I am not sure that I am where I expected to be at 39.  I have done nothing in my life traditionally.  I didn’t go to college out of high school.  I didn’t choose my career until I was 30 and didn’t even begin to work in that field until I was 31.  I then only worked for 4 years and then stayed home with my son and then my daughter.  I have been in school the entire span of my 3rd decade of life and will be in school until I enter my 4th decade.  I never imagined this would be the path my life would take.  No one expected my life to be immersed in academia.  It still surprises my family when I talk about what I am studying (currently that is critical discourse analysis) and they wonder out loud if this is the girl they knew.

I guess that is the beauty of getting older.  I’m not the girl they knew.  The woman I am today was shaped by that girl, but she smashed through arbitrarily placed boundaries and has forged her own path.  A path that I am so happy I took.  It lead me to my husband, my children, and my career.  I wouldn’t go back and do it differently.  There is nothing in my life I’d like to change (well I’d like to be debt free–these student loans and the whole mortgage thing really get in a girls way of having a good time).  I am who I am inspite of what people expected of me.  I am who I am because of age and for that–I am happy to be 39.

This last year of my 30′s is going to be great.  I am going to finally get in shape and drop all the weight  I want to drop.  I am holding myself to that.  I owe it to my kids and myself to be in the best shape I can.  I am going to finally finish school–I won’t take any more classes after I am 40.  I’ll still be enrolled in school, but I won’t be a student.  I can’t wait for that.  So, here’s to my 30′s…you have been very very good to me.  I promise to pay it back and forward.

Noah started his second school year today.  He is officially a Newporter (his school has two pre-school classes Big Bend 3/4 and Newport 4/5).  He is already talking about how next year he’ll be in kindergarten.  Slow down big guy–mama doesn’t need you to grow up too fast.

He has been so excited to start back to school and he was excited to see all of his friends and to get to go to his classroom.  It was so awesome to see how much all the kids had changed and grown over the summer–I don’t think there were any “real” tears when moms and dads left this morning.  I am also happy to report that Noah is no longer the only brown kid in his class.  He is so excited to have another kid in class who looks like him along with the two other kids who are also adopted internationally.  There are also two other brown kids in the Big Bend class.  It’s nice to see the increased diversity.

He was ready to show off his completed summer book.  And play.  I know that this year will be a great year.  There are some challenges ahead.  One of the kids in his class–that he really likes to play with poses some difficulty for us–no need to go into details–but I am working with Noah to play gentle and quiet inside and that he is his own boy and can play with who he’d like to play with.  Noah’s a bit of a follower in some ways and I am encouraging him to think for himself.  We’ll see how it goes.

Sharing summer books.

So now, I am leaving work to run to get a cartridge to finish printing out pictures for the book that Noah has completely lost interest in.  He has written on a few pages and isn’t really that into it anymore because now there is stuff to look at and who wants to fill in empty pages when one particular 4-year-old who will remain nameless filled up two whole pages with superhero stickers.

He will “read” the stickers like a story, but when I ask him “tell me a story.”  He simply replies in the most annoying whine ever “I don’t know any mom.”

UGH!  So, tonight I will torture him by forcing him to “tell” me a story and to write the Spanish words he knows an when his birthday is.  So that we can bring our book in to class.  Ours won’t be the most creative (there are some who take this project/assignment a little too far–I’ll be keeping an eye out for those parents when science projects come around) but it will be filled with sticker and pictures and maybe more than a few words.  But it will be totally ours.

I can’t believe how fast these four years have gone by.  My baby, who was so frail and sick, is now a whirlwind of energy, love, emotion, curiosity and did I say emotion?  He is amazing and wonderful.  He is insightful and thoughtful.  I can’t imagine life without him–let’s be honest I’m almost too old to remember what life was before him.  He is completely our son and so clearly the off spring of two amazing Ethiopian souls–I hope they can feel in their hearts that he is amazing and loved.

Being a parent is so much more than I ever realized–mostly much harder than I realized it, but I wouldn’t change our family for the world.  Love you Noah.

Aug 2006, Aug 2007, Aug 2008, Aug 2009, Aug 2010–how he has grown.

I went to the bookstore on campus the other day to get my books for class. In the technology department (which is at the entrance to reel us folks in) they have iPads. I wasn’t going to look at them, because really who needs a glorified iPod touch?

Oh was I wrong. I need one. It has a word processing program, a presentation program, a spreadsheet program, etc. I can use this (I’m typing on my new iPad now) for my student teacher observations–which I take lots of notes about because it is part of my dissertation research.

Also, my iPad has access to all Kindle books (it has an amazon kindle app). So, I have been lured into more mac products not just by their shiny looks but also by their smart functionality. I have it pared with a wireless keyboard so that I can actually type quickly.

I love you Apple. Please stop making these great new products. I don’t know how many more purchases I can justify.

The guest on Radio Times, Kathy Hirsh-Pasek, spoke directly to the reasons my children are at TCS.  In research, she and another psychologist, have come up with what they call the 6 C’s.  This is based on both psychological science. learning outcomes and the business world–that place so many of our kids will try to get jobs.  As I listened, she could have been describing Noah’s school.

• Collaboration–it is imperative that our children learn how to work in teams and to build community

• Communication–not just speaking but also listening.  Being able to write (not the 5-paragraph essay so many schools teach) but persuasively.

• Content–content is important but it can’t be the only thing.  Reading and Math scores are not all that matter–and really barely matter outside of schools.  Content should include music, history, STEM subjects.  The information/content of our world is said to double every 2 1/2 years–can we really drill all these facts into our kids?

• Critical Thinking–need to be able to create “recipes” for problems.

• Creativity–we can’t only be analytical.  We need and the business world wants more creative innovation.  Look how long it took BP to come up with a solution–we need to teach our kids to be creative innovators.

• Confidence–the students need confidence to try, not to fill in the right blank.  They need to have the confidence to know there are many, many routes to get to the same destination.

So, I’m happy to know my kids are getting the best education they can.  This isn’t to say that their school is the only place they could get this education but it is the only place I can guarantee they’ll get this education every year in everything they do at their school.

This is so easy for those whose kids they aren’t to say and really easy for those who don’t have kids to say.  I love my kids and they are really fun to be around.  But we are the ones who have to parent.  We are the ones who have to take care of and entertain them when every one else is tired of playing with them, wants to do something else, etc.  We plan on taking our kids into port each day we port because it’ll be fun and so everyone else can spend time with them.  But again, they’ll hang with them for an hour or so and then they’ll go off and do other things and it’ll be us and the kids.

I don’t want this to seem like I’m complaining and don’t want to be with my kids.  I love my kids and they really are fun, but they are a lot of work and it would be fun to get to spend a hour or two snorkeling, etc., but those thing have to happen in shifts between Bill and I because while everyone wants to hang out with the kids, no one wants to actually be responsible for them.

I am determined to get to spend a little bit of alone time with my hubs sans children on this trip, regardless of what the uncles want.  But I want to find the balance and enjoy the trip regardless.  Looking forward to Grand Turk and the Bahamas. On a side note–I can’t wait to get Zoë’s hair braided while we are in the islands.

It is so hard.  I don’t know what is happening?  I know the sitters is fine and he has fun.  By the time I pick him up he is happy to see me but is usually playing just fine and is totally happy.  It is so hard.  Because I want to just scoop him up and bring him to work with me and just love him.  These days go by so quick.  I need to remember to enjoy the time we have together more and I have been making a concerted effort of spending quality time with him while increasing the quantity of time we spend together as well.

I love that he needs me and wants to be with me, but it is a departure from his usually outgoing behavior.  Or am I just now recognizing it?  I hope not.  This morning was the hardest, as you could see he was trying to hold back the tears and his little lip was quivering.  I just hugged him so tight and I didn’t want to let go.  Letting go is so hard.  It’s moments like this that make me question working.  I know that I need to work, but can it be about me?  I know it is best for my family that I work and that what is best for me is often best for the family.  I am a better mom.

I think that maybe this behavior is his way of expressing his feelings of insecurity.  He is growing up–he’ll be in a new class at school in the fall–most of the kids are kids he was in class with last year and he’ll have new teachers.  He knows the teachers and is excited but it bet there is some degree of uncertainty as well.

I feel bad leaving him at the sitters and I feel bad that I feel bad because I know he has fun.  Motherhood is awesome but sometimes being the parent Sucks.

I always thought, believed, hoped I would be in better shape and thinner by now. But the truth is I’m not. For the three of you who have been reading my blog for a substantial period of time know that weight has always been an issue for me and I am just now coming to grips with what that means in terms of my life and the choices I make. It means changing the way I see and think about food. It means changing my relationship with exercise (even if it’s 100 degrees).

I committed (finally) to being in great shape by the time I turn 40. That means eating a mostly whole food diet, exercising regularly and shedding on average 7 pounds a month. I am worth it and I owe it to myself and my family to follow the example I expect my children to follow.

Here is my second whole food meal-shrimp, quinoa, poblano chiles, edamame, goat cheese and cilantro.

I do know how lucky I am to have a secure job and be married to a man who has a secure job.  Our kids don’t want for anything they need (there are plenty of things they want), our mortgage is easily paid and we have extra for vacations and the unnecessary things in life.  So many of the people who are out of work aren’t out of work because they are lazy or don’t want to be bothered to look for a job, but because the job market is so tight that everyone is fighting over the few jobs there are.  Companies are filling their vacant jobs, they are asking their employees to work harder for slightly higher wages, but giving a few employees who are picking up the slack a few extra bucks is a lot cheaper than hiring another employee who needs benefits, etc.

I hope that someday it all bounces back and that most people who want a job can find one that pays well and allows them to provided for themselves and their families.  I know that we will always have a certain number of people out of work, but I hope that soon it gets better.  I certainly appreciate the opportunities I have.