The Family School News Feed

Honest Friendships

Mon, 27 Feb 2012 12:00:00 +0000

For many troubled teens, real friendships are hard to develop and even harder to maintain. Immersed in their own problems, struggles and insecurities, these teens tend to use their same-sex "friends" to get their needs met and nothing more. Many have cast aside their good friends of childhood for those who, in adolescence, are considered "cool." Which usually means into alcohol, drugs, sex, or other high-risk behavior. Many adolescent girls freely admit to befriending less attractive girls so that they, in contrast, looks better to the boys.

We believe that real friendship involves a healthy respect for one's self and for others, and the ability to be honest. "I could never be honest with my friends at home. I was always too concerned about what they thought of me. I probably wouldn't be here if I had been more honest with them and with myself, instead of so concerned about my image," admits one student. Being here is teaching her a lot about living honestly and about being a real friend. As a result, the friends she is making here are real friends and likely to be friends for life.

New Semester Brings Change

Sat, 25 Feb 2012 09:04:43 +0000

Roderick O.

Since the semester started Dog Corps has gone through a few changes. Chris B. is the new intern of the Dog Corps program and Ryan C. is a new addition also as a teacher’s assistant. They also acquired a new Dog by the name of Luca. She is a German Shepard that was rescued from Craft Werk. The students spend time rehabilitating her back to full strength while teaching her new things.

This winter season has also brought about new obedience training. This training was focused on keeping the dogs in their crates in preparation for the ugly weather. The crate games teach the dogs self-control. One goal of this training is to make the dogs think that being in the crate is a good thing so they don’t bark as much. “We teach them to want to be in the crate. It’s like getting a treat,” said Ryan C.

Another part of the training is to make the dogs confident in jumping on top of odd objects. When they need to take the dogs out on rescue missions the dogs need to be confident to jump onto ledges to search for people.

Dog Corps does more than train dogs, they also help student come closer together by sharing common ground. The Dog Corps has their own separate dorm and all the students live together with the intern as the dorm leader. “I get to spend time with my friends and I love the animals,” stated Ryan C.

Princeton House “Thank You” Letters

Fri, 24 Feb 2012 16:23:50 +0000

Mr. Michael L,

Thanks for talking to me in the lobby, and having faith in me doing this for myself. Keep helping all of these kids. We all need it.

Dear George,

I learned a lot from you and everyone else who came with you. I appreciate you talking to me and my boy after the group. You guys said a lot of meaningful things and I’m going to take in a lot of what you guys said. Thanks a lot.

Dear Students,

Your stories have shown me that there is hope for getting clean. Some of the stories meant a lot to me and I could connect to them. When I get out I’m going to try practicing some of the skills that you guys mentioned.

Dear Family School,

Thank you for coming and talking. Your stories and feedback gave me hope and strength, and I really needed it. I now know that it just takes time and sobriety to feel better and get my life back together, and I’ve been talking to God. Most of the people here aren’t taking it serious so for you guys to come and talk it made me feel so much better. So thank you so much and good luck getting on with your lives when you get out.

Dear Speakers,

Thank you for coming and sharing your stories. You are all very inspirational, strong, amazing people. I wish you all the best.

The Many Faces of Grief

Fri, 24 Feb 2012 12:00:00 +0000

Many teens labeled "at-risk" are actually grieving teens who have experienced a death in the family, divorce, abandonment, or other painful loss. Without help or adequate coping skills, their grieving can take on a life of its own. Substance abuse, anger, violence, and other self-destructive behavior are often masks for deep and painful loss.

We believe in sincerely caring about others and helping them to the best of our ability. That includes helping grieving teens come to terms with their loss in appropriate ways. Therapeutic counseling, and especially our grief support group, which gives students a chance to share their experience with peers who have gone through the same thing, can be tremendously helpful. When teens are guided through a healthy grieving process, their need to mask their loss in unhealthy ways is greatly diminished.

2012 Boys Varsity Basketball Captain

Thu, 23 Feb 2012 08:56:16 +0000

By Roderick O.

Tarek M. has many terrific things going for him as the Boys Varsity Basketball Captain. Even though this is only his second year playing basketball, he has shown tremendous improvement from last season. “I am not a basketball player; I am a football player, but similarly to other aspects of my life, my mind opened to new ideas after being at the school.”

On any high school basketball team there are certain requirements to receive a captain title and at The Family Foundation School, the requirements are no different. They must not only lead on the court, they must lead in the school and set an example for the other students.

While interviewing Tarek he explained to me that it helps his program when he gives back to the community by helping others. He also spends constant time in prayer to help him get through his own daily struggles.

“The season started shaky, but as we started to build relationships with coaches and teammates; the immense improvements were self- apparent on the court. Were playing better now as a team than we’ve been playing all season and I wouldn’t rather play with any other group of kids,” said Tarek.

As one of Tarek’s teammates and good friends, I can firmly say that his presence brings a combination of love for the game and love to the team. Not only does his constant program work show through his compassion for his teammates, but it also shows during the games when he never quits and stays strong in his faith.

Face It, Erase It

Thu, 23 Feb 2012 08:50:24 +0000

The 12-Step program tells us to avoid the “people, places, and things” associated with the addictions and behaviors we are struggling to eliminate. The idea here is “out of sight, out of mind,” and it works.

So what about using the same strategy for other struggles? Can we eliminate anxiety, phobias, or OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) by simply avoiding the people, places and things that trigger them?

Not according to Laura L. Smith, Ph.D. In her recent article, “Facing Fear,” she recommends that we do just that: face our fears rather than avoid them. She suggests deliberately exposing ourselves to whatever it is that creates our anxiety and triggers our fears. If we can’t completely erase them, we’ll at least make them manageable.

This makes sense from a 12-Step standpoint too. While we are advised to avoid the addictive substances and behaviors (alcohol, drugs, gambling, etc.) we struggle with, we need to remember they are just symptoms of an underlying problem—invariably some manifestation of fear—that the Steps were designed to root out. The Steps are all about facing our fears, and Smith gives us some tips on how to proceed. Read the article here.

Wisdom to Know the Difference

Wed, 22 Feb 2012 12:00:00 +0000

By introducing our students to the 12-Step program as we do at FFS, we are introducing them to a new and effective way of coping with life. No matter what a troubled teen finds stressful---disappointment, embarrassment, fear---most of them find it impossible to isolate the real issue and either deal with it directly or, if it's something out of their control, to just let it go. The 12-Step process, along with the Serenity Prayer, helps students cope with life by teaching them to face their struggles head-on, which is the first step to resolving them. The Serenity prayer in particular, repeated millions of times a day by those in recovery, contains the real secret to coping: Change what you can change, and accept what you can't. "It seems I'm always doing it backwards," said one student in thinking about his reaction to life. "I usually feel responsibile for things that are really none of my business, and then blow off the things I am actually responsible for." For the first time in his life he is aware of the difference and beginning to make some changes.

Healthy Friendships

Mon, 20 Feb 2012 12:00:00 +0000

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The Three L’s

Sun, 19 Feb 2012 20:38:21 +0000

By Roderick O.

This week’s Tuesday morning Jewish service featured a list of steps to help get us through any hard time. Although the steps contained a wide variety, there were three that stuck out to me. These steps were let go of the situation, learn from it, and lose the negative attitude.

Sometimes it’s hard for me to let go of a situation and I end up dwelling on it for hours. When I end up letting go and moving on, I feel as though a weight is lifted from the shoulders. I usually pray, meditate, help other people or move my mind to active work. As I ponder on it right this minute I realize the unnecessary amount of time I have spent dwelling on situation that I can’t change.

Move forward.

Whether it is positive or negative, you can acquire knowledge from any type of situation. The key to learning is being open minded and taking in account for what you did wrong. If it was a mistake you made than by learning from it, it shouldn’t happen again. I know that this has always been a problem for me; I never learned from my mistakes.

Gain understanding.

If you are closed off to the situation and have a negative attitude the situation will not get any better. Lose the negative attitude and be vulnerable to the fact that there is a whole world of things that can make a person happy.

Be positive.

The Gift of Work

Sun, 19 Feb 2012 07:44:45 +0000

We believe that a strong work ethic is essential for student growth.

Succeeding in school, at a job, in a relationship, or at anything else in life has less to do with talent or luck than it does with good old-fashioned hard work. A strong work ethic is in fact the number one precursor to success. “Genius is one percent inspiration, ninety-nine percent perspiration,” said Thomas Edison. We believe that the greatest gift we can give young people is to help them develop the discipline, patience and persistence it takes to complete a task; to help those who dream big to fall in love with the process of work.

The kind of diligence that leads to achievement requires a willingness to endure disappointment, failure, fear, and pain without quitting. To tackle and stick with the “un-fun” parts of the process, the parts that are boring, frustrating, distasteful, and even humbling, until the job is done. Success is indeed sweet when we’ve worked hard to achieve it. But an even bigger benefit of a strong work ethic, of working hard and long to accomplish something we didn’t believe was possible to accomplish, is the confidence and self-esteem it builds.

A Small Good Deed

Fri, 17 Feb 2012 12:00:00 +0000

It's surprising how quickly some of the troubled teens who arrive here defiant, defensive and resentful are able to adjust to the program and embrace the help we offer. It's equally surprising how long it takes others. One boy who has resisted the program as well as the help of sponsors, counselors, and even other students since arriving last fall, has nevertheless changed. Recently another student in his House was having a hard time completing a chore, growing more tired and frustrated by the minute. The boy who would have normally ignored it, or even watched and done nothing, came to the rescue. He walked over, pitched in without comment or fanfare, and remained on the job until it was done, and done well. Then he quietly went back to his studies. It's easy to let bad behavior blind us to one's essential goodness, and to lose faith in the process of change and the healing power of this environment. But how quickly witnessing a small good deed can restore it!

Awareness of our surroundings

Fri, 17 Feb 2012 11:35:24 +0000

By Roderick O.

Pam A.’s Wednesday morning chapel service this week brought awareness of other people to the students’ attention. How does what we do and say affect others around us?

“In a race all the runners run. But only one gets the prize. You know that, don’t you? So run in a way that will get you the prize. All who take part in the games train hard. They do it to get a crown that will not last. But we do it to get a crown that will last forever.”

This reading, on Wednesday, was taken from 1 Corinthians 9:13-36. To me, this reading questions our motives behind what we do. When it comes to helping out other people, do we actually care about the person’s well being?

I know for myself, I am an extremely self-centered person and sometimes helping others is an ego boost. I am not seeking to help this person out more than I am seeking to feel better about myself.

The reading helps remind me that I should be “running in the race for an everlasting crown.” In modern language, I should be doing it for the other person and not for myself because God’s ultimate wish for people is to love one another.

Waiting with Purpose

Thu, 16 Feb 2012 15:47:32 +0000

Given the pace of life these days, it takes a great deal of willpower to slow down, and even more to just stop and wait. Patience is a virtue that few troubled teens possess. We’ve seen many students do amazing work here only to turn 18 and walk away from the school because they literally couldn’t wait to try their wings. Many make it, but many falter, and still others return, sadder but wiser. Some parents who have also lost their struggle with impatience and taken a student out of school have confessed “repenting in leisure” as well. Other students, who are just as impatient, nevertheless wait it out, seeing their commitment through to graduation or until they’ve completed their prescribed character education program. Their paths are invariably smoother for the waiting. “He that can have patience can have what he will,” observed Benjamin Franklin.

Those facing a decision are well advised to wait if they feel confused, or conflicted, or coerced. In her recent article “The Transformative Power of Waiting,” mentoring and recovery expert Shannon Cutts, says, “In any situation where an emotion other than peace is goading us to action, waiting is always an expression of wisdom.” We need to let waiting inform our decisions, especially major decisions, and act only when we feel clear, confident and at peace. Read the complete article here.

Even the Best Fall Down Some Time

Thu, 16 Feb 2012 11:29:15 +0000

Super Bowl XLVI

Roderick O.

There was a major hullabaloo in the gymnasium of The Family Foundation School as students gathered to cheer for their favorite team on Super Bowl Sunday.

As a Patriots fan I couldn’t be more disappointed with the outcome of the game, but as a respectful sports fan I will admit defeat and give credit where credit is due.

In preparation for Super Bowl Sunday the schedule was changed around a little bit. The students were allowed to sleep late and were served a delicious brunch by head chef Bill C. and his breakfast crew.

The next event in honor of the Super Bowl was a tailgate party. Students lined up and patiently waited in the cold for their hot food. The food served consisted of sausages, chili, corn bread and much more. They ate outside on the picnic benches and waited apprehensively for the game.

After the tailgate party the student body rushed into the gym. The game was being live streamed and projected onto the wall. Not only was the internet connection above par, but the projector provided a screen as big a movie theatre.

As the game started, fun filled trash talk was thrown across the room like the football on the field. Giants’ fans were quiet for most of the game which allowed me and a couple other Patriots’ fans to sit in glory, but when the end of the game neared I was rushed and ridiculed by close to the entire school. My ego and pride were crushed, but my faith in Boston sports was still intact.

Any sports fan couldn’t have asked for a more intense Super Bowl, but as a dedicated Patriots fan I will say that “even the best fall down some time.”

Welcome Luca

Wed, 15 Feb 2012 17:09:46 +0000

We would love to extend a warm welcome to Luca a 20 month old solid black working line female German Shepherd. Luca was turned over the Life Long Tails when her owner realized she was to much dog for him to handle. In her first foster home Luca learned to share with other dogs, lost 20 of her necessary 40 pounds, and begin to realize life consisted of rules and regulations. Luca made the transition to the Family School smoothly and is currently under the care of Zach one of our Dog Corps. students. In addition to working on Luca’s weight loss we are also working on building up her drive and reward system to an acceptable level (she is bred from working dog lines, but most of this has been supressed during her life) and teaching her that down time can be spent kenneled, and that fun play time will be work. Luca is from the same kennel that my dog Emeline’s mother is from and they both share a solid black coat and deep chocolate brown eyes.

Luca

Luca like many of the Life Long Tails dogs that the Family School takes is a notch above pet dogs. Whether Luca will go into a home where she will be worked as a SAR dog, obedience dog, agility dog, or just an active family companion we do not know yet, but she will have the foundation training and manners necessary to be an amazing companion.

Half a winter

Wed, 15 Feb 2012 15:40:44 +0000

The last few “winter” months have almost been enjoyable. The dogs don ‘t mind the cool air and with the exception of the cold 5 am runs the kids and dogs alike barely even realize its February. The Dog Corps. has been busy at work with 6 German Shepherds and 2 Belgian Malinois all Search and Rescue dogs to keep trained and conditioned there is never a dull moment. Below are some pictures of Ripley and Zach taking part in the relaxing side of life, chuck it!!! This fun game helps the dogs relax and keeps them in top shape running. It also helps practice some obedience for both the kid and K9.

Ripley and Zach

Launch!!!!

Working through Depression

Wed, 15 Feb 2012 12:00:00 +0000

Some of the troubled teens who benefit most from the therapeutic boarding school experience are those with a diagnosis of depression. One young man who struggles with it was constantly late getting out of bed and out of the dorm in the morning, and would not talk to anyone about it. Not to his junior sponsor, not to the head of his House, or even to his individual therapist. But when surrounded by teens with similar backgrounds and struggles as they are here, even the most withdrawn student eventally comes out of his shell and asks for help. For this boy it started when his dorm leader made a special effort to help him get started in the morning. He has since opened up to his junior sponsor, to other boys in his House, and even his sponsor. "We can't make your depression or any other problem disappear for you," said one insightful peer. "But if you're willing to work at it, we'll show you how YOU can."

We believe that healthy relationships with peers, especially in this mutually supportive environment, is key to working through all kinds of teenage struggles, including depression.

The Hard Truth

Mon, 13 Feb 2012 12:00:00 +0000

Absolute honesty doesn't come easy to anyone, especially troubled teens. But we believe that healing starts with telling the truth, so helping students develop a sense of honesty is a primary goal here. That includes the ability to be honest with themselves. For some, real clarity comes at a price.

Some months ago one of the boys here had a cousin who died of a drug overdose. The loss was overwhelming to him, but it also served as a wake-up call. The cousins were close growing up and their paths had taken the same turn. "It could have so easily been me," the student lamented. The tragedy has changed his life and his whole way of thinking, bringing a new level of honesty to his dealings with others, but especially to how he views himself.

The 12-Step Way

Fri, 10 Feb 2012 12:00:00 +0000

A number of students here struggle with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Working with them to slow down, pay attention, and do the next right thing is an important part of our job. This kind of mindfulness eluded one boy here last week who began fooling around during a cleaning crew and accidentally struck another student in the mouth with a broom handle. The same boy was later confronted for running down a hallway in violation of a well publicized rule, and that evening became so caught up in House activities he neglected to phone home, much to the disappointment of his parents. The student is bright and likeable, but is still learning how his unmanaged exuberance and impulsiveness can adversely affect others. "No matter what your problems are, you're still accountable for your action s," a friend reminded him---a friend who also struggles with ADHD.

We believe that recovery is possible through introduction of new thoughts and healthy, honest relationships. As the boy begins assuming more responsibility for his actions, he'll have the friendship and support of others who are fighting the same fight. That's the 12-Step way.

Change Begets Change

Thu, 09 Feb 2012 14:48:34 +0000

We believe that our school is a community where all members learn and grow.

The evidence is all around us of the troubled teens who have learned and grown and changed with the help of The Family Foundation School. But students aren’t the only ones transformed by the unique experience of this place. What isn’t as obvious is the impact of these changes on the parents and visitors who witness them—in table topics, in family therapy sessions, in student performances, in graduation speeches. Staff who work with the students here are also affected, often profoundly, by the tremendous
progress and healing they witness in these troubled teens. Spending any time at all in the therapeutic milieu of the school—be it a lunch hour, a day, an evening, or an entire career—is bound to teach you something you did not know about yourself. Not every school or household, and certainly not every
workplace, can say that.