The Frog Blog

Un bien triste jour

2005-01-20T23:39:00.000+01:00

C'est un bien triste jour. It's such a sad day. Watching Bush taking his oath, surrounded by so many policemen. The sky was gray. Some people were shouting at the so-called "new president" in protest. It couldn't possibly have been more dark and gloomy. It was like watching a dictator taking power in a remote thirld world country, when the population is too stunned to react and it's like you can see in the eyes of the dictator himself the pale reflection of his people's suffering. Except that the country is the United States and that the dictator has just been reelected. That's an odd feeling. It's like knowing that something terribly, terribly wrong is going to happen, is already happening, and you can't do anything in the world to stop it. I think about the american Democrats. I think about people in Iran, who will learn soon enough what "liberty" stands for, in contemporary american language.

I kind of have a dream

2005-01-18T01:09:00.000+01:00

EXCLUSIVE : The french government was able to get a copy of George W. Bush's next "State of the union" address. Only on The Frog Blog.

"GEORGE W. BUSH State of the Union Address, January 20th 2005

Hi Dad, hi Mum, hi everybody,

I kind of have a dream

I say to you today, my friends, that in spite of your difficulties and frustrations of the moment, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed : "We hold these truths to be self-evident : that all rich men are created equal." I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Iraq the sons of american CEOs and the sons of iraqi CEOs will be able to sit down together at the table of commerce. I have a dream that one day even Iraq, a desert state, sweltering with the heat of injustice and oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of free trade and air-conditionned malls.

I have a dream that one day the state of France, whose government's lips are presently dripping with the words of interposition and nullification, will be transformed into a situation where little american boys and girls will be able to join hands with little french boys and girls, and walk together, as brothers and sisters - no kidding. I have a dream today. I have a dream that one day every profit shall be exalted, every loss and tax shall be made low, the democrat places will be made republican, and the gay places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all shareholders shall see it together. This is our hope. This is the faith with which I return to you. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of gold. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of... of whatever. With this faith we will be able to golf together, to prey together, to smuggle together, to avoid jail together, to stand up for liberalism together, knowing that our economy will be free one day.

This will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with a new meaning, "My country, 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my father didn't die yet, land of the pilgrim's ride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring." And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true. So let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of Washington. Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of Wall Street.

When we let freedom ring, when we let it ring from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, Republican men, Protestants, straight guys, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old WASP spiritual : "Free at last ! Free at last ! Thank God Almighty, we are free at last !" Thank you ! Oh boy, that was close. I can't believe we made it again. But I'm there. Eh,eh. I'm there ! And the dream has just begun.

George W. Bush

An Iceberg Named Mendacity

2005-01-16T01:19:00.000+01:00

He cheated in order to avoid the Vietnam war, he cheated in order to be President, he lied about Iraq, he started a bloody war that already killed 1363 american soldiers, allowing his friends and members of his own family or political staff to actually make money out of it... And now, George W. Bush wants to dismantle his country's social security system. "We are heading to an iceberg", he says.

We had the same speech from our government in France, about our retirement system, that it wants so badly to privatize. It must be said that never ever did privatization allowed a former public system to improve itself. Things only get worse : prices are up - you can never know for sure what you're going to pay in the end -, and customer services are down. There are so many examples of privatization actually leading to a formerly non-existing iceberg. So far, we won. Our governement doesn't dare to do anything in that area. So far.

It's hard to understand how a whole nation can decide to freely give so much money - billions of dollars - to companies like Lockheed Martin (and the whole "defense" sector) for "protection", thus ending up with the higher budget deficit ever, and at the same time come to the conclusion that it's unworthy to go on spending so much money on its social security system, because it would aggravate the budget deficit. This doesn't make any sense. Isn't Iraq an iceberg ? Isn't Bush's foreign policy leading to an iceberg ? Even the CIA says so. And you've seen Titanic, right ? You know what happens when the boat starts to sink. If you want to be saved, you need to have a first class ticket.

I was thinking about all that this afternoon when I saw that beautiful movie, A cat on a hot tin roof, starring Paul Newman and Elizabeth Taylor. As one of the main characters, Big Daddy, puts it, mendacity is indeed the system in which men live.

See you soon ! Goodbye America !

You've got mail

2005-01-12T13:06:00.000+01:00

This was going to be one more day in this beautiful democracy of ours. I woke up early. I had a strong coffee and then, I read the paper. At first, I thought that I was still dreaming. I closed my eyes. I reopened them. But there it was.

George W. Bush had written to us, French, to congratulate us, and the rest of the world, for we helped and behaved well after the tsunami catastrophy. "I congratulate the individuals, the states and the international organizations that give money or equipments, that give means of transportation, that provide logisitics support, that provide staff to help those who were on the path of the tsunami, he wrote. People from all the world unite to help these countries. The government of the United States has committed itself to give an initial 350 millions of dollars to help the victims and to help rebuilding the tsunami-wasted areas. I also sent the US army there to help in the rescuing operations. (...) With the approval of its allies and of the United Nations, the United States have launched one of the biggest humanitarian operations in recent history."

We had a new president and we didn't even know it ! Now, we are all Americans ! I can't wait for the tax cuts and the SUVs ! No, George W. Bush isn't a president anymore. It's no longer an appropriate title for him. He's an Emperor. George Bush 2d, Emperor of the United World of America. "I thank you, world, for what you did. You behaved well and I am pleased with you." Next time, for all we know, he will make his horse Vice-President.
Or Barney the dog.

But the most beautiful sentence in the Emperor's speech is : "The main source of America's generosity is the heart of its people". Well, some people - call them sissies - would be shy about it. They would help without bragging about it or congratulate themselves shamelessly in the world's newspapers while the bodies of many victims are still to be recovered. But that's not the Republican's way. We brought our help and, boy, we'll let you know it !

Hail to George Bush 2d ! Hail to our Emperor !

My little town in Normandy

2005-01-05T13:27:00.000+01:00

The town is called Bleray. I arrived there at eight o'clock on New Year's eve. I couldn't make it by the road. There was too much traffic. I had to leave my car at mid-course and take the train. It seemed that everybody was going to Normandy to celebrate. It's getting trendy to leave Paris on New Year's Eve, if you can afford a house in the country. Or if, like me, you have friends who have a house in the country.

Bleray is a typical french village. There is one small catholic church, located in a round place at the center of the town, in front of the local City Hall. There are maybe a hundred houses. It's nice. On the day I arrived, it smelled of cows and damped earth, since it has been raining for the past few days. Normandy is in the western part of France. It rains all the time, even inside the people who live there. They are among the heaviest drinkers I ever met, second only to the Russians - nobody can beat the Russians at drinking.

By the way, it must be said that the only good vodka is iced Zubrowka. The other brands don't deserve to be called vodka. At least, according to my uncle André, who was born in Paris from a russian family who had fled from Russia to France in the aftermath of the 1917 Revolution. He is not really the liberal type. Rather conservative, you might say, having been wounded during the french algerian war (1954-1962) and forever bearing the mark of it on his face. But he sure knows a lot about vodka. He's a french conservative, meaning that he hates George W. Bush's guts as much as he hates the "bloody commies".

My friends had made their own Foie Gras, another trendy thing to do in France on New Year's eve. I don't know which recipe they used (and they wouldn't tell), but it was delicious. I buttered the last of it on a bit of "chapon" (capon), cooked "à la broche" (barbecued) in the chimney, an incredible taste. The "chapon" was served together with potatoes, also cooked in the chimney. You just have to cut each potatoe in two and to put a little bit of butter in the middle of it, then to wrap it in aluminium paper and to place it in the middle of the ember, when there are no flames anymore but it's still very hot. Don't peel the potatoes. It should take half an hour before it's done. We had full boxes of belgian chocolates, brought by a belgian friend, and champagne for dessert. A lot of fun. And then it was midnight. We all kissed each other, two times, on the cheeks. On this occasion, I have been offered a wonderful book, who made me think of you, Absalom ! Absalom ! by William Faulkner.

I read and read again these beautiful phrases : "His very body was an empty hall echoing with sonorous defeated names" or : "He was a barracks filled with stubborn back-looking ghosts still recovering, even forty-three years afterward, from the fever which had cured the disease, waking from the fever without even knowing that it had been the fever itself which they had fought against and not the sickness, looking with stubborn recalcitrance backward beyond the fever and into the disease with actual regret, weak from the fever yet free of the disease and not even aware that the freedom was that of impotence."

These words should be carved on the front of each war monument, in France and in the United States.

See you soon ! Goodbye America !

Merry Christmas and a happy new year

2004-12-29T10:41:00.000+01:00

On Christmas eve, we were all gathered around the tree, drinking champagne and vodka, since part of my family came from Russia. There were 25 of us, aging from 8 to 70. Fathers, mothers, sons, daughters, sisters, brothers, cousins... Each one of us had brought a "10 euros" present. We all wrote our names on little sheets of paper. The papers were then gathered in a hat. And a little girl whose name I can never remember picked them up one by one. When my name came up, I could choose from the pile of "10 euros" presents, all wrapped up in glamorous papers, the one I liked the most. I was lucky enough to end up with a bottle of decent french red wine - a Chenas, which I recommand you buy from L'Hardi vin (121 rue des Dames, Paris), a very good and cheap wine seller.

The dinner was made of russian meals, mostly, starting with blinis and salmon, with their fresh cream and melted butter, malossols (huge pickles), eggplant caviar, culminating with salmon Koulibiacs (a typical russian meal that looks very much like a meat pie, made of salmon and cabbage), and ending with a Criollo (chocolate, meringue, lemon and ginger, a cake that I had made following a recipe by Pierre Hermé) and home-made chantilly cream. Quite nice.

Now, we are on new year's eve and I am heading to the countryside. I guess the name of the town is Bernet or Berlet or Berlé. Anyway, I've got a map and a hundred cell phone numbers I can call for help. I'm invited by a nice couple, although they have the strange habit not to live in Paris. A fact that, like most Parisians, I can never fully understand. They told me that they had done home made Foie gras. "Yummi", as you might put it. I'll tell you how it turned out.

A happy new year to you all !

See you in 2005 ! Goodbye America !

Autumn in Paris

2004-12-22T21:20:00.000+01:00

It’s a typical french, or even parisian, experience. It’s called Cook Dating. Take 3 boys and 3 girls and have them cook together, and you may end up with 3 brand new couples. A good love recipe. Cooking with the person you love is certainly one of the most beautiful experiences you can have in life. At least if the most experienced of the two has enough patience to endure the broken eggs, the : « Why do we have to do it by the book ? I mean, can’t we be more creative ? » or : « My mom used to do it the other way. What ? What did you say about my mom ? ».

The recipe I want to give you is a very poetic one. We should call it : Autumn in Paris. For six people, you need : one big chicken, 150 grammes (5,3 ounces) butter, 2 big spoons of olive oil, 150 grammes (5,3 ounces) of pork chest cut in little bits, 12 little onions (the ones we French call « oignons grelots »), 4 garlic cloves, 1 glass of white wine, 1 glass of apple cider vinegar, 100 grammes (3,5 ounces) of hazelnuts, 100 grammes (3,5 ounces) of sweet-almonds, a big spoon of fresh cream (be careful not to put too much of it), a pinch of salt, a pinch of pepper.

Put the chicken in a boiler (do not close it), with the olive oil and half of the butter. Use your hands to rub the chicken’s skin with oil and butter. This will keep the chicken’s flesh juicy. Wait until the chicken has taken a golden colour.

Then add the pork chest and the onions. Wait until the onions have taken a golden colour. Then add the garlic cloves, salt, pepper, white wine and the apple cider vinegar.

In the meanwhile, put the hazelnuts and sweet-almonds in a pan, with half ot the butter. Be careful not to let them burn. Then crush them in little bits and add them to the chicken, ten minutes or so before the chicken is done, which should take between 1 hour to 1 and 1/2 hour, depending on the chicken.

When the chicken is done, put the sauce in a separate dish, on the side. Mix the chicken’s sauce with the fresh cream. It's done.

See you soon in Paris ! Goodbye America !

Fox News is Blue

2004-12-19T14:10:00.000+01:00

I thought that Fox News was a Republican TV. But no ! According to the website Choosetheblue.com, that wants to convince Democrat voters to stop buying products from companies that give money to the Republicans, 61 % of the political contributions given by the employees of Fox News went to... the Democrats !

This news is so incredible that people at Choosetheblue.com received tons of e-mails asking them for an explanation. Here is what they say : "Many people have commented about the fact that News Corp, owner of Fox News, is a blue company whereas they would have expected it to be red. News Corp has many subsidiaries and many of them are in the entertainment industry which is traditionally very blue. This is reflected in the political donations given by the employees of News Corp as a whole."

That's right ! People who make Fox News... Don't even believe in it ! They vote for the Democrats. Not only do they vote for them, but they actually contribute to their political campaigns !

Maybe they wanted it to be a fair game. Maybe they thought : "Kerry is so lame. This is so easy. It takes all the fun out of disinforming the American people. Let's give them some money, so that they can pay for a decent candidate."

Or else, it was more like : "The Republicans will advertise their lies anyway. Somebody has to do the dirty job. One has to make a living, you know. But I feel bad about it." Maybe it's more like a redemption thing. Like admiring the landscape on board of a SUV. By the way, according to Choosetheblue.com, the only brand of car that is a good for a Democrat to buy is... Toyota ! No wonder why Democrats are depressed.

If your Toyota is equipped with a CD player, here's a nice song that was sent to me by a canadian friend. It's entitled Forgive Us We're Canadians. It has been written by a canadian band called The Arrogant Worms. They will perform at the Cultural center of the University of Cincinnati, Ohio on January 29. Maybe you should invite them to your place, so that you're able to listen to true canadian stuff. It goes :

Forgive Us We're Canadians

We always say we're sorry we like to stand in line
When you ask us how we're doing, we always say just fine!

Forgive us we're canadian, we try hard to be nice
You too can be canadian if you follow this advice

We disagree on everything but we try to be polite
And we don't beleive in violence, except on hockey night
Weve adopted Europen ways, replacing yards with meters
But we still must ask the question, how many miles in a litre?

Forgive us we're canadian, we try hard to be nice
You too can be canadian if you follow this advice

We could talk for hours on end about the constitution
Which is dry as toast but sure as heck beats war or reveloution
We don't much like to wave the flag we find patriotism shocking
So we celebrate on canada day by going cross border shopping

Forgive us we're canadian, we try hard to be nice
You too can be canadian if you follow this advice

We know how to dress for winter, we're not afraid of snow
And we love our country quietly, and hope quebec wont go

Forgive us we're canadian, and some might think us bland
But there's no where that we'd rather live....
That this vast and frozen land!

See you soon in Canada ! Goodbye America !

Looking for Barney

2004-12-17T23:16:00.000+01:00

Do you know the story of "Histoire d'O" (The Story of O) ? It's a french erotic novel, written by a woman. It was published in 1954 and it sold more than 850 000 copies at the time. It was a huge success. Women loved it. Men hated it. It's the story of a woman who decides to do whatever her lover asks her to do, even if she has to die for it. There was a documentary about it on one of our national networks last night. That's right. On TV. And it wasn't even that late. Maybe it was ten o'clock or something.
At the same time, another channel was playing a Friends episode.

What is interesting and moving about "Histoire d'O" is not the novel by itself, but the fact that it was as much a book as an act of love. It was written by a woman who had an affair with a notorious publisher, in Paris. The publisher, who was a very handsome man, cheated on her all the time. He didn't pay attention to her. She decided to impress him by doing the only thing she knew he would care about : she wrote a book. And she succeeded. She wrote it under a pen name and she didn't reveal her true identity before her lover was dead and she was a very old lady, in 1994, some thirty years later.

Now, about Chocolate Mousse. It seems simple enough. But the fact is that it's never as good as the Chocolate Mousse you can eat at restaurants. Never. Except, maybe, if you try this special recipe. It took me years and many unfortunate tries to find it. You have to do it by the book.

The first trick is in the ingredients. You'll need 100 grammes (should be 3,5 ounces) of sugar, 7 eggs and 230 grammes (8,1 ounces) of black chocolate.

First mix the sugar with the yellow of 6 eggs using a fork until the mix turns to a white colour.

Then put the chocolate in a pan, add some water, put the pan on the stove, keep the temperature low, until the chocolate
has melted. Let it rest for a minute or two. It must not be too hot, otherwise it will cook the eggs.

You'll then mix the melted chocolate with the eggs/sugar mix.

Now, for the most important part. This is the decisive moment. This is how you'll really make a difference, as far as Chocolate Mousse is concerned.

Take the white of 7 eggs. Whip them. Do not use an electrical whipper. Use a hand whipper. Maybe it will hard at the beginning. But the more you'll do it, the easiest it will be. You'll eventually come to like it. You will never have the same quality of texture and taste in a Chocolate Mousse if you use an electrical whipper. When the eggs are hard enough, when you can actually put the container upside down without having the eggs falling on your head, then mix the whipped eggs with the sugar/yellow/chocolate mix. You have to do it bit of whipped eggs by bit of whipped eggs. Proceed gently. Do it with a fork.

Let it rest for an hour or two. If you want to add something fancy, you can cut an apple into slices, put the slices in a pan with a little bit of sugar and a few drops of lemon juice, and cook it until it has turned to a caramel colour. Serve it on the side of the Chocolate Mousse.

Then it's just the time to go on Whitehouse.gov and watch Barney looking for a sign of intelligence in the White House and not finding it.

How did I go from a french erotic novel to Barney the dog, I can't remember.

See you soon at the White House ! Goodbye America !

The Paris Syndrome

2004-12-13T10:34:00.000+01:00

Maybe I should stop writing this blog. Maybe my writing put you all at risks. Because that's what us French do when we talk to non-french people ! At least, according to Dr Ota, a Japanese-French psychiatrist living in Paris, who broke the news this morning in the french medias.

Dr Ota observed that when foreigners, especially the Japanese, have been living in Paris for more than three monthes, they are struck by a "strange kind of mental illness", that can lead them to a state of delirium or even on the verge of suicide. He calls it the "Paris Syndrome". Not the "Paris, Texas, Syndrome" that led the unhabitants of the world's most insignificant town to actually build the "Second Largest Eiffel Tower in the world", located at he corner of Jefferson Road and South Collegiate Drive, adjacent to the Love Civic Center (see by yourself : Cityofparistx.com).

"Each day, says Dr Ota, in Paris, France, I see people falling into that peculiar state. A hundred of tourists are struck each year. First, they are afraid to go out of their apartment, then they refuse to take any kind of public transportation. They even refuse to leave France, unable to admit that they are not able to embrace the "french way of life"".

Now, the question that needed to be asked to Dr Ota is "Why ?". Why do that terrible thing happen ? And why after three monthes in Paris ? What happen if you stay here for only two monthes and 29 days ?

"The French are not patients enough, says Dr Ota. They speak too much. They don't bother to listen when answered to. And the french humour can lead Foreigners to feel persecuted by the French" ! That's right ! We make jokes about you - such as "what is the name of your president again ?" - and then, all of a sudden, you fall into depression ! That's as easy as that. And what is to blame ? French humour ! I didn't know we had any. But, apparently, we do. And that's a weapon of mass destruction even you Americans are likely to find !

Another factor, according to Dr Ota, is that "foreign magazines tend to show a false image of Paris, as a city full of female models wearing Vuitton outfits and dating romantic painters. And that's not the truth". I agree on that one. That's not the truth. Vuitton is for tourists. A true French woman only wears Yves Saint Laurent.

See you soon in Paris ! Goodbye America !

We are all Canadians

2004-12-09T11:11:00.000+01:00

I read in the news this morning that some american tourists are currently visiting France "under cover", disguised as... Canadians. A company in New Mexico, named T-shirtking.com, provide them with a "complete disguise" : "For $24.95 you get a t-shirt with the Canadian flag and the saying O Canada ! (National Anthem), a patch for your luggage or backpack, a window sticker and a lapel pin." The conclusion is : "Now when someone asks you about American politics, you can say, "I'm on vacation, I don't want to talk about it.""
The company even provides the american tourists with a booklet entitled "How to speak Canadian, Eh ?!". It seems that in order to "sound Canadian", you have to finish every sentence with "Eh ?!".

Next summer, things will get pretty complicated. It seems that there will be an unusual amount of canadian tourists visiting France. That is, people dressed with a "O Canada !" T-shirt, speaking with a thick New York or Texas accent, and finishing each sentence by "Eh !". "Hey, bruddah, dya now whuh de Burger King is, so dat I can get some propuh food, Eh ?" I think we will start to get suspicious. Maybe we will test them. We will serve only maple syrup at breakfeast, together with canadian breakfast tea. We will play canadian music, featuring Celine Dion and Avril Lavigne. It shouldn't be long before they drop their mask.

In the meanwhile, here's the national anthem, entitled "O Canada !" :

"O Canada !

Our home and native land !
True patriot love in all thy sons command.
With glowing hearts we see thee rise,
Our True North strong and free !
From far and wide, O Canada !
We stand on guard for thee.
God keep our land glorious and free !
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

O Canada !

Where pines and maples grow,
Great prairies spread and lordly rivers flow,
How dear to us thy broad domain,
From East to Western sea !
Thou land of hope for all who toil !
Thou True North strong and free !
God keep our land glorious and free !
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

O Canada !
Beneath thy shining skies
May stalwart sons and gentle maidens rise
To keep thee steadfast through the years
From East to Western sea,
Our own beloved native land,
Our True North strong and free !
God keep our land glorious and free !
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee

Ruler supreme,
Who hearest humble prayer,
Hold our Dominion in Thy loving care.
Help us to find, O God, in Thee
A lasting rich reward,
As waiting for the better day,
We ever stand on guard.
God keep our land glorious and free !
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee."

(Thanks to Jim, from Guelph, Canada. When will you start a canadian blog, Jim ?)

May the "True North" remain strong and free !

See you soon in Canada ! Goodbye America !

American women and French toast

2004-12-06T11:06:00.000+01:00

Numerous american movies take place in France : Ernst Lubitch's "Ninotchka" and "Design for living", John Frankenheimer's "Ronin", Woody Allen's "Everybody says I love you"...

But the best one - the most french one - is certainly Hitchcock's "To catch a thief", starring Cary Grant and Grace Kelly. This movie is great, even if it does have its share of "clichés'" (the way french people and Cary Grant are dressed is pretty ridiculous).

The action takes place in the south of France. John Robie/Cary Grant is a retired thief living in a beautiful villa on the heights of Cannes. A war hero, he is also famous for having stolen the most beautiful jewels in his time. When the south of France is hit by a new wave of daring jewel robberies, the police comes to arrest him. He manages to escape. The only way for him to prove his innocence is to find the real thief (thus the title "It takes a thief...").

There's one interesting piece of dialogue taking place between a seventeen years old french girl, Danielle, and an american girl in her twenties, Frances/Grace Kelly. Danielle is outrageously flirting with Cary Grant on a wooden deck in the middle of the sea, some fifty yards away from the beach of Cannes, where Frances/Grace Kelly is waiting for Cary Grant to come back. Danielle and Cary Grant have known each other for a long while. He is a friend of her father's, whom he met in the french Resistance.

This dialogue tells a lot about the french-american relationships.

"Danielle (talking about Frances/Grace Kelly) : Why do you want to buy an old car if you can get a new one cheaper? It will run better and last longer.
- John : Well, it looks as if my old car just drove off.
- Frances : No, it hasn't, it's just turned amphibious. I thought I'd come out and see what the big attraction was.
- John : Yes.
- Frances : And possibly even rate an introduction.
- John : (to Danielle) Oh, uh, you didn't tell me your name.
- Danielle : Danielle Foussard (Froussard means "coward" in french, it isn't her real name).
- John : Miss Foussard, Miss Stevens.
- Frances : How do you do, Miss Foussard. Mr. Burns has told me so little about you.
- John : Well, we only met a couple of minutes ago.
- Danielle : That's right, only a few minutes ago.
- Frances : Only a few minutes ago. And you talk like old friends. Ah well, that's warm, friendly France for you.
- John : (To Frances) I was asking about renting some water-skis. Would you like me to teach you how to water ski?
- Frances : Thank you, but I was women's champion at Sarasota, Florida last season.
- John : Well, it was just an idea.
- Frances : Are you sure you were talking about water-skis? From where I sat, it looked as though you were conjugating some irregular verbs.
- John : Say something nice to her, Danielle.
- Danielle : She looks a lot older, up close.
- John : Ohhh
- Frances : To a mere child, anything over twenty might seem old.
- Danielle : A child? Shall we stand in shallower water and discuss that?
- Frances : Enjoying yourself, Mr. Burns?
- Robie : Oh yes, it's very nice out here, with the sun and all.
- Frances : Well, it's too much for me. I'll see you at the hotel.
- John : (laughing nervously) I'll go with you.
- Danielle : But Mr. Burns, you didn't finish telling me why French women are more seductive than American women?
- John : I know what I'd like to tell you!"

Now, if you watch that movie, I recommand you do it while eating a typical french meal, not very complicated to do. It's called "Pain perdu" ("lost bread") or "french toast".

Take 1 brioche a few days old. Cut it in slices.

In a plate, put 4,5 ounces of fresh cream, 4,5 ounces of milk, 2 egg yellow, 2 eggs, 1,8 ounce of sugar, the skin of an half-orange, a pinch of cardamom, a pinch of cinnamon, a pinch of star anise (maybe you'll have trouble finding that ingredient, you can do without it). Mix the ingredients, whipe them.

When it's done, dunk the slices of brioche in the mix, on both sides. Not for too long or they will fall into pieces.

Put 0,9 ounce of butter and a little spoon of white oil in a pan. Put the slices of brioche in the pan. let them cook for a few minutes, on both sides. They must look like toasts, slightly burned.

Then put them in the oven, for eight to ten minutes, so that they get a little crispy. They'll taste better.
The oven must be at 180 degrees celcius (356 degrees farenheit).

See you soon ! Goodbye America !

Nothing surprises me anymore

2004-12-04T15:18:00.000+01:00

There' s one meaningful song that is getting popular here as the
situation in Ivory Coast, this country in Africa we sent our army
to for monetary purposes, as you did in Iraq, is getting more and more
out of hand (out of our hands, that is). It has been written in french
by a singer from Ivory Coast named Tiken Jah Fakoly.

Note to the Republicans : People in Africa aren't as civilized as we are. They had to fight for their independence from the colonial rule, but they still keep the language of their former rulers. They know what a civil war is. They've got exotic Churches (quakers, adventists, pentecotists, younameitists...).
Some of these Churches still try to convince people that chastity is likable (it does sounds medieval, doesn't it ?). They go as far as to disagree with the theory of evolution. Sons succeed to their fathers as Presidents. There is massive electoral fraud, which lead to protests and endless disputes. The medias repeat the lies they are told by the governement as if they were the truth. It's not as if they would have Fox News to provide them with a "fair and balanced" information.

The song I want to tell you about is entitled "Nothing surprises me anymore" ("Plus rien ne m'étonne")
It goes :

"They divided up the world
Nothing surprises me anymore

If you give me Chechnia
I'll give you Armenia
If you give me Afghanistan
I'll give you Pakistan
If you don't leave Haiti
I'll take you in Bangui
If you help me bombing Iraq
I'll fix Kurdistan

They divided up the world
Nothing surprises me anymore

If you give me unranium
I'll give you aluminium
If you leave me your mines
I'll help you fighting the Talibans
If you give me money
I'll go to war with you
If you let me exploiting your gold
I'll help you getting rid of that general

They divided up the world
Nothing surprises me anymore

They divided up Africa without asking us
And they wonder why we are not united
Part of the Mandingue empire
Is in the Wolof's
Part of the Mossi Empire
Is in Ghana
Part of the Soussou empire
Is in the Mandingue Empire
Part of the Mandingue Empire
Is in the Mossi's
They divided up Africa without asking us
Without telling us, without warning us !

They divided up the world
Nothing surprises me any more"

I tried to make an american version of that song :

"They divided up the USA
Nothing surprises me anymore

If you give me California
I'll give you Texas
If you give me Alaska
I'll give you Florida
If you don't leave Utah
I'll take you in Hawaii
if you help me bombing Colorado
I'll fix New York"

I would have done a french version of it, except that
you wouldn't have had a clue of what I was talking
about !

See you soon in Africa ! Goodbye America !

The Da Bush Code

2004-11-29T01:06:00.000+01:00

It's sunday. I woke up at 11 o'clock and I went shopping at the local open-air food market. Paris is divided into 20 sections. We call them "arrondissements". I live in the biggest one, in the western part of the city. I live in an old building. I just have to walk for five minutes and I find myself into one of the oldest streets in Paris, where the food market is. You can buy fresh fruits and vegetables, meat, wine and every kind of cheese. As we are on sunday, I bought "croissants", eggs to do crumbled eggs (for 2 people, take 5 to 6 eggs, put them in a casserole and miw them with a spoon, add some butter - little, maybe 0,9 ounce -, then turn the heat on, keep it low, all the time turning the eggs and butter with the spoon, when it's start to crumble, take it off the fire, keep on turning it with the spoon until it's done and serve it), oranges to do orange juice and parma ham to eat with the crumbled eggs.

I wonder what a typical sunday of an american Republican is. Maybe he wakes up early, so that he wouldn't be late at church. Democrats must know that they'll go to hell anyway. I guess they don't mind being late at church. In fact, I'm pretty sure that they often don't even bother to go to church. Republicans, for their part, have doubts. They're worried. Will I qualify for paradise ? Will it look like Texas ? Will they allow me to keep my gun over there ? Surely they can't let me going there naked...

Your President says that he acts on God's will. There are more than 6 billion people on earth. Of all these people, I wonder why would God choose to talk to George W. Bush ? Why ? I mean, seriously, if you could spend the night with just anybody on earth, would you choose to do it with George W. Bush ? Wouldn't you be willing to spend time - say - with Nicole Kidman or Brad Pitt instead ? Nicole Kidman as in Stanley Kubrick's "Eyes wide shut", when she's both stoned and with very little clothes on ? Brad Pitt dressed as a in Wolfgang Petersen's "Troy", with his skirt on and his muscular arms ? Seriously ? And would you ask George W. Bush to do something as silly as going to war with another country so that his father and his father's friends can make even more money than they already do ? No. So why would God do so ? Republicans don't know what we know. God is a French woman. And that's why we stay at home on Sundays.

If, by any chance, God is reading my blog, I have an additionnal request for him. Could you please talk to Dan Brown about his "Da Vinci code" ? Could you ask him to stop sending to France thousands of american tourists who keep asking us the strangest questions, such as : ''Is this church's floor really made of 666 stones ? What ? You mean you didn't count them ?"
On the other hand, it's good to know that a book can have so much influence on people that they absolutely want to know if they're told the truth. You should publish a "Da Bush Code" !

See you soon at the White House ! Goodbye America !

Buddah Chicken

2004-11-27T18:21:00.000+01:00

Here's a recipe I like for its exotic touch. I know you're still digesting that turkey you had for Thanksgiving. But maybe you can try that one for Christmas.
Needless to say, I doubt that Buddha ever ate Buddha Chicken, although he looks fat and happy, two main characteristics of Buddha Chicken eaters.

For 4 people, you'll need : 1 big chicken, 3 green lemons, 1 garlic clove, 1 cup of dried mixed "mie de pain" (soft interior of bread), 3 big spoons of rhum (brown rhum), 1 little spoon of sugar (very little), salt, pepper, nutmeg, 4 bananas, 50 g (should be 1,8 ounce) of melted butter, 3 big spoons of white oil.

Put in a pan : 1 and 1/2 spoon of white oil, 25 g (0,9 ounce) of melted butter, half of the garlic clove and the dried mixed "mie de pain". When the ingredients have turned to a golden color, take the pan off the stove.

Take off the garlic and throw it away. Add the peel of a green lemon, 1 big spoon of green lemon's juice, 1 big spoon and 1/2 of rhum, a pinch of salt, a pinch of pepper, a pinch of nutmeg, 1 small spoon of sugar. Cut the bananas in small dices. Then put the banana dices into the pan with the other ingredients. Mix all the ingredients with a spoon. It will look messy.

Now take the chicken. Empty it if it has not been already done. Throw away the heart and liver. Use your hands to cover the chicken's skin first with 25 g (O,9 ounce) of melted butter, then with 1 and 1/2 spoon of white oil. If you don't feel like doing it with your hands, ask your children to do it, if you have any. They will love to do it - at least if they are little. It's necessary to do that if you want to have a tender, juicy chicken. The grease actually prevent the water from leaving the chicken. That's an easy way to avoid ending up eating a dry chicken when you cook it in the oven.

When it's done, put the ingredients that are in the pan and stuff them into the chicken. Use your hands. But don't let the children do it this time. Then "close" the chicken with a green lemon. Simply put the lemon into the chicken's butt (excuse my french), so that "la farce" (the stuffing) doesn't spread out of "le poulet" (the chicken).

Take a huge boiler. Take the half of the garlic clove you didn't use and rub the inside of the boiler with it. Then do the same thing with the half of a green lemon. You can put a cup of chicken soup into it if you want to have more sauce at the end. But it's not mandatory.

Put the stuffed chicken into the boiler, then put the boiler into the oven. Let it cook at a pretty high temperature for about 1h40. Keep an eye on it, check it, see that all the parts of the chicken have the same color. Maybe 2 hours will be necessary, depending on the quality of your oven.

When it's done, take the boiler out of the oven. Put it very quickly on a table.
Take 1 big spoon and 1/2 of rhum, throw it on the chicken. Light it with a match. Let it burn. Act quickly. The chicken must still be very hot, otherwise the rhum won't burn that well. We burn the rhum so that the alcohol it contains is destroyed but the taste of it is still there. The very best is to quickly bring the chicken - still in the boiler - to the dinner table and to "light" it there. Your guest will be so impressed they may even applaud you.
It's done ! Serve it with rice and red wine. And tell me what you thought of it.

See you soon ! Goodbye America !

Give it to the Canadians !

2004-11-26T21:53:00.000+01:00

I had forgotten all about it. Then I saw this documentary on our cultural channel - one of our six national networks, called Arte (a french-german state-owned company). The Statue of Liberty, this very symbol of the american culture... This monument is French ! Not only is it french, but we gave it to you, free of charge, in 1884. We are so dumb. We could have charged you billions of dollars for the use you made of it. We would be insanely rich ! And don't tell me that one shouldn't use this symbol for such a low purpose as making money. After all, you are the ones who reelected that diminished half-witted pretzel-eater who invaded Iraq because his SUV had run out of gas.

"Hey, honey, I can't start the Suzuky ! I guess it has run out of gas again ! - Again ? Darling, why don't you call George W. Bush and tell him to invade another one of those thirld-world countries ! It's so convenient !"

Ok, I know what you Democrats will say. We can't give you back the Statue of Liberty. It would be like giving up our own freedom. The Republicans won't say that. They will ask us to name a price first : "How much ? That low ? Come on, it's not like it's worth anything, being made only of copper and stuff. Besides, it has been made by a French guy. But it does have sentimental value..."

No, you can't give it back to us. We are not worth it. We ourselves attacked a thirld-world country a few weeks ago. Didn't you hear the news ? Our army was sent to Ivory Coast. Note to the Republicans : Ivory Coast is in Africa. Contrary to what George W. Bush once said, Africa is not a "country", it's a continent. Go to Brooklyn, then to the east, then head deep south, then to the west. It's there.

Not only did we dispatch our troops in Ivory Coast, but we achieved a major military victory ! In one single, daring attack, we destroyed the whole Ivory Coast's air force ! The medias went crazy about it. "Today, our army destroyed the whole Ivory Coast's air force !". That's what they said on TV. Only, they forgot to say that the "whole Ivory Coast's air force" was made of... two planes and three helicopters ! Next time, we're planning to destroy the "whole Switzerland's navy" ! Note to the Republicans : this is a joke. Look at the map (not the US map, the other one).

We sent our troops in Ivory Coast because, somehow, the black people there got tired of us ruling their country, choosing their presidents and exploiting their natural ressources. So they started to attack our fellow citizens that live in Ivory Coast.

No, we don't deserve the Statue of Liberty. So, that leaves you with only one thing to do. I think that's the best choice you can make. Give it to the Canadians !

See you soon in Canada ! Goodbye America !

The man who wanted to be President

2004-11-25T23:24:00.000+01:00

Yesterday evening, I had a few friends for dinner. We drank some red wine. I had made a Bouddah Chicken. I will explain later what a Bouddah Chicken is. And then, I don't know how it happened, but we were asking ourselves : "who is the worse President" ? Our President, Jacques Chirac, or your President, George W. Bush ? We discussed it at length, but we couldn't say. We then decided to migrate to Canada as soon as possible.

Our President is a tall, lean, dark haired man with a friendly smile. He looks a little bit like Cary Grant. You can never really take Cary Grant seriously. He always seems to be there by accident. So does our President. When he was first elected, in 1995, we didn't know what he was up to. We are in 2004 and we still don't know. He doesn't seem to know either. This is all very embarrassing.

He's a conservative. He's replacing all of our highly unefficient state owned monopolies by equally unefficient but more expensive private monopolies. But our Democrats had started to do this long before him. He loves Corona beer. He loves women. He had so many of them that we lost count. Not that we care.

For a while, he pretended to have strong moral values. But he stopped doing that after one of his close collaborators was caught by the police with a female prostitute aged 17 in his car. The guy said that he had mistaken the girl for a hitchhiker.
"There was this girl walking on the side of the road at 4 o'clock in the morning, in the middle of a street full of prostitutes, wearing the tiniest skirt you've ever seen. So I thought I'd better pick her up before she got into trouble. This was humanitarian !"
Needless to say, nobody believed him. He resigned. He's now producing reality TV shows. No kidding.

Apparently, our Democrats don't want to run the country anymore. So they don't bother to come up with a decent candidate. I guess you know what I mean. For all we know, our actual President will be replaced at the next election, in 2007, by another conservative, a little agressive man named Nicolas Sarkozy. This time we know what the guys wants : he wants to be President.

See you soon in Canada ! Goodbye America !

The French Phenom

2004-11-24T01:33:00.000+01:00

When I came back from Italy and read the newspaper, I learned that there was indeed a war going on between our two countries. Not a real war, of course. We have what you call "weapons of mass destruction" and since these weapons do exist, we are confident that George W. Bush and his friends won't try to find them.

No, the war I read about in my "canard" ("un canard" means "a duck", a "duck" being the french familiar word for "newspaper") is of a different kind. There's a wrestling war going on, between René Duprée, the "French Phenom", and the american wrestlers.

It seems that whenever René enters the stage, he carries with him both a french flag and a... french poodle ! The french poodle being named "Fifi". Now, I must protest. In France, nobody owns "French poodles" anymore, except the very old ladies. These dogs are absolutely useless in a fight. Drop them on a battlefield, they would run for cover. And, boy, they are so ugly ! I don't know what the "French" stands for in "French poodle" . Aren't there any "American poodles" ?

In addition to that, it seems that whenever René fights an american wrestler, he loses. And the spectators enjoy to see him loosing. They want more. They want him to lose again ! At the end of each fight, it seems that the american wrestlers who beat the unfortunate René have the revolting habit to wipe their asses with our national flag and trample on it, with both feet ! That's right. They wipe their asses with our flag, then trample on it. And the spectators encourage them. Now, I don't say that we don't trample on our flag from times to times, when we get angry against our governement or whatever. But it's our flag ! We can do whatever we want with it !

I was really sad about all that, until I learned, at the end of the article, who René Duprée really was. The "French phenom" is no more French that George W. Bush is Iraqi. He's a Canadian ! That's right ! René comes from Canada ! That's where all the Democrats go. No wonder he gets beaten all the time ! I must say I admire René. I myself wouldn't dare to go to an american wrestling championship carrying a French flag. So, Go René ! France stands behind you !

Support René Duprée, the "French Phenom", log on his website : http://renedupree.cjb.net

See you soon ! Goodbye America !

An evening in Milano

2004-11-23T16:11:00.000+01:00

I just came back from Milano (Milan). This is not my first trip there and I start to like even the way the Milanese drive - as fast as they can and who cares about the silly traffic signs ? -, and the graffitis that cover nearly every wall in town - "Fire the White House" being one of the most popular at the moment.

It's nice to be sitting in a restaurant - restaurants are especially cheap in Milano -, drinking some white wine while eating "Tagliatelles aux crevettes et aux cèpes" (Tagliatelles with shrimps and mushrooms). If you ever come to Milano, you have to go to a neighbourhood called "Brera" : narrow streets, lit with candle lights, with fortune tellers on the sides, waiting for the clients to come, in front of small tables and chairs. There are both small intimate restaurants and huge crowded cafés, where you can have what the Milanese call an "Aperitivo" (aperitif). It's very popular. You pay six euros (eight dollars) to get in and you can have a drink and eat everything you want : tiny tomatoes with mozarella balls, small sandwiches stuffed with parma ham, small rolls of parma ham filled with fresh basil... If the weather is sunny, eveybody wear sunglasses, even in winter, even if it is freezing. The guys all have what we call, in France, "une barbe de trois jours" ("a 3 days beard"). I've been told that the Italians have a special kind of razor, a "3 days beard" razor, which would explain how they manage to keep their "3 days beard" even after 4 or 5 days. But I didn't check.

See you soon ! Goodbye america !

Comforting food for uncomforting thoughts

2004-11-16T17:26:00.002+01:00

This winter, Parisian girls are wearing trousers and boots. The thing is not to wear boots, but to show them. Either their boots are large enough and they can hide their trousers into them, or they have to pull their trousers slightly up the leg. But they never hide the boots. Never. It all started in early september. At the beginning, only a few girls were dressed that way. But now... It's all over Europe. I was in Milano (Milan) a few days agos. The same thing had happened. It's amazing.

By the way, I told you at the very beginning of that diary that Paris was located at the east of Brooklyn. To go to Milano from Brooklyn, you'll have to go first to the east, then to the south, then to the east. It's in the north of Italy, the most industrious part of the country. A lot of industries there, but no oil. Don't send your GI's yet. There's nothing worth dying for, except pizzas, spaghettis, Chianti (red wine) and Lambrusco (red wine, with gas in it, surprising, but nice). We would gladly die for even less than that. But I'm confident that a Republican has different values than ours. He may be willing to sacrifice a few things for a pretzel and a Budweiser - not that we have anything against beer, our President is famous for his taste for Corona beer - , but he won't die for anything except his god, his gun and his constitutionnal right to drive a SUV.

I came back from Milano by the train. Train is a fantastic way of traveling, you should try it again sometimes, it's so much better than the plane. You have the time to read, you can enjoy the view, you don't have any stress and, if it's not too crowded, you can have sex, which is always an important thing to a Frenchman. You can't really have sex on a plane. it's not that romantic. But on a train, you can't help reminding yourself of Cary Grant and Eva Marie Saint in Hitchcock's "North by Northwest" :

"Cary Grant : The moment I meet an attractive woman, I have to start pretending I've no desire to make love to her.
- Eva Marie Saint : What makes you think you have to conceal it ?
- Cary Grant : She might find the idea objectionable.
- Eva Marie Saint : Then again, she might not.
- Cary Grant: ...Think how lucky I am to be seated here.
- Eva Marie Saint : Luck had nothing to do with it.
- Cary Grant : Fate?
- Eva Marie Saint : I tipped the steward five dollars to seat you here if you should come in."

When I came back from Milano, I thought of this sadness of yours. And I thought that, maybe, the best thing would be to do as people do in american movies, when they have been betrayed by their loved ones. You can watch all that movies you downloaded illegally from the Internet, when the hero is sad, he very seldom goes to Canada. In fact, he never goes to Canada. Why would he do such a thing ?
Have you ever seen Canada in winter ? It's depressing !
But he might be willing to treat himself to chocolate. And I have just the kind of recipe you might need for the occasion.

It's called "Crêpes au chocolat" (Chocolate Pancakes). You have to do it by the book.

You need : 95 g of flour (it should make 3,3 ounces), 3 spoons and a half of powdered cocoa (Van Houten is the best if you can find it, you need real cocoa, with no sugar added), 1 spoon of sugar, 2 eggs (take them off the fridge one hour before to do the recipe, you'll get better results), 250 g (8,75 ounces) of milk, 30 g (1,05 ounce) of melted butter

First, mix the flour with the powdered cocoa. Use a fork. When it's perfectly mixed, add the sugar. Mix again.

In another plate, mix the two eggs with the milk. When it's done, add the melted butter. The butter must be melted, but it must not be too hot, otherwise it will cook the eggs.

Take the milk/eggs/butter mixture and put it in the flour/cocoa/sugar mixture. Beat the new mixture until it is homogenous.

Than take the plate and hit the bottom of it on the table. It will kill the air bubbles which are inside. It's better to let it rest for one night in the refrigerator. But it's not mandatory. Do as you like.
If you do, though, beat the mixture before using it.

Do the pancakes. Make them very thin. They are better served with powdered sugar and raspberries.

See you soon ! Goodbye America !

Democrats, France welcomes you !

2004-11-13T01:24:00.000+01:00

This is Friday. We are on the eve of what we call, as you do, but with a classy french touch, "le week-end" (the week-end). Despite the fact that we are so proud of our own language that we discuss it all the time, we French use many english words in our daily life : "le business" (the business), "le marketing" (the marketing), "un e-mail" (an e-mail), "checker" (to check), "un break" (a break). Sometimes, we borrow whole expressions from you, as in "Chérie, je pense que nous devrions faire un break", which is exactly the same as : "Darling, I think we should take a break from our relationship". Whatever you did to deserve it, in both cases, you know for sure that you are going to be dumped - in France, we use the word "largué" for "dumped". The two words have pretty much the same meaning. I guess some things never change.
Our specialists think that about 3 % of the 35 000 words an average Frenchman knows come from the English, which makes approximately 1000 words. We use 1000 of your words. That makes 1000 good reasons to try to understand you Americans.

The English language is so beautiful to hear... "Now that the winter of our discontent has been made glorious summer by this sun of York". This is from Richard III, by Shakespeare.
Note to the Republicans : Richard III is a very positive character, he lies, he kills, he cheats on everybody, he even pretends to be a Christian Man and to live by God's word in order to seize power. You would love him. He is english, though, as was Shakespeare. You couldn't possibly vote him for President. Note to the Democrats : well, you already know who Richard III is, don't you ?

In fact, we love English so much that, a few days ago, our government declared that it would be soon mandatory for our children to learn it as their first foreign language, so that it would be easier for them to get a job. That's what our (conservative) government thinks.
When I was a child, the "good students" were told to learn German as their first foreign language, because it was so difficult. And the same students were also told to learn Latin as their third foreign language, for the same reason. I never fully understood that system. You can teach a child a language. But he won't speak it properly unless he comes to love it, somehow, for whatever reason makes him feel close to it. It may be the music of it. It may be his personal background. Maybe he will chose to learn Russian, as some of my friends did, whose families originated from Russia. And why not ? They do have a job now.

We are debating that language thing right now. And we are still worrying about you. If you want to leave the country, of course, you can go to Canada. But, please, don't forget France. We already have Democrats. But we can always use some more !

See you soon ! Goodbye America !

Everybody is sorry

2004-11-10T20:13:00.000+01:00

Paris is said to be one the most beautiful cities in the world. Living here, you've sometimes got the impression that you live in a museum. If you get bored on a sunday, you can go walking from the Eiffel Tower (1889) to the Louvre museum (1190), then crossing the Ponts des arts bridge (1804) over the river Seine, then go to Saint Germain des Prés, a very old section of the town, quite typical, with cobbledstones, very old elegant buildings, the oldest church in Paris (540), fashionable girls with neverending legs.
Numerous tragedies happened in Paris. Wars, civil wars, riots, revolutions... Thousands and thousands of people were killed. We can never forget them. We live with the deads. We commune we them, as the witch says in this very beautiful movie by Clint Eastwood, "Midnight in the garden of good of evil" (1).

When I visited your country for the first time, I got scared. I was not scared of the "big" thing : big buildings, big cars, big streets, big mac. Big, big, big, big. America is a midget's dream come true. Everything is so big that it makes you feel big. What scared me was the lack of anything old. In every city, you had this strong impression that the country had been built from scratch during the Fifties. I went to Los Angeles, Denver, Austin, San Antonio, Miami... My worst experience was in San Antonio. There is an imitation of Venice there, which is really depressing. It looks european. The restaurants look europeans. But it's all new. It's all fake. It's strange to see a part of your culture turned into a kind of theme park for adults. It also distressed me that it was pretty much the only place to go in San Antonio, the only place of the city where you could really enjoy walking.

Once, I met an american couple there, who invited me to one of their spots. They told me it would be "truly" american. They took me to a mall. There was a huge restaurant there, with mexican decorations. There were a lot of families sitting, chatting, laughing. And it was very friendly. Despite the fact that it was in a mall and that the restaurant was so huge, I felt almost at home. I tasted a meal they call "Chicken fried steack". Do you know what a "chicken fried steack" is ? Apparently, the texan cow boys eventually got bored of eating their beef cooked on the grill. They decided to try to cook it like a piece of chicken. As you know, there are many, many ways to cook a piece of chicken. But, unfortunately, they could only think of one : the Chicken Mc Nuggets way. Deep-fried and coated in gravy. Beef Mc Nuggets. A true american experience.

I've been on a very moving website lately, thanks to one of you. You should see it : http://www.sorryeverybody.com
At first, I must say I found it rather childish. But, as I went through the pictures, I felt tears coming. And that was good. Like being, all of a sudden, closer to you than ever.

See you soon ! Goodbye America !

(1) "If you want to understand the livings, you have to commune with the deads".

How to cook Freedom Lotte Fish

2004-11-09T09:53:00.000+01:00

A few Americans know that there is an "American" side to French Cuisine. What we call the cuisine "à l'américaine" . We have numerous meals named that way : lobster "à l'américaine", chicken "à l'américaine", crab "à l'américaine", green peas "à l'américaine", tuna "à l'américaine"... If George W. Bush takes on invading Iran or Jordania or Switzerland - no oil there, but a lot of banks, and that's where the money is ! -, we will eventually rename these meals to "freedom lobster", "freedom chicken", "freedom crab" or "freedom tuna"... And we will serve them with regular french fries.

These meals are no more american than we are. But they do use what we consider to be "typical" american products, that is : rice, tuna, corn and, most of all, tomato sauce. We identify tomato sauce as typically american because of ketchup. Needless to say, we never use ketchup. We use canned tomato sauce or, even better, canned fresh tomatoes.

But let's look at an example. Let's try to cook a lotte fish "à l'américaine". Or let's call it a "Freedom Lotte".
This is very easy and very good. There's only one tough part. But, as Lauren Bacall says to Humprey Bogart at the end of "The Big Sleep", "nothing you can't fix" (1).

For two people, you need : two slices of lotte fish, some flour, 1 glass of olive oil, a small glass of rhum (use the glass you use for vodka), 2 glasses of white wine, 1 can of fresh tomatoes, fresh cream, pepper, chili pepper, salt, 4 slices of bread.

Start by taking off the lotte the fishbones and the skin. Cut each slice in two. Put some flour on a plate. Roll the lotte into the flour. The lotte must be covered by flour.

Put the olive oil in a large pan. Put maximum heat. When the oil is very hot put the lotte in. Wait for the lotte to change coulour and turn to golden. Then put the rhum in, quickly take the pan off the stove, put it on a table or any other safe location, light the rhum with a match.

This is the tough part. You must be very quick. The lotte must be very hot when you light the match, otherwise the rhum won't burn. Burning the rhum actually makes the alcohol go away. Only the taste of the rhum must remain, but not the alcohol. Otherwise, it will taste awful.

Let the rhum burn for one minute. Then cover the lotte with 2 glasses of white wine (it will kill the flames) and a large spoon of fresh tomatoes, a pinch of pepper, very few chili pepper (take a knife, put some chili pepper at the end of the blade and that's enough). Put the heat at a minimum. Do not cover the pan. Leave it for thirty minutes. At the end, when the sauce starts to get thick, put a spoon of fresh cream, keep mixing the cream with the sauce for a minute or two - don't let it boil or it will be spoiled -, and take it off the stove. It's done. You can serve it with rice, as you Americans love it.

If you have time, put some olive oil in another pan, put the heat at a maximum. When the oil is very hot, put four slices of bread in it. Take them off when they are nearly burned. You can do that in advance. When the lotte is done, you will just take the lotte and put some of it on each slice of bread.

To be successful, it's important that you use use olive oil (any other kind of oil won't do) and fresh fish.

See you soon ! Goodbye America !

(1) "What's wrong with you kid ?
- Nothing you can't fix"

They reelected Nero

2004-11-08T14:20:00.000+01:00

There are six national TV networks in France, apart from the cable and the satellite. The main one is TF1. It's a private network owned by the construction company Bouygues, which is close to our local conservatives. The second network by the number of viewers is France 2, a state-owned channel. Then come France 3 (state-owned), M6 (private), Canal Plus (private) and Arte (state-owned). Arte is a french-german channel broadcasting high quality documentaries, shakespearian plays, intellectual movies and stuff. Ask any frenchman, he will tell you that the only TV network he ever watches is Arte. Look at the ratings, you'll see that only 5 % of the population actually make the effort. The other 95 % are tuned on local adaptations of "Survivor", "The bachelor", "Big brother" and so on. A true frenchman will never confess to watching reality TV.

On November 2d, in France, 17 million people were tuned on their TV, anxious to know the outcome of the presidential election in the US. The news were broadcasted live from Washington. And then... It was like the end of the world. George W. Bush. George W. Bush... The guy our medias kept picturing for monthes as a complete moron, an outright liar, a puppet for the oil companies. We read book after book exposing this guy as a fraud. We laughed at his illiteracy. We heard him with disbelief posing as a religious zealot.

Never were we so moved, never did we feel so concerned by the outcome of an american presidential election as on November 2d. This was like watching the Romans reelecting Nero after the burning of Rome. This was not happening.

Since then, we wait for the next blow to come. There are talks of an american invasion of Iran. Or will "they" decide to attack Jordania ? Is there oil in Jordania ? And what if "they" don't even bother to lie this time ? What if "they" just say : "this is ours, we take it" ? What will we do ? What can we do ?

See you soon ! Goodbye America !

The Days After

2004-11-07T02:24:00.000+01:00

Of all the american film directors, the most fascinating for the french public is certainly Roland Eimmerich. Roland Eimmerich : "Independance Day", "The Day After"... Remember ?
Now, you may be surprised. French have a reputation for watching intellectual movies with intricated love stories. There's nothing of the sort in Eimmerich's works. No woman ever cheat on her disabled husband by prostituting herself for pleasure in a suburbian brothel like our leading actress, Catherine Deneuve (an icy blonde), did in one of our most acclaimed movies ever, "Belle de jour" ("Daylight Beauty"). In Eimmerich's movies, there's no time for sex. This is all about saving the world.
One may think that you can both have sex AND save the world, like John F. Kennedy and Bill Clinton did their best to do. But, apparently, Eimmerich doesn't share that view.

What is really fascinating for a frenchman in "Independance Day" and "The Day After", apart from their lack of sex, is how your president reacts to the situation. Your president is awesome. In "Independance Day", he jumps in a fighter plane and leads the final attack against the aliens. We tried our best to picture our own president doing that, but, well... The french president, Jacques Chirac, was born in 1932. Yes, he's 72 years old ! We are confident that he has his driver's licence. But I don't think that he would do too well on a plane. Unless you can attack an alien spaceship with the automatic pilot on.

In "The Day After", your president refuses to leave the White House although the East Coast is under attack by a deadly ice storm. He dies there and the vice-president has to take commands. The vice-president, who had the time to fly to an unknown country in the Middle-East (Irak ?), then publicly apologizes on TV to his fellow Americans for he was the one who refused to sign the Kyoto Protocol on climate change in the first place. Now, I must say that Roland Eimmerich is taking it a bit too far.

I don't want to be unpleasant. But remember what George W. Bush did on September 11 ? He disappeared. During the time of the attack, he was flying all over the United States, for fear he might be killed by the bloody terrorists ! I can guess what he would do in front of a massive ice storm. He would do exactly what our president would do : he would run like hell ! What is true is that George W. Bush refused to sign the Kyoto Protocol on climate change. Our president did. But we've got much smaller cars.

In "The Day After", by the time the vice-president speaks, the United States don't exist anymore. The whole population has fled to Mexico. The Mexicans are generous people and they don't have too much of a memory. The American refugees are gladly welcomed. At least, now they know where their jobs have gone. But the real question is : on what TV channel is the vice-president's speech broadcasted ? The irakian TV ? There are no american medias anymore. And who will watch him ? Guess what, most of the time, the refugee camps don't have cable TV ! But it doesn't matter. Whenever an american politician has to speak, he does it on TV. Even if there's nobody left to watch him.

See you soon ! Goodbye America !