The Daily Brain Shelter

Larry King Interview with Tony Robbins , Breakthrough with Tony Robbins ...

2011-12-06T08:14:00.000-08:00

Elimination Diet for The Mind&Body

2010-04-06T08:03:00.000-07:00

As most of my readers know, over the past 5years, I have endured a long term migraine and vertigo disorder, which, to be honest, has reeked havoc on my state of mental well being. Nothing can be more depressing and anxiety provoking than being sick for 5years, and not knowing why. Recently, I've recovered. I'm going to share my story with all of you in an effort to help at least one reader. Here goes:

About a month ago, I was still really sick. I could not do much, but I still tried to do my best when people called upon me. I had not been a good friend to many of my closest friends, and was starting to push family members away. I was reaching my breaking point. Though I have learned many coping strategies thorough this time of hardship, and have become a pretty optimistic guy, it had all become much too much. Luckily, a friend of mine asked me to volunteer at an art show. I agreed. This is when my life started to change.

About halfway through my work day, I overheard this girl around my age talking about going through a six year illness with the exact same symptoms. She had three kids, and missed most of their early childhoods. She went to countless doctor's appointments, and was misdiagnosed a million times. This sounded all too familiar, so I just sat and listened. Finally she started talking about what cured her of all of her symptoms. Ready? A neurologist realized that her symptoms could be coming from a food intolerance. Sure enough, she was gluten intolerant. She has not had any symptoms for two years now, and is playing with her kids every day.

After hearing her story(and being misdiagnosed a million times as well), I started to look up food intolerance online. My white blood cell count was really high according to some blood work that just came back from the lab, so I already knew my body was fighting something. How does that make sense? When your body is allergic or intolerant to something, it treats that food, chemical, or environmental element as if it were a foreign invader, and causes a negative immune system response, as well as a host of other problems. I knew I had to at least give this some serious thought.

I came across something called The Elimination Diet. This is where you remove any all allergenic, or intolerant foods that might cause a negative response in the body. Within a day I was feeling much better(though not perfect), and now here I ma seven days later with no symptoms what so ever for four days now. At first I thought "Maybe it's just psychological". Now, after making a conscious effort to change my diet. I know that it is scientific.

This new way of eating has not only improved my health, but also improved my moods in ways that I can not describe. I am the healthiest and happiest that I have been in at least 10years(not just 5yrs). I have the same energy an enthusiasm I did when I was 18. This has truly changed my life. Will it work for you? I honestly can't say, but it just might be worth a try. For some it cures acne, stuffy noses, or rashes. For others, it cures migraines and mood disorders. If nothing else, it's a great diet for general health and weight loss. Google it for more info.

Well guys, I know this has been kind of a lengthy post, but I thank you for reading(as always). If this helps you or someone else you know(or has helped someone), please write me by posting in the comment section below. Take care everyone!!!

See you next time!!!

Stress

2010-03-22T19:15:00.000-07:00

Do any of you out there want to know a little more about stress? Of course. Who doesn't? Stress affects each and every one of us. In this posting, you'll get a chance to read a short paper that I recently submitted in Psych118. Give me some feedback. I want to know what you think.

Stress

What is stress? That is the million dollar question. According to “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Psychology” Fourth Edition (pg213), stress is defined as : a general term that includes all of the physical, emotional, behavioral, and cognitive responses we make to a disruptive internal or external event”. Like many other conditions, stress appears in many forms. Some of those forms are positive, and some are negative. Positive stress is formally known as eustress, and negative stress is known as distress. This paper will discuss the different forms of stress, the effect that it has on the mind and body, and a few short coping techniques.

Before diving in head first, it would be wise to get a little more information on the two major types of stress: eustress and distress. One of the best ways of gaining understanding is by observing or in this case, by taking a closer look at a few examples. Here are a few examples of eustress: Going on a great vacation to Hawaii, winning the lottery, having a great conversation with a friend or family member. A few examples of distress would be: Losing a loved one, being diagnosed with a terminal illness, trying to steal Rosie O’Donnell’s last cupcake.

As evidently depicted, stress is everywhere. It simply cannot be avoided. It is just another part of life. What matters most is how people react to it. People react differently to stress. Therefore, their coping mechanisms will vary from person to person as well. While stress may be the issue at hand, coping is the desired outcome. How much stress we internalize ultimately affects more than just our minds. Stress affects us as an entire being. It affects us mentally and physically, which is why having proper coping techniques lined up is really so important.

One can clearly see now that there is very little division between the mind and the body. When the mind is under stress, so is the body. The longer the mind is under stress, the more damage takes place. This usually results in a compromised state of immunity or a CNS dysfunction of some sort. In many cases, this leads to a condition known as a Somatoform Disorder. A Somatoform Disorder(as defined by The Idiot’s Guide to Psychology Fourth Edition) is a mental disorder in which the person experiences symptoms of physical illness, but has no medical disease that could cause it(symptoms/complaints are usually headaches, dizziness, nausea, and heart palpitations).

There is a large body of research known as the study of Psychoneuroimmunology, which is the study of interactions between the brain, the body, the emotions and the immune system. This body of research proves that not only do our thoughts and our minds have a negative impact upon our bodies, but that the reverse is also true. Positive thought can dramatically upregulate the way that the body functions as well. If that isn’t convincing enough, read this: “Research confirms that mental stress puts us at risk for physical illness; it increasingly shows that emotional distress shuts down someof the body’s defenses, making us more vulnerable to disease.”(pg225)

So maybe stress has not caused illness quite yet, or maybe it has. Either way proper coping techniques are essential to learn before its too late. Before running through a list of strategies to help ease the burden, it is first of dire importance to be able to identify the signs of stress. Here they are:
- Feeling on edge, frustrated or easily annoyed
-Having trouble concentrating or making decisions
-Finding even simple things burdensome or difficult
-Eating more or less than usual
-Experiencing mood swings
-Feeling distracted
-Being irritable or impatient
(pg215)

If a person has come to the conclusion that he or she has three or more of the signs listed above, it might be a good time for counseling or self education. This would be an ideal time to learn coping techniques. Just like anything else, there are positive coping strategies and negative ones. Here are a few examples of both. A few negative ways of coping would be: sulking, avoidance behavior, drugs, alcohol, and overeating. A few examples of positive coping strategies would be: talking, finding solutions, positive thinking and reinforcement, as well as general insight and understanding into the underlying causes of one’s stress. If all else fails: seek professional help.

While stress will never be eliminated, if managed correctly, one can master his or her own environment. The understanding of stress, its causes and effects, as well as proper coping techniques will allow an individual to lead a much happier and more productive life. This can all basically be summed up by one anonymous quote: “Life is 10% circumstance, and 90% how one chooses to handle it.”

Well, that's it for this time guys. Hopefully, some of you got some useful information out of this post, and can use it to help yourselves or someone that you know or love. Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Physical Effects of Emotion(s)......

2010-02-14T20:51:00.000-08:00

The mind is a weapon. Many of our thoughts manifest themselves as physical symptoms inside our bodies. While not all symptoms are related to the effects of human emotion, many are indeed interconnected. Oftentimes we search for answers inside a pill bottle or magical injection only to find little to no resolution or comfort. When this occurs, first seek medical/professional advice, then look inside yourself. My guess is that days, months, or even years of unsolved internal conflict has started to take its toll.

Throughout the course of my life I have experienced severe anxiety, depression, social discomfort, and even a legitimate long term physical illness. I have been prescribed countless pills, been injected numerous times, and have been examined endlessly. While many of these treatments have helped me cope with life on a very symptomatic level, I have neglected to turn inward to face my deepest self. I have neglected to dig deep enough to get to the root(s) of all of my discomfort. I have neglected to face the truth.

Facing the truth is something that I'm just now starting to do. Most of the symptoms of my long term illness are minimal, and those that remain are most likely caused by the same psychological burden that made me physically sick in the first place. Unsolved emotional trauma. I spent a lifetime ignoring, masking or burying everything that happened to me. I shrugged off every tear and heartache, every ounce of physical and emotional pain.....nothing could hurt me. I could only become stronger.......or so I thought. Then I broke. It took years(decades actually). Finally, I wound up in a bed. Five years later, I'm just starting to regain control of my life. I have a clean bill of health, and yet many of the same symptoms remain. Gee, I wonder why?

Neglect. Neglecting anything will come back to bite us. Neglecting our health, our loved ones, and even our emotions. Eventually, we must read the chapters we have written, for they have become the novels of our lives. My repressed emotions had created such a toxic internal whirlwind that my internal neurological environment completely destabilized. Upon the onset of this destabilization, I started experiencing vertigo attacks and migraines several times a day until the symptoms became a 24hr constant in my life. I lost control of speech, motor function, digestive control, respiratory function, and my emotional environment took a dive bomb due south.

I am not sharing this story with you as a fear tactic. I am just hoping to give one lucky person a wake up call before they experience a nightmare of equal proportions. While most of you will never face any physical symptoms this extreme due to emotional trauma, you are still not immune to its effects. Just look up Stress Related Illness or Psychoneuroimmunology(just for a few select examples. Maybe you're tired of unexplained colds, infections, heartburn, etc. If your doctor has ruled everything else out, examine your life......past and present.

Thank you all for taking the time to read this post. I hope that it helps at least one person who stumbles across it over the course of time. May your life be filled with joy, health, and happiness. Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Unhealthy Ways Of Relating

2010-01-16T13:29:00.000-08:00

We as humans are continually trying to find our place in this world. We often search somewhat desperately for sources of fulfillment and gratification, such as: money, promotion, status, love, sex, friendship, etc. While searching and seeking fulfillment and gratification can both be positive endeavors, doing so in a desperate manner tends to lead us down roads that we wish we would have never traveled. Desperation(in my opinion), is one of the number one reasons, why we as people are displaying(and experiencing) unhealthy ways of relating.

So what are some examples of unhealthy ways of relating? Well.....there's plenty. Here's a few based on either personal experiences or stories told to me by others(whose names will never be revealed). Let's just say that there is a 30-something year old woman who has been overweight her entire life. Men have treated her very poorly for no good reason at all. She has received no attention from the opposite sex, and has gone through her adolescent years with very few friends to speak of. Eventually, her self worth becomes very poor and distorted, and she starts accepting men into her life that are abusive, lazy, unfaithful....or even a combination of all of the above. Since she has never really had any attention before, she clings to these guys because she thinks that this is the best that she can do, and at least someone finally will be with her. THE TRUTH: This poor woman is selling herself short. She can do much better and doesn't even know it. Her self esteem is low and her self worth is damaged, and now, she has entered a cycle of unhealthy ways of relating.

Here's another example: There is a young man who is now in his early 20's. He was never popular in school, his family never supported him, and he's walked through most of his life alone. One day neighbor of his from many years back passes through town and offers to take him out for the night. He accepts. His old neighbor used to be just as poor as he was, but now he's driving a nice car with 20inch rims and killer sound system. He pulls up with the bass pumping and three girls in the back. The young man jumps in. Finally, by the end of the night, the old neighbor tells his friend that he wants to cut him in on the money, the cars and the women. Once again, the poor young man accepts. He says he doesn't care what he has to do.....he's in. The neighbor chops up two lines of pure grade A coke, and business begins with a bang. Soon, the quiet young man is living life in the fast lane, fighting, staying up for 4 days at a time in a motel room full of dirty hookers, and using his nose as a Hoover vacuum. But hey, he's finally popular. He finally has "friends", girls, and money. He finally has everything he ever wanted....or at least so he thinks. THE TRUTH: Not one person that he is partying with or selling to is really his friend. As soon as the coke disappears.....so will the people. The few real friends that he used to have, have all hit the highway due to his new lifestyle. All of the new "friends" will soon rob him, rat on him, stab him and leave him alone to rot. This is just one more (extreme) example of unhealthy ways of relating.

Unhealthy ways of relating don't have to be as extreme as the two examples I depicted. They can be as simple as: "I'm depressed, so I'll find someone else who is depressed....and we'll talk about depression(constantly)" or Staying in a relationship where you fight just for the make up sex. No matter what the example may be.....unhealthy relating is unhealthy relating. Plain and simple. If you can avoid it....do it. If you can't, find out why, and seek help or advice. Life can always get better. Take care everyone!!!!!

See you next time!

A Self Defeating Mentality

2009-12-14T12:20:00.000-08:00

Our thoughts really do have an enormous impact on the outcomes of our lives and the decisions that we make. When we choose to think in a positive and uplifting manner, we tend to make better choices and attract better people.....not to mention better opportunities. The reverse is also true. When we are negative and self defeating, it is very easy to watch our lives spiral downward right before our own two eyes. Life is all what we make of it. The world outside starts with the world inside( inside our minds, that is).

Some days it is so easy to remain positive. It is almost effortless. Other days, it takes a conscious effort like no other. It takes repetitive self talk, and convincing of the self just to smile and make it through the day. No matter what it takes, or how easy(or hard) it is, starting and ending the day in a positive manner will always prove to be better than falling victim to a self defeating mentality.

So what is a self defeating mentality? Rather than giving you a lame and sterile dictionary definition, I'll define it as it applies to life and to the self. A self defeating mentality is a negative or hopeless, cyclical thought process in which one only sees their glass( or the glasses of others) as being half-empty. It is a state of mind full of fears, doubts and "I cant's". It is a limitation of the human spirit, of personal achievement and a continuous decline in happiness or quality of life. It is best described as an constant internal struggle in which one defeats oneself. Pretty sad.

The biggest thing that I have learned from going through stages of life with each of these mentalities is: in the end, it's all a choice. It was my choice to think positively, and it was my choice to remain depressed. It was all a matter of how bad I wanted quality of life. At what point was I ready to be strong enough? When would enough be enough? I guess the answer is now. Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Breaking The Silence

2009-11-30T14:44:00.000-08:00

Deep inside of us lies buried trauma. We have hidden wounds and scars that are covered by smiles and successes. If one were to observe us as a passer-by, they might never know just how much pain we carry, and worse.....how long we've been holding it all inside of us. While sometimes it is better to listen than it is to speak, there always comes a time where one must break the silence.

Some of us walk through this world feeling so alone. We were repeatedly victimized, abandoned or abused during impressionable years, yet we rarely(if ever) told a soul. Now as adults, we go through the day to day motions, smiling on the outside in an effort to keep up an image of class and sanity, when on the inside, we are on the verge of a mental breakdown of volcanic proportions. Pressure can only build so long. An eruption is of the inevitable. The only question is....when?

So, how long are you going to hold it all in? How long are you going to wish your life was nothing more than a bad dream? How long are you going to look in the mirror and hate the person staring back at you? How long????? It's time to find someone to talk to. Find someone very trustworthy that you can confide in, and begin to unburden yourself one bad memory at a time. While it may hurt worse at first, there is healing in the face of forgiveness. And if you can't forgive, at least you can finally take that human size jar full of hurt, and pour it all out. It's time now. Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

The Holiday Blues

2009-11-22T14:22:00.000-08:00

It is now the middle of November, and holiday times are approaching us at a break neck pace. For some, the holidays are a time of true happiness and serious celebration. For others, this is a time of loneliness and despair. This is a time where some of us realize that we are single, without our loved ones, or at a loss of friends. This is hardly something to celebrate.

I must admit that I have "celebrated" plenty of lonely holiday times myself. While everyone else was smiling and mingling amongst friends and family, I was often alone on a couch somewhere wishing I had someone to talk to. While I often swore I would not be alone the following year.....there I was, alone, time and time again......year after year. It happens to the even the kindest of us.

Eventually after several years, I found someone. We shared many nice holiday seasons together. I finally understood what all of the celebration and joy was all about. No longer was I the lonely guy on the couch. I was a part of the conversation. I had six good years of smiles and laughter.

If you are out there wondering if you will ever find someone,don't worry, you will. I may not know you, but I can promise you that. It took me 20 years to find my first girlfriend, and when I did, I ended up with someone very beautiful. While the holiday times sure may make life seem hopeless, please know that life is any thing but that. You will eventually find what you are looking for and you will have no clue how you ended up so happy all of a sudden. So this year when you are feeling alone, make it a point to get up off of the couch and talk to someone. You just might find that it changes everything. Have a Happy Thanksgiving! Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Listening To Advice

2009-11-16T19:34:00.000-08:00

It can be really easy to be stubborn and hard headed. While sometimes those traits can work to one's advantage, other times, it can hinder one's ability to learn and grow. Those who are stubborn and hard headed seldom listen to advice besides their own. Though they may be observant and intelligent by nature, they will only go(and grow) so far if they are unable to take note of the wisdom of others.

So how do I know this? Easy....I have been stubborn and hard headed at times myself. During my teenage years(and early twenties), I used to get frustrated when I was corrected or put in my place. I failed to see these times as opportunities to learn and develop. I can't count how many times I thought my parents had no clue what they were talking about.......boy, was I wrong!

Now, it has become very easy to take advice from others. Once a person stops seeing another person's advice as a personal attack or an insult to their intelligence, life seems to take on a whole new meaning.....and so do all who surround them. So, if you are having trouble taking advice because you are just too damn stubborn or hard headed.....drop the guard already! You're missing out on loads of free knowledge(and of course some free bulls**t), and most likely even a few great relationships that could last a lifetime. Well, I could press on, but for now, you might just be too stubborn....so the buck stops here. Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

If You Don't Love Yourself......

2009-11-08T21:08:00.000-08:00

"If you don't love yourself, you will never be able to love someone else". Has anyone ever heard this saying before(or something similar)? While in some ways it can be disproven, in others, it is right on the money.

Sure there have been times(like when I was lying in bed sick for over a year, divorced), in which I did not exactly love myself, but, that doesn't necessarily mean that I did not care for anyone else around me. I still loved my family, and even the woman I used to be married to. The tragedy of it all, was the depth of love I was able to express, show, feel and give in return to all of those people who still loved me.

If you do not love yourself, you may still be capable of loving others, but not like you could be. When you have feelings of self loathing and depression, you are often unable to register the trademark feelings of warmth and tenderness that come with love. Instead, you feel the hollowness and neediness that a lonely, missing soul feels when they are continuously worried that their only true connection may be slipping away. Big difference.

To love oneself is not to be cocky, arrogant or self absorbed. It is merely to cherish one's life and greater qualities despite the little imperfections that all humans have, similar to the way that this person would love and accept another. Don't go through life hating yourself. I guarantee you have more good qualities than you even realize. Just ask a few of your friends. They'll tell you. Oh, and even if you are not inclined to find love for yourself for the sake of your own well being, please do find love for yourself so that you may love others like they deserve to be loved. Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Why Keep Running?

2009-11-05T16:06:00.000-08:00

It is no secret. These are hard times. It doesn't matter where you live or what industry you work in. Jobs are getting cut every time we pick up a newspaper, and people's attitudes are spiraling downward on a daily basis. While sometimes packing our bags and "heading west" may seem like the solution to our woes and worries, oftentimes it is quite the opposite.

It is only human to want to run from things that cause us heartache and pain. It is also only human to seek out people, places, or even things that can potentially provide us with some kind of pleasure(whether temporary or permanent). So while in search of greater pleasures or while attempting to escape certain elements of pain, we often get the notion that uprooting ourselves and relocating across the country will provide the solution(s) to all of our problems. Most of the time, this is not the case. I have moved many times in my life and lived in multiple states. It's hard to start over with no friends, an empty bank account, no sense of direction(geographically), and a realization that everything that you had once told yourself about your new current state of residence was mostly a fairy tale that was sold to you by crafty internet marketing tools and state tourism departments. Photographs and real life rarely seem the same.

So, if you're thinking that you can just pack up shop and move, and everything will be better once your U-haul is empty.......think again. Unless you're living in a place with very little potential(as is), you might be better off planting your feet, facing some temporarily uncomfortable times(like most people do), and emerging victorious. Meet enough people, try hard enough, and give things time, and eventually you will overcome the odds. Good luck and take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Trading Comfort for Freedom

2009-11-03T17:24:00.000-08:00

I think at some point in time, the good majority of us have encountered a situation in which we have wanted to trade true comfort for pure freedom. In some cases, we have dumped a significant other in an effort to explore. In other cases, we quit our stable jobs in search of happiness. Regardless of the circumstance, each decision we make sure does have its pros and its cons.

So how do we know if we're making the right decision? Sometimes it's about carefully weighing the options, while other times, it's really best to trust your gut. I have a friend right now who split up with his girlfriend over a year ago. From my understanding of things, she was great. There was nothing wrong with her. According to him, he just needed to feel that sense of freedom again. To him, the price of freedom was greater than the loss of comfort. On the flip side of things, I have several other friends who are very comfortable in their relationships and would never sacrifice that sense of comfort for the mere taste of freedom.

I guess this all boils down to wants, needs and personal decision making. In the end, we know what we want. We know how we want to live our lives, and we know what is most important to us(even if just for that period of time). So is the price of comfort greater than a taste of freedom or is being forever free worth more than just being comfortable? The real answer lies within YOU. Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Love Affairs and Liquor Bottles

2009-11-01T14:16:00.000-08:00

Well......Halloween just passed, and I had a great time. I dressed up for the first time in several years and really had a blast. I wish I could say the same for everyone else. While some were out having a great time, either alone or with their significant others, many others were arguing and letting a little whiskey cloud their better judgment.

Sometimes it really baffles me what a little alcohol can do. For some, it just makes them want to sing and dance......for others, it brings out their insecurities and inner demons. "Why are you talking to him/her? Are they better looking than me? Why don't you just sleep with them?!@# Take me home! I hate you. We're through."

We've all heard comments like this before. Maybe we've even made them. Either way, they are counterproductive and they really do ruin our relationships. Let's be honest, the alcohol is hardly the real reason..... it's merely just the catalyst. So what's the real reason(s)? Unresolved life issues. Let's say I have low self esteem and feelings of low self worth......I've had a hard time finding dates throughout my entire life due to the shyness that has resulted from these issues and then I finally find someone very attractive who loves me(but I'm not so sure as to why or what would make them stay with me over someone else). Now, put a little alcohol in me.... and on the wrong night, everything is bound to come undone. I'm likely to get jealous, make accusations, be antisocial, argue with others, feel depressed, etc. Well, you get the picture.

So what am I to do? Avoid drinking? Tell my significant other not to drink? No. Communicate more about your life.....and do it in proper context, with proper timing in a proper setting. Make your significant other aware of your feelings so that they may be attentive to them in advance. Also, this may provide you with an outlet to resolve them and to find out that there is no reason to have some of your past issues at the present time. Life is good now....and somebody loves you. Why throw it away because your mind's playing tricks on you? Be just as attentive to them and to yourself as they are to you. With proper communication and attentive behavior, you just might find that next time you go out for a night on the town, it will be filled with fun and free of stress and worry. Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Focus On The Positive

2009-10-29T16:58:00.000-07:00

This is a cruel and fast paced world that will swallow us alive if we let it(but only if we let it). While it is all too easy to get hung up on daily life stresses, worries and things that we may not be able to control, it is almost always better to focus on the positive(provided there is no neglect for any of our essential daily duties).

Let's face it. There will always be stress. There will always be worry and there will always be problems that for some reason or another are out of our control. We will then be left with two major choices: 1) focus on all that is wrong and live a life of fear, doubt, and overwhelming panic or 2) focus on the positive.......concentrate on the good things that are going on around us or things we have to look forward to in our futures.

While no one can ever promise us that life will be easy, small little changes in our ways of thinking can go a long way towards making things feel that way. As I've mentioned before: Life is 10% "what happens to us" and 90% "how we handle it". It is up to us to create our own quality of life. And really, it all starts with our frame of mind. Will we focus on all that is going wrong and stressing us out, or will we focus on the positive and all that is right? I know my answer. What's yours? Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Struggle vs. The Cheeseburger

2009-10-27T11:35:00.000-07:00

"Life is a journey......not a destination". That being said, those who stick out the hard times and keep on truckin' are almost always the ones that reap the greatest of rewards in the end. On the flip side, those who do not have the grit or the intestinal fortitude to endure such struggle usually end up beaten down by life, bitter, depressed and left deprived of all desirable remunerations.

While sometimes I'm a big fan of the saying "The best things in life are free"(hey, I like a free cheeseburger as much as the next guy!).............I'm also a firm believer in the theory that the best things in life are those that you sweat, struggle and break your back for. When something doesn't come easy and you have to earn it, we almost always tend to value it much more than anything that merely falls into our lap. I'm sure each and everyone of you know what I'm talking about.

Now should life be an endless struggle? Of course not. But should we expect it to be a series of one free cheeseburger after the next? No. That really wouldn't be so rewarding either. So if you've been living the past several months or even years of your life expecting the free burgers to keep coming your way, you are only short changing yourself and setting yourself up for a lifetime of disappointment. Rarely do continous handouts like this ever happen.....and should you be so "lucky" to have this happen, you will never experience the pride of accomplishment. You will never experience the pride that comes with earning something that you struggled with or worked hard for. That, is a certain type of satisfaction that no endless amount of free cheeseburgers can replace.

Ultimately, your life is your choice. Only you can decide how you want to proceed with your daily functions. I know that I've had my share of struggles and my share of free cheeseburgers, and when I look back......I've always learned the most and appreciated the most from my times of struggle. In retrospect, they have ultimately led to the greatest long term personal gains, fulfillments and successes. In hindsight, struggle is something I would never go back in time and change. As for the free cheeseburgers? I probably could have survived just fine without them anyway. For those of you currently going through times of struggle, there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. This will not all be in vain. Keep truckin'! Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

You Set The Tone.

2009-10-25T10:43:00.000-07:00

Attitude is everything in this world. Unfortunately, sometimes we all lose sight of this. What's worse, is when everything is going well for us, but we have that one best friend or co-worker that just seems to be a constant downer. Their lives really aren't so bad, yet they complain, they whine and they make it known to all that everyday of their lives is such a stressful "struggle". Occasionally, we lose our signature optimism and sunniness after being spoon fed their negativity and woe is me "B.S." for weeks at a time. But really, it is up to us to snap out of it. It is up to us to separate.....either mentally or physically(or both). It is up to us to set the tone.

Negativity is like a 2-ton anchor on a 5-pound sail boat. It is a recipe for disaster. The moment you attach it to the boat, it immediately starts submerging. Now let's face it, if your sail gets caught up in theirs......there's a damn good chance your taking the plunge right along with them. So....is it your destiny to be a sinking ship, lost at the bottom of a deserted ocean that no one cares about, or would you rather be the shooting star, filled with hope, that people look up to when they stare at the sky every night? I know my answer.

I have had a lot of people weigh me down in this world. And you know what? I have let them. Either I have not chosen to distance myself from them, or I have not told them to just quit complaining already......because I'm done listening. Now don't get me wrong, if someone has a real problem or really needs someone, I will ALWAYS be there. However, I have promised myself that I will no longer be there for the "habitual offenders". These are the people that have no desire to change their attitudes. They WANT to complain(even though they say that they don't) and they LIKE to complain. They are ADDICTED TO A FEELING(see previous post) and they have no desire to change. I DO. I want to change. I want to improve. I want to become a better person. I want to be around other people who want to better themselves(regardless of where they come from, where they are currently at, or who they are). I want a better quality of life.....and that all starts with our attitudes. Oh, and don't even start on the topic of money and happiness with me, I'm sick of hearing it. If you can pay your bills, you have enough....quit complaining. There are a lot of smiling faces in third world countries who have a whole lot less, and their attitudes far surpass yours......now get over it and live already. Enough said.

So whether you're an optimist, a complainer, or someone somewhere in the middle, hopefully by now you get the picture. Life is all in the attitude......and you set the tone. Please be careful of what tone you set though. It might not just be your life that you are influencing, it could be the lives of all of those who surround you......even if you seldom say so much as one word. Set the tone for the better and make your world a better place. Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Addicted To A Feeling

2009-10-23T12:45:00.000-07:00

If you ever take a moment to stop and reflect on the phases and stages of your life, you will most likely be able to accompany a strong feeling with what was going on at that point in time. While feelings can change from day to day and hour to hour, most often, there is one general feeling that resides within us for lengthy periods of time. This is the one that we choose to hold onto. This often becomes our feeling of addiction.

Some people are addicted to the rush that their own anger gives them, so they remain angry all of their lives......never stopping to realize that they are shooting themselves in the foot with their actions and their moods to significant degrees. They only respond with programed statements such as "I don't care. or "Who gives a ****!" Once you become an addict, statements like these become as second nature as waking up and reaching for your pack of cigarettes or cup of coffee. Maybe you already know this.....maybe you don't give a (insert swear word of choice here)!

Don't just think that I'm picking on all of you angry people out there today. Some of you comedians who are addicted to laughter are often masking a word of pain as well. You are hooked on the high that comedy and humorous social interaction gives you. You seek laughs at all times, whether appropriate or not.

Oh, and workaholics......to be hooked on the high of productivity can be wonderful thing can't it? That is until you get so focused and blinded by success that you lose everything else important in your life. Wake up already! Your wife is about to leave and your kids have no idea who their own dad is. Is your pencil pushing job such an adrenaline rush that you're willing to throw your family away? What's it going to feel like when your boss decides he wants an adrenaline rush of his own and he hands you a small cardboard box to put your things in? So now you have no job.......and no family. Good luck out there buddy!

So what was the purpose of this post? Was it to bash everyone for the way they are living? Was it to make myself look all-knowing or important? Was it to belittle those with life issues and addictions? No, no and no. This post was a wake up call. I have been the man in all three scenarios(minus the kids). I have had to learn to balance out strong emotions that have been both positive and negative. I have found that there is no real place for addiction in this world.....not even in our minds. We need to have balance to see things clearly and to act accordingly. Get your emotions in check and overcome your addictions before the best(or last) years of your life slip away. Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Unrealistic Expectations

2009-10-21T18:03:00.000-07:00

"I should have a big house, a BMW, two kids and a great spouse to come home to by now!" How many times have you heard statements like these? Better yet.....how many times have you made statements like these? While sometimes powerful exclamations such as the one previously mentioned will motivate us, more often it serves as a catalyst for a downward spiral in our self esteem(s) and our patterns of thought.

Before I go any further, let me clarify one major issue. Having high standards and expectations for oneself is a good thing. It is when we lose sight of OUR individual reality that expectations become unrealistic and pressures become overwhelming. "Jimmy Smith from high school was making six figures at 21 years old....so was Sally Morgan. I got better grades and had more friends than either of them. I should be making six figures by now too.....after all, I am twenty-five." Here is another example of an anonymous person placing unrealistic expectations upon themselves. Now is it unrealistic for this person for this person to make a six figure income like Jimmy and Sally? No. Absolutely not. What is unrealistic is comparing your reality to theirs and expecting to be where you want at this very moment.....especially when we are talking about people who are younger and less experienced(yes, I fall into this category too). This is a very important lesson to learn.

While we can make unrealistic expectations of ourselves, we are not always the only ones who have fallen a few footsteps short of reality. Sometimes it is other people who have unrealistic expectations of us. "I was a doctor, my father was a doctor, and his father was a doctor.......You are going to be a doctor. Understand? No more screwing up. No more wasting time on this Shakespeare nonsense......now get out of here and hit the books." Here's another example of unrealistic expectations and insurmountable pressure that is often bestowed upon many of us. People often neglect to realize that their reality may be much different than yours. Their love for modern medicine and healing the sick may not be a love of yours, just like your love for teaching Literature and changing impressionable minds, may not be a passion of theirs.

Each and everyone of us is very unique. We lead different lives and have different journeys that we go on. Why do you think that there are so many different types of career titles out there? Why do you think that we can specialize in so many different areas both in or out of school? We are all contributors to a greater global equation. That being said, it is so important for us to realize that equations are solved in steps. Each step takes time.....just like the pieces of our lives. We will figure out the equation called life as we go, and each step will start making more sense. There is always more than one way to solve an equation, just like there is more than one way to live a life, so don't be surprised if you get a job before someone else or they fall in love before you........ or everything in reverse. Your time will come. Just keep hope alive and work your tail off in a methodical way. Realistically, all you need to do is be yourself and live the best life you know how. That is good enough! Take care everyone!!!

See you next time!!!

Are You Being Challenged?

2009-10-20T22:28:00.000-07:00

Let me ask you a question. Are you living up to your true potential right now? If so, pass this article on to someone else. If not, take a seat. If you are not living up to all of YOUR own expectations, then it is time to kick things into high gear. It is time to challenge yourself. New Years may be just around the corner, but tomorrow waits for no one!

The first thing I want all of you reading this to do is to throw away all of your excuses. I don't want to hear them and neither should you. They are just standing in the way of you and your potential. How do I know? I used to make excuses and procrastinate. Not anymore. Now I take action...... and so can you.

Next, choose an area of your life that is not up to par or that is incomplete, such as your education or your woodworking skills.....then map out three goals and commit to them. Map out your 6month goal, your 1 year goal and your long term goal. Then, find out how to get yourself enrolled in a program within the week(even if the program itself does not start for 90 days). I did this with school and it was one of the best decisions of my life. I had been away from the books for 10 years and never would have stepped foot back in the classroom if this same advice had not been given to me.....or if I had failed to listen to it.

So what are you going to do? Are you going to live out your days leaving imprints of your rectum on people's couch cushions or are you going to get you butt off the love seat and do something worth your time and energy? Are you going to stare at late night infomercials wishing you had six pack abs or will you get a gym membership and learn the science behind physical training and muscular adaptation? Will you education end at age 17 or will you choose learn something new each and every year of your life? What will you do?

In the end, life is not about how many trophies you have compared to the next guy. Its not about how much money you and your spouse have in comparison to Mr and Mrs Jones. It's about self satisfaction. It's about personal fulfillment. It's about living up to your true potential. It's about challenging yourself.....and succeeding. Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Criticism

2009-10-19T13:11:00.000-07:00

Listening to criticism from others can be a double edged sword. Some words of correction or admonition lead to self improvement and greater good. Other times, such types of reproval by others can be counterproductive and abrasive.....especially when one's intentions are not to lead another individual in a better direction. Sometimes it can be hard to differentiate.

An example of constructive criticism would be telling an aspiring singer that they have a world of potential, however, if they really want to maximize their potential, they need to use more diaphragm and less throat. Now, that being said, there is no way to know if the intended party is going to take your friendly advice as constructive criticism or as an insult. It all depends on their level of emotional maturity, the size of their ego and their desire to get better.....oh, and how you choose to phrase things. This is also true in reverse. When constructive criticism is sent your way, how will you respond? Will you learn and grow from it or pout like a child?

Insults are a different story. Criticism with no desire to help another human being should often(but not always) be taken with a grain of salt. If you are being a jerk, sometimes you need a slap in the face. If that is not who you are, this type of criticism should most likely be disregarded. Oftentimes it is coming from someone who needs a wake up call of their own. They would rather point out your flaws than let you see theirs, so they will criticize you(or anyone else) any opportunity they get to do so. An example of that would be if someone told that same aspiring singer from the first paragraph that they are horrendous and might as well throw in the towel. Real singers are born with a gift. You either have it or you don't...sorry. Now this would crush some people! But if you learn to differentiate between different types of criticism, you'll soon be able to brush off comments like these from jealous or negative individuals.

I'm sure at this point in your lives, most of you already have a pretty good idea as to what is a compliment and what is an insult. But, differentiating between one type of criticism and the next often falls into a gray area that is rarely discussed. Hopefully, this helped bring some clarity to those of you who have been having some trouble with this concept, and some re-enforcement to those of you who already had a handle on the subject. In summary, if it's not meant to help, it's meant to hurt.....so take it with a grain of salt and move on with your life. Keep striving for excellence, and keep me posted with all of you success stories. Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

If It Ain't Broke........

2009-10-17T16:34:00.000-07:00

"If it ain't broke.....don't fix it" (or so they say). I happen to disagree. Someone invented a perfectly good wheel a long time ago. Today, someone is making that same invention a whole lot better. So basically what I'm saying is: If it ain't broke......try to fix it anyway.

Some of you out there might be wondering what on earth I'm getting at.....the rest of you already have a pretty good grasp. In my humble opinion, there is no reason for stagnation or complacency. We live such short little lives. Why not make an impact? Why settle for less? Why not improve the quality of life for ourselves or for others? Why do less when we can do more? Why have that epiphany one moment before our death that lets us know that we have consciously wasted our lives? Why?

Sure, we might be content with the way things operate now. We might be content with our job, our finances, our tools, our toys, or the way our vehicles function.......and that is all well and good. But, did you ever stop to think about what it would be like if people were so "content" with everything generations ago? We would have nothing! We would have no modern conveniences and luxuries. Modern medicine probably would not exist. Science would be a joke. Our wheel would look more like a triangle or a square than a circle. Our quality of life would most likely be garbage. So what are we doing? Why are we so content? Let's make our impact as well.

So please, after you get done reading this, go out and look around. Find something that you could change for the better. Maybe you won't find that particular thing today or even tomorrow....but you will find it. And guess what? You will end up making an impact on someone's life. It doesn't matter if the impact is big or small. Any increase in quality of life is still an increase. If everyone does what you and I are about to do, we will see a lot of great new inventions and improvements come to life in the near future. So, just remember: If it ain't broke.....try to fix it anyway. Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Failing To Plan.....

2009-10-16T22:13:00.000-07:00

There's a wise saying out there that I'd like to share with all of you. The saying goes: "Failing to plan.....is planning to fail." While in some cases this theory can be proven false by the ever so popular "Fly by the seat of your pants method", in most other cases(like those that really matter), this theory is usually quite accurate.

While planning can be a boring and tedious way of living or doing things, it will most likely bring about the greatest amount of success and the least amount of disappointments. Risks will become more calculated, and losses will most likely become less frequent. And while this last statement may sound like it was just referring to the corporate world or the world of finance and business, it can actually refer to many other life situations, complex personal problems or anything that involves a risk/reward scenario.

If you have been failing to plan, you have been setting yourself up. For what? You can answer that one. Have you fulfilled all of your goals? Achieved your dreams? Maximized your potential? Why or why not? Was it luck? Curse? Planning....or failure to do just that? It's time to assess things. It's time to start planning. Time to start planning for a better future. Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Explore Your Options

2009-10-13T22:42:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we set ourselves on a one-way course to sail our rocket ships straight to the moon. Oftentimes, we are faced with obstacles that force us to ground our space shuttles ever so prematurely. When reality strikes, it can be as shocking as a frying pan to the back of the head. There is no warning. It just hits, and all we hear is the CLANG!!! and the seemingly infinite ringing in our ears.

So what is one to do in a situation like this? When life hits us with a frying pan, and reality has stopped us dead in our tracks......what are we to do? Carry on? No. Lay down and die? No, we can't do that either. We need to stop, think and explore every viable option we have.....even if its not a desirable one. We need to ask ourselves the very basic question: What is going to be the necessary move for my success and for my survival? Answer that, and you'll be on your way!

When reality strikes, often we feel like we are left without options. We feel pidgeon-holed and depressed. In all actuality, this is far from the truth. We are anxiety-ridden and have not sat down and done enough methodical thinking. We have not asked enough people for input. We have not exhausted all of our resources. We have given up all too early. We have not explored our options.

This world maybe cruel sometimes, but somehow people have always found a way to survive. These people are no different than you or I. They have just been strong enough and resourceful enough to explore all of their options. They used every ounce of strength that they had and they rose to the top......just like survivors always do. Listen, if you have made it this far, chances are you will make it the rest of the way. All you have to do is try. Oh, and explore your options. Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Did I Really Just Say That???????

2009-10-10T23:41:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been so angry or emotional that you called someone a filthy name, or chewed someone out when they did not deserve it whatsoever? I have......and I'd be more than willing to bet you have too. Now, if you have any kind of conscience, I bet you wanted to retract your words or actions within minutes, if not seconds of of your disgraceful verbal outpour.

When we fly off at the mouth, we have essentially lost control of our rational selves, and are most likely running on sheer chemical and hormonal energy. We are amped up with adrenaline, filled with testosterone, blinded by emotion.......and really, just not thinking clearly. It seems that after some type of false self-righteous euphoria settles itself, we start realizing what just happened in the real world.......not just in the little fantasy we acted out. Our words just hurt someone, angered someone, got us fired, got us punched in the jaw, made someone cry, or permanently scarred someone's self-image.

After all of the damage is done, we are left in a state of shell shock. The big question that we start playing over and over in our minds is: "Did I really just say that?" And the answer is: "Yes". You really just said that. Those words are permanent. You have left an impression. Like it or not. So, we need to get a grip on ourselves. We are all emotional.....some of us more than others. However, that gives us no excuse to lose control of ourselves, and to say demeaning or vicious things to others. We need to think. We need to think before we act.....and think before we open our mouths. What we say just might be the last thing someone hears.....or the last thing that we get to say. Words were meant to be chosen wisely. Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

My Own Worst Enemy

2009-10-09T19:00:00.000-07:00

"I'm never going to make it. My life is a failure. Who would ever date someone like me?" Hold on a minute. Stop talk to yourself this way! It is self defeating and completely untrue. How do I know???? These have been my exact thoughts and my exact words (to myself) during some of the hardest and lonliest times of my life.

We are our own worst enemies. We brutalize ourselves with our words, and degrade the value of our existence with these type of thoughts. When we speak to ourselves this way, we feel absolutely horrible. Fact of the matter is, after so long.......we believe what we say to ourselves.

We need to stop being our own worst enemies, and start being our own best friends. We need to speak to ourselves positively. We need to think healthier thoughts consciously so that we can start conjuring up healthier thoughts subconsciously. After all, we eventually believe our words and our thoughts......positive or negative.

Our words are our weapons. They can be used to better things or to worsen them. It is completely up to us. Will we befriend ourselves, or will we live a life of internal struggle and conflict? We can be our own best friends or our own worst enemies. The choice is ours! Take care everyone!!!

See you next time!!!