The Daily Gnome

Gnome of the Day: The Keep Your Curtains Closed Edition

noreply@blogger.com (Trish) — Fri, 23 Sep 2011 19:48:00 +0000

Even garden gnomes can turn into creeps who hide in bushes and hope you leave your curtains cracked enough for a view of the 11pm show.

Just beware.

Gnomely yours,

Gnome of the Day: The "Raise the Roof" Edition

noreply@blogger.com (Trish) — Thu, 22 Sep 2011 14:28:00 +0000

Normally I wouldn't condone anyone raising the roof (throwing your hands in the air like you just don't care is fine though), but I'll let it slide for a gnome.

Gnomely yours,

Zombie Gnomes (Because I can't help myself)

noreply@blogger.com (Trish) — Wed, 21 Sep 2011 14:37:00 +0000

I don't know what's with the recent marriage of garden gnomes and zombies...but I like it. If flesh eating gnomes are your thing (just admit you like it in a sick kind of way) you can throw down some cash and purchase this work of art on Etsy.

Gnomely yours,

Vacation Gnome hits the Big Apple

noreply@blogger.com (Trish) — Tue, 13 Sep 2011 14:50:00 +0000

Here he is eagerly anticipating his arrival in the city that never sleeps:

And ironically, here he is taking a nap on the floor of the car:

His first stop was Wall Street where he incessantly yelled "Show me the money!" We didn't have the heart to tell him that's so 1996.

After a pretty full day of walking he stopped off for a break on the post office steps in front of Madison Square Garden.

Of course, no trip to New York would be complete without a visit to Times Square:

Darth Gumby even got in on the action:

I think they had a pretty good time.

Gnomely yours,

Vacation Gnome Says...

noreply@blogger.com (Trish) — Thu, 08 Sep 2011 10:44:00 +0000

Go back to sleep!

We wish we could Vacation Gnome....we really wish we could.

Gnomely (and sleepily) yours,

Introducing...Vacation Gnome!

noreply@blogger.com (Trish) — Thu, 08 Sep 2011 00:50:00 +0000

We're on vacation, but we couldn't resist taking at least one gnome along with us for the ride. So, we'd like to introduce...Vacation Gnome!

He's a little small, but a lot sassy. And don't be alarmed, that is a Gumby Darth Vader you see there with him. Just act like it's normal.

They both find our hotel accommodations acceptable.

We'll all be sure to check in again during our vacation. We can't wait to show you what kind of shenanigans Vacation Gnome is going to get into in NYC.

Gnomely yours,

Gnome of the Day: The "How you doin?" Edition

noreply@blogger.com (Trish) — Fri, 02 Sep 2011 20:09:00 +0000

If garden gnomes aren't supposed to be sexy, no one told this guy. All I'm saying is, he's probably lured his fair share of unsuspecting lawn ornaments into his tool shed.

Gnomely yours,

Well, that's one way to get around

noreply@blogger.com (Trish) — Thu, 01 Sep 2011 18:33:00 +0000

I used to say my spirit animal was a squirrel riding a dolphin riding a unicorn. But you know, I might have to change my mind after this. Because a tiny unicorn riding a gnome is totally more like what I'm after in a mystical spirit guide. You know what I mean?

Gnomely yours,

Gnome of the Day: The "Ready, Aim, Fire" Edition

noreply@blogger.com (Trish) — Sun, 21 Aug 2011 18:36:00 +0000

I'm no gnome snob. I love the mass-produced variety without shame, but there is something special about a gnome that is produced on a smaller scale with just a bit more attention to the detail and whimsy that are so special about them.

So, I was pretty excited to discover this guy who makes combat garden gnomes. That's right, gnomes that are ready to pop a cap in you if you look at them wrong. I'll give you a minute let all that awesomeness sink in.

You good now? Ok, I'll proceed.

They're pretty popular and being that he's just a guy making gnomes because they're awesome and he can, he doesn't always have them in stock to sell. But, keep up with his Etsy page and he'll let you know when he has more.

Gnomely yours,

Gnome of the Day: The "I'm on a cake!" Edition

noreply@blogger.com (Trish) — Sat, 20 Aug 2011 18:32:00 +0000

Obviously you all know I love gnomes, but a lesser known fact is that I love cake. I mean, I almost constantly have a sheet cake within 3 feet of me. It's a pretty fattening and expensive habit, but once cocaine didn't work out, I had to find something else.

So, when I saw this gnome cake I had to drop my fork and come tell you about it. It's wicked awesome and I want one just like it for my birthday. And every other day.

Gnomely yours,

Start your little gnome-lover right

noreply@blogger.com (Trish) — Thu, 18 Aug 2011 12:25:00 +0000

It's never too early to try and wrangle out the gnome lover buried deep inside your infant. Plus, your little bundle of joy is certain to appear at least 9 times cuter when he/she is wearing gnome gear.

It's really complicated science that I can't begin to explain, but it's real. You'll just have to trust me.

But if you don't have kids, no worries. Onesies look great on cats and small dogs too. I mean, so I've been told.

This one is a little pricey at $29.95 - but apparently it's organic and stuff. In case you care about such things. Checkout Little Lark so you can see I'm not lying about the ridiculous price or if you're made of money.

Gnomely yours,

Gnome of the Day - The "BRAINS!" Edition

noreply@blogger.com (Trish) — Wed, 17 Aug 2011 18:22:00 +0000

We have eclectic tastes here at The Daily Gnome, and one of our sick pleasures is zombie movies. Flesh hungry, intestine eating, rotting zombies! So imagine our excitement when we discovered the zombie gnome!

Yes, he's creepy. Yes, he'll probably give you nightmares. Yes, he'll probably come to life at night and kill you. But you know what? We're ok with that.

The Etsy store says he's sold, but maybe you can convince them to make another. Or a horde of them. We're sort of overdue for a gnome zombie apocalypse, don't you think?

Gnomely yours,

Mystery of the Missing Garden Gnome

noreply@blogger.com (Trish) — Thu, 21 Jul 2011 16:41:00 +0000

Now look, I love a good gnome story as much as the next person, but it has to be a good gnome story. You know what I mean? I might indiscriminately spend hours arranging gnomes on my front steps, but don't ask me to waste my time reading a poorly conceived gnome tale.

That's what "The Mystery of the Missing Garden Gnome" feels like. Even for a "junior" novel it seems amateurish. Like someone just decided one day to throw words at a page and hoped they'd stick. As if writing is as easy as figuring out if your spaghetti is done or not.

Don't read this book. Don't read it to your kids. Don't even use it as a door stop or a coaster. Well, maybe a coaster.

Gnomely yours,

Gnome of the Day - The Support Our Troops Edition

noreply@blogger.com (Trish) — Fri, 13 May 2011 16:58:00 +0000

Enough gratitude can never be expressed for what our military does for us everyday. We here at The Daily Gnome heartily support the troops and thank them for keeping us (and lawn gnomes) safe from harm.

Gnomely yours,

The Daily Gnome - Now on Facebook!

noreply@blogger.com (Trish) — Wed, 11 May 2011 17:35:00 +0000

The Daily Gnome is officially on Facebook! That means no one likes us yet, and that's sad. Have you ever seen a gnome cry? It's not pretty.

For every like we get, a gnome steps back from the proverbial ledge. You're saving little lives here, people. Let's make this happen.

Like us already!

Gnomely yours,

Gnome of the Day - The Lorenzo y Lamas Edition

noreply@blogger.com (Trish) — Wed, 11 May 2011 05:25:00 +0000

Some cheeky little devil on Etsy has hand-sculpted this gnome, Lorenzo, and his magical unicorn friend, Lamas.

I used to think the only thing appropriate for a gnome to ride around on was a turtle or a bunny or my back when we play horsey outside...but he looks pretty good atop that unicorn.

The unicorn looking pretty pleased too, now that we're talking about it.

Gnomely yours,

Gnome of the Day - The Lego Edition

noreply@blogger.com (Trish) — Tue, 10 May 2011 19:14:00 +0000

While I'm not entirely sure gnomes work as Legos, I applaud the effort. Plus, he comes with a bitchin' fishing rod instead of the been-there-dug-that shovel so many gnomes are depicted with these days.

According to A Year of Toys, you can still find the gnome Lego at Target. I think I'll ~~casually~~ frantically look through the toy aisle when I'm there next. And buy all of them. And build little Lego huts for them to live in. But don't tell anyone else. They think I spend all my free time working on a novel.

Gnomely yours,

Gnomes light up my life

noreply@blogger.com (Trish) — Tue, 10 May 2011 17:10:00 +0000

And these particular gnomes, do it quite literally. Solar-powered LED lights in their hats light up at night, casting a warm red and green glow over your front porch. Or do what I suggest and put them under the covers with you. Boom. Instant flashlight for reading trashy novels in the dark.

Gnomely yours,

Where to buy garden gnomes

noreply@blogger.com (Trish) — Mon, 09 May 2011 16:52:00 +0000

I think I've been gnome-obsessed for too long, because when someone asked where they could find a gnome to buy I almost couldn't believe they didn't know where to find one. For a moment it was unconscionable that anyone didn't know that gnomes are everywhere.

But I came back to reality and faced the fact, not everyone loves gnomes as much as I do and they might need help finding them.

Now, anyone can Google "garden gnome" and find dozens of places to buy them online. But you know, I kind of like to see the gnome up close and personal first if I can. How will I know if we have chemistry? What if we don't have anything in common?

Here's where you can find gnomes, live and in person:

Lawn & garden section of stores. You can usually find at least a gnome or two, especially during the spring months. Target, Walmart, Meijer, Kmart, Lowe's, Home Depot, etc. They've all got gnomes. I like to wait until they go on sale or clearance, because they tend to be over-priced. I think gnomes appreciate my frugal nature.
The Christmas Tree Shops. One of these stores opened in our city and they almost always have gnomes in stock at reasonable prices.
Big Lots. Depending on the time of year, it can feel like you hit the gnome mother load at Big Lots. The ones I've purchased there have always been of surprisingly good quality too. Kudos to Big Lots.
Drug stores. I've been able to find quite a few gnomes at stores like CVS and Walgreens. They tend to keep just a few in stock, so I recommend buying them when you see them because they'll probably be gone if you go back later. I've shed a few quiet tears over missed gnomertunities.
Flea markets. This can be hit or miss and you have to really keep an eye out for them, but I've found some of my most fun gnomes at flea markets. Plus, the thrill of the hunt is particularly fun.

Gnomely yours,

So just how long does a gnome stay pregnant?

noreply@blogger.com (Trish) — Sun, 08 May 2011 17:31:00 +0000

Personally, I don't care to think about gnomes reproducing. In fact, I prefer to think they have no genitalia whatsoever. Inevitably though, questions arise.

Do they leave their boots on?

Have they ever done it on the hood of my car?

How long is a normal gnome gestational period?

According to someone on ChaCha, gnomes can remain pregnant for up to 12 months. This might explain why you rarely see female gnomes hanging around. I wouldn't want to risk having to be pregnant for a year either.

Gnomely yours,

Gnome of the Day - The "Hold this and look interested" Edition

noreply@blogger.com (Trish) — Sun, 08 May 2011 04:38:00 +0000

He looks sort of like my grandpa would if I put an iPod in his hand and told him to try and look like he had any idea what the hell it was.

Plus, how's he going to play ball with that cane in his other hand? It's just impractical.

He does kind of look bad-ass with that Jacksonville Jaguars logo on his hat though. I guess we can give him that.

Want to own him? Make it happen!

Gnomely yours,

Own Gnomeo & Juliet!

noreply@blogger.com (Trish) — Sat, 07 May 2011 17:09:00 +0000

I don't go to the movies often. There's just something unappealing about paying $8 for a ticket so I can sit through a movie that's probably not even any good. But you better believe I jumped all over the chance to go see Gnomeo & Juliet. And I loved pretty much every second of it.

Now we can all own Gnomeo & Juliet and other characters from the movie! And you know, act out the movie in our backyards when we should be doing things like picking the kids up from school or grocery shopping. Those things can wait, right?

Gnomely yours,

Gnome of the Day - The Creeptastic Edition

noreply@blogger.com (Trish) — Sat, 07 May 2011 05:23:00 +0000

No one ever said all gnomes are cute. But you know, no one's ever specifically said "All gnomes are nice and would never murder you in your sleep."

There's always a bad seed somewhere. I think we've found it.

You can own this ~~demon spawn~~ garden gnome if you dare. I'd probably sleep with one eye open though. Just to be safe.

Knitted Rainbow Gnomes

noreply@blogger.com (Trish) — Fri, 06 May 2011 18:11:00 +0000

Normally heads without eyeballs give me the creeps, but I'll let it slide this time. Also, I really really need to learn how to knit. Quickly.

In the meantime, these blank-faced beauties can be purchased on Etsy. Please be prepared for sticker shock.

Gnomely yours,

Gnome of the Day - The "One Too Many" Edition

noreply@blogger.com (Trish) — Fri, 06 May 2011 04:52:00 +0000

Typically it's a topic no one talks about, but gnomes have got to be pretty cheap drunks. And I know they drink. I refuse to believe I could have possibly finished that entire bottle of vodka in two days by myself. And I know all the panties I keep finding thrown around can't possibly be mine.

And here we have a gnome who has clearly had one too many. Cross-eyed and in the middle of what I can only assume is a riveting tale of forest shenanigans, he's the perfect guy to keep on top of your bar. Just make sure you lock it before you go to bed.

If you have enough money left over after your latest trip to the liquor depot, you can own him.

Gnomely yours,