The Fourth Eskate

Same Management, new blog

garrison.killer@gmail.com (Garrison Killer) — Sun, 04 Jan 2015 16:10:00 +0000

Oh, that's right. There's a blog here.

My name is Drew Johnson. In the world of roller derby, I appear to be somewhat well-known as this past year's bench coach for the Minnesota RollerGirls. I've been their reporter/sports writer for some time, but that time has come to an end as my family moves to the Seattle area.

Why are we moving to Seattle? It's not for the roller derby, although the Pacific Northwest is particularly well-known within the sport as a hotbed of activity. Instead, I'm going west to join Microsoft's Operating System Group (hereafter referred to here as OSG).

I have used FB rather a lot over the past years due to work with roller derby and family information-sharing, but I have no great love for the Beast of the Valley and its microblogging. I am a wordy fellow.

Due to this, I may restart the Fourth Eskate as a story of the transition from Saint Paul-dweller to denizen of Washington.

Philly cracks Madison, 213-53

garrison.killer@gmail.com (Garrison Killer) — Sat, 18 Jun 2011 18:53:00 +0000

When the first four jams of a bout go 34-0, there’s a strong suspicion that the bout may end up a little one-sided. Such was the case of Philly’s Liberty Belles match against the Dairyland Dolls of Madison, WI. Philly shut down the flexible pack of Madison, and began to asserted themselves on the track.
Madison got a five-point reprieve as Jewels of Denile took a lead and a grand slam against Elle Viento’s rapid pace, but Philly simply had the goods. Where Charm City made small corrections to the MNRG pack that sent players to the box, the Belles simply planted and hit…sending Madison sprawling.
Philly played an extremely clean jamming game in the first half and did not get slapped with a single jammer trip to the penalty box. Madison was not so lucky as rebounded through a rapidly-recycling Philly pack. The Belles didn’t need the extra points from their numerous power jams, but they nonetheless piled on the pain. At fifteen minutes, Philly was up 62-9; by the end of the half, the lead had been extended to 118-13.
The key to this half was clearly the dominant Philly defense. Whether Heavy Flo creating space in the front or one of the Belles’ numerous jammers playing rapid-play blockers, Madison simply could not cope with the threat from Philadelphia as halftime was reached.
Philadelphia’s deep roster of jammers took center stage in the second half, breaking through Madison packs with little to no impediment. Lead jams fell into their laps as the Belles’ Castro, Flo, and Teflon Donna tore the pack apart front and back for their scoring arsenal.
As in the first half, power jams didn’t hurt; six minutes into the second half, Madison’s Vicious Van-Go-Go went to the box for a track cut, giving Mo Pain a chance to drop twenty points as she darted through Madison’s defense. Philly 157 – Madison 16.
Ginger Vitis took another twenty-four on another power jam as Vicious returned to the box ten minutes later. Madison had found moments to score, but only single runs. With eight minutes remaining, Philly was ahead 206-24.
A late run by Jewels of Denile in a power jam off of Ginger Vitis gave the retiring Madison jammer a last, phenomenal seventeen-point jam. However, Philly handily took the game as the final whistle blew. 213-53.
Philly now will play the Kansas City Roller Warriors Saturday afternoon at 1pm CDT.

(For archival purposes: original article first appeared on Uproar on the Lakeshore website.)

Charm City conquers MNRG the slow way, 249-119

garrison.killer@gmail.com (Garrison Killer) — Sat, 18 Jun 2011 18:52:00 +0000

Charm City took an early lead in a no-lead jam as long-time veteran Joy Collision scored sixteen points for Charm against the opposing jammer, MNRG’s Suzie Smashbox.
Unlike the previous bout between Texas and Bay Area – filled with close play and rapid packs – this game was played on the chessboard as packs would screech to a halt and find ways to advance their positions by inches rather by yards. Charm held their lead for ten minutes until Scarmen Hellectra grabbed the lead jam for a grand slam (five points) for the Minnesota girls. MNRG 31-27.
Amidst slow starts and slow slow packs, the MNRG kept their lead for three jams until a back block penalty sent Scarmen to the box as a jammer for the first of four power jams for Charm. Baltimore’s veteran Just Carol grabbed twenty-four points as Minnesota’s pack spilled into the penalty box one after the other.
Charm City’s packs utilized their numbers advantage to the fullest over their next three power jams, scoring sixty-six point. Just Carol’s own trip to the penalty box as jammer two jams before the end of the half netted Minnesota only ten points from Scarmen’s jamming…and a final trip to the penalty box by Suzie Smashbox for track-cutting bled a further thirteen points. Minnesota was rapidly falling to its own nerves and sloppy play as the second half began.
With Charm up 109-58, the second half began with another power jam as Minnesota’s Suzie Smashbox took another track cut, giving Charm the opportunity to score another twenty. 129-58.
Minnesota seemed as if they had a chance still – a small chance, albeit, as Smashbox, L’exi-Cuter, and Juke Boxx took opportunities to score in the midst of a penalty cascade by Charm City, scoring 20 to Charm’s eight. However, the door slammed shut as the Minnesota pack continued to fall prey to Charm City’s small hits to the outside…followed by backward runs that ensured Minnesota’s players re-entered the track just ahead of the person that knocked them out.
Time and again, Holly Go Hardly and Dolly Rocket took care of Minnesota jammers while the depleted Minnesota pack lack the stopping power to hold back Charm’s I. M. Pain and Just Carol. As the clock ran out, Charm had opened a gap of 130 points – 249-119. Minnesota’s run as WFTDA’s Big 5 Cinderella ran out here as their first attempt at playing serious slow-pack derby failed at the feet of Baltimore’s finest.
Charm City advances and will play Rocky Mountain at 11:15am in the quarter-finals.

(For archival purposes: original article first appeared on Uproar on the Lakeshore website.)

Uproar re-recap: Texas retires Bay Area, 72-59

garrison.killer@gmail.com (Garrison Killer) — Sat, 18 Jun 2011 18:50:00 +0000

No one said Texas’s trip into the quarterfinals would be easy.
WFTDA’s Uproar on the Lakeshore – the international championship of modern roller derby – began with a tactical clinic. The surprise darlings of the West – Bay Area Derby Girls – took on the Texecutioners of Austin, TX.
The first half was marked by low scores and very close play. A single trip to the penalty box by a jammer from either side – Chantilly Mace of Bay Area – only grossed six points by Texas’ Bloody Mary. The power jam nonetheless resulted in bringing the score to Texas 13 – Bay Area 7 with twenty to go in the half.
Bay Area’s Ivy Prophane scored a thirteen-point jam only minutes later unassisted by a power jam, returning the lead to Bay Area as her blockers swarmed Texas’ jammer. Bay Area held that lead until five minutes remained on the clock, when Texas blocker Belle Starr spent two minutes keeping Chantilly Mace in the pack as Bloody Mary grabbed ten points. At the half, Ivy Prophane grabbed another five points to bring the game within one point, 38-37.
Ivy, who had scored twenty-five in the first half, nabbed the lead from Texas five minutes into the second half with a three-point jam. With the score 43-41 for the BAD Girls, that would be the last time that Bay Area would be on top.
Despite a tiring Bloody Mary and some valiant scoring jams from Bay Area’s Burlybot, Nock Nock, and Ivy Prophane, the Texecutioners pack descended on their opponents like velociraptors. Bay Area could only drop single lap point scores when they took the lead, and often the Texas pack could keep up with the opposing jammer long enough for their own scorer to break the pack. The jammer-killer Belle Starr kept recycling the Bay Area to the back, and Bay Area had no way to keep up.
The deciding jam came from Texas’ Olivia Shootin’ John who paced the lanky Ivy Prophane for a grand-slam-plus unassisted by a power jam in the 24th minute of the second half. Bringing Texas up to 68-53, the Bay Area could not find a way to score enough to make up the gap. Final score: Texas 72 – Bay Area 59.
Texas now advances to play Gotham at 9:30am CDT on Saturday.

(For archival purposes: original article first appeared on Uproar on the Lakeshore website.)

MNRG silences NRG Tornado Sirens in final jam, 111-95

garrison.killer@gmail.com (Garrison Killer) — Fri, 22 Apr 2011 16:11:00 +0000

Naptown (#6 NC) - Indianapolis, Indiana - sent fourteen of their finest on a twelve-hour bus ride to Saint Paul and nearly went home with an upset victory against the Minnesota RollerGirls All-Stars. After a slow start, Naptown adapted to Minnesota's diverse jamming lineup and came within one jam of upending Minnesota's standing as #2 in the North Central region.

Minnesota took a knee just before regulation play began, creating a "broken pack" opportunity that sent the jammers hurtling off the line immediately. Scarmen Hellectra took the first lead jam and scored 3-0. Minnesota tried again with a broken pack in the following jam, but came up empty against Naptown's Willa Hoeflinch. Willa cracked through the pack with ease, but fast-moving MNRG blocker Juke Boxx came from behind to pace Willa and suck her back into the pack; Willa called the jam. Minnesota then landed three more straight lead jams for fifteen more points. 18-0 after eight minutes.

Naptown's Willa Hoeflinch got the team's second lead jam as Ima Hurchu held up Minnesota's Harmony Killerbruise long enough for her jammer to score four. Blue Messiah then stole one point from MNRG's lead-jamming L'exi-Cuter, but got nailed with a back-block penalty as L'exi called the jam. MEDUSA converted the power jam for ten.

Naptown then went on a streak of four lead jams as their blockers began to form up just in front of Minnesota jammers with broken-pack formations as each jam started. Though the formation worked to keep back MNRG jammers for precious seconds, Naptown jammers had limited success in getting far enough ahead of Minnesota to score. In fact, Minnesota stole points from those Naptown leads, outscoring them 14-6 as MNRG began to adapt and score lead jams again. 44-11 Minnesota up, with eight minutes to play in the half.

Blue Messiah took to the jammer line against Scarmen Hellectra. Naptown set a phalanx just ahead of the pivot line, giving space for their own jammer to fly through...and Scar's attempt to crack the wall resulted in a major back block. Blue flashed past the remaining pack for the lead as her blockers sliced apart the Minnesota defense. Naptown forced the pack to a stop; Blue scored 14. That jam effectively doubled Naptown's score as Minnesota panicked and sent several players to the box in their attempt to down opponents. Naptown's Willa scored four more points the following jam.

Minnesota called a timeout to regroup, but Naptown took advantage of their opponent's depleted packs and Shadi Layne's precision blocking to bring the game to within ten at the half. HALFTIME 46-36, Minnesota ahead...but Naptown had outscored the MNRG 25-2 in the final minutes of the half.

Play restarted with MNRG's L'exi-Cuter jamming against Amooze-Booche. Booche took advantage of a pack destruction call on Minnesota's Vuedoo Prodigy to take the half's first lead, but blew it after scoring three by ramming into Jax Kvaas from behind. L'exi and MEDUSA took five points each on the resulting power jam opportunity. Willa responded with her fifth straight lead jam as her team escorted opposing jammer Juke Boxx off the track, but Willa could only muster a single point against Minnesota. MNRG 56 - NRG 40.

Minnesota grabbed the next two jams for five points, but Naptown's Asian Sinsation dropped L'exi-Cuter to the inside just as Sin's jammer began her lapping pass. Naptown scored three in the confusion. However, Minnesota then began to inch ahead over the next eight minutes by catching five more straight lead jams and outscoring Naptown 19-2.

Minnesota and Naptown matched one another in speed, making it difficult for Minnesota's jammers to find an opportunity to shut down Naptown. Still, Minnesota had command of the track, whether through Juke Boxx's inspired apex jump of all four Naptown defenders, or Vuedoo and Tiki Torture's pounding of Amooze Booche while MEDUSA scored nine. With fifteen minutes left on the clock, the MNRG were up 80-45.

Suddenly, Minnesota fell prey to Naptown's blockers. Over the next two jams, both Scarmen Hellectra and Harmony Killerbruise slammed into well-positioned NRG defensive formations from behind. With two drawn power jams early on each jam clock, Maiden America and Willa Hoeflinch scored an aggregate 23 unanswered points--bringing Naptown within twelve.

MNRG's MEDUSA responded by landing a 3-0 jam, but then Minnesota lost its head. Maiden America scored nine on a Naptown Minivan (5-on-2 power jam against a back-blocking Scarmen Hellectra), then Maiden went to the box at the end of the jam. L'exi scored only two against a sprint-quick Naptown pack before a misjudged double track cut sent her out for a minute. Maiden scored another ten. Amooze Booche scored the tying jam with three minutes left to play, 92-92. Minnesota's loss of focus almost cost them the game.

With two minutes to go, Minnesota sent MEDUSA to the jam line against Maiden America. MEDUSA picked her way through a light Naptown pack for the lead while the MNRG's Tiki Torture and Diamond Rough monstered Maiden into a track cut. Naptown tried to dump MEDUSA, but were only sent to the penalty box for their trouble. MEDUSA scored ten, but a late back-block call by the refs as the end-of-jam whistle blew sent her to the penalty box. Minnesota called a timeout, up 102-92 with 22 seconds remaining.

With MEDUSA in the box for a minute and Maiden America ready to run wild, Minnesota put Killaman Jaro, Harmony, and L'exi-Cuter in the pack to keep pace with Maiden (and Naptown blockers Cereal Killer and Asian Sinsation--the short NRG pack for the final jam). Naptown started in a blaze with a broken pack, firing Maiden off the line as the jam began. However, Minnesota's cadre of jammer/blockers waterfalled expertly, re-engaging with the Naptown jammer as she attempted to blow by. L'exi-Cuter held the last line of defense, and kept Maiden in the pack for almost the full minute of power jam.

Maiden at last emerged past L'exi and took the lead just as MEDUSA slithered from the box. Ima Hurchu almost forced a track cut on MEDUSA as the Minnesota jammer made her initial pass, but 'DUSA dropped to her knees and re-engaged the pack safely. L'exi sealed the game for Minnesota as she forced an inside major track cut on Maiden in the final seconds of the jam.

FINAL: MNRG 111 - NRG 95

MEDUSA led in scoring overall, going 8-11 for 53 Minnesota points. Both L'exi-Cuter and Scarmen Hellectra scored more than twenty each for the MNRG. For Naptown, Maiden America went 6-11 for 40 points. Willa Hoeflinch had 21 points in 6 jams of 7.

Princes reign over Har-Mar Megastars, 69-37

garrison.killer@gmail.com (Garrison Killer) — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 04:08:00 +0000

With the curtain on the Minnesota RollerGirls' seventh season, our league decided to put together a special final mixer for the year. We separated our league by experience, placing those who had skated four or more years as a derby player on the Princes (named after the Twin Cities' own Purple One), and then pit them against those who had joined a roller league for the first time in the past three years. The "young'uns" played as the Har-Mar Megastars. Here's how it went.

Introduction of the Princes: The Princes rush the track in a sea of lace, purple, and silver (strangely, no players from the Orange Period) Relatively few mustaches as well. Disappointing. However, both Seamonster (bench-coaching for the Princes) and the TC Terrors' Drewraffe (as a ridiculously tall version of Paisley Park's chief resident) come out in wigs and suits that were pretty much tailored from Purple Awesome.

Introduction of the Har-Mar Megastars: If you've ever seen Har-Mar, you can guess the style. More than one player are wearing briefs in their hometeam colors over tights and t-shirt. Ova Achieva has achieved her name's potential with a full cloak made from the American flag, suspenders, and gold trimmings...but really, no one's exactly being subtle in their choice of boutfits. Har-Mar, we learn, sends his regards for his namesake team...sadly, he has a previous engagement.

20 minutes (first half): MEGASTAR POWER JAM. The Princes' Lizzy the Axe goes to the box within seconds for a track cut, but the H-M's Hurtrude Stein can't find her way past Barbie Brawl and the purple defense! Trudy calls the jam with Lizzy still in the box.

18 minutes: Moto Fluzzi finds a path around the opposition for the Megastars with a whip by Skullateral Damage and grabs the first point as Lizzy emerges out of the box.

Princes 0 - Megastars 1

17 minutes: Sintripetal Force - fellow Megastar and Garda Belt with Moto - takes two unanswered points as well. Very low-scoring game thus far.

16 minutes: Suzie Smashbox wears the jammer star for the Princes and grabs their first lead...and the Megastar defense heads to the front of the pack. Suzie can only score one point before opposing jammer Patently Offensive can start lapping. Suzie calls it.

Princes 1 - Megastars 3

14 minutes: Nothing like a nine-point jam unassisted by a penalty box visit. Lizzy chops through the pack as Prince defenders Barbie Brawl and Pain Gretzky hole up Hurtrude Stein. Lizzy laps once before Trudy can break out; Lizzy goes for the second lap, but misjudges the call of the jam. Trudy sneaks into the pack just before the call and steals three.

Princes 10 - Megastars 6

9 minutes: The play's been very clean up to this point. Mixers can get very chaotic due to the lack of team cohesion, but the merging of players by rookie classes seems to be counteracting the big mistakes. The Princes score two more four-point jams. Lizzy's having another of her great games; she dumps Sintripetal Force to give her jammer a chance to take the lead and score one of those 4-point go-aheads.

Princes 18 - Megastars 6

7 minutes: Patently Offensive gets the Megastars back on the board. "Leo" gets the lead against Suzie Smashbox. Both jammers bust out of the pack, but the pack speeds up with Leo's team just ahead of the Princes. Leo sneaks inside a corner to score one and calls it. Trudy catches the Prince defense off-guard on a 20-foot violation to score a 2-0 in the next jam.

Princes 18 - Megastars 9

6 minutes: Lizzy's everywhere tonight. Back to the jammer line, she outskates Moto Fluzzi and drops another nine-point jam on the Har-Mar Megastars.

Princes 27 - Megastars 9

4 minutes: Hey, is that #1111? Sparkle Ninja puts on the jammer star and takes the outside path on turn four to take the lead and gets her first point for the season. For the most part, the Megastars have been just a step or two behind the Prince jammers...but that step has meant that the Megastars are not yet out of single digits.

Princes 28 - Megastars 9

2 minutes: Scootaloo gets her second lead jam of the night, whisking past the pathon the outside lane. Her stride forces the Megastars to come after her outside of the engagement zone as she laps. The Megastar defense turns back, and Scoots calls the jam for four.

Princes 32 - Megastars 9

Last jam (first half): Princes blocker Olga Ogilthorpe pistons Trudy to the outside of turn 3 as opposing jammer Suzie Smashbox flies through the inside. Trudy recovers quickly, but Suzie still scores two. That's halftime, folks. The Megastars cannot gain enough traction to take the lead jam. A lot of that is due to a terrifying lineup of veteran blockers that are allowing the Megastar jammers to ride the outside line of the turns...and then re-engaging them as the jammer hits the straightaway.

HALFTIME: 34 - 9

20 minutes (second half): It's Lizzy right back to the front for the lead, despite an awesome shopping-cart shove by Skullateral Damage of Megastar teammate Madame de Stompadour into Lizzy the Axe. Stompy barely misses, and Lizzy scores 2 to Megastar jammer Ova Achieva's one.

Princes 36 - Megastars 10

16 minutes: Megastar blockers Skullateral Damage, Shiva Shank'n, and Shiver Me Kimbers are all pitching in to hold back the Prince jammers, but their efforts continue to come up a little short. The Megastars need just a bit longer to get through the pack, and they're having problems scoring more than a point or two. Glam Slam gets another four points for the Princes, but her pack is starting to look a little light in terms of players to the box. Could be trouble.

Princes 40 - Megastars 11

15 minutes: MEGASTAR POWER JAM. Yup. That's trouble. Lydia Punch goes to the box for a back block, and opposing jammer Moto Fluzzi tries to make up for lost time. The Princes start going for the big hits and get called out on penalties. In fact, the Princes lose enough to get the derby fans raising their fists and peace signs...it's a 5-on-2 Minivan! However, the Megastars can't stop the pack quickly enough to give a Moto a chance to lap a standstill pack. Nonetheless, Moto scores nine points to two for Lydia.

Princes 42 - Megastars 20

12 minutes: After another 3-1 Lizzy the Axe jam, Ova Achieva slaloms through the pack, only to run into Scootaloo - the tiniest oak in the forest. Bee comes skidding in behind and gets the lead for another four points.

Princes 49 - Megastars 21

10 minutes: DIRTY POOL, KIMBERS. Shiver Me Kimbers is providing some massive hits tonight, but it would appear that the mighty Megastar has just pulled Norah Torious to the ground by her belt while the refs weren't looking. She's getting the Derby 4 All Big Hitter award for the Megastars, but she could have just as easily gotten the Seventh Sojourn Dirty Player award.

8 minutes: STAR PASS! Holy crap. Glam Slam ably gets the lead jam, laps in, then passes the star to pivot Suzie Smashbox. Suzie spins up and goes to take another lap. However...the rules of the star pass negate the lead jam, so Suzie can't stop Moto Fluzzi from scoring seven points of her own.

Princes 61 - Megastars 29

6 minutes: As this game winds to an inevitable close, you have to look at the MNRG rookie jammers for a second. We saw rookie Commander Nix bring back the Golden Skate to her Rockits before she headed to Africa for a few months. However, the other five rookies that have been principally jamming in the past couple of months (Kit Shinkicker, Moto Fluzzi, Sintripetal Force, Hurtrude Stein, and Freeze Baby) have really come into their own during the mixers. I'm looking forward to seeing what these six are going to bring to their teams next year.

4 minutes: Lizzy. Again with the lead jam. Again with the point score. Again with the...did she just leapfrog Suzie Smashbox on the straightaway? The vets are really pulling out the crowd-pleasers tonight.

2 minutes: Hold it. Ova's down; our EMT staff have rushed to her side, and it appears she's fine. GAME ON.

Last jam of the game: Sparkle Ninja v Moto Fluzzi. Moto gets the lead, but it's Ninja that gets the cheers as she takes a leg whip to propel her out of the pack. Nice final touch from the winning team.

FINAL: Princes 69 - Har-Mar Megastars37

Youth and speed mean a lot in this sport...but so does the experience to sit on opponents, find the right line, and whip the audience into a frenzy. Congratulations to the Princes!

Princes
16 Lead jams
69 Points

41 Lizzy the Axe (5-7) 30 pts
91 Suzie Smashbox (3-5) 15 pts
FU Scootaloo (2-4) 9 pts
00 Glam Slam (2-2) 8 pts
4x4 Rumblebee (2-3) 4 pts
789 Lydia Punch (0-1) 2 pts
1111 Sparkle Ninja (2-4) 1 pt
6 Trixie Whipsum (0-1) 0 pts

Har-Mar Megastars
10 Lead jams
37 Points

850cc Moto Fluzzi (3-6) 17 pts
727 Hurtrude Stein (3-7) 9 pts
1.618 Sintripetal Force (2-5) 4 pts
14 GoGo Galore (0-1) 3 pts
281 Patently Offensive (1-3) 1 pt
0054 Freeze Baby (1-1) 1 pt
711 Ova Achieva (0-2) 1 pt
10-72 ShivaShankin (0-1) 1 pt

MNRG silences NRG Tornado Sirens in final jam, 111-95

garrison.killer@gmail.com (Garrison Killer) — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 13:16:00 +0000

Naptown - Indianapolis, Indiana - sent fourteen of their finest players on a twelve-hour bus ride to Saint Paul and nearly went home with an upset victory against the Minnesota RollerGirls All-Stars. Naptown came to the Legendary Roy Wilkins Auditorium on a seven-game winning streak following their excellent showing at the 2010 North Central regional tournament in Green Bay. After a slow start, Naptown adapted to Minnesota's diverse jamming lineup and came within one jam of upending Minnesota's standing as #2 in the region.

Minnesota took a knee just before regulation play began, creating a "broken pack" opportunity that sent the jammers hurtling off the line immediately. Scarmen Hellectra took the first lead jam and scored three unanswered points. Minnesota tried again with a broken pack in the following jam, but Naptown's Willa Hoeflinch flew through their defense for the lead. However, the fast-moving Juke Boxx came from behind to pace Willa and suck her back into the pack; Willa called the jam. Minnesota then landed three more straight lead jams for fifteen more points, but the pace of Naptown kept Minnesota from pulling ahead too quickly. Nonetheless, Minnesota shut out Naptown for the opening minutes, 18-0.

Naptown's Willa Hoeflinch got the team's second lead jam as Ima Hurchu held up Minnesota's Harmony Killerbruise long enough for her jammer to score four. Blue Messiah then stole one point from MNRG's lead-jamming L'exi-Cuter, but got nailed with a back-block penalty as L'exi called the jam. MEDUSA converted the power jam for ten.

Naptown then went on a streak of four lead jams as their blockers began to form up just in front of Minnesota jammers with no-pack formations as each jam started. Though the formation worked to keep back MNRG jammers for precious seconds, Naptown jammers had limited success in getting far enough ahead of Minnesota to score. In fact, Minnesota stole points from those Naptown leads, outscoring them 14-6 as MNRG began to adapt and score lead jams again. 44-11 Minnesota up, with eight minutes to play in the half.

Blue Messiah took to the jammer line against Scarmen Hellectra. Naptown set a phalanx just ahead of the pivot line, giving space for their own jammer to fly through...and Scar's attempt to crack the wall resulted in a major back block. Blue flashed past the remaining pack for the lead as her blockers sliced apart the Minnesota defense. Naptown forced the pack to a stop; Blue scored 14. That jam effectively doubled Naptown's score as Minnesota panicked and sent several players to the box in their attempt to down opponents. Naptown's Willa scored four more points the following jam.

Minnesota called a timeout to regroup, but Naptown took advantage of their opponent's small packs and Shadi Layne's precision blocking to bring the game to within ten at the half. HALFTIME 46-36, Minnesota ahead...but Naptown had outscored the MNRG 25-2 in the final minutes of the half.

Play restarted with MNRG's L'exi-Cuter jamming against Amooze-Booche. Booche took advantage of a pack destruction call on Minnesota's Vuedoo Prodigy to take the half's first lead, but blew it after scoring three by ramming into Jax Kvaas from behind. L'exi and MEDUSA took five points each on the resulting power jam opportunity. Willa responded with her fifth straight lead jam as her team escorted opposing jammer Juke Boxx off the track, but Willa could only muster a single point against Minnesota. MNRG 56 - NRG 40.

Minnesota grabbed the next two jams for five points, but Naptown's Asian Sinsation dropped L'exi-Cuter to the inside just as Sin's jammer began her lapping pass. Naptown scored three in the confusion. However, Minnesota then began to inch ahead over the next eight minutes by catching five more straight lead jams and outscoring Naptown 19-2.

Minnesota and Naptown matched one another in speed, making it difficult for Minnesota's jammers to find an opportunity to shut down Naptown. Still, Minnesota had command of the track, whether through Juke Boxx's inspired apex jump of all four Naptown defenders, or Vuedoo and Tiki Torture's pounding of Amooze Booche while MEDUSA scored nine. With fifteen minutes left on the clock, the MNRG were up 80-45.

Suddenly, Minnesota fell prey to Naptown's blockers. Over the next two jams, both Scarmen Hellectra and Harmony Killerbruise slammed into well-positioned NRG defensive formations from behind. With two drawn power jams early on each jam clock, Maiden America and Willa Hoeflinch scored an aggregate 23 unanswered points--bringing Naptown within twelve.

MNRG's MEDUSA responded by landing a 3-0 jam, but then Minnesota lost its head. Maiden America scored nine on a Naptown Minivan (5-on-2 power jam against a back-blocking Scarmen Hellectra), then Maiden went to the box at the end of the jam. L'exi scored only two against a sprint-quick Naptown pack before a misjudged double track cut sent her out for a minute. Maiden scored another ten. Amooze Booche scored the tying jam with three minutes left to play, 92-92. Minnesota's loss of focus almost cost them the game.

With two minutes to go, Minnesota sent MEDUSA to the jam line against Maiden America. MEDUSA picked her way through a light Naptown pack for the lead while the MNRG's Tiki Torture and Diamond Rough monstered Maiden into a track cut. Naptown tried to dump MEDUSA, but were only sent to the penalty box for their trouble. MEDUSA scored ten, but a late back-block call by the refs as the end-of-jam whistle blew sent her to the penalty box. Minnesota called a timeout, up 102-92 with 22 seconds remaining.

With MEDUSA in the box for a minute and Maiden America ready to run wild, Minnesota put Killaman Jaro, Harmony, and L'exi-Cuter in the pack to keep pace with Maiden (and Naptown blockers Cereal Killer and Asian Sinsation--the short NRG pack for the final jam). Naptown started in a blaze with a broken pack, firing Maiden off the line as the jam began. However, Minnesota's cadre of jammer/blockers waterfalled expertly, re-engaging with the Naptown jammer as she attempted to blow by. L'exi-Cuter held the last line of defense, and kept Maiden in the pack for almost the full minute of power jam.

Maiden at last emerged past L'exi and took the lead just as MEDUSA slithered from the box. Ima Hurchu almost forced a track cut on MEDUSA as the Minnesota jammer made her initial pass, but 'DUSA dropped to her knees and re-engaged the pack safely. L'exi sealed the game for Minnesota as she forced an inside major track cut on Maiden in the final seconds of the jam.

We asked Cooch about her decision to put speedsters in for the final jam. She told us, "I wanted 3 jammers out there. At that point I wanted people for their straight-up speed and ability to get through the pack if they needed to. All of them are very consistent blockers and I was confident that they could get to the front and maintain that position while keeping the jammer behind them. And luckily, they executed it very well,"

FINAL: MNRG 111 - NRG 95

Minnesota RollerGirls All-Stars
20 Lead Jams
111 points

13 MEDUSA (8-11) 53 pts
187 L'exi-Cuter (6-11) 24 pts
28 Scarmen Hellectra (3-7) 21 pts
75 Harmony Killerbruise (2-8) 10 pts
A18 Juke Boxx (1-3) 3 pts

Naptown Tornado Sirens
20 Lead Jams
95 points

76 Maiden America (6-11) 40 pts
318 Willa Hoeflinch (6-7) 21 pts
N3 Blue Messiah (2-5) 18 pts
7 Dora the Destroyer (3-6) 8 pts
208 Amooze Booche (3-11) 8 pts

Minnesota All-Stars v Naptown Tornado Sirens preview (DNN version)

garrison.killer@gmail.com (Garrison Killer) — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 02:10:00 +0000

The Minnesota RollerGirls end their home season this Saturday as they host Indianapolis' Naptown Tornado Sirens on the polished concrete of the Legendary Roy Wilkins Auditorium.

The stage for this bout was set in September when both Minnesota (#2 in the NC, ranked #14 by DNN) and Naptown (#6 in the NC, ranked #24 by DNN) shattered expectations at the 2010 NC Regional tournament. The MNRG jumped from 7th-seed to 2nd place by upsetting Detroit and Madison, while Naptown's finest battled past Arch Rival and Brewcity to earn 6th place. North Central's two surprises had already planned a bout for April - the first between the two in their history - but the upsets have added spice to the anticipation of their players and fans.

Both teams are running winning streaks that will be defended on Saturday. Minnesota is 7-0 when defending on Saint Paul soil (dating back to their Brawl of America victory against Grand Raggidy), while Naptown is 7-0 since 2010's NC Regionals.

Naptown's been playing mostly against mid-ranked North Central teams since the tournament. They most recently defeated the Brewcity Bruisers (#8 in the NC) by seventeen points. Meanwhile, Minnesota's three home stands since the new year have been against Madison (#3 NC, #18 DNN), Tucson (#9 W), and DC (#9 E), defeating each team by over a hundred points.

The rankings favor Minnesota, but there's good reason to cheer on Naptown. Maiden America, Willa Hoeflinch, and Dora the Destroyer came out of the North Central tournament with a lot of new fans for their unflinching jamming abilities. Amooze Booche is back from injury and putting up some pretty fine jams as well. Minnesota's path out of the pack will be guarded by veteran Naptown blockers, including founding member Sweet C and Ima Hurchu...with Cereal Killer up front.

As for Minnesota, we'll see L'exi-Cuter (7-7, 57 points v DC), Harmony Killerbruise (8-10, 42 points v Madison), and recent transfer MEDUSA (4-5, 72 points v Madison) all lacing up. However, Minnesota uses about eight jammer/blockers in a single bout as they look for the right match against the opposing team. Therefore, you'll just as likely see those three playing fast-paced defense as you will see them on the jammer line. The defense specialists also look good; Tiki Torture, Vuedoo Prodigy, and co-captain Coochie Coup will all be hunting down Tornado Siren jammers.

This bout will give us a snapshot of two strong North Central teams as we head towards the Midwest Brewhaha and the second quarter of WFTDA rankings. Minnesota will want a convincing win as they defend their #2 spot against a touring Detroit, while a Naptown victory would upend the state of Midwestern derby yet again.

For those a mountain range away, the bout's free-per-view can be seen (and commented about) at http://tv.mnrollergirls.com/ beginning at 7pm CDT. Naptown will hit the track at or shortly after 8:15 CDT.

garrison.killer@gmail.com (Garrison Killer) — Wed, 09 Feb 2011 14:02:00 +0000

The blue-hued Babes run through the Paulas in the season’s first of three mixer bouts.

With the competition for the Golden Skate trophy decided, the players of the MNRG took their team colors off…and replaced them with flannel and blue for last Saturday’s mixer between the “Paula Bunyans” and the “Babes”. Those not directly involved in the All-Star game against the Tucson Saddletramps played their first of three mixer bouts in this fantastic homage to our friends in Northern Minnesota.

Here’s how that bout went down.

First half:

The Introduction of the Paula Bunyans: Well, if you’re going to honor the spirit of the legend of Paul Bunyan, you might as well pick your mascot well. The Twin Cities Terrors’ own man-beast, the Killsbury Doughboy, leads a pack of women in cutoffs and plaid flannel onto the track of the Legendary Roy Wilkins Auditorium. The Paulas are being captained tonight by Rumblebee and Scootaloo.

The Introduction of the Babes: After the Paulas’ boutfits, the Babes are something of a letdown. They’ve all got sky-blue shirts with the ad-hoc team’s logo (as well as Manny Shovitz of the TC Terrors as their cowbell-ringing mascot). At least, that looked like all. Speaking with co-captain Lizzy the Axe before the bout, I learned that the t-shirts were bought by the players sight unseen with Smurf-tastic names developed by “Lizzy the Ox”. The announcers are calling the players by their Ox names - Betty LaOx, Sintripetal Ox, Ox-ie Rotten - I wonder how long they’ll be able to keep the naming scheme without giggling. Ova Ox-chieva is co-captaining with Lizzy.

The Countdown: I’m not precisely sure how we got polar explorer Ann Bancroft to count down to the start of our mixer bout (I suspect it’s due to her foundation being this year’s charity that we’ve chosen to sponsor) but it’s an honor to have her begin our February bout in style. She appears to be wearing some sort of jersey as well.

...and we’re off! AND A BABE POWER JAM ALREADY. Lizzy the Ox busts past Madame de Stompadour to get the first lead of the game. The Paulas’ jammer Lydia Punch goes to the box after getting messed with by the Babes’ Shiva in the back. Stompy also heads to the Gram’s Kitchen for a minute, and Lizzy scores ten quick points.

19:00 Babes 10 - Paulas 0: The Babes’ other co-captain Ova Ox-chieva gets nine as her teammate Wonder-Ox (you’ll excuse me if I revert back to their normal names for the remainder of the bout) holds back Lydia Punch as the Paula returns from the penalty box.

16:30 Babes 19 - Paulas 0: In a nice bit of blocking artistry, Icepack kept Ova from scoring more in that last jam by matching her stride for stride and sitting on her for about half a lap.

16:00 Babes 19 - Paulas 0: Nice. Lizzy the Axe jams against Scootaloo and takes the fourth straight lead for the Babes. The jammer rotation in blue has untangled themselves from the pack nicely so far, but Scootaloo still sneaks in for four points before Lizzy can call the jam

14:00 Babes 23 - Paulas 4: There was a little discussion between the refs and the Paulas about who should be in the box. Unfortunately, that screwed up the lineup and the Paula Bunyans are playing a blocker short.

13:30: Babes 23 - Paulas 4: That loss of a blocker probably fed this BABE POWER JAM! Ova gets the fifth lead in a row for the Babes as Cookies n’ Scream gets sent to the box. Ova gets bounced off the track by Lydia Punch, comes back in to score five, and calls off the jam before Cookies can re-emerge from the box. All in a jam’s work.

12:00: Babes 28 - Paulas 4: That might have been a miscalculation. Cookie sprints out of the box as the next jam begins and gets the lead. Flora Flipabitch escorts Cookies through the pack for four. Trippy (SIntripetal Force) steals two before the jam is called.

10:00: Babes 30 - Paulas 8: Madame de Stompadour looks like she’s going to get the lead as she passes turn 4, beating Lizzy the Axe to the front, then WHAM. Babe (and Rockit) rookie Salvador Brawlie gets under Stompy’s center of gravity and drops a calculated low-block to hold off the Paula. Salvador happily goes to the box for that professional-looking penalty, and Lizzy scores three.

9:00: Babes 33 - Paulas 8: Rumblebee walks through a pack short of Babes - there’s been no lack of blockers going to the box - and gets the lead. She scores two, but sneaky Ova steals one point.

8:30: Babes 34 - Paulas 10: The Paulas have only gotten two lead jams this half thus far and neither lead kept the Babes from scoring. That could spell trouble. It’s very difficult for a team to succeed if they don’t deny the opposing jammers.

8:00: Babes 34 - Paulas 10: BABE POWER JAM #3! Paula jammer Lydia Punch gets sent to the box for a major track cut, and Patently Offensive springs into action. With Glam Slam making space, “Leo” scores fifteen unanswered points. Lydia stands at the end of the jam as the whistle blows and head backs to the bench.

OFFICIAL TIMEOUT AND ANOTHER BABE POWER JAM! Oh dear. Lydia apparently left the box too early (you have to serve your entire minute in the box, so you can’t leave even a few seconds before your time is up), and is being sent back to serve another minute of penalty. Paulas will go jammer-less when the game resumes.

4:00: Babes 54 - Paulas 10: Lizzy just scored five points and called the jam, stranding Lydia in the box to start yet another jam. Ova gets the lead after getting stalked through the pack by Skullateral Damage. When Lydia returns to the track, the Babes’ Wonderbroad delays her for most of the jam. Neither player scores; great work in terms of blocking from both teams.

2:00 Babes 54 - Paulas 10: BABE PJ #5? This time, it’s Freeze Baby for the Paulas that get caught on a back block. Sintripetal speeds through the front of the pack, and the Paulas try to accelerate so that she can’t come back around. Nothing doing; Glam Slam moves up the pack and knocks CleoSPLATra out of the advancing Paula phalanx. That forces the Paulas to slow down, and Trippy scores nine.

HALFTIME: Babes 63 - Paulas 10: Right now, it’s simple mathematics. This half had twelve jams. That’s about five minutes of the clock taken up by players coming on and off the track. Of the remaining fifteen minutes, the Paula jammers spent another five minutes in the box. It’s hard to score when you’re only eligible to put up points for half of the jam. That said, both teams are working like it was still the home team season to stop opposing jammers. The Babes are just a little bit better thus far. They’ve also taken full advantage of the power jams. 53 of the Babes’ 63 points in the first half have been scored while a Paula jammer was entering, within, or exiting the penalty box.

Second half:

We’re back! Babes 63 - Paulas 10: Hurtrude Stein leads off for the Paulas. It’s ‘Trudy’s second jam of the game; she nabs her first lead. However, it’s opposing jammer Ova Achieva that scores a point amidst the chaos on the track.

19:00: Babes 64 - Paulas 10: That’s more like it. Freeze gets the lead for the Paulas, careens around the track, gets around the Babes’ Shiva Shank’n’, and scores four unanswered points. That’s the first time that the Paulas have scored unanswered points on a lead jam.

17:30: Babes 64 - Paulas 14: Madame de Stompadour misses grabbing the lead against Lizzy the Axe for a second time by inches. This time, it’s Betty LaRude that cuts into Stompy’s forward advance. That’s five straight lead jams for Lizzy, but only scores one due to Hurtude Stein’s stopping her on the lapping pass.

15:00: Babes 66 - Paulas 14: PAULA POWER JAM! After another one-point jam by the Babes, Kit Shinkicker comes to the line for the Paulas against long-time MNRG pivot Pain Gretzky. Pain knocks her down just as she was about to leave the pack, but Kit recovers and takes the lead. Seconds later, Pain Gretzky goes to the box, and Kit streaks past the pack for five. Shiva Shank’n drops her to the floor on the second lapping run, but Kit gets back up AGAIN and finishes a second lapping run.

12:30: Babes 66 - Paulas 24: That’s the first multislam and first power jam for the Paulas all game. Kit had a couple of good jams earlier this season; hope to see more in the next couple of months.

12:00: Babes 66 - Paulas 24: Lizzy the Axe gets her sixth lead jam of the bout, but almost gets toppled as Ann E Briated, toppled by a Babe hit, grabs for Lizzy’s legs as she falls on Turn 4. Lizzy gets well ahead of that and scores two. Freeze Baby steals four for the Paulas.

11:00: Babes 68 - Paulas 28: Skullateral Damage is playing some sweet, smart All-Star derby in the midst of the mixer. Babe jammer Barbie Brawl grabs the lead, but Skully shoots in front of her and sucks her right back into the pack as Hurtrude Stein charges ahead for the Paulas. Barbie’s forced to call the jam.

8:00: Babes 71 - Paulas 30: AND BABE POWER JAM #6: Well, crap. The Paula Bunyans seemed like they might have a little bit of a comeback, but the Babes just took another power jam. Lizzy goes 7-for-7 on lead jams and takes three points before calling off the jam and stranding opposing jammer Cookies n’ Scream in the box.

7:00: Babes 74 - Paulas 30: Yup. This seems to be the go-ahead for the Babes. Sintripetal Force gets another lead and scores five as Babe blocker Bully Jean gives her jammer an assist. That’s five lead jams in a row for the women with crazy ox-names plastered on their back.

5:00: Babes 79 - Paulas 30: Hurtrude Stein breaks that lead jammer streak as she busts past the Babes (including an imposing Shiva Shank’n as opposing jammer) and scores three. Shiva nonetheless nabs four as well.

1:00: Babes 88 - Paulas 37: The late hunt for points continues. Rumblebee snared the lead and four points against Patently Offensive. With almost fifty point separating the two teams, the jammers are playing like it was a five-point game. Shiva scores two, and Freeze - only a stride or two behind - scores one.

PAULA TIMEOUT. The Paulas demand one more jam and stop the clock with seconds left to go. Looks like it’s Hurtrude Stein getting the honors for the Paulas, while Salvador Brawlie puts on the jammer star.

Seconds to go: Babes 90 - Paulas 38: It’s Trudy with the last lead, weaving in and out of danger while Brawlie absorbs a hard hit from Paula blocker Smoka Hontas.

FINAL: Babes 90 - Paulas 43.

The Paulas had a much better second half as they got the jammer penalties under control, but the Babes’ use of a concentrated jammer staff may have made the difference in this bout. Ova and Lizzy appear to have selected four strong scoring threats to build their offense around, then went to others as the game went more in their favor.

The Paula blocker group had a very powerful core. Skullateral Damage, Icepack, Hurtrude Stein, and Scootaloo in particular all came up big for the women in flannel. However, that run of five power jams in the first half couldn’t be overcome. Next month, we’ll be seeing the Hunters taking on the Hipsters. It’s Embarrass, MN vs Northeast Minneapolis, people…be there.

Babes
90 Points
19 Lead Jams
6 Power jams

41 Lizzy the Axe (7-7) 28 pts
1.618 Sintripetal Force (4-5) 20 pts
281 Patently Offensive (3-5) 20 pts
711 Ova Achieva (3-5)16 pts
10-72 Shiva Shank’n (1-2) 6 pts
OO7 Barbie Brawl (1-1) 0 pts
1337 Pain Gretzky (0-1) 0 pts
5:00 Salvador Brawlie (0-1) 0 pts

Paula Bunyans
43 Points
8 Lead jams
1 Power jam

44 Kit Shinkicker (1-1) 10 pts
0054 Freeze Baby (1-4) 9 pts
727 Hurtrude Stein (3-5) 8 pts
4x4 Rumblebee (2-4) 8 pts
525 Cookies n’ Scream (1-4) 4 pts
FU Scootaloo (0-1) 4 pts
789 Lydia Punch (0-5) 0 pts
1764 Madame de Stompadour (0-2) 0 pts
18 Anita Spankston (0-1) 0 pts

Reporting from the exact geographical center of roller derby,
-Garrison Killer

MNRG All-Stars bust up Tucson, 161-52

garrison.killer@gmail.com (Garrison Killer) — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 14:09:00 +0000

The Saddletramps gave an early scare to the MNRG All-Stars by capturing the first two jams, but Minnesota soon powered through to put up a commanding sixty-point lead by halftime. Led by a consistent blocking staff and three standout jammers, the MNRG won by over a hundred points with not a single power jam to assist them.

The MNRG began their All-Star stand at the Roy Wilkins Auditorium by hosting the Tucson Saddletramps this past Saturday. The Tramps come from the of the US’ fast-growing flat track community. They’re ranked ninth in the powerful western region of the WFTDA and were known in 2010 for good fundamentals, strong blocking at the front…and a few problems with getting into foul trouble.

The MNRG might have been a little surprised, then, when no Saddletramp jammer went to the box over the sixty minutes of play. This meant that Minnesota had to score every point while an opposing jammer competed on the track. Further, Tucson blockers Sunni Sideup, Kosma Nauti, and Pixie Axe fought the Minnesota threat through every inch of the pack…not just at the top. Minnesota - fresh off their decisive defeat of Madison’s Dairyland Dolls - were ready for the challenge.

Tucson took the first two lead jams. Tramp jammer Bianka Trohl took advantage of Helen Wheels and Pixie Axe’s delay tactics on Minnesota’s Scarmen Hellectra and scored the first two points of the game. However, neither Bianka (nor Sami Automatic in the following jam) could call it off before the MNRG jammer lapped a Saddletramp for a point. MEDUSA - the MNRG’s lead scorer from last week’s Madison bout at the Xcel Energy Center - flew next from the line, used the clear outside lane of Turn 1 and 2 to accelerate past the entire pack, and took Minnesota’s first lead. Bianka Trohl attempted to follow her, but the MNRG’s Jax Kvaas threw herself into Trohl’s way and held back the Tucson jammer long enough for MEDUSA to score four. Minnesota went ahead, 7-4.

Sami Automatic shot back with a two-point jam, but Harmony Killerbruise skated the same outside line used by ‘DUSA to knock four past the Tramps. Tucson’s brutal rear blocker Pixie Axe put on the jammer star and scored four against Minnesota’s L’exi-Cuter. MEDUSA grabbed her second lead jam and got two points, but her gentle call of the jam under the Roy’s lower lights meant that the refs could not see her signal until after opposing jammer Myna stole two points.

18-year-old Lindsey Loblow took the next lead as Pinky McLovin’ frustrated L’exi-Cuter’s pace for crucial seconds. However, L’exi recovered and broke the pack while Minnesota’s blockers accelerated. Tucson struggled throughout the game to block at Minnesota’s top speed, and it was no different here. By keeping Lindsey’s own blockers between Minnesota’s defense and the Tucson jammer, Lindsey had to pick her way through her own pack to score three points. Meanwhile, L’exi caught up and scored three as well. MNRG 16 - Tucson 15.

Up until this point, Tucson had been holding its own. Organized blocking on the straightaways had held the MNRG long enough to allow blockers Bea Hayve and Pixie Axe to knock Minnesota jammers off the track. However, Minnesota began to find the chinks in the Tramps’ blocking strategy. L’exi-Cuter used the outside lane to take her first lead jam of the game and score nine. MEDUSA used her blocking staff’s goating of a Tucson blocker to grab four points on a 20-foot violation. Though Myna N Possession and Bianka Trohl each got four points in the last fifteen minutes of the first half, the Tramps couldn’t break through the MNRG fast enough to score regularly. The Minnesota defense owned the track.

That defense earned the MNRG All-Stars a gorgeous jam late in the first half. MEDUSA took the lead off of a 4-3 pack advantage and lapped the Tramps four times while Tara Skatesov, Diamond Rough, Scarmen Hellectra and Tiki Torture took turns recycling Ferocious Oxide. Fast jamming and stunning jammer management kept Minnesota ahead as the halftime whistle blew. 83-23.

Play resumed and Minnesota took the first four leads of the second half. Coochie Coup pasted a last Saddletramp blocker to give Psycho a clear lane. Vuedoo Prodigy guarded the top of the apex, anticipating Lindsey Loblow’s escape on a path to glory. Showcase blocks were everywhere. The MNRG thought they had Tucson where they wanted them.

Or maybe not. Myna N Possession scored an unpowered thirteen points* while her teammates Sunni Sideup, Pinky McLovin’, and Kosma Nauti mobbed Harmony Killerbruise. In one jam, Myna erased the run-up of points that the MNRG had made in the previous five minutes. MNRG up 97-36 with twenty-three minutes left to go.

That would be Tucson’s last lead jam and last score for the next fifteen minutes. Minnesota’s jammers kept finding an opening, exploiting it, scoring a handful of points, and calling off the jam…each in a minute or less. Minnesota seemed more concerned about controlling the jam clock and putting a few unanswered points on the board each jam than actually stopping the Tucson jammer for a long period. The MNRG scored thirteen jams in a row without allowing the other team a single point.

The fast-jam, “hit-it-and-quit-it” tactic is incredibly effective. Controlling the clock will almost always net a team points as long as they don’t let the other team score. What’s more, a rapid fire run of jams strands opposing blockers in the box for multiple jams (a player’s penalty timer only runs while a jam is in progress, after all). The quick succession of jams stranded Kosma Nauti and Pixie Axe in the box for a good portion of the second period; Kosma was in and out of the box over the course of seven jams without ever returning to the bench. Finally, rapid-fire jams eat up the clock. There’s thirty seconds of clock time lost at the end of every jam. It’s far safer when you are ahead to simply call off a jam and let no one score for those thirty seconds while the packs rotate in and out. The MNRG milked almost seven minutes off the clock through hit-it-and-quit-it tactics this period. Minnesota took a commanding lead of 149-36.

Sami Automatic started Tucson scoring again by stealing a point from a L’exi-Cuter lead jam, but Myna N Possession gave the Saddletramps their final two scoring runs. With four jams left in the half, MEDUSA became the first jammer in the entire game to go to the penalty box, called on a back-blocking major. Myna started the power jam’s lapping run, only to be gored by Tara Skatesov so hard that she had to call off her jam so she could catch her breath. However, Myna returned three jams later and scored another thirteen points for her Saddletramps to close the Tramps’ game out.

Final score: 161-52

Box scores:

MNRG All-Stars
161 Points
31 Lead Jams
0 Power jams

13 MEDUSA (10-11) 59 pts
187 L’exi-Cuter (8-10) 44 pts
75 Harmony Killerbruise (7-12) 32 pts
109 Psycho Novia (5-9) 21 pts
28 Scarmen Hellextra (1-2) 5 pts

Tucson Saddletramps
52 Points
13 Lead jams
2 Power jams

18 Myna N. Possession (4-11) 34 pts
11 Bianka Trohl (3-9) 6 pts
22 Sami Automatic (4-12) 5 pts
33 Pixie Axe (1-2) 4 pts
5 Lindsey Loblow (1-7) 3 pts
26 Ferocious Oxide (0-3) 0 pts

* unpowered scoring: When one scores a large number of points in a single jam, it is often due to a ‘power jam,’ where the opposing jammer goes to the penalty box and the scoring team can devote its entire energy to getting their jammer through. An ‘unpowered score’ denotes a team whose blockers can both hold back the opposing jammer while at the same time create space for their own jammer to break through the pack.

Call it a Comeback: Rockits Retake Championship, 76-61

garrison.killer@gmail.com (Garrison Killer) — Wed, 26 Jan 2011 16:33:00 +0000

The perennial contenders of the MNRG intraleague get the gang back together (with some brand new faces) and pull off an upset against the newly-dangerous Dagger Dolls.

The Rockits are known for being up front about their skills on the track. Their athleticism speaks for itself every month of our home season at the Roy. Some of you may have seen a Rockit going about her business in the Twin Cities, wearing a "Rockits 2010-11: Don't Call It a Comeback" t-shirt.

Nonetheless, Minnesota's favorite intergalactic rock stars of the flat track played a comeback show after being held scoreless for over ten minutes of the championship bout on Saturday. The Dagger Dolls had tamed the Rockits in the first half, but calm play by this year's Red Wall defense and some inspired jamming from the Rockits' newest jammer brought them back from the brink to take the championship by fifteen points.

Neither team could score in the opening minutes. The Rockits took the first two lead jams of the game, but neither Harmony Killerbruise nor Commander Nix could lap a single Dagger Doll player without the opposing jammer threatening to score as well. The Dagger Doll pack seemed to push their players through by sheer force of will. Fearlessly sprinting through Rockit opposition, Juke Boxx grabbed her team's first lead jam, but could not score when Rockit jammer Harmony recovered from a splintering block by Naughty Kitty and sprinted up. Juke called the jam. It took two more jams for the Dolls to finally score as co-captain Psycho Novia squeaked out two against Scarmen Hellectra.

Over the next five jams, the Dagger Dolls played tough, tight modern roller derby. They took four leads in six minutes, inching their way past the Rockits. The trio of Juke Boxx, Psycho Novia, and Killaman "Man Jar" Jaro served up the jams for the Dollies while their pack held the Rockits at bay just long enough to score two or four points. Whether it was Shiver Me Kimbers dropping Frau Scientits at just the right moment, Scootaloo delaying a jammer for a few precious seconds, or Tiki Torture beating down Rockits blockers, the Dolls seemed to have it all well in hand. Daggers up 12-0 with nine minutes left to play in the half.

The Rockits took a timeout. They were losing each jam by inches, but they hadn't yet scored. No one had held the Rockits scoreless for so long. Also, what wasn't apparent from the stands was that both Frau Scientits and Harmony Killerbruise were quite ill through that game. The bench coaches were pulling out their hair working out how to fill the lines with two such veteran players not playing at 100%. Whatever they decided in that timeout didn't start working immediately; the Dolls took yet another lead jam as Man Jar found a gaping hole in the inside of Turn 4 and took that path to glory for the game's first grand slam.

At last, Harmony Killerbruise found a route through on the next jam for the lead and seven points as the Rockits' blocking team at last found a way to stop Psycho Novia for a few laps of the track. Juke returned fire for three as second-year Dagger Doll Ova Achieva delayed Frau Scientits through the pack. Dolls 20 - Rockits 7.

With less than five minutes left in the half, Commander Nix skated to the jammer line for the Rockits. Man Jar took her place next to Mander, and the two sprinted forward. Nix took a big hit from Tiki Torture, recovered and got the lead. Man Jar, however, got hit with a track cut penalty as she struggled to beat the Rockit pack and went to the box halfway through the jam. Tiki and Hanna Belle Lector's attempts to stop Nix sent them to join Man Jar, and jubilant Rockits and their fans signaled "Minivan" (a shaking fist and a peace sign) to the players on the track. Nix - a Division I three-sport athlete - screamed through the pack as the Rockits cordoned off the remaining two Dolls. Nix scored twenty-five unanswered points - a rare quintuple slam - for the lead change. 32-20 Rockits.

The Dolls jetted back. Killaman Jaro returned to the jammer line and pinned opposing jammer Frau into the pack along with Tiki Torture to create enough space for the leggy Doll to score four, and Frau went out on a track cut. Ova Achieva used the resulting power jam to score eight, tying the score going into halftime, 32-32.

I remember sitting there a few jams into the first half thinking, "what if they hold us to zero?!". Mander's monster jam really busted it open and got some momentum for us. - Scarmen Hellectra, Rockit co-captain

We should have been behind by 25 at the half. - Soylent Mean, Rockit bench coach

Following the half, the Rockits' rear blocking monster Vuedoo Prodigy took a break from defense and went to the line against the Dolls' own rear specialist Juke Boxx and took the first lead of the second half. However, Juke flew past and dunked Vue into the audience, which sucked them both back into the pack. Vue got right back out and scored one point. Man Jar scored a quick four points as Naughty Kitty - so dominant in the front in this game - held off Patently Offensive. However, the canny Scarmen Hellectra broke through the pack for the next lead jam by taking a hit from Kitty and transferring its power into opposing jammer Juke Boxx. Juke toppled and Scar scored four. Tiki Torture opened the inside line for Man Jar, giving her the opportunity score four for yet ANOTHER lead change. 40-38, Dolls up with fourteen minutes left.

Three lead changes in three jams...something had to break open. That something? Psycho Novia and her amazing Dolly pack. While Norah Torious and Juke Boxx held off Rockit Frau Scientits, Psycho lapped the pack for fourteen unanswered points. The Dolls looked like they could take a breath.

However, Vuedoo Prodigy gambled in the next jam, taking the outside line of the first turn, and forced Man Jar to hit her from behind for a back block. Off to the penalty box for Killaman Jaro, and opposing jammer Commander Nix scored ten on the resulting power jam (Nix would go on to score over forty points, 35 of which came from power jams). The Rockits' ailing veteran Harmony Killerbruise scored eight as Rockit a sniffling Frau Scientits finally got a little of her own back by sticking Psycho Novia throughout the jam. That would be lead change #5.

It would be the final change. After a jam in which both teams scored two each, Scarmen Hellectra scored four by exploiting a Dolly pack that was suddenly spending more time in the box than on the track. The Dolly blockers were making illegal hits in their rush to shut down the Red tide, and the refs were dinging them for their exploits. Following another multi-slam jam by Commander Nix, the Daggers were suddenly behind by fifteen with time for only three more jams. Man Jar would score one more point before the end of the game, but the Dolls could not shut down either Patently Offensive or Commander Nix's advances through the pack so their jammer could make up the difference.

The jubilant, triumphant Rockits and their fans screamed their screams to the rafters of the Roy as Scarmen Hellectra and Pain Gretzky accepted the coveted Golden Skate for the women in red. For the fourth time, the Rockits have claimed the MNRG championship. Final score: 76-61.

With two veterans ailing and Scarmen Hellectra relatively ineffective as a jammer in this bout (Scar only scored eight points), the Rockits didn't use their usual set of core players to win the Skate. Instead, they relied on jamming from rookie Commander Nix for the bulk of their points as well as pack play by their younger players. Particularly of note was second-year Rockit Cookies and Scream, who consistently held off far more experienced skaters.

However, the play of the Rockits was by no means perfect; the Dolls executed a total shutdown of the Rockits scoring machine for the first third of the game. From fantastic front coverage by the agile tutu-ed veteran Scootaloo to the authoritative ass-kicking of Juke Boxx, the Dolls had answers for almost everything the Rockits could throw at them. The final factor to the win may have been penalties; hyper-aggressive play towards the end of the second half sent far too many Dolls to the box just as they needed them to hold off the Rockits' final assault.

ROCKITS

14 Lead jams

3 Power jams

76 Points

D1 Commander Nix 5-8, 50 pts

75 Harmony Killerbruise 3-6, 15 pts

28 Scarmen Hellectra 2-4, 8 pts

281 Patently Offensive 3-5, 2 pts

LXIX Vuedoo Prodigy 1-1, 1 pt

23 Frau Scientits 0-5, 0 pts

DAGGER DOLLS

15 Lead jams

2 Power jams

61 Points

9 Killaman Jaro 8-12, 22 pts

109 Psycho Novia 4-8, 22 pts

711 Ova Achieva 1-2, 12 pts

A18 Juke Box 2-6, 3 pts

00 Naughty Kitty 0-1, 2 pts

Garda Belts Bust Bombshells for Third Place, 76-74

garrison.killer@gmail.com (Garrison Killer) — Wed, 26 Jan 2011 14:03:00 +0000

After forty minutes of the smartest blocking ever executed by the women in green, the Garda Belts held off the Atomic Bombshells' potent jamming offensive and won a hard-fought battle for MNRG's third-place title.

The Gardas didn't make it look easy, but winning 3rd place in a talented league like the MNRG never is. Their 76-74 victory over the Atomic Bombsehells - last year's intraleague champions - killed a three-game losing streak and gave us a tiny peek at what the MNRG fans might see next year from the Garda Belts.

The Gardas' Cassie Rolle began this bout at the jammer line, jousting against Bombshell veteran Lizzy the Axe. Lizzy made it look easy, slicing past the Gardas' first line of blockers and took two, but illegal moves in the pack from her teammates Diamond Rough and Tara Skatesov sent them both to the box. The Gardas' Rumblebee used this to her advantage and scored the first grand slam of the night in the next jam as Garda blockers Betty LaRude and Anita Spankston easily held Hurtrude Stein at bay. 'bee's teammate - the green-wearing MEDUSA (and newest member of the MNRG) - added three more on top of that. 8-2 Gardas up.

Bombshell rookie Freeze Baby took the scoring lead back with a double-slam-plus, shaking off Betty LaRude and Ann E Briated while the Bombshell blockers superbly waterfalled* opposing jammer Moto Fluzzi to submission. Both Lizzy and Hurtrude Stein followed up with a lead jam each, scoring ten points to the Gardas' two in the next two jams. Hurtrude's run was six as she took advantage of her opposing jammer missing an opening through the pack made by her teammate Betty LaRude, then getting recycled mercilessly to the back of the pack by Diamond Rough. With eleven left in the half, the Bombshells had the lead 23-10.

L'exi-Cuter made her patented backside straightaway pass on the outside to grab a lead, but Cassie Rolle was able to break past a short Bombshell pack and got too close to L'exi for the Bombshell to attempt a scoring run. Rumblebee then took advantage of a lightly-guarded inside to get lead jammer, yet could not score. MEDUSA broke up the scoreless drives with four. Her teammate Sintripetal Force followed up with another lead and scored nine as opposing jammer Hurtrude Stein again struggled with the Garda pack, then got sent out for the game's first power jam. However, 'Trudy' didn't catch the ref's sign and had to circle around back to the penalty box while Sintripetal continued to score. Sintripetal Force ("Trippy"), then got sent to the box almost as Trudy sat down, giving Hurtrude a short chance to score three herself.

A beautiful jammer takedown on L'exi-Cuter by Garda rookie Dropkick Donna into Turn 4 allowed opposing jammer MEDUSA to sneak through and score three points, bringing the score to 26-26 with four minutes in the half. However, a low block at Turn 3 sent Sintripetal Force back to the penalty box. That gave Bombshell jammers Freeze Baby and Lizzy the Axe a free hand to fly through the pack over the next two jams and score ten unanswered points. However, that was at some cost: many Bombshell blockers were visiting the penalty box with frequency. Tara Skatesov got her fourth penalty for a clockwise block (and fifth for subsequent insubordination) during Lizzy's jam. This meant the vet Bombshell jammer was deep in penalty peril...with the immediate problem of a depleted Bombshell defense. Garda Belt Cassie Rolle used the short pack to her advantage and scored four points in the half's final jam. The Bombshells had the lead, but the Gardas were not out of the game, 36-30.

With Diamond Rough and Tara Skatesov sitting in the box for the Bombshells, the Garda Belt defense signalled for a broken pack start** to begin the second half, allowing MEDUSA to instantly fly off their line, sliding past Bombshell blockers for nine unanswered points. (That's lead change #3 if you're counting) Bombshell jammer Hurtrude Stein at last found her moment and answered with a double slam of her own as a refreshed Diamond Rough owned opposing jammer Sintripetal Force for several rounds of the pack. Lead change #4, 46-39, Bombshells up.

Garda Belt jammer MEDUSA returned to the jammer line for two more successive jams and eight points, but a track cut in the second consecutive jam gave Atomic Bombshell Freeze Baby an opening to veer through the pack for fifteen points. However, Freeze lost her train of thought and signalled to call off the jam while actual lead jammer MEDUSA was still in the box... This "illegal procedure" gave Freeze her fourth minor, sending her to the box. 61-50, Bombshells in the lead with thirteen to go.

The Gardas looked to the box and saw it stuffed with Bombshells. They took another broken pack start and tried to hurl Cassie through the front of the pack. The remaining Bombshells sped up and kept Cassie far enough behind that she could only score three points - and Cassie got blindsided by Tara (coming from the box following her sixth penalty trip) for her trouble. The Gardas then held the Bombshells scoreless for six minutes using both the speed of MEDUSA to make up for lead jams tallied by the other side, as well as mighty forces of nature like Rumblebee and Betty LaRude battering the Bombshells. Trippy finally scored the points that gave the Gardas lead change #5 with six minutes to go. 62-61, Gardas up.

That lead changed hands two more times as the Bombshells' Lizzy the Axe, then Cassie Rolle for the Gardas blew past opponents in the pack over the next two jams. Gardas 71-65 with three remaining. L'exi-Cuter's blockers brought the Bombshells within four as they phalanxed Garda defenders long enough for L'exi to take the lead and score. Lizzy the Axe then got the final lead jam and started roaring through the pack for the scoring pass against a flailing Sintripetal Force. However, Trip[y's Garda Belt teammate Betty LaRude forced a minor track cut on Lizzy in the middle of the pass, sending the Bombshell jammer to the box without finishing the pass. Trippy found her way through the pack and scored three points on the power jam...just a bit more than she needed to force a second scoring pass by Lizzy. Lizzy returned from the penalty box and finished her first lap of the pack, but before she could start the second, the final whistle blew. End of game. The refs called it, and the Gardas had done it. 76-74.

The Garda threat appeared to coalesce from nowhere. MEDUSA's sudden appearance in both the pack and the jammer line made a huge difference for the Gardas, but Sintripetal Force's contributions as a rookie jammer may even bypass those of 'Dusa. She, Cassie Rolle, and MEDUSA all scored an average of three points each time they went to the line. What's more, the measured-but-mighty takedowns by Citizen Pain and Betty LaRude complemented the wilder ones of Shiva Shank'n and Rumblebee.

The Bombshells were so close to taking this bout. The final power jam certainly cost them, but several of the women in orange had already fallen into some serious foul trouble by the second half. Those fouls may have kept the likes of Tara Skatesov off the track at a point when she might have been creating space or dropping MEDUSA into the turns. But weep not - we all know radioactive isotopes force the evolutionary process along. The amazing Bombshell squadron will adjust and begin anew next season.

GARDA BELTS
13 Lead jams
4 Power jams
76 points

9-13 MEDUSA 5-10, 31 pts
1.618 Sintripetal Force 3-7, 24 pts
350 Cassie Rolle 3-5, 16 pts
4x4 Rumblebee 2-3, 5 pts
850cc Moto Fluzzi 0-1, 0 pts

ATOMIC BOMBSHELLS
13 Lead jams
3 Power jams
74 points

0054 Freeze Baby 2-6, 31 pts
41 Lizzy the Axe 5-8, 20 pts
727 Hurtrude Stein 2-6, 19 pts
187 L'exi-Cuter 4-6, 4 pts

* waterfall: to return to the front of the pack for the purpose of blocking a jammer once that jammer has passed you.
** broken pack start: All non-jamming players on a team take a knee, creating a situation where there are no active players for one team in play. Hence, there is no pack as the jame begins and the jammers may begin off the line immediately. Never seen it happen before? You aren't alone; the tactic is very new.

Preview for Dead of Winter

garrison.killer@gmail.com (Garrison Killer) — Thu, 20 Jan 2011 06:15:00 +0000

It's said that the third week in January is the single-most depressing week in the year. Certainly true in Minnesota. The cold is mighty. The sun is nowhere to be seen. Everyone's sick. We all know there's a long, horrid slog to spring. Life sucks.

The Minnesota RollerGirls are ready to help you hold off the blues this Saturday. We return to the Roy Wilkins Auditorium...and it's time for the big dance. The undefeated Dagger Dolls have only to win one more before they complete their transformation from last year's cellar dwellers to MNRG champions. Between them and the Golden Skate stands the Rockits, ready to rush to the front and crush the Dolls beneath their wheels.

Meanwhile, the Atomic Bombshells and the Garda Belts will also be in play as they attempt to escape last place. The Bombshells and Gardas will be playing for third and for bragging rights as they enter the next part of the season.

We saw both matchups at November's bout...but we are not likely to see either play out in the same way. Let's get you ready for Saturday. Here's what you should know.

Third-place match: the Atomic Bombshells vs the Garda Belts

In November, the Bombshells defeated the Gardas 77-43. The key to that 34-point victory was that the women in orange largely kept the Garda blockers away from their jammers. Bombshells took lead jam by a margin of almost two-to-one. When the four principal Bombshell jammers didn't get the lead, they got to the front quickly enough that Garda scorers could only lap the pack once before being forced to call off the jam.

The blocker lineup for both teams is very similar. Only Chinese Takeout and Madame de Stompadour will be missing from the Bombshell lineup since the previous bout. No new Garda blockers are believed to be out of the picture. Now, the Garda jammers are another matter. Suzie Smashbox will not be skating. In the sort of freak accident that has plagued the Garda Belts for years, Suzie tried to help at a New Year's road accident and got hurt herself.

The new element for the Gardas is the arrival of MEDUSA (yes, that's how it's written) to the MNRG. The veteran North Star Roller Girl got drafted by the Gardas at the end of last year. Perhaps not a moment too soon; she's one of the upper Midwest's most agile jammers, so it's likely that MEDUSA will likely step into Suzie's position as a principal jammer, sharing that role with Cassie Rolle, Moto Fluzzi, and Sintripetal Force.

However, Garda captains Anita Spankston and Citizen Pain might decide to bring her into the pack to extend their defensive threat. That'd place another experienced blocker into the mix alongside established green thugs like Shiva Shank'n, Citizen, Anita, and Rumblebee. Against the Atomic Bombshells scoring linuep, the Gardas must play defensively and work to keep them from breaking through the pack.

Mind, you it'll be difficult for the Gardas to match the Bombshell's pack. The top four blockers of the November match in terms of stopping opposing jammers were all Bombshells. Diamond Rough, Tara Skatesov, Skullateral Damage, and L'exi-cuter executed superbly, and the Bombshell pack overall allowed only Suzie Smashbox to score more than two lead jams in the November bout. With a similar ABS pack in play for the third-place bout, the Gardas should be planning how to get past the Bombshells. They'll particularly need to work out taking down Skully, Tara, and Diamond, each of whom play every other jam.

The Championship: Dagger Dolls vs the Rockits.

We saw this matchup as well in November. The Dolls won that one and gave the Rockits the worst pasting that the Red Menace has gotten for years (87-43). It's time for the rematch.

The Dagger Dolls' November win came largely from inspired defensive play (how else do you keep the Rockits scoring less than 50?) mixed in with a solid handful of Dolly jammers who can keep on scoring. They then went and held the Atomic Bombshells to seven points in the first half of their December match. The Dolls come into Saturday's bout after playing in a full sixty-minute tune-up match against Juke Boxx's former Mad Rollin' Dolls hometeam last weekend. They took on and defeated Madison's Vaudeville Vixens by almost a hundred points. Every Dagger Doll feels ready to hold the Golden Skate high.

But so are the Rockits. After their 44-point loss, the Rockits defeated the Gardas by over one hundred points...and then headed north to take on Fargo/Morehead's travel team the following week. Whupped them 211-17. One other important note before we get into it; the Rockits have also gained two more players since that November bout. The first is Vuedoo Prodigy, the 2010 MNRG overall MVP. Vue was out with an ankle injury incurred at the WFTDA Championship tournament, so the Rockits were short one monster rear defender. The other? Last year's #1 lead scorer, Harmony Killerbruise. Harmony had just moved back from the West Coast after a six-month stint with the 2009 WFTDA champion Oly Rollers. She wasn't yet eligible to play. It's January, and both are ready to hit the track on Saturday.

Their presence will be good for this match. For a team to succeed at the level of MNRG's championship, you need several players all skating at the top of their game to win, not just a singular talent.

The Dolls have a defensive bench that is filled with players familiar with the sport and who have played at flat-track derby's high levels. The Rockits were short some of those players in November with the loss of Abbie Mischief to injury as well as Vuedoo, and their play suffered. The most veteran players don't just hit the opposing team; they create anchors that less-experienced teammates can coalesce around in the pack and work from. They're - for a lack of a better word - glue that knits the pack into a cohesive unit each jam.

In the case of Vue and Harmony, their entrance into the championship bout strengthens their side and solidifies each jam. There's more experience every time the team lines up. It also gives the Rockits more options. With Harmony's arrival, a blocker able to jam (such as Scarmen Hellectra or Killahertz) can comfortably work as a defender without being worried that their team can't score enough to win. With Vue once again ready to defend the rear aside Honeydew Felon, the Rockits can return more mature players to the front of the pack where they can delay the onslaught of Dolly jammers.

Here's the problem: the Dolls are extraordinary this year. Years of Candi Pain (Dagger Doll captain for many years) drafting towards fast players has given the Dolls a bit of a speed advantage at the jammer line. Co-captain Psycho Novia and Killaman Jaro scream forward into the pack as Dolly scorers, and new transfers Angelfire and Juke Boxx are every bit their equal.

The Rockits must find ways to stop their sprints to the front. One of the Rockits' likely courses of action is to run woman-on-woman defense against the Dolly rear blockers. The idea would be to stop the players that assist their jammers. However, the Dolly pack seems so strong that any two or three of the blockers might be able to take that position.

The Rockit jammers aren't precisely pushovers either. Scarmen Hellectra took the lead over 70% of the time she wore the jammer star against the Dolls. Commander Nix and Frau Scientits weren't far behind in this regard. Add Harmony in as another primary jammer, and the Rockit scoring could look as brutally businesslike as in years past on Saturday.

However, you must give the Dolls the nod as favorites for Saturday's bout. They've scored almost 40% of all points between the four teams this season. The blocker leaderboards glow pink with veteran Dagger Doll danger. They've been so good at keeping opposing jammers from scoring by working together that the excellence of one players bleeds into another's play. On one leaderboard, you have to get past nine Dagger Dolls before you get to a player from a different team. Whether it's Shiver Me Kimbers, Norah Torious, or Olga Oglethorpe, the excellence just goes on. Finally, it's worth noting Juke, Naughty Kitty, and Tiki Torture's ability to send opponents out of bounds and to the back of the pack. They kill jammer sprints and destroy defensive formations when they pull this stunt, and they use it constantly. Best of all? They're having fun doing it.

So. A great third-place match. A championship bout that could go either way. We want you there to see either the Dolls or the Rockits raise the Golden Skate on Saturday. Access to floor-level ticket is drying up quickly, but you should be able to buy seats for the balcony at the Roy box office on game day. If you do so, bring a children's book for a discount. We're collecting for the Minnesota Reading Corps, and you'll get $2 off the price of admission.

As for the afterparty? We're going to O'Gara's for hob-nobbin', PBR, and karaoke...and an awful lot of celebrating. See you there.

Rockits and Dolls victorious!

garrison.killer@gmail.com (Garrison Killer) — Sun, 19 Dec 2010 06:12:00 +0000

Due to the worst weather that Minnesota has seen for twenty years, the Minnesota RollerGirls delayed their third home-season bout one day to allow fans and players alike to reach the Roy in safety. On Sunday December 12th, both the barnstorming Dagger Dolls and the Rockits’ enduring threat proved successful in their march to the championship on January 22nd.

We are going to depart from our normal format this month and give you a slightly different picture of these bouts as they unfolded. If you were unable to make these bouts, we hope this will give you a taste of what you missed.

Rockits v Garda Belts - first half

It’s red meets green at last. The Rockits have not been defeated by the Garda Belts in recent memory, and the Gardas are playing without their jammer-in-chief Suzie Smashbox tonight. And, as has been previously announced here, Rockit phenom Harmony Killerbruise has returned to the ranks of the Rockits. Could be a long night for the Gardas in green.

Start of the half (Rockits 0 - Gardas 0) It’s Betty LaRude and Coochie Coup pivoting with Cassie Rolle jamming against the returning Harmony Killerbruise. But it’s Cassie that takes that first lead by getting her hips just past the Rockit pivot. No points.

17 minutes to go (Rockits 9 - Gardas 2) The Rockits are starting well as their jammers pinball through the pack. Patently Offensive has taken four against the Gardas’ Rumblebee, while Commander Nix takes five. However, some good outside phalanxing of Rockit players (and Nix’s inattention at calling the jam) allows Cassie to score two.

14 minutes (Rockits 24 - 2) ROCKIT POWER JAM. Frau Scientits jams against Cassie Rolle. Cassie gets caught looking on a track cut and the Rockit blockers stop the pack short to allow their jammer a shot at scoring a ton of points. Frau starts orbiting the pack while the Gardas get compartmentalized. Triple grand slam.

12 minutes (Rockits 44 - 2) A strong-hipped escort by Citizen Pain on Rockit co-captain Scarmen Hellectra starts the jam out right for the Garda Belts, but they soon find themselves attempting to extricate their own Rumblebee out of the pack as Scar takes lead and scores a quadruple (!) slam.

10 minutes (Rockits 44 - 4) Harmony might be able to find her way through the finest defenses in the world, but she’s having trouble breaking past the Gardas faster than the fleet-footed Cassie Rolle. Cassie scores two.

6 minutes (Rockits 66 - 7) After a couple of ineffectual jams from both sides, the Rockits’ Commander Nix knocks it out of the Roy with an eighteen-point jam (opposing jammer Cassie Rolle) scores three.

5 minutes (Rockits 66 - 7) The Garda Belts’ Betty LaRude is stepping up as a woman-on-woman blocker tonight. Case in point in that previous jam: Commander Nix might have scored another 5-10 points had it not been for Betty stalking Nix for several laps of the track. She’s fitting in just fine to her new team and league.

3 minutes (Rockits 77 - 7) The Gardas can’t seem to work together on blocking the Rockit jammers tonight; everything big from the girls in green is all 1-on-1 hits. Harmony finally gets her first lead jam against Anita Spankston. And what do you know? It’s a POWER JAM as Anita gets called for the ubiquitous track cut. Har takes eleven and calls the jam before Anita returns to the track.

1 minute to go in the half (Rockits 86-8) and the Rockits keep it coming. Frau gets a lead off of positioning from the end of Anita’s power jam and scores before calling the jam. (And was that a late hit from Betty L on Frau after she called it off? Only the instant replay clock knows.)

Last jam of the half. Honeydew Felon and Coochie beat back Cassie Rolle’s forward movement as Harmony cracks a full Garda blocking group for the lead and ten points.

TWEEEET! (Rockits 96 - Gardas 8) It’s halftime. The Rockits are in full control as the Gardas - already smarting from the lack of their primary scorer at the jammer line - can’t seem to contain Rockit jammers long enough to score. Two bright spots: competent blocking from Garda defenders Citizen Pain, Rumblebee, and Betty LaRude and a lot of speed from Cassie Rolle. She’s being leaned on a lot tonight in Suzie Smashbox’s, and despite the score she appears to be a smart jamming option.

Dagger Dolls v Atomic Bombshells - first half

With the Rockits playing so well in the first half, the Atomic Bombshells are up against the wall. If they want to defend the Golden Skate, they must win now. This is going to be fought in the pack; both teams love to pass their jammers forward and provide the support to get them out front first. Watch for a lot of races.

No big announcements for either team. Bombshell co-captain Venus Thightrap is still out on injury leave, and looks to be so for several more months.

First jam of the bout (Dolls 14-0) It’s Bombshell Hurtrude Stein v Dagger Doll co-captain Psycho Novia. No surprise here, Trudy’s showed her stuff in the Bombshell/Garda bout, while Psycho’s been playing amazing roller derby for the past several months. Psycho Novia bounces through the Bombshells and gets that first lead jam. Fourteen unanswered points for the Dolls!

17 minutes to go (Dolls 27-0) Second-year Dagger Doll Killiman Jaro just barreled through danger with offensive blocker Angelfire clearing her way for another five. That’s on top of a couple of small Dolly-led jams.

15 minutes to go (Dolls 36-0) DOLLY POWER JAM. Bombshell rookie jammer Freeze Baby goes to the box after falling and tripping a Dolly (you have to fall small when you hit the concrete, and Freeze didn’t appear to meet the requirement), giving Dolly jammer Juke Boxx a chance to score unopposed. Lydia Punch, Barbie Brawl, and Tiki Torture keep the Bombshell defense strides away from the blocker, and Juke scores nine more points. The Bombshells have not yet scored this bout. That’s trouble.

14 minutes (Dolls 40-0) Atomic Bombshell timeout taken after Psycho Novia scores four. Opposing jammer L’exi-Cuter gets caught by a Dagger Doll outside phalanx scraping her into the outside, then by Shiver Me Kimbers.

13 minutes (Dolls 40-3) At last the Bombshells take points as Hurtrude Stein breaks through for three. The Bombshell defense has started finding their way. Plenty of time to make this up.

8 minutes (Dolls 44-7) The Bombshells are scoring lead jams, but their defense isn’t able to put enough of a block on the opposing jammer that they can score more than one or two points. The Dollys aren’t helping the Bombshells, either; Juke Boxx stovepiped L’exi-cuter right into Diamond Rough’s behind, keeping the 2009 MNRG Speed Demon winner from breaking the pack early.

7:30 to go. (Dolls 44-7) Killaman Jaro cougars (intentionally drawing the fourth minor) as Psycho Novia and Hurtrude Stein get set to jam.

5 minutes (Dolls 58-7) What handling of the jammer by the Dolly defense! After a minute of getting pounded by Juke Boxx, Hurtrude is just about to squeak by when Dolly front blocker Olga Oglethorpe skins her off the track. Meanwhile, Psycho Novia takes yet another lead jam and scores fourteen unanswered points.

3 minutes (Dolls 58-7) The packs are decreasing in size as accumulated minors begin to build up...we’ve just seen two jams where no points were scored. If the pack size is small overall, you won’t often see a big jam for either side.

1 minute to go (Dolls 73-7) DOLLY POWER JAM. Ova Achieva dons the jammer star for the Dolls and Freeze returns to the line for the ABS. The Bombshell jammer is first to the front, but is sent to the box for a penalty instead of receiving the lead jam. Ova instead finishes her first pass through the pack and puts the Dolls ahead by another fifteen points with a triple slam as her defensive line holds the Bombshells at a near standstill. It’s been five jams now since the Bombshells have scored.

Last jam of the half: make that six. Killaman Jaro gets the last lead of the half...and finally scores four points after getting blocked in the back of the pack for a couple of laps by Diamond Rough.

TWWEEEET! That’s halftime. While the Bratwurst Brothers hit the stage, the teams go to the back and work out second-half strategy. Fact is, the Dagger Doll defense - a multi-headed coalition of Dollies young and old - is playing a superb game. They’re pushing the opposing team aside to create a lane for the Dolly jammer to passed through, then snapping back and stinging the opposing scorer as soon as she tries to follow. This strategy is not based off a particular player; it’s practically the whole team pulling this off. You don’t keep the Atomic Bombshells to seven points over twenty minutes by having just one or two good players.

Rockits v Garda Belts - second half

96-8 is a near-insurmountable lead for the Gardas to overcome. The Rockits have to know that they have just about claimed a sixth consecutive trip to the championship bout; they just need to hold back the Garda jammers for twenty more minutes.

20 minutes t...WAIT WHAT!? John Maddening just announced our opponent for the huge Xcel Energy double-header with the Minnesota Swarm. Holy crap, it’s Madison! Our All-Stars will be taking on none other than the Dairyland Dolls on January 29th. We’ve won our last two bouts against Madison’s travel team, but this will be a close game and a hard challenge for our All-Stars. This is excellent news; Madison is our oldest foe, and there is a lot of history behind this matchup. Watch this space in upcoming weeks for a preview of the bout.

Back to the bout, now about to be in progress.

20 minutes to go (Rockits 96-8) DAMN, THAT WAS FAST. Harmony Killerbruise gets the lead jam in just under ten seconds, scores twelve, then is sent tumbling to the ground by Lola Blackenblue on a scoring pass. Har calls it, but Moto picks through the chaos and scores three points.

16 minutes (Rockits 108-12) Moto’s calm play starts a run by the Gardas. Rumblebee gains a scoreless lead, then Shiva Shankin’ leans through the pack for the next lead jam. She fearlessly tears straight into the Rockits with opposing jammer Commander Nix right behind her, scores one, and calls it.

14 minutes (Rockits 112-12) Harmony goes back to the line and gets shunted to the outside by the Garda rear guard. No matter; she recycles to the back, sprints through for the lead, and gains four points. Meanwhile, the Rockits can’t seem to get a good bead on Sintripetal Force.

12 minutes (Rockits 112-16) ...or Moto Fluzzi for that matter. The rookie Garda speeds for the front and strings them out to force an out-of-play lead jam. Moto comes back around for four. Sin and Moto are definitely earning those green jammer stars tonight.

11 minutes (Rockits 113-16) Now that’s some blocking. Citizen Pain (usually wearing the pivot stripe, not the jammer star) jams against Kit Shinkicker. Kit gets the lead off of a 20-foot out-of-play call, scores, but goes to the box on a penalty. POWER JAM...but Citi’s having problems breaking through the rear as Vuedoo Prodigy recycles the Garda repeatedly. Having enough of Vue’s shenanigans, Betty LaRude plants Vue into the seats, but still Citizen can’t advance. Vuedoo pops back up and blindsides Citi on the next turn. No points on the power jam.

9 minutes (Rockits 113-28) Kit returns to the track at the end of that power jam, only to get plastered by Shiva Shankin’. NSRG transfer Shiva has turned a lot of heads this season. She disrupts the opposing line with some smart knockouts, and the Gardas have this hard-hitting defensive threat in the middle of their defensive line. Garda jammer Cassie Rolle takes advantage of the chaos for twelve.

8 minutes (Rockits 134-28) The Gardas have no answer for the Rockits. Commander Nix and Killahertz (jamming for the first time in six years as a Rockit) both wind through a Garda pack caught looking.

3 minutes (Rockits 134-28) GARDA POWER JAM! Oh, this has potential. Betty LaRude forces a track cut on Frau, sending her to the box. Cassie’s got a minute to fly.

2 minutes to go (Rockits 134-28) Power jam over; the Rockits pace the Garda pack for the entire minute. Cassie can’t pass the back of the Rockit Red Wall defense until Frau screams through out of the box. I have a sense we’ll be seeing more Frau with the jammer star next month...

1:30 (Rockits 134-28) ANOTHER GARDA POWER JAM!! This time, Kit Shinkicker gets sent for back blocking, and opposing jammer Sintripetal Force cruises through the pack for the lead. Sin strings out the Rockit pack for five...and that’s the game!

TWWEET!!!!! Final score 134-33. With a 101 point point differential, the Rockits have now guaranteed a spot in the Championship bout. The teamwork and synchronized skating from the sparkly red pack was worlds away from their defeat at the hands of the Dolls last month. Meanwhile, the Gardas have some astounding players, but they are struggling as a pack. It’s as if they are unable to create their own zones of defense on the track; pockets of the pack that they own. They’re spending a lot of time reacting to each new formation, and it’s costing them.

Dagger Dolls v Atomic Bombshells second half

Dagger Dolls 77-7. That’s a seventy point lead. Not completely nuts...but if the Bombshells have a plan, they better use it fast. To win AND go to the finals, the Bombshells must outscore the Dolls by 148 points this half. I don’t believe that’s ever been done by a home team.

First jam of the half (Dagger Dolls 77 - Atomic Bombshells 7) Angelfire (Dagger Doll) and Hurtrude Stein (Bombshell) matches up at the jammer line, and both get stopped as they attempt to make the pass. Angelfire gets sent to the outside by Tara Skatesov; Tara keeps moving, Angelfire comes back seconds later. Trudy gets hit out by Tiki Torture, who runs backward to force Trudy to start the pack engagement all over again. Still, Trudy breaks through and gets the lead for four.

18 minutes (Dolls 77-11) Juke Boxx goes to the jammer line, sweeps through the pack for the lead, gets stopped for a second by Chinese Takeout, then charges ahead for a grand slam. Meanwhile (another Juke Boxx slam), Lizzy the Axe can’t seem to find a good path through (another Juke Boxx grand slam) as she keeps testing the Dagger defense (Juke Boxx scores a final four points in the slam).

14:40 (Dolls 96-11) Two jams later, Killaman “Man Jar” Jaro busts through the pack with Olga Oglethorpe opening a yard-wide lane on the outside. Man Jar shoots through for a triple slam while opposing jammer Freeze Baby can’t seem to pass that front pack of Dollies - Naughty Kitty, Olga, Scootaloo, and Tiki.

13 minutes (Dolls 111-11) Tiki, incidentally, is all over the pack this half. I can’t say whether it’s because it’s her birthday or just that she’s everywhere the opposing jammer is. Though it seems to be paying off, her hard hits are getting her into a little foul trouble.

12:45 (Dolls 111-15) Hurtrude Stein sneaks through the inside line for four as Angelfire gets shunted to the outside.

11 minutes (Dolls 117-24) Dagger Doll Barbie Brawl, seven year vet of the MNRG, goes to the line against Lizzy the Axe. Lizzy gets the lead jam for the Bombshells easy as you please, but it’s only some precise blocking from Chinese Takeout that keeps Barbie from stealing even more points against Lizzy’s lead. Lizzy takes nine, Barbie scores six.

8 minutes (Dolls 122-33) L’exi takes advantage of some errant attention on Skullateral Damage by Dolly rear blocker Tiki Torture to take the lead and nine points, but Tiki delays her on the second passing run to let Ova Achieva come in and score five.

7:30 (Dolls 122-33) SLOW PACK START. Only five seconds, but the Dolls get some advantage and it helps give Man Jar the lead and a double slam.

4:30 (Dolls 132-33) Dagger Doll jammer Scootaloo can’t bypass D, Tara, and L’exi as a jammer, gets caught looking on a track cut, and reports to the box (Bombshells' persistence on pushing that cut pays off). BOMBSHELL POWER JAM. However, their jammer Trudy gets launched to the inside by Tiki (Maybe she could have a birthday everyday?) and calls off the jam.

2:11 (Dolls 132-51) BOMBSHELL TIMEOUT. While we’re waiting, we’ll tell you that Lizzy the Axe just passed through the pack like it didn’t exist on this past jam (using the last of Scoot’s time in the box), and the Atomic Bombshells goated a Dagger Doll to force the remaining defenders in pink to stop hitting their jammer. Two Dagger Dolls don't notice and go to the box on out-of-play penalties, while Lizzy cleans up.

2:11 (Dolls 132-51) Still timeout. For a player who has left and re-entered the MNRG like Lizzy the Axe has, she’s astounding. She’s taken in all of the rule changes, moves like a woman ten years her younger, and is regularly one of the league’s top scorers.

2:10 (Dolls 132-51) We’re back on. 85-point difference means the Dolls have this game tied up, but the Bombshells are still playing full tilt. Now it’s Lizzy against Scootaloo, and Lizzy grabs one.

Last jam of the bout: (Dolls 132-52) L’exi v Man Jar, and Man Jar twists and jumps past a depleted Bombshell pack for a lead jam and four points!

Final score: 136-52

TWWWEEEET!! That’s time, and that means the Dagger Dolls have gone from worst to first in three months. With new captains, six new players, and veterans willing to try a new method of play and a new level of training, the Dagger Dolls have stormed the Roy and made it their own once again.

Their opponents? The Red Menace themselves...the Rockits. Last month, the Dolls handily defeated the Rockits, but now both teams are at full strength with Vuedoo Prodigy having returned from an ankle injury and Harmony Killerbruise re-entering the Rockits. This may be the best bout we’ve yet seen at the Roy. And meanwhile, the Garda Belts will take on the Bombshells for third-place honors.

We will see you on January 22nd in the new year to see the conclusion of this home season, and then we have four straight interleague bouts for you. Minnesota’s All-Stars will take on the Dairyland Dolls (Madison, WI’s own phenomenal All-Star team) the following week at the Xcel Energy Centre, and then it’s back to the Roy from February to April when we battle Tucson, Washington DC, and Indianapolis on our home track. 2010 was an amazing year for Minnesota derby; get ready for 2011!

Box scores (provided by Our Man Flip)
Garda Belts
Lead jams: 10
Power jams: 3

Cassie Rolle - 5-8, 19 pts
Moto Fluzzi - 1-3, 7 pts
Sintripetal Force - 2-6, 5 pts
Anita Spankston - 0-2, 1 pt
Shiva Shankin - 1-1, 1 pt
Rumblebee - 1-4, 0 pts

Rockits
Lead Jams: 14
Powerjams: 2

Harmony Killerbruise - 4-7, 40 pts
Commander Nix - 2-4, 23 pts
Frau Scientits - 1-4, 23 pts
Patently Offensive - 3-4, 22 pts
Scarmen Hellectra - 2-2, 21 pts
Killahertz - 1-1, 4 pts
Kit Shinkicker - 1-3, 1 pt

Dagger Dolls
Lead jams: 15
Power jams: 5

Killaman Jaro - 5-6, 42 pts
Juke Boxx - 2-2, 33 pts
Psycho Novia - 5-6, 32 pts
Ova Achieva - 1-2, 19 pts
Barbie Brawl - 0-1, 5 pts
Angelfire - 2-4, 4 pts
Scootaloo - 1-4, 0 pts
Lydia Punch - 1-1, 0 pts
Naughty Kitty - 0-1, 0 pts

Atomic Bombshells
Lead Jams: 10
Powerjams: 2

Lizzy the Axe - 2-7, 25 pts
Hurtrude Stein - 4-7, 16 pts
L'exi-Cuter - 3-6, 8 pts
Freeze Baby - 1-5, 3 pts

Preview for Land of 10,000 Aches

garrison.killer@gmail.com (Garrison Killer) — Wed, 08 Dec 2010 14:35:00 +0000

The Minnesota RollerGirls have brought their home team season to the halfway point; Saturday's third bout of the season will decide who goes forward this year to play for the league title...and who plays for third. The dominant Dagger Dolls have all but sewn up the a trip to the finals, but must face the second-place Atomic Bombshells before they can claim their spot. Meanwhile, the third-place Rockits must stop the Garda Belts from acting as spoilers as both attempt a last-minute run for a trip to the MNRG's championship finals.

Rockits v Garda Belts

Let's look at this bout in view of the standings.

Garda Belts: currently in 4th place.
Season thus far: 0-2
Point differential: -166
To advance: The Gardas must win and hope that the Dolls defeat the Bombshells. However, the Gardas will need to defeat the Rockits by sixty-eight points to bound into second place against the Dolls. The finals would then be Dolly v Garda. Any other scenario sends the Gardas to the third-place bout.

Rockits: currently in 3rd place.
Season thus far: 1-1
Point differential: -32
To advance: A slew of situations will bring the Rockits into the orbit of the Golden Skate.

If the Rockits win and the Bombshells lose, the Rockits are in. Finals: Dolly v Rockit. The Rockits are in a strange position this year. If they lose, they can still make the playoffs. If they win, they can still come in third. Here's how it breaks down:
If the Rockits lose and the Bombshells lose...and the Rockits' lose by 55 less points than the Bombshells lose, the Rockits are in. Finals: Dolly v Rockit.
If the Rockits win and the Bombshells win...and the Rockits' win by 55 more points than the Bombshells do, the Rockits are in. Finals: Dolly v Rockit.
If the Bombshells win enough to knock the Dolls into second by point differential, the Rockits can also go to the finals if they defeat the Gardas by enough to get past the Dolls' point differential as well. One such scenario would be a Bombshell win by 78 and a Rockit win by 131. Yes, two such blowouts would seem unlikely to us as well.

Now: to the bout.

It's tradition: This is the Rockits' sixth season in the league. They have never missed a trip to the finals; some of these women in red see that streak as big a point of pride as their three championship wins. One of those women?
Rockit returns home: This is great news. Those who follow roller derby on the national scene know that the MNRG's own Harmony Killerbruise recently left Minnesota for the milder climes of Olympia, WA and a spot on the travel team of 2009's WFTDA champion Oly Rollers. Harmony spent the summer and autumn months playing for Oly, but has now returned to Minnesota. More to the point, she has also returned to the MNRG and her beloved Rockits. Harmony has monstered speedsters as a pivot and scored as a jammer herself for years...and she returns to the Roy this Saturday. If you see her, be sure to welcome her back.
String those Rockits out: The first key to the Rockits' defeat by the Dagger Dolls was that the Dolls' jammers would absorb a hit, stay stable, and keep moving. The Rockit pack would stay so focused on capturing the scorer that they wouldn't notice their teammate behind them getting goated...which often led to a '20-foot' penalty as the Rockit defense left the engagement zone. It's not a complicated plan; just one that takes good execution.
She's only human; STOP HER!: The other part of the Dolly plan was placing a tenacious blocker in the back and playing the delay game on the opposing jammer. Both veterans and young Rockits alike - from Scarmen Hellectra to Commander Nix - found the back impenetrable as the back blockers teamed up on the jammer in question. There are many Gardas with the capability to stuff a good jammer; the back of the pack must rise to take them on.
Arise, Suzie Smashbox: We've often spoken in this space about the need for the Gardas to find a second or third jammer to score alongside Suzie Smashbox. Several Garda speedsters have stepped forward this year, while Suzie's been unable to score on jams at the level she might hope. This bout can still mean something for the overall standings; it is time for Suzie to rise to the occasion and lead this star-clad cadre into victory, showing the blazing speed and tenacity that kept her lapping out-of-state pack at Regionals. The Gardas must also escort their jammers past the Rockit walls, and those jammers must trust their defense.
Escort-sniping our specialty: Last year's Rockit/Garda Belt bout was marked by an unusual, successful strategy. Instead of double-teaming jammers Suzie, Angelfire (who played for the Gardas at the time), or Cassie Rolle, the Rockits chose to attack the strongest blockers on the Garda team. That meant blocking Tiki Torture, Citizen Pain, Anita Spankston, Hanna Belle Lector...anyone who could assist their jammer forwards. The strategm was frightfully effective. The idea still holds merit; watch for the Rockits to try to kill the Gardas' best blockers...and see if the Gardas let them.
Returning to the track: In addition to Harmony Killerbruise's return to the track, it is expected that rear blocker Vuedoo Prodigy will be back after an ankle injury at the WFTDA championships. Similarly, Ann E Briated will likely be playing again for the Garda Belts.

Now: to that other match.

Atomic Bombshells v Dagger Dolls:

Atomic Bombshells: currently in 2nd place
Season thus far: 1-1
Point differential: 22
To advance: For the Atomic Bombshells to have a chance at retaking the Golden Skate...they need a win and some help. The Bombshells will want to win and win big against the undefeated Dagger Dolls; no small order. A Rockit loss and a Bombshell victory will allow the ABS to defend the Golden Skate. Otherwise, the Bombshells must score as much as possible and leave it up to the variables mentioned earlier regarding the Rockits. They simply cannot let the Rockits overtake them on point differential.
The safety zone for the Bombshells is a win by 78 points. At that point, no one could keep the Bombshells from going forward.

Dagger Dolls: currently in 1st place
Season thus far: 2-0
Point differential: 176
To advance: The Dagger Dolls are looking good right now. A win guarantees them their first trip to the finals since the fourth season (three years ago), but they will also move ahead as long as they do not lose by more than 77 points. At that point, the Rockits have a chance of advancing over the Dollies due to point differential (see above).

Something old, something new:: The Dagger Dolls are on a tear. The New Dolly Order is playing smart, hard, fast roller derby with enough heart that you can't help cheering for them while they're whupping your favorite team. The influx of...everyone new (seriously; all six new Dolls have played very well) has been a shot of adrenaline into the heart of the Dagger Dolls.
However, it's been the Dolly vets that have surprised. They were always quite good, but something about this new season has converted all of that 'raw talent' into a remarkable machine. We can't say whether it's the new captains, a new training regimen, or just a moment of catharsis for the team...but it is marvelous to see in any case. Can they go undefeated to the championship bout? Well...
So clean, the jammer squeaks: There are two stats that should have Psycho Novia and Wonderbroad reflecting a bit late on Friday night. Atomic Bombshell jammers did not go to the penalty box a single time in the last bout. This is despite the fact that rookies jammed for half of the game: Hurtrude Stein only got three minors, while Freeze Baby blanked the penalty board over seven jams. Not bad.
The jam clock is atomic: In addition to the clean play, the ABS also managed to hold the jam clock for 2/3 of the bout. This didn't keep the Gardas from scoring (in fact, the Garda Belts scored fourteen of their forty-three points against ABS lead jams) from time to time, but the ability for the ABS to take control of the clock makes us remember last year's clock-hogging.
Stop that Psycho: the clear leader of the league in overall points and lead jams is none other than Doll co-captain Psycho Novia. Psycho's been saying that her ability to take the lead and score more than seven points per jam is due in great part to the coverage she's been getting from her blockers. However, the Dolly jammer has clearly converted her All-Star season experience to the Roy track. If the Bombshells want to go forward, they will need to stop the Dolls scoring big. That means getting in Psycho's way.
Break the pack: Speaking of statistics...one statistic that we track regularly is a blocker or pivot's ability to disallow points when she's in the pack. All of the top six pivot/blocker positions in terms of the ratio of points scored to points allowed are Dagger Dolls. That's hard to break; the best thing you can do is to attempt to knock out and trap Juke Boxx, Lydia Punch, Olga Ogilthorpe, Norah Torious, Naughty Kitty, and Tiki Torture (the five mentioned above) with track cutting and get them sent to the penalty box.
Speaking of which; credit where due. One of the great joys of watching this sport carefully is noticing certain players quietly wreaking havoc for their team. Can you identify #667 for the Dagger Dolls - the inimitable Shiver Me Kimbers, a third-year veteran? Find her and watch her. When Shiver Me Kimbers is in a pack, opposing jammers don't score. So far, packs that include Shiver have allowed eight points over two bouts.
Dame Not-appearing-in-this-bout: Madame de Stompadour of the Atomic Bombshells suffered a knee injury in the midst of the November bout. Stompy's out for the foreseeable future.

So. Bout night's coming. Two hot bouts...and we've got our beloved house polka band (the Bratwurst Brothers) cranking out the tunes at halftime. Our brosephs on the Twin Cities Terrors will be playing Queen of the Rink for your preshow entertainment. The first two hundred to arrive at the Roy (doors open at 6:30pm) will get a free t-shirt - and this month's design is by the legendary John Kovalic. They'll go fast...but they always do. As with every bout, posters will be for sale as well.

Station 4 will be our afterparty destination, and there are two reasons you need to be there. The Station is putting on a metal tribute night, and our All-Stars are continuing to recoup the cost of their trip to the WFTDA Championship by selling PBR and home-baked goodies. So go on over and donate to unimpoverish your favorite All-Stars.

One last note: something we can't let you go without knowing.

What? ANOTHER new player?: Fans of derby in the great state of Minnesota will be happy to learn that, yet again, a phenomenal player has decided to throw her lot in with the MNRG. So it is that the great green gorgon herself - Medusa - has joined our ranks. She's not expected to be drafted officially into a team until after the new year, but insiders suggest that she may exchange her Femme reds for something a little more Irish.

Enough words. See you there.

Dolls stab Rockits; Bombshells bust Gardas

garrison.killer@gmail.com (Garrison Killer) — Wed, 24 Nov 2010 13:44:00 +0000

On Saturday, November 20th, MNRG fans were treated to a rare sight at the Legendary Roy Wilkins Auditorium when the Dagger Dolls defeated the Rockits for the first time in almost five years of play, 87-43. Meanwhile, Atomic Bombshell fans had a great night as their own women in orange defeated the Garda Belts 77-43.

Dagger Dolls v Rockits

The Rockits started the bout with Patently "Leo" Offensive at the jammer line, skating against Psycho Novia. At the blast of the jammer whistle, Leo shot around the outside of the pack, took her first lead jam of the night, and scored four. Psycho stole one. Scarmen and Commander Nix took the next two jams for the Rockits as well, but their Rockit defensive staff could only keep the Dagger jammers at bay for so long. The two Rockits combined scored only four points to the Dolls' three. 8-4 Rockits up after four minutes of play.

Psycho scored the first lead (and two points) for her Dagger Dolls by forcing Rockit blockers out of the engagement zone with her fast pace. Opposing jammer Frau Scientits also snuck two under the radar before Psycho called it off.

Psycho Novia headed to the line again two jams later (Psycho wore the jammer star for 40% of the bout), this time against Scarmen Hellectra. Although both broke to the front of the pack within a lap, Scar got caught in a track-cutting trap on the inside while Psycho scored a lead and seven unanswered points. 13-10 Dolls with eleven left in the half.

Commander Nix regained the score lead for the Rockits almost immediately with a four-point jam, extended by two from another scoring run by Scarmen. The Dolls then scored four consecutive lead jams as they bust past a strung-out Rockit pack. It seemed the Dolls' defensive squad (particularly Naughty Kitty up front) found ways to separate the Rockit pack, giving their fast jammers the opportunity to go 1-on-1 with the Reds instead of getting walled off.

However, it was not until the last jam of the half that the Dolls went ahead. Psycho Novia got the lead jam and wound through Rockit opposition while Lydia Punch and Naughty Kitty alternately beat upon, booty-blocked, and recycled opposing jammer Commander Nix to the back for a full two minutes. Psycho scored twelve points to bring the first half to a close, Dagger Dolls 35 - Rockits 28.

Psycho and Nix picked it right back up after the break. Nix again fell prey to the Dolly defense; this time to Juke Boxx and Tiki Torture holding the rear line and recycling the rookie Rockit. Psycho scored fourteen unanswered points. The Dolls increased their lead to thirty as Dolly co-captain Wonderbroad opened the way for Killaman Jaro to score four, then Juke orbited the outside to take a lead, swinging inside to jump past Coochie Coup to complete a grand slam (that's a five-point jam). Dolls up 58-28.

Scarmen took the Rockits' first lead of the half as Killahertz peeled off Tiki Torture in the rear; Scar swept past and scored one, but Killaman found a hole in the following jam and put up a grand slam in response. The Dolls attempted to widen the lead further by putting Naughty Kitty at the line against Frau Scientits, but Frau snaked through the Doll line for four while Scar booty-hammered Kitty into submission.

The game seemed to shift in the following jam; despite the Rockits keeping Psycho Novia to two points on a power jam, the women in red could not seem to catch a break against the Dolly threat. Scarmen scored two while jamming against Juke Boxx, but Trixie Whipsum got sent out of the game for an intentional low block. Commander Nix pulled a lead jam, but could only score two before getting cut off by Hanna Belle Lector and the Doll pack. 69-37 Dolls up with seven minutes left.

Frau Scientits brought the Rockits as close as they would get to a victory with a grand slam, but the rest of the game was all Dagger Doll superiority. Naughty Kitty scored nine points on a power jam, barely changing course as she broke past a Rockit pack strung out like a snake. Kitty finally got called on a track cut, but opposing jammer Patently Offensive got recycled to the back of the pack repeatedly by Tiki Torture. Even in the final jam - where Rockit co-captain Scarmen Hellectra picked up the lead - Juke Boxx snuck behind her and stole two points before Scar scored one and called off the jam. The crowd erupted with the win.

Final score: Dagger Dolls 87 - Rockits 43

Atomic Bombshells v Garda Belts

Lizzy the Axe busted out of the pack first to take the bout's initial lead jam as her captain Diamond Rough repeatedly stabbed into Garda jammer Suzie Smashbox with sharp shoulders. Lizzy scored one. In the next jam, second-year Garda Belt Cassie Rolle flew to the front of the pack first (cutting the track past a Bombshell) as ABS rookie Freeze Baby's forward movement was arrested by Shiva Shankin' and Anita Spankston. Freeze Baby finally bust through, took the lead, and called the jam...but Cassie still scored two.

Hurtrude Stein took her first lead as a Minnesota RollerGirl and scored a point, busting past a stalking Shiva. Lizzy followed up with a fast four point jam, but Cassie Rolle returned fire by stealing two points just a jam later. Catching up to lead jammer Freeze Baby, Cassie deked around two Bombshells just as Shiva's sharp hit shivved Freeze. 6-4 Bombshells up after six minutes.

L'exi-cuter then took advantage of a major track cut by Suzie Smashbox to score a double grand-slam; it might have been more, but Garda Belt blocker Glam Slam went all-in on a low block in the rear, stopping L'exi from causing more damage. Hurtrude (called 'Trudy' by her team) then skated through danger for the lead and another three points. No Garda had yet taken a lead.

Suzie broke the lead streak by getting to the front first after picking herself up from a Skullateral Damage/Diamond Rough double-team, but called it off before she could re-engage the pack. Cassie, too, scored a lead as Garda rookie Wolfe Bite booty-blocked ABS jammer Freeze Baby for an entire lap, but couldn't score. Suzie got her team's third lead of the game, but couldn't outpace her opponent...and ended the jam. The lead jam then shifted to Trudy and the Bombshells; Hurtrude scored four unanswered points.

The Gardas did not score after Cassie's point-steal in the sixth minute until the Bombshells' foul troubles caught up with them. The women in orange were sent to the box...almost en masse and triggered a blocker cascade. A 'cascade' can occur when more than two blockers go to the box at the same time. If there's no room in the penalty box, the blocker returns into play until there's an empty chair...and then, that player must return to the penalty box. Four Bombshell blockers went to the box over two jams. Surprisingly, the Bombshells kept their heads, only allowing the Gardas to bleed off eight points off of some superb jamming from Suzie Smashbox.

The Bombshells were ahead 24-12 with three minutes remaining before halftime. They kept the Gardas from catching another lead jam in the half with the assistance of attentive blocking by Tara Skatesov, Supersonik, Skully, and the rest of the Bombshell defense. Suzie did score two before the end of the half, but the Bombshells put up eleven more. 35-14 at halftime.

The Atomic Bombshells wasted no time re-establishing their dominant play in the second period. Hurtrude Stein pulled a grand slam against Rumblebee, and Lizzy the Axe sped through a Garda Belt defense that was skating far ahead of the pack for seven points. Skullateral stopped a top-gear Suzie charge on the outside just before the Garda star burst through the pack, which have Skully's jammer L'exi-Cuter time to take the lead for a point. Freeze Baby capped the first five minutes with a lead jam, but Anita Spankston - co-captain of the Gardas - stomped on her scoring pass before Freeze could re-engage. 48-17, Bombshells up.

After weathering an ABS onslaught of seven straight lead jams, the Gardas kept the Bombshells from scoring for the next six. Suzie wore the jammer star for four of those six (scoring eleven points), but Cassie Rolle put up four as well in that period. Shiva Shankin', Anita, and Citizen Pain all held up would-be Bombshell scorers, but another cascade of Bombshells to the penalty box also put the Gardas in the driver's seat. Also, a high-speed diving mistake from Madame de Stompadour of the Bombshells sent the second-year veteran out of the game. Bombshells 48 - 33 with seven minutes remaining.

Hurtrude staunched the bleeding with a grand slam-plus, but Trudy would have difficulty two jams later as Shiva Shankin' kept her from passing long enough for Moto Fluzzi to take the lead jam. With three minutes remaining, Suzie Smashbox went to the line against Lizzy the Axe. Suzie lept from the line, bust past the first Bombshell, and attempted to squeeze below and between an ABS wall to break through for the lead. She misjudged the line, got called on a low block, got sent to the box...and Lizzy hit the afterburners for twenty unanswered points on the power jam. Suzie burst out of the penalty box the following jam and scored three, but the point difference was now forty.

The Gardas fought to the end. Moto Fluzzi stole five points on a Freeze Baby jam as the Gardas contained the rookie Bombshell, and the Gardas called for a timeout just before time expired to set up ne last jam. Hurtrude Stein scored the final lead and called it off before the Gardas could score any further.

Final score: 77-43.

The Dolls now have a near-lock on a berth for the championship and will face the Atomic Bombshells in December. The Rockits will play the Garda Belts. We will see you then! Box scores:
(provided by MNRG's statistics team)

Dagger Dolls
Lead jams: 13
Power Jams: 4

Psycho Novia - 7-10 LJs, 49 pts
Killaman Jaro - 3-7 LJs, 15 pts
Juke Boxx - 2-5 LJs, 14 pts
Naughty Kitty - 1-3 LJs, 9 pts
Scootaloo - 0-1 LJs, 0 pts

Rockits
Lead jams: 12
Power Jams: 2

Frau Scientits - 2-5 LJs, 16 pts
Commander Nix - 3-7 LJs, 11 pts
Scarmen Hellectra - 5-7 LJs, 9 pts
Patently Offensive - 2-7 LJs, 7 pts

Garda Belts
Lead jams: 11
Power Jams: 0

Suzie Smashbox - 8-18 LJs, 24 pts
Cassie Rolle - 2-6 LJs, 12 pts
Moto Fluzzi - 1-6 LJs, 5 pts

Dropkick Donna - 0-1 LJs, 2 pts

Rumblebee - 0-1 LJs, 0 pts

Atomic Bombshells
Lead jams: 21
Power Jams: 2

Lizzy the Axe - 4-8 LJs, 33pts
Hurtrude Stein - 7-9 LJs, 25 pts

L'exi-cuter - 4-7 LJs, 13 pts

Freeze Baby - 6-7 LJs, 6 pts

Jocelyn D' Jewels - 0-1 LJs, 0 pts

- Garrison Killer

Bleeder of the Pack preview

garrison.killer@gmail.com (Garrison Killer) — Wed, 17 Nov 2010 15:04:00 +0000

The four home teams of the Minnesota RollerGirls return to the legendary Roy Wilkins Auditorium this Saturday at 7:30pm. The Dagger Dolls and the Rockits have each scored an early march on the trek to the finals; now the Rockits and the Dolls will play for a near-lock in the Championship bout as they meet on the flat track. Likewise, both the reigning champions Atomic Bombshells and Garda Belts need a win this weekend to stay in reasonable contention for the January finals.

Atomic Bombshells vs Garda Belts:
Last year, the Bombshells took this bout by playing an uncharacteristically defensive game (67-42). The Bombshell pack holed up Suzie Smashbox and kept her to under forty points, while Mae Gusta and Venus Thightrap combined to score sixty.

It'll be a different game this time. Here's why:

We have a Thightrap down: Yeah, this is a little heartbreaking. Days before the MNRG All-Star trip to Chicago, Venus went down with a ligament tear. She skated against Charm City in the tournament, but Venus - one of MNRG's honest-to-goodness triple threats - was not at the top of her game. She's out for the foreseeable future. We also lost Mae Gusta this summer...but L'exi-cuter remains. The jammer threat for the ABS will likely revolve around the Canadienne speedster, but it might also be some rookie's night to shine; Hurtrude Stein, Smoka Hontas, and Freeze Baby have all been trying out the Bombshell jammer star. That's not to mention Lizzy the Axe's confident resurgence at the jammer line in October's match against the Rockits.
Garda scorers a-plenty: We've been waiting for the Gardas to put forward some jammers that can work off their defensive play. Looks like Cassie Rolle, Sintripetal Force, and transfer Shiva Shank'n have stepped up and may be regularly jamming alongside the Garda jammer Suzie Smashbox. This is fantastic news; the Gardas may finally have the jamming problem under control.
The pack that remains: The outcome of this match will come down to how well one pack can stay on the track. Both teams had their foul troubles in October, and several players came within a foul or two of being sent out of the game. That's an unsustainable solution, particularly because many of those same players come in jam after jam as key members of the pack. In the forty-minute match that we play, a team cannot give up so egregious a pack advantage. The team that keeps their head on the track will take this game.
POWER JAM: There's one stat that may be troubling for Garda fans. Garda jammers went to the box six times in the bout against the Dagger Dolls and over a third of their jams were affected by their jammer in the box. As always, no jammer on the track means that the team cannot score. What's worse for the Gardas is that this year's Bombshells have showed a strong ability to capitalize on the power jam. Every time an opposing jammer went to the box in their match against the Rockits, the Bombshells scored at least ten on the opportunity - often much more. For the Gardas to succeed, their jammers must not get caught up in the penalty net.

Likely to play:
Atomic Bombshells
BOOMbay Safire
Bully Jean
Chinese Take-Out
Cleosplatra
Diamond Rough (Co-Captain)
Flora Flipabitch
Freeze Baby
Hurtrude Stein
Jocelyn D' Jewels
L'exi-cuter
Lizzy the Axe
Madame de Stompadour
Mitzi Massacre
Smoka Hontas
Skullateral Damage
Supersonik!
Tara Skatesov
Venus Thightrap (Co-Captain - expected to bench coach)

Garda Belts
Anita Spankston (Co-Captain)
BethAnne Destruction
Betty LaRude
Cassie Rolle
Citizen Pain (Co-Captain)
DieAnne Isis
Dropkick Donna
Glam Slam
Lola Blackenblue
Moto Fluzzy
Rita Rawkus
Rumblebee
Shiva Shank'n
Sintripetal Force
Stacy Wreckt
Suzie Smashbox
Wolf Bite

Rockits vs Dagger Dolls:
We could tell you more about the last meeting between the DDs and the Red Menace than the score (Rockits 129 - Dolls 37), but that'd be a bit ridiculous. The Rockits are - as ever - playing very well this year...but this year's Dolls are a whole new story, one that defies comparison with last season's 0-4 record for the women in pink. The Dolls stopped their losing streak (eleven straight losses) with a stunning win against the Gardas (168-36) in October and they have every indication that they are CHARGING after the Skate this year. Will they run headlong into the Rockits? Read on.

The Battle of the packs: Consider this. The core of the Rockit pack have been playing together for at least four years. Think about that for a second. In a sport as young as ours, these women have stuck together and play together like few other home teams. And then. Here come the Dagger Dolls. Unlauded, frustrated, on a multi-year losing streak...yet they contain the Gardas and keep them under forty. The defensive pack now has this new Dolly blood as well as the old...Tiki Torture's mouthy, awesome play linking up and killing alongside Dagger Doll stalwart Norah Torious. Madison transfer Juke Boxx now keeps the back of the pack clean with Shiver Me Kimbers, while Wonderbroad and Naughty Kitty hold the front.
It's like someone just added PBR to some secret powder - poof! Instant pack threat. Like the old one, built off of Dolls of the past, but able to execute just that much better. The Dolls appear to have both chosen well with their drafts and have integrated their transfers quickly. The question is whether the New Dolly Order will hold against the Rockits' long experience of working together.
Vue's bad day: Another injury that it is our sad duty to report. Vuedoo Prodigy's ankle gave out an hour before the qualifying bout against Charm in Chicago. She tried very hard to skate it out, but she had to be scratched from the roster at the very last minute. As of this writing, we are uncertain as to Vuedoo's state, but she is not expected to skate this bout. Now, here's the thing. Vue was last year's league-wide MVP. She skated more jams in this season's first bout than any of her teammates, and she's part of the terrifying Rockit rear blocker duo (along with Honeydew Felon) that's stymied opposing jammers for years. With Vue out of the back for this bout, Honeydew Felon and other Rockit blockers will have to continue to take on additional rear patrol duties. This injury leaves a hole - how big depends on the Rockits' ability to fill it.
Battle in the back: Dagger Doll jammers Psycho Novia, Juke Boxx, Man Jar, Angelfire, Lydia Punch, and Scootaloo all scored double-digits in the October bout. The Dolls are as deep as ever in terms of their jammer depth, but now they are getting the protection they need to score big. Meanwhile, the Rockits' rookie jamming marvel Commander Nicks and Rockit co-captain Scarmen Hellectra had huge 30+ point games and former Dagger Doll Patently Offensive performed in the clutch to win the game for the Reds against the Bombshells. Watch for the Doll defense to gun for their former teammate; while 'Leo' parted amicably with the DDs, there's a long tradition of Dolls showing their former members some extra attention on the track. The jammer matchups will be intense. Not only will each jam be a mad dash to the front, both teams field blockers that can play simultaneous offense/defense. The jammers will have very little time to use the lanes that their teammates clear before a fresh opposing blocker gets in their way.

Expected to play:
Rockits
Commander Nicks
Coochie Coup
Cookies 'n Scream
Frau Scientits
Honeydew Felon
IcePack
KillaHertz
Kit Shinkicker
Konceal'n Kari
Pain Gretzky (Co-Captain)
Patently Offensive
Salvador Brawlie
Scarmen Hellectra (Co-Captain)
Trixie Whipsum
Wanda Wreckonwith

Dagger Dolls
Angelfire
Barbie Brawl
Gogo Galore
Hanna Belle Lector
Juke Boxx
Killaman Jaro
Lydia Punch
Naughty Kitty
Norah Torious
Norwegian Mafia
Olga Ogilthorpe
Ova Achieva
Psycho Novia (Co-Captain)
Rollercat
Scootaloo
Shiver Me Kimbers
Tiki Torture
Wonderbroad (Co-Captain)

Last, important thing to note. Afterparty is at Station 4! Now, go get your tickets. As always, first 200 people in the door get a free t-shirt. Go on...get there early! What else is there to do on a Saturday afternoon? And...well, I'm forbidden to talk about that other thing. Just show up. You won't be sorry.

Reporting from the exact geographic center of roller derby,
-Garrison Killer

Dolls hold Gardas to under forty; Rockits return in season opener

garrison.killer@gmail.com (Garrison Killer) — Thu, 21 Oct 2010 05:17:00 +0000

The Minnesota RollerGirls opened their home season at the legendary Roy Wilkins Auditorium this past Saturday. We began this season in a different manner than previous years at the Roy. Flipping the season on its head, the home teams have hit the track first, meaning our reigning champion Atomic Bombshells took on the Rockits in their first bout as the Dagger Dolls challenged the Garda Belts.

Rockits v Atomic Bombshells

Let's set the stage. The Atomic Bombshells entered into this bout having won their last two bouts against the Rockits. A jammer triumvirate led by L'exi-Cuter bested the core Rockit defense more than 60% of the time (and indeed, L'exi went 10 for 10 on lead jams against the Rockits in their first bout last season). On the ABS defense, Mitzi Massacre, Misfit Maiden, Diamond Rough, and Tara Skatesov created space for their jammers to thrive, then clanged the door shut on the Rockits. Harmony Killerbruise played heavily into the Rockit offense last season, but with her departure the team had no single dominant jammer. The loss of Mae Gusta and Misfit Maiden also left the Bombshells with some significant gaps in their defense as they entered this game, but the Rockits gained one blocker to their core blocking staff as Frau Scientits returned this season to the track.

The Rockits scored three new players from the MNRG boot camp program to supplement this year's ranks. The Bombshells chose four as well - three fresh players and one transfer (Smoka Hontas) from Angel City. In years past, the rookies had several months to tame their new skills for the league. The new season's schedule changes that so that it is each team's responsibility to quickly bring their teams up to speed - as the fight for ranking begins in October, not January.

The Rockits wasted no time in showing off their first draft pick - Commander Nix - by putting her at the jammer line against L'exi-Cuter for the first jam of the season. The Commander came around the outside of the pack and took the first lead with L'exi right behind. The Bombshell line stormed the front of the pack to escape the incoming Rockit rookie, but Commander Nix got in and got two to L'exi's one. Rockit captain Scarmen Hellectra took the next lead, slicing through danger and scoring a fast four on her opponent Lizzy the Axe. Patently "Leo" Offensive (formerly a Dagger Doll) scored another lead for the women in red by breaking through a Bombshell pack made short by an early penalty to Madame de Stompadour. With Leo's teammate Trixxie Whipsum diverting the pack, the Rockit also scored four points. Abbie Mischief made it four consecutive lead jams, scoring four as well. 14-1 with fifteen remaining.

The Bombshells staunched the bleeding in these early jams by getting their jammer through only moments after the Rockit caught the lead. They picked up their first shot at a counterattack when Commander Nix got sent to the box. Bombshell jammer Freeze Baby forced her way through a tightly-skating Rockit pack and started sprinting. Freeze made three scoring passes in thirty seconds for fourteen points as the Bombshell pack goated Rockit Vuedoo Prodigy to keep the Rockits from trying to keeping pace with Freeze.

Now, 'goating' is fast becoming a common strategy in modern derby, so let me explain this one. When jammers fight and skate their way through a pack, the blockers trying to stop them can only impede their progress when they're in 'the pack'. In the most basic terms, a pack is where the most skaters from both teams happen to be. When a jammer is in a power jam opportunity (where the opposing jammer is in the penalty box), the opposing team will often try to keep pace with the jammer on the track; doing so keeps that player from passing and scoring points. The team with the power jam will often try to peel off one of those players in flight and hold them well behind the rest of their team. Doing so establishes 'the pack' (the refs say, "Here is where the most players from both teams are on the track! THE PACK IS HERE!") This behavior, called 'trapping' or 'goating', puts those other players out of play; they can't engage the jammer who's speeding and they so they have to skate back to where the pack is. While that chaos ensues, a quickly-moving player can get five or ten or fifteen points. Got it? Good! The Bombshells goated Vuedoo; on with the game!

Freeze called off the jam with Commander Nix still sitting in the box. Lizzy the Axe then took the lead and another nine points. However, Nix was so impatient to return to the track from the penalty box that she skated half of the length of the track to get behind the pack. She broke through and scored four of her own before Lizzy could call off the jam. The Bombshells nonetheless took the lead, 23-18. Rockits took a timeout.

Atomic Bombshell co-captain Venus Thightrap then scored her first point of the night, besting a Rockit defense larger than her own. In the next jam, neither Scarmen nor L'exi-Cuter could take the lead. However, as the jam entered into its second minute, L'exi found ways to score by juking past Frau Scientits and Honeydew...and Diamond Rough held up Scar long enough to force a foul on the Rockit captain. L'exi scored nineteen points to Scar's two in the ensuing power jam, and Lizzy the Axe scored four more during the final seconds of Scar's penalty box trip. As the Bombshells built their lead to 25 (46-21) with nine remaining, the women in orange called for a timeout.

Returning to the track for her second jam, Freeze Baby grabbed the lead and four points by once again busting up the pack in front of her. With her the half-century mark, Lizzy played against the Rockits' Commander Nix. Vuedoo Prodigy and Killahertz began a pattern of recycling Lizzy to the back of the pack which eventually led to Lizzy's getting caught by a major track cut. Commander Nix took advantage of the power jam for twenty while her team opened space on the track. 50-41 Bombshells still ahead.

The bout took a serious turn two jams later when Abbie Mischief jammed against Venus Thightrap. Venus called off the jam after scrabbling through Rockit defense for four as Abbie came in to start scoring. However, the conclusion of a hit as the jam completed went very badly indeed, as Diamond Rough sent Abbie across the track line. Abbie's fall to the concrete floor broke her leg in two places. We expect Abbie to return, and we wish her well in her recovery.

The bout quickly reset, and Commander Nix took the next lead (scoring four) as fellow Rockits rookie Salvador Brawlie stopped L'exi from breaking through the pack. With one last jam in the half and ten points separating the teams, Scarmen Hellectra caused a lead change with a twenty-point power jam off of a mistake from ABS jammer Freeze Baby as the Rockits pack goated Diamond Rough, then CleoSPLATra to break down the ABS pack's ability to hit. And so at halftime, the Rockits took the lead, 65-55.

The Bombshell's first half of the season did not quite have the punch of the championship team of season six. Whether it was the Rockit pack holding back jamming monsters like Venus and L'exi, or the red jammers busting past the dangerous Bombshell defense, the Bombshells struggled to get their jammer out front first. Because of that, they scored very few points outside of power jams and couldn't quite keep up with the scoring of the Rockits.

The women in red continued to apply pressure for the first five minutes of the second half. Commander Nix, Frau Scientits (in on the jamming rotation in place of Abbie Mischief), Leo, and Scar scored eleven unanswered points over four jams while the core Rockit staff attacked the Bombshell jammers to distraction. Frau monstered up as front blocker, trapping ABS jammers behind her long enough for Vuedoo and Killahertz to recycle and deposit the player behind the pack.

L'exi-cuter and the Bombshells finally stopped the bleeding with four points, but at some cost. L'exi went to the box, and Commander Nix began a jam with a full pack of defenders, and only two Bombshells on the track - the position the derby world has taken to calling the 'minivan' (named for the position of power that kids have on a road trip when there's five in the back and just two parents in the front). Nix and the women in red took control and brought the score to 90-59.

With more Bombshells in the box than Rockits, ABS jammer Venus Thightrap caught Coochie Coup out in the front of the pack and took the lead. Scar burst through soon after, but Venus did not call the jam as she broke through for the initial scoring run. Normally, that's a risky maneuver because you risk the opposing jammer scoring just as many points as you...but it appeared to be the right decision, as Scar scored one point and was then sent to the penalty box. Venus scored fourteen more points on the ensuing power jam. 91-77 Rockits up with ten to go. The Rockits hurriedly took a time out to reboot.

Scarmen Hellectra took the next lead as the front Rockits again walled off the ABS jammer, holding her for Vuedoo Prodigy to waterfall in and drop the Bombshell like a rock. Scar scored a slam, and Commander Nix stole two from lead jammer L'exi in the next jam as the Bombshell attempted to call it off. Scar returned in as jammer, but got sent out to the box for a back block. The Rockits started playing keepaway (or as it's called, "Kittens in the box") by skating just ahead of the Bombshells, keeping the orange blockers between them and the ABS jammer. Venus wisely called off the jam. With Scar in the box, Bombshell jammer Freeze Baby grabbed a double slam. It was almost saved by Scarmen Hellectra returning from the box, but an errant penalty in a no-pack situation sent her right back to the box. The jam got called, and L'exi came in to harvest another ten points from the power jam. 98-97 with three to play.

Nix scored the lead for the following jam as Frau held up her opponent Lizzy, but the veteran Bombshell jammer snuck through nonetheless to score two to Nix's three. Vuedoo Prodigy and Venus could not score in the next jam, and so a final timeout was taken by the Bombshells to work out the last two minutes (with 41 seconds remaining, there was little doubt that this would be the final jam). The Rockits put up recent acquisition Patently Offensive against L'exi-Cuter. The packs of both teams bristled with All-Stars. Hard-hitting Diamond Rough and Tara Skatesov went in for the Bombshells; the Rockit pack filled up with the core Red Wall defense. The first whistle blew, and the Rockit blockers moved slowly off the line to milk time. Finally, the jammers were off, and Leo broke ahead past Diamond...but not with the lead jam. Had L'exi been able to break the Rockit wall successfully, she could have gone woman-on-woman against Leo for points. However, the Reds trapped the Bombshell jammer, knocking her down and sending her to the back of the pack for the remainder of the jam. Leo scored a straight double slam and took the day for the Rockits. Final score: 111-99 with the Rockits scoring the first win.

ROCKITS
Lead Jams: 15

D1 Commander Nix 6-9, 43 pts
28 Scarmen Hellectra 5-11, 35 pts
281 Patently Offensive 3-4, 19 pts
318 Abbie Mischief 1-3, 4 pts
23 Frau Scientits 0-1, 10 pts
LXIX Vuedoo Prodigy 0-1, 0 pts

ATOMIC BOMBSHELLS
Lead Jams: 12

187 L'exi-cuter 3-11, 35 pts
0054 Freeze Baby 3-4, 27 pts
55 Venus Thightrap 4-7, 22 pts
41 Lizzy the Axe 2-7, 15 pts

Dagger Dolls vs Garda Belts

We never really felt the game was in the bag. I kept looking at the scoreboard thinking "Is this enough?... okay now is this enough?" We have seen the MNRG Allstars pull off some huge comebacks, so we just continued to play our best. I couldn't relax, even after the game; it seemed surreal.

-Wonderbroad, Dagger Doll co-captain

Huge changes came to both the Garda Belts and the Dagger Dolls over the summer. Angelfire, Tiki Torture, and Hanna Belle Lector all jumped to the Dolls from the Gardas. In addition, the pink girls took in Olga Oglethorpe and Naughty Kitty, former co-captains of the North Star home team Delta Delta Di...as well as Juke Boxx, a rookie standout of Madison's Dairyland Dolls. The effect of these transfers cannot be underestimated. Between the six new players and new co-captains Psycho Novia and Wonderbroad, the team has been revitalized...but it had not lost its hard-hitting edge. Besides Psycho and Wonnie, many other veteran Dollys have skated with a renewed purpose: returning the Golden Skate to the Dagger Dolls and more immediately ending the eleven-game losting streak plaguing the women in pink.

Though the Gardas lost Angel, Tiki, and Hanna to the Dolls, the losses gave them more space to add new players to their ranks. The Gardas Belts drafted seven players this year and brought back former Garda Ann E Briated to their fold. Whether the exuberance of Dropkick Donna, the wily experience of Betty LaRude, or the fresh speed of draftee Sintripetal Force, the Gardas tested the new blood to find a new balance of speed and power against the Dolls.

The bout began very much like other Dagger Doll/Garda Belt bouts - with Psycho Novia and Suzie Smashbox taking the first jamming shift of the game. As the first whistle blew, it was plain that something had changed. Dagger Dolls old and new came up to receive Suzie and send her hurtling to the ground while Psycho found a seam and broke through for the lead. Suzie attempted to scrabble past Wonderbroad and Naughty Kitty, but received a forearm penalty for her effort and was sent to the box. Psycho scored seventeen unanswered points.

Killaman 'Man Jar' Jaro went to the line unopposed while Suzie waited out her penalty, but Man Jar's attempt to jump past several players through the track's second apex met with failure as Garda transfer Betty LaRude sent a player into the jammer mid-air, forcing a misconduct foul. To the box went Man-Jar, and in came Suzie. Due to Citizen Pain's clever baiting of the Doll front line out of the engagement zone, Suzie scored a double slam. 17-10 Dollys up.

The Dolls put Juke Boxx (newly-transferred from Madison's Dairyland Dolls) at the jammer line against Shiva Shankin' (also new, formerly of the North Stars) in Garda green. The Doll pack separated the Gardas left and right, creating a valley for the 'Sconnie sprinter to burst through and take the lead. The opening collapsed, and Shiva had little luck in making her way through the valley of the Dolls. Barbie Brawl forced a track cut on Shiva, sending her to the box. Juke scored fourteen on the power jam.

With Shiva still in the box, Psycho took the lead and scored another nine. Tiki Torture opened the door for the second scoring pass by knocking several of her former Garda teammates aside with a single hit. Killaman scored another ten as Olga Oglethorpe and Lydia Punch held up Suzie Smashbox, setting up their teammates to knock down the mighty Garda jammer. Angelfire - another transfer from the Garda bench - scored a quick three against her former team. 53-14 Dollys up with eight to go in the half.

Longtime Dolly troublemaker Scootaloo then put on the star and used the chaos created by Rumblebee tripping her (sending 'bee to the box for the first of two times in that jam alone) to break through the pack for yet another Dolly lead. Scoots scored thirteen, and the Gardas called for a timeout.

Suzie got the best of the Doll pack in the next jam, scoring four to Juke Boxx's three despite an enthusiastic block to the inside on the initial pass by Dagger Doll Barbie Brawl. Barbie's captain Psycho then blew through open space created by Tiki Torture's bulldozing of the Garda pack to take the next lead and a double slam. Garda jammers Cassie Rolle and Moto Fluzzi grabbed eight points in the final two jams of the half, but both Man Jar and Angelfire found ways through, bringing the score to 92-26 as the halftime whistle blew.

It was clear already at the half that this year's Dollys had a new plan of action. For many seasons, the Dagger Dolls have had extraordinarily fast jammers but few players ready to protect them from opposing defenders. This year, that has changed. The draft picks, mixed with a revitalized Dolly old guard, were superbly holding the Gardas back. You really couldn't just point at one or two players for their effort; everyone was contributing. Amazing play from the Dolls, and another half remained.

After a no-score opening jam from Suzie and Juke, Psycho Novia went to the line against Sintripetal Force for the Gardas. The first whistle blew, and former Garda Belt (now a Dagger Doll) Hanna Belle Lector cleared the road for Psycho by hacksawing several of her former teammates to the ground. Psycho knifed through the fallen pack to get the lead as Sintripetal Force cut the track and got sent to the penalty box. Psycho blasted through for fifteen more points on the power jam as Dolls parted the Gardas to make space for their jammer, then called the jam before Sin could stand up from her penalty. 107-26 Dollys.

With Sin in the box along with two other Gardas, a blocking Juke Boxx came up from Citizen Pain's blind spot and knocked her into the other Garda remaining on the track...giving an unopposed Killaman Jaro an open floor to take the lead and score ten points. Sintripetal came out, but another penalty forced her back to the box for the start of the next jam. This left both jammers in, waiting for the start of the next jam. Killaman Jaro stood up as the track passed and slinked through the pack, scoring seven more for the Dolls before Sin returned, took the lead, and called off the jam. 124-29 Dollys with thirteen left.

Suzie scored a lead jam next against Juke Boxx...and with a belt whip from Garda co-captain Citizen Pain took three unanswered points before calling the jam. Any Garda momentum got cut short by the Dolls as Psycho raced through a disorganized green defense for the lead, slicing past her front two - Norah Torious and Tiki Torture. Tiki and the Dolly veteran Norah worked a two-wall waterfall (i.e. skating together and trading off hits on the Garda jammer) on Psycho's opposing jammer. Psycho scored fourteen unanswered points. 138-32 Dollys with eight left.

The Gardas continued to lose steam. Doll jammer Angelfire took the next lead and scored three as she called the jam, only to be caught by a late hit from former teammate Rumblebee. Juke Boxx scored another lead as she took on Suzie Smashbox yet again. This time, Naughty Kitty and Tiki Torture sent Suzie reeling while Juke orbited the pack, scoring nine. The Gardas tried Sintripetal Force. Sin took the lead, snuck through the pack (skating where Tiki and Norah Torious weren't looking), and scored two.

That would be the last chance for the Gardas to score. Both Suzie Smashbox and Cassie Rolle went to the box over the next two jams, giving Lydia Punch and Scootaloo - both vet Dollys - the opportunity to score in this cathartic win for the Dagger Dolls. Final score: 168-36. The Dolly losing streak has been shattered. Bombshells and Rockits...get ready for the new Dolly regime.

GARDA BELTS
Lead Jams: 6

91 Suzie Smashbox 3-9, 21 pts
850cc Moto Fluzzi 0-1, 8 pts
1.618 Sintripetal Force 2-5, 5 pts
350 Cassie Rolle 1-5, 2 pts
10-72 ShivaShankn 0-3, 0 pts

DAGGER DOLLS
Lead Jams: 17

109 Psycho Novia 5-5, 64 pts
9 Killaman Jaro 2-5, 37 pts
A18 Juke Boxx 3-6, 26 pts
FU Scootaloo 2-2, 16 pts
789 Lydia Punch 1-1, 15 pts
c² Angelfire 3-3, 10 pts
711 Ova Acheiva 1-1, 0 pts

Return of the RollerGirls: Season Seven preview

garrison.killer@gmail.com (Garrison Killer) — Tue, 12 Oct 2010 04:11:00 +0000

Only days remain before the doors of the Legendary Roy Wilkins swings open. Only days remain before the fans return, rocking the orange and red and green and pink. Only days before rookies put their newfound skills on the line. Days before the Minnesota RollerGirls begin anew the fight for the Golden Skate.

The home season is starting for reals, folks. Though many have been playing and practicing as part of the All-Star team since the season ended, most of our players returned in August and started to pick up the teams where they left off. The thing is, between our upcoming trip to the Championship tournament and the twenty new women in our league (not to mention the newly-formed Debut-Taunt farm league), we have made a massive leap forward that's difficult to quantify with stats and a naming of names.

Since so much has happened, we thought that we should ask the team's captains a bit about their players as we begin our seventh season. This is a preview of the four teams of the Minnesota RollerGirls from the women who run them. Some had a lot to say; some have decided to let their skills do the talking on Saturday. Read on.

Atomic Bombshells: Co-captains - Venus Thightrap and Diamond Rough

Could you introduce your rookies to us? The Bombshells were fortunate this year to draft not only very talented skaters but individuals who have an eagerness to learn strategy and fit very well on our team.
Bully Jean - goes by "Bully" or "Jeano". Current Bombshells have noted “She will be a serious blocking force. She has great attitude, dedication and learns fast. Very positive, wants to learn, really works hard.”
Freeze Baby - goes by "Freeze". One word comes to mind when I think of Freeze - Perseverance. This woman never gives up and is always fighting her way through the pack. This summer Bombshells said that Freeze was already “Very good – very agile, quick and clever."
Hurtrude Stein - goes by "Trudy". Her quiet demeanor belies her desire to lay outopponents. She hits hard and we look forward to seeing how her strength can power through opponents during a jam. This summer, Bombshells told us “She’s a power house!” and that she is “Very confident on her skates”.
Smoka Hontas - goes by "Smoka". This woman has a glare that could kill and has the derby skills to back it up. We are very thankful she came to us from Angel City [Los Angeles]. Look for her both blocking and jamming this season. During the summer, many Bombshells noted that she “clearly brings derby skill and experience."

What decisions led to your team's second team championship last season? In the words of biggest little fan, Mini Skatesov, the desire to “smoosh” our opponents! We decided as a team last year that we would not let the Rockits win and we accomplished that - twice! The captains at the time, Mitzi Massacre and Misfit Maiden, trained us to think faster, skate harder and be more strategic in game play. We were fortunate to have the endurance and talent to skate with much less than a full-roster. It was our year for the Golden Skate and we were very pleased to have been able to take it home on April 4th.

Every couple of years, the Bombshells rewrite the book on themselves. I see new captains and a new bench coach. Is this a rebuilding season? While we might have lost a few wonderful players this year - Mae Gusta and Misfit Maiden – there are many great things happening for the Atomic Bombshells. We have been fortunate to have retired skaters return - Lizzy the Axe, CleoSPLATra, and Flora Flipabitch. BOOMbay Safire is skating again and injury free! Retired ref Rocky will be bench coaching. We have a full roster this season and many of our skaters have improved greatly over the course of the summer! Our team is getting stronger and smarter every day. Many Bombshells are on the All-Star team and have brought back to us a wealth of talent and knowledge (and an MNRG trip to the WFTDA Championships). Other skaters spent the summer assisting the new recruits at bootcamp. And, while we changed the leadership roles this year, Mitzi Massacre is still bringing her skills and wisdom to the track. If you want the two most fierce and intense captains, the Bombshells have them. But, that being said, D.Rough and I balance each other very well and try to make sure the Bombshells are having a really great time while working their butts off.

In essence, we are still very much the same team we were before - tight-knit, full of joy and we never give up. We sincerely enjoy spending time together outside of derby and support each other in our personal lives. We trust each other on the track and we know we have each other’s backs. When teams enjoy being together both on and off the track, it shows when you play and it's a skill you can't teach or practice - it just happens. We're just a very fortunate to have a team where our personalities mesh well with one another. This is really the driving force behind what makes the Atomic Bombshells so good at what we do - we want to succeed together and have a vested interest in each other.

Additional thoughts on the upcoming game? The Golden skate has had a fabulous summer, traveling the midwest and seeing the world. We hope to keep the Championship title with orange and have a blast doing it. While the Rockits are pretty, strong, and we like the way some of them yell, we will be doing all we can as a team to go for the win.

Dagger Dolls: Co-captains - Psycho Novia and Wonderbroad

Could you introduce your new players to us? Juke Boxx- formerly a member of the Mad Rollin' Dolls (Madison, WI), played for the Vaudville Vixons (home team), and the Dairyland Dolls (Traveling Team). Currently a member of the MNRG All-Stars.
Naughty Kitty- formerly a member of the North Star Roller Girls (Minneapolis, MN), captain of Delta Delta Di (NSRG home team) and played for the Supernovas (NSRG travelling team). Currently a member the MNRG All-Stars.
Olga Ogilthorpe- formerly a member of the North Star Roller Girls (Minneapolis, MN), captain of Delta Delta Di (NSRG home team) and played for the Supernovas (NSRG travelling team).
[editor's note: let's not also forget Angelfire, Tiki Torture, and Hanna Belle Lector, formerly of the Garda Belts and members of the MNRG All-Stars.]

How is the team adjusting to having so many new players with so much previous experience? Well, we really only picked [the MNRG rookies] because they are all hot blondes and look great in pink (all of their former home teams are pink). So they fit in just fine!

The big question - the Dolls are on a 0-11 run. What changes this year to break the losing streak? We're not going to give away our secrets, silly.

Garda Belts: Co-captains - Citizen Pain and Anita Spankston

Could you introduce your rookies to us? I've been really impressed with all of our rookies this year and we are really happy to have our newest Gardas. These athletes have been quick to learn, hard working and are salivating to get the season started with our first bout. Their fresh enthusiasm has really brought this team together in great ways.

The Freshest of meat: Moto Fluzzi, Sintripetal Force and Wolfe Bite. All three of these Gardas have really impressed me with their focus, determination, and general skill set. Keep an eye on them throughout the season cause they are quickly shedding their rookie skin.

Familiar faces in the derby world: Not totally new to derby, former refs Dropkick Donna and Glam Slam are ready to be inside the track boundaries and kick some booty - Green style. They know the game well and they are ready to put it into action.

Familiar with playing derby: Shiva Shakin and Betty LaRude are amazing! We are confident in them and we know that we can rely on them to see what needs to be done, Garda style.

The Gardas have not yet won the Skate in the league's history. Is this the Gardas' year? Every year is the Garda's year! We work hard to do our absolute best and then even better so there is NO denying that were are out there to win and play to do so. We play with heart and fight until the end so of course it's our year!

When a fan thinks, 'Garda Belt', what sort of play on the track do you hope she thinks of? Owning the track with dedicated, sharp and solid play. Throughout the seasons we've been known to be very good at defense but you can't solely rely on that. We're ready to play our game the way we want to control it and make the others beg for it to be over!

The Rockits: Co-captains - Scarmen Hellectra and Pain Gretzky

Could you introduce your rookies to us? Commander Nix: this wily speedster was the top rookie pick. Already an amazing jammer, look for her wearing the star.
Kit Shinkicker: versatile and fiery, this blocker / jammer is a true double threat. She soaks up strategy like a sponge.
Salvador Brawlie: we've been scouting out this tenacious up-and-comer since day one. She has the passion and never gives up, no matter what position she takes on.
Rockits would also like to welcome former Dagger Doll Patently Offensive to the team. We always thought she'd look good in sparkly red.

The Atomic Bombshells figured you out last year, why won't the other two teams? The Rockits have never really had any secret strategies. We've just always been the team that shows up to practice all the time so our teamwork is tight. We like to run tough practices and work our tails off. Really, our only plan is to play the game better and faster than the rest.

You lost Harmony, our top point scorer. How will you evolve to make up for that? Losing Harmony is a big deal, yes. It would be pretty rad indeed if she could spontaneously moved back to MN. Ha! Rockit pipe dreams. But...I think our bench is deeper now than it ever was before. A few seasons back, we essentially had a two jammer rotation. Now, over half the team can be called upon to jam at any time. We intend to keep teaching all of the great drills that Harmony dreamed up. And, we like to use the phrase "what the CRAP!" because it makes us feel as though Harmony is still skating with us.

Why are the Rockits rad? Cake, gummi bears, turtles, chickens. Also, "that's what she said".

There's only one more thing you need to know: this Saturday, the MNRG champion Atomic Bombshells take on the Rockits. This grudge match will determine an early advantage for one of these teams on the path to the Golden Skate. These two teams have won the MNRG league trophy for five of our six seasons; be assured - they'll leave everything on the track to get this win.

Meanwhile, the Garda Belts and the Dagger Dolls start this season anew. This will be a game that will make you rethink everything you understood about the Dollies and the women in Green. Trust us; you do not want to miss this bout. Both the Gardas and the Dolls have been playing teams outside of the Twin Cities as a run-up to this bout; they are confident about their teams, and they are ready to amaze their fans.

You've heard from the players. Get your tickets. We will see you at the Roy.

Reporting from the exact geographical center of derby today,
-Garrison Killer

No Cinderellas Here: Minnesota's road to the Finals (part 3)

garrison.killer@gmail.com (Garrison Killer) — Thu, 30 Sep 2010 04:45:00 +0000

Minnesota fan: "There's three minutes left in the game. Plenty of time for Minnesota to bollocks it up."

Madison fan: "Yes, but that's just as much time for Madison to lose it as well."

- Media riser, Thunda on the Tundra, MNRG ahead 119-93

On Day 2, a lightly-hungover, jubilant team of travelling MNRG fans began amassing for Minnesota's next bout. Minnesota fans on Friday had consisted of friends and family of the league, the North Star Rollergirls of Minneapolis (we likewise cheered our lungs out for them in their four games), and the Twin Cities Terrors.

However, as Day Two began, MNRG season ticket holders, members of the newly-minted MNRG Debut-Taunts, and even fans who had just heard about the upset victory all hunted each other out to join us in All-Star blue and brown. They made the trip to see the MNRG compete against its fiercest rival, Madison's Dairyland Dolls, for a shot at #1 in the Midwest and an automatic invitation to the Championship tournament in November.

With the semi-finals at stake, the MNRG kept it simple after the win over Detroit. The team had celebrated quietly at a local Italian restaurant, then most players turned in early. Coach Dan opted for the same fourteen that we had played the previous night.

Madison significantly changed up their team from Friday's victory over the North Stars. Madison elected to put in players that had played Minnesota in the past and brought in Allie Gator, Dolly Pardon Me, and Jenny Knoxville. They also put added to the roster L'il Miss Behavin', a remarkable jammer newly called up to the road team.

Madison's method is to bide its time and to delay their opponents on the track until the other team makes mistakes and goes to the box. At that point, the Dairyland Dolls become a convoy, delivering jammers down the track come hell or high water. Their packs are also more fluid than our own, allowing them to hit a jammer, then recycle back to the front where they can hit the jammer again. However, that fluidity comes at the cost of stopping power; a player that is tough enough will break through such a pack with assistance from her blockers.

What I noticed about Madison was that they looked worried, they were convincing themselves that they were going to win. We had beat Detroit, it was THEY who had everything to lose and we only had something to gain. Not only that, we had two shots at it (shots a Championships). But golly gee, we wanted it on the first try!

- Diamond Rough, excerpt from online interview, 9/24/2010

The players of both teams hit the track moments after the Windy City Rollers polished off Cincy's Black Sheep. The first several jams were skirmishes of attrition. Suzie scored the first two points, but Behavin' took back the two in the following jam. After two scoreless jams where our jammers were on each other's heels, Suzie scored again...only to get matched the following jam by Dairyland veteran Mouse. Five minutes in, we were tied yet again, 10-10.

The next jam gave Madison their first shot at making hay from the power jam. The DDs' Darling Nikki got the power off of a track-cutting L’exi-cuter. This is precisely the moment where Minnesota in the past would lose it and send blocker after blocker to the box.

Not so in this bout. Nikki still scored fifteen points to L’exi’s four as Madison knocked out MNRG blockers, but when the next jammers came to the line, only one blocker from Minnesota sat in the box. Moments later, Psycho Novia caught a track-cutting penalty and allowed Madison to score 24 points over two jams. Still, Minnesota’s blockers stood, blocked, and stayed out of trouble. Madison up 50-15.

Madison scored only once more in the half as the MNRG sent no more jammers to the box over that period. The flipside of the power jam strategy is that clean-playing scorers are difficult to score off of. Meanwhile, Minnesota began to build the comeback. Tiki, Diamond Rough, and the rest of the MNRG pack cleared jammers going through rough packs to bypass DD monsters like Chop Suzzy and and Vicious Van Gogo. Not a lot, mind you…just enough to score two or three points each time.

Vuedoo Prodigy and Juke Boxx also shepherded and bothered Madison jammers, even forcing DD rookie L’il Miss Behavin’ into two penalties of her own…from which we scored eighteen points. At the half, Minnesota had come back a bit, but Madison’s two big jams kept them ahead. 59-38.

Madison began the second half with Jewels of Denile beating a pack and scoring one against a pack with MNRG advantage. Suzie Smashbox responded by breaking past Darling Nikki and Chop Suzzy on the initial passfor four. Jewels returned to the line, only to be sent to the box…giving Minnesota’s scorers a minute against a short-handed Madison pack. True to Madison's ability to delay during the power jam, MNRG could only coax ten points over two jams from that opportunnity. A couple of jams later, Minnesota were closing in, 66-56 with 20 left.

Minnesota's Scarmen Hellectra stepped to the line, picked her way through traffic, and took the next lead jam. Her opponent, Miss Behavin’, could not get through the pack for love or money as ex-Dairyland Doll Juke Boxx and the rest of the MNRG defense stuffed her repeatedly. Scar scored seventeen points in that jam; each scoring pass sent the audience cheering madly with approval, hitting a lusty high as the score spelled out the lead change (83-66) with eighteen minutes remained on the clock.

Madison captain Vicious Van Gogo tried to lead her team out of this rough patch in the next jam, but could only score one point amidst a flurry of defensive activity from MNRG. L’exi then bust out a nine point jam, and things began to look pretty good for Minnesota. 89-67 with twelve to play.

We reverted to our old, penalty-taking ways for just a moment, and that moment of panic almost killed our win. Killamon Jaro came out and got hit with a major track cut. We lost our cool for that power jam, and Minnesota defenders hit the penalty box as we over-extended and attempted to stop the scoring tide. That nightmare minute of Man-Jar and the pack in the box cost us our entire lead as Mouse and Behavin’ each scored 13 points over the course of two jams. 93-92 Madison with the lead change.

We charged right back in. Vuedoo Prodigy, Tara Skatesov, and Diamond Rough opened the pack’s gate for L’exi-cuter to give her the lead, then snapped it shut on Darling Nikki. Like Scar’s earlier jam against Behavin', this was no power jam; Minnesota merely held Nikki from passing through the pack for three whole passes of L’exi.

Miss Behavin’ lined up against MNRG triple-threat Venus Thightrap. Behavin’ – getting called on a track cut – gave Minnesota another chance to widen the gap, and Venus fairly threw herself through the pack for an easy triple slam as her teammates screeched the pack to a near halt.

At the very end of the jam, Venus got called on a track cut. Mouse came up for Madison unopposed. 119-93 with time for perhaps two more jams. Mouse roared on that track, scoring fourteen unopposed, but the MNRG crowd roared back as Venus came out of the penalty box…only to recoil as she was sent right back in for another violation.

Madison took a timeout and brought Captain Vicious out to jam one more time. Meanwhile, Minnesota put the fastest pack out that they could muster – L’exi, Suzie, and Scar (with Juke in the box) – and sped as the whistle blew. That speed saved Minnesota as we faced the power jam; once Vicious broke through the pack, Minnesota’s pack almost kept up with her lapping passes, making it difficult for Madison to do much within the pack besides keep up. The pace kept Madison occupied when Venus re-emerged – and then Vicious went to the box. With forty seconds left on the jam clock, Venus kept moving, intent on the final prize. Madison had nothing left.

Minnesota’s fans counted down the clock, and when it expired, eyes went to Venus coming around that final corner. Body low, she skated through that last whistle with a look of jubilation. As the countdown finished, the skaters sailed into a monkey pile of army and aqua-clad women on the track, and then there was nothing but embraces, high-fives, and smiles between the fans and their team. The Minnesota RollerGirls were heading to the big dance in Chicago…and they would play the Windy City Rollers tomorrow for the North Central regional trophy.

The next afternoon, Coach Dan brought together everyone for a meeting several hours before the tournament bout while Omaha and Arch Rival played for ninth (Omaha caught on to the Arch Rival slowpack game, defeated their strategy, and easily won). Dan replaced Venus (having torn a pec the previous night) with Jax "Frau Scientits" Kvaas. The team conferred for some time.

Meanwhile at the site of the Regionals, fans continued to stream in. Friends who had laughed and said, "Maybe if they make the finals..." made good on their word and showed up clad in army and aqua colors. As the new blood joined the throng of Minnesota Nice at the edge of the track, we gathered to watch our friends on the North Stars defeat the host league, Brewcity, for 7th place. Once the victorious NS Supernovas returned, a number of men and women split off to plan a little reception for the MNRG All-Stars to be ready for the championship bout.

And then...showtime.

As Minnesota rounded the corners - being named off to the crowd by famed announcer and MNRG Voice of Reason John Maddening - the gaggle of MNRG fans raised their shirts and proudly displayed 'MN ROLLERGIRLS!!' spelled across their bellies to the audience and players on the track (all cracking smiles). Sports fans had come at last to roller derby.

The first four jams were ours, and for seven glorious minutes we were unstoppable queens of the rink. Suzie, L'exi, Scar, and Psycho put fifteen unanswered points on the board as our defense, delighted to learn that Chicago was human, gleefully held back WCR jammers long enough for us to score.

The first concern came when Varla Vendetta - the smiling, fist-pumping, crowd-pleasing beast of Chicago - came to the track against Suzie Smashbox. Varla picked up the lead, but both received their first trips to the box within fifteen seconds of one another. As they returned to the track, Suzie could not find a path around WCR's Go-Go Hatchet and Sargentina,while Varla scored fourteen points unanswered points. In one jam, we had almost lost the lead. In the next, Jackie Daniels (formerly of Grand Raggidy) scored five against L'exi-Cuter. 19-15 WCR with nineteen to play in the half.

We did our best to hold them back, but it was as if Chicago had scouted our game in those opening minutes. Their jammers found ways to break through weaknesses in the rear of the pack, where our defensive players traditionally worked alone to take down opposing scorers. As in previous bouts, Chicago executed at a speed and level of dynamic play that we were not yet prepared for. We scored three more times in that half, leaving us behind Chicago, 73-24. The problems of this bout couldn't be laid at the feet on any one single jammer or defender. We were playing clean and making relatively few technical mistakes; Chicago simply owned the shape of the game over that half.

We fought back. Noticing the problems in the back of the pack, we tried to adjust our game to move our pack front-to-back, laying in wait up top, then descending the length of the pack to attack. That adjustment did not go smoothly time; our defense began taking many trips to the penalty box, and Chicago went on a scoring bender off of the pack advantage. Shocka Conduit scored two double slams in the opening minutes of the second half, and Athena DeCrime got one.

After a 43-1 point spree by WCR over the first twelve minutes, Suzie started the game rolling again for Minnesota against Athena DeCrime. Despite a heavy Chicago pack advantage, Athena was sent to the penalty box, and Suzie took the lead and the power jam opportunity. Chicago's pack tried to run away, but Suzie's sprinting power would not be denied...even going so far as to duck under the arms of two WCR players to pass. Double slam. 117-35, Windy City up.

With seventeen minutes left on the clock, the effort of bridging a 78-point gap seemed insurmountable...yet we were not yet ready to leave the track. We sent no more jammers to the box and used a rotation of Scarmen, Suzie, L'exi-cuter, and Killamon Jaro to steal points against the WCR lines. If we were not to win this bout, we would at least throw our jammers against the best in the Midwest and figure out how to play at this higher level.

We had a good run over those last fifteen minutes. Chicago only scored fifteen points for the rest of the game, in part due to WCR jammers Ruth Enasia and Athena DeCrime being caught in the penalty box for six consecutive jams, in part because the WCR defense was starting to panic at the loss of their scorers. The missteps led to more blocker penalties and several jams with the pack advantage to Minnesota. We scored 48 points on the WCR team, but this was not enough to overcome Chicago.

When the smoke cleared and the final whistle was blown, the Windy City Rollers rightfully won the day and the North Central Regional championship, 132-83. Hell of a game. We can't wait to take them on again.

The Minnesota RollerGirls have been rebuilding this team of All-Stars for a year now. We've said good-bye to players like Misfit Maiden and Harmony Killerbruise and welcomed a new crop of rookies and veterans to its ranks. We've torn out what we could not use and strengthened the core of our team. And so...we played one hell of a tournament as a capstone to this rebuilding effort, and we now face the greatest challenge yet.

In November, the MNRG All-Stars travel to Chicago to take on eleven other teams that, like us, are the fastest, the baddest, and the best in the world. We know of five opponents so far; the next six will be decided over the next two weekends. We want you there. Join our travelling army of Minnesota Nice. Let's give 'em a bout that they'll not soon forget.

Reporting from where all the women are strong, all the men are accessories, and all the children turn left,
-Garrison Killer

[Thanks to Geoffrey Saucer of the Mad Rollin' Dolls staff for assistance with the Dolls report and the 'Sconnie refreshments.]

No Cinderellas Here; Minnesota's road to the Finals (part 2)

garrison.killer@gmail.com (Garrison Killer) — Mon, 27 Sep 2010 03:33:00 +0000

"Minnesota became the biggest Cinderella since Kansas City in 2007 and Rocky Mountain last year. I knew my picks [Tank had picked us to finish last] were in trouble when I watched their 1st jam against Omaha. MNRG lost their jammer to the box and their defense would not let them score for the entire minute they didn’t have a jammer on the floor. Vuedoo Prodigy spent the entire time pinballing off of red jerseys and setting the tone for the entire tournament. Minnesota played smart, fundamental roller derby all weekend long." Tank, Cincinnati Rollergirls announcer ("I was wrong: My Recap of Thunda on the Tundra", 9/17/2010)

We entered into the regional tournament ranked 7th. Our low seed meant that we would play the Omaha Rollergirls - ranked 10th - for the opportunity to play 2nd-seed Detroit. Now, Omaha's an interesting team. The Nebraska league has been in existence for many years, but their location - far away from colleges and younger people - has made it difficult to find a large, faithful audience and retain new recruits until recently. Omaha's All-Stars have therefore played with one another for years as they slowly built traction within the Women's Flat-Track Derby Association. Many of roller derby's best prognosticators believed that this would be the year that Omaha would jump center stage and overtake a decaying MNRG league. Didn't happen.

Minnesota put forward an experienced blocking line against Omaha's women in red. Those in charge of the roster for Regionals took very few chances, calling up only Killamon Jaro from this year's group of rookies for the trip to Green Bay. Putting a team out on the track familiar with one another showed from the first jam. Jammer Scarmen Hellectra fell to an early major, leaving Omaha's Ima Firestarter a full minute to establish an Omaha lead. Scar's teammates on defense - Venus Thightrap, Honeydew Felon, Vuedoo Prodigy, and Diamond Rough - did not allow Firestarter to even break through the pack once before Scar's penalty was up, and that first jam ended with no score.

The game quickly broke in Minnesota's favor. We claimed the lead in each of the next six jams as five of our jammers (Scar, Psycho Novia, L'exi-Cuter, Venus, and Suzie Smashbox) broke through holes opened by their teammates and scored big for us - 38 unanswered points. One of Omaha's star jammer Anna Maniac finally found a way through as Minnesota entered into foul trouble to score a point. By the end of that first half, we had scored on over 55% of the jams - three of which we hit them for double-digit scoring runs. Omaha only scored six times over the same thirty minutes, never for more than four points.

Credit where credit's due; Omaha were no pushovers. Although Minnesota eventually beat them by over a hundred points (final 144-41), formidable jamming from Anna Maniac and Ima Firestarter kept our defensive line hopping...as did protecting our own scoring line from the sting of Molly Massacre in the back and the 1-2 of Doozer and Mikilya. However, less than four hours after our victory over Omaha, the same fourteen MNRG players took to the track against Detroit.

"Garrison: [Do you] think they'll ever overlook a low seed again?
Jax (Frau Scientits) Kvaas: We never did after 2007."
- excerpted from online interview, 9/2010

We have history with Detroit dating back to 2007, the very first year that the Women's Flat Track Derby Association ran regional tournaments. Minnesota was highly regarded as a hard-hitting (if perhaps a bit brash) and exceedingly tough league to defeat. In that first tournament, all we had to do was win one game to advance to Nationals; some unsung league from Michigan called the Detroit Derby Girls. We underestimated Detroit, and it cost us dearly. The DDG took us out of the running that year (99-77).

It had taken us three years to have the opportunity to return the favor...and it appeared that Detroit wasn't taking us seriously. We put up the same team that we used to take out Omaha only four hours earlier, but Detroit made some confusing choices.

Quick aside for those unfamiliar with flat-track derby tournaments. When it comes down to it, the key game to win in a WFTDA Big Five regional tournament is the quarter-final. If you win the quarter-final, you have two chances to win a game that will take you to November's championship tournament. If you lose or don't show up (that is, if you were to lose a qualifying bout), you fight for fifth place at best.

Got that? So I hope that you will agree that it's with some surprise that Detroit put forward a team without several of their seasoned veterans against Minnesota. Honestly, we were fine with it. Winning this bout is what we showed up to do.

However, we did not start well. DDG's Sista Slitchya and Detroit captain Racer McChaseher dinged us for six points over two jams before Scarmen Hellectra responded by punching through Detroit's defensive wall for two. Suzie gave Minnesota the lead change with a grand slam as Detroit's Boo D Livers was peeled off the track by our own Tiki Torture. 7-6 Minnesota.

Detroit reasserted themselves. Racer McChaseHer, Fatal Femme, and the DDG pack moved in on our jammers and stranded our forward players out of play. They went on a 40-11 tear through the middle minutes of the first half. With nine to go in the half, Detroit started climbing away from Minnesota, 46-18.

Two things of note at this point. Racer was already playing a lot of jams and kept getting dinged for minor infractions as her experience made up for the younger talent on her team. Also, Minnesota was keeping up; Honeydew Felon and rookie Killamon Jaro were all over the Detroit jammers, while our blockers were jumping on any dawdling player to establish a pack and try to catch the Detroit defense ahead of the game. The problem was that Detroit was playing too well for us to put points on the board. The DDG have fit, large blockers who can skate together to create walls that are impossible to squeak past. Those jammers eager to charge through will get called on back blocking, while timid players merely get holed up behind the Detroit defense.

Slitchya gave Minnesota a chance to rock late in the first half as she got sent into the box for back-blocking Vuedoo Prodigy. Suzie took the power jam and scored six despite an attempt by Detroit to speed up the pack. Juke Boxx, Psycho Novia, and Suzie Smashbox all slashed through for a combined 13-0, but Racer McChaseHer took her team into halftime, brushing past bruising blows from Killamon Jaro and Coochie Coup for eight. 60-37 at the half.

Minnesota appeared to adjust their jammer rotation for the half, bringing in more nimble skaters such as Juke Boxx, L'exi, and Suzie Smashbox to go around the walls instead of through them. The electric reaction from the crowd that Juke got from going to the line in MNRG blue can't be commented on enough; Juke's only been playing for us this summer, and many of her former Madison teammates (as well as the Minnesota fans) were solidly rooting for #A18. Sista Slitchya gave the fans an opportunity to cheer by going to the box twice in the space of three jams. Minnesota took the lead back by scoring 27 unanswered points on the power jam. Detroit experienced the speed of L'exi and Juke scoring and started to play foolishly, sending many of their blockers to the box as we merely moved fast and turned left.

Psycho jumped into the action the very next jam, taking eight of her own before the referees called the jam prematurely when Detoit's Effin Money took a hard hit amidst a Minnesota pack that descended on her like a snowstorm over I-94. Suzie then scored three, and suddenly we had the lead by fifteen points. Minnesota up 75-60 with twenty-two left.

Detroit tried like hell to get back, but the MNRG would return fire jam for jam. Even a hard hit from Boo D Livers on Psycho that sent her into the Stats riser seemed to do nothing but give Killamon a chance to jam as Psycho rested her knee. Detroit came back within nine on an excellent jamming run by Boo and Racer, but the night was not to be for the Michigan league.

With ten minutes remaining, Detroit all-arounder Cookie Rumble got caught with two penalties while carrying the star during the same jam. Detroit's pack imploded like a black hole as player after player in Detroit colors went to the box over frustrated, over-extended hits. Suzie scored 19 points, and L'exi took the last minute of the power jam to take another ten. 109-71 Minnesota.

Playing as jammer with eight to go, Racer McChaseHer ran roughshod through a tiring Minnesota back (at this point, the MNRG had been skating for almost three hours of action on the tracks) and scored ten, but gained her sixth penalty. Minnesota's Scarmen Hellectra came in for the next jam unopposed, and got sent to the box herself. This penalty returned Racer to the track to score even more...however, the lightest of blocks by Tiki Torture at the front of the pack sent Racer weaving out and back onto the track. A seventh penalty trip.

Scar got released back onto the pack, and with seven trips to the box, Racer McChaseHer - who would go on to score 32 points in a single jam later in the tournament - fouled out with three minutes to play and a gap of 18 points for her team to overcome. Suzie grabbed five more points in the next jam, but they were points Minnesota didn't need. As the final whistle blew and Minnesota's fans and players alike collapsed into a pile of quivering joy, MNRG finally returned the lesson to Detroit...never look past your next opponent. 118-91 Minnesota.

Madison - and MNRG's first shot at a ticket to the Championship tournament in November - was next.

[I am again indebted to MNRG's players for this part of the report - particularly Jax Kvaas who attended the '07 Regionals as a fan. Also, I surely owe a beer to a few Cornhuskers who told me stories about mighty Omaha. Sincerely, good luck next year.]

No Cinderellas Here; Minnesota's road to the Finals (part 1)

garrison.killer@gmail.com (Garrison Killer) — Wed, 22 Sep 2010 04:18:00 +0000

"That's the kind of s*** that scares me."

- attributed to a player for the Rocky Mountain Roller Girls, on watching Minnesota jump from 7th-seed longshot to Championship contender

The Minnesota RollerGirls defeated three of the top ten teams in the North Central Region of the Women's Flat Track Derby Association (WFTDA) last week in Green Bay, WI. In doing so, the MNRG All-Stars booked a berth in the upcoming WFTDA Championships in November.

Let me repeat that; Minnesota is going to the Championship tournament in Chicago to play amidst the world's greatest roller derby leagues. The derby world was shocked to find that - as the Derby News Network declared on Saturday - Minnesota's back.

Why the surprise? Fans of the MNRG may have known about our remarkable team of All-Stars for years, but most leagues remembered Minnesota's last Regional outing at our own Brawl of America in 2009. We placed 9th out of ten teams, getting wasted by the Windy City Rollers (155-25) and lost to Minneapolis' own North Star Supernovas (76-61). We did take the final win by narrowly defeating Grand Raggidy (91-76) to finish out of the cellar, but the weekend of play seriously disheartened many of our players. The phrase 'rebuilding year' got thrown around a lot, but the simple fact was that we did not play well.

From the fan's perspective, Minnesota had two major problems at last year's Regionals. First off, serious penalty trouble. Whenever one of our jammers went to the box, the defensive unit would quickly follow in number. The lack of the Minnesota pack on the track allowed our opponents to strike hard on the power jam and take two or three easy-scoring laps of the track. Those power jams led to 10-15 points scored against us while our jammer cooled her blistered heels.

We also had great difficulty breaking past opposing blockers; it seemed as if our defense controlled the front of the patrolling pack, but our jammers would slam up against the walls in the back created by the opposing players and could not shove their way through. We did not break 100 points the entire weekend. Plainly, something had to shift; we had finished next-to-last in the last two tournaments (and sent out after our first game in the one-loss-and-out 2007 Regionals). We were tired of rebuilding, but that meant hard work was ahead.

Minnesota's first response to the 2009 Regionals took place in October when we played and soundly beat the fantastic Carolina Rollergirls 105-69. If you look back at that bout, you can see some good habits begin to emerge. Most important of those...the All-Stars did not allow a single Carolina jammer to score more than five points in a jam. Our blockers were able to keep juggling the Carolina scorer by actively engaging the opposing jammer as she re-entered the pack, sending her to the back repeatedly until our own jammer had time to lap.

Over the next two bouts, we took on two low-ranked leagues in the North Central region - Sioux Falls and Hammer City. Both leagues have great skaters, but we outplayed them both by understanding the fundamentals of the modern game (walling, controlling pack speed and the clock, and shepherding jammers instead of diving at them) and by working as a unit instead of as individual players. We beat each by margins of over 125 points.

The All-Stars took a well-deserved break over the spring, played Minnesota's remarkable 6th season of hometeam bouting, and returned to play a very, very busy summer schedule. Ranked 7th in the North Central Region over the summer by WFTDA, we started the All-Star run against lower-ranked teams. We took on the best from leagues around the region in unsanctioned play (including Appleton, WI's Paper Valley Roller Girls and the La Crosse Skating Sirens), but we also headed west to Colorado.

We defeated Pikes Peak (ranked 11th in the West) by over 30 points and a younger Fort Collins team by significantly more, then geared up to go to Philadelphia. We played close games against Providence and Tampa Bay, winning against both by less than five points each. These bouts were not fantastic; many players quietly opined that we had squeaked out the wins when we should have been able to stomp all over our opponents. What they did, however, was show that we could hold off other teams even when our level of play wasn't at its highest.

Our trip to Dallas gave us a much needed awakening. We put up a tremendous first half, outscoring the South Central region's fourth-ranked Dallas Derby Devils 38-21. It's reported that our blocking line then began to stumble and our team's endurance fell out from under us. Dallas thundered back, and despite late-game jamming efforts from Scarmen Hellectra and Venus Thightrap, we fell to the Texans 113-73. We raged back against Dallas' other flat-track league - Assassination City - and toppled them (and their beer can pyramids) 264-20 in a Sunday bout.

The All-Stars, under Coach Dan's direction, began to more seriously look at the question of conditioning. They redoubled their efforts to train for Regionals. The team began showing up earlier to practice and started running multi-hour scrimmage practices. Coach Dan kept up the pressure with heavy doses of additional agility/power work as well as hellish stair drills.

We had one more road trip to take before September's tournament. The West's 10th-ranked Sacramento's Sacred City brought us out for some sun, sweat, and a few surprises, but we solidly defeated them 202-57 using a team very similar to the one that we would put forward in Green Bay. The cherry on top of that trip? An opportunity to scrimmage against none other than the Bay area's own roller derby league, the BAD Girl All-Stars. The BAD Girls are ranked 6th in the powerful Western region, and though we got our butts handed to us in non-sanctioned play, the experience gave us one last look at high-level derby as it might be played in the NC Regional tournament.

By this time, we had gotten the news that we would be seeded 7th in Green Bay's regional tournament for the North Central. The news gave us something concrete to shoot for. We would need to win both of our bouts on the first day of the tournament. Win those, and we would be one win away from going to WFTDA's elite Championship tournament in November. Due to our 7th-seed position, we would charge out of the gate on Friday morning against 10th-seeded Omaha. If (When!) we prevailed, our All-Stars would then need to defeat the Detroit Derby Girls four hours later. We would have already played full out against Omaha's quickly-adapting All-Star team, while Detroit would start fresh.

Hard work. Three hour practices. Countless hours of watching tape. Going across the nation to learn everything we could to prepare for Green Bay's Thunda on the Tundra tournament. Nothing magical; just a hell of a lot of training, countless laps of the track, missed work, and personal sacrifice. The result: a newly-forged MNRG team.

In the second part of this report (coming later this week), we'll follow the rebuilt MNRG All-Stars to Green Bay as they break through Omaha and Detroit's teams on Day 1 to head towards semi-finals.

(I greatly appreciate the assistance from Slam Serif of the TC Terrors, members of the MNRG, Chad Eng, Ayn Rant of NSRG, and flattrackstats.com for this part of the report.)

Minnesota RollerGirls Storm Titletown

garrison.killer@gmail.com (Garrison Killer) — Wed, 15 Sep 2010 03:51:00 +0000

The Minnesota RollerGirls broke through heavy competition to take second in the Women's Flat-Track Derby Association (WFTDA) North Central Regionals. Over three days of derby against four opponents, Saint Paul's MNRG shattered the expectations of players and spectators alike and qualified to play in Chicago at WFTDA's Championship Tournament.

WFTDA's leagues ranked the Minnesota RollerGirls seventh in July amidst a field of nineteen eligible leagues throughout the Midwest. As a top ten league, WFTDA's governing body invited the MNRG All-Stars to compete in Green Bay at their annual tournament. The top three teams emerging from this tournament would qualify to play for the WFTDA championship in November.

The Minnesota RollerGirls All-Stars arrived in Green Bay on the tenth and played early against the short-handed Omaha Rollergirls All-Stars (ranked 10th) to qualify for the quarter-finals, defeating the Nebraskans by more than a 3-1 ratio (144-41).

Their next opponent - the Detroit Derby Girls - proved to be a much more difficult challenge. Detroit had last met Minnesota at regionals in 2007 and upset the then-dominant MNRG road team by sending them out of tournament contention in the first round. Detroit's 2010 team - a hard-hitting team with advantages in both speed and size over the Minnesota players - took an early lead. Minnesota put their most nimble, stable players as jammers (scoring players) to find holes in the defense and battled their way back to a 19-point win (118-99) against a shocked Detroit.

Minnesota likewise made a comeback and a win against the Dairyland Dolls of Madison, WI semi-finals. Madison's more agile packs gave the Dolls an initial advantage over Minnesota's wall-building strategy. However, a change in jammer rotation late in the first period brought MNRG players in to score that could barrel through Madison's softer defensive line - giving the Saint Paul team a 74-17 scoring advantage over the middle 30 minutes of the hour-long bout. As the final jam of the bout ended (final score 119-107), the MNRG team collapsed with joy on the track. With the semi-final victory, the MNRG qualified for the championship tournament without needing to face another opponent (Madison would eventually take the third spot, defeating the Black Sheep of Cincinnati in the consolation bout.) They also qualified to play for the honor of tournament champions.

In the Regional championship bout, the MNRG All-Stars played and ultimately failed against the two-year champions, the Windy City Rollers of Chicago, IL. The Rollers' scoring unit trounced Minnesota's weaker rear defense, while Minnesota's own jammers could not cope with a pack able to block at the rapid pace of Minnesota's best jammers. Chicago defeated Minnesota 132-83.

The Minnesota RollerGirls open their home season at the Legendary Roy Wilkins Auditorium in Saint Paul, MN on Saturday, October 16th. The MNRG All-Stars will travel to the WFTDA championship in Chicago, IL (hosted by the Windy City Rollers) and begin a weekend of tournament play on Friday, November 5th for the chance to earn flat track derby's highest honor; raising the Hydra trophy. Their first opponent has yet to be determined.

A full report of this amazing weekend - from first whistle to after-party PBRs - will be available soon. In the meantime, please join us in congratulating our Minnesota All-Stars! Tickets are available for the WFTDA championship at http://www.uproaronthelakeshore.com/. We hope to see you there!

Season Seven begins with fifteen new faces.

garrison.killer@gmail.com (Garrison Killer) — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 04:20:00 +0000

At an undisclosed location on Thursday, August 19th, the MNRG welcomed fifteen new players to the ranks of their home teams. Of those fifteen, five came from other leagues (the Mad Rollin' Dolls of Madison, Minneapolis' own North Star Roller Girls, and Angel City in Los Angeles), nine players new to our sport from recruitment, and one from our own team of refs. In addition, we recruited two new referees and a new announcer.

Because of the new season schedule, these fifteen rookies will have much to learn about their respective teams in a very short time. Rookies have not traditionally played for their home team before January, but this year they will play in two months on October 16th. Watch for these players, derby fans.

The Atomic Bombshells welcome to their ranks:

Hurtrude Stein

Bully Jean

Freeze Baby

Smoka Hontas (formerly of Angel City)

The Rockits welcome to their ranks:

Commander Nix

Salvador Brawlie

Kit Shinkicker

The Dagger Dolls welcome to their ranks:

Juke Boxx (#1 draft pick, formerly of Mad Rollin' Dolls)

Naughty Kitty (formerly of the North Star Roller Girls)

The Garda Belts welcome to their ranks:

Dropkick Donna (formerly of the MNRG referees)

Sintripetal Force

Wolf Bite

Betty LaRude (formerly of the North Star Roller Girls)

Shiva Shankn (formerly of the North Star Roller Girls)

Moto Fluzzi

The referees welcome to their ranks:

Winona Collider

Ro Hoe

Watch also for Kodiak and Head Shot, our new announcer and photographer, in amidst the crowd at the Roy.

We have even more developments in the team lineups for season seven. We announced several returns in May, and it is our pleasure to announce more. If you've been a fan since the beginning...well, you're going to love this news.

The Garda Belts welcome to their ranks:

Glam Slam (formerly a ref, formerly of the Atomic Bombshells)

Ann E Briated (retired in season five)

The Atomic Bombshells welcome to their ranks:

Lizzy the Axe (former Bombshell and Garda Belt)

Flora Flipabitch (whose retirement lasted only slightly longer than that Favre fella)

The Atomic Bombshells also welcome as their new bench coach:

Rocky Whorer (former head ref of the MNRG)

Please welcome with us the class of 2010!

That's the news. More to come.

Some words with Ump: the North Central Referee Clinic (August 8th)

garrison.killer@gmail.com (Garrison Killer) — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 04:26:00 +0000

“We’re running basically every officiating position out there.” Umpire Strikes Back tells me. Fifteen refs assembled on the Roy Wilkins auditorium floor circle two scrimmaging packs of Minnesota RollerGirl and North Star Roller Girl players. With his dyed yellow hair peeking out from a painstakingly-detailed Death Star derby helmet, Ump looks like any child’s favorite cool uncle. More importantly to us, Umpire Strikes Back (#1138) is the Minnesota RollerGirls head referee. The buck, such that it is, stops with Ump. And he does it with a bit of an infectous grin. He loves this sport.

From behind that grin, you can see a touch of fatigue. It’s Day 2 of the North Central regional clinic on a hot August day, and it’s clear that every ref here - caravaning from every corner of the region - has been soaking in each minute of time spent together. All that focus makes them look more tired than the players, and those players are playing five of every six jams to give the refs a chance to work together. Whistles pierce the air, jammer refs compare notes on how to hold up the points their jammer has just scored, and players - half in jest - point out how many penalties the player opposite them has accrued as each jam begins.

Ump walks me through the referee positions; outside boundary refs skating relay to keep pace with the pack’s movement, whiteboard operators collating penalties from every direction, penalty box refs and positional refs and wranglers and jammer refs inside of the track. As he speaks, he points out that there are quite a few people that hear this list and wonder if there’s too many referees. Ump suggests that perhaps that there are too few.

It’s an interesting proposition to make. The first instinct of a lot of fans is, “let the players play!” Ump opines that when a good game is reffed well, the referees simply disappear into the pace of the game. It’s when the refs are uncertain that the game stops cold and that everyone gets unhappy. When one considers the speed of our sport, the level of danger that the players face at those speeds, and how hard the derby nation has worked to resurrect roller derby into a living, breathing, athletic activity, the focus on rules starts making a bit of sense. Calling a game down the middle takes more than a rulebook. For tournament-level play, it takes a cadre of elite skaters with their heads in the game.

As we speak, we watch the dance of the packs and wince at the screech of toestops. Here's part of that conversation.

Why is this clinic necessary?
Ump: One of the challenges of the WFTDA (the Women’s Flat Track Derby Association, our umbrella organization) is consistency; consistency in all the different leagues across the country. Different leagues travel at different times, different places. You more frequently encounter some leagues than others. You have the East Coast, West Coast, and all that, and they’ve all got their different styles that will emerge if they’re left to their own devices.

So the goal - like centralized and standard rules - is to have consistent officiating. The same bout should be called the same way whether you’re in Boston or LA or Nevada or wherever. Consistency, consistency, consistency...that’s the watchword of the clinics. Not just [here] but we’re doing one per region around the country.

What did you cover before the scrimmages?

Ump: A lot of today was about positioning and what are the best angles to see the action from. Also, what skating skills translate to what we do as referees. For instance, why are turnaround toestops so important? (he demonstrates, skating past me, turning abruptly and skidding to a stop on his toe like he had hit a wall.) And that’s because it allows you to come to a stop as quickly as the pack. It’s the fastest way to stop. It’s the least amount of space to stop.

You just have to have the balance to use it?

Ump: Yes. And being able to transition into that turn at speed.

Will there be anyone who will be travelling to other clinics?

Ump: There’s overlap between the clinics. (Motioning to the inside referees) Reverend Riot is doing this, but he’ll be at Long Island. Others will be in Seattle or Memphis.

With the Big 5 (four regions and national) tournaments coming up, we wanted to make sure that if you’re going to be officiating at a tournament, you could come to a clinic beforehand to make sure you’re on the same page as everybody else. And if you believe you’re already at the highest levels? There are still those nuanced differences. If you are that great, then you can help instruct.

I took a show of hands yesterday and - you know, we’ve got some of the best refs here already - I asked, you know, “Who’s learned something today?” and everybody raised their hand.

Going to do this again next year?

Ump: There will be continuing clinics. We organized and hosted this; I, personally, didn’t throw this, but WFTDA will keep going with the clinics.

So why this year at the Roy?

Ump: Well, they put a call out for hosts. It was very short timeline from when the WFTDA board of directors approved and kind of directed the referees to put this on. We hosted the very first North Central tournament, and [so] we hosted the first North Central referee clinic. I wanted to do it for that reason, and the league did as well to continue to be a leader in the region.

I also wanted as many of my refs to be in this as possible, and I figured that the best way to do that was to host.

Thank you.

-Garrison Killer,

reporting for the Minnesota RollerGirls