numb circumstances

2020-02-07T06:37:00.002-08:00

“The one thing I know for sure is that feelings are rarely mutual, so when they are, drop everything, forget belongings and expectations, forget the games, the two days between texts, the hard to gets because this is it, this is what the entire world is after and you’ve stumbled upon it by chance, by accident––so take a deep breath, take a step forward, now run, collide like planets in the system of a dying sun, embrace each other with both arms and let all the rules, the opinions and common sense crash down around you. Because this is love kid, and it’s all yours. Believe me, you're in for one hell of a ride, after all––this is the one thing I know for sure.”

2020-02-02T07:30:00.002-08:00

idk what hurts more. the fact that we lose relevance in someone's life. or the fact that we remain unable to gain relevance despite trying.

2020-01-31T07:22:00.000-08:00

Ps. thank you Sumba for being a great blessing last decade. youve taught me so much but above all to have all eyes open - to observe, to listen, to honour. and when the world gets too loud, kindness will soften it. till next time

2015-12-08T10:21:00.000-08:00

Been ages till I finally find the strength to pluck up some motivation to write again since I don’t want my pre-clinic stage of life just gone by the board. Keeping up a journal they said can pretty much also be an ultimate stress reliever for someone having trouble but have nothing to let out.

Week 3 of block B3 starts in 43 minutes from now, and sure its gonna be full of exams and practical sessions ……………T.T

So today, for xxth time already, I forgot to take my breakfast and lunch (+ almost dinner if only bapak sate ga lewat depan kosan). Today felt so lazy, empty, hungry, rushy, so not my day plus its raining in the afternoon making my laundry got wet again sigh. Plus the lights went off for 5 hours on evening while I planned to get my laprak finished today on those hours. But good thing that today, I achieved the highest score on PA pretest, and ga inhall PK heheeeeeeeeee:). My mum called me for 1 hour (the longest that I can remember). And my daddy will be coming next week and my mum will be off for umrah this Friday, Allahummaghfirli dzunubi waliwa lidayya warhamhuma kama rabbayani shaghira, protect them O’ Allah.

Anyway just wanna tell you that, I did it again just now, scrolled over the thread, reread it all over again, recalled that atmosphere full of regret. My boyfie would get mad if he knew I did this. Problem isn’t I still love him or even think about him, OF COURSE not at all, who the hell will ever do that, even bitches I guess wont ever do. Problem is I don’t know the exact problem what is it that makes me so upset knowing am so stupid accepting bullshits from my ex. Idk why am I being so mad and upset, I get fooled, and that was the first time that I felt that way, backstabbed, cheated, and it was really hurt, that feeling that youre aware youre stupid hurts I tell ya. So what now? what smart thing can I do for the revenge? The idea of revenge itself actually sounds stupid. They said what happened in the past stays there in the past, but why is it hard to just let go and forgive?

Astaghfirullah.

Anyway im sorry if my English got little bit sucker, ever since I left high school, even more after I lose most of my time on chilling and writing at a time, dealing with medical school that seems so busy and tiring, yet amazing.

Don’t forget to thank Allah for all that today has brought to you. Good night xx.

2015-08-31T07:55:00.003-07:00

maybe love is best described with a timeline of trial and error. maybe there's different levels of the emotion that fall along a certain spectrum, rather than it being something you feel once.

maybe you find the kind of love that you'd do anything for. the bouquet of genuine emotions that you'd stay up for days and drive all night for. maybe love is all about finding the individuals

that tops the spectrum and ends the trial process, eliminating past errors. maybe once you find real love you have to give all you have to keep it safe. maybe what makes makes it real is that

you don't mind all the practicalities you have to overcome, and the hoops you have you jump through.

maybe that's all it takes to make it last your whole life.

23 Days

2014-08-28T18:03:00.003-07:00

Hi. For a month minus a week long already I’ve been living miles apart from my parents, in the city of sleepless people. Like almost all by myself. Its awesome. I know few people already,

some friends, and several places I think I will frequently visit – cafeterias, bookstores, and hypermarts for instance. Its hard at the beginning to deal with this new place, still hard these

days though, but I will enjoy it anyway.

Thank you people for warning me about crime and free sex and jogja teenage life style; especially mom, dad, and ferdian. In 3 weeks, I found 2 robberies and 1 kidnapping around place where

I’m living and million scarifying criminal stories . My friends got robbed on the street around the campus. She

was walking alone playing with her gadget and someone with motorcycle grabbed it from her hand while holding a knife! Ain’t it…………………..fun? I go anywhere with fear. Only to Allah, I ask for

safety. He would keep me company. He would save me.

I plan to move next semester to Sendowo, closer to campus – im currently living in Blimbingsari and got no ride. Im looking for a cheap, safer and more comfortable

room like one that Monica has. If possible, I wanna be in the same house with her. There will be empty rooms after October (graduation)so I gotta quickly book a

room. Dad will send me a motorcycle next semester, cos I think I wud be busy joining tutorial groups, and CIMSA, and other orgs.

Culture shock! I used to come to school with no make ups but here, how beautiful most girls actually are, without make ups they would feel bad coming to campus. They dress like grown

up woman – lipstick, heels, and all those stuffs, while me can only staring at them with my non-jeans trouser (jeans is never allowed).

Wish me luck.

praise the Almighty

2014-07-24T08:35:00.002-07:00

Sedikit kaget, nggak percaya, cemas, dan bahagia kecampur jadi satu hari itu. Hari itu pengumuman SBMPTN. Jutaan harapan jutaan orang bergantung pada hasil itu, salah

satunya aku. Hari itu aku baru pulang dari rumah Nabila di Sidoarjo karena ada acara buber – memperingati kepulangannya ke Indonesia sebelum dia pindah ke bogor. Naik kereta

sambil was-was dan gak henti-hentinya bertasbih, memohon sama Tuhan supaya apapun hasilnya nanti, aku ditabahkan, dikuatkan, dan ucapan pertama yang keluar dari bibirku

hanyalah Alhamdulillah. Sampe rumah udah mau magrib, sekitar jam lima kurang seperempat. Di sosmed, temen-temen udah pada update tentang lolos/nggak lolosnya mereka. Rasanya

mual, pengen muntah, kebelet ee, jadi satu nggak karu-karuan. Jujur, aku takut gagal untuk yang kedua kalinya di bursa masuk PTN tahun ini.

Pilihan SBMPTN ku lumayan berat. Setelah patah hati ditolak sama Pendidikan Dokter Airlangga lewat jalur undangan – ada 3 anak SA yang lolos PDUA unair dan aku nggak termasuk di

dalamnya padahal aku yang ngisi form SNMPTN duluan dan nggak pernah ragu buat masukin PDUA sebagai pilihan pertama dari awal banget kelas 12 dan aku juga udah fanatic banget sama

PDUA itu, nulis dimanamana di buku di notes PDUA2014 banyak banget dan udah optimis juga karena nilai raporku ga jelek –, aku akhirnya memutuskan buat memilih Gadjah Mada

sebagai labuhan kedokteran terakhirku – aku nggak mungkin lewat jalur mandiri kalo ambil kedokteran. Aku nggak milih UNEJ karena prestige , dan aku nggak milih UNS karena aku

nggak minat kalo harus satu sekolah lagi sama Vammy. Aku nggak membencinya. I just don’t want to see him ever again. These reasons leave me no choice but kedokteran yang keren (UGM)

atau nggak kedokteran sama sekali.

Allah tau apa yang terbaik buat kita melebihi apa yang kita tahu baik buat kita.

A proud freshman of Medicine Faculty Gadjah Mada University,
Wening Hapsari.

2014-04-20T20:18:00.000-07:00

Seorang kawan pernah berkata, "Mencari teman hidup itu bukan perihal tampang, harta, apalagi gelar, tapi tentang seseorang yang mau duduk bersamamu sampai rambut memutih dan raga

tak mampu lagi berbuat banyak." Aku rasa dia benar, banyak dari kita terdistorsi dengan tampang dan gaya, lupa bahwa sebenarnya berkomitmen itu tentang berkomunikasi. Aku selalu

percaya, cinta adalah reaksi kimia, gabungan feromon, endorfin, dan serotonin. Setelah beberapa tahun, zat-zat tersebut akan hilang dari pasangan. Iya, cinta bisa menghilang. Lalu

kenapa kakek-nenekku bisa bertahan hidup berdua sampai mereka meninggal? Karena saat cinta menghilang, mereka punya sesuatu yang disebut kasih sayang, keterbiasaan, empati, dan tentu

saja, komunikasi. Jadi, untukmu, aku nggak tahu sampai kapan aku bisa jatuh cinta padamu, tapi aku bisa jamin, aku akan jadi orang yang terbangun di sebelahmu dan mengatakan, "hidup akan

baik-baik saja selama kita memiliki kita." - Fiersa Besari

slightly single ✔

2014-03-26T02:55:00.003-07:00

“Sinio.”

“Ngapain?”

“Tak bisikin sesuatu.”

(nyodorin kuping )

“Aku…………………………”

Cherishing this blog page for like eternal- ignorance from its founder. So sorry I didn’t blog much recently, even when freak incidents stroke me. So sorry for not framing

the rest of every last pieces of delightful memories here, high school, which is coming to an end in a heartbeat.

What attracted me back to writing in between my business preparing for UN now is I just received my TOEFL test result and guess whaaat, I raised my points by 57 in 3 years.

Applause, please? :D That accomplishment reminds me of the very first reason I am learning this crazy language – my elementary school teacher said – at the first place;

having a crush on a Singaporean pal, who was a blogger. I then raised this blog until it’s now this old, big, and complicating -_-, I learnt with passion, I did the chit-chat, and all the efforts

needed to get me close to him. Life goes on, I moved on. Time flies, I got boyfriend who is more stunning, and a heartbreak, and boyfriend again, and a heartbreak again, and now a crush (again).

After considering its pluses and minuses, I can say that having a crush is better than having a boyfriend (idk why I am saying this, is it because im now slightly single or later when Im

taken, I’ll say the opposite? :x).It encourages you to improve your quality. You will try to make yourself a worth-marrying lady and you’ll try to make yourself proportional (in quality, not

quantity) for him.

So summarizing the highlights of the week. Well, crazy starts this week; sleeping at 1 and waking up at 4 (Mon-Wed), off for school at 05.30 hrs in

the morning, riding red school bus for the first time in past two years, One Day One Juz, papers, house works, and the craziest of all: UN tryouts. I never enjoyed being busy before, but I gotta admit its good. There’s only you and your flying busy mind, numbers, and you are far from desperation(?)

You have power to filter what comes into head and what goes out. Tiredness may eat your body but not mind and heart.

Biology and Indonesian on the first day did confuse me but that’s normal bcos ppl felt the same way. Chemistry and Math turned good either. Math used to be mood-killer but yesterday

it all went just fine. And the last day was today, Physics and English. I hope I get what I best deserve.

This morning, that whisper………..

Im afraid of falling for you.

Please stop making me feel special when Im totally not.

college-girl gonna be

2013-08-02T09:06:00.001-07:00

I have had plans on mind related to college tapi belum fix :( while everyone has done. while everyone is having one and only in mind. masih ragu sama FK Pendidikan Dokter minuses, about how long it takes to really finish the study. Belum lagi kalo galau dan mood lagi turun. Kaya masa SMA ini. Niat belajar ya belajar, kalo galau ya nggalau dan gabisa belajar. Yang jelas I dont wanna spend my whole life time ngambil S1 pendidikan dokter. I only want it 4 years. Target ini bener-bener harus kudu wajib dicapai. Terus 2 tahun jadi dokter muda. Ngambil spesialis yang lamanya tergantung sama jenis spesialis yang mau diambil:

Gelar	Nama Kepanjangan Gelar	Semester
Sp.And	Spesialis Andrologi	6
Sp.Ak	Spesialis Akupunktur Klinik	6
Sp.F	Spesialis Kedokteran Forensik & Medikolegal	6
Sp.FK	Spesialis Farmakologi Klinik	6
Sp.GK	Spesialis Gizi Klinik	6
Sp.MK	Spesialis Mikrobiologi Klinik	6
Sp.Ok	Spesialis Kedokteran Okupasi (Kerja)	6
Sp.PA	Spesialis Patologi Anatomi	6
Sp.An	Spesialis Anestesiologi dan Reanimasi	7
Sp.KK	Spesialis Penyakit Kulit dan Kelamin	7
Sp.KN	Spesialis Kedokteran Nuklir	7
Sp.KO	Spesialis Kedokteran Olahraga	7
Sp.M	Spesialis Mata	7
Sp.Onk.Rad	Spesialis Onkologi Radiasi	7
Sp.P	Spesialis Paru (Pulmonologi)	7
Sp.Rad	Spesialis Radiologi	7
Sp.A	Spesialis Anak	8
Sp.KM	Spesialis Kedaruratan Medik	8
Sp.KJ	Spesialis Kedokteran Jiwa atau Psikiatri	8
Sp.PK	Spesialis Patologi Klinik	8
Sp.RM	Spesialis Rehabilitasi Medik	8
Sp.S	Spesialis Saraf	8
Sp.THT-KL	Spesialis Telinga Hidung Tenggorok-Bedah Kepala Leher	8
Sp.KP	Spesialis Kedokteran Penerbangan	9
Sp.OG	Spesialis Obstetri & Ginekologi (Kebidanan dan Kandungan)	9
Sp.OT	Spesialis Bedah Orthopaedi dan Traumatologi	9
Sp.ParK	Spesialis Parasitologi Klinik	9
Sp.PD	Spesialis Penyakit Dalam	9
Sp.Ger	Spesialis Geriatri (sedang dikaji)	9
Sp.B	Spesialis Bedah	10
Sp.BA	Spesialis Bedah Anak	10
Sp.BM	Spesialis Bedah Mulut dan Maksilofasial (Dokter gigi)	10
Sp.BTKV	Spesialis Bedah Toraks Kardiovaskuler	10
Sp.BP	Spesialis Bedah Plastik	10
Sp.JP	Spesialis Jantung dan Pembuluh Darah	10
Sp.KG	Spesialis Konservasi Gigi (Dokter Gigi)	10
Sp.KGA	Spesialis Kedokteran Gigi Anak (Dokter Gigi)	10
Sp.Ort	Spesialis Ortodonsia (Perawatan Maloklusi) (Dokter Gigi)	10
Sp.Perio	Spesialis Periodonsia (Jaringan Gusi dan Penyangga Gigi) (Dokter Gigi)	10
Sp.PM	Spesialis Penyakit Mulut (Dokter Gigi)	10
Sp.Pros	Spesialis Prostodonsia (Restorasi Rongga Mulut) (Dokter Gigi)	10
Sp.RKG	Spesialis Radiologi Kedokteran Gigi (Dokter Gigi)	10
Sp.U	Spesialis Urologi	10
Sp.BS	Spesialis Bedah Saraf	11

terus lulus dan buka praktek. I need approximately 10 years to finish them all in total. Dan mulai bisa mengabdi ke masyarakat. Apa yang bakal terjadi sama temen-temenku dalam 10 tahun? Yah, mungkin mereka udah bener-bener mengabdi ke masyarakat. Bahkan mungkin mereka udah mulai dilepas ke dunia profesional 6 tahun sebelumku. Hiks. Dan mungkin juga mereka udah pada sukses-sukses saat aku baru dilepas ke dunia dokter profesional. FK itu mahal. Well, kalo mau nyari beasiswa sih banyak. Tapi saingannya gamungkin enteng, anak FK semuanya, yang notabene gamungkin anak-anak yang ganiat sekolah.

Several browsings, kuota + UKT Pendidikan Dokter UB SBMPTN & SNMPTN 2013.

Emang sih aku nggak consider UB buat the most wanted University tapi dari UB, yang katanya sihh UKT nya normal aja, bisa dikira-kira laah universitas luar kaya gimana FK nya. Kalo ditanya pengen mana sih, pengen bandung sebenernya, unpad. Tapi father said no. High living cost and long distance daddy-daughter relationship are the main reason. Sebenernya he promised nggakmau menghalangi cita-citaku beberapa waktu yang lalu. Termasuk mau kuliah sejauh mana akunya. Since dulu aku cerita pengen banget nerusin study ke US. Yah nggatau lah apa kata nanti. Mom suggested me to take UNAIR then UB. Let's see how far I can reach.

Jadi planku buat SNMPTN adalah:

1. Universitas Airlangga:

a) FK

2. Universitas Gajahmada:

a) FK

buat SBMPTN :

1) ITB - FTSL

2) UNAIR - FK

3) UB - FK

lewat SIMAK :

1) FK

2) FKG

yang penting ini dulu.

Aku nyari beberapa referensi tentang minat bakat. And guess what I found after several tests I took,

2013-07-29T20:38:00.000-07:00

i like staying in the library past the time when everyone leaves and when i walk around the school in the dark. it is emptied of all the noise that feels overwhelming in the daylight. and that is when i feel as though i could walk around and be safe in the silence.

it scares me how much i love being with just myself.

i am glad i have me to hang out with.

i hope it doesn't sound pathetic.

2013-07-29T19:56:00.001-07:00

Anyway, I've been wanting to blog recently but Im too caught up with life. Plus, too much has happened over the past week that I wanna talk about it. Aaand Im too lazy to blabber about everything about my life - all the drama after that poor decision I made which I rightly deserve a high five to the face for. FML sorry to funk.

Not yet updated till this 21st day of Ramadhan holy month, was just reminded after opening my penpal's blog. Yes, been so off blogging since I was busy studying and got no connection there at dormitory. And Im home now so I have plenty of time to do.

Ramadhan has arrived. Ya Allah, thanks for letting me meet this holy month yet again. And i am really grateful for all that you have given me thus far, from the clean air to the food i get to eat to an injury-free season so far. I know its not enough but all praises to you. Alhamdulillah. May we get cleared of all our sins for the past year and minimize them the year ahead insyaAllah.

Have a blessed Ramadhan everyone.

are we talking about right? :)

2013-05-29T09:59:00.000-07:00

I honestly picked a random video on TED but what I got is more than just a coincidence. What's is on this prezi is what I really want to change. Go ahead.

we can burn brighter than the sun

2013-02-27T01:59:00.002-08:00

Time for an update. Which is actually still a vent of daily thingies. Personally. Literally.

The good news come from 12 graders who’ll be having UPRAK tomorrow resulting in the diminution from 45 mins each school hour to 20. School is starting at 12 tomorrow and im afraid this

will drive us sleepy during the lesson. Taking the positivity, it beatifies us. School lasts little shorter and it can also be excuses why we sleep in class, cant it?

While having my sparetime I want to share this video. That one boy singing in this video can really make me cry my eyes out. His stunning voice melts me doooownn deep dooownnn really.

I first knew him (Boyce Avenue) from my Singaporean penpal’s blog, Norman. We might now not chat like we used to do at the old times, but we still keep in touch via blog. This is why I use

english from the last three years aside from ms. Kyky’s order to have english blog which is few months ago. Boyce avenue remixed the song which I say more beautiful than the original one.

Have your time for we are young of Fun covered by Boyce Avenue

2013-02-26T01:18:00.000-08:00

Need to stop being so lazy.

Need to stop being a sloth.

Need to stop waking up so late everyday.

Need to stop wasting away my day everyday.

Need to manage my time.

Need to start living.

Need to start gaining back my fitness again.

Need to run more.

Need to work harder.

2013-02-23T03:34:00.000-08:00

Everything is mind over matter, and we control our happiness. we must train our brain to make what our heart feel. fill yourself with things that matter and engulf your mindset with

positivity. i feel like that's the only way out when sadness wraps your life around it. i don't want to catch myself feeling sad just because my brain decided to flash-back to genuine happy

times that are now pure dust in my life. dust that don't mean anything but are collected over days of ignorance. i hope the reason why i didn't even bother to even try and make it happen

is a good reason.

2013-02-19T09:05:00.001-08:00

there I go at the speed of sound

2013-02-19T09:02:00.000-08:00

Its me again coming back with another topic for the english online class for blog project. here I call it paparazzi project because tracking that wimpy kid who become my object in this

occasion is the main point. Gotta prezify the biography of him, that lucky guy, (drum roll please)... DANNY MAULANA RIDUWAN!!

Since Im still learning using prezi, I really am sorry for it doesnt come out like what you guys expected me to have the prezi and that is why I keep updating the info and upgrading

the biography consisting of unique biggies about Danny, whom we call, papi (its only Deni actually who call him so). So keep in track cos I'll improve the quality of my prezi.

No catch ups just click this

Run of Janny

2013-02-11T23:10:00.000-08:00

Its been a month since my teacher who is miles apart there in the United States teaches us via online class. We had the technology, the skype, mailing list, facebook and twitter account to keep in touch

and stay connected. We didnt miss the infos from both teacher or students. We shared all the things. Im very thankful for those geniuses who invented the super bombarding technologies.

Things come and go in a blink of an eye for me including this January. And here, im reporting the progress of my resolution last January. I got bunches of big rocks to swallow and submit in time but it all

ended up 60% succeeded-ly. Im trying to do the reflection as the direct result of wondering where my 40% goes but I finally come up with one complication. My TLIM teacher, ms Kadek asked us not to be

the yes man, saying yes to everybody that we’ll do what they want us to do, and Im trying to do that but how if the order comes from teachers. We cannot refuse it. How if the order comes from the head of

dormitory as I’m the committee member? Of course we can not because we already committed.

Magic's Kartinis

2013-02-04T18:45:00.001-08:00

left to right, top to bottom : Sifa, Made, Taza, Dea, Deana, Imas, Mita, Ana, Nadia, Manda

I may not have the best resolution of the visualization above, the pic I took when I was in Junior High School around 3 years backwards on Kartini Day, considering that I used my fish

eye lenses but I love this anyway. The reason why I picked this pic among those Junior High School cool piccies on my directory is because I love the fish eye effect on the shot.

This pic somehow recalls my past memories about freedom to go on our own way, different way. Different is not always separatic, is it? Difference enriches us.

Those girls were my classmates, MAGIC, for two years, on the second year and the third. We came from different elementary school, family, and background. The solidarity that we

upheld since the second year was the toughest among all classes’. We planned what we would put on when it came to the Kartini Day together. Yes, of course there were some conflicts

in deciding whether we’d just wear the same costume or different to make it more diverted at first. -See? The difference did always come along as we socialize, the differences were

always there- but finally, we ended up with the second option, the most voted choice, that is to be different each other. We came to coordinate who’d have Sumatra costume, Kalimantan,

Jawa, Bali, and Papua even more. So that’s it. We were the MAGIC! Diversity never separate us, it brings us together to perfection and excellence.

the sun goes down, the stars come out

2013-01-30T05:54:00.000-08:00

Beginning Youth.

The light was dancing in your eyes last night. Fireworks were everywhere on 31st of December 2012. Happy New Year 2013, folks. Im not gonna ask for too much biggies aside from

being better. I just feel that if i have my family and friends this year, that's enough. I have no idea of how or when am i so easy to pleased but i guess, age does that to you? You

just go along and feel it's sufficient enough if you have everything you need and want.

Last year impression is amazement was all mine. And the mayans’ trolling that told me that the doomsday was gonna hit us on 21st of December was quite funny.

See? LOL.

It’s been a good run of days lately, been feeling good about myself too lately. And also things have been going a little swiftly and I have yet to catch my breath since Im still on

holiday mode. These semester end were perfect with sweet closing, going back home for 2 weeks and living with my lovely sista barista, having someone randomly checking up on me and

bombarding me with random nonsense like using the binoculars to spy on people down the block. I miss those times really. But no matter what happened, i still love her to Neptune.

Im re-opening my photo gallery on my phone and found this photo, scratches from my teacher who is now miles apart there in United States. She is leaving for one semester while

teaching us via miling list,the online class.

What I underlined over all those writing is the blog. Well I’ve been rising this blog for almost 4 years or 3. You, readers, might probably want to read my first post in the blog, which I suggest

(read: forbid) you, not to do it because you’ll regret to read such nonsense thingy. I dont know how she likes it and from which perspective. Somehow it’s such an honor to be awarded

as the best blog last month teehee :).

The next “something something” which is the highlights of the year comes from last class meeting. Enough talking, this is the visualisation

magazine board that brought us to the first place on wall magazine competition

the same old junk : UNO

additional task to write a post card to a new found friend there in USA (this is tami's idk where mine is)

Another highlight comes from my "returning back home". Mom and Dad picked me up at dorm on Friday and took me directly to WSS (Warung Steak and Shake) because they could feel the butterfly in my stomach or what. We ordered several cuisines. Here are the pics:

That's all I got with my mini pocket camera. I didnt take too much because of time limitation and it's embarrassing.

We reached home with warm welcome from my dearest sister. She was currently preparing the salad for me to eat while I was done having culinary tour with mommy and daddy but

I swear to God that her to-eat-handmade was so delicious. You might wanna give it a try.

Im telling you that going back home was a weight reliever. I gained like 4-6 kilos. My sister is a good chocolate supplier. Dont hesitate this is true.

my visit to my granny's home, flooded with rambutan. here's my auntie.

how I spent my holiday, by swimming.

going to theater with girls xx

and the last was outing with Rhino. We were at food court matos.

dhandhan and syahid

diah, afif, and mudi

Thank you for those sweet scenes, dear 2012.

2013 HITS

2013-01-30T02:09:00.000-08:00

New Year’s Eve has always been a time for looking back to the past, and more importantly, forward to the coming year. I’ve had a great start of 2013 so far and hope it will be

an even better year than 2012.

I don’t really like the whole concept of New Year Resolutions but I have made a small list of which hopes and expectations I have for the new year, just like I did last year.

Take better care of myself! This year too I will continue to take good care of myself, by this I mean drinking more water, sleep more, and last but not least eat healthier food.

The second one is enjoying life (even) more! In general do whatever makes me happy – be more impulsive, take risks, smile, travel and live life!

Study harder. I will try to focus even more on my studies this year, I only have 1,5 years left on my high school. I’m also planning on the major and overseas university I am going to

take next year. I definitely need to be structured and focus on my studies. Spend more time with my family, boyfriend and friends. This is definitely the most important one but also

the hardest as my friends, family and boyfriend are spread all around the world!

Do you have any New Years resolutions for 2013 – and if so, what? :)

my eyes adored you

2012-12-17T04:15:00.005-08:00

How’s everyone doing this december? Sorry no blog much lately. Feeling so sinful for not upgrading the news about me really.

The reality of my life is that the year is ending and it hit me like a brick seeing the date yesterday night under the cloudless sky of tlogowaru street (?) I know it's typically ordinary for

everyone to react that december has finally knocked on their door but nobody knows what this month means to me. i feel odd to even think about the whole calendar year coming to

a full stop and beginning on a new fresh chapter. it's like, every single year, december has been perfect for me and then january comes and it's two months of just pure bliss and it will

all be taken away from me with a quick glance.

Latest news is about press release, we, wicuk banin and I, havent even started to work it out. The next news is about crisis. Spent bucks already (again) on clothes and stuffs,

ordered as desired without reckoning the expenses and the income. Promised to make money myself, gotta keep my pocket filled but what happened is grrr -_- I cant help myself

when it comes to the shoppingss. And novels. Imma dee freak either the books or the movie, chewing the papers on and on. Still proceeding supernova the first, kesatria, putri, dan

bintang jatuh. Planned to go hunt for more novels this holiday.

damn recommended

It’s nearing the end of the year and i’m busy spreading bliss around, sinking into the euphoria of the end of semester glory, with a sweet nightmare as the toppings we call it UAS. It

was like a dash of EUREKA in my brain I could finally do all the questions OBAMASELF teehee 8D. No remedial. At all. Even being the best 5 students on physics in class. Feels good to be

able to sleep whenever I want without worrying about waking up early. Hope the weather will be fine though for our classmeeting as the semester closing. Revenge. Bring the vodka on

and raise the glass.

here's my class atmosphy after having UAS

here's the scene of us preparing for the class meeting

this one is shuffle dance preparation, we were so null at first

tami was busy capturing everything so that she'd never lose any moment while others doing their own business

MADING!

and the rush

that's all I got from my phone camera I illegally brought to school during class meeting today :)

Im sooo feeling the holiday mood right now eventhough i still have like 4 days to swallow, which will be filled with outbonds held by osis. Well if you ask me whether its exciting or not,

i’ll answer nope. Im so not in this. I do wanna fasten my seatbelt and directly crawl the time machine, pushing “skip these 4 days” and step on Friday where I’ll spend my first 4

holidays on vacation. With barbs and vammy! Decide to do a lil something-something to our dearest bilongg before she leaves for United States next August. I know it’s still a long way

to go but this holiday is the last holiday we’re with her. Time can fly in a blink of an eye for me, i dont want her to just vanish that fast. She’ll be leaving for one year. I cant imagine how

class will be like without her. We miss you already even you’re still here. I cant imagine i really beg adit, her inspiration she said -_-, to come over here before she leaves. I cant!

awkward face(s)

The plan is spending a night on tami’s place, idk whose ride, or even what, will take us there. Then off to a boutique or distro or clothing shop to seek for couples T-shirt for three of

us. Then I’m off to pensi spensa, idk with whom, but i’ll ask vammy for that matter. Head to swimming pool, and swim with barbies whom I havent met for like months. And next day

i’ll be going to ponorogo to Nia’s home and off to Jogja with moltsky. Well-planned. Thank god Im on a vacation now. Really need this getaway to conceal my sorrow and refresh before

fighting for next semester. May not end up any worse.

~~Kill the money.~~

if you remember me, then i don't care if everyone else forgets

2012-12-11T06:41:00.000-08:00

Nine Days - If I Am

2012-12-01T21:44:00.001-08:00

So your standing on a ledge
It looks like you might fall
So far down
Or maybe you were thinking about jumping
Now you could have it all
If you learned a little patience
For though I cannot fly
I'm not content to crawl
So give me a little credit
Have in me a little faith
I want to be with you forever
If tomorrow's not too late
But it's always too late when you've got nothing
So you say
But you should never let the sun set on tomorrow
Before the sun rises today
If I am
Another waste of everything you dreamed of
I will let you down
If I am
Only here to watch as you suffer
I will let you down
So your walking on the edge
And you wait your turn to fall
But you're so far gone
That you don't see the hands upheld to catch you
And you could find the fault
In the heart that you've been handed!
For though you cannot fly
You're not content to crawl
But it's always too late when you've got nothing
So you say
But you should never let the sun set on tomorrow
Before the sun rises today
If I am
Another waste of everything you dreamed of
I will let you down
If I am
Only here to as watch you suffer
I will let you down
So you're standing on a ledge
It looks like you might fall
If I am
Another waste of everything you dreamed of
I will let you down
If I am
Only here to as watch you suffer
I will let you down
The answers we find
Are never what we had in mind
So we make it up as we go along
I won't mention tomorrow
And we won't make those promises that we can't keep...
I will never leave you
I will never let you down
I will never leave you
I will never let you down

This song is not new and I have had a chance to listen to it several times. I have come to an analysis and a way that I visualize the plot to the song. A woman (I’ll call her Mary)

leaves her boyfriend (I’ll call him Jared) for no apparent reason. Mary storms out of the apartment and tries to get as far away from Jared as possible. Jared on the other hand is

persistent and does not want to lose Mary because he thinks she could be his true love. He tries to talk to her but she just walks the other way and ignores him. He questions her about

why she left him and what he did wrong. Without him she is a mess. Jared tells Mary that he is not a waste of her time and that they could work everything out. He also says that he

will never leave her or let her down. He will remain faithful to her even if she wants nothing to do with him. Over time she learns that he never meant to hurt her and will be the one

that is there for her no matter what. She will never find another man like him and if she leaves he will have let her down. She decides to give the relationship another chance and to let

Jared back into her life. He tells her over and over again that he will never leave her or let her down. He is committed to their love and he wants her to be too. The song tells me that

this was an actual event in the author’s life because of the passion he wrote and sings the song with. Perhaps the author wrote the song as a reminder to his love that he will never

leave her or betray her in any way.