The Dufalumpus Awards

Crime Duo - Using thongs as shop robbing masks

2008-07-09T04:47:00.000-07:00

Two crimesters were smart enough to wear disguises when they robbed a convenience store in Colorado but sadly, were not smart enough to pick something a little less revealing than a thong.

Full sotry: Sky News

Australian driver - Using seatbelt for beer but not child

2008-05-21T06:05:00.000-07:00

Nobody wants 30 bottles of beer to fly through their windscreen but wouldn't that be better than the same thing happening to a child? Apparently an Australian driver disagrees.

Four adults were strapped into the car leaving one remaining seatbelt, a crate of beer and a child. The adults saw fit to strap in the beer and leave the child sitting unprotected in the middle of the car.

The car was pulled over by the police and the driver fined £360.

Source: Sky News

A Polish Building Contracter - Doing it with a Hoover

2008-03-06T13:39:00.000-08:00

Henry has a cute smiley face and is described as "Famous for his looks" and "Ready to go time and time again." Sounds like a good catch doesn't he? Until you find he's a vacuum cleaner!

However, a Polish building contractor appears not to have been perturbed by this fact and was caught naked, kneeling before a Henry vacuum cleaner in the canteen of Great Ormond Street Children's Hospital.

As if being caught doing it with a hoover wasn't cause enough to earn a Dufalumpus Award, the gentleman in question told his employers that he was actually just cleaning his underpants, claiming it was a popular practice in Poland!

He has since been sacked.

Source: The Telegraph (with thanks to Richard.)

Bell Canada - Inadvertently referencing the Holocaust

2007-09-18T08:17:00.000-07:00

Bell Canada, a major phone company accidentally featured a punk-rock reference to the Holocaust in a set of billboard advertisements placed in Vancouver, Columbia and Toronto which has a large Jewish community and many Holocaust survivors.

In small versions of the designs, checked by executives, it was not clear that a punky young woman in the advert was wearing a badge spelling the controversial title of a song by the Sex Pistols, 'Belsen was a gas' which refers to Nazi Germany's Bergen-Belsen concentration camp. When the adverts were blown up to full size, the button inscription could clearly be read.

On realising their mistake, Bell Canada apologised and removed over ten advertising boards and spokesman Mark Langton said "Obviously, we would never depict such an offensive slogan in our advertising." - although clearly, they did.

Sources: Reuters, Adrants

Vilson Alushi - Burning down own mobile fish shop

2007-09-17T09:25:00.000-07:00

Vilson Alushi vowed to burn down his fish-delivery van if Albania failed to win a point against the Netherlands on Wednesday, so you can imagine how bad he felt when a late goal by Ruud van Nistelrooy saw the Netherlands win 1-0 and his livelihood was to go up in flames.

Still, not realising it might be time to change his plans, Vislon covered his car in petrol, set fire to it and waited for the fire brigade. However, when they arrived and unreeled their hoses, no water came out! It would seem that residents had stolen the fire officers' water supplies to help cope with Albania's chronic water shortage.

Now Vilson not only has to deal with Albania being fifth in their Euro 2008 qualifying group but also has no vehicle with which to carry out his business.

Source: Sky News

Peter Addison - Leaving Signature at Crime Scene

2007-09-10T05:12:00.000-07:00

During a drunken burglary, Peter Addison, 18, left a clue that lead the police straight to him - graffiti spelling "Peter Addison was here!"

Sure enough, police were able to locate Peter Addison on their computers and he later pleaded guilty to the crime.

Aiddson, along with his accomplice, Mark Ridgeway, ransacked a campsite in northwest England, smashing crockery, letting off fire extinguishers and vandalising a poster so that it read "Garden Birds of Britain. R GAY"

In addition to his black inked signature, he added the name of his gang, "The Adlington Massiv!", further helping the police.

"This crime is up there with the dumbest of all in the criminal league table," Inspector Gareth Woods told the press. "There are some pretty stupid criminals around but to leave your own name at the scene of the crime takes the biscuit. The daftness of this lad certainly made our job a lot easier."

Dufalumpi certainly make the police's job simpler.

Sources: Yahoo, Daily Mail

Dan Tilley - Launching a firework from his backside

2007-09-08T04:19:00.000-07:00

Dan Tilley, 22, from Sunderland, was admitted to hospital for over a week and needed three operations due to internal injuries following an attempt to launch a powerful firework rocket from his backside earlier this month.

The stunt was an unsuccessful copy of one he'd scene in Jackass: The Movie. Dan told the press "It's the soldier in me. I love that sense of danger, of doing something on the edge."

A clip of the incident is apparently on the internet but there are so many copycat idiots on youtube that it's hard to identify which one's Dan Tilley.

Sources: Sunday Mail, Sky News

Wolfgang Mueller - A 700 mile tractor ride to a place that no longer exists

2007-09-04T09:08:00.000-07:00

You'd have thought that somebody who planned to drive a 44-year-old tractor on a 700-mile pilgrimage, would check that their final destination existed before undertaking the mammoth trip. Unfortunately not Wolfgang Mueller, 65, from Germany.

He was a man with a dream, and that dream was to start his retirement by driving his red Massey Ferguson MF35 back to the factory in Coventry where it was made.

Alas, after towing a caravan through Luxembourg and France then catching a ferry at Calais, all at less than 30mph, he discovered that the factory is now a housing estate called Bannerbrook Park.

However Wolfgang decided to make the best of his holiday and hopes to add a photo of his tractor in front of the Eiffel Tower, to the one he has already taken of his tractor on London Bridge.

Sources: Daily Mail, The Mirror

Miss Teen USA 2007 - South Carolina answers a question

2007-08-31T06:08:00.001-07:00

In the 2007 Miss Teen USA contest, judge Aimee Teegarden asked the South Carolina representative, Lauren Caitlin Upton, for her opinion on why one fifth of Americans couldn't pick out the USA on a map.

Words really don't do justice to her response, which included the suggestion that many American's don't have maps - you need to watch the clip to truly appreciate the magnificence of her answer.

Rating: 3 dufalumpi (maximum of 5)

Thousands - Inviting bulls to chase them in Pamplona

2007-08-26T10:17:00.000-07:00

Every July thousands of "daredevils" gather in Pamplona, Spain, to be chased by fearsome fighting bulls. The bull run is part of the San Fermin festival which dates back to the late 16th century.

Crowds of people line the town's cobbled streets and wait for the bulls to be released and crash through the streets to a finishing bullring. When a rocket is set off they know it's time to run or risk being crushed to death.

Since 1924 thirteen dufalumpi have been killed in the bull runs and many are gored each year. The most recent fatality was a 22 year old American who was gored to death in 1995. In an attempt to save the idiots from themselves, some wittarosori have erected wooden and iron barricades containing person-sized holes. These line the roads allowing runners to quickly exit to escape the bulls, yet still many suffer from personal injury.

According to wikipedia many of the runners think it is good luck to touch a bull. Coupled with the knowledge than touching these 700 kilo creatures can distract them and lead to a more dangerous run, you have to wonder just how stupid these dufalumpi are.

This blog may have only been running for a few weeks but dufalumpi have made it into literature for centuries. Notably the San Fermin festival made it into Ernest Hemingway's 1926 novel "The Sun Also Rises".

Rating: 5 dufalumpi (maximum of 5)

Sources: Wikipedia, USA Today

Stoke-on-Trent Council - Installing a bench, backwards

2007-08-25T04:09:00.000-07:00

Residents of Leek Road, Stoke-on-Trent were relieved when the council finally installed a bench at their bus stop. However there delight was short-lived when they discovered that the seat had been installed backward.

The Town council installed the bench facing away from the road, with the effect that passengers have to crane their neck in order to look out for arriving buses. The explanation for this bizarre decision was that if the seat was positioned facing the road, elderly people might fall into the lane of traffic.

Elderly people in the area feel patronised by the decision and the council have finally admitted that they took health and safety to extreme and plan to reverse the bench.

Rating: 1 dufalumpus (maximum of 5)

Source: BBC News, The Telegraph, This is London

Daniel Blackner - Gluing a vacuum cleaner to his penis

2007-08-23T15:23:00.000-07:00

The Mirror reports:

A performing dwarf was taken to hospital - with his penis glued to a vacuum cleaner.

As part of his act Daniel Blackner, the Demon Dwarf, attaches himself to the appliance and pulls it across the stage.

A special attachment came loose, which he tried to fix with strong glue. But he did not leave the glue to dry long enough.

And when Daniel, 42, connected himself to the cleaner to appear at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe he was stuck fast.

It took nurses at Edinburgh Infirmary an hour to free him. Daniel said: "I wished the ground could swallow me up."

What particularly alarms me about this story is the fact that the newspapers make it sound like a perfectly ordinary act gone wrong. I disagree, unfortunate gluing conditions or not, dragging a vacuum cleaner across the room by your todger is not sensible behaviour, with or without a special attachment. The man is clearly a dufalumpus.

And whilst most of us would probably feel embarrassed about being in hospital with a hoover attached to our privates, we'd also feel somewhat uncomfortable about forming such a bond on the stage therefore I cannot relate to his humiliation.

Rating: 5 (maximum of 5)

Nicki Jex - Robbery, armed with a vibrating sex toy

2007-08-22T14:54:00.001-07:00

Forget replicas, toy guns and bananas, the ultimate prop for a bogus armed robbery is...

wait for it....

A Rampant Rabbit sex toy.

Nicki Jex, 27, robbed a bookmaker with a vibrating sex toy belonging to his girlfriend and as a consequence must spend five years in jail.

The junkie concealed the vibrator in a plastic bag and stormed into a bookmakers in Leicester where he wielded it at terrified customers, pretending it was a gun. He was successful in fooling the staff and escaped with £613.

Jex, who had 21 previous convictions, was caught after a customer, Wayne Vakani, followed him out of the shop and to a nearby pub where he is said to have been boasting about the crime. He initially denied it but then changed his plea.

The robbery was caught on CCTV.Women be warned: whilst vibrators can sometimes adequately fulfil to role of a gun, the reverse is never advisable.

Rating: 4 dufalumpi (maximum of 5)

Sources: Daily Mail, BBC News, Discounted Lingerie

James Coldwell (probably) - Robbing bank dressed as a tree

2007-08-19T10:14:00.000-07:00

A man dressed as a tree robbed a bank in New Hampshire, US. He taped branches and twigs to his head and body with duct tape before demanding cash at the Citizens Bank on Elm Street, Manchester. He is thought to have left with several hundreds of pounds.

It is thought that the man was 49-year-old James Coldwell who was arrested after police received an anonymous tip following the release of cctv footage. He has been ordered to stay away from alcohol, the bank and the teller involved in the robbery but it is unknown whether or not he's still allowed near plant life.

Rating: 3 dufalumpi (maximum of 5)

Sources: Metro, WBZTV

Mashushire from Zimbabwe - nicking a bus

2007-08-16T12:23:00.000-07:00

A Zimbabwean man who had just successfully passed his driving test was arrested for stealing a bus on his way to collect his new licence. The dufalumpus, Mashushire, waited until the driver of the parked vehicle had gone to get lunch, before ordering all of the passengers off the bus and driving away in it.

This is just one in a long list of dufalumpus driving incidents, adding to growing evidence that the species should not be allowed on the roads.

Rating: 3 dufalumpi (maximum of 5)

Source: Yahoo

Kristjan - Drink Driving, Blind

2007-08-16T09:10:00.000-07:00

A 20 year old blind man, known to the press as Kristjan, was arrested in Torvandi, Estonia, for drink-driving while three friends gave him instructions.

As if this wasn't evidence enough that he deserved a Dufalumpus Award, the same man was picked up twice in one week.

Police want the man jailed for 30 days and hope that the courts will confiscate the car which Kristjan owns, but has no license for.

Rating: 4 dufalumpi (maximum of 5)

Sources: yahoo, motoring.co.za, news.com.au

Chinese stuntman - Feeding a snake up his nose

2007-08-15T04:29:00.000-07:00

Sky News reports a man in Hefei, China, who threaded a live snake up his nose and out through his mouth. Although on success the stuntman broke into a triumphant smile, he looked agonised during the process.

Rating: 1 dufalumpus (maximum of 5)

Source: Sky News

Reuters - Redistributing fake TV footage

2007-08-15T04:11:00.000-07:00

A Russian TV network, Rossiya, incorrectly used a photo of taken from the film Titanic to illustrate a story about two Russian submersibles planting a flag on the seabed under the North Pole. This mistake was then copied by the high profile news distribution service, Reuters, and consequently leaked its way into newspapers all over the world, until a 13 year old Finnish film buff spotted the error.

However picking up news stories from other media is something that we rely on here at The Dufalumpi and Wittarosori awards and so we won't be too critical of Reuters or Rossiya.

Rating: 1 dufalumpi (maximum of 5)

Source Something to say, The Independent.

George - Tombstoning off Durdle Door

2007-08-14T16:21:00.000-07:00

This week a man thought to be called George, 26, jumped off the 65ft cliff, Durdle Door in Dorset, UK. If it wasn't for some helpful holiday makers who intervened, he may well have been a candidate for a Darwin Award.

Tombstoning is a sport exclusive to dufalumpi. Only the world's stupidest inhabitants would find sport in jumping from high cliffs into the sea. Even if participants manage to avoid rocks hidden beneath the surface, the impact of hitting the water from such a dramatic height can break bones. Tombstoning frequently claims lives.

In this prime example, George is said to have hit the water with such a loud crash that some people on the beach screamed. He was knocked unconscious and sunk to the seabed. Fortunately a member of the public, who'd seen George jump, swam out, dived down and pulled the wounded man to the surface where others were able to get him onto and inflatable dingy. A doctor on the beach stabilised the man before he was airlifted to hospital.

Worse still, than the idiot who jumped, were his three cowardly friends who reportedly egged George on and then fled the scene on seeing him land badly.

George is said to be recovering in hospital and whilst his injuries are no longer life-threatening, a Portland Coastguard told the press that the members of the public probably saved his life. Once again, the dufalumpus population narrowly escapes decrease.

Rating: 5 dufalumpi (maximum of 5)

New sources: Telegraph, BBC News, Daily Echo
Picture sources: AllPosters

One-legged biker - Failing to notice he'd lost a leg

2007-08-14T15:41:00.000-07:00

A Japanese dufalumpus, 54, rode his motorbike for over a mile before noticing that he'd lost a leg. The leg of the office worker came detached when its owner hit a central safety barrier whilst trying to negotiate a road bend in the city of Hamamatsu, Japan. It was retrieved by a friend as the casualty kept riding unaware.

Local police said that despite being in excruciating pain, the biker did not notice his missing limb until he stopped at the next junction. When limb and wounded were finally reunited in hospital, they were forced to part again as the limb was too crushed to be reattached.

Rating: 4 dufalumpi (maximum of 5)

Source Yahoo

Fancy yourself as an online journalist?

2007-08-10T06:02:00.000-07:00

We need researchers and writers.

Whether its simply tipping us off about potential winners or writing the articles themselves, you could be part of
The Dufalumpi and Wittarosori Awards.

If you're interested, contact us using the form on the sidebar.

Ludvig, Fruker and Allan - Crossing the English Channel on a homemade raft

2007-08-10T04:06:00.000-07:00

The very same week that a man was arrested for trying to reach The Isles of Scilly on a raft, two Germans and a Frenchman were thrown in the cells for crossing the English channel using the same primative mode of transport.

Gunter Ludvig, Bernard Druker and Claude Allan failed to notify the Maritime and Coastguard Agency when they decided to make the trip from the French coast to Kent - a requirement designed to ensure that boats are seaworthy and safe.

The raft would have almost certainly not met safety requirements. It was made from plywood, carried a radio which didn't pick up the correct frequency and flares that were over 2 decades old and therefore unlikely to work.

Just like the chap who was picked up off the Cornish coast, the trip involved crossing a busy shipping lane. Daily Mail likened the expedition to "crossing the M25 on a scooter with a blindfold on".

The three may have expected a place in the Guinness Book of Records, instead they got 10 hours in a cell, a triple Dufalumpus Award and much ridicule from the press.

It certainly seems to be the summer for maritime folk with death wishes.

Rating: 4 dufalumpi (maximum of 5)

Source: Daily Mail

Pat and Sheena Wheaton - Cruelly naming child '4Real'

2007-08-09T13:33:00.000-07:00

Two parents in Wellington, New Zealand, were disappointed when they were told that they're not allowed to legally call their child "4Real" because registered names have to be series of characters.

The couple, Pat and Sheena Wheaton, came up with the name after viewing an ultrasound scan and observing that their unborn was indeed "for real."

As if child cruelty wasn't reason enough to give them a double dufalumpus award, the route the couple took to keep the name of their choice was to register the boy as "Superman" but call him "4Real" anyway.

Now I don't know about you, but if I was trying to find a legal way to register a child known as "4Real", there was a much more obvious alpha-character sequence to choose than "Superman."

Rating: 2 dufalumpi (maximum of 5)

Helpful Burglar - Asking the police for help breaking into a church

2007-08-09T12:54:00.000-07:00

A 24 year old man was thwarted when he failed to break into St. Paul's Lutheran Church, Wisconsin, using a mental shovel to break down the door. Determined to bust his way in, he decided to try an enlist the help of an organisation experienced in such matters - the police!

He called them saying that he was having difficulty breaking into a church and hoped that they could help.

When officers arrived they arrested him for criminal damage and possession of marijuana. Not content with his charges the man invited the police to his home where he showed them his stash of marijuana and stolen prescription drugs.

Rating: 1 dufalumpus (maxiumum of 5)

Source: Sky News

Howard Shelley - DIY castration

2007-08-09T08:36:00.000-07:00

Dufalumpus Award for having a death wish
Most Brits are tired of being made to wait by the NHS but few are moved to mutilate our own genetalia. However, Howard Shelley, 42, from Buckinghamshire, UK, waited until his wife was out before castrating himself with a kitchen knife in their loo, according to The Sun.

Before the NHS will perform any gender reassignment surgery, patients are required to live for a minimum of two years as their alternative gender. It would seem that Howard could not handle the wait when he researched how to perform a home castration, on the internet.

After what he described as an agonising six minutes, Howard apparently dropped his severed appendages into the bin and drove five miles to his GP where he explained what he had done. Miraculously, Howard (now known as Holli) was back at work as the managing director of a women's only building firm, within three days.

Still getting used to her new gender identity Holli told reporters "I’m the sort of guy who, when I make up my mind to do something, wants it done there and then."

Holli is reported to feel satisfied with the surgery which allowed her to feel "All woman" but wife, Janet, is apparently angry about the extreme action.

Rating: 3 dufalumpi (maximum 5)

Source: The Sun