the fiddler's wife

Day 55 - { new bible videos }

2012-02-10T22:30:00.001-06:00

I think continuing my 100 Days of Gratitude goes right along with my goaL for this year, don’t you? :)

And so, here’s something that’s been making me smile lately. . . .

I have been so excited about this latest film project from the Church, ever since the first excerpts were shown at the First Presidency Christmas Devotional.

video : A Gift to the World

I was blown away by the incredibly good acting and gorgeous cinematography, by the delicious British accents here and there that seem so appropriate for the King James version language, by the intimate, quiet feel that each scene has.

I came home and watched all of the available episodes again several times, and subscribed to the updates so I could know as soon as possible when they started added the others.

video : The Wise Men Seek Jesus

Quiet. All you hear is the grass swishing with the wind, and occasionally exhales from the camel. It really puts you there! I love what the actor said on this production video about the journey being like our journey – no matter how long or difficult, worth it, as we finally lay the gift of our life before the Lord.

The three that have been added since Christmas are SO GOOD, too!!! I absolutely love each one.

video : Jesus Teaches About the Widow’s Mites

The woman at the well episode is, as the others, directly quoted from the KJV, which I have read and heard hundreds of times, yet with watching this production of the story, I gained so many new insights and have been thinking about it off and on ever since.

video : Jesus Teaches a Samaritan Woman

From the main page you can also get the free mobile app, or subscribe to them as a podcast in iTunes, or all the other latest techie options you might want.

I hope all the rest are this amazing! And I hope you will take time to watch them for yourself. I will never think about those stories the same way again.

And, as a fun bonus. . . .

My friend Real had the privilege of being an extra on the set, and shared in detail on her blog what that was like with these three posts:

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

And here’s a behind-the-scenes article from the Church.

I love the Book of Mormon deeply and completely, but man, do I love the Bible, too! I am so grateful for the firsthand account it gives of the One I call Savior and Redeemer!

The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.

2012-01-26T22:04:00.001-06:00

~Mark Twain

Hi, again!

I’m back to share with you my New Year’s goal. That’s goaL, singular. :)

Last year I crashed and burned on my list that seemed so reachable during the first week of January, when DC was home and on vacation! It was a great list!

It was just impossible for someone with my life and my abilities. But by golly, I learned from the experience of trying. Shucks.

Around the beginning of last November I noticed something about my appearance that gave me the inspiration for this year’s goaL. It was truly alarming to me. (no, not my weight, although like everyone else in this country, I do plan to do something about that! :)

(this is an old picture – the problem I am facing is even worse now – it shows up without the scowl)

Do you see what I’m talking about?

Here, let me zoom in. . . . .

OY!

Those mad-mom wrinkles are getting WAY too deep. When I noticed that I can see them easily even when I’m not frowning, I realized that it was very likely because I had been becoming a pretty negative-minded person over the past few months.

With the rapidity of a life-flashing-before-your-eyes moment, I could see that I was starting to be more critical in my thoughts, less grateful, quicker to get annoyed, more likely to believe the worst, etc. When I was a teenager or in my 20s that was not a big deal to my face. But now that I am a matronly 34, I am seeing that if I want those sweet smiley crow’s feet I admire on my parents and parents-in-law, I’m going to need to start putting them there!

And thus was my 2012 Goal born:

To have more smiley wrinkles and fewer frowny ones.

I like this goal because it’s a Becoming one, rather than a Doing one. Hopefully I have enough good habits that the most important Doing goals will keep getting done while I focus on Becoming the person I want to be when I’m 80.

Positive thoughts. Grateful ones. Kind and generous ones. Slower to get annoyed and quicker to laugh. More likely to believe the best. That’s where I’m headed this year! Oh, yeah!

So far, I am finding many things to smile about. Most especially, this beautiful event 16 days ago. . . .

Meet one of the newest members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Oh, how I love that sweet boy!

Elder Stanley in the Czech Republic

2011-11-14T10:49:00.001-06:00

From Stanley’s point of view. Written by Hummer (with some assistance from yours truly).

For some gorgeous background music to really put you in the setting, play this while you read. . . .

Hi, again! It’s me, Flat Stanley.

I’ve been on an amazing trip! It started at home in Arkansas, when Hummer made me my very own missionary nametag. He taped it to my shirt, folded me up, and sent me to Prague, Czech Republic!

This is a map that shows me going to Prague.

Hummer sent me to the Czech Republic because his Uncle Duff is serving a mission there for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

I was excited to become “Elder Stanley” for a few days! Elder Bailey is squishing me with his hand, and holding a Book of Mormon, too.

Here I am with Elder Bailey in front of a Kofola truck (and he is squishing me again). He said that kofola is the best drink ever besides root beer.

Elder Bailey took me to Uherské Hradiště.

The Church of St Francis Xavier is in the background. I am tired of being squished. There are lots of cars behind me. I wonder why the road is made of bricks?

I went with him to Olomouc next.

Here we are on the main square. I think the Christmas lights will be beautiful!

Missionaries travel a lot! Next we went to Zlin.

Wow, look! There’s the moon! I think that Hummer and his family are probably asleep right now while that same moon shines on them in Arkansas.

Next Elder Bailey took me to the capital of the Czech Republic. Here we are in Prague on the main square, Vaclavske Namesti. I think all those people are gathered to talk about Lepidoptera.

In Prague, with Charles Bridge in the back. Hopefully he doesn’t drop me and I get run over by a car like I did before when I was in Arizona! Elder Bailey told me that the Vltava River is under the Charles Bridge. There is a beautiful piece of music written about this river. . . . Die Moldau.

In Prague with Prague castle in the back. The nametag is in Hummer’s handwriting.

I liked being a missionary for about a week! Thank you, Elder Bailey, for hosting me!

November 3, 2011

2011-11-06T16:40:00.001-06:00

. . . .It wasn’t! : ) But it was very chilly as we met at the zoo. Five of the 3- and 4-year-olds from church came to your party, and their moms and younger siblings.

We had cupcakes with pinwheels.

Your daddy and brothers and sister were there, too, and we all rode the train, and played games, and sang to you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Later, at home, I spent some time going through your memory box, holding the gown you wore, touching the little lock of hair that is so irresistibly soft and such a precious tangible proof that you are real.

When I touch those things I am filled with painful longing to hold you again and at the same time awe at the beauty you have brought to my life.

You strengthen our family immeasurably. We are unified in our desire to reach where you are.

President Faust said that we don’t know the extent to which ministering angels bless our lives. I feel certain you are ministering to us in ways we will only know after we too have crossed the veil.

My heart is filled to overflowing with love for you and your siblings.

So grateful to be your eternal

Mother

Note: The party at the zoo was part of a special gift from two very kindhearted people. They are DC’s sponsors through the Arkansas Symphony Orchestra, and earlier this year –out of sheer generosity—they gave our family a membership to the zoo and a gift certificate for a birthday party there. We wondered at first how we would use the party—it would have been perfect for Benjamin, we thought. Then I thought of my Sunbeams, and how they would love a day at the zoo, and the idea to use it for Benjamin’s birthday seemed perfect after all.

Happy 4th Birthday in Heaven!

2011-11-03T22:42:00.001-05:00

Dear, sweet Benjamin ~

Today marks four years since you joined our family, and our celebrations have been joyful.

Last night we took 5 shiny balloons to the cemetery, just as the sun was setting. We each wrote notes to you on 4 of the balloons.

(The fifth I tied to the hook near your grave).

Then we walked to the shore of the lake, and released the balloons up into the sky. As we watched them rise we sang I Am a Child of God.

We came home and had your traditional birthday dinner, the No Empty Chairs family home evening lesson, and then carrot cake and ice cream.

We prayed that it wouldn’t be raining today. . . .

(to be continued)

The rest of the story. . . .Sunbeams

2011-10-09T20:18:00.001-05:00

I realized that I have never followed up with you all on what happened with my challenging call to be a Sunbeam teacher. Would you like to know now?

It took a fairly complex strategy -- and just sheer hanging on through several months. . . .

I was assigned a great co-teacher, who was flexible enough to step in and take over when I was wrassling with a defiant or wailing child. We may not have always seen eye-to-eye on how things should be handled, but she was unfailingly dependable in being there and doing her best to help.

I was released from my calling as ward music chair. (If I had my druthers at the time, I would have chosen to keep that one and lose the Primary one, but the Church is true! I know that callings are made and changed through inspiration.) It was a great relief to have only one calling to work on.

DC took Rosebud during the first hour. I was so grateful that later on, as the Sunbeams started to adjust and be happier and better behaved, I was able to take her back during that time. I loved having her on my lap as we all sang songs and listened to Sharing Time. It took several months to get to that point, though. . . .

A dear friend in the ward took it upon herself to become Rosebud's guardian angel during the class-time hour. She took her to Relief Society cuddling her as if she were her own grandchild. I was amazed at how happy Rose was whenever I emerged from the class and found her there on Mary's lap.

We came up with a firm routine. I made sunbeam magnets with the kids' pictures on them that we put up one by one at the beginning of class. We had fruit snacks on a blanket and held hands when we walked to the bathroom, and all kinds of little rituals that they learned to count on. And the amazing thing was to see that every single week, they seemed a little older and a little more able to cope with being asked to sit and listen and participate for two hours. I am convinced that a 3-year-old is a completely different animal than a 4-year-old!

The defiant child. . . what really helped me with him was hearing someone say they wished his Nursery leader were teaching with me, because he REALLY loved her. I've always had a bit of a competitive streak and that pricked me into a determination that he would love me just as much! That switch from just trying to get through each Sunday with him, to trying to really like him and help him like me made all the difference. By March he always wanted to be sitting by me and rarely challenged me any more in class.

The wailing child. . . for a few weeks his mom came with him. Then she said he needed to just quit cold turkey, or he never would adjust. So we gave it a shot, and man, it was rough! For weeks I spent all of Singing Time and Sharing Time in the hallway with him crying and screaming in my arms. Ward member after sympathetic ward member passing by would either stop and try in vain to help or just look at me and shake their heads, openly grateful that it was me and not them! Then I learned that this little boy spoke mostly Spanish at home, and so I started trying to comfort him in Spanish. (This was kind of a joke, seeing as I don't speak Spanish, but I learned one or two phrases and repeated them in a compassionate tone. :) Eventually I could at least enter the Primary Room with him and stand at the back without him screaming. Then we could sit in the back row. Eventually we made our way to sitting with our class.

The funny thing is that the two children that were so difficult for so long ended up being the ones I miss the most now.

Yes, I miss them now! Because in August, the Primary president took me aside and told me she was reassigning me. I was floored. I thought I was definitely in for the long haul, and would probably be the Sunbeam teacher until we moved or something. She asked if I would mind being in the Nursery now. Would I??!! So now I have the delight of taking Rosemary to Nursery and then staying there and playing with her and the other little ones and getting to see her interact with them and her wide eyes as we have the lesson and her chubby little fingers pick up each goldfish cracker. It is awesome.

I am grateful for what I learned from this assignment and its difficult timing. I am grateful for the love I grew to have for those 5 little children of God. And I am grateful to be in Nursery now. :)

Where I'm From

2011-08-24T15:02:00.001-05:00

A writing exercise based on this poem by George Ella Lyon. Hope you enjoy my plucky attempt. :)

I am from hot rocks and thorns,

from Saguaros and monsoon dust.

I am from brown carpet and rust-red brick.

(Full moon shining through open vertical blinds

a witness to coyotes’ unholy rejoicing).

I am from the caterpillar I ate when I was 4,

and the tunnels under our three rows of corn,

from the mulberry tree’s lowest limb

with a peanut-butter bucket on a string

for my servant sister to fill.

I am from Hop on Pop and Rush Grush,

from Nancy and Jim.

I’m from the homemade bread on Saturday nights

and mariachi pancake mornings,

from “Talk nicely” and ya-gotta-get-up reveille.

I’m from Oh, Carden, we love thee,

from warm water covering my white dress,

the name of God resonating distantly familiar.

I’m from Lester and Ella’s branch,

Sky-blue eyes and hands that mirror mine.

From Christmas Eve piñatas as we shivered barefoot.

Sunday night British Bulldogs.

Outside my bedroom window are hard blue mountains.

Under my feet solid desert rock.

I am from the warm foothills

of Heaven.

Day 54 - { summer magic }

2011-08-18T22:48:00.001-05:00

That beautiful season
* * * the Summer of All-Saints!
Filled was the air with a dreamy and magical light; and the landscape
Lay as if new created in all the freshness of childhood.
Longfellow, Evangeline. Pt. I. St. 2.

100 degrees, 100% humidity. Ah, summer. It is the most miserable time of year in Arkansas, weather-wise, but the most amazing, magical time for us, family-wise! Not only do I get my babies home, but Darling Cutie's schedule vaguely resembles a school teacher's; the symphony season is only during the school year. So apart from the Fourth of July riverside concert, private students and weddings, &c., his time is his own. All those weekends he works during the school year suddenly get made up, and we have about 2 months' worth of "Saturdays." It is HEAVEN.

I want to share with you a fun summertime tradition that I got from my childhood and carry on now (I think all my best ideas come directly from my own parents!). We call it Theme Days.

Each day of the week is assigned a theme, and then we already have a go-to every morning for when the chores and practicing are done and we want to do something together. It is SO FUN!!! Here's the lineup we did this year. . . .

Monday = Arts & Crafts Day

One week we did Shrinky Dinks.

("CTRFamily" is our geocaching username).

Another week we did a marshmallow catapult. I keep a folder of ideas on my Delicious bookmarks account. Some good sources for ideas are other blogs, familyfun.go.com, and also we love using this book. . .

Tuesday = Geocaching Day

This was a highlight this past summer! Exacto was super helpful with keeping up with the tech-y side of things, and we were sure to pack snacks and water.

I wish I had time to post about some of the memorable adventures we had, but for now I'll just mention that we saw Civil-War era graves and beautiful green places that we would never have discovered otherwise. We found an incredible view of downtown LR that we had passed dozens of times and never noticed. We got scratched and bitten and tiptoed through a field of poison ivy. We even got reprimanded by a cop for parking in a bad spot. But it was such a blast.

If you have boys around the ages of mine, this is an awesome hobby for you to pick up. Boys need to be outdoors, you know? And this is a good way to get outdoor time in smaller doses than just heading out for a morning in the sweltering heat. Plus it is addictingly fun.

Wednesday = Library Day

Well, of course, we go to the library! This summer I had a couple of piano students on Wednesday mornings, so DC took the kids to the library. There's a great Baby Storytime at our nearest library in Little Rock, and Rosebud gets a huge kick out of it. The boys just wander and try to find books they haven't already read but will like--not an easy feat! I remember when I was a child, coming home from the library with all those new books was awesome, but I always, ALWAYS got carsick on the way home! It was part of the tradition. :)

Thursday = Outdoor Adventure Day

This one sometimes doubled as a second Geocaching day (we couldn't seem to get enough of that!), but one day we did go on a very memorable hike through the forest in a park in our town. It felt like a jungle, it was SO HUMID.

We found a babbling brook and a nifty waterfall, and Exacto ran headlong through a huge spiderweb which made all of us creep out for a while. Then right as we came out onto the paved path again it started pouring rain with no lightning. We laughed and sang in the rain on the way back to our car and all of us were soaked through.

Then there was the week when the heat index was about 114 degrees, and an outdoor adventure just wasn't going to be happening! We had heard about a free movie series at a nearby theater, and that week they were showing Voyage of the Dawn Treader! Yay! So we WATCHED an outdoor adventure. :)

Friday = Baking Day

My favorite culinary creation from this summer's experiments was the rainbow cupcakes from Our Best Bites. It was a perfect setup to try it, because the tedious part of layering the colors was the part my kids enjoyed the most, and I was happy to pass it off to them! :) And I got a huge kick out of trying OBB's crazy-sounding icing recipe, which turned out to be so sinfully delicious I felt like I might get arrested for making it.

Saturday = Game Day

We didn't stick to this one very well--sometimes it's nice to just chill and not worry about doing anything structured! But we did play games a couple of Saturdays. Our favorites right now are. . . .

Whoonu - this one's awesome because it doesn't involve skill, just how well you know the other people playing (and of course, the luck of the draw)

Dominion - we played the one with my sister and her husband when they came to visit for the Fourth of July, and got totally hooked! It is a blast!

The break is over now, and we are again at the mercy of our bossy school-day schedule. But the sweet taste of this heavenly summer lingers. How grateful I am for the time we had to rest and be together. I feel incredibly blessed that we have this special time to look forward to every year!

our divine Creator

2011-08-16T13:57:00.001-05:00

This video is so powerful to me -- it uplifted me and expanded my mind today. (Dr. Lewis's family was in my ward growing up -- they are so wonderful, and we still love them dearly. :)

the pit and the pendulum

2011-07-09T15:26:00.001-05:00

Down -- steadily down it crept. I took a frenzied pleasure in contrasting its downward with its lateral velocity.

To the right -- to the left -- far and wide -- with the shriek of a damned spirit; to my heart with the stealthy pace of the tiger!

I alternately laughed and howled as the one or the other idea grew predominant.

~Edgar Allen Poe

I am so silly! I felt all lame about my last post because all week there were zero comments, and I figured well, it had just been so long since I wrote that obviously no one was reading my blog anymore. Then today I logged in to add something to my sidebar, and saw all your comments waiting for moderation! Thank you so much! (I've turned off the moderation now. :)

I have thought and thought about the things you said, and am so grateful for the wisdom you shared. I feel better about how I'm doing. I think you're right--I do still have the most important things in the right place in my life.

You know, last year my only real goal was to enjoy my life, especially my children and my last baby during her year of babyhood. I wrote about that, as you may recall. :) I achieved that goal brilliantly--it was truly one of the best years of my life.

Unfortunately, while it is very rewarding as a mother to simply enjoy your children, it is not very good for your house. My house was *not* tidy! I started to get embarrassed at having to apologize when people came over for the same messes that were there the LAST time they had come over. I began to mull over the fact that I am raising future homeowners and parents and wonder how they will remember my homemaking skills. And, as I tripped for the umpteenth time over the pile of framed pictures waiting to be put back on the walls of the boys' room--a pile that has sat in our hallway for a year and three months now!--I made a solemn vow that my children, and especially my daughter, would certainly NOT remember their mother as such a slovenly housekeeper, even if it meant less enjoyment of my time with them!

It is a challenge to raise 3 boys and 1 girl in a 3-bedroom house of less than 1400 sq ft. Sometimes I start to bemoan my fate, then of course, I try to repent for being ungrateful. I am so inspired by my mom's parents, my Grandma and Grandpa McCleve, who raised their ten children in a 2-bedroom house with ONE bathroom. And not only lived to tell about it, but have an amazing, faithful set of posterity to show for it! I am so spoiled with my 2.5 bathrooms, etc. So yes, I know I can do it, if they could do it with less.

Our whole philosophy with the house when we bought it was to live in it for a few years (we took an adjustable-rate mortgage), then move to a bigger one. We figured that probably DC would have a new/better job by then and we would have to sell anyway. Seven years and a major recession later, we are definitely rethinking. The good news is that the adjusting rate has actually reduced our mortgage payments! (Score!) But now what do we do? The market is great for refinancing with a fixed rate, but we really feel like we are splitting at the seams. Refinance or buy bigger?

So I guess the reason I explain all that is because it shows why I am trying to glorify our house. :) We figured that if we stayed, it sure needed to be decluttered and reorganized so that we don't have to sleep on our stuff (it sounds ridiculous, but I can't help but think that's the way we're headed!). And if we sold we'd need to declutter and reorganize and decorate. I figure, if we're going to spend money on decorating to sell a house, by golly I want to enjoy it, too, not just the people buying it!

Hence the very ambitious house goal.

I have a friend whose house is always amazingly clean and beautiful and well-kept. She seems very balanced, and finds time for husband, children, calling, hobbies, staying in shape, etc. I guess I just thought I could reach for that myself. But it's not me, apparently! I think people like that require less sleep than I do. Of course there are always hidden struggles, too, for people who seem to have it all together. (I know if I ever *did* get it all together, my struggle would then be to remain humble! ha!)

So how to avoid the pit of failed goals when the pendulum starts swinging back? How do I balance enjoying the precious time with my family with taking care of their needs and having a "house of order"? I will let you know when I figure that out!

Meanwhile, instead of trying to finish that list of house projects by the end of the year, I am feeling like it would be better to keep it as a next-step list. I'll try allotting some time every day to it (at least during the summer) and just do the tortoise thing.

And regarding the waist measurement goal, I think you're right. It's too much to do 8". Maybe just to see some progress in the right direction (decreasing instead of ballooning!). Anyone have an abs routine they're in love with?

Thanks for listening. Some real catch-up posts are up next on the menu. . . .

Goals Progress Report : a post to help you feel very good about yourself :)

2011-06-30T23:43:00.001-05:00

Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward.
Victor Kiam

As Heroine Worshipper so tactfully pointed out in his comment on my post, um. . .<cough, cough> 5 months ago, the blogging thing hasn't been working out so good.

I love the story about Sis. Hinckley's personal scripture study project. She reported to her daughter: “I have a new project to read one chapter a day from each of the standard works. I’ve been on it four days and I’m only three days behind.” Gosh, it helps to know I'm in good company. :)

But rest assured, I have not given up! Never, never, never!

I want to share with you just how progress on my goals has gone through this mad, wonderful year so far. You will leave my blog greatly encouraged, I hope.

(Plus, I spent a lot of time on that gorgeous graphic to the left, and darn it, I want it to get USED!)

What can I say? My charity never faileth. :)

~ Daily scripture study and prayer

This is perhaps the ONLY goal going well. And, oh crumb, I just realized I haven't done it yet today. . . arg.

~ Develop my romance with DC – ENJOY :)

Hmmmm. . . . things are going better than a year ago. It is awesome to have Exacto old enough to babysit--we've started going on REAL dates again! Still plenty of room for improvement. DC has a funny quote: "We interrupt this marriage for the raising of children." It's not THAT bad, but I think we are at the peak of our family's parenting demands right now. Any suggestions for how to stay close when you're both up to your eyeballs in real life?

~ Consistency in time with Exacto, Fluffy, and Hummer – ENJOY

Super Kid dates, piano lessons, one-on-one time after school (stations), reading books together, paydays, etc.

Doing pretty well here, too. My friend Suzanne asked about how we do the "stations." After school is normally insanity here. If any of you have more than one child in school you know exactly what I'm talking about. Why is life such that dinner must be made at the same time as a toddler's natural fussiness which is also the same time that one must go through reams of paper daily, signing, deciding where to put, checking calendar, etc. etc. plus deal with homework, practicing, etc.? It is the bewitching hour. ('Cuz I get be-witched! Get it? :)

Anyway, we have a little system that has helped. It's a little OCD, but the boys seem to enjoy it, and I definitely do. They rotate through stations, and we set the timer for 10 minutes per station.

Station 1 = chocolate milk and rest (IF you finished your chores before school)

Station 2 = show Mom your papers and tell her about your day (this is awesome because it's one-on-one and I can really look at what they've been doing)

Station 3 = play with Rosebud (this is the most brilliant part - fun for both of them and frees my attention)

Any homework needs to be done before or after this time. Practicing starts at 4:30pm, and finishing that is your ticket to dinner. (We follow Suzuki's credo that you don't need to practice everyday, just on the days you eat).

~ Spend some time “with” Benjamin once a week, either visiting his grave or working on one of his scrapbooks

Ouch. Ever since our church meetings switched to 9-12, we are STARVING after church and Rosebud is near exhaustion, so the cemetery tradition has fallen by the wayside. I do try to head back out there in the afternoon while she's asleep. No scrapbook progress. Zero. It feels okay, though. I'm not worrying about it, just a little wistful.

~ ENJOY Rosebud – Help her get on a sleep/daytime routine. Start reading to her and singing to her regularly.

Woohoo! I am happy to report that after a ludicrous amount of time (months, literally!) studying and preparing using Sheyne Rowley's Dream Baby Guide book, I implemented the system in March, and it worked like magic. I could kiss Sheyne Rowley, and I fully intend to if I ever meet her. Rosebud went from 5-6 wakings per night and sometimes no more than 20 minutes of napping for a whole day, to 12 hours solid sleep at night, and a nearly 3-hour nap like clockwork every single day. The reading and the singing are part of the routine now.

I plan to do a whole post on this (don't snort! I will! You just see!). The book changed my life, changed my parenting for the better--I wish I could have read it when Exacto was a babe.

~ Consistent exercise program / Reduce waist measurement by 8”

I have a specific plan for this (complete with rewards!) that I will share soon. . . .

Oh my goodness. I am ashamed and humiliated to admit publicly that this goal happened for all of about 2 weeks. And the worst part is that my "specific plan" included built-in fancy rewards every 4 months. Like flying to UT for the Carl Bloch exhibit and a couple of family events. I was to hold myself STRICTLY to 90% success rate, or no go. And guess what?

I went anyway. Naughty spanky me.

Is it even possible to take off 8" by the end of the year now. . . .?

It really is necessary to make progress on this. Heart trouble and high blood pressure are knocking at my door, due to some strong genetics, and my waist just keeps increasing!

~ Personal history / writing / blog

Write daily in journal, write weekly family letters

Come up with blog routine that I am happy with and can maintain

Journal and family letters, yes. Blog routine, nein. Much to my sorrow! To my credit, the sleep thing with Rosebud cleared up in March, but only a few days after that, I pulled Hummer out of public school to homeschool. Any regular time to myself that I had just gained went out the window immediately. It was wonderful and worth it. Just not good for any serious writing.

~ House – Declutter, Organize, Decorate as if to sell

One area per month – have notebook, make wish list, use budget

Jan: Downstairs closets,½ bath ~

Feb: Rosebud’s rm, closet ~

Mar: Boys’ rm, closet ~

Apr: Master br, bath, closet ~

May: Living rm ~

June: vacation :) ~

etc.

Oh, this one is classic. Want to know which month's project I'm on? Yep, January! Aren't you wishing you had joined me in my motivational house project schedule?

And yet, I am undaunted! Onward and upward!

Just for fun, though, I hope to show you soon the progress on January's. (I'm ridiculously proud of my little powder room makeover:). Almost done, having worked on it sporadically for the past 6 months. . . stay tuned!

Rosebud, 18 months old last week

Flat Stanley in Portland, Part Two

2011-06-08T17:24:00.001-05:00

(Exacto is telling this from Flat Stanley's point of view)

Here, Aunt Annie and I are outside Voodoo Doughnuts. I really wish that I could have some, but I'm so flat that no matter how much I chew my food, I can't swallow it.

Here I'm camping in the Columbia River Gorge with Aunt Annie, Uncle Dallin, Annie's mom Sandi, her dad Allen, and her younger sisters Katie and Ellie. When we first arrived at the campsite, I was scared that I was going to get lost in all the leaves, trees, bushes, and everything else. But Aunt Annie and her family took good care of me and made sure I didn't get lost. For example, they wouldn't let me go anywhere by myself; whenever I wanted to go anywhere, I had to take someone with me.

Here, I am with Aunt Annie and Emma the black lab (Aunt Annie's family's dog). Emma smelled me and then said that I was her friend. I asked, "Does that mean that you're not going to eat me?" Emma assured me that she only eats dogfood (usually).

Me with Aunt Annie and Zoe the yellow lab (Aunt Annie's other dog). I told Zoe that if she ate me, then Hummer might be sad. Zoe said that she wouldn't eat me, but she might lick me. I said that licking me would be okay, as long as she didn't get me soaked.

Here, Uncle Dallin and I meet a dinosaur at the Oregon Zoo. I didn't know that they had dinosaurs at the zoo! For some reason, it didn't move at all the whole time I was there. Maybe it was hibernating. (With its eyes open?)

I met some penguins! They were very nice to me. They said that I could relax on their backs for a while. I asked Aunt Annie if I could, but she said no. I guess she didn't want me to fall in the water.

Here I visited the ocelot. I asked why people didn't just call it a leopard, but it ignored me. I'll ask the next ocelot I see. Maybe there will be ocelots at the next place I go to!

Flat Stanley in Portland, Part One

2011-06-06T15:58:00.001-05:00

Next Flat Stanley travels via USPS to Portland, Oregon, meets famous author, hobnobs with cute furry animals, and hits the stacks at Portland State!

(Hummer and Exacto are telling this from Flat Stanley's point of view)

Here, Aunt Annie and I are outside Powell's Books, one of the biggest independent book stores in the world. I liked seeing all of the books there and remembering when I was still inside a book!

Here, Aunt Annie and I are visiting New York Times best-selling author Steve Berry at a book signing at Powell's books. He was very tall.

Here I am with my Cousin Alice. When Aunt Annie first put me by Alice, I was scared. But we became friends before long. Eventually I fell asleep against her because she's so warm and soft. Her purring lulled me to sleep, too.

Here's me with my Cousin Paploo. Paploo is smaller than Alice, so I wasn't as scared at first.

In this picture, I am watching the acrobats at the Oregon Museum of Science and Industry (OMSI). They were amazing! The walls are made of glass, and I was worried that one of the acrobats might mess up and accidentally go through the wall.

Here Aunt Annie and I are at the Narnia Exhibit at OMSI. At first I thought that the lion was real, so I was really scared! Later I asked Aunt Annie if I could slide down the arm rail on the stairs, but she said that if I did, I might fall off.

Here, I'm outside Cramer Hall, Portland State University. I wish that in "Cramer" they would put an "e" before the "a" and a "y" at the end. Then they could put the word "ice" at the beginning and it would be "ice creamery hall."

Here I'm outside Millar Library, Portland State University. It's five stories tall! Since I'm so short, it seemed extra huge to me!

Flat Stanley visits Nana and Grandpa, Costa Rica, Temples!

2011-05-20T10:56:00.001-05:00

Nana said that right after Flat Stanley came, the missionaries came, so she took a picture!

Next she flew with Flat Stanley and Uncle Bump to Costa Rica! That's where Uncle Bump served a mission!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He went to the beach at Puntarenas.

He went to the San Jose Costa Rica temple.

Nana flew home to the Phoenix airport, and so she stopped and took a picture of Flat Stanley at the Mesa Arizona temple.

That's where Mommy and Daddy were married!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A few days later she and Grandpa drove up to Utah.

They stopped in Monticello on the way so that they could take a picture of Flat Stanley at the Monticello Utah temple!!

Grandpa took this picture to show WHY Flat Stanley is flat.

Mommy and Rosebud flew to Utah and met them there.

They went on a tour of Welfare Square.

Here's Flat Stanley in front of the grain elevator. It's 178 feet tall!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Flat Stanley saw the Conference Center, where the Church had General Conference only two weeks before!!!!!!!!!!!

Flat Stanley went to the Salt Lake City marathon. He didn't run, but here he is past the finish line.

Uncle Bump, Grandpa, and Uncle Russ ran 26.2 miles! They were hungry, salty, tired, and happy.

Flat Stanley visited the Oquirrh Mountain temple. I went to the Open House there in 2009!

Flat Stanley went to the Provo temple!

Flat Stanley saw the Y on the mountain by BYU.

Then Mommy brought him back home to AR.

Next Flat Stanley will go to visit Aunt Annie in Portland, Oregon. . . . .

The Adventures of Flat Stanley

2011-05-06T09:43:00.001-05:00

Guest post by Hummer :)

Flat Stanley was made in Arkansas on March 29, 2011.

The next day, he went to Stanley Russ Hall on the campus of University of Central Arkansas in Conway.

Fluffy is holding Stanley.

And he went to Hendrix College in Conway, too.

Flat Stanley is in the center of Arkansas. Fluffy is going to the Pinewood Derby.

I wrote a note to Nana about Flat Stanley and I asked her to take pictures of him in interesting places. She lives in AZ.

I put him in the mailbox. Later I saw from the window the mailman taking Flat Stanley.

improvement and progression

2011-01-31T21:37:00.001-06:00

Leaping higher, higher, higher,

With a desperate desire,

And a resolute endeavor

Now—now to sit, or never,

By the side of the pale-faced moon.

~Edgar Allen Poe

I just want to share my goals with y'all real quick. I'm hoping to "report" on them regularly (especially the ones in bold), so that I have some accountability. . . .

~ Daily scripture study and prayer

~ Develop my romance with DC – ENJOY :)

~ Consistency in time with Exacto, Fluffy, and Hummer – ENJOY

Super Kid dates, piano lesson, one-on-one time after school (stations), reading books together, paydays, etc.

~ Spend some time “with” Benjamin once a week, either visiting his grave or working on one of his scrapbooks

~ ENJOY Rosebud – Help her get on a sleep/daytime routine. Start reading to her and singing to her regularly.

~ Consistent exercise program / Reduce waist measurement by 8”

I have a specific plan for this (complete with rewards!) that I will share soon. . . .

~ Personal history / writing / blog

Write daily in journal, write weekly family letters

Come up with blog routine that I am happy with and can maintain

~ House – Declutter, Organize, Decorate as if to sell

One area per month – have notebook, make wish list, use budget

Jan: Downstairs closets,½ bath ~

Feb: Rosebud’s rm, closet ~

Mar: Boys’ rm, closet ~

Apr: Master br, bath, closet ~

May: Living rm ~

June: vacation :) ~

July: kitchen ~

Aug: dining rm, laundry closet ~

Sep: Garage ~

Oct: Boys’ bath ~

Nov: stairway, upstairs hall ~

Dec: Enjoy Christmas! :)

Anyone want to join with me on the house goal? I'll encourage you if you encourage me! :)

hibernating and celebrating our hummer

2011-01-29T22:27:00.001-06:00

I've always thought it must be so nice to hibernate. First, to have a good excuse to eat tons. Then, to just sleep and be cozy while winter drags on outside. Sigh. I think I was meant to be a bear (unfortunately, that is true in more than one sense :).

I realized just a few days before Hummer's birthday that he has never had a friend party in his entire underprivileged life. I also realized that I wouldn't want to do one next year because we'll be in Arizona for Christmas. So I gulped quietly and asked him if he would like to have a friend party this year. He said YES!!!

Once we got the main idea going I was actually excited, too. We thought it would be fun for our winter-born boy to have a HIBERNATING party. I let him choose 7 people (since he was turning 7), and we invited them to come and wear comfy clothes or pj's and bring their teddy bears.

Three of the lucky seven were adults, including his Primary teacher. :)

So what does one do at a "hibernating party"?

Well, for an ICE BREAKER (har-har) we made snowflakes! The traditional 6-folded way, and also a new way that turned out to be really fun. Then we hung them from the ceiling fan.

Then we "gathered" food for the winter. This was kind of like a treasure hunt. Each kid had a bag, and as a group they went to four different stations outside (we were so lucky with the weather!). At each station they did a silly task and got an ingredient for their trail mix.

Station #1 - Say the alphabet backwards (taking turns for each letter), and get chocolate dipped pretzels. . .

(May I just say that birthday parties are WAY easier with older siblings to help?! so nice.)

Station #2 : Jump and land on your bum-bum SEVEN times on the trampoline - get some tasty cashews. :)

Station #3: To get your own stash of blueberry puffs (yep, the baby snack -- you wouldn't believe what a hot item they are around this house :), repeat after me, "How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?"

Station #4: Cadbury's chocolate pieces in exchange for untying the Human Knot. . . .

It was just chilly enough for it to feel good to come back inside for some really good comfort food--hot cocoa from scratch, stove top kettle corn, and spicy molasses cookies. Mmmmmm-hm.

And then, we all just curled up by the fire and I read one of the coziest read-alouds ever. . . .

The birthday boy read another great "cozy" book, making sure to show everyone the pictures after he read each page, Kindergarten teacher style.

Then, present-opening, and a rousing game of "Snore, Teddy, Snore" (like "grunt, piggy, grunt") until the guests had to leave.

This was actually the funnest part for the kids, I think. They were laughing so hard. . . .I would have included a video clip, but unfortunately one of the guests who may or may not have been a member of the family visibly needed to use the bathroom. So you'll just have to imagine the giggles and snores and shrieks.

Rosebud slept through most of the party. Apparently what she really needs in order to sleep better is a houseful of sugared-up kids! Here she is afterward wondering what happened to the house. :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day was Hummer's real birthday. It was an awesome day--breakfast in bed, his birthday meals of choice, stake conference with the whole family, and SNOW--enough for school to get cancelled the next two days. It just doesn't get much better than that as far as birthdays go!!

And just to impress your socks off, let me show you the work of profound art that was his cake.

Are you moved? :)

His request: lemon cake with lime-flavored frosting, decorated with limes and a hibernating snake. (I added the touch of having the snake dream of seven limes).

SEVEN THINGS WE LOVE ABOUT HUMMER

from the whole family

1. His laugh

2. His courage - he's not afraid to answer the phone or door or to talk to people

3. The way he dances

4. The way he makes up songs

5. The faces he makes

6. The sweet, sincere way he says thank you

7. How intently he listens to stories of Jesus

Day 53 - { portraits from Kara }

2011-01-26T15:04:00.000-06:00

post written 7/12/11

I researched a ton before getting Rosebud's 1-year pictures taken, trying to find a photographer that does excellent work but will give me digital copies and not require me to sell one of my offspring to pay for it all. It was tough. I have Martinelli's taste on a root beer budget. :) I just couldn't find any artist photographers that we could afford.

So I finally resolved to go with the new Portrait Innovat**ns that opened in West Little Rock (it is possible to acquire high resolution digital files, but there is a fairly complicated process involved). I hoped for the best, but was pretty sure it would only be a small step up from Walm*rt.

But a loving Heavenly Father knew the desires of my heart. He knew that I was clinging to every moment with this beautiful last baby, and that I desperately wanted good portraits of her. He sent a special blessing. . . .my talented friend Kara offered to take some. She does it as a hobby, but is SO GOOD. Even though she was having surgery the week of Roseberry's BD, she insisted she would be fine to take some the day after.

So here they are, Rosebud's portraits for her 1st birthday. . . .Have fun scrolling!

First, the ones from Portrait Innovat**ns. Taken actually on her birthday. They gave us a disk with low-resolution files of over 100 that they took, and here's a sampling, just for fun. They're fine, but I know I would have always looked back and wished I had better ones.

(outfit was a gift from sweet Rosy and Tommie)

I bought this one.

Cheesy, eh? I wasn't planning to get in any of these, but she was sad and I needed to hold her for a bit. :)

I'm glad we got one with her nursing necklace. Brings back sweet memories now.

Bought this one, too. I love how it shows her personality.

This one cracks me up. How does a one-year-old already know how to sneer? :)

Bought this one.

such a little cherub. :)

Don't you think the photographer should have come in closer or cropped these? Like this:

That's a little better.

Bought the "special" for this one.

gah! Is that background hideous or what? I wish I had said something while they were getting it out!

Rosebud didn't particularly care for it either.

(This one could go on that awkward family photos site, eh?)

Fancy Nancy outfit from Nana.

She made that pettiskirt, and also one for each of her granddaughters! Go, Nana! (She said it was way hard, and she'll never do it again. :)

Arg. They cut off our knees and feet. Ah, well. Overall it was about what I had feared, and I don't know that I'll go back.

If I could do it over again, I would save the money I spent at PI (and add some to it) to get ginormous canvas prints of Kara's beautiful work!!

(Life's too short to throw money at mediocre portraits, eh? Who needs food? :)

The next day, we went to Kara's house, and she captured these. (The last few were taken a month later because the birthday girl was getting tired and we had to come back). I am SOOO grateful we got these other ones. THANK YOU, Kara!

So here are the REAL portraits (taken on 12/22/10 and 1/19/11). . . .

As you can see, there's no comparison.

I LOVE THIS ONE!!!

She was watching the balloons in this one. (See birthday party post :).

This here was the shot I was hoping for. I wanted full-length, with her toes showing, and a smile, her eyes toward the camera. We got it! Woohoo!

She LOVES that Woody doll. :)

Wow. I think this one may very well be my favorite photo of her yet.

This one's on our wall now.

This one was Kara's favorite.

It is amazing to me that even with such a small matter as this--with something that wasn't really a need--I was blessed with one of my wants, heirloom quality portraits of my only daughter. Thank You, Heavenly Father!

waning (mostly) on the verbosity. . .

2011-01-15T21:28:00.001-06:00

Well, after spending 2 1/2 hours on that last post, I am realizing that I still have a ways to go with the simplifying thing. I loved a friend's comment on facebook where she mentioned a journal she's using --a 5-year journal with 6 lines per day. This friend happens to have also been my 5th grade teacher, and someone I consider a mentor of some of my formative years. I loved that feeling of being taught by her again. SIX LINES per DAY. She says she thinks about the "essence of the day". . . ."Little vignettes into the big things." wow.

Okay, so here's the six-line version (six lines in Windows Live Writer) for today and yesterday. (I don't know if I can manage any great writing here, but it'll be fun to try! :) And also a correction/clarification to my last post. . .

1/14/11

Attended awards assemblies at the elementary school for Fluffy and Hummer. During the first, I sat with the parents of kids who have been in classes with my boys since we moved here, and during the second, I sat with a sister from church whom I just officially met for the first time a few days ago. Watched some of the visibly well-to-do parents photograph their children and pondered whether a feudal system of sorts still exists today. :) The evening saw an unplanned visit from our neighbors. They are upset because the city voted to repair our street and our property, but to wait on theirs until their lawsuit is settled. I tried to gently suggest that perhaps they are choosing between getting it done promptly or getting it done eventually with some money to show for it. A very tricky conversation. I do hope they know I am not judging them--they did suffer more from the flooding.

1/15/11

Home all day with my favorite people in the world. More than a little irritable from yet another rough night, but trying hard not to show it. (Yes, I know it's my fault she still doesn't sleep! I'll stop complaining and merely let you all know when I have accomplished the emotional feat of accepting my life with no more babies.) Saturday jobs with amazingly little dawdling or complaining from the boys--woohoo! DC and I both spent some good time working on stuff for our callings. I am READY for tomorrow with my Sunbeams. I will NOT come home crying this time. (I hope.) Played Blokus with the boys (they helped me win :) and jumped on the trampoline with melting snow all around. They turned on "Planet Earth" while I was making dinner and it brought back sweet, clear memories of Rosebud a year ago, when they first watched it and we were all so euphoric to have her here with us.

Wow, that is hard but fun. And good for me. The perfectionist in me is trying to make me go back and rewrite, but I'm not going to this time!

And clarification to something I said the other day, that "problems are temporary because our God is not." I knew when I wrote that that there was a whole lot underneath why I feel that way that was not getting explained. Those words are too trite for what I was trying to express.

This life is only the "second act of a three-part play." We are not meant to stay here. The most important things--hopefully what we have treasured here--we will take with us when we die. And all of the perplexing, baffling, disturbing, heart-wrenching, agonizing, irritating moments that we experience in this life will have served their purpose and no longer trouble us. I have to remind myself of this whenever I find myself starting to despair at the bewildering problems and darknesses of this world--it is not forever. DC's Uncle Kent said something to us after Benjamin died that has helped me ever since: "One day all will be well with the Lord's covenant people." I couldn't always FEEL that, but it's true.

And if we let Him, He helps us have peace even now.

{ p.s. on a lighter note, enjoy the updated Quotables! :) } ---------------------------------->

Day 52 - { dreams unfulfilled }

2011-01-13T21:47:00.001-06:00

1/12/11 - The Things That Matter Most

This morning got off to a rough start. I don't know if Wasabi was sensing my stress last night, but she had woken up over and over and over crying next to me. And when she was going back to sleep I couldn't seem to turn off my brain from trying to solve the world's problems instead of just enjoying being in a warm bed with time allotted for unconsciousness. I got up convinced that I could not cope with my life, and rather sulkily headed down to breakfast, where I hit my head on the corner of the cabinet door that had been left open. A sympathetic DC suggested I get some more rest (very sweet), and I went back upstairs feeling overwhelmed with all the knots my brain had not been able to unravel during the night. A large part of my discontent was the stress over our entanglement with the city, as well as other irritants of mortal life that were as yet unresolved, like my darn cell phone not working. All I want is PEACE, ya know?! I was thinking about Pres. Uchtdorf's talk, and wondering how on earth I could simplify things so as not to hit these temporal speed bumps so hard. I remembered he said that first we should focus on our relationship with God. So I decided to pray before getting back in bed. I offered up a more real prayer than I had in a while--for some reason, I've tended to get distracted during my prayers lately--and I felt immediately that I didn't need to worry so much about all those problems, that He was aware of them, and would help us work them out in His time. And I felt. . . .Peace. Strong enough to go back down to my family for those precious few minutes before everyone scatters for the day. And then - ding ding ding - oh, yeah, that's the second focus he talked about! Our relationship with our family.

It's not surprising, then, that I went on to have a wonderful day. (Thank You, Heavenly Father!) Even in spite of making my weekly shopping trip to Wally World. :) Went for a walk in the frigid snowy neighborhood while counseling with my co-Sunbeam teacher on the phone about our strategy. Nice warm shower with this week's lesson posted on the shower wall so I can memorize it and not have to look at the manual. In the evening, we went to Exacto's Court of Honor, where he received the Fire Safety merit badge and advanced to First Class. Yay, Exacto!

Fluffy was pumped for the elementary school spelling bee, in which he would be participating the next day. He said he'd had a dream that he came in 2nd place! (Exacto came in 2nd place in the middle school bee last Friday, so it made sense :).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1/13/11 - Adventures in Spelling and Customer Service

Today - abs routine (thank you, Kathy Smith!) and shower and a lovely visit to the Verizon store about the above-mentioned darn cell phone. After a half-hour of enduring shockingly bad customer service (can I just say they have the WORST customer service ever? there was an employee actually standing behind the counter and talking on the phone to her child about how to turn on the heater and "stop being so dramatic" with THREE customers waiting for help) I finally got "permission" to return my phone that hasn't worked since the day I activated it, a day I will always regret. ha!

Rushed over to the elementary school to see Fluffy compete in the spelling bee.

Misheard the first word "gnash" and spelled it "m-a-s-h". Luckily that was the practice round. . ..

P-R-E-F-E-R-A-B-L-E

F-E-V-E-R-I-S-H-L-Y

His awesome teacher hung up a "good luck charm" at the back of the bleachers for her students to look at when they got too nervous seeing all the faces staring at them. He said it saved him on the next word:

E-X-O-S-K-E-L-E-T-O-N

And finally . . .

S-O-L-I-C-I-T

His dream had not come true. He did not win 2nd place.

HE WON FIRST PLACE!!! WOOHOO!!!

I was so happy for him. Just what he needed right now!! More gratitude from this mama-heart up to Heavenly Father!

He's been beaming ever since. The funny thing is that he and Exacto will compete against each other at the county bee in a couple of weeks. . . .

The rest of the day was filled with pretty mundane stuff--post office, sewing on Exacto's merit badge, frolicking with Wossie (Hummer's phraseology), a fun visit with my seester on the phone (love you, Becky!), picking up boys from school and quiz bowl practice, a visit from one of the city councilmen who is supportive to our cause, creamy tomato soup for dinner, a congratulatory visit to Fluffy from a neighbor friend who goes to the same school.

Poor Wose slipped and bit her lower lip terribly! It was bleeding profusely and looks awful, like a discolored crater. We gave her our boo-boo sheep cold-pack (from sweet Aunt Mandy) and some ibuprofen, but what really seemed to help the most was some chocolate ice cream.

And now Exacto's working on homework on the couch and has the fire going in the fireplace. The Fiddler's upstairs practicing with Wasabi frolicking nearby.

And I am grateful for this blessed life, where problems are temporary because our God is not.

an experiment that may turn into a very good habit

2011-01-11T21:39:00.001-06:00

I am a conflicted blogger.

I LOVE to write on here. I LOVE your comments. Blogging is so fun and so therapeutic to me.

But I also feel like I SHOULD write in my journal, in my own handwriting. AND, I write (or should write) family letters every week over email, especially to keep in touch with my missionary brother.

I know! I'm triple-decking this personal history thing!!

So here's the deal. I'm going to try making my blog into more of a second draft of my journal, and then just copy and paste into my family letters. Isn't that nice? Y'all get to read the type of thing I send to my FAMILY. You should feel very special. :)

It may be way too often or way too detailed for you. Feel free to skim! Or heck, unsubscribe if it drives you crazy.

Or . . . .ooh, this is the best one. . . . wait and see if I can keep this up for more than a week.

It'll be fun.

Day 51 - { snow days }

2011-01-11T21:37:00.001-06:00

I LOVE SNOW DAYS! Prayers of gratitude for TWO this week--yeehaw!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Day One - 1/10/11

We had over 5 inches (more than our annual average!) that fell all afternoon Sunday and then continued during the night. Not only was school closed, but DC got to be home from work, too! Heaven!

The boys got their chores done quickly, we had bacon and cheese grits for breakfast, and then they headed outside to play in the snow. I did the Walmart bag trick that I remember from childhood to keep their feet dry, and it worked great. :) DC was sweet to watch Roseberry so I could go out and get my exercise for a while playing with them.

A good friend from the ward surprised us by clearing our driveway with his earthmover. It was funny because we didn't recognize him with all the snow gear on, and were wondering what on earth the guy was doing on our driveway. It was probably a good 10 minutes before I realized who it was, and went over laughing and apologizing and thanking.

It was a productive afternoon of finances and budget, menu and shopping list planning, and Family Home Evening lesson preparing, all with a cozy fire going and Roseberry napping and the boys outside with DC. They came in happy and glowing and ready for something warm to drink.

For FHE tonight I did a special lesson honoring Hummer for his birthday. We had him answer the traditional birthday scripture question, and played the favorites game, and then made a list of 7 things we love about him. For the game DC had put together a fun DIY version of Balderdash, using words from the Spelling Bee study guide the boys have been using. We did "kipper", "muumuu" and "wasabi", the last of which resulted in yet another nickname for Roseberry. :)

Leftover birthday cake and ice cream for refreshments, and now DC is putting the boys to bed, with another snow day to look forward to tomorrow!Hummer just asked me to put Aquaphor on his hands, and I told him to ask Daddy because I am writing in my journal. He said, okay, and then made me promise I would write about that in my journal. :)

It's hard to tell in this picture, but have you ever noticed how a trampoline sagging with snow looks like a giant contact lens? :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Day Two - 1/11/11

This time we remembered to have the boys practice after their chores, and DC gave both Exacto and Fluffy violin lessons. I gave Fluffy a piano lesson. You know, I've heard lots of people say that they could never teach their own kids, and yes, there are moments when I wish I were paying someone and not having to worry about it. But then there are the times when I get to be the one to see that excitement when something new unveils itself in their mind, or to see the thrill of a hurdle crossed and progress made. . . .

I went out into the snow again with them, to see and photograph the snowman of yesterday's construction in the vacant lot behind our property. The sun was shining brightly and there occasional gusts of wind, which made it seem quite different from yesterday's calm grey. Isn't it amazing how beautiful a blanketing of snow makes what is normally very drab?

DC made us macaroni-and-cheese egg patties for lunch, a somewhat kitschy but yummy meal from his childhood. I spent the afternoon working out a plan of action to help my Sunbeams - I guess you could call it my Gid and Teomnor strategy. Still leaning on those spiritual experiences to help me want to have a good attitude and do a good job. . . .

Tonight we went to a faux "workshop" meeting at city hall that had been scheduled a few weeks back, and was supposed to be specifically for the project on our street. It didn't happen, and so instead we found ourselves tracking down council members and trying to find out why. Nice. Our neighbors are trying to negotiate for a settlement but the city insists on appealing. It's starting to feel like Bleak House. . . .

my favorite photo from today

Coming back to our beloved sons and daughter and our cozy home and family scripture study was so soothing. I am sad that it's a "school night", but so grateful for these two extra days together!!

Yup, Snow Days definitely make it to the 100 Days of Gratitude list.

Day 50 - {Jesus Wants Me for a Sunbeam Teacher}

2011-01-02T20:47:00.001-06:00

"Yea, and it came to pass that the Lord our God did visit us with assurances that he would deliver us; yea, insomuch that he did speak peace to our souls, and did grant unto us great faith, and did cause that we should hope for our deliverance in him."

~Alma 58:11

There is a story in the Book of Mormon about a group of young warriors led by a man named Helaman. They are a small band, and are known for their exceeding faith and the resulting miraculous delivery from death they experience even as they fight many battles. But there is a time when they begin to fear. They are sent with inadequate forces and little food, having been asked to retake and defend a large area of the land. They proceed to hear nothing from the government and nearly starve to death. Finally some provisions and a few more troops arrive, yet still not nearly enough for the daunting task they have been given--"to contend with an enemy which was innumberable."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today began an interesting new assignment at church for me. I have been a Primary teacher since last spring for the 7- and 8-year-olds. Now I have been asked to teach the 3-year-olds. . . the Sunbeams.

When I first found out this was the intention of the Primary presidency, to reassign me to this age group starting in January, I thought they were pretty much crazy. I already considered my current situation an overwhelming struggle requiring faith. With DC as elders quorum president and needing to work 2-3 Sundays a month, and Roseberry still in my arms, I could not fathom what it would be like to try to take on a room full of 3-year-olds and keep everyone alive let alone growing in faith and testimony!

Then there's my other current calling as ward music chair and playing the organ two Sundays a month. So at first I thought surely a release from one position would be the answer, and I talked to the bishopric about things, asking them to pray about it. A release for me was not the answer they got. So then I talked to the Primary president. I sent her a long email with a list of my concerns: baby in arms, unavailable husband, plus Hummer really, really was looking forward to being in my class.

For several days I waited for a response. I showed up early to play for a child's baptism, and there was the Primary president. She said she had gotten my email, and they would go ahead and let me keep the older class. I was relieved, but immediately started feeling a twinge of something. That all-too-familiar feeling of the Spirit knocking on my spirit, as if to say, Are you ready to listen to me, or not? I answered, "No, I'm not changing my mind."

But then that sweet little girl came out in pure white anticipation of her special moment. And I started playing those beautifully powerful songs, and my spirit started to soften. The Holy Ghost began to teach me gently and clearly:

"That class would be Benjamin's class if he were here."

"Yes, that's right." { feelings of longing and love }

"Would you still be asking for a change of assignment if he were here?"

{ pause }

{-sigh- as the realization dawns on me}

"No. I would do whatever it took to find a way -- I would be so happy to teach my own child in Primary."

That was it. I could see that this should be no different. These little children, one of whom I have watched with particular interest because he was born four weeks before Benjamin, are precious children to their parents, not to mention their Heavenly Father.

I then felt confirming peace from the Spirit that yes, this was what I was meant to do, and also that it would be a joy to me.

After the baptism I ran to talk to the Primary president, and tell her of my change of heart. . . . .

The peaceful feelings did not stay. The very next Sunday I sat in tears in Primary. It was too much for one person. All I wanted to do was hold Roseberry on my lap and listen and be strengthened. I didn't want to come home from church every week stressed out and cranky and dreading the next Sunday. I could not believe my own idiocy in taking back my choice.

Then I would remember that I DID get that clear answer, and that I KNEW I was supposed to be doing this. But I couldn't shake the dread I felt. How on earth could I possibly do what I had been asked? I couldn't understand WHY they didn't call someone else. There are many in the ward without callings! WHY did they think this was a good thing for me?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Helaman writes to the leader of the armies, saying "And now the cause of these our embarrassments, or the cause why they did not send more strength unto us, we knew not; therefore we were grieved and also filled with fear, lest by any means the judgments of God should come upon our land, to our overthrow and utter destruction."

He doesn't wring his hands and sit there pleading why, why, why, like I was doing. He and his stripling warriors pour out their hearts in prayer, asking for strength and deliverance, so that they could accomplish what was needed. And they are visited with the assurance of the Lord, and filled with courage and determination to DO IT.

They use brilliant stratagem, and manage to achieve the impossible--taking back the city of Manti without any shedding of blood, and even driving their enemy out of that quarter of the land altogether.

Helaman writes that they still don't know why the government that is supposed to be supporting them still appears to be ignoring them, and that his forces are small for retaining the large area, "But, behold, it mattereth not—we trust God will deliver us, notwithstanding the weakness of our armies, yea, and deliver us out of the hands of our enemies."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am inspired by this. I want to be like Helaman. I don't know why there are pefectly healthy-looking people without callings, sitting in the foyers talking while I traipse by overflowing with children and craft supplies and scriptures and diaper bag. But WHY is not the point. What matters is HOW. And WHAT.

So now I am trying to look forward to seeing the brilliant stratagem that the Lord will help me devise in order to accomplish this. And also the joy I will hopefully feel as I am stretched spiritually yet again.

I worked all week getting my lesson ready, trying to memorize it, buying sparkly stuff for the kids to stick on to crowns, reading ideas on the Internet on how other people have survived this calling. Last night I couldn't sleep. I couldn't stop thinking of how much I wished Benjamin would be there today. What he would look like at this age. How excited he would be to go to Primary with his Mommy. How I would probably be so busy with other kids he would be naughty to get my attention. Or I would just look over and smile at him. . . .I cried in the dark, and hoped that maybe he would be there anyway.

So how did it go today?

Oh, you probably don't want to know. It was far from inspiring. Only three of the seven little ones were there. DC was able to take Roseberry. And I had TWO adult helpers. Yes, that is a ratio of 1:1. I realize that should be enough for anything. But, boy howdy, did those little boys want their mamas.

As I hefted one of the wailing youngsters, I suddenly felt his weight as if the weight of my own little boy, and was filled with gratitude for this calling.

Thank You, Heavenly Father, for patiently teaching me, and for using my love for Benjamin to bless me now!

Roseberry's 1st Birthday - 12/21/10

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WHERE did you come from, baby dear?
Out of the everywhere into here.

Where did you get those eyes so blue?
Out of the sky as I came through.

What makes your forehead so smooth and high?
A soft hand stroked it as I went by.

What makes your cheek like a warm white rose?
I saw something better than any one knows.

~George Mac Donald (1824–1905)

This day that I had tried not to dread turned out to be really fun. And I'm okay with her being one now. I think. I am starting to find joy that is stronger than the sorrow at this phase of life ending. It is a blessing.

We sang to her over and over throughout the day. Exacto freaked out at his 1st birthday party when the lights went out and everyone started singing, so I wanted her to be prepared. :)

In the evening we had her party with just us.

There was an absolutely gorgeous sunset as we went outside to take some pictures with the balloons.

~ in her birthday tutu :) ~

(I made it for her using this tutorial).

This is one of my favorites of her from the day. Can't you just see that sweet, sunny personality she has? :)

~ surrounded by the men in her life ~

This was supposed to have LAVENDER ROSEBUDS. Just envision that for me. Please note, also, the rosemary sprigs. Isn't that profound? Not to mention the tights in the background. :)

Like this, ya know? (Are you impressed by my mad photoshop skillz? :)

She was reaching for the frosting already. . . .

~ one of those moments I want framed and hanging in my heart ~

~ her first authorized ice cream -- a rite of passage in our family ~

She even helped with the dishes afterward! :)

Oh, how grateful we are for this burst of sunlight into our family!

We love you, sweet daughter.

Merry Christmas from the Fiddler's Family

2010-12-24T10:56:00.001-06:00

I wish I could send each of you a real one of these! Hope you're having a wonderful holiday!

We rejoice in the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ, the cause for the dearest hopes of our hearts.

How we love Him and praise Him!

Merry Christmas.

And if you really, really love us, you might enjoy reading the following "Dictionary of Bakerish Terms". . . .

ben·ja·min \'bӗn-jə-mĭn\ 1. Fourth son whose 3^rd birthday was celebrated this year with Aunt Becky and cousins Jozef and Jenya. 2. Beloved member of the Fiddler family who is daily remembered and missed.

DC \abb. Darling Cutie \ 1. Refers to a professional violinist with a strong preference for ice cream and an ever cheerful disposition, despite an unsuccessful audition with the Utah Symphony in September. 2. One who is grateful for his current position with the Arkansas Symphony and Rockefeller Quartet. 3. Husband and father who displays willingness to camp with scouting sons and to pace a room with infant daughter for hours at a time to the strains of Beethoven violin sonatas. 4. A traveler on occasion, including a trip to his brother Bob’s wedding this year.

exacto \ĭg-zăk'tō\ 1. A very exact, precise member of the Fiddler family, often observed reading, doing homework, or fulfilling his duties as a deacon. 2. The first child of the Fiddler and his wife, has been known to read the dictionary for fun (just kiddon!), and play the French horn at school. 3. A twelve-year-old boy with an everlasting craving for chocolate, ice cream, and Fablehaven. 4. Has been known to express excessive interest in the computer, as well as measurable diligence in Scouting achievement, having nearly attained the rank of Star.

hum·mer \'hŭmər\ 1. a nearly-seven-year-old boy in the Fiddler family with a distinct affinity for applesauce, pineapple, maple syrup, and “Wosebewwie” sic. 2. The third child of the Fiddler and his wife, a devotee of all things 1^st grade, especially his teacher. 3. Contender for the title of “Top Reader” of his class, he unfortunately considers the stairs in the Fiddler home his “stomping ground”. 4. Often exhibits a contagious giggle and a knack for some pretty sweet dance moves.

lar·ynx \'lar-iŋks\ n the upper part of the trachea containing the vocal chords.

mi·chelle \mĭ-'shĕl\ 1. Adult female member of the Fiddler family, known to be semi-permanently attached at the hip to the youngest member of the Fiddler family 2. Mother of five, age 30-something, showing an affinity to cooking and blogging, and a desperation to get more organized. 3. One who is known to read too much, and who strives not to covet others’ digital SLR cameras. 4. Exhibiting an inclination to reverse the effects of aging on her children.

rose·ber·ry \'rōz-bā-rē\ 1. The pinnacle of sweetness and adorability, having blond hair, four teeth, three larynxes, two blue eyes, and one tenacious predisposition to awaken multiple times at night. 2. One year old on 12/21/10. 3. Also known as “Brunhilda” (see above regarding number of larynxes). 4. A word describing “the cutest object in the universe” (according to her brothers).

fluf·fy \'flŭf-ē\ 1. The second child of the Fiddler family, being 9 ½ years old, and having nearly achieved the Bear rank in the Cub Scouting organization. 2. Refers to a peaceful boy with a propensity to get straight A’s and devour great literature with a hearty appetite. 3. Having the quality of or pertaining to a young man with a penchant for harmonizing ad lib, as well as playing the violin and piano. 4. Also refers to one who grows out of his clothes faster than his mom can buy them.