The Fast and the Fugly.

LA Auto Show is happening now! Also, DNA cocoon cars!

2010-11-19T19:57:00.000-08:00

The always lovely LA Auto show will be happening in the Los Angeles Convention Center starting November 19th and running through November 28th, including Thanksgiving weekend. What better way to celebrate stealing land from the natives by showing off how environmentally friendly we can be after 125 years of the automobile. Attending manufacturers include Fiat (thanks for saving Chrysler), Toyota (nobody cares about the new Corolla), Jeep (they usually bring a 4x4 course with them - always fun), Chevrolet ("Buy a Volt"), Fisker ("We're better than Tesla we swear"), Volvo (who designed an air-powered car for the design challenge), and Porsche (Yes, the Panamera looks like a Photoshop job, but it's legit).

The big brouhaha this year is the design challenge, which will include German and Japanese entrants for the first time ever. The challenge is always based on a theme, and this year I like the choice:

"The theme this year addresses society's shift toward minimizing consumption of the earth's resources. The objective is to envision an efficient, light-weight, four passenger vehicle (not to exceed 1,000 lbs.), that is both comfortable and safe, while delivering satisfactory driving performance without sacrificing the styling consumers demand."

-taken from the LA Auto Show website

So that means to the wonderful people at Maybach to throw some Segway parts into a rickshaw. No, really. They're even calling it DRS; Den-riki-sha. Also, it's grown from a DNA cocoon. I'm not making this up.

Whatever floats your boat.

Mildly interesting cars parked in Evanston 1

2010-11-17T16:43:00.000-08:00

In this pilot issue of Mildly interesting cars parked in Evanston, we
have what appears to be a 2006 or 2007 Mercedes-Benz SL 550 (feel free
to correct me if I'm wrong). All I know about this car is that it has
a big engine - great for getting around Chicagoland's tiny roads in
the winter when you can't get any traction anyhow - and that it was
pretty common for a piece of metal to fall into the fuel tank, causing
a mystery clanking doing until you write the Germans a check and they
replace your whole fuel tank. Also a seal failure in the rear window
would sometimes cause the roof retractor electronics to fail, which
was also not cheap to replace. Other than that however, the SL class
is not that bad looking, especially in this picture where you can't
really see it.

Don't park there!

2010-11-11T09:43:00.000-08:00

The city of Evanston is getting mad happy towing cars on Haven st.
Literally 7 tow trucks were there this morning. Among the towed were a
recent model Audi A4, a VW Golf GTI, and a waste-of-space Toyota
Corolla ca. 1990. Those Evanston meter maids like their job a little
too much.

Mobile blogging wut

2010-11-10T21:50:00.000-08:00

Here's an epic shot of the Nurburgring to test out this new mobile
blogging feature I just discovered.

2010 Ford Taurus SHO

2010-03-09T22:48:00.000-08:00

Make: Ford

Model: Taurus SHO

First order of business -- this is a very large car. With a trunk size of 20.1 cubic feet, Ford claims you can fit 8 golf bags back there. Because, well, we all have 8 sets of golf clubs. Regardless of trunk size, sitting in the driver's seat makes you feel as if you're in a tank. With the high rear end and doors, I certainly felt the urge to just ram the Taurus into something to see how the multitude of air bags would protect me. The Taurus also did not feel as nimble as I was expecting, which makes sense considering the car weighs about 4,400 lbs!

Despite weighing more than 17 baby elephants, The Taurus SHO never felt sluggish, due in part to the AWD helping out in the corners and the twin-turbocharged V6 Ecoboost delivering 365 horses in the straights. One extremely noteworthy point is that there is absolutely no turbo lag whatsoever. Ford says that it's the direct injection that eliminates lag, yet having two turbos instead of one huge turbo definitely has an effect. As a result, while driving the Taurus I had the feeling that there was always more power in the reserve, just waiting to be unleashed. Unfortunately the nice man proctoring the test drive didn't seem like the kind of person who would think it funny if I were to open up the throttle just to pass a truck. Instead, he was the kind of person who pointed out the blind spot monitoring system, which consists of an amber light on the side-view mirrors which will illuminate when the system detects a vehicle in your blind spot. A very handy feature for those of us who have no mobility in their necks -- like my mother.

I had the pleasure of driving a fully spec'd model, and the interior felt very nice. It wasn't gaudy or fake looking, it just felt very high quality. Nothing had that tinny plastic feel like you find in a Kia. The leather-wrapped steering wheel was comfortable and felt at home in my hands, and the presence of steering wheel mounted buttons put all the functions of SYNC literally at my fingertips. I didn't have a chance to try it out during the test drive, but apparently it's brilliant. Seamless bluetooth phone syncing and the ability to insert virtually any usb audio device (including a flash drive) and have voice-activated access to the entire library sounds pretty cool to me.

Overall, the 2010 Taurus SHO is a big improvement over the Tauri of the mid 00's, and seems like a good choice for something to take the kids to school while not losing the the possibility of "spirited driving" on the way home. Or to the golf course, with your 8 golf bags.

Verdict: Fast!

2010 Ford Taurus SHO Test Drive PREVIEW!

2010-03-01T15:56:00.000-08:00

Make: Ford

Model: 2010 Taurus SHO

Yes, The Fast and the Fugly is coming back to life.

Today's special edition brings you a preview of something The Fast and the Fugly has never seen before - an actual test drive! Now, you can read my cynical commentary (or praise) and know that it's coming from a real-life field test! Just a note: this may or may not change my actual opinion of the car. For example, I'm pretty sure that if I test drove a Kia Rio, I'd be even more unimpressed with the brand than I am now.

However, this all starts on Thursday, March 4th, when the lovely Ford Motor Company will pay me $50 to test drive a 2010 Ford Taurus SHO. The early 2000's Tauri always left something to be desired. Anytime I got in one, I always felt a little underwhelmed. It's a car, but it's just that -- a car. Nothing special. Nothing to "surprise and delight" (to borrow words straight from Ford's new design philosophy) the driver or passengers.

Will the 2010 Taurus be the car to change that? A brief looking over at the Chicago Auto Show said, "quite possibly." Be sure to read Thursday's post to find out what happens when I ask the test drive salesperson if I can "wind it up a bit."

Verdict: TBD

P.S. From now on, clicking the title of any post will send you to the web page of the relevant car. Pretty nifty, eh?

Oh No, Not Another Uphill Ahead...

2009-09-12T01:17:00.000-07:00

Make: Hyundai

Model: Elantra

Lowdown: One of the most underpowered cars I have ever had the pleasure of driving, the Elantra isn't a car you'd choose if you wanted to get anywhere on time. Oh yes, Hyundai claims it may have 33mpg on the highway, but in order to actually GET anywhere on the highway, you'd be flooring it constantly, cutting your mileage way down. And anyways, anyone who actually took this car on the highway would be crazy. "Honey, can you pass this guy? He keeps staring at me and winking." "No, sorry babe, I can't. We took the Elantra, remember?" "Oh dear..." To put it simply, the anemic 138 hp engine is just not large enough to move 2900 lbs of car anywhere soon. At least you'll be safe in a crash, because you won't be able to get up to speed enough to have a dangerous crash at all.

Verdict: Fugly!

You Know What They Say: A Small Car Means A Small...

2009-09-08T23:33:00.000-07:00

Make: Mini

Model: Cooper

Lowdown: The Mini Cooper is one of the most influential cars that made engineers stop focusing on more power and start focusing on less weight. With an anemic 118 HP engine, it would seem like the cooper would be lacking in speed, but it's not. Coming in at around 2500 lbs, the little packet of energy has plenty of kick. The base model will get you to 60 in 8.5 seconds, whereas the S model will take you there in 6.5 -- not bad for a 172 HP engine. And, considering the base model comes in under $19k, it's not a bad bang for the buck. The only problem is when that Hummer in the lane next to you on the freeway decides it wants to come over and join you...

Verdict: Fast!

Hurry Honey, RUN!

2009-08-28T23:36:00.000-07:00

Make: Chevy

Model: HHR

Lowdown: If I were trying to design the woody of the present, I would have at least put some wood on it, just sayin'. This, "passenger automobile" looks more like a schnauzer's face than anything people with dignity should ever be seen in. The bulbous front fenders remind me of my grandfather's armchair, not of hitting the beach. No, you have to pay $465 for a roof rack if you want to do that. One semi-mediocre thing about this car is that you can have a 260 HP engine put in as an option, which will at least get you out of the way of other people on the highway, or help you get away faster when the fashionistas start laughing at you. The HHR is also available in a rapist-van version with the back windows paneled up, if the extra privacy is worth $310.

Verdict: Fugly!

The Fastest of the Fugly

2009-08-27T16:01:00.000-07:00

Make: Gumpert

Model: Apollo

Lowdown: Although the looks of this car could leave you wanting more, the way in which this beast handles will leave your face (which will be ripped off sideways) asking for less. The engineers of this car are so intent on getting every detail perfect that they won't even let you move your seat forward or backward, because that will mess with their perfect weight distribution. And although almost every part of this car is adjustable -- the brakes, the suspension, the traction control -- you're best to just leave it alone. The folks at Gumpert (Ugh, what a name!) probably know the best configuration, as this car is unbeatable around a track. The Apollo is also available in three trim levels: Crazy, Mad, and Psychotic at 650, 700, and 800 HP, respectively. With that much power on tap, it probably doesn't really matter what it looks like, as the Apollo will be able to get away from any criticism before it's even been said.

Verdict: Fast!

Scaffolding never went this fast.

2009-08-15T20:03:00.000-07:00

Make: Ariel

Model: Atom

Lowdown: Originally conceived as part of a design project by a Coventry University student, this machine is a great piece of engineering. Powered by a 300 hp supercharged Honda engine, the ultralight Atom surges from a standstill to sixty in 2.7 seconds. That's almost as fast as a Bugatti Veyron, which will do so in 2.5 seconds. The Atom may look like a bunch of scaffolding with two seats and an engine strapped on the back -- which won't win much points from the ladies -- but that simplicity is what makes this little monster so good on the road. Also, a base price of $65k for the US version makes face-ripping acceleration and cornering affordable to us all. If you need help convincing the spouse, the second seat can be used to carry groceries, so running errands will become something you'll be begging to do.

Verdict: Fast!

4.7 seconds for $24k

2009-08-05T16:13:00.000-07:00

Make: Subaru

Model: Impreza WRX

Lowdown: Heres one example of where racing experience really translates into increased performance on the road. The flat-four turbocharged power plant in this rally driver's dream produces plenty of pull when you put the pedal to the metal. Now what does that mean for us? When that streetrace moves from simply dragging greens to something a little more intense -- The Fast and the Furious, anyone? -- you'll be able to hang with the best of them. All-wheel-drive brings you all the grip you could ever ask for and delivers 0-60 times around 4.7 seconds. That's rediculously fast. A $130k Mercedes sl63 amg does it in 4.5 seconds. The Subaru costs $24k. Wow.

Verdict: Fast!

A little too "everyday"

2009-08-03T12:32:00.000-07:00

Make: Toyota

Model: Camry

Lowdown: The fact that it's the best-selling car in America isn't a testiment to its greatness, or it's value for the money, it's just an indicator that it's the most, well - ordinary - car in America. The Camry is at the epitome of unoriginality. It's not special in any way, it's just a car. Now lets apply some simple logic: The Toyota Camry is the most popular car in America. Most American drivers are horrible drivers. Ipso facto, most Camry drivers are horrible drivers. Especially the champagne colored Camry drivers (the car not the people), who always, ALWAYS get in your way. It's not a bad car, unfortunately it's the mediocrity of its owners who have dragged it down where it is now.

Verdict: Fugly!

PT Loser

2009-07-30T17:12:00.000-07:00

Make: Chrysler

Model: PT Cruiser

Lowdown: Aparently Chrysler wanted this car to appeal to those from the generation of woodies, the Beach Boys, and really short swim trunks. Unfortunately, all they really sold it to is people who like to go slowly in the left lane. As a result, traffic jams are on the rise, fuel consumption is up, car exhaust pollution is up, and global warming has increased. Thanks, Chrysler PT Cruiser drivers, for destroying our planet.

Verdict: Fugly!

Not so Smart.

2009-07-28T14:05:00.000-07:00

Make: Smart Car

Model: Fortwo

Lowdown: This car represents everything you don't want in a car. Fake roof? Check. Tires skinnier than my mountain bike? Check. 71 HP? Yep, we got that too. I mean seriously, this car may have a purpose in downtown London, but in places like Southern California, all it takes is for a Hummer driver to get angry, and then let's hope you have good insurance.

Verdict: Fugly!

The epitome of greatness.

2009-02-22T22:57:00.000-08:00

Make: Ferrari

Model: F430

Lowdown: I just plain love this car. According to Jeremy Clarkson from Top Gear, everything about it is just, "perfect." Built to thrive on windy back country roads, there's a reason this machine is the most popular with lottery winners. Carrying the Ferrari racing pedigree, this isn't just a wild car built for a crazy purpose. Every bit of the f430 was carefully engineered to create the ultimate sports car. The only question now is, are you going to go for the $30,000 carbon ceramic brake option?

Verdict: Fast!