THE DATING PLANNER

It's That Time Of Year Again

2011-05-11T11:06:00.000-04:00

Now that the days are getting warmer it's time to get out in the world and do some relationship building activities. Hopefully, you have spent the last 6 months snuggled under warm blankets taking the time to really enjoy the closeness. But, more than likely you have cabin fever and can't wait to get out and do your own thing. So here are some cheap ways to reconnect and have a great time doing it!

Fly a kite. ( I haven't done this in forever until a few weeks ago and I had so much fun with Caleb it has become one of my favorite memories so far this spring.)
Take a walk and plan activities you want to try this summer. (My Goal: Zip-line course in Hocking Hills)
Find a friend with a pool. (Lounging/ splashing around by the pool, drinking a beer, and not worrying about other people's kids screaming everywhere... sounds heavenly.)
Test drive nice cars with no intention to buy. (This advice came from my incredibly, amazing aunt. If you have no intention of buying you aren't thinking about anything other than how sexy you and your love look in this beautiful car. Very fun.. trust me.)
Play a sport together that you both suck at. (Caleb and I recently realized we both suck at tennis so we spent a hilarious afternoon laughing while trying and it was a great workout.)

Have a great time!!

An Issue I Must Address....

2011-05-11T10:35:00.000-04:00

The "But I've Gotten Fat" Excuse.

"I definitely think you should lose 175 pounds- in the form of your loser boyfriend/girlfriend.

Their using your weight as an excuse for cheating is not only mean, but simply not valid. If they have a problem with anything in your relationship, they are supposed to talk to you about it, not put-his-penis-in-a-strange-vagina about it (or vice versa)." - He's just not that into you.

There is never a good enough excuse to let cheating be acceptable. Ditch the jerk and take time to figure out what you really need in a good relationship.

Tip Of The Day

2011-03-28T20:56:00.001-04:00

The Longer You Wait...

... the more opportunities will arise around you. This has just as much to do about life as with love. I do realize that at some point you will need to take the plunge into a commitment, but why rush it?

So have fun finding all the best qualities you like in different people and start to make your mental list of qualities you want in a life partner. It's a good time.. trust me.

Tip of the Day: Self- Esteem

2011-03-16T19:10:00.001-04:00

Self-Esteem = A Date.

"Your lost self-esteem may take longer to find than a new boyfriend, so prioritize accordingly."

This is the quote of the day because it is dead on! How are you supposed to have a healthy, happy relationship if you don't have a healthy, happy self. Take some time for yourself. Once you have figured out your best self, then prepare to launch it on the unsuspecting world. You'll feel powerful and ready for to date.

He's Just Not That Into You

2011-03-14T19:53:00.003-04:00

Due to a recent overload of lost souls inquiring about relationships that involve constant worrying... this is for you. I find the book "he's just not that into you" very helpful. I realized they made it into a movie, but the book is more direct and quite good. Here are some excerpts:

#14 Don't waste the pretty.

# 17 A person would rather be trampled by elephants that are on fire than tell you they just aren't that into you.

# 53 Is a phone call just a phone call, or is it really the almighty representation of how much he really cares about you? Probably somewhere in the middle. And a good man will know that and use this handy telecommunication device accordingly. E-mails need not apply.

# 64 You deserve a f***ing phone call.

# 178 Cut them off. Let them miss you.

( My personal favorite) # 215 You are not easily forgotten. Let him/her find you when they're ready. Until then.. move on.

I might just keep these coming every once in awhile as a reminder.... YOU ARE WORTH THE FUSS!!!

Tip of the Day

2011-03-13T15:30:00.000-04:00

The Relationship Checkup

As with most things its smart to check up on it every once in a while to see if it's running smoothly. Your relationships aren't any different. Take some time out of your busy schedule to sit down and discuss how you think everything is going. As you should know communication is key. So make sure its a conversation done in a comfortable setting and that it isn't meant to be a battle ground. Keep an open mind and this is not the time to attack your partner with something that has been building up for years (unless you give them a little advanced warning). Focus on the positives, as well.

Tip of the Day

2011-03-12T17:53:00.001-05:00

Want To Test The Chemistry? Just Dance.

Think you have chemistry with a co-work? Classmate? Neighbor? Invite them to dance. Maybe not in the middle of the yard, but a proven good way to see if chemistry is there is through dancing... and I mean the goooood kind of dance. The most popular choice is Salsa dancing because of the passionate moves and constant movement. So next time you want to see if the feelings are mutual hit up a Salsa club for some one on one research.

The New 7 Year Itch

2011-03-12T17:47:00.002-05:00

I recently read in an article that the "3 Year Glitch" has replaced the "7 year itch." Apparently in these modern times people are so rushed that they also rush through the stages. What you might have first thought of as quirky is sooner rather than later... annoying. All those little habits like snoring, twitching, sneezing, and picking that you thought you could live with and even laughed about have become the bane of your existence. I really do find it sad that these days people just seem to get tired of one another quicker. Plus it is easier to replace the accustomed "annoying" back to the "quirky" really quickly. To all of you get towards that 3 year glitch just keep in mind the new model you might want to upgrade to will eventually become the annoying someday. Stay invested and create boundaries you can both live with happily.

Comments 3 year glitch survivors???

Tip of the Day

2011-02-27T15:41:00.000-05:00

When You Think It's Done... It's Done.

Dating can sometimes feel like you're training for a marathon. You put in so much time and effort into something that should be rewarding and fun, but sometimes it just doesn't turn out that way. What people need to realize is that no one person is your "perfect match." That is why dating is so essential because you need to know what you like or dislike in a relationship. If you have gotten to the point where it feels more like a factory line job, doing the same routine everyday and you are both miserable... then bow out. It could be the best thing for both of you. Now, I'm not saying to give up at the slightest malfunction, but if you have been giving it a try for awhile and its not working, cut your losses. When you feel like it's done, then its done.

Are You A Bad Dater?

2011-02-16T11:53:00.000-05:00

There are as many type of daters out there as there are stars in the sky, but there are some general categories you could fall into. If you find that you are unsuccessful at dating there could be a multitude of reasons why, but I'm confident there are some easy solutions. First, you need to identify what kind of dater you are. Since there are several I'm going to mention the top three most popular types.

The Reluctant Dater. You are the lost soul that second guesses everything about dating. You have a hard time even putting yourself out there to begin with because you view dating as this big, black hole that might suck you in and never let your miserable soul back out again.
The Nervous Dater. You are someone who gets so nervous about the thought of putting yourself out there that sheer panic tends to make you miss out on golden opportunities. Once you do put yourself out into the dating scene you tend to freeze during those perfect moments to show your witty sense of humor. Then you spend the rest of the date replaying that moment in your head and thinking what you "wish" you would have said and imagining the charming laugh from your date.
The Fall-Back Dater. You are always falling back into the same bland relationships with the same bland types of people. You know how to handle those types and, either think you don't deserve a better type or you aren't confident enough to know you do deserve a better type.

If any of these types remotely describe what you go through when you think about yourself dating then you need a little help to get you out of your bad habits. I think most people just need a little back-up from someone who knows tips to help them navigate their way through a very exciting time in their lives.

If you find yourself in any of these three categories please contact me for helpful tips to put you on the right track.

Tip of the Day

2011-01-16T15:44:00.001-05:00

Momma Said There'll Be Days Like This...

Some of us were just blessed with mothers who seem to know or want to know everything about your life... even dating. And most likely somewhere along the line you did go crying to someone "mother" like when your heart was broken or things just weren't going right. My mother always said "There are other fish in the sea," and she was right. (Thanks MKS.) Just because your relationship/ dating experience didn't work out the way you want, don't crawl into a hole. Pick yourself up, reevaluate what you really want your significant other to be like, and then have fun trying to find them. So, Thanks MOM!

Just Play!

2011-01-15T23:20:00.002-05:00

While SORRY!, LIFE, Scrabble, and UNO are all really fun games to play with your date, I would suggest picking up a console. There are so many games to choose from these days you should be able to choose one that incorporates both of your tastes. My advice would be to play a video game of some sort for a third or fourth date. By that time you should have at least 1. met in public and 2. done something that you both have in common or at least one of you is passionate about. The next date should be cozy, relaxed, and fun, BUT not boring or awkward (i.e. movie on the couch) Side Note: I discourage inviting someone over during the first few dates for a movie because it doesn't allow you to learn anything new about the other person. It just creates an atmosphere charged with nervous energy and awkward silence. Plus you will be thinking "What happens after the movie?" the entire time during the movie... so what's the point.

Solution: Gaming.

Being able to add a competitive edge to your date will show how your chemistry has evolved. By this point you will be comfortable to be more playful with each other. So jump on the couch or get active with the Wii Controllers and have a great time egging each other on. And remember to not be a sore loser even if you are super competitive. They don't need to find that out till after you're dating and think your already adorable enough to keep around.

Tip of the Day

2011-01-12T18:47:00.001-05:00

Don't Nitpick

Yes there is always something about someone that bugs the crap out of you. Whether they are a nail biter, fast talker, interrupter, or just plain all over the place. Please, take moment to think before biting their face off. If this relationship is something you want to last then stop, breath, and then react. Don't attack someone about their flaws because that will lead to self consciences and most likely a break up. Take a moment out of a day when they are NOT doing the thing that bothers you and bring it up. (IF you have been dating more than 6 months and have a comfortable, open relationship.) Don't be offended when they come back with your flaw that annoys them. Learn from this and if its workable... fix it. If it's not.. hit the road.

Tip of the Day

2011-01-08T23:37:00.000-05:00

They Didn't Call Back Because....

After every first date men and women alike go through this emotional phase I like to call the "PHONE RING PLEAASSEEEE!!!" phase. This is brought on by the fact that you had such a good time on the date that you can't wait to see that person again. BUT.. you don't quite know how that person felt about you. So you pace around the room and stare at your cell phone waiting for the phone call that might never come. So here is the tip, before you part ways at the end of the night ASK for a second date. If you feel that strongly that you had a great time and you want to see where this will go, just go for it. Ask for a second date and plan it with them in your presence. Example: " I had a great time with you tonight, especially your (insert funny moment or great story). Would you like to get together sometime this week? I was wanting to go to the (insert someplace you have a common interest in) and would rather go with you, since we have that in common." This way you won't be sitting around waiting for an answer of whether they had a good time or not. Plus you'll look confident and fascinating at the same time.

Differences You Can Learn To Embrace

2011-01-06T23:14:00.001-05:00

To have a successful, happy relationship you don't need to be complete clones of each other. While everyone goes through that phase of "Oh, you like that, I like that too!" It's just not realistic to completely agree on everything. Plus that would get boring after awhile. So here are some major differences that, I promise, you can overlook or embrace as good conversation.

Political views. Just become one person is a raging tree hugger and the other is super conservative doesn't mean you aren't compatible. Yes, while learning these facts about each other can be quite an adventure, you should be able to state your beliefs without the other person running for the hills. I know several couples, including my own, that are political opposites and you learn that when it comes to that time in early November, you just sleep in opposite rooms. ;)
Religious views. I realize that when it comes to religion people can walk a fine line. Some couples deal with family pressure, others just want to date within their own religion. This is perfectly fine, but on the chance you happen to find your perfect match that doesn't have the same religious views you do, don't snub them too quickly. Relationships are about growing and learning from the other. It's possible you could take turns visiting each other's religious venues and this will help to create stimulating conversations while getting to know each other.
Significant income difference. Money issues are the number one buzz kill of a healthy relationship. As long as you establish money goals and realize that one person is going to be contributing more to your lifestyle than the other you should be able to build a solid foundation. Just realize that money will be popping up many times and that you need to keep cool, calm, and collected with each other.

Signs Your Date Isn't The One

2011-01-05T22:45:00.001-05:00

There are a few things you need to watch our for to realized the one your dating isn't The One.

Your "spark" or connection with the person fizzles quickly. You should be able to notice this by the 3rd or 4th date. You shouldn't waste your time trying to rekindle a spark that was that brief.
Your lifestyles clash.
They don't get your jokes. One of the best ways to know you have a connection is by how much you can make the other person laugh. If they just don't think you're funny... move on cause they are probably lame anyways.
They aren't ready to commit, but you are. Trying to change someones mind can been a daunting task. I would recommend trying to pursue someone who is in the same stage of life as you are and is ready for commitment. You don't want to spend the next few years wasting time waiting for them to come around.
Your spending habits don't match. This one is vital if you intend to share bank accounts. Make sure this one is discussed in detail before you proceed with a relationship. If you are super tight with money and the other person is constantly spending it, its going to be a rocky relationship.

*Blog Idea from Article on Match.com

Tip of the Day: For Men

2011-01-05T22:37:00.001-05:00

Help Her Out

It is clinically proven that women produce less serotonin than their male counterparts. Serotonin is the brain chemical that is released that makes people feel happy. So help your girl out when she comes home from a bad day at work with a back rub or just offer to listen to her complain a little. I mean really since woman are at a disadvantage that can't be helped it seems like a fair thing to do, right? Plus, guys, you will most likely benefit from transfusing the happiness to her.

Basic Instinct

2011-01-04T22:36:00.000-05:00

Everyone has heard the phrase "Follow your instincts," and in the dating world that should be your motto. Creatures were given "fight or flight" as a survival tactic in the wild and a good example of the "wild" is the dating scene. For instance, if you find yourself sitting across a space with someone on a first date and you're sensing that this person is giving off some weird vibes. Run. Don't waste your time with someone who is making your hair stand up on your arm. First impressions really are everything and your instincts will usually warn you about disaster waiting to happen. Now, if you are sitting there and you find yourself starting to relax, lean forward, and really engage with the person, you're most likely free from disaster. So take the time on the first date to really take notice of how you are feeling. If it's time to run make your excuses and peace out, but if you start to feel comfortable then you are probably following your instincts into a good thing.

Tip of the Day

2011-01-03T21:09:00.000-05:00

Truly Enjoy Your Time Together

I have taken the last few days off because I personally feel that you need to really enjoy your time with your family, friends, and significant other. If you surround yourself with your ipad, computer, cell phone, kindle, etc, you'll be disconnected from the time specially tailored for developing great memories. So as this new year is starting keep in mind all the "specially tailored" times for bonding and make sure you make the most of them. Not be morbid, but life is short.

What You Should Have Figured Out After Three Dates

2010-12-30T01:28:00.000-05:00

Really, by the end of three dates you should know whether you think this could turn into something serious. There are specific things you should ask if you don't think you really know if they are worth dating. This is for your sake before you waste more time on a dud.

How does he handle his debt? I realize money isn't really something that comes up in polite normal dating etiquette, but I'm challenging this rule. If you can manage to ask some questions without being too invasive about how he handles money the better off you will be. I mean do you really want to pursue someone who can't manage their money?
What is his career like? If you are someone who pictures the perfect evening as cuddling up to watch your favorite TV shows before bed and they work two jobs... that won't work. By the third date you should have had plenty of time to get past the typical "I hate my boss" and "I need to make this merger by Tuesday" bit. Ask them about their life schedule and what a typical evening is for them, that should tell you whether to hit the pavement for a better match.

A Wise Woman Once Said...

2010-12-29T01:00:00.000-05:00

"Love is like vines. At the beginning, they start out small and grow upwards together. Although, throughout time they either grow and entwine together, or start to grow apart." - Jamie Cook

I couldn't agree more with this wise woman. When a relationship first starts you are like two vines that are just trying to grow into a full and successful relationship. There comes a time in the relationship where you need to start nourishing your relationship with new stimulation and it takes hard work to keep growing. It's about keeping the connection with the other person and if you let something start to lack then you will start to grow apart. But, there is hope for you wandering vines. If you find yourself drifting apart, ask for help. Obviously what you're doing isn't working for you two and maybe a fresh perspective is all you need. So start asking close friends what works for them and you'll be surprised by how creative some people can be when it comes to making love work. Because love takes work and this work will create the direction you need to have your vines intertwine together again.

Tip of the Day

2010-12-27T23:21:00.000-05:00

Ask "How did you do it?"

I can't think of anything better than asking an older couple how they met. Listening to stories about meeting at a carnival or at the local shake shack can be a great way to spend an afternoon. While these days technology has taken over and communication is instantaneous, think about a time when that wasn't possible. I'm sure it was a lot more exciting receiving a letter in the mail than 30,000 texts each day. So take the time to listen to a few stories from the masters of good old fashion courtship and take some notes. Maybe even go as far as taking a few days off technology and just communicate through letters, if you can. Never know what kind of feelings will surface when access is restricted.

Take Inspiration From Others

2010-12-27T23:13:00.000-05:00

It only makes sense that you should use inspiration from people around you. If you have a friend or family member who has a relationship that is truly fantastic, take the time to ask them how they make it work. Obviously, since every couple is different you should pick and choose what will work for you, but there is nothing better then free advice.
In recent weeks I have pretty much asked everyone I know about their relationships, the good, the bad, and the ugly. It has been great to learn what led to the "spark" and how it evolved into a relationship. One common consistency between all the healthy relationships was the fact that communication was the most important thing to them.
I recently read an article about the oldest living couple. They have been married for 85 years and now reside in James City, NJ. They say there isn't one secret to longevity in a relationship, but they recommend arguing at least once a day. I'm going to go ahead and say that that's pretty good advice as long as its constructive communication. Don't pick at someone just to have a conversation. This couple certainly inspires me!

Tip of the Day

2010-12-22T23:51:00.004-05:00

Keep It Classy

Women's Focus: There is something to be said about women who keep is classy. While I fail to believe that classy women are a dying breed, I think some need a little guidance in the right direction. Dressing for a date shouldn't be like dressing for a night club. The term less is more is NOT appropriate in the dating world. Women want to be mysterious and sexy, right? Well, you aren't conveying either with your ladies showing. Here are some quick ideas for appropriate outfits for special dating occasions.

All Day Date.

Adventure/ Exploring Quaint Towns Date.

1st Date.

Dinner & Drinks Date.

If you have more questions post them as comments and I'll respond as quickly as possible. Or look for me on http://lookville.com, the site where all fashion questions are answered and THE DATE PLANNER is featured!

Refining The Long Distance Dating Stigma

2010-12-22T23:07:00.004-05:00

I'm saying it right now..... IT CAN WORK! People are so technologically connected these days there is no reason why a long distance relationship can not work. It just takes a very honest couple where both are secure with themselves as individuals. By no means am I saying it isn't hard. I can say from personal experience that I have had one successful and one unsuccessful long distance relationship. The unsuccessful one failed due to lack of communication. The successful one is so successful because we take the time to MAKE time for the other person. While mine is only an hour and half away, longer distances aren't doomed.

One way to really feel connected electronically is "skype." It is said that men build attraction and a connection through sight, while women build both through sound. Skype allows for both the sound of the man's voice to set off triggers of attraction and the visual stimulus that men need.

While all this so far has been good, eventually you'll need to have a physical connection to seal your bond.

It might be perfectly healthy for you to go up to a year without seeing each other, but I would recommend as much travel as economically possible to have the best success. Recommendation: Plus, if you date someone not from your area you'll be able to plan exciting "adventure" dates to explore new towns or cities.