the deepest well may run dry ....

Tatang

2011-03-17T23:20:00.000+08:00

(Sharing with you what I said during my dad's funeral. Today's his birthday, and I know, he is now celebrating there with my Manang Ela in heaven...I miss you, Tang.)

Parting is never a welcome word. Goodbye, seldom or never entertained.

But these words and these acts, we could not live without.

We may not welcome them. We may not entertain them.

Nonetheless, we have to face them, one way or another, at least once in our lives.

As I stand before you, we honor my father.

A father at the beginning, let me confessed I had not admired.

As a child, I never dreamed of emulating.

As a man, I never approved some of his ways.

But as a father, which by his death made me realized, he is one true and great dad.

We always hear how we, his children, are supposed to be so successful on our own. And to a father, to hear this line in his lifetime, I believe, brings immeasurable joy and pride.

Tang, from your eldest daughter to your youngest son, I am so sure you had heard this line over and over again. By other people’s words, you indeed did alright.

Personally, however, the greatest honor and praise a man can hope for, is to have his own son acknowledged him to his own son, how great, how good and how he was able to raise his chidren the way it was supposed to be.

And let me do this now.

Hedo, my son. Here before you lies a man you will not remember much in your life. A man, you may believe, had not and will never have any influence at all in how you will run your own. I declare it to you now, and I promise you, that whatever he taught me and how he brought me up, will always be the standard, the guiding principle that we will have. For to me my son, I tell you, it is with so much pride, that I honor and present to you my father. A father, who without a degree, was incredibly able to bring seven of us all without wanting anything at all. A father, who loved us with no boundaries. A father who was so loyal. A father who was always there for us. Please remember that.

Let me end this by offering you this simple poem I made for you, Tang.

Not by lofty standards, as most people would usually put on a glow,

No shiny trophies nor medals of silver or gold to proudly show,

Not much worldly richness nor vast lands to boast,

Nor fast cars nor even ships parked at the coast.

But to all of us, you would always be more than great,

Letting you know of this, though may already too late.

For all the things you had done to us, we did take at times for granted,

All we could remember is you lying there on your bed.

To all of us, you would always be the best,

A fulfilled provider, we now lay you to your rest,

Shouting to the world, that you did all you could,

In bringing and bearing us all, like a true Father should.

With that said, we bid goodbye to you, tatang. we will always love you and will always remember you in our hearts. Please say hello to Manang Ela for us in heaven.

My Dad

2011-02-21T23:39:00.002+08:00

As a kid, I never dreamed of being like you.

As a man, I never approved on how you wasted half of your life drinking.

But now, I come to think of it, without even a degree, you were, with Mamang's great help, able to raise seven of us without wanting anything at all.

Now as a father myself, there is one lesson from you that I will never forget, and that is, to love my children with everything I got. For certainly, you did all of that all your life.

I may not have said it, I may not have shown it. But I hope that you had at least felt it. I love you, Tang, with all my heart.

I will miss you.

Fears Fathers Never Admit

2010-06-19T16:04:00.000+08:00

(Started this draft last April of 2009, supposedly in time for the fathers' day last year. Saw this again today, hoping to finish by tonight (June 19, 2010) in time for fathers' day tomorrow.

I dedicate this to my own tatang and to my son.)

From conception to the child's first glimpse of light, there is not only the connection physically through the umbilical chord between the child and mother, but also a closer bond of having the same heart beats and same blood flowing in their veins for the duration of the pregnancy. This could be the reason why children tend to be closer to the mother than the father, even as they count their own years.

Traditionally, particularly the Filipino way, the rearing of children is almost always left to the mother. The father, as taught by the Church, takes the passive role of a provider. While children grow, relationship with mothers also grow and interaction with the father seems to be more limited than ever. In more ways that admitted, children when asked will most always favor their mothers.

Does a father want to be a part of the lives of his children other than providing their needs? Doesn't a father want to have a more active role? Does he ever worry for his own kids? What does he think and feel along as his children grow to their own adulthood? Is he happy of where he is?

These are some questions which I think will be left forever unanswered in the open. These are things which we ask of our fathers but never really cared to hear the answers. Not that they answer them directly, but if observed, they have their own way of directing us to the answers that we want to hear. For as we all know, men, or fathers for this matter, and in contrast to their counterpart, are more reclusive. They keep their thoughts and emotions to themselves. They are of only few words.

Most try to remain silent. But for some who tried, most came out wanting.

Call this betrayal to fatherhood. But as a father myself, I will attempt on my own to bring those emotions to the open. I will try to unlock those thoughts and let it be known. Feeble as they may be, these are my thoughts. These are my own feelings of uncertainties seeing my own children grew. These are my fears.

Fathers can't say i love you.

We hate to admit but in the period when we were courting in our high school or college days, we could easily blur this it out to every pretty lady we found interesting enough. Probably, the supply is not that deep. I believe there is a certain point where a man, and as father, reached where he stop saying these three simple words. Can anyone recall the last time your dad said those words to you?

For me, (and this always brings tears, but never admitted openly) the part of a movie where a dad talks to his child, grown-up or just a kid, seeing clearly how hard it is on his part to say even a word, is always so touching for me. There is that moment of waiting, where he tries to start a conversation, he stutters, withdrawing a little bit, breathes deeper and tries again only to be able to whisper just a word or two. Hanging to that last moment, some did but most, not.

Fathers may not always be vocal about it but believe me, they do. I sometimes look at my children, especially in the early morning, sleeping with smiles on their faces, and feel something that I can never put into words. I sometimes look at them playing, and feel something that can never be described. Not a kiss nor a hug can quench it, it is more than just a bond. If I have to break my back just to see them happy and healthy, I will.

When is enough good enough?
A father can never have the ability to measure things like a mother has. She knows every sizes that fit a child, from shirts down to shoes without actually trying them on. One look at a child, and she knows what has to be done. Indeed, mothers know best.

Yes, we know how to estimate how much more mileage can a car travel by just looking at the gas gauge. Yes, we can measure the sizes of each square to its perfect fit. We know how many bytes in a megabytes to gigabytes. But when it comes to dealing with children, we can never fathom what is enough and when.

When I first carried a baby in my arms, I was worried sick whether I was holding him too tight for me suffocate him or too loose for me to drop him. There is no father who tried to put diapers on a baby on his first try without fumbling it. Did I fasten it enough so anything from there does not peek out? Did I pull it too tight that the baby would not be able to breathe? You may laugh at these very simple tasks, but hey they make us sweat and give us goosebumps trying to hide our fears while checking secretly if we did them right.

For me, this feeling of doubt holds us from doing more. And this is carried further as the kids grow, preventing fathers in building closer relationships with them. As a father, am I too strict that I curtail the independence and creativity rather than looking for what is best for the children? As a provider, am I providing them enough to enjoy life, but just enough so they do not forget that life is not so easy? We all wish that with these things should come a measuring stick. But I guess, that is really the challenge.

Well, we may have our fears. But leave these fears to us. We may not be able to say the love we have for our children as opened and often as you want us to be, we may not be as attached to them as you want it to be, but we do and we are. Just in our own way. In our own style.

Believe me, despite of these fears, there is nothing more satisfying to a father than seeing his children grew successful, happy and be christian parents of their own. For only then can we finally claimed that indeed, we have procreated with God.

Happy fathers' day to all the dads out there.

My Western Fiction Books Collection

2009-12-20T12:45:00.002+08:00

Never judge a book by its cover. Nor judge a person by the books that he reads or collects. For if you do, then I could be the greatest cowboy hero ever. For I have now 295 western fiction books. And what is amazing is that my fascination with this collection started two years ago...

No.	Author	Title
1	Alfred Henry Lewis	Wolfville
2	Bill Dugan	Gun Play at Cross Creek
3	Bill Pronzini	The Gallows Land
4	Bliss Lomax	The Phantom Corral
5	Brian Fox	Sabata
6	Bruce H. Thorstad	The Gents
7	Buck Gentry	Apache Trick
8	Clarence E. Mulford	Hopalong Cassidy
9	Clay Fisher	The Apache Kid
10	Cort Martin	Bordello Backshooter
11	Cotton Smith	Death Rides a Red Horse
12	Cotton Smith	Blood Brothers
13	Dan Cushman	The Pecos Kid Returns
14	David Thompson	Lure of the Wild
15	David Thompson	Trail's End
16	David Thompson	By Duty Bound
17	David Thompson	Reap the Whirlwind
18	Dirk Fletcher	Red Rock Redhead
19	Dirk Fletcher	Portland Pussycat
20	Dirk Fletcher	Free Press Lily
21	Dirk Fletcher	Minetown Mistress
22	Ed Gorman	Wolf Moon
23	Ed Gorman	Grave's Retreat
24	Edwin Booth	Return to Apache
25	Elmer Kelton	Llano River
26	Elmer Kelton	Texas Rifles
27	Elmer Kelton	Hard Trail To Follow
28	Elmore Leonard	Valdez is Coming
29	Elmore Leonard	The Law at Randado
30	Ernest Haycox	Burnt Creek
31	F.M. Parker	The Predators
32	Frank Bonham	Last Stage West
33	Frank Gruber	The Marshal
34	Frederick Manfred	Riders of Judgement
35	G. Clifton Wisler	North of Esperanza
36	Gene Shelton	Unwanted: Dead or Alive
37	Gene Shelton	The Story of John Coffee Hays
38	George Gilman	Death's Bounty
39	George Gilman	Savage Dawn
40	Giles Tippette	The Texas Bank Robbing Company
41	Guy Brewer	Made in Spades
42	Harold Q. Masur	The Legacy Lenders
43	Hiram King	Dark Trail
44	Hobe Gilmore	Bloody Grass
45	J.D. Hardin	Riverboat Gold
46	J.D. Hardin	The Pinkerton Killers
47	J.R. Roberts	Son of a Gunsmith
48	J.R. Roberts	Safetown
49	J.R. Roberts	A Man of the Gun
50	J.R. Roberts	Deadly Business
51	J.R. Roberts	The Killer Con
52	J.R. Roberts	Dead and Buried
53	J.R. Roberts	The Ghost of Goliad
54	J.T. Edson	Ole Devil and the Caplocks
55	Jack Ballas	Bandido Caballero
56	Jack Hanson	Wildgun
57	Jackson Cain	Hell Bound
58	Jake Logan	Deadly Game
59	Jake Logan	The Crossing
60	Jake Logan	Mexican Silver
61	Jake Logan	Hell to Midnight
62	Jake Logan	The Real McCoy
63	Jake Logan	Hell's Acre
64	Jake Logan	Jersey Lily
65	Jake Logan	The Lady in Black
66	Jake Logan	Whiskey Lake
67	Jake Logan	The Deadwood Deal
68	Jake Logan	Gold Mountain
69	Jake Logan	Sweet Revenge
70	Jake Logan	The Big Payback
71	Jake Logan	Border Incident
72	Jake Logan	Horse Killers
73	Jake Logan	The Lost Command
74	Jake Logan	The Madhouse Madam
75	Jake Logan	Grubstake
76	James M. Reasoner	The Diablo Grant
77	James M. Reasoner	The Hawthorne Legacy
78	Jason Manning	Gunmaster
79	Jim Austin	Fury - Blood Ransom
80	John Benteen	Blood on the Prairie
81	John D. Nesbitt	Red Wind Crossing
82	John D. Nesbitt	Black Hat Butte
83	John Jakes	The Funeral of Tanner Moody
84	Jon Sharpe	Seven Wagons West
85	Jon Sharpe	Bloody Brazos
86	Jon Sharpe	Kansas Kill
87	Jon Sharpe	Redwood Revenge
88	Jon Sharpe	Snake River Butcher
89	Jon Sharpe	Montana Fire Smoke
90	Jon Sharpe	California Quarry
91	Jon Sharpe	Kiowa Command
92	Jon Sharpe	Montana Stage
93	Jon Sharpe	Kansas Carnage
94	Jon Sharpe	The Leavenworth Express
95	Jon Sharpe	Oregon Outsider
96	Jon Sharpe	Chimney Rock Burial
97	Jon Sharpe	Sioux Stampede
98	Jon Sharpe	Colorado Diamond Dupe
99	Jon Sharpe	Prairie Firestorm
100	Jon Sharpe	Salt Lake siren
101	Jon Sharpe	Apache Duel
102	Jon Sharpe	Denver City Gold
103	Jon Sharpe	Cherokee Justice
104	Jon Sharpe	Bloody wedding
105	Jon Sharpe	Six-Gun Scholar
106	Jon Sharpe	Arkansas Assault
107	Jon Sharpe	Colorado Corpse
108	Jon Sharpe	St. Louis Sinners
109	Jon Sharpe	Hell's Belles
110	Jon Sharpe	Texas Tart
111	Jon Sharpe	Salt Lake Slaughter
112	Jon Sharpe	Six-Gun Persuasion
113	Jon Sharpe	South Texas Slaughter
114	Jon Sharpe	Dakota Danger
115	Jon Sharpe	Backwoods Bloodbath
116	Jon Sharpe	Terror Trackdown
117	Jon Sharpe	Desert Duel
118	JT Edson	The Texas Assassin
119	JT Edson	The Fastest Gun in Texas
120	JT Edson	Gold Deck, Hot Lead
121	Judd Cole	Death Camp
122	Ken Hodgson	Dead Man's Money
123	Kit Dalton	Tombstone Ten Guage
124	Kit Dalton	Pistol Whipped
125	Kit Dalton	Blazing Six Guns
126	Larry McMurtry	Anything for Billy
127	Larry McMurtry	Streets of Laredo
128	Larry McMurtry	Lonesome Dove
129	Larry McMurtry	Buffalo Girls
130	Larry McMurtry	Texasville
131	Laura Paine	Gathering Storm
132	Laura Paine	Guns in Oregon
133	Laura Paine	Tears of the Heart
134	Lee Floren	North to Powder River
135	Lee Floren	The Gringo
136	Lewis B. Patten	Guns of Vengeance
137	Lew S. Patten	The Hide Hunters
138	Lew S. Patten	Lynching at Broken Butte
139	Lew S. Patten	Sunblade
140	Lou Cameron	Stringer
141	Louis L'amour	The Ferguson Rifle
142	Louis L'amour	Comstock Lode
143	Louis L'amour	Crossfire Trail
144	Louis L'amour	Dark Canyon
145	Louis L'amour	The Trail to Seven Pines
146	Louis L'amour	The Rustlers of West Fork
147	Louis L'amour	Trouble Shooter
148	Louis L'amour	The Riders of High Rock
149	Louis L'amour	Valley of the Sun
150	Louis L'amour	Silver Canyon
151	Louis L'amour	Ride the Drak Trail
152	Louis L'amour	Matagorda
153	Louis L'amour	Heller with a Gun
154	Louis L'amour	Buckskin Run
155	Louis L'amour	Kilrone
156	Louis L'amour	Kilkenny
157	Louis L'amour	Utah Blaine
158	Louis L'amour	Ride the River
159	Louis L'amour	Son of a Wanted Man
160	Louis L'amour	Milo Talon
161	Louis L'amour	Sackett's Land
162	Louis L'amour	From the Listening Hill
163	Louis L'amour	Lando
164	Louis L'amour	The Californios
165	Louis L'amour	Fallon
166	Louis L'amour	The Daybreakers
167	Louis L'amour	The Quick and The Dead
168	Louis L'amour	Taggart
169	Louis L'amour	The Proving Trail
170	Louis L'amour	Rivers West
171	Louis L'amour	Tucker
172	Louis L'amour	Guns of the Timberlands
173	Louis L'amour	To Tame a land
174	Louis L'amour	Callaghen
175	Louis L'amour	Lonigan
176	Louis L'amour	The Outlaws of Mesquite
177	Louis L'amour	The Man Called Noon
178	Louis L'amour	The Iron Marshal
179	Louis L'amour	Last of the Breed
180	Louis L'amour	Bendigo Shafter
181	Louis L'amour	Flint
182	Luke Short	Sunset Graze
183	Luke Short	The Stalkers
184	Matt Baun	Bloodstorm
185	Matt Baun	Noble Outlaw
186	Matt Baun	The Brannocks
187	Matt Baun	Westward of the Law
188	Matt Baun	The Judas Tree/The Last Stand
189	Matt Baun	Bloody Hand
190	Max Brand	The Gambler
191	Max Brand	Steve Train's Ordeal
192	Max Brand	Rawhide Justice
193	Max Brand	The Long Chance
194	Max Brand	The Bells of San Filipo
195	Max Brand	The Wolf Strain
196	Max Brand	The Gentle Gunman
197	Nelson Nye	Sudden Country
198	Paul Ledd	China Doll
199	Peter Brandvold	Hell on Wheels
200	Peter Brandvold	.45-Caliber Revenge
201	Peter Dawson	Angel Peak
202	Ralph Compton	Six Guns and Double Eagles
203	Ralph Compton	The Autumn of the Gun
204	Ralph Compton	Devil's Canyon
205	Ralph Compton	Whiskey River
206	Ralph Compton	Skeleton Lode
207	Ralph Compton	Riders of Judgement
208	Ralph Compton	Train to Durango
209	Ralph Compton	The Terderfoot Trail
210	Ralph Compton	The Deadwood Trail
211	Ralph Cotton	Fast Guns Out of Texas
212	Ralph Cotton	The Law in Somos Santos
213	Ralph Cotton	Border Dogs
214	Ralph Cotton	Guns on the Border
215	Ralph Cotton	Devil's Due
216	Ralph Cotton	Showdown at Rio Sagrado
217	Ralph Cotton	Webb's Posse
218	Ray Hogan	The Marshal of Babylon
219	Ray Hogan	The Hell Born
220	Ray Hogan	The Iron Jehu
221	Richard Matheson	Shadow on the Sun
222	Richard Matheson	The Gunfight
223	Robert J. Conley	The Devil's Trail
224	Robert J. Conley	Nickajack
225	Romer Zane Grey	Gun Trouble in Tonto Basin
226	Sam Brown	The Long Drift
227	Stack Sutton	The Marshal's Gun
228	Steve Frazee	Tower of Rocks
229	Steve Frazee	Voices in the Hill
230	Steven C. Lawrence	Bullet Welcome
231	T.J. Jack	The Chaney Edge
232	T.V. Olsen	Day of the Buzzard
233	Tabor Evans	Longarm
234	Tabor Evans	The Hatchet Men
235	Tabor Evans	The Arkansas Drive
236	Tabor Evans	The Treacherous Trial
237	Tabor Evans	The Longley Legend
238	Tabor Evans	The Texas Hijackers
239	Tabor Evans	The San Angelo Showdown
240	Tabor Evans	The John Bull Feud
241	Tabor Evans	The Counterfeit Corpse
242	Tabor Evans	The Racy Ladies
243	Tabor Evans	The Double-Barrel Blowout
244	Tabor Evans	The Voodoo Queen
245	Tabor Evans	The Branded Beauty
246	Tabor Evans	The Hatchet Woman
247	Tabor Evans	The Chain Gang Women
248	Tabor Evans	The Golden Goddess
249	Tabor Evans	On a Bloody Vendetta
250	Tabor Evans	The Texas Tiger Lady
251	Tabor Evans	On the Border
252	Tabor Evans	The Lady Lawyer
253	Tabor Evans	The Mysterious Mistress
254	Tabor Evans	The Great Milk-Train Robbery
255	Tabor Evans	Kilgore's Revenge
256	Tabor Evans	The Restless Redhead
257	Tabor Evans	The Owlhoot's Graveyard
258	Tabor Evans	The Sweetheart Vendetta
259	Tabor Evans	The Danish Dames
260	Tabor Evans	The Lusty Lady
261	Tabor Evans	The Outlaw Empress
262	Terry C. Johnston	The Stalkers
263	Tim McGuire	Nobility
264	Tobias Cole	The Sharpshooter: Brimstone
265	Todhunter Ballard	Incident at Sun Mountain
266	Tom Calhoun	Showdown in Austin
267	W.R. Garwood	Hunt Down
268	Warren T. Longtree	Sudden Thunder
269	Warren T. Longtree	Comanche Peak
270	Wayne D. Overholser	Cast A Long Shadow
271	Wesley Ellis	In the Timberlands
272	Will Camp	Lone Survivor
273	Will Henry	The Fourth Horseman
274	Will Henry	I, Tom Horn
275	William Hopson	Twin Mavericks
276	William W. Johnstone	Crusade of Eagles
277	William W. Johnstone	Wrath of the Mountain Man
278	William W. Johnstone	Destiny of the Mountain Man
279	William W. Johnstone	The Last Mountain Man
280	William W. Johnstone	Heart of the Mountain Man
281	William W. Johnstone	Blood of the Mountain Man
282	William W. Johnstone	Preacher and the Mountain Caesar
283	William W. Johnstone	Fury of the Mountain Man
284	William W. Johnstone	Return of the Mountain Man
285	William W. Johnstone	Courage of the Mountain Man
286	William W. Johnstone	Purgatory
287	William W. Johnstone	No Man's Land
288	William W. Johnstone	Reprisal
289	William W. Johnstone	Avenger
290	William W. Johnstone	Violent Sunday
291	William W. Johnstone	Preacher's Justice
292	William W. Johnstone	Talons of Eagles
293	William O. Turner	The Proud Diggers
294	Zane Grey	Fighting Caravans
295	Zane Grey	Wild Horse Mesa

Childhood Series - A Floating Candle in the Dark

2009-11-16T16:27:00.005+08:00

Walking for home in the middle of a night. Total darkness. Only the stars lighting your way. In a road to nowhere. Nary a soul in sight. Do you run? Or do you keep your pace and convince yourself that you have what they call the cojones? Is it enough though? Who are you fooling? Legs are for running, are they not? You feel your body hair beginning to rise little by little. And you feel cold air when there is no wind at all. Eeeekksss! What is that sound? You begin calling the names of your favorite saints in mind. You take a step. Another step. A little quicker this time. Longer. And you hear the crickets getting louder. A flicker of light. An eerie silence follows.

And then suddenly, you see a light. Lingering. Is that a firefly? No, it is brighter. Is that a candle? Yes, and it is moving so slowly. And it's floating! You feel a lump in your throat. You need to shout, and you shouted. You need to run. And run you did. Fast, very fast.

And we could have been there right in the middle of darkness laughing our hearts out. Slapping each other's back. Tears starting to flow, stomachs coming to pain. And only then, we would stop and start waiting for another victim or come to thinking of another frank.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is just one of our childhood franks - a floating candle in the dark. A matchbox, a candle and thanks to a poor little turtle from Lolo Berto's pond. Who could have thought of it? I cannot recall now. Probably, my brother Francis and Cousin Potpot did. Me, I could not have for I am just a silent, meek little kid then .....

Inside the Pocket (Part 2 of "A Turtle in My Pocket")

2009-04-26T15:55:00.038+08:00

(This is the second and last part of a story I made up for my kids during one of our telling-stories-before-we-sleep bonding time. We have two versions of the ending, one of which depends on how gory can you get with your kids, and this one I thought of as prodded by my second kid Maria Clayre during one of the many repeats of my telling this story to them. So please read on... )

Part 2 - The Turtle Inside the Pocket

On the way to school, Hedo was full of excitement and anticipation. "Wait till they see this turtle in my pocket!", he thought. And he kept on petting his pocket just to assure himself that it is still there.

When he arrived, his friends were not outside but were already in their classroom. He rushed inside only to find out that their teacher was also already there. So he did not bring out the turtle yet but planned to do it during their recess time. And thus, the turtle remained inside his pocket for a time.

The poor turtle was so afraid. It was too dark inside Hedo's pocket. And for a time, it dared not venture bringing out its head. Also, the consistent petting of Hedo alarmed it now and then.

"It's too dark and cold in here. What is Hedo going to do about me?" the turtle thought as it took a little peep from its shell.

"Hmmm. And what is that smell?" the turtle said, noticing for the first time the aroma of the bacon sandwich with it inside the pocket. But still, its head remained inside its shell.

For a time, fearful that it was but its curiosity being pricked more and more, the smell slowly overcame the turtle. Little by little, it extended its neck for all its length.

"Aha, it's a sandwich indeed!", it whispered seeing the wrapped food.

Unable to hold itself from the temptation, the turtle decided right there and then, unmindful now of Hedo's petting, to have a bite. "And it's my favorite, too! Bacon bits!", it said.

The turtle thought that Hedo had put the food inside the pocket for it to eat. And bite after bite it went until the turtle ate all of it. And with glee, it declared while licking its lips, "Hmmm! That was the best food I have ever tasted!".

Right after its last bite, the school bell sounded, announcing the time for recess. And Hedo, realizing that he had not eaten breakfast earlier, felt his hunger and forgot all about his turtle. "It's good that mom prepared me a sandwich with my favorite bacon bits", Hedo thought while running towards the canteen.

Arriving at the canteen. one of his friends asked Hedo what he brought for his merienda. And he proudly replied that his mom made him his favorite sandwich. Hedo was so hungry that he did not even think of showing his turtle to his friends anymore as he planned to do all along.

Readily, Hedo put his hand in his pocket, and felt for his food but felt the turtle instead. Alas, but his sandwich was gone! And right there, he realized that he had put his sandwich in the same pocket as he did with his turtle, and knew it then that it had eaten his sandwich.

Hedo was so angry. And in his anger and hunger, he did realized his mistake. He wished that he had listened to his mom earlier and did not bring the turtle to school.

Thus, went the recess time, with Hedo, losing his sandwich, not able to eat anything at all. He was so disappointed with his turtle and himself at the same time.

And that ends our story, kids.

(After this, as usual in storytelling to kids, do not forget this, the lesson of the story.)

And the lessons of the story are -

Always listen to your mom. Whatever she tells you, it is for your own good.
Eat your breakfast. You are not sure when you can eat next.

(I hope you enjoyed the story as well as my kids. As I have said, this is better told than written. Storytelling is at its best with all the voice characterization and actions. Go on, tell the story to your kids and feel free to alter or add things to your heart's desire. You know your kids better.

As I have said, there are two versions of the ending. Here's the second one, but be aware that this is not for the weakhearted, so proceed at your own risk.)

A Bizzare Ending
(My kids thought this very funny!)

In his anger, finding that the turtle had eaten all his sandwich, Hedo brought it out and showed it to his friends and ate it. Finding that the turtle tasted even better that his favorite bacon bits.

******

For posterity, while I had been writing this, indeed my son Hedo had two turtles as pets. At first, as most kids are for new things, he was so fond of them. But, as most thing are, he later grew tired of them, too. Here are the pictures of his turtles ...

Also, while I was writing this blog, we found two other turtles right in front of our gate in a span of three weeks. Where they came from and who owned them before us, up to today, we do not know. Also, we have no idea what kind of turtles they are. Here are also the pictures....

A Turtle in My Pocket

2009-03-01T11:08:00.020+08:00

(This is a story I made up for my kids during one of our telling-stories-before-we-sleep bonding time. Sharing it with you, hoping you will use it also during yours, so your kids will have a grand time as well. Just remember this tip when telling stories to kids, try to be as animated as possible (which I obviously cannot do here in writing) and always keep ending your sentences with exclamation points!)

Part 1 - The Boy Who Loves his Turtles So Much

There is this cute little boy named Hedo. At home, he has two cute little turtles and he likes to play with them very much. With his friends and schoolmates, there is no other topic that he likes to bring out but them. Right after school, the first that he looks after when arrives at home, are his turtles, feeding them and playing with them. Simply, he loves his turtles and they make his world go round.

He has been planning to bring his turtles to school and show them to his friends. Thus one day, his turtles in his hands, he sheepishly asked his mommy if he can bring them with him to school the following day.

"Mommy, can I bring my turtles to school tomorrow?" Hedo asked.

His mother knowing the school's rules that pets are not allowed, said, "I am sorry, son, but you cannot. Your school would not allow it."

Hedo was so disappointed and he tried hard not to cry. He knew also that it was against the regulations, but he had already promised his friends. He felt strongly that he has to, just to be true to his words. And that night, he dreamed of ways how he can do it with his mom and the school not knowing.

The following day, as usual before going to school, his mom called him for breakfast. Hedo, still working his plans in his head, went to his turtles first before he answered his mom. His mom called him again, and in his rush to go, without thinking much about it, he had put one of his turtles in his shorts pocket.

His mommy said "Sorry again, son, but you really cannot bring your turtles. Here's your sandwich for your snacks. I put some pieces of bacon in it."

Hedo, breathing so hard, trying hard not to squirm as he felt the turtle moving, got the sandwich. He thanked his mom and put the sandwich immediately inside his pocket. "Bye, mom", he uttered and rushed out. Forgetting that he had earlier put a turtle in that same pocket!

And, thus, with a turtle and a sandwich in his pocket, Hedo went to school.

(Watch out for my next blog for the second part of this story - Part 2 - Inside the Pocket)

God is So Generous

2009-02-23T21:04:00.002+08:00

God is so generous. We asked Him for one and He gave us two. How this happened is my next article.

October 1998. It was exactly 25 years to the day that I have been breathing air, when the wedding bells signalled the end of our single blessedness. It was very sunny that day. And inside the Sta. Rosa de Lima Parish Church (Laguna), my true love and I exchanged that solemn vow in the name of God and sealed it with a true love's kiss. The entourage was great. The choir whose members were some of our friends, did awesomely well. Yeah, even the priest was good. It was a perfect wedding, as perfect it can get, and we were on our way to creating a perfect family.

January 1999. My wife got pregnant. We were so excited. We were on our way to completing a family and the feeling was unexplainable. Finally, we were doing what God has mandated us to do, i.e. to go forth and multiply. Will I be able to be a father to this child as fathers meant to be? That has always been a disturbing question on the back of my mind. Then we begun looking for a name that will fit for both us instead of the upcoming child.

March 1999. That excitement turned to sorrow. My wife Laarni started bleeding, despite the total bed rest ordered by the doctor. And later on, her pregnancy was diagnosed as "blighted ovum". It was explained then to us that though it appeared normal at the start, the pregnancy never progressed and that no embryo was developed. That was the first bad news. And the second worst news was that that my wife had to undergo an operation called "dilation and curettage" supposedly to remove uterine contents, or whatever is left of our supposedly first baby.

April 1999 and thereafter. That was only the start of our agony. After that operation and for the next 3 years, we never got the rhythm back to procreating another one, tried as much and as hard as we can.

We consulted a lot of experts. Medically and otherwise (i.e. hilots, etc.) The last and most expensive of them was a gynecologist who was referred to us to have worked miracles on couples who are near the end of losing hope or even have. My wife underwent at least two more operations under her because as I can remember clearly what that doctor said then that mine was not meeting hers as there were blockages in the dating passage and she had to pave the way for a smoother travel of my descendants in their way to having their own marriage with that of my wife. Of course, we believed her then. But still no success.

Disappointment set in. We became desperate a little. And still, the doctor offered us yet another alternative. It's a little expensive she said. But honestly, even if it would have cost us a million pesos which I didn't have then (let me clear that, less people I know will begin asking me now for some, I still don't and still working on it), I would have unquestionably begged in the streets so we could have shelled it out right then so long as we can have a baby.

She explained that since mine cannot find the right way, we might as well help them do it. And I was thinking right there, now after emptying our pocket, she would invade our privacy too and direct us now how to do the act. Green-minded you! As she explained, it is called assisted reproductive technology (artificial insemination), a process by which mine is placed into the reproductive tract of my wife by using ways other than sexual intercourse, i.e. directly injecting mine direct to her eggs. Will they just inject me in my you-know-where and extract mine then inject it to her?

Well, that is much easier written than done, I tell you. I consider this as one of my most shameful experiences. Falling in line, waiting for my turn, nurses giving me a small cup (yeah, you read it right, CUP!) and asking me to enter a small room with the latest magazines and videos of you know what and start filling it up. (Huh! It's truly hard trying to make this as child-friendly as possible!). I remember asking the nurse whether I had to really fill it up as in up and what happens if I am not able to and she just answered with that all-knowing smile! Running from a building to another just so my thing won't stale before they could inject it to my wife's! The number of exclamation points in this paragraph couldn't emphasize it more.

To cut the story short as they say, which I never learn how to, being expensive does not necessarily guarantee things. Just as raising our hopes fast, so its decline when the technology 's promise did not materialize.

All hopes gone, we accepted then the inevitable - which people usually do at the end of hoping - if it's meant to be, then it's meant to be.

September 2001. It's Mama Mary's birthday. We heard amongst friends that miracles have been happening to people who go there so up we went to Tierra Maria in Tagaytay. The moment we arrived there I already felt something more. There were not many people yet inside as we were very early. Kneeling, tried as much as I can to pray, I cannot seem to concentrate on what I'm praying for. I stood up and toed the line to Mama Mary's statue.

(Many would not believe me on these next few lines. But this is really what happened and if I have to swear in front of anyone with a bible in my hand, I will swear it to be the truth and nothing but the truth.)

When it was my turn, I stood right in front of Her and place my hands on Her hand. The moment I closed my eyes, I felt like I was immediately swept off my feet and carried away. Smell of the most fragrant roses seemed to surround me. And right then, Her hands went soft in my hands. I felt fear at first but that feeling disappeared right away. Feeling of love and comfort immediately followed. At this time, I prayed with all my heart for even just one kid of our own. As if from a trance, I opened my eyes and saw Her face, her eyes staring right at mine. This went like forever but realized later that it was only for a minute or two.

Thinking and writing about this now still brings me goosebumps all over my body again. It happened so fast yet I sweated like a cold fish that early in the morning in Tagaytay.

December 2001. My wife's monthly menstruation was delayed. Nothing new, for she had been several times for the last three years but had always turned out false. But we had that feeling that this was it. Then my wife told me that she was so sure this time that God has heard her prayer and that she's finally on the way. Her story was that when we visited Tagaytay, she prayed then that she would get it by December.

August 2002. And she did. This is the first blessing. And we named him, Francis Joel (after St. Francis of Assisi).

Before this article gets too long, I am letting pictures take over.

January 2004. Unexpected but as being said, by His grace, miracles come in two's. Here's the second blessing. And we named her, Maria Clayre (after St. Claire).

Need I say more? Indeed, God is so generous. We asked for one and He gave us two sweet, adorable and loving kids.

Thank you , Lord!

(Hope this will serve as an inspiration to those who are still praying for their own. Keep praying.)

The Writer in Me

2009-02-21T19:57:00.000+08:00

This wanting to write has always been in me. It started as a dream of having my own article published in a newspaper to having a regular column. Then, feeding from its own fire, this vagary grew into having my own books. Years went by, yet to this day, this remains to be an elusive quest.

Why it is in me and where did it start continues to befuddle me in my constant soul searching. I cannot recall anyone in our uncomplicated yet dignified blood line, who successfully had an article published nor even tried to at least and unwittingly passed this itch. And my life, uninteresting as it is to my judgment, has not really prepared me for this.

I have always believed that God has seeded it in me. I may as well call it a calling that is just all along waiting to be tapped. Randomly, with helplessness, words and ideas sometimes flow steadily like water from a well that never ebbs. And in these times, myself flustered, I have never managed to harness its full advantage.

I tried initiating this myself, but could not. Leaving me more confused than awed. The problem maybe, is that I am completely lost where to start. Every time I tried picking it up, as soon as my fingers touched the keypad, the drive just as soon vanished from within. Still, that longing persists.

And this, it could be said, is my first foray into that wish. Hoping that this could be the same as removing that sole stone that blocks a spring from flowing. Or that beautiful butterfly that gets its first glimpse of light and see that there is a totally different life than being inside its cocoon. And as I go along this learning, bear with me, and be with me. Who knows what it will bring us in the end. We might as well together enjoy every thing else in between.