The Dragonfly's tales

Breathe in....Breathe out...one breath at a time you'll make it through this life

noreply@blogger.com (Elinor Cohen) — Sun, 03 Jan 2010 11:50:00 +0000

10 years ago today the world lost a very special person, a true angel, and I lost a friend, a (cyber)sister.
On Januray 3rd 2000 Jackie, aka Snowdaughter, Drew her last breath on this earth. She was 36. Jackie jad Celiac Sprue and all her systems were crashing. She made it her goal to live to see the new millenium and she did. She celebrated the entry of the year 2000 with her husband Don, and 3 days later decided she had enough.

Jackie touched so many lives in her short life. she she doesn't know it but she is responsible for the fact that the past decade was the decade of most growth and learning in my life. Without her lessons and presence in my life (even for just a short while) I wouldn't be the person I am today, I wouldn't know the things I know today. She was a true life coach without even realizing she was one. She is the one who taught me and many others to break down our life and tasks into goals and go out there to achieve them. Jackie chose everything about her life and didn't let anyone - not even fate - dictate anything. She even chose her name (after the song "Jackie Blue").

She was a cyberangel (because most of her life and relationship were done through the web), she was my cybersis (because she was in Nikiski Alaska and I am in Israel), she was a beautiful person, a special unique light being.

Shortly before her death she couldn't even go up the stairs to her computer to talk to her friends. But Jackie was not one to give up. This is what she wrote:
"Hey Attitude Central!

I got up and said I WILL make it up those confounded stairs to be with my friends! (All of YOU!) I found my smile, and my sense of humour where I had dropped it by my computer chair!
Most of all I found everything I cherish when I logged in here! Thank you ALL! ~ ....yeah, life’s been rough this summer, but what I need is a good kick to help me fight the pain and the feeling that life as I know it is getting shorter.
THIS IS not a pity party, just need some attitude boost to help me through!
This is the one place I KNOW can provide that! I got positive rock n roll playing, and I'm moving to the beat! Someone dance with me!-
~ snowdaughter"

Jackie's one wish was never to be forgotten. Well my darling, you weren't forgotten. You AREN'T forgotten!

Your teachings and lesson live with me every day of my life.

Thank's sis!

This one goes out to you - wherever you may be!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v31wwyteRqo

to learn more about Jackie go to: http://www.snowdaughter.com

Life Choices and Living with them – “problem seekers” Vs. “Solutions makers”

noreply@blogger.com (Elinor Cohen) — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 11:52:00 +0000

You’ve probably heard before that life is all about the choices we make and that “the best way to make God laugh is to tell him about your plans”. Judging from my own experience…. God must laugh a whole lot!

So, when life doesn’t really go according to your plans…. What do you do? Are you a problem seeker or a solution maker? The difference between the two types is pretty simple!

Are you a problem maker?
- Are you worried a lot?
- Do you usually look at the negative aspect of things?
- Do you always foresee problems that might arise if you do this or that?
- Do you find yourself looking for someone / something to blame when things don’t go according to plan?
- Do you often find yourself in the position of a victim? Feeling like the world’s against you? Thinking that someone/something ruined your life?
- Do you often find yourself without a “plan B”?
- Do you panic easily when your plans fail/change?
- Do you tend to depend on other people?
- Do you get mad at these other people when they don’t work according to your plans and/or expectations?
- Do you get discouraged and paralyzed by fear/anger/panic when plans change/fail?

If you see yourself in the above questions, chances are you are a problem seeker…. That's the “bad news”. The good news is that you’re very normal! In fact you’re like most people in this world!
The “really good news” is that you can learn how to become a “solution maker”!

So what is the key to shifting your view and focus in life from “problems” to “solutions”? Very simply put: RESPONSIBILITY!

Now, you might be thinking “That’s a heavy word!” but it shouldn’t be. All it means is that you have to take the responsibility for the choices you make. You have to be ABLE TO RESPOND (Response Ability) to whatever life puts on your plate. That’s all. And believe me – it’s NOT as hard as it seems, but it does take a little practice.

That said let’s go over the keys to “solution making”:
- Be prepared! Have a plan B.
- Don’t depend on other people – other people have their own life choices to make and they do not owe you anything! If you depend on them and their choices don’t match your plans – don’t be surprised!
- If you have to depend on other people – have a plan B! and a C and a D if possible!
- Be prepared to pay the price and make the necessary trade-offs! Some times the solution is very simple and at hand if you are only willing to make a trade-off. Yes, it might not be the ideal solution but nevertheless it IS a solution and will allow you to move on, rather than be stuck in a negative mood with a problem on your hands!
- Respond to challenges rather than React. Reactions are emotional, they will usually make you panic, get mad, frustrated and therefore unable think clearly and act.
- ACT! Don’t sit still and cry over spilled milk! Don’t wallow in your misery and don’t be a victim! Act, change your plans as needed!
- Be Flexible! We live in a dynamic world. Reality is not a fixed thing. The true meaning of “create your own reality” is actually “be flexible, change yourself and your plans as needed and be responsible!”
- Keep it simple! Life doesn’t have to be complicated! It sure isn’t if you don’t make it so!

Remember: True freedom goes hand in hand with responsibility. When you respond to challenges, when you make your own choices without depending on others, when you act upon your choices and take responsibility for them rather than blaming others for your failures – then you are truly free! If you continue to behave like a victim, if you continue to look for who or what to blame, if you continue to be stagnant and soak in your own misery – you will forever be trapped in the emotional prison of negativity.

If you continue to seek the problems – they will continue to find you!

Instead – Make your own solutions and treat every change as a challenge and an opportunity to learn and grow!

Good luck!

Clearing the clutter, making the space...

noreply@blogger.com (Elinor Cohen) — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 16:26:00 +0000

This post is inspired by 2 things:
1. A certain process I am going through now (I am deliberately not specifying now).
2. a great post entitled: "Space...The final frontier?" by Richard Derwent Cooke, a great writer, coach and a friend of mine on Ecademy.

I went through something that was less than pleasant yesterday (emotionally) but it had to be done and experienced and I am glad I heard some things. Later in the afternoon I came across Richard's post on Ecademy. I almost started crying (I'm known for having "loose taps in my eyes" lol). The line that struck me most was: I would urge you to be ruthless in creating a little space, be it mental, temporal or physical, in your life and let yourself breathe a little and gain a fresh perspective on what is important.

That is exactly where I stand now - at the point where I have to be ruthless and make my space, or rather - reclaim it. But it is not just the space that needs to be reclaimed. Sure enough, there is emotional clutter in my life (and physical clutter in my house - you know how these two always go together) but even if I de-clutter my life and reclaim my space, it will be an empty one. What I really need to do in addition to de-cluttering is to "hunt myself' and reclaim all the little bits and pieces of energy I had left behind in other places and people. Reclaim my power.

It is easier said than done. The part where one has to be "ruthless" is the hard part. Ruthless is NOT cruel. You can be a good hearted person, a helping and loving person and still be ruthless. In many ways this is the only way to survive, and the only way to really give to others and help them. Only by being ruthless can you really teach others lessons they need so much to learn.

I am asked sometimes - how come you can help so many people, coach them, guide them, mentor them, counsel them....and yet you yourself have problems, you're suffering.... well folks, that next part might sound like a sales promotion but that is exactly why you need help. That is exactly why you need a coach, or a therapist, or a good clever friend, or a wise mother, or a grandmother or someone like Richard that writes just the right thing in the right time.... because we tend to tell ourselves stories, we all tend to choose the easy ways out of efforts and responsibilities... we need someone to show us where we go wrong and light up the path ahead so that we can select our next move wisely and from a place of knowledge.

So I wish to thank Richard in this post for lighting up my path and helping me make the decision that needed to be made, as painful as it may be for me right now. Because if I do not put myself back in the first place in my priorities, if I do not reclaim my space and my power.... I will not be able to survive. I will be so drained and so worn out that I will simply disappear.

If you feel that any of these words strikes a chord with you, I suggest you do the same and think about how you can reclaim your space right now.

Feelings, chapter 3 - Partnertship

noreply@blogger.com (Elinor Cohen) — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 07:08:00 +0000

Partnership is not a feeling - it's a word.... a noun.... but it involves and generates a large array of feelings.

Ask yourself this: what does "partnership" really mean to you?

To me the first thing that pops up is the word "Part". A partner takes part in something with me. There are silent partners and non silent partners, there are business partners and life partners and so on but, what characterizes all of them is that that they are all part of something with someone else.

However, there is a huge difference between being part of something and taking part in something.

For me a true partner is one who takes an active part in what we are supposed to be doing together. I realized, throughout my life, that most people don't pay much attention to this difference. Many people believe that you can also be an inactive partner, perhaps contributing a minor effort (if any) to a project, putting your name on it and voila! you are a "partner". This is why, even as a child at school I always avoided doing projects in a "team". I always ended up being the one that does the work while the others got the grades...

This difference of "being" a part and "taking" part is the difference between a helper and an annex, between active and passive, it is what makes a team really work well together and a project really succeed.

I believe it is important to comprehend and remember it because whether the project is finishing a task at work or family life with your spouse this is exactly what will make it succeed or fail in the long run - are you taking part in your own life? Are you fully and actively participating in your own life?

Next time you feel frustrated, unhappy, scared... try to think of the situation you are in and see if you are taking an active part in it, or perhaps there are other people involved who are not pitching in, not taking an active part....

To be continuted...

Cat memories and loving

noreply@blogger.com (Elinor Cohen) — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 07:24:00 +0000

Many people think cats do not "show love as dogs" or that they are "not loyal"
They also think cats (or animals at all for that matter) do not have a good memory or at least "memory" in the sense we, humans, refer to it....

take a look at this and then... go to the nearest shelter and adopt a kitty :)

Feelings - the sequal (or: "Today I'm Feeling....")

noreply@blogger.com (Elinor Cohen) — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 08:01:00 +0000

I was going to write about my feelings yesterday but never had the chance. Mainly I as confused, but that's passed and now I am ok.

Today, however, I am feeling: disappointed. Now, I bet you thought I was going to start my whole "getting back in synch with my feelings" thing with ...Love. It would be the natrual, common, conventional choice, wouldn't it? that one little feeling (or big, depending on how you look at it and what you feel right now) that gives us all a great deal of trouble! But unconventional me is going to talk about my disappointment.

Disappointment can often be misleading. You can be disappointed but think you're sad, or angry, or despaired... you can be disappointed with yourself but project it on others. It is not at all a simple feeling to have or deal with.

Yesterday, as I said, I felt confused. I thought I was angry with a specific person, someone from my past. Truth is I am not angry with that person and never was - I was disappointed in him. I expected more and different things from him and he failed to deliver.

But then I started wondering: has he really "failed"? Is it not possible that I projected unto this person expectations that stem from some ideal picture or fantasy I weaved in the darkest corners of my mind, and simply expected himt o know what I wanted from him?

Yes, of course it is possible. Not only that, but it is also probable. I tend to be somewhat of a dreamer and fantasize and wish for things that cannot happen in reality, or at least in my given reality. In that sense that person hasn't failed. He was simply being himself, and i am the one who failed to see him as he truly was and to accept him as he truly was.

It is now time to be disappointed in myself for my poor handling of some situations with this particular person. So the feeling hasn't changed, it just shifted focus.

I'm still processing this one. It gets mixed with other forms and focal points of disappointment that I am experiencing today about myself and some of the people around me in the present.

Right now it is a very burning sensation that makes my mood swing from being very combatant and fisety one moment to being paralyzed and depressed the next (and no I am not bi-polar. One doesn't have to be bi-polar to experience such mood swings and/or feelings).

Feelings - are you in synch with yours?

noreply@blogger.com (Elinor Cohen) — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 15:02:00 +0000

Ok... I admit this sounds like a total cliché (yes I laughed too when I first thought about "getting back in touch with my feelings") but bear with me for a moment while I try to explain what I am doing here.

This post is the result of a conversation I had with my coach, Michal, yesterday.

The issue is this: I am a very sensitive person (water sign - cancer - what did you expect? :-p) and yet I keep my feelings and thoughts towards others bottled up inside. Many of us do. How many times have you been angry with someone or disappointed but never said a word? I am guessing most of the readers would at this point smile to themselves and nod.... yes, it's happened to all of us, hasn't it?

We're soooooo good at holding complete arguments in our minds, we say to the other person everything we want to and how they make us feel and what we are experiencing...and we are soooo good at imagining and guessing what the other person would then answer us and we prepare our counter answer in advance. Oh yes, we're the world's best debaters/talker/conversationalists.... in the safety of our minds.

But when it comes to going out there and actually vocalizing what we feel, what we think, we avoid that like a fire. Usually we are afraid of the conflict that might arise, or afraid of rejection, or of the way we will be perceived by others.... but what happens then is that this feeling stays bottled up inside us and no - the inner talk does not resolve it, does not "process" it. If anything it "over processes" it - we keep running the scenarios over and over in our minds, we repeat the argument or speech so many times we know it by heart, we start dreaming about it (even if we don't remember it) and soon enough, we are relating to the other person, in our actions and daily interactions, as we would in the argument, often without the other person even realizing he or she have upset us in some way. This can also happen with "good" feelings such as love and passion and not just with the "bad" ones (anger, sadness etc.). Sometimes we love someone and we're afraid to tell them....

You know what happens next, don't you? We erupt at some point, just like a big old volcano. We blow up so hard - spewing out everything we've bottled up inside and burning and burying everything and everyone in our path of destruction.

Can you imagine how many such "over processed" feelings you are carrying inside you at any given moment? Can you count the number of people you feel them towards (just imagine current and past lovers, friends you've lost touch with, past colleagues...)? Can you even begin to realize how much energetic "garbage" you are holding inside you?

So when my coach and I spoke about getting in touch with my feelings again, befriending them, I at first thought "oh no.... that old cliché" but then I started thinking about it and the first thing that came to my mind is - write! write about those feelings, write TO those feelings... I bet Michal didn't expect me to do it on a public blog though :-D

So I shall try to befriend my emotions and feelings, see what they're about, try to remind myself why they showed up and why I never let them out and who knows, I might even come up with a technique to ventilate them once a while without my volcano erupting :)

Something a little different - Cheap hosting and free domain name

noreply@blogger.com (Elinor Cohen) — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 05:55:00 +0000

Free websites are great but the problem will always be that your site can be deleted at any time. In addition it is hard to make a backup of those free sites and then restore them. I have seen many sites and hard work go down the drain because people wanted to save out on paying a few dollar.
Believe me, it is a good investment to have your own domain. Some let you pay through paypal so you do not need a creditcard. If you start advertising on your website, like google ads you may even get some extra income or play even on your website costs.
Here are 2 hosting companies we recommend:

StartLogic - Great host, good service and good deals
1and1.com - cheap hosting, free domain name

Finding my power and reclaiming it

noreply@blogger.com (Elinor Cohen) — Sat, 01 Dec 2007 12:11:00 +0000

Well it's been a rough week and I haven't written in ages. I haven't had much time for "fun" or for my health this week and in fact I broke down badly on Monday. My diet support group leader sends us SMS messages several times a week to keep us motivated... This Monday she sent a message simply asking "how's it going? are you keeping to the program?" and I replied (I usually do not reply to these messages) "yes, keeping to the program and yet letting myself down, not living up to my own expectations". As soon as I hit the "send" button on my phone, I burst into tears (and I was in the office - NOT a good place to break down!) She immediately called me but I had no time to talk, then she had no time and we tried emailing but Murphy's law kicked in and there was a problem with her email and nothing went through....

I felt very miserable. I did pick myself up, as I always do, and I went on and kept to the program as best I could and I DID lose quite a bit of weight this week BUT I still feel like I am not living up to my own expectations (especially in the sense that I cannot find the time and the energy to exercise).

And then it got me thinking... When I did my homework for the coaching course I am taking we had to answer several "in depth" questions with the technique of the "popping answer" (the first thing that pops into your mind, however absurd or strange it might seem). These are questions that are part of the value identification process and I came up with some very interesting answers and values that derived from them but the most interesting one was a word that never appeared in any of my lists before (we've been doing value identification for a few meetings now in the course). That word was "power". Not physical power but intense energy power. It came through stories of my life I suddenly remembered and it was a reminder of my "weakest link".... my own power. I later confirmed it and worked on it further with my coach.

Ever since I can remember myself, even as a little girl I was a powerful being. I did things other people don't do, I thought differently, I sounded differently... I WAS different (and not in a bad way lol). But I have also noticed along the way, that when unleashed with no boundaries or limits, that power was a fire that burnt everything and everyone in its path. I lost friendships that way, relationships and I taught myself to subdue this power, to hide it. In fact, like the dragon int he legend, I had manged to hide it so well and so deep that I have become a mere dragonfly, forgetting my true power, my true essence and that power all concentrated inside of me started consuming me from inside.

That revelation or insight that came to me this week tells me that it is time to unleash my power again, but this time I need to teach myself moderation. I also came to realize that what I miss most in my life at the moment is quiet. Both physical quiet - actually "hearing no sound" and mental. emotional, energetic quiet. With my hectic schedule it is very hard to find or create this quiet but it is my task for the week to try.

So for the next week I need to do 2 things:

find my power and regain it
create quiet in my life even just for a few moments every day

So...why dragonfly?

noreply@blogger.com (Elinor Cohen) — Sat, 17 Nov 2007 08:40:00 +0000

Dragonfly is one of my personal animal totems. When my mother did the animal totem reading for me (using the native American medicine cards) the totem of "within", i.e my core, my essence, who I am, turned out to be.... dragonfly.

This is what the book says about dragonfly:

Dragonfly ...
Breaks illusions,
Brings visions of power,
No need to prove it,
Now is the hour!
Know it, believe it,
Great Spirit intercedes,
Feeding you, blessing you,
Filling all your needs.

Dragonfly medicine is of the dreamtime and the illusionary facade we accept as physical reality. The iridescence of Dragonfly's wings reminds us of colors not found in our everyday experience. Dragonfly's shifting of color, energy, form, and movement explodes into the mind of the observer, bringing vague memories of a time or place where magic reigned.
Some legends say that Dragonfly was once Dragon, and that Dragon had scales like Dragonfly's wings. Dragon was full of wisdom, and flew through the night bringing light with its fiery breath. The breath of Dragon brought forth the art of magic and the illusion of changing form. Then Dragon got caught in its own facade. Coyote tricked Dragon into changing form, and the shape of its new body became like Dragonfly's. In accepting the challenge to prove its power and magical prowess, Dragon lost its power.
Dragonfly is the essence of the winds of change, the messages of wisdom and enlightenment, and the communications from the elemental world. This elemental world is made up of the tiny spirits of plants, and of the elements air, earth, fire, and water. In essence, this world is full of nature spirits.
If Dragonfly has flown into your cards today, you may have forgotten to water your plants. On another level, you may need to give thanks to the foods you eat for sustaining your body. On the psychological level, it may be time to break down the illusions you have held that restrict your actions or ideas.
Dragonfly medicine always beckons you to seek out the parts of your habits which you need to change. Have you put on too much weight, or have you started to look like a scarecrow? Have you tended to the changes you have wanted to make in your life? If you feel the need for change, call on Dragonfly to guide you through the mists of illusion to the pathway of transformation.
See how you can apply the art of illusion to your present question or situation, and remember that things are never completely as they seem.
(From the book: Medicine Cards - The Discovery of Power Through the Ways of Animals by Jamie Sams & David Carson)

See the card itself here: http://www.planetdeb.net/spirit/dragonfly.htm

So you see, this is the bottom line, I am a Dragon who forgot she's a Dragon... I live in the illusion of being powerless when in fact... I have all the power in the world. The power to dream, to make changes, to help others see through THEIR illusions and break these chains. Now in a time of change in my own life the symbol of the dragonfly is what I need to rely on most, to constantly remind me that I am, in fact, a Dragon.

Read more about dragonfly here: http://www.birdclan.org/dragonfly.html

First post of the Dragonfly tales

noreply@blogger.com (Elinor Cohen) — Sat, 17 Nov 2007 06:37:00 +0000

Hello dear readers!

I am Elinor and I am from Israel and I just started this blog. I have another blog that hasn't been updated in ages. I decided to start a new blog to go with the new life I am constructing for myself.

What new life, you may ask. Well... I decided the time has come for a major change in my life. A change that will encompass all areas of my life - my career, my health and body image and just about anything and everything else. The reason? I am fed up with it as it is, I am unhappy and I am not doing what is good for ME. I have become so entangled with caring for everyone else around me that I have forgotten to take care of ME, to prioritize things so that I come first. There was no more joy and no more magic in my life and for a person like me, who is less than your average conformist, the mediocrity of my life, my becoming part of "the herd" is a big NO NO.

So time to change! The first thing I did was to look for something to study. I am an eternal student and if I had the funds to study all my life and do nothing else I'd be the happiest person alive. So I found a few courses given at my work place (a university - can't really stay too far from them) and I chose the one that seemed most interesting to me and that potential for a career change later - Coaching. That is Life Coaching.

I have always been a mentor and counselor to everyone around me and it comes naturally to me so I figured I might as well attach a certificate to it, learn a few more tools and make money of it! Ha! simple, right? NOT!!!! As soon as I enrolled, even before the course started, I started doing what I always do when I study something - I started to research! I looked for extra classes, more methods, materials to read about it, forums to post on and I found a wealth of methods and people who are so interesting! I started posting on some forums and very soon confirmed what I had been feeling for a long time - that I need to be coached myself before I do anything with my life!

So I found a great life coach! I love her dearly and I am so grateful for her help until now (and we're just in the middle of the process). Her name is Michal Harari and her English website is: http://www.michalharari.com well worth a visit!

In my coaching course we're also undergoing a coaching process so it's like having 2 coaches....actually I have many coaches now as I am also in touch with various, amazing (!!!) coaches from around the world! Through the process I can't really say I learned anything new about me but I have gained clarity and found the courage in me to make real changes.

One such major example is my decision about career paths. At the beginning of the process I thought I should be looking for another job that will pay me a hell of a lot more than I get now and where I will have more chance of promotion, use more of my abilities and skills and be appreciated more. However, my biggest curse is that I simply studied too many things, I have too many skills and I love them all! That makes it so hard to find something interesting. Everything I found was not interesting enough, I was either overqualified for it, or for the more senior position I may be qualified but lack the years of experience people want to see etc. Very quickly I realized that I have to make my own "dream job".... in other words start my own business and mould it in a way that will allow me to make use of all the skills and areas I love most, to do only those things I LOVE to do!

That was an easy thing to decide on:

I love training people and teaching - I teach English, computer know how and skills, Internet use and I teach and improve learning skills.
I love coaching - I find that more and more every day now.
I love writing and I'm good at it! - I have already written a book for someone as a ghostwriter and I started writing my own fantasy book... I am good at writing academic papers and essays and I can edit and rewrite just about any text ....
I love doing online research and extract information about anything from anywhere possible. I have been told on more than one occasion that I could be a private detective lol. There is almost no one and nothing I cannot find....
And finally.... I am good at translations. Can't say I "love" that one but I am so good and fast at it (been doing it for over 10 years) that I want to include that in my future business as well.

So there you have it...my future business will provide coaching, training and language & information services. How cool is that!

More about this decision and how I am working towards this goal in future posts. After all, I want to use this blog as my journal along the way :)