LINCOLN, NE - Currently in first place in the company office pool, Jim Johnson, an accounts payable specialist at the local mill, announced in the break room this morning that he plans on spending the winnings, approximately $75, on his electricity bill.  ”I have entered this tournament every year for the last 15 years and haven’t won yet, history is about to change,” Jim was noted as saying, “I am about three months behind on my electric bill so as long as Kentucky wins, the money is mine and I can pay it off.”  Jim has promised his co-workers that he won’t change who he is after the win, unlike the old receptionist Sandra Connings, who won the pool last year and used the money to go to the town bar to get drunk.

NEW YORK, NY – Still yet to have a lead role, Rachel Dratch is beginning to think her next big break just won’t happen.  ”Ever since I was recast from the role of Jenna on 30 Rock and ended up playing a maid and a blue monster instead, I have begun to cope with the fact that I will just never be a lead,” she was noted as saying, “I honestly don’t even know how I made the cast of SNL”.  She spends most nights scouring Craigslist with Cheri Oteri looking for possible roles as well as camping out in front of Tina Fey’s apartment, hoping to get her to look at some of the scripts she has written.