The Ethiopian Adventure

There and Back Again

2007-10-11T15:01:00.000-07:00

Our Ethiopian Journey has come to an end, but our journey blazes onward. Come join us at our new blog as we continue loving, living and blogging.

Our new home: http://burningvapor.blogspot.com/

Be sure to bookmark the blog and sign up for email updates. I am still adding content so please be patient. Look forward to seeing you over there!

Win Some Free Books!

2007-10-10T14:05:00.000-07:00

Mistaken Identity

2007-10-04T20:45:00.000-07:00

Bri and Ana attend a special ed pre-school several times a week for a couple of hours a session. It has been a great experience for them. Jennifer typically picks the girls up from school but Jennifer was prepping for her "Once a Month Cooking" Saturday so I picked the girls up.

I was standing outside of Ana's classroom just, you know, watching her interact with another little girl and her teachers. One of her teachers finally looked up and noticed me. She stood up and said, "Ok Riley, your Dad is here." The little girl, Riley, looked up at me and then went back to coloring while her teacher got up and started collecting her things. "Come on sweety, time to go". Riley didn't move. It finally dawned on me what was going on so I spoke up and said "Hey Ana!" Ana looked up and said "DADDDDDDDDDY!!", and started running towards me.

I could visually see the blood slowly leave her teacher's face as she replaced "Riley's" belongings and started digging out Ana's. I acted like I didn't notice because the obvious embarrassment was punishment enough. And in case you were not completely clear on what just happened...Riley was white and Ana is a nice mocha tone.

2007 Desiring God National Conference

2007-10-03T14:59:00.000-07:00

For those of you like me who were not able to make the conference this year, Desiring God has blessed us greatly with free copies of the audio and VIDEO messages!!

Click here to download those messages.

A Great New, Old Volume

2007-10-03T10:37:00.000-07:00

I recently read a book review over at The Shepherd's Scrapbook, which is a great blog to stay connected to, on "Christ Crucified: The Marrow of the Gospel in 72 Sermons on Isaiah 53" by a 17th century Presbyterian Puritan. My response to the volume is "WOW". Seriously, this book has been incredibly deep and rich. I am still plowing through it but I have thoroughly enjoyed the messages so far and my own faith is being impacted by the life of John Durham and the great Christ he and I worship. If you haven't picked up anything lighter than Lucado (sorry) lately, challenge your reading with this one.

Edit: I thought I would offer an example from his first sermon. Durham argues that if the Gospel is the greatest news that mankind will ever hear, and if our joy is only found in Jesus (the Gospel) and if, like Paul, we desire to only know Jesus and Him crucified, then we as Christians should remind ourselves everyday of the Gospel. (pg. 1-74)

This message has re-emerged among contemporary Christians and we are beginning to hear it preached again. It struck me that this was not a new thought among preachers, even 17th century Puritans were preaching the same message.

The Tooth Fairy

2007-10-01T22:25:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, Caleb came in wiggling one of his "milk molars" (that's what they tell me it's called...who comes up with these names anyway?) Jennifer told him that if he pulled his tooth and put it under his pillow then he would wake up the next morning and find a dollar. Now, for those of you who know, we do not do "the tooth fairy", "the buggey man", "the easter bunny", or "satan claus". So Caleb was trying to figure out how the tooth disappeared and a dollar appeared. The only thing he could imagine was that God came down and took his tooth while he was sleeping and gave him a dollar. Kinda funny. We didn't explain it to him and left it alone for a little mystery. The boys were excited and didn't believe that it would happen, so that were rattling away in Amharic and talking about this great mystery.

The next morning Caleb got up and found his tooth replaced by a dollar and the boys were blown away. They were laughing and back slapping and having a great time. Well, we were at the doctor today and Caleb asked me, "Daddy, where dollar come from? Did God take tooth?" I replied, "No son, Daddy took your tooth and replaced it with a dollar."

No truth! was the response. They absolutely would not believe that I could have actually taken the tooth while they were sleeping. I started acting like I was sneaking into their room and then I acted like Caleb snoring and the boys got a real kick out of it, but they wouldn't believe it. So, with their arrogant little all-knowing smirks (I say that with a smile and an arrogant smirk on my own face by the way) on their faces, they challenged me to show them the tooth when we got home. I had actually forgotten about it and Caleb reminded me again. When I showed them the tooth you would have thought that I had just started burping purple bubbles. Their mouths were wide open and looks of astonishment spread across their faces. "Dad, how?" I repeated what I did and they all just started laughing.

Laughing, Caleb took the tooth and said, "Again Dad, again". At this point I was laughing at their reactions. "Nope, only happens once. Dad owns the tooth now." It was a good moment

Jack Handy Makes me Smile

2007-09-28T14:42:00.000-07:00

I was visiting Keith's blog today and he quoted Jack Handey. Instead of filling Keith's blog up with JH quotes I figured I would just throw out a couple here. I haven't thought about Jack in a very long time, but he always puts a smile on my face. Here are three of my favorites. C'mon, smile, it's good for you and me both!

1. If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

2. If you want to be the most popular person in your class, whenever the professor pauses in his lecture, just let out a big snort and say "How do you figger that!" real loud. Then lean back and sort of smirk.

3. Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home his face might burn up.

Sitting, Wish I Was Standing!

2007-09-28T14:35:00.000-07:00

Guess where I wish I was today!

12 Years in 2 Months...Please!

2007-09-28T08:40:00.000-07:00

As I have said before I only chronicle a small portion of what we face everyday. Most people will read this and read into my statement some exaggeration - I assure you it is not. We are surrounded by a loving, caring church community who often ask "how are things going". I often pause for a moment because usually I can only remember some of yesterday and today. Our days are filled with minefield tip-toeing and a tow truck mentality (constantly trying to pull broken, beat up kids into yesterday). From 7am until 9pm we are constantly moving - from 9pm to 12am we are spending time defragmenting our minds and rehearsing the day to make sure most things were not left behind. Anyway, on to my post.

Here is a caution or warning for all of you who are still in the process of adopting - 12 years in 2 months...please!

Last night Caleb asked me if I would buy him a calculator. I asked him why? He said that he could use it at school.
I told him he was in 3rd grade and didn't need a calculator.
He told me that some kids in school use calculators.
I told him they were lazy.
He told me that a calculator would be an "erdata" (a help).
I told him that they would make HIM lazy.
I also told him that he was and Ethiopian and Ethiopians are hard workers so no calculators for him.
He told me that he was now American and needed a calculator.
I grew weary of the conversation and told him "No calculator, finished!"
And then he pulled his secret, manipulating little weapon, "Emma has a calculator!"
Ahhh, there we go - he had me, or so he thought.
Emma's calculator is a toy and she doesn't use it at school.
Well if Emma has a calculator then so should Noah, Josiah, and Caleb.
You can share Emma's calculator when she is not using it, now I am finished with this conversation - go to bed.

He pouted and marched off to bed, probably more sore that he lost a battle with me.

For context sake, our conversation is not as nearly as smooth as that. We stumble over words, make hand motions, I try to throw a little Amharic his way, we use pictures...it is a very time consuming, but important conversation. Now with any of my English speaking children I would have said no, you don't need one until later in school now go to bed...the conversation would have been finished. But the boys have no context with us and they are faced with almost unsurmountable challenges, so patience and reasoning come into play.

The point of my little post is to let you know that your children may want everything that they normally would have accumulated over the span of their lives if they had lived in America...especially if you already have children with belongings. The calculator was bought at the dollar store with money that was given to the girls for a birthday last year. The jeweled giraffe was given by Grandmommy, the used Game boy was given by a cousin in Georgia last year, their umpteen pairs of shoes have been collected by a clothing swap and some of them they can no longer even wear, the dolls have been collected over 8 years, and so on and so on. But they expect to have it all, now if you don't mind.

We were warned that this would happen beforehand so we cleaned out a lot of what the girls have collected over the years. To be honest it was way past time to do it and we offloaded a ton of junk...I mean stuff. Jennifer has gone through their belongings once again and downsized even more. I walked through their room last night and quite honestly it could be emptied out one more time.

It is a tightrope - you most definitely DO NOT want to give your adopted children lot's of stuff when they first arrive home. But you also have to realize that you are going to cause yourself heartache and your adopted children jealousy if you swing one way or another. So climb up here with us on the tightrope and start committing some "contentment" verses to memory. While you are doing that, feel free to start decluttering, dejunking, and simply simplifying YOUR life so that you will be prepared to help them transition a little better.

What's In a Name?

2007-09-26T23:46:00.000-07:00

My son's have very strong feelings about their new American names. It is a matter of absolute pride for them. They wield the name as a weapon sometimes by giving it back to us when they are angry. "I'm not a McConnell!", they sometimes shout. I usually simply shrug and say, "Ok, but you still must obey". There are a couple of instances that have revealed to me how much their name means to them.

The day before school started the boys had an orientation at their school. It was a very exciting time and the whole family went to encourage them and give them support. They were enthralled by the desks, art on the walls, and they were especially encouraged to see that they had their own desk and their own locker. It was truly a thrilling moment for them. And then (I hate writing those words because it seems to happen so often..."and then") they noticed their name tags. Noah was first. Laminated on colorful plastic it read "Noah McConnell". He picked up his name tag, looked at it and then threw it down on the table with absolute disdain.

"Not my name!", he exclaimed. I picked it up and looked at it. Yes Noah, this is you. NO!! He became angry. Noah McConnell is not my name, no Patrick. Ah, I thought I got it and had a quick answer for him. It's ok, they just shorten your name for school. When Dad goes to work, people do not call him by his full name, just Patrick. At school you are Noah McConnell.

But he would have none of it. My name is "Noah Zelalem Patrick McConnell"! Why no Patrick in name? I said, "Noah, you are still Noah Zelalem Patrick McConnell but at school your name is just "tennish" (short). It's ok, I tried to assure him. Josiah and Caleb had separate but identical responses. They were deeply offended that the name I use (Patrick) was not attached to their name. You see, in their culture the child takes on the father's first name as their last. The boys actually wanted to hack off the "McConnell" and just have "Patrick" as their last name.

Tonight was another great example. I was trying to explain to Josiah how North, South, East and West worked on a map and he just couldn't get it. So I wrote his name in the middle of the compass and told him "this is where Josiah stands" and here are the ways you can go away from Josiah. He said, "oh, ok, I understand" and then he pointed to his name. "My name is Josiah McConnell when I am at school." I know son, but I am just trying to explain how a compass works on a scrap piece of paper and the important thing to know is that you are in the middle of the compass. "Ok. My name is Josiah McConnell." And he sat there and looked at me, waiting. I scribbled McConnell under Josiah on our little scrap piece of paper and he smiled.

"Thank you Daddy". You are welcome son.

We played soccer the other day at a friends house. The McConnell boys (me included) were on one team and the other family competed against us. It was a very laid back and unstructured game to be sure - I have no idea about any of the rules in soccer except that you can't use your hands. We won the little game 5-2 and you should have seen my sons. They were running around the yard like they had just won the biggest soccer game in the century. And you know what they kept saying? "The McConnell Family won, the McConnell Family won, the McConnell family won." They were absolutely ecstatic.

Today I was meditating on 1 Peter 2 and I noticed that Peter thought very highly of what is in a name.

"But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession,"

Peter was using several Old Testament pictures to describe the believer's position and relationship in the New Covenant with God and he used names. They are names or descriptive titles loaded with meaning and value and as believers we can study the meaning behind those names and have an even clearer picture of who we are. With titles comes a purpose, a direction; with an identity comes security. My son's are learning to find great security in carrying the McConnell name and we should find great security in caring the name of our Father.

I have learned a great lesson from my son's and from Peter - knowing who you are means a great deal and it should impact the way that you live.

Kindness

2007-09-20T14:30:00.000-07:00

I have been reflecting on "kindness" today as I am preparing for a Sunday School class this Sunday. Specifically we will be looking at David's merciful act of showing kindness to Mephibosheth. David's question in 2 Sam. 9:1 reveals David's great love for Jonathan - that even though David was the new King and culturally he should have killed all of Saul's descendants to eliminate any threat to his throne...he desired to show kindness.

One of our introduction questions directs me to think about a moment of kindness expressed to me in a moment when someone valued me over themselves. I'm not sure why, but one image immediately rushed into my mind. One evening I was at the hospital when our daughter Abby was dying. We had many friends and family come and visit us during those terrible hours and most of those events will always remain a blur to me. However, I do remember a moment of simple kindness and I'm not quite sure why this image has always stuck with me.

Among all of the friends and family that came to visit I distinctly remember Lukas Naugle and Andrew Eggimann visiting one night. I was walking around the floor trying to let off a little stress when I bumped into them. I do not remember anything that was said between us, but I do remember something they did - they gave me a back rub. I am sure that they gave me words of encouragement and probably even prayed for me, but the only thing I remember is that back rub. I stood in the hallway of that hospital and they both took turns rubbing my shoulders. I remember the pain in my muscles from all the tense hours of that time being rubbed and pushed out.

It was a simple moment of kindness. We often have no idea what to say or do during moments of tragedy. Normally when you ask someone if you can do something there is not much to be said. I am sure that they asked me if they could do something for me and I am sure I simply asked them to pray. But in that moment their brotherly love was seen in the action of a back rub and for that, I will forever be grateful. Thanks brothers!

Two Great Resources

2007-09-20T14:02:00.000-07:00

The guys over at Logos Bible Software have put together "The John Piper Sermon Manuscript Library" which looks like a great resource for Bible students. It is currently in the "Pre-pub" status which means if you order now you save money on the Published price.

Check it out!

I also just ordered some messages from Voddie Baucham Ministries which I am very excited to listen to. I heard Voddie Baucham preach for the first time at the Desiring God National Conference and was very impressed by his message as well as his preaching style.

I am currently leading a group of men through his book "Family Driven Faith" which is a phenomenal book on parenting and marriage. Baucham's materials are really impacting the way I raise my own family as well as the way I shape "Family and Children's Ministry" at Valley Bible.

Both of these are great resources for anyone studying the Word and/or raising/impacting a family.

Interview: Thabiti on Transracial Adoption and the Gospel

2007-09-20T13:15:00.000-07:00

I found the following article interesting and wanted to pass it on to our readers:

[Carolina Hope is a Christian adoption agency that serves families from all over the country.]

I’m very pleased to announce that this is the first in a series of interviews about adoption. The purpose of these interviews is to address adoption-related issues from a theological, gospel-centered perspective. We will be interviewing theologians, authors, adoptive parents, and a few adult adoptees about a number of adoption issues. Carolina Hope is committed to helping Christians in general and both prospective and adoptive families in particular think theologically about all things adoption. We believe that this interview series will help us accomplish this.

Our first interview is with Thabiti Anyabwile, pastor of First Baptist Church of Gran d Cayman. *Pastor Thabiti is a native of Lexington, North Carolina (U.S.). He is the happy husband of Kristie and the adoring father of two daughters, Afiya and Eden, and son, Titus. He began serving as elder/senior pastor in August 2006. He served previously as an elder/assistant pastor at Capitol Hill Baptist Church (Washington, DC) and as an elder at Church on the Rock (Raleigh, NC). Thabiti holds B.S. and M.S. degrees in psychology from North Carolina State University. A former high school basketball coach and bookstore owner, he enjoys preaching, reading, sports, and watching sci-fi films. He also blogs at Pure Church.

1. Tell us a little about First Baptist Church of Grand Cayman.

This year FBC is celebrating its 30th anniversary. The church began in 1977 with 21 people from one of the ‘sister islands’ (Cayman Brac) meeting in a local living room. Today, there are people from about 25 nations who call FBC their spiritual home. It’s easily the most ethnically diverse church I’ve ever served. The people here love the Lord, His gospel, and His people. It’s a great joy to serve them.

2. As a pastor, what’s your primary burden for your people?

To see us all grow in holiness, to be shaped more and more in the image of Christ and therefore fit for heaven. We live on what most people consider an “island paradise.” Not surprisingly, then, the levels of worldly hedonism and materialism are quite high. But that’s really a tremendous gospel opportunity if the Lord grows us in Christ-likeness, disdain for this world, and commitment to living and sharing the gospel. If we can have more of heaven in us, even before we’re in heaven, the contrast between life in the kingdom and life in the world will be stark. I long to see us yearn for Christ and His kingdom.

3. You recently wrote an excellent and thought-provoking article entitled “Many Ethnicities, One Race.” Why did you write it?

It was a privilege to be asked to contribute to the 9Marks eJournal issue on ethnicity and the church. Generally, I don’t like talking or writing a great deal about ethnicity and race; there are too many ways in which those conversations are unhelpful and unedifying. Nevertheless, the Lord has given us sufficient guidance for these issues in His word and I’m convinced we’ve not mined the Scripture enough. And that’s really problematic given how glaring a problem the racial history of the U.S. has been—the church not excepted. So, at the invitation of the brothers at 9Marks I tried to offer what I hope is a useful, biblical framework for thinking through these issues.

4. Some people, for any number of reasons, are uncomfortable with the idea of transracial adoption. Other people, because of their views on race, are outright opposed to the idea of transracial adoption; they believe that adoption across ethnic lines should not be practiced. How might the Bible speak to these concerns?

Well, I think it depends on the nature of the discomfort or opposition. If the discomfort or opposition is grounded in some assumption that “races” are unequal or that “races” should remain segregated in family and social relationships, I think the Bible rebukes and corrects that kind of thinking in several ways. First, it’s clear that there is only one “race” of man, all descended from our original parents Adam and Eve (Gen. 2; Acts 17:26). There is no biblical basis for discomfort or opposition based on racial attitudes. Second, the alienation that sometimes stirs opposition to transracial adoption is really a spiritual problem. It’s a product of the Fall of man into sin. The cure for that problem is saving faith in Jesus Christ, wherein man is first reconciled to God and then reconciled to other men. So, for Christians in particular, those who are adopted into the family of God through faith in Christ, opposition to transracial adoption is tantamount to denying the work of Christ on the cross.

But there may also be discomfort or opposition not based on racial attitudes but some prudential concerns. Some may wonder if they are sufficiently equipped to parent across culture and ethnicity. Others may worry about the tension or conflict they may experience. There we have to remember that we are not called to love only in the convenient places and situations. We’re called to a radical love, one that mirrors the love of God for broken sinners. And the end of such love is unspeakable joy. For the joy set before Him, Jesus Christ endured the inconvenient and uncomfortable agony of the cross to redeem a people who were hostile toward Him. Adoption across ethnic lines may be one of the best pictures of that radical Christ-like love we have available to us today. So, “prudential” concerns that awaken discomfort aren’t finally sufficient reason to refuse or oppose such adoptions.

5. More and more couples are considering adopting transracially. How would you counsel a couple that desires to adopt a child from another race (i.e. ethnicity)? How would you seek to educate them theologically? How should the gospel help shape their view of transracial adoption?

The first thing I would want to do is simply commend and encourage them. I’d want to commend this act of selflessness and love. And I’d want to encourage them to remember that God’s grace is sufficient for their every need. That’s true of parenting in general, and it’s true of the specific case of transracial adoption and parenting. So, first, be encouraged.

Second, I’d want to encourage them to jettison the idea of “race” as it has historically been defined. Drop it like the bad habit it is. Learn to read the Scripture for its accent on our common humanity. Hayes’ Biblical Theology of Race is very valuable in this regard. Think of the children, indeed all people, as essentially “same” rather than “other.”

But third, having acknowledged our common humanity, think and teach your children to think in terms of “the nations.” In other words, there’s a tremendous opportunity in multi-ethnic families to cultivate a deeper concern for missions and getting the gospel to all nations. Try to prevent conversations and cross-cultural education from terminating on man or your family; try to think of those conversations as opportunities for thinking great thoughts about God who wants to be known among all people. The Lord has purposed that His glory will be shown in the bowing of the nations to His name. Our reflection on ethnicity and culture is incomplete if it doesn’t have that goal in mind.

6. Many who will read this interview have already adopted transracially. They are often concerned that their transracially adopted children will struggle with a sense of identity since they do not have same-race parents or do not live in an ethnically diverse area. Would you address their concern?

Again, I’d want to remind them that the Lord’s grace is sufficient for their parenting and this concern. Lean into that grace; commit this issue to the Lord in prayer. He’ll direct your steps and give you wisdom in this area.

Second, it’s important to think of parenting as essentially an exercise in identity formation (spiritually first, and ethnically in light of those spiritual realities). So, give considerable time to helping your child think of her or himself as one made in the image of God. The dignity of their lives is derived primarily from this aspect of their identity. Whatever struggles they encounter in terms of social and ethnic identity, they should resolve them in light of this fundamental truth. Also, parents want to help their children ground their identity in Christ if the child is/becomes a Christian. They are being renewed in the knowledge of God, righteousness and holiness through their union with Christ. This is the most profound aspect of who they are and understanding this is critical for putting identity conflicts in their proper perspective. Having laid that theological basis then it’s time to think critically about ethnic culture, experiences, and ideas.

The mistake many will make—partly out of an overdeveloped sense of guilt, and partly out of a desire to help their children—is to rush to ethnic and cultural considerations. Based on my own experience running rites of passage programs aimed at fostering cultural identity and values, most children are really ill-equipped for this kind of exploration because they haven’t settled larger, more fundamental questions about existence, faith, and purpose. Parents want to lay that foundation first. Children will be healthier in the long run even if the struggle feels acute at some points. But for help with ethnic identity issues, don’t be afraid to enlist the help of others. Build cross-cultural friendships. Include cross-cultural experiences in the family’s entertainment options (books, movies, concerts, etc.). This may take some investment, but it’s not only good for the child but the parents as well.

Thank you, Thabiti, for your kindness in taking the time to answer these questions. I know that, by God’s grace, your answers will serve adoptive families well.

*Most of this paragraph was taken directly from First Baptist Church of Gran d Cayman ’s “Meet the Staff” page.

YOU ARE SELFISH!!

2007-09-16T14:21:00.000-07:00

These are the words my sons yelled at me last week. We have been down to one car for quite some time and I was considering riding the bus in order to keep expenses down. We have 7 kids going to 3 different schools so that Utopian idea was quickly tossed out of the window.

We were taking a walk through the neighborhood and the boys were asking me how I could tell between an old car and a new car. We talked for awhile and I made a side comment about needing to buy another car. They seemed excited and we continued with our walk. Later that night I went into the boy's room to give out hugs, kisses and prayers and there was a very angry feeling in the room. It was quite the contrast because only moments earlier we were one big happy family strolling through sleepy Millwood. I asked, "What's wrong" and in Amharic "Meno sehetuet".

I was then hit by an onslaught of complaints:

1. My bed is too narrow.
2. My bed is too short.
3. My bed is too tall.
4. My bed is broken.
5. Our room is too small.
6. Our room is not as big as everyone else's.
7. There are three of us and all other rooms have two people.
8. Why does Katie get her own room?
9. We want our own rooms!
10. We want our own bathrooms!
11. We want a fan for each boy.
12. My shoes are dirty so I need new shoes.
13. My friend has many shoes and I only have 3 pair.
14. We only have 2 soccer balls.
15. Our bikes are too wobbly, short, tall, creaky, and broken.

And on and on the complaints went. My head was literally spinning from all of the complaints they were prepared to lodge - from the nightlight not working correctly to our clothes do not get washed fast enough - I could barely keep up. At first I reasoned with them and tried to explain why they had what they had and the thankfulness that they should be showing instead of complaining. I explained that many people had helped us with all of the things we have and they were ready for yet another attack.

1. We no longer want people to help us.
2. We do not like people bringing us food - we should have enough money to by our own food.
3. We do not like people giving us clothes - we are not beggars!
4. We do not want anything from the people at church - we are wealthy enough to take care of ourselves.

It was at this point that I began to come unglued. I told them that everything they had was given to us - their sheets, their balls, their gloves, EVERYTHING!

They then tried another tactic. We think you should not buy another vehicle and instead use the money to knock out our bedroom wall and make our room bigger. And that was about ENOUGH for me.

I angrily looked up the word for "selfish" and told them that everything they were saying revealed how selfish they were. And they fired it right back - "Patrick, YOU are selfish!"

I was angry enough to start fighting back tears. Our interchange lasted for about an hour and most of that was listening to their complaints and trying to explain why we had what we had. It was emotionally and spiritually exhausting.

The next day Caleb went to school and the other two went to work with me because they had refused to go. While everyone was out of the house, Jennifer stripped everything from them. And I do mean EVERYTHING. Socks, shoes, bedsheets, underwear, balls, bikes, gloves, pillows, Bibles, music, radio, etc - you name it and it was taken away. When the boys came home they were absolutely stunned and had no response except for open mouths. We explained to them that EVERYTHING was given to us and they were disrespecting the givers of the gifts, they were disrespecting their parents, they were disrespecting their Ethiopian parents, and most of all they had dishonored the Lord. For each "good" day, they would receive 1 item in return.

Once they had sometime to talk to one another they decided that they didn't want anything from us - only their Ethiopian Bible (not Amharic/English bible) and their address book. We said ok. That night the first thing they asked for were their bed sheets. The next day it was their Bible and the next was their bicycles. It has been a week now and they just asked for their address books last night. Funny how perspectives change.

This seems to be working well. The boys have even asked if we would spank them instead of take things away, so we know the discipline is effective. Overall we have had a good week and a half and I pray that it continues.

The two pictures above are of the new truck I am picking up tomorrow...and the second picture is of me and Noah when I showed him the picture of Dad's new truck.

Learn Something New Everyday

2007-09-13T10:39:00.000-07:00

I took the boys to the hospital yesterday to have some blood work done. The boys have had their blood drawn before and were a little skittish but nothing major. We went to the hospital and filled out a ton of paperwork and then sat and waited. We eventually went back to the lab and Noah hopped into the seat first. Everything was moving along smoothly until the tech pulled out the "11" little bottles to fill with blood. We assured Noah that it would be ok because it was only one poke and the only pain would be getting the poke - not each bottle. I asked him if he wanted to hold my hand and he smiled and batted my hand away - typical boy. The first couple of bottles went fine, but he quickly began to get angry. The tech thought he was passing out but I knew the look - he was quickly flying into a rage - flared nose, red eyes. I asked him, "Are you ok buddy?" and I put my hand on his knee. He jerked his knee away from me and said something very harshly. The tech started hurrying up because he could now see the rage filling Noah's face. I asked, "Noah, is it hurting you? What's wrong?" He used his other hand to point at me and rattle off something angrily in Amharic. In the background Caleb was pacing around like a caged animal repeating over and over, "No daddy, no daddy, no daddy". I had no idea what was going on. The boys had their blood drawn in Addis so it wasn't a new experience for them and we had joked around about them being brave and they had seemed totally fine. Noah began crying and was only getting angrier when the tech finished. Noah stomped off and out the door he went. Josiah was next.

Josiah sat down in the chair and put his head in his hands and began to weep. I said, "Josiah, it's ok buddy, it's just one poke". He jerked his arm away from me and said something in disgust under his breath and would no longer make eye contact. He sat there and let the tech draw his blood. Caleb's apparent anxiety was growing feverish now and I told him sternly to sit down - his anxious movements were obviously causing Josiah even more distress. Josiah finished and I said, "ok Caleb you are next".

He ran out of the room, out of the hospital and hid behind some vehicles. I spent the next 10 minutes trying to coerce him back into the room and it was only through my insistence that he obey that he complied. It took us several more minutes to prep him. The nurse was trying to reason with him and Caleb was growing more and more animated. He was absolutely refusing to have 11 vials of blood drawn, so the nurse took out two larger vials and said "ok, just two". Caleb looked at the two vials and compared them with the 11 smaller vials and said, "No, they are the same - two big and 11 small, the same". I eventually told the nurse that she was just going to have to do it because he would not be reasoned with. A tech held his right side and I gently held his arm and knee. Another tech came in to assist. When the needle entered his arm you would have thought we had stuck his arm into a wood chipper. He screamed louder than any kid I have ever heard in my life and he maintained that scream throughout the entire process. Towards the end he started fighting us and trying to bite us at the same time screaming his head off. The female tech eventually told him, "THAT IS ENOUGH, NOW SIT STILL" - he slowed down in his screaming and stopped trying to bite us but it was still not pretty. Noah and Josiah sat in the background ranting and raving.

This whole episode sent the boys into a tailspin and they wanted to call Michelle and go back to Ethiopia immediately. I was trying to be empathetic as possible, which admittedly I probably did not do a very good job in because I thought they were being extremely foolish. We returned home and the boys were angry with me for the rest of the night.

I remained baffled about the whole experience until bed time. I was putting all the boys in bed when I noticed Caleb holding his left arm like it was limp and trying to move his blankets down at the same time. He asked me to move his blanket down and he told me he couldn't use his arm anymore. I asked him what he was talking about and he said that all the blood had been taken from his arm and he could no longer use it. I looked at him like he was crazy and noticed that Noah and Josiah were watching me. That is when it dawned on me. The boys think that when you have your blood drawn it does not replenish, so when they saw 11 vials leaving their arms they freaked out. I had a hard time trying to communicate how the body replenishes blood - they laughed at me like I was crazy and went to bed.

This morning Caleb was still holding his arm like it was no longer of anymore use. We are pretty sure that Noah told Caleb to stop acting like a baby, so that was encouraging. I am curious to see how they are doing this afternoon when I pick them up from school.

Catching Up

2007-09-05T21:15:00.000-07:00

There has been a lot going on in life in the past week and I have been finding little time or energy to blog. Overall, things have gotten MUCH better. When I say "MUCH", I mean that the police have not come again, no windows have been broken, and I have not had to disarm a steak knife from a son. We met with the Gardeners about a week or two ago at the Bade's and we all had a very candid conversation. Apparently Noah had been hoping that if he was bad enough he would eventually be able to be sent home. His whole goal in breaking windows and pulling knives was to go to jail and then be sent back to Ethiopia. His plan came crashing down when Michelle told him that there was no way that he was returning to Ethiopia. We explained to the boys that we believe that it would be a sin on our part to send him to another family. We explained to him that he could break every window in our home, pull knives on people, and be the most destructive that he possibly could and he would still be a McConnell. He may have to go to jail or some facility that would help him, but when he got out, he would still be a McConnell. It was a startling wake up call for him and it has made all the difference.

He still gives angry looks, says hateful and hurtful things, stomps around the house when he doesn't get his way, and is constantly looking for a reason to be angry. On a daily basis I hear "You are not my father", "I hate you", "I hate America", "My name is not McConnell", and my personal favorite "You are a bad Pastor". At one point he said your name is not "Pastor McConnell" it is "Pastor..." and he pointed at his groin.

Through it all I have seen that there is something broken inside him and as much as he "hates" us, he longs to really be a McConnell. He longs to really be loved. He longs to believe %100 that we are really his parents no matter what. I have read stories about kids like this and now I get to see him face to face.

It is not easy. One day I will be at the end of my rope and Jennifer will help recenter me and vice versa. Everyday we are absolutely mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted. I am not sure that we have ever been through anything so hard.

Well my "quick update" has turned wordy. I guess I would close by saying thank you all for praying. I have never had so many people tell me that they are praying for me. Literally, everyday someone emails me, calls me, or tells me face to face that they are praying for us and it has been a huge encouragement. Please continue to pray, we have a long road ahead of us.

Learning to be a Kid Again

2007-08-28T07:14:00.000-07:00

One of the challenges that an older Ethiopian boy who has last his father must face is learning to be a kid again and letting go of being in charge. Here are a few blissful pictures in the eye of the storm.

(The little boy with Noah is their younger biological brother who was adopted by a family in Spokane last year. That family was told that Micah was an only child and that both parents had died. Clearly Micah is not an only child and their mother is still alive.)

Caleb, Micah, and Noah (background: Josiah and Makayla)

L to R: Josiah, Ana, Makayla, Bri, Emma, Caleb, Hunter (Micah's adopted brother),
Micah, ? (Micah's adopted sister), and Noah

L to R: Caleb, Noah, Josiah and Makayla before the "big race"...(Josiah won by about 50 yds.)

F to B: Josiah, Caleb, Noah (this was their first time in a boat and their first time seeing a "large" [its not] river - Noah stopped us to pray and ask God to protect us...it was a little funny)

The Ride

2007-08-27T11:12:00.000-07:00

I am sitting at our new kitchen table - it seats 10 comfortably and we could probably add a few if need be. The boys and Emma are outside playing and Makayla and the babies are downstairs watching TV. Jennifer and Katie are running some errands...and here I sit.

The house
is quiet
for a moment and only a moment.

Even now Emma and Caleb are running in with the mail.

Our lives have been crazy this past week. I took the boys camping at Tshimikain Creek Camp to serve at the Union Gospel Mission's camp for troubled youth. It was a great time of introducing the boys to new things - a river, canoes, sharks (long story), a cougar, a campfire, and endless bicycle trails. There are many stories to tell and maybe one day I will get them recorded, but not today. We returned from camping on Thursday with great shouts of joy from the boys to see their Mom and sisters, and from their sisters to see their brothers. It promised to be a good next week.

On Friday morning, Noah woke up angry at the world and flew into one of his temper tantrums and the world turned upside down. He spent the vast majority of the day running away and sitting across the street steaming at us. He eventually began throwing rocks at our house and declaring that he was no longer Noah McConnell and that his name was Zelalem Tadios. He was also demanding to talk to Michelle from CWA so that he could go back to Africa because he was finished with us. It was a long, long day.

He eventually broke a window and busted the siding on the house and I had reached my breaking point. I chased him for a few blocks and providence would have us run right into a policeman. I eventually caught up to him before he reached the policeman. I picked up him and he began punching me in the face and chest. His first blow caught me by surprise and my grip loosened. I tried to secure his legs because he was kicking me as well. The policeman had started to make his way over to us at this time. I am sure it was a strange sight to see a white guy gently man handling a little black boy. We talked for awhile with Officer Stipe/Stine (something like that) and he encouraged Noah to return home or have Dad "carry him" home. Noah was obstinate during the whole conversation and actually asked to go to jail when the Officer suggested that he may end up there.

The Officer eventually left, wishing me well and we returned home. Noah continued to refuse to enter the house and returned to pelting the house with rocks. I chased him again and he ran to another neighbors house. I left him there and went home. That neighbor called the police and I called at the same time. A friend of ours was actually on duty and responded. Noah was so angry that he refused to obey me and the policeman. He was eventually handcuffed and put in the police car to be transported to Sacred Heart's psychiatric ward for attempting to kill himself with a steak knife. We continued to plead with Noah to simply come into the house and eat dinner and obey and he continued to yell and scream at us. Jennifer and Caleb were in tears and all the other kids were bewildered. Josiah simply said, "Zelalem crazy".

The car was about to leave when he relented and decided to come inside and obey if we promised to take him to see "Michelle at CWA". We agreed and he came in, ate dinner and then went to bed. We were on the phone throughout the situation with a couple of different counselors seeking wisdom and guidance. The next day we went to see Michelle and the conversation did not quite go the way he was expecting. She told him that he was not going to go back to Africa no matter how bad he was or what he did. Jennifer and I liken disruption to divorce and it is simply not an option for us no matter how bad it gets. We covenanted together to raise all of our children before a holy God and we take that just as seriously as our marriage. We also explained to him that the Ethiopian gov't. and American gov't. all say that he is our son. His Ethiopian Mom and even the Lord says he is our son. There is no way to go back.

After two, one hour sessions he relented and submitted. He hugged Jennifer and I, and said that we were his parents and that he was choosing to love and obey us. It was a lull in the storm and we were glad for it.

That was on Saturday and today is Monday. Since then he has had a couple of borderline moments but he committed to talking through them and not flying off into a rage. The emotional, mental and spiritual drain is that we end up having lengthy conversations about everything that he doesn't like that we decide. It is so exhausting trying to communicate using sentence fragments and single words. But we are committed no matter the cost.

It is quiet again.

I'm enjoying the momentary break.

Suffering for the Lord is good, but hard.

Thanks for praying.

Good Morning

2007-08-16T08:33:00.001-07:00

I like to read. I like to read a lot. In the pas several months I have added multiple blogs to my reading list because it encourages me to see what our Lord is doing in other parts of the planet as well as exposing me to great thinkers, church planters, and men exercising their faith. My time around a blog also gives me a little snuggle time with my daughters - so on one screen I set pictures up for them to look at and on another I read and write. This morning I was reading and posting on one of my favorite blogs - Keith and Amy Watson - and decided to take a picture. Bri is wearing her extra special Barbie princess night gown and Ana is wearing her extra special Strawberry Shortcake nightgown. These two night gowns have probably been worn every night for the past few months. Matter of fact, Bri has told me that she cannot be my little princess unless she is wearing her princess gown.

Even as I am typing Bri and Ana have gone to watch Dora and now Ana has returned. "Dad, I wanna climb up." She then sees her picture on one of the monitors and wants to take another. Here is the picture that we have taken together. She is nodding her approval and saying, "It's Daddy and the Princess" - and she is most assuredly right. It is moments like these that remind me why I love children so much and why my home will never have "enough" little feet running here and there. Parenting is the greatest opportunity to disciple and I have become very comfortable knowing that the Lord may never do anything "great" with my life, but he may use one of my precious gems to change the world.

Number 3 (Caleb) has wandered in this morning and is all teeth at looking at pictures of his sisters on our blog. I tell him to look right here and he doesn't realize it but...*flash* he has now joined the post.

So good morning and go make a difference.

Trip Pictures, Peace, & a 12 Year Old...oh my!

2007-08-15T16:41:00.000-07:00

I am still working on our new blog but in meantime you can enjoy some of the pictures that will be accessible through the site. You can view those here.

Hopefully I will be able to launch the new site in the next couple of days.

Life is still fragile around here. Noah has gone 3 days with a good attitude and being very obedient. He hasn't run away again and there have been no more "counseling" sessions. There have been a couple of moments when he has been corrected and you could see the wheels turning - rage or submit. So far, he has chosen submission, but it still creates eggshell moments.

Josiah and Caleb are starting to struggle a little. Nothing earth shattering - grief, loss, depression, a little brotherly arm punching type of stuff. We are working on it and getting through it. We have learned that Josiah is actually 12, well at least 12 and probably much older. I took all three boys to the Doctor the other day for their first check up and in general there health is pretty good. We have a whole list of labs and stool samples that we have to have done, but overall a decent bill of health. The Doctor confirmed my suspicions that he was much older than 9 years old, but the other two seem to be right on track. This has caused a little bit of concern for us simply because it forces us to rethink school and an appropriate grade. We are praying and talking through it.

So the parents of our new 8, 10, 12+ year old sons are still kneeling before the Lord and He continues to lead us one step at a time. It has been unbelievably hard and there have been many tears shed and walls punched, but God continues to remain good and we continue to remain vastly dependent.

God is Good...All the Time

2007-08-13T09:10:00.000-07:00

This has become our mantra. While we were in Addis our son Noah would sing this in a song over and over. Little did we know that we would be repeating this over and over in a different context. We have had an extremely hard time with Noah. When we first picked him up he seemed to be the most spiritual and grateful, but his attitude quickly changed. He has run away twice already and we have had several confrontations with him. He is a young man full of loss, anger and bitterness and this often manifests itself in absolute rage. I am hoping to post my journal as well as pics from the trip today, but we have been absolutely exhausted everyday since we returned and much of it is from trying to love and parent Noah.

Please be praying and remember...God is Good all the time!

Breakfast

2007-08-09T08:19:00.000-07:00

Come join us for breakfast!

3 lbs. of potatoes
14 slices of French Toast
10 slices of Pancake
4 Peaches
3 Bananas
1 Full pitcher of Apple Juice
1 Full pitcher of Hot Tea
1 Full pot of Coffee

The boys have gained about 4 lbs. in the past week.

Reality Check

2007-08-08T12:29:00.000-07:00

Wow! What a ride! We haven't been home a week yet and let me tell you, it has been faith stretching to say the least. Jennifer and I are both battling a touch of some stomach ailment, although not too serious. Jennifer got strep the day we came back and has been down and out for most of the past few days. I have been primarily running the house - meals, cleaning, dressing, showers, etc. The boys are adjusting fairly well. They are still getting used to being the only Ethiopians in shouting distance and our bland American food.

Our middle son (at first thought to be the oldest) has really been struggling emotionally. We had a little confrontation with him while in Addis and had a counseling session with his Orphanage counselor. She warned us that he is very emotional and stubborn - she has been VERY right. Nothing we can't handle with the Lord's strength, but it has been another challenge. He is currently curled up in a ball crying his eyes out in his bed for some unknown reason. I am sure that he is dealing with grief and loss - the language barrier is difficult both ways in trying to console and comfort him. I sat on his bed with him for awhile watching the other two play cards and having a good time.

**Update** - While I was typing the above Caleb, Noah's younger brother, came and asked me to come. Noah wanted a t-shirt. While I was in their room I asked the boys again what was wrong with him. They said they didn't know, but Noah spoke up and spouted out something. Caleb said, "Ahhh" and then used hand gestures to show me that Noah was upset because I took away his chips and gave them to the rest of the kids. At lunch Noah had dumped the bags of chips out onto his plate - I took half of them and distributed them to the rest of the kids. So he was pitching a fit about his chips...and nothing more. If he was a normal kid then he would be disciplined for that but I think it is a way of dealing with things. No doubt it was wrong and I tried to explain that to him. He may have told me that just to save face about crying over something else...I have no idea. Anyway, it is things like that they we are dealing with...ah, the joys of parenting.

I will try to post my journal sometime this week...I still do not have our pictures transferred to my computer yet so those are coming also.

Home Again!

2007-08-05T01:37:00.000-07:00

Just a quick note to let you know that we have arrived in Spokane safely. Everyone is tucked away in their beds and trying to recover. Thanks for praying and I will update the blog over the next couple of days with our Addis Ababa Journal.

2007-08-03T21:51:00.000-07:00

We have safely arrived in Frankfurt and we are all doing well. We should bbe leaving in a few hours for Chicago and then on to Spokane. The boys are doing well and were only slightly freaked out by the plane ride, escalator, and hand dryer in the bathroom. See ya soon!