The Flea Circus of Crap Junkies Theory

The banks and the Fed screw us again!

2010-11-03T17:28:00.001-07:00

So here we go again... The Fed and of course out lovely over bloated banks fuck us again!

Did you hear about the super deals of refinancing a home lately? Bullshit! Let me explain.

Sure the rates are as they say a whopping 2.67% yada yada yada....

But for us self-employed bastards, we can never qualify. Why? Because our tax returns won't let us! We do the typical write offs that are allowed. We work our asses off to pay the fucking taxes. We bailed out the scumbag, douche bag, low life motherfucking bankers. Remember that? But now they want all kinds of proof to do such a favorable refi. Why do they need all this shit when you already have better than 30% equity. They claim that Freddi Mac and Fannie Mae want that. Remember, these useless pricks of bankers get everything insured by those two government entities. Whoa! Government entities? Insured? Fuck! You mean to tell me that my tax dollar not only stops me from getting refi'd, but also underwrites these fucking pricks we already bailed out. And now, my own tax dollar is making it impossible for me to get a well deserved deal. My credit score is in the 800's motherfuckers. I am not asking for anything special. Just lower my interest rate assholes!

So here we are again - we fucked ourselves when we bailed these bastards out, we now get fucked again by our own fucked up government. Well fuck you! It's time to kick some asses. Fuck the political bullshit. They also are nothing but a bunch of fucking spineless cowards. That was proven yesterday. I am talking specifically about you right wing motherfuckers. Am I showing yet that I am pissed off? You betcha! Who said that. Oh yeah, that bimbo from Alaska that couldn't even explain the simplest of shit if her life depended on it.

You want your country back? Well, fuck you! You have no idea just how fucked up it is, and if this is as good as it gets, I sure don't want it back. And neither should you. So here is what I suggest... since the TEA party is a totally fucking useless bunch of yes swines, we should start a new party. Let's call it the PEE party. That way we can urinate (that's piss, for you rednecks) on all those fucking useless campaign signs everywhere. We'll make it a law! We will force people, no, the "sheeple" piss on all the posted campaign signage everywhere. For those that are full of it... they can defecate (take a shit, for you redneck right wing holier than thou motherfuckers) as well.

If I have to see one more of these fucking loser government types talk about GOD, I am going to come back and fucking send them to hell, personally. They don't have a fucking clue and totally abuse this three letter word at their convenience.

Fuck you! To all politicians, bankers and greedy top 2 fucking percent. You all deserve what's coming. I can assure you it ain't gonna be pretty. What comes around, goes around. Haven't you assholes figured that out yet? I for one will not be surprised when some motherfuckers show up at your front door demanding restitution. It is the nature of mankind. You keep squeezing, sooner or later man will retaliate. It's human nature. When that happens, don't come crying for our help. We won't be there. You have alienated us! So you will likely here one thing, and one thing only; "Fuck off!", "Eat shit and die!" - After all, why should we bail your asses out again anyway? You have yet to show us any fucking gratitude.

So here is a simple piece of advice to all you readers. Decide which side you are on. Are you a true CrapJunkie? Then let the fuckers suck you dry.

But is you have any doubt, stand up to these fucking assholes and tell them what you think. Let 'em have it!

All they do is bully their way into our lives, and yet, here we are with a fucking epidemic of bullies in our youth. Ever wonder why? - CJ

3D TV - Myth? Fantasy? Money? Sucker? Crap?

2010-07-04T11:59:00.000-07:00

There is a buzz and it's not really new. The term 3D has been around since I was little. Perhaps the breast size of a rat? Maybe that was 3DD? I can't remember. Hell, I am just used to getting colors on my new 52" LCD screen. Of course there is that wonderful thing called HD as well. But still, many a stations have no clue how to broadcast that correctly. Nor do the cable companies have a clue on how to receive it properly.

Yes, the second part of that statement is more relevant than the first. Little local stations just don't have the money to broadcast in HD yet. But when they do, wouldn't it be nice if the frickin' DVR provided by the frickin' cable company could actually process the signal properly? Piece of crap is what they is. Yes, we Crapjunkies continue to pay for an archaic piece of crap DVR that barely know how to record, playback or even display proper time schedules. Perhaps COX lives up to its name? COX - think about it. They have a remote that has a button that's labeled "HD ZOOM" - yeah right. So I stumble upon a station that actually broadcasts in HD. What do I get? A wide screen picture with a black frame around it. So what do I do, I press the button. The one labeled "HD ZOOM". Logically, this should bring the window out to the edge of my HDTV. No? NO! I zooms in way too far! It crops all the "Safety Zones" of the screen off. To make it worse, when I press that idiot button, it shows, "Zoom Level 1" - hence, there must be a "Zoom Level 2". So what do I do? As I am of course the master of CrapJunkies worldwide, I proceed to press the button again. Yes, I got suckered into believing that maybe, just maybe, this second level would be the correct level. It would make sense after all. One needs to push a button twice to get the correct setting. It is the American way.

This same reasoning applies to doorbells as well. We never just ring once, but at least twice. Why? Why do we do this? This is a really bad habit. Just think, the ever famous Murphy states that when you approach a front door, and ring the bell, chances are the person inside is a) not there to start with b) having sex either by themselves or with someone, or something or their pet or c) taking a crap and simply can't expedite the process without forcing major hemorrhoids to come to life on your behalf. So what do you do - systematic reflex - you push the button again, which in turn rings the bell which in turn makes the poor bastard truncate his perfectly tapered piece of art in the middle leaving major skid marks in his underwear. All because, yes, you needed to push the button twice.

In any case, I pushed the button labeled HD ZOOM again. Thinking like a CrapJunkie that this would get the correct setting. All I can say is that I never realized that Pia Zadora had such fine skin - not! I could see every dimple, pock, artery and nose hair... Okay, I wasn't really watching her, but you get the idea. Speaking of which, what ever happened to that babe? I digress. Be back in a minute.

Okay - I am back (2 minutes later) - In any case - HD is not really HD even if you press the button twice. It is some other unknown screen size that does not meet the standard. So now the world really believes it is ready for yet another thing called 3D? Perhaps this will have a button or buttons for the viewing impaired. I now officially wish to make recommendations to the designers of what these buttons must be labeled with:

Button One (Gray, black or white color): "Color Blind" - this button is for all the viewers that are color blind. 3D will not work in this case. One needs to see color for 3D to work. So this should present a message along the lines of "Please throw your brand new overpriced 3D TV away. It serves no purpose in your life and never will. You simply can not see the greater picture in this? Then you are not only color blind, but also an idiot for getting suckered into buying such a piece of crap. CrapJunkie!"

Button Two (Red color): "Medical Impairment" - This is for all the people that have epilepsy, or that suffer from severe migraines. 3D will kill you! Need this be explained more?

Button Three (Yellow Color): "Revert to 2D" - This button will be worn out quickly, so memorize what it was labeled with.

CJ

Button Two Type

So it's been a while... 'cuse me!

2010-07-04T11:51:00.000-07:00

Okay, - So real life has gotten the best of me. So making a living is in the way. Well, if you guys would read more of this crap, then maybe I could make a living doing just this crap. Crap e dium. Latin for - click on the crap links on this blog to make me earn lots of Google dollars and make a living. Crap! - Soon to follow - the new (old) 3D crapjunkie explosion. Yup - the 3D generation is upon us. Except maybe for 20% of the audience. Stay tuned. - CJ

Obama Announces his Veep

2008-08-22T12:25:00.001-07:00

This is the official announcement received from Barack Obama minutes ago....

Psych! :)

When news and politics really create a FUBAR.

2008-02-01T13:32:00.000-08:00

Are you a Crap Junkie?(Read this first if this is your first visit.) also see how it all got started and why. ______________________________________

So today, yes, today I noticed a major FUBAR on Yahoo! News. Perhaps this major FUBAR was induced by the excitement of Yahoo! finally being taken out by the big boys at Microsoft. Perhaps this was a feeble attempt of Republican satire? Perhaps it's just a FUBAR.

FUBAR is a term used when things are really, well, FUBAR. Note the link on the yahoo page in the image titled "MoveOn.org endorses McCain". That my friends is a total FUBAR. Not just becuase the link takes you to the correct article titled "Obama endorsed by anti-war group", but also because it would otherwise be science fiction. Basically it would never happen in a million years. McCain - MoveOn.org - well, that's like a chocolate and pickle soufle, turkey baister and starch and sugar and water, - no, wait, wrong topic. More like, the pope taking a crap in the woods. Or maybe, Bill doing Hillary.

Could there be a conspiracy here? Could it be that the Repubs have hacked into the Yahoo system? Could it be that "anonymous" hacked in again, thinking they were getting it on with one of the Church of Scientology guys?

Perhaps it's simply a frickin' reporter's error! Somebody asleep at the wheel. Whatever the reason, this is exactly the type of crap that Crapjunkies devour. So, lesson be learned:

If a link's description sounds questionable, follow it to make sure.

If a link is on a Yahoo sidebar under an Ann Coulter picture, then you know it's a conspiracy!

If you are reading this, then you are a Crapjunkie!

Trump could have, should have, but like all pussies, didn't...

2008-01-04T18:21:00.000-08:00

Are you a Crap Junkie?(Read this first if this is your first visit.) also see how it all got started and why.
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So here we go again with an insatiable season of The Apprentice. Sure there are a couple of differences, like celebrities playing the game, but Trump, you still are a looser when it comes to truly being a man of your word. You published so many bullshit books and hence can't even remember what you wrote. I used to be a fan. Can you tell?

In any case, the CrapJunkies lined up to watch the first episode this week I am sure. Not because of you, but rather because of a little devil named Gene, some hot Playboy chick, and several other hot celebs except for the oddball - Amarossa. What the hell made her a celeb? For the first time we are about to experience your match made in hell. You against Gene (the preview looked good - but I still don't think it will save the show for yet another season.). Serves you right.

You see Donald, oh mighty Donald with the power of hair, you fucked up on the first episode. You showed your weakness to the CrapJunkies that watch you. Fortunately for you, they are CrapJunkies. Otherwise they would have read your books and actually might understand this article.

You Donald, the mighty Donald in your mighty Board Room blew it big time. At this point you are thinking; "Like hell I did, I kept that Omoarosa bitch in play - that's good TV". And I for one would expect nothing less from a weasel with oh so mighty hair. Of course, you do need exceptional TV at this point. Hell, even NBC can't keep your website up to date anymore. I wonder why?

You blew it because you tried to play the idiotic and Crapjunkie believable corporate bullshit game that has fucked over so many good Crapjunkies. The morgue in your house must now be beyond full.

You see Donald, simply making a statement, about how "cruel the corporate world is sometimes to some of the better people", and that sometimes its "just not right". "But it is a business and in business you have to make business decisions"; was the lamest, dumbest thing ever to come out of your pie hole. Particularly right after firing an innocent. As you have said so many times; "Talk is cheap"; you really are an idiot. Yes Donald, talk is cheap! And you are one of the best (worst) when it comes to cheap talk.

Oh how profound your words were Donald. So profound about unfair things in the "business world". Well eat shit you prick- you of all people with your greatness could have actually induced a slight change by simply not following the rules of the "business world" for a change. Just think of the example you could have set for all those corporate slime ball limp dicked asshole MBA's that cling on your every word. Just think of the positive PR that you could have started to induce around you, that would actually make little Irish (or was it Scottish?) men sell you property for allot less because they actually would like you.

You, the almighty Donald, were too weak to follow your own rule of business. And now you sit and wonder just which rule that could be? Well, understanding that you are basically The Donald, the master of all CrapJunkies, you should know your own rules, shouldn't you? The one fundamental rule that you so flaunt whenever you can. The rule that you rub in every one's face over and over again. The one almighty Donald rule: "The Donald never follows rules!"

Well you contradicted yourself big time mister. You fucked up royally. You deserve nothing but a great big spanking. A spanking from Omorosa. She should be the one, for you have dishonored her. (As well as that hot chick you fired.) You dishonored her by not firing her ass once and for all, all in the name of fucking CrapJunkie TV. Just how kitschy do you need to get?

Be forewarned Donald, the CrapJunkies are watching you. Ah shit, that's not what is supposed to happen. Damn it. Crap. Donald wins again.

But I won too - I deliberately misspelled Omarosa Manigault Stallworth's name just to piss her off.

Nanner, Nanner, Donald. Oh, and by your own words, pay attention, you just might learn something from all those wonderful and truly successful people on your show this season.

Happy Old Year - Knee Jerks of Wallstreet and BS

2008-01-04T15:58:00.000-08:00

Are you a Crap Junkie?(Read this first if this is your first visit.) also see how it all got started and why.

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So here we are, just barely out the door with 2008 and what does Wall Street do? They do what they are best at.. knee jerk themselves into oblivion.

So how is it that solid company's stocks just plummet? Why are people that own stock so goddamn stupid? Why does one idiot inspire another to buy or sell based on nonsensical information at any given time. Why does the stock market follow Britney Spears' actions so closely. What the f&$#?

OK, so when Britney shaved her snatch and showed it on TV, the market rallied. When she shaved her head, it rallied, backwards. Now she is in custody from what I hear in some hospital for a 72 hour watch.

Does that mean that after this is over the market will take off again? Most likely! You bet! Listen you fucking Wall Street CrapJunkies, or should I simply just elevate you to Crapmeisters! You guys are all a bunch of unrealistic pansies. You pretend to know what the hell is going on in the world of finance and fuck it up every time. Why? Because you are not only Crapmeisters, but motherfucking greedy bastards to boot. When was the last time you took a good shit? Obviously a long time ago. Looking into your eyes it seems you are pretty full lately.

Anyway, back to the Britney Spears-Wall Street connection/conspiracy. So you may wonder why this is the case. Well, I am about to prove to you that the two are directly connected at the hip. You see, when Britney Spears (we'll just call her BS from here on out), does something that pisses us regular Crapjunkies off, say for example gets fucked up and drives into somebody, it has a direct impact on the economy. Here's how:

Crapjunkies immediately gather around the tube to hear the shit flying through the journalistic fucks' mouths about how BS hit the mofo while filling a tank of gas and tripping on the curb with her kid in hand while slipping off her Fredrick's of Hollywood panties to strut her lips in the warm breeze because she forgot to put chap stick on them. But that is yet another story. OK, but in this little 10 second clip of life, she has directly impacted the gas companies, lingerie companies, kid companies (why don't they make safety devices for idiots like her?) , TV stations, their affiliates, their sponsor's which all lead back to Wall Street. Oh yeah - and you the Crapjunkies offer even more full support.

You watch this shit on TV, get off on it, think about it, sleep on it and then finally act on it. This is what I like to call the Crapjunkie BS Syndrome Cycle. Great acronym huh? OK, so now we have the CBSSC. Of course there was some pill pushing communist company running their commercial telling you to "ask your doctor if this is right for you" during all of this. So you order more pills, which by the way are most likely involved with some petroleum based substance, which in turn increases the price of oil, which in turn has absolutely no effect on Wall Street. Right? Right.

So, you have your shit tube tuned in (using electricity, generated from coal plants, in California, causing the air to thicken, causing BS's lips to chap even more) to Crapjunkie's special reports from the Crapjunkie Network News (CNN?). You listen, you laugh. You listen, you cry. You listen, you get pissed. You listen, then realize you can also watch. Fuck, it's TV!

Moving right along, and back to the proof that Wall Street and BS fit perfectly together. Wow, I could stop right there. Case and Point.

Happy New Year to all you Crap Junkies and stay tuned for one CrapJunkette of a year!

It's been a while, but wowzee, I've got a secret!

2007-09-16T11:38:00.000-07:00

Are you a Crap Junkie?(Read this first if this is your first visit.) also see how it all got started and why.

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So it's been a while since I last posted here. There is an actual reason for this. I have moved, relocated, left the so called "paradise", "got the fuck out of Dodge" even though I never owned a Dodge and never would. But that will be another bit, I am sure.

I have been sitting back for a while, remodeling my new-old house and basically just accumulating more "fodder" for this wonderful and totally insane blog. I use the word "insane" as it really applies to this particular "blogette" for the Crapjunkies of the world.

By definition, insanity is when you try do to the same thing, the same way, over and over again while expecting a different result. As an example and something you can do to help prove that you, as a true Crapjunkie are not insane, (Ok, you are reading this, so you are a Crapjunkie and have to be insane anyway.) try this;

1. Bend over slightly in front of a solid wall. (There is a reason you want a solid wall which is explained later.) - By definition (yes another damn definition) this solid wall would be made out of brick, not drywall. It simply has a better effect.

2. Now slowly accelerate using both legs (i.e. run) towards this wall with your head pointed straight at it.

3. Impact the wall to get the full effect.

4. Answer the following question once coming to: "Did it hurt?"

5. Repeat steps 1 through 4 repeatedly until you get admitted to the hospital at which point they put you in a straight jacket. This will be easy for them to do as you will still and most likely be in a coma. As you are in a coma, it will be your relative, spouse, friend or anyone that watched the insane act, be the one that explained what happened. They will elaborate, adjectivicate (is that even a word?) and explain, enhance and try to decipher what the hell you were trying to prove. They will explain that you barreled towards the wall head first several times, and even after blood came spewing out of your head you were still determined that you could ram through the wall without pain.

They will explain that you were so convinced about this, that you tried over and over again while expecting a totally different result. You did this because you believed. You believed because you visualized it. You visualized it because you are part of that new cult called "The Secret." - Yes you are insane because you blew a gigantic wad on "The Secret" while finding out shortly afterwards that this was nothing but a badly organized cultish society of more Crapjunkies like yourself.

You joined because you are in search of answers (and lots of money too). But your visualization skills have yet to be mastered. (You need to spend at least 4 more grand to achieve this, stupid!)

Now, back to the wall and why it needs to be brick. There are several reasons, but I'll keep it short:

1. If it was drywall, it could break and you would be pissed off. Because now you need to visualize it being fixed , or being whole again. Shit!

2. If it was drywall, and your head went through it, you would not immediately suffer to the point of a coma, but would show to have a really bad case of dandruff.

3. If it was wood, you would simply bounce off of it, as it has a "reflective coefficient" of extreme intensity. Go ahead and try it. See for yourself. It won't hurt. It really won't hurt because you see or visualize yourself with no pain prior to engagement.

4. That's it. (I said I would keep it short.)

So the plot thickens. You are now officially deemed to be insane. But there is a perk to it all. Remember that visualization tactic that "The Secret" teaches to all of its (cult) members? We'll it really works! No shit. Think about it, you are not insane, you simply changed the rules using all the bits and pieces around you. Just like they taught you. You now have achieved your visualization, successfully.

Yes, you are now bouncing off of rubber walls. Congratulations. Now sign up for the next phase. It's only $2,500. Or simply watch this video that tells all (Brought to you by Mark Day Comedy):

No Need to Explain -- Just Watch....

2007-04-14T18:34:00.000-07:00

Are you a Crap Junkie?(Read this first if this is your first visit.) also see how it all got started and why.

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Ok, all you Crapjunkies! Don't forget to support our troops. We are all they have as it is fact they cannot rely on our administration. Sad but true.

When the Newspaper just ain't the News and Statistics hit an all time high.

2006-11-15T09:07:00.000-08:00

Are you a Crap Junkie?(Read this first if this is your first visit.) also see how it all got started and why.

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Today I decided to be a pro-active Crap Junkie. I hence, decided to leave a comment on a blog that is somewhat local to me; Lansner on Real Estate. This blog is hosted by our wonderful newspaper the Orange County Register. This paper is really of high quality... paper. It is great for several things such as a drop cloth when painting or even for building paper mâché stuff, but that's where it ends. The content leaves one wanting and seems to be filled with Crap Junkie fodder. Perhaps this is the only way they can create bulk for the purpose of seeming like a real newspaper.

Now comes the real test of this paper. Will they post my comment? Stay tuned.

Here is the comment that I posted today and is supposedly waiting for review:

Statistics are made up 47.8945% of the time...
In today's wonderful rag of what some call a newspaper, and I use that term lightly, the headlines regarding anything real estate show that when there is no real news, let's make some up.
Headlines today:

A Moderating Market (front page)
Housing peak now a losing streak. (Lansner - Marketplace)
Home prices level off (Marketplace)

So which is it?

The first article says it ain't so bad. The next almost speaks of doom and gloom, and the last says it's pretty normal. What cracks me up is that with all this speculation in the same paper, under the Local section, the big Irvine Co is talking about another 4000 homes to be built. Granted this is in east Orange and is a project slated of over 14 years. But it is obvious that the big boys don't seem to care about the doom and gloom factor of today. Hence, why should we? Why should you?

Could this be simply because they see the bigger picture over a longer term? Most likley. The problem with all these nonsensicle articles written to fill the paper at any given time, just feed the immediate response and knee-jerk reaction of the many. And then the many wonder why we have such crazy swings in what is being reported.

Stay tuned, next week everything will be on an upswing most likely... that is, according to the newspaper speculators.

Irreconcilable Indifferences of Love and Insanity with a bit of Holy Crap! (Part V – The Crap Junkie De-Tox Strategy)

2006-11-08T13:39:00.000-08:00

Are you a Crap Junkie?(Read this first if this is your first visit.) also see how it all got started and why.

This is just another part of a series that starts here. You should read all the parts in order so that it makes even more sense. Maybe it won't make any sense. But you can't say I didn't warn you, so if you want to get it to make sense, then go read this first!

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The Crap Junkie De-tox strategy (Part A):

Bottom line: If you are with someone, or a group that you love, cherish, enjoy having sex with, then what the fuck! Don’t let anyone tell you this or that may be wrong. Don’t let some outsider sandbag you with what they believe. You know how you feel. You know what you want. So go with it! Use a little common sense and don’t sell yourself down the river. If you really, really, really want to be together with someone and they as well want to be with you, then all of these Crap Junkie concepts, issues and influences should go away and be in fact, totally moot!

I know, everyone is thinking about that falling in love head over heals shit, and how love can make you blind shit, I have to marry her to get laid and.. well, you get the picture… Well, let me take you to yet another vantage point on this subject…

Some suggestions for implementation of the Crap Junkie De-toxification Process (CJDP – oh, gotta love those acronyms!) in regards to marriage:

What if you decided that you truly didn’t want to be a Crap Junkie in regards to this institution? What if there was a way to act, be and live like an abnormal, non-conforming, well-spirited, howdy-doody type of human non-Crap Junkie that doesn’t or simply refuses to buy into all the pre-defined Crap Junkie philosophy?

When it comes to relationships which may eventually lead to the institution you really need to ask yourself prior to engagement of full force (a.k.a. the “C” word) a few questions about yourself, your partner and the world in general.

If you consider that you have, had or may get to actually have a friend in your life that you like, respect, honor, are best buddies with, regardless of any situation you find yourself in, you could use that as a foundation of experience of what a relationship should be like.

Best of friends hang out all the time, get along, do all kinds of stuff and even when there is a disagreement, you don’t end up dumping each other. Hell, you can have all out cat fights! But when all is said and done, you get right back on track. Friends are known to usually not fuck their friends over, in most cases. Friends stick by and to each other through thick and thin. Friends usually stay friends for a long, long time, and in many cases for life.

So why is it that when you decide to get involved in a relationship with a lust partner, all of that is forgotten? Why is it that the person you are most likely screwing, munching, balling, fucking, eating, blowing and yes, kissing, can not fall into that most sacred friend category? Why is it that the minute you have had any type of bodily malfunction with this person, you somehow classify them as something other than your friend, or better yet, why not let them be your best friend?

Because you are a fucking Crap Junkie!

So de-toxify yourself a little bit more for a moment and think about this:

What if you could even for just a moment go with the concept and look at the partner in question and ask yourself; If he/she did something to really piss me off right now, what would my reaction be? Then ask the same question about your reaction if your best friend did the same piss you off maneuver. Would you react differently for either of the two? If so, would you be willing to join our Level Playing Field for Friends Online for only $39.95 per month? Would you be willing to be honest for just once in your Crap Junkie life and admit that you don’t understand what the fuck is being asked here?

The point is that Crap Junkies first off, abuse the term friend and really don’t know the meaning of the word.

Crap Junkies have a really bad habit of introducing everyone in the context of; This is a new friend of mine and he/she… while knowing they just met this fucking person that they so humbly introduce! How the hell can this be a friend?

This person is no more that a mere acquaintance at best, you fucking Crap Junkie! Crap Junkies are so confused about this that they walk through life with a gazillion friends. Non Crap Junkies are lucky if they can count their friends on one set of fingers. This is where the problem starts!

Crap Junkies are always using this superficial way out and enhancing the value of any on-the-fly relationship through cheap-ass wording. Perhaps the reason is very simple for this phenomenon to be happening in the typical Crap Junkie life. Crap Junkies were sold on the fact that they are only important if they can sustain a certain quota of individuals on a daily basis knowing that most such individuals have absolutely no meaning in their Crap Junkie life.

Hence, everyone becomes a friend because Crap Junkies were taught that a person without friends is a fucking loser. Now, I do have an acquaintance that would disagree with that statement, and would use the softer way of putting this into words…. You lack self-esteem.

The bottom line is, if you can honestly treat your other half as you would your best friend, you will have tremendous success, get laid all the time and even, ah, get laid all the time. Buggers… this goes against every possible thing that gets driven into your mindless Crap Junkie head, day in and day out by the relentless fucking pricks on TV, in the press, the rags and society in general, and let’s not forget, Dr. Phil.

The proof of this fact is simple. Here is a little test you can use to determine whether or not an individual is a true Crap Junkie in respect to marriage and relationships. Just ask this profound question and see what kind of whacked and non-relevant and non-concise answers you get. You ready for this?

An alien landed in your front yard tonight and told you that his species has been listening in on our radio and shit tube waves for quite a while now? By doing so they kept hearing this word called love. They now have gotten so frustrated not knowing what that word meant, or stood for, as they could not find any good correlation examples on this planet that would even closely resemble anything to it. Hence, now they are threatening to destroy this planet unless someone can clearly define what this means, immediately, and in simple plain old English as they have acquired a taste and understanding for this language.

What would you say?

Here are some typical responses from typical Crap Junkies that I have enjoyed (and ok, imagined) hearing:

Can you repeat that question please? - anonymous
ah, um, huh, um, cough, ah let me think about that for a minute. – anonymous wanting to be intellectual
ah, that’s simple, love is… and then a bunch of rambling nonsense for about 4 minutes if you are lucky, otherwise it goes on for 10 minutes and turns into a religious and political discussion that has absolutely no relevance to the question and hence will cause the world to get annihilated. – anonymous A-typical republican.
Love is a battlefield. – former Crap Junkie of the 70’s that worked closely with Pat Benatar. (Another shameless plug for another friend.) – A bass guitarist.
I guess we’re fuckin’ screwed, they’d blow the shit out of us if they landed in my yard in front of my trailer… get me another beer bitch. – Jerry Springer’s first guest.
What? Are you nuts? – Dr. Phil
Ask the Vice President’s daughter, she’s gay. – a former presidential candidate that has a real smooth way of keeping his mouth packed with both feet.
Do these aliens have weapons of mass destruction by chance? – George W.Bush

Top secret Crap Junkie Answer:

Love, is when you know you can express and share your innermost thoughts, dreams, feelings and fantasies with a person and simply know beyond a doubt that they would never ever use such information against you, to set conditions, or to hurt you, ever!

The world has been saved once again from annihilation! And I suppose this is now no longer a secret either.

Potential Crap Junkie De-tox Strategies (Part B).

So for those Crap Junkies that are scared shitless of the C word and fear the institution, then why get married when you can do this?

Start a small business or company and employ yourselves to get insurance for each other. There is no law that states a company must do anything productive to be in business. (Shit, I just defined half of the companies in this country!) Hence, you can use it as a shell for yourselves and most likely protect each other even better than a conventional marriage deal not to mention a pre-nup.
Since the lawmakers and politicians love to implement their religious attitudes into everything, but always claim to honor and respect other religions, start your own religion! Make them respect your own personal religion! Become a powerful religion! Publish books with volcanoes on them, and change your name to Horn Y. Mofo. Books with volcanoes always make people bow down and pray. Oh yeah, side effects of such religions can include the yield of 10% of your entire parishioner’s income. What a deal! Call it The New Age Crap Junkies Church, then, turn it into an acronym, which I like, such as NACJC making sure to always bold the last two letters like this; NACJC which will subtly give a hint and in turn offer immediate approval amongst all federal agencies.
Vote for the other guy the next time! Let those politicians know that you care, and send them a message with your vote. Remember, as they say, every vote counts. Ok, so this is a bullshit idea… but it is a hint to what’s coming later in this wonderful resource of information.
For the gay community specifically; implement suggestions 1 and 2 combined and kick some royal or should I say politician’s asses! After all, you are only human. Right?

In simple terms, do anything you can possibly and legally do to circumvent the instilled concept of the Crap Junkie version or concept of the institution. By doing so, you can also circumvent the bullshit political scene that tries to use religion and self-righteousness to deny or bend your rights. Of course, you may get a visit from the feds surrounding your compound as they always seem to think you are some vigilant group of Nazi Lesbian Hooker Transvestites or NLHT's.

The bottom line, the institution of marriage today has nothing to do with religion. It has everything to do with money and human rights and relationships. I personally have yet to see a priest, reverend, rabbi or any other so called holy father impersonator walk into a court room when the shit hits the fan at the end of a marriage! God won’t punish you. He (or she) frankly could give a shit. However, the politicians and the religious bible thumpers will tell you all day long about their precious little feelings. It is a question and motion of power for them. What a great way to show power and instill fear into us, the poor little Crap Junkies.

Just one more thing, there is another checkbox available. Yet, rarely does it ever get used. This check box actually defines everything far more accurately than anyone could ever come up with or imagine. And yes it too will get you a legal divorce. It is the box right below the one mentioned in the prios checkbox blog entry. It is the one, on the form, that everyone fears even thinking about. It has a set of words that apply to an institutional state of mind! It is the one that has the words incurable insanity next to it!

And hence, I make my case! Marriage or the end of, truly can be the cause for a different type of Institution!

- CJ

P.S. I already know there is more to come on this topic, so stay tuned.

Two in the Bush Beats One in the Air

2006-11-04T12:32:00.000-08:00

Are you a Crap Junkie?(Read this first if this is your first visit.) also see how it all got started and why.

_______________________________________

Just a little, yet important thought about our tax dollar being abused by the current administration.

Crap Junkies Alert - News on Asshole Data

2006-11-01T19:13:00.000-08:00

Are you a Crap Junkie?(Read this first if this is your first visit.) also see how it all got started and why.

______________________________________________

Just a quick blurb that may help you through life as a Crap Junkie. It's nice to know that assholes really do exist. Visit How to Change the World for a review of: The No Asshole Rule by Robert Sutton

- CJ

How good Crap Junkies Handle Credit Card Offerings.

2006-10-31T11:30:00.001-08:00

Are you a Crap Junkie?(Read this first if this is your first visit.) also see how it all got started and why.
__________________________________________________
As most of you Crap Junkies out there, I too receive a ton of credit card offers every week. Now I know some of you actually and immediately jump right on those deals and get suckered in like a dust bunny into a Dyson. For those of you that are confused about what a Dyson is, well, it’s a yellow machine that sucks really well without suction. But that’s another story.

In any case, I suppose it is time to enlighten you just how bad these credit card offerings are. I know that many, many, many, many, many places on the net write about this topic in one form or another, but no one has dissected an offer to its full extent yet. Being the head Crap Junkie, I feel obligated to do so as I am responsible for peace, justice and the protection of Crap Junkies. Ok, maybe not. But this will be really interesting, I promise.

Today’s candidate of scum sucking credit card bitches of companies will be CHASE. Why? Simply, because they happened to be the lucky winner of ending up in my mailbox yesterday and I actually took the time to read the enclosed piece of marketing crap. Here is a picture of the lucky envelope:

Notice the smooth come on; with a 0% Fixed Introductory APR and the nice little As low as 8.99% Fixed APR after that. Don’t forget the No Annual Fee part either. But you only have 15 days to react.

Let’s start with the 15 days. This is a load of crap! Since there is no postage date on the envelope, when does this 15 day thing start? Will I get screwed if I call on day 16? After all, doesn’t the term Platinum mean anything anymore?

In any case, they make you work for this too. You need to Place Sticker On Your Reply Envelope which in turn already states PRIORITY PROCESSING in big letters. And fortunately they tell you where to stick the sticker along with what else you should do.
They do this just for us because they know we are all total morons. Ok. Fine.

So now reading the marketing letter, I find that it was written by what I am sure is a nice guy named Carter Franke, and he is the Chief Marketing Officer of Chase Card Services. He has a nice signature, don’t you think? He even put a little P.S. to remind me that time is of essence. How nice of him to take the extra time.

Of course, I could call Carter as he did put his 800 number on the piece. As a matter of fact, Carter is so nice that he is letting me jump on this deal in one of three ways. I can APPLY ONLINE, APPLY BY PHONE or APPLY BY MAIL. Personally, I think by mail would be just fine as I am in no rush. Of course, this will give me time to do what most of us Crap Junkies will never ever do. That is, simply read the fine print. So I flip the thing over and start to read. Oh oh…

I see numbers from 8.99%, 12.99% and 19.99% - shit! Damn it, there is another one that says 23.99%, no wait 32.24%!!!!!!! The 23.99% is above and beyond the Prime Rate.

Then further down on the page some more fine print:

Rates, fees, and terms may change: We reserver the right to change the account terms (including APRs) at any time for any reason…..
I shit you not! Look:

So my fellow Crap Junkies, I have devised a wonderful way to handle all such wonderful mail. Consider this the Crap Junkie De-tox Strategy in video form:

An additional Crap Junkie De-tox Strategy: Of course there are some really great methods to stop junk mail in general as well. This is worth while for sure.

Irreconcilable Indifferences of Love and Insanity with a bit of Holy Crap! (Part IV – The Prenip, or is it Prenup?)

2006-10-28T09:03:00.000-07:00

Here is what the legal community’s thoughts are on such a thing and of course, I have put my 10 cents on everything:
Source:

http://marriage.about.com/cs/agreements/a/loveormoney.htm

Pros

Having a prenuptial marriage agreement does not mean that a couple is anticipating divorce. (10 cents: Bullshit!)
Financial matters need to be faced. (10 cents: How about discussed?)
If a future spouse won't sign a prenuptial marriage agreement, it may be best to discover this before the wedding. (10 cents: that’s why it is called a pre- not a post-nuptual you morons!)
The financial well-being of children from a previous marriage can be protected. (10 cents: aha, someone used the check box!)
Personal and business assets accumulated before the marriage are protected. (10 cents: fine, but who’s talking about lady donkeys – or assets?)
A prenup puts financial expectations out on the table before the wedding. (10 cents: Ok bitch, you do the house, the kids, the job and support my lazy ass, ok?)
A prenuptial marriage agreement spells out which assets a spouse may want to give to children or other family members in the event of death. (10 cents: again with the lady donkey’s)
In the event of a divorce, a prenuptial agreement eliminates battles over assets and finances. (10 cents: I like the In the event part.. In the event of an emergency break glass and check checkbox.)

Cons

Prenuptial marriage agreements can be set aside for failure to disclose all assets, or if there is evidence of fraud, duress, unfairness, or lack of representation at the time of signing the agreement. (10 cents: can never happens as everyone is sooooo honest!)
They are unromantic. (10 cents: No shit!)
Prenups can give the appearance that there is a lack of trust between the partners. (10 cents: You think?)
A prenuptial agreement could create resentment between spouses. (10 cents: ding ding ding – irreconcilable differences=resentment=checkbox – geeze!)
A prenuptial marriage agreement makes it seem like there is a lack of a life-time commitment to one another. (10 cents: makes it seem like?)
But here is the best part:
History: Nuptial agreements have been around for thousands of years. During the 19th century, before the Married Women's Property Act of 1848, the agreements were necessary for women in the United States. Until the act became law, everything a woman owned or inherited was transferred to her husband. If he died or divorced her, she could lose everything.

Correct me if I am wrong, but isn’t this country not even a fraction of 1000 years old? Hmmm, could this mean that already thousands of years ago mankind was destined to become Crap Junkies?
But the most amazing point about all of this: The leading cause of people checking the box is not adultery (fucking someone outside of the said marriage , for the vocabulary impaired), hatred or abuse, but financial disagreements! Fucking money! Fiscal crisis! Just ask Dr. Phil.

Next up (coming soon and finally) - The Crap Junkie De-tox strategy (Part V)
Preview....
Bottom line: If you are with someone, or a group that you love, cherish, enjoy having sex with, then what the fuck! Don’t let anyone tell you this or that may be wrong. Don’t let some outsider sandbag you with what ...

Rush, Day 4 and Still Ticking and Ticking and Ticking...

2006-10-27T13:23:00.000-07:00

Are you a Crap Junkie?(Read this first if this is your first visit.) also see how it all got started and why.

So here we are on day number 4 of the Rush vs. Fox satire. Yes, that Rush Limbaugh just keeps on ticking like a Timex watch. I could have said the Energizer Bunny, but even that bunny has more brains and class than this WingNut Rush and I wouldn’t want to insult Energizer.

Rush has so many claims on so many things, that it is becoming apparent that he is loosing track of things he says, said and plans to say. He contradicts himself very consistently and blatantly. He takes on the true meaning of don’t confuse me with the facts.

Perhaps his problems seem to come from too much drug use. His demeanor, attitude and presence are starting to show total ignorance. As a matter of fact ignorance seems to be his modus operandi. He actually sounds like a person on speed, while rambling on and on at a very high pace.

So how true are his claims? How accurate is he? Does he even realize that his entire demeanor shows the absolute definition of hypocrisy? Have a look here to see.

Yesterday and today he called every democrat that ever existed a liar. He used the term liar as if there was no tomorrow. He claimed that so and so lied about this, and so and so lied about that, and this democrat lied about this and so on. Within 20 to 30 seconds he ranted and listed about 10 specific liars and lies.

The problem is every one of the lies he claimed and said to have been committed, were totally irrelevant to anything that have to do with his defense in regards to his outright stupidity and lowness in regards to comments made about Fox. But to make it worse, he pulled the facts right out of his ass to make some cool sounding sound bytes for himself. And blatanetly didn't care if they were ficticious statements or not. He just farted through his pie hole. If his actions are typical and demonstrate the republican way when facing defeat, then perhaps it is time for all of us Crap Junkies to wake up and take notice. (Or maybe just smell the flatulence in the air.)

His Modus Operandi; rattle off a list of supposed democratic lies – everything from getting into a useless war down to hurricane Katrina. These issues are all the democrats' fault. Huh? If the democrats had the power to start a hurricane, one would think they would have aimed it at another place. The war is most definitely the democrats fault. They were just too spineless to really do their diligence and question the true motives for it. Now it is everybody’s fault as we have sat back as Crap Junkies do, and simply let it all play out without any question or accountability.

In the last presidency we spent millions of tax dollars discovering just what kind of blow job belongs in the White House. This term we don’t even question how the hell a VP can shoot his buddy while hunting. Lucky for us he wasn't hunting with Dan Quayle. That would have really confused the issue of just what type of quail he was hunting.

Listen up Crap Junkies. This is all about you! Things will keep heading down this path, as long as you sit on your obese assess and simply just watch.

As long as you treat this country’s politics as a reality show, the entertainment will get worse. So, if you must ask, then ask this; what is the difference between a reality show and current politics of today?

Answer: Crap Junkies will put more effort into voting (several times) for a fucking American Idol contestant than they ever seem to be willing to put in for the political world. Sad, but true. Wake up! Join the reality show of today for a change. Vote!

Rush Limbaugh plays "Come Hither my Sheep and Listen to my Crap!"

2006-10-24T23:48:00.000-07:00

Are you a Crap Junkie?(Read this first if this is your first visit.) also see how it all got started and why.

Today is another day filled with, well, let's just say some real crap. But this time it is not good crap. Of course crap is never good. However, when Rush Limbaugh decided to comment and that is being nice, about Michael J. Fox and his apparent faking and exaggerating Parkinson's disease. I was a little disappointed in the fact that even a jackass would stoop so low, to say the least. The only thing I can think of that would make this idiot stoop so low is jealousy. Perhaps he is jealous that no one wants to use him as a poster boy for some political cause. The funny thing here is, MJF is doing this because he really believes in the process and has hopes. RL hasn't a clue of what hope could be, nor will he ever grow up and admit his hypocrisy about this and every other piece of useless information he disseminates.

This man has no class. He is not worthy of a radio talk show and he definitely does not deserve to be called a comedian, ever. That my fellow Crap Junkies is an insult to all comedians, good or bad.

It is however apparent that I am not the only one in this world of blogging and cyberspace that gives a damn. There are several others. Just do a search - it's pretty impressive.

Of course, when such an event occurs, retaliation is futile. But then again:

Irreconcilable Indifferences of Love and Insanity with a bit of Holy Crap! (Part III – The Final Conflict)

2006-10-24T13:32:00.000-07:00

Are you a Crap Junkie?(Read this first if this is your first visit.) also see how it all got started and why.

This is just another part of a series that starts here. You should read all the parts in order so that it makes even more sense. Maybe it won't make any sense. But you can't say I didn't warn you, so if you want to get it to make sense, then go read this first! ________________________________________________________________

Ok, we’re back.

Marriage the institution, as we know it, has been turned into a farcical process with an easy escape. One can too easily jump right back out of this institution along the lines of; Oh gee, I really didn’t mean it.

The conflict begins!

The laws in this country, and probably many others as well, allow for the dissolution of marriage to be done fairly easily and many times without much question. Here, in just the recent years of the late ‘70s it has been so simplified that a common term was developed for specifically that purpose; irreconcilable differences. Just what the fuck does that mean?

Well honey, you wrote so many checks and didn’t record them, that there are now too many irreconcilable differences.

Shit!

Honey, I can’t figure out what those charges are on the credit card statement, something about Ecstasy Entertainment Online. Now I have a big difference in what we owe, and I can’t reconcile what they really were for.

Crap!

I can’t reconcile my life as I am an indifferent Crap Junky!

Looooooser!

The courts and the law have managed to allow you to literally tell someone that they are not worth having around anymore by simply checking a little box!

One lousy little check box!

Since the courts and the law are part of society, this society has reduced anyone in the institution to be eliminated by a simple little check box. Nice.

6th grade reading level version: Hooking up, good. Reality or common sense, bad. Checkbox on form – simple.

People of all walks of life get married everyday. About 12,750.68493 per day, whereas the fractional part (.68493) of that number was that guy that sort of got married, but still isn’t sure.

People get married for a variety of reasons. But too often not for the right reason. Of course if everyone would do things for the right reason, I would have absolutely nothing to write about here and the whole wedding industry would be out of business in a heartbeat.

The wedding industry thrives on the fact that they can take an emotional group, not individual, but group, and convince them that they need to outdo anything that has been done before, because after all, it is their son’s, daughter’s, niece’s, nephew’s, grandson’s, granddaughter’s, step child’s, next door neighbor’s, arch rivaling enemy’s wedding, and that only happens once in a lifetime! Right?

Not being sure which planet they are from, they may be correct.

The point:

Marriage and Divorce

(Data are for U.S. in 2001)

Number of marriages: 2,327,000
Marriage rate: 8.4 per 1,000 total population

Divorce rate: 4.0 per 1,000 total population (46 reporting states and D. C.)

Source: http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/marriage.htm

There you have it… the raw facts. For those of you that can’t see it, we Crap Junkies in the United States had a 47.619% of marriage failures, a.k.a. divorce rate in 2001! What is interesting about these numbers is how statistical morons try to bury the fact, by stating that it is only 4.0 per “thousand of the population”. It is absolutely amazing how easy it is for analysts to make something look better than it is and yet never get caught in the process.

In this case, the population includes everyone, not just married people. So they now include babies, minors, adolescents and anyone else in the statistic of actual living all age group two and three legged humans.

6th grade reading level version: Marriage – odds not in your favor unless you read statistics with Crap Junky brain.

If there would be any explicit truth or honoring of the phrase till death do us part, we would be dealing with a major crime spree as well? Or perhaps just a really good method of population control.

Or does death do us part mean irreconcilable differences?

Would then; Since I see a difference in the numbers and I can’t reconcile them really mean; I am going to kill this checkbook? And is a checkbook related to that checkbox because if one gets empty you fill the other? If a checkbook books, does a checkbox box? And if you can simply check off a box, can you also check off a book? Are these reconcilable indifferences? Have I confused you enough now to make you stop reading this or are you going to read this three times really fast?

The problem lies herein. Crap Junkies confuse marriage, the institution with the known hormonal and chemical driven feeling of love. Oh great! Now we bring in the drugs!

The fact is that the human body has a naturally built in pharmaceutical lab. This is one of the best labs in the world. It can create, disperse and react to any drug requirement at any time. It will even deceive your ass when necessary and confuse the shit out of you with various potencies of chemicals. Hell, it can even impact other Crap Junkies with those Egyptian Pharo-moans. It gets so bad that you will not be able to tell the difference between common sense and love. Of course a Crap Junkie will go for the latter anyway thinking it is what it is.

A typical Crap Junkie easily confuses doing the husey whatusey as being in love. This is the Crap Junkie process. This is because the chemical warfare in the brain leads a Crap Junkie to believe that all those tingling things are not just bush hairs but actual feelings of ecstasy. The simple fact is that it feels fucking great! And since it feels so fucking great, it therefore must be love.

Even though they are short moments in time of ecstasy, the plain fact is, and medically proven, to deliver the most potent blow of euphoria to the brain impacting and resulting in what is known to being the closest thing to the human body going into full overload and dying! At least until you hit that blue pill age. So if you happen to die during sex, you will be remembered as the person that Came and Went at the same time.

The insane part of this chemical cocktail is that they are exactly the same chemicals that induce the feeling of love. The difference lies in the quantity being released over time. Once felt, a Crap Junkie will immediately seek out more and consistently strive for the feeling. They enthrall themselves into this so deeply that, eventually the drug wears off and they literally try to continue fooling themselves. They believe they are in love.

Love is a long, learned and slightly induced feeling. Orgasms are short, sweet and fucking powerful. Scientists believe that during an orgasm so much chemical warfare is going on in the brain and body that absolutely nothing else, whether man made or man felt comes close to it. If that is the fact, how the fuck does anyone even consider being sane about anything having to do with sex, or better yet love? Sex is temporary insanity, love is insane, marriage is an institution. Ah, an epiphany! It’s all starting to make sense now.

So what the hell does this have to do with being a Crap Junkie? As I have nothing better to do, I will explain.

In today’s modern world of being, marriage is absolutely no longer about the ideology that perhaps two humans may actually mean it for life! It is a mechanism of power, financial status quo and one hell of a political topic. It has nothing to do with – Aw baby, I love you so much that I want to spend the rest of my life with you… or; Sweetheart, you are my best friend, my best lay and my best confidant. We are so natural together in all aspects, how could we possibly go wrong?

Marriage is a legal contract! Nothing more, nothing less. Ask any domestically specialized attorney, as they are the first to totally ignore anything that has to do with god, religion or any other sacrificial element. They deal with the fucking law!

But as discovered, even the law has been tainted by ideology, psychology, faithology and every other ologies out there. The politicians and lawmakers try and unfortunately succeed in turning this into some religious concept that never existed. Politicians are real quick to state their opinion and bring fucking religion into something that has no need for it. This is supposed to be a simple protect each other legally in regards to two parties from having the same consequences as the forefathers (foremothers) did.

The fact is, in the earlier days of this country, in particular women, had no rights! Marriage was the only somewhat saving grace. It instilled some security. Not much, but some. Those old fucking puritans found marriage by law to be a legal way to force a woman to be a slave and a personal private pro-stitute indefinitely. It was designed as a legal binding, government approved piece of shit paper that said so. It was cleverly covered up by using religion, to pretend to create a union in the eyes of god so as to instill fear into the females of yesteryear. But those bastards abused the concept behind any closed door, and still enjoyed any whore house on the side with full puritan justification. These forefathers knew exactly what they were doing! And coincidently, the worst of them were politicians! They actually conceived a legal prostitution concept (we’ll call it LPC – got to love those acronyms) for life! They were predominantly a bunch of self-righteous fucking pigs that left a legacy behind only to be enhanced and decorated for today’s needs!

Today, it is a question of rights for two parties to be protected for each other, from each other, and with each other, for what should be the most important reason, financially. But unfortunately the Crap Junkie world puts more emphasis on the falsely perceived socialistic reasons. Why falsely perceived? If you look at the simple fact that if two people that actually do love each other, regardless of race, color or religion, can make crucial and legal decisions for each other in dire emergencies such as let’s say, do not resuscitate (DNR - term used in hospitals that means Let me fucking die!) or do the fucking surgery in the case of an emergency room visit after getting run over by a train, provided they are of the opposite sex, then why does that same law not apply to two people of the same sex that also happen to love each other? Why do they not have the same right and why can they not protect the other with such a clause? Why does the law all of a sudden become selective? Would that in essence not make such laws illegal? Should in essence any and all laws apply to all equally and just? Isn’t the law supposed to be blind as a bat in regards to race, color, sex and creed and personal tendencies or preferances? Isn’t that statue of the law, with the bitch holding the scales while blindfolded, a message that S&M is really cool? Wouldn’t this whole law thing in theory supposedly stop the fucking puritan assholes from forcing their beliefs and opinions upon us all? Yet I ask this one simple question to all the I am holier than thou cocksucker bible doorstop readers; aren’t we all god’s children?

The institution of marriage is a legal concept. Nothing more, nothing less! You need to get a marriage license to get hitched. Think about it… do you ever really need acknowledgement from the government or any religious institution to help you decide if you are in love and to state yes, we believe there is love involved here, so hence, in the eyes of the state and the church, we condemn, ah I mean we allow you to proceed to marriage. Fuck no! But because you are a Crap Junkie and Crap Junkette (or a pair of either), you have been suckered into believing that to be true, while those two other institutions ream your asses for their own glory.

6th grade reading level version: You have to get permission from the county to get married – got it? And if you get that, you are done. You don’t need anyone else’s input on the matter! You can also grab an implement of destruction (a.k.a. a pen) and simply check a box to reverse the whole thing too.

But herein lays the problem. Even though legally all you really need is a marriage license, it would make sense for this to be a fairly straight forward process and rule. However, it is not as we have seen in recent events in this country. You need to understand, this is where the lawmakers come in, and yes, the fucking politicians with their ever self-righteous bullshit about the ethical and religious morals of the institution.

The bastards figured out a way to take a simple license and convert it into a political battle field of the self-righteous assholes that they are. Just ask any gay person nearby. They have in essence breached the number one rule of the big C of the United States – they have allowed the religious bargaining chip to sway the law. No more segregation of Church and State.

So if this is the case, then why are all churches not paying fucking taxes? Tax those righteous assholes if they want voting (or persuasion) rights! Do not let one more non-profit organized crime unit call themselves a fucking church!

Churches and religions have committed more crime, more dishonesty and more frivolous waste of our time than any other institution in this country! They have raped our young, convinced our old to give them their last red cent, brainwashed our youth into believing that there is a weekly Sunday (Sin-day) fashion show and oh, yeah, these elaborate fucking buildings are what god wanted, even though it states clearly in that little holy book that, thou shalt not build a place of worship for me as the place of worship is within each of my children or something of that nature.

You see, I personally have nothing against any religion, but I do have a problem when some fucking loser, moron, wanna be, fucking smart ass wants to convince me forcefully that I should be listening to his bullshit about how the world is and how I should live. So that there is no mistake or confusion, about my take on the issue, I am going to say it one more time to all of those individuals that fit the description above.

You fucking spineless assholes really believe that we as a bunch of fucking ants on this blue ball have any significance in the what we think we know about the universe and that anything we do will impact the sun’s rising tomorrow? Get a clue you muff munching wieners – we don’t have an impact, we don’t have a clue and we don’t have a fucking defense against a fucking meteorite wiping our asses clean! So stop fucking around and start living like a normal ant on this blue ball of ours and make it the best fucking place to live for us. Because as we all know life is too short to have to waste our time whilst listening to your crap!

6th grade reading level version: Politicians and religious fucks are assholes! Ask any gay person.

Next up (coming soon) - The Pre-nup... Stay Tuned.

Preview....

As if it isn’t bad enough that you can literally annihilate a person with a check box on a form, the legal community has embraced .... (click to read next exciting segment - part IV)

Irreconcilable Indifferences of Love and Insanity with a bit of Holy Crap! (Part II – Institute This!)

2006-10-23T09:58:00.000-07:00

custom: A common tradition or usage so long established that it has the force or validity of law. (Hence if we all masturbate in public it will become a custom and eventually be mandated as a law.)

practice: To do or perform (something) repeatedly in order to acquire or polish a skill. (This could be construed as polishing the knob repeatedly.)

relationship: A romantic or sexual involvement. (This is where rosy palm got its name.)

behavioral: The actions or reactions of a person or animal in response to external or internal stimuli.(Need I say more?)

pattern: A composite of traits or features characteristic of an individual or a group. (One on one or a threesome, it doesn't really matter.)

Or if we look at the typical Flea Circus (a.k.a. Crap Junkies) it could mean:

Behavioral Pattern: Fleas bashing their heads against the jar lid, over and over and over. This in turn defines insanity, as that definition is quite clear: Doing the same thing over and over again with the expectation of a different result. I just defined 99.99% of the world’s population.

Importance: Personal status; standing. Which could be misconstrued if mispronounced? i.e. impotence – definitely not standing.

Life: Human existence, relationships, or activity in general – basically not dead.

Community: A group viewed as forming a distinct segment of society – The rich, the poor, the nymphomaniacs.

Society: The socially dominant members of a community. Our fearless leaders. Or simply guys that think they have a big dick because they drive a corvette.

Hence, since marriage is considered to be an institution and an institution is defined by the combination of all of the words above, it would be reasonable to conceive marriage as being:

A common tradition or usage so long established that it has the force or validity of law, which in turn forces you to do or perform repeatedly in order to acquire or polish or get polished by a skill of a romantic or sexual involvement, which in turn can cause the actions or reactions of a person or animal in response to external or internal stimuli which yields a composite of traits or features characteristic of an individual or a group while giving personal status and standing in the scope of human existence, relationships, or activity in general while being a group viewed as forming a distinct segment of society of the socially dominant members of a community. Whew!

Interesting! No? Let’s see if we can bring this down to another level:

For the Crap Junkie:

A thing that has been around so long that it now is the law, which in turn forces you to do or perform insatiable or pro-longed foreplay acts repeatedly, in order to acquire the right to polish your partner's parts using the skills of the man-whore that you are, for sexual involvement, which in turn can cause the actions or reactions of you and your partner to be animalistic in response while getting felt up, fondled, sucked and sphincter fingered, which is commonly done in the group sex moment, that you always dream about while giving personal and self-righteous status and standing by your woody, because you think your cock is so big while driving a corvette, relative to human existence, relationships, or activity in general while you think of yourself as a group due to your enormous size, viewed as forming a distinct segment of society known as the I know I have a gigantic cock types, and hence thinking of yourself to be the dominant member of the hallucinated gang bang.

For the Crap Junkette:

A thing that has been around so long that it has become the law, which in turn forces you to do or perform insatiable acts repeatedly in order to acquire the right to polish your partner's one eyed hose monster and of course the nutsack, while deeply hoping to get yourself polished by your partner using the skills of a romantic and sexual involvement, which in turn can cause the actions or reactions of you and your partner to be total animals in response to getting felt up, fondled, fingered, fisted, deep throated with gag reflex, tested in full force and butt fucked which is commonly done in the group sex moment of your partner’s dreams while giving the personal statue a licking and slurping because you think making him think his cock is so big in the scope of human existence, relationships, or activity in general, will give him enough esteem and woody to let him believe that he actually feels like a group, of penetrating heathens which in your view simply has the intent of I’ll do anything for you and your wallet, honey, because I am your personal slut and whore that I am, and hence thinking of yourself to be the dominant member of the I own his ass because I have pussy that he wants club.

6th grade reading level version (typical newspaper level) – and really abbreviated:

When two people or individuals join together so that they can fuck a lot without thinking twice about having to impress the other anymore, as they did when they were single. You know, when they cared about satisfying each other, as that is now over, and the steady lay thing is in play now, as according to the law.

Ok, so now we know the definition of marriage or the institution of marriage. However as wise as we Crap Junkies are, we had to involve yet another institution into this already misconceived institution.

This is known as the institution of the religious. The institution of the come hither my sheep and listen to my cowardly and most likely hypocritical-holy crys crowd. We can call it this because they took it upon themselves to enhance the verbiage a little bit more and rename the former institution known as marriage, and now call it engaging in Holy Matrimony. Holy Crap!

If we again try get to the bottom of this, it looks something like the following:

Holy Matrimony – Holy marriage, basically a thing that came about via religious beliefs? So what did everyone do before there was a church or religious institution that could impose holiness into yet such another institution?

Some would believe that in the wee early days, a man would simply whack a club over a woman’s head, drag her by her hair into his cave and do the ump and grump with her. But as the first ump and grump wasn’t quite enough, it was consistently and concisely repeated. This is what guys do.

Sometimes there would be a side effect, known as offspring. This offspring would often end up being some dinosaur’s dinner. If successful and survival was prevalent, it was simple, they would move on as a clan.

Looking at this fact of history, one could say that it would actually fit more under the original definition:

This natural instinct would be repeated by the male over and over again, with yet other and additional females. This was known as the prehistoric orgy syndrome, or POS, but for argument sake we will just say that it was and is simply fucking nature! The pattern!

Later in history, during the ironic age, another institution was also very predominant. As a matter of fact this was and still is the oldest institution of all! It consisted of a very pro-active group of individuals, and hence later became known as pro-stituiton. In any case here we have the society.

Caesars of the Roman days couldn’t give a shit about marriage, nor did they really believe in the holy stuff either. In essence, they simply put up with it. In the Roman way, it was destiny to enjoy the essence of the vegetables, the fruits and the fruits. The Caesars loved their vegetables and ate a lot of them. Today, in honor of that behavior, we named a salad after them. Very behavioral!

It was only towards the end of the romaine lettuce days when religion really started getting into the picture. Behaviors and patterns were starting to be defined. It was determined that a pro was an individual of many sins. It was also noted that there was another, yet somewhat hypocritical way to hook up. This became known as holy matrimony, in the eyes of God of course! The importance!

Of course there were still stragglers with that old belief that it was ok to get laid no matter what. They would still get together on their special days with all their friends and associate in an orgy like fashion. They would discuss their disbelief in the church until they would achieve that sacred moment, the moment where they would all get ready to, yes, they would in unity all yell out; Oh God, I’m gonna cum! The community!

Religion became more and more predominant. It defined that the mid section of a woman was to be considered very evil indeed. Hence this period was known as mid-evil. It was the time of kings, queens and then there were queens too. It was the period where the come hither my sheep types tried to mess with all the natural instincts of mankind. They deliberately and consistently ignored that mankind needed, in the most natural way, to get laid! The kings of the era stepped in! They too wanted some. So they overrode the church and came up with a slick and politically correct method to allow fun to happen when necessary. They invented an acronym. This acronym’s origination comes from the phrase; Fornication Under the Consent of the King (perhaps one of the first fucking acronyms!). So even after religion had become somewhat predominant, those old kings still realized that there is one thing that can never be controlled under the eyes of God. It was later known to be called a Royal Fuck. As it took too much time to actually pronounce the whole sentence, and most couldn’t as they were typically drunk, everyone simply started using the acronym. In Austria they even named a town for the practice or this acronym. This would help expedite the process and hence allow quicker and yet more practice!

The ludicrous fact is; that we as a species on this planet have literally made a combination of sounds that end up sounding like the word FUCK to be one of the worst things you could possibly annunciate. We consider this to be profanity of the worst kind. Yet, if you think about it, it is nothing more than a fucking acronym! It is a set of letters that happen to make a word that perhaps someone once said in the heat of passion. This could have happened in an old pub in England in those mid-evil days. Ah, my pretty lass, I think we should fornica…(Hiccup) ah fuck! (Hiccup). Hence, this would eventually become to be known as the start of a relationship.

Wasn’t it when Adam met Eve and Adam showed her his snake; she decided to eat an apple and slept until the seven dwarfs gang banged her back to life? The almighty had some intention there, no?

The question, you must ask as a Crap Junkie is; Do I really believe that nature, our birthday suits, our habits, our drives, our natural fucking sex drives are just there for the hell of it?

And; Am I going to defy nature in every respect because some fucking puritan asshole is trying to convince me that if I don’t follow the rules, I am in essence committing major sins and hence will end up in hell? Fuck no! Nature is what we are all about! Fucking is what makes the world go round! For if you’re not getting any, you may as well consider yourself in hell already!

At this point, I am sure some of you bible thumpers reading this are just about having a heart attack. I know that many of you believe and are sincerely pretending that you and everyone around you came to be on this earth via the ever famous ejaculate, ah I mean, Immaculate Conception. Factoid - the term immaculate conception is now an actual celebrated day in some countries, particularly spanish speaking ones. It is literally about 2 weeks before Christmas, which in turn makes one wonder just how long that pregancy was, or wasn't.

The fact is, you can not fight what is meant to be. The fact is, that there is no religion, religious statement or belief that says you are supposed to defy nature! And by this particular truth I am referring to fucking, not the Immaculate part. So don’t get your cross dressing panties all twisted, kick back, pray if you must, but damn it man, get laid! This is the true intention of the Almighty’s plan.

So what does all of this have to do with the institution? In today’s modern and evolved world, we have convinced ourselves not only that marriage is an institution, but have actually documented legal terms under the pretense that it is an institution. We as Crap Junkies couldn’t leave it alone. We Crap Junkies had to bastardize and mutilate human nature’s instincts and literally take it to this Holy level of restrictiveness and flatulence. It is a proven fact medically speaking, that if you don’t get laid, you will fart!

So how does all of this relate to being a Crap Junkie? Crap Junkies get married for various reasons in today’s day and age. Unfortunately, this reason is rarely for the right reason. You need to understand that Crap Junkies and civilization have had a tremendous impact on the logistics and attitude of marriage. It has become so easy to jump into this institution, that famous little short skirted big breasted tight bodied little Crap Junketeerettes have been known to get married for only a few hours and shortly thereafter changed their minds while simply calling it an experience, that’s hot, just something to do at the time and it felt right for the moment. Or even; was I really there when that happened?

So listen up, Brittany, Paris, and all of you other entertaining sluts and pay attention! You have helped so many immature and obnoxious illiterates in the world help make the decision to go to Vegas and tie the knot, that Vegas now owes you a career, and when you get it, let us all know which pole dancer bar you’re working at?

So what is wrong with this picture? Absolutely nothing if you are not the ones involved, don’t live on this planet and most of all don’t watch Dr Phil. Hey! It really doesn’t affect you anyways, right? It was all in good fun, and hey, they got laid or puked on, depending on how inebriated they were! It doesn’t matter that these Hollywood types drive this nonsensical bullshit into our daughter’s and son’s brains. We realize that the trends will always be set by such fucking grandiose losers from the boob tube. Why do we accept this and follow such trends without question – because we are CRAP JUNKIES!

We as Crap Junkies can no longer live a day without getting fed some bullshit and really good fodder from the sensationalistic pricks (media and news), the political stick in your ass meisters and of course the come hither my sheep crowd. Yes the actual and informative and let’s not forget LIVE local primetime news at 4, at 6 and at 8 and again at 11! The professional journalistic world of fucking mental masturbation! It would be a tragic day it would be if the primetime national and local news channels didn’t have this kind of shit to report. And speaking of shit, you really need to get into and pay attention to all the fucking commercials during such broadcasts as well. Wouldn’t it be so cool if they would actually have to report on issues we actually give a shit about? Fuck that! They could only be on the air for about 10 minutes if that was the case. But, that is another topic to be covered later.

We interrupt your train of thought for this important message. If you enjoyed the above paragraph, you will also enjoy the following topics to be found within this masterpiece of blog literature under sections:
“Let’s Do Drugs” and “Brain Masturbation, More at 6”.

6th grade reading level version: You = Crap Junkie, Local and National News = food for Crap Junkie – The local news makes you want to masturbate.

End Part II

A Preview of Part III:

Marriage the institution, as we know it, has been turned into a farcical process with an easy escape to easily jump right back out of along the lines of; oh, gee I really didn’t mean it. (click and go to part III)

News: Crap Junkies makes its début on YouTube.com

2006-10-20T11:31:00.000-07:00

Are you a Crap Junkie?(Read this first if this is your first visit.)
also see how it all got started and why.

Ok, so I had to join the real world of Crap Junkies and throw in my 2 frames, ah, I mean 2 cents. Hopefully it will be enjoyed by millions.

Stay tuned for more in the not too distant future. - CJ

A Fast Way to Citizenship - Really.

2006-10-19T15:45:00.000-07:00

Are you a Crap Junkie?(Read this first if this is your first visit.)
also see how it all got started and why.

As there may be some of you Crap Junkies that are not quite yet citizens of the United States, but wish to be, here is one way to extort your way in. Do what every talk show host from a foreign country does. But make sure you do it well, like this:

Hey, it's a thought. - CJ

Irreconcilable Indifferences of Love and Insanity with a bit of Holy Crap! (Part I – Political Romancing)

2006-10-16T11:22:00.000-07:00

Are you a Crap Junkie?(Read this first if this is your first visit.)
also see how it all got started and why.

Crap Junkie Monday - October 16, 2006 – This weekend some religious right wing conservative sheep in wolves clothing (hypocrite/politicians and religious fanatics) rallied once again, on yes, you guessed it, gay marriage. This topic once again seems to be on the minds and in proliferation of those red guys believing it to have a positive impact on elections, or should I say in their favor next month.

The Boston Herald writes:

Millions of people hunkered down in churches and living rooms nationwide are expected to tune in for a national broadcast from Boston this weekend organized by a powerful right-wing group seeking to ban gay marriage.

...

It marks the first time the Family Research Council has held a national event in Massachusetts, and Gov. Mitt Romney, a gay marriage foe and likely presidential candidate, can’t make it.
But first lady Ann Romney will speak on his behalf and introduce a video featuring him and other pols talking about “how same-sex marriage and how the homosexual agenda has impacted religious liberties in Massachusetts and around the country,” Perkins said.

These guys are as bad as an I Dream of Genie re-run. They bring back old cliché’s and really bad arguments that would even make me want to turn gay, just out of spite.

With this issue, there is an underlying devil in the midst. It is such a well concealed little demon that the average Crap Junkie simply misses it altogether. Damnation at its finest. Man I love to use those religious words!

The typical Crap Junkie of today’s world will simply let things like this slip by. But as I am the master of Crap Junkies, I must point out a really big flaw in such events. Actually, it is more than a flaw, it is shall we say sacrilegious. It breaks the law and it breaks the… shall we say - Tum tum tum – the tax code!

Why, we must ask, are politics and politicians involved? Why particularly at this time? And why do we just go on accepting this? Ever heard of Separation of Church and State?

We have too many politicians running for office by simply wearing their religious (and mostly hypocritical) beliefs on their sleeves. The problem with this is not that a politician is religious, but that we Crap Junkies let ourselves get clouded, with lighting and thunder from the heavens of the political arena. To help accentuate this principle, we have so called religious leaders backing them up and spending many hours brainwashing us into eternity. Amen!

It is getting really old hearing these hypocritical religious bastards try to tell me what is good and what is evil. If they so insist on having such rights then make them and their outright hypocritical, mythical, and sometimes outright cultish organizations pay taxes.

I don’t know if you get it yet, but I most likely am not a Sunday type Crap Junkie. I simply refuse to cross-dress myself for a come hither my sheep sermon, ever.

So now, and for no apparent reason, we are back to the old Gay Marriage thing. Do these idiots really think this country is going to buy into this crap again? Unfortunately there is a dangerous possibility that we as Crap Junkies just might.

So that being said, I feel compelled to take you on a journey. A journey so enlightening, so uplifting, so inspiring, so angelic, so…. Come to think about it, I might just make a good preacher…. NOT!

End Part I

A Preview of Part II:

Ok, so the title of this series is a bit confusing, but then what isn’t? Take for example marriage. Marriage is believed to be an institution! I looked for this institution all over the world...

This is the end of the first part (Part I) of a series that continues here. You should read all the parts in order so that it makes even more sense. Maybe it won't make any sense. But you can't say I didn't warn you, so if you want to get it to make sense, then go read this next!

Let's Do Drugs - It's what Crap Junkies do. (Part I)

2006-10-13T09:34:00.000-07:00

Are you a Crap Junkie?(Read this first if this is your first visit.)
also see how it all got started and why.

Drugs can be good for you if taken in the right dosage, the right cycle and for the right illness.

Bullshit! (I just love that word. And now my favorite pair of comedic-magicians have capitalized on it. )

Ok, so that there is no confusion, I am talking about prescription and over the counter drugs. This refers to the legal crap that you as a Crap Junkie will take because your doctor told you to. Or better yet, some over the counter crap that looked like “it really works” in that fucking commercial. You know, like that most annoying one; Head On apply directly to the forehead.

The reality is that we are a drug infested species. It has gotten so bad that a lot of drugs which used to be considered miracle drugs no longer work because they have been over prescribed and over used. You need to understand that nature is hard at work here and kicking our little Crap Junkie asses in the process. For example, penicillin and the fact that it has been so over prescribed, today has little effect on even some of the most common infections. It will give you a nice yeast infection though. Women just love that nice little crotch itch.

There was a time when it was considered really good to take aspirin. Hell, it is recommended as a supplement today for the weak hearted. Just pray you are not a bleeder. Along comes another drug called ibuprofen, for aspirin is no longer a good enough pain killer, right? But too much of this shit and you get an ulcer. Now you have to take that Purple Pill, because the ulcer is also giving you a shit load of heartburn and throat destruction. Only one problem with that, it may make you feel nauseous, give you a bit of a headache and oh yeah, it might, as they say in the side effects high speed verbalization (sehsv) on every commercial, kill you! Of course because a side effect may be headaches, you may as well stick to that aspirin.

You as a potential Crap Junkie must ask yourself, when was the last time I actually read the little, folded up into a teeny tiny little paper pack, drug description enclosed with each prescription? Personally I don’t have a clue how they fit all that crap onto such a tiny paper. To understand more fully of what I mean, look at this and get all 27 full 8 1/2 x 11 pages: http://www.astrazeneca-us.com/pi/Nexium.pdf

Now it would seem that I am picking on a certain company here, but that is not the intention… I will be picking on all health related product companies that bring their fucking commercials on during dinner time! Ever notice that predominantly, the commercials during dinner time have to do with pussy, dick or your asshole and all of their flaws? Vaginal this, Period that! Erect this! Like we really need to hear that shit while stuffing our faces with spaghetti and meatballs and yes, don’t forget that red tomato sauce!

So to be fair to the Purple Pill company, here are some more fucking companies that ruin my appetite at the dinner table:

KOTEX – manufacturer of cotton rockets – side effects may include Toxic Shock Syndrome (TSS)

Toxic shock syndrome (TSS) Toxic shock syndrome from Staphylococcus starts suddenly with vomiting, high fever (temperature at least 102 degrees Fahrenheit, or 38.8 degrees Celsius), a rapid drop in blood pressure (with lightheadedness or fainting), watery diarrhea, headache, sore throat, and muscle aches. Within 24 hours, a sunburn-like rash appears. There also may be bloodshot eyes and an unusual redness under the eyelids or inside the mouth (and vagina in females). On days 3 and 4 of the illness, broken blood vessels may appear on the skin. Other symptoms may include: confusion or other mental changes; decreased urination; fatigue and weakness; thirst; weak and rapid pulse; pale, cool, moist skin; and rapid breathing, leading to shock.
(source: http://kidshealth.org/parent/infections/bacterial_viral/toxic_shock.html)

Hmmm, they don’t show that chick in the bikini dancing around, with any of these symptoms. Doesn’t it just piss you off that the above description is in such a small font?

And then the all time favorite dinner table topic from the commercial regarding your asshole, yup, you guessed it Preparation H!

What’s interesting with this over-the-counter lube your butthole gunk to get rid of those big ass bumps is not so much the warnings, but what they don’t tell you… They actually are not obligated (by law) to disclose any of the side effects of the so called inactive ingredients. However, even though such ingredients are claimed to be inactive, the FDA still has a regulation about them. In a nutshell, they must be listed. Thanks FDA for making my job here easier. But I still question the rule. After all, if something is an inactive ingredient, why would the FDA regulate the presentation of such? In any case, here they are in respect to that favorite butthole lube, paste, whatever:

benzoic acid, BHA, BHT, corn oil, glycerin, lanolin, lanolin alcohol, methylparaben, paraffin, propylparaben, thyme oil, tocopherol, water, wax

Source: http://www.preparationh.com/products/label_oinment.asp

BENZOIC ACID – This is Bad Shit.

ACUTE EXPOSURE- Dust and liquid may cause mild irritation and redness. Concentrations up to 0.2%, may elicit an immediate skin reaction varying from erythema to a non-immunologic contact urticaria in some persons.

CHRONIC EXPOSURE- Repeated application to human skin produced moderate irritation.

Source: http://www.ilpi.com/msds/benzoic.html

BHA & BHT (Preservatives) – More bad shit.

Are BHA and BHT safe?
Both BHA and BHT have undergone the additive application and review process required by the US Food and Drug Administration. However, the same chemical properties which make BHA and BHT excellent preservatives may also be implicated in health effects. The oxidative characteristics and/or metabolites of BHA and BHT may contribute to carcinogenicity or tumorigenicity; however the same reactions may combat oxidative stress. There is evidence that certain persons may have difficulty metabolizing BHA and BHT, resulting in health and behavior changes. BHA and BHT may have antiviral and antimicrobial activities. Research is underway concerning the use of BHT in the treatment of herpes simplex and AIDS.
Source: http://chemistry.about.com/library/weekly/aa082101a.htm

Corn Oil – OK shit. – Really fattening though if you eat it.

Glycerin – Good shit. - A great solvent, used in soaps and can even be Kosher! L-chaim!

Lanolin - Good shit. – A natural oil found in wool from sheep.

Lanolin alcohol - Good shit – A natural oil found in wool from sheep that are drunk.

Methylparaben – Bad shit - as stated at the Federal OSHA site!

Health Factors
Potential symptoms: Itching, swelling, redness, or rash on skin; minimal to mild eye irritation.

Health Effects: Allergic contact dermatitis (uncommon); skin sensitization (rare).

Affected organs: Skin

Notes: 1) Readily and completely absorbed through the skin or after ingestion, hydrolyzed to para-hydroxybenzoic acid, and metabolites are rapidly excreted in the urine. 2) May show cross-sensitivity in people allergic to local anesthetics that are metabolized to para-aminobenzoic acid.

Source: http://www.osha.gov/dts/chemicalsampling/data/CH_254445.html

Paraffin – Good Shit. – Basically known as wax. (See wax below)

Propylparaben – Bad shit. – Used in many, many cosmetic products! - May alter hormone levels, possibly increasing risks for certain types of cancer, impaired fertility, or alteration of the development of a fetus or young child - Endocrine Disruptor: Suspected of presenting risks to the reproductive system that could include reduced chances for a healthy, full-term pregnancy, or for becoming pregnant, based on laboratory studies or studies of human populations. [OSF 2004] Source: http://www.ewg.org/reports/skindeep/chemhealtheffect.php?chem_id=4178

Thyme oil - Good Shit. – All natural.
Tocopherol – Good Shit. – Also known as Vitamin E.
Water – Bad Shit – Fish fuck in water – ok, so it really isn’t bad.
Wax – Ok shit. – too generic of a term, but implies the same as paraffin! (See paraffin above)

Considering all the wax and paraffin included in the elixir that you so humbly wipe in and around your butthole, the only thing that’s missing is a wick. Just think; you could shove the wick up your ass after application and light up your life for a few hours.

But hey, ask your doctor if this is right for you. After all, your doctor will know. But remember, that same doctor just had a visit from the pharmaceutical rep that in turn just took him, his staff and a couple of hookers for lunch, …..in the Bahamas, …..for a week. Want a free sample?

It is obvious that we as Crap Junkies just keep buying into this shit and only give a rat’s ass when the shit hits the proverbial fan. It took a shit load of bad luck, some actual deaths and finally some action from executive Crap Junkies or as I like to call them, The Drug Lord's Allies (a federal thing), to finally nail some of these companies.

I won’t mention any names here; but vioxx we not looking more closely at this shit? We should all be celebrexing our success and initial win over these fucking greedy Crap Junkie peddlers and abusers. Bextra do better next time. We Crap Junkies just haven’t been fen-phenatical about our diligence of this paxil of evil. It is absolutely propulsid that we let it get serevent out of us. Oxycontin yourself and join our team as we broadcast thru the zicam to all of our zolofty goals.

The Crap Junkie Detox strategy:

Since this is a detox strategy, need I say more? Ok, I guess I do. The fact is that there are many good drugs, ok not so many, but many natural or homeopathic methods that can solve many problems that these drugs claim to solve. Whenever you question a drug, do so vigilantly. Don’t be scared of the guy in the white lab coat (your doctor). Ask the shit out of him or her. If they can’t give you a definitive answer, then tell them to first use the drugs themselves and let you know the outcome. Doctors in this case by definition are practicing physicians. As an alternative, you can always visit this place to see just how valid some of the homeopathic alternatives are, and how bad the drug world is even at the start of a younger person’s life. This in itself should be a wake up call for all of us Crap Junkies.

Tickle Me Too! You gotta love this Crap! (Part II)

2006-10-11T16:25:00.001-07:00

Are you a Crap Junkie?(Read this first if this is your first visit.)
also see how it all got started and why.

Check out Tickel Me Too! You gotta love this Crap! (Part I)

This entry serves absolutely no purpose other than to show this video. Enjoy.

Tickle Me Harder - Rated R for Radical.

Source: www.travelingsideshow.com and that company that Google just bought.

The Elephant’s Price War on Useless Information and why Dead Trees get Abused.

2006-10-11T12:57:00.000-07:00

Are you a Crap Junkie?(Read this first if this is your first visit.)
also see how it all got started and why.

Just for fun today I thought I would check out the typical Crap Junkie buying strategy of publications to help analyze what the typical Crap Junkie is showing through their purchasing power. Yes, this is a scientific process that took a very long time to accomplish and diagnose. About 10 minutes I think

As in any scientific process one must have a theory. Then one must set up an experiment, measure results and come up with a conclusion. For those of you that are true scientists, the terminology is actually a bit different. I am not one for using such big words. I do this deliberately so as to not confuse my Crap Junkie audience. Hence, here is:

The CJ theory:

If certain individuals publish a book or several books, then one can easily measure the book’s and author’s success by seeing the price flux on something along the lines of an Amazon. Hence, one could theorize that if a price holds close to the original published price, it must be a pretty popular text. On the other hand, if this is not the case, it usually speaks not so highly of the author. Additionally, if I put links to the books or publications studied into this blog entry, you might actually click on such a link which in turn makes me money because I helped guide you to Amazon.com. Of course that won't happen, because I am not putting links to Amazon on anything ever! As another and important part of this theory, I decided to choose writers that are somewhat known, and currently have a really big ax to grind due to the political state of this country’s mind. Some of these authors are right, and some are wrong, ah, I mean left. In either case, this experiment will tell us all who the elephant is that is taking up so much space in our room, and why some of them are outright jackasses, or perhaps just friendly donkeys. I'm really not on either side. But what I can't stand is when certain people that have major radiowave and publishing access, which easily allows the brainwashing of us Crap Junkies, don't present or even come close to dealing with facts.

The CJ Experiment:

To get the most accurate results during the measuring process, I simply went to that site that sells alot of books and looked up some titles, ah, I mean authors to see how things are stacking up. The interesting thing about these measurements is that they may show some historical pricing as well as pricing today. Hence, this would be called a double sampling. This is not to be confused with double dipping, a common disease known to exist in many government retiree situations.

The CJ Results:

Looking at a somewhat controversial, ok, so she's a real bitch... One can easily see that her wasted space of text is not holding its price as well as shall we say her opponents.

Ann Coulter

Godless: The Church of Liberalism - $27.95 MSRP now $10.17 (-64%)
How to talk to a Liberal (If You Must) - $26.95 MSRP now $4.20 (-84%)
Slander: Liberal Lies About the American Right - $14.95 MSRP now $0.45 (-97%)
Treason: Liberal Treachery from the Cold War... - $14.95 MSRP now $0.90 (-94%)
Endnotes questionable in Godless.
On Evolution, and more here, and here from Talk Reason.

Unanimous

I Hate Ann Coulter - $9.95 MSRP now $9.95 (0%)
Tell a book by its cover?

Joe Maguire

Brainless: The Lies and Lunacy of Ann Coulter - $21.95 MSRP now $13.00 (-41%)
This guy lost his job over this!

Susan Estrich

Soulless: Ann Coulter and the Right-Wing Church - $24.95 MSRP now $15.54 (-38%)
A bit of talk. and some more crap.

Looking at another weeeeener on the air that thinks he has such fine repertoire, ok, so she's a real bitch too... We can see why he doesn't write books any more. The books shown from him are from the early 90's and there are none of new:

Rush Limbaugh

The Way Things Ought to Be - $Unknown MSRP now $0.01 (-100%)
See, I Told You So - $Unknown MSRP now $0.01 (-100%)
Visit recent crap about this crap meister.
Learn about hypocritcal actions performed by this crap meister and more here.
Some other interesting links: deal-with-it.org,

Al Franken

Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot - $14.00 MSRP now $1.99 (-86%)
Visit Al's site AirAmerica Radio site here.
Review: Al Franken: God Spoke

Ray Perkins, Jr.

Logic and Mr. Limbaugh: A Dittohead's Guide to Fallacious Reasoning - $14.95 MSRP now $5.95 (-60%)
Get this book here (Open Court) and read a review as well.

Again, we can quickly come to the conclusion that the weeeener doesn't have a chance in hell.

I suppose I could act leftish and say something along these lines:

Oooooooh, look at that, democrats hold their value longer and better. Or is that harder and longer? Shit, probably both. Now get me a cigar!

Or I could act rightish and tag along the total bullshit line:

Those damn 'crats. They keep buying thier own books and keep the market high. Here we are trying like hell to turn over a new page, and they keep beating us to it.

Now I must point out that while creating this blog entry I have killed not one tree. (yet) Of course when I decide to publish this blog with many additional features in the future as an actual hardcopy book (shameless plug), I will most likely end up killing an entire forrest. Please don't tell Al Gore. OK?

Also note, this blog entry is subliminally-safe. The colors used don't really mean a thing. Really.

So what does all this mean? Hell, I don't know, I just had some time to kill. - CJ