It's Life Jim

The Penny Drops

2009-03-26T20:15:00.001Z

I've just realised.

I think I'm in love with him.

Not cool.

The Fruit in my Fridge

2009-03-17T12:20:00.002Z

I am totally in the zone. IN THE ZONE people.

Not only did I bodypump on Saturday but I got out of bed at 6.30am this morning for a spinning class. I know, I know.

In addition to this I'm all the shite has been cut out my diet. No more is the fruit in my frige going to go mouldy. No more are the satsumas going to turn into bricks. I will eat the healthy food and I WILL like it - so much so that there is no room for crap such as butter icing (yes, I have been making and eating butter icing!) and milka chocolate. Whoop!

I'm actually on a huge budget drive and so I'm pretty much living on scrambled eggs and baked potatoes. Although I am having smoked salmon for lunch... C'mon - that's only £2!

I'm not really feeling that bad about my size. My bridesmaid dress is going to fit me no problem - in fact it need to be taken in around the bust area. What is concerning me is the bingo wings/dinner lady arms. Not cool. My arms feel huge at the mo and there is back fat on the go too. Once again my friends, not cool.

There is not much I can do apart from do what I am doing and try and lose as much as possible before the wedding and also do weight work for the arms.

In other news, here are some top line life things.

- Going to Berlin this weekend for a long weekend. Whoop!
- Probably going to Brighton for work tonight till Thursday. Not really whooping about that
- I'm getting a new car! Peaugot 307. Double whoop!
- Healthy and I have been having a bit more chat and I feel like things are pretty much back on an even keel. Phew. Still nuts about him but feel a bit more sane about it all.
- Work is still crazy busy but I am past the point of caring
- The sun is shining. Holla!
- Still seeing Jolly Hockey Sticks. Enjoying that quite a lot at the moment.
- Have started twittering. laineymcl is my name thingy if you dig that shiz. However, this blog is on the down low as am followed by some work folk and so no mention of this on there.
- Still no period. My boobs are massive. Surprised there are not some celebs climbing them for Red Nose Day.

What Have I Done?

2009-03-14T13:29:00.002Z

What Have I DONE?

I stepped on the scales this morning. No, that's not what I'm referring to. I'm talking about what I did to see the obscene number of 13stone 11lbs come up on the bloody things.

Shite.

My period still hasn't shown up, my boobs are massive and I am totally bloated. Yeah, yeah - whatever. I've still packed on a good few pounds and I can really see and feel it. Balls.

The wedding is four weeks today. 4 WEEKS! Realistically, what can I do? What damage can I reverse? Really - tell me, what can be done! TELL ME.

I went to pump this morning (having some trouble typing after uping my chest weights) and have booked in for spinning on Tuesday morning at 7am. Then I'm off to Brighton on Tuesday night till Friday avo - that's not much help.

You Guuuuuuys

2009-03-12T14:19:00.003Z

I'm in danger of sounding like I'm accepting an Oscar but I don't care. Thank you so much for all your lovely comments. I can't quite express how much it helps to know people are thinking about you and also taking the time to log in and leave me a comment.

So, thank you, thank you.

I'm feeling a lot better. Still get the dread when I think about him but I'm feeling a lot more positive. Going to running club tonight (in your face work) and that will be good for me too. I'm also really excited at the thought of leaving work when it's light! Whoop!

Will come back soon with better update and properly explain what happened at the weekend - although that's me building it up. I basically lost it and think Healthy is now all too aware that I'm unhinged! Ha.

In the meantime I have to crack on with lots of work around the darts. The bloody darts. So sick of it. Correction - sick of my client that only picks up on the negative things - which is just minutia that is irrelevant and sends me shitty emails while cc-ing my MD. Nice eh?

Ooh - sorry for my comment about Manchester. Yesterday was only my second time there but I really like it. I do! If I had to go anywhere yesterday it would have been called stupid.

I promise..

2009-03-10T11:59:00.003Z

... I am here.

I had a terrible weekend. Truly awful. There was no reason for the crapness of it - I got very very drunk at Kenny's 30th party on Saturday night and ended up bawling my eyes out. And it was all about Healthy. Oh yeah, he was there when I did this but I don't think he actually saw me crying.

The story goes on but I can't quite talk about it yet as I feel sick when I think about it and when I think about him - which is ALL THE TIME. I feel awful. I might have ruined everything. I can't remember the last time I felt this shit. Oh wait - yes I can. It was when The Highlander and I split up.

I spent most of Sundy in tears and yesterday wasn't much better. The truth is it's not all about Healthy. A lot if it is work related. 10 and 11 hours days everyday. Every sodding day. Not happy. I'm miserable about that in fact. My period is late and so stupid flaming hormones are probably to blame for a lot of this too.

I'm fine - well, I will be. I just need to get a grip.

Have to go to stupid Manchester tomorrow for work. FUCK OFF.

Adding to say thanks for the comments. No he's not reading this. He has no idea I even have a blog. Thanks for the other comment as well from the anon guy. He knows, he knows. I can't make it any clearer.

Gritting my teeth

2009-03-05T16:53:00.003Z

He emailed me about an hour and a half ago. I have not responded.

So hard, so hard! I had my reply all ready but before I hit send I told Orkney about it. She talked me down. Here words were: "Why reply? It's not going to go anywhere."

Tough love,.. tough love.

I am the boss

2009-03-03T22:59:00.000Z

Day 3 of communication lock down. Complete.

Lockdown & Wedding Weigh In

2009-03-02T18:06:00.003Z

I'm on Healthy lockdown.

I spoke to him on Saturday and there were some texts but as of yesterday there has been nothing. That's almost two whole days.

I'll see him on Saturday at Kenny's 30th birthday party but until then all communication is banned. Well done me.

Diet is okay. Weighed in on Sunday morning at 13stone 7lbs. Wedding is six weeks away. SHITE!

And breathe..... I'm going to get stuck in and do as much as I can. I could almost - yes, almost be out of the 13 stone range by then.

Exercise is going to be really hard to fit in this week as it's a crazy work week and I also have things on in the evening. Look...

- Monday. Working late (still in Glasgow at 6.30pm) and JHS is coming over. Yeah, he's all part of the get a grip about Healthy plan.
- Tuesday. Am going to try and go to the gym. Or for a run
- Wednesday. Out for dinner for Kenny's birthday
- Thursday. Got to interview someone in Glasogow at 6.30pm
- Friday. Will try and do something. Maybe pump if possible unless I end up working late late late.

Okay - need to batter on for work. Ciao for now!

Do What You Can

2009-02-25T20:44:00.003Z

Here I am!

Life is slowly getting back on track. I told my boss that I was 'close to the edge' and I was 'totally demotivated'. I hate admitting I'm not coping but no person can work for around 10 hours and day while getting constant digs about your work from one particular client. A client that you would gladly punch in the face repeatedly.

I've now got extra people drafted in to help me and while I'm still working silly hours I don't quite feel as panicked and I am leaving on time here and there.

My dieting life is sorta getting there. I'm not doing as much as I need to but I am doing what I can. I'm back on the exercise wagon. It's unreal how much more in control and generally able to cope with life it makes me feel. I went to pump on Saturday with Shauna. Dear god! The pain, the PAIN. Top notch instructor Vanessa was on holiday and so we got Shakey leg Nikki. Despite the fact I've been going to bodypump for about 8 years (on and off) this Nikki burd suggested that when doing the bicep track that we shouldn't bring the bar right up and only to chest height. In the name of all that is good - how is such pain possible? It was so sore the following day and the next day and even sorer the next day.

I also went to running club last week and did the best part of 5k without too much trouble. Spinning last night too.

However, the food side of things is letting me down. I'm pretty much 85% of the way there. The meals are really healthy but I'm eating way too many boiled sweets (hard candy, to you crazy Americans) and the odd biscuit is getting chomped on.

I didn't weigh in last week as I don't think my mental state would have been able to handle it. There is no doubt I've put on a few pounds but we'll see what the reality of that is on Saturday - when it will be six weeks to the wedding! BALLS.

Healthy and I had some more chats (all via facebook instant chat) on Sunday night. I've not out and out told him how I feel but he must be an idiot not to get it.

The Friday chat involved us talking about The Highlander never finding out and me finding it a bit weird when the three of us are together. He claims he's fine about it. I then went onto tell him that causal sex is all good and well but not when it's with one of your pals.

His response was to ask that if you don't have it with a pal, then who? I explained: "Just somone you know. Not someone you hang around with and that you rate as a friend.

His response indicated that he is happy enough to carry on with the situation. "Queue boy response - meh".

Noooo - get what I am saying. DO NOT make me spell it out. At this point I was sweating. I took some deep breaths and prepared myself for the knockback.

"You are a boy and don't think more than 2 minutes into the future. It's messing with my head."

It was at this point he said: "No more then".

Not my happiest moment. I knew it was coming but knowing you have forced someone into rejecting you, or at least admitting that's what they are doing, whether they like it or not, or are really aware of it or not, is far from a great experience.

Interestingly we then spoke on Sunday for almost two hours or so. We did touch on the whole 'us' subject again. He knew I'd spent the day with Orkney and Healthy. He knows they know about us (well, he thinks they are the only ones that know. Erm - may be more like a total of 11 of our friends. Whoops) and was pretty much digging around to see what we had been saying about him. Paranoid? Ha - not really. Of course we talked about him!

After revealing not much to him, he said: What are birds like - always feel the need to blab away endlessly to other women about shite.

I'm totally shortening this down.... I then went on to say "Just because we've agreed it's not going to happen again (us sleeping together) it doesn't mean my feelings about the situation has ended.

Is that clear enough for you Healthy? He said: "Dunno about that. That's up to you. Dunno about that."

What does that mean?

That was Sunday night. On Monday night I was at my parents and so wasn't online. Tuesday night we chatted for well over an hour. Tonight (Wed)- same again. Chatted for over an hour. Each time he has started the chat. What's his game. I'll tell you. Attention. He loves the attention. I need to stop giving it to him.

Horrible

2009-02-20T23:04:00.002Z

I just had the chat with Healthy.

After a lot of chat it went like this:

Him: "No more then."
Me: "Okay"

I feel sick - and miserable.

One large mug of chill the eff out please

2009-02-18T20:48:00.004Z

Calm thoughts. C-al-m thouuuuuuughts.

I have been totally stressed. It's mainly been about work. And when I say stressed I don't been busy. I mean distracted, exhausted, can't concentrate, dry mouth, rest of life has been abandoned. The perfect example of this is that I've just had to put the same load of washing on to wash for the second time as it's been sitting wet in the machine for about 4 days. I think I'm getting back on top for now and today is the first day I've felt in control. I actually managed to email a friend and call another friend that I've been badly neglecting.

And yes, the other thing is Healthy. There is lots to say, millions of details and a pile of snash. I've not got time to document it all as I am ONLY ONE WOMAN. But here is a very very brief snapshot.

The weekend before last was a big night out on the Friday with Kenny and Healthy in Glasgow which involved us staying over at Healthy's flat. I was totally planning to keep my knickers on. I failed. Again - he was the one that instigated it. I tried to have a bit of a chat with him. It didn't really go to plan and I stopped trying. Lame lame lame.

What was different about this time is that there was a lot of kissing. Much more than there has ever been before. We also slept together a fair few number of times and the last one of these was well after any stimulants had worn off.

During the week there was a fair amount of chat with him on facebook and the like. On Friday we all went out for Orkney's birthday. We included the Highlander who drove down from up north. When he arrived in Edinburgh he came over to my place and picked me up. We then went over to Healthy's place and picked him up. The three of us together in the car. Hmmmmm. Already a bit of a head fuck, right? I should add that Healthy was sporting a new jacket and aftershave - something that's quite a rarity. He smelt amazing.

We got to Orkney's and had some drinks etc. etc. There were a few looks between us and he was teasing me (but that's normal) and no-one would ever have known that there was anything that had ever gone on between us. The Highlander was oblivious.

We left and went to the pub. It was a relatively tame night and we all headed homewards about 1pm. I went one way, back to my flat, and everyone else went the other way to their respective homes, including Healthy.

As I headed off through the Cowgate (part of Edinburgh's old town) I was doing my best to hold it together. I wanted Healthy to come back with me. I know he was with everyone else, inluding the Highlander but he could have said he was going to get a taxi in the same direction as me and it wouldn't have seemed odd.

I got to the Grassmarket and tring - a text message arrived. From Healthy. Long story short, he caught up with me and we came back to mine. This marks a change on two levels.

1. We were drunk. That was all. Not blazing, and no other substances were involved.
2. He went out of his way to meet up with me, it didn't just 'happen'.

Hmmmmm. There is a shedload of stuff that happened after that - not so positive and mostly involving the fact that Healthy and The Highlander are now bosom buddies since the Highlander is single and he is coming to just about all our planned nights out.Blahaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Have to go for now as my brain is melting.

I am going to leave work on time tomorrow and go to running club even if it means the end of the world as we know it. I need to exercise to try and get my mental state somewhat on the track back to being normal.

Drowning

2009-02-16T21:51:00.003Z

I'm not coping.
I'm working till about 8pm most nights.
I was in work for 4 hours on Sunday just trying to get on top of things.
I've not excercised for weeks
I've been with Healthy two weekends in a row and am obessing about him.
I've had to take the morning after pill this weekend.

The Highlander is splitting up with his girlfriend and is using me as his main confindant. The other person he is relying on for support is Healthy. The two of them are all buddy buddy now and it's driving me crazy. I'm actually jealous of their relationship and so frustrated that I can't express my unhappiness with my situation but I have to listen to The Highlanders.

I don't know what to think or do or say. Not coping with anything.

All Over the Shop

2009-02-09T10:38:00.003Z

I've been in Liverpool with work for what feel like the best part of 2009 and also being rather debaucherous on lots of counts - hence my poor blog housekeeping.

I shall rectify this soon, very soon.

In the meantime here is a small nugget to keep things ticking over. I have the willpower of a gnat when it comes to a certain person. Guess who...

I was about to write: he is driving me round the bend. More like I am driving myself round the bend.

Wedding Weigh In - 9 weeks and counting

2009-01-31T18:31:00.002Z

The scales can piss right off. Apparently I've put on a pound. That is utter rubbish. I feel pretty good and all my clothes are feeling looser. Fair enough - the week wasn't totally ideal in terms of a few high calorie meals and drinks and I didn't get quite as much exercise as I would have liked. But a pound on? Me no think so. I shall carry on regardless - 9 effing weeks to go!

Have been in London with work. Not really ideal to get totally shit faced (although I wasn't nearly as drunk as the client) and then sleep with your Irish counterpart, get two hours sleep then go to a meeting. Nope, not ideal, but a lotta fun! Mwah ha.

Wedding Weigh In - 10 Weeks

2009-01-27T14:16:00.005Z

Life is choccers at the moment. I was away at the weekend, had Come Dine With Me (Part I) on Sunday night, I’m away with work on Thursday and Friday and then Friday night I’m staying at my parent’s as I’m helping my mater look for her wedding outfit on Saturday.

In between all this I need to actually do some work, arrange a hen weekend, exercise, see my friends blah blah blah.

But before I start talking about what’s coming up let me tell you what has been.

Weigh In
When: Friday morning
Where: My bathroom
The Feeling: Trepidation mixed with anticipation, drizzled with a light touch of excitement
The Result: 2lbs off
The Overview: 13stone 6lbs – back to my 2008 low.

I’m really pleased with the 2lbs loss, but let’s not forget I didn’t lose anything last week and so that averages out at a pound a week. When I think about the amount of effort I’m putting in – both in terms of food and exercise it doesn’t seem quite the return I’m looking for.

However, as I said, I do feel a difference in my clothes and what else am I going to do? Give up? I think not. So shut up and get on with it woman.

The Weekend
I headed off up north with the bride and sister in law to be (that’s the same person) and two of her pals for a sort of dry run for the hen weekend. It was so much fun. We drank a silly amount of booze. Silly, I tell you! We did manage to make it out for a small walk to Loch Garten – here we are jumping for joy.

I exercised a lot of restraint on the food front. There were crisps and dips, sweeties and all sorts on the go but I held back in the main. It’s the booze that I’m worried about. There were a few drinks in there that didn’t use diet mixer and the shots? It was all slippery nipples and cock sucking cowboys etc etc. Not good.

I’m away with work for two days at the end of this week and we’re going out for dinner and I also know we’re having a pizza lunch on the Friday. Gah! It just means I have to really screw the nut Monday – Wednesday (nut was screwed yesterday) and be really mindful on the days that I am away.

Exercise
As I was away I didn’t go to my usual Saturday pump class. We got out for one walk that was about 3 miles and that was all. I went to the gym last night and I was going to go for a run tonight but I can feel a cold coming on and I am shattered. It’s not going to happen. Instead I’m going to fix my thermostat, look at options for hen weekends and then go to bed. Tomorrow is spinning – my last Wednesday night spin. Boo. Never thought I would say that. I’ll be lucky to lose on Saturday but I can try.

Boys, boys, boys
On Friday at about half five I stopped past JHS flat with his sheets. He wasn’t in so I just left them in a bag hanging from his front door (inside his close) and I had written on the outer packaging ‘Not quite John Rocha’. I’ve not heard a peep from him. I not actually seen him online but I thought he might have dropped me a text or something. I don’t want a thanks but I want to check one of his neighbours hasn’t nabbed them. Hmmmm.

Managed to not think about Healthy too much over the weekend although I did have a dream about him this morning. He got together with someone we both know and I was unimpressed.

God – I feel terrible now. This better not develop into a full blown cold. Balls.

Part II

2009-01-22T13:39:00.002Z

Greetings! Thanks for all your comments on my last, truly horrendous post. At least I got a good story to tell out of the whole situation right? Mwah ha.

As, I said there is more to tell – and fact even more since I wrote that, but first of all let me chat a bit about other life matters.

I am a dieting machine! Things are going really well. I’m sticking to the meals I’ve planned (it’s been bloody chunky vegetable sound and fish tagine for every lunch and evening meal this week!) and I’ve not indulged in anything I shouldn’t have. Okay, okay! I did have three quality street chocs yesterday but I built it into my day and they were amazing!

Top things on the food front that I am loving currently are:
- Yeo Valley Organic Fat Free Vanilla Yoghurt
- Sugar free Jelly
- Spinach

Okay – that’s a slight exaggeration. Appreciating is more accurate description. I’d LOVE a stonking huge éclair. Um um um.

Exercise wise I pumped on Saturday, badmintoned on Monday, spinned/span yesterday and am going to running club tonight. Trousers are totally feeling looser. I’m so interested to see what the scales say tomorrow morning. Key word there- interested. If I don’t get a loss then I will laugh in their face – and then probably be really pissed off. I KNOW I’ve shrunk a wee bit.

Right- part II of ‘Bloodbath in Edinburgh’.

I woke up on Sunday with that feeling – you know the one. Something’s not quite right but it takes you a few minutes to remember what it is. Is it Monday and I’ve slept in? No. Did I fall over last night? Yes – but that’s not it. Did I lose my phone? No. Did I lose my purse? No. Did I ruin JHS’s sheets and then verbally abuse him? Bingo.

Ugh. That’s what I thought and felt. What is it when a word is the same as the noise it makes? Onomatopoeia. That is what ugh is to me.

I got up – the parents were coming over to look at my dodgy heating and so I did a quick tidy round and tried to forget about the whole sorry saga. The parents came, sorta fixed the heating, had lunch and then left. I then started thinking all about the whole sorry saga. I decided to send JHS a text. I should explain – I don’t call him Jolly Hockey Sticks to his face. He has no idea that’s his nickname.

“JHS – I am mortified! And so sorry. SO sorry. Are your sheets completely ruined? God, I never thought I would be texting that sentence. I feel awful. And sorry for my drunken rantings – I’m quite good at those, eh? From: totally embarrassed of Edinburgh.”

His response? Nothing. Not a thing. Can’t really blame him.

Next morning (Monday) he was on messenger so I sent him a message – I needed some sort of response, even if it was ‘leave me alone’. I said:

“I’m frightened to ask- how are your sheets?”
“Not good”

I continued to apologise and he told me not to worry, these things happen. He said that a few times actually. I also said sorry for some of my drunken rantings (I’m not sorry about ALL the things I said – hehe). I then ended the conversation saying I needed to get on at work and he said “okay, speak later”.

So that was that. I felt better that I’d spoken to him even though I suspected it might be the last time ever.

Tuesday. I was still feeling really bad about his sheets. If the tables were turned I would have been so annoyed that my good sheets were ruined. After much deliberation with Orkney I decided to buy him a new set. Just a middle of the road price. The plan is to then leave them at his front door inside his close (stairwell). I’ve already said sorry and I don’t want to make an even bigger thing out of it. I was still at work at about 6.45pm and had just finished ordering the duvet set from the M&S website (he can return those ones easily if it’s not the wrong size) when he sends me a message on MSN. Eh? Oh I get it – he’s about to tell me that he thinks we shouldn’t see each other again. Here it comes.

Hold the phone…. What’s this? He’s asking how I am? Erm… still totally embarrassed. He’s telling me not to be. Oh wait – he’s chatting away quite the thing. What’s this-he wants to meet up? Ha.

And so normal service is resumed. He came round to mine on Tuesday evening and the situation is as it once was. I’m still going to give him the sheets though – they don’t match my colour scheme!

If I Could Turn Back Time...

2009-01-20T18:19:00.004Z

Okay – here it is.

I hadn’t had an alcoholic beverage for two weeks and so I was really looking forward to Saturday night. The usual crew was heading round to Kenny’s for some drinks and then we were going out to the Bongo Club for Big and Bashy

It’s not my really my kinda club night but we were all going together. We’ve been before and it was a good laugh. Also, the guy Kenny is seeing was DJing.
The night was going well and I was enjoying the rum and the Jack Daniels. Things seemed to be fine between Healthy and I but I wasn’t really finding it that easy. It’s hard being in his company, in the company of someone you really care about and want more from – but you can’t have it.

Orkney decided she was going home and then a short while later Healthy told me he was also going. He gave me a kiss on the cheek and off he went. Feeling quite desponded I decided it was time for me to go too. I started to walk home and in my drunken fug I thought it would be a good idea to text Jolly Hockey Sticks. He replied and we arrange that I would go over to his. I should have known it was a bad idea - I was so drunk I could barely focus on my phone. I remember screwing up my face as I examined my texts – I could hardly read them.

However, onwards I plodded and made my way to JHS’s. I arrived and a fun time was had by all. This is where it gets bad – be warned too much information follows.

I went to the bathroom and noticed that there may have been a wee bit of bleeding. I went back through to the bedroom where it was pitch black – and had been the whole time. I mention to JHS that there might have been a wee bit blood. He put the light on. It looked as if someone has been stabbed to death on his bed. There was blood everywhere. Everywhere. All over the duvet, on the sheet and all over his pillows.

What the hell do you say to that? I started to laugh and apologise at the same time. Poor JHS. “My John Rocha sheets!” he exclaimed. He was actually really good about it. All the while I was apologising and he was saying: "It's okay, these things happen".

I've no idea why it happened. My period was done and dusted on Thursday. Something has gone a bit awry in that department - let's not forget it was 13 days early. Anyway, after assuring him it would probably come out after a good wash he then tells me that as he's got to get up at 8am cause he was working (it's 4am at this point) maybe I should go so I could get a proper sleep.

It was at this moment in time that I lost the plot and totally flew off the handle. I threw back the covers and while agressively chucking on my clothes I unleashed a tirade of mahoosive proportions that went a little something like this (abbrieviated version - it's all a bit blurry now):

"For fuck sake! You are unbelievable. It's 4 am in the morning and you want me to go home. What do you think it going to happen if we spend a night together? Do you think I'm going to turn into some sort of bunny boiler. Get a grip and get over yourself. How long has this thing between us being going on?"

"Ummm - since September"

"So about five months, yet you still haven't got the measure of what this is all about? You are fucking unbelievable."

He was trying to defend himself but I can't really remember what he was saying. At this point I should have shut up and left but noooooo. I kept on ranting.

"Have you slept with anyone else during the past five months?" I demanded to know.

"No, I haven't" (I believe him on this one)

And this is where I delivered my killer line.

"Well I have."

WHAT? What in the name of all that is good was I thinking? Why did I tell him this? That makes it sound like I've been going off with all and sundry. Not true - it's only been Healthy.

I also said something about him being the fall guy. Oooooh - not good.

During my outburst he had been looking at something at the wall and I thought he was just trying to change the subject- in a very lame way. When I stopped to gather breath he said: "I wasn't actually trying to change the subject - I just noticed there was blood on the wall as well."

Aaaaargh - could things get any worse?

I started to laugh again at this point - what else can you do? I then began apologising again and jumped on top of him. We ended up laughing together. I was fully dressed, coat and all, at this point and so I did end up going home.

So how is it now? Well, there is more but it's late and I need my beauty sleep. Tune in next time for the next exciting installement of 'Lainey's Horrendous Love Life'.

Some Words For You to Read

2009-01-19T22:25:00.007Z

What a weekend. I think I have one of the potentially most embarrassing stories to tell - ever. I can't quite bring myself to blog about it but I will get round to telling all in the next few days. I will reveal that involved Jolly Hockey Sticks - whom I may never see again! I'm cringing so much - quick, move on.

Other things that I am able to update you on from the weekend that was are weigh in and cooking.

The weigh in can take a run and jump. Same same same. That is a barefaced lie. Those scales are at it - I tell you. I definitely feel a difference in my clothes - all of them, not just one pair of trousers. I will not be defeated by a stupid number and so I have just got stuck right back in for another week. I'm going away this weekend coming with my sister in law to be and so it'll be a Friday weigh in. And at this Friday weigh in if I do not see a loss there will be consequences of a violent nature for those bloody scales.

Cooking. I'm getting quite into trying out new recipes from my one pot cook book. Most of them are really healthy and it's also helping with the old budget drive as one dish does most of my evening meals for the week.

Yesterday I made chunky vegetable soup (which is very basic) that I am having for lunch this week. My heating has been playing silly beggars - look at the steam coming off this soup in my icy flat!

And here is Morrocan fish tagine served with cous cous (straight out the frigo so no extreme steam here). My flash was a bit brigh but I was starving and faffing about taking pics was not top of the priority list. I just had it tonight and it was really nice but could do with a slightly bigger kick up the flavour pants...

Listing the Lists

2009-01-16T19:11:00.005Z

I feel like I've got list OCD at the moment.

I'm finding it really hard to switch off from planning my next meal/outfit/workout etc. etc.

Work is crazy busy and although it is stressing me out slightly it's not that keeping me awake at night. It's the world of dieting and all things health related

I'm getting around 7 or eight hours sleep a night (with various interruptions in the night from Hoover and various presents he brings me) but I'm still feel knackered. Whenever I get a moment to myself - on the train, when I go to bed, walking to work, and so on my mind goes into overdrive and I can't stop planning. It's mostly about food. For example....

"I'm working in Glasgow tomorrow. I've got a meeting at half nine and so I need to each my breakfast before then. What am I having? Fruit and yoghurt. Right - I'll prepare the fruit the night before and put the yoghurt on top just before I leave in the morning. What tupperware am I going to put it in? Well, am I going to have some chopped up pineapple later in the day? Well, I'll need to put that in the air tight tupperware and so what will I put my breakfast stuff in? What time did I decide to have it?"

You get the gist? It's not really a problem I'm just feeling a bit overwhelmed and am overthinking things.

Moving onto more interesting matters - Brazil! I hadn't really given holidays for this year any thought. I had a few things planned - long weekend in Berlin for Kenny and Healthy's 30th, long weekend on the Isle of Wight for Bestival and a week off early August for Scout Camp but then Kenny suggested Brazil as she's meeting her canadian mate there and I thought, why not? I'd like to go for three weeks but that leaves me really really tight on other hols for the rest of the year i.e. I don't have any! I reckon I can do it though.

Som, weigh day tomorrow. I've had a really good healthy eating week and the exercise has been given lots of attention too. Look!

Saturday Bodypump
Sunday 2.5 mile walk in the Pentland Hills
Monday Gym workout
Wednesday Spinning
Thursday Half hour run

Mon the scales!

Later: Just remembered I needed to explain what an MOT is. Is the annual test you give your car to ensure it's road worthy. Costs around £120 a think for the test and then you have to pay for whatever needs fixed i.e. new tyre (two for me last year and there is not option not too. Can be an expensive process. Boooh.

Mo Money, Mo Problems

2009-01-15T13:41:00.002Z

Following on from Helen's post about moolah, wonga, reddies, pennies etc. etc. I too have been spending some time pondering my irritatingly annoying credit card debt (it just seemed to come from nowhere).

I really need to knuckle down and pay it off but there are a few things in Feb that I need to buy.

1. A new sports bra
I've got a nice 'wicking' black one that leaves you with dry bits in the shape of a bra on your t-shirt. Attractive. It's all come away at the sides but that's nothing compared to my white one. Well, it's grey. It's does nothing to support the girls and it looks manky.

2. My M.O.T.
What is there to say about that? Nada. I have no choice.

3. Flights to BRAZIL!
Mwah haaaaa! I'm going on holiday to Brazil! Wheeeeeeeeeeeee.

Going Bananas

2009-01-13T21:37:00.004Z

Lo and behold, what graced me with its presence today - my effing period! Normally I'm pleased to see it, especially if anyone remembers last year's non appearance shenanigans.

But get this - it's 13 days early. 13 DAYS. This has never happened to me. What in the name of the wee man is that all about? I'll tell you what - the Sex Life God's are being bastards and trying to create havoc for me.

Mark my words, the moment Irish Jason steps onto Scottish soil next month's will come.

In mentalness world, I think I am going mental. If I didn't know any better (and I do) I would swear Orkney and Healthy were totally flirting. I'm just chatting to him on facebook (I know) and he's asking why she's never on the chat thing. And there was a pic that hot chocolate and someone said they wanted one. I remarked they would have to ask Orkney for one and then Healthy said 'Orkney is like that guy from the Lynx ad - she's made of chocolate."

WHAT!

She also made a joke about snogging Michael J Fox and how MJ wouldn't be happy about it (Don't ask) and Healthy was all like "Don't be so hard on yourself".

I am not impressed one bit. She has also described her Facebook page as 'an homage to Healthy'.

I know there is nothing going on there and I have nothing to worry about from her side - she's my best friend for crying out loud. There is clearly some flirting from his side and that doesn't do much to stop me going crazy with jealousy!

SLAP! That's me getting a swift back hander to the face as I am a hysterical woman!

Wholesomeness

2009-01-12T21:36:00.006Z

Team Spin (Orkney, Kenny and I), so called because we go to spinning we're spinsters (that's meant to be funny), decided to have a dry weekend. Remarkable!

I was pretty knackered on Friday night and decided to just have quiet one. I was going to go out for a run but it was absolutely baltic and so I headed to the gym instead and did 45 mins cardio. Smug smug. And then I was in bed for 11pm!

Got up on Saturday and did lots of jobs about the flat, fixed a plug, stripped and changed my bed and then went to bodypump. Ouch ouch ouch. It was tough. Has anyone done the new lunges track where you have to hold the bar across the front of your shoulders? It's terrible and really uncomfy.

I then headed off visit my friend and her 3 month old baby and had a goss with her (my friend, not the baby). Came home, picked a healthy recipe to cook at Kenny's, bought the ingredients and then headed leith-wards. We cooked up some Tuscan bean stew (from the new cookbook, natch!) which not only was really tasty but it was unbelievably healthy. I did indulge in some chocolate - probably a little bit more than I should of but I didn't exactly devour a 500g block.

Sunday was most wholesome. Team Spin headed for the hills - the Pentland Hills to be exact. The weather was pretty wet and wild but we got our waterproofs on and rattled round a wee 2.5 mile course. Here I am making my descent with Kenny up ahead.

We then went for lunch to the Canny Man. I had an open sandwhich with haddock and slices of boiled egg. Ooh - and a nice cuppa coffee.

We then went back to Kenny's where Orkney rustles up a supreme hot chocolate treat. Check this baby out!

Now, those of you that are friends with me on facebook will have seen this calorie laden treat already. I would like to take this opportunity to point out I didn't have one! I had a really exciting coffee. I also didn't have the chocolate biscuit the girls had on the hike. I had a satsuma. 12 weeks, 12 weeks.

I heard on the grapevine tonight that bridesmaid dress shopping might be this weekend coming or next. Shite!

Finally, since there seems to be a lot of cat pics on the go and the moment (well, here and here) and so I thought I would get in on the action.

My heating is playing silly beggars and it's been really cold in the bedroom. Hoover was sleeping on the bed but it was so cold he had to cover his wee face!

And this is his fancy piece - whom I have christend Hotpoint. She is in my flat all the time and is a wee flirt! She is gorgeous though. I think she's in love with Hoover but he doesn't seem to give monkey's. Typical.

Question Three

2009-01-12T15:20:00.003Z

What do you think is your greatest achievement in life?

I think it's just being independent and living a life that I'm happy with - although I won't deny my job and my flat are two things that I'm really proud of.

I've worked really hard to get where I am and I would say that I'm very successful. Not many people my age have the responsibilty I have and although there has been an element of being in the right place at the right time it's also because I have knocked my pan in.

I left uni as soon as I could and started working straight away - no gap years, no fannying around. I'm really proud of that achievement.

The other thing is my pad. I was the first person to buy a flat out of all my peers - and even before my brother. I'm so glad I did. It's worth at least double the price I paid for it. But over and above the fiscal side of things, I've made a lot of changes to the place and it really feels like mine. It's my sanctuary and it feels good to be in my own home - that really is mine (well, mine and the banks).

Wedding Weigh In - 12 weeks

2009-01-10T14:55:00.003Z

It's taking all my effort to type this post. My arm muscles and chest muscles, well... all my frigging muscles have been flogged.

Today saw my return to bodypump. I've not been for ooooh, I dunno. Maybe six weeks? Actually is must be closer to eight or so. Jings. However, I'm sure the DOMS will be an ever worse killer tomorrow and monday so I'll shut up about it.

Right - weigh in. As I said, last week's weigh in was possibly lulling my into a false sense of security as it was following a two day fast. To this end I would have been okay with staying the same.

But no! I lost a pound! GET IN. Last week I was 13stone 9lbs and this week I am 13 stone 8lbs. Nice.

The lightest I was in 2008 was 13stone 6lbs....

Come Dine With Me. Really - with ME

2009-01-09T13:27:00.005Z

How much do you love the programme Come Dine With Me? For those of you who havn't a clue what I am on about then check out this.

But before you get excited - I'm not going to be on the programme. God no! I'm keeping it low key and three of my friends and I are going to take part in our own version. How exciting! We're not going to do it four nights in a row (who could fit that in?) but instead there will be around a fortnight between each meal.

I now need to get pouring over my cook books. I got cracker from Santa.

I love one pot dishes (how did Santa know) and loadsa these are really healthy. I've only made one thing so far - lentil and rice casserole (was packed with leeks and other veg too) and it was pretty damn tasty.

Our first event isn't till the 25th Jan but that's just as well as I need to make up feedback forms so we can rate each others efforts. Mwah ha! Not sure if we'll still be friends after this!

Response to question number three is on it's way...

Weigh in is tomorrow and I'm not getting too worried about it. Let's not forget last week when I weighed in I hadn't eaten a thing for two days. Not a morsel. So who knows how it's going to go. I'll just have to take it as it comes. I am sooo laid back I'm practically horizontal.