The Daily Mind - Making the Daily Grind Meaningful

What Has Michael Jackson’s Death Taught You?

The Daily Minder — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 06:36:17 +0000

I have never seen anything like it. Michael Jackson. Dead. Twitter goes crazy, people rally in the streets to sing his songs and a whole generation of fans cry for their lost hero. It is quite incredible. Michael Jackson was, to me, almost a mythical figure. His fame and charismatic presence left me in awe but at the same time I felt sickened by the accusations of pedophilia.

I didn’t want to write a post about this initially for fear of seeming like I was just trying to “get in on” the commotion. But I have been quite affected by the death of Michael Jackson and, listening to his songs the past few days, I have realized that this man has taught me quite a lot.

What Michael Jackson taught me: the music that changed my life

I don’t want to gloss over the pedophilia; it is an extremely serious matter. And I think people make excuses for Michael far too often. But the fact of the matter remains, he was never convicted of such crimes and as a result we are obliged (in some countries at least) to consider him innocent. If he did do these terrible things I can’t begin to describe how disappointed it would make me feel. I honestly hope the rumors are just rumors.

But despite all of his misgivings, he was an amazing man. He has sold more albums than any other person in history and has dozens of songs that have changed people’s lives forever. Listening to his music over the past few days I have realized just how big a part of my life Jackson has been.

Here are a few songs that have literally changed my life. This is how I want to remember him:

The death of biggest star of all time

He could stand on a stage and make people faint without moving an inch. His music sells more than any other artist. His songs have changed the music industry. His dancing has changed dancing. He was a star like no other. And now he is dead.

So I want to know, what has Michael Jackson taught you? Have you learned something from his music or from his death? How has this latest news impacted you? Please leave a comment.

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Ethical Dilemma #3 - Would You Say Something?

The Daily Minder — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 09:05:42 +0000

photo credit: tobybarnes

Every now and then I hear about a situation that makes me wonder what I would have done if I was there when it happened. Over the past few months I have asked you all what your opinions were regarding these scenarios and as such I have gained some terrific new perspectives. You can see some past Ethical Dilemmas here and here.

I have a new Ethical Dilemma for you today based on something that happened to my friend last week. Please leave a comment and share any insights or opinions that you have. I am really interested in what you all think about this one.

You and a friend are going out for a quiet drink and your local bar. A great conversation is taking place and you are really enjoying the night. After a while the bartender gets involved in your conversation and you discover that he is a really nice chap.

After about half an hour a young man of Arab heritage walks in, sits next to you and your mate, and asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender promptly refuses to serve the man based on his race and asks him to leave.

Do you say/do something? Why? Why not?

Like I said, I am really interested to hear what you have to say about this situation. If I get enough useful comments I will share what happened after the incident. Needless to say I was extremely shocked that someone, in this day and age, would refuse another human being a drink based on their race.

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5 Things That Are Holding You Back in Life

The Daily Minder — Mon, 25 May 2009 02:14:41 +0000

photo credit: zachstern

Today I want to write a post that is straight to the point. No mucking around. Here are five things that are holding you back in life. Because of these five things you are going to miss out on a wealth of experiences, dreams and fall short of your childhood aspirations. I hope you can get on top of them today.

5 things that hold you back in life

If you recognize even one of these things in your own life you need to make a change before it is too late. And remember, we all have the power to make a change, even if it is the hardest thing in the world to do.

1. Fear
Fear is the number one thing that will hold you back in life. And fear comes in primarily two forms:

fear of failure; and
fear of success

People who have a lot of fear never end up achieving their goals in life because the are too afraid of what they might achieve or have to go through trying to bring about those achievements. Fear is a big one for me, I am still very afraid. I am afraid of success for the most part. And it is crippling.

Let me share a little example with you. Four years ago in India I was traveling with three friends, all from different parts of the world. We had the idea that we wanted to go and visit this great yogi who lived in the high mountains and we all agreed that it was a wonderful idea. Upon starting out on the journey, however, one person (a young American man) changed his mind and decided that the journey was too dangerous. We bid him farewell and continued on anyway and within two days we were sitting in this yogi’s personal quarters having been granted a private audience. Fear stopped our companion from experiencing something truly wonderful for this meeting has shaped our lives in many ways.

2. Attachment
The next thing that will hold you back is attachment. This attachment comes in many forms and it is extremely powerful as it is something that humans do very well. The downside, however, is that nothing good ever comes from attachment. It always causes suffering.

Take a look at yourself and see if you are attached to anything and then see whether that attachment is holding you back. You might be fond of your homeland, parents or current lifestyle and that fondness might be stopping you from moving forward. The great Buddhist master Gampopa said that if you want to be happy you need to leave your homeland as soon as you are able. Otherwise your life will be characterized by attachment.

3. Arrogance
Some of my relatives are extremely arrogant. They think they have all the answers about life and business and religion. The problem is they are all really unhappy. I strongly believe that if they just took a few minutes to get out of their own way they could begin to discover a lot more in life.

Never assume that you have all the answers. Always ask questions and keep a sense of curiosity. Even the most learned people like Albert Einstein and the Dalai Lama keep a sense of humility because they realize that there is still so much to be learned and discovered.

4. Dogma
Dogma is a very dangerous thing. It is where you become so blinded to a way of thinking that you are closed off to all other possibilities. It is where you accept something as fact without taking the time to really establish whether or not it accurate. And, like all things here today, dogma is holding you back in a big way.

photo credit: Storm Crypt

Dogma, especially religious dogma, stops you from finding the real “juice” of the subject. When you are dogmatic about your religion you lose touch of the essence as you are so caught up in defending your own position, even to yourself. Religion, in its truest sense, is supposed to make you more open and spacious, not less. Avoid dogma if you want to grow internally.

5. Money
The quest to earn more money holds you back as much as anything does. The journey to be financially free has ruined more people’s chance at happiness than anything else. I honestly wonder how much better life would have been for my parents if they had spent their time learning about satisfaction as opposed to wanting something better. Perhaps their life would have been all the more fulfilling.

Don’t let money hold you back in life. If you find that you are putting work ahead of family, spirituality or other more genuine pursuits in life then you need to make a change. It will be a source of regret in the future.

Conclusion

Most of the time it is your own negative emotions that hold you back in life. The opportunities for happiness and success are out there, you just need to make sure you are willing and able to get them. If anyone has any other thoughts about things that hold us back in life please drop a comment and let us know.

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How to Make Every Minute of Your Life Meaningful

The Daily Minder — Fri, 08 May 2009 03:05:44 +0000

photo credit: Desirée Delgado

“My religion is to live and die without regret.” - Milarepa

Something that scares me more than anything else is dying with regret. I don’t want to look back on my younger years wishing I had done something differently or wishing that I hadn’t hurt this or that person. Regret scares me. And the only way to live and die without regret is to find a way to make your life truly meaningful. When your every action, thought and word has meaning you will find that your death (and indeed your life) will be a very peaceful process.

In this post I am going to give you some ideas about how you can discover the secret to making every minute of your life meaningful.

Is your life meaningful?

Take a second to do a little “meditation” with me. I want you to take your hands off the mouse and just spend two minutes imagining your death. Imagine you are laying on your bed with your family around you. Imagine you have only five or six breaths left before you depart to the next world. How do you feel? Do you have regrets? Are you afraid?

Some people get really angry when I talk about death. They send me emails asking me to stop talking about this terribly taboo subject. I find this attitude really sad because death is the one thing we can be sure of in this world. Nothing else is certain, but our death is. No one in the history of the planet has ever avoided death. Everyone has to go through it. So why, then, is everyone afraid of preparing for it?

Don’t be someone who is afraid of death. Do the meditation and really try to imagine what it is going to be like. How do you feel? If you find you are afraid, anxious or regretful then I can guarantee you aren’t living your life the way you intended. You aren’t making every minute meaningful. By looking at death we can get a great insight into our life.

How to make every minute of your life meaningful

photo credit: DmitriyO

You are probably like me. You want to live and die without regret. So how do we do that? How do we make every minute of our existence count? Here are some ideas.

1. Make your life about others
The most important thing you can ever do is make your life about other people. Our world is so self-centered. We are brought up to believe that we are more important than everyone else and that we need to take care of our own needs and wants before the needs and wants of others. But after a while we realize that we feel kind of empty. That’s when we have the midlife crisis. The crisis occurs because we realize that we have spent our whole lives working to make ourselves happy but we still feel crap.

The great Buddhist master Shantideva said:

“All the suffering in the world comes from wanting happiness for oneself. All the happiness in the world comes from wanting happiness for others.”

It is one of the truest quotes you will ever read. A life spent helping others is a life well spent. And when your time comes to an end there will be no regrets because you have used your time well. You have made a contribution.

2. Don’t procrastinate
A few months ago I wrote an article designed to help you stop procrastinating. I believe that procrastination is one of the worst things a human being can do. If you want to make every minute of your life meaningful you have no time to procrastinate.

Think about the last five years of your life. How fast have they zoomed by? I remember my first day of high school as if it were yesterday and it seems as though I have achieved very little since then. I have spent too much time procrastinating. And this is a cause for regret.

We hear it all the time but we never take it in. Life is short. It will be over in the blink of an eye. And to make matters worse, you have no idea when your life is going to end. You could die of a heart attack in your 80’s or you could die from cancer in a week. You could get hit by a bus. So now ask yourself this: if you knew you had only five years left would you change the way you are living? I bet most of us would.

3. Don’t get angry
Anger, it is said, is the worst of all the negative emotions. The Buddha once remarked that a single moment of anger can destroy 100 years of good deeds. I can see how this can be so. Lots of bad things happen because of anger - violence, rape, wars, etc. And the bad thing about anger is that you always end up regretting it.

photo credit: Hamed Parham

Think about the last time you got angry and acted on it. You might have yelled at your partner or a coworker. How did you feel five minutes later? Did you feel vindicated and justified or did you feel heavy and burdened? I am betting it was the latter. Every time I have said or done something in anger I have come to regret it. Life is too short for anger.

Angry people don’t succeed in life. They sabotage their happiness and they end up living very lonely and shallow lives. Take a look at any friend you have that is constantly angry. They are never happy. They are always frowning and they get no joy from life’s simple pleasures. Anger is the worst thing you can do. Don’t become one of those people who finds the worst in every situation. Look for the best.

Conclusion

Life is so short and fleeting. You could die in your sleep tonight. Make sure you live your life in a way that will allow you to pass away with no regrets. Make compassion, love, patience and energy the main pillars of your existence. If you do you will leave behind a wonderful legacy.

So now the question is; are you making every minute of your life meaningful? What is holding you back? Leave a comment and let us know. I would be very interested to see what the main problems are.

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Bad Company: Are Your Friends Really Friends?

The Daily Minder — Sat, 25 Apr 2009 03:31:25 +0000

photo credit: Photo Mojo

“Put a rose in a sack of fish and soon the rose will start to stink too. Be careful of the company you keep.” - His Holiness the 17th Karmapa Urgyen Trinley Dorje.

Are your friends really your friends? Are they supporting and enhancing your life or are they teaching you to think and behave in darker ways that you never thought you would? The company you keep is so important. They will change you in more ways than you know.

I have been wanting to write about this topic for a long time as it is something that affects each and every one of us. And, it is something that becomes more obvious the older I get. I really hope all of you reading this will leave a comment and tell me your thoughts on this matter as I would love to know what you think.

Why your friends are important

We all know that friends are important in our lives. They keep you company when you are bored and they love you when you are sick or sad. But this isn’t what I am talking about. I am talking about the fact that your friends are (other than your parents) the most influential people in your life. You spend hours upon hours with these people and after a while you start to mimic their behavior. Your friends change you.

Take a look at the quote at the start of this article. It is a very important quote to understand. If you go off to a mountain retreat and live with monks and yogis you will find that your behavior and outlook will naturally start to become very peaceful. If you go to Wall Street and hang out with cocaine sniffing wealthy executives you will find that you naturally become more greedy and competitive. The people you hang out with change who you are. Because, as humans, we take in information from the world around us and, more importantly, we try to fit in to that world around us.

Your friends are important. They play a big role in how you see and interact with the world. Your future is largely dependent on their influence. So, are your friends really friends?

Signs your friends aren’t really friends

photo credit: presta

Now I want to go over a few signs that might indicate that your friends aren’t really your friends. I hope you will read over them and let me know if you can think of any others.

1. You have to be someone else around them
If you feel like you have to be someone other than your normal self around your friends then chances are they aren’t your real friends. We all know this feeling. You go out with these people but you feel like you need to dress or talk differently in order to fit in.

These people aren’t your friends. These people are tools you are using to try and be more popular. And this type of pursuit won’t get you anywhere at all. Next time you meet up with a “friend” take a look at your own mind and behavior and see if you are falling into this trap.

2. You gossip more
Gossip is a terrible thing. It hurts other people and it makes you feel bad about yourself in the long run. One sure sign that your friends aren’t really your friends is when you find that you gossip more around them.

In the new movie Doubt with Philip Seymour Hoffman and Meryl Streep there is a wonderful scene where the local Priest (played by Hoffman) gives a stirring sermon about gossip. The wonderful acting by Hoffman made this an extremely moving section of the movie - so powerful that I wanted to share it with you. Here is the transcript:

A woman was gossiping with a friend about a man she hardly knew - I know none of you have ever done this - that night she had a dream. A great hand appeared over her and pointed down at her. She was immediately seized with an overwhelming sense of guilt. The next day she went to confession. She got the old parish priest, Father O’Rourke, and she told him the whole thing.

‘Is gossiping a sin?’ she asked the old man. ‘Was that the hand of God Almighty pointing a finger at me? Should I be asking your absolution? Father, tell me, have I done something wrong?’

‘Yes!’ Father O’Rourke answered her. ‘Yes, you ignorant, badly broughtup female! You have borne false witness against your neighbor, you have played fast and loose with his reputation, and you should be heartily ashamed!’

So the woman said she was sorry and asked for forgiveness.

‘Not so fast!’ says O’Rourke. ‘I want you to go home, take a pillow up on your roof, cut it open with a knife, and return here to me!’

So the woman went home, took a pillow off her bed, a knife from the drawer, went up the fire escape to the roof, and stabbed the pillow. Then she went back to the old parish priest as instructed.

‘Did you gut the pillow with the knife?’ he says.

‘Yes, Father.’

‘And what was the result?’

‘Feathers,’ she said.

‘Feathers?’ he repeated.

‘Feathers everywhere, Father!’

‘Now I want you to go back and gather up every last feather that flew out on the wind!’

‘Well,’ she said, ‘it can’t be done. I don’t know where they went. The wind took them all over.’

‘And that,’ said Father O’Rourke, ‘is GOSSIP!’

In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, Amen.

Gossip is, unfortunately, the product of many bad friendships. Often times we meet with people and, after running out of things to talk about, we start talking about the mistakes that other people have made. If you’re friends are making you gossip more it might be time to switch company.

3. You’re moving further away from your goals
Everyone has goals that they want to achieve. Some people want to buy a nice big house, other people want to travel and some of us want a good career. Whatever your goal in life is it should be supported by your friends. They should help you get closer and closer to this goal.

I went to school with some really motivated people. They knew what they wanted to do in life (doctor, lawyer, accountant, etc.) and they knew how they were going to do it. But around senior year a lot of these friends met with bad company that lead them astray. They started drinking a lot, taking drugs and skipping school. By the time exams came around they were so far behind that there was no chance they were going to get into the college degree of their choice.

This is a really sad example of how bad friends can change your future. The very act of hanging around with the wrong people can cause you to lose track and lose your way. If your friends are taking you further away from your goals then you really need to take a look in the mirror and ask yourself if they are the best thing for you.

4. You don’t notice any positive qualities growing
One thing that you will find happens quite naturally when you hang out with good friends is that your positive qualities will grow and flourish. If you find that no new positive qualities are developing and, in fact, you are developing some negative traits then it is time to be worried.

photo credit: presta

As an example I have an old yogi friend who has spent many years in meditation retreats. Whenever I hang out with this guy I find myself becoming more loving and patient and relaxed. On the other hand, I have some friends who leave me feeling more anxious, agitated and angry at the world. There is a big difference.

Friends should bring out the best in you. They should help you to reach new heights, not bring you down to their problems. Take a look at how you feel during and after meeting your acquaintances and see what is going on with you.

But I can’t just give up on my friends!

With all this talk about leaving bad friends and finding better company you are probably having the natural reaction of not wanting to give up on your friends. Good. That is normal. It shows you have a heart. The task is to discover inside your own mind whether or not this is the best solution. And it is something that only you can ascertain.

For example, if you can stay friends with a bad influence because you feel like their example doesn’t rub off on you and, in fact, you are benefiting the person by being their friend then by all means you should stay their friend. But, on the other hand, if you are finding that this person is bringing you down and you really aren’t getting anything from the relationship then you might need to make the tough decision to see them less often.

Only you can decide what is the best thing to do. You know your own mind and behavior better than anyone else so if you can see changes going on for the worse you need to take action. Nobody else can take it for you.

Conclusion

The company you keep is important. They influence you for both the better and the worse. Take a look at your five closest friends and see if they are good for you. Because those five people are your biggest influences. You will surely begin to emulate them in one way or another.

Please leave a comment if you have anything to add on this subject. I would be really interested to hear your advice, thoughts and experiences with bad friends.

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Say “No” to Television: Why TV is Your Worst Habit

The Daily Minder — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 03:26:57 +0000

photo credit: Loving Earth

Television has become like sleep; you just can’t do without it. Every day hundreds of millions of people around the world sit down and spend time watching their favorite shows. In fact, people love TV so much they might even spend a few hours watching programs that they don’t even like! No where else does this happen. No body goes to a baseball game if they hate baseball. But people will watch bad TV just because they love TV.

In this post I want to show you why TV is your worst habit. I want to talk about why I think millions of us will regret the day we ever turned that thing on. Hopefully someone out there learns to say “no” to television.

How much TV do you watch?

Before I get into the meat of this post I want to ask you all how much TV you watch. Now be honest. Take a good look at your week and think about how many hours you have spent laying on the couch just watching whatever is on. Did you catch the news at six? Did you make it up til Letterman? Did you catch Lost or Scrubs or any of those prime time shows? Perhaps you got them all?

Once you have figure out how much TV you watched last week I want you to leave a comment and tell us. Be brutally honest. How many hours of TV do reader of The Daily Mind watch per week?

Why TV is your worst habit

photo credit: tim caynes

Now that you have established how many hours you are watching I would like to give you a few reasons why I think TV is a bad habit. If you agree with me or disagree with me please share your thoughts.

1. You can’t get that time back
Life is short. It is fleeting. You have no idea when you are going to die and with that uncertainty comes a real sense of urgency. You will never get that time back. All those days you decided to just watch a few more programs are gone forever. Those hours of your life are gone.

2. It takes away from important tasks
All throughout my childhood my father watched a lot of TV. I remember getting up every morning and getting ready for school while he sat and read the paper and watched the finance news. Then he would come home around 6pm and turn on the new again. We’d eat dinner and I’d go to bed. The whole day I would spend no more than 20 minutes with my father.

And then I moved out. Now I never see him. Maybe twice a month in a good month. And I know he regrets it. He has actually told me that he wished he turned the TV off and just want to a game with me or played some chess. Now we never see each other and he regrets it. You will too.

3. It is never ending
Television is very addictive. You get to sit on a comfortable couch with a nice drink and some snacks and do exactly nothing while the networks get better and better at keeping you there. During the good TV shows like Scrubs and 30 Rock you get commercials for the crap that is going to be on afterward and so you sit there instead of going to bed. And then you are too tired to get up in the morning and do something useful.

But it doesn’t end there. Television stations suck you in for new TV programs that are about to be launched. So instead of being satisfied by a good TV show you are now thirsty for the next thing that is going to be on. TV watching is never ending. You are never satisfied.

4. It makes you numb
Television makes you numb. And it makes you numb because you have spent years now watching everything that has ever been invented. You watch comedy, drama, movies, reality TV, documentaries, porn… everything. Any human experience that you can think of you have already seen it on the TV. And now you are numb. Things don’t excite you as much. Life doesn’t give you the same innocent buzz that it used to. The media has killed that buzz and replaced it with an urge to sit and do nothing.

Your brain is less active when you watch TV than when you sleep. It is numbing. It is relaxing. But you never really get more relaxed. You just want more.

5. It makes you lazy
Television, more than anything else, makes you a lazy person. Going to the gym seems like climbing Mount Everest because you have spent so much time sitting there with a numb mind doing nothing. And when you finally realize that you are out of shape and quit unhealthy you are too lazy to do anything about it. Sad.

I believe there is a direct relationship between how much TV you watch and how much you accomplish in life. The more TV you watch the less you will achieve. Whether it is a happy family, a good career, a fit and healthy body or a loving marital sex life - TV compromises all of those things. And it is not just because it takes up all of your time, it is because all of that stuff seems far too hard.

6. It changes your personality
How many times today have you quoted Bart Simpson or said something from your favorite TV show? My best friend and I are constantly quoting Scrubs lines. When something good happens we say, “Eagle!” like Turk and JD and when I answer the phone he calls me Vanilla Bear. I often wonder what we would talk like if we had never watched Scrubs.

Television changes your personality. You absorb so much of the characters on the screen that you forget to think for yourself. You just mirror what they do. You might be cynical like House or funny like Liz Lemon or witty like David Letterman. But where are YOU in all of that? Where have your own original thoughts gone? What about your political opinions? Are they are own or are you just mimicking Bill O’Reilly or some other talk show host? TV changes your personality to the point that you forget to think for yourself. And that is scary.

Say “No” to television for one week

I am proposing a radical plan. Turn off the TV for one week. Just for seven short days. See how much more you get done. See how much more exercise and sleep you get. Feel how much happier and healthier you feel. Discover how much more you can do with your time on Earth. At first you will feel the separation anxiety. The TV will call you. Resist it and find out how strong you really are.

Will you do it?

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Why Do You Still Hate Your Job?

The Daily Minder — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 22:28:17 +0000

photo credit: Andy Wilkes

You get up every day with a frown on your face. Grab your towel, drudge down the hall to the shower. Get dressed, eat some breakfast, kiss your kids goodbye and walk out the door. In half an hour you’ll be back at the job you hate. Tomorrow you will do it all again.

But why?

Why do you continue to work in the job you hate? Why do you get up every day of your life and spend eight precious hours doing something you resent? In this post I want to take a look at this common phenomenon and try to give you some suggestions to change your attitude towards work. It is time to stop hating your job.

30,000 hours of misery

I know people who have been in the same job for 20 years and have hated every minute of it. Now lets assume they work five days a week and 45 weeks of the year. That means they have spent around 30,000 hours doing something they hate. What a waste. What a waste of the precious time that we have on this planet.

Should I quit?

This article is not really about quitting your job. It is more about learning to love your job. But lets be honest. If you hate your job so much that you feel like there is nothing you can do to change it then it is time to quit. Be brave, start looking for other career options and then hand in your resignation letter.

When it comes to the end of your life you do not want to look back and say, “I spent 30,000 hours in a job that I hated. I wasted my life.” Stop thinking about all the reasons not to quit (mortgage, financial crisis, etc.) and find a way to make it happen.

Learning to love your job

I honestly believe that we need to do more to learn to love our jobs. It is not enough to just go to work and go home every day - we need to try and make that experience more rewarding. Its time to stop hating your job. It is time to realize that your own attitude can make a big difference to your happiness. Here are some suggestions.

1. Recognize how lucky you are
Seriously, we have it pretty good in the West. We have quite nice job laws that protect us in many ways. We get a regular pay check. And we get to go home to a house. Not a shanty or a plastic tent, an actual house.

It is time to start recognizing how lucky you are. Why spend your whole life cursing your situation when, in actual fact, your situation is pretty good?

2. Be more grateful
Similar to number one is learning to be more grateful. A lot of workers go about their daily business thinking that somebody owes them something. The boss owes them more pay. The payroll officer owes them more overtime. The Board owes them a promotion. No. They don’t. Nobody owes you anything. That is your own expectations talking.

Instead of thinking that the world owes you something why not be grateful? Be grateful for the number of hours you got this week. Be grateful that you have a dental plan. Be grateful that you made it to work alive, even if you weren’t driving a Mercedes. Learning to be grateful is one of the most important things you can do if you want to change how you view your work.

3. Think of all the opportunities it has created
When I was just out of high school I really wanted to go to India to meet some Buddhist masters. But I was broke. So, I got a job as a cleaner in the dirtiest pub in town cleaning up 20 year old’s vomit, cigarette butts and a whole lot of other junk. For a few weeks I hated it.

photo credit: trixnbooze

Over time, however, I realized that this job was enabling me to go on a journey of a lifetime. It was due to that job that I traveled to India and went to some of the most amazing places on the planet. I met great meditation masters and found friends that have loved and cared for me ever since. I will never forget sitting at the Dalai Lama’s teaching hall and watching him smile and wave as he walked past and thinking, “Wow! That shitty cleaning job just allowed me to meet the Dalai Lama himself.”

Your job has probably bought you a house, nice food, a car, medical care, etc. It has probably allowed you to do things that you never thought you would do. Think about those things.

4. Realize it is your own fault
I want to introduce you to a Buddhist teaching from a book called the Seven Points of Mind Training. In that book it says “condense all blames into one”. What this means is that anytime a bad thing happens to you it is your own fault.

Now why is it our fault? Well from the Buddhist point of view it is like that because we have created the karma that caused that condition to come around. A very simple example might be that you now have a bad job because you slacked off in high school.

Whether you “believe” the karma theory it is a useful slogan to use in your work life. The next time something bad happens to you think “condense all blames into one” and move on. Don’t get angry at the person or the situation, just consider that it is your fault and move on.

This is a fantastic way to live your life as you are no longer getting angry with the world around you. You now realize that your happiness depends on you. You and no one else. If you want something to change you need to change it. If a bad situation occurs it is up to you to rectify it.

Conclusion

So why do you still hate your job? Why do you still go to work every day and refuse to be happy? Will you attempt to change that attitude? Once you go to work with the positive attitudes mentioned above I can guarantee your life will be more meaningful.

If you have any other suggestions please leave a comment and let us know. It might really help someone.

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How to Let Go of the Past and Not Fear Your Future - PART 2

The Daily Minder — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 04:50:06 +0000

photo credit: lanuiop

“When it comes to the future, there are three kinds of people: those who let it happen, those who make it happen, and those who wonder what happened.” - John M. Richardson, Jr.

A few days ago we looked at how to let go of the past; the first article in our two part series on letting go of the past and facing the future. Today we are going to go over part two - learning how to not fear your future. I hope something I write is helpful to someone out there.

Letting go of the past is necessary before you face your future

The reason I spent the first article talking about letting go of the past is because it is necessary to do so before you can face your future with any real sense of fearlessness. Those people who have accepted their mistakes/failures and moved on from times gone by are much better equipped to deal with what is going to happen in their future.

If you are really serious about learning to face your future with bravery you need to let go of the past. Accept your failures and mistakes and let go of that baggage.

How to not fear your future

photo credit: jiulliano

I have always found it extremely interesting how some people are caught in the past while others are terrified of the future. I don’t know why, but it always seems as though we are trapped in one extreme and never balanced in the middle.

When you fear the future you are unable to truly live in the present moment. You destroy your chances for happiness because you spend all your time worrying about what is going to happen instead of enjoying the life you actually have. Here are some suggestions that might help you move away from fearing the future. If you can apply these to your situation you will, hopefully, be able to find some happiness.

1. Understand that the future is uncertain
If you think that something bad is going to happen down the track you need to realize that this is uncertain. No body knows what is going to happen even a few hours from now, let alone ten years down the road.

If you find yourself worrying about the future it is important to remind yourself that it is uncertain as to what is going to happen. Your situation might not be as bleak as you think. In fact, what you understand that the future is uncertain you will be well equipped to understand the second point.

2. The future can be created
Your future is in your hands. No body is going to make anything happen for you unless you go out and try to achieve it yourself. Now, instead of being depressed by this fact it is important to realize that you are in an extremely hopeful place. You are living in a time and a place where opportunities are everywhere. At no other time in history have human beings been able to give up their livelihood and search for something new or something better. But we can.

Why fear the future when we have control over it? Why worry about the next few days or weeks when we know we can do something about it now? And while everyone tells you to live in the present moment you still need to make preparations for tomorrow. That is fine as long as you do it with mindfulness and awareness.

3. Realize that things change slowly
When I was in India a few years ago I was staying in a Buddhist Monastery where a very powerful Tibetan lama was staying. People often reported that being near this particular lama caused powerful emotions to arise and you could either deal with them or let them scare you away. Well, I decided to deal with them. True to legend I started having very emotional thoughts about the future. I was scared. Panicked even. I was worrying about where I was going to be, who I was going to be with and whether I’d ever be happy.

After a few hours of this emotional mess I had a bit of a breakthrough. Although it wasn’t anything like a sudden realization or awakening moment, it has stayed with me my entire life. I understood that things change slowly. It does not all happen at once. You do not wake up one day and all your friends are dead and you have no one to talk to. Things change slowly. When you understand this fact you give yourself a lot more room to move - it is not as scary.

4. Meditate on mindfulness
Mindfulness meditation is one of the premier ways to deal with a fear of the future. Why? Because it brings you in touch with the present moment better than almost anything else. And when you can do that you will find that all of your fears and worries dissolve of their own accord.

photo credit: hylah

Again, I want to point you to this article on meditating on mindfulness. It is simple to do and extremely effective. As soon as you notice that you are becoming worried about the future begin the meditation. Focus on the breath going in and out of the nose. Count the breaths. Relax. Once you become expert at this you will find that your thoughts no longer control you as much - you learn to see through their illusion. Perhaps your idea of the future was just a false concept that you cooked up?

5. Remember you are not alone
Community is a very important thing. Human beings are social creatures and, more often than not, they need the love and affection of other humans. This is important to remember when you are thinking about the future. You need to remind yourself that you will always have people who love you.

Let me give you an example. A few days ago I was getting quite uptight at the possibility that I might have to leave my home town to go and live in another city. The idea really frightened me - leaving my friends and family behind. But, after a while I realized that a lot of my good friends are now overseas doing other things. We stay in contact on email or sms and usually see each other once or twice a year. Furthermore, I realized that I could always call home or book a flight back for the weekend. No matter how lonely your prospects of the future might seem remember that you are never alone.

And, if worst comes to worst, you can always chat to me on Twitter. I will be happy to be a shoulder to lean on.

6. The future is the same as the monster under your bed
The final thing that I want to say is that worrying about your future is the same as worrying about the monster that was under your bed when you were four. Essentially, us grown adults, are worrying about something that doesn’t exist. The future has not come about yet. It is not a solid thing that will hurt you.

The future is like the monster under your bed - recognize that it is a concept created by your own mind and you will have a great deal of power over it.

Conclusion

Letting go of the past and not fearing the future can be hard. But it is important to try and do it. If you can learn to live in the present moment your life will be a lot more spontaneous and joyful. It will be a lot lighter and spacious and you will feel less stressed and trapped.

If anyone has any other tips on how to not fear the future please leave a comment. I would love to hear what you have to say.

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How to Let Go of the Past and Not Fear Your Future

The Daily Minder — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 06:54:03 +0000

photo credit: Photos8.com

“Stop acting as if life is a rehearsal. Live this day as if it were your last. The past is over and gone. The future is not guaranteed.” - Wayne dyer.

The other night I was sitting down with my brother watching a late night soccer match when we started talking about the “good ole days” and all of our plans for the future. After a while we paused and then started laughing because it seemed as though I was trapped in the past and he was fearful of the future. The whole conversation I had been talking about how things used to be and he spent the whole time talking about how hard things are going to be. It was a bit of an “Ah huh!” moment as we both realized that grasping on to the past/future was keeping us from being happy.

In this post I want to talk about how to let go of your past and not fear your future. It is one of the most important things you will ever attempt to do - living in the present is the only way to be happy.

NOTE - I have divided this article into two posts as they were quite long. Today’s post will be on letting go of the past and tomorrow’s post will be on learning how to not fear your future. Make sure you subscribe to the feed if you don’t want to miss out.

As always, if you have something to add or a comment that you think might help someone out there please leave a comment and let us know. All comments are greatly appreciated.

How to let go of your past

For some people, the past is like a ball and chain. It follows you wherever you go and it stops you from achieving your goals in life. It is restricting, heavy and extremely burdensome. A lot of people never break free. If you feel a little bit like that then please read through these suggestions and take them to heart. If you can break free from your past you might find your present and future moments are looking a lot brighter.

1. Realize that it cannot be changed
The most sobering thing about the past is that it cannot be changed. Things have already happened. And seeing as there is no way to travel back in time, there is no way to change the past. Learn to accept it.

I once read about a man who sped through a traffic light because he was late to work and ran over a mother and bay. Both mother and child were killed but the driver survived unharmed. This man became an alcoholic and a drug user and his life started spiraling out of control as his guilt was so painful. It took him almost 30 years but one day he realized that what was done was done and there was no way to change it. By destroying his life as well he was effectively ruining three lives.

If you live in the past and are having trouble letting go you need to realize that it cannot be changed. You can never go back to those times and you will never erase what happened. By living in this past moment you are preventing yourself from actually fixing what you did wrong.

2. Don’t make “mind stories”
Sometimes when I cast my mind back to my days in high school or my first trip to India I get a swell of emotion and then start to create “mind stories”. These stories can go on all day and basically consist of my going over all my good memories and then getting upset when I realize that times have changed. Don’t do this.

photo credit: Ev0luti0nary

We all make “mind stories” to some extent. My mother is the opposite of me and she spends all day going over all the bad things that could happen or all the negative events that occurred in the past. The mental chatter is poisonous. As soon as you start, it is almost impossible to stop. One thought leads to another and before long you realize that you have a whole day of your life in the past.

Try to meditate as soon as you see these nostalgic thoughts of the past arise. I have written many posts on how to do this type of meditation. Basically it consists of arming yourself with the shield of mindfulness and letting the thoughts dissolve into nothing. This solution is particularly powerful for people who are like me and love to sit around thinking about all the good times that are now over.

3. Think about impermanence
It wouldn’t be a post by The Daily Minder without mentioning impermanence. I can hear of you all groaning now - “here he goes… rambling on about impermanence again!” It is an important truth to realize, however, and it is particularly useful when dealing with an inability to let go of the past.

First of all, we need to realize that we don’t have a lot of time on this Earth. Death can come at any moment. You could eat a poisonous dinner, choke on a carrot or get hit by a car. You could get cancer tomorrow. Imagine if a wise old meditation master came to you and said you only had two weeks left to life. Would you regret spending so much time thinking about the past? Would you consider that you wasted your time here on Earth? I know I would.

The next time you start worrying about the past I want you to remember impermanence. Say to yourself, “I don’t have time for this” and just drop it. Over time you will train your mind to ignore those thoughts and as the days and weeks go by the attachment to the past will fade away.

4. Meditate on compassion
A few years ago I was in North India listening to a talk by an old Tibetan Lama who had grown up in Tibet and fled to India in the 60’s. At the end of the talk the Lama answered a few questions from the audience. One of the questions said:

“Tibet was one of the most beautiful countries where people had freedom to practice meditation and live in peace. Do you miss those days?”

The Lama, without even pausing for a moment, just shook his head and said “No”. Then he followed up by saying, “thinking about times gone by is useless. It doesn’t help yourself and it doesn’t help other people”. I was impressed. What he said left an indelible mark on my mind - dwelling on the past is a fruitless pursuit and it helps no one.

If you are stuck in the past you need to realize that those thoughts and habits are helping no one. It is an extremely uncompassionate way to live your life and it will get you no where.

5. Understand we can’t control everything
I am a firm believer that we control our destiny. I do not think God or anyone else plans things out for us, I think we are the ones who forge our future and I think we are the ones responsible for our actions. Sometimes, however, we have to realize that we cannot control everything that goes on.

I once heard a mate of mine say that people who dwell on the past are just trying to control everything. I think he was right. Sometimes I feel like my sense of independence means that I blame myself too heavily when things go wrong. And that means I am often dwelling on my mistakes.

If you spend a lot of time cursing yourself for things you have done in the past I ask you to go easy on yourself and to stop trying to be so controlling. You cannot control everything. You cannot control everyone. And although you are the one in charge of your destiny there are times when you will be utterly unable to change a set of circumstances. So let it go. You will be glad you did.

Conclusion

Letting go of the past is like lifting a weight off your shoulders. It allows you to move on and make a new life and it stops you from staying stagnant. Like any habit, however, it will be hard to accomplish and it will take a lot of practice. But it is possible to let go of the past and live completely for the present.

The next post will be on how to not fear your future. Make sure you are subscribed so you don’t miss out.

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How to Overcome Your Addictions

The Daily Minder — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 13:12:51 +0000

photo credit: loremipsum

Everyone is addicted to something. For me it is coffee. I love it. Others have an addiction to drugs, sex or video games. And the sad thing about addictions is that they overtake your entire life; everything else comes second. In this post I am going to give you some practical and meaningful ways to overcome your addictions. It is my sincere hope that you beat them soon.

How do you know if you’re addicted?

The first step that we need to look at is whether or not you are actually addicted. Some people say they are addicted to coffee when, in actual fact, they just really like a cup in the morning. I would say that this is a bad habit as opposed to an addiction.

Addictions are a different kettle of fish. They are more consuming and debilitating. One sign that you are addicted to something is that feel like you cannot live without it. You need it. You have to have it. And when you don’t get it you feel sick. That is and addiction.

There are also many signs that point to the fact that you are becoming addicted. For example, let’s take a Facebook addiction. One sign that you are on the path to addiction is when you are late for meetings or appointments because you are using the website. If your poison is interfering with the normal function of your life then chances are you are on that slippery slope.

How to overcome your addictions

The suggestions that I am about to give come from a lifetime of dealing with a very addictive personality. Although I have never been addicted to anything serious like drugs or alcohol I do sometimes feel the “pull” of some other addictive behaviors. I also grew up with an alcoholic father which ignited in me a wish to learn more about addictions.

I should point out, however, that I am not a doctor, psychologist or counselor. Nothing that I say should replace the advice of a professional.

1. See the damage your addiction is causing
The first thing that you need to do if you have an addiction is realize the damage that it is doing to your life. Once you can truly see and accept this negativity you will be more likely to make a change.

photo credit: DNQA

Let’s take the example of an alcoholic. This is a very destructive addiction because it really affects every area of your life. Your work starts to become unproductive because you are either intoxicated or in desperate need of a drink. Your family life starts to crumble because you lie to your spouse about where you are and how much you’ve been drinking. And your health is impacted - weight gain and liver problems.

If you feel you are addicted to something and you want to fix the problem you really need to take an honest look at the damage your addiction is causing. You really need to be honest with yourself. Don’t blame anything or anyone else - be honest. When you can do this you are ready to change.

2. Admit it to someone else
The next step you need to take is admitting to someone else that you have an addiction. A lot of self-help strategies tell you to admit it to yourself but I think this is not enough. You need to admit it to someone else.

Here’s why. You KNOW you are addicted. Your mind has self-awareness and you know exactly what you think and feel. You might make excuses for it or dodge the issue but deep down you know you are addicted. So admitting it to yourself only takes you so far. However, if you go out and admit it to someone else you are acknowledging that the addiction is a problem. This is one step further from merely admitting it is there - you are admitting it is dangerous.

Make a date with your spouse, mother, father, brother, sister or friend. Or book some time to see a counselor. Tell them that you have a problem and you need help. Tell them that you intend to get better and politely ask them to check in on you from time to time. This is important.

3. Get specific information
The next thing you need to do is get information specific to your addiction. We all know the saying “knowledge is power” and it is as true as ever when it comes to overcoming addiction. You need to know exactly how your problem works, why it came about and how to go about fixing it.

When you are looking for information you need to do a little better than blogs and internet resources. You need text books written by professionals and you need advice from experts who are trained to deal with your specific problem. The internet is a wonderful resource for many things but when it comes to serious addictions you need to make sure you are only working with the best material. Be careful.

4. Take a vow
The next thing you need to do is make a vow. This is probably the most important step in the whole process. Without this vow you will struggle to stick it out when times get tough.

photo credit: hylah

When I was young I was introduced to the idea of Buddhist vows. I was fascinated with the way they shaped a person’s life and kept you from straying down negative paths. I was mesmerized by the monks and how pure they were because of their vows. Their vows were the most important things in their life. In fact, many monks recite a prayer that says, “I will protect my vows like I protect my own eyes“. This is how you need to consider your vow.

Your vow is your word. It is your promise to yourself and to other people. It is your guiding light - the pathway that will take you from sickness to health. Take a vow and stick to it no matter what. When you feel tired and sick and helpless and are tempted to go back to your poison remember your vow - rely on it.

5. Make a plan
Beating an addiction is a battle. And like any battle, you need a plan to be successful. Imagine running into Iraq with a team of soldiers and no idea what your plan was. It would be suicide. The same is true of your addiction - without a plan you will fail.

Your plan should be made in conjunction with the information that you got earlier. It should be clearly laid out and put somewhere where you will see it everyday. Try to include as much detail as possible - how long you are going to take to quit, how much support you need, your daily activities, etc.

It is very important to pick a date by which you will have quit your addiction. Without that date your journey is just a dream. With that date it can become reality. Pick a date (a reasonable one) and stick to it.

6. Find inspiration
This step is one of the most important of them all. Inspiration. You are going to need someone or something to rely on when the going gets tough. Make sure you know exactly what yours is so you don’t have to scramble to find it when you are feeling down.

If you have a religion it can be very useful in these times. You can look at the great examples of the Saints of your lineage and see the hardships that they went through. I feel quite an affinity for the Buddhist masters and as such I draw a lot of inspiration from the Dalai Lama and the great yogi Milarepa. These are real human beings who have faced some extremely tough circumstances and come out as better people. That is inspiring.

Do some research and find out who or what inspires you. As I said, make sure you know before you start to panic who you are going to go to. If you don’t you will just end up back on the booze or the drugs.

7. Get rid of negative influences
Once when I was traveling in India a great Buddhist master was giving a series of teachings. On the last day of these teachings he said something that has become a steadfast rule in my life, “If you put a rose in a bag of fish soon the rose will start to stink too. Be careful of the company you keep”.

Quite often our “friends” are the worst thing for us. When we hang around them we are brought under their influence and end up doing all sorts of things that we wouldn’t have done otherwise. If you have an addiction or feel like you are going that way it would be a good idea to see whether any friends or events that you participate in are negatively influencing you. If you can identify any get rid of them straight away.

8. Develop strength and embrace failure
The final thing that I want to talk about in this particular article is the idea of developing strength and facing failure. When you are trying to beat such a deeply ingrained habit you need to have a lot of strength. And you need to be ready to fail.

photo credit: ePi.Longo

If you fail on your journey it is not a signal to give up. Rather, you should rejoice at the amount of time that you were able to accomplish and re-start with a renewed energy and sense of ambition. Tell yourself that this time you are going to go all the way. Don’t give up.

Conclusion

Every single human being has the potential for happiness. If you are addicted to something you are really holding yourself back from achieving your true potential. If you have happened upon this article in search of some answers I truly hope you find some inspiration. I wish you all the best on your journey and sincerely hope you can overcome your vice, whatever it may be.

Does anyone out there have any words of wisdom to share? Has anyone overcome an addiction or helped someone who has?