The Daily Wyatt

I just cared that he was born alive and healthy.

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 17 Sep 2013 15:11:00 -0600

If you haven't heard we’ve moved this blog to here: Classy Mustachey and I just posted exciting news there…

…Cody and I Well mostly I had plans to try and deliver Gunner as a natural (no epidural) VBAC (vaginal after C-section.) I wanted the experience. That moment that when your baby comes out and all you hear his is cry and you can’t help but cry yourself because you just birthed that thing and man was it tuff but you did it. That empowerment, that moment that no one could take from you because you did it, you survive it, you brought a human into the world naturally like they did in the old days and man was it all worth it.

But I didn't get that…

SEE MORE ON THE NEW BLOG and follow us on BLOGLOVIN’ !!!

Also visit our new social pages: Facebook and Instagram!!

I'm starting over.

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 3 Sep 2013 10:13:00 -0600

For awhile I have been thinking about making changes to this here blog. I have been blogging now for about 5 years ever since Wyatt was in my tummy. I have learned a lot and I want to make this internet space I have and well make it more. I want it organized, fresh, full of the things I love, the trails I’ve had and take out all the fluff that doesn't matter and didn't matter then.

So I thought and thought about what I wanted it to be like, what I’d call it. If I would just change this name here or if I’d make a brand new space and I finally took the plunge last week and made a brand new site which I have been designing the last few nights.

I still have to bring over the posts I want to keep but for right now you all should check out my new space. Classy Mustachey. I will be posting all my new stuff there while bringing over the old. I hope that you all choose to follow me in my new home Classy Mustachey.

Who needs a real vacation anyway?

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 26 Jul 2013 08:29:00 -0600

I am currently sitting in the middle of my living room surrounded by boxes filled with old memories, lost treasures and junk that I will be happy to get rid of. This week of my “staycation” is coming to an end. I have accomplished a lot. Wyatt’s old baby clothes have been washed folded and put away in his old crib drawers. His old baby blankets folded and tucked away waiting for the soon arrival of his brother. The crib is put together and all I have left to do is hang pictures.

We have cleared out our storage shed which brings me back to the boxes I am surrounded by. My husband he is a saver and he saves everything for the “just in case” moments. On one hand I am grateful that he made me do that with ALL of Wyatt's old baby stuff because now we need nothing but a new car seat and diapers. On the other hand we have been paying for a storage shed for years and half of the stuff I will be selling tomorrow at my yard sale. (so if you are in the South Ogden area come buy my junk!)

Its been sorta fun looking through all the junk we have collected over the years. The memories it brings back of the times Cody and I were living together kid less and freshly in love. It is crazy how you can pack all those things away and once you unpack them the love comes back to you like they have never left because really they haven't they have moved into more of the mature love you craved then anyway.

And to see the little outfits Wyatt wore when he left the hospital and when he was so tiny tugs on my heart strings. I soon will be having another little one and that made this whole week become real. Because up until this week I have done nothing for the arrival of Gunner nothing but feel him kick and move and give me heart burn. But now, with everything getting taken care of it is becoming real. He will be here before I know it and that my friends makes this week of digging in old boxes, dealing with spiders and dust bunnies and doing a ton of laundry worth it instead of using my vacation time to sit on a beach and drink fruit drinks because who needs a real vacation anyway?

Today is the day people.

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 22 Jul 2013 08:12:00 -0600

It is, it is the day I start my nesting adventure. My mother is coming over. The storage shed that has not been open for a year will be opened to reveal all the things we saved for almost 5 years from when Wyatt was little that we will dig through to make sure that we can actually use them for Gunner. I am sure I will be bringing up baby memories of Wyatt with each little outfit I sort through I feel that I might just cry.

I will be hanging pictures this week, putting a crib up and well I will actually start acting like this new baby will be coming. I will also be figuring out the last details of the little baby shower I am throwing for myself. Well it will be more of a Gunner celebration because I feel like it is only fair that Gunner gets his own celebration of his arrival since Wyatt had one too. Plus, I think it will help Wyatt with the idea of his brothers arrival.

Yesterday on my first day of the I don’t work for a week so lets do nothing but play on Pinterest day I found some prints of inspiration for Gunner’s little cowboyish theme of a room. Here are some links to those prints I will be using. *click the picture for the source.

And can I say that I am beyond excited to get this room together that I actually cried yesterday to my husband because I just realized that I will be have a baby less then 8 weeks. I seriously had a mini panic attack that I would not be ready and that everything that this nursery represents will determine the readiness I will be able to handle with 2 kids. So it must MUST be done by the end of this week because I have no time… or least I think I don’t.

So here’s to hoping that I can get what I need done and here’s to hoping that it will turn out the why I envision.

“Staycation” or am I just nesting?

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 19 Jul 2013 16:30:00 -0600

Its funny to me how different I am with this pregnancy. I remember that I was completely ready with the nursery and everything we needed or so we thought we needed by 20 weeks with Wyatt and well I am currently heading into 33 weeks with Gunner and have yet to do or buy anything.

Tomorrow is my last day at work before my “staycation” where I have taken off the week to get myself ready for the baby. My mom is coming over to help me sort through all of Wyatt’s old baby clothes to see if they are still good and all of his other baby stuff we’ve saved. I will also be getting the crib out of the storage to make sure that it is still in good shape so we will be able to officially make a nursery for the my little pistol. I am thinking of going with a cowboy theme to fit with his name.

So tonight I will be searching for prints and ideas because I have nothing in mind for him. So if you have any ideas let me know. But I do know that I am officially in the nesting stage because I cant seem to do anything with out cleaning and reorganizing plus I really really have the need to make everything look and feel nice.

I have already turned the playroom upstairs into Wyatt’s new room so that we could move Gunner into his old room so he’d be closer to me and I just got finished going through all of Wyatt clothes that he has now to make room in the closet for all the stuff we will be putting in there for Gunner (since the old playroom doesn’t have a closet.) I have sorted everything that we have in the house to make sure it has a place because I am DONE with the piles that seemed to be piling up with the lack of energy I have had lately.

I am also hoping to have a yard sale on Saturday to get rid of everything that we’ve collected that we never used and put in a closet because I am done with those too. Needless to say this kid is coming in 50 days and I am in a good rush to get things done and ready for him because I am clearly not but I am so ready to be. I am done with this pregnancy and cant wait to be a mother of two.

…until I can actually breath and walk with out waddling.

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 13 Jul 2013 20:43:00 -0600

Currently I am work. My door to my office is closed the lights are off and the little fan I stole from someone else's office is blowing full force on me. The lunch I have been snacking on has given me heart burn and my feet are swollen.

I am pregnant. I know that you all know this. But what I am saying is that I am pregnant. Like full on. This kid is so heavy that I cant breath most of the time and my stomach is so hard that when I walk I waddle because if I don’t then I would pee my pants. I am officially in the uncomfortable better get out of my way I might hurt you stage of pregnancy. And it sucks.

Let me share with you something that happened to me randomly yesterday that might help you understand how I feel at this moment. I woke up at 9am after having slept for 9 hours I started breakfast and got Wyatt's ready. After I handed it to him I sat down on the couch to catch my breath and bam 2 hours later woke up from a random nap in a rush to hurry and get ready for work.

How I didn’t know that I was sleeping was crazy and thank god Wyatt is old enough to entertain himself with out setting the house on fire because I bet I would have slept through that too.

Today, the same thing happened only this time it was late in the afternoon and Wyatt said to me “Mom, go lay here I get your blanket you go to sleep because your eyes are so tired looks like they hurts.” I did just that and boy was I out quick. I again woke up in time to get to work.

Now I am at work and all I want to do is sleep. I look at my computer and I think of my bed. I talk with associates and I think of my bed and now that I am closed in my office on lunch ready to take a nap. Sleep seems to not existed. 2 more hours. 2 more hours before I get to lay in my bed with a thousand pillows pushed into my sides to hold this crazy baby still so I can actually sleep. 2 more hours but 55 more days until I can actually breath and walk with out waddling.

Gunner Jonathan

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 17:14:00 -0600

Little Gunner,

You and I have moments where I am still in disbelief that you are in fact a real little person in my belly. Most days I forget that I am pregnant until I feel a kick from you. Its hard to imagine what life is going to be like with you in it.

To be truthful I am scared to death that you are coming. I am scared that adding you in will be too much of a mix and that it will be something we wish didn't happen. The whole thought of a little teeny tiny baby is a weird concept to me. I know that I have done this before, I get the generally idea of what it will be like to rock you, feed you, change your diaper and cuddle you when you cry. But right now the thought of adding you to my heart is scary and I am unsure how to do that.

I know that once you are here all the questions will be erased and the room in my heart will grow and you will fit nicely in it. But I am going to be scared to death until it does.

You and I spend our nights together awake as I feel you moving and most of the time you catch me off guard and I am totally surprised when I get to actually see my stomach move with the hard firm kick you give. I actually say out loud OH MY GOSH!

You are big now, I am big now. I waddle, have backaches and my feet swell. This pregnancy is so different that I find my self wondering how you are going to be. Are you a mini me? A wild child? A go getter? Are you the missing spice in our life?

Gunner Jonathan, my little gun, pistol, soon to be… you, my boy will be a joy to have regardless of the fears that I am having. I know that you will be welcomed into our home with open arms and your life will be filled with all the love we can give and you, my son you will be ours and we will be yours and life will change for the better with you in it.

I am going to choose to be positive today. Are you?

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 28 May 2013 10:39:00 -0600

Cody and I got in a fight this week. One of those you say things that you regret fights. Where the yelling out ways the talking and the tears run hot on your face. I am unsure really what it was all about. It seem to consist of everything that bothered us about each other over the last few months which boiled up quickly and hit the fan hard.

A few truths did come out which made him think and which also made me think. One thing he said that rang true for me was that I am always negative. Once he said that I stopped and really thought about that.

Am I? Really? Do I tend to lean to the bad things? Have I lately? And to be completely truthful I have.

At work I am negative.

At home I am negative.

In my car I am negative.

When speaking with friends I am negative.

When speaking with family I am negative.

It has become a full time thing for me.

I rarely have positive things to say about co workers, about my friends, about my family, about anything really.

Why is that?

I know that I have good intentions. I know that I wish to spend my days in bright happy moments and that I long for them but cant seem to get there.

I could blame the pregnancy and say that I am full of hormones that make me go crazy. But then why was I this way before the kid was kicking the shiz out of my belly?

I could say that my IUD was making me crazy (which I think it was.) but really its mind over matter right?

I have come a costumed to being negative. I share only negative stories and thoughts. I demand that people be on the same level as me so I can relish in their own negative thoughts. I can relate to people who talk the same way as I do. I will get bored and tend to be bothered by you if you are happy or talk positive. I tend to do the pshhh yeah right face and push you off as being fake and will get annoyed quickly by your positivity.

So how do you get your positivity back? Well I did the whole “lets search Google and find out how thing” and I read this...

“Being a positive thinker is not about ignoring reality in favor of aspirational thoughts. It is more about taking a proactive approach to your life. Instead of feeling hopeless or overwhelmed, positive thinking allows you to tackle life's challenges by looking for effective ways to resolve conflict and come up with creative solutions to problems.”

So how do you do that? How do you become a positive thinker?

Well I think it all comes down to a choice. Am I going to be negative about this or can I choose to find the positive? The more times I choose to be positive the more likely I will be just that, positive. And knowing that my attitude effects the people and actions around me needs to matter more than it has. The more I am negative the more negative things will surround me. But can you image how it will be if I choose to be have positive things around me? It would be amazing.

I am going to choose to be positive today. Are you?

Where work obligations don’t sneak in on the weekends.

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 25 May 2013 12:41:00 -0600

I am currently waiting for the laundry to dry so I can get ready for work. Wyatt is currently destroying my clean living room by bringing any toy he can find to just put it on the floor to go grab another one and the baby is currently cooking in my belly.

I am a little bummed that I have to go to work today and not only go but that I have to close. I keep looking out the window wishing I washed all our clothes last night so I could at least have a moment in the sun with Wyatt before I go to work but instead we are stuck in pjs looking out the window at others having fun.

These are the days that I long to be a stay at home mom where work obligations don’t sneak in on the weekends. Where we could be at a splash pad running through the water or we could be at park sliding down slides or I could be preparing for a BBQ but instead I am still waiting for the laundry to dry so I can slip into my work clothes.

This summer my plan is to do. Just to do. This will be the last summer I have with only Wyatt. The last summer with our family of three. The last summer where Wyatt is the only child.

Our summer to do list:

Camp in the backyard
Camp in the mountains
Tube down the river
Make smores
BBQ
Go on bike rides
Picnic
Go to the zoo
Get a pool for the backyard
Build a birdhouse
Visit the farmers market
Go to an amusement park
Mini golf
Bowl
Sparklers
Eat a whole watermelon
Make mud pies
Look at the stars
Go to the swimming pool
Go to the lake
Feed the ducks
Roll down a hill
Go to the drive in movies
Watch fireworks
Go to a baseball game
Go to festivals
Eat a lot of cotton candy
Eat a ton of popsicles
Go to a waterpark
Get a slip and slide
Go on a train
Have a water balloon fight
Build a fort outside

and hopefully a lot more. What are you guys going to do this summer?

Oh Hello Summer.

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 23 May 2013 13:22:00 -0600

Hello summer, you are slowly making your way to us. We’ve spent our days as of late basked in your warmth and allowed the grass to tickle us as we laid to watch the puff clouds you make so graciously for us to gaze at in your bright blue sky.

Oh hello summer, your sunshine is like powdered gold over the grassy hillside where we will beg for ice cream cones, lakes to cool our toes in and craved only barbeque treats.

We ask for fire pits in your cool evenings to help melt sticky marshmallows and clear nights to see nothing but the thousand stars in your deep night sky.

Oh hello summer, you come to slow and leave to quick but this year, this year we will do nothing but enjoy you.

I think working moms get a bad rap.

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 14 May 2013 08:32:00 -0600

Cody and I had a talk last night about the kid in the belly and the boy that we call Wyatt. It started off talking about how weird it is going to be to have another one and how we cant imagine what it will be like, then it drifted off to how nervous it makes us which then led to us talking about me and working again.

While I was pregnant with Wyatt I worked full time had only two weeks off after he was born and then went back to work full time again. I worked full time hours for a few months and then made the choice to go part time because I notice how difficult it was for Cody to care for Wyatt as a new born. In a way I am glad that I stepped into a part time role but also it was more difficult for us then finically. Cody was and still is an excellent provider but you can only do so much with one income.

So for the first year of Wyatt’s life I stayed home during the week and worked the weekends. Cody last night talked about how he is worried that with me working that I will not be here to teach the new kid how I taught Wyatt. Then he said how it makes him upset that now since I am working I don't do the same things I did with Wyatt when he was little and that he is not being taught anything new.

Man, talk about throwing me into some mom guilt. Thanks. I know that I have talked so much on here about working full time and the stress of trying to be a mom, wife and a full time employee and how it can be hard to juggle it and that most days I wished I’d stay home but when Cody said that I become very defensive.

I do a damn good job at raising Wyatt. He is smart, listens really well and is quite funny and just because I am a working mom does not mean that I don't spend time with him. I mean my days are filled with the worry of Wyatt and if he is being fed, bathed, taught, paid attention too. I pick the right people to take care of him when I have to be at work and I demand that they also care about all those things too and that on the days that he needs me more, work is the last thing on my mind.

I turn down vacations alone with friends, I don't go out every weekend and on my days off they are filled with what fun things am I going to do with Wyatt. If I have to go do errands on my days off I don't make Wyatt go to a babysitters I take him with me.

Who says that working mom’s cant raise their children to be amazing adults. What is the difference of me being home 24/7? Maybe the house would be cleaner and I’d cook more meals but really I would expect Wyatt to be just how he is and learning just what he is learning. I aint going to hold his hand around the house and I wouldn't want him around me at every second because my god does he need to learn to be able to entertain him self because people aren't going to do that for him.

I do understand Cody’s fear though. This kid (the baby) is going to have a different start then Wyatt did but don’t all second kids do? I was a fresh mom with Wyatt I bought all new things, had to have the most expensive stuff, I maybe held him to long and picked him up at every cry. I mean what new mother doesn't?

But I get it now, I get what is needed and what isn't. I will be the mother that is needed even if that means that I have to work or who knows maybe I will make that choice to stay home after the kid is born but regardless I think working moms get a bad rap.

Just because we work to help provide a better life for our children doesn't mean that we are any different then the stay at home moms. Because I know when I stayed home I had the same worries that I do now as a working mom. I just get to juggle more.

I am a freaking weird burp throwing up women who screams at her co workers.

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 19 Apr 2013 16:28:00 -0600

I just mopped the shit out of my kitchen floor. It made me hot and sweaty and I about wanted to kill my cats. Who thought it was so funny to keep running across the newly mopped areas and making them well, dirty again. I might have thrown them in a fit of rage but I wont admit to anything cause that's animal abuse people and I aint like that.

Can we just talk a second about my animals and how ridiculous they are as of late. My dog literally has peed on my bed in the middle of the night right next to my head and I have rolled in to it only to wake up smelling of piss. This as caused my husband to sleep on the couch (which is the most uncomfortable thing ever) and it leaves me to still sleep next to the highly smelling like cleaning solution bed because we have only one couch and a toddler bed that are taken so I get the piss bed. Yeah, that sucks.

This dog, Kipper has been peeing all over ever since we got him nurtured two weeks ago and instead of thinking “oh there must be something wrong, I should take him to the vet.” I just wanted to kill him. Then my husband who is all knowing said “You should probably call the vet and make an appointment there could be something wrong.” Sceptical, I called and made an appointment for today. I found out that this poor thing has a bladder infection. My god, I am the worse dog parent ever. Thankfully we got meds and he is doing much better so far. So I am hoping for a free night of not sleeping on piss.

My cats on the other hand might need a new home if they keep going back in my kitchen. Seriously.

Wyatt, has been in this scientist kick. Everything lately has been an experiment. Right now he currently has a “experiment” on my desk where he put a ton of different ~~weeds~~ flowers in a cup filled with water and different crumbs of food all mixed together. So its currently growing mould and stinks and I have to keep reminding him that he cant drink it because it “could ruin the experiment.” and really that's just gross. So if you guys have any ideas of some experiments that we could try that would be awesome! I would love to do something that isn't as gross or actually teaches him something besides how mould grows.

The baby is doing good. I did however this morning do a weird burp that turned in to flying throw up that I had to clean up this morning. It was super weird and super gross. The babe well, he is still nameless and I am slowly coming around to the fact that it could actually be a boy like the doctor said but we will see.

I did have a mini melt down this week at work in the management meeting where I freaked out and told them I had only 4 months left and they better be prepared to be with out me. Yeah, I bet I sounded like a freak.

But really guys, I am already panicking about the amount of time I have left before this kid shows up. It seems like it is flying by and I have nothing ready. I swear I wasn't like this with Wyatt. But this kid, well he is just making me a freaking weird burp throwing up women who screams at her co workers.

Yeah, I am a little nuts. But on the plus side every time I have a freak out moment the husband takes me shopping. So that's awesome.

I will leave you with some old instagram photos of Wyatt and Kipper… because a post isn't as good with out pictures. Oh look how adorable. That's back when I liked my dog. ;)

I hope you all are having a good week end! I actually took photos with my camera that I will be posting soon so look out for them.

Your a surprise party waiting to burst out.

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 16 Apr 2013 13:28:00 -0600

How do I feel about this second kid who is still growing inside me? I am unsure with how my emotions should be. I know that I am excited to hold him for the first time and put a face to this tiny heart beat that squished up against my belly. That I will get to count his toes on the feet that kick each time he hears his daddy. That I will get another hand to hold, another mouth to kiss, another soul to love.

Your like a secret hidden inside that boggles my mind. Who is this baby, I know nothing about? I knew instantly everything about Wyatt before he was here. I dreamt of him and how he’d look and what he’d be like but you darling boy, are a secret.

Your a surprise party waiting to burst out. You are something I seem to know nothing about. You are shocker, a absolute wonder and I am amazed at how well you keep a secret.

Who is this baby of mine? Are you going to be like you dad or maybe like me or are you something that no one has ever seen before.

I have one hundred and forty forty days to go before I get to meet you, which just seems to long. I don't even have name to call you yet. Most days I feel normal like there is not a another soul inside of me and then you kick, squirm or flip to remind me that you are here and then I sit and ponder you. The secret boy with no name.

I imagine dark hair softly placed on your head and tiny toes and little fingers and little ears and just you little. I imagine what your cry will be like and how you will fit in my arms and how different it will be to actually hold something so tiny again. I imagine the way you will look at me, with big brown eyes and then I imagine you different. Maybe you'll be blonde like Wyatt and have the same eyes has him or maybe you will have red hair. Will you be bigger than he was? Will you cry be new to me? Will I instantly fall for you like I fell for Wyatt?

Oh little baby, who is such a secret I cant wait to meet you. Where all my questions will be answered and I will sit in disbelief and be completed astounded at who you are.

Parenting is hard.

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 13 Apr 2013 08:00:00 -0600

Currently my arms are completely tired and dead asleep after holding my almost 5 year old as I rocked him to sleep tonight for a good hour or so. He had a ruff day. I am unsure why it was so difficult but to him somehow it was.

After having two days off in a row I think it shocks him when I go back to work and stay there for 8+ hours and come home to pick him up from a day of running errands with his grandma who I guess spent a lot of time at the doctors with grandpa today. Not only was his plans for playing with his new basketball gone but grandma also left his new “cuddle bear” that daddy gave him the day before at her house before setting off to the doctors. Which was awful because he talk a lot about how he missed him.

When we finally got home, I was to tired to hear what he had to tell me and I did the pretend your listen and say “oh uh huh, that's cool.” as I tired to watch TMZ and get the gossip of the stars to drown out the boring day at work from my mind. But then I also pawned him off to go with his daddy to Best Buy so they could browse at the movies and TV's and video games which Wyatt is just like me in that department and hates window shopping or any shopping in general.

By the time he got home from that, it was close to 8pm and he hadn't had dinner yet and it was a complete melt down. Tears, and tears poured down his face as he begged me to just cuddle him. Which I of course did and sang him our “Mr Wyatt song” I made up when he was a baby to make him feel better.

We quickly feed him and then went back onto our night as usual. By this time Cody’s friend was over to watch the basketball. So us adults began to talk which left poor Wyatt to sit and listen again not getting the attention he wanted or needed. The “men” went to the “man cave” to watch the game as I went back to my computer to drown out yet again my self from the world and Wyatt sat on my lap as I again listen half way to what he was saying.

And then it was bed time. I hurried Wyatt into a bath that he hasn't taken for a few days and discovered that he had pooped his pants yet again.

Its been a month of this on going battle with him. He poops and then doesn't tell us which then we discover hours later because of the smell when we hug or play with him and then we get upset because we cant understand why he keeps doing it and we talk and talk and talk his ear off about how he is a big boy now and big boys don't poop in their pants. Which just makes him embarrass and he refuses to listen.

When we potty trained Wyatt he basically did it on his own. No reminding him every hour and not many accidents. He even taught him self how to poop on the potty and rarely had an accident. So with him doing this like how he is this month it is becoming stressful to the point that Cody and I even took the Ipad away from him until he learned to poop in the potty again.

Tonight, I learned that I was treating him like a teenager and not the 4 1/2 year old that he is and I learned it the hard way.

Tonight, when I discovered the accident I did the thing we’ve been doing talking to him, scolding him, embarrassing him not because I got joy in it but because I thought this is what would get him to stop. Of course it hasn't been working so finally after talking and talking, talking at him I stopped and finally asked “What can I do to help you not poop in your undies.” and I waited this time for the answer (because I have asked before but never listened before.) I waited with out talking for a few minutes while he cried and tried hard to get what he wanted to say out.

Finally, I held his head in my hands and look at him dead in the eyes and waited again for the answer. Which he gave in a whole heart desperate needed voice. “I need you to help me by not being mad or mean to me.” Shock and pissed at myself for being this way with him I asked how I could help him and him realizing that I was actually listening this time said. “I want to get something for when I do poop on the potty and not get something taken away went I poop in my undies.” “Like what?” I asked and he said this. “A cuddle from you.” insert my broken heart here. Wow, I thought where have I been? Defiantly not here for my kid.

I agreed to not only a cuddle but to a sticker chart that would show him how many times he actually pooped on the potty and a Movie date prize if he gets 20 stickers. (which he chose the amount of stickers to get.)

We left the bath that night both realizing where we stood. Me, the understanding that even though I am a full time working mom, I am also a full time working MOM and I need to start acting like it again. And him, understanding that he does have the ability to help someone realize that he has needs and they need to be heard and that tonight by being honest like he was that he was in fact heard and that he was in fact loved deeply and so needed.

Parenting is hard. Mistakes will be made regardless but they can also be fixed. And fixed with a lot of love.

Tonight as I rocked him, I took the time to actually rock him and took the time to put my self in check. Work is work but mothering is so much more god damn important and I better get my act together and quick because I got another one on the way and he is coming quicker than I can realize.

But hey, at least the dishes are clean.

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 12 Apr 2013 19:55:00 -0600

Thursday, I had the same day off as the husband and we planned ahead of time that it would be a day of cleaning. A day where the dishes that have been in the sink for over a month actually get washed and the toilets… you do not want to know the look of them. It was a word that is way worse the disgusting.

I was actually excited that we’d get this house back into order and when I woke up Thursday I went straight to the kitchen and put my purple cloves on and dug my hands in the dirty water that has been sitting there soaking the dishes over a month and empty it. The stench, oh the stench people was way out of control. Waaaay out of control. And the layer of mould… gross. G R O S S. Immediately my pregnant self loss control and I threw up on that same mouldy water. Sorry, but I did. You would have too. Hey I still stuck it out and kept going and the dishes well they are clean and I vowed to only use paper dishes from now on.

The husband took care of the toilets and vacuumed. Clean out the cat litter and smashed all of the soda cans. He took out the garbage and dug out my books from the garage so I could actually put them out my empty bookshelves.

And we did all this while Wyatt was at preschool. We then picked Wyatt up and headed to the travel agency to book our Disneyland Vacation for October. A month after I would be having the baby.

Originally it was going to be just Cody and Wyatt going but then the nice lady talked and it made me feel jealous so I convinced Cody that I could go too and that taking a maybe one month old wouldn't be that bad. I could do it! I mean I went back to work full time after 2 weeks after having a C-section with Wyatt and I also hiked for a week in Zion's last summer after I had emergency appendix surgery a week before. I could totally handle a 1 month old in Disney right?

Well as we headed home to go back and clean the rest of the house I choose to take Wyatt to a movie instead and Cody headed into work to close since he is short employees. So as I am typing this I currently have laundry still folded on the floor in the living room and more to fold smashed in a basket in the laundry and still more in the dryer. The dishes are clean but still need to put away so they are sitting on the counter. Wyatt’s toys are all over, some in each room and the books Cody got out for me well they are still in the box and my bookshelves are still empty. So the clean house I envision is still non-existent. But hey at least the dishes are clean.

Oh ps, I am slowly getting around to those who are new here. HIIIIIIIIIIII and HELLLOO!! Thanks for stopping by!!! and can I say I have some great posts coming up… my plans are to talk about raising a sensitive boy and the “brave badge” that helped him talk to people. Also to talk about a pooping issue we have been having. And a chore chart in the works and dare I say I am going to talk about where I am at in the pregnancy and also the fact that the husband refuses to choose a name. And how my work doesn't realize that I am 4 months away from not being in the HR office because of my maternity leave and what that means to them and how you should act doing an interview to actually get the job. So look out cause I will be blogging. I hope you stick around with me.

Okay, now I will leave you with a photo from my actually big girl camera! (wait, I still have it?) Cause no post is good with out pictures.

This is from the Color Festival where my camera decided that it would be a good idea not to work. Poo, so out of the 100+ photos this is the only one I could save that I actually like. I cried, when I got home and found out that really none turned out because of my card reader. But hey at least this one is of Wyatt. So enjoy.

Hello, and welcome!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 5 Apr 2013 23:43:00 -0600

Hi I am Audrey, I am a crazy loud fun loving full time working momma who tends to overshare. I will be married 6 years this June to my totally opposite from me husband named Cody. He is super quiet, shy and hates to be around more then 2 people at time and suffers from manic depressant anxiety disorder.

We have a 4 year old little boy named Wyatt who is our whole world. He is like his daddy in the quiet department but I am slowly putting my wild into him. I am currently pregnant with our 2nd child who I just found out is a BOY (which I am still convinced my doctor is wrong and that it really is a girl.)

I started this blog in 2008 when I found out I was pregnant with Wyatt but also when I was dealing with issues from the husband (which thank goodness we got through.) This place can be crazy sometimes where I talk about what ever is mind which sometimes doesn't make since. Then this place can become serious where I talk about my deep honest feelings. I tend to be too truthful for some people.

I also love photography. I share tutorials and tips as much as I can but lately I have been instagramming which as left my big girl camera a little dusty. (click the pictures for the tutorials.)

Thanks for stopping by I hope you hang out for a bit. I appreciate all my readers please take a moment and leave me a link to your blog in the comments so I can stop by and say hi and get to know more about you!

You can also find me here… Facebook, twitter, and instagram.

{linking up with the Ultimate Blogger Party}

You are quite the surprise.

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 5 Apr 2013 11:40:00 -0600

As I laid there on the table in the doctors office as he scanned my belly to tell me what you were I became nervous. I scanned the screen hoping that he’d say the word I wanted to hear but instead the word “boy” came and my heart dropped not because I was sad that I was getting a boy but the dream of my girl that I swore you were ended.

Chloe Abigail disappeared. Her long bouncy red curls, gone. The dreams of tea parties and ballet classes, gone. The dreams of her getting into my make up, gone. The dreams of talking about boys together, gone. I sat up in shock and forced a smile on my face and turned to look towards your dad and brother who were beyond excited.

They get a boy, they get a brother, someone to wrestle with, go on hikes with, camp with, someone else to called “dude.” To play video games with. They get you. A boy. A brother. A boy.

It took all day to come to the excitement everyone else was at. It took a day to morn the loss of the girl I dreamed. It took a day.

By the time the night fell I was looking into what I would call you. What your name would be. Who you’d become. This boy, another boy. Who are you? Will I call you Jaiden, Tucker or maybe Jameson? Or maybe your a Quentin?

Are you going to be like your brother? Quiet and full of wisdom. Or are you my wild child? Who are you? I feel like I know nothing about you. You are quite the surprise and I am over the moon excited to get to meet you, my little boy. Truly I am.

A few things.

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 20 Mar 2013 10:18:00 -0600

Hey guys! Can I just say that I have been feeling 80% better with this pregnancy finally. Right? ugh… I am currently 15 weeks and this kid is no longer a shrimp but a full size apple. (what?) Wyatt is in love with the fact that its an apple and tells me that it needs to be a watermelon next. Ha-ha and I would agree I would love too already have this kid out um wait… just as I typed that I had “a holy shit” mini panic attack. So clearly I am not ready for that so never mind. This kid can stay an apple for a while.

I have been a busy bee lately in ways that I thought I would prefer not to be. I just did two 12 hour days in a row at my work. My legs are dead tired and I forgot to eat both days until it was late at night when I shoved anything in my mouth and pray to god to not throw it up. So thank you god, because I didn't.

We have this “culture change” going on at work. So I have been in meetings to learn how to communicated better and to motive better. At first I was sooo not into this whole idea because we all know that I have written a ton of post about how work is well… sucky. But I go to this training and a lot of what was said made a ton of sense and I had a lot of those aha moments where the things I learned will not only help at work but with life its self. Then I got to meet with my region HR manager yesterday who was not only super nice (shocking) but was willing to help me through a lot of HR matters that I struggle with. I got so much training that last night I could not turn my brain off. I thought about all the ways I want to improve at work and improve at home. It was something that I needed for sure.

It is funny how a little direction can change how you feel. I hope that this change actually works and that work for me will be better because I hate to say it but I don't actually think I could be a stay at home mom I think that thought has always been “the grass is greener on the other side” when in reality it might not be. I guess we will see how it will be when I go on maternity leave in September.

Anyway this post was not intended to talk about all that stuff so to get to the point I was going to blog about was the whole Google Reader issue and the fact that I am now on Bloglovin’ so follow me. Okay? okay. Thanks. You guys are awesome.

You can also find me on Facebook, Instagram, Google Plus and Twitter.

Release me.

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 9 Mar 2013 08:00:00 -0700

Oh spring, release me from this coiled and constrained position. Move me swiftly into another world where the light is held on by the warmth and the grass tickles our toes and the clouds puff themselves up to show off their soft corners that need to be touched in just away, that air is the only thing that wont break them.

Thrust me forward to the days where popsicles melt and sticky fingers are the only way to where them on your hand. Where mud pies are the only pies we can eat and puddles beg to be jumped in.

Oh spring, spark you magic on the flowers to open their shells. I yearn to watch them bloom. Their soft petals carefully slide open to finally feel the air touch their skin while the rain thirsts to kiss their cheeks.

Let the birds sing sweetly, eagerly as they dart to and fro. Let the began take place. Let me rise, extend, birth into this new life where growth is just a matter of time.

Oh spring, release me from this coiled and constrained position. I need to stretch, bend, explode, move on from this winter monotonous routine. I am tired, bored, uninterested of these gloomy days where nothing but hopelessness surrounds us.

Oh spring where are you? I need, no yet demand that you come and take me where the light is held on by the warmth and the grass will in fact tickle our toes.

**NOTE: The poem I wrote today but these photos are from last years color festival which is coming up at the end of this month. I can not wait to actually get to be apart of it again this year. Hopefully it sparks my creativity again. I will be bringing Wyatt with me this year I hope he has a much fun I as I did last year.**

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Click & Enjoy

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 8 Mar 2013 06:00:00 -0700

“If you dig in and fight the changes, they will smash you to bits. They’ll hold you under, drag you across the rough sand, scare and confuse you. But if you find it within yourself, in the wildest of seasons, just for a moment, to trust in the goodness of God, who made it all and holds it all together, you’ll find yourself drawn along to a whole new place, and there’s truly nothing sweeter. Unclench your fists, unlock your knees and also the door to your heart, take a deep breath, and begin to swim. Begin to let the waves do their work in you.”-Shauna Niequist || bittersweet

“Life can be ridiculously happy and fun, no matter where that life is taking place, or how. Big city or small town, with or without children, married or single, we can be happy.” -Megan Marie|| The Polished Pickle

“The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.”
- Thomas Merton

*All pictures are linked back to their source. Click & Enjoy*

Maybe one day it will actually happen.

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 7 Mar 2013 09:09:00 -0700

The other day while Wyatt was in the car with his grandma and dad he threw up his hands and yell “Seriously I need a mommy day. Seriously.” From what I was told he did this a few times through out the day. Which both grandma and dad found funny. Then yesterday while we were out to eat Cody got up from the table and Wyatt looks me in the eyes and states very clearly. “Mom, I just need to spend more time with you.” I then said “well what are we doing right now silly.” “No, mom just me and you. Not daddy. Just you.”

Then it hit me. Here I am battling with the night sickness (yep, that's right mine happens at night now.) that this baby is making me have so by the time I get off work I can barely do anything but lay in my bed and hope I am not running to the bathroom to hurl. And there is Wyatt, who has spent all day either with dad or at one of the grandmas while I was at work. The time we get is not the time he wants.

I struggle with this. Not because I don't want to spend time with him but that on the days I do have off they are either filled with errands or the wishes of wanted sleep. Wyatt is also at the age where playing involves a lot of work and attention which I am lacking right now. But as I sat there in front of him on that table I realized that moments with him will be very few and fair between when he is older. And here I am wasting this time.

Why is it that now days the things that people, me included find important are money related. Jobs and the wanting of things. When did it become that way? I go back to the posts I have written about the wanting to quit my job and be home and do things I love like being with Wyatt and art. I use to draw, write, take photos and it brought me joy. Now I am depending on promotions at work to give me that.

I spend more time there then with the family I have created. I have given up the sweet moments I had with Wyatt in the mornings when we played and build forts, castles and painted our faces and laughed. I have given up the nights when Cody and I would sit in the living room next to each other on the couch with the TV off and actually talk. Talk. Like deep conversations of dreams and wishes and the possibility of the the future.

Now, Cody and I speak more of how we can work more, to get more, to do more, to have the house and everything in it. We talk about what we will spend money on next. We talk about work and the stresses of it and the dirt bags we work for and how the more we move up in the companies we work for the more there are giant dirt bags who don't respect family and the fact that we have them.

I dream of work which turns into nightmares and deadlines I forgot or how I will have to fire this person and who’s life's I am affecting. I then I think about how much satisfaction I get from that. Then I think about how awful I am for feeling satisfied. Because they are slowly turning me into one of those dirt bags who don't respect family and the fact that they have them.

I am good at my job, so good in fact that I received a promotion to become a district HR manager in training which I accepted. But why?

Why do I continue to struggle with the ever ending balance between being a mother, wife, my own person and work life. I wish I was strong enough to walk away from it all and dive head first into my passion of photography and the passion I do have for my family and make it all work.

Others have done it couldn't I too?

This post was intended to talk about how I was going to be there for Wyatt more and spend quality time with him so I am sorry it turned into another rant of being a full time working mom. Maybe one day you will read that I quit my job and I finally took the plunge into my actually dreams. Maybe one day it will actually happen.

Is that girl just fat or is she pregnant?

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 27 Feb 2013 13:58:00 -0700

I didn't grow up being the fat kid or if I did I had no idea and really when I think of myself I don't think of me being fat. I do get that I am “bigger” then other people and to my doctor, I may seem obese but who isn't now days.

I do notice more now that I am pregnant though not because I am disgusted by myself but because I never will get to do those week by week prego pictures that a lot of “normal” soon to bes get to do.

When I was pregnant with Wyatt I remember people saying to me “Oh you don't even look pregnant.” even though I was 6 months a long and when they said that I wanted to punch them in the face. Thanks for calling me fat bitch. But I would smile and say “Oh, thanks you’re too kind” as I would secretly knife throat them and watch them die a slow painful death in my head.

I even got a job at the store I work at now when I was 8 months pregnant and they had no idea. None. I remember during orientation when they go around asking you to tell something about yourself I said I was 8 months pregnant and the shock you should have seen on my then HR Managers face was priceless. Yep, you hired a 8 month pregnant lady. Deal with it. But thank goodness they did because regardless of that I moved up pretty quickly at work and now I am that same HR manager that wonders is that girl just fat or is she pregnant? ha. I just assume they all are and never ask or question it. Who cares anyway right. If they work that's all that matters in the first place.

What I guess I am getting at here is that it sucks being the already fat pregnant girl because by the time people began to notice that you are, you have like 2 weeks left and they’ll tell you, “that you look like your going to pop any day now” and then you will secretly knife throat them and watch them die a slow painful death in your head as you mumble thanks for calling me fat bitch.

I fear that it is a girl.

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 26 Feb 2013 07:46:00 -0700

I forget I am pregnant until I wake up in the middle of the night to either pee or throw up. This first trimester has about killed me. I do not remember being so fatigued when I was pregnant with Wyatt and I never was nauseous. Ever. I mean don't get me wrong I did throw up but then I’d move on continue to eat what I was eating like it was no big deal but I with this one, I am both. To the extreme. I keep saying I cant wait until the next trimester it will be much better… please god be better then.

My nausea is so bad that I can not stay up past 9pm or I will hurl for a good hour or so. I have not really spent time with my husband because of this and when I close at work it is a miracle that I even make it out of the building with out doubling over. Since I go to bed so early I wake up early just to throw up. Its fantastic!

I have tried everything from the eating crackers, to ginger, to meds from the doctor nothing helps. This kid wants it to be known that it is here and its gonna be an attention thriven, look at me kinda kid. I mean I literally already feel this kid moving and swimming around and I am only 12 weeks.

I believe that this kid is going to have my personality and I fear that it is a girl. Not because I don't want a girl but because I know how I was as a teenager and if this kid is anything like me I got a run for my money.

I know that I have shared on instagram and Facebook how sick I am and I am now doing it here. But I do want you all to know that I am so happy that I am pregnant and that I can not wait to be a mother again and that if I could go back, I would sooo take on the nausea and fatigue (complaining the whole time probably, but still.) like it was nobody's business again. And when this child comes I will be over the moon and back but to those mothers who have 5, 6 kids my god, how in the hell did you do it? I am grateful that this could be my last pregnancy and at this point I do not see how I could go threw another one. Seriously, how’d ya do it?

Tomorrow I get to go to my next appointment (which marks it about a month since I last blogged. oh my hell are you even still here? hello!!! readers?) and I am super excited to see the baby again and to possible learn (hopefully) if its a girl or boy. I learned about this time around with Wyatt but I betting that this kid will make me wait. Either way, I get to see and hear it again and that will make all this throwing up worth it. (right?)

He slowly breathed me in as I did too him.

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 6 Feb 2013 12:32:00 -0700

Last night I got off work pretty late and when I walked in the door I saw Cody in Wyatt’s room holding him while he sobbed uncontrollably. As I hurried in he run over to me and held on to me tight. Rushed, I asked why he was crying he said “Because I missed you mommy because I just missed you.”

My heart melted. I held him and rocked him like I did when he was just a tiny baby. I placed my head onto his and listened as his cries soften and he slowly breathed me in as I did too him. He ended up falling asleep in my arms while I whispered the old lullabies I’d sing to him when he was younger.

All the while, I thought I better not die. I just better not die. A morbid thought, yes but a valid fear I gained yesterday. I saw in the brief moment how it would be like if it was Cody was to run the household and how it would take him hours to calm Wyatt where as for me it would take just brief seconds.

I am needed to much and I just cant afford to ever die. Ever.

Today as I got up and ready for my first appointment with this pregnancy I kept thinking that I will now have to live forever and how will I be able to manage that? How am I always going to be here for two instead of just one. Another valid fear I gained.

I get to the appointment and I get to finally see my baby. That little devil who’s be making me sick. Once the moment came to hear the heart beat all I thought was to make sure Wyatt could hear it so he could be amazed that there is this little teeny tiny baby who I get to give life too.

I get to be a mother yet again. I get to be the protector, the hugger, the kiss giver, the owie go away maker, the story teller, I get to be a mother. Not to just one soul but to two. How amazing is that?

It amazes me how much love can be stretched. How much more can be gained. I am already in love with this tiny heart beating little baby but even more in love with my little Wyatt who will always be the one who made me the mother I am and how excited our we that this little baby gets to benefit from that.

Because this baby hates me.

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 1 Feb 2013 22:34:00 -0700

I have only known that I have been pregnant for 3 weeks. Not only does it feel like I have already been pregnant forever but tonight as I am forced to wonder if all this morning/all day sickness is in actually in my head. What if I didn't find out that I was pregnant? Would I be this aware of each feeding schedule my body demands before I throw up? Would I hate the taste of all food but chicken? Would I notice all the little twinges that my body makes? Would I actually pee as much as I do?

I never did tell you how I realized I was pregnant. Or maybe I did, I can't remember so I’ll tell you again...

An app told me.

Ha! I know right? I downloaded an ovulation app in December because I figured hey why not maybe this would help me get pregnant since nothing else has.

It had an alarm on it to tell me what days I should be ovulating based on my period since all the marina drama I had it helped me remember when I should have had my period.
Well right before Cody and I went to bed one night the alarm went off and said “your ovulating!” Surprised I told Cody “hey my phone thinks I should be ovulating but I haven't had my period yet. Ha! I bet I am pregnant.” He just rolled his eyes.

But then I did the hurry randomly check the app and then check my phone for when I actually did have my period last month and then I checked my blog because I wrote about it and I sat there thinking Omg I bet I am.Then I thought back to how I haven't been sleeping too well because I have been waking up to pee and then I realized how I noticed smells more… it could be… I might be… oh my gosh am I pregnant?

I took Cody to work the next day and hurried to the store to purchase a test. Now I kept saying in my head “oh no it will be just like the others, where I swore I was and then it says nope bitch you ain't pregnant get over yourself.” But it wasn't. And here I am almost 9 weeks hating every minute of this first trimester and still waiting for my first appointment. (Which is Wednesday thank god) and dreaming that it is twins or maybe hoping it is so then I'd have a reason for all this morning/ all day sickness.

My god I still have 7 months too go! and I am not sure I’ll make it plus I'm pissed that I am complaining because damn, this is exactly what I wanted for months (well years) and all I can think about is how I am up at 5am because I had to pee and now since I am up, you might as well bring on the throw up because this baby hates me.

:::Written early in the morning on my iPhone as I tried hard not to vomit on Cody's sleeping head, jerk:::