My older son quickly gravitated towards playing with a little girl who appeared close in age to himself. I noticed that she was there with a man about my age, and, it being a Wednesday morning, I figured the chances were higher than average that he might be a fellow at-home dad.

I’ve been trying to push myself to be a little more brave when it comes to approaching dads in the park at times like that. I know what it’s like to feel isolated and out of place as the only dad on the playground. I want to make sure every local dad knows there are others like him around.

Even after all this time it still feels strangely awkward for some reason, but after a quick hello I managed to ask him if he was an at-home dad. He said no, and briefly explained that he “just” does shift-work and has his daughter during some weekdays. Not at all uncommon. I mentioned my little local at-home dad group, and he quickly muttered something unintelligible, but clearly meant to convey “No! I’m not one of you!” before walking away.

Okay. That’s fine, I guess. I could write a lot about how much I hate that “at-home dad” is taken to mean “unemployed” even though most of the at-home dads (and moms) I know do have some sort of freelance or part-time work. The US Census Bureau may disagree, but to me if you are regularly acting as the primary caregiver to your child because “shift-work” gives you the opportunity, you count to me as a part-time at-home dad.

But really, it was something else that was triggered in my brain by his “I’m not one of you” response that I want to talk about, which is how not-at-home dads see the things I so often harp about here…

What I mean is, every once in a while I’ll be discussing one of the many “daddy-issues” in my daily life with a friend or acquaintance – be it in person, on Facebook, or Twitter, or on this blog — and a comment will be made that leaves me wondering sometimes all of my writing and thinking and talking about “involved fatherhood” is meant to somehow say that by virtue of being an at-home-dad I think I am somehow superior. Like I’m a “better dad” than those who go to work every day, out of the house. That I judge dads who hold more “traditional” roles as being lesser. Or even just that the issues I talk about are and should only really be relevant to at-home dads.

I really want to make it abundantly clear that that isn’t the case.

Do I think I have personally learned to be a better, more capable dad for my kids because of this opportunity to be home with my boys? Yes. Does it afford me the chance to hone certain skills and my confidence as a parent? Absolutely! Does all of this extra time with my boys make me feel like I know them better than if I didn’t have it? For sure. Are the things I write about here heavily influenced by my experiences as an at-home dad? Of course. Do I think that the rising number of at-home dads is a good thing, and feel like more dads could and should consider doing it if it makes sense for their family? Darn tootin’! (Sorry, running out of synonyms for “yes.”)

But all of that said, it would be ridiculous for me to ever act or claim that the only way to be a good dad is to be at home with your kids instead of going to work. It’s easily as ridiculous as it is when a mom is treated like being at home is the only way to be a good mom (something I know many, many women have experienced). Taking on the important role of breadwinner doesn’t make you a worse parent. And if/when the time comes that I return to the “normal” workforce and don’t get to do this every day, it’s not like I would suddenly become a worse dad for it.

So what I am getting at is this:

When I talk about the importance of being an involved father, that is not code for “at-home dad.”  The truth is, the vast majority of my friends who are dads don’t get to do this, and to my knowledge they are all fantastic fathers who love their kids and take their role as dad just as seriously as I take mine.

When I proclaim the silliness of a dad being asked if he is “babysitting” while watching his own kids, it’s not based on being under the impression that the only people who are asked that are at-home dads.

When I hear the importance and competence of dads get questioned in general terms (e.g. “Moms are better at Dads at everything!”), it’s not at-home dads being belittled, it’s all dads.

When I discuss frustrations at how dads are portrayed in the media, it’s how all dads are portrayed that I see as a problem, not just at-home dads.

Certainly I am particularly sensitive to portrayals of at-home dads, because I am one. This is no different than how I am sure people are always most aware of how the things they do are portrayed in popular culture, be it physicists on Big Bang Theory, doctors on Grey’s Anatomy, forensic detectives and “furries” on CSI, or undersea adventurers on Octonauts. But I am far more concerned with doing away with the bumbling, disconnected, uninvolved, “Dumb Dad” stereotype than I am with whether or not an given movie, tv show or ad campaign is accurately portraying what I do every day as an at-home dad.

I want EVERY dad to strive to be actively involved with his kids lives as much as possible, not just at-home dads.

I want EVERY dad to know he is capable of breaking out of the hands-off, disconnected, incompetent stereotypes that are put upon us, not just at-home dads.

I want EVERY dad to step up his game to help change those stereotypes, not just at-home dads.

I want EVERY dad to be allowed and encouraged to be the best dad they can be. To be respected and valued by their family and friends as an equally important and capable parent.

Being an at-home dad has been, and continues to be, an incredible gift and an amazing opportunity for me. I feel like it’s the most important job I have ever had in my life. It’s opened my eyes to so many things about my wife, my marriage, my kids, the media, society, stereotypes, gender language, privilege, sacrifice, priorities, and simply what I am capable of doing.

But what it doesn’t do is make me better than any dad who goes to work every day to support his family financially, as long as that dad is coming home to his family and genuinely striving to be the best dad he can possibly be by setting a higher standard for himself than has been set for him by society.

Which brings me back to that dad in the park.

I don’t know his story. All I know is that he was pretty clearly tired from what was probably a long, late shift, and yet he was at the park with his little girl on a Wednesday morning, enjoying their time and being a part of her life the best that he can.

It doesn’t make him Super Dad. It just makes him a dad.

Just like me.

I don’t know if I’d say I yet qualify as “popular,” but I do like to think I have something to say.

So, thanks for including me!

Lots of great info here.

The image of moms getting together at the play park to compare notes and swap stories on kids is timeless. Blogs, message boards, and other versions of social media geared to moms are the high-tech versions of this meeting of the minds. But it’s time for moms to move over, because modern dads are using their social media skills to brag and commiserate about their offspring and fatherhood. In past generations, dads were removed from the day-to-day care and feeding of their offspring, but times are changing. Diaper commercials no longer just feature mom and baby…new ad campaigns feature dads in a variety of baby care, shopping, and cooking scenarios. Dads are taking on more child care responsibility and talking about it online.

Courtesy of: Online Schools

—
* Just so we’re clear, the blog post title is a Stephen Colbert reference. I’m not quite that self-absorbed yet.

Check out this new ad for the Volkswagon Polo.

It’s my understanding that this is a car that is only sold in Europe, and whether they think an ad like this would play well here in North America, I don’t know. But they did a great job, and I hope other companies are paying attention.

Well done, VW. Well done.

I say it was terrible, because, frankly, it was. In his estimation, mothers beat dads at: hugging, treating injuries, changing diapers (he must not have heard Huggies can help with that!), making healthy food, keeping the kids clean, snuggling (arguably different than hugging, I guess?), cooking (which is different than making healthy food, apparently), going out with the kids (?), expressing emotion, and making kids feel better (which is way different than how they treat injuries with their magic mommy-powers!).

Obviously I was not a fan. I guess if he’d called it “10 Ways my Wife is a Better Parent Than I Am” I would have less problem with it — at the very least maybe it would serve as a list of ways he recognizes that he can try to step up his parenting game a little. But no, it was all about how Moms are better than Dads at these things. Which might even be true in some areas, but I think most people know that cooking, cleaning, not forgetting the diaper bag, and administering first-aid are not abilities determined by whether your chromosomes are XX or XY. They are abilities you get by having a willingness to learn and the opportunity to try.

Anyhow, the worst thing about the post, as it turns out, wasn’t actually the article itself, but the comments about it on Babble’s Facebook page. They linked to it with the words: “Finish this sentence. The one thing that mothers do better than fathers is ___________. (Then see what this dad said!)”

I can’t even describe to you how disheartening the responses turned out to be…

Yes, there were the usual silly answers (many similar to Cody’s list), some downright hostile ones (according to one commenter, moms are better because, unlike dads and step-dads, moms don’t molest children!) and a lot of LOLs at the very thought of only picking one thing. Hahaha men are so terrible, right?

But no, the really disheartening part is that beyond all of that there was one clear majority opinion on what mothers are better at doing than fathers:

“EVERYTHING.”

Here’s a sampling:

Now, I don’t believe for a second that this is actually what most moms think. But for some reason, this is seriously what these moms believe, and what they feel like is a harmless and fun statement to share with the world: “Mothers are better than Dads at everything.”

Ladies, listen, I don’t know, maybe you do have a terrible husband. Or maybe you just don’t let him learn. Or maybe your kids’ father is simply way out of the picture and deserving of lots of scorn. I don’t know your story, but I get that you feel like dads are useless and/or unnecessary. Gotcha.

My concern is that if you are posting such a thing on Facebook, you can bet that your kids are getting the very same message about dads from you in your daily life too. The world certainly doesn’t need more little boys learning that they will always be a second-class parents. The world doesn’t need more little girls growing up with the message that they shouldn’t expect very much from the future father of their children.

And to the dads out there who have happily lived up to such low expectations, I simply say this: Aim higher. Prove them wrong.

Often, ideas for how to pamper moms on their special day are encapsulated in suggestions like giving her a “break” from cooking or from watching the kids, or to clean up the house for her. Sometimes we seem to forget that almost 70% of mothers with young children actually work outside of the home full or part-time, and time with their family is what they want more than anything.

While some relaxation, some pampering, and a celebratory meal she loves are certainly welcome, we should recognize that there is way more to being a mom than cooking and cleaning and childcare.

My wife Anna is one such amazing mom, and I’ve asked her to share some of her thoughts on why she loves being a “Working Mom.”

—

Being a Working Mom

Right now, I am a working mom married to a stay-at-home dad.

It wasn’t always our intention to raise our kids this way, but life goes in crazy directions sometimes and we’ve always liked to keep all of our options on the table. Throughout my marriage to Chris, we have taken turns both being at home and working full-time. But the last time we were both working full-time simultaneously was shortly before our eldest child was born. Since then, our boys have always had at least one parent at home with them. This arrangement has worked really well for our family.

I loved being at home with my kids. After Tucker was born, he and I had some wonderful times with just the two of us. We attended what I affectionately called “Baby Class” at the hospital where I delivered, which enriched my life in countless ways. We got together regularly with different friends for playgroups. We napped together in the middle of the day (possible if, like me, you can fall asleep virtually anywhere and at any time). Life was good.

But when I started working again, I realized how much there was to love about not being at home.

Here are seven of my favorite things about being a “Working Mom” (particularly, one married to an at-home dad):

I get to shower. Every day. For those of you with kids (especially those who have stayed at home with your kids at some point), you understand how sweet a gift this is.

When I’m at the office, I have grown-up conversations. Both conversations with other adults and conversations with grown-up topics. After I leave in the morning, I really don’t think about diapers for the next nine hours or so. It’s a nice escape.

I’m no longer the parent running most of the errands. Though I enjoy grocery shopping, I’m usually not the one doing it anymore. The same is true for other random stops that need to be made. I now typically don’t have to commit the time, and if I do make a stop on my lunch break or after work, I can be in and out very quickly because I’m only transporting myself.

I almost never have to make dinner. I am blessed with a husband who loves to cook and is really very good at it. I don’t mind preparing meals, but it is so great to get home after a long day and have my job be to play with my kids while someone else takes care of getting the food ready.

My lunch time is my own. If I want to run errands, I can. If I want to sit quietly at my desk, I can. If I want to eat with friends, I can. My schedule isn’t dictated by anyone else. And if I’m eating with other people, the person next to me doesn’t steal the napkin out of my lap to shred up and throw on the floor.

When one of my boys does something particularly adorable, I get a call or email about it. This makes me feel connected to them in a way that’s really special, and I appreciate so much that I can feel like a part of their daily adventures.

When I get home at night, I almost always get an enthusiastic greeting. This is something Chris has encouraged since my oldest was really little, and it’s a wonderful way to end the day. Mama’s home! Hooray!

—

Are you a Working Mom? What are some of the things you love about it? What are the challenges?

—

—

—

(Parkland High School, Allentown, PA)

I’ve been asked variations of the above question a lot recently. Clearly because of my recent accidental activism about the Huggies commercials, and general willingness to opine on the bigger issues of how dads are portrayed in the media, this makes sense.

But it’s been happening so often, and my answer taken people so clearly by surprise, that I thought it was time I write about it here.

The short answer? No.

I’m not outraged at all. At first I was simply “withholding judgement” for the time being, but the more I’ve watched the trailer, and thought about how feel about it, the more encouraged I am at how the film seems to be portraying active, involved dads…

If you haven’t seen it, here’s the specific trailer people wonder about, which has Chris Rock and a bunch of other dads who make up a “Dudes Group” featured as part of the film:

I do understand why some people can see the above trailer and feel like it quite easily fits into the same old category with other films, tv shows and commercials that depict dads like inept fools. But with this one, although not perfect, I just don’t see it that way.

Now, first of all I think I should make clear that this is actually a movie I have about zero desire to go to right now. Even though What To Expect When You’re Expecting (the book, upon which the movie is “conceived”) is almost ubiquitous in the homes of people expecting or with young kids, and certainly contains a lot of useful information, it also left me a little annoyed. There was barely lip-service to what expectant fathers can expect, and more than that it sometimes felt like one big ol’ list of Terrible Things That Can Go Wrong. So with time and money available to go to the theater as limited as it is, this is pretty low on the list of what my wife and I would want to go see.

And that said, I clearly haven’t seen the whole movie, so I can only go based on the trailer in figuring out how the dads will be portrayed overall.

So, yes, there is definitely a certain amount of ridiculous hyperbole at work here that plays for laughs how dads apparently parent differently than moms, and throws in some wackiness that makes you wonder how their kids will survive. But is it a negative portrayal? I don’t think so.

Here’s what I like:

No Dumb Dads

These Dudes don’t look like clueless idiots, to me. They look like dads who know what they’re doing, and do it with confidence. In fact, from what we see in the trailer, part of their purpose is as a group who is sought out because they have valuable wisdom and experience to share with a nervous expectant father.

Community is Cool

Speaking of which, showing that it’s okay for a dad to seek out support and community is huge. HUGE. There are tons of resources available for women when they are expecting a baby, but very little for dads, and many feel like there is no where they can turn for real advice. I run a local Club Dad and I know that a lot of guys resist the idea of joining or participating because they’d rather just go it alone. Many don’t like the idea of seeking support, because needing a “support group” means you need help, y’know? Same reason we don’t ask for directions or read instruction manuals.

So frankly, the more guys see dads bonding together in a fraternity of dad-awesomeness as cool, the better, as far as I’m concerned.

Raising Kids is Messy

I also feel like even the most “negative” stuff shown is really just an honest look at how messy and crazy parenting a young child can be for anyone.

Does anyone really think that moms don’t have conversations with their friends about the crazy things their kids do, like eating a cigarette or falling off the changing table? Those things happen, to kids under the care of dads AND moms. If there’s an element to portrayals of dads wherein we see their foibles and failures as part of competent parenting, I say HALLELUJAH that dads don’t have to deal with the impossible image of the perfect mom with which women everywhere are forced to compare themselves every day.

I’m still not that interested in seeing the movie. But outraged about it? No. Not so much.

The idea is simple: buy one of my books, and a second copy will go to a child in need.

Initially this will be children in Guatemala and Haiti, with plans to expand wherever the opportunity comes.

You read more about the Buy One, Give One promotion and the charities it will be supporting here.

How to Buy

While both books are available on Amazon in both paperback and Kindle formats, the only way to track this properly is if you purchase the books directly from me.

To Buy One, Give One, simply purchase whatever quantity of books you would like from the links below or from the Buy One, Give One page here. They will direct you to PayPal, where you can purchase with PayPal or any major credit card.

The books are both $15 each.

 The Animalphabet

 Now I Eat My ABCs

You can also do so in person this coming weekend if you happen to be in the vicinity of Lehigh Valley Pennsylvania! I will be at the Lehigh Valley Zoo on Saturday, April 7th, as part of the launch of their Farm At The Zoo exihibit. I will also be at LifeChurch Allentown in the coming weeks with books on hand.

All sales will be matched by a donation of a second book.

Well, better than the day before, at least.

There are still some struggles. The letter “k” is something he seems to have personally taken a point in working on a lot recently. (Which is good, because when you can’t do the “k” sound very well and you try to tell someone your name is “Tucker,” everyone just ends up thinking that your parents were really big fans of Hervé Villechaize’s Fantasy Island character.)

Anyhow, I’ve been thinking lately of how much I am actually going to miss some of the adorable mispronunciations and general toddler-speak that I am so accustomed to now. Sure, I take great pride in how clearly my little boy can talk and love that it’s increasingly easier to actually have great conversations with him. But dang, toddler-speak can be cute.

A few of my favorites (see if you can figure them all out):

What things does (or did) your toddler say that you are going to (or already) miss?

It’s been particularly nice because, despite big dreams and great intentions, our ability to actually grow food ourselves has been . . . well, not without its highs, but mostly a bit of a gong show.

While I wouldn’t exactly say we have green thumbs, it’s not that we don’t know what we’re doing. What it really comes down to are the twin problems of a lack of space (we live in a small apartment, with only a small patio available for us to use) and that what space we have is not very conducive even to container gardening, as it gets very little direct sunlight (maybe 5 hours on a clear, sunny day). Herbs do okay, and we’ve been told we could grow lettuce (OH BOY! LETTUCE!). But anything more than that has just not really done very well. . .

So instead, this spring I jumped at the opportunity to sign up for a family plot at the wonderful community garden in a nearby town. We’ll have lots of space, and lots of sun, not to mention lots of access to much more experienced gardeners, to lend advice.

We’re really, really looking forward to this as something to do as a family. It will be fun, and provide delicious food, and probably be a big boon to getting all of us interested in eating more healthy fruits and vegetables.

That said . . . I am also sort of terrified at the idea of trying to tend to a vegetable garden for a couple of hours a week with two little boys in tow. Particularly on the days when I am taking them out there by myself. A garden in our own backyard I could theoretically go work in while one or both of the boys nap, but this one will require a short drive and bringing the boys along.

I actually expect that Tucker (3) will have a blast, and may even be able to offer some legitimate help planting seeds or pulling weeds or just by not destroying things. When supervised, at least.

But what do you do with a 1-year old who is most likely to take advantage of me not looking for a minute to trample other people’s gardens, pull down stakes, and eat dirt, worms, and anything else he can fit into his mouth? I’m afraid I’ll turn my back to pull a weed and discover that he has tangled himself in a blackberry bush or is trying to climb a trellis to steal grapes.

I’m thinking maybe stick him in our backpack carrier, but the thought of gardening with him in that thing sounds like some sort of bizarre 300 Spartan cast-member workout technique.

Anyone ever tried this? Any advice on how to involve my boys without it killing me or destroying the place?

Below is the a special preview for the new version of the “Easy Chair” ad, which will begin airing on Monday, March 26th. I’ve been given permission to share it with you all!

Kudos to them for making such a big change and taking seriously the opportunity to show real, involved, competent and confident dads with their babies.

I look forward to seeing the rest of the newly revised campaign.

(NOTE: You can still see the old version of the “Easy Chair” ad here for comparison, though I don’t know for how long.)

No one makes change on their own, but small voices together can make big changes.

A clever graphic can explain and spread an idea faster than a hundred well thought out blog posts.

A petition’s worthy cause isn’t newsworthy, but a petition actually working? Oh yes.

Dads’ voices matter, and more and more people and corporations are recognizing that.

Sometimes recognizing good intentions and maintaining respectful dialogue gets better results than demonizing.

More men than you would think are not just unoffended by dumb-dad stereotypes, but invested in them continuing. Mostly to get out of diaper duty.

The greatest advocates that dads can have is moms. Until moms demand better of advertising in how they portray dads, it won’t really change.

The most reluctant to give up their stereotype about dads is . . . also moms. Some seem more interested in protecting the freedom to mock their husbands’ parenting abilities than in helping their husband be a more able, involved parent.

No, seriously, there are actually people out there in the world who are so loyal to their brand of diapers that they will send you hate mail for daring to make a complaint about them. Whodathunkit?

I have a thicker skin than I thought.

I am incredibly happy to report to you that the people at Huggies/Kimberly-Clark have heard your voices, and are responding in real, impactful ways. You may have already heard this, but I hope to give you a little bit more information.

Before explaining more, I want to thank you so much for all of your support.

Thank you for signing the petition, for sharing it, for posting on Twitter and Facebook and even Pinterest, and for your calls and emails to Huggies/Kimberly-Clark. This could not have happened without people like you, who agreed that simply because this was “just” an ad campaign for diapers, or meant as a “joke,” or because there are bigger issues in the world, didn’t mean that the problem should be ignored.

So, here’s the good news…

Huggies/Kimberly-Clark reached out to me, and today I had the pleasure to talk with several members of their team about our concerns. They have recognized that, despite whatever good intentions they had, their “Dad Test” campaign went wrong. They know that it genuinely insulted many, and communicated quite a different message than the one they intended.

They are already taken steps to make it right, which I will outline below. After our conversation, I can honestly state that — any remaining personal opinions or concerns I have about the wisdom of the core concept of the “Dad Test” itself aside — I do not believe they meant to make a mockery of dads at all.

I asked them to give me a list of steps they are taking, and they provided a list of changes they are implementing to their campaign going forward, because of you.

They state:

1. We have removed the specific ad that started this conversation (Dads watching a game with their babies), and replaced it with another commercial (Dads with their napping babies) that is more consistent with the message we want to convey – which is to show our products being put to the test in honest, real-life moments with babies and dads.

2. Beginning next week, we will begin airing a new TV spot, featuring these real Dads out and about with their babies to test our diapers. We think this commercial, along with the other ads that we’ll be rolling out as part of this campaign, more truly embrace the spirit of the campaign and demonstrate how our diapers hold up in real-life scenarios and show incredibly loving, competent Dads caring for their babies. Please note that we are in the process of revising all of the copy in our TV commercials, but that will take some time to finalize and ship them to television networks. Therefore, you will see some TV spots that still contain the Dad test messaging but please know we’re working hard and fast to revise all these commercials.

3. We’ve also addressed the feedback by changing the copy of our Facebook page. This morning (3/9), we incorporated new messaging and imagery to better reflect the campaign’s message. We’ve also launched an incentive to reward Facebook fans who nominate a Dad.”

4. We’re working with Dads like yourself and others to establish a roundtable discussion in the coming weeks to gain your perspective on other ways we can put our products to the test.

I am particularly happy to read the later details in point #2. They are not simply playing the least objectionable commercials. They are spending significant time and resources to actually change the current ads. I could not ask for a better demonstration of how seriously they are taking this, so please respect the realities they mention; that it will take time for the new ads to replace the old ones already in circulation.

Some may feel that these changes are not enough, that the only way to “fix” this insulting campaign was to pull it entirely. That is their right, and I encourage anyone who feels that way to continue to respectfully communicate that to Huggies/KC. Truthfully, if I felt that their sole purpose was to ridicule fathers as a marketing gimmick and now they are simply backtracking, I would agree. However, as I’ve said, after discussion with them on the issues and problems of this ad campaign, I am of the belief that this is a case where a failure in communication results in the opposite message being sent.

To their credit, although sometimes frustratingly silent in their responses to criticisms posted on places like Facebook, they also never once took the step of silencing us. They let us say our piece, when many companies would delete any similar critical comment.

I am convinced that most of the people behind these ads are real moms and dads like you and I, who truly wish to see involved, active dads lifted up and encouraged, not torn down. They made mistakes. But I believe that they are truly committed to engaging with dads in a respectful way, and I look forward to seeing that continue, and to grow.

So there you have it: victory, and a happy ending to this chapter.

Respectfully and with much appreciation,
Chris Routly

One of the more frustrating aspects of the last few days being this accidental activist has been the feeling of being completely ignored by the people who you are trying to engage.

I understand all of the issues involved, sure. Give us attention and you give our petition more legitimacy. And after the PR nightmare cause by the initial Huggies “background information” on their insulting ad campaign which made this so much worse, I understand not wanting to do that again.

But for a company that has made such a point of declaring how much they love dads and appreciate our equal parenting role, the silence has been rather deafening.

So when this was posted to the official Huggies Facebook page yesterday afternoon it was very welcome:

Hi, I’m Erik* and I am responsible for the Huggies advertising you are seeing. We have read your feedback on our Dad commercials and, as a father of three young children, I recognize that we need to do a better job communicating the campaign’s message. Our singular goal with this campaign was to demonstrate the performance of our products in real life situations because we know real life is what matters most to Moms and Dads. A fact of real life is that dads care for their kids just as much as moms do and in some cases are the only caregivers. We intended to break out of stereotypes by showing that Dads have an opinion on product performance just as much as moms do. That said, we’re learning and listening, and, because of your response, are making changes to ensure that the true spirit of the campaign comes through in the strongest way possible. For instance, we have already replaced our initial TV ad with a new one that more clearly communicates our true intent; and are in the process of revising the wording of our online communications. We appreciate the honest feedback and look forward to the continued discussion on the brand.

_____
*Erik Seidel, VP Huggies Brand at Kimberly-Clark

This is great news, and I really appreciate they they are finally taking this seriously.

How in the world they went from the above stated goals to the finished product, I cannot imagine. But that their intentions were as stated? Okay, I’m willing to accept that.

That said…

It is over 15 hours later now, and their Facebook page still features the exact same “Nominate a Dad!” promotion on the front page (nominate for exactly what, no one has yet to figure out), and their profile photo is still that strangely smug dad (who weirdly looks to me like he has some sort of crazy hillbilly overbite if you stand back… or is it just me?) and a call to “Put them to the Dad Test!”

How hard is it to swap out your profile photo?

I guess we’ll just have to wait and see how serious they are about fixing this. In the meantime, the petition continues.

I really wish I was heading to the Dad 2.0 Summit in Austin this weekend to ask them myself, as they are apparently sending a team to “engage” with the dadbloggers who are attending. Very interested to hear what goes on though.

—

UPDATE

Shortly after posting this a new version of the “Nominate a Dad” promotion went live:

Better, definitely. At the very least it’s much clearer that the idea is supposed to be dads putting the diapers to the test, rather than the dads themselves being tested.

But there is still a very fundamental problem here, in the whole idea that dads test diapers in any way different than moms, whether better or worse. You want to know how a “seasoned diaper duty pro” dad changes diapers? Just like a “seasoned diaper duty pro” mom.

If this was an actual science experiment, that it was being done by dads is still the most important variable. The big question laid out to Huggies — why and how are dads a test? — remains unanswered.

As you probably know, as of a few minutes ago, our petition asking you to end your “Dad Test” ad campaign reached over 1000 signatures.

That’s 1000 people, customers and potential customers, men and women, dads and moms, kids and grandparents, all saying “Huggies, we do not accept that this is okay!”

When will you acknowledge that you messed this one up and take steps to make it right? How long will you keep ignoring us? At this point your good intentions are irrelevant, and your form letter a slap in the face.

We don’t want a boycott. We don’t want coupons. We don’t want this replaced with a commercial that trumps up a dad who competently changes diapers into Super Dad.

We just want dialogue with a company who will treat us like equally capable parents, and equally valuable customers.

Period.

—

To anyone reading this who thinks that this “Dad Test” is outrageous and unacceptable, please visit, read, and sign the petition. They can ignore us on here, but in numbers we can get the message through.

—

Please sign the petition, and share it with anyone you know who is tired of seeing fathers treated like dummies. Even well-meaning or loving dummies.

But I could never quite get it out of my head though that there was something might familiar about Captain Barnacles Bear and the Octonauts. I finally figured out why…

First of all, Huggies, I want to say what you got right here. Like in this video (sorry, can’t embed Facebook videos).

The dads in the commercials look like real dads, and are actually displaying a level of competence and general daddy-baby affection that is, frankly, rarely seen. The image of these guys with their content, sleeping, well-fed babies is really nice. So good job on that. I don’t know who these guys are, but it wouldn’t surprise me if they are all actual dads with their babies. Nice. Yeah, five guys with five babies is going to be a chaotic scene at times too, which we see, and kudos for showing what parenting really looks like: controlled chaos. On first viewing the two videos you have posted both seem pretty good. Cute, even.

So no, the problem isn’t in what you have the dads doing or how they are parenting, it’s in the whole concept of the campaign.

Why is DAD doing it the “Ultimate Test” of a diaper? What does the gender of the parent have to do with how well a baby with a full tummy is able to survive nap-time leak free?

Check this one out.

[voiceover] “To prove Huggies diapers and wipes can handle anything, we put them to the toughest test imaginable: Dads, alone with their babies, in one house, for five days, while we gave moms some well deserved time off. How did Huggies products hold up to daddyhood?

The world is about to find out . . .”

Oh no! Those poor babies! Alone with dad for five days!? Someone call child protective services! Thank God they have HUGGIES or this could be a REAL disaster!

And don’t even get me started on the version where the concept means babies being cared for by dads too distracted by the “big game” to change their overflowing diaper.

Yes, to the good people at Huggies, there is no better way to demonstrate how tough and leak-proof their diapers are than to subject them to the “Ultimate Test” of being used by (DUN-DUN DUUUUUUUUN) a DAD.

But where things get particularly ridiculous about this campaign is actually on the Huggies official Facebook page, where this currently greets you:

“Dads push diapers and wipes to the limit. Help us prove that Huggies diapers can stop leaks better, and that our wipes can clean messes better, by putting them to the ultimate test . . . Dad.”

So, you mean like, how dads tend to roll around on the floor having a little rougher horseplay with their kids than a lot of moms? So, like, the diapers stay on better? I guess that’s–

“Nominate a Dad > Hand him some diapers & wipes and watch the fun > Tell us how it went on Facebook!”

Oh. No. You don’t mean that at all, do you?

You actually mean that dads are so bad at this that only the roughest, toughest, longest-lasting, leak-proof diapers could possibly withstand such manhandling.

I see.

“Nominate a Dad” for what? As a great dad who defies your stereotype? No, that can’ t be it. You’re looking for people to nominate a dad, then put him on diaper duty, watch with glee at the “fun” he has screwing it up, and post on Facebook about how hilarious it was.

Predictably, people have been complaining about this ad campaign, and Huggies has definitely noticed. After all, they posted this wonderful response:

We appreciate the discussion about our commercials, and wanted to give you a little background. Huggies recruited real Dads and their real babies to put our diapers and wipes to the test. Why? Because we love Dads. Many of us are Dads! And like Moms, we change diapers, wipe messes and are hands-on participants in raising kids. Yes, we could’ve done the Mom Test. But for the first time, we felt that Dads deserved to be celebrated just as much.

Oh, I see, you “love Dads” and want to “celebrate” dads so very much that you felt the best way to do that was to promote how well your diapers stand up to being used by such incompetent idiots.

I believe it was Pulitzer Prize and Presidential Medal of Freedom recipient Maya Angelou who said (and I may be paraphrasing): “Don’t piss on my leg and tell me it’s raining.”

—

Predictably, there is no lack of people saying that dads like me who see this whole thing as incredibly insulting are overreacting. That we need to lighten up, get a sense of humor, realize it’s “only a commercial,” etc.

Perhaps. There are far bigger issues in the world right now, true.

But the equal truth is that it wasn’t until people started complaining about unfair gender stereotypes that ads like this disappeared:

Can you imagine a car insurance company advertising in the 21st century that they’ve got you covered when your wife inevitably wrecks the car? Or advertising for office supplies that focus on being easy enough for even a woman to use?

I’m not putting it past some Madison Avenue idiot to think either or both of the above would be hilarious and actually put them out there. But the reactions would be swift and harsh and “get a sense of humor, ladies” would be an entirely inappropriate way to react to those offended.

Huggies, it’s not too late. Admit you screwed this one up and change the campaign. You’ve got great footage of great dads being great dads. Use it. Just stop acting like the fact that they’re dads means anything about how well your product works.

These ads tell us nothing about your product, but they tell us plenty about the people who sell them.

Tuck: “Dada, can we play on your Kindle now?”
Me: ”Not right now, buddy. Maybe while Coltrane is napping, okay?”
Tuck: ”I love playing on your Kindle!”
Me: ”I know! Sometimes I think you only love me because I have a Kindle. Is there anything you like about Dada other than that I have a Kindle?”
Tuck: ”I like your shorts.”

—

Hands

Me: “Tuck, I need you to get your boots. And can you please get me Cole’s shoes from the shoe shelf?”
Tuck: “Dada, I only have so many hands.”

—

B is for . . .

Tuck: ”Dada, can I play a Mickey game on the computer?”
Me: ”Actually, there’s something else we need to do tonight first.”
Tuck: ”What?”
Me: ”Let’s see if you can guess, Tuck. It’s something really fun, and it starts with a B.”
Tuck: ”What is it?!”
Me: ”You need to guess! What do you really like to get before bed and starts with a B sound? B says ‘buh’… ‘buh’…”
Tuck: ”Buh buh buh…”
Me: ”You love it when Mama or Dada give you a… buh… buh…”
Tuck: ”BEAVER!”

—

Sound

Tuck: “What sound was it?”
Anna: “What? What sound?”
Tuck: “Yes. What was the sound?”
Anna: “I don’t understand what you mean. What sound?”
Tuck: “What sound was it in the car?”
Anna: “WHAT sound? I don’t know! You asked me!”
Tuck: “I mean why was there a sound? Of died.”
Me: “A sound of DYING?”
Tuck: “Yes. Why did Dada say there was the sound of dying?”
Me: “Oh. I think I know what he’s asking…”

***FIVE MINUTES EARLIER***
Me: [Checking Facebook on my phone in the car] “Huh. It sounds like Whitney Houston died. :-\”

—

All By Myself

Tuck: ”DADA! DADA! COME HEEEERE!”
Me: ”What? What!” *running*
Tuck: ”Dada I’m going poop on the potty really good all by myself!”
Me: ”Yay! Great job, Tucker!”
Tuck: ”I didn’t even have to use the potty seat on the big potty, but I didn’t fall in!”
Me: ”Wow. I’m so proud of you. What a big boy you are!”
Tuck: ”Sure am! This means I don’t have to wear underwear now.”
Me: ”Uh…”

—

Brains

Tuck: ”Dada, what’s brains?”
Me: ”Brains are the part of you inside your head. Your brain helps you think about things, come up with great ideas, and it tells your body what to do all the time. Isn’t that neat?”
Tuck: ”Like Monkey has brains?”
Me: ”Yes, Monkey has brains. They are right here inside his head. And does Tucker have brains?”
Tuck: ”Yes, they’re in my head too!”
Me: ”That’s right. Does Dada have brains?”
Tuck: ”Well, no.”
Me: ”Ouch.”
Tuck: ”But Mama has brains!”
Me: ”Well, yes. Yes she does. She has a really big brain. But, Dada has brains too, right?”
Tuck: ”Actually, no. But Baby Cole has brains!”

This “What people think I do” meme has been making the rounds. I figured I would jump on the bandwagon.

Well, okay, maybe not.

Maybe you’re one of those people who has some sort of aberrant aversion to All Things Banana. To this day it remains one of only two culinary flaws (the other being a dislike of most seafood) I have ever found in my lovely and otherwise perfect wife.

But if you’re not one of those people, or perhaps even more importantly have a child or children who seem to enjoy something of a banana-centric diet, you’re going to love this and so will your kids.

This is so easy, I literally had to sit for a minute or so and contemplate how in the world a guy like me, with the dual passions of cooking good food and surfing the internet finding obscure recipes, had never heard of it or tried it.

It’s so easy, I’m not even going to call this a recipe. It would be like giving you a “recipe” for how to slice an apple or shred cheese.

Okay, so, you know how sometimes your bananas will start to get too ripe, and you need to figure out a use for them? I know I do. My default has always been to either make banana bread/muffins, or if I don’t have time (which is always) I throw them in the freezer to use later for banana bread/muffins.

But no longer!

There are two things you need:

• Some frozen bananas.
• A food processor.

That’s it.

Just take your frozen bananas and cut them up into chunks. Throw away the peel. Do this in whatever way you like. Don’t worry about making the chunks too uniform or small, though I suppose smaller chunks might process a little easier.

Okay, so you have your frozen banana chunks?

Put them in the food processor. Yes, with a blade in there too.

Now turn it on, and let it go until you have something smooth that looks like ice cream! Should only take a few minutes.

Stop and scrape down the sides or whatever if it looks like it needs some help. If you need, a dash of milk to get things going would be fine. A spoonful of peanut butter in there is delicious. You can experiment as you’d like. But really, just the frozen bananas on their own are excellent. Sweet without any sugar, and creamy without any cream.

Then sit there after dinner, eating your bowl of banana ice “cream” and smugly feel good about yourself for just having “some fruit” for dessert.