The Fight Within

God's Love for Me FREE Ebook Offer AND Giveaway!

noreply@blogger.com (Tara Sloan) — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 23:37:00 +0000

Free book.

$20 Dayspring Giveaway.

Two great gifts that remind us about God’s love on the

“love-liest” day of the year.

I had the honor and privilege of being a contributor on this book project... Christen did a FABULOUS job!

Click on the link above and find out how to download your FREE copy PLUS she is also doing another GIVEAWAY in drawing form! Thank you Christen Ridley Price ... what a wonderful honor and Valentine treat!

What a Week!

noreply@blogger.com (Tara Sloan) — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 05:01:00 +0000

This is an exciting week for me, for my family, for my friends Darrell and Casey Wood and their Cardio Kickboxing Gym located in Dallas, GA. We were featured in "All You" magazine, a national publication sold exclusively in Walmarts all over the US!

The feature is about my personal journey to fitness in losing 125 pounds over a year of cardio kickboxing at TNT with trainers Darrell and Casey Wood. The article also speaks to how the journey changed the lives of our whole family.

It is a great article although I do wish they would have mentioned TNT by name as well as the Woods'. They were truly catalysts in my journey and I am grateful to have had such a great couple work with me to this day.

The magazine is being released Friday, December 16th... go out and buy a copy... it also has terrific coupons!

I am also kicking off the new and improved, although still "under construction" website! Take a look around and find out what God is doing in the Sloan family!

When the Push-Back Comes

noreply@blogger.com (Tara Sloan) — Thu, 08 Sep 2011 01:37:00 +0000

As I am working on a new series I to share some of the wonderful words of wisdom I have been absorbing today, read this insightful article by Lisa Whittle entitled, "When the Push-Back Comes." (And for even more, click on the link to the post about critics... you'll be glad you did!) Lisa has become one of my favorite bloggers/writers of late... read below and find out why!

When the Push-Back Comes

One of the hardest things for humans is when our courage is met with criticism.

When we give of ourselves and someone doesn’t receive us. When we open up only to be shut down by the disapproval of another.

Often, the thought of this reality threatens to keep us cocooned tightly — squelched voice or attempt — within our own protective shell.

We fear the push-back from others more than we fear living a life of fulfilled dreams or pursued passions. So we stay in the safe, bland and easy. That way, we won’t get hurt.

But in the end, that space stifles us: our hopes, goals, inspirations, gifts and dreams.

And yet, push-back is difficult. It takes steadiness, maturity, wisdom and its own set of courage to weather. It is a place that these things must be known…

~We have to know who we are…before. Before the push-back happens, we must have a strong sense of who we are and what we believe. Otherwise we will regret the sharing of our story, art, or any other piece of ourselves, with another. It’s not that we have to have every thought or feeling of ours figured out. But attempting things before we, ourselves, fully believe in them leaves us in a vulnerable spot when we place our truth in the hands of another.

~It isn’t personal. The great irony of push-back is that it always feels personal. But we bump into each other in life, bringing our own perspective, carrying our own set of luggage. Sometimes we will trigger things in others that have little to do with us but will become directed our way. It isn’t about their truth versus ours…it is about each of us living in our truth, allowing the other to be accountable for their own.

~It can’t be about being understood. People have been misunderstood for ages, especially Jesus. One of the most difficult things for many people (including me) is to feel like someone does not understand who we are. But our efforts can’t be focused here; otherwise, we will spin our emotional tires in an effort to gain traction with people’s approval, only for our attempts to prove futile.

~There can be peace in our perspective. Just recently, when someone pushed back on something I said, it hurt. It made me pause and think — be willing to be accountable for my words — something that is good for any influencer. But after dealing with the moment of scrutiny, it confirmed my resolve that my perspective had been right, which in turn, gave me a sense of great peace.

Friends, if we ever attempt anything, we will always be met with push-back. Even if we choose to stay in our cocoon, we still run this risk because we live alongside other humans who will often have opinions of us we haven’t asked for. But we can’t run away from things out of our fear.

Instead, we must steady ourselves so when the push-back comes, we aren’t knocked over.

{If you are struggling with critics, see THIS POST I wrote about the benefit of them. You might be surprised at what you read.}

Question: How do you handle push-back? Which aspect of it is most difficult for you?

(This article was written by Lisa Whittle)

I'm Back in Business!

noreply@blogger.com (Tara Sloan) — Wed, 07 Sep 2011 02:32:00 +0000

Oh, how good to be back! My computer as been in the shop FOREVER! I got it back and I've updates and moving files from my online storage. Woo... now that it is updated... I am back in business!

I'll be starting a new series tomorrow followed by some updates and changes on my blog... time to get back on track...

Until then... love and blessings!

Do You Need a Hand Up?

noreply@blogger.com (Tara Sloan) — Tue, 09 Aug 2011 21:30:00 +0000

I was on a mission. I needed to find a restroom. My eight year old legs walked swiftly through the trails of the Ocala National Forest campground. We were setting up camp… in the pouring rain… rain that kept coming and coming. Apparently we were the only family brave enough to face the elements and camp in the middle of such horrible weather!

It had been raining for hours, maybe days. Puddles of muddy water slept everywhere around me perfectly content to stay until the Florida heat and humidity would force the earth to drink them in.

As I walked it started to storm again. I walked faster, it rained harder, the thunder boomed louder. I started to run, charging through puddles, splashing through mud until what I perceived to be another harmless puddle proved to be a flooded retention ditch much deeper and wider than I had imagined when jumping from puddle to puddle.

My small frame was scooped up by the current carrying me toward a large cement pipe. My eyes grew wide, adrenaline rushed through me as I went into survival mode. Right before I entered the pipe my eye saw a lone tree root that had refused to part with the dirt. I threw my entire body toward it and caught it with my hands. For the moment, I was safe.

I tried with all my might to climb out of the ditch. The wall of the ditch was too soft and gave way each time I attempted to climb up the bank. I couldn’t see over the top of the embankment and the root I was clinging to was losing ground the more I struggled to pull myself out. I started yelling for help, screaming, crying… begging, pleading…… praying.

The louder I got the harder the thunder would roll. The more desperate my pleas, the harder it rained. Lightening bounced all around me as if to mock my efforts. It was then I realized that no one could hear me. My family was at least a quarter of a mile away and there was no one else on the campground.

“Jesus,” I whispered through my sobbing. “I am so scared and alone. I can’t get out of this ditch by myself. I need help. Please help me Jesus.”

I was cold and getting tired. The water around me was moving fast and the wind was blowing pretty hard. But I didn’t give up, I held on.

A moment later I heard a voice. I looked up and an elderly man was looking down at me.

“Oh, you don’t want to be in there,” he said.

“Please help me,” I called out.

He had some sort of cloth in his hands and he threw it down to me. I grabbed it and he pulled me to safety.

“Thank you, thank you sir,” I said. I was crying again.

He shook his head and waved off my thanks and started walking to a trailer that I had not seen before. I started running back up the trail wailing for my parents. There they were, just where I had left them, setting up camp. Through my sobs I told them the story of the ditch, the rain and the stranger who saved my life. Then I changed into dry clothes and settled into a sleeping bag to warm up and think on the whole ordeal.

At once I knew that I needed to thank the man again, really thank him. I was grateful that he had come along, forever grateful. As soon as it stopped raining I was going to go see him.

The rain stopped right before dusk and, well, I needed to find a restroom, again. So I set out, carefully this time. I walked the trail, avoiding all puddles, ditches and anything that might resemble standing water. I recognized the ditch I had “stepped” into by the stubborn tree root that still slung to the earth and the cloth that had pulled me to safety lying beside it.

My eyes quickly turned toward where I had seen the trailer. But it was gone. Gone. Not even a trace that it had been there. No man, no trailer. There was no one to validate my story, only a wet cloth and a dead tree root.

I looked everywhere for the man while we camped there. He was nowhere to be found and it seemed his trailer had never even existed. But here I stood the product of his act of heroism. And all I could think was how I had not thanked him properly. He had saved my life, saved my parents and siblings from what could have been a terrifying ordeal. I believe he was sent by God, the answer to my cry for help.

“Call upon Me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify Me.” (Psalm 50:15, NKJ)

This week I have found myself in a similar place. No, I’m not typing this from a waterlogged ditch. But I guess it could be said that I am pounding out this post from a pit similar to the one Joseph found himself in or the Cave of Adullam that David found solace in or like Elijah who was provided for by the unlikely beside a brook… until it dried up. And although I am not in any of those places by choice I do know that it is for purpose that He is “hiding” me in this season.

My family and I had to make some difficult decisions and we have to trust that those who truly love and support us will continue to do so even if they do not understand. There are days that it is hard for me to understand but then I am reminded that He has never left not forsaken me… that like Joseph, my pit will lead me to a palace. I am reminded that even in turmoil and pain He has been faithful and comforts me in unlikely ways… just like he did Elijah. And I am reminded that when I feel alone He surrounds me with His love and brings the broken and down trodden in need of the HOPE He has given to me to sustain me… just like He did David.

And when I feel I just can’t hang on any longer, when the current threatens to take me under, when the thunder drowns out my cries, when the rain pounds and the lightening slams all around me I whisper His name and I pray, “Help me…”

He IS faithful…

“Call upon Me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify Me.” (Psalm 50:15, NKJ)

And He will extend His grace, His mercy, his love and His peace and He will pull me to safety… and for that I thank Him. I am forever grateful.

My She Speaks Experience Part 2: It's a Wrap!

noreply@blogger.com (Tara Sloan) — Thu, 04 Aug 2011 03:43:00 +0000

After Lysa's message, "Let God Chisel," I made a decision to get out of the way and let Him do His thing. The entire weekend was me under that hammer and chisel. The entire three days was God forcing me to really look at myself. I had allowed myself to get "trapped" like one of "The Prisoners." In order to be freed to and for my potential in Him I had to let Him chisel.

After the main session we enjoyed scrumptious dinner followed by an evening session. The session I selected was Karen Ehman's, "Giving and Living a Life Changing Message." Again, a session where I could not write fast enough! Oh, so much to learn! Practical wisdom paired with revelation left me staring questioningly at the three minute message I was about to deliver at my Speaker Evaluation.

I took a deep breath and headed upstairs where I met my wonderful group mates (love you B, Deanna, Lori, Lucille, Pamela, Shonda, Carole... ah! hope i didn't miss anyone!) and my group mentor, Sharon Glasgow.

Although I was a bundle of nerves Sharon prayed over us, encouraged us and gave us strong, detailed feedback. Her heart was for us, no doubt! The women I was paired with were the same. We were each silently cheering each other on. What a treat it was to hear each of them share their hearts, all in a different way. It was a beautiful night! After we finished I gathered up my written evaluations and headed back to my room to prepare for the five minute evaluation the next afternoon! I was already so full, but I couldn't wait for more!

The next morning began with more powerful worship followed by Renee Swope's message, "Don't Throw Away Your Confidence." Renee poured her heart out and she encouraged us to toss away self doubt but cling to our confidence in God. Once again, I had pages of notes!

My next stops included, "Pursing Excellence as a Speaker" (Lysa TerKeurst), "Marketing for More Bookings" (Rob Eager), "From Dream to Reality: Marketing Your Nonfiction Book" (Melanie Chitwood), "Using Technology to Grow Your Women's Ministry (Karen True)," my final "Speaker Evaluation Group", and finally "From Blog to Book Deal: How I Got Published without Being Famous (Emily Freeman and Andrea Doering)." Yes! ALL that in ONE day! It was amazing! I felt like I was back in school!

Dinner was next and I was famished! I enjoyed a delicious meal with my new friend Marne, one of my speaker evaluation group friends, Shonda and my "online" friend Shona who I have "known" for three years! We finally got to meet in person! I was tickled to realize that Shonda and I were "connected" through Shona as well. These gals were editors for an online magazine I wrote a column for in 2008. What a small world!

After dinner we engaged in more worship. How sweet it was! Following worship, Ann Voskamp shared a message based on her book, "One Thousand Gifts." This woman captivated every person in the room. Her words were poetic and bled from her very soul from the stage to the floor and like waves lapped over us with every syllable. Her main message? Gratitude. Gratitude, thanks for the gifts He has given us... seen in our pain... in our joy... in our insecurity. Toward the end, we all wrote three gifts down on a slip of paper and carried them to the cross. Over one thousand gifts were counted, given back to Him that night. I've been reading her book, "One Thousand Gifts." I can't seem to put it down. Instead I find myself breathing it in, ingesting the mere simplicity of something we insist on making so difficult... gratitude in the every day life, for everything... everything.

Back in my room again, I made room in my bags for the new resources I would be taking home. I packed, not ready to depart from the marvelous camaraderie I had fallen into with these 650 wonderful women. I had been touched by each one.

The next morning I woke early. My speaker eval group was having breakfast together and Sharon would be giving us her final thoughts and critiques. Sitting with my new found friends we exchanged cards and bios over coffee, danish and fruit. Sharon spoke to us privately to the side. Her words to me encouraged me. Her words and belief in me frightened me. Her words and confirmation did just that, confirmed in my heart what I knew God had been speaking to me. The only question I had (have) was (is), "Am I really ready for this?"

I spent a little more time with my sisters then headed to check out a couple of resources I was interested in before the final session. Following a hilarious skit by the P31 team, Micca Campbell shared a message on envy that was just on point! What parting words for us all! Embracing what our Father has given us, being faithful with it and glorifying Him.

Lysa and Leann Rice concluded the conference with sweet words of love and encouragement. Oh how no one wanted to leave! But, we are all busy women with responsibilities, families and duties to tend to like every Proverbs 31 woman!

I gathered by bags, hugged a bunch of necks, friended on Facebook, followed on Twitter and settled in to await the airport shuttle. Before departing I had some much coveted time with my sista Judi Cotignola. We had both been running here and there throughout the whole conference and hadn't had much time to visit. It was nice having some time to chat and catch up... and connect again.

Connecting... that's what has kept my She Speaks "fire" roaring. The women I've connected with stir me up, set me straight, make me laugh, cry and marvel... and they encourage me and one another. I love these gals!

That was in a nutshell the rest of my She Speaks experience. I'm an official She Speaks Graduate! I even have a button to prove it! LOL! Seriously, I could go on for DAYS but I have a list of writing projects and other projects that are burning in me. This conference changed, no, it, in some ways saved my life. Curious? Well, don't worry, I'll share more about it... later. This P31 woman has a lot of sharing to do!

Authentic Friendship: Something We ALL Deserve

noreply@blogger.com (Tara Sloan) — Mon, 01 Aug 2011 13:38:00 +0000

Recently I was contacted by someone I hadn't heard from in a little while. The circumstances surrounding our lack of communication are complicated and not worth getting into. Still, I know that she is a person with a heart of gold who deep down truly means well. At first I wasn't going to respond. I wasn't sure what to say. Was there anything to say? If you have been reading my blog or if you know me outside of the blogging world then you know that my life has been through a bit of a shaking in recent months. Re-learning to "trust", I have found is not exactly like falling off of a bicycle and getting back on. My knees have scabs and memories of their own of the fall.
But her message spoke to what God was doing in my life and as a writer, as a woman healing, I felt compelled to respond, especially after reading this post by Ann Voskamp.

Below is my response to my friend. It was another step in my journey to healing. Choosing to forgive, asking forgiveness, choosing to move toward trusting again, pledging my loyalty to the "sisterhood" I have preached about so many times.

Yes, this is my response. It is time to move forward. (a few identifying portions have been removed)

Dear __________,

I suppose a thank you is in order. I do thank you for your kind message. Admittedly I haven’t responded because I didn’t know what to say, to be completely honest I wasn’t sure if there was anything to say.

Was I surprised to read I had been on your mind? No, not really. I don’t mean that arrogantly. It’s just that I feel like your heart at times does genuinely ache for us. That may sound pompous but I assure you, that is not my intent by that statement.

Addressing the comment that you are “praying about what God is doing in my life…,” well, that brings a bit of a smile and nervous laugh.What He’s doing in my life? He’s healing my broken heart and teaching me to forgive. He is also giving me an extreme courage unlike anything I have ever operated in.

In the midst of pain, rejection and abandonment He is opening His world to me in a thousand new ways. Of course this means a thousand new opportunities for more pain, rejection and abandonment. But then that also highlights something else He is doing in my life, He is teaching me about gratitude and thanksgiving. Even in times of hurt and actions that have been physically painful, I am learning to have a continual heart of gratitude.

One day I believe I will trust again, I believe that I will.

I’ve been reading a lot. That’s good because I have missed it. And I’ve been writing, talking, praying, listening… such good things. And He has been whispering to me.

I’ve been reading everything I can by Ann Voskamp. I got to hear her speak while at a recent conference. Her extreme poetic voice and style full of imagery and gut spilling honesty kept me intrigued.

I came across an article she wrote almost a year ago to the date. It is titled, “What it really takes to join the Sisterhood.” I posted a link on my Facebook page, but here is an excerpt that gave me a glimmer of hope in the area of trust and friendship because that is an area that I am struggling in right now.

“We can believe that God alone is our security and love is always worth the risk and there is no better investment than reaching out to someone and locking arms and unlocking your heart. No better investment than finding the time for friendship and the courage to be real and the humility to say we’re sorry. And distrust can cost us the very richest life of all and the price for being safe can be too expensive and friendship is the only thing that will show up at our funerals.

We can do life together and we can laugh about babies who pee on Sunday skirts and boys who lose piano books and daughters who try on seven outfits before deciding on anything and their bedroom floor is proof of it, and we can drive each other to doctor appointments and bring soup when the flu season hits and we can see something on a shelf that whispered the other’s name and we can wrap it up and give it on any day at all for no reason at all but to celebrate a kindred sister.

And we can hold each other’s fragility and we can forgive each other when we crack an artery, and our hearts will break, and we can pray and grant grace and begin again because we’ve tasted mercy and His name is Jesus.

I am learning to reach out my hand.”

(back to me speaking…)

I want desperately with all of my heart to believe that is true, ALL of it. I want desperately to believe that bygones can be bygones and we, as the brothers and sisters in the faith we claim to be to this world, we can unite as one focusing on what unites us in the first place.

So, I am learning to reach out my hand again. The support and love I am receiving is overwhelming and a bit frightening. I trusted before and I loved without prejudice and I was hurt.

As I read Ann’s article I came upon a portion where she shared a letter she received from a “new friend” after her own dealings with rejection. Here is what it said…

“You have been hurt by women. I could see the pain in your eyes… And I’ve never done this before but… I feel prompted to make you a promise of friendship.”

“I promise I will never speak an unkind word to or about you. I will never be jealous of you. I will never compete with you. I will never abandon or betray you. I will love you. I will pray for you. I will do all I can to help you go far and wide in the Kingdom.

I will accept you as you are, always. I will be loyal to you. Before our loving God of grace, you have my words and my heart in friendship for this life and forever with Him.”

And our God is a love body and He hates amputations and He sutures our wounds together with the silver threads of community. And I have found healing here. Trust asks us to live (in) Courage.

In this place, we kneel down beside you. In this place, we reach out our hands. In this place, can you hear us whisper? “You have been hurt. We can see the pain in your eyes- We offer you a promise of friendship.”

In the places of sisters and sinners and souls made saints, we make big circles around women and together we watch each other’s backs and together we bend down when one hunches over in pain and together we pick up the shards of the hearts all shattered.

Because this is the promise of friendship that the true sisterhood always makes good on. This we can do.

And by God’s good grace, we will.”

(Back to me speaking again…)

That is the way I plan to live going forward and it scares me to death. It terrifies me but I am also counting on other women embracing this lifestyle as well. One day, I believe I will receive a message such as this. But in the meantime, I will be the messenger and the giver of this gift, the sisterhood of friendship.

This is such a stretch for me. You see, trust and vulnerability are two things I've made others work very hard for in the past. They are two things I've never been very willing to give so freely. And while I've learned (the hard way) to allow the Father to guard my heart, I am also learning that there are women out there looking for the same thing I am. Authentic friendship. We all desire it, we ALL deserve it.

Words to Live By

noreply@blogger.com (Tara Sloan) — Mon, 01 Aug 2011 03:21:00 +0000

Sha'Bam Saturday!

noreply@blogger.com (Tara Sloan) — Sun, 31 Jul 2011 00:27:00 +0000

This has been a wild week! With the belles starting back to school next week, two of them being away at a youth camp until today and Craig and I both navigating our way through our new arenas of employment we have been "riding the waves!"

Sleeping in this morning was heavenly! Monday through Friday my day begins at 4:45 am but not today! On Saturdays I typically hit the gym around 8:30 and stay until around 11. I do my pump class (my absolute favorite next to Cardio Kickboxing) and then for the last couple of months I have joined Kaitlyn (and Kelsea on occasion) for Sha'Bam. It is a dance cardio class. Enough said, especially if you have ever been on a dance floor with me. It is hilarious and I am pretty sure my girls want me to stay just so they can have a good ol' fashioned "belly laugh." Believe me, there is nothing funnier than me (along with a roomful of 35-50 year old women) attempting to pop, drop and lock what fell years before. Yeah, it is a regular comedy club! We then do a 30 minute ab class, CX30 that reminds me, "Yes Tara, you do have a few ab muscles left after five babies!"

Well, today was Kaitlyn's Saturday session with me. She leaves for school on the 11th. Next Saturday she has an audition in Atlanta so we will be out of town. After that it will be countdown until her moving day.

We will miss her so much but we are incredibly proud!

So, I guess after that it will be Kelsea pop, dropping and locking with me... unless any of you are eager to join me!? **Smiles**

Stay tuned for Part 2 of my She Speaks experience. Hopefully I will complete it tomorrow, good Lord willing and I get the "Back to School" chores completed!

Have a BEAUTIFUL evening and a WONDERFUL Sunday!

Welcome Home Rolf, Welcome Home!

noreply@blogger.com (Tara Sloan) — Wed, 27 Jul 2011 21:47:00 +0000

I have been home a total of three days now. Coming down off the "She Speaks" mountain top is something I am fighting tooth and nail. It took a lot of prayer, preparation, focus and hard work to get up there and I like it up here! But I know, life continues and I have a family that needs me!
I'm going to continue my She Speaks Experience series this week but tonight I am taking my sweetheart to PF Chang's for dinner. He has been working hard lately and picked up some major slack while I was at She Speaks. I want him to know that I appreciate him! So instead I thought I would share something a little lighter.

Arriving at the Atlanta airport is always a little chaotic. The airport is huge and you have to take escalators to the train and then another escalator to the baggage claim area. Although I had not checked any bags I still had to ride the escalator to the baggage claim area because my family would be picking me up right outside.

Jumping on the "moving stairs" took some skill as I had a rolling suitcase, shoulder briefcase and a She Speaks tote bag stuffed to the top! I managed to gracefully step on and kept all of my belongings in check. As I approached the top of the landing where I would then have to skillfully depart the "moving stairs," a smile played at my lips. A family of four was awaiting an exchange student on the other side of the barricade. They held a sign, "Welcome Rolf (Last Name) to America!" A sweet gesture that would surely touch the heart of Rolf.

I had barely gotten off the escalator when I heard a loud barrelling laugh. I looked to my left and bit my lip to keep from giggling.

Rolf had ascended the moving stairs right behind me. He had no doubt saw the sign welcoming him to America handmade by his surrogate family.

"Rolf! Rolf!," he said over and over again pounding his chest and laughing. He then pointed to his Georgia Bulldogs laden t-shirt and said, "Georgia! Georgia! Georgia!" Then the German 6 foot, 220 pound young man belly laughed out of pure delight before embracing his new parents and siblings. Rolf did indeed feel welcome!

Although it was quite a sight to see I was so happy for Rolf. I wanted to hug him and welcome him to America too! He was genuinely thrilled to be here and his host family, doing such a small thing made a tremendous impact.

I found myself thinking about Rolf today. Without a doubt he is going to have a wonderful time here in the US. I have a feeling that he is the type of young man to optimistically take on the world. He has a passion that is electric and invades a room without permission.

That, my friends is the way I feel after She Speaks. Oh, I know, I know, many of my friends and family who did not attend are probably going to tire of hearing me talk about it so much. It's just that like Rolf, I felt overwhelmed by the welcome and preparations made for me by God and the wonderful Spirit led Proverbs 31 Team. Right now it is still so fresh and I am relishing every bit!

There are some things God is whispering to me concerning the wisdom and direction I received at She Speaks. They require much work and some time. I've started on my knees, in prayer. That is where the next steps and direction will be spoken to me. And like Rolf, I will be ready to embrace what He shares with me.

Let the Chiseling Begin! She Speaks 2011 Part 1

noreply@blogger.com (Tara Sloan) — Wed, 27 Jul 2011 02:49:00 +0000

Getting on the plane in Atlanta I could hardly contain my excitement. I was North Carolina bound, ready to embrace a weekend with 650 other women representing 44 states and 4 nations for She Speaks 2011. It had taken me two years to attend and now, after months of waiting, I was on my way.

To be honest it could not have come at a better time. My family and I had been through a difficult time in the passing months. Being with women who would uplift and encourage one another was something I was looking forward to.

I settled into my window seat on the plane and I pulled out my notes for my first talk for my Speaker Evaluation group. All of my focus went into practicing and preparing until we landed in Charlotte. I grabbed my luggage out of the overhead bin and I set out to find the waiting area for the shuttle. I found it along with several other women as excited as I was! Some of them I had “met” on Facebook through the She Speaks FB Group. How great it was to put a “live” person with the profile! We loaded up,laughing and talking like old friends all the way to the hotel. A veteran She Speaks attendee, Marlo Huffington answered our questions and talked about what we “newbies” were in for… a marvelous weekend filled with God, affirmation, wisdom and information! As if we couldn’t be ANY more excited!

After arriving at the hotel I checked in, then registered where I was given a conference manual, nametag, schedules, and evaluation assignment. I loved the banners hanging from the ceiling, “She Speaks,” She Worships,” She Praises,” “She Prays,” “She Writes,” “She Mentors,” just to name a few. I then grabbed a quick bite to eat before the bonus session I had signed up for.

The bonus session I had chosen was "Delivery that Delivers” by Whitney Capps. She was too cute and just tickled me! But overall the insight and practical direction she gave was PRICELESS! I took notes furiously! At that moment I knew that God had definitely smiled His favor on me by this opportunity. I declared my whole self, body, mind and spirit a sponge! After the session I headed back to my room so I could freshen up and study some more for my speaker evaluation talk.

We had been directed to get to the main session a little early so we wouldn’t miss a thing. I grabbed a seat and engaged in the beautiful worship led by Michael O’Brien. How sweet the sound of hundreds of our Father’s daughters lifting their voices in praise to Him. No one was in a hurry, we just lingered a bit in the sweet, sweet presence of God.

As the Proverbs 31 Team paraded in a little later to “Walking on Sunshine” we applauded and cheered for the group of women who had made the weekend possible. After a couple of drawings Lysa TerKeurst made her way to the podium and brought forth the Word from God, “Let God Chisel.”

Now, you have to understand that although I knew God would be “all up in my business,” I was still in shock as Lysa began speaking.

She read from emails she had received and reviews on her latest book, “Made to Crave.” There were some awesome testimonies… among the hurtful judgmental writings of others. I had to look like a fish. My mouth was hanging wide open. Although the circumstances were different, I knew the joy of reading someone’s testimony only to be sucker punched by another ripping you to shreds. Only a couple of weeks before I received this message via Facebook :

“Tara… I do not, for even a moment believe you have given up your love of the world, in defiance of scripture (1John 2:15 and James 4:4). I do not believe that your church has divorced itself from the "prosperity gospel " which is in defiance of 1 Cor. 2:2 and whom Paul tells us to have nothing to do with them (Gal 1:8). There are many more areas of disagreement as well. Suffice it to say I am convinced God saved me from your church, and that like Lot's wife, I am not to look back. I do miss your children and hope for their sake you will get spiritually adjusted. I do not think God is happy with the deception and the false gospel at your church, and I suspect He is in the process of cleansing it.” (Identifying portions have been removed as not to reveal the source.)

When I received this message my heart broke. I wept in the arms of my husband. How could someone judge me so harshly? I knew what this individual had said was not true however, it still hurt my heart. Of course it didn’t help that this message had followed the betrayal of some very close friends. We had been subjected to bullying and made victims of false accusations. It didn’t matter that we had been cleared of the accusations, it didn’t matter that we had impacted the lives of many, many people for the Kingdom.

As Lysa read the emails, one after the other, my eyes brimmed with tears. I began having this silent conversation with God. “Really God? Really?” I said to Him. “Really, Tara,” He answered back. I shook my head knowing that a wrestling match may occur between He and I before the evening came to an end.

She began to share about her recent trip to Italy where she stood in line to see “The David.” She shared about the making of the David. Here’s a bit of a summary…

“The history of Michelangelo's David precedes his work on it from 1501-1504, as far back as 1464. At that time the Overseers of the Office of Works of the Duomo (Operai), comprised mostly of members of the influential woolen cloth guild, the Arte della Lana, had plans to commission a series of twelve large Old Testament sculptures for the buttresses of the cathedral of Santa Maria del Fiore. Until then only two had been created independently by Donatello and his assistant, Agostino di Duccio. Eager to continue their project, in 1464 they again contracted Agostino to create a sculpture of David. He only got as far as beginning to shape the legs, feet and chest of the figure, roughing out some drapery and probably gouging a hole between the legs. His association with the project, for reasons unknown, ceased with the death of his master Donatello in 1466, and Antonio Rossellino was commissioned to take up where Agostino had left off.

Rossellino's contract was terminated, soon thereafter, and the block of marble originally from a quarry in Carrara, a town in the Apuan Alps in northern Italy, remained neglected for twenty-five years, all the while exposed to the elements in the yard of the cathedral workshop. the rain and wind weathered it down to a smaller size than was originally planned. This was of great concern to the Operai authorities, as such a large piece of marble was both costly, and represented a large amount of labor and difficulty in its transportation to Florence. In 1500, an inventory of the cathedral workshops described the piece as, "a certain figure of marble called David, badly blocked out and supine." A year later, documents showed that the Operai were determined to find an artist who could take this large piece of marble and turn it into a finished work of art. They ordered the block of stone, which they called The Giant, "raised on its feet" so that a master experienced in this kind of work might examine it and express an opinion. Though Leonardo da Vinci and others were consulted, it was young Michelangelo, only twenty-six years old, who convinced the Operai that he deserved the commission. On August 16, 1501, Michelangelo was given the official contract to undertake this challenging new task. He began carving the statue early in the morning on Monday, September 13, a month after he was awarded the contract. He would work on the massive biblical hero for a little more than three years.” (http://www.giftimpact.com/giftideas/pc/Michelangelo-Statue-of-David-Bronze-Statue-15p130.htm)

She then shared about the statues that accompanied “The David.” ”The Prisoners,” are some of Michelangelo's unfinished works. Large pieces of marble with random body parts coming out from them. An arm, a hand, a torso but never fully free of the block that contains it.

Unlike “The David,” these statues were never completely chiseled and freed. When asked why he was able to complete the statue of David when no one else could, Michelangelo answered, "In every block of marble I see a statue as plain as though it stood before me, shaped and perfect in attitude and action. I have only to hew away the rough walls that imprison the lovely apparition to reveal it to the other eyes as mine see it."

As Lysa shared her adventure in Italy she began to apply how we must let God chisel in our lives. She asked two questions that I have read over and over. I read then just today after I typed that Facebook message I received.

“What if the difficulties in ministry are for our benefit? What if God will use the hurt for His good?”

Good? Benefit? Those are supposed to be feelings associated with “sugar and spice and everything nice,” not “difficulties” and “hurt.” Right?

You see as I have walked through my own personal difficulties and hurt from the last few months all I have wanted was validation. A Word from God that I was right, that He was on our "side." I wanted vindication from THE BIG GUY!

And THAT was when the wrestling match began.

Lysa began to talk about Joshua and the walls of Jericho. You know the story, there were some issues between the Israelites and Jericho. And in the midst of it all, God's presence shows up and Joshua approaches Him,

Now when Joshua was near Jericho, he looked up and saw a man standing in front of him with a drawn sword in his hand. Joshua went up to him and asked, “Are you for us or for our enemies?”
“Neither,” he replied, “but as commander of the army of the Lord I have now come.” Then Joshua fell facedown to the ground in reverence, and asked him, “What message does my Lord have for his servant?” The commander of the Lord’s army replied, “Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy.” And Joshua did so. Joshua 5:13-15

So, did you catch that? Joshua, just trying to do what God has told him to, trying to lead these folks and he hits a brick wall... literally. So, naturally when God's presence appears swinging a sword Joshua probably feels like he is about to be vindicated! BUT... that was not the case.

When Joshua approached God's presence he asked Him, "Whose side are you on? Ours or our enemies?" And the presence of God answered, "Neither."

Neither. NEITHER? When Lysa read that it felt like it was the first time I realized what had occurred. NEITHER! And that was when my second conversation with God began. I couldn't get passed N-E-I-T-H-E-R!

"Neither God? Neither? Are you serious?" His answer, "Neither Tara, Neither."

I sat there with my arms crossed for a moment in disbelief. I argued with God, "What do You mean, "Neither?" Look at how I have been hurt!"

And I heard Lysa say, "Let God chisel..."

I pushed still, "God, I can't believe you would ever condone betrayal!"

And Lysa said again, "Let God chisel...," this time holding a chisel and pick in her hands.

With tears pouring out of my eyes I sobbed, "Father, even if the things we were accused of were true, I know You are a God of Love and You would never be pleased with the way we have been treated. Neither??? "

And this time, I heard Him say, "Tara, let me chisel."

The question was not who's side He's on, but rather, whose side am I on? And will I allow Him to take my pain, my hurt, my difficulties, my uncertainty, my fears and CHISEL. Or will I become a prisoner trapped as the series of statutes?

I picked up the card Lysa had placed at each of our seats.

My pride says, "How dare you!"
My anger says, "You deserve the same hurt you gave me."
My heart says, "Why do I open myself up like this?"
My soul says, "Jesus, am I off base?"
My mind says, "I want a chance to explain."
My feelings say, "Ouch. I'm cutting you off."

My Holy Restraint says, "Let God chisel."

And that my friends, is a very long part one to my She Speaks 2011 weekend. I knew with a start like that I was in for a lot of one on one with Jesus.

She Speaks Meme

noreply@blogger.com (Tara Sloan) — Tue, 26 Jul 2011 03:04:00 +0000

I am joining in on a She Speaks meme over at http://www.chattykelly.com/2011/07/chatty-kellys-she-speaks-meme.html ... She Speaks has impacted my life and I wanted to drop a few teasers before I start my posts about it tomorrow...

1. What was the best advice you got at She Speaks?
The best advice I got was "Let God Chisel!" I will be sharing more about how this ministered to me in the coming days. As Lysa spoke I sat in my chair with my mouth half open. I was having this silent conversation with God. I kept saying, "Really God Really?" And He would answer, "Yes Tara, REALLY." Later on the conversation shifted to, "NEITHER God? NEITHER!" And He answered, "Neither Tara, Neither." Those who attended She Speaks know exactly what I am talking about. The rest of you will have to wait until tomorrow... just a teaser!

2. What was the best lesson you learned in a session?
Sticky Hub!!!! I LOVE this and cannot wait to implement it!!

3. What are you going to do with what you learned/what is your next goal?
My FIRST goal is to seek God is determining my "platform" or "bench" as Emily Freeman calls it.

4. Anything else you want to share? (Good, bad or ugly?)
Hands down this was the BEST conference I have EVER attended and I have been to many. I am so full of love, affirming words, information, revelation, faith and hope... AND GRATITUDE! Thank you Proverbs 31!

Tune in the rest of the week for more about my She Speaks Adventure!

Full

noreply@blogger.com (Tara Sloan) — Sun, 24 Jul 2011 03:28:00 +0000

I have absolutely no idea where to begin. Of course I also feel like I am only beginning

to live,
to dream,
to awaken,
to feel without aching pain,
to hope.

Over the last two days I have absorbed more than I thought possible yet I cannot get enough. My brain, my heart, my spirit and soul are sponges swelled to capacity not daring to be squeezed out. Not yet.

My weekend experience at She Speaks has been a gift, a life saving, life seizing gift. What a precious and beautiful gift God bestowed on me. In the coming days I will share more. I know many of you are anxious to hear all about it, but I'm not quite ready to share. Allow me another day or two to relish and "roll around in" what has been deposited in me... I just want to savor it a bit more.

Fight the GOOD Fight,

Tara

Hiatus!

noreply@blogger.com (Tara Sloan) — Thu, 07 Jul 2011 02:53:00 +0000

Hi my friends!

I am taking a short hiatus while preparing for She Speaks. I have two messages and a myriad of other tasks to complete before the 22nd! All that and I started a new job yesterday plus a list of to dos that is haunting me! It is all GOOD... but I covet your prayers!

I have a lot churning inside of me so I will be chomping at the bit to get back!

Until then...

Fighting the Good Fight,
Tara

Celebrating His Goodness

noreply@blogger.com (Tara Sloan) — Mon, 04 Jul 2011 17:01:00 +0000

Well, Happy Fourth of July! I'm not sure about where you are celebrating but here in the big Metro ATL it is beautiful! The belles are playing on their waterslide outback, Craig is sipping coffee watching some ESPN and I am catching my blog readers up on some recent developments.

The most recent development is.... drumroll please... I was offered a wonderful employment opportunity on Friday! The company I had been with for over four years downsized after a merger earlier this year. So, as of February 1st I was unemployed along with several of my coworkers. Being laid off was not a joyous event however, it was in some ways quite timely.

After a year into my fitness transition I was able to have a much needed reconstructive surgery on my arms. I know there is quite a bit of controversy when it comes to the subject of plastic surgery however, what I had done was reconstructive for mobility reasons. Believe me, brachioplasty is not as "forgiving" as other surgeries in terms of scarring and healing. I have a significant scar on the underside of each of my arms. It really isn't noticeable unless my arms are over my head or if you look right at my elbows. However, the removal of 2 and half pounds of skin and cellulite has made a tremendous difference. My work outs are more refined and I am now working solidly on toning and building muscle. I am able to wear clothing that fits me properly now. There is still a lot of work I need to do on toning but I am up for the work! Without being laid off I would not have been able to have the surgery and recovered as I needed to.

Secondly, the opportunity to study Personal Fitness Training presented itself. The science and study behind fitness is incredibly involved and detailed. Opportunity to lead fitness classes and do some one on one personal training also came my way. During that time I also put together a grant proposal and engaged in an effort to win a grant to fulfill "The Whole Woman" a program to coach women become whole in body, mind and spirit. Although I did make the finals I did not however win a grant. Still, another project I would not have accomplished without layoff.

During the five months between my layoff and new employment I also attended my brother's wedding in Key West, was there in every since of the word for a couple of friends going through difficult times, stood with my husband and our family during the passing of his grandmother and a trying time in our ministry. My daughter graduated from high school, we threw her a big celebratory party and took care of her college enrollment. Yes, it has been a very busy five months.

In addition, a women's ministry called "LeadHer" has been launched and I have been given the awesome opportunity to coordinate a local chapter. I have been working on putting together a Launch Party. I am very excited about the opportunity.

My family and I were able to go on a wonderful vacation together in Cocoa Beach, FL. We laid around on the beach and spent some time with Mickey Mouse. Again, without the layoff, I sincerely doubt I would have been able to have the freedom to go.

While on vacation I was also notified that I had been granted a spot to attend 'She Speaks" a conference I have been trying to attend for a couple of years. I am in the midst of prep for that right now.

That brings us to the new job. I interviewed with an advertising agency in April that I had a great feeling about. I submitted my references and I waited. While waiting Craig and I were out of state when I got a call for a second interview. Obviously I could not make it so the job was offered to another candidate. I was bummed still I kept looking for jobs. I had a few more interviews but nothing panned out... until... Last week I got an email from the same agency requesting another interview. I was thrilled and set out the next morning. On Friday evening I received the call offering me the job. I start tomorrow.

It amazes me the favor and blessing that God has been raining down on me and my family. Even in the midst of difficulties, adversity and resistance He has remained constant. I believe His hand on us validates His call on us.

I have had to remind myself not to focus solely on the fact that not everyone wants us to succeed. That is a difficult truth to embrace when you feel like you are Shammah protecting your pea patch! (2 Samuel 23)

So, now you are up to date on me... except for one last announcement... my blog will be undergoing some changes over the next month. I am preparing for another release in my life. Stay tuned, you won't want to miss it!

Fearless Living

noreply@blogger.com (Tara Sloan) — Fri, 01 Jul 2011 04:59:00 +0000

I've been on a self imposed blog hiatus. There was some "sorting" and "filtering" in a few areas of my life that had to be done. If truth be told, I almost threw in the towel... more than once.

My life has recently had more drama or at least a comparable amount to that of a D-list celebrity. And let me tell you, any desire I ever had of doing reality tv has been squashed permanently! I will take average ANY day!

Through my short season of silence, in the middle of a pity party of decent proportion, I came across this photo. It is from the LeadHer Missouri conference that recently took place. The quote on the banner did everything short of assault me physically. "How long will you hesitate between two opinions?"

The past few months I have been wrought over the "opinions" and "words" of individuals who well, in the light of eternity, won't matter when it comes down to it. Although we are all "entitled" (and boy do I have issues with entitlement... but that is a different post all together!) to our own opinion, the only one I need to concern myself with is the opinion of the Father.

Does it hurt when betrayal and adversity knocks us off our feet? Absolutely! For me betrayal equals rejection and that isn't something I have a history of dealing with well. I don't understand how brothers and sisters in Christ can be so ugly to one another and not feel that going to the Word seeking reconciliation is the what God desires... and requires. Still, I can no longer live in this in between place that is not productive. I have to put on my big girl panties, know Who has my back and become fearless as I embrace His will for my life.

As the woman from the conference is laying before God in the photo, I can hear her cry, "I abandon my fears, the opinions and judgments of man and I become FEARLESS in the eyes of the Creator, Abba Father... I must fulfill the destiny He placed in me... No more hesitation!"

I am echoing that cry, and I may need a reminder from time to time... But today, right now, I am walking without hesitation toward the high call of the Father... FEARLESSLY!

Fighting the Good Fight,
Tara

Be Part of the Solution

noreply@blogger.com (Tara Sloan) — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 05:07:00 +0000

I have been researching the topic of "bullying" for a special project I am working on for Outdooration, an open air concert put in our area. To say I was astonished at what I found would be an understatement. I was not prepared to learn some of the statistics and facts that were populating page after page.

Defining Bullying: "A person is bullied when he or she is exposed, repeatedly and over time, to negative actions on the part of one or more other persons, and he or she has difficulty defending himself or herself." -Dan Olweus

Facts & Statistics in Student Bullying

- It is estimated that 160,000 children miss school every day due to fear of attack or intimidation by other students. Source: National Education Association.

- 1 in 7 Students in Grades K-12 is either a bully or a victim of bullying.

- 56% of students have personally witnessed some type of bullying at school.

- 15% of all school absenteeism is directly related to fears of being bullied at school.

- 71% of students report incidents of bullying as a problem at their school.

- 1 out of 20 students has seen a student with a gun at school.

- 282,000 students are physically attacked in secondary schools each month.

- Those in the lower grades reported being in twice as many fights as those in the higher grades. However, there is a lower rate of serious violent crimes in the elementary level than in the middle or high schools.

- 90% of 4th through 8th graders report being victims of bullying

- Among students, homicide perpetrators were more than twice as likely as homicide victims to have been bullied by peers.

- Bullying statistics say revenge is the strongest motivation for school shootings.

- 87% of students said shootings are motivated by a desire to “get back at those who have hurt them.”

- 86% of students said, “other kids picking on them, making fun of them or bullying them” causes teenagers to turn to lethal violence in the schools.

- 61% of students said students shoot others because they have been victims of physical abuse at home.

- 54% of students said witnessing physical abuse at home can lead to violence in school.

- According to bullying statistics, 1 out of every 10 students who drops out of school does so because of repeated bullying.

- Harassment and bullying have been linked to 75% of school-shooting incidents.

Bullying can take many forms but it usually includes the following types of behavior:

• Physical – hitting, kicking, pinching, punching, scratching, spitting or any other form of physical attack. Damage to or taking someone else’s belongings may also constitute as physical bullying.

• Verbal – name calling, insulting, making racist, sexist or homophobic jokes, remarks or teasing, using sexually suggestive or abusive language, offensive remarks

• Indirect – spreading nasty stories about someone, exclusion from social groups, being made the subject of malicious rumours, sending abusive mail, and email and text messages (cyber bullying).

• Cyber Bullying - any type of bullying that is carried out by electronic medium. There are 7 types including:

1. Text message bullying

2. Picture/video clip bullying via mobile phone cameras

3. Phone call bullying via mobile phones

4. E-mail bullying

5. Chat-room bullying

6. Bullying through instant messaging (IM)

7. Bullying via websites

Bully Related Suicide

• Since 2002, at least 15 schoolchildren ages 11 to 14 have committed suicide in Massachusetts. Three of them were Carl's age. ("Constantly Bulled, He Ends His Life at Age 11," by Milton J. Valencia. The Boston Globe, April 20, 2009)

• Suicide rates among 10 to 14-year-olds have grown more than 50 percent over the last three decades. (The American Association of Suicidology, AAS)

• In 2005 (the last year nationwide stats were available), 270 children in the 10-14 age group killed themselves. (AAS)

These stats are mind blowing to say the least. However, as I read through all of this I just kept thinking, "But how do these kids learn to bully? How do they learn to behave in ways that hurt others?" Typically they learn from those who are the authority figures in their lives or from other influencers, or on any network news show showcasing inappropriate behavior these days. Bullying is making its rounds in the lives of people from all walks of life.

Workplace Bullying

Workplace bullying can take many forms:

Shouting or swearing at an employee or otherwise verbally abusing him or her
One employee being singled out for unjustified criticism or blame
An employee being excluded from company activities or having his or her work or contributions purposefully ignored
Language or actions that embarrass or humiliate an employee
Practical jokes, especially if they occur repeatedly to the same person

There are also some things that are usually not considered workplace bullying:

A co-worker who is critical of everything, always takes credit for successes and passes blame for mistakes, and/or frequently makes hurtful comments or jokes about others. Unless these actions are directed at one individual, they represent poor social skills, but not bullying.
Negative comments or actions that are based on a person’s gender, ethnicity, religion, or other legally protected status. This is considered harassment and, unlike bullying, is illegal in the United States and gives the victim legal rights to stop the behavior.

According to the Workplace Bullying Institute, up to a third of workers may be the victims of workplace bullying. About twenty percent of workplace bullying crosses the line into harassment. The New York Times found that about sixty percent of workplace bullies are men, and they tend to bully male and female employees equally. Female bullies, however, are more likely to bully other females. This may be because there is more pressure on females trying to succeed in male-dominated workplace, and more competition between females for promotions.

Regardless of its source, workplace bullying can have serious negative effects on employees, such as:

Stress
Absenteeism and low productivity
Lowered self-esteem and depression
Anxiety
Digestive upsets
High blood pressure
Insomnia
Trouble with relationships due to stress over work
Post traumatic stress disorder

Because workplace bullying can be devastating to employees and companies, some companies have instituted zero-tolerance policies toward workplace bullying. In these companies, if an employee is being bullied he or she needs to document the bullying and present the problem to the proper person in the company, usually someone in human resources or upper management. Companies with good anti-bullying policies usually hold meetings from time to time to remind employees what workplace bullying is, how to report it, and the consequences for bullying.

In some companies, however, there is a company culture of workplace bullying. Usually companies do not purposefully support bullying, but they may develop a problem with it either through not taking workplace bullying seriously or by developing the habit of placing blame and fault finding instead of solving problems. In these companies, employees who make a case against bullies may find that the bullying only gets worse. In this situation, employees often have to either make the best of the situation or find different employment.

Employees who are or have been victims of workplace bullying should realize that it is not their fault that they are being bullied. If they are suffering negative effects from the bullying they should seek help from a doctor or counselor and, if the bullying is ongoing, from a career advisor who can help them plan a job or career change.

Sources:Washington State Department of Labor and Industries, "Workplace Bullying: What Everyone Needs to Know"

Lastly, and this is the final form of bullying I will discuss on this already extremely LONG post... I found that there are legitimate reports and proof of church bullying.

Now I am not talking about sexual or physical abuse, those things have also been problems but that is for a later post.

Pastors are often targeted as bullies however pastors are not the only bullies in the Church. Long time church members and lay leaders share in the same kind of bullying. A “Church” commercial from the United Church of Christ (for the record, I do not agree with the statement of faith of the UCC) shows various kinds of people getting those dirty looks and cold shoulders and while churches do not have "rejector" seats those dirty looks and judgmental glances are acts of bullying.

Then there are the church members who created dissension and division behind the scenes while praising the pastor to his or her face. Gossip is also an act of bullying. Rumors are started and spread for one reason and that is to make one person or groups of people feel good at the expense of another person or group of people. Friends of mine who have been victims of church bullying were told by others to “let it go” or “get over it” instead of being allowed to express their feelings and begin the healing process. Whenever the Church fails to welcome and comfort the wounded, even when it was the Church who created the wound, we are failing to do as Christ commanded.

What are some of the results of this bullying? First and foremost, people leave the Church. I cannot count how many times I have talked to people who left the Church and have not returned because of an act of bullying and abuse personally, to another or to their pastors/leaders. It is arresting when it occurs because it is adamantly opposite of what the Body of Christ is supposed to be. In addition there are those who don't want to choose sides who end up leaving because they don't want to get involved. Then there are also those who not only leave the Church, but they also leave God because they question how a loving God can allow such acts of bullying and abuse. I wonder how many avowed atheists have been hurt by someone in the Church and that pain is so great that is causes them to reject their faith. In those cases, who is in greater danger of facing “God’s wrath” the atheist or the Christian who drove them to atheism?

We have seen on the news the tragedies of young men and women, boys and girls taking their own lives because of school bullying. There are also those who in desperation take their own lives because of unresolved bullying and abuse in the Church. These people lose all hope in the future because the Church has failed to be what the Church was created to be, a place of love, a place of hope, and a place of healing.

If we are truly the ambassadors of Christ and the temple to the Holy Spirit then we must do better. Those in the Church must have courage enough to stand up for those who are being bullied, even when it will cost them friends and even family. We must be on constant vigil for how our words and our actions might hurt someone else and when, inevitably, we do hurt someone we must be willing to humble ourselves in heartfelt remorse and regret. We must open ourselves in dialogue and create those places where God’s healing spirit can come and begin to heal wounds.

As I read through numerous articles, blogs and stat sites it pained my heart to learn that some denominations are actually unionizing clergy due to abuse committed against them by congregants. How sad! But having been in ministry for over 30 of my 39 years, I completely understand. We all long to be loved, heard, understood and accepted especially in the Body of Christ because we are a FAMILY. The Word is clear about how we are to treat one another.

"Love one another with brotherly affection [as members of one family], giving precedence and showing honor to one another." Romans 12:10 (AMP)

God's heart and plan is always first and foremost redemption and reconciliation.

"This is how I want you to conduct yourself in these matters. If you enter your place of worship and, about to make an offering, you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you, abandon your offering, leave immediately, go to this friend and make things right. Then and only then, come back and work things out with God." Matthew 5:23-24 (AMP)

Isn't that just like a Father? He desires that His children be at peace with one another. I believe that as the Body of Christ embraces His heart of reconciliation and forgiveness then bullying in the church will begin to cease. There will be no room for it. When grievances arise we take care of business and move on.

Furthermore, as we, the believers set the example and atmosphere of peace, love and reconciliation our actions will affect our individual and collective spheres of influence affecting bullying over all.

So I guess what I am saying is we as the Church need to be part of the solution not part of the problem. Let's love one another, support one another, stand up for one another and refuse to allow injustice to wreak havoc in the Body of Christ.

Perspective of Purpose by Christine Caine

noreply@blogger.com (Tara Sloan) — Wed, 22 Jun 2011 03:19:00 +0000

I'm in the middle of several projects right now so I did not blog today BUT, I read this post by Christine Caine and it got me PUMPED!!! I hope it will do the same for you in your journey!

The more life that I live and circumstances I face, the more convinced I am that in order to fulfill our calling, we must be selective in the things we look for in life. If we truly desire to live out our God given purpose and destiny, and continue to serve God, maintain a passionate faith walk, then we need to realize it is more about our perspective than it is about anything else.

We can miss so much of God and His greater plans and purposes because we focus on the unimportant, insignificant things that just happen to be screaming the loudest for our attention. Instead of focusing on the bigger picture and prioritizing what we are faced with, we often times get side-tracked and distracted by the immediate, seemingly urgent elements of life, rather than the things that are actually important and will have an eternal impact.

Colossians 3:2 reminds us to “set your mind on things above, not earthly things.” In order to make God bigger in our lives, we must decide to not exhaust our energy on the small things, such as our problems or present circumstances. We must use discretion in the things that we spend our time thinking about, listening to, speaking out loud, and giving our attention to.

Our problems that may seem so overwhelming can actually be made small in the light of His greatness. God is bigger than any opposition, disease, crisis, question, struggle, frustration, hurt, or offense. Refuse to spend one more minute magnifying the enemy and His plans. (The last time I checked, the devil was small enough to fit under my feet and God is big enough to fill heaven and earth!)

Determine today that you are going to spend the rest of your life focused on the Bigness of God, and through His eternal perspective, live your life for a purpose so much greater than yourself.

Dig Deep, Drive Hard

noreply@blogger.com (Tara Sloan) — Mon, 20 Jun 2011 03:16:00 +0000

I recently wrote a post on resistance. As I read over it later I realized that a piece of the article did not make the transfer! I didn't give much thought to it, I was pleased with the final article until God revealed HIS thoughts on the matter.

In my post I talked about one of the circuit exercises that I do each week in the gym, the harness. You can read more about "the harness" here. However, my focus tonight is not so much on the harness itself but on what it takes to master "the harness."

You see, "the harness" is not at all for the weak or faint at heart. To conquer such a feat requires two things, you have to dig and you have to drive. The more difficult the resistance, the deeper you dig and the harder you drive. The same is true in life and as in my case and many of my readers, in ministry.

Life will throw curves, people will try to trip you up and circumstances will occur that have the ability to take you down. And you can call on your mama, your daddy, your best friend, your spouse and Jesus BUT if you stop at any any point you will be taken down. When others quit, keep going. No matter what, never, ever, ever quit. When others stop, keep moving. No matter what, never, ever, ever stop.

Something else "the harness" has taught me is the importance of focus and determination.

I realized recently that it was always in the moments before I was strapped into the harness that made me want to run.. I watched others walk away, refuse to try and at times quit, but none of those things were options I chose to entertain. I knew the pain, struggle and stamina required to accomplish the task. Overcoming that resistance would cost me everything and then some

As I strapped on that harness and waited for the green light to run I looked down one last time, got a good grip on the harness then right before I took off I looked up and leaned forward.

The word "GO" was all I needed to hear and I was off running, pulling, digging and driving. As my lower body muscles threatened to give out, I would dig deeper with long, strong strides. The stronger the pull and resistance to stop me the harder I would drive and fight back. I would not quit, I was determined to finish. I was focused on the goal and nothing would get in my way, not even a 220 pound MMA fighter!

At that point it didn't matter how much it hurt or even how hard I had to work. It didn't matter that I looked and smelled a hot mess. It didn't matter how mad I was at the trainer for pushing me harder than I thought necessary. It was at this point that I realized that I was no longer fearing what was to come or the pain I would endure. Instead I was focused on finishing and determined to overcome any resistance that would try to stop me.

In life and ministry I have been dealt some hard blows that have piled a tremendous amount of resistance on my shoulders.

I have felt the pain of betrayal.

I know the struggle of watching others take the easy way out when that is not an option for me.

I know the temptation of wanting to run away when abandoned by those who once cared.

I know the pressure of wanting to quit when it seems the vision has been forgotten by everyone but you.

I know the hurt of wondering what is wrong with you that people can care one minute then care less the next.

I know the fear of thinking it will never get better.

BUT, as I have applied the "harness" principles to my life and ministry God has opened my eyes. My spiritual drive, determination, deep digging and focus has given me revelation and insight concerning the resistance I have been dealt with.

* Concerning the pain of betrayal, I dig deeper... "A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who breathes out lies will not escape." Proverbs 19:5 (ESV)

* When I struggle because others take the easy way out, I drive harder... " I know, O Lord, that the way of man is not in himself,that it is not in man who walks to direct his steps." Jeremiah 10:23 (NIV)

* When I want to run away because I feel abandoned, I become determined because... "One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." Proverbs 18:24 (NIV)

* Facing the pressure of wanting to quit when it seems the vision has been forgotten by others, I become focused... ^"Do you see what this means—all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we'd better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we're in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he's there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!" Hebrews 12:1-3(Msg)

* Feeling the sting of rejection, I focus on Him... KJV)

* Dealing with hopelessness, I dig deeper and drive harder... "Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1(NIV)

The resistance which I once feared would kill me has now become the "harness" I conquer as I apply the principles of digging deep and driving hard. As I said before, this business is not for the weak or faint at heart. Nor does it appeal to those who dislike imperfection in themselves or others.

Learning to dig deep and drive hard will bring out the good, bad and ugly in every one of us. You will be forced out of your comfort zone and into a choice of either submission or rejection. You can't dig deep, drive hard and finish if you are constantly critical of the resistance. Take a page from Mark Batterson and criticize by creating a path to the finish line. Critical people who never finish are rarely taken seriously and always with a grain of salt. I can say this because I have been that person before but never again.

The decision to dig deep and drive hard is becoming an obsession with me. It is also becoming very permission giving. Realizing that I cannot focus my determination on finishing with obstacles in my way has shown me that I need to remove obstacles that would divert my focus.

This might mean turning off my phone during prayer and study times. It may also mean surrounding myself with people who have the same vision of reaching, teaching and releasing for Kingdom impact. It may also mean blocking or hiding negative feed on Facebook and if necessary blocking/hiding people on Facebook. At the same time it means embracing honesty and truth without being afraid of releasing/receiving it when necessary.

Resistance is a part of life; mine, yours, every one's. I will never turn my back on people, I don't burn bridges, and grace is a movement I am a lifetime member of. With that I do realize that not everyone is nearly as optimistic as I am or shares my ridiculous level of faith and hope.

I guess it takes someone with a certain level of "crazy" mixed with a destiny that can't and won't be shaken... you know the type, the kind you could strap a torso harness to with 220 pounds of dead weight tied to it, tell them to run and fight the resistance and they are determined enough to do it.

Takes One to Know One

noreply@blogger.com (Tara Sloan) — Thu, 16 Jun 2011 22:43:00 +0000

Having lived in Florida for the first thirty years of my life visits to Disney World were not often but occasional for me. At least once or twice a year I would get to visit the "happiest place on earth." It is something every child should have some sort of memory of if at all possible.

We took the belles to the Magic Kingdom at Disney World in Orlando this week. It was a part of our family vacation. The littlest belles were quite young on our last visit so this was kind of like their first "real" visit. The elder belles have been several times but were excited nonetheless.

One of my favorite changes that Disney made was the emphasis on the "princesses." There is an attraction just for visits with the Disney princesses where fans can visit with Cinderella, Belle, Ariel, Snow White, Aurora, Tiana, Jasmine, and Rapunzel. They have their pictures taken with them, chat and get autographs.

I took Lexi and Izzie to visit with the princesses on Tuesday evening. I loved watching the interaction of the princesses with each child. I loved how each little girl greeted as "Princess." Every little girl was summoned by each princess by the phrase, "Hello Princess!" Then the magic of their favorite storybook princesses came to life as they received about two undivided minutes of attention.

I listened to Ariel share her struggle with being on her "legs" for the first time. She asked each little girl if it was her first time on her legs." Belle complimented each little girl's twirl and Cinderella shared the awkwardness of forgetting her shoes at the ball. It was precious beyond words. And while I know it is "all a part of their job," it was something to witness.

As I watched my little belles gaze into the eyes of these storybook heroines I couldn't help but think of the story, "The Princess and the Pea." A prince searched high and low for a real princess to marry. He traveled all over the world to find one, but there was always something wrong. There were plenty of princesses, but whether they were real princesses he had great difficulty in discovering; there was always something not quite right about them.

One night a young woman claiming to be a real "princess" arrived on a stormy night needing shelter. The wise queen, the prince's mother decided to conduct a test to determine whether or not the young woman was indeed a "real" princess.

She went into the bedroom, and laid a pea in between nearly twenty mattresses piled upon the bedframe, and then twenty feather beds on top of the mattresses. This was where the princess was to sleep that night. In the morning they asked her how she slept.

‘Oh terribly bad!’ said the princess. ‘I have hardly closed my eyes the whole night! Heaven knows what was in the bed. I seemed to be lying upon some hard thing, and my whole body is black and blue this morning. It is terrible!’ They saw at once that she must be a real princess when she had felt the pea through twenty mattresses and twenty feather beds. Nobody but a real princess could have such a delicate skin.

I find this story interesting and neat not because the prince finally got his princess, but because there was only one way the queen could have known how to determine the authenticity of a woman claiming to be a princess. It took one to know one.

Although her son had been out on numerous occasions in search of an authentic princess he was disappointed time and time again. But his mother, being an authentic woman of royalty herself knew exactly how to identify the same authenticity in another. The most peculiar bit of information, why in the world would a "princess" be wandering in stormy weather? The answer to that is simple really. The story gives the clue at its start, "There were plenty of princesses, but whether they were real princesses he had great difficulty in discovering; there was always something not quite right about them."

I marveled at how every little girl visiting those "make believe" Disney princesses were recognized as "princesses." Each of the little girls came from a different background, place and situation, yet still, they were recognized as "princesses." Our make believe princesses did not always wear lavish gowns or jewels. They were once commoners and one of them was not even human! Yet still, on the inside there was an authentic royal streak that when called upon crowned them as princess.

My little belles are indeed princesses, authentic in every way. They have been hand picked and predestined by our heavenly Father. What is in store for them far surpasses anything that any Disney Princess has yet experienced.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

How do I know this? Simple, I know because the same is true for me... after all, it takes one to know one!

Who Counts?

noreply@blogger.com (Tara Sloan) — Thu, 16 Jun 2011 01:35:00 +0000

It is not the critic who counts;
not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled
or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.
The credit belongs to the man
who is actually in the arena,
whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood;
who strives valiantly;
who errs and comes short again and again;
who knows great enthusiasms,
the great devotions;
who spends himself in a worthy cause;
who at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement,
and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while DARING GREATLY
so that his place shall never be with those timid souls who know neither victory or defeat.

- Theodore Roosevelt

Resistance Training

noreply@blogger.com (Tara Sloan) — Mon, 13 Jun 2011 01:20:00 +0000

As I write this my family and I are on our way to Cocoa Beach for a much needed vacation! We procured a condo on the beach where we plan to do absolutely NOTHING but have a FABULOUS time together!

The most amazing part of starting this vacation is the way it has started. Today was such a wonderful day! Actually the last three Sundays have been pretty amazing, today was off the charts. And the more I think about it, the last few weeks have been, well, a time of strengthening and building. It has always been a time of defining and stripping everything down to the bare bones. We've examined the foundation from every side, tested the stock and made adjustments as needed. Issues were identified and isolated so rebuilding and strengthening could begin.

LeadHer Founder Christie Love recently blogged about a scripture from Nehemiah that her brother sent her.

"They were all trying to frighten us, thinking, “Their hands will get too weak for the work, and it will not be completed.” But I prayed, “Now strengthen my hands.” Nehemiah 6:9

Christie shared how she was greatly encouraged by the scripture because it spoke to several areas in her life. As I read her post sitting in the movie theater with my girls last week bombs went off inside of me. I completely understood what she was saying, furthermore, I got exactly what God was speaking and saying as well.

When Nehemiah was working to rebuild the walls of the city he faced opposition , ridicule and criticism. As Nehemiah worked diligently those who opposed him did everything they could to dissuade and discourage him. They schemed and they plotted, but Nehemiah did not back down.

He did not pray that God would change their hearts or minds… instead he prayed that God would make his hands stronger. His focus was not on the issues, the problems or adversity. Did he have to deal with the issues, problems and adversity? Yes, absolutely, but he did not allow it to break him or make him quit. He did not pray for God to remove his adversaries or eliminate the problems, his prayer was for God to strengthen his hands so the work would be completed.

The strength God gives us positions us for a strong finish not an early dismissal. His strength prepares us for what is to come. His strength perfects our weaknesses. HIS strength is a guaranteed victory!

I have become a gym rat of sorts in the last year. It is something that I really enjoy. One of my new regimens has been "Pump Class." It is a barbell class that strengthens your entire body. This 60-minute workout challenges all your major muscle groups by using the exercises like squats, presses, lifts and curls.

During the squat portion you have your maximum selected weight on the back of your shoulders. At certain intervals the instructor has the class stay in a low squat position while pulsing, essentially building resistance. Now, this is very difficult and will burn like crazy BUT, the resistance that the pressure and pain build makes the muscles stronger. Without the pain, without the pressure I cannot become stronger.

Another example is something I love to hate and hate to love. It is called, The Harness. Just typing that makes me feel a pit in my stomach! Here's how this product of my complicated affection works... my trainers Darrell or Casey straps us (one at a time) in a torso harness, then he/she stand behind us holding onto a handle attached to a six foot strap attached to the harness we are wearing. Then comes the fun part. The trainer then leans back into the floor holding the handle/strap and you run, pulling the trainer behind you as he/she creates resistance. Your legs will burn, burn, burn and feel as if they will collapse. But the key to finishing this exercise is in the execution and coping methods. You have to dig and drive. The more difficult the resistance, the deeper you dig and the harder you drive.

My entire life is in a season of resistance and strengthening. It is an EXCITING time yet it is also a time that can be challenging. Like Nehemiah, I have invested my time, finances, blood, sweat and tears into the destiny He has called me to. It is so easy to become thrown off course or tempted to come down off the wall when uncertainty comes our way or a surprise ambush hits out of the blue. Our perceptions, weariness and struggles in life can present what we think is a solid case to give up BUT, remember Nehemiah's prayer!

Nehemiah prayed a prayer that was not fluffy, religious or from a victim standpoint. Nehemiah lifted up four words to God, "Now strengthen my hands." His response was not focused on the challenge or issue at hand, he wasn't looking for an escape hatch. Rather it was a request for strength to endure and FINISH what God had called him to. The resistance, pain and difficulty were mounting around him yet he made a decision to dig deep, drive harder and ask for more strength so he would accomplish the task at hand.

Challenges and adversity do not surface to test of our ability to start something new rather our commitment to stick with it in the good times and the bad. We have to keep our eyes on the goal.

Oswald Chambers said, " We have to pray with our eyes on God, not on the difficulties."

Did my revelation end or lessen the resistance or pain I was in? No, not at all, but it encouraged me that what I was in the midst of would not kill me, but it WOULD make me stronger.

Nehemiah was in the midst of serious resistance and pain. He feared for his life at times, I'm sure he wondered why people couldn't just get on board or at the very least, leave him alone! But when it came down to getting the job done he cast his wondering and fear aside. He prayed for strength to endure and finish what he had been called to do.

My personal focus has diverted from focusing on pain and resistance whether realized or potential to seeing it as opportunity for the strengthening of our hands to complete what He has has called us to in our city and region personally, corporately and as part of the Kingdom.

Contagious PASSION!

noreply@blogger.com (Tara Sloan) — Sat, 11 Jun 2011 04:10:00 +0000

"When I live out of discipline, I'm admired - When I live out of passion, I'm contagious." -Bill Johnson

Leadership Q & A @CCLife Coaching Part III "How do you know it's time to step down?" Guest Highlight: Deanna Shrodes

noreply@blogger.com (Tara Sloan) — Thu, 09 Jun 2011 21:41:00 +0000

This is a reprint from my friend and colleague Pastor Deanna Shrodes. This is a question every pastor gets from time to time and well, I couldn't have answered it better myself~!

Leadership Q & A @CCLife Coaching
"How do you know it's time to step down?"
by Deanna Shrodes

This week I've been doing a series on the blog from a Q & A session with our life coaching group last weekend. Our time together was really profitable and I thought I'd share it here on the blog.

When you can tell it is time to step down from a leadership role?

I always find it interesting that people ask the question, “when should I step down?” much more than asking “when should I step up?" But that's another topic for another day.

I will start out by telling you when you should never step down. Don’t step down when you are frustrated, tired or in the midst of conflict. For some of you that would be…all the time. Ha! In all seriousness, these are times it would be unwise to step down. Everything is clouded by your fatigue and frustration and you don’t think clearly during times like this. Before I ever step down I step back. What do I mean by that? Let me clarify right off the bat that it doesn't mean I stop caring about the quality of my work! When faced with feelings that it might be time to step down I might take a vacation, or take a few days to catch up on sleep, proper eating, exercise, and get in the right frame of mind through prayer and spending time in the Word. Only after doing that can I make a prayerful, spirit led decision. Many times it's just my fatigue talking and I realize that after I rest. A decision to step down needs to be prayerfully and carefully made and should never be a knee-jerk reaction to pain or frustration.

Leadership is never easy, at least true leadership. Too many people step down just because things aren’t easy or they aren’t receiving appreciation. All I have to say to that is “welcome to leadership!” The life of a leader is hard. The higher up you go the harder it is, not the other way around. If this were easy, everybody would be doing it!

When you first accept a leadership position you normally go, “Yay!” Then you get into it for a while, discover the challenges of the role and say to yourself, “Okay, was I doing the right thing to accept this?” It’s normal. Everyone goes through it. I don't know any leader who hasn't gone through this ambivalence.

If it is truly time to step down God's will is not a rash decision but one out of prayer and a clear mind – not confusion (Satan is the author of confusion) and have the peace of God. The Bible says we are to be led forth with peace.

Just Jump Already!

noreply@blogger.com (Tara Sloan) — Thu, 09 Jun 2011 03:24:00 +0000

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” ~ Marianne Williamson

Don't you just LOVE this quote? I feel as if it is giving me permission to be a radical risk taker for the Kingdom of God! Not that I need permission from anyone other than God, but reading that quote just fans my fire!

I have thought a lot about taking risks lately. When you think about it, becoming destiny driven is really all about taking risks! Looking over my life throughout the last 20 years I can pinpoint dozens of risks Craig and I have taken for the Kingdom of God. We've lived through them all, and we're stronger, wiser, better, so much... nah, I'm not going to sing Marvin Sapp's song.. you get the picture!

According to our friends at Webster, risk means the chance that an investment will lose value. That sounds scary! When you lay everything on the line and you have no tangible guarantees, you are taking a risk EVEN WHEN YOU KNOW GOD HAS TOLD YOU TO TAKE THE RISK.

Imagine how Abraham felt when he was instructed by God to take Isaac, his PROMISE and sacrifice him to the Lord. We KNOW that his heart was breaking, that with every step he took up that mountain he struggled under the weight of the full knowledge that his obedience to God was more important than anything, or anyone else. He knew in his heart that God was working for his good. We all know that God spared Isaac and provided the means needed for a sacrifice.

There are others as well. David, yeah, he was a risk taker if ever there was one! This guy seized life, so much so that sometimes he got himself in trouble. But God called him a man after His own heart.

Esther was a risk taker, Joseph, the Apostles, and JESUS was the greatest example we'll ever have of a risk taker. But there is one thing that I believe we often miss because we get so caught up in the actions of risks. Risk taking for the Kingdom of God has more to do with our obedience than the magnitude of the risk itself.

With obedience, with risk taking, there is a responsibility to tap into every reserve and resource He has given us and then some. And as the quote above says, our deepest fear isn't really failing, but WHAT if we are successful? What if God REALLY does come through? What if our lives are changed SO drastically because of our obedience and willingness to take a risk for Christ? What if SOMEONE ELSE changes and comes to Christ because of our risk taking? What if????

Can I say that I am sick to death of false humility that would say, "Well glory to God, it isn't me, it's all Him..."? While this is true at the core, we need to realize that it is our obedience to Him that results in the ultimate outcome! Basically, the equation is: Risk-Obedience= A Flop... BUT, Obedience + Risk = God ordained destiny fulfilled in us and in those we reach out to.

As we embrace this powerful truth, I want to focus on the results of it... And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.