The Flying Dutchman

V For Vegan: Restaurant Review (Bartertown)

2012-10-09T11:43:00.000+03:00

Last weekend I had the pleasure of eating at the Bartertown Diner in Grand Rapids, MI. It was my first time in there, recommended by an old friend of mine who lives in the area and had the good fortune of marrying a vegan. The place is focused on vegan and vegetarian food, with a big helping of local sustainability. They get most, if not all, of their food from local farmers, and have a no-bosses-allowed, IWW union shop. Sounds a bit weird, but it looks like it works just fine for them.

Oatcakes

I stopped by in time for the weekend brunch menu, which I don't believe is on their website. There were a lot of great choices on there, from tempeh bacon dishes to tofu scrambles to breakfast burritos. I ordered the oatcakes with some soy sausage on the side and a green smoothie. The waitstaff was pleasant and the order came relatively quickly. The small restaurant is a busy, bustling place on Saturday mornings. Much of the kitchen is behind the bar, visible from the dining room.

I can't remember what the non-vegan among us ate, but she didn't particularly care for it. Clearly a phillistine. Both vegans were quite pleased, and I was very happy with my oatcakes, although I'm sure anything would taste awesome if you dump that much maple syrup on it. The other vegan got a big breakfast burrito which looked pretty awesome and made me jealous.

The menu is very reasonable, especially for the variety of food products on offer. Just finding a waitress who speaks vegan is awesome enough, not to mention bringing you extra tempeh bacon when you ask for it. Although I haven't had the pleasure myself, Bartertown turns into Burritotown late at night, catering to the night owl greenies. There's even a "Cheap Burritos" section on the menu.

Despite only visiting once, I'll definitely return to Bartertown, and not just because vegan restaurants are ultra-rare.

V For Vegan: Kickstarter and Desiderio Chocolates

2012-10-01T07:09:00.000+03:00

Crowdfunding is kind of like crowdsurfing.
You take a leap of faith and hope total strangers
catch you before you horribly injure yourself

I've been creeping around Kickstarter for awhile, watching various gaming projects and pissing and moaning that they're all for PC. Kickstarter is probably the best known crowdfunding website. Basically you start a project and appeal directly to consumers for capital. Everyone who contributes receives rewards depending on the amount they pony up. If the project doesn't reach its goal, it fails and no one pays - it's a winner takes all kind of deal; thankfully it works much better than in politics.

One day I was accidentally on the PETA website (don't judge - they have good recipes); I saw an ad for a vegan chocolatier Kickstarter project. Desiderio Chocolates, a one-woman Colorado-based confectionery run by Vanessa Dionne, was fundraising for a new enrober, some kind of magical chocolate machine. Could it be true? Gourmet vegan chocolates? While my mom always taught me not to take candy from strangers, I would probably get into a windowless passenger van without much resistance if there was chocolate involved. Look at what's on offer: Himalayan sea salt caramellas, miniature pumpkin pie chocolate bars, three-nut nougatissimos. I promptly handed over my credit card information, social security number, soul, and an I.O.U. for my firstborn child (joke's on her for that one).

Smoked caramel and whiskey bar. Indulgent
and a little risqué

Vanessa collected her entire $14,000 goal and bought her enrober. I guess before she had this contraption she made every single chocolate by hand. Suck. She started cranking out the goodies immediately and I received my box of chocolates yesterday morning when I got out of work. I decided to try one despite being half-asleep, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't get a little misty. By a little misty, I mean lying on the floor sobbing about how awesome the chocolate is. For the last 6 months I've been limited to Skittles. Those get old pretty quick.

Don't fool yourself into thinking these chocolates are healthy. They are as rich as it gets, with coconut milk, caramel, and other delicious fillings. She uses Venezuelan chocolate and mostly organic ingredients. While fatty, there is of course no cholesterol, and I imagine fewer calories than conventional chocolates. But while I'm eating one I could really not give a s*** less. Head to Vanessa's store if you'd like to give them a shot - you won't regret it. If you're in the States, she will ship to you, bless her lil chocolatey heart.

V For Vegan recipe: Peanut Butter Veggie Stirfry

2012-09-27T19:35:00.000+03:00

Levi’s Peanut Butter Veggie Stirfry
Note: This recipe is vegan. It is also very simple and written for beginners.
Recommended sides: Doesn’t really need any sides, but you could add some spring rolls.

Ingredients

Veggies/sauce:
Olive oil
Small head of broccoli
1 small onion or ½ of a larger onion, or a few shallots (I recommend peeling the onion by hand – if the layers are torn instead of cut, they won’t make your eyes water)
Garlic (minced or smashed/chopped - to get ideal size, chop lengthwise, then rotate cutting board and chop again, then use the flat of a large knife to crush)
½ carrot
1 red bell pepper
½ yellow bell pepper
½ green bell pepper
Other vegetables if you so desire (I like red or new potatoes in mine, but those are quite strange in Asian food)
Protein of your choice - seitan, tofu, tempeh, beans3 tablespoons reduced sodium soy sauce (regular sauce has insane amounts of sodium)
2-3 big tablespoonfuls of creamy natural peanut butter (regular peanut butter is fine but it won’t melt as quickly), I recommend Woodstock or Krema
Spices/seasonings to taste - I recommend gomasio, garam masala, cumin, or crushed cardamom
Nuts if you like - I sometimes add slivered almonds or chopped cashews for protein and crunchiness

Grain:
1 ¼ cup long brown or wild rice
Pinch of salt

Instructions (makes 2-3 servings)

Put a large frying pan/wok on low/medium heat and drop in spices, olive oil, and onion/garlic. While that is cooking, get a small pot and put your rice in it along with a pinch of salt (keeps your rice from getting too sticky). Fill it up with water until the waterline is about ½ inch above the rice. Put that on high heat. After it starts to boil turn the heat down to low/medium and cover it. Stir occasionally so the rice on the bottom of the pot doesn’t burn.

On your cutting board slice and dice all the veggies. Everything should be in small pieces. The carrot can be sliced lengthwise so you have long peels of it. Once all your veggies are ready, drop them in the wok. Add the soy sauce. Might want to turn the heat down a little bit at this point – soy sauce will quickly burn and make a mess of your pan if it’s too hot.

Now all of your attention needs to be on the stirring. Stir slowly and continuously, checking your rice every now and then. Once you can see the top of the rice, it’s about ready and you can turn the heat on that down to low and take the cover off. The individual grains should be soft and slightly sticky. Now for the special ingredient – peanut butter. Drop that shit in your wok and let it sit for a moment to melt. Turn the heat up a bit. Then resume stirring.

K now turn your frypan to very low heat. It’s going to simmer while you figure out the rice. Get a colander and drain all the remaining water from your rice. It’s ok if a little water remains; it will burn off in a moment. Once it is ready, start dishing the rice into your wok and turn the heat back up to medium. I always add my rice directly to the stirfry before serving for ease of mixing. Don’t dish all of the rice in – start with 1/2 of what you’ve got and mix it all together until mixed evenly. Your finished product should have a moderately strong peanut color and taste. If the color or flavor is too strong, add more rice until you’ve got a good mix.

Your stirfry is ready. Serve it quickly; rice loses its temperature before long.

V For Vegan: TC's vegan mecca

2012-09-16T05:35:00.002+03:00

Finally, the Holy Grail of veganism has come to Traverse City. The Om Cafe started in Ferndale, MI years ago and just opened a new location in the old Loading Dock, which was a hipster bar in downtown Traverse. I've been following around rumors of a vegetarian restaurant in TC for months like a lost puppy, and finally learned about the location back in June. I then stopped by the building at least once a week to see if it was open yet and pined away at the signs on the door that said "Open Soon!"

The interior kind of looks like modern minimalism with a bit of old-timey Western thrown in. The sinks in the bathroom are attached to barrels, for instance, and there's a lot of wood paneling everywhere. I sat down and looked over the menu and my heart fluttered. Every word was exciting than the last - tofu, tempeh, seitan. Could this be real? I swooned. My friend asked me what I thought about the menu and I stuttered something out stupidly about how I had finally found the right one. There were some confusing bits - what were the parenthetical qualifiers after each item? (V), (GFO), etc. I had to know more. The waiter patiently explained them to us:

V = Vegan
V = Vegan option
GF = Gluten free
GFO = Gluten free option

Almost every dish had a V or VO next to it. Normally in a restaurant I get one or two choices, and they're often vegetarian and must be made vegan to order. On my first visit I went with spring rolls and BBQ seitan sliders. The spring rolls were full of fresh veggies and were excellent with a bit of soy sauce. I am relatively new to seitan so I wasn't sure what to expect, but I was not disappointed. Seitan (pronounced "Satan") is basically pure gluten; the protein component of wheat. It has a meat-like texture and consistency, not unlike fatty pork. When shredded, doused in BBQ sauce and put on a slider bun, it is very similar to pulled pork. Awesome.

On my second trip I tried the "Make Your Own Maki" appetizer, maki being a standard roll of sushi. You can add any combination of tofu, tempeh, seitan, or avocado to go with the veggies, nori, and brown rice. The sushi purists out there will shake their fists at the use of brown rice, but it is a much more nutritious option than traditional white sushi rice. The maki was a bit pricey at $8 to start with and $2 extra for each of the options listed above, but was a big fat 8-piece roll so for a small person it could serve as a meal, or as a 2-3 person appetizer.

Tempeh - fried tofu cakes

For the entree I ordered a "TLT", a tempeh, lettuce, and tomato sandwich on sourdough bread, with avocado slices for good measure. "Could I get the vegan option?" I asked. That was when the waitress stole my heart. "Would you like Daiya cheese on it?" Daiya, for the uninitiated, is the new darling of alternative eaters, as they make several types of cheese from cassava and arrowroot. It has no dairy, gluten, or soy. To my knowledge it was only found in one place in Traverse City until now. "Yes please," I whispered.

The sandwich was very flavorful; the tempeh was sauteed perfectly and the avocado gave it a rich, full consistency. Then the waitress/love of my life asked about dessert. I paused, mouth full of vegan food, and said "What? Dessert?" As though I'd never heard the word. "Yes, all of our desserts are vegan!" She said cheerfully. I stopped listening as she went through the long list of cobblers, cakes, and pies and my eyes glazed over. When she stopped talking I simply said "You make me want to be a better vegan" and ordered a slice of cardamom spice buttercream cake. I cannot properly describe the taste in prose so I will simply use word association: Joy. Fireworks. Promotion. Christmas present. Sex.

During the meal on the first visit, the owner Jason stopped by our table and asked about our experience. I gushed about the menu and asked about delivery, for when I'm up at 911. "Don't worry," he said with a sparkle in his eye, like a hippie Santa Claus: "We're working on that." Jason's mom started the original Om Cafe in Ferndale over 25 years ago, and he himself has never eaten red meat. Obvious vegan pioneer is obvious.

I highly recommend the Om Cafe, even if you're not on a weird diet. The food is delicious, healthy, original, and many dishes are under $10.

V For Vegan: Baby Got Bulbs

2012-09-14T13:12:00.000+03:00

Mmm show me those bulbs

I stayed up way too late the other night and accidentally wrote a song to the tune of Sir Mix-A-Lot's Baby Got Back, undoubtedly one of the greatest songs of all time. The song I wrote is definitely not great. It's about veggies, but be warned - some of the imagery is graphic. Also, did you know that writing a parody is hard? Try it sometime. I listened to Baby Got Back for like an hour straight for inspiration. I highly recommend you listen to the real song while reading these lyrics for maximum effect.

Baby Got Bulbs
Oh, my GOD, Becky, look at her onion. It is SO BIG. She looks like, one of those vegetarians’ girlfriends. But, you know, who understands those vegetarians? They only talk to her, because, she looks like, a total gypsy, k? I mean, her onion, it’s just so big. I can’t believe it’s so round, it’s like, out there, I mean - gross. Look! She’s just so...ORGANIC!

I LIKE BIG BULBS AND I CANNOT LIE
You other vegans can’t deny
When a girl walks in with an itty bitty plate
and a round root in your face, you get SPRUNG
wanna pull out your fork, cuz you noticed that pepper was stuffed
Deep in the salad she’s making, I’m hooked and I can’t stop staring

Oh baby, I wanna get with ya
And take your picture
My homeboys tried to warn me,
but that black bean burger got me so horny

Ooo green smooth skin,
you say you wanna get in my scooby van
well juice me, juice me
cuz you make an average smoothie

I've seen them growin’
To hell with hoein'
She's cold, wet,
Got it goin' in her sushi set
I'm tired of the right wing
Sayin' animal proteins are the thing
Take the average vegan and ask him that
She gotta pack much snack

So, vegans! (Yeah!) Vegans! (Yeah!)
Has your girlfriend got the yams? (Hell yeah!)
Tell 'em to mash it! (Mash it!) Mash it! (Mash it!)
Mash that healthy yam!
Baby got bulbs!

I like 'em green, and leafy
And when I'm blendin’ those beans
I just can't help myself, I'm actin' like an herbivore
Now here's my scandal
I wanna get you home
And ugh, hummus-up, ugh, ugh
I ain't talkin' bout processed toys
'Cause my food is made with soy
I want my fruits thick and juicy
So find that big papaya
Vegetarian's in trouble
Gotta rinse out that rubble
So I'm lookin' at bakeries bro
Don’t want animal proteins in my dough
You can have them egg whites
I'll keep my flour just right

A word to the veggie sisters, I wanna get with ya
I won't cuss or hit ya
But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna shuck
TILL THE BREAK OF DAWN
Baby got it goin' on
A lot of meaties won't like this song
'Cause them punks like to hit it and kill it
And I’m not touchin’ that whey
'Cause I'm long, and I'm strong
And I'm down to get the mixin' on
So, ladies! {Yeah!} Ladies! {Yeah}
If you wanna roll in my Alero {Yeah!}
Then turn around! Peel it out!
Even beef boys got to shout
Baby got bulbs!

(Baby got bulbs!
Yeah, baby ... when it comes to vegetables, Wal-Mart ain’t got nuthin'
to do with my selection. $3.60 for 4? Ha ha, only if it’s 2 for 1.)

So your girlfriend rolls a burrito, hittin’ you with those Fritos
But Giada ain't got an egg mixed into her cassava
MY AVOCADOS DON'T. WANT. NONE.
UNLESS YOU GOT SCALLIONS, HON
You can do tempeh or seitan,
But please don't lose that gluten
Some meaties wanna play that "protein" role
And tell you that the veg ain't gold
So they toss it, and leave it
And I pull up quick to retrieve it
So your dad says I’m a brat
Well I ain't down with that!
'Cause my waist is small and my pecs are kickin'
And my rice steamer is clickin'
To the bean-eatin’ dames in the magazines:
You’re the shit, Miss Thing!
Gimme some spinach, can’t resist it
Red beans and rice mixed with it
Some meathead tried to dis
'Cause my food ain’t on his list
He had meat so he chose to drop them
And I pull up quick to chop them
So ladies, if the onion is round,
And you want a triple X throw down,
Dial 1-900-VEGALOT
And kick them nasty thoughts
Baby got bulbs!

(Griddle in the middle and she got big bulbs) [4x]

V For Vegan: The restaurant dining pity party for vegans

2012-09-13T03:07:00.000+03:00

The one big pain in the ass of veganism is dining out. I am free to concoct whatever veggie dishes I choose in my own kitchen, but when I go to someone else's kitchen, I am at the mercy of their chefs. The vast majority of restaurants I have been to do not have a single vegan item on the menu. This should not really be surprising, as around half a percent of Americans are vegan. Not exactly a market-dominating group. So, I don't hold it against the restaurant when the menu is veggie-free. They sell what makes them money. And yes, dousing vegetables with saturated fat and cholesterol kind of defeats the purpose of eating vegetables, at least on a nutritional level. Sorry for the loaded baked potato lovers, but I imagine that won't deter you.

So what is a vegan to do? Well, you can always request a house salad. For those of you who aren't familiar with them, a salad is a dish that usually combines many types of healthy vegetables. If you are an omnivore, you will then proceed to douse said dish with bits of fatty meat, copious amounts of shredded or crumbled cheese, and a creamy dressing, until it no longer resembles anything remotely healthy. If you can't find a salad on the menu without any of those things, do not despair. Ask the server if you can get a green/house salad, no cheese, no creamy dressing. This may lead to rolled eyes from your dining companions and unspoken, shameful apologies directed at the server such as "I'm so sorry, we brought our special vegan friend!" as though you have some kind of mental disability.

Usually when I sit down at a restaurant table, I immediately inform the server that I'm vegan. Sometimes they make a sympathetic face, as though I just mentioned my dog died. Other times they will wrinkle their noses in disgust. And often, there are genuine looks of confusion. I may as well have told them I'm an Orthodox Jew and only eat kosher or pareve. So, I trot out my practiced veganism seminar, which I've become quite good at by the way, and ask what they have that I can eat. Around half the time they respond with "Let me check" and disappear to the kitchen, presumably to complain about high-maintenance customers or inquire about "strange diet choices". The other half are actually able to help me with the menu, as they are familiar with veganism. They will often explain how they can "cheat" by selecting vegetarian items and removing any remaining animal proteins to make them vegan.

The real heartbreaker is when, after all your hard work, you are then served a vegetarian dish and proceed to eat almost all of it before realizing something is horribly wrong. This happened recently at a restaurant that will remain nameless. Almost done with a veggie wrap, after carefully explaining to the server about my condition, I see a suspicious fluid dripping out of it. I froze in horror and then expressed my misgivings to my friend. She asked the manager about it, who paused and then said "Yep. The dressing has buttermilk in it." I can't quite describe the feeling after you unwittingly cheat on your vegan diet. I probably felt worse about that than when I cheat on a girl, which is depressing in and of itself. I felt kind of dirty, like I needed to shower. The manager, out of genuine regret or an attempt to cover himself, apologized profusely and quickly comped the meal. I feel sorry for the server, but I had no hard feelings and in fact was in that same restaurant the very next day for lunch.

But, I learned my lesson. Strict vegans must be extremely inquisitive about all ingredients, even those that seem perfectly innocent, because chefs will discreetly slip in animal proteins whenever they can.

An open love letter to Africa

2012-09-05T17:06:00.000+03:00

Dear Africa,

It's been nearly five years since we first met. Can you believe it? So much has changed since then. It's been three years since I left you, but I haven't forgotten you. I never will. How could I?

I think about you often. You changed my life in such a short period of time, after all. Everything changed after you. I could never look at anything the same way again. We certainly had our differences while I was there, but I learned to take the bad with the good. You're worth it.

People ask me about you, and I make it clear how I feel. I'm so proud of you. Even in only a few years, you've come so far. I hope you continue to grow and make progress. You certainly do not lack in heart.

I do not regret leaving you for China. It was time I tried something new; to move on and see other countries. You needed the break too, I think. But I will be back one day so we can be together once more, if only for a little while. I promise. Meeting you and learning about you was the most interesting period of my life - like many people who have met you, I feel drawn to you. I can't stay away forever. I know you'll welcome me with open arms.

Love,
Levi

Scott Pilgrim: The subtext

2012-08-28T16:55:00.000+03:00

Last weekend I watched Scott Pilgrim for the first time. It's a great movie, based on a comic book, filled with Generation Y culture and kitsch alike, over-the-top action scenes, and manic cinematography. It's about a 23-year-old bass-guitar-playing, innocently womanizing slacker who meets the girl of his dreams, Ramona, just after he starts dating a 17-year-old. In order to date Ramona, he has to do battle with her seven exes, the League of Evil Exes. The League consists of six men and one girl with various abilities and neuroses, including a "pretty good skateboarder" turned "pretty good actor", a half-ninja, twin DJs, and a superpowered vegan.

The League of Evil Exes

So that's Scott Pilgrim in a nutshell. While watching it, I realized how accurate is its concept of battling exes. If there is one defining feature of Generation Y, it is the underlying neuroses of its constituents. Whereas the barely-crazies of past generations had the good sense or social pressure to keep their nerve bundles to themselves, our people parade them around for all the world to see. For many they are more a badge of honor than a badge of shame; a way for them to identify themselves and get some attention. Attention is, after all, a common goal of many Generation Yers, having been neglected by their own parents as a child.

In real life, fights with exes rarely come to physical blows (although it does happen), but I often find myself battling exes. Many girls foist their past bad dating experiences onto me, starting at the first date, for reasons I can only speculate on. Is it a passive-aggressive warning, a preemptive effort to avoid a repeat of history? Do they merely want someone to listen to their dirty laundry? Are they lonely, with no friends to dutifully listen to their bullshit? Do they legitimately need therapy, and confide their deeply personal problems in a pitifully misguided attempt to resolve their neuroses? Or, is it an easy way to ensure that they do not get a second date? Ultimately, that is what happens, as it did with a girl recently who regaled me with her entire dating history, her alcoholic past, and her teenage sexual abuse. On the first date. Sadly, this is not the first time this has happened. Many young women seem to think it's perfectly acceptable to bring up their exes on the first date (and ask if I want children - that's crazy right?). Maybe I'm just old-fashioned.

Even for girls who manage to get past the dreaded first date, eventually their hang-ups come to the fore. One girl recently told me, after maybe 2 weeks of dating, that she would never cry in front of me because she would never trust me enough to. Note that this was completely unprovoked - I did not ask her to cry, of course. Why on earth would she tell me something like that? Even if it's true, which is possible, what purpose does it serve to project the awful behavior of her exes on to me?

Likewise, I have to wonder if girls use their experiences with me as emotional leverage in subsequent relationships. Is there some poor soul out there right now, lamenting my whimsical, cold dating persona that has manifested in their own lives in the form of baggage? If so, I feel sorry for them, yet I cannot bring myself to apologize. Relationships often end badly, and have since the dawn of time. Human emotion is volatile. Our reactions to events like that are what define us, either as an adult, or a child in grown-up clothing.

The Olympics and social networking

2012-08-02T16:41:00.000+03:00

Only day 5 of the 2012 Summer Olympic Games in London and there is a bevy of scandals. Like usual, celebrities are getting themselves in trouble with inappropriate status updates, usually on Twitter. The first was Greek triple jumper Voula Papachristou, who, upon hearing about West Nile-carrying mosquitoes discovered in her home country, tweeted: "With so many Africans in Greece, at least the West Nile mosquitoes will eat home made food!" She was immediately slammed by the Twitter community, and the Greek Olympic Committee quickly expelled her from the team. Her inevitable apology rang hollow after it came out that she has been indirectly supporting Greece's far-right Golden Dawn party, often criticized for its extreme views.

Look at that sweet face! How could she??

Next to go was Swiss soccer player Michael Morganella. After losing to the South Korean team, he tweeted that South Koreans are "a bunch of mongoloids" who can "go burn". See ya Michael. He weakly apologized and deleted his Twitter account, but it was too little too late.

Twitter made the news at the Olympics in two other stories as well. Spectators have been advised to slow down their tweeting "unless urgent", apparently because the massive stream of updates have shorted out their delicate electronics and prevented commentators from reporting the positions and times of racers. The concept of an "urgent tweet" is a bit foreign to me as of yet, but I am yet a novice in social media.

The company itself found itself in hot water after suspending the account of UK news source The Independent's LA bureau chief Guy Adams. Adams had been tweeting his opinions about NBC's failcoverage of the Games, including presenting the Games as being broadcast live.

Twitter is huge, with half a billion users and over a 300 million daily tweets. With such a large potential audience, which is extremely interested in negative publicity, why would celebrities go through the trouble of libeling themselves? Even an apologetic racist will carry that stigma for a long time, maybe forever. Deleted tweets and accounts live on through news sites and esteemed blogs like this one. Will it be harder for Papachristou and Morganella to compete? Probably not, but it may limit their fanbase and therefore their royalties. They may not be invited to future Games as well. And who wants to have a racist tweeter as their spokesperson?

Tech Review: Samsung Galaxy S III (AT&T)

2012-08-01T21:01:00.000+03:00

So pretty, oh so pretty

Having never owned a smartphone before, I was supremely excited to receive my Galaxy S III in the mail yesterday. My 2-year contract with AT&T just expired and I had spent the last week researching various phones. The iPhone 4S caught my notice of course (I should add that I've never owned an iOS device - shocking I know), especially with the acclaimed voice assistant Siri in tow, but it was the outstanding performance of the S III that caught my attention. It has enjoyed strong sales and could help Samsung displace Apple from its long-held position of king of the hill of all things mobile.

The packaging and literature of the S III is small and informative. It comes with a safety guide as well as a fold-out user's guide that is short and sweet. The phone itself is very light with a huge screen and smooth, rounded edges. It is thin, reminiscent of the old Motorola RAZRs from back in the day. The 4.8-inch screen is HD Super AMOLED, and is very bright. Some people may like the feel of a heavier phone, but lighter is fine with me.

The phone is made of brushed polycarbonate and has a Gorilla Glass screen. This makes it quite resilient, despite its petite form (although considering the phone's price, this is not something I'll be testing). It does fine in my pocket during 6-mile roadruns, though. The large screen is beautiful and renders everything in lovely HD with its AMOLED technology.

S Voice. Look familiar? Apple thinks so too,
and they filed a lawsuit to prevent the S III's sale as a result

The phone's quadcore processor is impressive and runs very smoothly, even with a kajillion apps running at once. The only hiccup I noticed was with S Voice - too many apps running can slow it down and it can't understand you. S Voice is a voice-activated assistant in the vein of Apple's Siri, and can understand natural voice and even talk back to you. It can schedule your affairs, search the internet, launch apps, send texts, and many other tasks. S Voice is a little derpy at first, but as it gets acclimated to your voice it gets easier to use. It often is not needed, however, and not because it's not useful, but because the phone is so quick it's often easier to tap a few buttons and be on your way instead of talking to the phone. It does come in handy when using Bluetooth and/or while driving.

The handset has a minimalist design, with just a few buttons. The bottom of the phone has a menu, home, and back button, the right side has the sleep key, and the left has volume up and down. That's it. The Android OS (no Jelly Bean yet for the S III - lame) and large touchscreen make it easy to navigate. It also has a few interesting motion capabilities - shaking the phone while running an app will update the app, for instance.

The S III has two cameras, one on each side. The front one has a mere 1.9 megapixels and its most important function is determining if you're looking at the phone for the purpose of screen brightness. You can also program it to recognize your face to unlock it. The rear camera has 8 megapixels and a host of great features for the media-inclined, like no shutter lag and the ability to record HD video. As far as battery life, the S III is good but not great, with heavy use taking just about a day to drain it. The battery cover is removable, however, permitting reloads if have spare batteries.

Bottom Line: The Galaxy S III is a great smartphone. It is not exactly revolutionary, but chances are it can do just about everything you want it to do, and quickly.
Score: 9/10

Pros and cons of asceticism

2012-07-13T15:56:00.001+03:00

Ascetic is defined by Wiktionary as:

Adjective

ascetic (comparative more ascetic, superlative most ascetic)

Of or relating to ascetics; characterized by rigorous self-denial or self-discipline; austere; abstinent; involving a withholding of physical pleasure.

Noun

ascetic (plural ascetics)

One who is devoted to the practice of self-denial, either through seclusion or stringent abstinence.

Essentially, an ascetic denies themselves pleasure, for a variety of reasons. Its root is a Greek word that means monk or hermit. Recently, while on a 5-mile run (which give me around 42 minutes to think about life, the universe, and everything, as you can tell from this asinine blog post), I came to the conclusion that the only real difference between myself and a monk is that I am not spiritual. Here is a list of things that I do not partake of:

Caffeine
Sugar-sweetened beverages (including pop)
Coffee
Meat
Eggs
Dairy
Drugs (including tobacco)
Alcohol
Dating (and, by association, love and sex) - at least, until recently
Social activity in general, including friendship, with only a few exceptions

I'm kind of like this guy

The alcohol and drugs one is very old, but most of the others are quite new. In PC I took on an additional vow of poverty.
Far and away the biggest benefit of an ascetic lifestyle is its inherent lack of drama. Without alcohol, drugs, or girls, it is quite impossible for me to get in any kind of trouble. While some people might describe it as boring, it's also liberating, as I have observed many of those close to me get into painful, labyrinthine struggles over the years and fight to extricate themselves. I move freely from day to day, untethered by temporal cares, able to live a highly mobile and morpheus lifestyle. I take this mobility to an extreme by traveling light - whenever I move, I only take as much as can fit in one carload. Anything else gets discarded. I don't have a lease for my rental and I own no furniture.
Another benefit is the discipline. This has allowed me to maintain an intense, almost obsessive focus on my future and career path, occasionally with disastrous results. It also grants some willpower, very important when faced with temptation.
Among the cons of this lifestyle is, obviously, its social effect. I often cannot participate in social or cultural events, and my masculinity was discreetly questioned abroad because of my abstinence from alcohol (associated with manliness in many cultures). Also, I arguably do not have as much fun - some animal proteins and alcohol in moderation are a lot of fun, from what I hear (Coldstone mmm).

V For Vegan: Finding that special one

2012-05-30T04:01:00.005+03:00

Choosing the right multivitamin is very important. Cutting out a major chunk of any diet is going to lead to deficiencies unless the change is properly planned. As one vegetarian recently told me, somewhat cheerfully: "Huge chunks of my hair fell out after I stopped eating meat!" [cue poorly concealed horror from me]. Thankfully, avoiding the cancer patient look (a symptom of iron deficiency), as well as much more debilitating nutritional deficits, is easy with some culinary planning and a daily multivitamin, both of which any person should have.

Wtf is this??

So today I wandered back into the vegan hunting grounds, on the prowl for that special supplement. The health food store has several aisles of drugs, so I was able to put my wide-eyed, terrified, deer-in-the-headlights look to good use. It becomes more convincing each time I venture into Oryana. After muttering something noncommittally to the smiley hippie who offered to help me, I managed to find the tiny men's section of vitamins. The shelves of the drug section are stocked with a sex ratio similar to that found among vegans, so about 99% of the bottles were plastered with pink logos advertising their benefits for mothers, pregnancies, breasts, and other such womanly things, all completely beyond my comprehension. I dusted off the men's pill bottles and started reading the nutrient levels.

With one glaring exception, all of the nutrients a human needs can be incorporated into a vegan diet. Some of them are more challenging than others. The aforementioned iron, for instance. It is found in animal proteins, especially red meat, to a high degree. This kind of iron is referred to as "heme iron" and is absorbed more efficiently by the body. This, by the way, is one of the very few benefits of including animal protein in a diet. The point is rendered moot by the fact that vegetarians and vegans have similar levels of iron and iron deficiencies as meat-eaters. Rich sources of non-heme iron for vegans include soybeans (and, by association, tofu), kidneybeans, whole grains, green vegetables, and molasses (many vegans eat a tablespoonful of blackstrap molasses every day as a natural supplement because of its iron content). Vegans can make their digestive system conducive for non-heme iron absorption by eating a food rich in vitamin C around the same time, such as a citric fruit. Fun fact: vegan women must consume more than double the amount of iron every day than men to avoid a deficiency.

As vegan diets contain little fat, we need to consider how we get enough omega-3 fatty acids. These are the "good" fats that help the body stave off various health problems. The acids can be found most commonly in seeds - flax seeds, hemp seeds, rapeseeds. I often dump flax seeds, which are quite small and tasteless, into dishes that can easily conceal them, such as pancakes, stirfry, and salads. Low levels of omega-3s have not been proven to have serious adverse effects, so this one is less important to the vegan than say, iron, and veganism has the added benefit of cutting out saturated and trans fats, which are basically poison.

Next is calcium. It is found in decent quantities in dairy milk - and all of the products that are created with it, such as cheese and ice cream and other delicious things. This is not as useful as it sounds, however, as the body must raise the acidity of its tissue to digest animal proteins, which subsequently leeches stored calcium from bones. Soy, almond, and coconut milks are great sources of calcium, as most brands are fortified with 50% more calcium than dairy milk, have low calories, and no fat, and are much more digestible by the body. Calcium is of extreme importance to me because I have a genetic predisposition to forming kidneystones; one of the most agonizing experiences known to man. Supplemental calcium found in vitamins raises the chance of forming stones, meaning that I must get all of my calcium through my food or risk the paralyzing experience of passing a stone, which is capable of turning even the strongest person into a gibbering, twitching wreck.

Lower on the importance list are iodine and choline. High levels of these are not needed by humans and sufficient levels of them can be found in many different foods. The one vitamin that I cannot get from plants alone is B12, which I must absorb in the form of a supplement called cyanocobalamin, which is a chemical synthesis. Prolonged vitamin B12 deficiency is extremely serious and can lead to irreversible brain damage.

Armed with all this knowledge, I spent more time looking for a vitamin than I do looking for a girlfriend. It is a serious commitment, as powerful vitamins are expensive, upwards of $30 a bottle, and last for 3 months - making one bottle my second-longest relationship to date. After all, I can easily ditch a girl in one phone call, but throwing $30 of pills in the trash would be tragic!

V For Vegan: Ask a Vegan

2012-05-24T02:13:00.000+03:00

One of the unforeseen side effects of veganism is its peerless status as a topic of conversation. People are profoundly interested in it, and go to great lengths to interrogate me about it when they discover my dietary habits. And discover them they will, as food is such an integral part of human interaction that it is impossible to hide such a choice for long, as people will eventually notice when I have to ask waiters and clerks to take nearly everything out of my food. I also abstain from the endless buffet of fatty animal proteins at work in the form of doughnuts, scones, pizza, etc. (which admittedly, is "food" that not even meat-eaters should have). My two-week fling with veganism has unwittingly made me a leading authority on the subject amongst my social circle, and I will share with you some of the more interesting questions, comments, and urban legends I've heard:

Curious Citizen: Omg you're a vegan that's so great!!!!11 I wish I could do it, but I have to cook for my family and everything you know??

Vegan Sensai: So...why can't your family be vegan exactly?

CC: What???

CC: Ya I'd totally do that too no problem, but I don't want man-boobs.

VS: Wow. Yes it's true that soy has slightly higher levels of phytoestrogens, however the vast majority of dieticians agree, based on scientific studies, that the human body is capable of neutralizing these hormones and they do not contribute to altered levels of estrogen or testosterone.

CC: What?

CC: I get that vegetables are healthy...but isn't veganism a little extreme?

VS: The alternative is getting your chest held open by a half-dozen doctors and nurses when you're 60 for a quadruple bypass because your body has fallen apart after decades of shoveling shit into it. Some may consider that extreme. [lifted shamelessly from Forks Over Knives]

CC: [shocked expression]

CC: Dude that's cool, but I need high levels of protein because I work out and stuff.

VS: Contrary to popular belief, plants are excellent sources of protein. Many plants have high levels of protein, similar to beef, and have almost none of the fat or cholesterol, substances which actually make it harder to work out. I lift weights as well and I get my daily protein in about half the calories you do.

CC: Ya brah that's cool, I need steak and stuff for the protein.

VS: .....

CC: That's so great that you care about animals.

VS: I do not.

CC: But you're a vegan!

VS: First of all, I am a somewhat radical variety of libertarian. I do not believe animals have rights. They are, after all, animals. Our laws do not apply to them and vice versa. I am not what you'd call an "ethical vegan"; I am a vegan solely for the health benefits.

CC: Well that's not even worth it then!

CC: [skeptical laugh] Lol, you? I've been a vegetarian for years and you've been a vegan for like five minutes. Good luck!

VS: I did not make a radical change to my diet and lifestyle to impress people or lord over them with my green religion, as many vegetarians do. You probably have as much animal protein in your diet as a meat-eater anyways, and animals are factory farmed as much for their milk and eggs as they are for their meat. I am also no stranger to tests of will, as I have given up some very important things cold turkey and maintained it for years, not to mention abstaining from alcohol for my entire life, even when it was socially and culturally inappropriate to do so, such as in college or China.

CC: What exactly have you given up cold turkey?

VS: I don't want to talk about it.

CC: Well I would be vegan except that the food is more expensive!

VS: Have you ever actually bought fresh fruit or vegetables? Even if that were true, you are going to pay for your health one way or another - either at the grocery store or at the doctor's office.

CC: Doesn't it suck when you go out to a restaurant?

VS: Actually yes, that one is true.

As you can see, there are many misconceptions about vegetable diets, no doubt furthered by unhealthy people in denial, as well as a huge agricultural industry that is not interested in the spread of vegetarianism. My goal is never to evangelize my choices, but simply explain them. I have no problem with people who freely admit their diet is atrocious; they have no preconceived notions and are content with their abysmal health. The problem is with people who discreetly judge my choice by lukewarmly complimenting it and then offering an excuse why it's impractical, or who secretly want a healthier diet but do not have the will to give up tasty meats and dairy. Thankfully I'm very good at ignoring people when necessary, especially knowing that I can gleefully libel them later on the internet.

One other thing I've noticed, especially at work, is that I'm no longer introduced as "Levi the rookie". I have jumped from the frying pan into the fire, as I am now introduced as "Levi the vegan", as though it's some kind of title I've adopted. I am the token vegan; my dietary choices now paraded around in front of me like some banner or neon sign, and visitors are regaled with bawdy tales of my wild vegan adventures. Meat-eaters, often overweight to an extreme degree, try to taunt me by eating animal proteins in front of me or calling attention to advertisements, blissfully unaware that I am quietly vindicating my choice each time with a simple glance at their body.

The best soy milk on the market

There are a few people who are very supportive, like my mom (of course - she's a mom) and my close friends. One of them has gone so far as to join my vegan crusade for a whole week. I get updates from her regularly about her status and we compare notes on vegetable alternative foods; we talked about non-dairy milk for about 15 minutes (it's a very important topic). I also mercilessly berate her for cheating on the diet (come on - it's one week!). She is unlikely to convert after her tryst with veganism, but she may change some aspects of her diet. I have another friend who is a lacto-ovo vegetarian (a "halfsie" who does not eat meat but will eat eggs and dairy) that I used to make fun of for her diet - now I still do, but on the other side of the coin. I also got a great black bean burger recipe from a co-worker, which I will post very soon with my modifications, along with a delicious mustard-herb baked fries recipe as a side dish.

V For Vegan: More adventures in vegan cooking

2012-05-16T05:57:00.000+03:00

It's been a week and I am still a practicing vegan. I've mostly been exploring the wide world of vegetable dishes, as going out to eat can be painful. Even the most vegan-friendly restaurants in town, Poppycock's and The Dish, only have a handful of vegetarian dishes; nothing strictly vegan. I did order a vegetarian wrap at The Dish and had them take out the feta that came with it, after I broke down and cried at the counter. If nothing else, I'll have more disposable income because my dining-out choices are limited.

I went to Oryana again and was able to explore more of the store. It's kind of like a deep dark cave or dungeon that you can go into a little deeper each time. Well it's not really dark or anything, it just feels that way to a square like me. Today I discovered the Holy Grain - a wall mounted with dozens of dispensers filled with all kinds of granola, seeds, nuts, sauces, and snacks. I must have spent a half hour just staring dumbfounded at the dispensers and inspecting each one, unable to make up my mind.

I then approached one of the refrigerators filled with the strange and mystical fluid "kombucha", or alien tea as I call it. Basically kombucha is the liquid equivalent of yogurt - inside each one there is a living creature in the form of a squidlike, seedy bacteria culture. When this was first explained to me, I reacted with shock and horror, convinced that some malevolent alien being was invading defenseless tea bottles. So today I gingerly took out a raspberry kombucha and carried it to the check-out with the rest of my groceries.

The dreaded check-out counter...each time there is a new high priestess of organics there to taunt my lowly progress on the path towards full hippiedom. This time I did bring my own bag, or rather a backpack that I felt strangely guilty walking around the store with, as though I were just one clandestine swipe away from thievery. Or, one small step away from carrying around a man-purse. At any rate, the check-out priestess of course interrogated me on my day's greenness.

Check-out priestess: Did you walk, cycle, or carpool here today?
Lowly vegan convert: Uh...no. [looks around suspiciously]
Priestess: Oh well if you had, you would have gotten a 5% discount!
Vegan: Bummer.
Priestess: Ooo kombucha! Is this your first time??
Vegan: Geez, is it that obvious?
Priestess: It has a little tickle in your mouth, kind of like champagne.
Vegan: Uh...
Priestess: It goes down like a Jell-O shot though.
Vegan: Ok...[puzzled by the alcohol references, as he has never drank]

After the sage wisdom from the priestess, I departed the temple of green and drove my heretic car by my shameful self, in clear violation of the planet, back home. There I watched the kombucha bottle for about ten minutes or so, terrified that the lifeform inside would break out and consume me now that it was free from the store. Thankfully, this did not happen, and I consumed it instead. It was pretty fizzy and slimy, just as I had expected eating an alien would be. It's been about 5 hours now and nothing has burst out from my chest.

For dinner I made stirfry. White rice, bell peppers, potatoes, cashews, soy sauce, some lemon juice, and of course peanut butter. Vegan and delicious! I have had massive amounts of energy this last week, and feel lighter. It could have something to do with my body basically cleansing itself of all the garbage that was in there and growing accustomed to plants.

The one thing I had not taken into consideration until now was calories. I've been on a calorie-restricted diet for a few months to lose weight, with strong success (40 pounds). Now that I'm almost at my target weight, and started weightlifting to boot, I need about 3000 calories a day just to break even, which is kind of a lot. For a normal crappy diet that's no problem - but fruits and vegetables have very few calories. I had a huge salad with fresh veggies and dressing on it and it was only like 50 calories. To get the proper amount of energy each day I'll have to basically be eating all the time.

V For Vegan: First day as a vegan

2012-05-10T04:21:00.002+03:00

Yes, it's true. For those of you who haven't heard, I have switched to a vegan diet. I know what you're thinking - is it the apocalypse? Has hell frozen over? Nope...I'm simply turning over a new leaf! Get used to the crappy puns because I'm going to keep them coming.

The other day I watched a documentary. It's called Forks Over Knives. I'm not exactly sure what the title means, as it's not explained in the film explicitly (and I'm not quite smart enough for smarmy subtexts), but it's about the effect of animal proteins on the human body. I've always been under the (not incorrect) impression that vegetarians are healthier than omnivores. However, I had no idea of the true extent of it. The documentary focuses primarily on the work of two academics; a physician and a biochemist, who participated in the China-Cornell-Oxford Project, a 20-year study of dietary patterns and disease in China. They collected a massive amount of data, compiled into a book called The China Study. The study shows, unequivocally, that the addition of animal protein into a human's diet drastically diminishes their health and wellness and makes them susceptible to a host of "diseases of affluence" - ailments like cancer, obesity, and heart problems, which are much less common in developing countries. The root mechanism at the cause of this is blood cholesterol - the higher it is, the higher your chance of developing some kind of shitty disease. Animal protein provides large amounts of blood cholesterol. Plant-based foods obviously have little to no cholesterol. This is not a problem for vegans, as healthy amounts of cholesterol can be produced naturally in the body with omega-3 fatty acids, found in some plant matter.

After watching the documentary, I did some digging on my own and found research that corroborated the already sparkling China study, some of it even published by none other than the USDA, the highest governmental authority on food and nutrition in America. I am of course skeptical by any document, however academic its pedigree, produced by a government, especially because I am well aware of the intimate relationship between farmers and the USG. Basically, any research produced by the USG that shows that vegan diets are healthier is quietly released out the back door. It is not suppressed, but neither is it publicized. This allows the USG to maintain a thin veneer of transparency while continuing its subsidies of farmers and setting ridiculous nutritional guidelines, like the Food Triangle, which promotes all kinds of animal proteins.

So just like that, I decided to become a vegan. Vegetarian was not enough. Allowing any kind of animal protein in the diet including milk and eggs (and gelatin - goodbye my beloved Pop-Tarts), provides many of the same substances as meat. To be completely accurate, a vegetarian is someone who only eats plant matter - but this has been watered down by many Westerners who cannot give up dairy or eggs. The term "vegan" is supposed to only apply to people who completely oppose the use of animals as a commodity, including clothing and other stuff. As I do not believe animals have rights, I have no problems with the ethics of food preparation, only its nutritional value. As such, I can still enjoy honey.

So! How does a dedicated, passionate eater of meat become a vegan? Not as painfully as you might think. First I started researching vegan recipes on the internet. There are a lot, and some of them actually sound appetizing. There are many foods that are already vegan, but I had never realized: Raisin Bran Crunch, peanut butter, fruit, etc. Many foods can be easily made vegan by removing the eggs, such as bread and graham crackers. There are also many analogues, substitutes, and imitations for vegans, such as cream cheese and yogurt.

After getting some culinary advice from the wise internet, I ventured into the local vegan foraging grounds: Oryana Co-op. It is a legendary place in Traverse City, home to such mythical creatures as hippies, vegans, hipsters, and other annoying do-gooders. When I walked in I fully expected to be subjected to some kind of test to verify my level of hippiness, especially as I am clean-shaven and do not wear sweater vests. To my surprise there was no test, and I attempted to blend into the natural environment of the hippie. Sadly, this did not work very well, as I was twice the size of most of them and wearing patent leather shoes, which many non-hippies wear to work on a daily basis. I did kind of feel like Daniel walking into the lion's den, however. The hippies could eat me alive if I wasn't careful!

I stumbled in awe through the aisles, seeing many strange and mystical products that were completely new to me. I spent a lot of time reading nutritional labels and pondering their meaning, which I imagine I will be doing a lot of as a newly-minted vegan. Anything with the lines "Contains milk or eggs" was immediately discarded. Thankfully, there were few of those. Next to the dairy section I found what I initially thought was a huge pile of garbage that some starry-eyed employee had unwittingly carted into the store. Upon further inspection, however, I learned that co-ops apparently sell peanut butter out of big buckets. I bought some crunchy organic peanut butter, which I had to scoop out of the bucket and into a container on my own. At least, I really hope it's peanut butter. I also possibly made a co-op faux pas when I used whichever ice cream scooper was conveniently located next to the peanut butter bucket to dispense mine, oblivious to the fact that different scoopers must be used for different types of butter, or you run the risk of cross-contaminating the various butters with foreign allergens. This means that some poor soul potentially used my sloppy peanut butter scooper to dispense her own almond butter and discovered the fact later when she went into anaphylactic shock. Who would have thought that hippies have so many rules! And food allergies. Maybe they should put their butters in jars like normal people and not huge buckets.

I also found some dairy replacements, such as almond milk, coconut-based yogurt, and even cookie dough-flavored soy ice cream. Walking through the patchouli-smelling aisles of Oryana was kind of like a child walking through a haunted house. Everywhere I turned there was a strange bearded man, a half-dressed and probably barefoot woman, or some bizarre foodstuff. All terrifying. Sometimes the hippies talked to each other in their strange language, and I could catch such words as "organic", "tofu", and "green".

Checkout was a pain. First of all I did not bring any of my own bags. Not being homeless, I generally do not carry bags around with me. So the clerk had to open up a cabinet door nearby and bring out some dusty, ancient paper bags to put my weird groceries in. Then she discovered, to her horror, that I had not properly labeled the peanut butter container. In fact, I had not labeled it at all. Come to think of it, a grocery store where you have to scoop out your own peanut butter and label it is kind of messed up. Then I tried to use my debit card, which is about a hundred years old and many business have to actually put plastic wrap around it to get it to work. After a few harrowing attempts, it finally worked and I was not faced with the shameful prospect of not being able to buy vegan groceries, which may be the only thing worse than buying vegan groceries.

So I came home and set out to prepare my first fully vegan meal. The menu consisted of multigrain/flax pancakes (with almond milk in place of water, naturally) and a veggie sausage. At first I was horrified that there were bugs in my pancake mix, until I discovered that they were in fact a healthy kind of food called "seeds" or "grains". Partway through the process I realized I had never actually made pancakes, which made things awkward. Thankfully, half-cooked and doughy vegan pancakes are no problem - they have no eggs! Since maple syrup is vegan by default, I slathered the pancakes in that and they were great. The grain sausage, while tasting nothing like actual sausage, was also not that bad.

And with that, my first day of life as a born-again vegan is complete. So far so good!

April update

2012-04-06T20:52:00.000+03:00

I know, my post title is pretty lame...I'll change it if I think of something wittier.

Life is good. I've moved to Traverse, into a nice house in the Holiday Hills. I rent the upstairs of the house. My roommate is an older gentleman who works the day shift, meaning that I rarely see him. He's cool at any rate; I doubt there will be any real problems. The neighborhood is nice, as it's a residential subdivision, full of expensive houses and upper-middle class families - a far cry from the seedier places of the county like Blair Township and Grawn. I've been on a few ride-alongs with the county cops lately and they like to show me all of these great places, like a trailer park affectionately called "Little Mexico". The trailers there are so old and nasty that the homeless people won't even squat in them.

Work has been going well too. I've moved on to my next phase of training, police dispatching. While it is traditionally considered the most difficult phase, it is what I'm most familiar with, as at CMU I was a police dispatcher. So far so good. The most entertaining (and exhausting) part of the job is call-taking - dealing with the public. The moral of the story here is that the public is batshit crazy. I wish I could relay some of the highlights, but that's kind of a no-no. One story I can relate is the recent winter storm we had. We took thousands of calls over that weekend and I personally had over a hundred 911 calls in just a few hours. I had to put 911 calls on hold to answer more 911 calls.

This morning I applied to a side job (also with the county) for lifeguarding. Dispatching at night, with some lifeguarding on the side...now all I have to do is sleep through all of my classes and cheat on all my girlfriends and it'll be just like college! Just kidding, I don't date anymore. I am considering working towards a master's at NMC though. CMU offers a leadership grad certificate here I may shoot for first, which is good because I'm not sure if any other institution would accept me.

Really looking forward to the summer. Anything is better than this cold wintry garbage. I just got a gym membership and have been doing a lot of cardio and weights. I've lost 32 pounds in the last few months and would like to lose another 15 or so before the summer starts.

Free at last

2010-07-24T17:27:00.001+03:00

It's time to go home. For good, this time. I finished summer project a few days ago, a 10-day teaching gig in nearby Dianjiang. It was alright. Wednesday was my last real day of work for Peace Corps, which feels kind of weird. I've been in PC so long I don't really remember what it's like to work for money. I do remember that it's a feeling I like, though. I've started looking for law enforcement jobs back in the States. There are a lot of opportunities out there, but most of them aren't in Michigan. Becoming a federal agent isn't that easy; I'm probably going to have to spend a few years as a city cop before I go down that road. That's fine with me. It'll be nice to actually live in my own country for a change.

I leave China August 4th and will arrive in TC that same day. I'll finally say goodbye to Peace Corps. PC has been my employer, my doctor, my security advisor, my travel agent, my boss, and my teacher for the last 3 years of my life. I've visited four countries with them, lived in two, studied two languages, and met a lot of interesting people, including some of my best friends (like Steph and Dave). I've learned a lot, especially about myself. I've been sick from diseases I'd never heard of, and vaccinated for countless others. I've had fleas, bedbugs, mites, malarial mosquitoes, and giant monster man-eating spiders. For the rest of my life, I'll hear "I always wanted to join the Peace Corps" from other Americans. I'll never be the same again. I would recommend PC to anyone, it's the best thing I've ever done. But now, it's time to go home.

The end is near

2010-02-07T23:08:00.001+03:00

IST, our in-service training, wrapped up last week. It was two weeks of...training. About what you'd expect. I will say no more of this.

With IST over, that can mean only one thing: my term of service with PC is almost over. The powers that be have informed me that I can leave immediately after "summer project". Summer project is when PCVs meet at a nearby school and provide training to Chinese public school teachers of English. It should be finished by the end of July. That will leave me only days to return before a wedding where I have the pleasure of acting as the best man.

After that, it's time to get to work. I'll be searching for a law enforcement job while I readjust to American life, a process that was interrupted last summer. I think readjustment will be a lot easier for me than other RPCVs (Returned Peace Corps Volunteer), though. Other RPCVs I've talked to have had serious issues readjusting and long for Ethiopia. I barely thought about it while I was in the States last summer between posts. I love Ethiopia and my friends there, but it's not my home. Neither is China, although I've recently determined that it's my second-favorite country ever. I should add that I've only been to 16 countries so I'm hardly an expert. But it's awesome.

Chongqing

2009-10-29T05:44:00.001+03:00

I've been teaching at my site for about 2 months now. I've been assigned to Sichuan International Studies University (SISU), where I teach 8 classes of English writing. I only teach 3 days a week which is great. My students are all English majors in their third year, so they're fluent in English which makes teaching them a lot easier. I live on campus in a great apartment. I have a fridge, stove, microwave, hot water heater, and TV, even CNN. The university is relatively small (12,000 students), but a new campus has just been finished nearby. SISU is at the base of a group of mountains on the outskirts of Chongqing, a large city.

My Mandarin hasn't been improving a lot since I left pre-service training, but soon I'll be starting with a Chinese tutor. I know enough to get by; I can go to the store and restaurants and stuff. There are real supermarkets here, and I can buy things like crunchy peanut butter and yogurt easily, which were kind of a luxury in Ethiopia. Many Western brands of food are sold here as well, like Oreos and Pringles (the Pringles come in all kinds of great Chinese flavors, like crab and shrimp). It's also easy to buy meat here so I cook pork and chicken all the time, which was very difficult in Ethiopia.

I have a lot of respect for teachers after being one myself, even for such a short time. It's exhausting work. The students are great though, and most of them genuinely want to improve their writing. Writing may sound like a boring topic to teach, but it suits me just fine and I think I'm happier teaching this than say, oral English. Chinese students are very different from their American counterparts. For starters, they don't choose their own classes. They are on a set track when they enter university. They also have permanent "cohorts" consisting of 20-30 students, who all have the same classes at the same time for their entire college career. They live on campus for all four years, with 4 students sharing a bedroom. There are bells between classes, just like in our high school. Each cohort elects a "monitor" which serves as the leader of the cohort. I'm expected to take attendance and report absenteeism to my department. Despite the differences, I'm allowed to teach as I please. My students have been taught by Americans before so they are familiar with us.

The semester's about halfway over. Now that I have a laptop, thanks to a wonderful young lady, hopefully I can blog more often!

PST week 4

2009-07-24T02:29:00.001+03:00

Everything's great here in sunny Chengdu. Well, maybe not so sunny - it's kind of foggy and muggy most days. It's very hot too, I'm dripping sweat all day long. My host family gave me a fan for my room though, bless their hearts. Speaking of the host family, it's working out perfectly. My host mom's a great cook and fixes a huge dinner each night. I rarely see the dad or the sister because they work so much, but that's alright because it just means I get more time to myself. Jeje's a big Harry Potter fan so last weekend we went to see the new movie. It was my first exposure to the Harry Potter universe. It was a great movie, but I don't think it's converted me to the wizarding cause or anything.
Yesterday we started model school. My mentor is Chris, an older Trainee who has taught high school English in the States. This week Chris takes the lead and teaches the class and I act as sort of a teacher's assistant; next week I'll be in charge. We have 10 students in the class, age 16-19, so just a little younger than what we'll be teaching at our sites. Their level of English varies from basic (can form a few basic sentences) to pretty advanced - our star student has a decent vocabulary and can use at least 3 tenses. We haven't had as many classroom management issues as I expected; we haven't confiscated any cell phones, for instance. We've been told that student discipline can be an issue at some schools. We teach every day for an hour and a half, and we have Chinese lessons in the morning.
That's it for now!

China 101

2009-07-17T00:38:00.003+03:00

Well, here I am in China. The flight went well; it was long but comfortable. PC put us in a hotel in Chengdu for a week while we went through orientation. Orientation means shots, language training, and lots of different kinds of information, most of which I already know as a transfer. There are about 30 transfers in the training class, from all over Africa, Eastern Europe, Central Asia, and the Pacific. One other PCV from Ethiopia has also transferred; Becca.

Chengdu is a great city. It's huge (the capital of the Sichuan province) and has everything that a Western city does - movie theaters, department stores, public transportation, you name it. It's a big change of pace from the small training site in Ethiopia.

A few days ago we finished orientation and moved in with our host families. My host parents are in their 50s; the mom is a retired teacher and the dad is some kind of administrator at Sichuan University. They have a 26-year-old daughter who lives in her own apartment in Chengdu; she still has a room here though and stays here sometimes. Mom and Dad are "Mama" and "Baba" and the sister is "Jeje", which is a Chinese diminutive for "elder sister". The parents can't pronounce Levi so they say something that sounds like a combination of Earl and Larry. Like Amharic, there is no natural "V" sound in Mandarin. Jeje just calls me "Didi", which is "little brother". The family's apartment is really nice, I even have a computer and internet in my bedroom. The Chinese generally don't sleep on mattresses, they have solid boards on their beds that they cover with a thin layer of cloth. I actually kind of like it - it's good for my back, if nothing else.

This weekend was our first time off and the family took me to Jinli Street, an old-fashioned section of Chengdu which is famous for its handicrafts, street food, and the "jinli" - goldfish that swim in the streams around the district. There are also jet-black swans, which I've never seen before. Other highlights of Jinli Street include the ear pickers. Ear picking is a traditional Sichuan practice where you pay like 20 kuai (3 bucks) and sit down in this chair and this guy cleans out your ears with a variety of swabs, brushes, and picks. I wasn't brave enough to try it but I'd like to. Jeje bought me a set of panda bear chopsticks (Sichuan is where some of the famous Chinese pandas can be found); I've definitely improved with sticks since I got here.

Training's going well. I'm having a better time with Mandarin than I did with Amharic. The tones of Mandarin are giving me a little trouble because my voice is normally so monotone, but most Chinese speak so quickly it's difficult to distinguish tones anyways. They are critical though - a single tone in a sentence can mean the difference between "I'd like to tell you" and "I'd like to kiss you". The TEFL (teaching English as a foreign language) training is also going well - next week we start model school. PC staff have recruited high school and university students on their summer break to sit in classrooms and let us experiment on them with different teaching styles for several weeks. I'll be paired with a more experienced Trainee who will give me feedback on my performance.

Chinese food is great. There are all kinds of meat here, from the basics (beef, chicken, pork, fish) to the more exotic (duck, rabbit, eels). I've had a few dishes that were different, like pig's ears, seaweed, lotus roots, and roasted bird on a stick (it was some kind of small flying bird like a swallow but I'm not exactly sure). Also, when at a Chinese table, you don't eat just your own dish - all of the dishes are placed on a rotating glass disc in the middle of the table, and you snatch food out of them with your chopsticks when someone spins it around. This ensures a variety of food at each meal, but can also cause messes for children and foreigners when someone spins the disc and you're struggling to pick up a piece of food with your sticks, which then fall unceremoniously onto the glass. Chinese people love watching me use sticks though - it's probably like trying to watch an old person play video games, or a dog lick peanut butter off its nose. You'd really love to help, but it's too entertaining to interrupt.

That's all for now, stay tuned for more!

Away We Go

2009-06-28T03:56:00.004+03:00

The last couple months have been great. I've spent most of it in the company of my Xbox, or with Shana. Thankfully Shana likes Rock Band so I've been able to mix the two. Some highlights of the vacation:
- Getting wonderful e-mails/orders from Peace Corps every day, including but not limited to: Go to the dentist, don't go to the dentist, fill out paperwork, give us money, stay in China longer. The most recent was "Don't come to staging with any flu symptoms, or you'll be quarantined". I don't think they're joking.
- Visiting Mt. Pleasant and seeing old friends.
- Sleeping in.
- Beating like 20 video games.
- Being able to talk to other PC/Ethiopia refugees, like Steph. Who seems to love the hospital now, by the way.
- Listening to new music and marveling at the graphic lyrics on broadcast radio.

I leave for China on Monday.

Update: Going to China

2009-05-02T19:47:00.002+03:00

So, my time in Ethiopia has come to an end, a little bit earlier than planned. Last month, PC China issued an offer to currently-serving Volunteers to transfer and extend in China. I was intrigued by the offer and wanted to apply, but did not think that PC Ethiopia would let me leave 7 months early. Long story short, they are. I'll be home this month for my (required) vacation, and at the end of June I head to China. The extension is a 1-year commitment, so I should be finished in September 2010.

If anyone would like to see me while I'm home, feel free to call me - my American cell number is the same as it's always been. See you soon!

Lucky and Me

2009-03-01T11:32:00.004+03:00

So I learned recently that "Marley & Me," a best-selling book about a man and his dog, was made into a sappy movie. The guy who wrote the book is a fellow alumni of CMU and he was the keynote speaker at my graduation, so I have decided to write some stories about my own dog in a pitifully misguided attempt to emulate his vast financial success. Here are some stories about my Ethiopian hyena/wolf/dog hybrid, Lucky, who lives in the road near my house.

First off, I should describe him properly. Lucky is old by Ethiopian standards, around 6 or 7 I'd guess. He's pretty big, among the biggest dogs I've seen here, and he is mostly tan with brown stripes that gives him a distinct hyena-like appearance. I call him Lucky because of his multitude of war wounds/health problems, which include a blind eye and a slight limp in one paw. He's also mangy and kind of smelly but I guess I can't hold that against him. He may also be partially deaf, but it could be that he's just ignoring me instead. He doesn't understand English but I yell at him sometimes and he generally obeys. Lucky is fiercely loyal to me and feels responsible for my protection, and snaps at other people who try to pet him or get too close to me.

As mentioned in earlier posts, Lucky and I like to walk around the neighborhood at night, when most Ethiopians have retired to their compounds and harassment is minimal. One night when we were walking, we were attacked by a pack of wildish dogs. Unfortunately for them, Lucky and I are both badasses and we promptly kicked the @#$% out of them. Well, Lucky did most of the work, but I threw a rock at one and him right in the face. We both emerged unscathed except for a small bite on Lucky's muzzle.

Another time, I stopped at a container shop to buy bananas and Lucky followed me as usual. He was sitting just a foot away from me while I inspected the fruit, minding his own business when another shop customer kicked him. I went berserk and released a cavalcade of colorful insults in several languages at the Ethiopian who kicked him, who was absolutely puzzled at my response. He asked "Who is more important - me or the dog?" I responded with more cursing along the lines of "The dog is my friend and if I had a little less self-restraint, I would let him eat your fat ass." Naturally, the man was upset by this and puffed out his chest in a rather laughable display of machismo, considering my size and general propensity for violence. I let him go, but if only he knew how close he came to getting pounded into tibs that night.

Last week, I left my house one morning to go to work, as usual. I saw another dog sniffing around my gate wall, so I approached and saw a tiny little kitten trying to drink water out of our storm drain. The kitten looked like it had quite literally been through a washing machine, with its fur all spiky and a crazy look in its eyes. The little furball melted my cold heart and I wondered what I was going to do with it - I couldn't just leave it there, it was unafraid of me and thereby unafraid of pretty much anything, including dogs, people, and other cats. It wouldn't last long with an attitude like that. Lucky, however, solved the problem for me. He heard me leave my compound and walked over to greet me, but soon discovered the focus of my attention. Lucky has seen me interact with other animals before (usually friendly dogs we meet on our walks); he doesn't like it but he tolerates it. Unfortunately for this kitten, it stepped towards me while Lucky was watching, and he sprang into action. I watched in shock as Lucky "protected" me by quite frankly murdering this harmless, two-pound kitten. By the time he was done, there wasn't enough of it left to make a hairball. I left for work, lamenting the grisly crime and realizing that I hadn't even named the kitten, so I decided to call it Breakfast because that's what it had ultimately become. When I told Anna about Breakfast later, she said "Sometimes living here is like watching the Discovery Channel."

Anyways, that's my pal Lucky! Hope you enjoyed reading about him, and I'll be waiting to negotiate for the film rights.

11-16-08

2008-11-16T20:28:00.001+03:00

So recently I finished Peace Corps' mid-service conference (MSC), a three-day workshop signaling the end of my first year of service. As of yesterday, I have one more year to go before I qualify for close of service (COS), which amounts to an "honorable discharge." We're also eligible for COS status if the country is evacuated at any time, which seems unlikely. Since I've been here for over a year, I've earned my noncompetitive eligibility, the benefit that gives me more points in the federal hiring system (similar to Veteran's Benefits). However, I forfeit the eligibility if I resign or get fired before COS.

Anyway, enough of government bureaucracy. Here I present some highlights from my recent adventures in Addis and Awasa. Enjoy!

So Steph and I left BD on Sunday, October 26th and arrived in Addis, somehow without any problems (I think the flight was even a bit early, so hell may have frozen over). We checked in at the Red Cross Training Center, the training facility for MSC. I was the first guy to arrive so I signed my name on the sign-in sheet and scratched out the space underneath mine, indicating that I was to have a room by myself. Thankfully no one disputed this. We then spent the next three days in typical PC training, but this time several experts were brought in to talk about Ethiopia's food crisis, small businesses, and other topics. This basically just meant that instead of boring presentations given by other PCVs and woefully unqualified PC trainers, we got three days of boring presentations from doctors and economists. Yeyz for us!

Nothing too excited happened during MSC, except that the Ethiopian guests of the Red Cross liked to start doing calisthenic exercises at 6 am right outside our windows. Naturally, this was infuriating, as was the mysterious dance party that could be heard every night until at least 1 am. Remember, Ethiopians generally don't sleep, and unfortunately they expect the same of foreigners. Also, the power went out, which isn't strange, but what was strange is that it went off in only half of the Red Cross building. So half of us had to move across the hall for a couple of hours to watch TV.

After MSC, we all went our separate ways, and my way was to Awasa, the capital city of the SNNP (Southern Nations, Nationalities, and Peoples) region, which is to the south, as you may have guessed. CARE arranged for me to attend a PC3 technical review meeting, which happens in each PC3 country twice a year. PC3 stands for Positive Change: Children, Care, and Communities (or some permutation thereof) and is a USAID-funded project across many African countries. It is an OVC (orphan & vulnerable children) project implemented by large NGOs, which in Ethiopia consists of FHI, Save the Children, World Vision, World Learning, and my host organization, CARE. Each of the NGOs sent a representative contingent to discuss our implementation of PC3 (because PC is funded by USAID, I was assigned to the PC3 project). We talked about all of the wonderful things that NGOs discuss in meetings - lessons learned, challenges, best practices, the way forward, etc. ad nauseum. I didn't like the meeting, but I do like Awasa, as it turns out. It has a lake and so reminds me of Bahir Dar (and, by extension, home). It's a pretty modern city and there seemed to be less harassment there than what's typical in Amhara. There may be a Volunteer or two placed there in the next round; I think that will be a good thing for them.

Speaking of new Volunteers, they'll be here in 3 weeks. Any of you new trainees who's reading this blog, run away! Just kidding. I'll be helping out with your training. Hopefully there's no hazing, but you never know!

I don't have any pictures from MSC or the PC3 meeting, but I have a few new pictures on Facebook from my own training, a year ago. You can find them here. They're hosted on Facebook but I don't think you need a Facebook account to see them; they should be open to the public.