The Disgruntled Geek

Mini rant #1

2008-03-05T16:14:00.004+01:00

This is how I'm feeling today (in response to an innocent mail query of "how's things?")

Today? Crappy! But it's only issues with work that are pissing me off. I really cannot be arsed with this crap any more. I come off as the bad guy becasue I can't magically deliver in a timeframe that's been laid out by the casting of runes and then they ask me for some revised estimates. I point out that they will come when the DS is complete so they ask why it isn't complete yet. I point out that the estimate for the DS was a month so it'll be ready in 2 weeks. They say that makes them 2 weeks behind. I say not in my book because I'm not the one that thought he could conjure system interfaces to 3 new suppliers by farting magic pixie dust over the servers.

Oh, and I like the idea of a mini rant, hence it's #1 - it gives me the option for more.

Do they speak French in Pakistan then?

2008-02-29T13:40:00.001+01:00

2008-02-29T13:24:00.003+01:00

At the end of January Mark Boyle announced that he was going to walk from Bristol to India on a pilgrimage to Ghandi's birthplace. As part of this trip

He plans not to touch any money and is taking no credit cards or travellers' cheques.

And said that

"I will be offering my skills to people. If I get food in return, it's a bonus"

You'd really think that if he made a load of cash in the dot-com boom he'd be a little more intelligent than that.

But then again, this is typical of the don't-plan-anything-cross-our-fingers-and-hope-for-the-best school of project management that I see all the time. Point out a reasonable objection and it's heads straight in the sand. Come time to cough up the budget though it's the poor schmucks that take the fall for "overestimating". Yeah, right. We do that for fun you know.

If you want more, it takes longer. On a time and materials project that means more money.

Mark here seems to have fallen into just this trap, as there seems to be no mention of the practicalities of his trip.

So how far has he got so far?

Well, France, but now he's home again.

Apparantly, becasue he doesn't speak any French, he was having a hard time convincing people that he was on a spiritual pilgrimige and they thought he was a scrounging homeless immigrant.

According to Radio 4's "Today" program this morning he now plans to bum around the UK a bit and learn French before starting again.

Should be interesting to see what happens when he hits Italy, the Balkans, Turkey, Iran, Palkistan. Or does he think they all speak French as well?

Don't misunderstand me, this is a noble ideal (if you have a load of money and don't need to work, feel like something is sadly lacking for your life and desperately crave your 15 minutes of fame, that is). It's also a noble ideal that might actually have been possible with just the tiniest bit of thought behind it. Something he still seems unwilling to do.

I hope he sold his dotcom business early and isn't still involved in managing it. Must dash off and make sure I don't hold any shares ...

Where's a time machine when you need one?

2008-02-26T16:42:00.003+01:00

My latest project

Last year sometime: Marketing decide they want to introduce new services.

Mid Jan : I get the requirements for the first time, along with the release date*. I laugh and tell them it's not feasible.

Mid Feb . I hand in an initial design, based on much consultation with the external agancies involved and much changing of requirements in the meantime.

Today : They say that's no good because they won't meet the release date. I point out that the release date was totally unrealistic and must have been based on the marketing crystal ball, which is notoriously foggy. Furthermore what I have quoted is entirely reasonable given the scope of the project.

Later today : They ask what we can leave out of the project in order to reduce the estimates to about half what they currently are. I tell them it needs to be some of the major requirements. They tell me that's not possible - they're all required. I point out the futility of it all and think about reading some Camus, as it might be slightly less depressing.

Last thing today : I hear they're thinking about postponing the project because they can't meet the deadline (so obviously it's better to be a couple of months late than a couple of weeks).

Now, I ask you, does any of this seem like a sensible way to run a project?

--

(*) It should be noted that marketing do not have the faintest clue what is involved in bringing their requirements to fruition. This is fine, as it's my job, not theirs. Unfortunately it doesn't seem to prevent them from setting the timeplan.

Immovable objects

2008-02-20T10:37:00.003+01:00

Yesterday was not a good day!

After feeling generally crappy all day with a mild stomach flu I was about to go to bed when I was reminded that we needed to move the car or we'd get a fine.

This is not a fun task where we live as there are mafiosa tactics to extract money from car owners unable to find spaces (since there is a huge dearth of spaces available). See here for a previous rant on the road cleaning "system" and parking fines.

Anyway, back to the story:

I'd been driving around for half an hour looking for somewhere. Finally I found a spot, although I'd have to put some cash in the machine to cover the hour or so in the morning before we had a chance to move the car to a free spot. Of course I only had cash with me and the machine only took cards.

This did not put me in a good mood.

Driving along a narrow road a minute or so later (narrow because it was blocked on the other side by a fance around a building site) a taxi appeared at the far end. Did he stop and wait for me to pass? Nope. He drove right up to me and stopped.

There was no way in hell we were getting past each other. I flashed my lights. No response. I leaned out of the window and called at him to back up. He refused and told me to back up.

Now this was the umpteenth idiot I'd dealt with that day and his attitude reminded me very strongly of somebody at work (a post for another time perhaps ...). This was not a good combination of factors and I am ashamed to say I got out of the car and was rather vocal about my feelings on the matter.

Swedish doesn't really have any truly great swear words (barring one but it's pretty much totally taboo). Supplement it with a smattering of English though and you can get quite an impressive effect.

He got back in the car and told me he was calling the police and wouldn't talk to me any more.

(I'd just like to point out that no threats were made - it was purely shouting from a distance of about 5 feet and with a car door in between. Insults were most definitely made).

I got back in my car and settled in with the CD player and a book (always have one in my jacket pocket, just a shame I didn't have a phone with me too last night).

About 10 minutes later there is no sign of the police but another taxi (same company) shows up and wants to get past. An interesting argument ensues between the two taxi drivers where the first shouts that he's not backing up one jävla centimeter and the latest arrival ends up backing up and mounting the pavement to drive down the inside of all the parked cars.

I decided to go for a walk and wandered off to the 7-11 to buy a bottle of water. There was no way I was going to be out-stubborned at this point ...

On the way back I chatted to the other taxi driver, who had dropped off his fare now, and who informed me that he'd called it in to the company and the other guy was on his first night. He gave me their number and the blockaders driver number and told me to file a report.

I was feeling a little bit bad about my earlier outburst so I tapped on the window on the way back to my car. He ignored me.

I tapped again and he eventually opened the door a crack. I asked him if he'd called the police and whether they were coming. He informed me, without looking up from his phone, that they were on the way and would be here shortly. I, somewhat generously at this point I thought, told him that I could either back up and report him or sit and wait for the police. He told me I could do whatver I wanted (this seems to be a common Swedish response when somebody is sulking).

Sitting back in my car with my book out again and sipping my drink I only had to wait another couple of minutes before he backed up and drove off in the other direction.

Why aren't kids' toys a turn-off?

2008-02-19T10:05:00.003+01:00

With 2 kids under the age of 2 in the house and an above average number of grandparents, aunts and uncles, we have, to put it plainly, a lot of crap.

Mostly it's colourful plastic crap, sometimes it's wooden or fluffy crap but whatever the construction material everything has one thing in common. They make irritating noises!

Some of this stuff seems explicitly designed to piss off the parents rather than stimulate the child. Some have no off switch or volume control, others have motion sensors that would put pentagon security to shame - you only have to fart in another room and music starts playing in the kids' bedroom.

It's not even limited to the toys, half the books make stupid noises too.

We wander around constantly humming tunes that have been drilled into our heads like some aural Chinese water torture. Once or twice at daycare I've heard other parents humming the same tunes, so I'm pretty sure it's not just us that is plagued by this problem.

So if you work for a company that manufactures kids' toys, here is a plea to you. Please, please, please, consider the poor parents and at least install an off button, lest we think it's a ploy to ensure that more toys get 'broken' during clean-ups purely to improve your sales figures.

Go phish

2008-02-07T16:14:00.000+01:00

Fed up with phishing emails looking to harvest personal information or logon information to financial sites from you? You can report these mails to the US department of homeland security who are collecting all this information to help combat the practice.

I'm not sure how much they'll actually be able to do but an awful lot of people fall prey to these scams every year, so I say it's worth a try.

If in any doubt as to whether a mail phishing for information there are a couple of rules to follow:

1. Never enter any information into a form within a mail and hit submit. Real organisations do not ask you to logon in that way.

2. If you think it might be real don't click on the link in the mail but go to the home page of the site and logon as normal. If you need to do something then there will be instructions there on how to do it.

The same goes for phone calls - never give out personal info. My bank obviously forgot about this rule when they rang me up a little while back:

THEM : Hello, Mr. _, this is _ bank here, we'd just like to inform you about some changes to your account.

ME : OK.

THEM : If we could just confirm your identity please.

ME : No.

THEM : Erm, what do you mean?

ME : Well, you've just rung me out of the blue. No offense but you could be anybody at all. I should be asking you to confirm your identity first.

THEM : But I'm calling from the bank.

ME : So you say. And I'm me.

THEM : But we need to confirm that.

ME : Well I don't plan on giving you any personal information over the phone.

THEM : But then we can't tell you about your account.

ME : It would seem so. Perhaps you should think about a more sensible method of doing it next time. A letter would surely suffice.

THEM : [slightly huffy now] Yes, well, I won't bother you any more. Goodbye.

ME : Goodbye.

I'm still not really sure if it really was a customer care person from the bank or not, but if there was anything they needed to inform me about I'm sure I'll get a letter about it at some point. I certainly wasn't giving out my mother's maiden name, my telephone banking password and the name of my first pet (which I had to make up as I've never had a pet).

Big payouts for UK bigamists

2008-02-03T15:23:00.000+01:00

A government review in the UK has given the go-ahead for husbands with multiple wives to claim multiple benefits.

What?!

So they're paying out extra if you break the law. What's next, a sliding scale based on how many ASBOs you've managed to accumulate?

In Britain, bigamy is punishable by up to seven years in prison.

So shouldn't attempting to claim this extra benefit result in a prison sentence? But this is the best bit:

Income support for all of the wives may be paid directly into the husband's bank account

Assuming for a moment that most of the people affected by this ruling are Muslims and not Mor(m)ons it's highly likely that a number of these women are not exactly being encouraged to achieve their full potential. Many of them are probably being prevented from even learning English. Now, to add to their status as "object" they will become an extra source of income. This decision will set back women's rights, and Muslim women's rights back a good number of years.

Quick, dial 99 ... oh, you're here.

2008-02-01T14:49:00.000+01:00

In the UK a family is considering suing an ambulance trust after a man died, in hospital, two days after the ambulance was called, from severe brain injuries.

The ambulance showed up, as quickly as they could, to a call which suggested the patient was unconscious. The patient was not only conscious and seemingly uninjured, but violent, so the police became involved.

The daughter is accusing the ambulance crew of humiliating her father:

She said: "I agree with the accidental verdict, but in my mind it still does not take away the way my father was treated by the ambulance service."

Her husband said that suing the trust was a possible course of action. Beyond the allegation of mistreatment there seems to be the insinuation that, had the ambulance crew arrived slightly later, they would have had more information.

Erm, so what? Apart from the fact that extra information wouldn't seem to amke a difference in this case the guy was in hospital for 2 daye before he died. If there was more information to be had following the call I'm sure it would have come out then.

Add to that the fact that, even if there was an internal injury - possibly the cause of the violence - ambulance crews don't exactly carry round portable CAT scanners to check for these things. That's why they arrive as quickly as possible and take people to hospital if necessary.

If I'm ever back in the UK and need an ambulance, please come as soon as you can. I promise not to sue becuase you were too efficient.

The came for the scientologists ...

2008-01-30T10:23:00.000+01:00

The internet group Anonymous has declared war on Scientology.

After the first video on YouTube laying out their principles the group have posted a couple more videos and have been discussed in the major media channels. Their aim, they state:

Over the years, we have been watching you. Your campaigns of misinformation; suppression of dissent; your litigious nature, all of these things have caught our eye. With the leakage of your latest propaganda video into mainstream circulation, the extent of your malign influence over those who trust you, who call you leader, has been made clear to us. Anonymous has therefore decided that your organization should be destroyed. For the good of your followers, for the good of mankind--for the laughs--we shall expel you from the Internet and systematically dismantle the Church of Scientology in its present form. We acknowledge you as a serious opponent, and we are prepared for a long, long campaign. You will not prevail forever against the angry masses of the body politic. Your methods, hypocrisy, and the artlessness of your organization have sounded its death knell.

You cannot hide; we are everywhere.

We cannot die; we are forever. We're getting bigger every day--and solely by the force of our ideas, malicious and hostile as they often are. If you want another name for your opponent, then call us Legion, for we are many.

Yet for all that we are not as monstrous as you are; still our methods are a parallel to your own. Doubtless you will use the Anon's actions as an example of the persecution you have so long warned your followers would come; this is acceptable. In fact, it is encouraged. We are your SPs.

Gradually as we merge our pulse with that of your "Church", the suppression of your followers will become increasingly difficult to maintain. Believers will wake, and see that salvation has no price. They will know that the stress, the frustration that they feel is not something that may be blamed upon Anonymous. No--they will see that it stems from a source far closer to each. Yes, we are SPs. But the sum of suppression we could ever muster is eclipsed by that of the RTC.

Knowledge is free.

We are Anonymous.

We are Legion.

We do not forgive.

WE DO NOT FORGET.

Expect us.

I'm really rather torn over this. On the one hand scientology is an evil cult that steals people's livelihoods and destroys lives and families. I'd really like to see it go down any way possible.

On the other hand is this the way to go about it? To quote the immortal words of Obi-Wan:

If you strike me down i shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine.

The thought has occurred that this is a ruse by Scientologists themselves to promote the religion, but time will tell.

I'll be keeping an eye out for more news on this...

McDegrees

2008-01-29T09:20:00.000+01:00

If you thought it was bad when the UK polytechnics rebranded as universities ...
If you thought that there were too many people graduating with degree titles such as media studies and ceramic pottery firing ...
If you thought that a degree in air guitar was the ultimate dumbing down of the system and degregation of all those who have earned legitimate degrees ...

McDonalds is now offering degrees.

"Would you like a masters with that?"

Blood type? Oh ... positive?

2008-01-25T08:13:00.000+01:00

An Australian girl has taken on her liver donor's immune system following a transplant.

"We were stunned, absolutely stunned, and also very puzzled,'' said Dr Stormon, who reported the novel case in the New England Journal of Medicine.

I'm amazed this isn't front page news on every paper today as surely it opens up a whole new world of possibilities.

Quite aside from the fact that if we can work out how it happened there need never be another case of tissue rejection following an organ transplant again, we surely have the possibility to help people with all manner of auto-immune diseases?

Big brother Microsoft

2008-01-18T15:04:00.000+01:00

Microsoft are after a patent for spy software that will allow somebody (an employee) to be plugged into their computer and monitored.

The system would allow managers to monitor employees’ performance by measuring their heart rate, body temperature, movement, facial expression and blood pressure.

But it's OK because

The system could also “automatically detect frustration or stress in the user” and “offer and provide assistance accordingly”.

So your manager knows when you've downed that third cup of coffee, that you're still slightly hungover from last night, that you're not really paying attention to much, but it's OK as long as it can "provide assistance" when you're feeling a bit stressed out.

Somehow I can't see it telling you to take a break. I'm fairly sure managers would prefer workers to be a little stressed out than laid back and relaxed, regardless of whether it's productive in the long run.

Filed under paranoia, but then it's only paranoid if they're not watching you, right?

Anti-drug drugs

2008-01-15T13:25:00.000+01:00

It looks like we are now one step closer to a cocaine vaccine.

TA-CD works by making the immune system associate cocaine molecules with a substance that is easily recognized as an invader. Inactivated cocaine is bonded to inactivated cholera and injected into the bloodstream. For months after the vaccination, cocaine is destroyed before it reaches the brain. Cocaine can still be consumed, but it will not cause a high. While it might be biologically possible for addicts to take enough to overwhelm their antibodies, this is unlikely. For starters, that amount of cocaine is unaffordable to anyone but the wealthiest users.

This is of course wonderful news for recovering addicts and addicts who want to be recovering.

The linked article raises a couple of concerns about what will happen to people chasing the high when they can't get it from cocaine. Such concerns, although valid, are fairly minor when compared to the good such a vaccine could achieve.

The real concerns, as I see it, are likely to be moral. Should this come about there will almost certainly be discussion at some point as to just how 'voluntary' this treatment should be. This moral issue will only grow as more vaccines are available for other drugs which can cause instant aggressiveness. Should we force criminal addicts (who steal and possibly injure people to obtain money for a fix) to get vaccinated as part of their punishment, or should it be the entire punishment. What about everyday Joe's who come up positive in a random drugs test at work? (OK, so we don't have those over here, but I know it's an issue in some countries).

In short, where should we draw the line?

It may be argued that similar drugs for alcohol have never been forced on anybody, although strictly speaking the usual anti-alcohol drugs are not vaccines. They simply cause the taker to become extremely sick if they consume the slightest amount of alcohol.

There is also the fact that alcohol tax accounts for a fair portion of most governments' annual budgets. As long as it is seen as a revenue stream it is likely to remain unregulated in this way.

As I see it this will be one more argument for the deregulation of all drugs. Tax them all, ensure a clean supply and use a portion of the income to provide free voluntary vaccinations to those who request it.

A strange attraction

2008-01-11T15:08:00.001+01:00

It seems that a pair of twins, separated at birth, found each other somehow, fell in love and got married, all the time not suspecting in the least that they were related (let alone twins).

But the Liberal Democrat peer Lord Alton, who told the Lords the case had been revealed to him by the judge involved, said the pair had felt an “inevitable attraction”.

No wonder really.

Lord Alton is now calling for the right for children to find the true identity of their birth parents.

This in itself is OK, although I'm not sure I see the need for it myself. But then I am already in touch with my biological family. The problem arises when he starts to justify it on the back of this (pretty isolated) case.

And if you don’t know you are biologically related someone, you may become attracted to them and tragedies like this may occur.”

Well, really. What's the chance of that?

60 million people in the country and he reckons this is going to be a common occurrence. With the low level of children being given up for adoption in western countries these days and the sheer statistical improbabiliy of it all that argument really holds no water. Couple that with the fact that it's actually unlikely to cause any harm.

Sure, inbreeding is not a good thing, and mutations can arise over the course of a number of generations. Most people don't have this sort of family tree though and a one off union is unlikely to produce any major issues.

The best quote of this article though was when they go on to talk about children born with the help of fertility treatment. Because they may not be born into a traditional family unit:

It had said children born through fertility treatment needed a “social network”, not a father and mother.

But that one deserves a post of it's own at a later date ...

Witness Jehovah's wrath

2008-01-10T11:07:00.000+01:00

Two ex-Jehovah witnesses are to speak out about why they became atheists.

"We're hiding, sort-of," says Ann. "If my family found out about this, I don't know if they'd talk to me anymore," says Ann. "Ben's family doesn't know about it. And the religion we came from could track us down and get us in trouble."

This fear of familial repercussions is a common theme amongst ex-JWs. I have an uncle who was a leading light in the JW for may years. These days he's set on promoting creationism. All this from a man of science.

Many years back though, when his children were growing up he removed one of them from school because the apocalypse was due and there was obviously no point in learning history and maths when the world was about to end. That decision has obviously affected his son for the rest of his life. One of his other sons has basically been disowned for leaving the church.

Witnesses are allowed to lie to non-JW folk, and even to other JWs if they are of lower standing.

(QUALIFIED TO BE MINISTERS (1967 edition), p. 197.) The Society actually teaches Jehovah's Witnesses to cover-up or lie about certain facts. They call this tactic -- Theocratic War Strategy. The Watchtower instructs Jehovah's Witnesses that, "As a soldier of Christ he is in theocratic warfare and he must exercise added caution when dealing with God's foes. Thus the Scriptures show that for the purpose of protecting the interest of God's cause, it is proper to hide the truth from God's enemies." (WATCHTOWER, June 1, 1960, p. 352.)

How is it possible that anybody can be drawn to a religion which admits that it will lie to them with impunity if it means they gain a convert?

No, really. I want to know. Answers on a postcard please.

Surely it could never happen here

2008-01-09T12:31:00.000+01:00

I am currently in the middle of reading The Secret Hunters by Ranulph Fiennes. For those who don't know who this is he is an interesting character: a British adventurer who was the first man to visit both poles by land and has written a number of books. His wikipedia page is here, where I've also just learned that he was up for the role of James Bond at one point.

The book revolves around a man who was Jewish by birth and is trying to track down his family's wartime killers. It is well written although at times it can be extremely distressing as there are fairly graphic descriptions of atrocities at Auschwitz and in Rwanda. The book itself is supposedly non-fiction and based on a document he discovered in an antarctic hut.

At one point there are a couple of paragraphs about how he believes a nation can slide into the genocide of friends and neighbours.

The conditions necessary to create a genocidal mind-set within any given population are a depressed economy, uneven distribution of wealth, the existence of an identifiable minority, the strong political ambition of an oppressor group, and impunity. On top of all that, the genocidal leadership needs a base of social deprivation and tension which it can exploit to it's own evil ends. It must excite a sense of unjust suffering among the masses, and focus the resultant anger against a specific group.

And a little further on:

The level of education of the relevant population probably defines the level of sophistication required to mobilise them as killers ... Normally it needs the justification of a 'war' to convince us to join bands of killers.

When I read this it seemed there were a frightening number of comparisons between Nazi Germany, Rwanda and the state of the UK and America today. The minority in our case would likely be immigrant Muslims.

With high levels of unemployment, resentment against immigrants, falling standards of education and an ongoing "war on terror" (I hate that phrase!) is it really such a stretch of the imagination that such atrocities could happen much closer to home?

We have already seen the patriot act in the States and the various Terrorism Acts in the UK. Brown has been calling for extended holding periods for prisoners. Political correctness abounds so that citizens have to walk on eggshells around immigrants while not being granted the same courtesies. The media delights in reporting stories which support all of this - Mohammed the teddy bear being a recent example and it's all tied together under the wonderful title of 'multiculturalism'.

Now I happen to think that the laws of the land should be adhered to in most cases. This rule should of course be ignored when those laws allow for human rights abuse (and I mean genuine human rights abuse, not forcing a drug dealer to leave his comfy cell. The longer we continue on this path the stronger the hold of parties such as the BNP and, to a lesser extent, the UK independence party, although many of their suggestions have been quite sensible and widely misquoted). How far past that is it before we see a massive increase in racially motivated killings and the violence spirals out of control?

Time to start saving for that private island methinks.

It's just a theory

2007-12-22T21:51:00.000+01:00

From dictionary.com

the·o·ry /ˈθiəri, ˈθɪəri/ [thee-uh-ree, theer-ee]
–noun, plural -ries.

1. a coherent group of general propositions used as principles of explanation for a class of phenomena: Einstein's theory of relativity.
2. a proposed explanation whose status is still conjectural, in contrast to well-established propositions that are regarded as reporting matters of actual fact.
3. Mathematics. a body of principles, theorems, or the like, belonging to one subject: number theory.
4. the branch of a science or art that deals with its principles or methods, as distinguished from its practice: music theory.
5. a particular conception or view of something to be done or of the method of doing it; a system of rules or principles.
6. contemplation or speculation.
7. guess or conjecture.

I am getting really quite bored of explaining to fundamentalist creationist (sorry, "intelligent design") nutjobs about the difference between definition 1 above and definitions 2, 6 and 7.

To clarify, the theory of evolution falls under definition 1. It has been peer reviewed, observed and documented. It is the basis for much of our medical knowledge - if you don't believe in evolution I suggest you don't bother with vaccinations! - and is as close to a law as you can get. To argue that it is anything else is playing fast and loose with the English language (something I don't like at the best of times).

Creationism or ID, on the other hand, falls firmly under definition 6 or 7, and even then I think it is overly generous to call it a theory. I would suggest the term hypothesis used in the sense "a mere assumption or a guess". There is zero evidence to back this up and it is so far outside the realm of science that it belongs firmly in the fantasy section of your local bookshop.

If you want to be taken remotely seriously with these hypotheses I suggest you find a more stable argument than mere semantics.

No fairy tales here

2007-12-18T10:36:00.000+01:00

It seems that the BBC has censored The Pogue's "Fairytale of New York" for fear of offending homosexuals.

The offending lines are:

You scumbag, you maggot you cheap lousy faggot,
Happy Christmas your arse I pray God It's our last.

The Beeb, in their infinite wisdom, have decided that the term "faggot" needs to be bleeped for fear they offend the gay community.

What a load of politically correct garbage!!

Has anybody actually asked the gay community if they feel offended? Given that the song is 20 years old I'm fairly sure that, with the possible exception of a few gay Mary Whitehouses, they don't give a rat's arse. If they did I'm sure we'd have heard about it before now as the song appears on just about every Christmas compilation from the last 20 years and is played to death every Christmas regardless of whether there is a campaign to get it to the #1 slot or not.

Interestingly, Marrion Webster defines it as follows:

Main Entry: fag·got
Pronunciation: \ˈfa-gət\
Function: noun
Etymology: earlier and dialect, contemptuous word for a woman or child, probably from 1fagot
Date: 1914

usually disparaging : a male homosexual

So it was originally an unpleasant name for a woman or child - perhaps Auntie is being sensitive about the wrong demographic.

Apart from that what about these lines:

You're a bum
You're a punk
You're an old slut on junk
Lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed

Can we really let that "old slut on a junk" line contribute the the moral bankruptcy of our once great nation. Is it not offensive to sluts? Failing that is it not encouraging children to become sluts? Or something else bad, and involving children to make it seem worse?

On a completely unrelated note, here is the link to the BBC complaints page, should anybody feel the urge to comment on anything over the festive season.

Swedish chubby porn

2007-12-17T13:30:00.000+01:00

Staying with the Local for a moment they tell us that Swedish women are getting fatter. That should disappoint all you people who end up on this blog because you've been searching for "Swedish porn" as you obviously have a distorted image of what Swedes look like and get up to.

For those people I refer you back to my original post on the matter and I hope that clears up any misconceptions you may have without being too disappointing.

The study reports that since 2004 the percentage of obese Swedish women has risen from 11% to 14%. As an ardent admirer of the female form I think I can probably confirm this. My first visit to Sweden was in 1999 and since that time I have seen an increasing trend towards chubby women. Of course this hasn't helped by the fashion trends where, for some strange reason, women seem to want to squeeze all their spare fat out into a small gap between a tight top and their belt.

Ladies, let me do you a favour now and tell you the spare tyre look does not turn most men on (yes, I know there are exceptions).

It's not difficult to see why this is happening. The national dish of meatballs has come dangerously close to being supplanted by a big mac and fries.

Odd though that men do not seem to be following the same trend - the statistics for males have remained roughly stable over the same time period (admittedly they are worse as a group, they're just not getting worse).

Leo's Swedish penectomy

2007-12-17T13:22:00.000+01:00

It's political correctness gone mad. In response to protests from women the Swedish army has removed the lion's penis from it's emblem.

While the Local incorrectly calls this a castration either way you look at it it's insane. I especially like this quote:

"The army lacks knowledge about heraldry. Once upon a time coats of arms containing lions without genitalia were given to those who betrayed the Crown," said Sagerlund.

So far I haven't been able to ascertain how much this process has cost the taxpayer but I'd love to know.

A child is for life ... !

2007-12-12T17:46:00.000+01:00

It seems a Dutch couple have handed back their 7 year old adopted daughter because

she didn't "fit in" with their life-style.

I'm not sure I could be any angrier about anything right now. OK, so it's the daily mail, a decidedly dubious source, so I checked it out in other papers.

International Herald Tribune
Reuters
MSNBC

There are plenty more papers that have picked it up too so it appears to be a genuine case.

From the Reuters' article:

"The diplomat gave no explanation for his decision except to say 'the adoption had gone wrong'," the paper reported.

How does an adoption 'go wrong' precisely? The answer, of course, is that it doesn't. The couple have simply discovered that they can have children after all and are no longer interested in their "fake" adopted child.

"A dog is for life, not just for Christmas" has been used as an effective advertising slogan to prevent people from buying pets for their kids which turn out to be a nine day wonder. Perhaps we need a similar campaign for children.

I'm sure it is my adoptee status which makes this a particularly sensitive subject for me but I have two brothers, one is adopted, the other is "real" (a phrase we used to use as children to make the distinction, and not meant in any way to be derogatory towards anybody). Not only is the youngest real, but he came as somewhat of a surprise. I don't imagine for one fraction of a second that my parents (and that is what they are) regretted adopting myself or my other brother.

That anybody could even consider this shows they have a total lack of character and respect for others.

They are obviously totally unsuitable diplomats and I would like to call for them to be stripped of their diplomatic status immediately and returned to their own country in disgrace.

An open letter to Richard Dawkins from Father Christmas

2007-12-11T22:05:00.000+01:00

Dear Mr. Dawkins

As I sat in the pub the other night sharing a couple of pints with a good friend of mine, we'll call him Jaycee for the purposes of this mail, he mentioned that I might want to look out for you. We both have a number of responsibilities in the run up to Christmas culminating in a busy day or so around Christmas itself and these could be made considerably more difficult should a well respected author such as yourself choose to discredit us at this, our busiest time of year. It would inevitably lead to a severe drop in custom and, for my part, a number of redundancies within the toy industry.

So this is a plea to bear in mind the consequences of any expose you may be planning into my supposed non-existence. I depend on a very high turnover to maintain a rather slim profit margin and should this drop, for example as a result of a diminishing number of children who actually believe in me, then it will hit the business hard and the people that suffer most will be those children who have maintained their faith during the hard times. Them and the elves, who will struggle to support their families on benefits (although elves tend to breed like rabbits and have large families so are likely to be provided for rather well under the British system, I hope you are prepared for a new immigrant minority in the country).

Perhaps if you do feel the need to spread rumours about my mythological status you could wait until January, when I will be holidaying in the Bahamas. That should at least give the controversy a chance to blow over before the Christmas rush begins anew around October.

I hope I can count on your co-operation in this matter and that I will be able to assure Jaycee when I see him next week that you are capable of compassion towards those amongst us who have the misfortune to be "existence challenged". I know that he would certainly take it as a good sign, if not a sign of good faith.

Sincerely yours

K. Kringle Esq.

Why do we still have infant male circumcision?

2007-12-10T18:04:00.000+01:00

Season 4 of Desperate Housewives dealt with this often disregarded issue. One of the main characters actually snuck out to have a child circumcised behind her husband's back because he found it barbaric.

My question is why do more people not find it barbaric?

Science Daily published a piece the other day on just this subject and I'd like to present a few highlights (click on the link for the full article).

There is now rarely a therapeutic indication for infant circumcision

So why do we have it? Usually for religious reasons. If we accept that female circumcision is unacceptable why should a similar procedure on males be consdered not only acceptable but desirable?

Male genital mutilation is not a risk-free procedure, he adds. Far from being a harmless traditional practice, circumcision damages young boys.

It is an unnecessary surgical procedure. People who inflict these on their children are said to have Munchausen by proxy. Again I ask why is this an exception.

Male circumcision is not illegal anywhere in the world. It is a choice that parents will make on behalf of their male children, for cultural or other reasons, and regulating its provision is the wisest course of action, she concludes.

This would appear to say that cultural child abuse is acceptable. I question what is meant by 'other reasons' as religion would fall under the banner of cultural.

Barring the very few genuine medical cases where this procedure may be reccommended by a doctor there is no reason in an enlightened society to continue with this.

The golden moral compass

2007-12-06T20:34:00.001+01:00

The anti-catholic league is up in arms about the flim adaptation of Philip Pullman's "The Golden Compass" and are calling for a boycott of the film because, they claim, it is an attack on religion.

Well, good!

What makes religion so special that it is above criticism? I'm sure there are plenty of catholics speaking out about Mohammad the teddy bear. Then these same people turn around and cry "no fair" when somebody dares to criticise their religion.

I don't remember atheists calling for a boycott of C.S. Lewis' "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe". Perhaps that was a mistake though, maybe we should have. Of course then we would have been "anti-faith", despite the fact I am always told by the religious that atheism is a faith position too (something I heartily refute, incidentally).