Midori is a true goddess of sensuality and kink.  You’ve read her books, seen her amazing bondage and fetish fashion photos – so come join me in at her workshops this week in Washington, DC through WholeDC!  And this isn’t a giant group event – this is a chance to interact with Midori personally while learning to seduce your lovers with your voice, or with sexy silk scarf bondage.  You better believe that I’ll be there both nights – drop me a line so I can say hello to you, too!

Aural Sex: Midori Teaches Seduction by Voice

Wednesday, November 4, 2009
6:30pm – 8:30pm

Whole DC is thrilled to present Midori! Come to her compelling Aural Sex workshop at the new Dulce Cafe and Lounge on Capital Hill (Eastern Market or Potomac Ave Metro).

The brain is the biggest sex organ and the voice can be the most powerful tool to create the hottest scenes. Midori will show you how to use the hypnotic magic of the voice to seduce your lover long before you enter the bedroom or the playspace.

Wrapped for Pleasure: Midori Teaches Easy Bondage for Steamy Sex

Thursday, November 5, 2009
6:30pm – 8:00pm

Want to bring sizzling, sexy, fun, and easy erotic bondage to your bedroom? Don’t want to bother with expensive gear or complicated ropes? Let’s combine sex with super easy bondage with stealthy scarves!

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Good Vibes - Fantastic Sex Shopping in San Francisco

Good Vibes is the first adult store from which I ever made an online purchase – way back during my time in New York. It changed my life, because the atmosphere of their website encouraged me to learn about what I was buying, as well as myself, without shame.

When I finally found myself in San Francisco I knew I must make the pilgrimage in person and I was not disappointed. What a fantastic store! I know good vibes was recently acquired by a larger company, but rest assured that the independent, feminist, service-oriented spirit is very much alive.

I walked into this store and was immediately greeted by their inspiring and entertaining selection of antique vibrators. As a proud owner of an early 1900s vibe myself, I was thrilled to see her sisters on display here. As one might expect, this excellent store sells a variety of toys for all genders and sexualities, as well as some uniquely tasty BDSM gear and plenty of books, condoms and lubes. Toys are usually on display, so you can check them out, and the lay out of the store is comfortable and easy to navigate.

Let me take a moment to compliment the staff, who are all far more trained and approachable than those are your typical (smuttier) store. As a professional sex educator, my questions tend to be picky and unusual. I was thrilled that staff were able to advise me on their items without hesitation, in spite of my detail-oriented needs. I left feeling well educated about the products that I was interested in, and confident that I could call later, if needed.

I should also mention that they have an art gallery space in the back are easily accessible by bus.

View all of my sex store reviews here on ExploringIntimacy.com.

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Whipped: 20 Erotic Stories of Female Dominance, edited by Carol Queen

Whipped, edited by Carol Queen, has renewed my faith in FemDom of erotic fiction! This book features a series of short and steamy stories in which women seduce and dominate a range of partners, for personal and perhaps even financial pleasure.

After my late teens I slowly stopped reading erotic fiction, mostly because it tends to stop being erotic after a while. I’m particularly hesitant to pick up books featuring sexually dominant women, as they tend to surprise me with a twist ending in which she decides she really prefers to submit to a rude and power-hungry male lover. Exit To Eden, I’m looking at you when I say that.

Whipped, however, brings the genre back where it belongs with a firm spank to lesser offerings. Each story is delightfully different from the others, representing diverse genders and sexualities, so some will raise your temperature while others just raise your eyebrows. Either way, I was kept wide awake on my flight back from San Francisco, which is one of the few times it is appropriate to read a book like this in a cramped public space. After all, the woman squished in next to me was reading a guide to one night stands and the fellow across the aisle was discussing his attempts to sew his own g-string. I fit right in prepping for this book review!

This book is also advertised with a DVD of the documentary “Whipped”. This video shows the lives of several professional and private female dominants as they work with whips and maintain their relationships. It’s a very interesting video, and would particularly well suited for those who are curious about what it is to be a professional dominatrix. Sad to say, I did not feel hopeful for any of the main characters or their relationships at the end of the video. While I would prefer to see some more successful experiences of lifestyle domination, perhaps this is a realistic depiction of the difficulties of confronting our society’s preference for women who are submissive in all areas of life.

Check out all my book reviews here, or join me on GoodReads.com.

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I do hope you enjoy my first video review, complete with catchy intro music!

• 

  FemBlossom by Emotional Bliss

  Toy: The FemBlossom

• Type: premium battery powered vibrator, heating (rechargable)
• Manufacturer: Emotional Bliss
• Material:  hard plastic, with antibacterial silver ions in the plastic
• Cost: $99.95
• SMT rating: 1 – 3 (depending on settings), with accompanying heat

The Femblossom comes from Emotional Bliss, a wonderful company with a unique approach to designing toys that stand apart.  They produce especially great products for women just learning to explore their own bodies with toys or who have not been satisfied with other products on the market.  The FemBlossom is no exception, and proves to be a fantastic outty vibe!

My Femblossom was sent to me for review and arrived well packaged, including an AC adapter, two small bottles of lubricant (water and silicone based), and a wonderful instruction manual.  The manual goes over the functions of the toy, including all 9 settings at 3 different levels of power annnnd it also heats!  I should mention that it is made with a silver ion technology in the plastic that gives it anti-bacterial properties when wiped down with water.

The Femblossom is designed as an outty toy, for use on the vulva including the clitoris, but not for insertion.  As you can see from the video, it’s curved to match the body and lay at the outside of the vulva, or directly stimulate the clit by pressing the curved section against the vulva or using the tip of the vibe.  It has subtle texture, not enough to overwhelm but enough to notice.  As you turn up the vibrations, you also turn up the heat.  The power button is located within easy finger’s reach, and you can scroll through the 9 settings using the + and – buttons.  It gets very powerful and very warm, but can also have a mild thrum with lower heat for those who prefer a softer touch, or who like to warm up gently.

Like its inny-outty sister, the Womolia, this is an excellent premium toy with dynamic uses.  Most toys with a powerful motor are good for getting off but not warming up, this one has a range that goes from sweetly seductive to very intense.  The heat function can be both relaxing and stimulating, and proves to be highly enjoyable.

For those who prefer an outty-only vibrator that does not look anything like a phallus, this is a phenominal choice!  It’s easy to use with partners, and to accompany penetration, solo or partnered. The buttons are easy to press and do not require a great deal of finger strength or dexterity and the toy is light and easy to hold. The battery even holds a charge for a long time!  Like the Womolia, I can’t find anything wrong with this toy, and am very happy to give it my whole hearted recommendation as a fantastic toy for beginners and experienced toy lovers!

Check out all of the toys that have been Play Tested here on ExploringIntimacy.com.

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vibe as drink mixer

The folks at Hand Made Sex Toys have come up with a great guide for those of us with a few too many toys on our hands.  Check out their illustrated tips for using your dildos, butt plugs, and other wankables as household helpers!

Thanks to our friend B for the tip!

by Massimo Innocenti

Pleasurists is a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days from bloggers all around the sex blogosphere. Did you miss Pleasurists #35? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #37? Submit it here before Sunday July 12th at 11:59pm PDT. Please re-post this list on your own blog if listed.

Want to win some free swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

• Birthday Giveaway! Deadline: Monday July 13th at noon Pacific Time.
• Hello Kitty Vibe photo contest Deadline: September 1, 2009.

Madame Editrix

Scarlet Lotus St. Syr

On to the reviews…

Editor’s Pick

• Striptease Kit by Kara Sutra

Vibrators

• Studded Tongue Twister by The Duchess
• AcuVibe Mini by Beautiful Dreamer
• Lovemoiselle Cecile by CarrieAnn
• LELO Iris by Thursday’s Child
• Remote Vibrating Thong by The Duchess
• Fun Factory Gallant by CarrieAnn
• AcuVibe Mini by Miss Mia
• Hello Kitty Vibe by Athena Bradford
• Orion Bottle Rocket by Dangerous Lilly
• LELO Iris by Essin’ Em
• Earth Angel by Carnivalesq
• LELO Gigi and Iris by HavingMyCake
• Slicone Intimate Diver by Adriana
• Lovemoiselle Cecile by Exploring Intimacy

Dildos

• Randy by Sinclair Sexsmith
• Lovemoiselle Noemie by HotMoviesForHer Sex Toy Crew
• Savanna’s Spiral Wrapped G-spot Wonder by Amorous Rocker
• Glo Smooth by Baby Sinead

Anal Toys

• Tantus Ryder by Sexorcism
• Tantus A-Bomb by Scott
• Romp by Epiphora
• Alumina Pace by Epiphora

Toys for Cocks

• Tenga Deep Throat Cup by Baby Sinead
• Zeus Vibrating Cockring by True Pleasures
• Hannah Harper Authentic Love Doll by Red

BDSM/Fetish

• 36 Inch Spreader Bar by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
• Sport Cuffs by HotMoviesForHer Sex Toy Crew
• Rubber Ball Gag by Domina Doll

Adult Books/Games

• Opening Up by Essin’ Em

Adult Movies/Porn

• Fuck Me in the Bathroom #3 by Beautiful Dreamer
• Sugar High Glitter City by Nadia West
• The Art of Sex by J.D. Bauchery
• Rivals Volume 2 by The Porn Librarian
• Peters by FrzKey
• Not Bewitched XXX by J.D. Bauchery
• In Praise of Indecency by The Porn Librarian
• Butch Boi Lansing Raw by J.D. Bauchery
• Afrodite Superstar by Thursday’s Child
• Nina Hartley Private Sessions #11 by Lady Wolfdreams

Lingerie

• Cocktail Party Collar and Cuffs by Red

Storage

• Just in Case Condom Compact II by Wilhelmina Wang
• For Your Nymphomation Bigfoot Case by Red

Sex Furniture

• Liberator Fascinator Throe – Microfiber by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
• Liberator Wedge & Ramp Combo by Sarah Estrella
• Liberator Black Label Scoop by Thursday’s Child
• Liberator Black Label Wedge/Ramp Combo by Dangerous Lilly
• Sexercise Me System by Red

Miscellaneous

• La Femme by Sleeping Dreamer

Sensual Art - the Cecile by Lovemoiselle

• Toy: Cecile
• Type: premium battery powered vibrator (2 AAAs)
• Manufacturer: Lovemoiselle
• Material:  Ceramic
• Cost: approx $100
• SMT rating: 1 (on high), vibrations are not terribly strong but they carry very well due to the ceramic body

Cecile is a delightful, artistic vibrator designed to please its owner’s senses of touch and sight with its smooth, undulating body and light-to-moderate vibrations.  Those who love sensation play will adore this vibe, as will those seeking a lightweight, very firm toy with far more style than her hard plastic sisters.  The unique sensation of the ceramic is extremely smooth and offers added depth to the transmission of the vibrations.  With its single, well-placed button, control is easy.  This toy is best suited to those who enjoy a perfectly texture-free surface, light to moderate vibrations, a firm phallus, and one that widens gradually toward the base.  And, of course, for those who are ready to be visually seduced.

Continue reading for all of the details of the Cecile’s playtest.

Lovely packaging of the Cecile by Lovemoiselle

I adore the new trend of beautiful, artistic vibrators and Lovemoiselle’s Cecile takes this to a new height with their line of gorgeous ceramic dildos and vibrators.  Ceramic offers a perfectly smooth, shiny surface that is light weight and quickly takes on the temperature of its surroundings.  These qualities make ceramic a perfect material for sensation enthusiasts.

Before seeing Cecile herself, the purchaser is greeted by beautiful packaging with an artistic black box and accompanying black velvet bag.  Open her box, and you will find that Cecile’s surface tempts the fingers to linger with her delightfully smooth and naturally cool touch.  Once grasped in the hand, it is surprising how light weight she is while remaining firm.  The Cecile is perfect for dipping in cool or warm water, then running playfully along your partner’s body (or your own).  Later, you’ll discover her enticing ability to reflect the body’s natural heat, too.

Cecile is operated with a single button that is located slightly to the side of the base of the toy.  While it is easy to push, there were no problems with setting it off on accident.  A single push turns it on and moves through the six settings, or turns the toy off by holding the button down.  My only concern with the operation is that it took a very firm twist to tighten the battery cap, and at first I feared it was broken because I had not tightened it enough.  There are two levels of vibration, and while the highest one is not terribly strong, the ceramic does transmit the vibrations surprisingly well. Those seeking a very strong buzz will not, however, get their needs met.

While the battery cover takes a little extra oomph to close, the button can be operated with a fingertip, knuckle or by tapping it gently on the headboard.  The body is light and perfectly smooth.  All of this makes it a wise choice (once the batteries are in)  for those with hand strength concerns.  Women seeking a texture-free toy that is very gentle to the vaginal tissues will also cherish Lovemoiselle’s ceramic line and light-to-moderate vibrations.  Even those with thin or very little natural lubrication should do well with this line without artificial lube.

Lovemoiselle’s Cecile ceramic vibrator makes a lovely, sensual gift for a partner or yourself.  The packaging and product design is absolutely beautiful, and it is a pleasure to use.  Its ability to change temperature, smooth ceramic body, and the juxtaposition between firm and light-weight qualities offer a highly enjoyable opportunity to explore many sensations throughout foreplay and beyond.

Check out all of the toys that have been Play Tested here on ExploringIntimacy.com.

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Dr. Ruthie,

My last girlfriend told me that she was faking it with me.  She told me that when we broke up. I was totally surprised and hurt.  How can I know if my next girlfriend is faking orgasms? Sean

Sean,

Thanks for your great question.  First, let me say that I’m sorry to hear that your last relationship ended on such a painful note.  I would also feel shocked and hurt to hear such a thing.  It’s possible she lied about it, but either way that doesn’t answer your question.

Women fake their orgasms for many reasons.  She may not have known how to orgasm, or you may not have known how to help her have one.  Girls can get sexual performance anxiety too, so she may have felt like she needed to hurry up and fake getting off in order to be a good partner.  Perhaps she was getting bored, or was afraid that she was boring you.    Sometimes girls who don’t really want to be having sex (or keep having sex) will go ahead and fake an orgasm to “get it over with.”  I could keep listing possibilities all day.  These situations make me wonder about her self-esteem and self-awareness, both partner’s sexual skill levels, the expectations of each other, and the quality of the relationship.

I suggest that you begin your quest to avoid faked orgasms by using your mouth… and ears.  As you’re getting to know your next partner, ask her about the sexual things she has enjoyed in the past and things she didn’t enjoy so much.  As you’re talking, you might also ask about whether she has had orgasms, and if she knows what helps her to have them.  While some folks are shy to talk about these things, it can turn into a fun and sexy conversation that teaches you both about how to be good lovers for each other.  If she has regular orgasms, especially by masturbating, you might encourage her to do this for you so you can see what she likes and how she does it.  This is also a very hot way to have safer sex, as you can be intimate by watching each other and masturbating side-by-side without any risk. Whether you’re exploring her body with yours or watching each other explore, be sure to have lots of high quality lube around.  This helps to keep things happy and wet for her, even if the learning process is slow, funny or awkward.  Remember that you can take as long as you need to learn together, and that you can stop and start whenever you like without feeling bad.

A good long term, sexual relationship is built on strong communication and mutual trust.  While I am sad to hear how your last relationship ended, I also suspect that there were other problems with communication in addition to the faked orgasms (if she really was faking).  If you and your new partner cannot speak about and be supportive of each other’s sexual wants and needs in advance, then that should be a big warning sign of other problems.  And remember, these conversations (and demonstrations) can be fun, sexy, flirtatious and intimate in addition to useful!

However, you asked how to tell if she is faking.  An orgasm is a powerful experience that taps into many parts of the body, making it somewhat hard to deceive… a scientist.  A scientist can look at scans of the brain’s responses, check bodily chemical/hormone levels, measure vaginal contractions, and watch for other signs like clenching toes, changes in skin tone and respiration, etc..  But what about your typical lover, caught in the heat of the moment with a partner who is sending every signal that she is enjoying herself?  This is not the time to be suspiciously watching her to judge her orgasms, as it is likely to ruin the fun for both of you and lead her to wonder why you don’t trust her.  If you have made every effort to communicate well and then worked together to learn how to please her, then relax and enjoy the experience.  In the end, if you demonstrate that you are caring, patient and interested but she still fakes then she will miss out on the opportunity to develop sexual intimacy with you.  That is her loss.

Read all of my Q&A with Dr.Ruthie posts.

Feeling stuck or confused about something to do with sex & intimacy? I would love to hear your question. You can find my email and all of the fine print on my Sex Q&A tab, above.

Enjoy reading ExploringIntimacy?
Get every post in your inbox by joining our email list or RSS feed.

Pleasurists is a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days from bloggers all around the sex blogosphere. Did you miss Pleasurists #34? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #36? Submit it here before Sunday July 5th at 11:59pm PDT. Please re-post this list on your own blog if listed.

Want to win some free swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

• Birthday Giveaway! Deadline: Monday July 13th at noon Pacific Time.
• Cheebras Pin-Up Contest! Deadline: Entries MUST be received by midnight on July 4, 2009.
• Hello Kitty Vibe photo contest Deadline: September 1, 2009.

Madame Editrix

Scarlet Lotus St. Syr

On to the reviews…

Editor’s Pick

• Sublime by Carrie Ann

Insertion with this toy is wonderful. Thrusting is amazing. It’s girthy yet not huge, filling but not uncomfortable and the bumps and bulges really stimulate the inner labia and vaginal entrance.

Vibrators

• Evolved Bliss by the kitten pup
• AcuVibe Mini by Nadia West
• Adam & Eve Magic Massager by Beautiful Dreamer
• Buzz 1 by Sarah
• Fun Factory Boss by Beautiful Dreamer
• Silicone Slims G-teaser Vibrator in Purple by Baby Sinead
• Hide-A-Vibe by Sommer Marsden
• Treeze Wave by HotMoviesForHer Sex Toy Crew
• Treeze Wave by Epiphora
• Love Cup by Beautiful Dreamer
• Acuvibe Mini by Marla Singer St. Syr
• Nubby Vibrating Glass by Sleeping Dreamer
• Dynamic Duo by Beautiful Dreamer
• Lovemoiselle Cecile by Nadia West
• Xtreme Kit by Beautiful Dreamer
• Flirty Plush Pack Magic Ball by Sleeping Dreamer
• The Cone by Athena Bradford
• Fun Factory Stranger II by HotMoviesForHer Sex Toy Crew
• Total Ecstasy Triple Stimulator by Torri
• iLusting by Rimba by Mistress Says
• AcuVibe Mini by Carnivalesq
• Extreme Pack G-spot Bullet by the kitten pup
• AcuVibe Mini by Red
• Emotional Bliss Womolia by Exploring Intimacy
• Rabbit Rider by Adriana
• iVibe Egg by Epiphora
• Vibratex Pandora by Sexorcism

Dildos

• Fun Factory Bandito by Femme Mystique
• Echo by Essin’ Em
• Swirled G by Femme Mystique
• Glass Lattachino Double Dildo by Carnivalesq
• Mr. Man by Epiphora

Anal Toys

• Anal Pocket Rocket by Eliot Bodem
• Rascal Deep Cleansing Kit by Sexorcism
• Fun Factory Bootie by Carrie Ann
• EGlass Petite Plug by Sexorcism
• Nexus G-Rider by Domina Doll on Viviane’s Sex Carnival
• Pipe Dreams PE Vibe by Sexpert Joe

Toys for Cocks

• Fleshlight replacement sleeve Turbo tube by Average Joe

Lube, Massage Oil, Bath Stuff, & etc.

• JimmyJane Afterglow by Beautiful Dreamer
• Sensuous Soak Kit by Alpine Subdreams
• Love Liquid by Epiphora
• Good Clean Love by Domina Doll
• BabeGloss by Sexorcism
• ID Moments by Beautiful Dreamer

BDSM/Fetish

• 36 Inch Spreader Bar by Essin’ Em
• Pink and Black Double-Strand Beaded Nipple Clamps by Sleeping Dreamer
• Electrify-It Kit by Red

Adult Books/Games

• Kama Sutra Year Book by The Duchess
• 52 Weeks Kits by Jessie M

Adult Movies/Porn

• No Fauxxx by Carnivalesq
• Star Trix Versus This Ain’t Star Trek XXX by Champagne and Benzedrine
• Collin and Hurley by The Porn Librarian
• White Wedding by FrzKey
• Crash Pad Series – Episode 12: Johnny & Legs by J.D. Bauchery
• Bang That Bitch 4 by The Porn Librarian
• Cry Wolf by FrzKey
• The Best of Vulva Massage by Eliot Bodem
• Dare to Bare by Sexorcism
• Matt and Khym: Better than Ever by Domina Doll on Viviane’s Sex Carnival

Lingerie

• Wet Look Elbow Length Gloves by Thursday’s Child
• Astrea I vibrating brief by Epiphora
• XOXO Leather Peek-A-Boo Thong by Sexorcism

Miscellaneous

• ForPlay Toy Cleaner by Wilhelmina Wang
• Doc Johnson Pussy Pump by Red