I’ve tasted the watermelon-flavored Four Loko and it tasted almost completely, but not entirely unlike pink battery acid. The Four Loko orange blend however, tastes a little more like a reputable street whore worth spending your money on.

It’s a little lighter with not so much of the bite as its pink whore of a sister counterpart. It actually tastes a lot like Sunkist with some vodka or 151 mixed in it. Which is great if you’re into that kind of internal S&M liver-destroying thing.

But seriously, the overall taste was more than tolerable and the effect of the 12 percent alcohol content on my writing ability was more than negligible on the positive side. In case you’re as drunk as me that means it made me a more suave and debonair writer for at least an hour or two.

I do however have one gripe…2.fucking99? Are you serious?! This stuff should be no more than $1.99 . Granted one or two cans will get you shit-housed but it isn’t like a pill that’s had $300 million spent on marketing on it. I don’t know. Maybe if it were a Friday night and I had a few of these in me I might think differently. But It’s not and I don’t. So $2.99 is too much for this flavor of Four Loko. Youd probably be better off buying a 1.75 of Popov Vodka for $6.99 vodka and 3 liter of warm orange soda from the Quickee Mart for $.99. Basically the same thing.

        

Some of the greatest food and beverage discoveries were born out of either necessity or just good old fashioned curiosity. I mean seriously, who was the first guy to eat an oyster? Was it out of necessity to avoid starvation that he decided to eat the giant snot-like creature he found living in a rock he found growing in the mud of a coastal saltwater marsh, or was it a decision born of blatant human curiosity to see if he could eat the same stuff the otters were eating?

Either way, people have been eating, drinking and mixing things – that arguably should or should not go together – since the beginning of time.

That being said, one of my favorite things in the world is a good black and tan. You may recall another post I did some time ago, where out of necessity, I mixed together Natty Light and Steel Reserve to create what I called The Poor Man’s Black and Tan. Yes the original PMBT was created out of necessity due in part that I had been drinking and couldn’t drive myself to the store to retrieve the materials for a proper Black and Tan.

The newest iteration of the PMBT however, was the culmination of centuries of the aforementioned human curiosity. In other words I had some Steel Reserve and a bottle of Yuengling Black and Tan and I wanted to see what would happen if I mixed the two.

As I reached in my freezer I opted not for my usual vintage A&W Dog n Suds mug, but rather for my 32 oz Cheers mug I stole from the Cheers bar in the Cincinnati airport on my honeymoon.

Assuming the Yuengling was the heaviest of the two, I poured it in first. I tried my best to use a big wooden spoon to marry the two in such a fashion as to render a distinct line of separation but now in retrospect think that a nice metal spoon would have been a better choice since the coarse wood caused more mixing by the roughly flowing beer than it prevented.

Once both bottle and can had been emptied, what I was left with almost completely but not entirely resembled a genuine black and tan. There was a separation between the two which obviously could have been made more apparent with a little more patience and the proper equipment (as stated earlier) and there was a nice head of foam.

I was amazed at the utter beauty of the cross-bred brew I had created but didn’t expect what came next.

It tasted AMAZING!

I’m not kidding. The Steel Reserve lightened the Yuengling Black and Tan up while the Yuengling B&T took away the bitterness and overall skunkiness of the Steel Reserve. I even tested it on my wife before telling her what it was and she said she really liked it. And as with any Steel Reserve creation it pack enough punch that after two I even thought Dane Cook was funny.

I can say with all honesty that I’ll be drinking this version of the Poor Man’s Black and Tan on a regular basis. Try it for yourself and tell me what you think. If you can actually get it to separate nicely, take a picture and send it in and I’ll post it on the site.

        

Now I’ve never really been a fan of mint in general because with most mint-flavored affairs the only thing you taste is the mint. I don’t even like those little mints they leave on your pillows at hotels. My utter disdain for mint made me extremely skeptical of Firefly Vodka’s mint-flavored sweet tea vodka.

I fully expected the mint to completely overpower the sweet tea flavor of the vodka leaving me with something that resembled the bastard child of a Mint Julep and a Mojito. Not wanting to throw another variable into the experiment I strayed away from my normal Spiked Arnold Palmer of half Simply Lemonade and half Firefly and opted to replace the lemonade with plain water.

I was very surprised to find that the folks at Firefly had opted to hold back on the mint so it didn’t seem as if I had shoved a mint candy cane up my nose. To the contrary the aroma was present, but not overpowering, and the was really no initial mint taste. Instead it left a nice clean after taste. One could describe it as being a little more of a mature and sophisticated drinking experience.

After playing with my mixers a little more I found the best combination was to use crushed ice with half Simply Lemonade and half Mint Firefly Vodka. You get the great sweet tea taste with a fresh minty after taste that actually clears your head quite nicely.

Like the raspberry-flavored version, this flavor is perfect for after dinner or just lounging around on the back porch. And as with the original Firefly Vodka and the raspberry flavor, the mint definitely has a place in my cabinet.

        

I had heard of Four Loko from my northern-southern counterparts for some time and have been anticipating its arrival. Hell, I’ve even been interviewed by The Wall Street Journal’s alcohol division on the subject of malt liquors with caffeine in them. As a matter of fact, some of our readers were interviewed for the same article and are now famous. Seriously, they all got drunk on a Joose and Four Loko concoction and stole the bikes of every Mormon missionary on Denver.

But I digress. This is a review of Four Loko Fruit Punch Flavor Premium Malt Beverage. The first thing I noticed is that it looks and smells exactly like Max Vibe. It’s pink and fruity. It even tastes similar. However, it doesn’t have the same wangey bite to it. It actually doesn’t taste almost completely unlike fruit punch. Don’t get me wrong, there isn’t anything that could be farther from the taste of actual fruit punch, but it is a reasonable facsimile. BTW this is what I’m listening to right now and it rocks. Kiss my ass.

It actually tastes like what you would get if you put a Jolly Rancher in a Zima (Remember that?),topped it off with 151 and did a line of coke off a hooker’s ass. (I am wide awake right now and wish I had a motorcycle)

Actually this stuff is GREAT! I feel like I could wrestle a gorilla. It doesn’t help that I’m listening to this either. I bet This flavor of Four Loko would be great mixed with some Smirnoff or Kettle One Vodka.

I’m not kidding. I’ve been nursing this 24oz can for almost an hour and I am buzzing like a crackhead locked in a evidence room. This stuff is definitely worth the $2.50 a can price. I think I’m going to give some for my kid and send him to my parent’s house as payback for them getting him all hopped up on candy and sending home every Sunday afternoon.

I hope I can get my hands on every flavor:)

        

I’m going to assume since none of these people look like they know each other that these 40 photos were taken on 40 different nights hence the name, 40 Nights of Drunk.

And yes I know there are some pictures taken in the daytime. Work with me here. Or at least send me in your drunk pictures to james@thedrunkpirate.com. I might send you some free stuff.

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Like most great bourbons I’ve sampled, Eagle Rare comes in a very simple bottle with a cork. The smooth aroma when I first opened the bottle made me want to wear the stuff as cologne. Or drink it straight. Which I did.

Eagle Rare is the bourbon equivalent of Pyrat Rum or Zaya Gran Reserva Rum. Not too expensive, but willing to take the Pepsi challenge with any of the “ultra premium” brands on the market. Even after I emptied the bottle I looked like a glue-sniffing addict taking long, slow smells out of the bottle. Seriously, they should bottle this and market it as aftershave you could drink.

I also tried Eagle Rare with several different mixers with whom it did great with. Coke, Sprite, Diet Coke, etc. However, this is definitely a bourbon you could drink on the rocks, thus making you look like a total bourbon connoisseur to your friends or coworkers.

This is definitely one of my top bourbons now and am counting the days until football season gets here so I can tell these dog days of summer to go to hell and leave me and my bourbon be to watch football till we pass out.

A bottle of Eagle Rare 10-year-old will set you back about $29-$39 depending where you buy it. The company also has a 17-year-old version that I can’t wait to try.

        

Up until now the champion in the high ABV race has been Jungle Joose with 9.9% ABV. I had heard of another beer called Four Loco, which is touted as supposedly having an alcohol content of 11%. Unfortunately I haven’t been able to find it so it has remained unconfirmed. However, this past Saturday my cousin who works for Anheuser-Busch informed me they were going to start distributing my white whale in a few weeks right here in North Florida. I was giddy.

By last night I was thinking about everything BUT finding the Four Loco when my wife sent me on another one of her prego-craving runs to the BP station down the road. This particular BP has a Dairy Queen in it, so I placed my order and decided to roam around the store to see if anything caught my eye.

I did my usual scan of the coolers not expecting to see anything of any consequence when I came upon a 240z can I had never seen before. It read: Max Vibe – 12% ALC/VOL. I heard angels sing.

I quickly picked up the can and studied it. According to the label it sports all the same ingredients of Joose and Jungle Joose. Ceffeine, Ginseng, Taurine and artificial colors. I was fixed on the label when the craggly voice of the woman making my wife’s Heath Bar Blizzard broke my gaze. She stood there holding it upside down with a spoon in it to show me how thick it was. “Blizzerds ready,” she said. I grabbed the Blizzard, paid for my new treasure and headed home.

It was late, and I didn’t want to drink the Max Vibe in case having Caffeine listed as the first ingredient meant there was a shit-load of it in this 24oz can. So I waited until tonight. I figured I would write the review while I drank it.

I decided to do a little research on Max Vibe and the Max beverage Co. On the back of the can there was a web address: www.drinkmax.com. Unfortunately there was no site. Just one of those sites that says “this domain has been parked.” That should have been a red flag. Then I Googled every combination for Max Vibe and its brewer I could. Not one single article or image came up.

The only thing I DID find was a document form the state of Ohio’s liquor approval board stating that Max Vibe had been approved for sale under in May, 2009. The approval was given to the United Brands Co. The same company that owns/distributes Joose?

Anyway. Enough of the investigative reporting crap. I came to get bent. You can research the Max Vibe / Joose conspiray on your own. On with the review.

Now because the pure existence of this beverage is so sketchy and I couldn’t find a photo of it, you’ll have to be satisfied with my description and pics from my iPhone.

The can has a very modern feel to it. If Max Vibe and Jungle Joose were cars, Jungle joose would be an orange ‘63 Impala with hand-laid pinstripes and max Vibe would be a 2010 Scion. Any model Scion. You get the idea.

The real difference between Jungle Joose and Max Vibe is in the can. Not on it. Where Jungle Joose looks like green radiator fluid and pretty much tastes like it, Max Vibe is hot pink. Yes. Hot pink. And it pretty much tastes like a wine cooler or Boone’s Farm’s Strawberry Fields on steroids. I could actually see girls mixing this with vodka or Bacardi Limon at night clubs across the country. It might be pretty good.

As I write this I’m almost done with the whole can and I have to say I feel pretty good. I’m buzzed and wide-ass awake. The taste is so tolerable that I would probably drink another one if I had it.

The Verdict:

If you can find this stuff, drink it. The first few sips are a little harsh, but after that it’s on like Donkey Kong. I think this will do especially well with the female crowd since it’s pink and tastes all fruity. Hmm. I wonder if that’s who they’re targeting? Discuss amongst yourselves.

        

I’m pretty sure that this is a first for the alcohol industry. An infused, infused vodka. I don’t even know the proper way to write that. Is it infused-infused vodka?

although I usually leave the flavored vodkas to the sorority girls, my instincts told me I needed to try the new Firefly flavors in the name of The South, journalism and science.

Would it be a complete abomination like all the other flavor infused vodkas? Would it tarnish the reputation of a brand destined for greatness? Or would it be the proverbial icing on the cake?

Firefly released four flavors. Raspberry (which until now I never realized there was a P in raspberry), Mint, Lemon and Peach. First up to bat was the raspberry.

The first thing I found was there’s really no discernible raspberry smell to the vodka. Now I knew from experience original Firefly wasn’t really a vodka to drink straight. It’s kind of like drinking a shot of actual sweet tea before you add water and sugar to dilute it. This version was no different. The strong undiluted tea flavor was to overpowering for me to make out even the slightest nuance of raspberries.

I decided to try adding some water but it just didn’t seem to do the trick like with regular firefly. I then decided it was time to go Spiked Arnold Palmer on its ass and mixed it half and half with some Simply Orange Lemonade.

Jackpot.

The taste hearkened me back to my days at Applebee’s when the raspberry tea flowed like wine when northerners who flocked to Disneyland like the salmon of Capistrano ordered it by the gallons.

It tasted as good, if not better, than the original Firefly Spiked Arnold Palmer. The thing is the raspberry isn’t overpowering. The fact that this is sweet tea vodka still takes center stage in the taste. The raspberry comes into play more in the aftertaste than anything else. The one thing I wish I would have tried was making a Daily Palmer.

It’s like your drinking it and thinking, “Man this is good sweet tea,” then after you swallow and exhale you get just a hint of the raspberry that almost seems to cleanse your palette for the next sip.

The funny thing is this flavored vodka makes a great digestif. Which for those of you who are drunk means, ” Is a great after dinner drink.” The first night I tried it was after I had a great grilled rib eye and was full as a tick. This is actually one of the few liquors that are good to drink on these hot and humid Florida nights.

The Verdict

Unlike all the other infused vodkas, Firefly Raspberry definitely has a place in my collection. Since my first taste I’ve spent several afternoons on my back porch watching the sun settle behind the trees while drinking Raspberry Firefly Vodka. Firefly also has a pretty cool new site that you can check out to get stuff like recipes and cool gear.

        

Take Grey Goose for example:

On more than one occasion I’ve witnessed so called “ballers” throw down $150 for a bottle of Grey Goose at a club because they equate expensive with being a good vodka. I mean it does claim the be “The Worlds Best Tasting Vodka”  right on the label.

Truth is Grey Goose consistently places near the bottom of every blind taste test it is entered into. Funny thing is it’s usually brands like $16-dollar-a-bottle Smirnoff that win.

But don’t tell that to the Guido’s in Jersey who eagerly flash Grey Goose and cheesy Zoolander poses around in order to draw attention away from their horrible hair and spray-on tans.

Grey goose also makes for a good example of another vodka myth which is all good vodkas have to be made in a certain place. Like Russia. According to Grey Goose, its vodka is made in the “Vodka Region” of France. Seriuosly? The truth is that there is no “Vodka Region” of France or any other country for that matter. That’s like saying Hampsters come from the “Hampster Region” of Rhode Island. Actually I have no idea where Hampsters come from, but you get the idea.

“I thought this was a review about Platinum 7x Vodka?”

This is a review about Platinum 7x. I just had to set the stage before I tell you how it tastes, how much it cost and where it’s made. Platinum 7x is touted as a “premium vodka.” However, it doesn’t carry a premium price tag. I’ve seen it sell anywhere from $11 for a 750ml to $16 for a 1.75L depending on where you buy it.  (In case you’re either slow or drunk or both, I’m in the process of supporting the “good vodkas don’t have to be expensive,” argument.)

Platinum 7x has a very smooth taste and makes one mean screwdriver. It doesn’t have that strong “I just drank rubbing alcohol,” aftertaste like most inexpensive vodkas do. One would venture to say it’s even on the light side despite it being a normal 80 proof spirit.

And as with my perennial favorite, Smirnoff, you can drink quite a bit of this stuff in one sitting without even the slightest tinge of a hangover the next day. Anyone who’s been drinking for any amount of time will bear testament that no hangover from a bottle of hooch costing less than $40 is rare.

So what about the last myth we talked about? What “Vodka Region” does Platinum 7x come from? Would you believe me if I told you this great little vodka came all the way from Franklin County, Kentucky? You know, the “Bourbon Region” of America. Well it does. And I would take the Pepsi Challenge with it against Grey Goose any day of the week.

According to the website Platinum 7X is distilled seven times from American corn.That’s right, not potatoes, wheat or whatever else you can make vodka out of.  Four distillations are carried out in column stills with the remaining three distillations being made in a special pot still at Buffalo Trace Distillery. Again for those of you who are slow and/or drunk that makes 7 distillations, hence the name Platinum 7x.

As usual when it come to good cheap booze I encourage you to be your own judge. Who knows, you might end up like me and have a new vodka for your top 5. But I will guarantee you’ll definitely NOT end up looking like a New Jersey Guido flashing an overpriced bottle of shitty vodka. You’ll look like a person who knows good vodka doesn’t have to be expensive.