The Dreamer and The Realist

I'm Back!

2012-01-16T21:15:00.002-06:00

I generally try to be a happy person, and I uber-hate confrontations. But sometimes rainbows and fucking glitter have to take a backseat to fire and brimstone and the half-evil side of me coming out (Mr Realist thinks I need a 333 tattoo). It's why I'm ~~romantically~~ involved with Kisha. I save up some nuggets of brimstone and tongues of flame, and let them all go on Mondays. It's a perfect fucking day to bitch. Mondays suck most of the time.

~ My boss walked in today, after being in Vegas at a Licensing Show, and starts bitching. Gah - I was doing so well, Boss! Just let me do my work and we'll get it fixed! Besides, if you want all this shit done, I'm going to need some help.

~Mr Realist has a doctor's appointment on Thursday...to discuss what he has to do about his newly-discovered diabetes. He's pretty pissed at himself--he did say he's the one that let it get this far; just kept putting off getting healthier, and now it's come back to bite him in the ass.

~There's not much else to bitch about...so far...

I'm going to start doing this more often. :)

Ms D

Well...

2012-01-13T11:35:00.002-06:00

I missed it. A couple of posties ago, it was my 250th post. Doesn't seem like that many, especially when there are those of you who blog every. day.

And are way supercooler than I could ever hope to be (Aunt Bex, anyone).

Anyway, I'm stealing this from the aforementioned auntie.

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before? I submitted several things to Band Back Together. These were the most cathartic things I'd ever done.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Um, no, and no. My aspiration for this year is to lose 25 pounds by September. Think I can do it? Probably.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Nope (thank God). :)

4. Did anyone close to you die? Not close, but my Mumsy's husband died in August.

5. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011? A War Room out of the spare bedroom.

6. What countries did you visit? Do you mean places I didn't visit in my mind? None. Although, we are planning a October trip to the Riviera Maya...

7. What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? They all kinda blend together, LDs.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? I became a beginner at sewing!

9. What was your biggest failure? Two cavaties. What the actual fuck.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Messed up my knees pretty badly playing softball...and I'll play again this year!

11. What was the best thing you bought? The new HD television. Fucking full of WIN! O, that, and the new kitchen table and chairs. ;)

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Husband - he got his blacksmith shop up. Now, for spring to get here so he can get out of my house and make me some stuffs!

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Kim Kardashian. Gays can't get married, but a 72-DAY marriage that was done for the money is ok? Again, what the actual fuck.

14. Where did most of your money go? Miscellaneous crap. Sigh.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? I'm in a book, LDs. Like an actual, paper and ink, bound book. "The Apocalypse of Enoch" comes out June 23rd, 2012. Get it. Read it. Love me.

16. What song will always remind you of 2011? "Last Friday Night" by Katy Perry.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Happier. My meds are in control and they're working like a champ!
ii. thinner or fatter? a smidgen fatter.
.iii. richer or poorer? the same - we make money, we spend money. evensies.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Knitting. Sewing. Cleaning.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Stress out about shit I have no earthly control over.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? “Thank God it’s over.”

21. There was no #21. I don’t know why there was no 21. O well.

22. Did you fall in love in 2011? Every day.

23. How many one-night stands? Only in my head with fictional characters.

24. What was your favorite TV program? New Girl - Zooey Deschanel cracks my shit up!

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?Nope.

26. What was the best book you read? Um...probably The Hunger Games.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? Young the Giant. Check out "My Body" - it's good.

28. What did you want and get? A new watch.

30. What was your favorite film of this year? Hmmm...don't know. Tangled if we're counting ones that we just saw for the first time this year.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 33; we were driving to Phoenix to watch Husband's brother graduate from MMI.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Losing weight?

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011? "Wear what you dig, and fuck the haters."

34. What kept you sane? You're under the assumption that I'm sane now.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Neil Patrick Harris. I will always fancy him, even though he's gay.

36. What political issue stirred you the most? I detest politics and politicians - they're all crooks.

37. Who did you miss? No one - I saw everyone

38. Who was the best new person you met? Ask again later.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011: Don't speed and swerve.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:(God, that seems so MySpace).I just, I can’t. I’m sorry, Meme. (yeah, leaving Aunt Bex's here).

2012-01-10T10:39:00.009-06:00

You know what? People just need to chill the fuck out about those of us who do not have children and do not want children.

There was an anonymous comment left to be moderated on one of my old posts about not having children. I was told that "you really don't know what love is until you have a child." Are you kidding me? So the love that I have for my husband and my family and my friends, that I would DIE for them, isn't enough? I deleted it, but the more I thought about it, the more irritated and angry it made me.

When did you become God and could love with every fibre of your being? You can't tell me that you've never had a cross thought about your kids (if you have them); if you tell me that, you're a liar.

How dare you presume to tell me that my life is not fulfilled enough - you have no idea who I am or what I'm about. There are days that I don't think my life is fulfilled...and it's not due to lack of children. ~I want to go back to school, study all kinds of things--that's what I'm missing.

~I haven't travelled enough - I want to see Europe, Canada, Australia/New Zealand, Egypt.

~I want to have my own space in the home I share with my husband--a place I can paint on the walls, hang posters, write, sing, relax, etc.

Yes, a couple of years ago, the husband and I were trying for kids. But the more it went on, the more discouraged we got, and we started weighing out the pros and cons of having them.

For us, the cons outweighed the pros, so we nixed the idea and just went back to being us.

Assholes.

Back in time...

2012-01-09T13:50:00.002-06:00

LDs, picture yourselves as a young person (age 18-20) in the Southern states, in approximately the 1850s (just before the War). You are courting/being courted by someone who makes your stomach flutter.

Girls - give me some good date ideas (what would make your heart skip a beat).

Guys - where would you take a girl who's father's favour you're hoping for?

I can modify them to fit the time frame.

Thoughts?

Ms D

happy dance

2012-01-08T21:15:00.002-06:00

I had a great day today, LDs. The husband and I headed for Edwardsville around 11am. Browsed:

Books A Million (picked up two)

Ashley Furniture (bought my new kitchen table and two chairs--I LOVE IT!!)

Old Navy (nothing...)

Shoe Carnival (new shoes for the hubs and got some really good information about shoes from the guy who helped us)

Office Depot (nothing...)

Target (looking for a new bedroom fan, but struck out)

Sears (just browsing).

Then we hit up Wasabi for dinner (love love love the sushi), and home. There was a bit of a tiff earlier, but we're good now.

Other than that, we haven't done much this weekend. How was yours?

Ms D

Outfit of the Day...

2012-01-04T13:18:00.003-06:00

OotD 4 January 2012 - Wednesday. Work=blah.
Scarf: belt from a thrifted dress in the exact material.

Shirt: sweatshirt tunic, Lane Bryant. sz 18/20.

Jeans: Apt 9 bootcut. sz 20

Boots: Justin. men’s sz 7 (to fit my calves…)
It’s one of my most comfy outfits, and fits well. And quite possibly the one I’m wearing out to Wild Country next Friday for a bestie’s little brother’s 18th birthday.

I shall do more later. I'm kind of getting into this :)

Lovesies

The Freakin' Plague!!

2012-01-03T09:19:00.007-06:00

Dear LDs, has anyone else spent the last month sick? Not the flu, but I've had a freaking cold since the beginning of December! Finally went to the doctor on Friday, and she scripted me a z-pack and cough syrup with codeine (yay narcotics).... Poor husband finally caught it from me. It was kind of nice spending the entire day yesterday snuggling on the couch and watching Netflix and movies.

Today, I'm in my faborite green sweater & turquoise undershirt, and the necklace my sister got me for Christmas - it goes with everything since it has red, yellow, green, blue, and purple beads and stones in it. I love it and was lusting after it, but didn't have the funds. She's sneaky like that. (pic unavailable...was tired and changed directly into pj's when I got home)

Oh! I did get a couple of things on Pinterest done! One of them is a scarf hanger--take some plastic shower curtain rings, put them on a hanger, hang your scarves on the rings, and Voila! You can hang your scarves in your closet with the rest of your fabulous clothes!

So, what's your damage today, LDs?

New Year's Day

2012-01-01T21:13:00.003-06:00

We celebrated Christmas with my family today. It was nice...ish. I dressed up a bit (new top, bottoms, and necklace), and was surprisingly comfortable - meaning no one commented on my weight! This was my outfit (I had already taken off the necklace, and yes, I am incredibly washed out in this pic) - cowl neck jersey sweater tunic, black leggings (first time ever wearing them like this!), black knee-high hooker boots that I've had for ages. Husband said it was a smokin' hot outfit!

Did get a nice bunch of presents - money, a portable USB charger (for my phone), some more perfume, fabric scissors, an adapter so I can iPod through my car radio...um...a frame ornament, and some hella good cookies (Oma makes enough for a small army).

I did finish the 2011 Book Challenge by Kristin of Dragondreamer's Lair...by one. freaking. book. I almost didn't get it done. I think I'll drop back to 75 for 2012...ouch.

So, how was your New Years' Eve/Day, LDs?

Lovesies!

Roll On 2012

2011-12-30T10:58:00.003-06:00

I am going to try to do better, LDs. I really will.

Even if it means that I'll have to leave an open postbox at all times so I can write what I'm thinking so that you don't get too bored with me.

Even if it means that you send me ideas via email or facebook or twits, tumbls, or pony express, I'll try to do something every other day.

Even if it means just a hello and howareya.

I'm working on 2012 being The Year of the Comfortable. Meaning in my own home (cleaning out); my own space (the War Room WILL get done this year); my own body.

This may turn part fatshion blog. So if you don't like hearing about clothes or the like, just don't read those posts (I'll try to warn you *grin*).

This may turn part crafty blog. If knitting or pinterest-inspired craftiness doesn't "do" it for you, just ignore those.

But this will still always be a blog where I can hash out ideas about characters and plot lines...which doesn't seem like I've done much there, either.

Sigh.

But I'm going to try.

Have happy and safe New Year celebrations.

Library Update

2011-10-02T20:11:00.003-05:00

Wow...it had been a while since I'd updated. I added almost ten new books, and the season's coming that I'm going to sit on my fat ass and curl up and read!

In what season do you find yourself reading more?

Sigh

2011-09-25T13:26:00.000-05:00

I know I'm horrible when it comes to blogging. Doing these almost makes it seem like I'm apologising to myself and not to you.

But I do apologise to you - there are some of you who follow via email, and a couple that really look forward to the totally sporadic posts that I do (love you guys!)

So, my goal is to write more, and to comment more on the blogs that I love and read and follow and omg whatevs! Sorry - channelled my inner Valley Girl from Friday night!

Side note: I. Love. Fall!!

And you guys.

And stuffs.

And Pinterest.

And All Hallows'.

And hot cocoa first thing in the morning, liberally laced with strong coffee.

And Camp (yay M/D Weekend in two weeks!).

And... wow.

:)
Steph Dreamer

30 Days of Self-Acceptance: Day...Loads

2011-09-10T09:00:00.000-05:00

*** Guy readers: if you're squeamish about bodily functions or periods, you might want to stop reading. Now. ***

Most of these days are things that I do on a daily basis: look a fool, waste time, sweat, make a mistake, ask for help.

But there are some that will take some longer looks.

Like "Share a health struggle." Next week, when I go to the doctors, I'm going to have her set up a thyroid test for me. Watching what I eat isn't helping; neither is consuming practically my weight in water or working out more than I was doing before.

"Spend money on a non-necessity or share a financial struggle." Really? Think that's just about everyone. I spend money frivolously, and we have 3.5 more years to go on our bankruptcy.

"Share details about a bodily function or fluid." Really? I accept the fact that having a more than a cup of coffee or eating anything greasy means that in 20 minutes or so I'll be headed for the bathroom to poo; or I just wish that I could be "old enough" to let them take out my uterus because I don't want kids and my Auntie every month causes me to have to wear both a super tampon and a pad (normally within four hours, when I stand up, I can feel lining shifting and exiting the ol' vag. Sorry, but that's what happens).

"Talk about sex." What the hell do you want to know? I like sex when I can get into it (see previous post about the weight thing), I have a couple of favorite positions, and I am L.O.U.D. when I get into it--hope I haven't offended our superreligious neighbours.

"Set a boundary." Pretty much anything goes. Just ask. :) If I don't feel like answering, I won't.

"Discuss a failure." I fail pretty much every day at random things. I have failed at finishing any of my romance novels that I am writing.

There are a few that I am going to write individual posts about, and these might lose me followers--Express a strong feeling and Air one of your secrets are the two biggies.

So beware. I'm working them out on paper right now.

Steph...Ms Dreamer

Sex Sells

2011-09-07T20:12:00.000-05:00

LDs, if you've read here very long, you'll know that I have body issues. I'm 5'4" (marginally taller than a Hobbit--shout to Mrs Gamgee!), and at last doctor's visit (Paxil med check--it's working), I was 246 pounds.

Wait. Back up a minit...

Two hundred and forty-six pounds. I weigh approximately what a baby African Elephant weighs at birth. I'm a fucking baby elephant.

And I know what did it--mostly all the pot I smoked in college, followed by the whole pizza or an entire package of Pizza Rolls (the one that the husband and I now split one for dinner) or a bag of Doritos and a 2-litre of Mountain Dew. Combine that with not exercising like I did when I was in high school (I was a cheerleader, on the track team, and I either worked out or ran almost every day), and I tip the scales pretty heavily nowadays.

It's why I don't feel like the Sexy Time with the husband, even though he can't keep his hands off my "jiggly butt" (you'd have to see Germaine in the early versions of Foamy to understand that one) or my boobs. I can't get over the weight I've gained.

See, I'm kind of weird (no, really?). I see the size on my clothes, and it doesn't really sink in. I don't see myself as a fat girl. I still see myself at 180 pounds (of course, my head size hasn't changed, so I looked like a Tootsie Pop back then...), and it's almost crushing when I look in the mirror and don't see that same girl; that I see someone who roughly looks like a baby beluga, rolls and all. It's like I have two different personalities.

There's the lightweight Me: when she dresses in her favorite outfits, other people's tastes be damned, she is confident, powerful. I crush those who would prevent me from doing what I want underfoot.

Then there's the heavyweight Me: after a shower, trying to dry off, that just wants to puke my head off and go down that way. Of course, those of you who know me, know that I'd rather feel bad for three days (food coma or too much alcohol) than puke and feel better in fifteen minutes. So that's out.

See, I tell you all of that to tell you this:

Over the weekend, husband and I went down to the Ville of Edwards and hit up the pet shop for bunny noms, Slackers (looking for some music...no luck), and Boarders (of course, since they're going out of business, everything was at least 60% off!).

And in that lovely little, 2/3rds empty Borders, I found a cute straw purse for $10, a journal I fell in love with for $10...and a book.

Not just any book. It's by Stella Ellis.

And it's called Size Sexy: How to Look Good, Feel Good, and Be Happy--at Any Size.

Stella is a full-figured model Jean-Paul Gaultier calls his "muse." She's beautiful and sexy. And she's figured it out.

I posted a question the other day on my Facebook: "What do you define as 'sexy'?" I got eight answers. Two were from guys with "typical" guy answers--one commented that it's a "chick in a Kitana CosPlay costume" and the other simply said, "bewbs:)" I'm not going to tell them that they're wrong, because they're not. Bewbs can be sexy. So can a chick in a Kitana CosPlay costume. One guy asked if he could be co-author of this blog. :)

And then I got these answers:

"Sexy is all attitude." ~~Ryan R

"Sexy is all about how you carry yourself. It's about being comfortable and secure with your body, your sexuality, and who you are. A sexy woman does not need to flaunt herself...her sexiness speaks for itself in the way she carries and respects herself." ~~Jordan B

"'Sexiness is all in the eye of the beholder. I think it should be. Absolutely. My sex appeal, whatever it might be, isn't obvious...at least, to me.' ~Sharon Tate" ~~Sarah C

"Self-confidence = sexy." ~~Emily H

"Sexy for me is someone who is comfortable in their own skin and has a good sense of humour." ~~Carla R

"If he doesn't have a butt, he's not good looking" ~~Tabatha H's mum (she's reading over my shoulder).

All of these are what Stella talks about in this book (I've taken to carrying it in my purse, and just looking at the cover sometimes makes me feel better).

If you're uncomfortable in your own skin like I am, try it out. I'm taking bits and pieces every day of her advice.

I'm not a big makeup wearer (since I sweat...loads), I don't wear foundation or powder -- don't need it running in rivulets down my face and onto a shirt or in between Thelma and Louise. However, she did say that simply putting on lipstick can make you feel better about yourself.

And she's right--yesterday I did (but it almost wasn't worth it -- had a completely horrible day at work), and today I did (got complimented on today's shade...that I've had for 5 years or more. Yeah, I don't wear it much). I wore heeled sandals to work yesterday, and although my feet fucking hurt to high heaven by the time I got home, it did make me feel better. Today, I wore my second favorite pair of jeans (that make my butt look good...and they quit making them in my size!! *angrypanda*) and a favorite black peasant shirt and my new black sandals. I had a pretty good day today -- listened to Disney songs all. day. long. as I worked. Got loads of shit done, too!

Now, to save money to have at least eight hours at a spa, and to find someone to go with me to the Clinique counter (expensive, but I have always loved their makeup--when I wore it) to have my colours done.

Anyway, there is a point to this. I'm beginning to see that what we see in magazines and on the television isn't proportionate to the entire female population.

LDs, I'm determined to make the rest of this year the Year of the Sexy. I've set up a reminder on my iPhone for every day-- "You. Are. Beautiful. Inside and Out." pops up on my phone on my way to work and on the weekends now. Positive Affirmations are the best, aren't they?

Anyone care to join me in the Year of the Sexy?

Steph... Ms Dreamer

* disclaimer--Stella Ellis doesn't know of me or care that I bought her book. I just needed it. I'm not advertising the smoking of the pot nor am I gonna lie about doing it back then, or eating all that junk food (look where it got me). I'm laying it all out there for you. Love yous! *

30 Days of Self-Acceptance: "Day 3"

2011-08-16T09:24:00.004-05:00

LDs, I've never been one to follow the crowd, and if I do, I've still got to do something different with it.

Like with this 30-Days of Self-Acceptance. I hate doing things in order.

Yesterday was days 1, 5 & 10; today is day 3.

Day 3 -- Eat. Whatever you feel like eating.

HA! What this lil' ol' meme doesn't realise is that I eat whatever I feel like eating anyway! (that would explain the weight issue...).

Take, for example, right now. I'm having leftover pork fried rice for brunch.

Most of you may say "Eww! That's gross!" but let me tell you something: right now, it's the best thing in the world because it's what I was craving.

Probably going to have Wendy's for lunch. Or TacoSmell. Or Arby's. Or corndogs. Whatever I feel like eating, I'll probably eat.

What's nice is that it's my town's "homecoming" - Old Settlers'. There's going to be more crap than I could ever eat, but right about now, I might try one of everything!!

What are you craving?

Ms D

30 Days of Self Acceptance

2011-08-15T13:03:00.004-05:00

I'm talking about accepting yourself for all your faults, idiosyncracies, problems, weirdness, etc.

With the exception of my weight, I do accept myself.
I get told I'm weird - I accept that.
I'm crazy - I accept that as well.
Odd? Yeah, I know.
Loony? Guilty as charged.

So I'm trying this 30-Day Self-Acceptance bit. I'll probably lump some of them together so that I do them all.

Like the movie/TV/music ones.

For today.

1. Declare your love for an uncool television show.
5. Declare your love for an uncool movie.
10. Declare your love for an uncool band.

Let's see...

TV?
Would have to be Due South. Hot hot hot Paul Gross. Deaf white wolf (whom my aunt's dog is named after). Canadian Mountie (how about Canadian mountme...) with the Stetson of Imperviousness. In Chicago. Did I mention that Paul Gross is hot? RCMP tracks father's killers to Chicago. It only aired for four seasons, and no one that I know has heard of it. I really need to get it on Netflix and watch it again. Cause the only thing I remember is the hot Canadian ~~Mountme~~ Mountie.

Movie?
Stardust. Claire Danes. Some cute boy. Robert DeNiro (in a dress, at one point!). Sienna Miller. Michelle Pfieffer. Stars have feelings, did you know that? They learn what love is from us here on earth. Check it out if you want a hokey love story!

Band?
There are a few, actually: O-Zone. Eiffel 65. RuPaul. Chumbawamba. Aqua.

They all have peppy, poppy, fun to dance to songs...even though most of them either make no damn sense, or they're in a different language (and therefore, make no damned sense). I like music with a good beat.

What are your loves that are unpopular? Own them - they are part of you.

Ms Dreamer
Stephanie

I Fail

2011-08-09T12:11:00.003-05:00

Not at life.
At blogging.
Like, OBVIOUSLY (thanks, Bex).

Ya know, I think that there are loads of things that I'd like to say, but I'm never sure of myself or how others are going to take what I say. Most of the time, it should be with a grain of salt (and some tequila and some lime, of course).

So I saw on Chibi Jeebs' page that she's doing a 30 Days of Shamelessness.

And since I'm such a follower (just call me a lemming), I feel that I want to do this as well. It most likely won't be 30 days long (because I fail that way), but I could combine days...

Anyway, I'm going to try to do this. I have been carrying around a student planner (Dollar General, $2, lime green) that I'm jotting things down in I need to do. I'll print the list, and decide when I'm doing what. Of course, me being me, I won't do them in any semblance of order.

Something else I've been thinking about: attending a blogging conference next year. I so want to go, just so I can meet some of the people who live in my computer. I really think Kisha should go as well (right, love?). I want to learn new things! I want to meet new people! I want SWAG! (Yeah, I'm a bit greedy as well).

So, how have you been doing lately?

Love you all,
Ms D

Wednesday Recap...since I'm lame.

2011-08-03T21:49:00.003-05:00

Hey y'all. How's it going? I didn't get a chance to do Sunday recap here in the tinyhouse. So we'll do it today.

~~Had a mini reunion with four classmates from eighth Friday night (1992). Good GOD we've got some good memories!

~~Had my 15 year high school Saturday eve. Definitely had a much better time this year than at the 10th.

~~Got my dumb ass sunburnt on Sunday...even with SPF 50 and sweating. My chest and upper shoulders are incredibly pink and hurty. If a redhead with freckles and pale skin is a Ginger, and if you're just freckled and pale, you're a Daywalker, what if you're just a redhead? Fuck. That makes me a Daywalker. :)

~~Really missing southern Illinois after being there all weekend. Anyone know how to cure them blues?

~~Nothing much else happened...

How was your week?

Ms D

Sunday Recap

2011-07-24T21:40:00.003-05:00

LDs, I'd like to try blogging once a week. I do feel like I'm neglecting you (and myself) by not trying hard enough.

So here are snippets:

~~ Mum's 52nd birthday was today. Oma made dinner and we all had a good time. Happy birthday, Mum!

~~ Oma's dog Biscuit died Friday morning. She misses her something fierce. She was older than 10, but they really don't know because my aunt basically stole her from a home that was neglecting her - middle of winter with no food and water or shelter kind of abuse. That dog was spoiled rotten, and we'll all miss her, but Oma's hurting pretty badly. :( Send her love, if you would. Mr and I bought her a husky figurine, and it made her cry, but it's now on the table next to her spot on the couch.

~~ I'm almost finished with the jewelry for the Mr's sister's wedding at the end of August. However, I do still have to make the flowers, order candles, and make a tutu for the flower girl. Send me some energy, yos!

~~ I'm completely addicted to Pinterest. Facking shit...stupid iPhone app doesn't work all the time. :P

~~ I'm taking the advice of something I read: if you're cleaning out your house, and you need to get rid of something, but you don't want to because of sentimental reasons, take photographs (or pics, whatever you prefer *wink*) and write something about it. Even ten discs of pictures is going to take up WAY less space than the crap itself. I have to take my numbers off my letter jacket from high school, and then that wool coat is going in the yard sale for $10; t-shirts are getting cut up to be used in a light quilt; other stuff's getting sold or donated. My niece had never seen paper dolls, so I gave her the set that I had. How cool of an auntie am I?

~~ The Mr and I want to start a creative business, so if you want to check it out on the Book of Face, it's Two Hearts Creations. I run it, and imma start posting pictures of the stuff I make on it; see if anyone will bite. :)

~~ Had a fab time last week in Texas with one of my besties Lynsey. I love jewelry!

So, how was your week, all?

the Ms D

PS - if you wanna be on the Stalked Minions list, let me know! I'm working on getting my own header and some buttons to ~~follow~~ me on email, twitter, facebook, etc. :)

Death

2011-07-04T15:10:00.003-05:00

Hi LDs. How are you on this fine Monday, July 4th - America's Independence Day?

I'm doing well, considering.

See, my mum's husband died last Sunday evening. He'd been in hospital for the last three weeks or so - liver was functioning at 10%, kidneys were shutting down, and he was retaining too many fluids. Alcoholism will do that to a person. They took him off of the ventilator and the sedation Sunday evening, and he was gone within an hour. Hubs and I took a few days bereavement leave and were up there with her, helping her stay busy. There was a family-only viewing Friday evening, and he was being cremated directly afterward so that his sisters could have some of his ashes when they left Saturday. Saturday afternoon/evening, all of his friends got together and had a party in my mum's front yard.

For a bunch of drunks, they kept the yard pretty damn clean - they were actually using the trash and recycling bins! Bill (next door neighbor) smoked up some pork shoulder, Whiskey John made a hella-good potato salad and pasta salad (even gave me the recipe), I supplied the dessert (pudding delight, bitches).

Some of those guys, for all their attitude and anger and loud personalities, actually cried when they saw George's box of ashes. Sobbing old men are the worst. There was more than once that beer tributes were given.

As much as he annoyed my mother and drove her up the wall, he would do anything for anyone. And it breaks my heart to see my mum so lost. I mostly didn't like him - he made an ass out of himself (and in turn, mum) at my wedding reception; he was lazy and didn't work; and he was an alcoholic (which is what ultimately killed him) - however, in some ways, he made my mum happy.

And that's all I really cared about. We're getting her a cremation necklace for her birthday in a few weeks. It's a dragon and really cool. She picked it out, and it suits both her and George well.

I think I'll actually miss you, ya dickhead. Give the Devil some hell for me, will ya?

Be safe out there, LDs.

Ms D

Father's Day 2011

2011-06-19T20:59:00.002-05:00

LDs, I'm going to repost something that I did two years ago. Nothing's changed. In fact, I just copied and pasted it.

But it still is true today as it was two years ago.

Happy Father's Day to all you papas out there.

Father's Day

When I got married, my grandfather walked me down the aisle. When I asked him to give me away, he couldn't understand why. He wondered why I didn't ask my mom or either of my uncles. "Because it's important to me that you do it." Later on, my grandmother told me that meant so much to him, that I loved him that much that I asked him to do that honor. My grandpa is the exact opposite of me in that he doesn't like being the center of attention for anything. He had so much trouble at the rehearsal remembering what to say when our preacher asks 'Who gives this woman to this man?' Loud and clear on our wedding day, so that everyone in the chapel heard him, he remembered 'Her family and I do.'

You might ask why my grandfather gave me away instead of my dad. Hmm - when you find him, you can ask him. You see, I was an 'oops.' My mom had just graduated high school and got pregnant with me. When she told the SD (sperm donor) about it, his last words to her were 'It's not mine.' My great-aunt (who helped deliver me) made the comment at the 'family meeting' my mom had called to let everyone know that she thought it best if she just gave the baby up for adoption. 'Over my dead body.' Even before I was born, my grandfather was defending me - my knight in shining armor. I lived with my grandparents until I was three, and because of some circumstances, they were actually trying to adopt me. My uncle was still in high school, so I already had a 'big brother.' I went to live with my mom and her new boyfriend.

When I was four, the boyfriend became her husband, my stepdad, and dad to my sister JR all in the same year. Until I was 12 (when they finally divorced), he was my father. If you grew up in an alcoholic and/or abusive household, I feel your pain. I know - I've been there. Surprisingly enough, I turned out to be a semi-well-adjusted, fully-functioning member of society. We'll leave that story for another time. However, I did not know he was not my dad until the summer I left my mom. That knowledge made me cry - that was good news that he wasn't my father.

When I was 14, my aunt married this really great guy who, in the span of four months got married, moved in with her, and acquired a 'daughter'. See, I went from a straight-A student to a C & D student. Divorce can do that to children. It didn't help that I became mom to JR and didn't have time to study and keep house and dinner and help with her homework. It scared the rest of my family. Grandparents, two uncles and an aunt decided that if they didn't do something, I might not have finished high school (and this all was the final result of one of the bravest things that my friend C ever did...and I will never quit thanking her). I moved in with my aunt and uncle. It was a mahoosive change, going from a household that didn't care what you did, whether or not you failed school, or who you were hanging out with (unless it interferred with her plans) to having a 'mom' and a 'dad' who worried about you, were always questioning about your day and school and boys and friends and sports. I panicked and rebelled. Things smoothed out. My grades skyrocketed (graduated with honors). I got into college. I hit rough patches (who hasn't), but even though I stumbled, I picked myself up and slogged on.

Even though the three men I write this for will most likely never see it, it is written for them. I had a father/daughter dance at my reception, split between those three very special guys.

None of them are my father, but they are all my Dads.

Remember to tell your dad, grandpas, and uncles "Happy Father's Day."

I feel blessed that I have three.

I've been thinking...

2011-06-19T20:55:00.002-05:00

LDs, and for some of you who know me personally, that's not always a good thing.

I've been thinking about my persona here. I don't know why I'm "hiding" behind a pseudonym like Ms Dreamer.

So I think I'm going to make some modifications.

There's nothing that I need to hide, really. I don't have children. I've not been in trouble with the law. I don't do drugs (only the good legal ones).

I'll still hide my LDs names with code and first initials, unless they tell me I can call them out. But Mr Realist and I would be out of the closet, per se.

What do you think?

The possibly former Ms D

Boo To Me...

2011-06-19T20:53:00.001-05:00

I know. I've been horrid at posting. And I have 21 followers plus countless other readers that I am neglecting!

Shoot me now. I'm going to try this again - documenting shit during the day and then posting at night. Let's see how far I get...

Ms D

A Letter...

2011-05-06T11:27:00.002-05:00

Mumsy,

When I was young, I looked up to you for some things; others, I despised you for. You were always there, cheering me on at soccer games and basketball games. You'd help me with projects (remember the papier-mache mask that we made that morning before school, while you were trying to get ready for work?), and you explained that stupid girl thing. I despised you for staying with him so long; for letting him beat the shit out of me; for hearing me but not listening to the words.

As I grew older but still in school and had to move away from you (you don't know that C saved my life one night the summer before I left), I loved you because you were my mumsy, but I was so glad to be away from the heartbreak and neglect that you put us through. I flourished without you, and I know it had to break your heart sometimes when you weren't half in a bottle that neither one of your children were there with you. And there were times I know that you were glad to just be you while others shouldered your responsibility. It was hard sometimes, trying to explain why I lived with my aunt and uncle instead of my mum. Other times, not so much.

But as I look back on those times, at who I am today, and what I had to go through to get here, I have to smile. Because for as bad as we had it, I'm a better person. I have suceeded - I graduated high school...then college...I got married and have a house and cars and pets and a husband who loves me dearly. As I've gotten older, I find that more people understand what I went through because they had something similar. And there is a friend from high school who's wife went through my life, only hers. I'd like to meet her and compare war stories.

However, I have you for one of my best friends. We can argue and discuss and bitch and moan and laugh and cry and read and talk and go crazy or do nothing. We can talk every day or not at all for several weeks, and nothing changes. We're still us. And I'm grateful.

You are my mumsy, Mom, Mommy, Mum, Mother.

Happy Mother's Day.

I love you, Mumsy Dreamer

Ms Dreamer

2011-04-14T13:01:00.003-05:00

Hey, let me know if it would totally inconvenience any of you if I switched over to using my Dreamer and Realist site instead of here. Right now, I find it easier to postie over there. Pics are easier. I'm still debating, though. I'm about to pay the $10 a year to Google and get my own domain. Phbbt. Ms D

Blogging A - Z

2011-04-10T09:19:00.002-05:00

It's up at the other place.

Ya know, the wordpress place.

And of course, NOW blogger stops being an asshole.

Ms D

The Dreamer and The Realist

I'm Back!

Well...

Back in time...

*happy dance*

Outfit of the Day...

The Freakin' Plague!!

New Year's Day

Roll On 2012

Library Update

Sigh

30 Days of Self-Acceptance: Day...Loads

Sex Sells

30 Days of Self-Acceptance: "Day 3"

30 Days of Self Acceptance

I Fail

Wednesday Recap...since I'm lame.

Sunday Recap

Death

Father's Day 2011

Father's Day

I've been thinking...

Boo To Me...

A Letter...

Blogging A - Z

happy dance