For Better

It’s easy to “be in love” when everything else around you is perfect.

Sunny and 78 degrees every day! Six figure salary job! Career headed for the penthouse corner office! Skinny! Tan! Perfect! Perfect! Perfect! I am So!

Perfectly!

In love!

Love is Like the Hallucinatory Side Effect of an Antihistamine

And because you feel all warm and fuzzy and perfectly in love, you might be deceived into believing that you actually have a perfect relationship.

You don’t. You don’t have a perfect relationship. It is an illusion – the same kind of euphoric, twinkling-light hallucination you get as a side-effect from extra-strength Benadryl, except instead of having an itchy, red, bumpy allergy-induced skin rash, you have a boyfriend.

The metaphor isn’t perfect, but you see where I’m going?

The True Test of a Relationship – For Worse

You should never evaluate the “health” your relationship when the rest of your life is easy because your relationship, regardless of its actual psychotically abusive state, will always seem just as perfect as everything else, fitting as the final, perfect piece into the puzzle that is temporarily your real life. And even if it doesn’t “seem” perfect to deluded little you, you will just straight up ignore the reality of how big, fat of a fetid fungal mess your relationship is. You will do an Ugly Stepsister and try to shove that hammertime into the glass slipper that is your fragile life.

The true test of a relationship is . . . frozen yogurt.

Ok, you no longer see where I’m going, and I almost lost it myself, but stay with me.

What I’m trying to say is that the true test of a relationship, the only way to know if s/he is The One, the answer to the question “will this last?” can only be found in a pressure situation and let me tell you, there is no more stressful situation than the grand opening party of a k-style frozen yogurt shoppe in Orange County, with a scheduled “blogger meetup” on the agenda, on the coldest, gloomiest day in what feels like the dead of winter.

Swirls, Sarah, and High Stress Situations

The weather in Costa Mesa/Newport Beach on their Grand Opening Day was a stroke of unfortunate luck for Swirls Frozen Yogurt, yet another blip on Southern California’s Pinkberry-esque frozen yogurt frontier. A gray, gloomy, cold day doesn’t draw many people out to just randomly roam about the streets near the coast and “discover” a new frozen yogurt place. The unusually ick weather was also a problem for those of us who actually planned to go to the opening event. When I woke up the morning of the opening day, rolled over, felt the chill in the air, and saw the sky through the window, the last thing I wanted to do was unwrap the bodyburrito that I was, get up, get dressed (into real-life clothes), and go out. On a day like that, maybe I wouldn’t have minded for the promise of a steaming hot cup of coffee and a plate stacked with warm, custardy French toast with a thick blanket of maple syrup. But for frozen yogurt?

Um.

It wasn’t only meteorological misfortune that was working against us. I have mixed feelings about frozen yogurt in general. The feelings aren’t so much “mixed” as in “sometimes I think I don’t like it, sometimes I think I do,” as much as they are just an icy, hissing “I fucking hate frozen yogurt” that occasionally melts into a milder “I hate frozen yogurt.” I have no explanation for my feelings other than…nope, I can’t even try to come up with a reason.

Given the circumstances, especially the fact that social interactions with real people in real life terrify me, I really could have used some support. Encouragement. Heck, I would have taken a smile and high-five. The problem was, I was not getting the slightest bit of significantly other support surrounding what was an important (to me) “work” endeavor. By the time we finally squeezed into a tiny spot in the parking lot of the strip mall in which Swirls was located, the overwhelming guilt for dragging him out of a warm, cozy bed on a cold weekend morning to go commune with complete strangers and eat something he knew he wouldn’t like weighed far more heavily on me than the pressures of the event itself. Apathetic non-support would have been better than the active-yet-silent pouting, disapproval, and dissent that made me feel worse.

Actually no. It’s all bad. Somewhere, a blood red D- was flashing in neon lights.

Of course, I didn’t see it.

If I Could Date a Frozen Yogurt Shop…

Now, if it were socially possible/acceptable to date a frozen yogurt shop and I were dating Swirls, I’d have started tearing out pages of wedding dresses from bridal magazines after seeing the impressive way they handled their less-than-ideal, let’s-just-call-it-pressure-for-them, situation. They blasted live DJ music at volumes that are probably illegal in Orange County. They brightened up their little 10 foot high piece of the sky with a Tang and cream swirled balloon arch that color- and themely-coordinated with their store’s citrus interior. They handed out raffle tickets. They decorated with streamers all over their Hello Kitty Romper Room. By God, even if the Heavens opened up and dropped a thundering ocean of freezing rain on southern California, Swirls Frozen Yogurt was going to open with superbrightsmilinghappy fanfare and did everything they could to make me, and everyone else who stopped by, feel as good as we could given the meteorological craptasticness.

Toughing it out with a goddamned smile, mine lovers, is how you pass the true test of a relationship.

There is nothing about Swirls’ frozen yogurt that is different from either Cantaloop or Pinkberry, the only two frozen yogurts (of that style) that I had tried previously. The yogurt is tart, has a slightly unnatural, chemical aftertaste, and leans texture-wise toward the light, icy side of Cantaloop rather than the cream cheese thickness of Pinkberry. The toppings include standard “fresh” fruits (”fresh” in quotes because some of the berries were either very deep into maceration or were thawed from frozen), breakfast cereal, and of course dduk, aka Japanese mochi, aka sweet rice cakes. However, Swirls as a store offers a bit novelty with its salt shakers full of flavor sprinkles, something akin to getting your own salsa at the Salsa Bar at Baja Fresh, but, you know, more pastel. I didn’t try the powders. They were a little too unnaturally cute for me.

As much as Swirls showed its citrus colored character at its Grand Opening, sometimes there are just other things (the economy? competition? timing?) that will break you in the end. It seems the Costa Mesa location closed this month for an indefinite period.

Outlasted him by 10 months.

Mayonnaise by itself does, for lack of a more sophisticated phrase for a trailer trashy food anyway, gross me out, but I don’t have a particularly strong opinion about the condiment in foods. Ordering a sandwich, “hold the mayo” is really just the combined resulting reflex reflecting years of body-conscious brainwashing and a need for a pseudo-sense of control. If mayo makes it onto my sandwich, I’ll still eat it, only mildly irritated on the principle of not getting what I asked, not because I didn’t actually want to eat mayo.

But he actually does not like mayo. I’m pretty sure that his muttering something about its texture like congealed slime indicates that he might hate mayo.

So when he unpacked a tiny tupperware of My Little Pony-esqe pink and purple potato salad to accompany my birthday dinner of barbecued ribs that had been de-ribbed so I could pretend to eat like a lady, I realized that he’s a type of guy I rarely encounter. He’s the type of guy who gives gifts.

And the type who makes aioli from scratch.

Asking for a lot of help is what you have to do when you ain’t got no skills of yer own.

Of course, I’ve also been asking everyone else who has ever come within swine-flu-spreading distance of me for support in the form of votes, tweets, re-tweets, and general spampaigning on my behalf in my quest for A Really Goode Job. It’s a job worth at least $60,000 (in the form of monetary compensation), plus the value of luxury accommodations in picturesque Sonoma County wine country.

Thank you.

Now, I know everyone loves and helps and supports me out of the goodness of your hearts, not because you expect anything in return, but still, my first-born, first generAsian, semi-Catholic self feels the need to repay you. A hearty “thank you!” with a virtual hug would probably do it, but let’s be real here in this totally virtual delicious blog world where about 98% of have never met one another face-to-face. “Thank you” doesn’t put dinner on the table, and if there’s one thing I always want to do for you, it’s putting a styrofoam cup of piping hot instant ramen on the table.

But I don’t have a job (yet) so I’m doing the next best thing, which is pointing you to some contests, sweepstakes, and offers that can put dinner on your table. There are a lot of cooking and recipe contests out there, but these are the ones that have the biggest financial payoff (not that a grand prize of an immersion blender isn’t an awesome payoff). Unfortunately, the deadline for the $1,000,00 Pillsbury Bakeoff has already passed (plan for next year, though!), but you know what you really want is a free box of Chex cereal.

Every single one of you has my permission to “paraphrase” the recipe for the Bulogi Burger pictured above and enter it into the Build-a-Better-Burger contest because we in California are not eligible to win. I guess that’s the tradeoff for the superfun rock and roll earthquakes and traffic we get for living here.

Just remember little delicious moi when you become rich and famous (and fat, because I’ll be jealous) on your winning Burger recipe!

Chex Party Mix Recipe Contest

• Deadline: July 15, 2009
• Grand Prize: $5,000 cash + $1,000 grocery gift card + Mix & Mingle with Katie Lee Joel
• 5 Finalists: $500 cash + 1 free box of Chex® Cereal per week for a year + Holiday Entertaining Prize Package

Spread the Bread Sweepstakes

• Deadline: July 15, 2009
• Grand Prize: $20,000
• No purchase necessary!

Build a Better Burger

• Deadline: July 29, 2009
• Grand Prize: $50,000
• not eligible in CA

Mezzetta Make That Sandwich Contest

• Deadline: September 7, 2009
• Grand Prize: $25,000 + trip to Napa

Black Box Wines You’ve Been Boxed! Video Contest

• Deadline: November 30, 2009
• Grand Prize: $10,000
• not eligible in CA

Taste of Home Monthly Ongoing Recipe Contests

• Grand Prizes: $500 – $600
• contests are ongoing, so there is something to win every month!

If you’ve never read a Delicious Life blog post all the way through, well, no need to start now. Just click here to go see a video that I made, vote for it, and cross your fingers for me in this application process for A Really Goode Job.

Going against everything I’ve ever said about blogger hygiene, geishas, and how ugly people on camera hurts my eyes, I went ahead and showered, put on enough makeup to open my own Sephora store, and made a video of…

…myself.

A video! Yes, I know. Even I was stunned, and I’m the person who allowed myself to video myself! Um. We haven’t been drinking. Much. This hour. (And we’re not schizo, either.)

Now, before I get into the dirty details about why I would do such a big, fat, elephantageously hippo-critical act, let me share the video with you. You don’t need to watch it. Actually, please refrain from watching the video. There is ridiculously embarrassing footage in it of me in hot rollers, glasses, eating Flamin’ Hot Cheetos. Just vote for the video by entering your email address and then clicking a confirmation link in an email they will send to you.

Go, do the voting thang (check out the video if you must), then come back here. I’ll wait for you.

Hi, again.

Given the fact that I had previously never — no, not once EVER — shared nary a photograph of my full face anywhere online except to one very special list of friends on Facebook called “no one,” it has to be something very very special to get my face on video, let alone shower for the shoot.

It’s A Really Goode Job.

In this economy, any job is special. However, this truly is “Goode” job. Blogging about wine? The opportunity should be called a Great Job. Luxury accommodations provided in Sonoma County? A Fantastic Job. $10,000 a month?!?! This is an OMGWTFBBQ Job! Of course, none of these adjectives quite go with the branding of Murphy-Goode Winery, the company that is looking to hire what they have dubbed “Wine Country Lifestyle Correspondent.”

This is a partial list from their website of some of the responsibilities of the Lifestyle Correspondent:

• Exploring the vineyards of Murphy-Goode and surrounding areas and discovering what the Sonoma County Wine Country has to offer, from well-known destinations to off-the-beaten-path spots.
• Tasting hundreds of wines and meeting the locals in our tasting room.
• Increasing your wine wisdom: while studying isn’t required, our winemaking and vineyard experts will take the time to show you how it’s all done.
• Working with our winemaker, David Ready, Jr., to create a new wine commemorating your job with us.
• Filing reports on your experiences, via weekly blogs, photo diaries, Twitter, Facebook, video updates and ongoing media interviews.

I don’t know how Murphy-Goode got inside my brain, but isn’t it obvious that they made this job for me?! Of course, I still have to prove to them that this job is mine.

Just like dating, it’s not fun if you don’t have to work for it.

That’s where The Delicious Life and You come in. The first phase of the application process includes submitting that 60-second video that you just watched. (I can’t believe you watched it!) Certainly, literal information presented in the video is important, as well as presence and poise on the screen and the quality of the production. So why am I asking you to vote?  There is no explicit statement from Murphy-Goode that says the number of votes on each video is part of the qualification criteria, but in my not so humble, corporate hiring and social media experience-supported opinion, “voting” is a brilliant way to gauge the reach of peoples’ influence.

In other words, your vote tells Murphy-Goode that you’d like to see little, delicious ME as their Lifestyle Correspondent.

I have some additional thoughts and opinions about the job, about this innovative, ingenious application process, and about wine + social media in general, but I’ll save all that in-depth analysis for a different post. For now, this post is just ME asking YOU to vote so I can frolic in the vineyards.

Thank you!

However, thanks to the wonder of wordpress, I actually can look through my archives and determine that the day of which I write is July 19, 2005.

That was a fateful day. July 19, 2005, while it is known as Five-days-after-Bastille Day, it is also the day that I began my knowledge is power, and power is sexy personal campaign. Like the designer who gave shoulder pads to fashion, I was going to make everyone sexy.

I was also just bored, and when I am bored (even when I’m not bored) I do weird things like make lists in an effort to save my sanity and that of the people around me, as well as keep my idle hands out of the giant plastic bear-shaped container of animal crackers in the company breakroom.

So I made the Screw You! list of corkage fees for Los Angeles restaurants.

Risking my own allergy to talking on the phone, I used up all the minutes on my economy-rate plan to call every restaurant and ask about their corkage policies because restaurants refuse to put that information on line (!). It was a decent starter list, but even with people’s comments with additional information about restaurants, the list grew outdated. In the current state of the economy, the list is even more volatile. Restaurants are slashing corkage fees in an effort to attract customers, and sadly, many restaurants are just falling off the list completely.

That older version of the Screw You! list has now officially retired (which is why I’m not linking to it) and is being replaced by the newer, fresher, hotter Get Screwed list that is much more easily manageable in a google spreadsheet.

Take a peek at the list, and if you see that I have left off some very obvious restaurants, need to make a deletion, or have made any errors on fees or policies, please, leave a comment. Hopefully, seeing “$0 corkage” will encourage people to go, enjoy dining out, and keep restaurants busy.

Corkage Fees for Los Angeles Restaurants

Otherwise, these utterly useless-to-everyone-but-me personal side projects that pop up at the spur of the moment and take up every waking second of my work day would cost me my job.

Wait, this is my job. Dammit, I’m going to have to have a little talk with myself.

So, yes, in keeping with my extreme train taste trainspotting-esque tendencies that lead to such things as listing corkage fees for every restaurant in LA or calendaring every food+wine event in LA or verbally abusing nouns like “calendar,” I am now obsessively, compulsively keeping track of every “food holiday” that we could and should celebrate during the month of June because if there is one month that we should be celebrating every f**king day, it is June, if not for my birthday, then at least for National Doughnut Day.

As a side note, I momentarily lost all control of my senses and resolved to celeblogging every single one of these holidays, but then I remembered who I are. Right.

We’ll see how many consecutive months I can keep this up before I’m forced to fire myself.

(For anyone who cares to know, the doughnut in the photo above is from some fancy doughnut store in Orange County. My sister bought them on the morning of my nephew’s First Birthday party. I ate it while I was getting hair and makeup done. Yes, getting them “done.” I spent more time getting “done” for my nephew’s first birthday party than I did for either of my sisters’ weddings.)

June is National [Insert Something Weird Yet Wonderful Here] Month

• National Candy Month
• National Dairy Month
• National Fresh Fruit and Vegetable Month
• National Grilling Month
• National Horseradish Month
• National Hot Dog Month
• National Iced Tea Month
• National Papaya Month
• National Seafood Month
• National Turkey Lover’s Month

Holidays and Commemorative Days in June

• June 1: National Hazelnut Cake Day
• June 2: National Rocky Road Ice Cream Day
• June 3: National Egg Day
• June 4: National Cheese Day
• June 4: National Frozen Yogurt Day
• June 4: National Cognac Day
• June 5: National Gingerbread Day
• June 5, 2009: National Donut Day (1st Friday in June)
• June 6: National Applesauce Cake Day
• June 7: National Chocolate Ice Cream Day
• June 8: Jelly-Filled Doughnut Day
• June 9: National Strawberry-Rhubarb Pie Day
• June 10: Herbs & Spice Day
• June 10: National Iced Tea Day
• June 10: National Black Cow Day
• June 11: National German Chocolate Cake Day
• June 12: National Peanut Butter Cookie Day
• June 13: Kitchen Klutzes of America Day
• June 14: National Strawberry Shortcake Day
• June 15: National Lobster Day
• June 16: National Fudge Day
• June 17: Eat All Your Veggies Day
• June 17: National Apple Strudel Day
• June 18: National Cherry Tart Day
• June 18: International Picnic Day
• June 19: National Dry Martini Day
• June 20: National Vanilla Milkshake Day
• June 21: SARAH’S BIRTHDAY
• June 21: National Peaches and Cream Day
• June 22: National Chocolate Eclair Day
• June 23: National Pecan Sandy Day
• June 24: National Pralines Day
• June 25: National Strawberry Parfait Day
• June 26: National Chocolate Pudding Day
• June 27: National Indian Pudding Day
• June 27: National Orange Blossom Day
• June 28: National Tapioca Day
• June 29: National Almond ButterCrunch Day
• June 30: National Ice Cream Soda Day

If you happen to hear/read/know of more food+wine events in Los Angeles, just let me know in the comments so I can add it to the calendar and pretend like my social calendar is this full.

Other Food + Wine Fun for Sarah’s Birthday Month (June 2009)

• Sundays: Bloody Sundays at Big Foot Lodge

  Sundays, 2-6pm, featuring a menu of dolled-up Bloody Mary cocktails. Bigfoot Lodge: 3172 Los Feliz Blvd., Los Angeles, CA 90039 (323) 662-9227 [via The LA Times]

• Sundays: Ford’s Filling Station’s Sunday Barbecue

  Barbecue menu with $3 beers. 4pm-10pm. Ford’s Filling Station: 9531 Culver Blvd., Culver City, (310) 202-1470 www.fordsfillingstation.net

• Mondays: Rustic Canyon’s Burgers & Beer Monday Night

  The burger of the week plus a beer. Rustic Canyon: 1119 Wilshire Blvd (at 11th), Santa Monica, 310-393-7050 www.rusticcanyonwinebar.com

• Tuesdays: Cirque du Fromage at Palate Food + Wine

  $12 for 3 wines + 3 cheeses. 7-10 p.m. Palate Food + Wine, 933 South Brand Boulevard, at East Acacia Avenue, Glendale (818) 662-9463 or www.palatefoodwine.com

• Tuesdays: $2 Taco Tuesdays at the Spanish Kitchen

  Eighteen different types of tacos for $2 each. The Spanish Kitchen: 826 North La Cienega Blvd (310) 659-4794 www.thespanishkitchen.com

• Tuesdays: Test Kitchen Tuesdays at Corkbar

  $2 appetizer-sized portion of a new, market-driven dish not available on the regular menu by chef Albert Aviles. Corkbar: 403 W. 12th St., L.A. (213) 746-0050, www.corkbar.com

• Tuesdays: Taste of Tuesday at Whist

  $5 small plates and cocktails by the pool, 6-9 pm. Whist at the Viceroy Santa Monica, 1819 Ocean Avenue (at Pico), (310) 260-7511, www.viceroysantamonica.com

• Tuesdays and Fridays: Speakeasy Tuesdays and Supper Club Fridays at The Park

  3 course prix fixe, $15 Tuesday, $20 Saturday, and BYOB. Have to call for details and “password.” (see also Supper Club Fridays) The Park: 1400 Sunset Blvd. (at the corner of Douglas), Echo Park (213) 482-9209 www.thepark1400sunset.com

• Wednesdays: Beverly Hills Hotel Farmers’ Market Field Trip

  Limo ride with Chef Allen from The Beverly Hills Hotel to the Santa Monica Farmers Market, breakfast “to go” en route, shopping at the Santa Monica Farmer’s Market, cooking session with Chef and lunch paired with wines. $250/person, 5 person minimum. Advance reservations required. (310) 281-2941 or www.beverlyhillshotel.com

• Fridays: Fridays at Asia de Cuba

  $5 Mojitos, Big Eye Tuna Sliders and Roast Duck Confit. 1-4pm, Mondrian, 8440 W. Sunset Blvd, West Hollywood, 323-848-6000 Asia de Cuba at the Mondrian

• Locanda del Lago Extended Happy Hour

  Every day, 4 – 7 pm, Tuesday all night. $3 beers and $4 house wines. (Also, Recession Relief Mondays with no corkage and Stimulus Package prix fixe menu: dinner 3 courses for $29; lunch 2 courses for $15. Locanda del Lago: 231 Arizona Ave., Santa Monica, (310) 451-3525 www.lagosantamonica.com or TheDeliciousLife at Lago

• Nobu West Hollywood Happy Hour

  Every day, 6 pm – 9 pm. Most tapas are under $10 and mixed drinks are $6, with wines by the glass for $7. Nobu: 903 N. La Cienega Blvd., West Hollywood, (310) 657-5711. www.noburestaurants.com

• Wilshire Restaurant Happy Hour

  Monday to Saturday from 5 to 7 p.m. Wines by the glass are $6, well drinks are $7 and beers are $5. Happy hour menu items include pizza burrata and green curry shrimp skewers for $8. In addition, Monday is half-price wine night for every bottle on the wine list. 2454 Wilshire Blvd., Santa Monica, (310) 586-1707 www.wilshirerestaurant.com or TheDeliciousLife at Wilshire.

• Pourtal’s Angel’s Share Happy Hour

  Every weeknight, 4-6pm. Percentage of wine sales go to Heal the Bay for the month of June (Edible Schoolyard for July). Pourtal: 104 Santa Monica Blvd., Santa Monica, CA 90401 310.393.7693 www.pourtal.com

• Sunset Happy Hour at The Penthouse in the Huntley Hotel

  Every weeknight 4-7pm. $7 Lounge Dining Menu. The Penthouse at the Huntley Hotel: 1111 Second Street, Santa Monica, CA 90403. (310) 393-8080 www.thehuntleyhotel.com or TheDeliciousLife at The Penthouse

• 6iv at XIV by Michael Mina

  Tuesday – Saturday, 6-8 PM. $ valet, drinks and food. XIV by Michael Mina: 8117 W. Sunset Blvd., West Hollywood (323) 656-1414 www.sbeent.com/xiv/ [via: Alice@MyModernMet]

• The Foundry Summer Happy Hour

  Tuesday-Thursday (maybe Friday?) 6-9 pm. Free booze flight to start, half-off drinks after. The Foundry: 7465 Melrose Ave (E. of Gardner), 323-651-0915. www.thefoundryonmelrose.com

In early May, TasteSpotting/The Delicious Life escaped to California’s Central Coast for a 3-day combination work/break. This post is an overview of what we are now officially calling a “retreat” (minus the team-building exercises). A series of posts will follow with more-detail-than-I-should-reveal about how we enjoyed each of the places we wined, dined, and reclined.

Somewhere along the 20-mile westbound drive from the gently rocking and rolling hills of Paso Robles to the misty coast town of Cayucos, you might start crying. It won’t be so much the red-faced, hiccuping, sniffling, sneezing, so you can rest madness. Rather, it will be a painfully cliché welling up of tears that starts when the mesmerizing view of perfectly parallel budding vines loosens into a softly lit, softly edged mountain fantasy. The tears will just barely teeter along the edge of your lower lashes all through the valleys, flirt with your mascara over the hills, and when an ever-so-slight swerve gives you a peek of the Pacific through a break in the clouds, you won’t be able to hold back from blinking your eyes into a tiny, briny spill.

Thank God my mascara is waterproof.

Yes, somewhere between Paso Robles and Cayucos, I had been brought to tears, but I’d be a fool for trying to identify the exact reason why. It was such an uncharacteristic display of weepy, womanly femotion in the middle of a car ride, in the middle of a trip, in the middle of California. We had just come off our last wine tasting in Paso Robles and were heading west toward the practically unknown town of Cayucos for the second half of our Central Coast “retreat.” Every part of our drive is a little bit fuzzy for me, partially the the effect of a long, slow-acting wine buzz that was unraveling straight into the low, late afternoon sun directly ahead of us, but mostly the result of trying to process so much information – wines, grapes, names, faces – at once.

View TasteSpotting/The Delicious Escape to the Central Coast, May 2009

I’d be a bigger fool for trying to pinpoint exactly where we were along the hilly, winding stretch of westbound CA-46 when we found ourselves disregarding all traffic rules, pulling across the highway, and taking “a moment” in a turnout overlooking a valley that was so impossibly technicolor green that it looked like a Hollywood backdrop. I had no idea where we were; we could, in fact, have been on a movie set for all I knew. My smart phone has even smarter GPS, but when I had realized earlier on the drive that no signal weaker than the sound of music was going to clear the hills that were surrounding us on all sides, I had tossed the phone into the glovebox. Or maybe under the seat. Possibly shoved it into my purse.

Out there in the middle of everywhere, I couldn’t make a phone call, couldn’t send an email, couldn’t twitter to let people know in advance that I wouldn’t be twittering. Every digital tie that I had to My. Daily. Life had been severed by a stunning vista on my left and doe, a deer, in the five foot tall grass on my right.

A f**king deer.

That must have been “the moment” — not a particular point in time, not a single destination point on a map, but the perfect, utterly ambiguous “afternoon-ish, somewhere on the Central Coast” that was never planned, never added to an agenda, never scheduled into offline google calendar, never numbered into an outline-numbered outline, when I realized I was experiencing the exact opposite of my life.

I had to enjoy it right then and there, exactly for what it was because I couldn’t share it via email, or IM, or twitter or text with anyone else.

It took 200 miles, a couple of glasses of wine and Bambi, for goodness’ sake, but I had finally escaped.

PASO ROBLES WINE COUNTRY – Reality Star

Having spent four years at Cal and now regularly visiting northern California as a Bay Area “alum,” I’m no stranger to the popular masses’ fermented infatuation with Napa and Sonoma. Both have the same appeal as that of a movie star – fame, fortune, and flash – curiously appealing because those things are all a little out of reach. I’d be lying if I said I haven’t been seduced by the sprawling vineyards, stunning estates, and luxurious tasting rooms of some of the most well-known wineries along the CA-29, Napa’s own version of the Walk of Fame. I have gone, just another anonymous fangirl in a crowd of tourists, excited to see the place with the name that everyone else only gets to read on a label, cherishing a taste of a limited release Cab like an autographed picture.

But to the slick, sophisticated, somewhat superficial celebrity of Napa, there is the sometimes rebellious, sometimes rugged, but always very real, personality of El Paso de Robles.

Personality. I know what it means to have “personality,” believe me. My younger sisters are model-pretty, but I’m the one in the family with a great personality. In the case of Paso Robles though, personality has much less, in fact almost nothing, to do with making up for any sort of deficiencies in physical appearance. Personality has everything to do with the root of the word, “person.” Every winery (and restaurant and hotel) we visited in Paso Robles had attached to it, not a corporation somewhere far removed in the background, but a real person with a name, a face and his or her own individual charm.

We met the winemaker whose name is on the grapes that make his wine, chatted in a tasting room about retiring in Paso Robles, cruised through vineyards on a golf cart chauffeured by the grower, and met a dog whose owner’s name was on the label on the bottle that’s sitting empty on my desk right now. I will admit, it was a little jarring for a girl from LA who hides her “great personality (!)” behind a photoshopped avatar and clever handle to be face-to-face with real, live people, having real conversations, and really laughing out loud, not “LOL.” But when you are escaping your ordinary, anonymous life that is filled with things that are represented by nothing more than stock symbols and two-dimensional logos, real people are the best kind of fantasy.

It is not often that we get to do that – meet a person who is responsible (other than yourself, of course) for what you’re drinking – but that is precisely the point of Paso Robles.

Paso Robles comprises 26,000 acres of vineyards, 200 wineries, and 40 varietals. That is smaller than say, oh, France, (which is still not the largest wine producing country in the world) but the numbers are sizeable enough to make a thorough tour of the area impossible in less than a month, let alone three days. If you have “done Paso,” and have strong opinions about any of the wineries you visited, please share them in the comments to add to the 4 wineries we visited.

L’AVENTURE WINERY & STEPHAN VINEYARDS

L’Aventure Winery was not only the first winery on our tasting tour, but they very first stop on our whole Central Coast itinerary. When we made the turn off the highway onto the long, narrow road that led up to L’Aventure, I felt a nervous giddiness take over. We were going to L’Aventure. Stephan Asseo’s L’Aventure. It was the same feeling I had watching Duran Duran as a pre-teen: a combination of wanting to release a high-pitched, hyperventilative Hello Kitty squeal and wanting to throw up. The sight of horses along the road on the way up to L’Aventure’s driveway spurred conversation of unicorns. Now I know why.

I knew who Stephan was the minute we drove up and saw him walking across the patio. Stephan has the look of a winemaker, with crinkles at the corners of his blue eyes that could be from squinting from the sun, or smiling, or both. He sat down with us on the front patio and with a hypnotizing French accent, told us a love story – the one about how he came to the Central Coast, fell in love with Paso Robles, and started making wine the way he wanted. “Haute couture viticulture, ” he called it. I love them term.

Sarah’s Favorite Taste from L’Aventure:

Optimus 2006 (bought it!)

TasteSpotting Dev Team’s Favorite from L’Aventure:

Estate Cuvee 2007 (bought it!)

ADELAIDA CELLARS

From the outside, Adelaida Cellars is the sort of pretty, quaintly picturesque winery that dominates our imagination – on a hilltop that overlooks vineyards, with a couple of picnic tables on a small lawn out front. When we first walked into the tasting room, I thought the smooth-talking silver haired gentleman behind the bar might to try to sell us something. If you’re a winery, Dominic is exactly the sort of person you want in your tasting room, chatting up customers, pouring tastes, and selling another wine club membership. But just that first pour of Vin Gris de Pinot Noir in and it was clear that the USC-supporting (I forgave him for that when we tasted the “fruit flavored Sharpie in a glass” 2006 Pinot Noir) was just being himself, reflecting a little bit of his previous life as a high-powered financial executive in LA. Escape to the Central Coast, it seems, is not just a travel theme, but one for life, too.

Sarah’s Favorite Taste from Adelaida:

Pinot Noir HMR Estate 2006

TasteSpotting Dev Team’s Favorite from Adelaida:

Cabernet Sauvignon Viking Estate Reserve 2005 (bought it!)

EDWARD SELLERS VINEYARDS & WINES

We missed the Edward, but when we finally made it over to Edwards Sellers‘ tasting room in the town of Paso Robles, we got to meet his blue-eyed Australian Shepherd. We also met Amy Butler, the winemaker, who poured us through the Summer Tasting that included grapes that were foreign to me. When I asked what mourvedre, counoise, cinsault and rousanne were, exposing my ignorance, I braced my cheeks for the blush, but it never came. Amy talks and jokes about wine in the same way that my favorite food writers write about food – just a pure passion without pretense.

Sarah’s Favorite Taste from Edward Sellers:

Grenache Rose 2007 (secret admirer sent TasteSpotting HQ a box?!)

TasteSpotting Dev Team’s Favorite from Edward Sellers:

Cuvee des Cinq 2005 (Cognito 2006 a close second)

HALTER RANCH VINEYARDS

In the same way you find yourself the only couple on the dancefloor after the club has unplugged the speakers and turned on the ugly lights, we lingered at Halter Ranch a little longer than we had expected. We started the tasting with Solene Christophe, talked to Leslie Wyss, who runs the business side, and Bill Sheffer the winemaker, then zipped off in a golf cart for a tour of the vineyards with Mitch, the grape grower.

We saw Mitch’s “swat team” of chickens that chase away vineyard pests, the enormous Coast Live Oak at the top of a hill in the middle of the vineyard, a lake where guests can picnic, and of course the vines, from which Mitch pulled a small set of buds with the tenderness of daddy so we could see his babies. Seeing Mitch next to the vines with a pair of clippers attached to his belt, I was reminded that no matter how sophisticated, luxurious or ridiculously expensive the wine, all of it still starts in the hands of farmer.

Sarah’s Favorite Taste from Halter Ranch:

Sauvignon Blanc 2008

TasteSpotting Dev Team’s Favorite from Halter Ranch:

Sauvignon Blanc 2008 (a tie!)

DINING IN PASO ROBLES – I’m Just Here for the Food

Three meals between two restaurants had me asking myself if the food alone of Paso Robles – not the wine – could be the real reason to make a trip.

The reality is, you can’t ever have one without the other. I know I can’t.

THOMAS HILL ORGANICS MARKET BISTRO & WINE BAR

Debbie Thomas is from LA, an ex-marketing executive from a giantgiantgiant athletic brand. She now lives in Paso Robles with her husband, who grows organic produce at Thomas Hill. Their operation is small and very local, mostly producing CSA boxes for the people who live along the Central Coast. A few months ago, they took over a closing wine bar in the town of Paso Robles and serve food made from their own farm and other organic producers in the area. Lunch at Thomas Hill Organics was our first meal in Paso Robles and it was the perfect introduction to the food culture of the Central Coast. We sat on the back patio facing a huge sign that, if you weren’t already indulging, demanded “WINE.” The way we spent the early afternoon there is how I want to spend an entire afternoons for days at a time: trying cheese, drinking wine, and getting to know our hostess Debbie.

I might be Debbie Thomas one day.

ARTISAN RESTAURANT

When we sat down for dinner at a table right in front of Artisan’s open kitchen, scanned the room filled with white tablecloths and, and started discussing the menu, it didn’t feel unlike sitting down at any number of restaurants back at home. Artisan Restaurant’s sleek, modern sophistication at first seems slightly out of place in a tiny town. But then you realize that the chef-owner, Chris Kobayashi is three feet behind you cooking your food, and his wife, Shandi is making sure you’re comfortable, chatting with you about family, and sharing your fear of horses. Artisan’s own urban-in-a-rural-setting personality itself is unique, fitting right in with the individuality that is characteristic of Paso Robles.

The restaurant doesn’t try to be something it’s not; it’s just a real reflection of place, Paso Robles, and people, the Kobayashis. Foods, sourced locally whenever possible, showcase the what Central Coast has to offer, like Cayucos Red Abalone in the “BLTA” with Green Tomatoes and Pancetta we had to start. The menu and preparation reflect Chris’s training and experience in the Bay area, but of course, are his own expression. Shandi, tall, thin, pretty and well-dressed, fits the atmosphere at Artisan, but there is a smart, sweetness to her that is difficult to explain but easy to understand when she flashes a grin after saying “the quiet Asian-y looking one back there in the kitchen is Chris. He belongs to me.”

SLEEPING IN PASO ROBLES – A Little Bit of Luxury

HOTEL CHEVAL

I half-expected to stay in a “renovated” truckstop motel when preparing for this trip, but The Hotel Cheval is about the furthest thing from a Motel 6 possible. Hotel Cheval is luxury down to the details.

We were greeted in the lobby then escorted to one of Hotel Cheval’s 16 rooms. As we walked across the charming stone courtyard, I made a note to come back outside after dinner with one of the bottles we had picked up during wine tasting and relax in front of the fireplace. Everything about the room at Hotel Cheval plays right into the equestrian theme, down to the horseshoe shaped chocolate. There was bottled water in the room, welcome hydration after a day of wine tasting, and all the amenities of a big city luxury hotel. At the end of the evening, I wanted to go back out to the courtyard, but as soon as my body sunk into the bed, I fell asleep. The courtyard was going to have to wait for a future trip.

CAYUCOS – Hidden in a Silver Satin Mist

CASS HOUSE LUXURY INN & RESTAURANT

Something about the tiny town’s position and placement on the Central Coast lets mother nature and king neptune keep Cayucos a secret – the land just to the north swings a protective arm out, a physical barrier that keeps a thick, silver fog over Cayucos. LA escapees who flee northward end up just shy of Cayucos in Morro Bay, a slightly larger, sunnier version of a “sleepy California beach town,” or overshoot to get to the spectacle that is Hearst Castle. Perhaps the tourists just never see Cayucos, hidden under that heavy blanket of mist. It is just as well. Cass House, the luxury inn where we stayed overnight, only has five rooms.

Grace and Jensen Lorenzen run the Cass House and it seems they have somehow captured in one setting both professional quality food and wine experiences and a charming intimacy you can only get when you’re a guest in a friend’s home.

If Paso Robles was an escape from my daily life, then Cayucos was an escape from my escape.

SAN LUIS OBISPO – Exactly the Way to Head Back to LA

NOVO RESTAURANT

Chances are, there is a restaurant almost like Novo in your neighborhood – a family owned operation that just serves good food in a comfortable, California casual atmosphere. It may even have outdoor seating on a patio in the back like Novo.

But it won’t be Novo because Novo’s back patio overlooks a creek that, if you stop your conversation, or put down your cell phone, or just simply sit back in your chair, you can hear. Novo Restaurant in San Luis Obispo was the final stop on our Central Coast itinerary, and the sparkling wine, the Avocado Summer Roll the size of a burrito, and the Roasted Vegetable Sandwich were the perfect way to ease back toward LA.
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If you take a long weekend to visit the Central Coast, or just a standard weekend to stay in Paso Somewhere along the westbound drive from the gently rocking and rolling hills of Paso Robles to the tiny coast town of Cayucos, you might start crying.

Or you might not. I don’t know how an escape to the Central Coast will affect you.

I just know that it will.

Thanks also to Chris and Shandi Kobayashi of Artisan Restaurant, Debbie Thomas of Thomas Hill Organics, Stephan Asseo of L’Aventure Winery, Amy Butler & the rest of the Rhone Rangers at Edward Sellers, Bill, Mitch & Leslie at Halter Ranch, Grace & Jensen at Cass House Inn, and the guys at Novo. You all were an amazing group of hosts and hostesses and we’re hoping to see you again soon.

French toast is a breakfast dish for which people “settle.” If there is nothing glamorous about being crowned Miss 2nd Place, which is really Miss First Loser, which is the real name for the sterling silver and cubic zirconia tiara of “First Runner Up,” then there is nothing glamorous about the remedial breakfast for people who are too cheap to buy the luxuriously uni-jobbing waffle iron or too unable to make pancakes. Pancakes, mine lovers, are a true test of kitchen prowess. Even the kind made from a mix.

Le Toast is French for “Delicious”

Which is why if my life is going to be represented by anything, it couldn’t be done so more accurately than this particular French toast. In so many ways, Peanut Butter and Cream Cheese Stuffed French Toast symbolizes everything about the current state of this haute hot mess known as The Delicious Life, right down to the fact that I don’t even remember the day I made it.

Better Late than…Later

I remember which day I made it. Any girl who logs every single meal in a database that dates back to 2005 will know which day she made Peanut Butter and Cream Cheese Stuffed French Toast, not to mention that digital photography technology is so advanced that it wouldn’t be surprising if there were a “when you took this photo, you were wearing {blank}”-stamp in addition to time/datestamp on the photo. But that is not the point now, isn’t it? The point is that I don’t remember any events that transpired during the day except cooking this French toast nor do I recall how I was feeling at the time, though if I were to say “stressed” and/or “exhausted” on the morning of Sunday, August 24, 2008, there is a 97% chance I’d be correct.

August? Yes, last August. That was over eight months ago, but an eight-month delay is not extraordinary. I’ve written restaurant blog posts so long after the fact that the space has turned over twice since. Besides, French toast is timeless, so whether I made it last August, last week, or this morning, I can always write about French toast. Now, had I just decided in my head to write about this particular Peanut Butter and Cream Cheese Stuffed French toast today, eight months after I made it, it would flow right into the rest of The Delicious Life, because as I just said (are you paying attention?), making fun of the alternates in the ladies’ room never goes out of style.

However, my psychology has a mind of its own!

Psychology of Pscheduling

French toast stuffed with cream cheese and grilled on the griddle is essentially a breakfast grilled cheese sandwich, so I intended to post it sometime during the 30 days  on the Gregorian calendar known as April, or on the Delicious calendar as “National Grilled Cheese Month.”

I was excited about National Grilled Cheese Month. While it may not be any sort of officially observed, official national holiday, but rather the grand marketing scheme of Wonder Bread and Kraft, I went ahead and embraced it with open, loving arms. I really had no idea who was behind National Grilled Cheese Month, but I created a twitter account for it, and even went so far as to set up a website for it at www.NationalGrilledCheeseMonth.com. Like any good breakfast kicks off the start of a day, Peanut Butter and Cream Cheese Stuffed French Toast was going to kick off National Grilled Cheese Month!

Which, of course, is now long past and does now, in fact, make this Peanut Butter and Cream Cheese Stuffed French Toast as Breakfast Grilled Cheese Sandwich woefully obsolete.

So even though I pseudo-excused myself for being 8-months overdue, I’ve actually missed a pseudo-deadline that was 30 days long.

Woeful, indeed.

Spring is the New “The Holidays”

Of course, missed deadlines are just a superficial symptom of an underlying problem that, in this particular case, has advanced to the terminal stage. What used to be “busy” is now complete and utter frenzy, and no matter what I do, I will never be able to keep up with the month of April.

I used to argue against the common perception that the month between Thanksgiving and Christmas lovingly referred to as “The Holidays” is the busiest time of the year. I don’t know where this notion has its basis because In The Delicious Life, it was the month of February that was the busiest time of the year. The month often kicks off with the 2nd biggest sporting event of the year (after the Indy 500, of course), rolls into Chinese New Year, throws in the melee of Mardi Gras, and right smack dab in the middle of the month, rubs your four times broken heart into the emotionally bloodiest holiday of them all…President’s Day.

Oh yeah, and there’s Valentine’s Day, too.

It’s about twice the fun in half the time. Well, maybe not quite half. And definitely not really fun. We are stripped of two days, leaving us with a mere 28 days in February to accomplish everything we need to accomplish for all these “holidays” and “notable events,” and The Delicious Life has two special days that you don’t: family birthdays, oddly uneven spread over the year, particularly since February is the shortest month.

But I renege. February is like August. Maybe September. Unless you have kids, in which case “Back to School” is your second worst nightmare because….

The new Holiday Hell is April.

From Fool to FU

Is it a wonder that the month starts with people screaming “Fool!?” Of course not. By the time the frenzy subsides, and you’ve dragged your battered bruised sanity across the 30th to lay limp and lukewarm, muttering something about May Day not because you’re recognizing the rites of Spring, but literally, because you are begging for rescue, you will suddenly realize that the joke is, and always has been, on you. No one else but you has turned every April “event” of only marginal, if not suspect, significance into a holiday that has to be “celebrated” with a themed cake, pimpled with themed candles, on a tablescape that looks like a diorama of the Swiss Family Robinson surrendered at gluegun point.

Seriously? Come on. Who did you think was supposed to blow out the candles on a “Masters” cake? One of the little kids you forced to dress up like Tiger Woods?

Passover. Easter. Earth Day. You also have to eat a hot dog on opening day, pay your taxes, dance at Coachella, and what started this post and unfolded into all of this in the first place, recognize National Grilled Cheese Month.

Holiday weight gain? Try eating grilled cheese sandwiches three times a day, every day for 30 days.

Frenzied? Fat?

Peanut Butter and Cream Cheese Stuffed French Toast.

And I won’t even get into birthdays that, holiday hell nothwithstanding, have forever marred my every memory of the month of April.

Both the recipe for Angelled Deviled Eggs and the list of holidays for the month of May are further down this post. Please scroll down to go directly to either.

Despite what your doctor would frighten you into believing about animal fat and cholesterol, you can, perhaps even should, eat eggs every day during the month of May to celebrate National Egg Month. Or maybe your cardiologist would prefer that you do eat eggs, particularly in the form of creamy dreamy deviled eggs to coat the insides of your arteries with full fat fatty fatso mayonnaise so he will have enough business to fund his cutback to 9-holes for the duration of this recession.

Unluckily for him, I make a not-so-naughty version of deviled eggs made with fat-free plain yogurt instead of mayonnaise in half of the hard boiled egg halves and guacamole “lite” in the other half. If I could, I would eat these “Angelled” Eggs every day, but I’m punishing myself with deprivation for coming up with such a cutesy E-V-yumm-O-oh no you di-int name like “angelled.” I know, it makes me want to *gag*, too.

As for all the other National [blank] Month, Weeks, and Days, I can’t keep up. I mean, really? Tear open up a can of Del Monte Fruit Cocktail on May 13?

Damn, I probably would.

Celebrate the Entire Month Because May is…

• National Asparagus Month
• National Barbecue Month
• National Chocolate Custard Month
• National Egg Month
• National Gazpacho Aficionado Month
• National Hamburger Month
• National Salad Month
• National Salsa Month
• National Strawberry Month

Week-long Celebrations in May

• First Week of May: National Raisin Week
• First Week of May: National Herb Week
• Second Week of May: National Hamburger Week
• Third Week of May: International Pickles Week
• Fourth Week of May: National Frozen Yogurt Week
• Fourth Week of May: American Beer Week

May Food Holidays and Other Commemorative Days

• May 1: May Day
• May 1: National Chocolate Parfait Day
• May 2: National Truffles Day
• May 3 National Chocolate Custard Day
• May 3: National Raspberry Tart Day
• May 4: National Homebrew Day
• May 4: National Orange Juice Day
• May 4: National Candied Orange Peel Day
• May 5: National Chocolate Custard Day
• May 5: Cinco de Mayo
• May 5: National Hoagie Day
• May 6: National Crêpes Suzette Day
• May 6: International No Diet Day
• May 7: National Roast Leg of Lamb Day
• May 8 National Coconut Cream Pie Day
• May 8: National Empanada Day
• May 8: Have A Coke Day
• May 9: National Butterscotch Brownie Day
• May 10: National Shrimp Day
• May 11: Eat What You Want Day
• May 12: National Nutty Fudge Day
• May 13 National Apple Pie Day
• May 13: National Fruit Cocktail Day
• May 14: National Buttermilk Biscuit Day
• May 15: National Chocolate Chip Day
• May 16: National Coquilles St. Jacques Day
• May 17: National Cherry Cobbler Day
• May 18: National Cheese Soufflé Day
• May 19: National Devil’s Food Cake Day
• May 20: National Quiche Lorraine Day
• May 20: Pick Strawberries Day
• May 21: National Strawberries and Cream Day
• May 22: National Vanilla Pudding Day
• May 23: National Taffy Day
• May 24: National Escargot Day
• May 25: (2009) Memorial Day, which happens to be National Barbecue Day and National Hamburger/Cheeseburger Day
• May 25: National Brown-Bag-It Day
• May 25: National Wine Day
• May 26: National Blueberry Cheesecake Day
• May 26: National Cherry Dessert Day
• May 27: National Grape Popsicle Day
• May 28: National Brisket Day
• May 29: National Coq Au Vin Day
• May 30: National Mint Julep Day
• May 31: National Macaroon Day