The Equality Chronicle

How to be a Trans Ally, As Told by Trans People Themselves

2015-10-08T20:15:00.000-07:00

An Introduction from Coco: Hello! I am excited to see this blog started up again. It is written by my sister, Jaime Coon, who has always been and continues to be an active ally to the queer community. This blogpost explores what it means to be an ally to the trans community, and offers some insight and advice from members of the trans community. For more information on trans issues, you can check out my blog, "Free to Be: Transcending the Gender Binary."

Transpeople experience unbelievable levels of violence and discrimination. Allies can play a significant role in supporting people who identify as trans and making spaces safe for all people, but many allies or would-be allies (including myself!) are woefully uneducated or unaware of the issues transpeople face. Often even the most well-meaning people do not know how to be an effective ally. I’ve always thought of myself as one of the better-informed allies, a role I’m proud of.

However, I’ve recently had to practice what I preach in a deeper way than ever before. My sibling Coco recently suggested that I start using they/them/their pronouns to refer to them. Not only was this an impetus for me to educate myself on issues related to the trans community, but it has also made me aware of how little people know about transpeople and how to support them.

Source

So, in an effort to better educate myself and other would-be allies, I decided to reach out to people in the trans community, including Coco, and get their advice on how I can be a better ally. My new mantra is to learn from listening. And so, with that in mind, Coco and I reached out to people we knew who identied as trans and asked them to participate in this blog post. I’d like to thank Harold, Coco, Kaden, Cathryn, Jesse, and Logan for their contributions.

First, let’s get some definitions out of the way.

Trans//adj (from Wikipedia): people experience a mismatch between their gender identity or gender expression and their assigned sex. Transgender is an umbrella term which may include genderqueer people whose identities are not exclusively masculine or feminine, but may, for example, be bigender, pangender or agender. (Also, don't use "transgendered, read why here).

Cis//adj: people who do not experience a mismatch between their gender identity or gender expression of their assigned sex.

1. Listen first, talk second

This is the most important lesson, and a difficult one for me. I have things to say! But, even the best meaning allies can silence trans individuals without meaning to. Here’s what my panel of experts has to say on the issue:

Kaden: “Learn when to sit back and allow others to speak. Sometimes you may think you know the answer but know which voices carry more weight. Learn from them.”

Cathryn: “1) Listen 2) Listen 3) Listen. 4) Ask respectful questions. 5) Listen 6) Listen... But, seriously though, active listening and being willing to reflect on information is crucial. Sometimes allies get so caught up in being an ally that they forget that being an ally is actually all about the person you are supporting.”

Logan: “Remember that the oppressed group is nearly always right about issues pertinent to their oppression. If you’re saying something about trans issues and an actual real-live trans person steps in and says “Hey friend, actually it’s this way…” listen to them.

2. Respect and trust trans identities

It isn’t about being politically correct. It’s about being respectful and kind.

Harold: “Treat us as the ultimate authority on our own identities. If you find yourself thinking that you know better than we do who we are or why we exist in the world the way that we do, question your motivations for wanting to know more.”

Jesse: “Be cognizant of the politics involved with being trans. Not all transpeople pursue surgeries; do not enforce binarist expectations or tell transpeople who are comfortable with our genitalia that we are "less" trans. We may face less violence, but not less pain. Remember that identities such as "genderqueer" and "agender" are also highly politicized, and the bodies that are readily accepted as agender are almost always thin, white, and able. This means that people of color, disabled folk, the highly feminine in presentation or heavily feminine/masculine-faced, and/or the overweight or curvy, have a difficult time being accepted as agender because these bodies are seen as innately categorized into the role of man or woman by society. A person can be agender and wear makeup and dresses or be feminine. Or masculine.”

Harold

3. Use the correct pronouns, but don’t be afraid to make mistakes
This may seem overwhelmingly difficult at first, but I can speak from experience: it’s possible. I’ve been using one set of pronouns for Coco for as long as I’ve been speaking, so if I can retrain my brain, so can anyone. Also, any difficulty I may have is miniscule compared to someone who has been assigned the wrong gender identity by society.

Coco: “Try not to misgender people. Always use a person’s preferred pronous, and practice them. If you mess up, just apologize and correct yourself. No big deal.”

Logan: “Use our pronouns! I don’t care if you haven’t heard of ze/zem pronouns before, or if you think they/them can only be used plural, or if you think your binary trans friend doesn’t pass well enough to be called by their chosen pronouns. If you call yourself an ally, you use whatever pronouns we give you.”

Jesse: “Use the correct pronouns even when the person isn't around to hear you use them. Don't make excuses for when you make mistakes - because you will make mistakes and that is okay - but rather, own up to them completely and do not attempt to diminish your behavior. Avoid saying things like, "The pronouns are just hard for me"; trust me on this: being misgendered by people who are supposed to protect your identity is a lot harder than remembering to say 'he' instead of 'she'.”

Kaden: “Be willing to listen and learn. While you may have good intentions, you could be making quite a few mistakes. No one is perfect, so don't expect yourself to be."

Logan

4. Respect your friends’ boundaries
What is right with one person may not be with another. Use common sense and common decency.

Logan: “First of all, asking how to be a good ally is not offensive. Asking questions because you’re curious and don’t know any better and want to be educated is not offensive…If you know a trans person well, there are very few questions that are offensive. If you don’t know this trans person at all, there are more questions that aren’t okay. Use your judgement. For example, you wouldn’t ask that stranger at the bus stop if he was wearing an undershirt beneath his work clothes.”

5. Respect and understand intense emotions come from a place of pain
It’s easy to be offended or be turned off by anger, but understand that anger is often an expression of pain. It’s a privilege to not be angry.

Jesse: “It is the profound strength of transpeople that often serves as a preventative barrier for cisgender folk to comprehend our delicacy. Allies need to be conscious that beneath our anger and pride is an ocean of fear, shame, hurt, and frustration. Transwomen face wildly elevated murder and sexual abuse rates; exceeding that of ciswomen. They occupy a disproportionate portion of the murder rate; so far, [21] transwomen have been killed this year. So, when listening or talking with an angry transperson, keep these figures in mind because if they haven't experienced it yet - chances are that they will."

Jesse

6. It’s okay to be uncomfortable—but keep moving forward
I’m not always comfortable, and I’m afraid of making mistakes. But, don’t let this discomfort or fear shut down your ability to move forward. It’s okay to take small steps, as long as you’re taking them. Just because someone rejects the gender binary does not mean you have to change your own sense of self. Transpeople are not a threat to your identity.

Harold: “Allow yourself to imagine a different world. Don’t say “gender is never going to go away” or “this is how it’s always been,” and close down your creative thinking about a world where gender diversity is seen and respected.”

7. Get educated
I frequently have to turn to google to learn what new terms mean. In the age of Tumblr, new phrases and categories crop up all the time, and I honestly can’t always keep up. And it’s okay to not know, but it’s not okay to refuse to accept or learn new things.

Coco: “Educate yourself! Read books and zines and blogs (especially by trans people) about transgender issues and transgender history."

Kaden: “Don't be afraid to ask how you can help. Assuming you know is probably not the best bet.”

8. Speak up
I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it 1000 more times. Always speak up if someone is disparaging an individual, an identity, or a group of people. You never know who may be listening, you never know who may be hurting.

Harold: “Speak up for us when we’re not around. It’s great for other cis people to know that they’re not free to be transphobic in an all-cis space. This last one applies to all kinds of oppressions.”

Coco: “Always speak up about oppression and bigotry. This is one of the most important jobs of an ally. When someone says or posts something transphobic call it out. Even if you are still learning how to be a better ally and may not know all the proper ways to talk about certain issues, speaking against bigotry is important, and can help create safe spaces for trans people (in real life and online). If someone says something that doesn’t take trans or non-binary trans people into consideration, point this out. Raising awareness, educating people (and yourself), and speaking out against injustice is so incredibly important."

Logan: “Stand up for us even when we’re not there. You have the ability to speak to other cis people in a way that we don’t. If someone makes a transphobic joke or uses a slur, call them on it (if you feel safe doing so). You can help make more and more spaces safe for us.”

Coco, third from right

9. It’s all about respect
Make every attempt to be respectful. If you err on the side of respect, then that gives you an opportunity to listen, speak up, learn, and grow alongside people of all identities. Trust a person’s individual experience even if you do not share it, and be willing to go outside your comfort zone. Remember, it’s all about making sure every person on the planet feels safe in their own skin. That’s worth the small amount of discomfort I may experience when treading into unknown waters or using new words.

Coco: “As Leslie Feinberg said, “ I care which pronoun is used, but people have been respectful to me with the wrong pronoun and disrespectful with the right one. It matters whether someone is using the pronoun as a bigot, or if they are trying to demonstrate respect.””

Logan: “Basically, be respectful and listen, listen, listen. Trans voices are all too often erased in the broader community, so the more cis people that let us speak, the better.”

I’ve learned that when you speak up, make sure to do so in the context of bringing other voices up with you. That’s what I’ve tried to do today, and will continue to do as I work to become a better ally.

While the issue may seem complicated, reading all this advice from transpeople has taught me that it’s actually quite simple. If we trust people with their own identities, believe every person deserves to feel safe, and fight for everyone’s right to be full participants in society, then there’s nothing complicated here. What’s a few pronouns between friends, anyway?

And I think Jesse sums it up perfectly:

“Support us, listen to our stories, love us unconditionally.”

Want to know more? Visit Coco's blog. It's really great.

A Monumental Day

2013-06-26T07:37:00.000-07:00

The federal ban on same sex marriages is dead. The state ban on same sex marriages in California is dead. We have achieved a huge victory for equality today. The country is changing its mind, and the Supreme Court in a 5-4 decision was on the right side of history. Let's keep moving forward. YAY!

Read SCOTUSblog for more details on the decisions.

All Eyes on the Supreme Court

2012-11-30T08:52:00.004-08:00

Later this afternoon, the Supreme Court is set to announce whether they will rule on same-sex marriage in the upcoming year (update at bottom of post!)

If they decide to take up the case, it would most likely be heard in March, with a decision in June. Ten petitions are in front of the court, and eight of them are about the federal Defense of Marriage Act (a more detailed legal description can be found here). The justices are behind closed doors right now (I'll post an update after their decision!).

In places like New York or Iowa, marriage equality is recognized under state law, but not recognized by federal law because of the Defense of Marriage Act (which the Obama administration believes is unconstitutional). So, legally married same-sex couples do not have equal access to federal rights. California's Proposition 8 (a ban on same-sex marriage that was recently overturned and is now being appealed) is one of the issues before the Supreme Court. If the justices take on this case, the court could potentially only rule for the couples in California. Or, they could rule on the issue of marriage equality in all states. I cannot express how HUGE that decision would be.

This comes after a series of historic victories for equality on election day. After Maryland, Maine, and Washington approved same-sex marriage, a total of nine states have legal same-sex marriage.

This is addition to re-electing the first president in American history to support marriage equality.

However, a total of 31 states have banned same-sex marriage in their constitutions, and 7 states have banned it by state law.

(From Mother Jones. Not pictured: Alaska, banned by constitutional amendment, and Hawaii, banned by state law)

So, even though the tide is turning, we still have a long way to go. And that is why this Supreme Court needs to take up the issue. Fighting for marriage equality state by state has left a patchwork of unacceptable inequalities.

As the Supreme Court said in 1967:

"Marriage is one of the basic civil rights of man, fundamental to our very existence and survival."

This was in the landmark Loving v. Virginia case, which finally declared race-based anti-miscegenation laws unconstitutional. To continue:

"To deny this fundamental freedom on so unsupportable a basis as the racial classifications embodied in these statutes, classifications so directly subversive of the principle of equality at the heart of the Fourteenth Amendment, is surely to deprive all the State's citizens of liberty without due process of law...Under our Constitution, the freedom to marry, or not marry, a person of another race resides with the individual and cannot be infringed by the State."

Let's not forget what this is all about. This is about rights, this is about equality for all, this is about societal acceptance, and this is about love.

Richard and Mildred Loving, arrested to for violating the law against marriage between a white and a black person in Virginia. (1960s)

Phyllis Siegal, 76, and Connie Kopelov, 84, the first couple to be married under New York's marriage equality law (Watch part of their ceremony. Beware of the potential for an outpouring of tears.)

Mildred Loving (pictured above), was quoted on the fortieth anniversary of the 1967 ruling Loving v. Virginia, in a rare public statement only a year before her death:

"Surrounded as I am now by wonderful children and grandchildren, not a day goes by that I don't think of Richard and our love, our right to marry, and how much it meant to me to have that freedom to marry the person precious to me, even if others thought he was the "wrong kind of person" for me to marry. I believe all Americans, no matter their race, no matter their sex, no matter their sexual orientation, should have that same freedom to marry. Government has no business imposing some people's religious beliefs over others. Especially if it denies people's civil rights."

This Supreme Court case could be huge. It could have a federal impact, or it could just have an impact on California. But, as Martin Luther King, Jr. said: "Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere." So let's get to work!

Join with me today in calling for the Supreme Court to consider the constitutionality of same-sex marriage. From my family to your family, let equality, love, and acceptance be the ultimate goals.

And let's get there sooner rather than later.

-JJC

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UPDATE 4:30 pm, 30 Nov. 2012
Supreme Court delays the decision on which case to hear another week. But it's likely that they will be hearing at least one of the cases. More from the LA Times here.

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UPDATE around 3:00 pm 7 Dec. 2012

The Supreme Court has announced they will take two cases about marriage equality during this session! They will be deciding cases about the Defense of Marriage Act and California's Proposition 8. This is good news! Read more from the New York Times here.

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PS--There's an interesting film in production about many issues I talk about on this blog. Check it out to see if it's something you'd like to support.

An Election About Life and Death and Love

2012-11-03T10:36:00.000-07:00

This election is of vital importance.

For the first time, the President of the United States came out in favor of same-sex marriage. I was beyond excited when Obama gave voice to an affirmation that resonated around the globe (see my blogpost about my enthusiasm and reservations about his statements here). This was huge, massive even. It was a giant leap toward equality.

But in this election, the progress I've fought for--that we've fought for--could be taken away from us. And, astonishingly, there's been next to nothing from either presidential campaign about LGBTQ equality. The presidential candidates had a debate on domestic issues, and yet the millions of LGBTQ Americans without rights were not even mentioned. It's time to make the case for a President that believes in LGBTQ equality.

This election is of vital importance.

I could talk about how I disagree with Mitt Romney's views on women's rights, the environment, healthcare, and education for hours. I could explain how I agree with major components of Obama's platform for a few more hours. But right here, I'm only going to delve into an extremely personal issue for me: marriage equality.

This election is of vital importance. I have friends tell me it's all a bunch of political "BS," that real change won't ever happen, that it's not worth voting, that it won't make a real difference for people who is president.

But they're so wrong. This election is about whether my sister will have access to equal marriage rights within the next four years. This is tangible, this is real, but it's also not just about my sister.

It's about millions of people. It's about the kids with lesbian or gay parents, it's about hospital visitation, it's about tax benefits, it's about bullying to the point of suicide, it's about partner healthcare benefits, it's about access to first-time home buyer programs, it's about veterans' partner benefits, it's about societal acceptance. It's about the 1,138 benefits or rights of marriage (as calculated in 2003 by the US General Accountability Office) that gay and lesbian couples have unequal access to.

This election is of vital importance. It's about what these candidates stand for, and how they're going to serve all of the citizens of this country.

Gov. Mitt Romney

Insensitive:

"I didn't know you had families."
Thinks Don't Ask Don't Tell was effective. Although, he has disagreed with himself on this issue.

Ignorant:

"Some gays are actually having children born to them... It's not right on paper. It's not right in fact. Every child has a right to a mother and a father."

Dangerous:

Blocked a Massachusetts bullying guide for public schools because it contained the words "transgender" and "bisexual."
Vetoed hate crime prevention in Massachusetts, doesn't see any need for additional anti-discrimination laws, and his running mate voted against the Matthew Shepherd Hate Crimes Prevention Act.

Don't forget how dangerous and prevalent LGBTQ bullying is. This is an extremely significant issue, and to be against hate crime and bullying prevention can have incredibly dire results.

Unconstitutional:

Says he would support a constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage.

Backward:

Keep in mind that Gov. Romney is trying to sound much more moderate than his actions have shown he is. Please explore the bullet points above to fully understand his views. Also, unlike what he implies in the above video, he does not support further nondiscrimination policies, national equal rights initiatives, bullying prevention if it includes transgender individuals, and holds contempt for same-sex parents. I don't know what "gay rights" he is in favor of, but supporting a constitutional ban on same-sex marriage makes it pretty clear where he stands.

President Barack Obama

In terms of what Obama has done, I outlined a more detailed report on this blog post, but to sum it up:

Supports and has enacted bullying prevention programs that includes LGBTQ people.
Made hate crimes against LGBTQ people a federal offense.
Supports same-sex marriage (with some reservations).
Supports LGBTQ human rights initiatives around the globe.
Declared the Defense of Marriage Act unconstitutional

Forward:

The next President will continue to make important decisions about marriage rights, LGBTQ people in the military, bullying and hate crime prevention, and perhaps most importantly, will have the opportunity to nominate justices to the Supreme Court who will continue to impact these kinds of decisions long into the future. If Obama is reelected, I truly believe that in four years we will either have marriage equality or will be a lot closer to it. After the first four years, we sure are closer to marriage equality than ever before.

This election is of vital importance. Get to the polls, and get everyone you know to the polls. This is an extremely personal issue for me. I've seen the beginnings of real change, and I do not want to go backwards.

I mean, come on America. This is about life and death and love. It's unacceptable to be on the sidelines. Vote for equality.

Your vote will matter for millions of school children with two moms or two dads who don't understand why the world says their mommies or daddies can't get married, why their family is wrong. It will matter for the teen contemplating suicide because their society rejects their identity. It will matter for the same-sex couple who has been together for thirty years, and cannot understand why they are labeled as a sinful "other" undeserving of equal rights.

This election is about life and death and love.

So. Let's go forward.

-JJC

Finally! Obama Endorses Marriage Equality

2012-05-09T18:25:00.004-07:00

Today, something truly great happened. President Barack Obama has finally come out and said what many people already knew: he's in favor of marriage equality.

(For some giggles, check out Fox Nation's original response to this, although it has been recently altered slightly).

Why is this happening now? Well, one could argue that this was simply a long time coming. Of course, there are the arguments that this is incredibly political (to which I have to say: what does a President of the United States do that isn't political?)

However, I believe it's actually due to what I like to call THE BIDEN BOMB.

Watch this:

After Biden's comments, the Obama 2012 campaign at first backtracked Biden's statements. After a few more days of uproar by the LGBTQ community, Obama has finally come out in favor of lesbian and gay marriage rights himself.

I have seen so many comments and announcements that Obama is, yet again, using "words not actions." However, it's been nearly the opposite. At the same time that Obama was "evolving" on the issue according to his statements, his administration has:

Announced that the Defense of Marriage Act would no longer be defended
Threw out Don't Ask Don't Tell, so gays and lesbians can now serve openly in the military.
Continued to support the commitment for gay and lesbian human rights around the globe.

So, what does Obama's statement mean in context of the rest of his administration? Obama stopped short of the full endorsement I had been hoping for, and I have several issues with his statement. And, it's clear that this is the perfect political storm for this to happen, with "gay money" supposedly replacing "Wall Street money," the Romney campaign's completely egregious stomping on gay people earlier this month, the Biden Bomb, and North Carolina's very recent approval of a ban on same-sex marriage all create the political storm that almost required Obama come forward and say something.

And he did say something. It doesn't matter if it's politically motivated, and it doesn't matter much that it's imperfect. He said something.

What I've come to realize is that for loving, same-sex couples, the denial of marriage equality means that, in their eyes and the eyes of their children, they are still considered less than full citizens.

Even at my own dinner table, when I look at Sasha and Malia, who have friends whose parents are same-sex couples, I know it wouldn't dawn on them that their friends' parents should be treated differently.

So I decided it was time to affirm my personal belief that same-sex couples should be allowed to marry.

Words are so powerful. They are used in campaign ads by both sides to either demonize or idolize politicians. They are used to bully. They are used to give hope and inspire. Words give movements power. They start things and they end things. They are used on both sides to rally around or against an issue.

So, let's rally.

Obama's administration has been taking seemingly small actions to further LGBTQ equality for nearly four years, and I've been blogging about them for over a year now. However, until today, there has been no rallying point. People I know are in favor of LGBTQ rights have no idea what Obama has already done because the administration hasn't been willing to broadcast it. I had to read between the lines when Obama slightly hinted at being in favor of gay marriage over a year ago.

Today, he actually said it. People are reading and watching and discussing and rallying. This is what I've been waiting for. Movements around the globe will be energized by having Obama's support.

Grain of salt time: what Obama has said--it's not perfect. And it's dangerous to take these words and assume change has been achieved. Progress has been made, but Obama still says that states should be allowed to make their own decisions, like North Carolina just did. North Carolina is the last of the Southern states to approve a ban on same-sex marriage. Do you know what this reminds me of?

When states were allowed to vote about whether or not people who looked a certain way could be enslaved or not. This is not the same issue, but it's similar. The rights of the minority cannot be decided by an oppressive majority. I urge Obama to jump to the right side of history instead of tentatively stepping over the line. A politician with so much at stake, I understand that he actually has to be reelected in order to take further action on this issue. Nevertheless, I believe that with more than half the country supporting lesbian and gay marriage, it's time for Obama to make that leap.

So let's rally not around Obama's statements, but around the promise they hold. And let's continue pushing for some change we can believe in.

In Case Anyone Forgot About (Love)

2012-02-15T19:50:00.000-08:00

This is what love looks like:

Married 2011

Married 1992

My Grandparents, Married 1952

Married 2005 (actually a civil partnership)

Married 2008 (but without federal rights)

Together since the '90s (but unmarried because of inequality)

My Sister, Coco Lam, and Casey Watson, To Be Married July 14th, 2012! (will they have equal rights?)

Happy Day After Valentine's Day

Shouldn't we all get to (love) without (parentheses)?

That Old Slippery Slope Argument (VIDEOS)

2012-01-27T11:32:00.000-08:00

If we allow gay people to get married, what's to stop us from accepting a man with a horse? A woman and a 10-year-old boy? A man and a rock? A woman with a starfish?

This is an argument we've heard over, and over, and over.

Many people don't know how to counter the argument at first. Those of us who know gay and lesbian couples can't even fathom how to explain that how love between two people is different from bestiality and pedophilia. I can't quite make the jump that two loving, consenting people marrying each other could lead to these things. To me, the following argument makes about as much sense as the slippery slope argument:

"If we let women vote, the next thing you know we'll all be walking around naked!"

But, many people truly believe that LGBT people put society at risk. So, in a concise manner, I've decided to counter those old ideas that people still believe.

If we let men marry men and women marry women, pedophilia, polygamy, bestiality, and people having sex with rocks will come next.

Just like the video mentioned above, marriage and sex is between two consenting adults. Children, animals, and rocks cannot consent to these things. It seems like more of a plateau than slippery slope to me.

Children are not safe with LGBTQ people.

Is Cinderella a part of the "straight pedophile movement," then?

Children are just as safe with LGBTQ people as with straight people. LGBTQ people are not more likely to be pedophiles than straight people. We see lesbian and gay couples and immediately think about sexuality... but what we should be thinking about is relationships. We have got to stop thinking about LGBTQ people in different terms than straight people. Really, there isn't as much of a difference as we think.

God has punished LGBTQ people with HIV/AIDS.

Being gay does not make a person more susceptible to HIV/AIDS, unsafe sex and dirty needles do. People always complain about the evil "behaviors" of LGBT people. Like I said earlier, straight people can contract HIV/AIDS the same way that gay people can: unsafe sex and dirty needles, or perhaps even a blood transfusion from back before donors were screened.

Lesbians and gays should not be allowed to adopt because children need a mother and a father.

"Mother" and "father" are social roles we have created for ourselves, not necessarily biological ones. This idea comes from the fact that we need to learn our gender roles from our parents. This is such an old idea: would you believe that I learned to cook from my father and my mom pays all the bills? Children need role models for how to become good people, not for how to fulfill old fashioned gender roles. It's more important for a child to have a healthy, happy, loving couple as their parents than for each parent to have different genitalia than the other. There are so many kids who need homes, and so many healthy families that would be willing to give them one. This one is a no brainer for me.

LGBT people are unnatural.

A quick Google search led me to this news article which claims that at least 1500 species "practice" homosexuality in nature. Lesbian and gay people can live many different lives, just like straight people. They may like to go to those stereotypical gay bars (I sure know a lot of straight people like to go to "straight" bars) or they may be in their pajamas by 8 pm.

They may be artists or engineers or accountants or actors, just like straight people. "The gays" make imperfect parents and people, just like "the straights." I'm really tired of pointing fingers talking about "those gay people" like they're some sort of "other."

"They" are, simply put, a part of "us." And it's time we start thinking about it that way.

We're all people.

Respectfully, and always hopefully,

Jaime J. Coon, Ally

The Straight State of the Union

2012-01-24T20:27:00.000-08:00

Am I the only one who missed Obama talking about LGBTQ equality in tonight's speech?

Here's what I tweeted before the State of the Union:

Alas! Though it apparently merited rewteeting by the NY Times, Obama did nothing to endorse LGBTQ equality, although his actions would suggest otherwise (see here, here, here, and especially HERE).

What do you all think? Is Obama strong enough on LGBTQ equality? Do you think gay marriage will be an issue in the upcoming election?

In some good news: it looks like Washington will be the seventh state to approve gay marriage! Read more here: http://heraldnet.com/article/

Holland Isn't Ready? (Videos and Commentary)

2012-01-19T17:55:00.000-08:00

Last year, my hometown's City Council voted down partial equal rights for LGBTQ people. I've been working on this blog post ever since then, but I've been unable to put my very strong emotions into effective words (although frustrated ranting came quite easily).

After the hours I've spent in City Council meetings, only to hear the vote for an addendum to the Anti-discrimination policy lose 5-4, I couldn't bear to write about it. I was devastated.

But, when you compare my hours in those meetings to the hours LGBTQ people face inequality... it really doesn't compare. It's actually selfish of me to not share Holland's story with whoever has time to read it.

This week is a week of hopeful celebration for Holland, and I now want to share my story. We didn't achieve what we want--yet. But Holland better get ready.

Holland has been fighting for these rights like I've never seen before. Last year, the Human Relations Commission unanimously recommended that the Holland City Council adopt new language to the Anti-Disrimination Ordinance to include LGBT people and gender identity.

I've been struggling with: how can we make our small-towns ready for this change? Can we keep families together by increasing inclusion at the city level? Although this measure was defeated, I cannot help but feel optimistic now that a few months have passed.

The day of the vote, I attended and spoke out at the five-hour-long meeting. I was surprised to find myself surrounded with fellow equality supporters.

I arrived early to get a seat in the front row; the room was packed. The Grand Rapids Press reported that there were 250 people stuffed into the room, and there were a number of people spilling out into the atrium of the building. A huge majority of the people there were in support of the proposed amendments to city law, something I was very surprised to discover.

Holland is becoming a battleground for small-town LGBTQ rights. The city has a reputation for being religious, called "The City of Churches." The city also has a reputation for being anti-gay.

About a year ago, the local newspaper, the Holland Sentinel, published obviously bigoted paid advertisements which promoted "family values" and was extremely anti-gay. Additionally, when Dustin Lance Black, the screenwriter of the movie "Milk," was scheduled to talk to Hope College Students, the college prevented him from coming and created a national media-worthy story.

But that is the bad, and much good is growing in Holland. An organization called "Holland is Ready" has been at the forefront of LGBTQ equality, along with its partner organization "Hope is Ready." The local PFLAG is a wonderful resource, also.

On June 7, 2010, the City Council referred for study the addition of "sexual orientation" and "gender identity" to the list of protected classes to the Human Relations Commission. The HRC then researched the issue for much of this year, and then unanimously voted in favor of recommending that the City Council adopt these amendments to the Civil Rights Ordinances in Holland.

The so-called "Gay Rights Ordinance" (the name given to it by media sources) was brought to a vote this summer. Before the vote, the City Council hosted an open forum for public comment.

I've talked about my sister on this blog many times. And even though she was hundreds of miles away in Eugene, Oregon when the forum took place, her family, our family, was out in force. We saw how Holland marginalized her and many others. It was time to take our stand, for her, and for the many others.

I attended the meeting with my friend, boyfriend, mother, grandfather, and grandmother. But also attending was my pastor, my sister's dad, our brother and his girlfriend, and so many others. I had gone into the meeting thinking that the ordinance would fail. But when I heard the unique and convincing arguments pile up at the Council Members' feet, I couldn't help but hope.

When it was time to vote, it was very anti-climactic. It was 11:30 at night, and we sat there and listened as many of the Council Members spoke as if they hadn't heard us.

Voting for the ordinance at this point wasn't by any means final approval. Because of this, one of the Council Members who did vote for the ordinance admitted he had doubts, but he wanted to see where this would go.

The five who voted no, including Mayor Dykstra, explained that they were for equal rights, but not for top-down measures "forcing" equal rights upon citizens. One Council Member even explained that if we really thought Holland was ready, we should try and change individual hearts, not the opinion of nine Council Members.

I found this ridiculous, and I have to admit it was hard to sit still in my seat. First of all, one of reasons we have representative government is for their judgement and ability to protect minority rights. We should not have to leave it up to the majority to decide whether a particular minority deserves to be protected. This argument is a cop-out. Think of all the major Civil Rights Laws. Remember any that were voted on by the majority of the country?

"The motion has failed."

Those four words settled heavily upon us as supporters slowly filed out of the room at nearly midnight. I remember my 79 year-old grandfather's head in his hands, the tears in my mother's eyes.

Would it ever be safe for my sister to come home to us?

What of the others? What of the suicides that happen in less supportive communities? What do all the closeted LGBTQ teenagers think when they read the front page of the Holland Sentinel and see that their city doesn't support them?

Since this discouraging City Council Meeting, Holland is Ready hasn't disappeared as perhaps many would have hoped. Other organizations have stepped forward as well. Until Love is = is one of those organizations.

The motion has failed?

And now the ultimate irony.

Last night, Holland is Ready was awarded a Social Justice award by the Holland City Council itself. Remember that Human Relations Commission I mentioned earlier that voted unanimously to recommend the City Council vote for this measure? Well, the HRC, in what might be act of resistance, is in charge of giving out these awards.

Reverend Jane Adams, accepting the award, commented:

“We might in fact be the only group ever who in one six month time period were first denied the rights we requested and were then celebrated by the city for our efforts in seeking those rights.”

It's also interesting to note that Wayne Klomparens was elected to City Council in the last election. He supports the Nondiscrimination Policy. On the day of the award, he suggested a revote in the future on this issue. We're moving in the right direction.

We need this ordinance. It's up to our government to protect us. And they left us in the cold.

So, maybe we haven't reached our goal yet.

Equality sometimes feels far out of reach. But every day Holland is Ready, Until Love is =, and YOU are out there working for equal rights, more people join our side.

The right side of history.

Sincerely,

Jaime J. Coon

Former Holland Sentinel Columnist

Former International Relations Commission Student Representative for the City of Holland

Holland High School Valedictorian and Graduate

Holland Public Schools Attendee for 13 Years

Daughter of Two Holland Teachers

Granddaughter, Niece, Cousin, of Many Holland Residents

Sister of Former Holland Resident, Who Now Lives in Oregon,

Because Holland Wasn't Ready for Her

PS-- To Holland City Council: Get Ready. Your residents are going to show you how ready they are. Some people tried to tell you that this message was coming from the outside. Well, here I am, born and raised in Holland (see above list), and I'm telling you I will not live in Holland when I graduate from college unless Holland shapes up. And you definitely have a hand in that. You will go down in the history books already for being old fashioned and backwards in the eyes of history. Let's change that!

This Is What I'm Fighting For

2012-01-18T11:23:00.000-08:00

This video encapsulates what I'm fighting for, and why. Wonder why I'm so impassioned about gay rights? I cannot stand the inequality, the suicides, the bullying, the hate. This is about people's lives.

Maybe you consider my right to marry unaffected because I'm straight.

Maybe you considered my protection against discrimination uninfringed upon because I'm straight.

Maybe you consider my acceptance in church, representation of relationships like mine in hollywood, ability to assume you all know my sexuality, knowing my parents won't throw me out of the house, knowing that I won't be shot for my sexuality, are all reasons for me to be less passionate about gay rights.

Because I have the privilege. Many of you reading this have the privilege.

Wrong. We are all affected. While one person is in chains, so are we all.

I absolutely hate that I have this innate privilege that others, just as deserving as I, don't have.

My sister's getting married this summer. Only--she can't legally get married in Oregon. Not only that, she can never have a normal life. And it's because of people and institutions that have the ability to change.

And it isn't because she isn't normal. She's human, just like me.

Please, join the movement.

Watch:

Invisible Creatures

2012-01-12T19:05:00.000-08:00

It won't stop happening until we fix things.

Eric James Borges, 19 years old, has killed himself. He's a prominent teen filmmaker and has worked for The Trevor Project (an organization fighting LGBTQ teen suicide). Please watch the film "Invisible Creatures" he directed and produced (below); it's truly beautiful.

We absolutely have to stop this, and we all have the power. Say a few words to someone who is hurting. Don't be afraid to stand up to the bullies. Be a social and political voice for LGBTQ individuals. There is so much struggle already involved with human existence. We must stop this needless loss.

Also watch Eric's It Gets Better video, recorded a month ago. It's truly heartbreaking under these circumstances.

Remember, love is love is love. Love is always natural. Love is always good, never evil. Support love for straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, queer, questioning, anyone and everyone.

It could save a life.

Video: Transgender Kids and Our Complicated Identities

2011-09-27T10:41:00.000-07:00

Life is complicated. People lucky enough to follow the norms of society--a feminine, straight female or a masculine, straight male--have much fewer complications. Can you imagine, as a young child, existing in a body that did not feel like it was your own?

The following video is a great depiction of transgender children (click the link below the picture).

http://www.cnn.com/2011/09/27/health/transgender-kids/index.html?hpt=hp_c2

There is a difference between gender identity and sexual orientation. For example, parents who have a boy identifying as a girl thought that they may have a gay son.

It's important to remember that gender identity is a spectrum just like sexual orientation, but it is a different spectrum. There's a difference between transgender and gender non-conforming. This spectrum is about masculinity and femininity.

You can be born a boy, identify as a girl, and still be either straight or LGB. You could be a girl who is more masculine, but is still straight. Or, you could be a masculine, gay boy or a feminine, lesbian girl or a transgender, masculine, bisexual man. Or anything inbetween. Our identities are fluid, complicated, and most of all, normal. We as human beings love to put things into boxes, and anything outside of these boxes scares us. It's important to remember not to box-up identity. It's a disservice to your friends, family, and your children. (see the image I made below)

The End of Don't Ask Don't Tell! Are Birds Falling From the Sky?

2011-09-20T07:46:00.000-07:00

Another GIGANTIC step forward!

This president is coming through for LGBTQ people like no other president previous to him

Today marks the end of Don't Ask Don't Tell. After 18 years, at 12:01 this morning, it was over. For those that don't know about DADT, the law (signed by President Bill Clinton) prevents openly gay or lesbian people from serving in the military because of the "risk" it would pose to the "cohesiveness," "morale," "good order," and "discipline" of our armed forces.

Although there are opponents to the change, it is supported by top officials from the Pentagon.

Check out this celebratory Obama video, and below it, check out some serious craziness from Cindy Jacobs (read more from Ms. Jacobs here) who believes the end of DADT is bringing imminent armageddon, with birds falling from the sky and everything. Enjoy!

What do you think? How long overdue is the repeal of DADT? How much harm (or not) has DADT caused?

Stephen Colbert Breaks Character for LGBTQ

2011-07-26T06:47:00.000-07:00

Comedian Stephen Colbert of the Comedy Central's "Colbert Report" broke character this week to tell LGBTQ youths that life gets better.

This came the same week that same-sex marriages began taking place in New York and the repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell was finalized.

Our change is gonna come.

Increased LGBTQ Acceptance - New Polls

2011-05-26T12:41:00.000-07:00

Two new Gallup polls show that LGBTQ acceptance is growing in the United States. I'm excited. I'm excited that we have a pro-LGBTQ President, that people are being educated, that actual change is happening. I know we have a long way to go, but it would be great if legal improvements could be supported by cultural improvements.

This year, 53% of Americans said they were in favor of same-sex marriage and 64% of Americans said same-sex "relations" should be legal.

I'm ready for those numbers to take a big jump. I'd love to see percentages in the 80s and 90s. What do you think? Is that day coming soon?

While it's great that LGBTQ equality is becoming more accepted, it's important to remember that violence, hate, and ignorance still exist (you really should click that last link).

Video: Gays Are Nazis

2011-05-23T23:05:00.000-07:00

I've been called a socialist, communist, Nazi, prostitute, fascist, dumb blonde, drug dealer, and brainwashed teenager before (mostly via online anonymous comments on articles I've written like this). How have I elicited such anger from my online peers? I'm a liberal leaning person living in a community with foundations in the far right, and though I try not to be bombastic or forceful, I'm definitely not ashamed.

I'm not surprised that people leave online comments like the above. It's not right, but it's the nature of the internet. Anyone online with an opinion of any kind is targeted.

This video, however, did surprise me. Bryan Fischer, a prominent leader in a national family organization, makes ridiculous claims against "the homosexuals." This is no anonymous comment. This is an individual who is followed by many other people. This person, therefore, has a greater ability to hurt others, and he is wielding this power.

(via Right Wing Watch)

"The homosexual agenda is just like Islam: there is no room for dissent, there is no room to leave, once you're in, you can't leave. Muslims won't let you leave, homosexuals won't let you leave - if you leave, they claim you're faking it, so there's no way out. There's no freedom of choice, there's no freedom of religion - if you have religious views about homosexual behavior, you are squashed.

I mean, ladies and gentlemen, they are Nazis. Homosexual activists, when it comes to freedom of speech, are Nazis. When it comes to freedom of religion, they are Nazis. There is no room in their world dissent, there is no room in their world for disagreement, there is no room in their world for criticism. You criticize homosexual behavior, they tag you as a bigot and a homophobe and then they got to work to silence you just like the Roman Catholic Church did in the days of Galileo - it's no different; it's the Spanish Inquisition all over again.

Ladies and gentlemen, they are Nazis. Do not be under any illusions about what homosexual activists will do with your freedoms and your religion if they have the opportunity. They'll do the same thing to you that the Nazis did to their opponents in Nazi Germany."

Bryan Fischer, the man spouting off that homosexual activists are Nazis bent on taking over the world, is the Director of Issues Analysis for the American Family Association (an anti-gay organization identified as a hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center). Fischer is known for saying that no mosques should be built in the US (read this article at your own risk of elevated blood pressure). He is also notorious for comments and more comments connecting homosexuals to Hitler to Don't Ask Don't Tell (read more about Hitler's sexuality here).

There is so much wrong with his above statement, I almost don't even know where to begin.

One thing is clear to me, thought. Bryan Fischer has not known the people I have. My sister, with her partner and two daughters, they're Nazis? The nice gay couple that lived down the street from me, together for decades, Nazis? A gay friend of a friend who is joining the Navy to fight for his country, a Nazi?

Really?

Bryan Fischer said, "Do not be under any illusions about what homosexual activists will do with your freedoms and your religion if they have the opportunity." No, Fischer. I just have one thing to say to you:

It is not your rights they're after. They just want their own.

And guess what else? "They" are a part of "us." "They" are people - grandmothers, couples, fathers, brothers, sisters, uncles, mothers, neighbors, friends - just like anyone else. And "we" all deserve equal rights.

"Kill the Gays" Bill Shelved-For Now

2011-05-14T09:44:00.000-07:00

You may not be surprised to learn that Uganda has been considering an anti-homosexuality bill. However, you probably would be surprised to learn that the death penalty for gay people is a part of this bill. When I heard about this, I was outraged. However, even I was surprised to learn that the death penalty for gay individuals is not limited to Uganda, but is the law of the land in seven countries.

Uganda's "Kill the Gays" bill was first introduced by David Bahati in October of 2009 (pictured below). The death penalty would be used for people who have been convicted of homosexuality more than once, are HIV-positive, or have sex with someone under 18 of the same sex. The bill would also prohibit the "promotion of homosexuality,"and would imprison for life those married to a person of the same-sex. Anyone who knew of a gay person would be required to report them, or face prosecution themselves. Bahati has said that a new version of the bill does not include the death penalty, but no new version of the bill has been released.

This bill has been connected by Rachel Maddow of MSNBC and others to an American group called "The Family." (I discussed this issue earlier this year after David Kato, a prominent gay Ugandan, was murdered).

It's clear Uganda has an acceptance problem. What has been up in the air is whether Uganda has a big, gigantic legal problem.

If the bill, or a version of it, would pass, Uganda would not be alone in this human rights violation. There are seven other countries that have the death penalty of gay people (source: Wikipedia).

On Friday, after reports that the bill would be voted on that day, the Ugandan parliament adjourned without taking any action on the "Kill the Gays" bill. This means that, for this session at least, the bill is dead.

Over 2 million people around the world had signed online petitions protesting the "Kill the Gays" bill. Allout.org is one of those organizations that is celebrating this as a victory, but is also insisting on the importance of continued attentiveness and dedication to LGBTQ equality (see video below).

Unfortunately, the bill may not be dead forever. There's an extreme lack of LGBT acceptance in Uganda. The bill could be reintroduced next session. In fact, David Bahati has already said he is planning to reintroduce it.

It's important that we continue to be vigilant, and protest when individuals or governments are unjust, especially when the groups being discriminated against are those lacking voice. It's also important to remember that just because gay people won't be killed by the Ugandan government, it doesn't mean they are free.

Making Colleges LGBTQ Safe Zones

2011-05-10T13:56:00.001-07:00

I've been published... elsewhere! Grand Central Magazine has posted an alternate version of a blog I wrote earlier this month. I rewrote it to make it more college/Central Michigan University oriented. Check out this link to see it online, and here is the post in it's entirety:

People who know me well know that conversations with me frequently turn to LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender) rights issues. Last week, I was having one of my ubiquitous passionate outbursts about the way ignorance and hate leads to violence for LGBT people, when the person I was talking to shrugged it off.

“I really don’t think it’s a big deal anymore,” they said. “I don’t care if people are gay, and I’ve never seen any discrimination.”

While we have come a long way in recent years, discrimination, harassment and even violence against LGBT individuals is still a problem in this country.Studies suggest that the challenges LGBT people face because of their sexual orientation can prevent them from reaching their full social and academic potential in college.

A study from 2010 surveyed about 100 institutions and 5,000 college students. The study finds that about 25% of lesbian, gay and bisexual students and faculty experienced harassment while at college. 43 percent of gay, lesbian and bisexual people hid their sexual orientation to avoid intimidation. 39 percent of transgender and gender nonconforming people experienced harassment, and 63 percent said hid their sexual orientation.

These statistics become more personal when considering the story of Tyler Clementi (pictured on right), a 19-year-old college student from Rutgers University. His roommate, Dharun Ravi (left), filmed Clementi in a romantic encounter with another man, then posted it on the Internet. Clementi jumped off the George Washington Bridge on Sept. 22, 2010, just days after the video was posted online. Ravi is now facing a 15-count indictment, including a hate crime, and could face 5 to 10 years in prison.

Perhaps bullying of this intensity and scope isn’t widespread at CMU. But that shouldn’t stop students, faculty and administration from working to make CMU a LGBT safe zone, which could prevent future tragic stories of harassment, suicide or bullying occurrences at CMU. More importantly, LGBT students could feel accepted, which would allow them more successful and happier lives. A safe zone doesn’t only mean a lack of violence, but also active acceptance.

CMU has made strides in the recent months and years. As an attendee of many of the Pride Week activities, I loved being in an atmosphere of acceptance for all kinds of people (read more about my experiences during Pride Week here). Also, there has been movement on the issue of gender-neutral housing on campus.

But what can college students do to help on an every day basis? Many don’t have time to join a student organization or lobby student government or administration for changes, much less take action on what’s going on in the United States in terms of LGBT rights However, there are many simple things any college student, or any person, can do. Here’s a guide on how to help make a college campus a safe zone for LGBT people.

There are some very simple things you can do:
(adapted from a recent blogpost of mine about how violence can lead to hate)

If your roommate or a classmate calls something ”gay” as an insult, tell them they’re being insensitive.
If a student says they don’t care if LGBT people do their “thing,” as long as they don’t do it in front of him/her, say something like, ”Man, those straight people too. I really wish they wouldn’t do their thing in front of me.”
If a friend says, “Hey, is that girl a lesbian?” Exclaim something like, ”I think that guy over there might be straight!” People make being LGBT abnormal, and they act like deviating from the heterosexual norm is something that should define a person’s entire identity. Really, it’s just one small part of a person, not their whole being.
If you hear LGBT-bashing, be an ally and a friend. There’s not much you can do to change a hateful person’s mind, but you can be aware of those around this person. Don’t be afraid to say you disagree with the speaker. You never know who is listening and hurting as a result of this ignorance.
If you are straight, recognize your heterosexual privilege. If you saw Tim Wise speak at CMU earlier this year, you know what I’m talking about.
If you are a lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender individual, reach out to people who might need your guidance.
If you need guidance yourself, there are roommates, friends, and allies all around you. Make sure you get what you need.
Participate in activities like the Day of Silence (or other activities like CMU’s “Queer Monologues,” or the Drag Show) to help raise awareness about this issue.
Be aware of LGBT groups in on campus (such as Spectrum). If you have time, attend meetings or events.

Most importantly, make yourself available to those who need it. You never know who might be listening. Advertise that you’re an ally in subtle ways (like those above), and you will be a safe place for LGBT people. Together we can make the entire campus a safer place.

So speak up, speak out, don’t stand for intolerance and actively fight for the acceptance of all people.

Want more from The Equality Chronicle?

Read about the price of ignorance here, here, and here.
Read about where LGBT equality stands in the US and abroad here, here, and here.

In Honor of Mother's Day

2011-05-08T10:38:00.000-07:00

12-year-old wisdom can be greater than that of 49% of the population. This girl speaks emphatically in favor of gay marriage in 2009. She has two mothers.

This girl changed several legislators' minds with her testimony before the Vermont House. She was pivotal in gay marriage passing in Vermont, where the opposition tried to make the debate "all about the kids," and she then helped this opposition with their "lack of information." She countered this argument by saying that it hurts kids to prevent their parents from getting married.

Vermont was the first state to pass gay marriage legislatively.

Take some time today, in between your mom's flowers and foot rub, to think about those mothers who can't get married. It's time for equality, people.

Videos: The Kids Are Listening.

2011-05-04T20:49:00.000-07:00

Some parents allow their sons to live as "Princess Boys." Some parents say anti-gay comments around their children. Some say nothing at all. What we say around kids affects them. It's important for adults to understand how being LGBTQ inclusive in everyday speech can have a positive impact on a child--and how derogatory comments and a lack of awareness can harm them.

Along the same vein, we frequently hear the horror stories of teenagers being thrown out of homes because of their sexuality. We hear of LGBTQ homelessness, drug abuse, and suicide. We've heard of transgender youth being attacked brutally.

Less often, we hear of those supportive parents. There are two inspring examples below. The first mother talks about her "Princess Boy," a gender nonconforming boy who is allowed to dress like a princess.

The mother explains that her child's circumstance is not necessarily "gender confusion," but gender non-conformity, an important distinction. She explains that in society, difference leads to discomfort, but it shouldn't have to be that way.

Below is the story of parents who are allowing their child start a new school year with a new gender.

I can't emphasize enough the power of language. Be aware of the needs of kids around you. They may be LGBTQ in the future, or they may not. But they will, without a doubt, know someone who deals with these issues. What they are taught now will affect how they live their lives in their future.

Video: Obama is now Pro-Gay Marriage?

2011-04-30T19:13:00.000-07:00

Although Obama has always opposed the Defense of Marriage Act, and although he is pro-civil union, he has been anti-gay marriage. This has been a major problem I've had with the Obama Administration. However, as of late, with the Administration declaring DOMA unconstitutional and working to end Don't Ask Don't Tell, I've partly forgotten that Obama campaigned with an anti-gay marriage platform. This is, however, in direct contradiction of his 1996 statement of his "unequivocal" support of gay marriage.

Do recent actions reveal otherwise? Watch this video and tell me what you think. Do you think Obama will come out in favor of gay marriage?

According to Dallasvoice.com, this video:

...may be the closest President Barack Obama has come to publicly admitting that he supports marriage equality — at least since he actually said it on a candidate survey in 1996. In the video below from a DNC fundraiser Monday night in San Francisco, Obama says during his speech that, “Our work is not finished.” Then someone in the crowd yells, “Gay marriage.” Obama pauses, then appears to respond by repeating, “Our work is not finished,” as if to indicate that the audience member had just illustrated his point.

I'm ready for a President who believes in complete marriage equality! How about you?

Ignorance and Hate Leads to Violence-What Can YOU Do?

2011-04-26T08:33:00.000-07:00

The threat of violence for LGBTQ people is very real, as the following stories of recent violence show. Especially in conservative communities, LGBTQ people feel threatened. But you can help (see end of post). As a warning, several of the videos below show real violence, and some readers may find them shocking.

Last week, a Texas man killed his daughter's girlfriend and the girlfriend's mother (Norma and Maria Hurtado, pictured below) because he was angry about his daughter's lesbian relationship.

Last year, Tyler Clementi committed suicide after his roommate filmed him during an "intimate encounter" with another man. Tyler jumped off of the George Washington Bridge on September 22, 2010, just days after the video was posted online. Last week, the roommate, Dharum Ravi, has been indicted on 15 counts, and prosecutors are alleging the incident was a hate crime. (Pictured below: Ravi on left, Clementi on right.)

On April 9th, Joshua Esskew, 19, was attacked by a group of at least eight men in South Carolina. Esskew happens to be gay. Esskew was walking into a convenience store when another man shouted a gay slur. Esskew tried to walk away, but someone threw a bottle at him. Eight men came running and beat him. The FBI is considering this a possible hate crime.

About 85% of LGBTQ teenagers are harassed in high school because of their sexual orientation. 61% feel unsafe in school, according to the Gay Lesbian Straight Education Network. These percentages are likely underestimated.

On April 18, a 22-year-old transgender woman was beaten at a McDonald's restaurant. A McDonald's employee filmed the whole incident (see below). Allegedly, the woman was attacked after trying to use the bathroom. The first half the video recounts the attacks, the second half is about whether the attack should be considered a hate crime. It certainly seems like a hate crime to me.

In March, Damian Furtch, a 26-year-old gay man, was brutally beaten by two men outside a McDonald's. The men were shouting anti-gay slurs the whole time.

In conservative communities without LGBTQ support groups, a new study finds that LGBTQ youth are more likely to attempt suicide than in more liberal, accepting communities. A supportive environment was also accompanied by a 9% decrease in heterosexual attempted suicides.

"Lesbian, gay, and bisexual youth were significantly more likelyto attempt suicide in the previous 12 months, compared withheterosexuals (21.5% vs 4.2%). Among lesbian, gay, and bisexualyouth, the risk of attempting suicide was 20% greater in unsupportiveenvironments compared to supportive environments."

At the same time violence, ignorance, and hate are seemingly everywhere, a recent CNN poll has indicated that a majority of Americans (51%) support same-sex marriage. There are steps forward every day.

Will you join me in my fight against ignorance and hate? The social environment of a LGBTQ youth can greatly impact whether or not they attempt suicide, and an environment of acceptance can be achieved with your help. Here are some very simple things you can do:

If an individual calls something "gay" as an insult, tell them they're wrong.
If someone says they don't care if LGBT people do their "thing", as long as they don't do it in front of him/her, say something like, "Man, those straight people too. I really wish they wouldn't do their thing in front of me."
If someone says, "Hey, is that girl a lesbian?" Exclaim something like, "I think that guy over there might be straight!" People make being LGBT abnormal, and they act like deviating from the heterosexual norm is something that should define a person's entire identity. Really, it's just one small part of a person, not their whole being.
If you hear gay-bashing, be an ally and a friend. There's not much you can do to change a hateful person's mind, but you can be aware of those around this person. Don't be afraid to say you disagree with the speaker. You never know who is listening and hurting as a result of this ignorance.
If you are straight, recognize your heterosexual privilege. If you are a lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender individual, reach out to people (especially teenagers) who might need your guidance.
If someone goads you into a religious argument, say something like, "Nothing as pure as the love of another person or the love of family could be a sin." (Or read this, for better arguments)
Make yourself available to those who need it. Advertise that you're an ally in subtle ways (like those above), and you will be a safe place for LGBTQ people.
Participate in activities like the Day of Silence (or other activities available in high school, college, or other communities) to help raise awareness of this issue.
Be aware of LGBTQ groups in your area (such as PFLAG). If you have time, attend meetings or events.

The actions above are painless for most people, but you may never know the pain you are preventing or alleviating in other individuals.

My constant advice:

Speak up. This is not something we can afford to be quiet about.

Equality Update: Anti-Gay Facebook Actions, Boehner Hosting Marriage Defense Hearings

2011-04-18T19:24:00.000-07:00

There's so much happening in the fight for LGBT equality. I alternately get really excited, angry, upset, appalled, happy, hopeful, and that's only about what I've read today!

Without further ado, here's the top LGBT forward and backward steps for the last few weeks.

Equality Update

Forward: Civil Union Victory in Delaware!

A civil unions bill has passed in Delaware, and Gov. Jack Markell is expected to sign it. This will give gay and lesbian couples the same rights from the state as heterosexual couples. This is the eighth state to give lesbian and gay couples equivalent status. Delaware joins California, Oregon, Washington, Maine, Hawaii, Nevada, and Wisconsin, all of which “recognize at least some of the legal rights of domestic partnerships.” (watch the video at this link...the reaction of the audience is amazing!)

Forward: Gay Marriage Recognized in Five States, and Census Data

Gay marriage is recognized in five states and the District of Colombia. Data from the 2010 US Census (the first time same-sex married couples were counted) indicates that when there is a larger proportion of lesbian and gay couples living in an area, it is more likely that gay marriage or civil union laws will be passed. However, it’s also possible that lesbian or gay individuals move to more accepting locations. The full report is expected out in November of this year.

Backward:
Boehner's Marriage Defense Hearings

House Speaker John Boehner convened a House hearing concerning the Defense of Marriage Act on Friday. There were three notable guests, two of which are considered anti-gay activists. One of them was named Maggie Gallagher of the National Organization for Marriage, who claimed, among other things, that same-sex marriage was "cancerous" and would lead to polygamy. The other, Rutgers University Law Profesor Carlos Ball, countered the argument that President Obama acted without precedent in refusing to defend a law, citing instances where Presidents Reagan, H.W. Bush, and W. Bush did the same. (read more here).

Backward: Kobe Bryant's Anti-Gay Slur

Kobe Bryant of the Los Angeles Lakers was fined $100,000 for an anti-gay slur, which was said to an NBA referee.

Backward: Deportation of Gay Spouses

As it stands right now, gay married spouses are being deported, whereas a straight marriage could allow an individual to stay in the US. However, 48 members of the US House of Representatives have signed a letter asking the Obama administration to suspend these deportations until DOMA issues (see here) are resolved. Basically, the Obama Administration has declared DOMA unconstitutional, and will no longer defend it in court. However, the administration must enforce the law until it is overturned. House members are hoping that deportations can be stopped until this issue is sorted out.

Backward: Transgender Rights in Maryland Falter

A transgender rights bill has died in the Maryland Senate.

Forward: Transgender Rights in Nevada Succeed

The Nevada Assembly has voted in favor of Bill 211, a bill that prohibits job discrimination against transgender individuals.

Backward: Facebook's Recent Anti-Gay Actions

And I was so proud of Facebook earlier this year! After two men were thrown out of a bar for kissing in the UK, supporters created a "kiss-in" event on Facebook meant to protest. Facebook removed this event because it had a picture of two men kissing from a soap opera, two men of consenting age, fully clothed (see right).

Forward: LGBT History to be Taught in California Schools?

Possibly! There's a bill that passed the senate that would mandate the teaching of LGBT history and influential people, although the age group that would be taught the material would be up to the discretion of the schools.

It's Complicated?
The Ongoing Defense of Marriage Act Dilemma

The issues surrounding the Defense of Marriage Act (see here) can be extremely confusing and is at the centerpiece of the gay rights fight right now. This article (it’s extremely informative, check it out!) describes how DOMA is negatively impacting lesbian and gay couples across the country.
However, as of April 1^st, the Department of Health and Human Services has informed states that they can treat gay couples the same as straight couples when it comes to benefits.

So, there are incremental movements, but in the large scheme of things, legal equality is still leaps and bounds away.

This is true for all the news above; absolute legal equality is still far away, but it is achievable. Small picture, each of these issues individually may not seem world-changing. It's the amalgamation of all these issues that will slowly but surely initiate real change.

But this change only comes with increased acceptance and a willingness for people to advocate for the oppressed. That means you, me, and everyone else. Things are happening, it's time to get on board.

[If there's a news story you think I should write about, feel free to send me an email (coonjaime@gmail.com), or if you're friends with me on Facebook I can take suggestions there, too. I get many of my stories from my friends, family, and readers!]

Day of Silence

2011-04-15T07:58:00.000-07:00

Today is the Day of Silence, and in honor of that this will be a short post.

Today I have taken a vow of silence. My silence represents LGBTQ individuals who have been silenced by bullying, harassment, intolerance, and even suicide.

The religious right, in protest, is hosting a Day of Dialogue so students can tell their peers "what the Bible really says about His redemptive design for marriage and sexuality."

This is big part of why I'm being silent today, because ignorance like that still exists in the world.

What are you doing to end the silence?

The Queer Monologues at CMU and Straight Privilege

2011-04-12T20:37:00.000-07:00

Tonight was my kick-off of Pride Week. And I have many reasons to be proud.

The Queer Monologues is "a production of works created by queer and queer positive writers." Individuals affiliated with CMU's Gay and Lesbian Programs performed in Plachta Auditorium tonight at Central Michigan University.

As a student at Central Michigan University, I'm sorry to admit that I haven't joined any of the LGBTQ organizations on campus. I've made it my number one goal next semester to join the Gay Straight Alliance here, called Spectrum. After The Queer Monologues, I'm more determined than ever to be involved in this active community on campus.

The Queer Monologues was a funny, at times tear-jerking, thought-provoking, and educational experience. Topics ranged from the difficulties of being gender nonconforming, bisexual, transgender, and also the difficulties of coming out in general.

The performers emphasized that LGBTQ individuals are all around us. For example, a gay man may live in San Fransisco, but a gay man could also live in a small town with his partner and children--even in my hometown of Holland, MI, no matter how much some residents would like to suppress this "lifestyle." These LGBTQ individuals do not necessarily follow stereotypes. There was a list of dozens and dozens of famous people that are or were LGBTQ (one in particular surprised me).

One performer discussed one specific difficulty of being transgender: her voice. That constant reminder of her past that hormones could not change.

Another talked about LGBTQ teen suicide. About society's inescapable intolerance of who she was. I don't know about other audience members, but tears were in my eyes.

I identified with one performer in particular. She was a straight ally. She talked about the difficulties of being a straight ally, difficulties I have experienced myself all through high school, and sometimes in college.

As I was walking back home after the Queer Monologues, I remembered a time my sister was walking with me in our hometown, Holland. She went to hug a friend goodbye on a street corner, and a car slowed down and the driver yelled crassly, "Get a room!" He assumed based on stereotypes that my sister was a lesbian. I remember having blood rush to my face and I had a mind to chase after the car and tell him what-for. I remember my sister shrugging with a little embarrassment, saying, "Forget about it." I know she has experienced many worse things than this, and has had the courage to share it with Holland's city counsel in this open letter (Here's the link again. And again. And again, bigger. Read it!)

That's the last thing I could do: forget it? I never have.

Doesn't everyone deserve to be able to walk down the street and hug a friend?

I don't have to worry about what people think when I talk about my significant other. I don't have to worry about what to call my significant other. Someday, I will have the right to visit my husband in the hospital, and the right to make important decisions. I can have children without anyone else having a say in it. I could adopt a child if I want to. I was never harassed in high school. I can hold my boyfriend's hand in public without a second glance from passersby. I know my family will accept me. I don't need announce my sexuality to anyone else; it is assumed. My friends, roommates, family members, and others are all comfortable with my sexual orientation. Nobody assumes I'm a pedophile. Nobody thinks children need to be protected from me. My children will see representations of their family in children's books and school curriculum. I am not told I "must be confused" or that my relationship is sinful. My church doesn't discuss whether my relationship will send me to Hell or not. There are TV shows or movies available with people of heterosexual orientation kissing or even having sex without it being a big deal. I am not defined or grouped or put in a box because of my sexual orientation. My sexual orientation won't be a problem at any workplace or classroom. I don't have to face hate because of one facet of my identity. I can get married.

I don't need to be worried about being harassed on the street corner.

I have straight privilege. I am the heterosexual norm.

So, being a straight ally does have costs. Occasionally, people assume I'm a lesbian. Occasionally, I may be discriminated against because of my views. Twice, I received letters explaining why I'm going to Hell (because of this newspaper column).

But I don't experience 1% of the harassment, discrimination, oppression, or disadvantage that LGBTQ people do.

Sometimes, people wonder why I get so worked up about an issue that "doesn't even apply" to me.

Doesn't apply to me? I'm fighting for my future children and grandchildren and for my cousins and my sister and my friends. I'm fighting because I don't want another child to feel marginalized because of one small part of his or her identity. I'm fighting because I desperately want to prevent more of the ubiquitous teen LGBTQ suicides, and I wish I had been able to be an ally for those who needed one but didn't have one in the past.

I'm an ally, and I'm proud of it. That's what Pride Week is all about. I'm proud of my sister, my friends, my acquaintances, and I'm proud to stand with them. You should be too.

[My sister, me, and my mom in Oregon]

(Google Peggy McIntosh to read more about privilege)