The Fat and Happy Girl

Moving!

noreply@blogger.com (Kim) — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 03:25:00 +0000

MOVING!

I've decided to bust out and buy a domain. I think this will also push me to write more!

All posts and comments have been moved:

http://www.fathappygirl.com/

Site is under construction, but all new posts will be made there.

Kim

Reflection

noreply@blogger.com (Kim) — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 01:59:00 +0000

I've done a lot of thinking over the past few months. It's been up and down for me. While I am generally happy with who I am, I am human. Sometimes I have days where I just don't like anyone or anything. That's ok. I do try to turn on the positive thinking when these days happen.

I've spent time thinking back to my "struggle". Growing up, my family never made me feel weird or out of place for being fat. I think that is one of the biggest things I love about my mom. She never made me feel weird or different. I know that I am lucky to not have family pressure. But oh, oh the peer pressure! I think that started from the first day I stepped foot into a classroom. At 4 years old, in pre-school, I was the cutest fat ballerina my mama had ever seen. Ok, I was probably the only fat ballerina my mother did see, but she and my grandmothers loved me all the same. I remember one day before dance practice, I tried to hold hands with one of the cute boys that I often played chase with on the playground. He uttered the first anti fat phrase I ever heard "don't touch me, you're fat!". The thing was, at the time, I don't really think I was aware of fat was. It never came up before, I'd never heard it before. None of the other kids I played with said it. I new fat was a "shape". I was 4, how could I really tell the difference? Matt, my playground love, was totally aware of the differences. It was all ok though, because Noah wanted to hold my hand. And off into the sunset Noah and I went, leaving Matt confused as to why anyone would actually touch the fat girl. At 4, fat was apparently like cooties.

In kindergarten, I made plenty of friends. I was also the girl that talked to the weird kid. I don't know, guess it was the way I was raised. I remember being painfully aware of the divide within the students. You had kids that were super neat, in the nicest clothes, and would only keep to their select group. Its funny how I can look back and see these groups developing. I was friends with the kids that actually played during recess, not the girls who stood around in dresses. Maybe I was more of a tomboy, but I think it was more about my mom and my friends mothers being practical. None of us ran around in Gap dresses or hoodies, "you'll ruin it or grow out of in 2 months!" my mother would say. She refused to buy expensive name brand stuff because kids play. Kids grow. I mean, it makes sense. We lived in a working class area, and you could clearly tell who the working class kids where vs the kids with parents that had extra money. I was friends with the other fat kids, the tall kid, the kid that ate paste. All unique. Like me.

It took a few more years before I realized being fat was a "problem". At the end of third grade and into fourth grade, I hit puberty before everyone one else, grew a few inches, and suddenly had breasts. I was the hit of third and fourth grade, and the attention I got was, at the time, flattering. People paid more attention to me, the boys talked to me. What I didn't realize at the time was that they were not really interested in "me", I was the same person I always was. This is when I remember really feeling disconnected and that people where judging me solely based on my body. It was depressing at the time, and I remember gaining weight. I got fat again, and the attention wore down. In 6th grade, my mom had decided to clean up our diet because my father had high blood pressure, diabetes, and a ton of other problems. The idea wasn'y really to loose weight, and I specifically recall that fact when my mom started buying light and fat free stuff. More fresh fruits and veggies. It wasn't as if we ate so terribly before, but my mother is an excellent cook and made many homestyle meals. Moms food was, and is, always clean your plate good. In eating light foods and just being active, I lost a lot of weight. It was also the height of the bodysuit days, and I bought many of them. I remember making fun of the fat girls who wore them because, well, you shouldn’t wear those kinds of things when you are fat! I quickly realized that fat = bad, and that was the last thing I ever wanted to be. Fat was terrible, nobody liked the fat people. I went through eating issues over the next few years, starving myself, refusing to eat meat, binging. I thought that I was only worthy of love, fun, and excitement if I was thin. I had friends, the cute boys talked to me, life was just right! I wasn't in that popular crowd, but I felt like I had a lot going for me.

A few years later, I got fat again. I went through a rough time at home, dealt with some abuse issues, and really just hid myself. I was that fat girl again, and the boys didn't really want to talk to me anymore. Then I met a boy, my first love, who thought I was just perfect as I was. He liked my curves, he liked my personality, he like ME for who I was. I loved this boy with all my heart and then some. He broke my heart, twice, and I really let that damage me and my self worth. One of the nastiest things he said to me after leaving me for another girl was that his "standards" changed, he now liked girls that didn't weigh anymore than 110-120 pounds. Ouch. The new girlfriend was slim, and he made sure to show that off to me 2 months after we broke up. On Valentines Day. At my place of employment. 2 years to the day we lost our virginity to each other. Nice, huh?

I dated after that, had 1 meaningful relationship that didn't work out because I was damaged and crazy, and other short term and on night relationships that only temporarily made me feel better. Sex and being sexy was a powerful tool because it made me feel desirable and wanted. To have someone lust over me was a close equivalent to being liked, accepted. The funny part is, sleeping with a guy rarely made him my boyfriend. I spent a few years in this downward spiral, coupled with drinking, drugs, and a whole bunch of self destruction. Oh I was miserable. To myself, to everyone around me. I think the final straw came when I thought I was seeing an older guy, having fun, and meeting up for sex. The sex was terrible, but I like him as a person. Until I found out he had a girlfriend and kid that he would never leave. And didn't understand why I wasn't cool with it. How does it go? Always the bridesmaid and never the bride? Try always the sex buddy and never the girlfriend.

Throughout this whole time, I dieted. Off and on. I did Weight Watchers, Atkins, plain ol calorie counting. I went to the gym, I took diet pills. I plotted my successes and failures in endless spreadsheets and computer programs. I did it all. And whatever I lost, always came back, and then some. I constantly felt like a failure. About 2 years ago, I think I really hit rock bottom with my self hate and self medicating. I stopped doing drugs years ago. I cut down on the drinking. The only think left for me to really deal with was how much I hated myself.

Being fat wasn't the only think I hated. I hated a lot of things. I was angry. I was angry at my dad for knocking me around for so many years. I was angry at my ex-boyfriend because he said he would love and protect me. The boyfriend that made me feel god about myself. I hated ways I had treated people, I hated a lot of decisions I made. I hated where my life was, who I was. I pushed a lot of people away, and I really felt alone. Then I met someone online. He made me feel so positive, that some of my feelings and ideas on how life should be were not crazy. I wasn't crazy. I think my online escapes with him allowed me to feel empowered to pick myself up and move on. Today, I really consider him one of my closest friends and my soul mate. Even though we have never met, he really inspired me. He still does. He listens when I need to vent, and I think we all need that. Reassurance that we are not crazy.

Over the course of my fat acceptance path, I've dealt with a lot of old wounds and feelings. I've had to face the fact that there are people out there with a low or bad perception of me because I made bad choices and decisions. And while apologies don't always make up for it, I have tried to extend apologies to some people. It really hasn't gotten me anywhere, but I think its allowed me to move on and not dwell on some of the stupid shit I've done. I've really had to let those feelings go, and it was hard. There is no magical way to explain how to do it, but I had to decided that I could either live in the now and tomorrow, or live in the past with all the mistakes I have made. Dwell on them, and beat myself up over and over. Slowly, I was able to live in the now, and look towards the future without getting that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach when I think about some bad decision I made 5 years ago. That's my first rule. Live in the now and tomorrow.

I think an important part of fat acceptance is really understanding what fat acceptance is. Its personal, its not the same way for everyone. It isn't just about being fat, its wanting to be treated equally and fairly. Its about not wanting to be judged on being fat. Its about being treated kindly because we are another human being. It means being free of assumptions and half truths. It means being judged less and loved more.

One of the most positive things I've ever done for myself is to read up on fat acceptance or how fat affects people. Reading the words from people like like Kate Harding, Joy Nash, Sandy Szwarc from Junk Food Science, Marilyn Wann, Kelly Bliss, and many others, have shown me the light. The problem isn't me, its everyone else who thinks there is something wrong with me.

There is no magical cure or way to accept yourself. I can tell you, for me, it was hard, and it took me almost 2 years to stand up and say Yea? I’m fat! What about it?

Life has been much better since.

Self hate-STOP IT!

noreply@blogger.com (Kim) — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 04:29:00 +0000

Making degrading remarks about yourself because of low self esteem does not relieve you of responsibility. It's probably offensive to someone else. Because it is offensive to someone else, standing behind your right to view you as you see fit means you are still spreading hate. Not just self hate, but the entire idea that whatever you called yourself is wrong. If what and who you are is wrong, isn't everyone else who embodies the same qualities wrong?

If you are fat, and you call yourself a cow, whale, disgusting, gross, etc, you are also saying it about other fat people. You further the idea that there is something wrong with fat. When you view yourself as a problem, suddenly everyone else in the group becomes the problem. The sad part is, the problem is yours and you don't want to own it.

The solution is simple. Stop thinking of yourself in negative and degrading ways. You are your own worst enemy and the first person that can stop negative thinking from spreading.

Treat others how you want to be treated.

noreply@blogger.com (Kim) — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 02:27:00 +0000

My mother always taught me to treat people how I would want to be treated.

The word is Toccara from ANTM is getting skinny. Once a proud size 12, she went on to appear in Celebrity Fit Club for 2 seasons. The first season (2005) she started at 205 pounds, lost 32 pounds, leaving her at 173 pounds. In her second season (2008) she started at, 187 pounds lost 21 pounds, leaving her at 166 pounds. The buzz is she is keeping it off and perhaps even loosing more.

As a fat girl, I find there are few people to look up to. There are few fat people out there represent us, mainly because there is still the idea of fat = bad and nobody actually wants to see fat people doing things other than loosing weight. We've been trained to look to slim people. Being a model and still being plus size feels like such a win in my book. Someone like that is out there fighting everyday to prove its not about being thin.

I can't say I know or understand her reasoning behind loosing weight. I don't know if she wants to get more work or if she is unhappy with herself. I don't know if she is giving into pressure or has come up against medical problems. Its easy to assume we know why she is skinny because thats what we are taught to do. Judge and pick apart celebs for whatever they do.

As a fat girl, I don't want to be judge simply because I am fat. Its happened to me, and I know it happens to fat people all the time. People have preconceived notions of what matters to a fat person, what we do, what we don't do, and that we should all be striving to be skinnier. I don't want people to look at me and say "she would be so pretty if she lost weight". I know people say it, but I don't want it to be that way. I will never accept that train of thought. I do think its inevitable as a model to come up against that thinking, and I always thought it was commendable that she said she was comfortable who she was. If she is or even if she isn't, my opinion will not change. I don't want to be judged, so I am not going to judge her. I don't have the facts, I dont have a clue why she does what she does. I do know its her body and she can do as she pleases. I expect that respect from people, so it's only fair that I extend the same. Maybe she has given into pressure or maybe she hasn't. It's all speculation.

Treat others how you want to be treated.

She should NOT be wearing that!

noreply@blogger.com (Kim) — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 16:16:00 +0000

I admit, I get amused when someone says “She should NOT be wearing that!” In my experience, it’s a thin or fat loathing person saying this about someone who clearly is not thin. It makes me wonder, why are fat people expected to “cover up?” Or try and conceal the fact that they are fat. I mean, no amount of fabric will ever change the fact that I am fat. Different cuts and styles will either flatter or not flatter my fat, but its still there. The fat is not going anywhere. You can take the most expensive fabric or the most obnoxious color, its still not hiding anything. It seems so absurd to me that someone can hate fat so much, they think we need to cover up on the beach or cover our legs. I have some big ol hammy thighs and I’ll wear a short skirt or dress if I want. I’m not going to stop wearing things I like to wear because your precious eyes may burn. I’ll wear whatever bathing suit I want on whatever beach I want. If your eyes hurt because of it, too damn bad. I won’t feel bad for being fat. I wont sweat and become uncomfortable just so you can walk around the world a little bit more comfortable. I wont wear a tshirt at the beach just so you wont see my belly in spandex. If a fabric outlines my fat in anyway, I cant wear it? I can only wear baggy clothes, oversized shirts, or tents, just so people won’t be offended that I have jiggly fat on my body? Nope, not feeling sorry for you having to look at me one damn bit. I don’t feel sorry that you are shallow and honestly expect that fat people can’t enjoy the beach or hell, life in general.

What I do feel sorry for is that narrow minded people like you exist. I feel sorry for your sad existence, your need to push your insecurities on others, and your complete and utter failure to treat another human being with any shred of respect or dignity.

Fat does not = Obese

noreply@blogger.com (Kim) — Fri, 30 May 2008 12:41:00 +0000

One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone assumes that a fat person = obese. You have no idea if a person is healthy, unhealthy, has a medical condition, etc.

Here is a perfect example:

Photo # 1

Same photo, different caption

So, let me get this straight. 2 fat women are walking down the street. You snap a photo of them because they are fat and you just so happen to figure they are either obese, or you could pass them off as if they are. This is so annoying. Proof that the media wants you to think that fat people are obese, and that there is something wrong with them.

While we are making assumptions, let me try a few!!

If asked how much I thought the woman in the green weighed, and her height, I would say maybe 5'8 195 pounds. I dont think shes quite at 200. The magical obesity calculator rates that as....OVERWEIGHT, not obese. The second woman? 5'9 175. Again, overweight but not obese.

See, I too, and pull something out of my ass and disprove it. There is no way for any reader to know how tall these women are, their weight, their level of fitness, etc. But, they are assumed to be obese, because that is what the photographer intended. Because they are fat, they are obese, and now its assumed there is "something wrong" with them. See what the media does to distort fat positivity, and how they just plain out get it wrong?

Also, do these women know their asses are linked to obesity because of this photo?

Hello there.

noreply@blogger.com (Kim) — Sun, 25 May 2008 16:05:00 +0000

I walked away from this blog for reasons I don't really know. I got busy with life, school, moving, and I didn't feel as if I had a real focus as to where I wanted to go with this. What I really wanted to write about, or the things I really wanted to share pretty much just jumbled up in my head. I put it on the back burner because while I feel passionate about fat fashion and fat acceptance, I couldn't quite find what it is I wanted to say. I couldn't find my voice.

I spent some time thinking about what it is that makes me mad and what makes me happy. Along the way I realize that I really am a work still in progress, and I always will be. Fat acceptance for me has been a blessing and it has been depressing. In the past 3 years I have been able to look in the mirror and say "I am fat, this is who I am" and ok with it. More than ok, in the last year to be more exact. Other peoples words have less of an effect on me today than they did 5 years ago. 5 years ago I would cry and ask myself why I let myself get this way. Why can't I stay focused on a restricted diet. I would beat myself up and tell myself that nobody would or could love the fat girl. There was something wrong with me.

The truth of the matter is, and I see this now, there is nothing wrong with ME. There is something wrong with the person that thinks fat people are void of feelings. There is something wrong with the person that feels like they are better than a fat person. There is something wrong that people spread fat hate like it is a disease. When I really thought about it, what really makes me angry is the anti fat crowd. The people that think there is something wrong with you BECAUSE you are fat, and that you should aspire to be thin. You should diet, you should exercise, and you should be striving to be the smallest you can be. Because if you aren't small, you aren't worthy of all the good things life has in store for you.

You can be fat and healthy, and I will say that until I die. Fat people can and do eat well, and fat people can and do exercise. Fat does not = fast food for dinner 5 nights a week. Fat does not mean you are gorging yourself on fat foods every single damn day. And being fat doesn't mean you deserve to be the butt of a joke, and you should never be made to feel like you would be ok if you changed.

I realize that I feel sad and overwhelmed that there are people out there that do not get what I am saying. It is a bit depressing to me. I think of how I was before I was ok with myself, and I wonder how many people out there still think there is something wrong with them. How many people are subject to ridicule because anti fat people are so mean. I think that is who I write for. My goal for this blog is to one day, just change one persons mind. Whether is a fat person finally accepting their body, or an anti fat person finally seeing that we are not lazy slobs. I don't care if it takes 1 week or 50 years.

Life Expectancy.

noreply@blogger.com (Kim) — Wed, 15 Aug 2007 05:46:00 +0000

The United State's life expectancy is up. Our deaths are down. Our # 1 killer is down. Yet we are in the middle of an obesity epidemic

The US life expectancy is falling behind other countries. Who should we blame? Lack of insurance, and of course, OBESITY!

"The U.S. has the resources that allow people to get fat and lazy,"said Paul Terry, an assistant professor of epidemiology at Emory University in Atlanta, Georgia. "We have the luxury of choosing a bad lifestyle as opposed to having one imposed on us by hard times."

That's about the stupidest bullshit I've ever heard. Millions of people around the world have the ability to make the same choices. I hardly see that as a reason to blame ourselves for being fat.

Adults in the United States have one of the highest obesity rates in the world. Nearly a third of U.S. adults 20 years and older are obese, while about two-thirds are overweight, according to the National Center for Health Statistics.

But lets back up for a second. The National Center for Health Statistics is a part of the CDC. The CDC are the same ones that said OMG! 365,000 people a year in the US die from Obesity!! A couple of months later, that number is more like 112,000. 112,000 out of approximately 2.4 million deaths.

The CDC goes on to say "Because obesity has so many different effects on so many diseases, it is extremely difficult for doctors to identify obesity-related deaths reliably on death certificates. So, instead, scientists use complex modeling techniques to estimate deaths related to obesity. CDC is supporting research to improve these methods."

So there we go. We really cant prove right now how many people have died directly from obesity. We cant tell how many people have a disease because they were obese. The information just doesn't exist.

Life Expectancy in 2000 was 77.0 years. This is up from 76.7 in 1999. As of 2004 its now at 77.9. We gained almost a year in life expectancy in 4 years. In fact, life expectancy has been up almost every single year since the 1900's. There are a few years it remained the same, but it has never gone down. Ever. In the past ten years, we have gained 2.1 years.

Deaths in 2000 were down 1.1%. The # 1 killer, diseases of the heart, was down 3.7%. In fact, "From 1980 to 2000, in individuals aged 25 to 84, the age-adjusted rate of coronary heart disease fell from 542.9 to 266.8 cases per 100,000 in men, and from 263.3 to 134.4 cases per 100,000 in women." Deaths in general have been down for years.

We really aren't as bad as they make us out to be.

Another reason for the U.S. drop in the ranking is that the Census Bureau now tracks life expectancy for a lot more countries -- 222 in 2004 -- than it did in the 1980s. However, that does not explain why so many countries entered the rankings with longer life expectancies than the United States.

Different countries do things differently, I understand that. And yes, there is going to be places that are healthier than us. How about we work on getting insurance for the 45 million people here that go without it? Thats a fine place to start. Instead of dumping millions and billions of dollars into the weight loss industry and obesity research, why don't we spend a little more time and money on caring about the poor in this country.

Another kid has complication from obesity related surgery

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 15 Aug 2007 00:29:00 +0000

A couple in South Texas is suing a doctor after their daughters obesity surgery. I can't believe a parent would put their kid through that kind of torture. I can't believe that a parent would want so much for their child to be thin, they will subject them to surgery to "fix" them.

I feel so sad for this child, in so many ways. I wonder if he or she was made to feel less of a person, that they were bad or not worthy of being happy. I can't imagine projecting such fat hate onto a child, especially when as a parent you should be setting an example of love, compassion, and acceptance. How do you force your child into that kind of world? How can you teach a child that there is something wrong with them just because they are fat?

I hope this kid figures it out one day.

Shoes.com

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 11 Aug 2007 17:40:00 +0000

I have been wearing these shoes all summer. Ive worn them to work at the office, Ive worn them to the beach, Ive worn them several times a week. They are so comfortable, and I was able to snagg them for $20 earlier this year.

I also give Shoes.com two thumbs up.

Old Navy Goes to the Office

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 11 Aug 2007 07:29:00 +0000

I was browsing OldNavy.com and I was surprised to find that they have some tasteful business separates. This is something I would wear....

Women's Plus Belted Pencil Skirt $32.50
Women's Plus Tailored Shirt $29.50
Women's Quilted Tote $19.50
Women's Pointy-Toe Sling back Flats $16.50
Women's Faux Pearl Choker $9.50
Total $107.50

I am currently in love with pencil skirts. They work on such a wide variety of body shapes. It can be dressy enough for the office, or casual if you please.

Igigi also has a great resource on what a pencil skirt looks like, and what kind of shape it works on. Just click on the section that says "shapes" for more info.

I love button down tops, I own many different colors, styles, and shapes. It can be dress with a nice skirt or pant, or many can be casual with jeans or khaki's. A lot of times I wear a cami or some type of tank top underneath

The bag is functional for work. You can throw your papers in there, a lap top or even your lunch. There is plenty of room. The shoes are a change of pace from your regular heels. Give your feet a rest! And for those who aren't fortunate enough to own a strand of pearls, this necklace makes a fun substitute. Have I mentioned how much I love this skirt?

Bitten by Sarah Jessica Parker (sold at Steve and Barry's.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 09 Aug 2007 06:05:00 +0000

Bitten....by disappointment.

As you may of heard, Sarah Jessica Parker released a line of clothing called "Bitten". Its being sold at a store called Steve and Barry's. You can read more about her line at the BittenSJP website.

My take? Total disappointment, for me. The jeans go up to a size 22 and I could not even zip them up. Im typically a 22-24. I tried on the xxl tops and they didnt fit either. The regular Steve and Barry's size 22 and XXL don't fit either, so it was a disappointment all around. The quality and style of the items were similar to Old Navy, but cost less.

Looks like I will be sticking with Old Navy where I can fit into many xl and xxl tops. And I never seem to go wrong with Lane Bryant jeans.

SizeAppeal.com

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 09 Aug 2007 01:27:00 +0000

Grand in green and pink $24.99

I love this pink and green together. LOVE IT.

Tara in blue $34

Tara in Pink $34

This print is made of awesome!

Lilli Jean

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 08 Aug 2007 02:46:00 +0000

I am pretty much in love with the dresses over at Lilli Jean The dresses go up to 4X, but according to their size chart, that is 18-20. For $25 they state any of our garments can be custom made, just for you, according to your unique measurements! The whole retro attitude of the clothing? Loving it! Check out 2 of my favorites (there are many more on their website!!)

Gwena Dress

The "Gwena Dress" is the epitome of 50's era lady-like style. Made from crisp cotton fabric with lots of body and a vintage bird print toile on a soft ivory background. Invisible back zipper. V-neckline, front and back. Full swingy skirt. Removable grosgrain ribbon belt at waist. An absolutely delightful dress!

Fabrics:

100% Cotton -

~~Moss Green Toile~~ (shown) Sold Out!

Ink Blue Toile

Price: $109.99

Cerise Dress

Candy pink background with delicious red cherry print sets the stage for this darling 50's inspired dress. Halter neckline. Full skirt falls below the knees. Waist seams are trimmed in red piping. Invisible back zipper.

Fabrics:

100% Cotton - Pink Cherry

Price: $99.99

Silver Jewelry Club

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 06 Aug 2007 21:05:00 +0000

I have been talking about SilverJewleryClub.com to anyone who will listen, for oh a year or so now.

If you like sterling silver jewelry, this is the place to go. The items are "free", you just pay $5.99 shipping on each item. No, you can't combine items.

The way it works is pretty neat. The site has 4 items up at a time, with one falling off every 5-10 minutes. Im not even going to tell you how much time Ive spent watching the items change!

i'm posting the photos of all the items Ive bought. I have been 100% happy with the representation and quality of every item I've gotten.

Oval Cut Swiss Blue Topaz Ring Sterling Silver

Gemstone
Genuine Swiss Blue Topaz 1.00 carat
Oval cut 7x5mm
vibrant color & clean clarity

Ring
pure sterling silver stamped .925
2.28 grams
Crown width North/South: 1/4 inch
approximate finger size 9 (available only in this size)

contemporary design with channel setting
includes a gift pouch

Oval Trillion Garnet Drop Earrings Sterling Silver

Gemstones
Total carat weight 1.75
Genuine Garnet, 2 pc Oval Cut 6x4mm
Genuine Garnet, 2 pc Trillion Cut 4.00mm
vibrant color & clean clarity

Earrings
pure sterling silver stamped .925
1.71 grams
Length from post to bottom: 5/8 inch
push back closure

unique dangling design with prong setting

includes a gift pouch

Multicut Peridot Amethyst Wgite Cz Pendant Sterling Silver

Stones

Total weight of gemstones: 1.17ct
Genuine Peridot, 1 pc, Pear Cut 6x4mm

Genuine Amethyst, 1 pc, Oval Cut 6x4mm
White CZ, 1 pc, Round Cut 3.00mm
vibrant color & clean clarity

Pendant
pure sterling silver stamped .925
1.17 grams
Dimension: 3/4 3/8 inch
chain is optional

top quality design with gemstones in prong & half bezel setting

Multicut Amethyst Peridot White Cz Ring Sterling Silver Size 9

Stones
Total weight of gemstones: 0.25ct
Genuine Amethyst, 1 pc, Heart Cut 5.00mm

Genuine Peridot, 1 pc, Trillion Cut 4.00mm

White Cz, 1 pc, Round Cut 4.00mm
vibrant color & clean clarity

Ring
pure sterling silver stamped .925
2.20 grams
Crown Dimension: 1/2 x 1/4 inch
approximate finger size 9 (available only in this size)

classic three stone design with gemstones in beezl, prong & v-prong settings

Oval Tiger Eye Bead Bali Style Dangling Earrings Sterling Silver

Gemstone
Genuine Tigereye beads, 2 pc
Oval Cabochon Cut, 6x4mm
vibrant color & clean clarity

Earrings
pure sterling silver with .925 stamp
2.45 grams
Dimension: 1 3/4 x 3/8 inches

fish hooks

unique dangling design

Oval Tigereye Bead Bali Style Ring Sterling Silver Size 9

Gemstone
Genuine Tigereye beads, 1 piece
Oval Cabochon Cut, 7x5mm
vibrant color & clean clarity

Ring
pure sterling silver stamped .925
3.05 grams
Crown Dimension: 1/2 x 3/4 inch
approximate finger size 9 (available only in this size)

Princess Cut Pink Cz Ring Sterling Silver Size 9

Pink Cubic Zirconia
Princess Cut, 2 pc, 5.00mm
machine cut
clean clarity

Ring
stamped .925 sterling silver
2.00 grams
Crown Dimension: 1/4 x 5/8 inch
approximate finger size 9 (available only in this size)

Marquise Cut London Blue Topaz Ring Sterling Silver Size 9

Gemstone
Genuine London Blue Topaz 0.75 carat
Marquise cut, 1pc, 8x4mm
vibrant color & clean clarity

Ring
pure sterling silver stamped .925
1.98 grams
Crown Dimension: ¼ x 3/8 inch
approximate finger size 9 (available only in this size)

contemporary design with gemstone in half-bezel prong setting

Round Cut Garnet Ring Sterling Silver Size 9

Gemstone
Genuine Garnet 0.75 carat
Round cut, 1pc, 6.00mm
vibrant color & clean clarity

Ring
pure sterling silver stamped .925
2.13 grams
Crown Dimension: 5/8 x ¼ inch
approximate finger size 9 (available only in this size)

contemporary design with gemstone in bezel setting

Round Cut Garnet Pendant Sterling Silver

Gemstone
Genuine Garnet 1.00 carat
Round Cut, 1 pc, 6.00mm
vibrant color & clean clarity

Pendant
pure sterling silver stamped .925
0.86 grams
Dimension: 3/8 x 3/8 inch
chain is optional

unique crescent shape with gemstone in half bezel setting

Filigree Style Diamond Shaped Pendant Sterling Silver

Pendant
sterling silver stamped .925
Total weight: 3.65 grams
Dimension L x W: 1 3/8 x 1 inches
chain is optional

unique filigree design

Oxidized silver to accentuate the design and bring out the beauty and depth of the jewelry

Trillion Cut Pink Cz Ring Sterling Silver Size 9

Pink Cubic Zirconia
Trillion Cut, 1 pc, 6.00mm
machine cut
clean clarity

Ring
stamped .925 sterling silver
1.80 grams
Crown Dimension: 3/8 x 1/4 inch
approximate finger size 9 (available only in this size)

classic design with gemstone(s) in channel v-prong setting

Heart Cut Pink Cz Ring Sterling Silver

Pink Cubic Zirconia
Heart Cut, 2 pc, 5.00mm

machine cut
clean clarity

Ring
stamped .925 sterling silver
2.30 grams
Crown Width North/South: 1/2 inch
approximate finger size 9 (available only in this size)

high quality design featuring prong & v-prong setting

Italian Sterling Silver Lumachina Diamond Cut Link Bracelet

.925 Sterling Silver Bracelet
Chain Style: Lumachina Diamond Cut
Weight: 3.50 grams
Length: 7 inches
Width: 3.00mm

Made in Italy

Italian Sterling Silver Fox Tail Chain Bracelet

.925 Sterling Silver Bracelet
Chain Style: Fox Tail
Weight: 5.00 grams
Length: 7 inches
Width: 5.00mm

Made in Italy

Oval Cut Pink Cz Solitaire Ring Sterling Silver Sz 8

Pink Cubic Zirconia
Oval Cut, 1 pc, 7x5mm

machine cut
clean clarity

Ring
stamped .925 sterling silver
1.50 grams
Crown Width North/South: 1/4 inch
approximate finger size 8 (available only in this size)

basket style with gemstone in prong setting

Marquise Cut Garnet Pendant Sterling Silver

Gemstone
Genuine Garnet 0.75 carat
Marquise Cut 8x4mm
vibrant color & clean clarity

Pendant
pure sterling silver with .925 stamp
0.76 grams
Length from bail to bottom: 1/2 inch
chain is optional

modern design featuring v-prong setting

Marquise Cut Pink Cz Pendant Sterling Silver

Pink Cubic Zirconia
Marquise Cut, 1 pc, 8x4mm
machine cut
clean clarity

Pendant
stamped .925 sterling silver
0.80 grams
Dimension: 1/2 x 1/4 inch
chain is optional

modern design with stone(s) in half bezel setting

Carson Kressley

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 06 Aug 2007 16:27:00 +0000

Not only am I a fat ally, I'm a gay ally as well. Imagine my excitement when I discovered that Carson Kressley not only has a clothing line out, but it goes up to 3x/28W!

Carson with Jai and Kyan from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy

I just love adorable gay men!

Its being offered through QVC.com. In fact, a large majority of QVC clothing goes up to 3x. This maybe a hit or miss experience, but exciting none the less. Price wise, I do find it on the expensive side. While I would consider spending $100 on a nice jacket or dress, my budget conscious brain tells me to steer clear of $80 shirts. I am considering buying a jacket for the fall, and of course I'll let ya'll know how it works out. Ive included some pics of my favorite pieces.

Carson Kressley at QVC.com

Item Number A7113

Perfect by Carson Kressley Trench Coat w/Lining

Retail Value $135.00
QVC Price ~~$112.00~~
Introductory Price $101.88

Item Number A7116

Perfect by Carson Kressley Wool Blend Knit Dress w/TieSash

Retail Value $99.00
QVC Price $78.50

Item Number A72952

Perfect by Carson Kressley Tweed Blazer w/ FauxLeather Trim

Retail Value $126.00
QVC Price ~~$105.00~~
Introductory Price $95.40

Item Number A15205

Perfect by Carson Kressley Seersucker Blazer w/Tie Waist

Retail Value $75.00
QVC Price ~~$62.00~~
Introductory Price $56.16

Item Number A16544

Perfect by Carson Kressley Patchwork Skirt

Retail Value $61.00
QVC Price $49.00

Item Number A73428

Perfect by Carson Kressley Stretch Cotton Shirt

Retail Value $80.00
QVC Price ~~$65.00~~
Introductory Price $59.40

Old Navy Trapeze Tank Top

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 05 Aug 2007 23:37:00 +0000

A few weeks ago I picked up two Old Navy Trapeze Tank Tops. It is super comfortable, thin but not too thin, and its a perfect length for me. It ends right past my belly. I dont generally like things that fall mid belly or too far past by belly. The way it gathers at the top, combined with the slight v-neck makes for an attractive cut but not over the top with cleavage. I have worn them alone with a strapless bra, and under other shirts with a bra. Both ways work well.

I was surprised to find that I fit into the XL. I've noticed that a lot of their cotton/stretch type tops fit me in both XL and XXL sizes. For reference, I am a 22-24/44C, so this is more than generous. Perhaps this is the trade off for removing plus sizes from the stores.

I purchased one in black and one in white, but I got them on clearance for $7 each. This one is currently running "reduced" at $15.

Casual Outfit - Purple and Black

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 05 Aug 2007 09:36:00 +0000

When I first saw this top I thought it would be perfect for a casual night out. Maybe a night out with the girls, or a get together with family. I combined it with a wristlet because I prefer to carry a wristlet if Im out at a bar or resturant. As long as I can fit my ID, cash, cell phone, and keys in it, I am set. I dont have to worry about lugging around a bag all night.

Urban Black Leather Wristlet by Avenue. $24.

Black patent flats. By Classified and on sale at Cutesy Shoes. $5.99

The Cora Top by b & lu. Described as a "brownish, mauvish, plumish" color. $38

Amethyst color dangle earings by Lane Bryant. $9.95

Solid cuff gaucho pant in black by Lane Bryant. $44.50

Total: $122.44

Fun with Orange!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 04 Aug 2007 21:34:00 +0000

Orange has always reminded me of summer. To me, its bright, fun, and exciting. I really like the pattern of this dress, and how you can play it up with orange, white or browns.

The dress is by Lane Bryant and runs in sizes 18-26. It currently costs $49.95

I found the orange shoes on amazon.com. They are called "hype womens glitz sandal" and are currently running on sale at $41.89. This is a 70% savings off the list price of $149.95. This is a fun and sexy shoe. Open toe, strappy, and orange. This is a hot summer shoe! This shoe is offered in a variety of sizes.

The bracelets are by Torrid. I lke the mix of brown, oranges, and yellows, combined with different textures and shapes. This is a 6-pack of bracelets and is currently $9.

I chose a brown handbag from payless.com. Lets be honest. Handbags can get expensive, but I am on a budget. Payless's line of handbags are fun, functional and affordable. This brown bag is only $22.99.

I really am in love with the earings I found at Boscovs.com. These earings are by Trifari. I love these earings because they dangle and involve several shades of topaz. Pull your hair off and show these babies off! They are currently on sale for $6.99

Total: $130.82

Plus size clothing (red and pink outfit)!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 04 Aug 2007 19:17:00 +0000

Plus size clothing does have to be frumpy or ugly, and it doesn't have to fit you like a tent. It doesn't have to be expensive, and it doesn't have to be in dull colors!

I am constantly looking around various websites, checking out clothing, shoes, and accessories. I love bright colors. I love patterns. I love dressing up.

Today I bring you fun with pink and red! What a lovely summer outfit!

Hot Dot Dress by Blue Plate $54

Fuschia Aldo42 pumps by Wild Diva $14.99

Siam crystal teardrop earrings by 1928 $16

Siam Teardrop Pendant by 1928 $18

Silver Linen Clutch by Xhilaration $14.99

Total: $117.98

Alight.com offers a lot of fun, hip, and bright plus sized clothing. They have pants, tops, dresses and more.

Wild Diva is a line of shoes I came across a few years ago, and they offer a ton of funky, fun shoes.

I happened across 1928 costume jewelry about 7 years ago while working in retail. I'd have to say they are one of my favorite costume jewelery companies, and I find their style to be very unique.

Last but not least, the bag. Target is a great place for cheap bags and accessories. I chose a color that complements the outfit, I thought that a red or pink bag would be too much.

Where does my money go?

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 29 May 2007 11:48:00 +0000

Where does my money go?

Lane Bryant-This is my good ol standby, and the number one place I shop. I love a bargain, and its not too hard to get one here. I dont normally pay full price, Im on the mailing (both snail and email) to get coupons. The coupons are what seal the deal for me. It usually $25 off a $75 purchase, $50 off a $150 purchase, or $75 off a $225 purchase. Once in a while I'll also get the $15 off a $15 purchase. Several times a year they run a promo called "Real Woman Dollars". For every $100 you spend, you get a $25 off a $50 purchase to be used during a specific time. I like Lane Bryant because they offer a wide selection of pants in petite sizes. I caught a great deal a few weeks back; all pants were buy one get one free. Considering most pairs cost $30-$50, this was a fantastic deal. I also live not too far from a Lane Bryant Outlet store. The outlet store is pretty different than the regular store, and you cant use the normal coupons there (you must get on the outlet store mailing list), but Ive gotten fantastic deals there. Lots of pretty, work/office appropriate tops for $15 or less. There are some pricey pieces, but are usually a lot cheaper than the stores. I often see things in here that never were in my local Lane Bryant's, so it appears they are either sending in stuff from other areas or are pulling from some of their other related stores.

The Avenue-For the longest time, I loathed this store. Every time I went in there, I was disappointed. The clothing is by no means "hip", and much of it is what I don't like about plus sized clothing. I am disappointed by their website as they have chosen to show their clothing off on models clearly not marketed towards a plus sized woman. I prefer to buy clothing online that is portrayed in a manner that I can see how it hangs on someone with curves. Sadly, I was recently looking at dresses and I was disappointed to see how the dresses just hung on someone who had no curves. The only thing I like from this store is a few styles of petite pants and the brand of shoes they carry, cloudwalkers. I was able to snag a pair of black mules with a 2 1/2 inch heel, and they are actually pretty comfortable.

to be continued!

First Post / Why I am here

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 29 May 2007 03:19:00 +0000

I maintain a livejournal but I felt like I wanted to branch out more and talk about things I find important. I think that I use livejournal more as a space to vent frustrations, talk with friends, and socialize with communities. I like it for what it is, but I've been burning to connect to others who are in the same state of mind as me.

This blog, first and foremost, is fat positive. That should go without saying, but I am going to put it out there. I don't have a strict plan of where this ship is going, but it will be a place I can talk about my "fat experience". My fat experience is not your fat experience, but I hope you enjoy the ride anyway. I won't tolerate hate, and I encourage discussion.

I am fortunate that I grew up in a family that did not force some sort of idea that I had to be thin to be of any self worth. I did, however, let other people around me, the media, and those I thought knew best, to warp my views on things. From the classmates that made fun of the fat kid to the skinny models you see all over, I felt like I was wrong and that I didnt fit in. Somehow, I came up with this distorted view of what I was supposed to be and look like. I believed it for years. I was trained to think that I was too fat, that I would never be skinny enough, and that I just wasn't worth a damn.

I have been up and down in my weight for years. From a size 7 to a 24, to be exact. When I was "considered skinny" I was never happy. There were still things wrong with me. I still was not good enough. It depressed me, I gained more weight. Lather, rinse, and repeat at least 5 times in my 25 years on this planet. When I was fat, I was embarrassed, depressed, and miserable. What a terrible life to live!

I woke up one day and realized that this cycle of hate was not a life I wanted to live. I can't put my finger on the exact moment a light bulb went off and I realized Im just fine who I am, but I know how I got there. It was about 3 years ago that I realized that I need to create the standard I live up to. I am in charge of my own destiny. Not the jerk that made fun of the fat kid in school, and certainly not the media. Sure, I may have stretch marks and a belly, but that doesnt make me any better or worse than a woman that wears a size 2. The fact is, the number on my clothing matters very little. It is not directly related to my IQ or what kind of person I am. It doesnt tell you if Im kind, and it will never tell you if I am having a good or bad day.

Life has been so much better since I opened my heart up to myself.