‘The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorised from “Tiresome” to a “Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

The Scots raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the frontline in the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide”. The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France ‘s white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country’s military capability.

It’s not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout loudly and excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat operations” and “Change Sides.”

The Germans also increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose”.

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

New Zealand has also raised its security levels – from “baaa” to “BAAAA!”. Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the air force being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister’s bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is “****, I hope Australia will come and rescue us”.

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be right, mate”. Two more escalation levels remain, “Crikey!, I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend” and “The barbie is cancelled”. So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

Yesterday I came across such a beautiful game though, that I after playing the demo (which is only 3 levels) I felt inclined to buy it. Since I usually make wild, spontaneous purchases, I even decided to sleep on it.

Mechinarium is not a high speed, all action type game. Instead, it is a simple point and click puzzle game (although the puzzles are lovely). The artwork is truly beautiful.  Each level you are presented with a mainly static background picture, in which you have to guide a little robot in search of items that may be of use to it to solve that particular problem.  There are little visual clues in the form of animated scenes when you enter each new place. Items can be found and used either individually or combined.

The entire concept is fantastically simple, the puzzles engaging and along with a haunting soundtrack this little game just oozes atmosphere.

You can see what I’ve talking about and try the demo here.

I particularly love the Pizza Express box taped to the fence – couldn’t they find a Jubilee Pizza Box then? I wonder why….?

So – where are the cards and flowers for poor Owen and Tosh then? Hmmm??? WHERE??!!!!!

Special thanks to Zeg for finding this little gem.

I love sandwiches. Even when they explode – like mine just has…

I even have a sandwich related joke…

Q: Why are you never hungry at the beach?

A: Because of all the Sand which is there.

Phones will be off, doors locks and food/beverage fully stocked up.

Do not attempt to contact me in any way as I will completely ignore you.

Nothing personal.

SQUUUUEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A LEGENDARY SMAK!!!!

Share your cleverness in the world of Dozey…

STICKY DOZEY WALL OF WISDOM AND STRANGE

The reason for all this was due to my lack of Broadband for THREE months last year, not to mention two weeks without a landline at all while trying to change to the company he represented! To top it all, in a last ditch attempt to get get connected we eventually had to throw ourselves on the mercy of Uncle BT again (even through we were charged £116 to re-provide an existing phone line! GRR – oh the pain is still bubbling beneath the surface….)  He made the mistake of telling me it was the other company’s fault. I’m not normally a violent person – however, deny me Broadband and I turn into a meat cleaver wielding homicidal maniac!

“Begone!” I cried.  “Take your foul non-service from my sight!”  He fled midway through my rant. And he dodged the boot I threw at him!

Click on this so that your little tonsils can take a well deserved rest….