They are the inevitable dance of getting to know someone without revealing too much and being vague enough where you can decide if you would want to see that person again. Most of the time, the answer is “maybe.”

Here is usually how my first dates go:

• Anxiety about going and contemplating if I should cancel or postpone
• Review the person’s online dating profile to determine conversation topics for the evening
• Taking my time arriving at pre-arranged location so I’m not the first one there
• Commence awkward introductions/discussion of weather/transportation/parking to the location
• Review menus, smile and make very light talk while waiting for drinks to arrive
• *At this point, I get a sense if I will have to lead conversation a bit more or if he will*
• If I have to make conversation, I will initiate by asking something relative to items we’ve discussed by email and/or on his profile
• Conversation will continue
• Insert a few awkward pauses as one of us decides what else to discuss or if we should just call it a night
• Add in a few “bathroom breaks” which allow me to check my phone
• Evening ends, I walk to the bus or cab home, send a text to say thank you (if he paid) and delay deciding if I would see him again

This may sound cynical but I guess I’m not used to first dates going well.

Either way, a first date/drinks could be fun, a mess or just two hours of my life I won’t get back. Regardless, I’m giving it a try to keep me moving forward.

I don’t like starting over, starting fresh with someone I don’t know and putting in the extra work to try and see if “me” is someone he might be interested in. It would be easier to go back to the way things were, but there isn’t anything there anymore, so I have to start over.

But then again, drinks are just drinks and worst case, I make a quick escape and try again with someone else.

Whatever, let’s do this.

If you know me, you know that I love movies. L-O-V-E. I’ve loved them since I was a kid and saw E.T. in the theaters.

And I took a little bit of a blog break last week because I was fulfilling one of my movie-lover bucket list items: going to the 2012 Sundance Film Festival.

One of my clients was there and I got to be on the ground for five days working and hanging out in Park City, seeing screenings, etc. Yes, I was working, trust me, it was not all play.

It was a stressful, exhausting and taxing time, but also, just…amazing.

Park City is gorgeous, I was fortunate enough to visit it last summer for a conference, but the best part was going to the screenings. My colleague and I saw a total of 8 movies over four days and I loved EVERYTHING I saw, minus one movie. Most of the movies we saw were heavy too, including the documentaries, but I really hope these get wider release because you guys should check them out.

Here is the cheesy part: during one screening, when the reality of where I was sitting hit, I started to tear up because being there has been a dream for so long, that I couldn’t believe it was happening. CHEESE.

Here are a few pictures from the trip.

More photos are on Facebook and Flickr (here). Yikes, just looking at it makes me tired. Time to rest up!

How was your weekend? Anything new with all of you?

Overall, there were a lot of great looks last night (I had a hard time narrowing them down!) but in many cases, an overuse of fabric (cough, Sarah Michelle Gellar).

So let’s take a look.

Favorite Looks

Julianne Moore – Simple, age-appropriate and nicely styled

Frieda Pinto – Dress was better on TV but the color and her necklace were divine

Michelle Williams – A little matronly but love the detail and headband

Shailene Woodley – Bad posture but the dress was really delicate and feminine. Gorgeous.

Charlize Theron – Wasn’t a huge fan at first but the way she accessorized it won me over

Claire Danes – The webbed detail on the back was fab and it matched perfectly with the red lip

Needs Improvement (aka the “see me” note you dread from the teacher)

Lea Michele – It’s like a bad Cher/Bob Mackie revival. No thank you

Jessica Biel – Based on this, I’m now worried about what she’ll wear to her wedding.

Kelly Osborne – Dowdy dress + gray hair = not flattering

Rooney Mara – She is so gorgeous but this dress isn’t the good kind of edgy

Natalie Portman -The random “sail” hanging off her hip is not flattering

Piper Perabo – This isn’t a bad picture but the pale color plus full skirt just did not work. At all

For the men, I can never go wrong with a man in a tux. And of course, George, Jake and even orange Rob Lowe looked so handsome. I’ll even give Matt LeBlanc a nod for wearing a midnight blue suit. Very dashing.

And way for photobombing to become very mainstream. Let’s just say, I’d love to sit at the Modern Family or Fey/Poehler table any day. Those look like fun tables to spend an evening at (with champagne).

Did you watch last night? What looks did you love?

But, that’s life in the big city where you rely on public transportation and tourists are a way of life.

So in the celebration of this season, here is my recent list of pet peeves (winter edition):

• Long hair - Yes, this is my choice, but it gets stuck in everything! Scarves, zippers, coats, etc. It is driving me bananas
• Sweating - The buses have turned on the heat and when you’re smushed in the bus with the heat blasting and a heavy coat on, it is like sitting in a hotbox. Awful
• Static electricity - For some reason, I shock everyone. Might be shuffling my feet or the dryness of my apartment but everything and everyone I touch, I shock them. Embarrassing
• Dry skin - The wind here chaps my skin and dries it out like the desert. I’m constantly applying lotion and lip balm. Thank goodness for Kiehl’s Whipped Creme de Corps, feels like butter on my skin

It’s funny because prior to today, this Chicago winter has been very mild. Now, it’s snowing, with inches already on the ground and snow and temps are getting back semi-seasonal 30 degree highs temps.

I may have to amend this post with “pet peeves: snow edition” shortly. Because once snow falls, people get way dumber about how to get around in the city. No kidding.

What’s bothering you about this winter season?

I’m still spending some time in sad city/bummerland so my friends suggested I “get back out there” to try and take my mind off things.

I didn’t expect Prince Charming to appear, but when I was deleting old emails, I came across one that gave me a surprising reaction.

It said, “how is my future wife doing besides being her usual gorgeous self?

Cheesy emails like this are pretty standard but when I read it, my brain immediately said, NO THANK YOU.

Maybe I’m not ready for this.

After that email, I discussed with two single friends the amount of work/effort it takes to online date. We all hate it. Starting from the very beginning, the inevitable, awful first date, weeding through potential guys to see if there are any gems. It’s like a second job.

But one friend said some very true advice, “dating does suck but you have to just keep trying and put yourself out there. It won’t always work out but if you don’t try, time will just keep going by.”

Damn, that is SO TRUE.

Sometimes, I feel like I don’t want to date. I don’t want to try, I don’t want to put myself out there, I don’t want to get hurt again. But there is one thing that will make me get back out there: The feeling you have when you’re with someone you really like. I’m not ready to give up on that, but will get there, hopefully.

My friends give really good advice. Fact!

This weekend was full of two things: organizing and cleaning.

Plus, a little drinking.

What drove me to drink? Well, I hate coming home to a mess. When I go to work, I pick up before I leave, same when I go on trips.

Friday, when I got the call that painting was (finally) over in my apartment, I went home to find a huge mess. The painters left extension cords, garbage and supplies everywhere. This is in addition to all of my stuff sitting in piles to make room for them.

Let’s just say, I wasn’t thrilled.

But, rather than clear off the bed and crash, I opted to take one for my team and get to work. And about 7-8 hours later (between Friday night and Saturday), my apartment started to look normal again. Furniture moved, items purged, donation piles created, etc.

Sure, I still have work to do but it’s nice to have things back in their place and lay down on the couch.

Plus, I have to say, the new walls look really nice. The only downside, seeing my place in disarray and how “new” the place looks, it doesn’t totally feel like home. Just another adjustment but I’m so glad this is over with :)

And when I needed a break from the mess at home, I went out and had some beverages. And my a “couple,” I mean six. Thank goodness for dinner and fresh air…and ibuprofen the next day, wink wink.

How was your weekend?

My apartment is being painted today and tomorrow and it is currently a total disaster area. I hate it so much.

I am sitting on the one piece of furniture that isn’t covered by a tarp or stuff. And sitting here with just piles of stuff around me is making my anxiety hit an all-time high. It’s so messy, that I sat at work late tonight JUST BECAUSE. That is how bad I did not want to go home.

And as nice as the apartment looks half-painted, I cannot stop focusing on how much stuff I have.

My long-term platonic manfriend came over to help me move furniture last night (LOVE HIM) and even he said, “dude, you have a lot of…stuff.”

AND I DO. I fully blame moving in to a larger apartment because everything people stored for me, could now come here. And, living in an apartment, you don’t have a ton of extra storage so stuff just…collects and sits there.

Or you hide it (like me) in drawers, corners or other places. And then you move or paint or something happens and you’re confronted with all of this…stuff.

Painting is supposed to be done tomorrow (please for the love of god be done so I can have my home back!) and I plan to declutter and purge stuff from this place like crazy as I put things back together. And the control freak in me is panicking that we can’t get started now.

Friends have volunteered to help me get rid of stuff and I plan to take them up on it. I cannot wait to just unload stuff and start over. Time for a fresh start! Please let it be end of day Friday already, please.

Any big weekend plans? Have you ever been confronted with all of the “stuff” you have in your home or apartment?

But then there are those ruts where it all goes to hell and you barely put forth the effort to shower.

Recently, after some personal life stuff, I found myself in this rut. I could barely get myself out of bed, let alone think about how I looked. I went to work for two days barely showered, hair a mess, glasses on and outfits that looked like I was either a) color blind or b) dressed myself in the dark.

And I felt awful too, for multiple reasons.

Then, on day three, when I still wanted to hide, I forced myself to try.

And it was as simple as putting/forcing my contacts in, putting on a dress and slapping some make up on my face.

And when I looked in the mirror, I saw a spark of the old me and felt like part of the cardigan of sadness was coming off.

So for NYE, when I was going to be just with the girls, I decided to put some effort in to it, just for me.

That included: date bra, scented lotion (I only wear this on dates too), freshly shaved legs, mani/pedi done and full face, eye and lip make up.

Only my friends saw this but I didn’t care. I felt great and thought I looked great.

So that’s my plan now, keep myself from backsliding in to this wardrobe rut and keep trying because if you’re looking good, you’re feeling good. And even if you’re not feeling 100% great, do the best you can.

Do you get dressed up sometimes just for you?

LOVE IT.

Even when there is sub zero wind chill (it’s like it gets colder just for that night).

But New Years Eve also sucks in Chicago, primarily because there are ZERO CABS in the city. No kidding, I have stood in the cold for an hour waiting for a cab. I even shared a cab (out of desperation) with a couple beginning to have sex in the backseat (I was sitting shotgun). Yes, that last ride was awkward. I also heard things I wish I could unhear.

After celebrating New Years in Chicago for almost seven years, I learn something new each time. Hopefully, it makes me wiser for the next year (especially learning what I would do differently.)

So here is what I learned this year:

• Good cab luck DOES exist and it’s a sign that your year is going to be amazing. After years of torturous cab waits, I had good cab luck all of NYE, even on my way home, which NEVER happens. I never had to wait more than 5 minutes each time. I wish I could express the joy this brings me
• Even though regular vodka is tasteless, a mixed drink that is 90% vodka 10% lemonade is tough to swallow
• Pouring champagne without spilling is a skill I possess
• Dressing casual fancy makes for a much more enjoyable night. I usually stick with leggings, boots and some sort of sequin arrangement. It is still January in Chicago after all. Oh and sometimes, throwing in a hat just for effect rocks too

Here was this year’s NYE outfit:

Not a great picture, but it looked much better in person. And not to be crude, but my boobs were OOC. I wish I would have worn something more low-cut, even though it was girls night.

How was your New Years?

I cannot believe 2011 is almost over. I know, it was just Christmas and I’m surprised NYE is coming up so quickly? Well yeah, I am.

In digging up last year’s post to see if I made strides on my resolution, I was grateful to find that I kept it simple.

My 2011 resolution was to “keep trying new things.” So was I successful?

Yeah, I think I was!

Some of 2011′s highlights:

• Italy. I mean, two weeks alone in a foreign country where I barely spoke the language? That was huge and an amazing experience
• Trapeze. I will never do it again and was scared out of my f*cking mind but I did it and can cross it off my “want to try” list
• Dating. Yes, this didn’t work out as I hoped, but I gave it an honest shot and put myself out there more than I have in a long time. And maybe the next one will turn out differently
• FOOD. From Italy to Seattle to Vancouver to Chicago to Milwaukee, I’ve had a lot of amazing meals and tried a lot of new things, some that were tastier than others. But still, I have some very fond food memories
• Oprah! Yes, thanks to the Chicago blizzard, I got last minute tickets to the Oprah Winfrey Show (before it went off the air) and even got a little camera time. That was an awesome experience
• Acting like a crazed teen. Seeing Weezer play the Blue Album in concert with Mega was amazing. The 17 year old inside of me was wicked excited (but not about the mosh pit)

So what is the plan for 2012? Much of the same, travel, food and continuing to try new things and challenge myself.

I may not always be successful but I won’t know unless I try.

And I’m very optimistic and excited to see what 2012 has in store for me. Hopefully it will include a make out or two as well.

What are your 2012 resolutions?

Anyhow, the big holiday weekend is almost here and I am getting ready to head home, to bake, stuff myself with deliciousness and spend time with people I’m related to (including my beloved fur nephew). I also need a break from Chicago so I can keep working toward feeling like the old me.

Oh and I will try to also watch Love Actually one more time. Seriously, I love that movie. LOVE.

My gifts are packed, laundry done and I am ready to have a puppy smother me in kisses soon.

There is lots of other fun things to look forward to this weekend, including movies and being reunited with my high school best friend, who I haven’t seen in a long time.

Lots happening in the other mitten state.

I hope you all have a wonderful holiday weekend and safe travels wherever you are off to.

I will be back next week with a full holiday and shenanigans recap :) I leave you for now with a video of puppies under the tree, seriously, it will make you explode from cuteness.

Oh, and I hope Santa is extra good to each of you, wink wink.

Love, JB

Yep, just PR’ed that.

Anyhow, as I’ve gotten older and started cooking and dining out more, I’ve found that several things I would never eat as a kid are now things I really enjoy. Maybe my taste buds got a little more mature but now that I’m a more adventurous eater, I’m more open to trying new things.

Here are some of the things I would never be caught dead eating as a kid:

• Beets
• Onions
• Corn (actually, I still don’t like corn on the cob)
• Fish or sushi (minus shrimp)
• Any sort of squash
• Blueberries
• Almonds or nuts (still dislike them in brownies)
• Beans

Yeah, after reading that list again I’ll clarify, it’s not that I ate crap all of the time, I was just really specific about what I would eat and never vary from it.

So you can imagine that I never the kid-me would die at the thought of pork belly, bone marrow, etc. and the same kid-me would dry heave dramatically in response. Fortunately, it’s no longer the case.

But the two foods I still very strongly dislike: black licorice and lamb. Okay, I don’t loathe lamb but I’m not a huge fan.

What were your least favorite foods that you grew out of hating?

FOUR YEARS later, it still is.

Holy sh*t, today is my four-year blogoversery. (Big thanks to Teena in Toronto for the reminder!)

When I started this, I didn’t think I would still be doing it in three months, let alone five years. It is, my longest commitment.

So here is what I would write to my blog in its birthday card:

Yep, I jumped the gun and put a 5th birthday picture up

Dear blog,

Today, you are five years old. I cannot believe it (literally).

In five years together, there have been a lot of ups and downs. You have given me a lot of positive things: introducing me to close friends who I love dearly, taken me to Vegas, New York, Boulder and Seattle, and given me an outlet to express myself. But of course, when things are down, I want nothing more than to shut you down and forget I ever started this.

Despite this bumpy road, we’re still here, five years later and I still enjoy posting here, so it looks like we have another year together ahead of us. It may not always be easy, but with award fashion season coming up, I am excited.

Love, JB

Happy birthday blog, cheers to another year.

But I’m not great at making at giving gift ideas for myself. I have a tendency to just buy whatever I need/want and have a hard time putting that in to a list for others. This is a very frustrating process.

So after much thoughts, online searching and auditing of my apartment, below are the items I hope Santa brings me this year

Echo Tech gloves - I definitely need these to use my phone in winter without losing a finger from the cold

Canon S95 camera - I still use a point-and-shoot a lot when I travel and I badly need a nice one!

Cuisinart Immersion Blender – Love the color and need one for my baking and cooking adventures!

Fresh gift set - I am obsessed with this Brown Sugar scrub and lip gloss. Let’s dress it up

Money for Paris – Yes, trips are expensive, I could use any help I can get :)

Frye Melissa Button boots – I blame TC for getting me in to these but the color is to die for! And fits my man calves

Yep, that’s all on my list this year! I’ve also noticed that my holiday gift list ideas get super boring now that I’m an adult. One year, I asked for stamps and a vacuum cleaner. I was beyond excited when I got both. It’s the little things right?

What’s on your “wish list” this year?

Anyhow, yesterday I was cruising around Facebook (always a source for entertainment) and found this.

No lie, I laughed for two minutes, then went back, watched it again and laughed harder (I missed things the first time).

If you didn’t see this making the rounds, it’s a video (with Juliette Lewis?!) that is all things girl say, apparently on a regular basis.

I am guilty of saying 90-95 percent of these things, especially the following:

• “Why doesn’t my computer work??”
• “Did I lock the door?” INSERT DRAMATIC PAUSE “Yes”

Seriously, get out of my head!

Anyhow, that is what made me laugh yesterday. Baby steps! I also wore a dress and put in my contacts today. Hopefully these are other steps in the right direction.

Also, I wanted to say a big thank you to all of the sweet comments, emails, calls and texts I’ve received in response to the last post. You guys are the best and your sweet words made my day :)

Do you sound like any part of the video?

I am bummed.

Why?

For the last few weeks/months I was spending time with someone. Someone I liked very much. Someone I liked more than I have liked someone in a while (boy-wise). Someone who gave me the butterflies/swoony feeling that made good friends ask what was going on because, well they knew my behavior was out of the ordinary. It was…awesome in a drive you crazy but make you happy way.

Now, that person is no longer in the picture.

And I am bummed.

Actually I’ll say it, I’m sad. And I can’t stop from feeling sad just yet.

That’s the thing about dating, it is a risk and can disappoint you. I’m there now, and it sucks.

I even debated posting this because I’m not doing this to drum up sympathy. Just saying how I’ve been feeling because I alluded to stuff going on before and then never said anything else. And, a few people who read this did know and I just don’t have the heart to tell them individually.

So I’ll be here in in bummerland/sad city for a bit and then, I’ll pick myself up and keep going.

For now, I’m just hoping tomorrow will be a bit better.

No, this is a legit gift from Santa and the other “big guy” above.

In fact, I’m so happy right now, that I want to scream it from the rooftop.

And I can do that, without having to take the stairs!!

Wait, what am I jabbering on about?

Oh just that my apartment building elevator is FIXED.

FINALLY!!!

*insert the sound of angels singing*

No sh*t, my elevator has been out of order since the end of August (one week after my birthday to be exact).

My building is five floors and I’m on the fourth, which means, my a** has been hauling up four flights of stairs one to three times a day since then.

I’ve done those stairs drunk, hungover, loaded down with laundry, carrying groceries and dragging suitcases. No kidding, it almost gave me a heart attack a few times.

But now, NO MORE.

Yes, I feel like my legs are like two blocks of steel and I can easily do short bursts of stairs in other buildings, but now, I’m ready to ride that elevator, all day long!

Sure, dragging groceries and suitcases sucks, but the worst part is making my friends take the stairs. No kidding, I haven’t had many people over since the elevator went out because I felt bad making them walk up the stairs. I’m not a walk-up kind of girl. Now, party at my place!!

I’m so happy right now.

So, I’m behind in getting in the holiday spirit. In fact, I need it delivered to me like a shot of adrenaline to my heart (cue Pulp Fiction.)

And this weekend, where I was finally at home and able to relax, I kicked off the holiday season JB-style.

I decorated my tree and wrote out holiday cards, with holiday music playing in the background (and me singing out loud). No kidding, I was looking forward to this all week.

My favorite part of the holiday season (minus buying gifts) is decorating my tree. My ornaments are very important to me and I love displaying them, even in my small apartment.

Here is a picture of my 2011 tree, with a few new additions, courtesy of a trip to Macy’s.

Sure, I’m biased, but damn this is a nice lookin’ tree.

And after this baby was up, I watched my favorite holiday movie with the tree lighting my apartment.

I love this movie.

Hello holiday spirit, I think you’re finally coming over me.

How are you getting in to the holiday spirit?

I prefer to work out at night. I used that time to work off the days stress, clear my head and just relax. But working out at night takes a big commitment too. Home is very alluring when it’s cold outside, you work late, plans come up and suddenly it’s a week since you’ve been the gym. I found myself in that situation all too often and I started to fall behind.

And now that the holidays are coming up and things are busier, I just cannot go after work.

So, two weeks ago, I reset the alarm for 5:30 a.m. (OMG SO UNHOLY OF AN HOUR) and headed to the gym to work out before work.

The first day, it went really well. I was up, out of bed and out the door with a little spring in my step. Day two, yeah the reality set in. I was fussy and really wanted to go back to bed.  But I still made myself go. And turns out, working out in the morning isn’t so bad after all. I mean, it’s not puppies and rainbows, but it’s not awful.

To be honest, I’m not even really awake until that elliptical-induced endorphin kick sets in. Before then, I’m pretty much a zombie. But after? I’m all “good morning!!” and feeling good.

I’m going to try and keep doing morning workouts for now and see how it goes. Let’s just say, some days are better than others. But it’s better than not going at all.

Plus, it’s so dead there, I love the peace and quiet. But, the main downside is that I’m up at 5:30 a.m. and (for now) wanting to go to bed at 8 p.m. Still working on that adjustment, nothing’s perfect.

Are you a morning or evening workout person?

After this weekend, I have a whole new appreciation for preparing Thanksgiving dinner because it is no joke. For me, it was a bundle of nerves, anxiety and doubt, but in the end, it was a big accomplishment and sense of pride.

That’s right, my SIL and I both prepared our first-ever Thanksgiving meal. And I only have one cut and two burns to show for it (each hurt).

So let’s do a little recap with link love of what we made:

• Turkey (no link, was pre-cooked)
• Corn and wild rice
• Cranberry and dried cherry relish
• Butternut squash soup
• Party potatoes
• Sweet potato hash
• Creamy green bean casserole with fried shallots
  

And everything turned out DELICIOUS. Being a perfectionist, I would make adjustments to the green bean casserole and soup recipes next year, but everyone assured me they were delicious as-is, so I can quiet my concerns.

The hardest part was the prep and rotating items in the oven, plus reheating the next day. This, plus exhaustion, lead to my battle wounds too. An oven rack burn on your arm at 325 degrees? OUCH.

The best part? Cooking everything with my SIL, working together with my brother to get the house ready, appetizers out and entertain our guests. The good china came out and everything! I have to say, we were a great team and I don’t think it would have been possible without them.

It looks like we’ll be doing this again next year too and I’m already buzzing with ideas of what to change and make.

Now, I’m ready for a nap and days of leftovers :) So let’s look at some pictures!

GD that is one sexy turkey

View of the table (including our beverage, Miller Lite)

My Thanksgiving feast

How was your holiday weekend?