I am really glad I didn’t.

This first week was Bizarro baseball, even in Fantasyland. Who would have thought CC Sabathia would go -20? Followed by Cy Young Award winners Cliff Lee and Tim Lincecum, with Roy Oswalt, Cole Hamels, and Brandon Webb all following suit?

Who could have imagined the Boston Braves and his auto-picked lineup, rising from the dead to knock off the Dirty Water Dogs? Who could have predicted that Dylan would field a team with a reasonable number of shortstops and dominate in week one?

And who could have possibly conceived that Team Yankeehater would get absolutely destroyed?

So once again I plan on doing a weekly post appropriately titled, The Good, the Not-So-Bad, and the Ugly.

Where is your team going to end up?

THE GOOD

Less Than Zero:
When I saw that I was facing LTZ to start the season, I began to reminisce about our battles from 2008. It seemed like every game went down to the wire. Unfortunately, this game was over by Tuesday. LTZ fields a team of proven stars mixed with a few diamonds in the rough. I know I’m wishing I picked Josh Johnson or Erik Bedard right about now. LTZ, I’m sorry that I couldn’t give you a better match this week, but I’m not sure anyone could have.

Never Short on Stops:
Do not adjust your computer screens. You are reading that correctly. NSOS is making the first of what may be many stints on the Good side of this column. Solid pitching, tough lineup top to bottom. Nice drafting, Dylan.

Rays Those Cowbells:
I’ve known for a while that Dan the #1 Rays Fan knew his stuff. He’s always quick with an informed opinion and always has well thought-out comments. I think we we would be really good friends if he didn’t like those bastard Rays. Am I surprised that RTC had a great draft, then subsequently improved his already strong team with a great trade? In a word, nope.

THE NOT-SO-BAD

Boston Braves:
There is no team in the league that I would rather see lose than the Boston Braves. He auto picks his team, picks up crappy 2-start pitchers (i.e. Hiroki Kuroda), starts the week off down by a bunch, and then manages to rally back and win. I am at a total loss for words right now. Will someone please beat this guy in week two!?

Sarasota RedRays:
At the time I’m writing this, SRR’s game with team Love Boat Captains is still up in the air. Regardless of the outcome, SRR deserves to be in this group. His team features the re-emergence of Troy Tulowitzki and a pitching staff that is throwing the ball great and stacking up points. SRR is going to be tough all year. I just wish I could figure out if he was a Red Sox fan or a Rays fan.

Love Boat Captains:
One of these days, my lovely wife’s team is going to really destroy her opponent. It’s going to be one of those weeks where the game is over by Wednesday afternoon. It’s going to happen eventually. I think. Every week, without fail, this team is in a nail-biter. Keep track of LBC this season. You’ll see a good team that plays hard every week, and it seems like every conceivable thing that can go wrong will. How does she still manage to pull out more that her fair share of victories? I have no idea.

THE UGLY

Yankeehaters:
If there was a really god-awful ugly column, Team YH would headline it, and I have no idea how it’s happening. I really 100% genuinely like my lineup. I like them so much that I’ve only traded one away. I don’t plan on staying down here in the ditch too long. Things are going to change this week. I hope.

Dirty Water Dogs:
If there was a stat for smack talking to his dad, Matt Mc would have won by a thousand points this week. Unfortunately, CBS keeps track of hits, walks, HRs, and wins and losses. Looking at Matt’s lineup, I don’t love his team, even with the two-headed catching monster. But they sure as hell can play better than they did this week. I guarantee that Matt’s pitchers won’t have a repeat performance of week one in the future, and by the end of the season the Dirty Water Dogs will be Showstoppers.

The Tek’s Message:
I know only a few things about young Dan Mc. I know that he auto-picked his team. I know that he comes from a strong baseball lineage, and I’m pretty sure that he won’t be sub-200 points again this season. Any team that features Hanley Ramirez, Carlos Beltran, and Matt Holiday will put up some big numbers. This is just the first-week initiation, Rookie. You’ll be OK.

Boston badboys:
All winter long I’ve been listening to my old man prattle on and on about how he was going to kick my ass in fantasy baseball this season. Well, take a look around, Pop, we’re a couple of cellar-dwellers. To make it even more interesting, we play each other in week 2, which means one of us will be back in the basement next week. With your team as busted up as it is, I don’t plan on it being me.

Good luck to everyone in week two.

Everyone except Dave Mc, that is.

Will it be newcomer Dan the #1 Rays fan? We know he’s a baseball savant, but will it translate over to fantasy? Or will it be one of our returning players looking to redeem themselves after a disappointing inaugural season? (This means you Sarasota Red Rays, and whatever you’re calling your team this year, Dylan.)

Will the Love Boat Captains cruise to the playoffs?

Maybe the Boston badboys will break out of the retirement home, tattoo his password on his forehead and avoid the slow start that plagued him in 2008.

Will the McLaughlin triumvirate actually participate in the draft this year? Or will they make another lame excuse and let the auto-pick make all the tough decisions… again?

As for Team Yankeehater, I’ve done the draft prep. I’ve done the mock drafts, and I am counting down the hours until 7:00pm Monday night.

Game on!

As much as I love the real sport of baseball, there’s something about playing in a fantasy baseball league that really gets my juices flowing. Maybe it’s the spirit of competition, as ten team owners vie for the league title. Maybe it’s following every team in baseball, keeping track of “your” players, instead of just the ones on your favorite team. Or maybe it’s the six months of constant trash talking, or working out blockbuster deals with your family members over dinner. Perhaps it’s the chance for regular people to play General Manager, making trades, scouring the waiver wire, looking for the next hot player. For me, it’s all of those things.

So let’s get it started. These are a few questions I have going into the 2009 fantasy season.

• Is A-Rod still worthy of a top-5 pick, or will the Un-Natural wilt under the extreme pressure of the steroid scandal?
• Which round do you start looking at Manny Ramirez? If he had been signed a month ago, I would say 2nd or 3rd, but the longer these negotiations drag on, the more uninspired Manny will get. We all know how Manny reacts to being “disrespected.”
• Will Big Papi rebound from his disappointing 2008 season?
• Who will be the first pitcher drafted? Johan? Lincecum? CC?
• Is Dan the #1 Rays Fan too scared to join our league?
• Will Matt McLaughlin attempt to draft a team entirely of Red Sox and Twins players?
• Can we finally put to rest the “I could’ve won if I hadn’t lost my password” excuse? (That means you, Boston badboys.)
• Will anyone trade with Team Yankeehater?
• Will Dylan attempt to draft Cal Ripken Jr., Ozzie Smith and Robin Yount to add to his stable of shortstops?
• Can the Love Boat Captains continue her impressive run, or has that ship sailed?
• Will Dave McLaughlin finally acknowledge that he got lucky in the 2008 finals?
• Is Dan Mc a closet Yankee fan? With a team name like Fran-comas, I’m starting to wonder.

So it begins, boys and girl. I don’t care which team you play for. I don’t care if you sucker-punched Coco Crisp last year or if you’re dating Madonna. This year I’m pulling out all the stops to grab the title of TheFoulLine.com Fantasy Baseball Champion.

Only three spots in the league remain. Sign up now!!!!

What a difference from the old Charlotte County Stadium. There’s a boardwalk that goes around the entire field that allows you to watch the players in the bullpen. There’s a playground for the kids to climb on. Non-traditional grass berms line the field for families to enjoy the game. There’s even a tiki bar in left field.

Beautiful fields, friendly people, tasty hot dogs.

Too bad the Rays still suck.

It’s becoming more and more obvious that Theo Epstein and Terry Francona don’t read thefoulline.com. If they had, we’d be watching Mark Texiera and Derek Lowe gearing up for the season in Fort Myers, while watching the enigmatic Julio Lugo and overrated Jason Varitek packing their bags to destination Anywhere But Boston.

But after my initial disappointment with the lack of big name signings, I’m starting to really like the additions of Brad Penny, Takashi Saito and especially future Hall of Famer John Smoltz. These guys are low cost, with potential huge rewards for Boston. Even though Smoltz won’t be ready until June, he could be the big addition to the lineup that usually takes place at the trade deadline. If Boston makes the postseason, a lineup with Josh Beckett and John Smoltz would be scary.

Before we can talk about the playoffs, there are a lot of questions about this team that could severely affect their post season chances. Will Josh Beckett, David Ortiz, and Mike Lowell rebound from their 2008 injury-plagued season? With Coco Crisp shipped off to Kansas City, is Jacoby Ellsbury ready to be the everyday centerfielder and leadoff hitter? Can a full season of Jason Bay make up for the loss of Manny? Who will be the Red Sox catcher of the future?

To make matters worse, rivals Tampa Bay and New York revamped their already dangerous lineups. The Yankees decided to spend a quarter of a billion dollars on big-game choker CC Sabathia, the oft-injured A.J. Burnett, and current thefoulline.com public enemy #2 Mark Texiera. Will this high priced talent lead to a return to the postseason for the Bronx Bombers? Or will these guys wilt under the pressure of playing in the Big Apple like Randy Johnson, Kevin Brown and Carl Pavano? Let’s hope for the latter.

As for the Rays, I really like the additions of Pat Burrell and Matt Joyce to fill the right field and designated hitter spots. This is a big upgrade of the Gabe Gross/Cliff Floyd combo. I’m interested in seeing whether Evan Longoria can duplicate his rookie season, and if the Rays can repeat their success with their closer-by-committee bullpen.

The good news is baseball is back.
The competition  for the AL East crown promises to be fierce.
Let the games begin!

This is a pivotal offseason for the Red Sox. There are some glaring holes in the Sox lineup that need to be filled. If this team remains unchanged, they’ll be watching the playoffs on television in 2009.

There’s going to be a lot of Hot Stove activity going on in the next couple of weeks. The damn Yankees have $90 million coming off their books and are eager spend to improve their poor pitching, and like it or not, the Rays are going to be here for a while. If Tampa acquires a legitimate closer and a quality right fielder they’re going to be dangerous. The American League East is no longer a two-horse race.

So if I were Theo Epstein, this is what I would do, in order of importance.

1. Sign Mark Texiera.

Tex would tear up Fenway Park offensively and play Gold Glove-caliber defense at first base. This MUST be done! A switch-hitting. perennial All-Star first baseman does not become available very often. As an added bonus, Tex is a free agent, so it wouldn’t cost Boston any of its young talent to acquire him.

Of course, this means Kevin Youkilis is moved to third base, and Mike Lowell is odd man out. I would try to convince a healthy Lowell to learn how to play first base and become Boston’s super-sub. With Lowell playing a mix of first, third and DH, he could prove to the rest of the league that he is healthy, and improve his stock for a trade. (Minnesota and the White Sox need a third baseman). It wouldn’t be the most popular move in Boston, since Lowell is such a class act, but we are here to win ball games. Get out your checkbook, Theo, and make it happen.

2. Derek Lowe makes his triumphant return to Boston.

Lowe is the type of sinker-ball-throwing, ground-ball-inducing pitcher that is tailor-made for Fenway Park. He’s proven to come up huge in big games, as in the 2004 playoffs, when he won the deciding game in all three playoff series. Not to mention, he wants to pitch in Boston again. He may even give Theo a discount.

I look forward to a rotation of Beckett, Lester, Dice K, Lowe, and Wakefield. This would keep Justin Masterson in the bullpen to help solidify the 7th and 8th innings before turning it over to Papelbon.

3. Deal a solid pitching prospect, namely Michael Bowden or Clay Buchholz, for either of Texas’s catchers, Jarrod Saltalamacchia or Taylor Teagarden.

They each have different strengths: Salty is still a raw talent that hits pretty well but needs to improve defensively. Teagarden is a solid defensive catcher with a laser-rocket arm, and he has the potential to put up some big power numbers. What they have in common is that they both are ready to be a starting catcher in the majors.

I’m starting to lean towards a  Buchholz for Teagarden deal, but either way it’s an upgrade of the aging Varitek. Thanks for all of your hard work, ‘Tek. We’ll see you at Jason Varitek Appreciation day.

4. Trade Julio Lugo for a bucket of used baseballs.

Jed Lowrie is ready to be the everyday shortstop. Lugo sucks. Find some sucker GM to take him off our hands.

…..
It almost seems too easy to improve this team. If Boston makes these moves, you can go and get the champagne on ice. If not, it may be a long season.

So this brings us to game 7. Which version of these teams will show up?

thefoulline.com quick hits

• Jon Lester vs. Matt Garza, game seven, winner goes to the World Series. This is the match-up Boston fans were wishing for and Rays fans were dreading.
• Regarding the TBS technical difficulty that caused first-inning coverage of last night’s game to be preempted by The Steve Harvey Show: According to a theory by thefoulline contributor Dylan “Conspiracy Theorist” Hamilton, TBS, concerned that the Rays’ current losing streak has reminded much of the Tampa Bay fan base how much they prefer Steve Harvey to baseball, did it on purpose.
• The Sox bullpen has looked fantastic. Okajima gets better every time he pitches and looks like the Oki of 2007. Masterson looked absolutely scared shitless out there, and then he proceeded to shut down the Rays 1-2-3 hitters. Then there’s Papelbon. Tired, sore, gassed from pitching two tough innings in game 5, he goes out throwing 90 MPH fastballs with good location and gets the save. In a word… awesome.
• High definition television is not kind to Kevin Youkilis.
• Coco Crisp is doing his best 2007 Jacoby Ellsbury impersonation. Coco did more damage to James Shields last night than any punch would ever do.
• Dan the #1 Rays Fan: Hang in there. This is still better than watching the Rays of the past. There’s still a lot of baseball left.
• Jason Varitek saved his job with the Sox next year with a huge home run and an even bigger throw out of Dioner Navarro. That’s why he’s the Captain.
• Terry Francona is the best manager in Red Sox history. Although the 78 pieces of tobacco wrapped in Double Bubble that he is constantly chewing during the game is pretty disgusting.
• Josh Beckett dug down deep last night and pitched his ass off for 5 innings. This guy is a competitor.
• James Shields is a tough pitcher with a promising future, but his “Big Game” nickname may have been a little premature. Names like that get invented in the postseason.
• Dustin Pedroia is going to blow up tonight. He lives for moments like this, and he’s been too quiet for too long.
• During the 6th inning of game 5 in Fenway Park, did anyone really think we would be watching a game 7?
• There is no moment better in sports than the MLB playoffs.

I hope to see all of our regulars tonight: Dylan, Matt McLaughlin, Fantasy Champion Dave Mc, old man river, Dan the #1 Rays Fan, LTZ, Albert Desalvo, Latino Louie, C-Mac, Ginger. Heck, even Spanky the Yankee is invited, as well as some new guests and anyone else who’d like to join in. So please join us for this fun event as we watch our favorite team try and make history… again.

There is a new chat button on the header of the site, and you don’t need to register to get in. Game chat starts at 7:45 and will continue for the entire game. I look forward to talking to you all soon.

Dave

Going into tonight’s game, I really wish that Josh Beckett’s ERA was sub-10.00 this postseason. I also wish that James Shields threw his shoulder out in June when his left cross missed Coco Crisp by three feet. But I guess we’ll just have to deal with this match up. Shields is the one guy on the Rays staff that scares me. He didn’t get his “Big Game” moniker from his deer hunting ability. This guy is a stud that rises to the occasion and relishes the pressure.

Shields is going up against some guy that has a striking resemblance to Josh Beckett, but without the 96 mph fastball and the pinpoint control. There is obviously something wrong with Beckett. He’s going to need to channel his inner Curt Schilling and make the adjustment from strikeout pitcher to a control pitcher that keeps the hitters guessing. But Beckett is a fierce competitor. Whichever version of him shows up tonight is going to be pissed off and spitting nails. This will be fun to watch.

As for the hitters on both teams, now that Boston has seen how productive it can be when they get consecutive hits, I really hope that they try and do that again. It was fun to see them scoring runs again. The Rays, on the other hand, are obviously taking steroids and corking their bats. There is no way that they can hit that many home runs. I’m calling for George Mitchell to reopen his investigation.

But seriously. Rays players have to be thinking that they have just woken a sleeping giant. They had Boston on the ropes and let them back in it. It will be interesting to see if the Rays hitters are squeezing their bats a little tighter and trying for the long ball tonight while playing in front of the home crowd.

Up a touchdown in the 7th inning. Champagne on ice. The smell of the World Series in the air. Only to blow it.  This has the potential to crush the confidence of a young ballclub. This is a must-win game for Tampa. With a potential game seven match up of baseball’s best story, Jon Lester, vs. headcase and chronic spitter Matt Garza. This is the biggest game in the history of Tampa Bay baseball. Again.

The Rays are still in the driver’s seat, but they have to be keeping a close eye on the rearview mirror.

Three friends and I went to the above mentioned game. When we arrived at the field, it quickly turned overcast and the temperature dropped. Soon after, the rain started. Dressed in only a t-shirt and shorts, I quickly ran to the nearest souvenir stand to find something of the sweatshirt variety. Unfortunately for me and, as it turned out, all of Red Sox Nation, all that was available was Rays gear. Opting to prevent possible hypothermia, I plunked down thirty bucks for a Rays long-sleeve shirt.

What has happened since has been a whirlwind. First, Evan Longoria hit a homerun to win the game for Tampa. Since then, the Rays have done their best 1927 Yankees impersonation and steamrolled the league.

After that fateful day, I put the shirt in my dresser and forgot all about it. Today I came across it again, and I made the decision to change history. Today I exorcised the Devil.

I apologize to all Red Sox fans for this unfortunate event and for all the trouble I’ve caused.