stuffed up head it’s taking a lot longer for my brain to register the noises coming through the baby monitor. As a result, I’m not getting in there fast enough to get Tuck out before he wakes up Cole beyond the Point of No Return. I asked if, when she hears Tuck starting to stir, she could quickly get him out of there first for me. No problem, she says.

This morning I was woken up by her shaking me.

“Chris. Chris!”

“Hrm?”

“You need to get up.”

“Glerm.”

“I heard Tuck talking, so I went in to get him before he woke up Cole, like you said, but it was too late.”

“Blergh?”

“Yes, of course they’re both awake. Tuck is sitting in Cole’s crib.”

“…”

“Good morning!”

Has your baby been afflicted with a Baby Teething Order Disorder?

We play around with ingredients, but even just plain old’ cheese is almost always a surefire hit for lunch or dinner.

So, one day I decided it was high time I tried making my own tortillas, and boy am I ever glad I did. This hasn’t ended up meaning we never buy tortillas, but these are an easy way to make a meal that much more delicious.

I was a little intimidated about it since I don’t have a tortilla press, but, at least for this sort of tortilla, I was fine without. The final product is almost naan-like with its delicious char, and would work for just about any application where you’d use a tortilla or flat-bread, be they quesadilla, tacos, fajitas, wraps, gyros, or even mini-pizzas.

Of course, the best part (other than the low cost) is that this is really easy, and something where you can definitely find a way for your kid(s) to “help.”

NOTE: I actually doubled this recipe, and it worked great. It made more, and I had enough dough to let Tucker “help” with his own lump of dough to play with, and it let me not worry if it took one or two tries to get the cooking time/technique down. Adjust thickness and cooking time as necessary, depending on how you want them.

Simple Homemade Flour Tortillas

Ingredients

2 cups unbleached all-purpose flour
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt (I used NoSalt, a low-sodium substitute, and it still worked great)
1/4 c room temperature fat of some kind (lard, butter, margarine, shortening, whatever) I used Smart Balance, but Crisco would be a great choice.
3/4 c hot water (near boiling)

Instructions

1. Mix dry ingredients in a large bowl with whisk or fork, and in a seperate bowl or measuring cup soften your choice of fat in the hot water if necessary.
2. Add the wet ingredients to the dry and mix the dough together by hand until very consistent, making sure to work the fat in very well.
3. On a lightly floured surface, knead the dough by hand for 5-6 minutes.
4. Divide dough into about 8 equal pieces, and roll each piece into a round ball. Cover with a tea towel or inverted bowl as you work. Let them sit for 20 minutes.
5. Heat a cast iron skillet well, at medium-high heat. DO NOT grease the pan.
6. Take a single ball and press it with your hand into a flat circle. On your lightly floured surface, take your rolling pin and flatten the dough into a nice large circle (roughly… no need to be a perfect circle IMO), so the dough is about 1/8 of an inch thick. You can flatten all of the tortillas at once and spread them out as long as you have the space. If not, flatten and cook the tortillas one at a time. If you have a tortilla press you can, of course, use it instead.
7. One at a time, carefully place the flattened dough discs into the hot skillet, being sure there are no folds or bumps. Wait about 30 seconds, and flip it over with a spatula–you’ll notice nice little brown spots all over. After you flip, let it cook for another 15-30 seconds and pull the tortilla off the pan. Keep warm under a tea towel while you make the rest the same way. If you’re not eating right away, I suggest wrapping your bundle of finished tortillas in foil or a tea-towel and putting them in a warm oven.

The idea was to fill the audience with just dads and their kids  – initially aged 3 – 13, but they eventually dropped the age to 1 month. It sounded like a lot of fun, and a bunch of us decided to get tickets. The taping was this past Wednesday, and I thought I’d share my experience.

Tucker and I joined four other dads and their kids for a day trip into Manhattan from the Lehigh Valley for the show. The trip itself was quite the adventure; driving into Jersery City and taking the PATH into the Big City for the first time was fairly painless, and now that we’ve done it once next time would be even easier. We did get a little turned around trying to find the studio, but not too badly.

Even cynical New Yorkers couldn’t help smiling at the sight of all us guys with little kids walking together.

We found the studio, just in time, and joined the line-up outside. When it was time to let us in we got our tickets, went through security, and signed away our lives while we waiting in the holding area I called “The Corral.”  It was pretty nuts in there. In addition to our group of 13 there was a large contingent from the NYC Dads Group and a whole bunch of other at-home dads, everyone with at least one of their children in tow. I think in total it was about 90 dads and about 100 kids. Anyhow, this was our chance to get some food into the kids, change diapers, etc. before going into the studio itself.

Joey the Warm-Up Guy came out to see us, to give instructions on what to expect, signals he’d use to get us to do things (like “Ooooo!” “Awwww!” and “Mmmmm!”), hints that we’d be getting some cool swag, and generally just to get us all excited while we waited. He was nice and trying very hard with the unenviable task of warming up a bunch of dads and young kids for a riveting hour or so of soft-spoken meal preparation and craft ideas.

I must say, everyone working there was great, and at least on the surface seemed to be expecting the chaos. That said, I think maybe they underestimated just how much there would be. I talked to one of the crew and asked if they’d ever done anything like this before, and she said they had, but it was with moms and kids. Somehow I think that was probably a better behaved crowd!

Eventually our group was called upon, and we started the several stage trip into the studio space upstairs, where we were led to our assigned seats. We weren’t all seated right together, but we weren’t spread too far, and the audience area is actually not nearly as large as I had originally assumed. The set (which, at least in the kitchen, is apparently ALL functional) looked amazing and I would have loved to get to explore more of it. They’d converted part of the set into a very Martha-esque “play area”, but it was only large enough to handle a few kids/dads at a time.

Joey the Warm-Up Guy came out to go over everything again, and get everyone excited. I appreciated what he was doing, but I think this audience was SO different than usual it was a little comical how bewildered he was at times at how to handle kids and deal with the chaos. He spontaneously sang “WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA?” every once in a while, but didn’t seem to know the rest of the words (Joey if you’re out there and reading this, well first of all score one for vanity searches, but also feel free to correct me if I’m wrong). One of the NYC Dads guys started up a round of “Old McDonald” and Joey took over leading it. Pretty fun moment for Tuck.

Anyhow, eventually Martha was ready for her big entrance. We applauded wildly, as instructed, and the show began.

It was a ton of fun, but ”chaotic”, “insane”, “loud”, and “Oh Lord what were they thinking?!” would be the best descriptors for the actual taping of the show.

We really couldn’t hear very much of what was said, unfortunately. At a normal taping I’m sure the audience is suitably quiet to make up for how soft-spoken Martha is and the low volume on the speakers, but the noise level and distraction from the kids was enough that it was tough at times to hear her or her guests. Such is life with a toddler.

I caught a lot of it though. I know that at one point some SAHD (whose wife was the only adult female in the whole audience) was up there with Martha talking briefly about what he does, and they made some sort of…Minestrone pot pie? I think? Or something? I know he talked about making kale chops for his kids, and so Martha used kale in the recipe. In another segment a different guy talked about making fun/healthy lunch boxes.

At one point Martha said to the guy she was working the lunch boxes with something along the lines of “No one out there is even paying attention to us. They’re all focused on their kids. I guess that’s a good thing.” She was right, no one in the audience anywhere around me was actually watching the show being taped in front of them! I was reading a book with Tuck to keep him in his seat rather than rolling around on the stairs with the little girl “seated” behind us who fell in love with him. Others were fixing/feeding food, or drawing pictures with their kids, or whatever else to keep them distracted and/or calm.

There was a craft, too, but I don’t know what it was in the slightest — there was an area set up for kids/dads to play that we got to go use a couple of times and the craft segment was one of those time. I actually imagine there will likely be some shots of us from there in the final show. We’ll see.

I think that one of the things that makes a SAHD-centric episode of Martha a little different than when other shows do it is that, to their credit, it was simply a theme rather than some sort of Big Issue. It was just taken as a matter of course that, well, today the audience is made up of dads who have taken on the responsibility of being primary caregiver for their children! This was definitely a unique kind of show for them but there was no “Let’s dissect this phenomenon,” or what-have-you. While I love it when shows have serious discussions about what I do, it was kind of nice to have a situation where it wasn’t treated like that. Kudos to the show, and thanks for inviting us!

Tucker’s favorite part of the whole day wasn’t the show, but “riding the choo-choo train,” which is Tuckereze for “Taking the PATH into the city from New Jersey.”  He really loves his new Bento Lunch Box, and the Simon Flash game I’ve spent the day trying to figure out is pretty fun. I scored a neat book on crafts and homemade toy ideas to do with your kids called Made to Play (I think the author was the guest during the craft segment) and an AWESOME Kalencom Urban Sling diaper bag. Well, a gift certificate for one. But it’s free, and was one less thing to haul home, so, KEEN!

All in all, I think we made off pretty well in the Swag Department.

In the end, I just had an awesome day with Tuck. Now that he has a little brother we don’t get many opportunities to spend time with just the two of us together, so it was really nice.

Given how little we could really see/hear of the actual show I’m looking forward to watching it — Hallmark Channel on November 29th (which seems like a long time off, but whatevs).

As most parents will tell you, this is both a blessing and a curse. It has definitely given me a lot of laughs though, and I thought I’d share a few brief conversations we’ve had.

Enjoy!

—

[Changing Tuck's diaper, and shocked by the quantity]
“Good Gravy! ”
“That not gravy, Dada! It’s stinky poop! ”

—

“Tuck, you’re being silly.”
“I’m not being SILLY, Dada, I’m being FUNNY!”
“Oh, sorry. My mistake.”
“I forgive you. You’re welcome.”

—

“What would you like for dinner, Tuck?”
“Wasabi noodles!”
“Um. Here, why don’t you try some wasabi first, and see if you like it?”
“[eats] … … … … … MORE wasabi, dada!”

—

[Upon seeing Tuck clench his teeth, violently vibrate his head, and sorta "crab pose"]
“Tuck, WHAT are you DOING?”
“I’m Hulking out, Dada. ”

Despite all the talk with the actual reporter about “Don’t call me Mr. Mom,” I guess some editor decided to use the phrase anyhow to title a sidebar graphic about the increase of at-home dads recently.

It didn’t appear in the online version, apparently. And I didn’t get to see a print copy until a few days later, since we were out of town when it came out. But Anna and I enjoyed a nice eye-roll together when we saw it.

Which, of course, only made it appropriate that we shared an awesome high-five at “The Routly family is one step ahead of the game.”

Anyhow, nice to know I have another local supporter.

Here’s how it appeared in print:

Me with my hand on my son’s rear end.