The Daily Record - Teen Talk

Summer loving happened so fast - but will it last?

2012-05-28T06:10:01Z

Dear Alex,

Last summer I started seeing this lad but I was never sure what was going on between us.

We only met when our mates were around because we got together down the park in a group.

We used to snog and hold hands but I never really got to know him properly.

When school started I couldn't see him because we didn't all meet up. Now summer is back I'm unsure how I'm going to feel.

Will he still like me? Should I pretend it never happened, or try and pick things up?

Julie, 16

A lot can change in a year apart, particularly when you didn't have the most solid of foundations to begin with.

What's important is that you're prepared for things to go either way.

Summer when you're 16 is about enjoying yourself with friends.

The hint of romance that we all heard about all those months ago on the X Factor has survived the public attention.

Zayn Malik and Perrie are now reportedly crazy about each other.

If your lad is the strong, silent type like Zayn, who knows, maybe he's been waiting for you too.

I did something stupid.. should I tell?

2012-05-28T05:56:31Z

Dear Alex,

My boyfriend and I have been going out for six months, but in February I did something really stupid.

I was at my best mate's leaving party and there were all my mates there, including the boys. Everyone was getting off with each other and me and this guy did too.

A couple of my mates know and I'm worried my boyfriend will find out.

Sharon, 14

BE prepared for him to find out. If you share the same group of mates, it's more than likely he may hear what happened.

I would also re-evaluate what you want.

You're young to be in a deep relationship - maybe this slip-up happened because you're not really happy being tied to one lad.

It would be better coming from you than someone else. Have a think about what it is you really want.

Is 18-year-old lad too old for me?

2012-05-28T05:54:54Z

Dear Alex,

I've wanted a boyfriend for ages and now I'm going out with an 18-year-old. He treats me great and I love him to bits.

The problem is I'm only 15. He doesn't force me to sleep with him but he wants me to go to his house and vice versa. I'm in such a muddle.

I don't want to lose him because I've wanted him for so long.

Jenny, 15

You say that you've wanted him for so long, but it seems to me what you've wanted is any boyfriend.

It may not seem as if the age gap is relevant, but it is. Regardless of whether he's tried to have sex with you, he could still get in a lot of trouble if your parents ever found out.

Secondly, he is a lot older, and the type of relationship he will want is different to the kind you want.

Part of this will be to do with sex, but part will be about different emotions.

How can you look after him if you don't know his world?

You can't help him face the day-to-day situations that go with being 18 when you're 15.

You have a lot of developing left and you need to be doing it around someone who is your own age.

I'll never be as beautiful as the girls in magazines

2012-05-21T06:15:39Z

Dear Alex,

WHEN I look in the mirror, I think I look OK but I never look as good as the girls in the magazines.

I spend hours wondering what it is I have to do to be beautiful - I try and follow the diets they suggest, wear the clothes I'm supposed to, and I won't go out of the house without my make-up.

No matter how many times people tell me I'm pretty it doesn't matter because I don't look like the girls in the magazines.

I find myself obsessing over it all the time. Please help me.

Carrie, 17

Magazines are often criticised for promoting plastic images of very unreal women.

It's a fact that these "models" don't really look like their pictures, which have been photoshopped.

Kim Kardashian's Sketchers Shapers shoe commercials caused outrage recently, as she falsely attributed weight loss to wearing the shoes.

Her image was the result of airbrushing and the product didn't have anything to do with it.

Stop trying to emulate people who only exist in print. The one thing you need to do to look your best is to eat healthily and drink lots of water.

Will his religion bar us from dating?

2012-05-21T05:09:06Z

Dear Alex,

I need your help because I really like this boy in my year but there's one problem, he's Muslim.

He doesn't know that I fancy him but I'm good friends with him and he flirts back. Do you think I would be allowed to date him?

Cassie, 15, Leeds

Clearly he likes you but perhaps his religious and cultural heritage may come between you.

It really depends on how strictly brought up he has been - some people in any group are simply more religious than others. Regardless, you may find that the biggest barrier you face is family.

His relatives and friends may expect him to be with a girl from his background.

However, you won't find out unless you try to have a conversation with him.

And at the end of the day, what have you got to lose? Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

How can I make sure we last?

2012-05-21T05:00:15Z

Dear Alex,

I've been going out with my boyfriend for a month now and I think I really love him.

The thing is, this is my first relationship. I keep getting anxious that I'm going to make a mess out of our thing.

What can I do to make sure that we stay together?

Jennifer, 16

There's no secret formula that guarantees a happy relationship but I'm going to give you a checklist that will ensure you can at least say you've tried your best.

If you make sure you do all the things on my list then your boyfriend really shouldn't have much to complain about:

● Offer true trust when you feel loved

● You have to respect one another's opinions

● Offer emotional support to one another

● Have time to listen to the other's problems

● Have fun together

● Try to laugh at the same stuff

● Share your innermost thoughts with each other

● Back down when you realise you've made a mistake

● Apologise when you go too far

● Cherish each other's love - no mean jokes.

I fancy my tutor - why doesn't he look at me?

2012-05-14T06:10:57Z

Dear Alex,

I'VE just started sixth-form college and have a major crush on my tutor. He is 25 years older than me but looks really good for 42.

I wish there was some way I could get his attention. I know that he wouldn't be able to date me as there is such a big age gap, but it would be nice if he would occasionally look
my way.

I just want to feel like if the age gap wasn't there then he might be interested.

How can I get him to see that I'm not a little girl and more than just his student?

Tori, 17

I can guarantee that it's not the age gap alone that is preventing him from looking at you with desire.

It is the fact he is your teacher and you are in his care. It would be grossly unprofessional
of him to act on any feelings of affection, even if he had them.

If you want more evidence about age-gap relationships then look no further than Chloe Madeley, who is dating a man 21 years her senior.

You can follow Chloe's example and go for an older guy, but keep your personal life disentangled from your school work, or you will just make everything impossible.

Help! My ex is spreading rumours

2012-05-14T05:08:34Z

Dear Alex,

There is a guy at school who ever since I dumped him has been really mean to me. He's been spreading it around that I'm a b***h and stuff like that.

Recently, his new girlfriend came up to me and hit me. She said I was spreading rumours she was pregnant, which I wasn't. What can I do? He won't even talk to me.

Anne-Marie, 13

I'm guessing you didn't go out with this lad for a very long time but clearly he took it more seriously than you did. Maybe it wasn't just being dumped that hurt him, but the way you went about it. Were you cruel to him about your reasons for the split?

It seems you certainly burnt your bridges.

Learn a valuable lesson from this - not everyone is always going to like you and you can't please everyone.

Just ignore this girlfriend of his.

Why has he lied about us online?

2012-05-14T05:00:42Z

Dear Alex,

There's this boy at my school who has gone and told everyone on Facebook that he's my boyfriend.

He's written it all over his profile and has even put up pictures of us from a school trip we were on last year.

I used to think he was all right but after he did this, I don't know what to think.

I'm too angry to talk to him about it. Why would someone do something like this when it's clearly all made up rubbish?

Zoe, 12

If you haven't spoken to this boy about it, then how do you know that it was him that posted these things in the first place?

Is it possible that a troublesome mate of his has stitched him up?

It's very easy to leave yourself logged into your Facebook only to find someone else has had a laugh at your expense.

I would make sure you have your facts straight and that you're sure of this lad's guilt before you start accusing him.

If you make a scene with him and it turns out it wasn't his fault, then you're playing into the hands of his stupid mates and giving them the laugh they were looking for.

Speak to him about it. I don't think he knows what has been done to his account.

Life feels doomed since teacher's cancer news

2012-05-07T06:10:24Z

Dear Alex,

I just found out that my teacher at school has serious cancer. We aren't very close but ever since I heard the news I've been inconsolable.

I couldn't stop crying for days and couldn't go to school because I was so upset. My mum was really nice and stayed home with me to look after me.

I've never known anyone who has died. I've never had any pets and both my grandparents are still alive.

I didn't realise how scary it feels to hear that someone might die - even when you don't really know the person.

I wish I knew some way to put the happiness back into my life but everything seems doomed since I found out.

Susan, 13

Death is about perspective. We could all die today - and we will all die one day - but you can't live in constant fear.

Life goes on - and the challenge and struggle is to make the most of that.

It's about HOW we live. Some people waste most of their time but live to 100. Others change the world but die at 30. I bet your teacher has already changed you.

Cancer doesn't automatically mean death today. Letting death "win" is not the answer, so hold on to hope.

Is my long-distance love just a fantasy?

2012-05-07T05:03:06Z

Dear Alex,

I've been "going with" a boy I met online for three months.

He lives in Sweden and he's amazing. I adore everything about him. He's absolutely gorgeous, and so kind to me.

He's attentive, original, clever, sensitive and funny. We met playing online games, soon began chatting on Facebook and now we Skype each other every night before bed.

I'm so happy but I keep worrying that the things I'm feeling aren't real because I don't know him in real life. We've never kissed and I don't know if we'll ever get to.

I worry that the person I think I know might just be a construct of my imagination that has been built on some cyber image.

Rachel, 16

I THINK there are some key questions you need to ask yourself. Do you think you should be faithful to him?

Are you missing the physical aspect of the relationship, and if so, how long can you go on like this?

It's unlikely you're going to move from Scotland to Sweden at the age of 16 or for him to come here. Try and work out if you're going to be able to cope with how this might make you feel.

Is it worth nipping it in the bud before these feelings get too strong to ignore? If the two of you keep at it long enough you could eventually be together in real life, but it could be a very long wait.

Ultimately only you can make the right choice.

How will I know that I'm in love?

2012-05-07T05:00:49Z

Dear Alex,

How do you know when you're in love? I was crazy about this really handsome guy but then the next week I liked someone else.

My mum told me it wasn't love but it was 'infatuation'. What did she mean, and will I know when I'm in love?

Tara, 12

Love is caring for someone beyond your own needs, while infatuation is a far more selfish type of crush.

Love is about sticking with someone through the ups and downs. Infatuation is intense and makes you feel dizzy, but ultimately it's pretty short lived.

Everyone's definition of love is slightly different and changes as they grow older. As you experience it, you'll begin to make your own definitions.

Once you fall, you'll know - everything changes.

New boyfriend doesn't measure up to my ex

2012-04-30T06:05:34Z

Dear Alex,

My boyfriend dumped me a month ago and immediately got himself a new girlfriend.

It hurt to realise he could move on so fast. I didn't want to be pathetic and I felt really lonely so started seeing a new guy last week.

Whereas my ex seems to have moved on with his life, I can't help but feel my new boy is just a shadow of him.

Asha, 17

You have my sympathy on getting dumped.

I know you don't want to hear this but the reason your boyfriend has been able to move on so quickly is that he was the one who wanted to end it.

In every break-up there's always one side that is happier.

I don't know if it was because he had feelings for this new girl already, or if he's just a fast mover.

Either way, the fact that he hasn't given you a second thought shows he no longer felt the same way you did.

Don't end up like Katy Perry who was papped with Russell-replacement Rob Ackroyd frantically snogging at the Coachella Festival in California.

If you're trying to do a Katy and make your ex jealous, then I'm sorry to say your time is being wasted as much as hers.

I've got crush on boy who's taken

2012-04-30T05:22:02Z

Dear Alex,

This boy I have a massive crush on has a girlfriend. Neither he nor his girlfriend wants to go out any more, but they won't finish it.

I'm not very desirable, although my friends keep convincing me I am. I want his number before the hols but I don't have the courage to ask him. I'm so confused, what should I do?

Frankie, 14

Hmm, this all sounds a bit like only half the story. Let me guess, did you get a lot of these details from a friend, of a friend, of someone who sort-of knows him? This thing about him not liking his girlfriend but not finishing with her sounds to me like one of your mates is telling you porkies. If he was single, I'd tell you to build up the confidence to ask for
his number.

I don't like hearing you put yourself down either. Find out the facts, then if he IS single you can ask for his number.

I like this lad but not his smoking

2012-04-30T05:00:00Z

Dear Alex,

I feel stupid. There's this boy who likes me a lot and he keeps telling me that he loves me and stuff.

I do like him a bit but the thing is he smokes and this is what really puts me off.

I feel like I'm the one being pathetic. Should I go out with him and just get over the smoking thing?

Stacey, 13

Just because someone likes you doesn't mean you should somehow feel obliged to like everything they do.

I know when it happens for the first few times it can almost make you feel guilty if you don't agree about everything but it's a feeling you have to get used to.

As you go through life you'll find that this sort of thing happens a lot more frequently and that you have to learn to let these suitors down gently (or, in the case of the less desirable ones, just tell them to get lost).

And there's also nothing wrong with taking a stand against smoking.

Despite opinions to the contrary smoking isn't cool.

In fact, it makes you cool that at 13 you already see smoking as a smelly, bad habit.

If you have the confidence to stick to your guns I think you're going to grow up to have a very wise head on your shoulders.