The Dental Maven

They Both Looked Great...

noreply@blogger.com (The Dental Maven) — Mon, 11 Feb 2013 12:19:00 +0000

Until They hit the ice.

Getting the Last Laugh!

noreply@blogger.com (The Dental Maven) — Fri, 01 Feb 2013 11:04:00 +0000

Fools will believe ANYTHING you tell them!

LOL!!!!

Labor Day Super Series

noreply@blogger.com (The Dental Maven) — Thu, 06 Sep 2012 11:51:00 +0000

Labor Day Weekend opens our Hockey Season. Some may recall that a certain rule - delineated by the Potomac River - determines which team our kids can play on this year. So, this past weekend, north and south (TeamMaryland {TM} and Washington Little Caps {WLC}) met at the preseason opener in our old home rink with our boys facing off against each other for the first time.

New teams mean new guidelines, including dress codes. Team Maryland is required to show up in “appropriate attire” which The Maven finds a bit silly and translates to Z-E-R-O when it comes to the actual playing of the game. But hey, go along to get along. The Maves’ husband got his Breezers in a bunch about the requirement and thundered: “If I wanted to send my son to charm school, well, I’D A' DONE THAT!”

Thankfully the code doesn’t extend to headwear. An Ohio team showed up looking to successorize in black berets. Now, it’s one thing when you have fully grown men with stern looks, chiseled jaws and broad shoulders wearing berets in the Special Forces…but 11 year olds with soft-skinned faces and boyish grins in varying stages of orthodontic treatment? Well, they look more like they’re from the Renoir School of Hockey.

Not. Cool.

Anyhoo, this weekend was less about the hockey and more about the socializing. Sadly, Miller Mom and The Mave totally dropped the ball when it came to battle readiness. To be honest, The Mave experienced great discomfiture when a certain email circulated before the weekend discussing “rules” regarding alcohol consumption on Rink property. Call it a guilty conscience if you will, but at first glance The Mave thought the email was sent only to Her and cc’d to the rest of the team.

Luckily none of the WLC parents received that email. And lemme tell you what.

THEY CAME PREPARED.

Chairs and tents are a tipoff for a solid tailgate organization but the Washington Little Caps parents have established the new rubric. The Maven arrived to the triturating hum of this:

Hell yeah!

Busily building a batch of Margaritas is a dad whom we’ll call, um, “Mr. Cuervo.” His portable machine crushes ice with the power of an Asplundh wood chipper and whirls up a smooth consistency drink every time. The Mave's convinced it's hooked up to a car battery.

And while Mr. Cuervo is on beverage duty another WLC dad is tending the BBQ…but not your run-of-the-mill-portable-tailgate-jobber. Nuh-uh. “Mr. Kingsford” is lovingly tending his sirloin tips on one of these:

Yup. That’s a permanent hitch to his pickup.

Now, I don’t care who you are or where you come from, that there demonstrates a whole other level of tailgate commitment.

The partying did much to soothe the, still open, flesh wounds leftover from the River rules’ separation of our once unified team. And it’s certainly a life-affirming experience to know that good friends remain good friends even when you’re not on the same roster.

So, Major Props to our pals on the other side of the Potomac. Yallz brought the true meaning of Christmas to us this weekend with your amazing whiz-bang-gizmo-tailgating-gear! See you at the Rinks!!

The Mave

Oh, Dat Philly Tawnuhment? Fuh-gedda-boud-dit.

noreply@blogger.com (The Dental Maven) — Thu, 31 May 2012 23:55:00 +0000

Memorial Day Weekend is a dedicated hockey tournament weekend in The Maven household. No exceptions this year with some slight changes in our team roster. Regrettably, some of The Mave’s Fave’s would be absent due to obligations surrounding that fatuous-wannabe-hockey-no-ice-included-sport by the name of “Lacrosse.” Pishaw. This means the absence of some key players: Miller Mom and Molson Mom. Oh, and their sons – players on our previous spring DC Selects teams. Anyhoo….

In April we would compete in the CHI-Town Shuffle – we were a solidly dominant team heading into said tournament with our boys, no doubt, feeling heady. Having summarily CRUSHED all the opposition leading up to the finals our team stepped onto the ice for the championship game drunk with cockiness and moxie and let the harder working Michigan Nationals blow us up in dramatic fashion. Ugh.

Next up – Memorial Day Weekend in Philly:

As defending champs at the Philly Shoot-out, and coming off of the colossal FAIL in CHI, parents and players alike were thirsting for blood. First game was Friday around noon and despite all the manly-talk before the game, we lost 5-6. Notwithstanding the appearances of a close game our team played one of the worst games The Maven had witnessed since, well, ever.

Our unusually light schedule of only one game each day until the playoffs certainly provided, if not demanded, multiple hours of drinking. And dammit, if our kids weren’t going to do the heavy lifting, well, someone had to step up.

Saturday, we played the Mercer Chiefs – from Jersey. Interesting group. Many Mercer dads sporting the NJ Passport: Upturned collar on the pastel Polo shirt, Oakley’s and rockin’ the Fake-Bake pretty hard. (You can’t make this S**t up)

Another loss.

MORE heavy drinking.

Sunday our boys begin to gel. Defense is clicking, forwards working as a unit, finally some promise. We win – with our goal differential putting us in the finals! Superstition aside, the heavy drinking is clearly having a positive effect. Next up is the semi-finals and you simply don’t tinker with what’s working…

Heavier drinking.

We make it through the semi’s to face, once again, Mercer Chiefs in the finals. Mercer – who is now, undefeated. The Mave would be lying if She said there wasn’t a palpable hubris detected when the Chiefs stepped on the ice. The Mercer parents also arrived, Pink Polo’s festooned with a major “we got this” swag.

A hotly contested game with both sides playing well. However, the once genteel and nearly golf-clapping behavior of the NJ fans was O V E R. The gloves came off late in the second period and the heavily Jersey accented, foul-crying, ref-bashing, over-the-top-hockey-moms (and dads) came out. Whew! The Mave hadn’t seen that quick a metamorphosis since we beat the crap out of the Jr. Flyers on their home ice.

The DC Selects got an empty net goal with 1:30 remaining, making the score 5-3. Our side of the bleachers erupted with an impromptu foot stomping of Queen’s “We Will Rock You” beat. At that point those cocksure Jersey parents were nearly homicidal. And lemme tell you what...That. Felt. Guuuuuuude.

5-3 Final.

So after a very inauspicious beginning to the Spring season our boys closed the deal right and proper – retaining their title of defending champs in the Philly Shoot out. Thus ending another Spring Hockey season.

Bada Bing!!

"A Little Perspective, Like A Little Humor, Goes A Long Way" allen klein

noreply@blogger.com (The Dental Maven) — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 22:12:00 +0000

This weekend marks the end of the travel portion of our hockey season. That said, short of a Nation’s Capital Style Fireworks display, the sendoff was phenomenal. No, our boys didn’t bring home the gold this time… (that’s soooo three months ago…) The Mave believes this band of parents, Coach and players have a quality that’s rarely found in the world of youth hockey: Perspective.

The tournament would take place right outside The Mavens beloved Boston. In the hours leading up to departure the perfunctory pre-tournament emails circulate about minor logistics and how to handle the inevitable “down time” between games. Saturday would create the greatest challenge - our only game would be played at 7:40 pm. True to form, nothing was solidified in those emails.

Friday morning around 9 am plans begin to congeal when one of the dads suggests we organize a proper tailgate and grill up some burgs, dogs and steaks before Saturdays evening game. . Though, not an expert on TSA rules, The Mave’s pretty sure none of the parents successfully smuggled grilling essentials on board.

Recognizing this is Massachusetts and it is the middle of February, our compressed time interval for armamentarium acquisition, the tremendous odds against finding the requisite armamentarium and the risk of failure…the team parents were, of course, all in.

All options were on the table including an Amazon overnight delivery. Ultimately, a small faction set out for the equipment reconnaissance---with dogged persistence prevailing at a nearby Target which had only 2 grills remaining from their summer inventory. The second confederacy was then immediately dispatched to the local grocery store for victuals and liquid provisions.

Word of the event spread faster than news of Scarlett Johansson’s nude photos on Twitter. By 4:30 the coals were white-hot and visibility down to 5 feet due to smoke at the far side of the New England Sports Center parking lot. About 40 or so red-solo-cup-bearing-hockey-parents milling about, talking, laughing and freezing their a$$e$ off. Just. Perfect.

Then without warning, (admittedly The Mave had had a few), the smoke momentarily cleared, the heaven’s opened up and the sound of Handel’s Messiah could be heard. That’s when she appeared, clad in pure white---some say she looked like a snow-angel---introducing: “Absolut Mom.” (cue: Ecclesiastical Music...)

She handed The Mave a Venti size white Styrofoam cup containing an amrita beyond compare. Immediate warmth glazed over The Maven. What were the secrets of this elixir??? The Maven had to know! “Grey Goose and Hot Chocolate,” replied Absolut Mom.

WOW. This stuff is so good that after a few sips, The Mave was sure we were about to witness the second coming of “Miracle on Ice.” The rink took on an ethereal quality with everything seeming, well, just that much better. Half a cup later and those heretofore idiot refs became positively “Mr. Rogers-esque.” All along, The Maves cup remained inexplicably full, replenished from a reservoir unseen and unknown.

Our boys won that game, the specifics are unimportant since The Maven has no recollection of them anyway. They advanced to the quarterfinals and were defeated by the Boston Jr. Eagles on Sunday. Drats.

But, we come away from this final travel tournament like each of the other matchups… with a team who gained more experience, honed their skills, remain eager to face any opponent in the regional finals next weekend, a stellar Coaching staff with nonpareil leadership and a parental core who remains supportive, cohesive and optimistic. All this, despite the certain inevitable disbanding of our unit at the seasons end, by powers beyond our control.

So, yes. It’s rare, we know it and we have it. Perspective.

The REAL Reason Smokers Don't Get Dental Treatment

noreply@blogger.com (The Dental Maven) — Fri, 10 Feb 2012 00:07:00 +0000

This just out from the CDC: “Fewer smokers go to the dentist”

Uh…Really? The Maven sure hopes the CDC didn’t spend a lotta cash money on that research, cuz any garden variety dentist coulda told you that.

According to Fox News: “More than a third of smokers reported having three or more dental problems, ... more than twice as much as people who never smoked.”

Further: “20 percent of the smokers said they had not been to a dentist in at least five years."

And here’s the real kicker:

“Half of the smokers said they could not afford to see a dentist, a much higher proportion than non-smoking adults who didn't go.”

Oh my dear…tsk, tsk, tsk…The Mave is s o w e a r y of that over-used, worn-out, threadbare, dog-eared excuse.

Here’s the numbers:

Average number of cigs smoked daily for typical smoker: 30

Average price of a Pack of Cigs: $6.29 (if you’re that unlucky puffer in NY, your average is $11.90)

Since one pack (20 cigs) is easier to calculate, let’s use that as our average daily inhalation:

Weekly expenditure: $44.03

Monthly expenditure: $176.12

Annual expenditure: $2113.44

And, drum roll please…

National average cost of dental cleaning and exam: $160

Hmmmmm…lookey there, that’s less than the average monthly for Cigs.

So, if you’re a member of the nearly 20% of the US who smokes…could you please start answering the question of why you haven’t seen a dentist since Carter was President or why you only see a dentist when you have a problem in an honest way? Try one of these: “I don’t care about my teeth” or “It’s not a priority for me” or “I generally don’t take very good care of myself anyway.”

But, please. Stop the Bull S#&+.

And BTW? You needn’t worry about “confessing” to the dentist that you’re a smoker. We know.

Happy New Year!

noreply@blogger.com (The Dental Maven) — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 22:24:00 +0000

"There are two ways of being happy: We must either diminish our wants or augment our means - either may do - the result is the same and it is for each man to decide for himself and to do that which happens to be easier."

Benjamin Franklin

The Maven wishes you all a very Happy New Year!

Looks Like Somebody Really Wanted A Rotary Toothbrush For Christmas...

noreply@blogger.com (The Dental Maven) — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 15:08:00 +0000

Merry Christmas to All!

noreply@blogger.com (The Dental Maven) — Sat, 24 Dec 2011 13:07:00 +0000

The Maven wishes all a Happy Holiday Season and the best for the New Year!

"All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them." Walt Disney

Select Your Airline Seat After Scanning the Profiles of Your Fellow Passengers

noreply@blogger.com (The Dental Maven) — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 01:14:00 +0000

The Dutch airline KLM is rolling out its newest seat selection program. USA Today reports passengers will be able to link their Facebook and LinkedIn profiles to their check-in information and then “pick seatmates based on similar interests.”

Right. The Maven knows the number one interest involved in that contrivance. No thanks!

The USA Today report serves as a reminder that the current system isn’t perfect, (as will be discussed) but being a frequent traveler, The Mave’ll take randomization over sitting-targetization any day.

Like most frequent flyers The Maven has a predictable routine. Southwest is The Mave’s preference with their uniform fleet of 737’s, open seating and an easy change of flight policy. Customary for The Mave is the right side of the plane, aisle seat in row 7, 8 or 9 with carry-on baggage only.

On a recent flight departing Indiana The Maven was delighted to hear the pre-board announcement stating it wouldn’t be a full flight. Happily nestled in Her row 8 aisle seat, with the last group boarding, The Mave was confident of enjoying the empty row. Moments later that confidence dissolved when He emerged through the cabin door. With LOADS of open seating options still available The Mave saw him glance in Her direction. Averting eye contact, The Mave busied Herself with her reading material. A comparison to Peter Griffin from Family Guy would be a charitable one…Griffin has a full head of hair with shirt buttons that don’t strain beyond their load limit. Dotted with perspiration from schlepping all manner of carry-on accoutrements, He asks The Mave if anyone is sitting in the window seat. (Ugh) After much ado with stowing his vintage 1970’s American Tourister in the overhead bin, The Mave stands to allow his largess wide berth for passage. Clearly displeased with his present arrangement there’s considerable shimmying and shifting in his seat whilst futzing with and attempting to fasten his seatbelt. After liberal harumpfing, obvious grunts of dissatisfaction and several furtive glances in The Mave’s direction, Peter decides the open seat IMMEDIATELY ADJACENT to The Maven would be more suitable.

Dear God.

With the window seat now vacant, it certainly creates the impression that Peter and The Maven are on this flight TOGETHER. Mortified, perturbed and severely lacking in personal real estate, The Maven lists into the aisle for next hour and a half. The passage of time is punctuated by frequent badgering of the flight attendant for more ice to go with his complimentary beverage and a magnanimous offer to avail himself of more snacks when The Maven states She’ll forego the peanuts… (“Oh, If She doesn’t want them I’ll take them”)

Yes. Open seating has its hazards. But it seems to The Maven that it’s actually more random than allowing an unknown to select his or her seat BEFORE the plane boards based on a Facebook profile.

So KLM? The Maven says you can keep your “meet and seat” system.

Sex and Dentistry--Mutually Exclusive??

noreply@blogger.com (The Dental Maven) — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 18:55:00 +0000

A University of Toronto newspaper (The Varsity) ran an article taking issue with a local dental office. The complaints, as The Maven sees it, are twofold: 1.The office is using the University Logo in their advertising without permission and 2: that their advertising display choices have nothing to do with dentistry.

Copyright infringement is a serious offence. The University issued a cease and desist, which, it seems the dental office promptly heeded. The advertisement pictures, however, are a completely different matter. The Varsity claims, the ads “display faces of young, attractive women, some showing generous amounts of cleavage and not all of them showing their teeth.”

Seriously? WTF?

Where is it written that advertising has to have anything to do with the product?? And what makes dental advertising different from other advertising? Seems to The Mave, this has more to do with a bunch of co-eds who are, for some absurd reason, offended by pictures of attractive women.

From The Varsity article: “I feel like they’re exposing females for the wrong reasons,” said U of T student Britnee Lam. “They’re using these images for their sex appeal to lure people in so they pay attention to them. These images are hardly appropriate for what they’re trying to advertise.”

Uh…okay Britnee, guess you’re the self appointed moral authority on advertising content. Can you give examples of when, in your opinion, females are “exposed” for the right “reasons?” And kudos for recognizing why those images might be used. When a business pays cash-money for advertising it’s expected the target audience will pay attention and hopefully take action as a result…in fact that’s called “ROI” or, Return on Investment. (Brit, The Mave sure hopes you’re not a communications major…) And The Maven can’t help but wonder: Would ol’ Britsky’s boy-shorts be in a bunch if the ad included buff boys with tanned six-pack abs?

Sex and erotic imagery has been used in advertising since, well, the beginning of advertising. It’s used because it works and The Maven applauds the Canadian Dentist for his atypical approach. Heaven knows the dental industry has struggled to get patients to make oral hygiene a priority…and the traditional plea to “see your dentist twice a year” has done ZERO to hammer that message home. If sex appeal works, then, why not?

Here’s a few examples and a reminder that advertising need not have anything to do with the product:

Black Friday? No Thanks, I'll Pass...

noreply@blogger.com (The Dental Maven) — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 12:45:00 +0000

Nothing says “Thanksgiving Weekend!” in The Maven household more definitively than getting up in the early pre-dawn hours for the Silver SticksRegional Hockey Tournament. And this holiday weekend was no exception.

Unlike years past, this time we’re fortunate enough to have all our games take place at our home rink – which provides a certain level of comfort. No guessing about basic necessities…for instance, at that early hour, we know the rink café won’t be open for the cardinal caffeine infusion, so: BYO. We know the Pro shop won’t be open since the owner is a hapless wonder who earns a living despite himself…so: don’t forget any equipment, tape, laces, etcetera. And, in the unlikely event that the shop is open? Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you have skates sharpened there. Cuz those edges will be so ‘effed up your skater will spend most of his ice time on his keister.

Preparations for three days of 7 a.m. games began early in the week. Taking our cue from the Chicago Nike Bauer Tournament and the Soo Greyhound encounter, The Mave, MillerMom and another hockey mom whom we’ll call…uh, “Molson Mom,” decided the mothers of our MYHA Blue Devils needed identifiers. Something to add that cohesive tribal stamp, if you will. We cleaned out the local Rite-Aid and Walgreens stash of wide plastic headbands, painted some costume devil horns blue - and affixed the horns to said headbands. Sweeeeeet.

Next up…the abysmal Rink Café situation. Both Molson Mom and The Maven were all over the Mimosa idea. Coffee and breakfast pastries? Done. Tunes? Got ‘em. Before we knew it we had ourselves a Tailgate Situation. The Mave’s not entirely sure the Horns were a factor, but our expansive physical presence in the Rink Parking Lot at 5:45 a.m. had to be somewhat unnerving to the grossly under-caffeinated families arriving from Jersey and New York. And I’ll tell you what…you have yourself a couple of Miller Mom’s mimosa’s and that ice rink suddenly feels positively balmy.

The competing teams were hard working making the games high-spirited, dynamic and often nerve wracking. So, 3 days and 5 games later our boys ended the tournament, undefeated. As a result we’ll all be heading to Canada in late January for the International Silver Stick Finals. Despite the fact that it’ll be the dead of winter in freakin’ cold ass Canada our players are pretty darn excited and likewise for their families. Yup. Another example of those crazy hockey parents who’ll drive or fly anywhere at any time for a hockey tournament. And when hell freezes over we’ll probably play there too.

GO BLUE!!

You Get What You Pay For...

noreply@blogger.com (The Dental Maven) — Fri, 25 Nov 2011 17:25:00 +0000

Proof positive of the brilliance and practicality of the British National Health System (NHS).

John Lennon's Tooth Sold at Auction

noreply@blogger.com (The Dental Maven) — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 11:52:00 +0000

John Lennon’s tooth recently sold at auction for $31,200. To The Maven, it appears to have been one of John’s upper left molars - complete with a blowout cavity and a few other minor maladies. Naturally, it was a dentist who ultimately forked over the cash-money for such an item.

What The Maven finds fascinating about this story has nothing to do with the price tag. It’s how his Bexley first entered the marketplace.

According to media reports Lennon personally gave it to his housekeeper, Dorothy Jarlett, in the 1960’s while she was in his employ. (surely, upon receiving such a lavish gift, ol’ Dot must have been elated)

Okay, now that’s just weird. Beyond weird, it implies a ton of hubris. Only a person with a Titanic ego would consider giving someone their nasty-ass-broke-down-jacked-up-molar-tooth as a keepsake.

The Maven is certainly aware that dead celebrity body parts have been a hot commodity throughout the ages. Ludwig von Beethoven’s skull was pirated when his body was exhumed in 1863 and turned up on the California market in 2005. A lock of his hair removed at autopsy sold for $7000 in 1994. Napoleon Bonaparte’s penis, carved off by a vengeful doctor at autopsy, made the rounds before settling into the hands of Dr. John Kingsley Lattimer – urologist from Englewood, NJ, for the bargain basement price of below $3000. Albert Einstein’s eyes were snatched by his Ophthalmologist, HenryAdams (another Jersey Boy), disregarding his wish to be cremated. Fifteen years ago Adams attempted to sell them for a reported $5 million. It’s rumored Michael Jackson was interested but the deal tanked when Adams became gripped by seller’s remorse.

So what’s the difference between, say, Ludwig and Lennon? None of the above mentioned decedents either bequeathed or offered-up their body parts. And if Johnny had a clue as to how his molar appears to a dentist he might have had the good sense to discard of it discretely. It certainly doesn’t speak to his meticulous oral hygiene habits nor does it do anything to dispel the current assessment of British dentistry.

"Nice?" Well, not really.........

noreply@blogger.com (The Dental Maven) — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 17:14:00 +0000

After a year of separation, my son and his best hockey buds are reunited on the same team again. This year, as the Squirt AA Montgomery Blue Devils. Some may remember the heartbreak of defeat this same team suffered in Detroit two years ago (as Mites) when they lost with 3 seconds left to play in the International SilverStick finals.

Despite demonstrating great promise, tournament success has eluded them. In fact, only a few weeks ago, our boys suffered a colossal loss in the quarter finals against the Lambton Sting in the Detroit Warrior Tournament. But, as it’s said, that which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

Having a pretty good feeling going into the Nike Bauer Tournament last weekend in Chicago, The Maven asked her husband to park in short term parking at BWI….if you know The Maven’s penurious nature -and the price of the hourly lot – the strength of that feeling would be obvious. (The Mave was banking on a late return on Sunday)

To qualify for the finals these 9 and 10 year old boys must play and win 4 games in two days. They then face possible elimination in the quarters and semi’s…so flexible plane tickets are critical. (Thank you Southwest!!)

Our toughest qualifying match was against the Soo Greyhounds. This team proved to be formidable both on ice and in the bleachers. Their fan-base was expansive and to be honest, intimidating, replete with cowbells, jingle bells, face paintings, signage and a frickin MASCOT. Spotting the talisman in the parking lot prior to game time, Miller mom –-texted The Maven asking if our opponent might be the “Wolves?” So, yeah, the mascot wasn’t the perfect rendition of a Greyhound…but to our little rag-tag team from Maryland, that level of organization is enough to cause a little disquietude among the parents. Thankfully, our boys sent the hounds back to the kennel club and advanced to the finals.

So, we found ourselves playing in the championship game in Chicago on Sunday at 3 o’clock against the white hot LA Jr. Kings. (eliminating several Canadian teams along the way…just sayin’…)

From the stands it was an often exhilarating and at other times oxygen depleting game which, of course, went into sudden death overtime. Whereas in regulation - 5 a side - the play was fairly even between the teams, overtime was played 4 a side and our boys clearly dominated. They kept the Jr. Kings pinned in their end and in a magical moment with textbook passing, our guys got the final goal and won the tournament. We were thunderstruck and thrilled all at once.

The team, parents and coaches have all been riding the most epic wave since the tournament ended. However, trying to convey the significance of winning this tournament to those who haven’t drunk the travel-hockey-Kool-aide remains a challenge. News of the win typically elicits the quotidian responses…namely, with few variants of: “Oh, that’s nice.”

Really? That’s all you’ve got? “Nice??”

So, for the uninitiated, those non-drinkers of the travel-hockey-Kool-aide, here’s a quick primer for you:

Things considered “Nice”:

A nice hot bath

A nice cup of tea

A nice walk in the park

A nice chat

A nice place to visit

Things considered “WHOA! Holy SMOKES, are you FREAKING KIDDING ME? AMAZING!!”:

Winning the Lottery

Achieving Nirvana

Winning the Bauer Invitational Hockey Tournament.

You’re welcome.

Let's Call A Spade A Spade

noreply@blogger.com (The Dental Maven) — Thu, 13 Jan 2011 21:32:00 +0000

The Maven’s attracted to tales of why people avoid the dentist like personal injury attorneys are attracted to ambulances. The reason being is that most stories are flat out Bull. The needle, the smells, the drill, blah, blah, blah. Those are all just euphemisms for “cost.” And, for most individuals where cost is the main factor, PRIORITY would be the full explanation – other things are more important.

Yes, dentistry can get pricey when you require major treatment like crowns and bridges, but routine cleaning and exams (National US average $140) are less than either a two month cable bill ($150) or two month cell phone bill ($146). It’s these routine exams and cleanings that keep people from needing more expensive dentistry. So, the individuals who avoid check-ups based on the notion that “dentistry is too expensive,” create a self fulfilling prophesy. Dental phobia does exist, but according to this Ezine article, only about 5% of individuals completely avoid the dentist due to fear.

Here’s a random survey result from “Smilesdoc” in Canada which supports the thesis that cost is the most common hindrance:

The Mavens’ observation over the years is those who deem their teeth a low priority exhibit the same behavior: when push comes to shove (and certainly not before) they’ll do anything to save those 12 front teeth and to hell with the back ones. Everything behind the eyeteeth becomes like that junk drawer in your kitchen--Looks fine from the front, but God help you if you open it.

Many are fooled by the euphemisms and invent crap destined to collect dust in the storage closets of the Kool-aid-drinking-dentists. Others understand the euphemisms and prey on the simplicity of the lesser animals.

The latest whiz-bang gewgaw to hit dentistry is a device purported to cancel out the sound of the dental drill. British scientists, acting on the premise that the drill sound is “the prime cause of anxiety about dental treatment” and the major deterrent to those who would seek dental care, have used “adaptive filtering” technology in headphones to electronically remove the high pitched sound. Brian Millar, the lead researcher at King’s College London is seeking investors to bring his invention to market.

Here’s The Mave’s take on what this device does.

It turns this:

Into this:

And at least you know when the train is approaching.

Dentistry finally gets the message that sex sells....

noreply@blogger.com (The Dental Maven) — Wed, 15 Dec 2010 15:22:00 +0000

Sensitive teeth....they're a real killer.

You Don't See "Retailers" In The Top Ten Hated Professions...

noreply@blogger.com (The Dental Maven) — Thu, 02 Dec 2010 20:06:00 +0000

One of The Maves Facebook friends recently posted this comment:

“I think that the experience of working as a server in a restaurant and as a retail worker over the holidays should be required of all Americans at some point in their lives. The earlier the better.”

This gave The Maven pause to consider the many less than enchanting interactions She’s had over the years as a dentist. If retailers believe they have exclusivity on the pointed-end-of-the-curare-laced-arrow they’re dreaming in Hi-Def.

Yes, shoppers can be an irascible bunch, but remember, they’re usually in the store to purchase something they want. There’s a big difference between buying something you desire and laying down cold cash for something you didn’t expect to need, don’t really want and are fearful that “pain” might accompany its acquisition.

Telling people things they don’t want to hear can bring out the worst in their behavioral repertoire - and one could argue that the dentist is the king of crappy tidings. The Maven once had to call the police to have a patient removed from Her office. OH. HELL. YEAH. It ain’t all sunshine and roses on the dentist’s side of the drill, pal.

So, to all the retail workers out there who fear telling a client something is out of stock, not in the desired color, on back order, discontinued or just plain expensive, try telling that same person you have to pull their tooth out or that they need a root canal…and they’ll be needing pot-holders to handle their wallet when it’s over.

It's The Shoes...

noreply@blogger.com (The Dental Maven) — Mon, 22 Nov 2010 20:29:00 +0000

The Maven was stunned by a recent survey concerning women in the UK and high heels. In the MyNews.IN article “High heels injure over 3 million women,” researchers report that women sustained injuries ranging from twisted ankles, torn tendons, fractured wrists and broken teeth. It states that a third of these women (1 million) have fallen flat on their faces!

In the 20-plus years The Mave has practiced dentistry She’s seen her fair share of trauma…and heard some interesting stories about how that trauma was sustained. But She can’t recall anyone blaming a busted out grill on their shoes.

None of the articles carrying this story cited the original research, so The Mave doesn’t know if other factors were considered. However, The Maven did find another piece of research which could explain some of these accidents.

An article in the July 2, 2010 guardian.co.uk states that 1 in 7 UK women “over the age of 16 drink more than double the recommended daily allowance of alcohol once a week.”

(Kudos to the Brits for having an “RDA” for alcohol)

Consider this:

· Current UK population: approximately 61,800,000.
· Roughly half are female: 30,900,000.
· The stiletto study says 3,000,000 women sustain high heeled injuries annually. That’s about 10% of the female population.
· And…a look at the statistics from the drinking, drugging and gluttony study, one in seven women drinking too much alcohol is roughly 14%...you see where I’m going with this?

Are the 3 million twisted ankles or 1 million busted up grillz really a shoe problem? The Maven thinks not. Anyone who falls “flat on their face” is typically suffering from a medical issue or a blood alcohol level greater than .20. Unimpaired individuals generally “brace” a fall with their hands or arms.

That’s probably why when asked, 60% of the injured women said they’d continue to wear high heels.

Because, it would be the rare Emergency Room patient who writes "S***faced," in answer to the question of "how accident occurred."

Stupid Parent Tricks

noreply@blogger.com (The Dental Maven) — Wed, 17 Nov 2010 15:44:00 +0000

Spotted this piece of creative genius at my son's hockey practice the other evening and had to share.

Has to be parental innovation. It's the rare hockey player who gives a crap about sharing a water bottle with his teammates. And BTW? Youth hockey players ALL wear helmets with cages...so the water is squirted through the cage and doesn't touch the players mouth. Furthermore, if you bothered to step inside the locker room you'd realize the bottle should be the least of your worries.

Sorry, Hockey-mom. No ones buying your brand.

Cuz in the few moments The Maven spent gazing at this bottle? Three different players ignored the warning and rehydrated with your cleverly labeled ewer.

A Very Lost Tooth

noreply@blogger.com (The Dental Maven) — Thu, 04 Nov 2010 18:26:00 +0000

After 33 years of excruciating ear pain, infections and ultimately deafness, Stephen Hirst of Great Britain finally has relief. At a recent medical visit a nurse spotted and extracted a baby tooth from his ear canal. Both patient and nurse were baffled as to how the tooth got there.

But honestly, folks? In a world where kids wind up in emergency rooms with M&M’s stuck up their noses, it’s not too difficult to speculate as to how a baby tooth could have gotten into Mr. Hirst’s ear, now is it? Yet that was the prevailing question amongst the medical staff at the Royal Hallamshire Hospital in Sheffield.

The Maven believes the more troubling question is how something like that could have been missed for 33 years!! Mr. Hirst reports countless “hospital appointments” since age 14 spent looking for the source of his pain and infections. Did no one ever bother to use an otoscope on poor Stephen and look in his ear? How about an x-ray? Teeth show up realllllly well on x-rays! Then, with the advent of CT scans or MRI….nothing there? Were those tests deemed too expensive for someone who was diagnosed with what seemed like chronic otitis media?

Hirst stated, “When I was younger I used to just sit and bang my head on the wall because it hurt that much. I would be screaming in pain, that's not exaggerating… I've lost count of the times I have been examined but no one spotted the tooth.”

Good Gravy! If that was The Maven’s son, she’d move heaven and earth to find out why he was in such horrible pain. If one doctor didn’t find the reason The Maven would move on to the next doctor and then the next.

The Maven hopes that, like ~~many~~ most stories written by today’s journalists, some key facts are missing from this report. As told, it’s not the prettiest piece of advertisement for a healthcare system. Despite Her great affection for the Brits, The Mave is not a big fan of the NHS model of healthcare. However, She remains hopeful that the real story is more reflective of the journalists ineptitude and less so of the incompetence of the NHS.

Got Stink?

noreply@blogger.com (The Dental Maven) — Tue, 26 Oct 2010 11:27:00 +0000

An article last week in the Star-tribune of Minnesota claims that 25% of the population has chronic bad breath. A blogpost by the same author, John Ewoldt, further states that your dentist won’t tell you, fearing you’ll be so offended you’ll leave his practice.

Uh, John? That’s horsefeathers.

Mr. Ewoldt, The Maven doesn’t know who your dentist is or if you even seek out regular care, but in 2010? The majority of us are wearing masks when we treat you. Suffice it to say that behind that mask we can detect precious little of whatever effluvium you might be pumping out of that maw of yours.

Secondly, bad breath has many causes. One of those causes is dry mouth. When you’re nervous, what happens to you, John? Correct, your mouth dries up. According to WebMD a full 20% of Americans avoid seeing a dentist unless “absolutely necessary.” Lots of people find going to the dentist to be an anxiety provoking event. So, even if we do detect bad breath, should we assume you’re walking around 24-7 stinking up the joint? Hardly.

Let’s talk a little about the nature of bad breath (clinically known as Halitosis and playfully referred to as “Hewnt” in The Maven’s office) It isn’t like cancer – unless you treat it, it won’t go away. It’s more like iron deficiency anemia – it has many causes, may be episodic or related to a temporary condition. It’s usually very treatable once the cause is known. And, let me state this clearly, very often it’s not due to a dental problem.

But to say your dentist won’t talk to you about bad breath for fear of losing you as a patient? Seriously? All day long, ALL WE DO is tell people things they don’t want to hear. Use your noggin, John.

Our Wild and Crazy Legal System

noreply@blogger.com (The Dental Maven) — Tue, 05 Oct 2010 11:44:00 +0000

Another prison inmate is pissed off about the lack of free dental care he feels he has a right to. Embezzler, identity thief, credit card thief and most notably, convicted murderer and body dismemberer, Dennis Gaene has filed a federal lawsuit over his lack of dental care in the North Dakota State penitentiary.

Dennis wanted a root canal and a crown after he broke his tooth on a piece of shell while eating a breaded oyster. He’s claiming that pulling his tooth, instead of repairing it, violates his Constitutional rights regarding cruel and unusual punishment.

When a criminal steals an identity, murders the individual whose identity he’s stolen and then uses the murdered victims’ own credit cards to purchase various and sundry items to dispose of the victims dismembered remains, you just can’t be surprised when that same criminal expects someone else to pay for his expensive dental needs.

What is surprising, is that we as a nation allow this sort of crap to continue to clog up our judicial system and cost the taxpayer’s money.

The Maven would like to point out that a current Major insurance carrier for the employees of our Federal Government does not provide benefits for: root canals, crowns or dentures. It will, however, pay for removal of teeth. Despite the shortcomings of our government it can be stated with confidence that the majority of our Fed Employees are not murderers. That a convicted murderer should expect better health benefits than the average hard working, law abiding citizen is pure lunacy. And the legal system that entertains these asinine lawsuits from prisoners is out of whack.

Don't Go In The Water

noreply@blogger.com (The Dental Maven) — Wed, 29 Sep 2010 14:00:00 +0000

This is exactly why The Maven will not swim in oceans, lakes or rivers.

While fishing on Lake Wylie in South Carolina, local angler Frank Yarborough thought he’d caught a catfish. Reaching into the water to retrieve his catch, Frank was stunned by a stinging bite on his thumb. Turns out it was no catfish but a species of Pacu native to the Amazon River Basin. And yes, as you might have guessed, Pacus are a distant relative of the Piranha family.

According to Robert Stroud, fisheries biologist for South Carolina, since the fishes’ teeth closely resemble those of humans, some Amazonian Tribesmen would wear sets of Pacu teeth around their necks to intimidate their enemies. Tell you what…The Maven wouldn’t be picking a fight with anyone, regardless of what kinda necklace they had on, knowing their waters were infested with fish that had human teeth.

Stroud also confirmed that species such as that nasty a** Snakefish (known to attack people in China who get too close to their nesting areas – cuz those freaknik fish can travel on land too!!) and the Red Oscar have been caught in the same lake. While in college, The Mave was traumatized by a Red Oscar kept by some dormitory friends. He was a big sucker residing in what was likely too small a tank for his taste. One time the owner of said fish put a mirror up to the tank and that Oscar damn near created a Tsunami trying to get to “other fish” in the mirror. The Maven never graced that dorm room again.

The Mave isn’t very kindly disposed to marine life. Observing it from the safety of dry land is fine, but interacting with it? No Thanks.

The Space Between

noreply@blogger.com (The Dental Maven) — Tue, 14 Sep 2010 01:06:00 +0000

It looks like the Hollywood trend of glamorizing women who have a gap between their front teeth is maintaining traction.

Here’s the deal: Fashion models like the heavily-Juvedermed Lindsey Wixon and Mick Jaggers’ daughter, Georgia, along with True Blood’s Sookie Stackhouse actress, Anna Paquin, are all propelling the furor of the “space between.” Speculation exists that teenagers in braces will be asking their orthodontists to create that same space in their own teeth.

At any given time, The Maven has numerous patients in Her practice under the care of an orthodontist and She’s yet to hear this request. That said, The Maven doesn’t practice in either New York or California so further monitoring is warranted.

It should be stated that The Maven finds the diastema (space) to be a lovely trait when it exists naturally. Lovely, but not any more or less desirable than the absence of a diastema. Likewise, many patients prize their, typically familial, gap. Madonna has been a long time supporter of her “personal space” and it seems Lauren Hutton is an adherent as well.

The Maven has reservations about dental fashion trends…take for example dental grillz….not the best thing for your teeth, no matter how you slice it. If created orthodontically, a diastema likely poses no harm. But, once you create a diastema, it’s not quick, easy or cheap to eliminate the space. So, before you jump on to the gap wagon remember this, those 4 inch shoulder pads seemed pretty cool back in the 80’s too.