- The Bazinga'd Life!

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2012-03-05T00:14:00.000+05:30

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My Dearest This-That Relationship,

I don't want to define you, Y-E-T.
I am happy.
In a weird way.

Just be there.

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The diary of... Jane!

2011-11-28T19:59:00.004+05:30


Credits: http://ninamokaka.deviantart.com/

"It was always the same recurring sensation that brought her back to life. Come to think of it, her emotions were beyond the transience of normal as we put it. Normal, so to say, that we could not comprehend their relationship in broader terms.

They, who?

He and her.

He, who caused the pain, who was responsible for the soul-stirring affliction that she bears on her mind all day long. It was difficult to put together what they shared, in words. But then relationships are not to be explained anyway.

But what I could explain, as a mere observer strictly, was the flaming passion that they shared, how their love was often engulfed by their intimate desire. How she'd go back to him, after those few spasmodic moments of separation. For me, personally, they seemed like two strangers, distant, cold, and entwined together. What held them thus, was unfathomable. I passed it off as lust. Simply done. Simply. Done.

As I sifted through my daily routine, I was often lost in grasping the emotions often beguiled by the distant eyes. I, personally, without one to count among loved ones, was often left in a need for a romance, which transcends time, and comes with its share of forever-ness.

Until.

The strangest of incidents often shake us up from the insides. Our thoughts and perceptions go for a toss, and the world seems a strange, unbelievable place, where anything could be possible.

So, it was a normal day, college et al, when I found the book. What seemed like a lost notepad was indeed lost, but it was her diary. Already perplexed at someone like her penning down her emotions, I threw the ethical code out of the window, and let my eyes go astray...

Distant dreams, far extreme.

Like the blazing window,

That you and I stay away from.

That love, that out-rivals,

The imposed perceptions.

For it is no one, but you,

Who draws me to you, thus?

For it is no one, but you,

Who hath the power to crush my soul?

And scatter the pieces.

But it is you, only,

Who shall never exalt to such heights, of pain.

For when I cry,

it is not in sufferance

of a bonded spirit,

but it is with naked longing.

It is with love,

that none, but our hearts harbour.

And as we converse in dreams,

and touch, skin to skin,

my deadened soul sees an awakening.

For it is no one but you,

who saw the prettiness in my eyes,

and the gleam in those sundered smiles.

Arresting dreams of sauntering kisses,

with the touch reminding,

of the ever-lasting love.

Your presence, like an eerie-forever,

that rested, oblivious of its need.

For it is no one but you,

that I now love.

And a few more pages, of crazy snippets called love.

Oh, the gorgeous subsistence,

laying ground in my thoughts,

where does the love come from?

Oh, where?

And then..

Today has indeed been a complex melange of emotions. You were slightly upset, at the ambiguity that people show to me, and that I trust, oh so without the slightest doubt. You were upset, and you ceased to continue the conversation. I left, slightly perplexed at your abrading ideas. But later, I died. In my arms, late at night, as the love and the care, hit me at once. I feel like a child, innocent, and small. Cradle me in your arms, will you?

A part of me felt small, narrow and was slowly shriveling with a deep sense of pain. I left the book, where she was most likely to find it. Like they say, love must be guarded.

--

No, as you guys would have figured it out by now, this isn't written by me, I wish I was *this* smart to play with words. This is written by THE BIRTHDAY GIRL, Meher, who among people all I know is one of the best to play with words beautifully, and this post shows HOW! Also, as she forced me, bribed me, and all of that, I do have to say some shit, my traditional shit.

*She is super awesome when it comes to drunk calls. She can totally rip off anyone when she is drunk, and she is on a call. The entire drunk context? That makes up for an entire post, I guess. "You know Arjit, I am Mother Teresa. Or, wait, I am Brutus from Caesar. You know him, right?" "No, I don't, er?" "You are such a drunk loser!"

*No matter what, her belief, her faith in love has never been disturbed -- even when she is sad, "I know, he loves me, we will be together!" is such an inspiration to hear, no matter what.

*The way she used to force me to listen to her retarded jokes on chats. "Hey, hey, I have got another joke. Sunoge?" "Nahin." "Theek hai suno."

*The way, she tells me to give up my "stud" avatar, and be normal for a change -- ha, give me a break, seriously?

There are so, so many small, little things I can write about her, here but guess, I am running out of time, and I am already being pinged, to boast fake stuff about her. *dumbgirlalert*

And just to finish it with a cherry on top, these are the things I like about her:
i)
ii)
iii)
iv)
v)
vi)
vii)
viii)
ix)
x)

Go, have fun on your birthday, fellow-sexy-voice-owner. And keep writing, brilliant, brilliant stuff.

This is all for now. Go follow her on twitter, now -- because she is awesome, and she is worth it.

And as, Kanika ends her posts, "Bahot saara pyaar!" -- not literally.

How to Become a Popular Blogger... (Part 2!)

2011-09-26T11:01:00.001+05:30

Let us face it. You all want to be popular like these crazy minded bloggers, who are arrogant enough not to reply back to your comments. (I just replied back to all the comments on every post of mine, even the two year old ones, you see!)

Also, this is a season of sequels, and prequels, right? Right, come on, now? It is. I know that. And even if it isn't, I'll still post this. So, it's moot. To cut short the foreplay, this post is nothing, but a sequel of one of the most popular posts of this blog. And here it goes:

1. Write letters.

Oh, you seriously think I'm kidding? Trust me, I am not. Write a letter... to anyone, to anything, and you will, I bet, will certainly get a minimum of 50+ comments. Simple. Way. Out. "Letter to a Madrasan girl", "Letter to a Delhi boy", "Letter to your ex-girlfriend", your dick, your ass, your brain, the teacher who fucked you badly with your grades in school, college, your divorced wife, husband, girls, boys, Shahrukh Khan, Salman Khan - ANYONE. It has to work. It has never failed, eh?

2. Anti-Twilight/Bieber posts.

When everything fails to bring you some decent comments on your blog, go out and fetch everyone with your nasty anti-Twilight, or anti-Bieber posts. You see, 25% of the comments I am going to get on this post, will certainly be concerned with this dear Twilight image I added, trying to bash me to death with their Twilight, or Bieber, or even Ravindra-Jadeja-love. But, you want to be popular, right? This is the hard route.

3. Be innovative.
You think this is an ezine-article, sort of point? Nope, nope. You need to be innovative like this guy.

See. You get my point, now, do you. Even if you are writing a simple, lame, retarded post - and you are sure that no one will give a fuck about that post, innovate. This is the most serious, and yet the working point for you to be popular, to hell, for anyone to be popular. Though, mind you - being over innovated can fuck your life, too. Like this:

4. Advice people on how to be popular!
You get the drift to this post, now, do you?

5. Write some man vs. woman - females vs. males - boys vs. girls post.
Yes, I know. Girls suffer a lot. Boys are lame. We suck. You suck. I suck. Everyone sucks. Can't we all just stop cribbing about it, once and for all? You just can't go on a rampage and kill all the chauvinists; they are still going to be alive, stare at you, your boobs, your everything. This world sucks. And there's enough of it. So, if you are lucky to actually find some decent HUMAN BEING, IRRESPECTIVE OF THEIR GENDER, HOLD ON TO THAT PERSON - and stop fucking cribbing about their gender, and generalize irrationally, for the sake of it. Though, writing such a post, for the argument, or against it, is certainly going to get you some creep loads of visitors. Go figure.

6. Write depressing posts.
"My boyfriend left me, for another girl." Uhun, go on, I am listening. "I need to write down some sad poems because I was ditched." Ahan, I am still listening, and reading - go write some sadistic poems, for the sake of it, and for the sake of those same, age old, cliched rhyming words. Can you just look at #3, and show some innovation, to show off that you are nothing, but, depressed? Can you? And hey, mind you, we care... a lot, even if you go missing, and don't post for a couple of months. We will be bothered. You doubt, eh?

7. Unfunny comic strips. *
You got nothing to post? Here's what you need to do. "Open Google." "Look around for a decent comic making website." "Pop up your super unfunny idea, and make that as a comic." "With ultra lame, and irritating characters." "Mind you - hilariously boring is a major requirement!" You are certainly up for about 20-25 comments, with nothing than "ROFL", "LMAO", "HAHAHAHAHA", your bad - what do you really expect from the commenter to post, really?

* - Omit this point if you are one actually funny smart-ass to make some decent, hilarious strips. #Respect No one dislikes a funny strip. :)

8. LEAVE!
Simplest. Way. EVER. "I'm done with this blogging world, I think I need a life, a serious life." Alright, for sure, we'll see you tomorrow. I get it; you've had all the drama/bullshit/blah, blah, blah, blah, and nothing is just working out for you. "Huh? You think I am kidding. Seriously! I'm leaving!" Leave already, baba. Despite how popular you think you are, the truth is, no one gives a shit if you leave and never come back. Just leave quietly and never return. "I'm never coming back! Never!" Okay, you are already boring me with you fucking shit - we'll see you in a week or two. Have fun, till then.

9. Fake yourself to be the next legendary photographer!
For God's sake, we have some decent photographers in the blogging world, and they certainly click some brilliant photographs. Why the fuck, do you need to interfere in their genre, just to prove that you are nothing but another retarded being on this planet, who will go to any extent to prove that, well, you want to be popular. Here's way your out; be a temporary photo-blogger, in spite of being clueless about those terms like, focus, light, and blah blah. Genuine Photo-blogger? Respect, again. :) Self-explanatory, eh?

10. Pretend that your blog was hacked!
Seriously, you think this won't work? Write a rant, praise Salman Khan, post video links of Bieber's songs, claim that you are a homophobic, a rapist, a thief, a murderer, post nudes, your nudes, your favorite nudes. DO ANYTHING. And then, simple, the next post - "I am sorry for the fuck up guys, my account was hacked." I trust you, it was. There's no way on Earth, you'd get an urge so strong to post so many porn photos in a single post. I know you, little cute fellow!

11. Post your love/hatred for a religion.
Oh, you already did know that, this one is a pure picture perfect, eh? Okay, this one is for the ones who just want views, and comments - irrespective of how abusive, lame, and moronic the comments are. One lame, for the sake of religion post, and bang - you have shit loads of visitors on your website/blog, now. People care, and give so much damn about religions, you have no idea. Go try it out. There's no chance on Earth, it won't work. I bet my ass on this one. Tried, and tested.

12. Bitch about your ex-girlfriend, ex-boyfriend!
Okay, being sad about your breakup is one thing. Being hurt about breaking up is another thing. BUT, BITCHING ABOUT YOUR EX, days after your breakup? This one is class apart, and the best thing about it? You still manage to get all the sympathy in this world. Too bad, your ex is not a blogger, else, well, you know. If you are so scared of being alone, and alone, and lonely, and a loner, and the synonyms are the only sane thing in your life, here's way your out:

13. Fight over the internet.
"How the fuck did that person manage to steal my followers?" "How come you have more friends than me on Facebook?" "Blame anyone on the internet, for anything troubling you in your real, and virtual life. And sadly, people will care.

...and remember, in the end -

... and thus, I screwed my every chance of getting laid, now or, ever. Thank you very much!

-

The Cactus Garden!

2011-09-20T08:34:00.000+05:30

"I think I want to visit the Cactus Garden."
"Okay, so, can I conclude that you have gone nuts, again?"
"WHAT? It exists, in REAL, dumbass."
"Get me some photos of that place, then, eh, works?"
"Like a fucking charm, it does... to hell with your bet. I am going there, still, anyway!"

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Cactus garden, is a famous, or may be not so famous, garden. The name is self explanatory, eh? Sailana is only 20 kilometers from Ratlam - (Yes, that city in JabWeMet. #facepalm) is one of the rare places where you can find a wide variety of cacti in different stages of growth and colours. I am not really sure, how old the garden is, but since the ruler of the place hasn't handed over the control to the Govt., (As if the Govt. would have done anything, ha!) and doesn't even live there, as of now, it is kind of poorly managed, the facilities, you may say - minus the only gardener who puts everything on the line to make the garden look beautiful, and well... worth visiting. Take a look at these photographs, and decide for yourself. Simple, eh?

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No, this kid ain't me... lucky you, guys!

And after visiting the cactus garden, thoughts like, "Living my life like a cactus/with a cactus/for some cacti...", and you know, get the drift, please, controlled my mind, for a while - till I visited another peaceful place, near by. Though, accident-prone, but yeah, still.

I don't really recall the name of this place, blame the local name of the place... must have been lame, anyway. But, a nice, decent, and importantly, a PEACEFUL spot, this was.(!)(?)
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And to mention, for God's sake, there is always a way to click on a particular photograph, for their increased size, don't fucking crib about it. And yeah, it does feel weird not to rant about anything, for a change. But, the next post? Is. Ranting. Personified. Seriously. Till then!

Alienated, yet again... - (Part I)

2011-06-30T22:58:00.001+05:30

#truestory - Credits: http://absence-is-steel.deviantart.com/

I know I have been missing for quite a while, now. But, as you guys do know what a brilliant human being I am, and probably the best savior of this planet. See, I prevented Earth from being destroyed, once, too. So, I am probably close to Batman, or maybe even better than that!

But, anyway, the point is... I've been missing, and I know I have been missed by loads of people, and it's genuine missing me, 'cause of the awesomeness surrounding me. But, yeah, I was missing from Facebook, Twitter, even from the V-Blog, because I was fucking kidnapped by those dumb ass green-y looking lame creatures, yet again. And no, I am not over-reacting to it. They are big time dumbasses, I mean who on Earth, er, whatever the name of their planet was, lets go of a genius like me? See. Dumbasses.

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As I do know, how patiently you all read my crap, so I'm just making sure that you guys don't miss out anything on my alien abduction - thus I will have to make you all go through the entire foreplay, the act, and the orgasm. Yes, I did say orgasm. Read it for more "action." Serious "action."
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Without caring a shit about this world, I was in my room, listening to Metallica, watching erotica, well, er, reading it, if I remember - when my room turned environment friendly with green shady light all around; for a second, I thought, maybe I was reading environment friendly erotica, but, what the fuck? Someone was knocking my door. There. I sensed it. I was going to be kidnapped by another set of aliens, from a different planet, now. Damn, it's so hard being a genius in this world, I tell you.

I, being an excellent judge of human character, could sense that they needed me to destroy the Earth, yet, again. But, this was different. This was better. They wanted to experiment on me.

...and thus, they turned me into one of their own breed, the alien - yes, your dearest, sexiest Blogger, had turned into an alien. It was a dark world, the feeling of having three eyes (One of it never worked, I wonder why!) - the feeling of being a vulnerable human was taken away from me...

I was clueless, in the alienated world. Literally. The only shining light in my new life, was still Google. They too, relied on Google. For everything. To anything. (Respect Sir Larry Paige, and Sergey Brin!) The Google Translator was working, I could use it. I couldn't believe my luck.

March. April. May. June. Four months of being an alien, in an alien world - ah!

#truestory -Credits: http://djtriseandfall.blogspot.com/

Surviving without human porn, books to read, girls to stalk, humanity to blame everything for... it was different. They had sizes of their eyes, (A, B, C and D!) depending upon their capabilities of wooing a girl - here, I could openly view all the images of the porn stars I had filtered through, without being judged - and easily confusing the dumbasses. I could abuse humans, (Since that was a fundamental right!) openly criticize IIPM, and it's surreal "management", call the PM a lame-duck, shout "In your face Jesus!", and survive in Mumbai without speaking Marathi. I could openly criticize how lame Baba Ramdev's yog is, could easily blame Mr. Kapil Sibal for my fucked up results - and no one was going to judge me, here. I was living my life, was this they called heaven? Maybe. Well. It was just the beginning of their end.

March 7th, thanks to my attention gaining skills, and my controversial crap, I was already a popular one around, the king of that Alienland, whom I called "Alienbaba," (Sorry dude, I failed to pronounce your name!) had now heard enough of me, and was curious to know how, and more importantly why did someone like me agree, and allow myself to be kidnapped by the dumbasses they were...

I had a smile, a grin on my face... This was MY second attempt, at destroying the Earth, which had just begun, and was going to be unfolded, soon... very soon!

-

Well, that's my first part of alien abduction, more to follow in the series of posts I will be writing. Yes, I am back on Earth. And yes, I know - no one gives a shit. Still.

Have any doubts regarding my abduction? Queries regarding the aliens? Boobs size? Dick size? Their habits? Their style of porn? Ask me anything about them, and their crap.

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...the story, and the legend surrounding the incident will continue... till then!

Aaj Halki Si Shaam Hai...

2011-02-08T10:01:00.000+05:30

Aaj halki si shaam hai - by Bodhitree, is a song which I heard about 2-3 days back, and fuck oh fuck, I was blown away. It isn't as if I haven't heard of Bodhitree's GMD, Sabka Katega, XL Ki Kudiyaan, or anything. But, this was something. Soothing. Pleasant. And even more pleasing. The tabla divinity, and the soulful vocals of the lead vocalist, Satadru Bagchi - This song has absolutely everything to blow your ass off! And if you are missing this, you are missing some good music, really!

The lyrics:

आज हल्की सी शाम है, देखो ना साथ है अजनबी...
तुम कहो ये क्या हाल है, देखो ना साथ है अजनबी.
आज हल्की सी शाम है, देखो ना साथ है अजनबी...

गहरे डूबे हुए, झील में चाँद है...
पहले से ही कभी अपनी पहचान है
तेरे तारों की आँचल में ही रहती है पूरी ज़मीन!

आज हल्की शाम है, देखो साथ है अजनबी...
तुम कहो ये क्या हाल है, देखो साथ है अजनबी.
आज हल्की सी शाम है, देखो ना साथ है अजनबी...

रात ढल जाएगी, सुबह की आह में
हलके पलकों में भी कुछ तेरी साँसों में,
तेरी आँखों में मिल जाएगी,
जीने की राहें नयी!
-
रात ढल जाएगी, ख्वाबों की राहो में
अंखियों से गाएगी हम को बहलाएगी,
निंदिया ले जाएगी, बातों ही बातों में.

आज हल्की सी शाम है, देखो ना साथ है अजनबी...

थोड़े पहरों में ही तुम चली जाओगी,
कैसे कह दूं अभी जान ले जाओगी...
मुझे पूछे ना क्या हो गया,
कहने को कुछ नहीं!

आज हल्की सी शाम है, देखो ना साथ है अजनबी...
तुम कहो ये क्या हाल है, देखो ना साथ है अजनबी...

-

Download it from: 4shared.

Hotfile.

Shortened URL: by MangoManBunty, VKG, TheSleepingInsomniac, or whatever as people call him - http://thesleepinginsomniac.blogspot.com/ - Do NOT miss out on his blog, too, by the way!

PS: Everyone who is finally done listening to this track by Bodhitree, go figure "Ghar by Bodhitree!" - "Majestic track. Out of the world vocals, excellent transitions from bass guitar to tabla, but what makes it stand out are the lyrics." - Srijan Shukla, The Paused World.

Virgin Again? NO WAY!

2011-01-22T16:31:00.002+05:30

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Recently, many people have been showing me a particular image, targeted at me; my ultimate vent out place. Yes, the V-Word for a chance is the main dish tonight, instead of the F-Word. I know, it is absolutely weird. M/s Satya Pharmaceuticals, the small cheap firm, has absolutely no connection with the blog, neither the name nor the content has any truth/reality/bullshit connected to the blog!

VirginAgain: "Hi, my name is VA, and I'm with a Company. Do you want to be a virgin again?"
What you need to reply is: "What are you wearing?"
-

No fucking married woman is going to be a virgin again, at least not by using Virgin Again.

... the only way you can remain a virgin is by NOT using Virgin-Again!

Inter-Galaxy-Love!

2011-01-07T19:28:00.002+05:30

Two. In. Love. :)

One?
No, not possible.
Two? Yes.
Female, and, Male.
In space, somewhere.
In galaxy, somewhere.
Only two.
Just these two.
These two, and these two.
No one else.
He looks at her.
Into her beautiful eyes.
Shy. Sexy. Seductive.
Excited.
A bit nervous.

She looks at him.
Smiles at him.

"So? Er, what do you think?"
She seems to ask.
Her lips are shivering.

She seems scared.
He walks slowly to her.
Takes her in his arms.

He whispers in his d-e-e-p voice,
"I won't hurt you. Promise!"
She looks at his face,
Into his eyes again.
He smiles softly,
While she feels his tall hands on her skin...

**This was the first time, that inter galaxy love had been accepted. After the caste marriage system, country marriage system, finally... the rule of the inter galaxy system was devastated, too. They were in love!**

And so they were drifting away,
on a cloud of their own...
Silently through space.

Kissing, loving, and breaking all the boundaries of the inter-galaxy love!

Sexy space love! :P

New year? Yeah, right!

2011-01-02T21:29:00.000+05:30

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It wouldn't be New Year's if I didn't have regrets. - Unknown!
-

Dear anyone, anyone, and everyone...

I am typing out some shit, here, deleting that, because the text feels sickish, seriously. While I'm typing this blog post, the first one in this very year, this post feels different, weird you may say. It’s like a scene from a postcard. Why, and how? The elaboration - later.

Anyway, 2010 is dead. Officially, calendar wise, that is. But, regardless of the cyclical nature of life, I feel a sense of ending, and, more prominently, a sense of beginning. Just like that, another decade came and passed. Just last week I was saving my life from this fucking fever. But hey, fuck that, too. The past is past. "The past is never past, my friend," someone I know said that to me. But fuck it, I don't care because right now I'm living in the here-and-now. I mean it, so shut up and let me finish.

I can't believe I survived, HELL YEAH, I SURVIVED long enough to greet the new year. Thank you for running with me and not from me. Thank you for helping me run when I couldn't run any longer. Thank you for shooting the fuckers who chased!

And more than all that, thank you for greeting the new year with me.

So there. New year, new chances, last breath, last words, fucking huge piece of shit-pile, dropping down a pole, like a goddamned symmetrical stripper, and you're gone. Happy fucking new year, everyone!

Phew, I don't want to think about the past year, or the upcoming year, instead, I’d like to bookmark some of these nights marking the start of 2011, as I put the old year to bed, for some good reasons!

PS: - :)

Say Hello

2010-12-04T16:43:00.002+05:30

"Frustration leads to pouring heart out onto piece of paper. Conclusion... feeling exactly the same, if not worse."

"You sound frustrated, eh. Do you even know what it means?"

"Have you ever reached that point where your frustration simply makes you churn out tears?"

"Come on, it's just frustration, this. Don't hype it like you always do, Kanika. God."

"Shut up and let me support what I said. Someone I know once got very very drunk and during that period of drunkenness where everything seems to turn to Jell-o, she said, while crying, “Crying is pitiable.” And usually, at any other time than then, I would've slapped her mentally and proceeded to vehemently disprove her statement. But at a point where everyone around you seems to be able to do nothing but piss the hell out of you, YOU INCLUDED KARAN, crying seems like such a sad thing to do. It doesn’t make you feel ‘lighter’, doesn’t make you feel ‘better’, but only ends up giving you a horrible head cold."

"Why? I thoughts girls loved crying. Doesn't it make you feel in power?"

"Uff. No. Crying when your leg gets amputated? Understandable. Crying when you lose a loved one? I sympathize, and yes, understandable. Crying about everything? Understandable if you’re like, FIVE. And that is NOT girls love to do."

"Fuck you, eh, you're literally contradicting yourself there."

"You're an asshole. I've realized that crying when you're frustrated doesn't help… No one will even understand why you’re sobbing your head off. Least of all the male sex. Because they have the ‘emotional capacity of a teaspoon’, as JK Rowling aptly puts it."

"You're being such a bitch, but I still love you, don't worry."

"Fuck off. I have a head cold now. I'm going to go get a tissue."
-
This is Kanika, yes, the new author here – the one who is the original inventor of “Stone-Paper-Scissor(http://stone-paper-scissor.blogspot.com/ ), the game, and the blog of the same name, too. Pretty normal, pretty abnormal, funny, crazy, weird, super weird, all that she is. Dumb, girly, and whatever other adjectives you need to associate with her. The point is that, she is someone, special, with some huge stock pile of creativity out there in that small petty mind of hers, eh! So, let us now cut the crap, and welcome her to all the madness out here. ;)

One year of assholeness...

2010-11-12T17:10:00.005+05:30

The phenomenon was initiated by me a year ago on this very date... a casual fight which actually led to the creation of your very own, whatthefuckplace! We were finding out ways, and were discussing and trying to invent the I-will-piss-you-off-chemical©, by which we could actually piss off many people in a single go. Thought of many ideas, but none of them actually were impressive enough. But, then...

That very night, when the Heavens were on war, when the unicorns lost their horns, when Kalmadi thought of CWG seriously, (Oh, wait! That one didn't happen!) and when Sachin got out on 0, and the blog was invented. Yes, that very day. Blame the Gods for it, haters. And praise the Satan for it, too!

We have been hated, been loved, been kicked, been abused, been thrown, BUT have survived all the wrath, agony, pain, lust and what not. The detailed story about the formation of the blog - Sometime, else. As of now, a very happy birthday to my fellow love!

Happy Birthday to the all the non-existing readers, and the writers. And for him, the one man army of this place, a gift - an ass, for making the blog run. And for perfectly executing the plans for annoying people.

Drop your views, feedback, lame-comments, one-liners, abuses, piece of advice (Which will be ignored!), gifts, and for once, yes... please do share about your experience with the blog in the past year, and oh to hell with it, whatever!

PS: May you piss in your pants after reading it.

Men: 2 || Women: 0

2010-09-12T11:43:00.000+05:30

Well, people who know me personally through Facebook and all... already have an idea about this post. But, anyway, I haven't been regular with my posting these days. (Apologies, really?) To cut short the foreplay, this is a RE-posting of a Facebook note on my blog.

From note to a post. A conversation I had, well, again - this time with my friend "Maitri!"

-

Arjit says:
Come help me if you can, and I promise that you will be smarter than a fifth grader.

Maitri says:
Really? You are smart. You can make it without me!

Arjit says:
We're smart because we're men!

Maitri says:
Fuck you asshole, I'm a woman and I'm smart. You egotistical bastard.

Arjit says:
You're a woman alright.

Maitri says:
And what is that supposed to mean?

Arjit says:
If you were so smart, you'd know what that was supposed to mean.

Maitri says:
Why are all the men I like jerks? ugh... I'm going to sleep before you harass me more. 'Night.

Arjit says:
Because you're a woman and pretty much all women break their pelvis by spreading their legs for jerks. Oh, hey, that's a good thing that you're going to bed and not endangering others by driving.

Men: 2; Women: 0.

-

As expected.

- Time Travel...

2010-03-06T22:16:00.001+05:30

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 8; the eighth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Yes, I've been missing for a few days. Actually, I was swimming, after learning it of course, in a sea of psychics and I washed up on an island made of shit. The sky was made of uncountable trees and every star was made of leaves. Yeah, that's a load of shit. I've already told a few what happened to me, but the time to tell my story is now. Please bear with me while I write this.

Ok... deep breath, everyone...

I was abducted by aliens and was forced to travel the time with them!

Yeah. You read that right. Big headed, big eyed, green, creepy looking jackasses interrupted me while I was entertaining myself before work. Not only that, they kept me for a week, and forced me to see the future of the Earth. And to top everything off: When they brought me back I was late for studying for my examinations, not to mention the days I had already missed. If you're going to abduct me, at least have the decency when you do bring me back to bring me back on time. Those assholes owe me for the time for which I am not getting paid. Until they return and make up for that I am going to continue to sit here, shake my fist, and shout idle threats at the top of my lungs.

Narration:

It all seemed like a normal day to me. I was at my house. I was just sitting at the computer, downloading porn... err... about to update my blog when a beam of light was shining right above me. I looked up, thinking maybe a light was installed in the house of which I was not aware (like you've never had a light just show up out of nowhere in your house. Don't judge me.) While inspecting this strange light and trying to figure out its source there was a knock at my door. "Unless you can get me some traffic for my blog, and help me win Blog-A-Ton 8... go away!" Another knock. Damnit! I got up from my computer and my amazing blog that I was about to post for everyone to cream their pants over, to see two tall, lanky, green skinned, black eyed beings. "Are you two, the moronic creatures, who are responsible for this shining light into my house, almost blinding me? Do you know how difficult is to handle the loyal readers of mine when I don't write shit, eh?"
"Glerp, slerp, flerp."
"Do you speak English, Hindi or any thing which I can understand, or are you just a moron?"
"Sorry, forgot we were no longer on our planet. We're here to kidnap you."
"And you knocked on the door?"
"Well, we would have just snatched you from the chair, but how would you have gotten through the ceiling and roof? Those sci-fi movies have it all wrong. You coming with us or not?"
"Sure, what the fuck?" I walked out with the two extraterrestrials and we beamed up into the mother ship.

Once aboard they were all surrounding me. "So, what do you assholes want?"
"We're going to destroy your home planet."
"And?"
"You mean... you're not afraid?"
"No. What took you lazy bastards so long? Do you know how long I've been praying and wishing for someone to get this destruction. Get to it!"
"We... umm... what?"
"Where's the goddamned button? I'll push it myself!"

"Er, but we want you to see the condition of your Earth in 2050! Come travel with us!"

"Why can't you do it yourself, man?"

"Because, we need a smart human to test all this shit! Stop talking. Lets move to '50, now!"

"This is shit again! You mean, nothing is finishing in 2012? You guys are lame, morons! Urgh. Anyway, I hope I don't have to see the Baweja guy over there!"

**I went to 2050. They were standing on the gate of 2050, only I could enter and see the bullshit!**

*** And the bullshit did amaze me! Wanna-be bloggers like me were still trying to win Blog-A-Ton XYZ. There was no corruption. I mean, the Govt. had asked the Oxford to remove that term, simply because they were unable to remove corruption itself. I felt proud; proud that I had had a blog -- But, to hell with my posts! How did the humanity survive till 2050? It's NOT done! This is unfair. I, being a misanthrope, need a quota for myself. I won't be able to bear the stupidity and the selfishness of people that long. No. I'm serious, if you can get the drift! ****

I came back from 2050, told them whatever shit I'd seen. TRULY. They didn't know what to think. I was on their side. I told them everything they needed to know about Earth. And its future! I spilled all of our secrets. That's right. You may call me as the first one who was a traitor to the Earth! I betrayed Earth and I'll do it again. They ran different tests on me, on my brain, and the results said that I am a certifiable genius (like you people didn't already know that. Eh?) I'd give you the paper with all the results, (A scanned copy!) but it's all written in extraterrestrial so you wouldn't be able to read it. Extraterrestrials are funny as hell when they're hammered. They returned me safely and informed me of when the destruction of Earth would take place.

**A month later!**

The alien sent me a message on my private blog that they got self destructed while they were planning to destroy the Earth! Fuck it! I ask them, why!?! The stupidity of people on Earth saved them this time! Holy fuck!

( Earlier )**When they dropped me back!**

"The results of the guy certainly show that he's a Goddamned genius!"

"BUT, do NOT forget that he is a human. He may be selfish. And cheat us!"

"Right. What should we do?"

"I guess, whatever analysis were made by him, let us simply reverse it. And we'll be done, I'm sure!"

"Perfect. He would've altered everything! Lets do it."

"The end is coming on... !"

They felt I was cheating on them, and reversed all the tests. And holy fuck got fucked up themselves! I suffered because of being a human! Gosh, they should have read the definition of "Misanthropes" on the UrbanDictionary before taking a decision. Later, that night. I also got a tweet, which said: - "#EpicFail. You were right. Not all humans are untrustworthy, we should have believed you! The selfishness on your planet was too much for us to handle!" Oh, crap... you know I'm lying, it had more than 140 characters! :P

Oh shit, it's my time, right now. More on to it, later, dumb shits. I prefer not to travel the time in future, now. Had been hearing it, and saw it myself this time, the intelligence and the beauty of the people will keep on decreasing as we progress. If this is our standard in 2010, you can very well imagine, what did I go through in 2050?

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.