The Fast I Choose

Fireflies

2012-02-22T12:33:00.001-05:00

I love fireflies. They are one of my favourite parts of summer. :) These photos are amazing.

Traveling

2012-02-02T15:01:00.000-05:00

I love traveling by myself. When I was younger I used to take the train to visit friends of mine fairly often. I loved having the time to sit and think and watch the world go by. And sometimes in India we'd have overnight train rides, (that if I remember correctly were about 34 hours long) which were kind of magical. You got to see so much from the train - mountains, and villages, and rice paddy fields, and cities...and there was almost more time than you could handle to think and write and read. It was delicious. It's been quite some time since I have had such an experience though. The times I have traveled, it's been with my family or at least my kid, so they haven't been those relaxing journeys.

This past weekend I got to fly all the way across the country by myself (a wonderful and refreshing break from motherhood - I highly recommend it), and I loved it. Two roughly 6 hour flights, clear skies, and books, and time to ponder life, and yes, I'll admit, time to watch a movie or two.

The trip there was nice because I mostly read a book and looked out the window at the fields, and mountains below. But the way home was even better...

I got to watch a beautiful sunset over the rockies that stretched across the horizon and then there was pure blackness until we got much further east and there were more cities to light everything up. I had time to recap the events of the weekend, and sort through my thoughts before being thrown back into my wonderful life as a mom. There is just something wonderful about having time to step back from life and just rest and see things from another vantage point. There are lots of things I thought about that I could share....maybe on another day. :)

2012

2012-01-05T17:46:00.001-05:00

I don't usually make new years resolutions. I just don't find them motivating. Plus, sometimes life just gets in the way of good intentions. For example, there was a lot I wanted to get done the past few days, including writing some thoughtful blog posts, but instead I have spent my time comforting my sick child who just wants to snuggle, and trying to get back into the swing of things after Christmas break. And, on top of that, today a pipe burst in our apartment, and now we have no water until it gets fixed. While it would be nice to lose some pounds (or at least get rid of some of my leftover baby belly) I'm not going to resolve to do so. (this is not to say that resolutions do not work well for others). I do feel very hopeful and excited for 2012. I do have a few general goals, and I think this year will be less stressful than 2011 was. God is good, and I just wanted to say that I'm excited to find out what He has in store!

Is it Really Friday Again?

2011-12-09T17:10:00.001-05:00

You can tell Christmas is approaching when you are busy enough that you seemingly blink and it's Friday again. I have gotten into the Christmas spirit more this year than I have in the past few years. Maybe it's because it's my baby's second (!) Christmas, and she's actually old enough to kind of appreciate it. We got a Christmas tree this year. Our first tree since we got married, and I'm really enjoying it. It makes our living room so cozy. I'm also really looking forward to going home and spending some quality time with my family and friends back home. One of my favourite family Christmas traditions is a garlic pork breakfast at my grandparent's house. My mom's family is from Guyana and Trinidad, and the special Christmas breakfast is a Guyanese tradition.

The other thing coming up is the new year :) Sometimes new beginnings are really good, and I'm looking forward to this one.

God's Design

2011-12-06T12:42:00.001-05:00

I was recently talking with a friend on skype who is a teacher in Australia. She was actually teaching at the time, so I was talking to her students about where I lived, and how it was a day later there. It was really fun to see their surprise when I told them what the date was in America, and to listen to them try to explain how that could be.

It got me thinking about how everything in this world is God's design, and that we can learn so much from all the little things we take for granted. Like this little fun fact:

from: modern hepburn

God designed our bodies to respond to light by feeling happier. He also designed us to look to Him to find happiness, and we naturally feel down when we turn away from God.

Or the fact that the sun is always shining somewhere in the world. Just like God's love for us. Even when we can't see it, because the world can seem like a dark place, it is there.

2011-12-05T11:52:00.001-05:00

from: babaloud.com

Learning

2011-11-30T09:57:00.001-05:00

I bought this toy for my daughter last night. She's been getting bored with a lot of the toys she has because they are baby toys and there is only so much you can do with them. So I thought this would be something she would enjoy - and it doesn't make a lot of noise, and she can learn about shapes and colours and problem solving, etc. So, I gave it to her this morning when she got up. She tried putting a few shapes in, but was having a bit of trouble getting the right shape in the right hole. She tried a few times, paused for a second, and then just took the lid off the top and put the piece she had in her hand in the bucket. Clever girl.

There is something wonderful about every stage of your child's life. I'm finding the age my daughter is at now really interesting because her learning is more obvious to me. Up until now most of the things she has been learning have been functional - how to grasp something with her hand, or eat solid food, or sleep through the night. But now she is starting to learn about consequences and how things work. You can practically see her learning sometimes when she studies your actions and then tries to copy them. Or when she tries to copy a word you're trying to teach her.

We learn throughout our lives. I think it's one of God's blessings for us. We can always grow and change. Sometimes we keep trying to do the same things, over and over again without realizing that it's just not working. For me, lately, that has come out in the way I think about myself and my circumstances. The past year and a half has been full of changes for me, and I have struggled in dealing with them. I have the same thought patterns, hoping that something will change, but it doesn't. I'm trying to fit pieces together that just don't fit. In the past few weeks I've been working hard to change that. God has been trying to guide me, I know. He wants me to be like Him, to copy Him, but I can be stubborn. But, just as my daughter figured out a new way to put the blocks in, I will find a new way to be myself through life's changes.

2011-11-28T10:00:00.000-05:00

"Every experience God gives us, every person He puts into our lives, is the perfect preparations for a future only He can see."

-Corrie ten Boom

2011-11-21T10:00:00.000-05:00

"The vitality of thought is in adventure. Ideas won't keep. Something must be done about them."

-Alfred North Whitehead

My Role as a Mom

2011-11-15T10:00:00.000-05:00

Everything changes when you become a mom. I knew that before I became one. And, with time I learned how to cope with much less sleep, and got used to changing diapers. I spend a lot of time thinking about how I can help my child through the next transition, whether it be how to eat solid foods, or how to sleep though the night. I’m even getting a lot better at not being so stressed about these transitions. I can tell the difference between teething and a cold. I can read my daughters cues - whether she is tired, or hungry, or not feeling well. These things all take a bit of time, a lot of patience, and support from friends and family. The thing that I wasn’t expecting, and am still trying to figure out, is the total change in my identity. Some people are born natural mothers. Some people know this about themselves from a pretty young age. I am a good mom. Maybe even a great one, but I still don’t really identify with being a mom. Maybe that’s ok, but at the same time, I am a mom. Everybody does motherhood slightly differently, because we are all different people, and our children each come with their own unique set of challenges and joys. I think it’s important for me to identify with this new role in my life, but also to make it my own. I don’t have to be just like other moms (because, like I just said, we’re all different anyway), but I do need to figure out what this fairly new role in my life means to me. Maybe if I manage to articulate it, I will share it on here - but I’m sure that even if I do, it will change over time. Did any of you find it difficult to relate to motherhood at first? Or did it just seem to come naturally?

2011-11-14T10:00:00.000-05:00

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense."

-Ralf Waldo Emerson

Negativity

2011-11-09T15:47:00.000-05:00

Ok, so maybe sometimes I am a little overly negative. Aren't we all? At least sometimes? :) The truth is, I am wrestling with some questions about my life that I am finding a little tough. But that's ok. Sometimes I feel like being married with a kid limits the possibilities for my life. That's just not true, as much as I might tell myself that it is. God really is working in my life. He has already done some pretty amazing things in my life, and He isn't done with me yet. So, to help me be a little more positive, I have created a pinterest board to give me a little inspiration. You can check it out here.

2011-11-07T10:08:00.000-05:00

"God always gives His best to those who leave the choice with Him."

-Ulm Elliot

Doubt

2011-11-02T16:41:00.000-04:00

Doubt is my biggest obstacle in life. Sometimes it sneaks slowly back into my way, and sometimes it just hits me out of nowhere. It is paralyzing either way. You can’t have doubt and faith. But if doubt is a dark room, hope is a small flicker of light. Hope is the only way to move forward - so I will hope. Hope that God is as good and true and real as I think He is, and that He will give me the strength to continue on.

Tough Questions

2011-11-01T14:20:00.000-04:00

I feel like I'm at a crossroads. There are so many things I want to do with my life, but I'm starting to think that it's all just not meant to be. There are just so many obstacles, and I just can't seem to figure out which direction I should go. So maybe the answer is none of the ways I have been thinking. Maybe the person I am meant to be just isn't who I thought it was.

Please Be My Strength

2011-10-28T18:15:00.000-04:00

My latest favourite song by Gungor, "Please be my Strength"

The lyrics are:

I've tried to stand my ground

I've tried to understand

but I can't seem to find my faith again

like water on the sand

or grasping at the wind

I keep on falling short

so please be my strength

please be my strength

cause I don't have any more

I don't have any more

I'm looking for a place

where I can plant my faith

one thing I know for sure

That I cannot create it

And I cannot sustain it

It’s Your love that’s keeping me

Please be my strength

please be my strength

I don’t have any more

And at my final breath

I hope that I can say

I've fought the good fight of faith

I pray your glory shine

In this doubting heart of mine

and all would know that You

You are my strength

You and You alone

Keep bringing me back home

Rainy Days

2011-10-27T13:29:00.000-04:00

Rainy days are for walks in the rain, followed by hot tea/warm milk, wooly socks and cuddles with my little girl. :) Life is full of little blessings from God.

The Joy of Growth

2011-10-26T11:05:00.000-04:00

My husband and sister ran a half marathon a few weekends ago. As the race began, it started to pour and they had to run the whole race against the wind. I thought they both did great - especially with those conditions.

I'm not a runner. When I did track in school, the longest distance I would run was 400m. So, I don't think I will ever run a marathon. But it got me thinking about the act of pushing yourself to do something that's really hard, or uncomfortable, or even painful. Even with giving birth - even though there's no turning back with that one - it feels really good when you get to the end and look back at what you've accomplished or how you have grown. I think it's amazing that God designed us this way. Life is hard - but it's also full of joy and wonder, and even though we face trials, and have to work so hard to change, the process itself has it's own reward.

“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” James 1:2-4

2011-10-24T14:32:00.000-04:00

"Let the world feel the weight of you and let them deal with it."

-John Eldredge

2011-10-11T14:37:00.001-04:00

The last few weeks have been super busy - filled with laundry and packing and visiting family and friends. We're finally on our way back home for a while, and I'm really looking forward to getting into a routine (which will hopefully include keeping up with this blog) and getting some much needed rest. I've come down with the flu and I can't even remember the last time I felt this sick. :( but hopefully I will be feeling better soon so I can enjoy this beautiful fall weather. I will do my best to get another post done for tomorrow!

2011-09-26T11:15:00.000-04:00

"If you could envision the type of person God intended you to be, you would rise up and never be the same again."

-unknown

Serving God in this Moment - Part Two

2011-09-22T11:36:00.000-04:00

I've been thinking more today about why it's important to serve God in our every day moments now. Part of it is because little things grow into bigger things, and you never know where one small act might lead. So much can happen from one little act that may seem insignificant at the time. But the other part is that God uses our experiences to prepare us for what comes next. Ultimately, He's preparing us for His kingdom, but He's also preparing us for whatever life has in store for us. You never know when a small event in your life is going to become useful in another context or for another purpose. In my past, there are definitely conversations I have had, or notes from friends, or things I have done that have prepared me for helping others. And when I think of God's purpose for me in this way, it makes every day a little more exciting.

Serving God in this Moment

2011-09-20T15:32:00.001-04:00

I like to dream. I have lots of ideas for places I would like to travel to, and wonderful things I would like to do. I want God to use me to do amazing things. My sister once said that sometimes we don’t dream big enough for God. I think I sometimes have the opposite problem. Not that God can’t use me to do things beyond my wildest dreams, but sometimes He just wants me to do the little things. The big things have to start somewhere - but sometimes I get impatient and just want to skip ahead. I really need to work on looking for the small opportunities, and let God work all of those opportunities into something great.

2011-09-19T16:12:00.000-04:00

"When you come to the edge of all you've known and are about to step into darkness, one of two things will happen. Either there will be something solid for you to stand on or you will be taught to fly."

-author unknown

Hiding in the Garden

2011-09-15T17:53:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I feel like I am in the garden of Eden, hiding because of my shame. I’m not the person I want to be, and I don’t want God, or anyone else to know that. It can feel more comfortable to think that no one really knows you. If you don’t let people in, no one can hurt you. In the past few months I have realized how closed my heart has been to letting people in. The times in the past when I have truly opened myself up to people, I have been hurt. And the truth is, everyone will hurt us at one point or another.

God must have been so hurt when Adam and Eve ate the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil. But He didn’t want them to hide from Him. To me, that would have hurt all the more. He covered them, so they wouldn’t feel ashamed and naked, and He took them out of the garden so that they wouldn’t eat of the tree of life and live forever in shame and without a relationship with Him. Instead of turning away from us, He’s given us time. He’s stretched out His hand, and given us others so that we can learn how to have real relationships again.

For me, it’s taken someone I really care about to open up my heart again. It gives me hope that I can become closer to God and to others. I know that opening myself up is going to hurt me at some point, but that’s ok. I’m probably going to hurt them too. But if I can hold on to the fact that God never let us go, and never will, despite how much we may hurt Him, then maybe I can hold on to the fact that love can be stronger than hurt, and some people might just stick with me through both.

God sees me. Even when I am trying to hide myself because I feel ashamed and naked. And I desperately need Him to see me. I need to be known both by Him and by others. I need to be vulnerable and let myself need people, even though it might be scary. That’s the only way to feel connected to God again, to dispel my fears, to take that step back into the light, to let go of my shame and be the person that God meant for me to be.