I try to stay lean and eat right, but I figured if a star rookie quarterback can do it, hell I can put 400 calories worth of processed goodness into my body. Americans eat over 20 billion hotdogs a year (fact) so it ain’t no thing really and if you have a problem with Sanchise sneaking a quick in-game weiner than you need to re-evaluate your opinion. Yeah, he could have been snacking on an energy bar or have the little man on the totem pole from the sideline staff go whip him up a protein shake, but the man wanted a hotdog. He also stated he hadn’t had anything to eat and was feeling woozy in pre-game warmups. I think it is ridiculous for people to get on him for eating a hotdog during  a game and it shouldn’t have even been a news worthy debate. I’m sure Rex Ryan had four or five for his Sunday breakfast and if Brett Favre can have a dip on the sidelines, should Marky Mark really be criticized. I mean, that’s garbage! Isn’t that the equivalent to a smoke-break?

Then again, it is Brett Favre.

There’s a great article from the guys at Bleacher Report on the coach’s response that you can find here http://tinyurl.com/yh5yhtu. Rex Ryan shows his wonderful sense of humor.

More Garbage

– Thank you Ahmad Bradshaw for not only taking several carries away from Brandon Jacobs all season long, but for your wonderful personal foul penalty and fumble that stopped a promising drive for me to gain extra fantasy points as I face Clinton Portis tonight up by 12.45. You have screwed me this season and hopefully you will be in the coach’s doghouse for the next several weeks.

– Do me a favor, call me jerk one more time……..you’re a jerk Larry Johnson. Not only are you the dumbest football player in the league, you’re a jerk. The reason my hometown team sucks so bad is not because of Todd Haley, or Matt Cassell. It’s because the locker room decay that is Larry Johnson. LJ decided to run his twittering mouth after Sunday’s massacre against division rival San Diego making comments like his father could coach this team better than Todd Haley and wrote “Nuthn” when speaking about his credentials continued by saying Golf, referring to Todd Haley who played golf at USC, Florida, and Miami.

First off, Haley has grown up around football. The elder (Dick) Haley played cornerback in the NFL for seven seasons, four with the Steelers. But after his playing days were over, Haley went into scouting, not coaching. Haley served as the Steelers’ director of player personnel from 1971-90 and helped build the teams that won four Super Bowls in a span of six seasons.

Larry also went on to argue with a fan, showing his maturity or lack thereof by calling him a fag and using other slang terms. He also told a bunch of reporters that he was not answering questions and told them to “get their faggot asses outta here.” Not only are you a club-punching he man woman hater, but now you are talking yourself outta of a job. On top of that, you’ve got the advocates for Gay and Lesbian Rights after your ass. The man has a history of run-ins with the law. He has had four arrests for various degrees of battery since being drafted by the Chiefs in 2003. One charge was pled down, with Johnson serving time in a domestic violence diversion program. A second charge was dropped, while two other charges – including a spitting incident – were reduced to disturbing the peace. Johnson received probation for a guilty plea in the latter two charges.

Good riddance to you Larry Johnson. I hope you never play another down in professional football. The only cool thing you have ever done was pull down Troy Polamalu by his hair on a tackle after he intercepted a pass. And if that’s the coolest thing you’ve ever done, it shows us the kind of man you are. We are tired of you here. You tipped my girlfriend $5 on a $120 tab last week at Ra Sushi. That’s Garbage.

– The refs screwed Sidney Rice outta an even better fantasy day when calling a tripping penalty on fullback Jeff Duggan negating a 10-yard touchdown pass from Favre to Rice. This was not only crucial in fantasy circles, but three plays later the Steelers took a 77-yard fumble return the other way. If you were upset with Favre on Sunday, please note the aforementioned instance as well as a screen-pass that Chester Taylor tipped up in the air that was again taken to the house. Don’t blame things on me for playing Favre and I will back that by saying he’s starter worthy the rest of the season. Wonder how much Tomlin is paying for these calls? That’s garbage!

– JaMarcus Russell, you’re time is limited. Not only were you finally put to rest on the bench in favor of anybody who can throw a pass, but you got on your receiver’s ass for not fighting for a ball in the endzone that Darrelle Revis picked off. If you want to be a leader in this league, which is a must at the quarterback position, starting blaming yourself before you blame others. Revis is a all-pro cornerback and he is out their to make big plays. Maybe you should throw it to your number one draft pick. Speaking of more garbage, Michael Crabtree now has more catches than Darius Heyward-Bey.

– Did anybody see Beanie Wells stiff-arm two Giants defenders on the way to the end zone. Was he saying, f u to Giants defenders, or f u Tim Hightower? Should be a stud next season. Giant tackling=garbage.

That’s all I got for now homies. Got the popcorn already in the microwave. Looking forward to watching Clinton Portis get shut down. As always, nobody matters but you on Monday Night.

Bye Weeks: Baltimore, Denver, Detroit, Jacksonville, Seattle, Tennessee

Quarterbacks

1. Peyton Manning, IND – start all your Colts this week, I repeat start all your Colts.
2. Eli Manning, NYG – I envision the Giants to come out throwing, 4 TDs for Eli.
3. Phillip Rivers, KC – They need someone to beat up on.
4. Drew Brees, NO – Miami is 3rd against the run, Brees will put it up 40 times.
5. Tom Brady, NE – I can see them running the clock out in the second half, but Brady is Brady.
6. Matt Schaub, HOU – Gotta love that Houston offense, Schaub does his average 280 and 3TDs.
7. Aaron Rodgers, GB – He would be ranked higher, but Ryan Grant is going to steal some of that thunder.
8. Matt Ryan, ATL  – Look for a lot of points in this one and a solid day for Matty Ice.
9. Ben Roethlisberger, PIT – Flacco threw for 385 and 2TDs last week, Big Ben is better.
10. Kurt Warner, ARZ – The most efficient passer in the league, always steady.
11. Brett Favre, MIN – Like a fine wine, he is only getting better.
12. Donovan McNabb, PHI – Should be solid this week against a lacsidasical Redskins squad
13. Jay Cutler, CHI – Kid Cuddy will have an average day against a good Bengals secondary
14. Carson Palmer, CIN – Same as Jay, probably have similiar numbers.
15. Tony Romo, ATL – Off a nice bye they should have some things sorted out.

   Sleeper Pick: Shaun Hill, SF

Running Backs

1. Frank Gore, SF – Houston can’t stop the run and the score quickly, must play this week if healthy.
2. LaDainian Tomlinson, SD – Upset about Monday Night’s play-calling, he’ll do it dirty against the Chiefs
3. DeAngelo Williams, BUF – Similiar to last week up against a soft Bills front four.
4. Ronnie Brown, MIA – Tough offense to face, everything runs through Ronnie
5. Adrian Peterson, MIN – Can never drop this man out of the top 5 with his ability to take it to the house.
6. Michael Turner, ATL – The Burner has been solid and should continue against Dallas.
7. Ryan Grant, GB – Look for some garbage points in this one, could be Grant’s best performance yet.
8. Steve Slaton, HOU – Look liked he is back to speed after a nice catch and run last week.
9. Thomas Jones, NYJ – Jets will be relying on the running game in this one.
10. Cedric Benson, CIN – Has something to prove against his former team.
11. Matt Forte, CHI – Drops out of top ten after two goal-line fumbles last week.
12. Marshawn Lynch, BUF – The nastiest back in the league should be decent against Carolina.
13. Brandon Jacobs, NYG – Wants to prove he can get off the shnide.
14. Pierre Thomas, NO – Bell might make owners weary, but Pierre should be pretty good this week.
15. Steven Jackson, STL – Still looking for their first win, Jackson will be taken out of this one early.
16. Brian Westbrook, PHI – Only as good as your best flex option lately.
17. Clinton Portis, WAS – Look for new play-caller to get Portis involved even more.
18. Marion Barber III, DAL – Lingering quad injury brings up questions, especially if Felix is back.
19. Jonathan Stewart, CAR – See DeAngelo Williams.
20. Rashard Mendenhall, PIT – A solid number 2 from here on out.
21. Larry Johnson, KC – 78 yards and a trip to the endzone for once.
22. Laurence Maroney, NE – Only running back healthy enough to carry the load in New England.
23. Donald Brown, IND – Again, start all of your Colts.
24. Ahmad Bradshaw, NYG – Has been a great change of pace for the Giants, up against #1 running D.
25. Joseph Addai, IND – Do I need to say it again?

   Sleeper Pick: Justin Fargas, OAK

Wide Receivers

1. Reggie Wayne, IND – 6 catches 124 yards and a TD, is that the production you want?
2. Andre Johnson, HOU – Maybe the best receiver in the league, a brainless start.
3. Larry Fitzgerald, ARZ – Two good weeks, look for three because they will be throwing.
4. Vincent Jackson, SD – Having a break out year, look for the same against KC.
5. Randy Moss, NE – Easy pickens this week, but don’t get too excited, TB is truly bad.
6. Steve Smith, NYG – The new Steve Smith will definitely be an asset this week.
7. Roddy White, ATL – About as consistent as they come
8. Marques Colston, NO – Must start, but Miami will be honing in on him.
9. Donald Driver, GB – Becoming the Green Bay wideout you should have drafted early.
10. Hines Ward, PIT – Still kicking baby, up against a weaker Vikings secondary.
11. DeSean Jackson, PHI – Look for him and McNabb to hook up for a long TD in this one.
12. Chad Ochocinco, CIN – Having a very respectable season this year.
13. Wes Welker, NE – two TDs last week, Welker is back.
14. Dwayne Bowe, KC – Eager to hit paydirt, he should this week against San Diego.
15. Anquan Boldin, ARZ – If he plays. If not, move Breaston to this spot.
16. Steve Smith, CAR – Bet he scores this week after his outburst on Monday.
17. Braylon Edwards, NYJ – Sanchez should be getting more comfortable this week.
18. Pierre Garcon, IND – That’s how shallow the WRs are this year.
19. Santonio Holmes, PIT – I actually like him a lot this week.
20. Roy Williams, DAL – A week off makes him a decent flex play.
21. Sidney Rice, MIN – Big week last week, looks like Favre’s new favorite.
22. Santana Moss, WAS – New play-caller can’t hurt, except Campbell is still starting.
23. Austin Collie, IND – Play your Colts
24. Steve Breaston, ARZ – Look for him to build on last week
25. Hakeem Nicks, NYG – Taking a lot of looks away from Manningham who continues to bobble passes.

   Sleeper Pick: Andre Caldwell, CIN

Need a Tight End? I like Shiancoe and Heath Miller up against each other. Vernon Davis should be a decent play with Crabtree getting his first action. I also like Anthony Fasano, new quarterbacks like their tight ends. Hope this can help make some of your tough decisions. Check back tomorrow for some bold predictions. Peace!

-Dear Tom Brady,

I apologize for the placing you in the the ‘Can of Worms’ category this week in my post. Really I was just trying to light a fire under your ass. You know I love you and after that fifth touchdown you just threw in the second quarter I will never right another negative post on you ever again. I was just looking for some material and I am still your biggest fan. Thank god I don’t have to play against you in any of my leagues. Congratulations on your record-breaking performance, that’s pretty amazing my man. Guess who’s getting crazy prego super model sex tonight!

Sincerely,

The Fantasy Guy

– Great Wide Receiver Day. Marques Colston, Randy Moss, Wes Welker, Larry Fitzgerald, Andre Johnson, Chad Ochocinco, Donald Driver, Mike Sims-Walker, Sidney Rice, Dwayne Bowe, Hines Ward, Santonio Holmes all had big games. The stars are out this week. It’s fun to have big weeks like this.

– My sleeper pick out of nowhere is killing it. Zach Miller has 5 catches for 131 yards and a TD. How’s that for Sleeper Special. JaMarcus Russell still sucks, but my boy Miller is really pulling me through. I wanted to think deep into this one and grab somebody who nobody was thinking about. Thank you Zach.

– The New Orleans Saints have got to be the sickest team. I would love to see a Saints/Vikings match up in the playoffs. They made the Giants look like the Raiders and their defense is worthy. Pierre Thomas owners, beware of Mike Bell though. He’s a tougher back and he’s getting the goal-line looks. Drew Breeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees!

– Ummm, didn’t I say that I wouldn’t give the Redskins any more looks because I hate their team. Well, I must say that I was trying to give them a third and fourth shot by saying Jason Campbell will have a big week. A dude in one of my leagues sat Brett Favre in favor of Jason Campbell, ha! You are just as sorry as JaMarcus Russell. If you don’t have a win, go play the ‘Skins. There is some good news here though. Last time Todd Collins filled in Santana Moss had his best season.

– 52-0 now, 6 TDS, three to Moss. Brady is back!

– It’s good to see Matt Schaub killing it this year. I drafted him in every draft and I think all 1,256 mock drafts I did as well. Steve Slaton had a pretty sick catch and run as well, but he’s gotta quit fumbling. It’s taking away from his garbage points which were given to Chris Brown. Anyways, their schedule looks pretty nice the rest of the way so get a Texan on your team before your leagues trade deadline. The Bengals definitely have a legit defense, but it doesn’t seem to bother the Houston offense. They’ll score on anybody.

Do the Olsen twins have an erie resemblence to the troll? Straight freakish!

Quarterbacks

Matt Hasselbeck, SEA – Coming off a four TD performance this might be a given, but hey if you have Drew Breeeees coming off a bye or Aaron Rodgers, I might think twice and make a ballsy decision by starting MattHass8 instead. Yeah, I know you think I’m crazy and chances are you’re not going to listen to me, but just know that Arizona is tops in the league against the run (one thing you might not have known) and guess what else, they’re dead last against the pass. Seattle has no problem moving the ball and at home against another solid offense there could be quite a few points put up in this one. Brees goes up against a solid Giants team and Rodgers is against the Lions who are banged up, meaning they’re running in the second half. Hang your balls out a little this week.

Jason Campbell, WAS – Warning, only if you’re number one is unavailable. Yeah yeah, I know this is maybe a stretch as well and I realize the Redskins suck worse than hanging out with your in-laws. But, and yes there’s a but, they are going up against the Chefs who lost their priveleges of having an ‘i’ in their team name until they can get a ‘w.’ Jim Zorn is on the chopping block and even though he’ll probably be fired during the bye week, I have a feeling that the Skins will overachieve at home for one game and the Chefs can’t stop anybody. Last time Santana Moss played the Chefs he lit them up for 10 grabs, 173 yards, and 2TDs. Fantasy Football works in mysterious way and my point will be proven this Sunday in DC.

Brett Favre, Min – Brett FAV-RAY is so old that when he was a kid rainbows were black and white. He is the man though and seems only to get better the older he gets. The Vikes are the team to watch this year and Baltimore has been a little shaky in the secondary this season. He might throw a pick or maybe even two, but I’m guessing over 300 yards and 3TDs in a 31-27 win. The Ravens are 26th against the pass and a lesser Carson Palmer (atleast post injury) had a solid game last week against them.

Sit ‘Em – Phillip Rivers (SD), Mark Sanchez (NYJ), Derek Anderson (Cle)…not that you were even thinking about.

Running Backs

Knowshon Moreno, Den – Even with Bucky practicing this week, it has been said before that once Knowshon got the job, it was going to be tough for him to lose it. Against a Chargers defense that is softer than Charmin, Knowshon should see the bulk of the carries and I’m saying the endzone as well, twice! It’s good to be a Bronco right now and regardless of the outcome Knowshon could have his break-out week this week. He’s received an average of 20 touches the past four games and that number is bound to stay right where it’s at. He’s gotta be in your lineup on Monday Night and is becoming a solid number one if you ask me. If you are looking to upgrade your team with an up-and-coming back this is the guy you want, but you’re running out of time.

Jonathan Stewart, Car – Remember last year when Slash N’ Dash were scoring touchdowns every Sunday. Well, it’s obvious things have changed a bit. However, this week they are up against a sorry Tampa Bay team, with Josh, wait! who? Huh? Oh. Exactly. Last game against the Bucs the Panthers running game ran for over 800 yards and 9 TDs. Atleast that’s what it seemed like. If you’re looking for a flex, don’t hestitate to plug-in J-Stew.

Leon Washington, NYJ – If you’re going up against Leon this week, don’t thing you’re gettin a free pass. He’s just waiting to have one of those crazy Leon games and this could be the week against a shady Bills defense that is all sorts of messed up. The Jets have lost their last two and they need somebody to take it out on. This may be the most lop-sided game of the week and the Bills have given up 7 rushing touchdowns already. There will be plenty of carries to go around and Leon should be in for a nice day.

Sit ‘Em – Willis McGahee (Bal), Jamal Lewis (Cle), and Julius Jones (Sea)

Wide Receivers

Braylon Edwards, Cle – If you had the cajones to plug him in last week you were rewarded pretty well, definitely better than you hoped and if it wasn’t for those zebras sippin’ on that hatorade B-Easy would have had a huge night. He also had a pass they called interference on that looked like it should have been caught. Sanchise is playing with his new toy and like I said, they are looking for a team to beat up on. Trust your gut and plug-in Braylon this week again. He’s easily still one of the best wideouts in the league. It’s amazing what mental health will do for ya. I know I said sit Sanchez, but Braylon should be in your lineup.

Santana Moss, Was – See Jason Campbell.

Percy Harvin, Min – Brett Favre has got to have somebody to throw to, granted he’s got other weapons, but Percy is the most explosive and this is a game where big plays are going to be the difference. AD will need some help against a stout Ravens front 7 and that’s why they got on bended knee this offseason to talk Favre out of retirement. Percy has been pretty solid as a rookie wideout and they are finding more and more ways to involve him in the offense. Look for Percy to have a field day in the slot early and often.

Sit ‘Em – Dwayne Bowe (KC), Jerricho Cotchery (NYJ), Terrell Owens (Buf)

If you like what you’re gettin from The Fantasy Guy, be sure to look him up on Twitter or atleast drop in a comment in his mailbag. The interaction is encouraged. Thanks for reading.

Now we find ourselves almost to the halfway point and we’ve got our teams set for the most part until the trade deadline approaches. Still you find yourself focused on how you can improve your squad, because you’re just not satisfied with that weak spot in your squad that could let you down any week, hoping that it’s not during playoff time. Here are some nuggets (things I’ve noticed) just for you to keep in mind when your Lucky Charms just aren’t working the way the package claims. These trends might just answer your questions for week 6 and possibly for the remainder of the season.

The Five Safety Deposit Boxes – players that you should not even think about trading.

Peyton Manning, Ind – Do I really even need the Ind after Peyton Manning. Anybody over the age of 18 months knows who Peyton Manning is. So who is he? He’s Fantasy’s best player. He’s the most consistent high level player there is this season. With five 300 yard games and 12 TDs, he is the epitome of a must start. You might find him on his bye this week, but atleast it’ll be out of the way. Remember there is nothing you can do about the bye week, unless you want to trade your best player

Adrian Peterson, Min – Well, duh! He might have had a couple mediocre weeks lately, but his mediocre is better than your mediocre. His team is 5-0, he’s going to win the rushing title and he is good for at least 10 points a week including a TD and it’s always fun to silently orgasm when your guy gets in the endzone.

Get rid of Ronnie B, and you will be sorry!

Ronnie Brown, MIA – For real? Yup, for real. He was definitely a draft day question mark, especially with his side-kick Cheech sharing carries, but consistency at a high-level is what you look for in your number one pick, not your fourth round find. It also looks like my new Man-Crush Chad Henne is proving he can hack it in the big leagues (I always new you could my Michigan Man). Averaging 88 yards a game and atleast a TD this is definitely a guy you want on your squad. Some savvy vet might come by and try to give you an offer while he sits this week, but don’t be the foolish fish. Ronnie B is , yup…………for real.

Maurice Jones-Drew, JAX – I had the luxury of playing him last week when they got blown out by Seattle. Don’t look forward to that luxury again. Jacksonville has some tougher late matchups, but David Garrard can lead this offense as long as his weapons aren’t past curfew having female time. MJD has proven he was worthy of the number 2 spot over Matthew Berry’s number one (Michael Turner) and he is the focal point of the offense whether he is rushing or catching the ball out of the backfield. He’s the perfect PPR back.

The other Steve Smith, NYG – Surprise! If you haven’t heard yet, there’s a new Double S in town and he’s here to stay. I know you might think Reggie Wayne is sexier and by know means should you trade him, but NY Steve is the real deal. He’s consistent (even if he only plays one half), he’s durable, and he’s Eli’s favorite target leading the league pretty much in looks. He’s the consimate backyard football player and he will continue it throughout. The Giants are going nowhere and as there schedule gets tougher, the more catches he will make, trust me. He might seem like great trade bait, but your going to be kicking yourself when he leads the league in catches at the end of the year and you aren’t playing in December.

 The Five Lucky Charms – players that will continue to pull you through every week.

Brandon Marshall, Den – Marshall, Marshall, Marshall (Chris Berman voice). B- Marsh is about as sexy as they come and the way the Broncos continue to play he is going to only put up better numbers. He’s happy and Kyle Orton is beginning to trust him. It’s funny what 5 wins and talks of a raise can do to your mental health. Look for more of the same from Brandon as the Broncos get San Diego, Oakland, and Kansas City.

Cedric Benson, Cin – You probably thought about trading him. I already have. I am definitely one of those guys wishing I could take back Ced like you could take back sleeping with your girlfriend’s best friend. It always sounds good, but the repercussion always come back to kick you in the ass. CB is flyin high on an overachieving Bengals team that leads a division with Baltimore and Pittsburgh in it. Their defense allows him to get those 25 carries a game and as long as he can stay healthy you will be reeping the rewards all season long.

Ray Rice, BAL – One of my bold predictions is that Ray Ray would lead the league in total yards from scrimmage. Right now he is third behind Chris Johnson and uh Mike Bell. So basically he’s second and with Chris Johnson only having one more matchup only having one more game with Houston, I don’t see CJ beating him out of that claim. Rice is putting up an astounding 16.5 points per week in PPR leagues and even with McGahee getting his moments it seems like there is plenty to go around.

Ben Roethlisberger, Pit – It’s funny how fantasy works. Big Ben is a perfect example. If you haven’t realized, Ben is the second best fantasy QB through week 5 even with Drew Brees’ bye factored in. He is due for 23 points a week and it has to do with their traditions. Pittsburgh is generally known as a run-it-down your throat, hit ’em in the mouth type team. So, what do defenses do the stop the Steelers. They stack 8 men in the box hoping to stop the run. Well, Big Ben is too good for that he will beat you through the air if you test him. Drafted in the late mid rounds he is definitely one of the best values of ’09 this year.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

Nate Burleson, Sea – I’ve always had mad love for Nate Dogg (the football player) even when he didn’t have that same mad love for me. However,this year he is thriving in his hometown and has become MattHass 8’s favorite target. It might have taken some time, but Nate sees more looks than Ashley Judd at the Indianapolis Speedway. He’s becoming a must start especially with Hass back and he is a top 5 wideout through week 5 regardless of who’s behind center.

The Five Can of Worms – players that have more value than they’re worth.

Chris Johnson, Ten – After breaking fantasy records in week 2 you might have though you were set for the year. It’s not that Chris Johnson isn’t the baddest dude on the field or that he has stunk up the place. Quite frankly he is doing very well for you. However, the Titans are the problem. They feel a need to continue to give Big Fat LenDale carries and they continue to get down in games. And with a transition at QB in the near future his consistency could sputter. You can’t nor should you take him out of your lineup especially with his remaining schedule, but if you get the right offer, it could pay dividends come playoff time.

Willis McGahee, Bal – Last week we got a glimpse of what it is like to be taken off your high horse. I got mad love for Willis and his 7 TDs. My prediction, he finishes the year with 10. When Ray Rice gets in a groove they stay committed to it and Willis is going to be needed come playoff time. He’s still a very talented back, but also has a history of injury’s. My gut feeling says that his touches become knocked down in order to get geared up for the playoffs. He’s a great flex play, but don’t be surprised by his fantasy demise. Man that sounds good.

Tom Brady, NE – He might be my favorite player of all-time and I hate to do it to him, but he’s just not the same. Next year when I can get him in round 4 I’m going to celebrate like it’s 1999, but the Patriots are the team that everybody gears up for on another level. This hurts Brady. Teams are honing in on the genius of Belichick and I wouldn’t continue to wait on Tom to pull you through. Right now he’s nothing but average, but still as sexy as a horse. Trade him, get yourself some new toys.

Tony Gonzalez, ATL – Being from KC, Tony G has a spot in my heart forever, but when Matt Ryan has a career game and Tony G has an average day, I’m a little worried. Now I realize Roddy White had some ridiculous YAC during last weeks blow out, but Tony G is the third or fourth option in Atlanta. He may prove me wrong just like he always has, but again he maybe be worth more as trade bait. Sorry Tony but, we ain’t in Kansas anymore.

Jason Witten, Dal – He’s in the top 3 in catches for TE’s, but when he only gets five yards a pop because he can’t juke a telephone pole, that’s not going to cut it. Brent Celek, Ben Watson, Todd Heap, and even Marcedes Lewis can do what he does and they all have twice as many end zone dances. Shiancoe, Shockey, and Jermichael Finley are guys with the same productivity with probably more upside. Not that he could dance in the first place, but I don’t see him doing many Sunday Shuffles in the near future, especially with Romo’s new secret weapon.

The Five New Boyfriends – players who will become your new fantasy lovers

Braylon Edwards, NY Jets – Even if he only gives you ten points a week, it’s better than that feeling you had a week ago when you thought about the possibility of dropping him. His situation has improved dramatically over one week and he has given you a second chance at love. Mark Sanchez has all the tools and now all the tools around him to succeed even as a rookie. Say goodbye to Jerricho Cotchery because theirs a new kid at school. All the girls love the new guy, and so will all the looks. Don’t be afraid to put him in your lineup.

Miles Austin, Dal – He’s catching on like wildfire and when Tony Romo likes a guy, he’ll get him the ball, no matter how many touchdowns he drops in one half. Miles could have easily had the biggest fantasy day since Jerry Rice in 1990 last week and with Roy “Aww my ribs hurt” Williams still recovering Miles could have been the waiver wire pickup of the year. Put Greg Jennings in a two for one deal and go get my man Miles. Make sure you get a good back though too.

Rashard Mendenhall, Pit – As I stated before, they love to run in Pittsburgh and Mike Tomlin will not sway from the game plan even if Big Ben can keep it real. Willie P has turf toe which is not an easy thing to go through as an athlete. No matter what those injury reports say, Rashard is one more solid performance away from leaving him in the dust. If he remains the starter he will be a top 15 back in 2009. Steve Slaton is starting to look very expendable.

Jermichael Finley, GB – If anybody read my twitter updates you would understand why I love this man. He’s got more upside than an unripened homegrown tomato and I love homegrown tomatoes. If you are struggling at the TE position have no fear because Jermichael is here. He’s also probably still available on your waiver wire so swoop that man up. Donald Lee is old news.

Donald Brown, Ind – As the season progresses, it’s only a matter of time for Donald Brown to see more time than Joseph Addai. And at the end of the season when fantasy football is most important, this guy could be a gem. The Colts will probably be so far ahead of the rest of the league that they are going to rest Peyton’s arm a little bit and start handing off to DB. He’s shown flashes and if you’ve ever seen a jack-in-the-box he’s getting ready to pop.

With that said, one of my favorite internet ideas has got to be twitter. Now, I realize Twitter has been around for a little while now and it ain’t nuthin new, but to be able to interact with your childhood heroes and tweet on their profile is absolutely insane. It’s almost gotten out of hand with so much controversy over athletes using it during games and what not. So whether you agree with it or not, whether you even use it or not, Twitter is opening up a new world of communication. Here are my favorite tweets from Week 5.

Braylon Edwards @ OfficialBraylon – everyone keeps textin and emailin and calling me with things that are being said about me back in cleveland right now. be it good or bad i dont wanna hear it. that chapter is behind me…like jay-z said…on to the next one.

Percy Harvin @ GatorKing12 – Gators National Championship + Vikings Super Bowl

Terrell Owens @ terrellowens – Gametime n 1hr 25 mins!!! I’m gettin my mind rite b/c my game is tite!! We get our 2nd win 2day!! Gotta start sumwhere!!! (Right before they lost to the Browns, ha!)

Kasim Osgood @ GabbyOSGOOD – Totally butthurt rite now.–mama always says “get mad, scratch yo ass, get glad.

Matt Hasselbeck @ MattHass8 – here’s an old school Seahawks moment to get everyone pumped up. http://bit.ly/hvYxa.

Kawika Mitchell @ Ka_Mitchell55 – Get up stand up… Stand up 4 ur rite… Get up stand up… Don’t give up da fite. A lil Bob n the morn of 10/08/09. (Maybe a little bud too Kawika?)

Chad Ochocinco @ OGOchoCinco – Wise Words about focus from coach Lewis: we are 1 play from being 5-0 but 4 plays away from being 0-5<—-I can’t wait till Sunday.

Jermichael Finley @ JermichaelF88 – Oh and sorry I find my wallet had 5gs in there and it was still there. If not the cab drive would have been working for. me until he made it.

Steve Slaton @ TheDoubleS – Anybody figure out what there gonna be for Halloween? (Glad to know where my fantasy RBs mind’s at!)

Courtney Greene @ DaBoi Greene – I Dont Give Rides Girl Take A Token, lol

Mike Sims-Walker @ MIKESIMSWALKER – what up jag nation i want to apologize for my lapse in judgment last week. it wont happen again! stick wit me and stick with us!

Reggie Bush @ reggie_bush – Man I get so irritated watching Cash Cab cuz the questions are so hard yet these random people know them! It’s gotta be rigged! Lol!

Pierre Thomas @ Pierre_Thomas – Getting some rest tonight. Big game against the Giants next week. I’m ready to hear the WHO DAT NATION ROCK THE DOME!!

Antonio Pierce @ AntonioPierce – Funny how some say the preseason is over!! Well its the Nfl n the regular season kicked off 5wks ago. Doesn’t matter we handled our business

Donte Stallworth @ D_Stallworth18 – Many of the great achievements of the world were accomplished by tired and discouraged men who kept on working.

That’s all I got for now. Check back tomorrow for some flex plug-ins and some more of The Fantasy Guy’s thoughts.

-A buddy of mine called me asking about his wideouts for week 5. His options were seemingly disgusting. Kenny Britt, Mohammad Massaquoi, Austin Collie, and the beautiful Miles Austin. He was playing three of them and I told him to sit Collie. I apologize for that as Collie went off, but seriously with a question mark….? Moh was coming off a top fantasy performance last week and they just traded Braylon Butterhands Edwards. It doesn’t help when your quarterback completes 2 passes a game. That’s no joke. If anybody even cared about the game between Buffalo and Cleveland (woof!), then they would have seen the box score with DA going 2-17 for 23 yards. Ronnie Brown had a better passer rating. As for Britt, I guess the Titans are worthy of their 0-5 start. Can you say collapse? And Miles Austin, I’m assuming you all saw that. He also dropped three touchdowns though or he might of had 80 points.

-Thank you Calvin Johnson for single-handedly losing me two of my matchups. It doesn’t look like the injury is serious by any means, but neither are the Lions. Did anybody see Daunte Culpepper throw that dying quail back across the field that fell into William James’ hands like a nurf ball thrown by my four-year old niece. I don’t even have a four-year old niece that I know of, but if I did, that’s what it was comparable to. The one Sunday that I don’t post up at my local pub equipped with Direct TV I get stuck watching the Chiefs, Raiders, and Lions. I would have rather watched two trannies play swords.

Still rockin at age 50.

-I just saw some dude asking Gloria Estefan if she would sign his forehead during the Monday Night game, did you? That’s awesome. She declined in disgust and then he tried to get her to sign his arm. It looked like she made the compromise, but then it went to commercial. She still looks good though. Isn’t she like 60 by now?

– One of the reason this has been such an up-and-down fantasy season is because of the lack of parody we are seeing this season. This is the first time in a long time where the really good teams are exactly that and the bad teams are excriciatingly painful to watch. When did the UFL and NFL merge?

– Peyton and Eli are killing it this season. I remember one of my drafts where some guy drafted Eli at 24. Now while this is still ridiculous, Eli is proving him to be a genius. Thank god their horrible matchups are finally over so they can actually play their starters the whole game. I realize Eli wasn’t in the best condition, but Brandon Jacobs and Steve Smith can’t score on the bench. Look out for Hakeem Nicks to be a bigger player in the fantasy game as well. Peyton has gotta be the first half MVP. 300 yards in every game so far this year. How’s that for production?

– Can we get a better explanation as to why Mike Sims-Walker broke team rules. I’m thinking it was probably a curfew thing, but man Mr. Del Rio really doesn’t care about fantasy football. I must have been too hungover to notice, but I don’t remember them even saying Walker was out for week 5. I bet they rethink sitting him after getting blown out by Seattle. FOURT-ONE TO NOTHING? SEATTLE? That can’t be right.

– DeSean Jackson owners be weary, there’s a new burner in town. If you are still holding onto Jamarcus Russell, do yourself a favor and go grab Jeremy Maclin. I think Donovan has a new favorite target. He is a worthy add especially since the Eagles love to throw the long ball.

Brandon Milk Duds Marshall

– Umm, did Lamar Hunt’s grandma design the Denver Broncos uniforms in the 1960s? Those deserve a big GTFO. I overheard somebody beginning to compliment the disgusting Willy Wonka tragedies and then their brain took a quick left-turn after rethinking it mid-sentence. I am all for the throwbacks, but good god. No wonder the 60s were depressing. I could have thrown up a better look. One of my favorite blogs where I get a lot of my inspiration actually has an explanation. You can check it out at http://www.uniwatchblog.com/.

– Did anybody see that catch Braylon Edwards just made. Straight sick with it. Too bad they didn’t reward him with the touchdown. That sucks if you were up five and your buddy had Thomas Jones still left. I don’t feel bad for you, because I have been crapped on all year long. However, Butterhands looks like he is fitting right in. Which also sucks if you own Jerricho Cotchery.

– You gotta give the GTFO Award to Bre’ Bly this week. If you saw the highlights you know what I am talking about. Not only was he showboating after a pick while the Niners were getting their ass kicked, but he approached the media after the game by saying, “Dre’s going to be Dre.” If you climb to the top of Mike Singletary’s shit list, that’s how you do it. He’s going to be on his knees Vernon Davis style for at least a couple weeks. I wonder what Deion has to say about that. But I don’t think Dre’ is the only one who should be apologizing for that performance. Peace!

Lions (+10) over BEARS  That’s right. The Lions D isn’t shabby and coming off their first victory in a decade they are pumped. They might not finish the game with a W, but with a +10 line in Vegas it’s just too much for you not to take. Look for Megatron to get back on the scoreboard in this one. Fantasy Pick: Calvin Johnson 7, 117, 1TD.

Giants (-9) over CHIEFS  Even in Arrowhead the Chiefs are not worth a damn this season and could possibly be the worst team in the league. They are also going up against possibly the best team in the league. Look for a lot of the same as last week from the Giants. Fantasy Pick: Brandon Jacobs 20 carries 120 yards, 1TD.

Seahawks (+10.5) over COLTS  Again, these lines are becoming insane. In the National Football League in deoen’t matter who you are, anybody can win on any given week. You give a team like Seattle 10.5 points you might as hand over the money. This is my sure bet and the Colts will win by 10, ha! Fantasy Pick: Donald Brown 140 total yards 1TD.

Chargers  (+6.5) over STEELERS  By the way these two teams have played this year, nobody is going to run away with this one. Look for a 3-4 point game that is about as entertaining as watching a monkey ride a carousel. Fantasy Pick: Mewelde Moore 15 carries,  105 yards, 2TD.

Packers (+3.5) over VIKINGS  This is the Monday matchup of the year. I can’t wait to watch Favre against his formers and it should be about a 3 point contest. Take the Pack though who are not scared of The Color Purple. Fantasy Pick: Greg Jennings 9 catches 138 yards, 1TD.

Last week 3-2, Season Total 9-6. Let’s make so money this week.

The NFL decided instead of breaking us in with the bye weeks that they would create a fantasy frenzy by giving byes to juggernauts like Atlanta (Matt Ryan, Michael Turner, Roddy White, and Tony G), Arizona (Kurt Warner, Fitz and Q), Philadelphia (McNabb, Westbrook, Lesean McCoy, DeSean Jackson, and now Brent Celek), and Carolina who may not be performing the same as last year, but you don’t think of sitting DeAngelo or OG Steve Smith ever. There’s a substantial list here of players that will be absent in your lineups this week, but there’s nothing you can do about it and everybody in your league is forced to adjust in some form or another. So, the Fantasy Guy is here to help.  

It’s time to get flexible. No more resting easy after your squad dominates the early games. Without that spark in your lineup you have to seek points elsewhere. This is why most leagues have 16-18 rounds in a draft. If you’ve been paying attention to The Fantasy Guy’s Tweets, you know that he has hit on every sleeper special so far. And while the waiver wire may seem thinner than an Olsen twin, there are some good plays available with some good matchups to jump on. Here are 8 surefire fill-ins for Week 4.

the Fantasy Guy adores Glen Coffee

Glen Coffee, RB, SF @ St. Louis – Pat yourself on the back if you drafted him to handcuff your boy Frank Gore. Regardless, if you have him on your bench or even if he is still available, this guy is a must start…..that’s right a must. I would play him over Pierre Thomas or Ryan Grant, although I don’t expect you to. The highly touted preseason slut is eager to prove that he isn’t a fluke and the Rams are 27th in the league against the run allowing almost 150 yards and a touchdown a game. The rook should easily see 20 carries with nobody else in the backfield so if you are pondering that flex spot with players like Ray Rice, Marshawn Lynch (back after suspension) or Correll Buckhalter, go for the Alabama Slammer, peg him in for 24 carries, 115 yards and a TD.

Knowshon Moreno, RB, Den vs. Dallas – Dallas D looked a little better on Monday night, but was it really their Defense, or a lacksidasical effort from a struggling Panthers team?  I choose the latter. We don’t know too much about the Broncos, but what we have seen so far is that they are committed to running the ball and they love Knowshon to the point where they felt they had to draft him even after they had already stocked up on free agent backs all offseason long. This is the week that Buckhalter takes somewhat of a back seat and with Moreno’s improving skills in the blocking game and his ability in the open field, look for Moreno to breakout this week. 18 carries 105 yards and 2TDs.

Mewelde Moore, RB, Pit vs. San Diego – Here’s a guy who is probably still on the waiver wire and if your team is looking thin, I suggest you make the move. M Squared has been a solid player in the NFL for the past five seasons and for some reason his name keeps coming up every year. The Steelers are at home this week against the 26th ranked rushing D in the league and Willie Parker has turf toe. If you have ever had turf toe you would know that it’s kind of like riding a tricycle without the front wheel. For a running back, that’s not good. I know you might be thinking Rashard Mendenhall will be taking the bulk of the carries, but he hasn’t earned it yet and Mewelde is a proven commodity. Last year he filled in nicely for Willie running for over 300 yards with TD in all three games he started. Plus, he’s going to be getting those third and six check downs which is valuable in a PPR league. My guess: 120 total yards and a TD.

Donald Brown, RB, Ind vs. Seattle – The Colts seem to play a little conservative at home. They are the professional version of the Michigan Wolverines. The UConn standout has proved he can play with the big boys and you were rewarded if you put him in your lineup last week. Now, with bye weeks approaching he is becoming a viable option and against one of the worst rushing D’s in the league he is sure to be a factor. Look for an 12-15 carries and some nice garbage points. I’m sayin 65 yards on the ground 48 threw the air and a TD.

Johnny Knox, WR, Chi vs. Detroit – I haven’t yet joined the Johnny Knox Fan Club, and quite frankly I haven’t allowed myself to even know much about him. But it seems that Mr. Cutler truly does make everyone better. For example, look at Eddie Royal this year. He is turning into a one-hit wonder without Jay behind center. Earl Bennett and Johnny Knox were nobody’s and with a matchup against Detroit this week at home, look for them to be airing it out. Detroit is better than you think against the run, but they will allow you to move the ball so if you are deciding between duds like Teddy Ginn Jr., Chris Henry, or Patrick Crayton…Johnny Knox is the way to go. 6 grabs 87 yards and a glorious touchdown.

A DA Bomb should get Braylon off the schnide!

Braylon Edwards, WR, Cle vs. Cincinnati – Okay, so the Browns are no good. We know that. However, I do believe they are better (fantasywise) with DA taking snaps. Remember this was a Pro Bowl duo in 2007 and while they may not have that same swagger, they will be throwing the ball. Yeah, I know Cincinnati is the same team that I said would shut down Greg Jennings, and did, and I realize that Santonio Holmes laid an egg last week, but there were some opportunities there. And with Derek Anderson coming off such a well, shitty performance last week, he is at home and he must improve. Don’t ask for much, but do expect them to throw down the field. One deep bomb is all you need. My forecast 4 catches 92 yards and a TD. That’s good enough.

Mario Manningham, WR, NYG @ Kansas City – You might have been a little bummed out last week when Mario didn’t have another magical performance, but the game was over by halftime. Kansas City may not be any better than Tampa Bay, but as history proves they are a better team inside of Arrowhead. This means less bench time for Manningham and if you watched DeSean Jackson gut up the Kansas City secondary, look for much of the same from Super Mario. The big play opportunities will be there and Mario is their guy. Give him another shot and you will be rewarded with 7 grabs 124 yards and a TD.

Justin Gage, WR, Ten @ Jacksonville – We are going to see a whole lot of Chris Johnson, but if you are looking for a wideout to fill-in for Roddy, Fitz, or DeSean, take a good look at Justin Gage. Previous number ones Reggie Wayne, Andre Johnson, and Anquan Boldin carved the Jags secondary and Gage has proven to be Kerry Collins’ go to guy so far. It’s a tough call, but don’t be surprised when Gage goes for 8 for 118 and a TD. Don’t say I didn’t warn ya.

These are the weeks that you gotta start playin the matchups as far as your flex goes. Players will get banged up, teams will have byes, and you must adjust. If you have been following the Fantasy Guy blog you are probably starting to realize that he is pretty close to being right on with most predictions. So if you are second guessing yourself don’t be afraid to ask. The Fantasy Guys is always open for comments and discussions and enjoys helping you solve your problems. Stay tuned for the Fantasy Guys Five coming up.