tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3719673343151286353Fri, 08 Nov 2024 15:33:01 +0000FFFFBFCMACalternate nursery rhymesMOBFWSChttp://thedmt.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.com (Josh Metcalf)Blogger83125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3719673343151286353.post-5683075451316066383Wed, 23 Feb 2011 20:11:00 +00002011-02-23T14:12:43.975-06:00If I wasn't a Christian, I'd think that the gods of office productivity were fighting over my sanity. Thandar (head god of efficiency), Glenna (goddess in charge of "sense of accomplishment"), and Rendalus (god in charge of work ethic) would all say, "Let us give him a fair task, one that will occupy his mind at a reasonable level while still allowing him the pleasure of using headphones. Let http://thedmt.blogspot.com/2011/02/gods-of-office.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Josh Metcalf)2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3719673343151286353.post-8286167188272926451Mon, 07 Dec 2009 09:00:00 +00002009-12-07T03:00:00.580-06:00 Have you ever heard of something being “off color”? What color is “off color” exactly? Because even if a color is slightly off from another color, it’s still a color. I imagine this phrase came into being in the pre-Crayola 64 pack era because now, every color is a color. And sometimes one color can be several colors. Let me explain. You used to have normal colors: red, green, bluehttp://thedmt.blogspot.com/2009/12/off-color.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Josh Metcalf)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3719673343151286353.post-8361664286597189600Thu, 26 Nov 2009 09:00:00 +00002009-11-26T03:00:03.955-06:00Here's another round of crazy headlines.Judge Rules High Calorie Breakfast “Free And Clear”Lizard DNA A Non-Issue Wisconsin Man Accuses ATM Of Professional MisconductCity Council Woman Can’t Find Car Keys New Light On Left Handedness Makes Strange BedfellowsPaper Cut Victim “It Was A Blessing In Disguise”Canned Vegetables Play Role In Love TriangleSmoker Says “I Saw Him Outside The Bank”http://thedmt.blogspot.com/2009/11/stop-presses.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Josh Metcalf)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3719673343151286353.post-4860281532102154767Mon, 23 Nov 2009 09:00:00 +00002009-11-23T03:00:02.976-06:00Uh oh! My less-than-a-month old daughter signed into my blog and wrote a post! And for some reason, she has a very good vocabulary... This morning I awoke in a vibrating hammock type chair next to a giant bed and unfortunately found that I had defecated in my undergarment during my sleep. To remedy this situation, I just started shouting to no one in particular, "HEY!!!!!! HEY!!!!!! DOWN http://thedmt.blogspot.com/2009/11/day-in-life-of-infant.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Josh Metcalf)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3719673343151286353.post-8559916811537306132Thu, 19 Nov 2009 09:00:00 +00002009-11-19T03:00:01.126-06:00Have you ever known someone who uses strange phrases to refer to something and you don't know what they're talking about? Well that's Theo. Theo is that guy who uses a phrase and then gives you the "you know what I'm talking about" wink. This is how Theo behaves in various situations. Scenario 1: At a wedding reception, he's the best man, friends of the bride/groom keep coming up and talkinghttp://thedmt.blogspot.com/2009/11/theo-phrasewink-man.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Josh Metcalf)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3719673343151286353.post-6859830991362362090Wed, 18 Nov 2009 09:00:00 +00002009-11-18T03:00:10.017-06:00 Ok everybody, if you could choose one of these new holidays, which one would it be?1. Enviro Day- Al Gore finally convinces the federal government into giving everyone a day off with pay so that "every person in the country can take a day to clean up their personal environment". The concept is that if everyone cleans their own space, then we can have a huge impact on the "carbon http://thedmt.blogspot.com/2009/11/pick-new-holiday.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Josh Metcalf)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3719673343151286353.post-4848533981890297166Wed, 11 Nov 2009 09:00:00 +00002009-11-11T03:00:01.125-06:00Has anybody noticed that you must be a lunatic to appear on modern TV game shows? TV game show contestants used to need skill or smarts or even just plain dumb luck to win cash and prizes, but that's not enough anymore. Now you have to be an over the top, crazy eyed, mega vocal, nervous tick having, catch phrase slingin', fist pumpin', ridiculous outfit wearin' idiot if you want a chance to be http://thedmt.blogspot.com/2009/11/deal-or-no-deal-is-stupid-there-i-said.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Josh Metcalf)2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3719673343151286353.post-1426787109880194923Mon, 09 Nov 2009 09:00:00 +00002009-11-09T03:00:00.117-06:00Has anybody else noticed how out of hand chip flavors have gotten recently? There are more options for chip flavors than there are for…well, something that there’s a bunch of options for. Remember when there used to be just a hand full of flavors? You had Original/Plain, Bar-B-Q, Sour Cream and Onion, Nacho Cheese, and Ranch and that was pretty much it. Now, every brand has to have 37 http://thedmt.blogspot.com/2009/11/chips.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Josh Metcalf)2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3719673343151286353.post-8954512417938102041Tue, 03 Nov 2009 09:00:00 +00002009-11-03T03:00:01.431-06:00I would like to thank my buddy, the King of Nicknames, for his suggestion for this post. I won't say his real name, but if any of you know Skeet, Skeeter P, Hoops, the One Under Wonder, the Crazy Train, or D, you know who to thank for this post.I like to think that I have a pretty good grasp of the English language. And part of that grasp includes being up on the latest and greatest in hip http://thedmt.blogspot.com/2009/11/say-what.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Josh Metcalf)2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3719673343151286353.post-4725872227026735496Mon, 02 Nov 2009 09:00:00 +00002009-11-02T03:01:17.004-06:00Now that I have a kid, I find myself thinking along the lines of kid type stuff. Diapers, burping, etc. One of the things that struck me recently was the expression "take off the kid gloves".This phrase is very disturbing to me. Mostly the part about "kid gloves". To me, this can only have a certain number of possible meanings, none of which are good.Kid Gloves- Gloves made out of the http://thedmt.blogspot.com/2009/11/kid-gloves.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Josh Metcalf)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3719673343151286353.post-4701088105816452682Fri, 30 Oct 2009 08:00:00 +00002009-10-30T03:00:01.126-05:00You know how newspaper headlines have the big headline and then a smaller follow up headline right underneath it? Well, if more headlines read like these, I think newspapers would make a comeback.Pope Speaks on Chicken Soup FiascoPolice Say He Should Mind His Own BusinessAutograph Seeker Gets More Than She Bargained ForMidnight Marshmallow Fight To BlameThree Fingered Man Can’t Give Thumbs Up http://thedmt.blogspot.com/2009/10/extra-extra.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Josh Metcalf)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3719673343151286353.post-2547951716517476731Thu, 29 Oct 2009 08:00:00 +00002009-10-29T03:00:01.178-05:00http://thedmt.blogspot.com/2009/10/why-so-glum.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Josh Metcalf)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3719673343151286353.post-3296395641406620204Wed, 28 Oct 2009 08:00:00 +00002009-10-28T03:00:01.795-05:00I hang out with these dudes. They're all from the former Soviet Union. They defected to the US during the Cold War but now they're just doing normal stuff: x-ray tech, contractor, regional car wash chain owner, you know, normal stuff. But when we all hang out, they are just crazy. They get to talking about the old times and before you know it, Ivan is doing his Katie Couric impression.He's allhttp://thedmt.blogspot.com/2009/10/ivans-impression.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Josh Metcalf)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3719673343151286353.post-1356316580982884871Wed, 21 Oct 2009 23:15:00 +00002009-10-21T18:18:55.476-05:00BFC Congratulations to Kelly H. from North Carolina!She figured out the clues and won a year's subscription of Better Homes and Gardens magazine.For those of you who are curious, the clues led to another blog at fatclowns.blogspot.com.When highlighted and deciphered, the answer to the last clue was of "traffic lights."So congratulations again to Kelly! And for those of you who were only visiting thehttp://thedmt.blogspot.com/2009/10/we-have-our-blogfan-challenge-winner.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Josh Metcalf)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3719673343151286353.post-3676339263872700553Sat, 17 Oct 2009 21:39:00 +00002009-10-17T16:47:20.337-05:00BFCHey all you readers out there!Here's an update on the $0,000 Blogfan Challenge. We posted a while back that the color coded clue, when found and unscrambled, came out to:Clue 1- All words found and unscrambled"It's another one of what you've been reading..."Clue 2- All words found and unscrambled"Circus men who eat too much. Big pants, large shoes and lots of blush."As no one has won the http://thedmt.blogspot.com/2009/10/0000-blogfan-challenge-update.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Josh Metcalf)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3719673343151286353.post-167755194809500878Wed, 07 Oct 2009 08:00:00 +00002009-10-07T03:00:03.376-05:00DMT Faithful,First I'd like to apologize for not having posts the past few days. Just as an FYI, we at the DMT are expecting our first baby (and by "we" I mean my wife and by "our first baby" I mean our first baby). Anyway, the due date is Oct 9th and things have been a little hectic lately. So, the DMT may be a bit sporadic in the coming months. But fear not, the DMT will continue to bring http://thedmt.blogspot.com/2009/10/snap-back.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Josh Metcalf)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3719673343151286353.post-3745529128058713816Thu, 01 Oct 2009 08:00:00 +00002009-10-01T03:00:04.389-05:00BFCFor everybody who has been following the clues of the $0,000 Blogfan Challenge and has been a little frustrated, here's a little help.Clue 1- All words found and unscrambled"It's another one of what you've been reading..."Clue 2- All words found and unscrambled"Circus men who eat too much. Big pants, large shoes and lots of blush."Solving these clues will point you in the direction of the next http://thedmt.blogspot.com/2009/09/0000-blogfan-challenge-update.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Josh Metcalf)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3719673343151286353.post-4660231410395150406Wed, 30 Sep 2009 08:00:00 +00002009-09-30T03:00:03.816-05:00Have you ever heard about someone having someone else "read them the riot act"? From what I understand, this usually occurs during a heated exchange of words or verbal fight. It seems like a strange time to start reading legislation to someone. I mean, think about the last time you were having an argument with someone. Would it have helped you (or the other person for that matter) if one of http://thedmt.blogspot.com/2009/09/read-riot-act.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Josh Metcalf)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3719673343151286353.post-8591533245586192868Tue, 29 Sep 2009 08:00:00 +00002009-09-29T03:00:04.509-05:00People must really love Pete. And Pete must champion a lot of causes. It's the only thing that makes sense because people are always telling people to do something for Pete's sake. Here are some instances in which people invoke Pete's name and the causes that he must support for the sentences to make sense."Just take out the trash for Pete's sake!"Pete volunteers at the Coalition for Timely http://thedmt.blogspot.com/2009/09/for-petes-sake.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Josh Metcalf)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3719673343151286353.post-2649926553021863052Mon, 28 Sep 2009 08:00:00 +00002009-09-28T03:00:01.870-05:00If you hate NASCAR, does that make you a race-ist?http://thedmt.blogspot.com/2009/09/3-hours-of-turning-left.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Josh Metcalf)2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3719673343151286353.post-1799961616480492868Fri, 25 Sep 2009 08:00:00 +00002009-09-25T03:00:02.184-05:00FFFFDon't forget to vote on the right sidebar for what should happen next!Hank pushed himself up on one elbow. He looked through the bars into the cell across the hall. Hank thought his mind was playing tricks on him. There, sitting in the cell opposite him, was the man in black from his dream. "Who are you?" Hank asked, still a little groggy."My name is Henry Glenview," he said, "But you can http://thedmt.blogspot.com/2009/09/hank-maximum-meet-skip.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Josh Metcalf)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3719673343151286353.post-7555715938532860258Thu, 24 Sep 2009 08:00:00 +00002009-09-24T03:00:03.684-05:00Have you ever noticed that people go to great lengths to come up with witty and clever ways to tell people that they are less than intelligent? Here's a few examples:The lights are on, but nobody's home.Your elevator doesn't go all the way up.You're not playing with a full deck.The problem with these one liners is that, if you are talking to someone who really is what you are saying they are, http://thedmt.blogspot.com/2009/09/direct-approach.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Josh Metcalf)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3719673343151286353.post-346925264938354065Wed, 23 Sep 2009 08:00:00 +00002009-09-23T03:00:03.006-05:00Have you ever heard someone say that you should "fight fire with fire"? This strikes me as a bit strange. How does it makes sense to fight a force of destruction with that very same force of destruction? For example, let's say an emergency room doctor is trying to save the life of a man who has been shot several times. If you take the "fight fire with fire" logic then the medical strategy http://thedmt.blogspot.com/2009/09/fight-fire-with-fire.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Josh Metcalf)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3719673343151286353.post-7062261845002650057Tue, 22 Sep 2009 08:00:00 +00002009-09-22T03:00:02.201-05:00They say that "all good things must come to an end"…but why is that? Let's examine this thought in detail. The first word in the phrase is "All". That's pretty self explanatory. However, the next word is kind of tricky. "Good". I know what you are thinking. You are thinking, "Okay, here we go," or "Well, I saw this coming,", but that's were you'd be wrong. In fact, it's the exact opposite. http://thedmt.blogspot.com/2009/09/all-good-things.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Josh Metcalf)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3719673343151286353.post-30978508220037797Mon, 21 Sep 2009 08:00:00 +00002009-09-22T20:38:05.275-05:00Has anyone ever asked you if you had a "case of the Mondays"? It has never happened to me personally, but I have heard of it happening to other people. Usually a person who asks if you have a "case of the Mondays" is one of those individuals who actually enjoys Mondays, specifically Monday mornings.In the normal human brain, Monday morning is a time of sluggishness and slow functionality. Thishttp://thedmt.blogspot.com/2009/09/case-of-mondays.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Josh Metcalf)0