The Folly of my Youth and the Mid Life Crisis

Orlando: The Disney Experience

2012-02-07T23:25:00.000-06:00

As promised some Florida Pictures:

Day one and two: Disney World

Our hotel was only about 5 miles from the parking lot for Magic Kingdom but, random trivia for those like me who haven't been there before, the parking lot is about 2 miles from the entrance to the park. First you take a tram and then you have a choice of a boat or monorail to take you the rest of the way. In the end you don't have to do much walking to actually get into the park from your car which was good since we basically didn't sit down again until we left 10+ hours later. We were exhausted but had a wonderful time.

In the front door we saw a line to get pictures with a few princess and decided to get that over right away. Even though there was a line full of little girls all excited to meet them each princess talked with Isabelle as if she had nothing else going on in her life. They all loved the pink feathers in her hair.

And there is the Cinderella's Castle. Jake and Isabelle did a little puppetry while we were there.

Classic family picture. The crane added a nice homey touch.

After those classic pictures we launched into a day of lines, rides and general chaos and fun. We started the day with me reminding the whole family we were simply going to be present in the moment throughout the day and not get stressed out. Of course I am the only one who forgot that at any point and so I had to stop several times and remind John to remind me to be present in the moment. I want to do everything and tend to run my family like a crazy slave master trying to squeeze out every ounce of fun when what they really want to do is just sit down and enjoy the moment. In the end that is all I want too. Present in the moment.

Here we are enjoying a show we came upon as we were looking for our next adventure. Isabelle was great about walking around all day but she got plenty of time in all our arms and on John and Jake's shoulders. I particularly enjoyed the time with Jake and seeing him interact with our family. His love for his sister and the easy way we all work together to move through the day. He never complained but wasn't afraid to tell us what he needed whether it was food or a picture with a speeder from star wars. I really saw that my little boy has become a young man who is ready to go out into the world but who will hopefully always have a little time to laugh with his mom as well.

The first day ended with a wonderful fireworks show, this time viewed from dad's shoulders.

And a $10 balloon. Who doesn't need a $10 balloon at the end of the day?

Hollywood studios was a totally different experience than Magic Kingdom. For one thing we had never been there so we didn't know what anything was, what the good things are, where to go or how to start. In retrospect it wouldn't have killed me to pick up one of the millions of books on getting around Disney. I immediately picked up a map and felt stressed. We made a vague plan of how we would proceed but when we were less than half way through the map more than half way through the day I started to panic. Then I remembered I was being present in the moment, took a breath and enjoyed the parts of that park we got to see not worrying about what we didn't do.

They had hula hoops out when we arrived and discovered that Isabelle has a previously unknown talent for hula hooping.

And we got in a few character pictures.

We spied the Mickey Mouse water tower on a back lot tour.

Isabelle wanted to pose like Minnie.

so, of course, I needed Jake to do the same. Like so many other things that week he was a great sport trying to act like he didn't want to but enthusiastically participating anyway.

We saw Beauty and the Beast. Edited down to a 30 minute show it was pretty much just the top songs but wonderful and we enjoyed it.

We missed our opportunity to get a picture with Mickey when we were at Magic Kingdom and I told John that we could not leave Disney without the classic picture. Shortly before the park closed we found the Mickey line, which was pretty short and got our picture.

And the Incredible's were there too. Since this is possibly one of my favorite Disney movies ever we had to get in this line as well. Frozone had John posing like a super.

Thus ending our 2 days at Disney. It is a classic family experience I am glad we had and highly recommend but having gotten it out of our systems we were ready for the next adventure.

Stay tuned for further stories from Florida.

The Orlando Adventure

2012-02-01T07:31:00.001-06:00

Today is day 5 of my 4 night/5 day prize trip to Orlando, Florida. It is hard to believe it has come and will soon be over. We have had a wonderful time and every single day I have been amazed and grateful by this prize and the gift it has been for our family. Considering we never saved up enough money for a vacation like this when John was making the big bucks, there is no way we could take a vacation like this at this point in our life. The tickets to Disney for 2 days and Kennedy Space Center were over $1000 alone. Not to mention the airfare, car rental and this beautiful 2 bedroom condo. I am sitting in the quiet living room drinking a glass of OJ I poured for myself in the kitchen while my family sleeps, something that doesn't usually happen when we cram ourselves into a hotel room. I normally have to go sit in the hallway or lobby with my pj's on until they all wake up and come searching for me.

We are planning to make the most of this last day at the hotel by spending all morning at the pool. Or at least that is Isabelle's plan. Our initial plan had been to come back from Disney mid day for some swimming, relaxing and dinner before returning for the evening fun. However, we were so busy doing stuff and having fun that we decided against that plan and instead had a snack and ate dinner at 9pm in our room. Isabelle was distraught. So she swam for about 15 minutes the next morning before we did Disney part 2. And I soaked my tired legs in the hot tub that night. Kennedy turned out to be an all day affair as well but we did get home by dinner and John took Isabelle down to the pool and was super Father by actually getting in the water despite the 65 degree weather and played with her for about an hour. It was helpful in easing her pool demands but I am sure will emerge from her room with her swim suit on this morning and be ready to head down. As much fun as Disney and Kennedy Space Center were they really could have saved the money and just let us hang out at the pool all week. I know Isabelle would have been just as happy with that.

But that is what the next 3 days are about. We are heading down to see my parents on Marco Island this afternoon, hopefully arriving by dinner time. And it is pretty much always 80 degrees and sunny down there so we are looking forward to Isabelle spending even more time in the pool and walking on the beaches and just relaxing and enjoying the sun and surf.

Each day I remind myself and the family that we are going to be present in the moment. We are going to enjoy what we are doing and not worry about what is next. Easier said than done when you are at Disney and there are a million things to do and you are trying to do them all. Much easier said than done when you are 6 years old and your parents promised you would go back to the hotel to swim and then changed their minds. Easier said than done when you are driving a strange car in the dark and don't know where you are going. Easy when you are Jake, if only he was present with us instead of virtually with his girlfriend...

Still for the most part we have done well, we have laughed together, prayed together, shared meals together, experienced new things together. It has been great. I have been blessed to see my son being mature, helpful, excited, engaged, and often very present with our family. He is not a little boy anymore and it has been wonderful to spend time with this young man. I have enjoyed lots of snuggle time with my daughter, seeing the joy in her face at talking with the Disney princesses, discovering that she would rather be watching stunt car racing than go to the Muppet's ride and confirming she is a thrill seeker who loved Space Mountain. (And the whole family laughing because I turned out to be the one screaming the whole ride.)

I usually think vacations will be times of introspection. I will read, think about my future, plan for our return. I am a little nerdy and think those things sound fun. But vacations are more active than that. They aren't at all about our real life, planning and preparing for day to day life, it is about escape, it is about living a different life for a few days. A life where you don't have any other responsibilities, no worries, no homework, no job, no house to clean or meals to cook (unless you want to). I have discovered that vacations are about being present in this moment with the people you love and loving every minute of it. And I am inexpressibly grateful we get to do that.

"Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thes 5:18

(I left the cord for my camera at home so I can't upload any pictures on the trip but I promise to do a whole post of pictures when I return.)

Because Nobody Told Me I Couldn't

2012-01-25T22:07:00.000-06:00

Several years ago, before the real estate market bubble burst, John and I read some books about real estate investing and decided we needed some rental property. We were thinking duplex but then I heard the commercial building my mother in law works in was for sale. I happened to be acquainted with the owner since I had worked there before her and so I decided to ask him if he would be willing to talk to John and me about buying it.

Of course the fact that we had less than $1000 in the bank and he had the building up for $700,000 was not concerning to me at all because I had no idea what I was doing.

Somehow after talking with us he agreed to negotiate an offer with us. So I called a commercial lender that a friend recommended and started the paper work. After agreeing on a price the owner asked for 10% down. So I called the loan officer. He asked why the guy wanted it and suggested we offer $1000 down so I did and the owner accepted. Then we could only get a loan for $500,000 so I asked the owner to finance the rest of the loan for us. And he agreed. Then we needed $20,000 in closing costs. The loan officer asked us how we were going to pay. I asked him what he suggested and he said to ask the owner again. So I asked the owner if he would also finance the closing costs. He agreed again.

And so we bought a 100 year old commercial building with 3 retail and 3 office tenants for $1000 and it cash flowed nearly $2000/month for the first year and a half we owned it. After that taxes went up, a main tenant left and another main tenant decided to be unreliable on his rent payments, Isabelle was born and I decided I would rather manage her than a bunch of high maintenance tenants so we put it on the market and 3 years after buying it sold it for way more than we paid. I will probably never see a check that big with my name on it again.

At the time my brother was also a real estate investor (still is) and selling residential mortgages. He couldn't believe what we did and told his boss about it. They laughed about it and his boss said we were able to do it because, "Nobody told them they couldn't."

For every good idea you have there is a line of well meaning friends, family and business professionals ready and waiting to tell you why it won't work. They don't know they are crushing your dreams and hindering your chances of success, they think they are protecting you from the disappointment of failure.

But failure isn't a bad thing. When we bought the building we knew we were taking a big risk. But I asked myself, what is the worst thing that could happen? The conclusion I came to is that we might have to declare bankruptcy and loose our house. But we could still work and we would be able to re-build and we decided that worst case scenario was something we were willing to risk.

While overall owning the building was a very good thing for us, there was a level of failure involved as well. I had no idea what I was doing when we bought the place. I agreed to some leases that really were not in our best interest and I waited too long to seek help and really learn the business. If I had known what I was doing or sought help right from the start we might still be making $2000/month doing part time property management. But without that failure, without making those mistakes, I could not have learned that lesson.

Why are we so afraid of failure? I have written previously about overcoming my fear of failure during a life changing month of snowboarding lessons. Still, at the beginning of any new endeavor there is fear of failure. Fear of screwing up and looking stupid. And really fear of all the people who never tried anything new but sill stand in judgement of you when you fail.

The good news is that behind every successful person you can find a story of failure. Before Thomas Edison invented the light bulb he failed 1,000's of times but is famously quoted for saying, "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." Success does not come about because you made no mistakes but because you learned from those failures and pressed forward. Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team, Elvis Presley was told he couldn't sing, but they both believed in themselves and did not let a few failures stop them from pursuing their dreams.

So I continue to work on starting an online business. I am taking the lesson I learned from the building and taking some time to learn about Internet marketing. But I am also stepping forward with a belief that I will not fail and that I can do this. And while the first thing I pursue may or may not make me money it will not be a failure but just another step toward success.

Getting Ready

2012-01-22T08:03:00.000-06:00

Less than a week from today I will be basking in the Florida sunshine. I can't believe it!

As we have saved all our Christmas money, birthday money and side jobs who paid cash money over the past couple months to cover our incidental expenses while we are gone, I am in awe of what a gift this trip is. I truly can't imagine how we would ever take this trip if I hadn't won it from Family Circle Magazine. We love to travel but have never had the discipline to actually save significant money for vacations. As a result we do weekend camping trips or stay at friends cabins. We have only taken a full week vacation twice since Jake was in Kindergarten. One was a trip to California and Disneyland, the other was our Kenya trip a couple years ago. So spending 8 days in Florida in the middle of winter is a pretty big deal for us.

As with everything we do these days, my working changes the way we prepare for a trip. Normally I would wait until Thursday or Friday to pull out suitcases and would spend an entire day preparing the family for the trip, pulling out our more summery clothes,doing laundry, shopping for supplies and, of course, cleaning the house because I hate leaving a dirty house and hate more coming home to a dirty house.

Instead, I will spend much of today, Sunday a week before the trip, pulling out suitcases and pulling down the summer clothes from Isabelle's closet. I will be trusting Jake and John to help with the house cleaning this week because we all know, "if mama ain't happy, nobody happy". And throughout the week the suitcases will sit open in our bedrooms as we slowly fill them up one day at a time.

Just one more thing we are learning to do different now that I am working. But nearly 8 months into my working full time I am really seeing the family begin to work together and get things done. It is hard at times to let go of control and share responsibilities but each time I do I am blessed. So I am confident when we get on the airplane next Saturday we will be fully ready for the adventure that awaits us.

Athlete in training

2012-01-14T16:10:00.000-06:00

Isabelle has started gymnastics. She was way beyond excited when I told her on Christmas day that she would be starting lessons in one week. She has now had 2 lessons and is loving it but I have noticed something interesting. She gets home crabby and exhausted. When I watch her going through the skill building tasks of walking on a balance beam, doing backward rolls on mats and swinging from bars I only see the fun she is having but I realized after the first lesson, she just did a 1 hour workout! When I have worked out for 1 hour I feel great but I am also exhausted and desperate for food.

I know people always talk about keeping kids active but it wasn't until this moment, seeing how tired Isabelle was after an hour of active play, that I realized how important it is, how much down time she has. And I became even more excited about having her involved in a sport.

We aren't really a sports family. Jake did baseball for a number of years but I think the dad's coaching Jake were a little relieved when we finally stopped signing him up. We didn't really care that he wasn't good, we didn't spend our evenings and weekends working to help him improve, and he didn't really care that he wasn't good but kept asking to play because he was having fun. This kind of attitude doesn't garner a lot of admiration in team sports circles. Which I think is why Jake has enjoyed wrestling so much. While there is a team, when it comes right down to the match, it is all about him. Does he want to win and what kind of effort is he going to put in? Which seems to be much more motivating to Jake. He won't be a college wrestler, he won't be going to state. But he is having fun. He is learning how to work out his body, be healthy and active. And that is what I want my children to get out of their time in sports.

I would love it if Isabelle really clicked with gymnastics and shot to super stardom. We are enjoying watching my niece, the future Olympic athlete, master the sport of swimming as she accumulates wins in increasingly large circles, from local to state to regional competitions. We are proud and excited for her future. But Isabelle might not be that motivated, she might just want to have fun and be happy to simply show off a back handspring to her friends occasionally.

Since that day I ran out our back door 7 years ago and began my career as an adult onset athlete I have learned a lot about why it is important to have your children in sports. As I have become more disciplined, learned to focus, achieved goals, pushed through to the finish line, I have been able to take those same skills into my day to day life. I have taken chances I would never have taken before, I have tried new things that would have scared me to much before, I have felt a strength I didn't know was possible. I have seen myself succeed and found it to be a high worth chasing in other areas of my life. I have seen what I can do in one area of my life and believe I can do it in other areas as well. I have believed in myself.

When Jake was little it really didn't seem like a big deal that he wasn't involved in a sport but today, having seen how my life has changed simply by running out my back door, I can't imagine not raising Isabelle to be active and involved in some sport.

So I continue to work out on a regular basis to keep my health and mental stability strong and am enjoying watching Isabelle develop the endurance necessary to be physically active throughout her life. Whether it is as a gymnast or some other activity I know the reward will be worth the effort.

We can still be friends

2012-01-13T07:38:00.000-06:00

I had a revelation the other day. I was my son's first girlfriend and he has totally broken up with me! Now he wants to be "just friends" and I am having a hard time transitioning into my new role.

I shared this creepy tidbit with my husband who is fresh out of Psychology 101 and he affirmed my thought telling me this is exactly what Freud was talking about. Not in the inappropriate Oedipus way but there is a special mother/son bond.

When you think about it I was the first girl in his life. He shared his thoughts and feelings with me, I listened to him, encouraged him, loved him. I taught him how to treat a woman with respect, how to open doors for me, cradle my arm in the crook of his elbow and help me on with my coat.

I thought we were getting along just fine. I never saw it coming.

Then one day another girl came into his life and suddenly he was sharing all his thoughts and dreams with her. He was spending time with her and taking her thoughts and encouragement more seriously than mine. And there she was benefiting from all my hard work of molding him into the wonderful man that he is.

What did I do wrong? Or did I do it right?

Isn't this what we are supposed to do as parents? Train them, teach them, help them grow and then let them go. I must admit that the reality of that last part, let them go, is really becoming more and more real to me as we get closer and closer to the end of high school and I realize 6 months from now we will be packing up all his stuff and moving him out. This is what I have been doing the last 17-1/2 years, preparing for this moment to come. And he is ready. Although half of me wants to lock him in a closet and hold on to him a little longer the other half knows I have done my job and it is time to release him. And in the end I will listen to that other half.

So now that he is ready, I guess it is time to get myself ready.

So I am working on learning to be "just friends" and trusting that I have raised him, loved him and encouraged him to go out and make choices for himself in relationships and life that continue the work I have begun in him.

Seeing the future

2012-01-06T06:25:00.001-06:00

You know how at the end of a particularly challenging stage of life you are able to look back and see how it all worked out and how God took care of you? And you know how you wish you weren't so stressed, full of discontentment and argumentative about the process but instead enjoyed the ride, enjoyed watching God put it all together and bringing you exactly where you needed to be exactly when you needed to get there?

Or is that just me?

So the other day I was feeling stressed, discontent and argumentative about the process we are in. And I decided I HAD to cut down to 30 hours a week. But of course when I looked at our budget it seemed more like I needed a second job than less hours. And that made me feel a little crazy, trapped, frustrated, helpless, hopeless. And frankly I wanted to figure out how to get out of this crazy path we got ourselves on. Rewind! I want to go back to the beginning!

I heard someone say once that if everyone put their problems in a pile and you could choose any problem you wanted out of the pile you would go back and choose your own. I know my problem, I know how to deal with it. I know how to be at home and broke, to struggle with self employment, encourage my husband to keep going through a bad economy. I don't know how to be a working mom, and still be broke, and encourage my husband with his education and work, to help my daughter grow to be a godly woman when I am not there to observe her behavior and redirect. I feel like I am having to re-define who I am. I liked who I was before. Even if it wasn't working for our family anymore. Do I really have to change?

When I am in the middle of something I don't like I often think about the other side. When we were waiting to have a second baby I would often imagine announcing I was pregnant or, later, telling people we had been chosen by a birth family. I would think about holding her in my arms. It reminded me that I was going somewhere and that this moment is not permanent.

And so it is with this, I often think about the other side. When I am able to quit my job to run my little online business. When John is a practicing PA. When this short but important time in our life is over. And since I have experience getting through these stages I know that when they are over I will wish I didn't fight it so much. I will wish I had enjoyed the process more.

Yet as I talked with God I found myself justifying my stress because it caused action and obviously I needed to do something! And I felt He challenged me to take action without the stress. To trust Him to lead me to what I needed to do and lead me away from what I did not need to do. And that sounds a little challenging.

OK as I am writing this I felt called to read my "Jesus Calling" devotion for the day. Today is about being victorious in Christ. Here are a couple relevant parts,

"I may infuse within you a dream that seems far beyond your reach. You know that in yourself you cannot achieve such a goal. Thus begins your journey of profound reliance on Me. It is a faithwalk, taken one step at a time, leaning on Me as much as you need. This is not a path of continual success but of multiple failures. However, each failure is followed by a growth spurt, nourished by increased reliance on Me."

"It is through problems and failure, weakness and neediness that you learn to rely on Me."

See I told you this book was written just for me! So I am thinking that instead of allowing my stress to dictate my actions I should allow my reliance on God to dictate my actions. (Act, my word of the year, is part of the word action. Has anyone else noticed that?)

Today I am going to imagine going through this process relying on God instead of my own strength.

2 Cor 5:7 "We walk by faith, not by sight."

What a way to make a living

2012-01-05T06:15:00.002-06:00

For the record, I don't remember anyone ever treating me like they thought I was stupid just because I was a stay at home mom. I suppose there could have been an occasional comment but I don't remember them. For the most part all the interactions I had before I started working were with people who thought I was intelligent and competent.

Then I got a job as a receptionist. I realize you do not need to be a rocket scientist to do this job. It is pretty basic, answer the phone, ask who is calling, intercom over to the person they are calling to find out if they want the call and then transfer or ask the person to leave a message. Pretty basic stuff. Of course I have other work and it is a little more complicated than that but really, my job is not hard and not particularly challenging.

But that does not mean I am stupid.

Yesterday when I asked a caller what it was regarding the woman on the other side told me her boss was an alumni of the same college as the man she wanted to talk to. I acknowledged that and asked again what the call was regarding. She then asked me if I knew what the word alumni meant. Now she had already told me it was not a solicitation call, which frankly is what I think the word alumni means, so I was just trying to get clarification on why she was calling someone who did not want to talk to her because he had no idea who she, or her boss, were. And since she didn't want to leave a message but instead wanted to know when to call back, at which point he still wouldn't take the call, I was now forced to assess what she wanted. And apparently her strategy for getting me to put her through was to insult me by assuming I do not know what the word alumni means.

Really?

For the record, I also hate it when I am referred to as "the girl". I am not opposed to all forms of the word "girl", I don't mind being referred to as "girlfriend" by my friends and I will often tell John I am getting together with "the girls" when I go out with friends. I am talking here about phrases like, "let me give my name badge back to the girl" or when another woman is sitting at my desk and the owner walks by and says, "look at you girls working away."

In my mind I want to have a sharp retort for all these comments. I want to ask the woman on the phone if she knows what the word "regarding" means. And when someone refers to me as the girl I want to tell them that my girl is at school, in 1st grade.

But then I try to remember. This job isn't about me. And my job is not to convince people I am smart.

Humility, that is what I am learning. I am learning to be humble enough to do the job at the bottom of the totem pole without thinking it is below me. To realize it is not about me, to remember that this job does not define me. I am defined by who I am not what I do. And who I am is a child of God, a follower of Christ. And right now this is what He wants me to do. And so I am obeying Him.

Proverbs 11:2 "When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom."

2011 Christmas Post

2012-01-03T12:27:00.000-06:00

For the next month this post will appear at the top of my blog. Scroll down to see new posts.

Is 9:6 "For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. and he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."

Merry Christmas From the Hardackers!

It has been a Topsy

Turvy

Upside down kind of year at our house

We have gone from a one income, mom at home family to a 2 income dad in school kind of family. We have set a long term goal, have a vision and are taking action. Because we are DOERS! And we are doing it!

The year started out with us living our regular life.

So we spent a lot of time driving all over the twin cities in the early winter dark to find various high schools and watch our son wrestle. And we are back at it again this year, loving that Jake has found a sport he is so passionate about.

Isabelle turned 6 years old and John made yet another fun cake for our little artist.

My dad injured his back while in Florida and had to fly home so Isabelle and I flew down to drive home with my mom. But not before spending a few days soaking up the PERFECT weather they were having down there and getting in Isabelle's first trip to the beach. (A trip I am no longer free to make on a whim so my parents better stay healthy this year!)

Just as I am about to launch into a full time job I have a not so brilliant idea to plant a garden for the first time ever. It didn't turn out well but the kids had fun watching all the ants run around after lifting up the board I had used to kill all the grass.

I have spent this first 6 months of working "releasing". I have released myself from many outside commitments as well as releasing myself from expectations I have for myself and ideas I wanted to implement. It has been challenging but God has taken care of all of us along the way.

John had some time this summer at home before he started school and spent a day starting the tree house I had wanted to build this summer before I learned I would be working. He rocks.

Jake turned 17 in June a month after I started working. I was exhausted but late one night we still made the birthday poster happen. Proud of him and the godly young man he is becoming.

This summer Isabelle was also learning to adjust to my working and the schedule of sitters. We cried together alot but in the end she had a great summer. One week she went to camp at the YMCA and loved every minute of it. A definite repeat for next summer. Here she is wearing a the t-shirt they made and warrior face paint.

At last the day had come, first day of school for John and Jake. Jake is doing PSEO for his senior year of high school which means he is taking classes at the same community college John is attending and receiving both high school and college credits. He will graduate from high school and finish his freshman year of college at the same time. Year one of college paid for. Check.

I have loved seeing John and Jake studying together. So proud of them both. John was concerned about going back to school after so many years but he is doing great and enjoyed his classes this first semester. He is now 1/4 of the way through the first 2 years of his 6 years of school. (We have broken this journey into 3 mental parts, makes it seem a little less daunting.)

Then Isabelle started 1st grade! She loves her teacher, tells us she is the best 1st grade teacher in the school, and is having lots of fun. She loves art and music class, no surprise there. When did our sweet baby turn into this sweet girl?

Of course Jake worked at the Renaissance Festival again. He now owns a kilt and really looked the part this year.

I love that he has a job where we can go watch him work and it isn't weird when I pull out a camera. He really is a pro at hawking and he loves it.

Jake also had the opportunity to go to Panama this year with our church youth group working with Youth With A Mission (YWAM). It was a great trip for him getting the opportunity to share Christ with teens down there in local high schools and come to appreciate that people all over the world worship the same God who is at work in all our lives. The group acted out a drama without any words and Jake played the roll of Jesus. They did it for our church when they returned. It was very powerful. Here he is sharing his testimony.

The youth group guys.

And then this fall as the weather was getting cooler, John finished up the tree house. We all love it. Isabelle even went out there one day when she was mad at me to get away. We didn't get in a tea party up there before it snowed but I see several in our future for next summer.

Isabelle's exciting news of the year was that she became a big sister! Her birth parents had a little girl the end of October named Scarlet. We went to a little baby shower before she was born and Isabelle was excited to show off the tutu she chose for her.

Unfortunately they moved to Japan with the military shortly before Scarlet was born so she will be over a year old before we are likely to see her in person. However, modern technology is our lifeline so we got to meet her on skype and Isabelle and her sister got their first picture together.

As Isabelle would say, "isn't she cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

While this was a topsy, turvy, upside down kind of year we still managed to have fun, keep our family prioritized and rely on God to take care of us as he leads us on this crazy, fun, exciting new adventure in our life.

Can't wait to see what 2012 has for us!

Ps 32:8 "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you."

Melanie's Must Read List #5

2011-12-31T07:48:00.000-06:00

I think I bought this book for myself for Easter. I like to buy devotion books at that time of year. My sister had it and was raving about it and I had heard others say good things so I picked it up. All the hype you have heard, true. It is fantastic. It is written like Jesus is talking to you and probably the biggest negative I can say about it is that I am afraid I will start quoting it like scripture. I want to memorize a line or two practically every day!

I think the biggest theme I have noticed is Jesus calling us into his presence. To be aware of His presence and live our lives accordingly. It speaks to me every single day as if it was written for the specific moment and issue I am having in my life. Amazing. Then she adds 2-4 scriptures at the end to back up the theme she has written for that day and that is where I have gotten some of my guiding scriptures these past few months. They give legtiamacy to her writing and create an even richer time sitting in Jesus presence.

I love a good devotional book. One that is short and leads me to some scripture that I can then meditate on and further discover God's truths on my own. And this book meets those requirements. Plus there is a devotion for every day of the year, 365 devotions, so you won't have to find another great book anytime soon. As a writer I often think about the time and work that must have gone into coming up with 365 different yet wonderful ideas for this book. I am in awe of it.

In case you aren't quite ready to commit to a year long devotional book I also really loved "A Journey into Spiritual Growth" by Evelyn Christenson. I have to admit that in the book store that title probably would not have convinced me to take it off the shelf but my sister had in on the shelf in her guest room so I started reading it and somehow it mysteriously jumped into my suitcase on the way home and I looked forward to my time with God every morning just to read this short devotional and prayer. Like with Jesus calling I often felt each devotion was written just for me and couldn't believe the power of God to cause a woman to write a devotion years before knowing that I would be sitting in my gazebo reading it at the exact moment it was relevant for my life.

2 more books to check out. I will add that I have added links to the books so you can click and order them if you want. Or not, either way. But I noticed you can get the Evelyn Christiansen book used for 1 cent which is not as good a deal as stealing it from your sister but comes pretty close. I will make about .0004 cents on it so you will be helping build my empire. One brick at a time. Or in this case a tablespoon of the mortar to attach the bricks once I get them.

Take Action!

2011-12-30T06:26:00.006-06:00

"The sovereign Lord has given me an instructed tongue to know the word and sustain the weary. He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught." Is 50:4

I had a day off the week before Christmas. I had a lot to accomplish and only a day to do it in. I just prayed God would take care of all the details and launched into my day. One of the things I knew I really wanted to do was spend time with the Lord, I probably should have started the day that way but couldn't wait and so I didn't get there until later in the afternoon. I made myself a pot of tea and situated myself at the table where I could see my beautiful Christmas tree in front of me while my slightly mess kitchen was to my back.

I have to admit when I plan to spend time with God and listen to His voice I don't always hear anything. I force it too much. But that day God was there. I had given my day to Him and he was ready in the time I had promised Him.

One of the things I prayed about is what this next year will be about. What am I to do going forward? I also wanted to spend time really praying about how to proceed with this business I want to start.

Just the day before I had written what one friend called my "caffeinated" post trying to figure out what my word of the year should be. Yet once I sat down to listen to God instead of my own caffeine crazed thoughts it was so obvious and simple.

Act.

I have been doing nothing the past 6 months but release. And in the past couple months I have started having ideas but wasn't sure what to do. But now God says, "Act". I can take action in pursuing my dreams to have an online business and work from home.

But this word came with other words, "listen", "learn", "obey". My action is to come out of those things.

God led me to the scripture at the top of this post that day. "The sovereign Lord has given me an instructed tongue to know the word and sustain the weary." OK I am interpreting that to be my writing. God has given me something to say worth saying. An interesting thing god revealed to me in this space was my insecurity with doing anything that might bring attention to me. Of course I am afraid to fail and so classically want to give up before I start. But I am also afraid to pursue something God is not leading me to do. I often thing God just wants me to be happy where I am at and I shouldn't pursue more. But in my time with Him I felt a strong nudge to go forward. To not use him as an excuse. So I go forward believing that God has given me this plan and preparing to walk forward together.

"He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught." Most of what I write here comes out of my time with God. My ideas and inspiration are all from Him. So He asks me to "listen" and "learn" each morning with Him. And then "obey". Do what he reveals to me. Take Action.

And if I have learned anything in my years with the Lord it is that when he tells me to do something I need to obey, to "Act" on it.

So that is what I am doing this year.

Look out 2012 here I come!

You're not bored, you're boring.

2011-12-29T06:36:00.001-06:00

I hate the word "bored", as in "I'm bored". (I know, I know, I posted about being bored at work yesterday.)Sometimes the correct word for a situation is bored but I don't think any child has even a clue what the word means yet uses it so often you would think they spent their days sitting in the middle of an empty room with plain grey walls unable to move.

When Jake was little I had a friend who would tell her children, "boredom is the beginning of creativity". So I used it on Jake a few times. One time he came out of his room a little while later announcing, "creativity has arrived!" But that only happened once. However, he wasn't nearly as fond of the word as Isabelle is.

John has taken to telling Isabelle, "you're not bored, you're boring" and sending her to figure something out. Yesterday she told me she was bored so many times I announced that from now on when I hear the word she gets a sad rock. (happy rock/sad rock is our behavior reward system.)

Why can't she just learn to entertain herself?! We have a house full of options!

I shared about my outdoor childhood recently yet when I tell Isabelle to go play outside she looks at me like I am crazy. What will she do? Outside is boring too.

Now I fully realize and remember telling my parents I was bored when I was a child so I don't want to diminish the reality of children and bordom but, do you think technology has made our children more incapable of entertaining themselves than previous generations?

I think it might be time for some screen time limits at our house.

Things I am thinking about.

Do I have ADHD or am I just Bored?

2011-12-27T09:40:00.003-06:00

I have never lived in anyone else's brain so I can only speak for myself but I get bored easily.

Recently I sat in my desk where I must sit all day long regardless of whether I have anything to do or whether the work I have is of any challenge to me or not and I thought about my son.

Back when Jake was in elementary school he was a little wild. And although he was doing very well academically his teachers decided there was something wrong with him. Had to be ADHD. I acknowledged that his behavior wasn't always appropriate for the environment but just did not believe ADHD was the problem. Turns out I was right. What I discovered was that he was just bored. Like me he had to sit at his desk all day long and listen to the teacher and do the work regardless of whether or not it was of any challenge to him.

I remember pointing out his extremely high test scores to his 3rd grade teacher hoping to get some understanding of what to do with a child that was so bright. She literally set the scores aside and said they were nice but...behavior. I turned out to be right and the behavior was linked to his high test scores and boredom and I pulled him out of the lovely school that could not see beyond his boredom and he grew and flourished in an environment that challenged him.

And now I am sitting at my desk and while I have the maturity not to do anything inappropriate my brain is going in 20 different directions at once and I have to keep from distracting everyone around me who is actually working. And honestly, I have never had a job where this wasn't a problem.

So I am understanding my 8 year old son even more than I did when he was 8 years old. And I hope I can find a solution for myself that is as wonderful as the solution I found for him.

(Do you like how I have subtly implied that I am brilliant in this post?)

Light and Hope

2011-12-26T09:37:00.001-06:00

We had a lovely Christmas and enjoyed both Christmas eve and Christmas day services at our church. I love it when Christmas falls on a Sunday! As I sat listening to the Christmas sermon something caught my mind and sent it down a path. I was thinking about how Christmas is really about hope and new life; the birth of Christ and the fulfilment of the promises of God. It made me think that we should be celebrating Christmas in the spring when everything is fresh and new and summer is coming and the world is full of hope and new life, not the middle of winter! But then I immediately realized we celebrate Easter in the spring and that is even more about hope and fresh starts and redemption and it is more appropriate in the spring.

But do we really need to celebrate Christ's birth right before we head into the coldest and most depressing time of the year?

Then I remembered something I had been excited about earlier in the week. The winter solstice. From Thursday on I get a little bit more sunlight every day for the next 6 months! It will be a few weeks before the sun is still up when I leave work but at least I am headed in the right direction. The thought that will get me through the next couple months. It was bringing me a great deal of hope and joy this week. And there, in the middle of the Christmas service, I realized why Christians decided to celebrate the birth of Christ at this time of year. We are moving into the light.

I am amazed at how the subtleties of what God created can be used to magnify His glory.

So often those who do not want to acknowledge the Christ in Christmas will talk about how this is really the celebration of the winter solstice and we just stole the celebration. I have never been clear how that diminishes the fact that Christ was born in a manger, God became man, so that I might have eternal life. But now I find that it is even more God ordained a time. And maybe this time wasn't chosen to eliminate the celebration of the winter solstice but instead to magnify the one who created the moon and the stars and set them all spinning. And every December he causes the sun to shine on the earth more and more each day and we celebrate the Son coming to the world to shine His light on us.

And God said, Let there be light." and there was light. God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness." Gen 1:3

Advent living

2011-12-23T07:09:00.000-06:00

We have been in Advent for weeks now and I feel like I am just getting to it. Advent is a season of waiting before the celebration of the Lord's birth. We are waiting both for Christmas, the celebration of Jesus coming into the world, and thinking ahead to the anticipated return of Jesus in glory.

I have been thinking this week about the business I want to start yet something (Christmas) seems to be getting in my way of getting started. As I realized I need to wait until after the holidays to really start anything I realized how bad I am at waiting. Waiting is a skill to be mastered not an innate ability.

We have lots of gifts under the Christmas tree right now. And it is killing Isabelle! Especially the one she wrapped up for me. I don't know what it is, I suspect she wrapped up something already in the house or maybe it is a painted picture she made. But almost every night she begs me to open it. She brought home something she made in school all wrapped up and would not move on with her life until I opened it. I managed to get her to wait one night but that was it. I thought it would have been nice to enjoy her wrapped gift under the tree a few days but there is no anticipation in her world. We live in an instant gratification society and my daughter is definitely a product of that world.

But while I know how to wait for Christmas presents to be opened I am not much different. When I get an idea I want to start it NOW. And I want to be at the end of the process immediately without going through the steps and building things slowly.

Last spring right before I started working I blogged about waiting as well. As I re-read it I feel very similarly, like something is about to start but right now it is all on hold. I am no longer waiting for John to start school or me to start working. We are no longer waiting to see what happens with John's dad's cancer but are now waiting for him to die. We will be waiting for John to finish school for several more years yet the action of doing it makes it seem a little less dramatic. And in the midst of Jake heading toward the end of his life in my home I really want to throw on the brakes more than get it over with.

Now I am waiting to start the next stage in the transition from homemaker to working mom. Of course today is the 23rd of December. Only 1 more day left of Advent and then we move into the season of Christmas and the celebration of Christ's birth. Once I felt released from my need to "release" I wanted to immediately move into the next stage and get to work but I see now that I am in a waiting stage before the new year and I am going to try to embrace it. I am spending time with the Lord, letting Him prepare my heart and mind for what is ahead, and celebrating the gifts He has given me through His Son.

"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His Word I do hope." Ps 130:5

The next stage; the unnamed stage

2011-12-14T23:05:00.000-06:00

I have been thinking lately about how going back to work is a lot like having a new baby. It takes up all your time and energy yet in your mind you think you should be doing all this other stuff and so are frustrated. You feel like you will never accomplish anything ever again. You look at other moms accomplishing things and are positive you are doing something wrong. But then one day the baby sleeps 5 hours in a row and you can't believe how fresh you feel and how clearly your mind is working. And then it does it again and pretty soon it does it all the time and slowly, one day at a time, one task at a time you begin to pull yourself together and find your way through this thing called motherhood.

I have decided these past 6 months have sort of been my newborn baby stage. I have been amazed and frustrated by how much time and energy this task has taken up both physically and mentally. Have been forced to release things I really loved because I just could not make them happen anymore. And I wondered if I would ever be able to go out in the real world again.

But my body is slowing adjusting to the early morning schedule and the work of the day. And I have learned my job to the point where I don't have to think quite so hard all the time. I am finding myself with more energy and creative thoughts returning.

And now I enter the next as yet unnamed phase of my work transition; the adding things back in stage (which is not a good name so I welcome suggestions for naming this stage.)

I know I want to work on building an online business; I don't mind my job but I know that this is not a long term solution for me or my family. (I am experimenting with the semi-colon today. I read about how to use it recently. Forgive me for over using it in this post.)

I stepped on the scale tonight to discover that I weigh 10 pounds more than I did when I started working 6 months ago. Not. Good. So I know I want to/need to re prioritize exercise and healthy eating into my life.

I also know that my life does not work if I don't start with prioritizing God and so I need to make sure I not only don't loose that but find ways to strengthen that relationship as I add things back into my life.

And of course I still want to spend time with my family and find ways to engage regularly with Jake, Isabelle and John.

Plus a million other little things that could easily over take my top priorities if I don't take an intentional approach to adding things to my schedule and life.

I have the day off from work on Friday. A floating holiday I didn't qualify to use until Dec 1 and will loose on Dec 31 if I don't use it. I thought about taking it while Isabelle is off school but decided instead to take a planning day; a day to pray, write, get in a little shopping and prepare for this next stage of working. (not sure if I used it correctly in this sentence.)

Of course just like parenting I know that 6 months from now I will be in yet another new stage but also like parenting I will bring with me the skills I have accumulated as I have gone through each stage and will be stronger and more prepared for what is ahead.

One thing hit me today. As I have been thinking specifically this past couple weeks about what kind of online business I want to start, how to make money blogging, and etsy ideas, I have been both excited and overwhelmed. When I do carve out time for it I don't know what to do first! What I realized is that while my enthusiasm is good it is also filled with a feeling of rushing, a slight panic. Like I only have 6 months to build a business. If I lost my job I could probably build a business in 6 months working full time but I am going to build a business on evenings and weekends while also spending time doing many other things. Yes I will have to say no to some things so I can work on the business but I also know I will need to say no to the business some times to watch my son wrestle, have lunch with my daughter or even just go on a run.

Then I remembered the quote I keep repeating as John walks down this long educational path, "most people over estimate what they can accomplish in a year and underestimate what they can accomplish in 10 years." I probably can't build a business in 6 months or a year that would equal what I am making right now but if I keep working, one day at a time, one weekend at a time and stay focused on the task I just might be able to accomplish my goal in 2 years or 3 years. Each day I keep working gets me one step closer to my goal.

And so we begin: Working, the adding in stage.--Do you see how this is not working as the name of this stage? The addition stage? Moving forward stage? I was releasing so am I now "collecting"? Maybe I should just not refer to this stage with a name. I could just call it "part 2".

I would also like to add that I accidentally ordered my $2 Caribou hot drink today without saying "decaf"! And so it is 11pm and I am still a little buzzed from my 1pm drink. This is what happens when you have been off caffeine for 15 years! I seriously want to run around the house yelling ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! But that would probably be wrong.

I should probably just end here.

Go wash your tires

2011-12-13T06:44:00.000-06:00

Most days I drive to a park a couple blocks from my work and spend my lunch hour alone relaxing in my car. I know it sounds a little weird but I am not the only one. There are always several other cars in the parking lot with people just sitting in them. Some have the seat reclined taking a nap, some are talking on their cell phones and some are just reading a book.

This fall as I was sitting in my car I saw one guy get out of his, calmly walk back to his trunk, pop it open, pull out a spray bottle and a rag and beging wiping down his tires. At first I laughed because this action seemed so crazy, why would you clean your tires in a the middle of the park just to drive off and get them dirty again? Maybe if they were obviously dirty like he had driven through a mud puddle but they looked like every other tire on the road, dusty black.

Then as I sat relaxing in my car watching him I noticed something else, he seemed so relaxed. And it made me wonder if maintaining his vehicle was a stress reliever for him. While the car was not new it did look like it was very well maintained. And I started thinking about friends who would bring knitting or quilting work to gatherings when they were stressed out because it helped them relax. And I thought about how relaxing I find it to fold laundry or take a run.

So often when I am tired or stressed I think the answer is to lay on the couch and watch tv, do nothing. I know I am not along in thinking this is the answer to that problem. But I have to admit I have never felt refreshed after a night layng on the couch watching tv, it tends to suck me deeper into my lazy rather than energize me.

When I am in one of my low energy periods I constantly say in my head, "a body in motion stays in motion". I don't need to do much but just keep moving and I will feel better, and I always do.

When doing any type of exercise training they have what they call "active recovery". After I run really hard for my 2-5 minutes I want to stop or at least drop to walking but instead I move to a slower run. At first my body and mind continue to scream out that I should stop because I can't go on but within another minute or so my body really does begin to recover from the hard run and the nice easy pace becomes exactly that, nice and easy.

One of the things I have learned about myself over the past 6 months is how active I like to be. I always thought I was lazy at home but now I realize I just had so much more time to be productive that I could get a lot done and still squeeze in some lazy. But there is a lot to be done in my life right now and not much time to do it. I am not finding my lazy time to be relaxing or enjoyable at all, it needs to go. And that is good because I am putting together quite the to do list and am excited and energized to make it happen.

Stop sitting around! Get up and find something that truly relaxes you.

Melanie's Must Read List #4

2011-12-09T07:17:00.001-06:00

I mentioned this book earlier this summer after we built our tree house but I thought an official entry in my must read list was also necessary.

I grew up in a house in the "woods". My parents bought a wooded lot to build our house and wisely did not remove all the trees. At the back of our lot was a drop of about 200 feet to a railroad track. It wasn't a cliff but a very steep hill. The lot next to ours was sort of land locked and owned by the railroad and so was never developed. We were at the end of the road, not a cul-de-sac but a true dead end and for most of my childhood the road gave way to a farmers field, although I don't remember him ever planting anything near our home so it was always just a big grassy prairie. That was my childhood playground.

In the summer we lived back there. There was a tree on the side lot that had started up growing right on the edge of the hill and at some point had fallen over. But it's roots managed to find their way back into the ground and so this tree continued to grow, bud and spring new leaves every year. It was quite large by the time we found it and was the perfect place for a child to spend all day climbing, exploring and dreaming.

The hill down to the railroad tracks was also irresistible and we climbed/slid down it many summer days to lay pennies on the railroad tracks and wait for a train to come. Then we would run back to the hill and be hanging on somewhere halfway up the hill while the train came rushing by. It was never safe as the track was curved where we lived and could easily have snuck up on us, even as a child I knew it wasn't safe but it was so wonderfully thrilling. Then back down to find our flattened pennies. My brother spent an entire summer building a tree house next to a tree growing out of the hill. Complete with stairs and paths dug into the hill to get there.

While we didn't spend a lot of time in the grassy field we did run through it regularly enough to beat down a path. I remember one time running barefoot through the field and seeing a Gardner snake quickly crawl across the field right in front of my feet. It was terrifying and fascinating and while I did keep going I wore shoes out there a little more often after that.

There was also poison ivy. I spent many summers in misery with the bubbling blisters of poison ivy rash. I even remember missing school one time because it was so bad. But it never stopped me from going back. We had beat a path through the woods and eventually learned to stay on it. You would think I would be a master at identifying poison ivy after that childhood but sadly I am still not always sure if something is poison ivy or not. But I tend to err on the side of caution now that I am an adult.

It was the best kind of childhood. I didn't spend my summers off watching tv, I was out living life, experiencing, exploring. Those summers playing in the woods are part of who I am today.

And that is why I could not resist reading "The Last Child in the Woods". Because I had noticed that there aren't that many woods anymore and the ones we do find don't seem to want to let kids off the path. But while the paths are nice it is off the path where you truly experience nature and life. This book was all about the important role that nature plays in a child's development and encouraged me to seek out opportunities for my children to play and explore the way I did as a child. I wish I had found more but I know my kids have loved every moment they have spent in the woods and I hope they will continue to find joy in nature throughout their lives.

Wicked and Upright

2011-12-06T12:25:00.000-06:00

When life gets hard there is just one place to go, to the Word, to God. And I found a few verses I was enjoying last week including this one:

Ps 32:10 "Many are the woes of the wicked, but the Lord's unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him."

I came across a couple verses with this idea of the Lord's love surrounding us and it just felt like a verbal hug from God which was just what I needed.

So I was reviewing this section of scripture at lunch when suddenly the first part of the verse struck me in a new way. I always read these verses with a sense of the wicked vs those who love the Lord but that day I realized we were ALL the wicked but some of us choose to trust in the Lord. "Many are the woes of the wicked". We are all wicked and we all have many woes. "But the Lord's unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him."

Several years ago I was in this bible study and the question of original sin came up. We asked ourselves if the bad things of life are the result of original sin. I was going through infertility at that time and mis understood the question a little and talked about how when bad things happen that does not mean you sinned, I wasn't infertile because of my own sin. They all agreed and we moved on. I don't know if everyone mis understood the question or if they were too nice to correct me but the following week I saw the question again and realized my mistake. It wasn't a question of whether each of our personal sins causes our own bad things to happen, but whether or not Adam and Eve's sins brought bad into the world of which we are still affected to this day.

It is really a fascinating question because it allows me to wonder, would anyone suffer infertility if Adam and Eve hadn't first sinned? Would there be pre-mature death? Or what about economic turmoil which causes you to loose your job and your house? Think of all the evil and problems in the world and wonder, would these things exist if Adam and Eve had not sinned?

But then I wonder something else. If Adam and Eve hadn't sinned, wouldn't someone else along the way have done it anyway? Because, we are all wicked. And our morality didn't rest on whether or not Adam and Eve made the choice, we all have the opportunity to make the choice and we all fail. The question is, do we turn back to God and trust Him? Do we allow the Lord's unfailing Love to surround us despite our sinful nature or do we turn our backs on Him and ultimately perish?

So really, the sin in this world is probably a combination of both Adam and Eve's sin and our sin. They let it in but no generation has ever been able to get free of it. If I was in the garden, I suppose I would have done the same thing.

I am wicked and many are my woes but I trust in the Lord's and am surrounded by His unfailing love for me. The Psalm ends with:

"Rejoice in the Lord and be glad, you righteous; sing, all you who are upright in heart!

And, thanks to Jesus, that is me too!

December is Here!

2011-12-05T12:57:00.000-06:00

I think I have said before but it is worth repeating, the low points in my life are the beginning of the up swing. So I started getting sucked into the black hole last week. I had been releasing for the past 6 months and I think I just released a little too far. Into nothingness. But I don't do lay on the couch doing nothing very well it turns out so one or two nights like that was enough for me to realize it was time to re-assess.

And what better time to re-assess your life and where it is going than in December?! This is my planning month. Isn't that what I have told you in the past? Because I love new years resolutions! Actually I usually like to plan in August but I was still releasing back then and nothing really came together. But now, during the busiest month of the year, God has released me from releasing and it is time to start figuring out what my life is going to look like for the next few years.

I have a few ideas but nothing I am ready to share. Instead let's take a few minutes to reflect on what I have learned so far:

I still love Mondays! Today is Monday. And it is a fresh start to life every 7 days. Even if I am at a J-O-B (what I call paid employment) as opposed to the work I did at home or actually paid work from home.

If I am going to get anything done I need to put boundaries around my time. When am I going to accomplish tasks? Spend time with the family? clean, shop? Relax?

This is hard but hard is good. It makes me stronger.

I realized that the plan before us takes vision. And I found my new favorite quote, "Most people over-estimate what they can accomplish in a year and under-estimate what they can do in 10 years."

It isn't worth rebelling against God. My last breakdown was a rebellious fit against what I wanted vs what God was doing in my life. Learning to trust, listen and wait for His timing.

And recently I wrote on my new "home to work" blog about how we never stop transitioning. While the past 6 months of our life may have held more transition than the average day the fact is that we will forever be transitioning and life is full of changes. And learning to manage as we go through those transitions is the real trick.

I have also been blessed by encouraging friends and family, kind co-workers, and this great outlet to express myself these past 6 months.

Now that I am leaving the "release" stage of this life change I am excited by what is ahead of me. It is going to be a great month of planning.

Escaping the Black Hole

2011-11-30T21:16:00.000-06:00

This morning I couldn't get out of bed. Yesterday I could barely drag myself out of bed. It is dark and cold when my alarm goes off which clearly signals to my body that I need to continue sleeping. Hibernation.

I knew this would happen when I started setting my alarm 6 months ago. It is easy to spring out of bed at 6am when the sun is streaming in through the windows, the house is a comfortable 70 degrees and your whole life is new. It is fun to go on a run just after sunrise but not so much in pitch dark.

Still today it felt like more. It felt like a black hole. I had spent the night before laying on the couch watching tv, then I went to bed before 10pm and I still can't get out of bed. It felt like my life was being sucked into a black hole.

This is what happens when you loose your focus and don't have goals. Nothing. "What is it?" they asked in the Neverending Story. "The Nothing". Do you remember that movie? The nothing was taking over their land. Now it is taking over my life.

OK, ok you know I have goals. I always have goals. But somehow I got off track and forgot what they were, stopped pursuing them.

So this morning when I woke up there was nothing to spring out of bed for. I hadn't planned to go on a run, had no blog post thoughts, hadn't really sat down for an extended time with God in weeks and so it seemed like there was just no reason to get out of bed early. I didn't care if the laundry needed to be caught up, the kitchen cleaned or the check book updated. It would all get done when it had to be done and I just couldn't be excited about it at 6am when I knew my house was cold and covered in clutter I couldn't take care of in an hour.

But finally I got out of bed and started at the beginning. Not the beginning of the laundry pile or dirty dishes but the real beginning. I spent and hour with God. My mind wandered a few times, it does that, but overall I managed to feel a little more hopeful than I did when that alarm went off. Nothing life changing but the peace and hope that comes from the love of God which wraps its arms around me whenever I am feeling a little disconnected.

"Many are the woes of the wicked but the Lord's unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts Him." Ps 32:10

Thankful

2011-11-27T21:23:00.001-06:00

Anybody can write a post about what they are thankful for on Thanksgiving. Boring. I decided to wait until Sunday to tell you about all the things I am thankful for. It was a busy week:

Number One:

My "41th" birthday was 2 days before Thanksgiving this year. Isabelle came up with the idea to do a cornucopia with what they are each thankful for about me on each fruit for my birthday poster. Loved it.

Which completes the birthday poster wall. I don't normally have them up all year but somehow never got Isabelle's poster down after her birthday and then John and Jake's birthdays came right on top of each other and then it just seemed like I had to leave them up until my birthday. But this is where the Christmas tree goes so they are gone now.

The day after my birthday I got a HUGE gift. I won this contest:

Family Circle's Orlando Vacation Makeover Contest

"Write your travel challenge and you may be one of three families to win a customized Orlando dream vacation makeover with more than 100 experiences to select from. Each Grand Prize consists of a 5 day / 4 night trip to Orlando, FL for each winner and up to three (3) guests including RT airfare, hotel, attraction admissions and more."

I couldn't find a picture since the contest is over but here is a link to an article that looks like it was written about last years winners.

The important thing is that I WON THIS CONTEST! I can't believe it. I got the email while on my break at work and I was seriously shaking for about an hour or more afterward. I was standing at my brother's desk when I read it and he asked me if I needed a bag to breath into! I think I might need one right now as I re-tell you the story! Excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

On Thanksgiving day we all covered the chalk board with things we are thankful for. Guess what my second thing I was thankful for after family, yep, Orlando trip. Anyway, we headed to my parents for the big meal.

It was a beautiful and unseasonably warm Thanksgiving day and I HAD to get pictures of our family because I came up with a great idea for our Christmas card theme this year. Here is a little peak, can you guess what the theme is?

We took about 200 pictures and 60 of my favorite friends and family will get a photo card with the winning 6 photos but don't worry if you aren't one (or be offended) because they just have a link to my blog where I will be doing a detailed Christmas post like I did last year. So keep an eye out. I ordered the picture cards and will publish when I get them mailed out.

Random cute picture of my kids and my brother's kids on Thanksgiving. Because I adore every single one and am thankful for them all and the wonderful close relationship the cousins have and I have with both my siblings and their families. (And, yes mom, the relationship I have with my parents too.)

Finally after going to bed before Best Buy put their black Friday deals online Thursday and therefore missing the opportunity to skip standing in line in the cold, John and I set up shop 4 hours before the store opened at midnight Friday and relaxed in our camping chairs under blankets while sipping hot chocolate from McDonald's (the only place open) and watching netflix on John's phone. We then entered the store at midnight, grabbed what we came for and were home and in bed by 12:20 having checked Jake and ourselves off the Christmas list.

The holiday was complete.

Can't wait to see what happens next...

2011-11-23T08:00:00.002-06:00

So the new furnace is warming my house, we have stuck a nail in the lost screw hole to fix the handle on the back door and are not thinking too much about the now totally broken garage door but are instead focussed on the snow begining to fall. John is busy staking the edges of his plow contract driveways and getting the plow out of the broken garage. Jake is supposed to go to a training pep rally for his Cutco sales job. I am still in my pj's close to noon and busy washing all the bedding because while there is no evidence of lice in our home someone in Isabelle's class has lice and that just makes me want to scrub down the whole house. I CAN NOT do another winter of lice.

Then Jake calls. He has a flat tire. And the spare is flat. So I guess we can't avoid buying a new tire. While we love our 300 I have to admit it has been a little more costly to maintain. The tires are performance tires and you pay for them. There is no $39.99 tire out there for this car. Luckily while I decided to add free towing to this car when I was worring for my insurnace agent last winter. Jake gave them a call to come get him while I made some calls to figure out where they should go.

Frugal Tip #3: Used Tires

At first I thought I had found a deal with a coupon for buy 1 get the 2nd for $10. Even with the $100 warranty you are required to buy with this deal it was still the cheapest tire I found. But then John gave me the number of the used tire place. Amazing deals, my tires for under $100! Considering I am usually amazed to find them under $200 for this car that blew my mind. 3 new (to us) tires later (we did have one good tire on the car) and a fresh tire on the spare, Jake is ready for winter driving. Well as ready as you can be with performance tires. The tire guy managed to mention that this car was terrible for winter driving about 2 or 3 times. We love it anyway.

What is amazing is how God has provided for all these expenses. We have savings for the first time in about 2 years! Even after all this it isn't tapped dry. AND, yesterday with the snow coming down we had calls from 3 plow clients that hadn't yet re-signed with us. One of them brought us 5 NEW CONTRACTS! That will more than cover the tires.

So we continue on excited to see what will happen next and how God will take care of it. Every step leads us closer to Him as we trust follow.

Matthew 6:25-34

25 “For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? 27 And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? 28 And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, 29 yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! 31 Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’ 32 For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33 But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. 34 So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. "

Now it is just getting funny...

2011-11-23T07:00:00.000-06:00

So the furnace is getting replaced, the garage door has exploded and I am heading off to work. Isabelle runs after me to get one more hug and as she grabs the outside handle of the back door it falls off in her hands.

I just laugh as I give her a hug and keep going.

And THEN...

2011-11-22T07:00:00.000-06:00

So we are keeping warm with space heaters for the week enjoying a very sunny fall weekend while we wait for the new furnace to arrive. John is working up a sweat outside cleaning up our fall leaves while I am working up a sweat getting the inside of the house back in shape after a week of neglect when it happens. I hear a bang outside in the garage. I am momentarily startled but don't think much of it. If John was to get trapped under a pile of debris in our garage he would probably lay there for hours before I discovered him. Poor guy. Anyway, he was fine and continued to finish up the yard cleaning. When he came inside he announced the new problem with our house. The garage door is broken. At first he couldn't get it to go all the way up and down and then suddenly it just banged down (the noise I heard) and it was over. Apparently springs exploded and tracks are bent. Luckily all our cars were in the driveway so while I knew I would need to get it repaired if i wanted to park inside this winter I kept my focus on getting heat in the house. I can only worry about one thing at a time.

But then it happened. It snowed. And we realized something. The plow is in the garage! John and Jake did manage to get the garage door up and the plow out but then I heard another loud bang and John assures me it will not be going up again. Frankly it barely went up in the winter anyway, I often had to get out of my car and help it along. I sure hope my running into the garage door a couple times doesn't have anything to do with it breaking.

Frugal Tip #2: Sale at Menard's

I was looking on Craig's List for garage doors and there are some great deals but John found a new door on sale at Menard's as I was typing this post and we decided to go with it. Still wondering if Craig's list might be a better way to go but the sale ends today. Home Store Tip: They are great about returns. Buy now, return later.

So to be continued on what we actually end up doing with the garage door. But wait! There's more...