I’m only one man though. Surely you can see that.

The writers who attended press events for Bill’s were ecstatic about the burgers. Allow me to issue a warning: Judging a restaurant by the food served at press events is like judging a baseball team by the home runs hit during batting practice.

That’s a good one! I admit it.

Worst, I’m sorry to say, was Josh Ozersky. He’s a smart guy, a talented writer, a relentless blogger. He might even be a hamburger authority, since he wrote a book on them. But he lost his mind when he ate at Bill’s. The problem is that Ozersky sniffing a burger is like Casanova getting a whiff of perfume.

Ouch!

Richman goes on to slam Bill’s, calling it “innocuous” and “dry,” but I don’t care what Alan says. I love Bill’s. Since I am only going to be in the IAC building for one week more, I’m taking adavantage of our proximity and eating hamburgers every day; if you want to wish me well in my future endeavors (which have already started) feel free. As for Alan, I’ve eaten his “best hamburger in America,” the gross  meatball served at a Hollywood, FL dive named Le Tub, and if that’s a great burger, then call me deluded! On the other hand, I have to say, it feels good to be in the company of Jean George Vongerichten, Tony Bourdain, and New Orleans as objects of his pee-wee thunderbolts. But even the wrath of a 12-time James Beard winner won’t keep me from my Bill’s with cheese. I could eat those things every day. And I do.

The “Bill’s vs Shake Shack” debate is all the rage in hamburger circles, especially in light of New York’s review of the newcomer this week.  I was enthralled by Bill’s burgers the first time I ate them, and I still am.  The combination of the loose, juicy meat with a salty lace-like crust that extends like an Elizabethan collar beyond the soft white bun…to me, that’s pure burger porn. I’m sorry. But the Robs point out that that crust comes at some cost: “While decidedly a great burger, and already one of New York’s best, it’s not as juicy and cohesive as its Shake Shack rival, and its construction can err, depending on the night and the cook, on the wrong side of floppy.”  On the other hand, Bill’s features a white enriched bun, rather than a sweet potato roll, a Shinto touch that speaks to my purist’s eye. But the fact is that only a madman could expect a true hamburger-lover to choose between these two soul-enobling sandwiches. We are blessed among nations to have both the Shake Shack and Bill’s. And the reason both burgers are great owes less to Danny Meyer or Steve Hanson than to our country’s great burger-smashing tradition.

The grilled burger is a thing of the past; no serious chef should ever cook one again, for any reason.  The fastest-growing  fast-food burger in the Western states is Colorado’s Smashburger, whose name says it all. The fastest-growing fast-food burger in the Eastern states? Five Guys, made with an identical technique. The more recent shared ancestor of both Shake Shack and Bill’s is Steak ‘n Shake, which was itself the inheritor of the basic “smashing” technique pioneered by White Castle founder Walter Anderson, the inventor of the hamburger as we know it.  Says Shack czar Randy Garutti, “We didnt invent it. This is what we believe the classic roadside burgers stand did a long time ago. It was the only way for us to go.” Garutti points out that making a smashed burger isn’t just a matter of handing some ape a spatula and telling him to squish meat. It’s an art, and one the Shack has a major head start on. “There’s a fine art to it,” he says. “The way a great barista understands the tamping of an espresso, a great grill person perfect amount of pressure. and that’s different for every blend of meat.” B.R. Guest corporate chef Brett Reichler, who oversaw the creation of the Bill’s burger, agrees. “You have to balance the crust with the juiciness, and you have to it exactly right every time. It’s a huge challenge, but we’re up to it.” Adam Kuban has weighed in on the supremacyof the technique, and when I asked George “Hamburger America” Motz about it, he pointed out that 96 of the 100 restaurants profiled in his national hamburger guide use the griddle-pressing method.  The Shack and Bill’s are both drawing on the main spring of hamburger greatness; and by uniting the technique, in one or another form, with far better meat than White Castle ever dreamed of, they’ve raised our great American sandwich to unprecedented  heights. (The LaFrieda boys, reached for comment on the respective blends of the two restaurants, offered a terse “no comment.”)

Bill’s or Shake Shack? The answer is simple: go to both. If they keep smashing, I’ll keep eating.

Well, I can’t quite tell you yet. I’m going to blog for another week in this same reduced, Ubik-like stream of consciousness to which you may have become accustomed; and then things are going to change.I have a warm affection for Citysearch, and wanted to find a way to stay involved with a team of people I have a lot of loyalty to. So we have a plan to a major shift on The Feedbag away from news and opinion, and into a special project that I can promise you will be very, very cool. Sadly, I can’t make any announcements about that yet, either. But as Michael Corleone told his caporegimes, “There are things being negotiated now that are gonna solve all your problems and answer all your questions. That’s all I can tell you now.”

You may have found yourself asking the question, where is the Feedbag? Why has there been so little content? Where is the breaking news, overheated opinion, and super-sticky content that makes it the go-to spot for the Web’s sexiest singles? Does this have anything to do with Feedbag editor Josh Ozersky’s recent health issues? Not a bit of it! But much is in flux right now, and the Feedbag should be understood as being in a fugue state, wandering off like that history professor they found in Seattle sleeping on a bench with $600 in his pocket. The clouds will part and the The Feedbag will be its own self soon; just go on reading the other blogs, and we’ll let you know when we have returned to our senses.

In the meantime, though, don’t forget about the mothership, Citysearch’s New York homepage; our twitter feed; the Mr. Cutlets show on the Heritage Radio Network; Josh Ozersky’s regular blog at Rachael Ray.com; and the backlog of Feedbag frolicks we have generated over the past year or so.

At first glance Saltie looks to be just a humble bakery and sandwich spot, until you realize that Diner and Marlow & Sons alums Caroline Fidanza, Elizabeth Schula and Rebecca Collerton are working in the kitchen. Luckily for The Feedbag, these three talented women were kind enough to let me and my photographer Agaton Strom hang around during morning prep so we could put together this feature.

–Keith Wagstaff

Meanwhile, over at Rachael Ray.com, I go into disturbing detail on my fit and its aftermath, and how I was healed by the ministrations of Dr. Daniel Boulud later in the week. The story involves a woodpecker.

Now here’s some good news! The Mr. Cutlets radio show, currently topping the charts at Heritage Network Radio, is now available for free download and subscription via iTunes. In fact, I just listened to yesterday’s show on iTunes, and it sounds even better than when we recorded it. (Perhaps I was distracted thinking of the guanciale calzone I was going to order at Roberta’s afterwards. ) Sunday’s episode, broadcast live, featured Eater founder Ben Leventhal, Stand owner / leisure suit inventor Jerry Rosengarten, and ace reporter Stefanie Cohen, my co-host. Listen via iTunes or the Heritage Radio Site. And if there are any guests you’d like to hear me have on, by all means let me know.

One happy accident of working at the gloriously postmodern IAC building is its proximity to Bill’s Bar and Burger, the new smashed-burger mecca in the Meatpacking district. Of course, this was Bill’s first lunch service, so things were a little hectic, and took a couple of minutes longer than when I was there by myself last weekend. A Bobcat, a green chile cheeseburger of the kind made famous at the Bobcat Bite in New Mexico, was fantastic, and paired well with my malted. But then I got greedy and also ordered a Fatcat and a Bill’s Classic with Cheese, both of which were great, but not quite as copiously juicy as when I had them before. Since it was the first lunch service I gave them a free pass. The guys were obviously really under the gun, and the place was jammed up with big parties. The Ozersky “best burger” laurels can be revoked at any time, though! I better go there for lunch tomorrow. And maybe Wednesday too.