The Daily Headlines

No more posts

2007-11-30T22:53:00.000-08:00

I'm officially shutting down the blog. Nobody reads it.

That makes me a sad Panda

2007-11-26T20:28:00.000-08:00

They could have named him Dirka Dirka Jihad bear.

I definitely would not buy that for $1

2007-11-25T20:38:00.000-08:00

That bridge is a lawsuit waiting to happen.

Bah

2007-11-24T23:09:00.001-08:00

Another boring uninspired day.

2007-11-24T01:49:00.000-08:00

It's 2007, all we have are suicide bombers, crappy toys, and sinking ships. Where are all the moon bases, genetically enhanced super-people and hover-cars. WTF.

Best headline in weeks

2007-11-21T17:40:00.000-08:00

FOX: Pure unadulterated crap.

Bruised by Broccoli

2007-11-20T23:36:00.001-08:00

Crushed by Cauliflower.

The world is a weird place.

2007-11-19T22:56:00.001-08:00

America, home of taking a bad situation and making it worse.

Its self defense, stop protesting.

2007-11-18T23:25:00.000-08:00

In most of these situations the cop only has seconds or even split-seconds to make a decision. It doesn't matter if someone nearby tells them that the person they're confronting isn't armed. If you're holding onto something and threaten an officer and then don't put whatever it is you have down, you're going to get shot. Its not racist, its not unfair.

SIMPSONS DID IT SIMPSONS DID IT!

2007-11-17T20:57:00.000-08:00

Kids today have absolutely no hope of being normal.

Hot sweet alien love

2007-11-16T20:22:00.000-08:00

So with alien sex... do you pretty much just find a hole and go to town on it? Oh yeah... something about a storm... killed hundreds... you know the usual. ALIEN SEX. Why doesn't fox just run this:

Good lord

2007-11-15T23:24:00.000-08:00

Fox doesn't want to cover the earthquake... or the storm... or Bush?

Why did Britney have to go from:
$10,000 a night at the Ritz

to:

$15 behind an Arby's dumpster.

Christopher Walken, eat your heart out.

2007-11-14T22:07:00.000-08:00

Please god let the prescription be cow bell.

Nobody gies a crap -Nov 13

2007-11-14T22:05:00.001-08:00

Newsflash, nobody gives a crap where a dead 17 year old kid is. Yes dead. He's probably in a ditch somewhere with a heroin needle in his arm.

Sick: updates tomorrow.

2007-11-13T21:43:00.001-08:00

The rural states... AKA Flyover Country

2007-11-12T23:28:00.001-08:00

Ahhh the rural states... killing homosexuals and forcing teenage marriage since 1807.
Many people don't know, but in the future, America is a very different place. 4 separate countries in fact. I give you... FUTURE AMERICA!!!

Woops...

2007-11-11T22:24:00.001-08:00

How do you explain a f*ck-up so big you flood San Francisco with crap?

Hopefully that Bush lands on a dick

2007-11-10T23:19:00.000-08:00

I LIKE TO FUCK THINGS AND I SPIT WHEN IM EXCITED!!!!!!!

Must come down

2007-11-09T22:37:00.000-08:00

Fox stoops to a new low in hard-hitting news. What else can you say.

Which one is fake? Fox or the kung-fu dogfight?
I'm serious... if anyone knows the origin of karate cat, please post it in the comments section.

That's what she said.

2007-11-08T23:02:00.001-08:00

Wait... stop... wait... kids drink at college? No F&@#!(% WAY! GET OUT OF HERE! I'm going online right now to poke the girl that can fit two beer bottles in her mouth at the same time... giggity.
Two bottles at the same time... Fuckin' A.

Redneckistani celebration

2007-11-07T22:02:00.000-08:00

Rednecks everywhere seen dropping Chinese toys into their date's drink. In real news...WTF is up with Georgia. For our Southern readers, the news is referring to this Georgia:
NOT this Georgia:

VOTE OR DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-11-06T22:29:00.000-08:00

Ahh the baby jesus. Who wouldn't vote for him? Lets do a side by side comparison to our current commander-in-chief:
As a sidenote... both are endorsed by Ted Haggard.

Hey Ted... that lei... its kinda...Gay?

Look at those big sexy brains

2007-11-05T21:14:00.001-08:00

Gisele just got way hotter because she understands international currency valuation and knows she would just be selling herself short to be paid in dollars. God... what big sexy brains... she has some assets. Here is my take:

Lets wrap up with some gratuitous pictures of Gisele.

Giggity.Giggitier.

Giggitiest. I hope she rides that horse to the bank and cashes her check for a big fistful of European monopoly money.
Yeah... thats the stuff. At this point monopoly money probably trades higher than the U.S. Dollar.

Is it really a global mystery?

2007-11-04T13:29:00.001-08:00

Lets be honest. Is the whole world really looking for a dead blond girl that looks like the bride of chucky? I'm guessing no.

Just going to venture a guess that the following things are more important than a dead child:
1) The crisis in Pakistan.
2) The Iraq war.
3) The war in Afghanistan.
4) Hugo Chavez turning Venezuela into a dictatorship.
5) The massive humanitarian crisis unfolding in Zimbabwe.
6) The ongoing conflict between Palestine and Israel.
7) The ongoing conflict between Israel and Syria.
8) North Korean nuclear weapons.
9) The consolidation of power by Vladimir Putin. (or pooty-poot if you're Bush)
10) 44 million Americans without health insurance in addition to the many millions more with ineffective health insurance.

You get the idea... just about anything is more important than a dead blond child.

CAR CRASH!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-11-03T22:13:00.000-07:00

Pakistan What? Check out the international herald tribune... those are some funky astronauts. Here is a car crash from my hometown.