The Daily Husband

Having your back

2013-05-05T15:39:00.001-04:00

One on the most important characteristics of a good spouse is loyalty. I have done my best in the 32 years my wife and I have been together to be faithful and loyal above all else. I'm happy to report my wife has done the same.

Throughout our time together my wife has had several operations, two types of cancer (one very serious requiring a long treatment) and I have been there for her.

Recently she had the opportunity to reciprocate and she did it with an awesome attitude and a gentle hand. I ended up in the hospital for open heart surgery and it literally kicked my butt. When I woke up I was in a great deal of pain and completely helpless. Vicki spent the first week with me in the hospital and saw me through the Cardiac ICU and the Cardiac recovery unit. Next she took another week off from work to stay home with me and help me adjust to my limited abilities while in recovery. She took care of me like I was a baby and it really helped. I was able to go the next week on my own and after just 5 weeks I went back to work.

Now, after two weeks back at work I'm still learning about my limitations till I'm fully recovered, but feel my care in the Hospital and while at home gave me a sound foundation for a full and speedy recovery. This is something I could not have done without my wife's support, care and love.

It's a wonderful thing to know someone has your back no matter how seriously you are ill or hurt. I am constantly amazed by how our relationship just keeps on getting stronger as we face these trials and hardships together. I guess that's the real test of a marriage; does it get better or fall apart when the going gets tough?

I fell so blessed that in our case it just keeps getting better.

I hope the same for you.

RT

Merry Christmas

2011-12-24T16:49:00.006-05:00

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house

Not a creature was stirring except me and my spouse

Putting on our best for a Christmas Eve drive

to Worship and listen to carols sung live

by our friends and neighbors from here in Sun Lakes

and Thank God for blessing us with whatever it takes

To survive and flourish in these trying times

And even give thanks in a Christmas Eve Rhyme.

Merry Christmas to all and Hopes for a Happy New Year!

RT

Thanks

2011-11-25T01:47:00.005-05:00

Just a short post to give thanks for Vicki still being with me this year. Last year she was being treated for cancer. The new year has seen her test Cancer free.

It really doesn't get any better than that!

RT

Our 24th Anniversary

2010-12-19T15:13:00.006-05:00

We celebrated our 24th Wedding Anniversary yesterday though the actual date is today. We were given tickets to a great Christmas play at a local church that we saw in the afternoon with Vicki's cousin who was celebrating her birthday on Saturday. After the play we took Vicki's cousin home, went by the bank to pull some cash and headed to dinner. Vicki wanted surf and turf so we stopped in at a local Red Lobster and stuffed ourselves with steak, lobster, shrimp, crab stuffed mushrooms and various other goodies including two kinds of potatoes, rice, salad and refreshments. It was a great meal.

Thoroughly stuffed and bloated we headed up the 101 to Casino Arizona and joined about a bazillion people who had the same idea. After driving around to find a parking place we flagged down one of the shuttle drivers for a ride (since our parking spot was about as far away from the Casino as you could get and stay on the property) and made our way into the Casino.

On several different occasions we witnessed other customers beat us to machines, literally elbowing and pushing to get there first. Vicki is not in shape to contend though on one occasion I got the distinct impression she would have belted a pushy broad were it not for her weakened state due to the chemo.

It mattered not however as we managed to find a couple of machines that were fun to play and actually paid more than they took. In the end we played one last machine that ended up more than doubling our bankroll of $100 and we made our exit post haste.

Vic's cousin was having a birthday bash at a local bar so we made an appearance there, chatted with friends and relatives and were home by 11:30 or so. This was a big day out for Vicki and I was worried she would get overtired, but she seemed to do OK.

So a good time was had by all and we look forward to the next 24 or whatever portion of that the good lord will provide. I hope that you and your spouse can have as enjoyable a celebration on your anniversary as we had on ours.

Best to all,

RT

"Her Cancer"

2010-12-05T15:51:00.002-05:00

In spite of all the good intentions and loving care a husband can provide, your wife's disease is still hers and hers alone. Sure the whole family is affected and the support group is deeply involved, but in the end it's your wife who undergoes the radiation and chemo. It's also your wife who deals with the building weariness and side effects of long term treatment.

So I've learned during my wife's time with cancer that just being there as a shoulder to cry on can be the most important role a husband plays. It seems simple, but if you're like most husbands you want to fix things. Because you want to fix things the temptation is there to offer advise and assistance when all she really needs comfort.

This for me has been the hardest thing to do, just be there for her to cry on. Sometimes it breaks my heart and sometimes I rage inside at a disease and treatment regimen that so depletes the patients immune system. Yet I know that she is getting the best treatment possible.

It's true that in some sense the whole family suffers from cancer, but the ownership of this diabolical opponent remains with the patient. It's up to the supporting cast to play their roles and assist the star in achieving her best performance. In this case success is survival.

I am thankful that with our 24th Anniversary coming up and with a total of 30 years together as couple gone by that I feel closer to my spouse than any time in our relationship. It sucks that it has to be under these circumstances, but you don't get to chose those.

Some marriages fall apart in tough times, some roll along about the same and some get better. It feels like ours has gotten better. Weird huh?

My hope is that your marriage will get stronger and better this Christmas too.

RT

Cancer Husband

2010-10-03T14:41:00.010-04:00

I found myself staring out at the eastern horizon as I sat on my patio Friday night. I was lost in "no thought". What I mean by this is that just for a minute or perhaps a small portion of a minute I forgot my wife had cancer. I forgot she was due to be fitted for a mask this coming week that would hold her head in position while some stranger bombarded her skull with lethal radiation.

I forgot that she'd be going into St. Joes to have a port installed in her upper chest so they could more conveniently infuse her with a mix of toxins to kill the cancer in her body. For just a fleeting moment I stared out at the cloudless evening sky, drank my seven and seven and smoked my cigar with nary a thought in my brain. Then it all came back.

I am, like most men I believe, a person who wants to control and take charge. I like to plan, look at all the alternatives and then take appropriate action. In this thing we're in now I've lost control

Cancer is the enemy and we're in a life and death struggle for our lives, both of our lives, not just my wife's life. I can't imagine any future without her. So of course I want to fight this thing from a position of power and knowledge. Instead I feel powerless. There is little I can do medically to effect the outcome of this fight. I am forced to rely on the skill and knowledge of others. This is a very hard thing for me to do.

Still, I will learn to do it. There will be other people in my family who will help. These people love Vicki and will be there for her as well. Somehow, some way I'll let go enough to let others lend their support.

As I lay in bed last night I did an exercise in my brain. I put myself in Vicki's place. I thought about what I would want if I were facing what she's facing. Maybe if I keep doing that I will be able to offer the love and support she deserves.

My neighbor lost his wife to brain cancer in 2007. I asked him during a conversation the other night if he had ever wished it was he that had the cancer, he that would be going through chemo and radiation. Because that's just what I wish. I would take all the procedures and them some if it would save my wife from them. But I can't.

So in this time of our greatest danger and need I will take a back seat and do my level best to learn how to support. Learn how to be truly empathetic and how to be just "be there" when she needs me.

Wish me luck,

RT

The "C: Word Part 2

2010-09-19T15:57:00.005-04:00

Well, it's been two weeks since my wife's surgery. She's healing just fine and feeling much better. We had a follow-up visit with her surgeon and got the pathology report on the cancer. It is neuroendocrine carcinoma, not a very pleasant type of the disease. We were referred to a doctor who is part of a skull based tumor team based in Barrow's Neurological Institute at St. Joseph's Hospital here in Phoenix. The good news is that he's on our insurance and we met with him this week. Now we await a time to have an MRI and PET scan at St. Joes.

After that we meet with the radiologist to learn the stage of the disease. From what we've been told the tumor board will then meet to discuss Vicki's case and recommend a treatment plan. The oncologist has already indicated it will most likely be both chemo and radiation with a chance of more surgery as well.

The oncologist was very upbeat and energetic about getting Vicki in the program and started on treatment. We both feel blessed that a team of doctors is available here to treat Vicki. Now we are all about getting on with the tests and treatments.

Oh, and as luck or fate or whatever would have it, Vicki got a call from a local non-profit she had applied to and will have a second interview this coming week. All this in spite of the fact she told them at their initial call that she had been diagnosed with cancer. Amazing!?

My role as husband here seems defined by my wife's needs and my need to stay employed and insured. So far things have seemed to work out in our favor and I pray they will continue that way.

RT

The "C" Word

2010-09-01T17:40:00.009-04:00

My wife had her surgery yesterday. The removal of the large tumor in her sinus cavity was successful, but the tumor was malignant. Now we wait to find out exactly what kind of cancer it is and how we go about fighting it.

I spent time these last couple of days researching paranasal cancers. There is a good deal of information from sites like NIH (national institutes of health) that inform the laymen what the sinuses are, where they are and what kinds of cancer happen there.

This particular type of cancer is rare. It is especially rare in women. As always my wife (the most beautiful and unique woman ever to come in to my life) has found yet another way to express her singularity.

We have a followup appointment with the surgeon this Friday. We may or may not know the results of the stained tissue samples at that time.

Vicki is doing well following the surgery; at least now she can breath through her nose again.

I am supposed to return to work tomorrow. My heart is not in it yet now more than ever i need a job and the insurance that comes with it.

At some point I will most likely get good and drunk and cry. But not now and not where Vicki can see me.

For now I still hold out the foolish hope that the tests will come back with the most easily cured type or better yet they'll find the initial biopsy flawed and tell us the tumor was benign after all.

Please say a prayer for Vicki....and for me.

RT

Father's Day 2010

2010-06-20T21:40:00.006-04:00

Well, this week started off with depressing news for me on the medical front. The blood tests I took came back and my doctor informed me that I am type 2 diabetic with high cholesterol. I am now on medication for the cholesterol and my diet has changed dramatically. Still, it could be worse, at least I'm able to take steps now to get the diabetes under control without the need of insulin therapy and if I can eat properly and exercise my condition should improve.

The weekend was spent chilling out and enjoying sports on the tube. The world cup, though annoying due to the lame horns, did provide some entertainment. In addition the U S Open golf championship brought some excitement as well as some disappointments.

A couple of my kids called today. My oldest son who resides in Atlanta and my middle daughter who lives in Enid, Oklahoma lifted my spirits with news of their lives.

So overall this was a good Father's Day.

I hope yours was good as well.

RT

Bringing home the Bacon

2010-04-03T14:11:00.002-04:00

So, I guess you heard I got a job. Well, if you haven't heard, then let me tell ya now that I did indeed find gainful employment. So far it seems like a pretty good job, with a great company and pretty good benefits. I will admit that it feels very good to be back in the workforce and even better to once again provide for my family.

We'd been doing OK on the funds from the sale of our last home, but that was destined to run out at some point. Now, we're able to actually think about the possibility of both of us working and becoming prosperous again. (though to a lesser degree than in the old economy)

And that brings me to the really good news we got this week. Vicki will be going in to interview for a job on this coming Tuesday.

If there were any justice in our economy or the slightest bit of fairness, she would have been employed months before I found work. But we all know that isn't the case in our country, perhaps not in any country, that the best qualified and hardest workers always get the best jobs first. So, a semi-slacker like myself gets a good gig and my hard working and vastly qualified spouse sits at home.

Such is the plight of the working class today. Your fate rests on the spin of the wheel, the quirks, age and attitude of the interviewer and in my wife's case perhaps the gender as well. She has sensed the reluctance of young female interviewers to pass her along to the next step. We think it's the intimidation factor of her age, experience and qualifications. A case where the better qualified she is for the position the better chance she has of not getting it.

It would be funny were it not so frustrating and unfair for Vicki.

Wish her luck this next week, will ya?

RT

A short post on spam comments and spam creators

2010-03-27T17:04:00.003-04:00

A while ago I discovered that some people were posting spam comments on this blog.

To alleviate this problem I instituted moderation on the blog comments. Now each time I write a new post I check for them and delete the nefarious spam.

To those individuals who thought they could use this blog to propagate and advertise their spam bullshit, I have just one comment. Bite Me!

On an entirely different topic, my wife had a good time at the Renaissance Fair this year, though not as good as in the past. The idea of a girl's day somehow eluded some of the family participants and it just didn't turn out to be the quality female bonding experience it had been in the past. Knowing my wife and daughters I'm sure they'll find another event and time to replace it. They are a loving and tightly knit group, so they'll figure it out.

Vicki and I are headed to the Chandler Jazz festival tonight. The stately San Marcos Hotel is a great place to kick back and listen to live music while eating the Hotel's awesome Quesadillas.

Take your wife someplace nice this weekend and tell her you love her.

RT

Away from the Blog for far too long

2010-03-14T15:11:00.022-04:00

I apologize for the long interval since my last post. Things had been sticky with job hunting and family and you know, life. On the bright side, I finally got a good job with a good company. On the dark side, my wife would have preferred to be the one going back to work. She is feeling down about not getting hired. I am doing my best to remind her what a great worker she is and how valuable an employee she will be be when she does get hired, but in the meantime she's disappointed with her situation.

She has been so supportive of my needs during the first week of my employment that I bragged a little to my coworkers. I am grateful for her support and care. When you've been out of work for a while it takes a bit to get back into the schedule and flow.

We celebrated my first week of work this Friday with some dancing and a visit to one of the local Casinos. We listened to a great band and actually managed to leave with not only our money, but a couple of bucks of the Casino's as well. The night turned into the wee hours keeping us there till early morning though and it's taken the whole weekend to recuperate from the adventure.

Things are going fairly well with the rest of the family. Vicki is planning the girl's yearly outing to the Renaissance Festival for next weekend and it looks like they'll have quite a group again this year. I look forward to seeing more pictures from their outing. Last year it was a great set of pics with the Tortuga Twins.

One of the great pleasures of Husbandhood is being able to take joy in your spouse's independent activities and achievements. I know this annual girl's outing is a fantastic way for the women of the family to bond and enjoy themselves absent the filters needed when in the company of the male family members. This event and others like it allow my wife to stay close to our daughters, her mother and her sisters. While men can't replicate the closeness and essence of feminine relationships, we can at least take comfort that our wives have them. Women without those bonds tend to be psychotic and strange.

Take it from me. The last thing you want in your life is that.

Hang in there my fellow husbands.

RT

Meeting our first blog friend

2009-06-10T17:18:00.010-04:00

I received an e-mail a couple of weeks ago from an excellent writer and my blog friend Lisa Wines. She authors "Politics after 50" and "OMyWord", two great blogs that she pens from her apartment on the right bank of the Seine River in Paris.

She was coming back to America, Phoenix in fact, and wanted to know if I would like to get together. My answer was: Abso - fricking - lutely! I have lived my life vicariously through her exploits in Paris and we both have enjoyed the other's take on politics and life on our blogs. I was anxious to meet my first blog friend face to face.

Vicki and I met her at our local Starbucks and I spent the entire time grilling the poor woman about life in Paris, customs, language, culture, business, hobbies, sports and fifty thousand other questions about life in an exciting foreign country's capitol. I even managed to learn two, count em, two, French words. The first is "arondissment" which is means district or something to that effect. Each section of Paris is numbered and the sections resemble the parts of a spiral sea shell. It is pronounced "A- Ron- Dis-Mon".

The second word was "Boulangerie." This is a bread shop. Each district has several, and each day after work Parisians line up to get there bread before going home for the evening meal. This one is pronounced Boo - lingerie. Like in what they sell at Victoria's secret

Anyway... So much time was spent in getting to know each other that before we knew it, it was close to dinner time. Lisa followed us back to our place just a few blocks from the Starbucks. We had intended to grill, but after discussing it with our guest, we settled on Chinese takeout. Lisa explained that Chinese was just too different in Paris. As luck would have it, we have an excellent Chinese food establishment close by.

After gorging ourselves on egg rolls, pot stickers, chicken - both orange and cashew, we moved out to the patio. There we continued the conversation, smoked (Lisa a few cigarettes and me a good cigar), imbibed a few adult beverages and exchanged political views, thoughts and impressions. Of course I asked more questions about life in Paris. Both Vicki and I were fascinated by the lifestyle experienced by Lisa.

Sometime during the evening I dug out my guitar and learned that Lisa has a great Blues voice. It's hard to not like a chick that knows the blues.

So... my first experience meeting a blog friend turned out to be pretty cool.

Hopefully we'll get to see her one more time before she heads back to Paris. I'd like to hear her sing a couple more blues songs while I lay down a jam. Also, there's still some whiskey left at my house and we should probably work on that too.

Life is a funny, beautiful and wondrous thing; so is meeting your first blog friend in person.

The Daily Husband

Happy Birthday Vicki

2009-04-28T00:01:00.002-04:00

I won't be talking about how old she is today, cause that's just plain stupid. I mean stupid beyond even most husbands stupid. So we'll just leave it at that.

It took me a long time to understand how important the role of a husband is to a marriage and to the husband himself. If you are making the effort day in and day out to be a good mate it makes all the difference in the world. Sure, you're going to mess up. That's natural, we're guys and we're wired that way. The point is: are you doing your level best on a consistent basis to be a good partner or maybe even a great partner?

If you can answer the above question in the affirmative, then you are most likely happily married.

So on the day of my wife's birthday I want to congratulate the millions of husbands out there that feel as I do. That life isn't complete without the companionship and love of your spouse. That living together with one person for years on end is actually fun. (If you like the person) And that having a good wife and a good marriage completes you.

Each year I spend whatever time it takes to find a card that says what I'm feeling. This year I found one that was succinct and to the point.

It simply said: "I love you like everything, because you are."

Happy Birthday Baby

The Daily Husband

Knowing When You're Blessed

2009-04-23T00:01:00.005-04:00

I have refrained from discussing this year's birthday on my blogs, but I am 60 years old today. It doesn't seem like it's been sixty years since my birth. So much for my time sense, huh?

Vicki and I have planned a short trip up into the mountains for our birthdays, since hers is 5 days later than mine. For 5 days every year I hear about how I'm three whole years older than her. I never tire of the taunts and ribs. The trip was to be our presents to ourselves and nothing else was planned; or so I thought.

We spent this last weekend just chilling. Nothing special going on and looking forward to a really lazy weekend.

In the middle of Sunday morning Vicki announced she needed to go to the store later that day and run some errands. What I didn't know was that she had been scheming and planning for over two weeks to surprise me.

A couple of hours after she left there was a knock on our front door and there stood a bunch of our grandkids. I invited them in and then the rest of the crowd showed up. We have 5 kids and 13 grandkids so we hardly ever see them all together cause they are spread out throughout the country. The group that came on Sunday was comprised of the local ones along with Vicki's parents and some friends of my oldest daughter.

It was a great surprise and warmed my heart in that:

a) My wife had thought to do this and planned it all
b) My kids and grandkids had taken time out of their weekend to come see me
c) They all understood how this was the absolute best gift a guy turning 60 could get

We had a great time, I hung out with some of the grandkids and we terrorized our Adult neighborhood a bit. The group was convivial and teased me greatly about my advanced age. I received a pin to wear that lights up and an old geezer's hat. I immediately donned the aforementioned chapeau and wore it in the fashion of Art Carney's character "Norton" in the Honeymooners. Don't worry if you're too young to remember this famous show starring Jackie Gleason; you're young baby, enjoy it.

For those mature enough to understand the reference you should be able to picture me as the height of fashion and studliness in the hat.

Here's a portion of the group that showed up. This is as many as I could get to sit still for a picture. The others not seen were adults, most specifically my wife (who told me when I asked her to sit for the picture, "You see me every day."

I feel truly blessed to have family and friends who'll come celebrate my continued aging with me on a warm Sunday afternoon in Phoenix. Thanks everyone for coming.

Here's their picture....

I might be 60 today, but at least I know I'm blessed.

The Daily Husband

Second Fiddle

2009-04-01T16:25:00.005-04:00

The are many names for it. Playing second fiddle, taking a backseat, and being supportive are just a few. What these all have in common is that they are the backbone to a good marriage. Listen up husbands, this could help you.

No matter what you do for a living, from Astronaut to Zoologist, you are always a husband first in your wife's mind. And in order to be a really first class husband, you have to understand the importance of being second.

Women in general and your wife specifically are much more important to your family and the world than you are. Name one man who can give birth. Can't can you? (and please don't use that lameass chick that had an operation and then got pregnant) But I bet you can name a woman who just had 8 children, huh?

So, on the biological level alone, your wife is wwwwaaaaaayyyyy more important than you are. Sure you had to be there for conception, but after that, not so much. Think about how many millions upon millions of our kids are currently growing up in single parent households. I don't believe it's as good as having two parents for them, but they are doing it.

Anyway......not to get too deep in this, cause it's really a simple premise.

A good husband knows when to take a backseat to his wife. Knows when to be the Jesse James to his Sandra Bullock, the Prince Phillip to his Queen Elizabeth and the Stedman to his Oprah. It really is all about them. Get used to it. Embrace it and enjoy it.

Women make the world go round guys. Think how much stupid stuff you did to impress girls.

So now, when you're married, why not do the smart thing to impress the most important girl in your life? Give in to the truth and let her know how much she means to you. Want an easy way to show that feeling? Make sure you're always playing backup to the lead singer in your relationship. And make sure she knows it.

It ain't all that hard and it makes a marriage fun. Like the commercial says: Just Do It!

The Daily Husband

Sorry.......but,

2009-03-29T15:02:00.006-04:00

I have been a lazy blogger here at the Daily Husband. I apologize. It's more like the bi-weekly husband or the monthly husband now, isn't it?

Never the less.....Things husbandwise have been good around the old Daily Husband household for so long that I've made the rookie mistake of taking it for granted. One would think this was my first rodeo or something. Not the case at all. Just lazy, hung up on getting some of my money back from the stock market and enjoying the fantastic spring weather here in Arizona.

When your wife spoils you the way I am spoiled life is a thing of beauty.

Along with husbandhood comes fatherhood. It has had some really great rewards. Today we received an email from our oldest daughter that made us cry and smile. (not at the same time)

The title of the e-mail is Enough. In this time of financial crisis and money worries, it's a good time to consider what enough really means. I think the following explains it well.

ENOUGH:

RECENTLY, I OVERHEARD A MOTHER AND DAUGHTER IN
THEIR LAST MOMENTS TOGETHER AT THE AIRPORT. THEY HAD
ANNOUNCED THE DEPARTURE. STANDING NEAR THE SECURITY GATE,
THEY HUGGED, AND THE MOTHER SAID, 'I LOVE YOU, AND I WISH YOU
ENOUGH'
THE DAUGHTER REPLIED, \'MOM, OUR LIFE TOGETHER HAS
BEEN MORE THAN ENOUGH. YOUR LOVE IS ALL I EVER NEEDED. I WISH YOU
ENOUGH, TOO, MOM.\'
THEY KISSED, AND THE DAUGHTER LEFT. THE MOTHER
WALKED OVER TO THE WINDOW WHERE I WAS SEATED. STANDING THERE, I COULD
SEE SHE WANTED AND NEEDED TO CRY. I TRIED NOT TO INTRUDE ON
HER PRIVACY, BUT SHE WELCOMED ME IN BY ASKING, \'DID YOU
EVER SAY GOOD-BYE TO SOMEONE KNOWING IT WOULD BE FOREVER?\'
YES, I HAVE,\' I REPLIED. \'FORGIVE ME FOR ASKING,
BUT WHY IS THIS A FOREVER GOOD-BYE?\'
\'I AM OLD, AND SHE LIVES SO FAR AWAY. I HAVE CHALLENGES
AHEAD, AND THE REALITY IS - HER NEXT TRIP BACK WILL BE FOR
MY FUNERAL,\' SHE SAID.
\'WHEN YOU WERE SAYING GOOD-BYE, I HEARD YOU SAY,
\'I WISH YOU ENOUGH.\' MAY I ASK WHAT THAT MEANS?\'
SHE BEGAN TO SMILE. \'THAT\'S A WISH THAT HAS BEEN
HANDED DOWN FROM OTHER GENERATIONS. MY PARENTS USED TO SAY IT TO
EVERYONE.\' SHE PAUSED A MOMENT AND LOOKED UP AS IF TRYING TO
REMEMBER IT IN DETAIL, AND SHE SMILED EVEN MORE. \'WHEN WE
SAID, \'I WISH YOU ENOUGH,\' WE WANTED THE OTHER PERSON TO
HAVE A LIFE FILLED WITH JUST ENOUGH GOOD THINGS TO SUSTAIN
THEM.\'
THEN, TURNING TOWARD ME, SHE SHARED THE
FOLLOWING AS IF SHE WERE RECITING IT FROM MEMORY.
I WISH YOU ENOUGH SUN TO KEEP YOUR ATTITUDE
BRIGHT NO MATTER HOW GRAY THE DAY MAY APPEAR.
I WISH YOU ENOUGH RAIN TO APPRECIATE THE SUN EVEN
MORE.
I WISH YOU ENOUGH HAPPINESS TO KEEP YOUR SPIRIT
ALIVE AND EVERLASTING.
I WISH YOU ENOUGH PAIN SO THAT EVEN THE SMALLEST
OF JOYS IN LIFE MAY APPEAR BIGGER.
I WISH YOU ENOUGH GAIN TO SATISFY YOUR WANTING.
I WISH YOU ENOUGH LOSS TO APPRECIATE ALL THAT YOU
POSSESS.
I WISH YOU ENOUGH HELLO\'S TO GET YOU THROUGH THE
FINAL GOOD-BYE.
THEN, SHE BEGAN TO CRY, AND WALKED AWAY.
THEY SAY, IT TAKES A MINUTE TO FIND A SPECIAL
PERSON, AN HOUR TO APPRECIATE THEM, A DAY TO LOVE THEM, BUT AN ENTIRE
LIFE TO FORGET THEM.
* ONLY IF YOU WISH, SEND THIS TO THE PEOPLE YOU
WILL NEVER FORGET. IF YOU DON\'T SEND IT TO
ANYONE, IT MAY MEAN THAT YOU ARE IN SUCH A HURRY THAT YOU
HAVE FORGOTTEN YOUR FRIENDS.
TAKE TIME TO LIVE.....
TO ALL MY FRIENDS AND LOVED ONES,
I WISH YOU ENOUGH.......

The Daily Husband

Husbands, Dating and Cigars

2009-03-08T17:31:00.007-04:00

OK, you're asking yourself; "Is this guy saying Husbands should date?"

Yes, yes I am. If the only lady you date is your wife that is. My spouse and I went dancing last Saturday at a Phoenix Institution named Graham Central Station. It was much cooler in the 80s and 90s. The dancing hotspot is a mega club with a Karaoke bar, a massive C & W dance floor, an 80s dance floor and a small Hip-Hop club all in one.

If the combination sounds awkward; it's really not. It is a bit square in my opinion, but hundreds if not thousands of Phoenicians flock there on the weekends to meet, greet and dance. Vic and I always enjoy dancing and for me the only bummer is when I don't like the music. There was a lot of that going on at Grahams on Saturday night. (At least for me)

In spite of the squareness of the venues we managed to find some songs at each (with the exception of the Karaoke) to dance to and enjoy. We ended up leaving early to go to a local Casino. The Lone Butte Casino is a remodeled Indian Casino near us and we checked it out. The place was packed, even more than the club. Folks were busy making donations to the local Indian tribe, drinking, smoking and listening to a pretty good cover band. The only problem for us was there was no dance floor. We tried out luck at the slots, finding them very, very stingy and left to go get some late night dessert. Did I mention that we went to dinner first at the local Native New Yorker? No, huh.

Well, before going dancing we stopped in and had their classic Philly steak sandwich with steak fries. The meal is so big that we buy one and split it. During the meal we played trivia even winning once. After that it was on to dancing.

Anywho........

We decided to go back to the Native New Yorker for the Fudge Brownie Sundae and some more trivia. It turns out that they have Karaoke on Saturday nights. (Did I mention I hate Karaoke?) We endured the modestly good, the very, very bad, and the outright ugly in order to enjoy dessert and more trivia. (We won again)

During this time my wife noticed a woman at a table not too far away that looked familiar. It turned out to be one of her sisters who we hadn't seen in some time. Her table was celebrating her roommate's birthday and actively engaging in the Karaoke. We listened to a couple of pretty funny songs. One which involved a not so subtle innuendo about pussy (of course it was the singers pet cat, right?) The chorus utilized each preceding verse's topic which in the end sounded like something like this: HOT, WET, DIRTY, ETC, ETC, PUSSY!

Alright, it was a tad funny in a very corny way.

So our night went full circle with with dinner, dancing, people watching, late night dessert, sibling meeting, songs about pussy and such. All in all another great date. See, husbands can date if it's done right.

Oh and as far as cigars go: Friday night I smoke cigars and have an adult beverage or two. We cook out so I can stand outside and smoke while attending to the grill. After all, a guys gotta have a little guy stuff going on in his life too. Nothing says that like the aroma of charring meat and burning cigar tobacco mixed with Whiskey.

Happy Dating!

The Daily Husband

Valentines Come and Gone

2009-02-26T15:27:00.005-05:00

Well Cupid's arrows are back in the quiver for the season and St. Valentines Day is behind us. I hope that my fellow husbands remembered the importance of the day and made the most of it.

Just this week my wife threw out the rose petals left from her bouquet of garden roses and popped the "I Love you" balloon that had miraculously retained both it's helium and buoyancy.

I have been muddling along husband-wise lately. Both of us are doing what we can for ourselves physically as we hunt (seemingly in vain) for an opportunity at employment.

Most of my day is spent in attempting to regain lost funds in my modest stock trading account. Thus far I am still down considerably and working at making any small gains I can on a daily basis.

Vicki is waiting on word from her sister's work where there is a possibility of a job later in the spring. I pore over jobs boards and monster and jobbing.com and yahoo and whatever.

Is it just me or is there a lack of "real" jobs out there. A lot of what I see is just bullshit stuff.

I continue to think about and explore all legitimate methods of producing income.

Hope the world is treating you as well or better.

The Daily Husband

Are you sleeping?

2009-02-05T12:46:00.008-05:00

When your wife asks you this a 1:00 AM it is rarely a good thing. Oh, I know it could be to get lucky, but usually it's something keeping her from sleeping that's on her mind.

Last night was just such a case. I came in to the bedroom at a little before one and we talked about getting up early today. (which we did) Then we kissed goodnight and settled in. Within just a few minutes came the question: "Are you sleeping?" Since I don't usually nod right off unless I've had an adult beverage or two the answer was already known, but she asked the question anyway.

"No, I'm not sleeping" I answered with a laugh. "Are we going to move the Armoire into the living room and bring ours in here when we get our stuff out of storage?" she asked. I couldn't help myself, I just started laughing. "You picked this time of night to ask that question?" I inquired. "Having some trouble getting to sleep are you?" I continued. "Well I was just thinking about where we're going to put all the stuff from the storage room" she said.

We discussed this some more and I tried my best to stop laughing at the incongruity of this particular discussion at this time of night, but it took a while. In the end we concluded with a discussion of George Carlin's bit about "a place to put my stuff." If you haven't heard it, check it out.

Now you know why I couldn't stop laughing for a while. We were doing a small part of the "a place to put your stuff" bit at 1:00 AM.

God I love that woman.

The Daily Husband

Monday Morning Quarterback

2009-02-02T11:18:00.003-05:00

Well, here we are and we almost made it. Superbowl Champions that is. You know what I mean.

Our home team, the Cardinals, originally of Chicago, then St. Louis, and now Phoenix played better than expected by most and just not quite good enough to beat the favored Steelers.

We invited my wife's Mom and Dad to watch the game with us and ate a delicious turkey meal at half time. It differed from holiday fare only in the absence of cranberry sauce.

The first half was disappointing for the Cardinals and fans. The offense couldn't get it together. The interception at the goal line was a disaster. Coming out in the second half we didn't get any better till the 4th quarter and by then it was just a little too late.

Kudos to Fitzgerald, who did everything in his power to help his team. I felt let down by the coaches, both offense and defense, who were clearly out coached and out called for most of the game. Warner was a disappointment this game as well. And while we're at it, let's not forget the officials. This game had several picky and questionable calls, as well as two challenges won by the cardinals.

This won't go down as a great game, but it was interesting, entertaining, and for a while, we thought the Cards might pull it off.

I didn't watch a lot of football this year, but like most folks here in the valley, I rooted for the Cards during the playoffs and the Super Bowl. Like love, where it is better to have loved and lost than not at all; it's better to have played in the Super Bowl and lost than to have not made it to the big game.

Few will remember we made it this far in years to come, but for once in a long time, the Cards had a shot at the ultimate prize in their sport. Isn't that all you can really ask for?

The Daily Husband

America's most powerful Husband

2009-01-20T19:57:00.014-05:00

So congrats are in order Mr. Obama. You became the president of the United States today.

Quite an achievement for a young man, husband and father of just 47 years old. In addition you've overcome the disadvantages of bi- racialism, being brought up in a single parent home and then losing that parent. You have accomplished much.

Yet, like any husband, you still have a wife and family to answer to as well as an entire country and most of the world.

From what I've seen of you, it looks like you keep an even keel. You will most certainly need it now. Just don't forget that being a husband is still your major priority. If you keep that in mind, your job, your family and your country will do just fine. I heard you repeat the husband's mantra "If Mama ain't happy, nobody is." Don't forget that now that you've become the big honcho of our country.

To your wife and kids, you're still just a husband and a father. Or should I say, you have the honor to be a Husband and a Father. I think you believe the latter, as I do.

If you are able to participate in your family and marriage in a meaningful way while carrying on the duties of the presidency, you will have succeeded beyond your wildest dreams.

For now at least, your our country's most powerful husband. Do us proud.

The Daily Husband

What Husbands don't know about the coming year?

2009-01-04T15:20:00.007-05:00

This is the most wide open title I've used for a post in some time. It comes from my belief that Husbands can be more clueless than most.

By this I don't mean to impugn the dignity or intelligence of Husbands, they do that enough by themselves. No, I mean we really don't know what's coming at us in 2009.

Most have heard that the economy will continue to struggle. I've heard estimates of several million homeowners being booted out of their homes by the time this is all said and done. (sometime in 2010 perhaps) Unemployment is slated to be between 8.5 % and 10 %. That means millions will be without jobs and many of them will be husbands.

So now is the time to look at your situation and take action as needed. In the case of my wife and I, we decided to sell our home in North Carolina and rent here in Phoenix. There were extenuating circumstances, but it has proven so far to be a good decision. In addition, we sold an SUV and purchased a Honda civic. (37 miles to gallon on our last road trip) Which with gas as low as it currently is was feasible for us. (the road trip that is)

Maybe it's too late for you to do something that drastic or maybe you don't need to; yet. Take a good hard look at your circumstances and plan for the coming economic downturn. There are a variety of economic sites with suggestions on budgeting, lifestyle change and other ways to save money. Do yourself a favor and learn how to live on less, consume less, need less and be more happy. I think you'll be surprised how much better off you will be in the end.

Along with economics is the new political agenda of the incoming president, world affairs and the continuing cultural struggle between various elements in our society. This new year will bring some new realities in that realm as well. Many will begin to understand that ours is turning into a brown country. The mixture of cultures and races has been a boon to our country in the past and must be again if we are to prosper in the future. The change in generations and the thinking that goes along with that means we are destined to look at ourselves and the world in a different way. Whether or not it is a better way is yet to be seen.

On the home front there will be increased stress in marriages from job dislocations, financial troubles, kids acting out, sex and love issues and all the old standbys; like jealousy, envy and so forth. If you haven't worked on some of these before now, then the new year may force them to the front of your mind in a very uncomfortable way. Take stock of the spiritual side of your relationship and work on it. If you want to have a partner to see you through these tough times.

And there it is; isn't it? Being married, being a Husband, means being a part of a partnership. Utilize that partnership to the maximum this year and it will help you deal with the challenges we will all face in 2009. While the pundits call for mostly doom and gloom in the new year, I look forward to the opportunity to meet the crisis head on and persevere if not prosper.

Here's hoping my fellow Husbands understand how much we don't know about the coming year and do their best to educate themselves for the coming challenge.

The Daily Husband

The Christmas Husband

2008-12-16T13:11:00.023-05:00

I hope you husbands out there that celebrate Christmas are using this time of the year to enjoy your mate. By this I mean, enjoy the season, the atmosphere, the spirit and your wife's unique quirks and of course her family traditions that might differ from yours.

This picture of our tree shows a relatively normal looking Yule evergreen until you look closely at the ornaments. Many are handmade, some by me and some by our kids and grand kids. In addition there are picture ornaments, ornaments with dates memorializing family events, and ornaments given to us as presents.

The Santa Box at the lower right hand corner is one of those security gift bags that sounds an alarm if moved. I bought this for my wife's gift after warning her that her peeking days were over this year. It speaks in Santa's voice if you get near it and warns you not to peek.

Of course this is all in fun, yet there is an element of reality in choosing this item. My darling wife is a woman with a great sense of curiosity and that sense seems to be heightened at Christmas time. I spend a good deal of energy in attempts to outwit her each year as to the size, number and type of presents she'll be receiving. It adds to the fun of the season for us and has become quite a tradition. When we had kids in the house I would enlist their aid in hiding her presents and managed more than one surprise.

Our Christmases are always great fun because our anniversary is during the preceding week. We usually travel or plan some fun event for that occasion. This year we're headed to Laughlin, Nevada for a few days and then back to Phoenix to celebrate Christmas with family.

Here's hoping you have a very Merry Christmas!

The Daily Husband

Thanksgiving at your In-Laws

2008-11-28T10:24:00.006-05:00

Like most of you Husbands out there, I follow my wife's lead as to where we spend our Holidays. This Thanksgiving we spent at her next oldest sister's house. There were probably 25 or so for the meal. It was nice to catch with my nieces and nephews, as well as Vicki's other siblings.

We played a new game (at least to me) called LRC. ( Left, Right, or Center) We played for quarters and I won. I am spending that money at Starbucks as I write this blog.

In addition, my sister-in-law has a baby grand piano that is mostly in tune. I spent a great deal of the day at the piano composing a melancholy etude and enjoying the sounds of the piano.

I hope your Thanksgiving day was a happy one.

The Daily Husband