The Daily Gut

FRIDAY'S GUESTS

2009-11-06T15:52:48-05:00

So just got done doing John Gibson's show. Since our show was bumped last night, i'll be doing the roland emmerich gregalogue tonight.
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THURSDAY'S GUESTS!

2009-11-05T13:16:07-05:00

we're doing yesterday's since we didn't get to it!
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WEDNESDAY'S GREGALOGUE: ROLAND EMMERICH

2009-11-04T14:54:47-05:00

So Roland Emmerich's new movie is called "2012," but it should be titled "Dude, Where's my Balls." In the flick, the director enlists every CGI trick in the book to destroy various religious icons including the Sistine Chapel, St. Peter's Basilica and the Christ the Redeemer statue. And for those of you who worship at the altar of Obama, the White House gets nailed as well. But there was one thing missing among the carnage: an Islamic target. According to Sci Fi Wire, by way of Cinematical.com, this was no accident. In an interview, the director said he hoped to destroy the Kaaba, an Islamic holy site, but his fellow screenwriter Harald Kloser persuaded him not to. Here's what the hack had to say about crushing the Kaaba: "Well, I wanted to do that... but my co-writer Harald said I will not have a fatwa on my head because of a movie. And he was right. ... We have to all ... in the Western world ... think about this. You can actually ... let ... Christian symbols fall apart, but if you would do this with [an] Arab symbol, you would have ... a fatwa, and that sounds a little bit like what the state of this world is. So it's just something which I kind of didn't [think] was [an] important element anyway in the film, so I kind of left it out." And so, he echoeswhat I said nearly two years ago on this show: Hollywood screws with Christians because Christians don't behead people. But tweak Islam, and you could end up like director Theo van Gogh - dead on a street with a flag impaled on your chest. Roland picks the safe target because he'd rather live, and by "live," I mean "beat ourbrains to deathwith yet moreeffects-laden dreck." As myguinea pig, Captain Whiskers mightsay, "All hail the dependable cowardice of our film industry!" He might say that, if he could talk. Anyway, the difference between good and evil is pretty clear. Good people might annoy you about having prayer in schools; evil people throw acid in girls' faces if they wish to go to school. Trashing the former, while ignoring the latter - proves that Roland has the gonads of a shrimp. (Note: I haven't actually seen gonads on a shrimp, but I imagine they're really small.) And if you disagree with me, then you're probably a racist.
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WEDNESDAY'S GUESTS

2009-11-04T13:57:40-05:00

Gregalogue to come, I hope. My brain hurts.
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MONDAY'S GREGALOGUE: TENURE

2009-11-02T14:03:24-05:00

So over at Depaul University -allegedly a college - students and facultyare up in hairyarms over the denial of tenure to Melissa Bradshaw, a professor of "women's and gender studies." In case you don't know what tenure is, it's a guaranteed lifetime job. And in case you don't know what "women's and gender studies" are, join the club - neither do I. And here we have a magnificent collision of two idiotic practices: tenure, which relieves professors of trying altogether, allowing them instead to pursue ideas that would fail miserablyin a world of measurable achievement; and gender studies, a fuzzy field where earnest types angrily analyze the "phenomenon of gender."Usually while wearing underwear made from hemp. First, let's tackle gender studies. The gist: being female isa social construct, internal sex organs be damned. The relationship between men and women is not about love, but power a struggle between the powerless female against evil patriarchal man. In short, I could have just said, "moogiebloogietoogie," and it would have made more sense. Isee gender studies as the post-modern dance of educational disciplines. People only enroll in it, in the end, to teach it. In that sense,gender studies ismore like joining Amway, but without the delightful products cluttering up your garage. Because gender studies isn't something that helps you do anything else but teach gender studies, it's understandable why tenure is so vital here. What else are you going to do once people find you out? The sad thing is, the world really needs gender studies a truly literal version of it, however. Men don't get women, and women don't get men and rather than spending so much time deconstructing phallic fantasies we should be teachingthe sexeshow to respect each otherduring our daily lives. Do that, andyou don't just deserve tenure, you deservesome excellent toiletries. If you'd like me to stop by, I have some anti-aging creams and serums I'd love to show you. You'll like them so much, I bet you'll want to sell them yourself! And if you disagree with me, you're probably a racist.
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FRIDAY'S GUESTS!

2009-10-30T15:32:34-04:00

No Gregalogue tonight! But costumes instead!
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THURSDAY'S GREGALOGUE: HATE CRIME

2009-10-29T18:00:26-04:00

So President Obama signed the National Defense Authorization Act, which by some weird circumstance also includes hate crime legislation. Now, I'm no fan of hate. Hate, in all forms, is ugly, even when performed by beautiful people (that's a shout out to Stephanie Von Pratt, who turned me down for my senior prom). But here's what I don't get: if I kill someone, I'm a killer. But hate crime law says that I also broke a new law - one that hasto do with my thoughts when I committed the crime. So it's a thought crime more than a hate crime. Now, I'm not into semantics, and I can barely read, so I don't want to get too deep into this. But if I were to kill my co-host Bill Schulz, whether I hated him or not, that's a crime. But, if we find out later that he was a sequential hermaphrodite, one might say it could be a hate crime. Now compare that to black on black crime. According to the Bureau of Justice, in 2005, murder victim rates for blacks were 6 times higher than rates for whites. In that same year, offending rates for blacks were 7 times higher than rates for whites. But according to hate crime law, all that black death means less because there was no bigotry behind it. To me, murder is murder, no matter the identity. And, what of terrorists? Does the fact that they hate us make their crimes worse? Not to them - punishment is meaningless. Which is the real truth about hate, anyway. Hate crime laws won't stop hate, or crime. Fact is, focusing on the killer's outlook diminishes the victim. It's no longer Bill Schulz is dead, but "Bill Schulz, the sequential hermaphrodite, is dead." Humanity should come before identity. See, we need to see people as people, not as part of groups. We know bigotry is bad. But murder - in any form - is so substantially worse that it needs no footnote. And if you disagree with me, you're probably a racist.
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THURSDAY'S GUESTS

2009-10-29T14:04:54-04:00

Gregalogue, to come, i hope!
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WEDNESDAY'S GREGALOGUE: VJ'S BS

2009-10-28T13:46:11-04:00

So Valerie Jarrett was interviewed by CNN's delightful Campbell Brown at something called "the Women's Conference." There Jarrett rags on Fox News for distortions, which is her word for "bringing up stuff that we wish you wouldn't bring up."Now VJ could have listed some of these false statements, but instead she barked a lazy "of course they're biased" a statement you'd expect from a pierced Greenpeace volunteer, not a White House adviser. But let's focus on what she really said:-She claims America doesn't have time for such "distortions." Replace "distortions" with "debate," and you've got the real truth. The administration wanted to push health care reform like a hot knife through butter, but the public wised up and said "hold on there, pal." Jarrett also said Americans should be allowed to reach their own judgment which is odd since it was the Dems, not Fox News, who were trying to preempt the conversation. I mean, let's not also forget their take on the global warming debate: the debate is over! But you can bet when the debate does start over the climate change bill VJ will blame Fox News for preventing the debate! By starting it!You follow?Cuz I sure don't!Finally, there's VJ's description of their spat with Fox News as part of the White House's strategy to "speak truth to power." Okay, the last time I checked, in order to "speak truth to power," the dynamic has to be the little guy vs. something hugely powerful. How hilarious is it that even when they're in power, the left still wants to speak truth to power which, theoretically, is them!But if they're so desperate to speak truth to power: here are some powers they can speak truth to (besides a cable news network): Iran, North Korea, Russia, George Soros. But I suppose speaking truth to those powers takes more balls than sniping at Fox News. So much for the hyper-masculine environment of the Oval Office we've heard so much about. This isn't a White House, it's a dollhouse.And if you disagree with me, then you're probably racist
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TUESDAY'S GUESTS

2009-10-27T13:21:44-04:00

No Gregalogue today! Using the Berkeley one!
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MONDAY'S GREGALOGUE: J-SCHOOL RAPPERS

2009-10-26T15:55:14-04:00

Normally I don't like making fun of Columbia journalism students, because it's like shooting fish in a barrel, if the barrel were full of Columbia journalism students. And that would be very wrong. But when I saw this video, I couldn't resist. It's of a panel, in which students arepointing outhow predictable cover letters won't help you get a job in the post j-school world. So what would? How about a rap? And so it begins, as one student unleashes his inner Jay-Z, listingin all earnestness a lengthypromise of his many qualifications. Roll tape, roll-tapers. So, no surprise: the studentraps benignpapthat his professors and like-minded dorm-rats would applaud from railing against complacency, to never losing touch with "his humanity." But I'll repeat the part the kid really wanted them to hear: "There's no need to hear crazy, or create a false sense of parity, like Fox news and Hannity." And that's the big point: That when applying for a job, the student knows to regurgitate the shared assumptions of the elitists around him. In short,if you bash Fox News,you mightland an unpaid internship at Mother Jones. That still exists, right? Now, it wasn't a bad rhyme, but it was a bad idea emboldened by the present comfort of conformity and drivenby the need to prove to those hiringthat the applicantholds the "right beliefs." It's silly and stupid, but also sad: these beliefs are cemented even before they enter a paying newsroom. And what's the crux of these beliefs? That Fox News is evil. Which to me, is pretty cool. I like being considered evil especially when those doing the considering are sheep who can't rap. And if you disagree, then you're probably racist.
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MONDAY'S GUESTS!

2009-10-26T14:00:52-04:00

gregalogue, to come, as it were! or was. or whatever. i don't know anymore.
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FRIDAY'S GREGALOGUE: TRANSGENDER AND TERROR

2009-10-23T15:21:01-04:00

So a dude at the UN named Martin Scheinin filed a report calling for a trashing of our current counterterrorism policies. The new plan, he believes, should "abandon the 'war paradigm'" and "enshrine the principles of gender-equality and non-discrimination..." Among hisodder proposals: rethinking security checks that "focus attention on male bombers who may be dressing as females to avoid scrutiny [and] make transgender persons" - who might also be crossdressing - "susceptible to increased harassment and suspicion." Translation: checking for dudes who conceal bombsvia crossdressing hurts the feelings of men who crossdress as a lifestyle choice. Okay. I can't figure out if this is the worst story ever, or THE GREATEST STORY EVER. I mean, in termsof revealing what the UN does best, this report takes the transgendered cake: simultaneously underminingthe war on terror while making a mockery of common sense.When the UNisn't trying to minimize mass murder, this mishmash of maniacs is trying to commit it themselves. The war on terror is not a lab for social engineering. The war on terror cannot be guided by hurt feelings or the politically correct desires belonging to someonewho fried his brain on Oprah. The war on terror is meant to protect innocent individuals from terror be these innocent folks gay, straight, transgender or half man/half unicorn. If America were to take this UN report seriously, we would put everyone at risk, including the dumbasses at the UN. But it should be no surprise that the UNwould put the feelings of a cross dressing, transgendered person beforethe safety of millions of airline passengers. I would hope that the gay, lesbian and transgendered community would find this equally as ludicrous - and thatsuch thinkingrisks the lives of everyone,including their own. But if they don't, I don't care. I'll still be wearing my floral caftan in first class. It has embroidered sunflowers. And if you disagree with me, then you're probably a racist.
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FRIDAY'S GUESTS

2009-10-23T13:29:12-04:00

gregalogue, or something like a gregalogue, to come!
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LIBERALISM = HERPES

2009-10-22T16:17:56-04:00

Liberalism is like herpes.Everyone says "I'm not a liberal," right before they spout the liberal line.It's like a person with herpes. "I don't have herpes." Then they give you herpes.Then the herpes goes away, and over time people forget how bad it is (see Carter).When it returns, then everyone goes, "Christ, this sucks!" (see Obama)Liberalism, like herpes, is incurable, and can only be suppressed. But sadly, it must be allowed to reappear just to remind everyone how absolutely awful it can be. Common sense is the Valtrex!
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THURSDAY'S GUESTS!

2009-10-22T14:35:51-04:00

i'll be doing the gregalogue from yesterday. Awesome beer chugging contest yesterday, in case you missed it. Bill won. Norm lost. Kind of amazing
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WEDNESDAY'S GREGALOGUE: REBELS, ECCENTRICS AND BERKELEY

2009-10-21T13:53:31-04:00

So last Saturday I spoke at UC Berkeley, my alma mater. The city itself is as delightful as ever a mix of fall leaves, bright sun and tramp feces. And with that combination of serene elements, I can't think of a better starting point for my Gregalogue. See, when I arrived at Berkeley as a freshman some25 years ago, the city not only helped to transform my political self, but reinforced a cynicism already brewing inside me concerning the meaning of true rebellion. I was a punk in high school, for sure, and embraced generic left wing dogma for it impressed teachers and even won extra credit in various classes. As a teenager, it also gave me what I craved: attention, some relevance, and a chance to get lucky with hippie chicks. That last desire was never achieved because I had attended an all boy high school. But no matter, I practiced on the drama students. But when I got to Berkeley, I saw what true subversion was - and it wasn't the "subversives" at Berkeley. See, the idea of rebellion means nothing when it's turned into a personal identity. Dying your hair pink, dipping yourself in tattoo ink and getting ten nipple rings these acts become not markers of rebellion, but markers of conformity. In Berkeley - the real sheep pretended to be rebels, and those who looked like sheep - were the real bad-asses. The engineering major with back acne was far more rebellious than the coffee house commie in her Crass t-shirt. Berkeley embraced "subversives," and they were often called "eccentrics," which is a nice way of saying they smelled awful. Berkeley celebrated "craziness," even if it was authentic mental illness and I am fairly certain a great many of the folks they lauded for their nonconformist behavior would die alone, by their own hands, with no one there to tell them how cool their suffering was. And so in 1983, I realized that a true rebel blends in, embraces discipline, hard work, and clean pants. I joined a fraternity. I cut off my long crazy mop of hair. I started tanning I am not sure why, but it seemed the opposite of heroin chic. I also took up the banjo, just to keep it real. If you're starting college now, I suggest you do the same. And if you disagree with me, then you're probably a racist.
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WEDNESDAY'S GUESTS!

2009-10-21T13:25:40-04:00

GREGALOGUE TO COME!
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WEDNESDAY'S GREGALOGUE: CNN PERPLEXED BY TALK RADIO

2009-10-20T14:45:34-04:00

So, fresh from their previousidiocy analyzing Saturday Night Live, CNN has now turned their goofy gaze toward talk radio, in a series of segments designed to examine the psychology behind a phenomenon that gives them fits. In short, they just can't figure out why conservatives rule talk radio, and why the left is left out in the cold. Now, only CNN could do this with a straight face.According to the network, some say talk radio is "viciously partisan," without of course defining "some," as "people who work at CNN." And so the segment began, with CNNusing a shrink to examine the typical listener, as though he belonged toa rare breed of lizard that dines onlyon feces. Check it out, check-it-outers. (Roll tape of shrink) So the shrink, probably a devoted NPR fan - dismisses Rush's popularity as the product of a bullying mentality that the typical conservative finds safety and security under Rush's protection in an otherwise friendless universe. The solution? You could smell it coming: More access to liberal talk radio. According tothe nutsoradio host Randi Rhodes (who claims she's not a liberal!), that's what's missing. Apparently, the left is banned from talk radio! I'm sorry, but I don't see a sign at the clubhouse, saying "no liberal hosts." The only sign is from the public, who hates them. It's called supply and demand. The demand is for a conservative viewpoint and it's currently being supplied. What happens when you supply a product for which there is no demand? You get Air America. Some might call that a noble experiment, but it was neither noble, or experimental. Instead it functioned like a jar of leftwing preserves a time capsule ofcorrupt liberal thinking, circa 1977. And, of course, for NPR to succeed, it needs government assistance. For liberal ideas to survive,you need welfare. So, in short, CNN is right: talk radio is about access. But they've got it backwards. The reason why talk radio is conservative isn't because radio limits accessfor the left. It's conservative, because the rest of the media limits access from the right. Other than Fox News, talk radio is the only place you can hear another point of view. It's a shameCNN can't be happy with that. But like a whiny child who needs all the stuffed animals in the toy store, it won't rest until there's no opposition. It wants the Fairness Doctrine, when what it really needs is a spanking. And if you disagree with me, then you're probably a racist.
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TUESDAY'S GUESTS

2009-10-20T13:24:19-04:00

Gregalogue to come, as soon as i figure out what the crap I'm going to write about. I'm jetlagged and empty-headed.
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