I found this hilarious. My favorite über-celebrity gives me more fodder to write, yippee! I finally found out the name of the poor bastard who is going to get canned (or not) over this obnoxious deal – The Vice President of Corporate Development (now there is a bullshit of a title if there was ever one!) Bruce Jaffe (or should I say Bruce Gaffe?).

Facebook is a LoserTool. In 2 years, you’re going to see a it disappear into the mist.

Much love to my hero Steve Jobs for this story.

What do you get if you slap on some bullshit jargon on an inanely simple task that is rumored to be hard to do? A “Communications Coach”!! Meet Amy Hertz who writes for God’s own website – www.oprah.com. She needed a John Artise to help her talk to other people … to get her way with others. She has a problem bigger than communication ya think???

So Mr. Artise or Ms. Artise (whatever the preference) “has been in the business of communication for close to 30 years, and administered more than 5,000 communication style assessments to people in corporate outplacement and training to investigate language styles”. Guess what he discovered after all that exhaustive research? That all of us are fittable into 4 (sterotypes) communication categories: Feelers, Sensors, Intuitors, and Thinkers.

Listen, the buck stops here. The world is not a simple place to live. 6 Billion people cannot be classified in 4 neat groups by some silly consultant. If you read the descriptors you quickly realize “Boy, I sure know a million other people who won’t fit in any of those (crap) buckets”. True, you are as unique as the next person my child. Don’t let anyone fool you to think otherwise.

Why am I not on CNN, huh? Why does someone armed with some bullshit research get face time with you only to spread rumors? True, it is fun to read about labels and try and think of the, oh, 5 or 6 people you know that fit.

The truth is, Amy, start by crossing off the title of your silly article. It is not about getting what you want from anyone, it is about being yourself in the true sense and approaching each problem with sincerity. The same boss who is today a Feeler may tomorrow be a Thinker. And you won’t recognize this transition easily because in your mind, you’ve labelled him or her or it as a Feeler. Instead of spending your time memorizing these labels, spend more time working on your approach. If you change yourself constantly to suit the needs of the other party, then who the heck is the real yous?

Amy writes early in the article “My requests were falling to the bottom of most people’s list of things to do. I couldn’t get anyone to cooperate”. So babe, let’s say you approached someone who is a Thinker (“These people play by numbers and facts. They are logical and realistic, and they will pop any idealistic balloon by citing a similar situation in which someone failed”). So what? Your request is still the same – you need your pencil sharpened. So how are you going to fluff up the fact that the other person has to do work to make your life easier? “Say Bob, the pencil is about 6 inches long and 1 inch across and I think will need around 5 turns at the sharpen ….. ” when he cuts you off saying “no way kitty cat, Jack o’er there lost a finger in that contraption; just use a pen”. Or do you think he is going to head over to the stationery corner any faster than he would have, unless he really wanted to?

Or maybe he was an Intuitor (“The Intuitor thinks in terms of the conceptual and long-range plans; she’s a problem solver but not necessarily interested in sticking around to implement solutions — she’d rather move on to the next puzzle”). Would you now say “Bobby Bob, my boss keeps complaining that he is finding it hard to read my writing because I tend to write fast (twirling strands of hair) and that a pencil might slow me down and his wife won’t be such a bitch no more because he won’t complain of eye stress. So I need to keep him happy because he is considering me for a promotion next quarter … ” only to realize Bobby Bob is already talking to Jack.

I can go on, you know?

I hate labels. So, don’t you dare label me you label-lover you! This article (not mine you ass! the one Amy wrote) is a prime example in uselessness. Thank you.

My antennae wiggle when I see crap like this online. I love Daily Kos, they are all my children, but this ad is a hoot!

Try giving this to grandma for Christmas and she’ll bitchslap you silly. This has got to be the most unbelievably STUPID gift ever. It is like sending a donation to that bearded baldy on TV who begs you to spare “less than a dollar a day”; he reeks of corruption. Haven’t you heard? It is impossible to value carbon credits?? In any case, you can’t shit carbons in the US of A and then offset it by having some poor slave-labor-bred Chinese or Mexican plant trees or do whatever! That too for just 13 cents a day! Nah-ah.

But, she can credit my carbons anytime, baby..

PS: I just realized the ad is too small to read. It is about gifting the joy of carbon credits to your loved ones!!!

Bow in the presence of greatness. Bow in the presence of Fake Steve. Bow, bow bowwow wowow wow WOW! He has me wet, baby! You know how we love to see nude celebs; well, he just snapped off Google’s halter top with an expert flick of his thumb and index.

I’ll tell you who makes money on AdSenseless. Google. You little scrappy website owner you, how much moolah do you rake, huh? Pittance. Unless you’re a wham-bam-thank-you-spam splog and believe me a lot of you idiots click onto those websites. Yet we all sign up for such a service in the hope of making money off the blog.

Which IDIOT clicks on these ads? Who wants to see more ads? I’ll tell you why you fuckers don’t mind seeing ads on websites. BECAUSE YOU GET THE CONTENT FOR FREE! Or so you think, while this surrepticious “google analytics” collects your information, only to sell it to companies. Makes you feel like they’re just one big fucking “telemarketing” gig that got lucky with ads online. True, they came up with text ads and I’ll give them props for that idea.

But Fakey Stevey lists a shit load of other ventures that generate no cash. Google Pack, Earth, Orkut, Maps, Street View (aieee!), Ride Finder, Transit, Checkout blah blah blah generate no cash today. They also won’t generate cash tomorrow, unless Eric is a reptillian who knows how the world is going to be in 10 years and he is just laying the foundations for it now. I find that likely, er, not.

As long as you cheapsters click on those silly ads, Google will thrive. Not only will it thrive, but it will continue to puff up the little arrogant heads of those “oh look @ me, I’m smarter than you” gerks (geeky jerks). YouTube is “the biggest no brainer in the history of the earth” because (for a short period of time), a bunch of kids threw money (actually the investors did) at hosting these videos long enough for Google to think it was worth the chump change. After that who cares? SHAME on you Google shareholders. You let these guys bask in the glory of their superheated egos, while all you do is froth at the mouth at the unbelievable valuations.

Maybe Google will buy this blog and rename it “Google No.Bullshit”. Heck, I’ll sell for a million bucks and free food at their “Googleplex” (goddddddddd!)

Facebook is an example of what happens when you see the forest and miss the trees. Like eBay coughed up a billion and and half of cold hard cash for Skpe, Microsoft coughed up $240m for Facebook. eBay is now regretting Skype and even looking to sell it off, and someone from Microsoft is going to lose their job over this investment, trust me.

How does such ludicrisity get promoted? Well, as Superman’s dead uncle once said “With great power, comes great responsibility”, people like Anne Zelenka need to realize the power they hold when they work for hacks like GigaOm. The best way to help someone succeed in today’s connected world, is to constantly write about it. Remember Enron? Remember all those reports praising their antics? These valutions are ridiculous and you must know that behind them are greedy VCs and managers looking to make a quick buck. Poor you thinks that Facebook actually creates value and end up investing in it (shame on you Microsoft shareholders). Facebook has a 23 year old founder, which is not crazy on it’s own – lots of smart people are young and I applaud them, even at my age. BUT the coterie that surrounds this hype, is using Zuckerberg’s age to define Facebook as the holy grail.

Really. It is nothing more than an electronic yearbook. With the way their “Beacon” ad platform is fucking up, this is not a monetizable idea. It is a really cool idea, but you are not going to make money on it. It is also NOT revolutionizing any old shit. It is playing up on the one brief notion of “hey, wouldn’t it be cool/funny/weird/odd/horrible/awesome (you choose) to know where that old school buddy/enemy/frenemy/sonofabitch (you choose) of mine is right now”. How long is that shit going to last? In a sea of social networking websites, it is nothing fancy. Yeah, yeah, they have a feature or two that is cool; whatever.

Bullshit packaged in neatly written articles is not going to make the stink go away. In a couple of years, we’re all going to see the shakeout and I hope the bastards who do this for a living (hyping shit up) get socked where it hurts because I was just forced to see the groveling of these silly writers (I can’t escape it!!! every bloody wherever-I-go). The cacaphony is mindnumbing. Will the real Slim Shady, please stand up?

Believe me, this is not a useless post.

Is it just me or is it weird to see some brown and yellow faces in a pale sea?

http://money.cnn.com/galleries/2007/fortune/0711/gallery.power_25.fortune/index.html

Sometimes, The Dutch Uncle realizes that nothing can be done to persuade the human spirit. Which is also what makes it so resilient. I submit to you sir, blogcruiser, because your dreams are bigger than mine.

I’d like to correct Hunter’s comments by saying that we’re not created in God’s image. Please!

Hunter said in his post “And that is, in a word, insanity. It is a flaw in the fabric of the world. We are, apparently, monstrous creatures, and if we are truly created in God’s image than God would have to be a more petty creator than we can possibly imagine. It seems more likely we are beasts.”

We are insane no doubt. We are monstrous creatures, no doubt. And that is why America is great. Just follow my train of thought here.

I just finished up seeing The Good Shepard on DVD and I got to tell you that it is very fascinating to think about the post-war ops that America ran in those days. Nowadays we have idiots running wars. And America is great because her people’s aspirations were not simple. It was to take over the world, which I might add, she did and has had in her power since years long gone. That is why this is the greatest country there ever was and ever will be, period. If you look at other countries, what are their aspirations, huh? To enslave its people to make us cheaper goods? To keep it’s populace up at night so that it can take calls from one of our red neck brothers in Mississippi whose cell phone doesn’t work? To kill it’s citizens while having them mine cheap blood diamonds for us? It’s all for us, baby. Think. Think about how America’s aspirations did not just include economics, but it was to take over the world. A la Dr. Evil.

Anyways, Hunter, that was a different topic but I felt that it was somehow all interconnected. I know you are a spiritual person who loves God. Sorry to shatter you belief, but all of it is either based on books written by humans or anointed as the holy word of God by us humans and frankly, sir, according to your own admission, we’re a crazy fucking insane bunch.

Yet again I say, be skeptical. Think for yourself. Stop reading the lines and start reading in between the lines. We are TRULY an insane bunch, a vile and vicious group. But the good lord gave us the 6th sense and me the 7th, to tell y’all to use your 6th. And always remember, America will be the greatest nation on the planet. Even on Mars.

One of my groupies, blogcruiser, responded to my ron paul won’t win post after I read the Daily Kos article. Personally I think my post was offensive so I am sorry about that, but aren’t the best-for-your-health foods the yuckiest? Truth stings. I am sorry but Ron Paul ain’t gonna win.

blogcruiser writes that “All I can say is maybe times are changing. The people are looking past looks and speaking and listening to the content. I think the people realize a spin is not going to make this country better. The truth, honesty and hard work might.”

Sir/Madam, you don’t know what you’re talking about (said in a southern accent respectfully). People are not looking past looks. Do you ever watch television? TV content = everything about looks. If content was supposed to matter and needed to be “smart”, then why aren’t we seeing more shows like Jeopardy? The closest we can come to is “Are you smarter than a 5th grader”. Don’t be so optimistic pal. The Dutch Uncle loves you and respects you but you’re delusional. And you’re not alone. We all are delusional if we think non-good looking content matters.

In America, the loudest voice wins. Everything has a dose of extra hype in it. Vista was so hyped up, then you know what happened (you do, right?) If one wants to get his/her point across, in America, then one needs to dress it up with enough bullshit that people get carried away in the moment and forget the message. That is why you have negative campaigns. It is like “hey look at this fucker, he is so damn nasty that he did this, this and this” all in an effort to make the poster look smart.

Looks are everything brother. EVERYTHING. Without looks, I’m just a silly old smart fella. If you were ever in the dating game, then you knew its all about the looks. Nice guys finish last and that is where Ron Paul is unfortunately going to be in the line. Sorry, I call it as I see it.

I’d rate this post 9/10, uselessnessly speaking.

” Vista’s first service pack …” w.t.f!

Well, SP1 was awaited, no doubt. “skillingssucks” (no he doesn’t you bastard, he is a genius!) commented on this article, stating that Mike Sievert (Corp. VP) said that the “Frankly, the world wasn’t 100 percent ready for Windows Vista”.

My hero Fake Steve said “And I thought it was the other way around. Anyway, it’s nice to know it’s the world’s fault, not Microsoft’s. Glad we’ve cleared that up”. Yes sir, I respectfully agree.

It is here Fake Steve, we always had an option. Both us and the Microtards. We could have been skeptical. But nooo, it is too bloody hard to ask the right questions. What, for all the genius-cells in Billy Boy’s brains, he and his chihuahuas did not realize that it is totally wrong to release Visa in 2007? How arrogant was that dumb move? XP is doing great, people are actually starting to like it, and then they fuck it up? And us users? Tell me, how bloody hard is to learn how to use a Mac? Or OpenOffice/Ubuntu? And since when did Bill Gates become King? Did he not make the software for our use?

So you see, it is our fault. We are too bloody stupid to think on our own and about our choices. We’re like “arrgh! gimme more gimme more! Obviously the clowns in Bullshit City, WA snicker when they look at user reviews and feedback – they know we’re just too dumb and lazy as shit do to a blinking thing about anything.

Shame on you Microtards. And you, yes you the Vista user. Don’t look at me, I’m on XP.