The Daily Panel

Dot your flies, cross your fleas

noreply@blogger.com (Ben Carlsen) — Mon, 15 Jul 2013 16:53:00 +0000

Foolish Mortals:

But... if you did that... wouldn't they end up looking the same...? Picky boss.

Frazz:

It would take quite a few... because fireflies only make a light snack. *rimshot*

Flower children

noreply@blogger.com (Ben Carlsen) — Fri, 12 Jul 2013 15:30:00 +0000

The Argyle Sweater:

Not fair. I thought that would be the great thing about being able to make your own food. You don't have to waste time sitting around eating. You can sit around, make your own food, and do other stuff at the same time. I guess daisy moms don't allow that.

Frogs

noreply@blogger.com (Ben Carlsen) — Thu, 11 Jul 2013 16:54:00 +0000

Bound and Gagged:

If you're a prince, you can get a princess to kiss you. I guess you don't have to be a prince for that to work. If you can't find that, then you have to go back to the witch who turned you into a frog and ask nicely if she can turn you back. Of course, you probably did something to deserve it, and you'll have to learn your lesson first by being a frog and being unable to take care of yourself. As soon as you get comfortable and actually like being a frog, then you can change back.

Spitballs

noreply@blogger.com (Ben Carlsen) — Tue, 09 Jul 2013 16:20:00 +0000

Loose Parts:

This is disgusting considering how much spit you would need for a spitball that large. This particular spitball team obviously has a large number of members, as those three could not have produced enough spit for that spitball in enough time for it to be worthwhile to make. Also, I'd hate to be the poor guy who has to hold it and load it into the bazooka. Yech.

Singing in the plane

noreply@blogger.com (Ben Carlsen) — Fri, 28 Jun 2013 19:24:00 +0000

Bug Martini:

Hey, oxygen masks pop out of the ceiling and the seat cushion is not just a seat cushion. It is also a flotation device. It would be cool, though, if the seat cushion also had a parachute packed into it.

Over the Hedge:

I want random bunny backup singers to pop in whenever I insult someone. It would make it simultaneously more amusing and slightly less offensive.

Cut-out cartoonists

noreply@blogger.com (Ben Carlsen) — Thu, 27 Jun 2013 16:47:00 +0000

Frazz:

I don't have a comment on the strip itself, just on the dotted lines around the last two panels. Is that for me to cut out and do something with? Cut out and paste to my or my friend's cast? It just confused me is all.

The Barn:

Unfortunately, the cow speaks the truth. I know from personal experience.

*sigh*

Egyptian Cramps

noreply@blogger.com (Ben Carlsen) — Tue, 25 Jun 2013 16:55:00 +0000

Brevity:

I just want to know where that Egyptian woman thinks she's putting her hand. The Egyptian guy obviously doesn't want it going wherever it's going. She appears to be very interested in something, though.

In the Bleachers:

Turn around! Quick! Before it's too late! Five miles, lady! You know you can't last that long!

Jar flies

noreply@blogger.com (Ben Carlsen) — Mon, 24 Jun 2013 17:42:00 +0000

Speed Bump:

It's made to look like heaven, but this is actually the hell that people who keep flies in jars go to. Looks scary. Would make you not want to get your wings.

Nerd poems

noreply@blogger.com (Ben Carlsen) — Fri, 21 Jun 2013 16:44:00 +0000

Savage Chickens:

For the uninitiated, #FF0000 is red, #0000FF is blue, and C12H22O11 is sucrose, AKA table sugar. I could easily imagine a nerd writing a poem like this to his/her significant other. Hopefully the significant other is equally nerdy, otherwise it may not go over too well.

Zombie Kangaroos

noreply@blogger.com (Ben Carlsen) — Thu, 20 Jun 2013 15:32:00 +0000

The Argyle Sweater:

I guess the implication is that he still lives... in his mother's pouch?! Or maybe I'm thinking too hard. Maybe they live in that shed. Because that would be far less awkward. But the front walk goes right up to the mother's pouch. I really don't think they'll both fit in there. Unless she's stretched out someh- NO I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT ANYMORE.

Reality Check:

This is why "fast zombies" were invented. Because regular zombies are only scary to people who freeze with fear at them, who have no legs and/or can't run, or who only have plants to defend their house.

Supercomputer

noreply@blogger.com (Ben Carlsen) — Wed, 19 Jun 2013 19:19:00 +0000

Brevity:

I still love you, Screen Saver. I still use you. I never put my computer to sleep. After fifteen minutes of having the screensaver on, the display goes to sleep, but not the computer. Never the computer. My screensaver's awesome, too. It's a bunch of comic book covers scrolling across the screen. Long live Screen Saver!

Tailgating

noreply@blogger.com (Ben Carlsen) — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 16:32:00 +0000

F-Minus:

Horrible people use it not just to paint new parking spaces but to paint white over the blue handicapped parking spaces so they can use them without a sticker.

In the Bleachers:

Forget seeing the athletic trainer. Just walk it off. It'll grow back. Wimp.

Appreciate puns!

noreply@blogger.com (Ben Carlsen) — Wed, 12 Jun 2013 17:01:00 +0000

Frazz:

Nobody appreciates a good pun anymore. Even the characters in the comic have to react with disdain to a perfectly good pun that not only was well thought out but is actually a marketable idea.

The Barn:

That's uh... That's just gross. That's all.

Cooking fish and eggs

noreply@blogger.com (Ben Carlsen) — Tue, 11 Jun 2013 16:22:00 +0000

Reality Check:

No, no, wait. It's definitely hot enough to fry an egg on, you know, the ground there, so just wait until it's done and have it for breakfast. Oh, but you might want to remove those shells and the hat.

Loose Parts:

No! It must have been the cat. Get out of there, fish, before you're boiled for the cat's lunch!

Motivational values

noreply@blogger.com (Ben Carlsen) — Fri, 07 Jun 2013 15:55:00 +0000

Heavenly Nostrils:

This, people, is the truth. White, black, and gray are not, have never been, and will never be colors. They are values, plain and simple. So, listen to the girl and stop calling them colors.

Reality Check:

Some days I feel like I need one of those. Then I realize that hearing it would only make me feel like a dog, which isn't pleasant.

Flight and nonflight

noreply@blogger.com (Ben Carlsen) — Thu, 06 Jun 2013 16:39:00 +0000

Loose Parts:

That's incredibly mean and incredibly clever at the same time. I'm not sure whether I should be mad at them or congratulate them.

Andertoons:

If I had been to more business meetings with graph presentations, I might understand what this means. Since I haven't, I don't have a clue. I guess the line represents the amount of cawing that they have, and it's been on a fairly steady decine over the last year? That one in the front right looks like it might be good at cawing. It'll handle all the cawing for you.

Pirates

noreply@blogger.com (Ben Carlsen) — Wed, 05 Jun 2013 16:36:00 +0000

Speed Bump:

Hey, at least he doesn't pull out his cutlass and/or flintlock pistol anymore like he used to. And he keeps his ship at home and not in the pool.

Octopus

noreply@blogger.com (Ben Carlsen) — Mon, 03 Jun 2013 16:33:00 +0000

In the Bleachers:

I wonder if the octopus would get drafted onto the team. Can you imagine how useful it would be to have an octopus on a baseball team? He probably wouldn't be too good at running, though, and he might ink the umpire, but he'd be great in the outfield.

That's probably not legal, though.

Demon dress

noreply@blogger.com (Ben Carlsen) — Thu, 30 May 2013 16:22:00 +0000

Cul de Sac:

I'm with Alice and Petey. Who knows what reasons people have for selling things at a church sale. I mean, you wouldn't keep a dress from which the demons could not be exorcised, would you? No, you'd sell it at the church sale. You wouldn't keep a ridiculous looking hat that you saw move by itself, would you? No, sell it at the church sale. I bet the mom knows they're demon-haunted and just doesn't want to tell the kids. Kids know, though. Kids can tell if something's haunted or not.

Handles

noreply@blogger.com (Ben Carlsen) — Wed, 29 May 2013 17:10:00 +0000

Andertoons:

My name is Ben. My username is Arkholt. Everywhere. Just Google Arkholt. You'll find me.

Memorial Day

noreply@blogger.com (Ben Carlsen) — Tue, 28 May 2013 18:13:00 +0000

Frazz:

Rained on Memorial Day here in Jefferson City, MO. Rained today, too. But just to quibble: There may not have been American Memorial Day back then, but I bet they had a day set aside for memorials during the renaissance. I bet it rained on one of those days, too. So, take that, Frazz.

Sick and Bored

noreply@blogger.com (Ben Carlsen) — Thu, 23 May 2013 18:27:00 +0000

Savage Chickens:

I know the feeling. It's really the worst part of being sick. You're sick, so you can't sleep, or you've already been sleeping for fifteen hours and you're tired of sleeping, but you're sick, so you don't feel like doing anything or getting up, and you're too weak to get up anyway. Sounds hurt your ears, so you don't feel like music. For the same reason, you don't feel like TV, and besides, your eyes hurt, so you don't want to watch it, and of course that means you don't want to read anything. Being sick is incredibly boring.

Spam

noreply@blogger.com (Ben Carlsen) — Wed, 22 May 2013 16:02:00 +0000

Rabbits Against Magic:

I need one of those. Also, the spam mailbox should actually have a pipe that you can flush the junk mail into and that goes directly to the paper recycling center. You just look at it, see if it's anything you care about, discover it isn't, put it back in the box, flip a switch, and *foom* it's gone.

Plagiarism

noreply@blogger.com (Ben Carlsen) — Tue, 21 May 2013 16:55:00 +0000

Andertoons:

Hey, wait a minute... I feel like I've seen this one before...

I have! I even posted it on The Daily Panel! Okay, so it's not exactly the same, but it's close enough. I call foul.

Intruders

noreply@blogger.com (Ben Carlsen) — Mon, 20 May 2013 15:37:00 +0000

The Knight Life:

This is the entire reason I have a web comic and didn't try too hard to be syndicated (even though it's been my dream since I was five to have a newspaper comic strip). I also love the fact that Keef just happens to have a bludgeon with a big nail through it just in case of intruders. I need one of those.

Off the Mark:

...and splatter themselves all over you in the process. Ew.