tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28607393819696438352026-04-27T15:37:41.105-04:00Random and not so random thoughts straight from the brainDflyloverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06584850810313432670noreply@blogger.comBlogger145125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2860739381969643835.post-49905294367341826322019-12-17T16:49:00.002-05:002019-12-17T17:08:03.011-05:00

For the love of all things purple... Writing is how I cleanse my soul. It's how I clear the spiderweb of thoughts that cloud my mind. Living as a single mother for four and a half years has taken a toll. This is the first time I've sat to write in two years, I'm pretty sure. We've lived with my late husband's parents for a year and a half. My son, and I, needed some stability and I needed 

Dflyloverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06584850810313432670noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2860739381969643835.post-69436933761964529962017-01-01T20:19:00.002-05:002017-01-01T20:19:15.843-05:00

Woohoo! The black hole of misery that was 2016 is over! Although I could easily say that the past 16 years have been hell, I won't. Olivia's life brought many stresses and heartache. It also brought immeasurable joy. The past 10 years have been purgatory, bordering on hell. I lost my mother. I lost Olivia. I lost a husband. I've moved twice in a year. The past two years have been the true hell.

Dflyloverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06584850810313432670noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2860739381969643835.post-15310290828563959422016-12-24T23:23:00.000-05:002016-12-24T23:23:02.492-05:00

      Happy Chanukah! Merry Christmas! Happy Yule!   Christmas 2016 will go down as probably the happiest in my life. It is also breaking my heart.       In all of Olivia's 8 years, I never had to fib, sneak, or hide to surprise her on Christmas morning. There ARE advantages to having an immobile child! Tonight, I did all of those things so that

Dflyloverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06584850810313432670noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2860739381969643835.post-80453733961425597142015-05-27T09:36:00.000-04:002015-05-27T09:36:53.309-04:00

On Tuesday, May 19th, I came home from work and found my 37-yr-old husband dead. Let that sink in. Really, let it sink in. The initial shock and trauma have passed. The memorial service was beautiful and arranged to a T as Kelly had requested. His parents have now become part of the group of bereaved parents that I never wanted to be in. I am a widow at 41. My child is fatherless at 2. In the

Dflyloverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06584850810313432670noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2860739381969643835.post-73713105247094348092014-12-23T17:35:00.000-05:002014-12-23T17:35:10.447-05:00

I have not even managed to make a quarterly posting this year! Eeeeeeeee...this parenting a typical toddler is no joke! My year has been filled with joys and sorrows, as most years are. I lost my job of 5+ years at Brenner Children's Hospital. I was part of a large layoff last spring. I enjoyed a couple of months being a SAHM to my wonderful boy, then jumped back in as a hospice social worker.

Dflyloverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06584850810313432670noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2860739381969643835.post-52348742699727592892014-03-13T21:36:00.000-04:002014-03-13T21:36:18.341-04:00

Geez, Louise (and everyone else not named Louise who is reading)....I used to write every day.  Now, the most I write is a text message or 12.  I'm either at work or with my sweet Emory.  Typing is not possible with him.  He loves the computer and tries very hard to help me.  Last night, he found apps on Windows 8 that I didn't even know existed.  Maybe if I let him

Dflyloverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06584850810313432670noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2860739381969643835.post-87869211189001626482013-11-27T20:31:00.001-05:002013-11-27T20:31:30.097-05:00

It's been three months since I posted anything!  In blogger time, that seems like an eternity.  In my real life, it seems like three days. I could not allow Thanksgiving to pass without public acknowledgment of the things for which I give thanks.  This year, especially, I am thankful.  Gone are the Thanksgivings of dread.  This sweet, happy boy has renewed and

Dflyloverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06584850810313432670noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2860739381969643835.post-19692300248415759272013-08-18T22:30:00.000-04:002013-08-18T22:30:00.471-04:00

That's where my thoughts start, stop, get derailed, and eventually crash. It's been two months plus some days since I posted last. I think about it, usually around midnight as I'm trying to drift off to sleep. At that point, there's usually a wee one attached to me and typing isn't a possibility. This happens night after night and I think, "I haven't _____ in a long time." The blank might be:

Dflyloverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06584850810313432670noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2860739381969643835.post-29591711383081869742013-06-09T23:40:00.001-04:002013-06-09T23:40:59.192-04:00

As Steve Miller crooned, time is slipping by at alarming rate.  I find my days almost melting together.  Particularly my days off work when I'm home with Emory seem to be time lapsed.  It can seem like it's been only an hour since we got out of bed, but it's been twelve. I don't write anymore.  I haven't posted here in more than a month.  It isn't that the desire isn't

Dflyloverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06584850810313432670noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2860739381969643835.post-79905710202200266482013-04-30T12:39:00.000-04:002013-04-30T17:59:59.226-04:00

Yesterday, I made it through my first day back at work after maternity leave.  It took some horrendous mental prep, a great group of work people, and my husband being Super Dad, but I survived with minimal tears. Without meaning for it to be so, my blog has many times been all about my status as a bereaved mother.  If you're new to me, you can read a good example of that here.

Dflyloverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06584850810313432670noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2860739381969643835.post-60069068951086211752013-04-28T16:37:00.000-04:002013-04-28T17:35:40.144-04:00

I am a procrastinator.  I believe I could do it professionally if there were such a thing. Over the past eight weeks, I have procrastinated to extremes that even impress me.  Tomorrow, I return to work after doing very little other than loving my baby for two months. There are all of these things I had planned to do while on leave.  I wanted to organize closets, finish decorating

Dflyloverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06584850810313432670noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2860739381969643835.post-75130566408583399212013-04-14T19:53:00.000-04:002013-04-14T19:53:00.605-04:00

I can be very judgmental.  Ask my husband.  He'll agree.  The thing I think I'm most judgey about is parenting.  No, I do not think I know everything or that I am superior.  There are simply some things I've come across over the past five years that can't seem to escape that black-robed mouth in my head and her finger wagging. When we have a child, we take on a huge

Dflyloverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06584850810313432670noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2860739381969643835.post-66102940977731262552013-03-29T11:54:00.000-04:002013-03-29T11:54:27.749-04:00

I don't have much time to write these last weeks.  I spend most of my time nursing or holding Emory.  It is not a complaint.  It's actually a blissful statement. However, during all of this quiet time, I can't help but to reflect on those early times at home with Olivia and make comparisons.  Sometimes, those thoughts bring smiles.  Often, they bring tears.  There

Dflyloverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06584850810313432670noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2860739381969643835.post-88208745008930178552013-03-12T11:11:00.000-04:002013-03-12T14:42:10.879-04:00

Our baby boy has arrived!  Emory was born last Monday, March 4. I have identified myself as a bereaved mother for the past five years.   Now, I can just identify myself as a mother again.  The past week has been full of mixed emotions.  By far, the overwhelming ones are joy, happiness and gratefulness.  Sorrow and grief have crept in a few times.  Missing

Dflyloverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06584850810313432670noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2860739381969643835.post-15112100660621067662013-02-28T09:17:00.001-05:002013-02-28T09:24:21.243-05:00

I think this is probably the longest gap in posts since I started this blog.  It's not that I haven't had things I wanted to get out of my head.  It's more that they seemed like just singular thoughts here and there.  There wasn't enough to make a whole paragraph let alone three or four. I'm very near the end of my pregnancy.  I'm breathing a little easier thanks to a few

Dflyloverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06584850810313432670noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2860739381969643835.post-7143076396798423792013-02-04T23:38:00.003-05:002013-02-04T23:38:30.321-05:00

Where were you 13 years ago?  I was in a similar circumstance.  I was 39 weeks pregnant and about 4 hours into labor with the baby who would be known as the world's most beautiful girl.  You may scoff at that.  If so, it's because you never saw her. I never dreamed I'd be pregnant at this age when I was giving birth to Olivia.  I never dreamed what the next 8 years after

Dflyloverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06584850810313432670noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2860739381969643835.post-72414819070899073242013-01-28T22:13:00.001-05:002013-01-28T22:13:21.980-05:00

Tonight, after our last childbirth class, we stopped at Arby's for a late, cheap supper.  We'd had a really good night and were joking about lots of things.  I then saw this man, the only other person in the place.  I immediately thought he looked homeless.  It made me sad, then Karen-brain took over. There's a nurse I work with who once asked the Facebook local world where

Dflyloverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06584850810313432670noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2860739381969643835.post-5406943632273790032013-01-17T17:56:00.002-05:002013-01-17T18:01:04.869-05:00

I am furious.  I don't know what else to call it.  Today, I had my regular follow-up OB appointment.  Recall that I go to a High Risk OB group.  I have seen the midwife most of my visits, but as I'm nearing delivery and she doesn't deliver, I thought I should branch out and see more of the physicians.  The one I was scheduled to see today, let's call her Incompetent, I

Dflyloverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06584850810313432670noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2860739381969643835.post-18736702613204345072013-01-16T09:45:00.000-05:002013-01-16T09:45:43.791-05:00

Before you get all excited about Jersey cows or miniature pigs, no, it's not that kind of collection. I haven't written often in a few months.  I didn't want to bore people with my tales of pregnancy and baby.  I actually pay attention and love that I have readers all over the world.  If you're so inclined, please shoot me a  message and tell me if you have a topic you'd like

Dflyloverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06584850810313432670noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2860739381969643835.post-41182775021636831722013-01-07T21:49:00.000-05:002013-01-07T22:29:45.827-05:00

I'm sitting here on the sofa after returning from our first childbirth class.  Emory has the hiccups and is apparently trying to swat them away. Time is drawing near for him to make his grand entrance into this complicated world.  I am thrilled and have now reached the point where I'm afraid as well. Why, you may ask, would I take a class since I've already given birth?  There

Dflyloverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06584850810313432670noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2860739381969643835.post-17794690680124895112012-12-23T10:55:00.000-05:002012-12-23T17:37:39.513-05:00

It's just two days before the magical day of Christmas.  I'm snuggled on my sofa in a super warm blanket while Sookie and Kelly snooze away.  Emory is awake and moving around to let me know he's ok.  It's a pretty fantastic morning. Many of my blog posts have been about my status as a bereaved parent, like this post from last December.  I think other than my physiological

Dflyloverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06584850810313432670noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2860739381969643835.post-8133727850369022662012-12-19T22:51:00.000-05:002012-12-19T22:55:26.955-05:00

There's always good and bad in any situation.  Sometimes, it's easier to see one or the other.  I am not a pessimist by nature, but for some situations, I do see bad before good.  With relationships and family, it's where I immediately go. I love my husband.  That should seem obvious.  I love this baby boy who's kung fu fighting in my abdomen right now.  For both of

Dflyloverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06584850810313432670noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2860739381969643835.post-86317439678334575792012-12-09T11:23:00.000-05:002012-12-09T13:46:09.072-05:00

I have feared writing anything so positive as I fear the jinx. When I started  blogging years ago and then again last year, I wasn't always in a happy place.  As a matter of fact, I was in dark holes within myself many days.  The blog was a way for me to get some of that ugliness out without, hopefully, hurting myself or too many others in the process. The past couple of years

Dflyloverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06584850810313432670noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2860739381969643835.post-66837091758189626322012-11-26T22:36:00.000-05:002012-11-26T22:36:05.035-05:00

I have had an indoor cat or two for most of my adult life.  I am a cat person.  I like dogs fine in small doses outside.  I have had wonderful cats and heinous cats.  I had the best cat in the world go guano crazy after my daughter died.  Now, I have Sookie.    She's a beauty, isn't she?  She looks so innocent.  I've talked about her before

Dflyloverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06584850810313432670noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2860739381969643835.post-35110256613165733132012-11-21T21:06:00.000-05:002012-11-23T15:08:37.949-05:00

It's Thanksgiving eve.  As many of you are, I am reflecting on the things in my life and this world for which I am thankful.  As I stated in a Facebook post a couple of weeks ago, I am truly thankful every day.  It's why I don't gush so much on the actual day of Thanksgiving.  True story: when I pull into the parking deck at work and manage to snag a space within site of the

Dflyloverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06584850810313432670noreply@blogger.com0