Mostly Daily Thoughts

Warzone

noreply@blogger.com (Lord Nazh) — Tue, 24 May 2022 14:18:00 +0000

Recently played a few games on Caldera (warzone) and then...

Lots of luck in this one, but satisfying

noreply@blogger.com (Lord Nazh) — Mon, 16 Aug 2021 15:13:00 +0000

Another good warzone game (win that is)

Another Dub finally

noreply@blogger.com (Lord Nazh) — Fri, 30 Jul 2021 18:02:00 +0000

Bad Warzone Win

noreply@blogger.com (Lord Nazh) — Sat, 27 Mar 2021 03:33:00 +0000

Another WarZone win

noreply@blogger.com (Lord Nazh) — Tue, 09 Mar 2021 12:38:00 +0000

Been a minute since I won a game and I played terribly before this and decided this was my last game for the day :)

An old draft that never made it to the front.

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 24 Nov 2020 21:06:00 +0000

I stumbled across this old unpublished story i wanted to share. It is a very personal glimpse of life for those in chronic pain, trust me if you aren't one, you know someone whose life has been altered forever in the name of the greater good that is so far from helpful or beneficial to anyone.

So here is MY STORY AGAIN!
Over 2 decades ago, the thoughtless actions of an intoxicated, drugged idiot changed my life forever. For whatever reason, this guy thought downing a few ounces of GHB and getting behind the wheel of a car was okay. He also thought stopping at a red light was the same as a stop sign that day. That day, that day, that day....

He chose to run that red light at the exact moment my car approached the middle of the intersection, slamming into my car, T-boning the car and in what can only be explained as a miracle, my youngest son is a bright, sarcastic, boisterous adult. No thanks to this idiot that thought drugs and driving mixed. In that car that day, my son was spared but my spine, not so much. Already having previous surgery on my lower back to correct damage from my earlier years, the damage has cost me the life I once knew. The working mom, busy climbing the ladder and running tirelessly after 3 small children and helping her family be the best they could. All my dreams at stake. So after a long battle I was paid insurance policy limits to just go away. Advised by a lawyer not up for a fight to "take what you can get at this point". So we settled quietly. The rest of my life has been far from quiet.

I have now since, had 3 lower back surgeries, the final one being a spinal fusion at less than the age of 30. Now knowing I would forever need "more". I pushed through, forced myself through recovering from the toughest surgery I had ever imagined, learning balance and taking every step with caution. I slowly put one foot in front of the other just to raise my kids and stay active. I recovered, according to my surgeon, "beautifully". Yet something still just wasn't right. I had pain on a daily basis. What used to be a 7-8 daily was at least now, a bearable 4, so I managed. Until I didn't. Lost and scared, sitting in a hospital ER I met a very smart and bright anesthesiologist. He explained my body would no longer ignore the pain and push through without some medical intervention. I had already been on trials of drugs with nightmare endings, My MOST favorite was with Oxycontin, "the miracle drug" which promised slow and steady pain control without the risks of addiction... Yeah, that was laughable! Within weeks of the drug company shipping me LOADS of FREE pills to be their "test patient," I couldn't understand or tolerate the drugs side effects and FLUSHED every single pill. At the time never understanding just how fortunate I was to be rid of something so powerful and just as addictive, if not worse than what was already on the market. So, you can understand my fear and apprehension. Addiction to pills was already rearing its nasty and vile head within my family and friends, so I just picked myself up and pushed through. I say I pushed through, but I really didn't, the strain of my worst days was placed upon the kid's father and our supportive family. They stepped in when I couldn't. I missed so many important (to me) moments of my kids' lives. So when this very caring and intelligent Dr. is telling me he knows and understands all of my concerns and fears, and he would remain diligent to my concerns and treat my pain as a whole and not just toss pills my way to create new, more concerning problems in my mind, I gave in.

Mind you that was more than 15 years ago, so according to all the major headlines I should be a nonfunctioning drug addict, right? I mean the opioid crisis is ALL because of Drs with no morals only greed, and druggies looking for their next high... BUT SEE WE AREN'T! Chronic pain patients are some of the most caring, quiet people you know, but you don't know. We have been keeping silent out of fear. We have seen our Drs arrested, harassed and shut down, slandered all through the media. Only to have a few of the good ones come right back the very next day and operate their clinics and care for those of us that would be in desperate situations without them. They were able to do so because THEY WERE FOUND to be CLEAR AND OPERATING WITHIN and EXCEEDING the standards set. They have already required close monitoring, pain contracts, drug screens, pill counts, and psychological screenings for YEARS! Not because of some crisis, but because those controls were needed in some areas to monitor and prevent abuse and addictive behaviors.

Life as a Census Enumerator

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 24 Nov 2020 20:54:00 +0000

Many have asked what my time with the Census was like; this article, though lengthy, is WORTH YOUR TIME. It doesn't matter what side of the aisle you sit on.. If you or someone you know failed to respond to the Census whether by mail or by a trusty Census worker, as the article points out, it is "like walking past a $5 bill everyday for a decade" that is close to the amount of funding your state, city, or town stands to lose. That isn't all though, as we see with states like Alabama possibly set to lose a seat in the house.

Maybe by 2030 we will all understand how impossible but important something so traditional and created so far back in history is still a very real part of the fabric of our federal existence. If you don't want to provide the door to door census takers the needed information, MAIL IN YOUR Questionnaire by April 1st. Even then understand they may be at your door to verify a neighboring property or home has been vacant, abandoned, or whatever the situation may be.

Missing 1% of the count may not sound important but as we see the data come piling in and start to lose the funding for vital community services, watching it sent to other vital areas that showed a significant rise in population, when businesses look at these tallies and decide not to build or operate in a specific area because the data showed a dramatic drop in a particular age group, remember how important the Census still is. That even flawed, it holds a great importance, so important it was a job held by US Marshall's and still today has the option to be punished by law for refusing to comply or assist Census workers. Your community may be hit hard and then again, it may benefit you. I have no clue the results and how they stand to change our lives. I just know it will.

I personally know more than 50 people (which is a very small picture as thousands were doing the same as us, just in a different part of the country, battling wildfires, a pandemic, violent and dangerous dislike of our very existence for the oath we took) who stopped our lives to provide the most accurate and honest count of the communities we were assigned, working 10-12 hours a day 10-20 days straight. Traveling and working door to door through hurricanes, record wildfires, civic unrest, huge partisan complications, high political frustration and government mistrust, All i can say now, as I see all the fighting, court cases, and congressional meetings, I am confident I did the very best and honest job that I could possibly do.

It is frustrating to see the comments and bashing of this census. Because I know that so many of us set out to do a job, took an oath, and stood behind those to make sure we did our very best. To make sure the data the NRFU agents provided them, was honest, exact, and correct to the very best of their ability.

So PLEASE take the time to read this article, start educating yourself, your kids, your family and friends that the Census is VITAL to us all. Schools, hospitals, community outreach programs, and just about every business operates based on population and it is important to make sure EVERY SINGLE PERSON COUNTS! Even all those ancestry programs rely heavily on your responses. I for one am proud to know that 70+ years from now, my future generations will know we migrated from Alabama from the 2010 and 2020 census data. They will have an accurate and descriptive idea of our family and where we were during this time in history.

Article link below. (Great read)

What I Saw as a 2020 Census Worker

Wellness Journey

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 21 Jan 2020 03:01:00 +0000

So, a big part of the start of anyone's journey with Plexus, we are asked our why... mine has nothing to do with any type of financial growth, yes that will be a welcomed benefit, but my why.... so I am sure MANY of us can relate... you keep a crazy, hectic schedule, have insomnia or high stress, maybe both. Maybe you find yourself with an injury that has you slowed down and in pain so you just sit, as you recover you lose muscle, energy and maybe gain unhealthy weight. Maybe you suffer from multiple autoimmune diseases and every medication you try has worse side effects than the conditions you are trying to help so you only take them out of desperation.

I am in part, every single one of those I listed. As I write this, I have yet to sleep & will likely be frustrated & angry at myself when I finally doze off only to wake up at 3 in the afternoon and the day is gone. Yes I work nights but those weeks I take a break I never can sleep normal. So when I am desperate to be able to spend time with hubby when he is off or family and friends, or when I am traveling, which I do.. A LOT! I reach for 5 hour energies by the 10 pack, Red Bull, anything I can especially while driving... NONE of this is good for anyone, muchless someone with issues with anxiety, insomnia, and chronic pain, migraines, general everyday Blahs that can turn into a depression FAST. I am not expecting Plexus to be my 1 size fits all miracle. I also know I will be making small adjustments and changes as needed to get the results I want. I also take comfort in knowing I did my due diligence and researched, was given the green light by my medical team . My biggest WHY... for ME!. I will be happy to share any information or experiences with anyone wanting to hear or willing to listen. As my journey continues and you see the results I am confident are headed my way please feel free to reach out to me. We are no longer just the "pink drink people" don't get me wrong, it tastes amazing! But if you are one who relies on any type of meal replacement shakes, smoothies, or other concoctions Lean is perfect! And coming from a very picky palate, I am in LOVE with the Lean Whey Chocolate already.

2020 looks painful

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 14 Dec 2019 00:53:00 +0000

8 years ago I trusted and believed that the medical system would correct issues with pain care and they were. Random pill counts, drug screens so through they can probably tell you what I ate last week, they better at close to $700 a month. Pain contracts, psych evaluations, routine nerve studies, MRIs, and monthly visits with questionnaires checking to ensure we were safely storing medications, monitoring our mental health and risk for abuse. Various other safeguards in place for my well being. I have always been compliant. I have been patient and understanding as my specialist sat with me in his office and explained the pressure and "rules" placed on him to begin to cut medication completely and taper the others. Now, I sit terrified, I was informed as of December 31st my Drs practice is retiring. I 100% understand and don't blame them. They have fought in the trenches to protect their patients to the point they have lost money and I know the stress has caused their health to decline. It doesn't make my reality any less terrifying. See, I began pushing the boundaries and reducing medications long before I was asked. I have faked the smiles and walked the best I could with my head held high. Then I get home and spend 3 days recovering from the visit. I am silently suffering from such intense pain that some days it becomes too much and I cry out or wince in pain. I spend my days trying every compression brace, pain cream, and device available to provide relief. Something has also happened along the way. I became a GiGi. 1 by 1 my precious Angel's have come into this world and I live with such heartbreak and pain because I am not there for them, I cant take them to the zoo, the park, or even have them spend the night with me. I am not the only person suffering in my pain. My husband, my family, my friends, they have all lost the person I used to be. Many days now I spend propped up, trapped in a body that continually betrays me. It doesnt matter to the DEA, CDC or any lawmaking body that for over 10 years before they decided to violate my life and think they know better than ALL of my Drs, I was active again, I went on high school trips with my kids, slept on buses, ran up and down stadiums, and had a wonderful part time job that I loved. So now as I sit here looking towards 2020 and beyond, I am sad and in fear. What else are they going to do to take my life away... check your statistics. Not only has this war on all opioids not helped any of the true addicts but now people who once lived somewhat happy and productive lives are under so much pressure and pain from not being treated or being undertreated, they are taking their own lives... So you tell me, what do I have to look forward to. Right now I am afraid, not much. I see needing a cane, building a wheelchair ramp, making our home handicap accessible just so I can manage daily needs. All because some government agencies decided to play Doctor.

Thoughts from Shasta, Feeling Bad for not wanting to be in pain

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 27 Aug 2019 17:54:00 +0000

The fight continues and people are speaking out more and more. This is the 1st time I have shared from Shasta's Twitter but she does a lot of research and sharesbher findings and posts opinions often. Hopefully somedaye soon we can STOP THE STIGMA
https://twitter.com/Shasta77777/status/1165467657375641600?s=09

Opioid Steering Committee letter 12/2017

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 08 Apr 2019 22:54:00 +0000

This is the letter I wrote to the Opioid Steering Committee December 27, 2017

((((Please note I used part of a form letter and changed/added parts for my story.... There are TOO MANY of US BEING discriminated against. We should be covered under the ADA but it seems it does not matter. It is honestly out right discrimination. We all need to find our inner Rosa Parks and take back OUR SEAT!))))

To the FDA Opioid Policy Steering Committee

I am writing to add my comments to those of many other people in agony, concerning the mission of the FDA Opioid Policy Steering Committee. Because I have difficulty organizing my ideas, I have borrowed part of this from a letter published in social media. However everything written below is true to the best of my knowledge.
I have been a chronic pain patient for many years, as I was hit by a drunk driver in 1999, along with a spinal birth defect, resulting in 8 back and neck surgeries to date. I will require more as I age because my surgeries are just for stabilization and to prevent paralysis. I also have recurring lyme, lupus, RSD, as well as rheumatoid arthritis. I cannot take morphine, as it causes a drastic drop in blood pressure that nearly killed me on 3 occasions, until the anesthesia group determined the cause.

My doctors have tried me on many therapies. The only ones that have worked have included prescription opioid medications. I did not seek out these medications. I take only as much as needed to partially control my pain, and only under my doctor’s direction. I refused ALL narcotics until uncontrolled pain caused a TIA and I was sent to a pain management specialist who assured me he would follow my care and use closely and I would not become an addict. Now I sit in fear that once the regulations continue to pressure all Drs and pharmacies to the point no one will have access to these medications. Before you tell me that won't happen, I might mention that I no longer can get my medications through my local pharmacies, they are all too scared to take on any pain patients, I have to spend 100's of extra dollars on top of the cost of my medications to send to my husbands work approved mail order pharmacy and wait/pray my medications don't get lost or that they are delivered on time. Yes, I was forced to go through a week long withdrawal when my 30 day prescription that I stretched 40 days could not be filled ANYWHERE.

Because of the prevailing hostile regulatory environment, my doctor no longer feels safe in prescribing opioids to anyone, including me. He fears being maliciously persecuted by the DEA or State authorities and losing his license, thus his livelihood.

I have personally been harmed by denial of appropriate and effective opioid medications. I have never failed a urine test. I am not a “drug seeker”. I do not “want” to take opioids, even though nothing else works for me. I am a person in pain whose quality of life is being destroyed by government policy.

I have been told that because of these regulations, my specialists may have no choice but to stop prescribing opioid medications. From experience, I know that further lowering my dose level, or worse, will destroy my life and disable me from the few activities I am now able to do. I will once again become bed-ridden, rely on the use of a motorized wheelchair, cane, walker, and other aides just to perform daily activities.

The most important factor that is driving me further into disability is the 2016, 2017, and now coming 2018 CDC opioid prescription standards. Though written as voluntary and directed to general practitioners, Congress made them mandatory in December 2015 – three full months before publication. They are now widely regarded as mandatory standards by legislatures in several States.

There is widespread consensus among doctors that the CDC standards are fatally flawed: unfairly and unscientifically biased against opioid therapy, unsupported by medical evidence, inaccurate and grossly incomplete. Failure to acknowledge natural differences in opioid metabolism between individuals makes the standards actively dangerous to patient health and function. These standards must be immediately withdrawn for a major rewrite to correct their many errors. Patients or their advocates should be voting members among the writers group.

There is no one-size-fits-all pain patient, and there can be no one-size-fits-all opioid treatment standard for either dose or duration versus diagnosis. Imposing arbitrary limits on the number of pills prescribed, or allowing pharmacists to audit prescriptions will only drive more doctors out of practice and more patients into agony. It is time to remove government from doctor-patient relationships. You don’t know what you’re doing and people like me are suffering from your incompetence.

Most ironically of all, the well-intended actions of government in restricting opioid prescriptions are having exactly the opposite effects. Deaths from street heroin and fentanyl have skyrocketed even as the number of prescriptions has fallen in the past five years. Arguably, prescriptions made by doctors to real pain patients are not now and have never been a major factor in the death toll. Public policy on addiction must be redirected toward prevention in kids and harm reduction in adults. Restriction of pain relief contributes nothing to either goal.

We are not disposable

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 08 Apr 2019 21:23:00 +0000

People, I know many of you see the headlines "opioid crisis", you see the stories of crying families who have lost loved ones to addiction. I have too! I lost many close to me from addiction but I am also a chronic pain patient. I rely on those "awful and deadly" opioids to be able to walk. I did not wake up one day and decide to be on life long medications. To have EXPENSIVE drug screens, monthly visits with Drs (even though I LOVE my Drs deeply.) They are part of a wonderful crusade to help legitimate patients receive adequate care. They also have been forced to taper patients and taper patients more, all because some "guidelines" that law efforcement has decided to use to scare Drs, pharmacies, and patients with. I have spent the last 3 years cutting myself back on my own, voluntarily. Altogether stopping certain medications because their name is pure taboo... I mean what is your 1st thought when you hear the word fentanyl? Well for me it used to be this tiny thin patch I wore 3 days at a time. For almost 10 years I traveled the country, I worked part time jobs outside of the home, I raised 3 AMAZING and responsible kids, I volunteered at their schools, I was an energetic and happy mom, I substituted for some great schools and loved it, I even went back to college. I watched my 3 grands born. 1 of which I patiently waited days to arrive only for him to wait till the absolute last minute and caught the red eye from California to spend Christmas with our East Coast kids. Does that sound like a strung out druggie?
   Not 1 person can even begin to say I have ever had the life of a true drug addict. But I am now utterly TERRIFIED of seeing new Drs or going to an ER or Urgent care. In my experience I have been treated like a drugged out dr shopper even though I have ALWAYS followed the rules and listed every single medication, my Drs, and in big bold print I note I am "currently under a pain management contract, not seeking anything but care for.... And list my needs from these Specialists" I have been loudly told I would not get ANY narcotics from them and if/when my pain clinic was shutdown not to come begging for medications from them... I mean so loud that as I left in tears I knew every staff member heard her screaming at me, the patients in the waiting room couldnt even make eye contact with me....
    The reason for my visit that day? Well I had no primary care Dr and felt I needed someone closer in case I were to get sick, also someone to handle yearly screenings and such. Another time I literally had the flu and was in an urgent care office and treated so poorly.
   Now just the idea of seeing a new Dr sends me into a panic. I have been dealing with a ripped quad but the dr I saw told me physical therapy was all he could offer me, this after Kris, xrays, and his own in office ultrasound clearly showing the tears and damage, also a bakers cyst and issue with the way my knee could not fully straighten, his exact words "I guess at this point you will just have to fire me, I can't help you". So now the 2 inch tear is now at about 4 inches, the knee locks and somedays I can't even stand to put weight on it, but this is my life.
I have Lupus, chronic recurring Lyme, and a host of other issues, along with new issues piling on with time. I try not to cry, I try not to complain.... I reach for any and all treatments and keep an open mind about things. What hurts the most is knowing that even though I am now on less than 30% of the medications I was on before "the opioid crisis" I am also living at less than 50% of the life I once had. I can't be the Gigi that goes and gets her grands for sleepovers and weekends of fun, I can't be the wife that approaches every day with excitement. Thankfully my husband is a very low key, laid back, excellent care giver. He never resents my life or the fact I am not the wife he married. He only gets frustrated that I won't fight for my right to a decent life with no suffering, but see I am and have been fighting. I am part of many groups trying to show how fighting the war on drugs has left a large group of people suffering, so many suffering to the point of suicide. The numbers are staggering, the statistcs no one talks about. The ultimate cruel end to these people suffering to the point of suicide????? They are now counted as "an opioid related death". Yeah, disgusting. Statistics skewed to further the war on an entire group of people who are starting to believe no one hears them, no one cares, that we are disposable....
   But I am sorry, I didn't choose for a drugged out driver to run a red light and alter my life forever.
     I am NOT disposable!!
         My mom is NOT disposable!
             No chronic pain patient is disposable!

Beyond Angry

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 08 Apr 2019 18:02:00 +0000

Below is the contents of a recent Facebook post regarding a 3 month long back and forth trying to obtain my senior mom's medications... Now note... Most of them are NOT controlled class 2 meds.. But they are refusing to fill any of them...

Okay Caremark. @cvshealth ... Aka care NOT. You have met your match. Try ALL you want but I will NOT stop advocating for my mom, also I know WAY more about pain management, legislation, and laws... Must be nice to have patients PAY for their coverage and you have the CHOICE to decide whether you are comfortable filling prescriptions... I 150% understand why certain safeguards and guidelines are in place and support the majority of them but to try to confuse a patient with all your rules, that patient follow everything you have asked and STILL not help her... Then misrepresent her. I am not going to just go away quietly... So get ready for hearing from me every way I can reach out. I will have am army of support behind me... Make NO mistake. #cppwariors #wearepeopletoo #disgracedanddisgusted #sickofseeingthesestories #nowmyfamilyisoneofthesestories #mostlydailythoughts #spoonies #advocates #bluecrossofalabama #patientadvocateswhereareyou #standup #ladynazh #lordnazh #redlawhorn #painnewsnetwork #katesnow

We are many, we are trying

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 06 Apr 2019 22:23:00 +0000

So important to hear if you know anyone (yes, you do) struggling with chronic illness. Many are for the most part invisible and sonetines the symptoms are the disease. ( I know I will leave tons of groups out but here are a few). Until the body turns on itself, destroys tissues and muscles or vision and feeling. POTS, Lupus, CP, Failed surgery syndromes, Fibro, SLE, chronic debilitating migraines, persistent vertigo, recurrent Lyme disease, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Multiple Sclerosis, Parkinson's, ALS, diabeties, PCOS, COPD, Bell's palsey, Anxiety, and so many more. The list is staggering and sobering. The chances of you or someone you know, battling a lifetime of illness, sometimes even unexplained illness, is,so much bigger than you can even imagine. So when someone you know says they are sick or not feeling well "again" resist the urge to sigh and roll your eyes, learn/have compassion or just remove yourself. Chronically ill spend so much time explaining symptoms to Drs, specialists, getting tests, advocating for themselves, oh yeah, and now days fighting with pharmacies... They do not need your negativity or doubt...

It just does not matter anymore

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 06 Apr 2019 22:19:00 +0000

There are more and more articles and news reports attempting to advocate for us. It hasn't seemed to help. Things keep getting more challenging. Now insurance companies refuse to cover the medications, pharmacies refuse to fill valid prescriptions. They are be allowed to embarrass n harass and discriminate, legally. They are wearing down patients who no longer have the strength or energy to keep fighting. Many fear rocking the boat with their pharmacies and not being able to fill even a small amount of needed pain medications...

https://www.nbcnews.com/nightly-news/video/chronic-pain-sufferers-say-they-re-being-harmed-by-opioid-crackdown-1470215235918

Work and purpose

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 19 Dec 2018 19:11:00 +0000

So January of this year an opportunity came my way and as many "work from home" opportunities end up as scams, I very cautiously started with this company. They introduced me to a client and it happened to be at the very height of their busiest season of the year. I instantly fell in love.

At the end of March things were extremely slow. Even then, I swore I would just lay low and be happy where I was. The longer I have been there I made friends who had been there longer way longer than me and they had taken on more skills and reported more earning potential year round, not just 3 or 4 months out of the year. Well, I slowly took on 1 skill and another and now I am at the point of deciding if I want to move into an actually title beyond "contracted agent". It both scares me and excites me.

I have had a few ask me about what I do, I message them the information and it just isn't for them and that is okay. Unlike most people, my "job" started as a hobby, something to help my self esteem and give me purpose, also a way to help with a few wants and needs, and now hopefully in the next year, we will get to start traveling (together for fun, since I already travel.... A LOT, lol)

Well, as anyone that has worked in call center work might know, we are trained to be "ready" for suicidal calls, because sometimes a person on the edge just wants/needs to talk to a stranger. I had not slept well since Sunday so I slept on and off all evening last night and when Vern was finally ready for bed I was restless. So I thought I would see if anyone was needed and logged in.
My "call" finally came. The 1st minutes of that call time stood still. I started following protocol step by step to the best of my ability (no one call will EVER be the same or by the book) by the calls end I felt the situation was no longer dire and more like just needing to vent. Still, once they left the line I, 2nd guessed everything I did and said. I felt I had not followed protocol properly and thought at least it was going to be an excellent learning opportunitiy and expected coaching and feedback sometime today.
Well, when I got to my emails I found a great job notification we call "kudos" and was happy. With all of the recent training I had done, I was thankful I must be applying things well. Then I opened my coaching and saw it wasn't a new skill it was THAT CALL. I never expect kudos for doing what they teach us to do, and with all my uncertainty from last night, I was pleased.

Oh my knee... What!?!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 19 Dec 2018 19:02:00 +0000

....

So I have been having issues with my left knee for almost 2 years but things started rapidly worsening in October. Bracing and compression were no longer helping really. Still, with my phobia of Drs I just kept putting it off. On our Thanksgiving trip I was wearing a new pair of leggings and I noticed a strange looking indent in my leg just above my knee. Honestly I thought maybe I had been pressing my leg up against the bottom of the steering wheel so long it had imprinted. Lol. Another "excuse" not to get it checked. Then the pain starting becoming nearly intolerable. I was icing/elavating/bracing and still in considerable pain. So my next appointment, I mentioned it to my Dr and she became instantly concerned and reccomended,I see an orthopedic surgeon. So I reluctantly made an appointment. Still in my mind, expecting to hear it was just arthris and maybe need arthroscopic surgery to clean and repair. I mean I am so thinking it is nothing major, I went by myself. So after Doc checks it out he looked pretty concerned and said he thinks we are looking at a ripped quad. What!?!? I am soooo... NOT athletic, but now his concern is how long I let this go, not knowing when it started or how it happened, makes things a little risky. Not to mention since Thanksgiving the muscle atrophy has tripled in size. For now we wait for all the aggravating athorizations from insurance for testing and hopefully a better idea of what is really going on. For now I am left to restrictions, rest/ice/compression/elevation and dealing with it the best I can...

Thursday Thoughts- Anger

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 29 Nov 2018 12:00:00 +0000

Something I struggle with daily is my anger and quick temper.

Check out @KrishnaRetort’s Tweet: https://twitter.com/KrishnaRetort/status/1068011166709006336?s=09

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 29 Nov 2018 04:03:00 +0000

Check out @BrigidCovey’s Tweet: https://twitter.com/BrigidCovey/status/1065450275027202048?s=09

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 29 Nov 2018 04:02:00 +0000

Check out @CMerandi’s Tweet: https://twitter.com/CMerandi/status/1067182699935399937?s=09

Black Ops 4

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 23 Nov 2018 00:54:00 +0000

Are you a Call of Duty Black Ops Gamer looking for a group to interact, find team mates, make gamer connections, and learn/share tips, tricks, challenges, updates, etc....

Come join me Lady Nazh and friends at https://discord.gg/6ffKWMg

Black Ops Fun

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 06 Nov 2018 23:09:00 +0000

Not been as dedicated to posting lately. Between driving endless miles, work training, and the Black Ops release, finding balance has been a task. Thought I would start posting some gaming thoughts, links, and information. For anyone that plays there was a recent update that obviously dropped the anticipated Nuketown modes but several other issues were updatrd and fixed. Below is a link I found interesting. Grab up that Quad double XP and Happy Gaming!

gamingintel.com/call-of-duty/black-ops-4/update-1-07-patch-notes/

The Cycle

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 04 Nov 2018 05:07:00 +0000

   So several years ago I decided on my own, that I wanted less dependence on narcotic, prescription medications. I quietly cut myself down and kept my practitioner aware. Little did I know the storm that was brewing. Now I have thankfully weaned myself below the national "standards", but not without consequences, my daily limit on what I can accomplish is probably half what it used to be. I am finding more days that I just can't manage to leave the house and my anxiety is on high most every single day. The worst part is I feel so much older, weaker and a much bigger burden to my family. I have considered alternative therapies and medications, tried several, but nothing seems to make things much different. It also doesn't help that many alternative therapies are not covered by insurance and are extremely expensive.
     I get so angry with all the hype surrounding chronic pain and the lies so many actually believe. I mean it is easier for people to imagine their loved ones are struggling with a pill problem and not a needle or heroin I guess. So many seem genuinely concerned and angered by the "opioid crisis" but miss a VERY IMPORTANT mark. See, around the time heroin and pills started claiming so many lives we were seeing another tragic problem, funding for mental health clinics and hospitals were being slashed, inpatient treatment facilities and group homes were closed and no sound solutions to take their place.
     I am one of the first to agree that changes needed to be made, pill mills had to be stopped and held accountable. But whatever happened to "First do no harm"??? I have lost friends to addiction, my sister lost her own life because of the damage done to her body while she was in active addiction. I know there were and continue to be problems. I just don't agree with the mindset that 1 rule fits all in medical care and laws should never control the patient/Dr relationship.
    I used to think people who claimed the war of opiods was just an easier way to eliminate the weak were exaggerating the situation until this past year. Now as the effects are seen from every corner of the country I am not so sure that idea is too far fetched. I am lucky that I decided to start lessening my dependency on narcotic medications years ago because now I am below the "standard" and barely functioning. The levels I used to need would now get me flagged as a high risk patient most, if not all, Drs would refuse to take on.
      I am thankful to the team of Drs and practitioners I have, but they have had to endure so much just to take care of their patients. Things are not looking to get any better any time soon either. One of the biggest problems is that the people hit hardest by this current climate can barely get out of bed, muchless March on the steps if DC or put up much of a fight, and that makes us easy targets. I just wonder who is going to make the changes needed and will it be too little too late?

Traveling Thoughts

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 29 Oct 2018 08:20:00 +0000

A day in my life... Traveling Thoughts

So I know we all have joked about it at one time, but WHY do people continually want to hang out and drive in the passing lane? Why do people really not know how to properly use a median? How many of us REALLy know how to parallel park? Haha! So many of us jump in our cars and just go. We never even realize there is a world full of other distracted and even selfish drivers. I mean how many times have you seen a vehicle stay in the left lane going down the interstate? I have seen so many, too many... I always get especially tickled at the ones that ride in the left lane, move over for approaching cars and then GET BACK into the left lane. I think a lot of it equates back to the old term used for the left lane. My elders called it the "fast lane". Now the lane is more properly called the "passing lane". Many states are even cracking down on those left lane laggers and issue tickets to them. I do find myself particularly ill when a left lane driver holds up a nice flow of traffic and refuses to budge. Many of us are always in a hurry and push the peddle as far as we can. We all just need to remember we aren't the only ones on the road and we should always be giving the road our 100% attention and care.

Anxiety

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 10 Oct 2018 08:28:00 +0000

Living with anxiety is a tough road. Only those who experience real anxiety understand what I mean. Those days you can barely leave the house or answer the phone. The constant worry that everyone in your life is okay. The unreasonable thought that somehow you can fix everyone's problems, and if you don't or can't, you are failing them. The nights you lay awake with thoughts swirling around your mind. Issues you can't fix or change, the irrational thoughts something is terribly wrong but you just don't know what. The constant thoughts that everyone has some negative thoughts or judgement of you.... It can be exhausting, isolating, and a rough existence. So if you know someone that struggles with anxiety or even depression, make a point to reach out to them. A simple text "hey, you were on my mind today, I love you..." Or just checking in on them goes a long way. Not everyone struggling may be up to a visit or even a phone call, but a simple message showing you care means so much. So keep up with those you love that struggle. You never know what they are dealing with or going through, you just might even save a life.