The Game Beard

GAME OF THE YEAR NECROPOST

2015-01-04T14:58:00.001-08:00

That's right, I'm bringing it back. I haven't update this blog in at least an eon but I'm going to go ahead and do so RIGHT NOW by doing a game of the year post.

I'm not going to waste a lot of time, I'm going to get right to the nitty gritty.

2014 was an interesting year for games. There were a lot of good ones, but I'm not sure any 1 title really just blows the rest away and stands out as the best game of the year. I played a lot of games throughout the year and each one had some merit so here is a list.

BEST GAME TO RENT BUT NOT BUY

Titanfall - Xbox One

I had a ton of fun with Titanfall for about a week. Then the lack of content started to show. It's a damn fun game, calling down giant robots and piloting them for mass destruction is fun, jumping on a Titan's back and shooting out it's guts is exhilirating...however, there is only so many times I could do this online before I got bored. The idea of an online campaign was intriguing but it really didn't work. There is no story to be heard of and absolutely no single player. I'm the kind of guy who buys Call of Duty for the single player first, and the multiplayer second. I know that probably makes me a minority, but Titanfall choosing to completely ignore the single player was a mistake. It was such a great concept for a game and if they just had added more content, it could have been a GOTY contender, but as it is, it's the best game I could have rented all year because after a week, I played all of it.

Runner Up: Destiny - Xbox One/PS4

BEST REMAKE OF A GAME FOR A PREVIOUS GENERATION

Last of Us - Playstation 4

When Last of Us first came out I played it on the PS3 and it quickly became of the best games I've ever played. When they announced an HD remake for the PS4 I became very, very interested. It did not disappoint. The game is absolutely gorgeous, hell it was gorgeous on the PS3. On the PS4 it is gloriously beautiful. The higher resolution graphics take a fantastic game and just put it over the top. The story and gameplay remain unchanged and that was the highlight of this game upon it's original release. If you didn't play this on PS3 you absolutely owe it to yourself to play this on PS4. If you already played it on the PS3 and loved it, then go ahead and play it again. It holds up through multiple playthroughs and the enhanced graphics are excellent.

Runner Up: Final Fantasy X HD - PS Vita

BEST HANDHELD GAME

Bravely Default - 3DS

I almost put Smash Bros. here but I'm a nut for a great JRPG and they are so rare these days that I get pumped for every single one of them. Bravely Default was not a perfect game, some of the characters where borderline offensive, and the story was a little bleh, but the game itself was just aces. Being able to manually increase or decrease random encounter rate is an act of absolute genius. Being able to speed up combat to make fights shorter was brilliant. This game played to every bit of me that loved grinding for more power and more levels. I miss the days when JRPG releases were common but at least we're still getting some. If you're an RPG fan at all you should give Bravely Default a shot.

Runner Up: Super Smash Bros. 3DS

BEST ROLE PLAYING GAME

Child of Light - Multiplatform

RPG has been my favorite genre since I was a kid. I'm sad to see the state of the genre be as weak as it currently is. Child of Light is an incredible game, but I'm still a little sad that the best RPG of the year was a downloadable game instead of a full retail release. Child of Light is a game of whimsy, the dialogue is all presented in rhyming form, and the graphics are relatively simple and cartoonish, but they create a very distinct atmosphere. The gameplay is also simple but at the same time, unexpectedly complex. It's not a difficult game, but it's an entertaining game. For an arcade release, there is a lot of content here. It's a sad game that reminds me of an old fairy tale and everything about it is beautiful. Play this game.

Runner Up: Bravely Default - Nintendo 3DS

GAME THAT INTRIGUES ME THE MOST THAT I DIDN'T PLAY

Never Alone - Multiplatform

Another arcade downloadable title. It's amazing how many of these are becoming the games I'm most interested in when compared to marquise releases. It's become similar to the movie industry in that you watch the HUGE releases and enjoy them, but you're true loves are found in the independent game industry. Never Alone looks gorgeous. The little wolf sidekick is super adorable and the gameplay looks like platforming at it's finest. I know the game received relatively average reviews but I don't care. I'll play it soon enough and I'm thinking I'll love it. Only time will tell.

Runner Up: Murdered: Soul Suspect - Multiplatform

MOST DISAPPOINTING GAME

Watch_Dogs - Multiplatform

Now, I'm going to start this off by saying that I liked Watch_Dogs. However, the feeling I had when this game was shown at E3 compared to how I felt while playing it was night and day. When they showed it at E3 it looked revolutionary, like it was going to change the industry. When it finally came out, it was a sort of nifty sandbox game with a bland protagonist and a mediocre story. It wasn't at all revolutionary. The hacking stuff was pretty cool but it didn't really do much. The main character was so forgettable that I can't even remember his name and I have a 12" statue of him in my theater room. Watch_Dogs was not a bad game, it just could not live up to the hype created at E3. I'm not surprised it didn't, but I was still disappointed.

Runner Up: Transistor - Multiplatform

BEST SPORTS GAME

MLB THE SHOW: 14 - Playstation 4

The Show is the best representation of a sports game in video game form ever. It's beautiful, the graphics are good enough to fool an old man into thinking you're watching an actual game. The gameplay has been finely tuned every year and now it is nearly perfect. It's the culmination of years of devlopments. MLB is so good that they've basically wiped the competition off of the map. The Show is the only MLB release and that doesn't make them lazy. They capture everything great about baseball and distill it down until it becomes a very playable game, No matter what level of prowess you possess when it comes to the sport, The Show allows you to tweak the game to meet your skill. If you've ever had an interest in baseball, you'll find something to love about The Show.

Runner Up: NHL 15 - Multiplatform

BEST DOWNLOADABLE CONTENT

Super Ultra Dead Rising 3 Arcade Remix Hyper Edition EX Alpha - Xbox One

Good DLC will take a game that you might be done with and extend it for a little bit longer. Super Ultra Dead Rising...blah blah blah did just that. I was done with Dead Rising 3 when this came out and it immediately piqued my curiosity. It takes a really good game and makes it better. Instead of just adding a level or some new weapons, it changes the entire game. It turns Dead Rising 3 into an arcade game and gives you scenarios that score points based on kills and gives you new characters and outfits to play with. The outfits allow for special powers, if you dress as Ryu you can Hadouken for example. It's not super deep but it's the perfect complement to Dead Rising 3.

Runner Up: Forza Horizon 2: Storm Island - Xbox One

GAME I'VE SPENT THE MOST TIME PLAYING

Binding of Isaac: Rebirth - PS Vita

I never played the original Binding of Isaac so this was completely new to me. The concept of roguelikes has always intrigues me but oftentimes I just find them frustrating. Something about Binding of Isaac clicks with me. I don't know if it is the massive amount of items and randomly generated maps, but I keep wanting to play more. The game can get boring, I've spent hours accomplishing nothing because I kept getting bad runs, but when you get beefed up to a God-like super badass, the game is awesome and all of the boredom is worth it. I'm still playing it on and off and I probably won't stop for a long time. It just sucks you in and doesn't let go. I could do without the kind of disturbing story and character design but I don't even notice that after awhile.

Runner Up: Forza Horizon 2 - Xbox One

BEST WIIU GAME THAT I PLAYED

Mario Kart 8 - WiiU (duh)

I didn't get a WiiU until later this year and I really only played 3 or 4 games for it. Mario Kart 8 is the one I spent the most time with and had the most fun so it's winning this category against minimal competition. It's Mario Kart...nothing new really. They haven't done much with the basic formula of Mario Kart for a long time. Sometimes they add a second person on the car, or a flying section, or some other gimmick but in the end it's all just Mario Kart. If you're reading this blog then I'm assuming you play video games and if you play video games you've played Mario Kart in one of it's forms. Mario Kart 8 is nothing special or new, but it's a ton of fun and that's what matters.

Runner Up: Wind Waker HD - WiiU (duh again)

GAME OF THE YEAR

Rayman Legends - Multiplatform

Yeah, this is it. My game of the year. Rayman Legends is incredible. Some of the finest platforming I have ever experienced. The graphics are pretty and colorful and the music is absolutely stunning. There are levels that go along with the music in perfect rhythm and they are breathtaking. Content is endless, you'll be playing this game forever to try to get everything and it never gets boring. I'm guessing this is not a popular pick for game of the year but it is without a doubt the best game I played in 2014. When I started preparing this article I made this decision knowing that if I thought of something else it could usurp it, but nothing came close. If you like the platforming genre even the tiniest bit you need to play this game.

Runner Up: Sunset Overdrive

There it is, folks. Is this the beginning of a new era of Game Beard posting? Only time will tell. I hope you enjoyed this article as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Tales of Tony Hawk...He's got THE RUNS

2012-07-24T19:26:00.001-07:00

Started playing 3 games since my last Game Beard update. Based on the title of this entry you might be able to figure out that those 3 games are Tales of Graces f, Tony Hawk HD, and Need for Speed: The Run.

Tales of Graces f (I'm not typing the little f anymore after this) has been dominating most of my playing time as of late. I love me some Tales games, always have. Tales of Symphonia, Vesperia, Abyss...loved them all. Loved them for their flaws and for their strengths. I'm happy that as games keep changing, the Tales games basically stay the same. It's refreshing to know what to expect before I even start playing.

The downside to this is the Tales games rarely surprise you, and Graces isn't much different. They do make minor changes to the way character advancement works but overall, if you've played one Tales game you've played them all. This isn't a condemnation of the series by any stretch of the imagination, each iteration has been a solid if not amazing experience so I'm perfectly happy with them changing very little from game to game.

I'm about 25 hours in at this point (which is usually about halfway in my experience) so I've still got a lot of game left to play. Therefore, I'm not going to judge the game too much yet. As of right now, I'm loving it. It's everything I wanted and expected it to be. With a lack of JRPG's these days, Tales of Graces is like a breath of fresh air to this tired, old gamer.

Speaking of tired, old gamers, I was 18 or 19 when the original Tony Hawk's Pro Skater debuted and I played the ever loving poop out of it and its sequels. Therefore, to say I was excited when I heard they were remaking it in HD and releasing it on XBLA would be an understatement. Now that I'm finally playing it, it's like eating a glorious sandwich with lettuce, mayo, tomato, and nostalgia on 2 thick slices of sourdough...well, sourdough might make it seem bad...but I did say delicious...whatever...it's great!

It's seems to be a perfect port, same levels, same controls, just better graphics...AND YOU CAN USE YOUR AVATAR! As much as I used to play it, I'm surprised by how much I've forgotten. It's almost like a new game to me. I vaguely remember the levels, remember the basic controls, but the details are a little blurry. It's great figuring something out and having that flash of nostalgia though. Like when I remembered to grind the helicopter to open up more area on The Hangar. If you were ever a fan of Tony Hawk games, you owe it to yourself to buy this.

Last game on my agenda this evening is Need for Speed: The Run. I've really barely scratched the surface, finishing one chapter out of ten, but so far I'm definitely enjoying it. The basic premise is you are running a race across the country from San Francisco to New York City. You play it out in short racing sections where you either need to make up time by reaching checkpoints, or pass so man competitors within a certain amount of time. There may be more variety but like I said, I'm really still in the early stages.

Good games going on around here. I've still got a couple sitting on the shelf waiting to be played. Darkness 2, Kingdoms of Amalur, Vanquish, etc...I plan on finishing Tales of Graces before I start up anything else though.

Look forward to more opinions in the future, gentle readership. Until next time...Stay bearded.

Mass Effect 3: About Damn Time I Played It

2012-06-22T08:53:00.000-07:00

I was very late on the bandwagon playing Mass Effect 3. Despite really enjoying the first 2 games I had somehow convinced myself that Mass Effect 3 wasn't going to be very good or I wasn't going to enjoy it or something...I don't know. I can now safely say (upon completion of the game) that I was very wrong indeed.

The game has been out long enough now that there isn't anything new I can say about it. Odds are anyone who wants to know about the game at this point has already either played it, or read about it so I'm not going to go in depth with detail. Instead, I'll waste your time with my feelings and opinions.

It's a beautiful game both mentally and visually. The graphics are on par with anything I've played on the Xbox. Some of the set pieces are absolutely breath taking and the action at times is over the top with awesomeness. From a mental standpoint, Mass Effect 3 picks up right where the first 2 games left off. Excellent storytelling and acting weave a masterful tale that grips you until the very end when it kind of peters out into a little poof. Really, the only disappointing part of the entire trilogy is the very end. I'd hate to sound like every other person out there but the fact of the matter is, the ending just isn't very good. All of the build up and time spent over 3 truly great games deserves a better ending. I'm not going to spoil what happens for the few people who haven't played it yet but it was definitely a disappointment. I had the ending spoiled for me, and when I heard what happened I didn't really get what all of the ire was about. It sounded like a fine ending to me, but when I actually played the game, I understood a lot better. It's not necessarily what happens, but how it happens. It's just a dud.

The gamepay though is spot on. They've taken the basic formula found in the first game and spent 2 games honing it and trimming the fat until they've distilled it down to near perfection. The action is fast paced and exciting, the controls are tight, combat is just an absolute blast. If you have a Kinect you can control your squad mates with your voice, or tell the game when to pick up items and salvage materials with a single vocal command. It's pretty cool, but doesn't really add or detract from the experience. I found myself using it once in a while as a novelty but nothing more.

Sound in this game is excellent. The gun shots hit enemies with the most satisfying of thuds, space ships fly through relays, monsters growl and stomp as they attack, biotic attacks buzz and hum with power. The music is very subdued but fits the game perfectly. It's done in a way that you only notice it when you're supposed to and it's done to perfection.

The enemies are another minor flaw in the game. The lack of variation gets a little stale after awhile. It's a lot of the same basic enemies over and over again with an occasional stronger enemy thrown in the mix. The enemies do use tactics pretty well though. They will duck in and out of cover to fire, use cloaking to get in the middle of your group then lay waste to your team with powerful close range attacks. The game is pretty tough on normal difficulty(which is what I played on) but never so tough that you get frustrated. Each death felt like it was my fault for not using proper strategy rather than AI cheating or overpowered enemies.

In the end, I went into Mass Effect 3 with pretty tempered expectations and came out extremely pleased. Why my expectations were tempered in the first place, I do not know. I loved the first 2 games in the series so it made sense that I loved this one as well. Whatever the reason, I'm glad because it made me enjoy the game that much more. I rented it so I didn't get to try any of the multiplayer but I've heard good things about it. Maybe when I can find it cheap I'll buy it so I can check it out and speak more thoroughly on it then, but for now I'll just say I've not heard anything bad about it. Mass Effect 3 is an almost perfect conclusion to the trilogy. A wild ride for 99% of the game that peters out at the very, very end. Far from enough to keep this game from being a must play though.

Assassin's Creed 3 TRAILER TALK

2012-03-21T18:41:00.004-07:00

Man, the trailer for Assassin's Creed 3 has really left me divided. Part of me absolutely loved what I saw and is more excited for this game then any I can think of in recent memory.

Another part of me hated what I saw and is completely worried about the game being a steaming pile.

Deep down, I know I should probably fall somewhere in between right now. The game isn't due out until late October/early November and information about is will slowly leak out over the months leading up to the release.

Seeing some screenshots of Boston and New York has me leaning back towards excited. I can see the old Ass Creed gameplay being applied there with roof running and parkour and all that jazz. The stuff from the original trailer in the woods is what really had me kind of worried. I don't want to be sneaking around in the woods, I want to be running through a city. If they forest parts are a smaller part of the game then I welcome them as a change up from the basic city parts, but if they are more prevalent then I may not love it as much.

I preordered the game from Best Buy strictly because I got a kick ass metal case. I may get it day one, I may not. Technically, I shouldn't even be thinking about it until I finish Revelations. I've had Revelations since day one and I've really barely put any time into it. If history holds true then one day I'll pick it up and I won't put it down until I'm finished with it. That's what happened with the last two Ass Creed games.

Anyway, my curiosity is definitely peaked at this point. It's good to see the game go in a different direction as long as they don't lose the soul that made it so great in the first place. They haven't let us down with the previous three Assassin's Creed games (the first one gets a bye since it was the first and they learned so well from it) so I have to imagine they won't disappoint with Assassin's Creed 3.

Final Fantasy XIII-2 which I think is like 20 or something.

2012-03-17T07:47:00.008-07:00

I don't know exactly how many Final Fantasy games there are. I've played every numbered edition except for 14 and I've played a couple on the Gameboy back in the day, and I played Mystic Quest. When you add all of those together along with the Crystal Chronicles games you get...probably closer to 25 but whatever. There's a lot of them and most of them fall somewhere between good and amazing. The scale for me goes FFVIII on one end and FFVI on the other. Every other game falls somewhere between these two on the scale. Something like Mystic Quest falls on the VIII side of the scale. FFXIII-2 definitely fits in the group of better Final Fantasy games.

Upon rereading that paragraph up there I'm not sure it makes a lot of sense. All I was trying to say is that FFXIII-2 is a really good game. If you played FFXIII then you already have a pretty good idea what XIII-2 is about. The combat is exactly the same, utilizing "paradigm shifts" to change character classes mid-fight to make for fast, seamless combat. When I first played XIII the idea of the combat really turned me off. I didn't like the idea of losing meticulous control of my characters. I wanted to input each individual command myself. After playing the game though, I understood the system a lot better and it very simply works. Taking out the menus allows for really fast and exciting fights. You can pay more attention to the action on screen instead of constantly being lost in the next menu.

The biggest difference between XIII-2 and XIII is...well, XIII-2 is a lot better. They took all of the good from XIII and eliminated most of the bad. It doesn't feel linear anymore, it doesn't take 75% of the game to really open up, and you don't have to play for 20 hours before you can develop your characters and party properly. The most notable difference is the lack of a third story character. Instead of swapping between characters like in XIII, you use Serah and Noel for the entire game. The third party member is a monster that you can capture yourself. Most of the monsters you encounter in the game are capturable, you don't have to do anything special, it just randomly happens. This adds a really cool element to the game. Each monster represents one of the available combat classes (Ravager, Commando, Sentinel, etc...)and you level them up with objects that are dropped by monsters or purchased from the Chocobo lady who acts as a store.

The story is...well, it's pretty convoluted. Basically, Serah and Noel are travelling through time gates fixing paradoxes all while searching for Lightning who is trapped in Valhalla battling this dude Caius who is also travelling through time and trying to stop you while also battling Lightning in Valhalla and he has this girl Yuel who exists in different times and is a different person but looks the same and is dead but isn't dead and Noel knows her but doesn't know her and and and and and it's time travel. The whole thing is a bit messy but it's still pretty entertaining. I kind of lost interest in the story about 3/4 of the way through but it didn't have an impact on my overall enjoyment of the game. It's a lot of JRPG stuff you've seen and done before. Most of the main characters from XIII play some small part in the story so that's pretty interesting.

They definitely paid attention and fixed a lot of the problems people had with the first Final Fantasy XIII and that is awesome. However, when compared to the glory days of the franchise (I'm talking IV, VI, VIII here) they're still way behind. The paradigm system works in a really interesting way, and it is entertaining, but it still feels like they keep taking more and more of the "game" out of it and making it more of something we watch while interacting with slightly. I'd love for them to take a big step backward for the next installment but it is highly unlikely. I'll still look forward to it, and still play it, and more than likely still enjoy it. The Final Fantasy series is really one of the few franchises that has pretty much never let me down. VIII was pretty mediocre, and I don't count XI or XIV since I don't really play MMO's. The rest of the titles have all been quality and as long as they keep that up, I'll continue to be a fan. Whether a fan or not, XIII-2 is worth checking out.

Garcia "Effing" Hotspur and The Shadows of the Damned

2012-02-10T09:48:00.000-08:00

There is a decent chance you've never heard of this game and there is a very good chance you haven't played it. The game sold horribly and had no advertising at all. It's made by a small company who have made other commercial failures in the past that have been critically successful and Shadows of the Damned fits right into that category.

The thing is, this could be a very popular game if people gave it a chance. Sure, the story and dialogue is waaaay out there but it's genuinely hilarious although a bit creepy at times, and the gameplay could easily be mistaken for Resident Evil 4 at first glance. The over the shoulder camera and aiming are right out of Capcom's horror series but that's where the comparison's end. Where Resident Evil is sort of slow and clunky, Shadows of the Damned is fast paced and slick. Taking down hordes of demons with a multitude of insane demonic weapons is (excuse the pun here) fun as hell.

I'm going to stop there. I could sit here and write up a few paragraphs about the gameplay and story and graphics and music but it won't make a difference. This isn't the kind of game that can really be described by a block of text. Look, everything about this game is ridiculous and over the top, from the giant demons to the endless sexual innuendo. It's game that really needs to be played to be appreciated. Some people are going to absolutely hate everything about this game that I think makes it great. Hating this game isn't wrong, in fact, I could completely understand it. Some people can't appreciate good demon sex humor as much as I can. If you can though, this game is aces because when you look past all of that over the top humor there is a good game underneath. It's not a big named title by a big named developer and that will just about always mean a game will sell like crap, but Shadows of the Damned deserves your time. It's too good of a game to be relegated to the bargain bin (although that's what will happen) so when you see it for $10 make sure you buy it. You won't regret the decision.

Top Ten Gamecube Games

2012-02-06T16:21:00.001-08:00

I was slightly torn while researching for this article. Did I want to do gamecube exclusives only or just games that appeared on the Gamecube? In the end I decided to include all Gamecube games but gave a little extra weight to exclusive titles.

Also, I'm aware there is a distinct lack of Smash Bros on here but I was never able to get a group together to enjoy the multiplayer so I never felt the same love for the game as other people did.

Now, without further ADO

10. Skies of Arcadia: Legends

Sort of a Gamecube exclusive...the game originally appeared on the Dreamcast but it was a slightly different version. They changed up a few things for the Gamecube release, most noticeably turning down the random encounter rate to a much more manageable level. The 'Cube didn't have a lot of RPG's on it, but the few it had were really good. Skies was an excellent game, right up my alley for sure. Random encounters, massive flying ship battles, great characters, evil villains, and hours and hours of side missions to keep you busy for a long time.

9. Eternal Darkness

A game that honestly makes it on this list just for it's innovation, I wasn't a huge fan of Eternal Darkness' gameplay. The story was pretty cool, controlling different characters from the same story throughout a time line, and it was scary as hell sometimes, but the actual gameplay left something to be desired. The best part of the game was when it would just completely mess with you. Your character had a fear meter and as it increased, the game would start messing with you. Doing things like making you think the game froze up or erased your save. It's still one of the most innovative ways a game has ever interacted with a player.

8. Beyond Good & Evil

Poor Michel Ancel. The guy works on amazing games that consistently get ignored by consumers. Beyond Good & Evil is his masterpiece. Excellent characters blended with an excellent story all rolled up in a Zelda like tortilla. It's a delicious burrito to say the least. In this analogy, hovercraft racing is the cheese and finding and photographing all of the species in the game would be the sour cream...I guess your pig sidekick Pey'j is the lettuce and I suppose the main character Jade is the actual meat...though the pig being the meat might make more sense. I don't know, it's good Mexican food is what I'm saying.

7. Tales of Symphonia

Woo Tales games! Gotta love them! Especially if you an avid RPG player like myself. Using some freedom of movement mixed with standard RPG combat has been a winning formula for this series for a long time. The characters and story is over the top and ridiculous as to be expected and any lover of Eastern style RPG's will find many of the standard conventions to be present in Symphonia, but who cares? It's super fun and that's all that matters in the end. I miss when games like this were more common. The direction RPG's have taken is a step backwards in my opinion. Tales of Vesperia was also excellent and I'm hoping for a new one soon.

6. Resident Evil 4

The finest of the Resident Evil's, with the exception of maybe the first one, Resident Evil 4 is the highest ranked game on this list that isn't a Gamecube exclusive and that is because it was just so damn good. I didn't find it as frightening as the older RE games but the action was kicked up a notch and that is a good thing. The iconic over the shoulder camera angle works to perfection and the cheesy RE dialogue is in full swing as always. Some of the later escort stuff drives me nuts, and still does to this day, but it's not enough to bring down an otherwise amazing game. Whether a Resident Evil fan or not, you owe it to yourself to play this game.

5. F-Zero GX

I almost left this game off of the list. Not because it isn't good enough, but because I'm still mad at it and I wanted to be spiteful towards it in some way. F-Zero GX is hard. I'm talking HARD. All I can remember about the story mode was chasing Samurai Goroh through some rocks, then failing a million times, then blacking out with rage. I wish I could say more about the story mode but I never made it past the second part. The racing was top notch though, tight controls paired with an exhilarating sense of speed combined to make an excellent racer. Tons of ships to unlock and a multitude of courses kept you coming back for a long time. Truly a gem of the Gamecube library.

4. Baten Kaitos

"Another RPG?" They are thinking..."but this one is different, I swear!" is my response. Baten Kaitos was very different from traditional RPG's. Eschewing standard menu driven combat and instead using a card based system helped make Baten Kaitos one of the most original games I've ever played. Using cards to determine actions meant that no fight was ever the same and it allowed for some great strategies. The game was tough too. Enemies didn't pull punches and I remember one fight in particular giving me a lot of trouble. The combat was so fun and innovative though that I never minded. I never felt cheated, I just felt like I needed to improve and that tends to be a rare thing in games anymore. To be honest, I only vaguely remember the story and characters, but the gameplay is enough to cement it in the number 4 spot on this list.

3. The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker

Oh, Wind Waker...you are so awesome yet controversial. So much wasted time on the internet fighting about cel-shaded kid link over the more realistic and gritty link. I don't care what you think, this is what I've always felt Link should be. It should be like playing a cartoon. Link as a semi-realistic character just seems weird to me. He's a little elf boy in a pointy green hat and suit. Anyway, gorgeous cel-shaded graphics aside, this game had it all. Awesome dungeons, tough boss fights, hidden treasure, sailing...sailing...sailing...I loved the sailing. I know some people felt that sailing from island to island was boring but it filled me with a sense of freedom. I couldn't get enough of skipping along on the water carried on the winds of change. Add in the best Ganon fight and you've got the second best Zelda game ever on your hands (Link to the Past is the best...just saying.)

2. Super Mario Sunshine

Another game that tends to be a point of contention, I adored Sunshine. I've read so many people complaining about the water based jet pack but I thought that was what made the game great. Being able to fly for short periods of time added a lot to the gameplay, as did the cleaning aspect. Using the water pack as a hose to clean paint off was fun and made for some cool boss fights. The bonus levels were pure old school Mario fun so if you didn't love the water pack aspect, you should've at least appreciated that. The story was pretty bad and the Delfino Island blob people weren't particularly well designed but who cares? Brilliant character design and story have never been the things that make a Mario game great. Brilliant level design and innovative platforming is where it's at and Super Mario Sunshine has that in spades.

NUMERO UNO...DUH DUH DUUUUUUUH...*MANUFACTURED SUSPEEEENNNNNSE*

1. Metroid Prime

If you played much of the Gamecube back in it's PRIME and you have actually been paying attention to this list then this should be no shocker to you. Metroid Prime is THE GAME on the Gamecube. I remember the first time I heard about it..."They're turning Metroid into a damn FPS!!!" I exclaimed, completely dismayed by the news. "They're ruining it. There's no way it will be good, you can't do platforming in first person! WHAT ARE THEY THINKING?!?"
I was wrong...very wrong. They could do platforming in first person, Metroid Prime was no mere FPS, and they definitely did not ruin the series. They invigorated it. To this day, I still believe Metroid Prime is the single most immersive gaming experience I have ever had. I WAS Samus Aran while I was playing. The first time the lighting reflected my face off of the inside of my visor...MIND BLOWN. So many wonderful moments in this game. Fighting Space Pirates for nearly an hour while climbing down deeper into the bowels of the planet trying to find the thermal visor I needed to progress was awesome enough. Picking it up...feeling relieved and accomplished...then BAM! The lights go out. Quickly flipping on the new visor to reveal more Space Pirates and a breathless fight back out of the pit, health low, ammo lacking, sweat pouring off of my face...just amazing. I wish I could play Metroid Prime again for the first time, and that is the highest honor I can give a game.

GREAT LIST! The Gamecube didn't have the depth of library that it's competitors had but what it did have was truly epic. Nintendo always hits the mark with it's first party games and the Gamecube is no exception. I'm sure I missed a few titles that people are going to think should've been on the list but you know what? It's my blog!

Let's Talk About Platforming, Baby. Let's Talk About Rayman and Sonic

2012-01-19T21:03:00.000-08:00

Salt and Pepa lyrics in the title? Yeah, you know this might be good...or similar to all of my other entries.

God I love the platforming genre, especially two dimensional ones. Nothing against 3D games or 3D platformers, but I've always felt the golden age of the genre is grounded in 2D. The old Mario games, and of course, Sonic the Hedgehog. Sonic Generations is a mix of 2D and 3D and it works pretty well. Blending the old school gameplay and levels of the original Sonic games and the new school gameplay and levels of the more modern games like Sonic Adventure, Generations does a good job bridging the gap between the 2 worlds.

When Sonic: Generations is great, it's really great. Speeding through old levels as Sonic is a nice touch of nostalgia. Sure, the ol' Hedgehog doesn't quite handle the same as he used to, but he's still got some fire burning down below. They made the game more floaty which bugs me a little and when Sonic really gets moving, it doesn't feel as fast as it used to. Not sure if the Xbox can't handle the BLAST PROCESSING or what, but it feels a little tame.

When Sonic Generations is not great, it's not great. Trudging through some of the lamer modern levels is an exercise in frustration and boredom. I understand the point of the title (Generations) was to combine the history of Sonic in one game but you'd think they would skip some of the more uninspired levels in favor of more kickass older levels but I guess it doesn't work that way. It's a game with a pretty smooth downward curve from the beginning to the end. You can really tell when the developers just got lazy and the quality of the games started tapering off, It's a slow decent into bleh.

The two gameplay styles are vastly different. 2D side-scrolling levels are reminiscent of the old days of Sonic, jumping on enemies, revving up a Sonic ball, spinning through loops, smashing through walls looking for secrets, it's all there and still fun as hell. 3D Sonic, which isn't true open 3D, but Sonic on rails, is really fun at times and really frustrating at times. Trying to aim some of the jumps at high speed is a pain in the ass, and the level design is at times horrendous. When you are flying at full speed, smashing through enemies, the 3D stuff is great but when they add platforming and timed jumps into the mix, the 3D starts to feel bogged down and boring, more frustrating than fun.

In the end, Sonic is a solid C+ title. an A+ for parts and an F for others is nestles nicely into an average score. A definite play for Sonic fans like myself, but if you've never been a big supporter of the spiky blue speedster, then Sonic Generations isn't going to do anything to change your mind.

As the other big platformer title to come out this year, Rayman: Origins is pretty much in direct competition with Sonic: Generations for my heart. Rayman's been around a long time, but he's never been anywhere near as iconic as Sonic so it's a good thing the game with his namesake is ridiculously amazing, since he doesn't have that whole fame thing to fall back on.

Rayman: Origins is fantastic, let me say that first. It's the best platformer I've played in a long time and deserves all of the praise I'm going to heap on it in the next couple of paragraphs. Michel Ancel's little limbless hero has reached the peak of his skills here. It's a lovingly crafted masterpiece and everyone should play it.

The graphics are, first of all, phenomenal. Bright, crisp colors blended with a sharp design add up to visual bliss. The levels are all varied and represented (desert, fire, jungle, ice, etc...) but are presented in a unique way so it doesn't just feel like more of been there dont that. Character design is solid, nothing to write home about here, but it's very functional for the game. Rayman still doesn't have limbs, which was originally a result of system limitations, but has since become a part of his charm. The other characters are all cartoony and fun.

The music...oh the music. It's wonderful and whimsical and absolutely perfect and I could expound on it's virtues for an entire paragraph but I won't. Instead I'll just leave this here for you to listen to and fall in love with.

I can sit here and talk about graphics and music all day and it doesn't mean much if the gameplay is garbage. Fortunately, Rayman's gameplay is as amazing as it's aesthetics. The game controls smooth, the level design is aces, the difficulty is basic enough for most players to enjoy, but challenging enough for veterans to get their fill as well. There is a ton of stuff to collect and hidden rooms to find on every level. Bonus levels add a whole new level of difficulty, requiring precise timing and memorization to pass. It's just a fantastic overall package.

There's nothing left to say about Rayman: Origins at this point. It's an amazing game and everyone owes it to themselves to play it unless you are some sort of soulless harpy or other evil, mythical beast.

El Shaddai: Ascension of the What the Hell?

2012-01-17T15:11:00.000-08:00

I've been seriously slacking in my Game Beard duties (heh heh..duties) so I'm going to start pumping out entries for awhile. Hopefully, this will be the beginning of multiple updates every week!

There are a lot of games I've played recently without talking about...here is a list.

Skyrim
Sonic: Generations
Assassin's Creed: Revelations
Rayman: Origins
X-Men: Destiny
Modern Warfare 3
Battlefield 3
...probably some others

Anyway, I will spend some time on all of those games in due time. For now though, I want to talk about the last game I finished, El Shaddai: Ascension of the Metatron.

If the first thought that comes to your mind is "What?" don't feel too left out. It was a small release earlier in the year developed by a guy best known for Okami and Devil May Cry. I hadn't really read or heard much about it before Gamefly sent it my way, but I was pretty excited to play it.

My first thought upon playing it was "Holy crap, this game is HELLA Japanese!" Like everything from character design to style to gameplay just screams "JAPAN!" This isn't necessarily a bad thing as a lot of amazing games have been developed by very Japanese men and ladies. However, El Shaddai is definitely not one of them.

It's not a bad game at all. I would recommend anyone who is into the "Games as Art" movement to check it out post-haste. The design is simply beautiful, colors and shapes pop from the screen and every level is a completely different design from its predecessor. Navigating your character through this levels is where things get iffy. The basic fighting mechanic is developed around the concept of three different weapons. A bladed looking thing which is very offensive, a shield looking thing that is very defensive, and a ranged weapon. Enoch(the main character) can only hold one weapon at a time and must get them by stealing them from enemies. The problem this poses is pretty much every enemy fits into three categories based on the weapon they wield. Sure, they look different level to level, but they all fight the same. This isn't Devil May Cry either, there are no crazy combos and massive attacks. Enoch fights pretty boring and most of the combat comes down to button mashing. Sure, there are some guard breaks and such, but most of the time you don't need them. It's avoid attack, avoid attack, avoid attack over and over again.

The story...oh the story. It's interesting to say the least. The basic premise is that seven fallen angels have gone and made some tower and people are worshiping them and you need to bring them back to heaven or kill them or something, and there is a kid, and weird blob guys and darkness that can suck you in, and one of the fallen angels has dreads and dances and one of them is a chubby old lady and and and and I don't know. The story is just out there and convoluted and makes little sense. I basically gave up on it about halfway through because it was just not very interesting to follow. I'm not sure if it is because the story was poor or if it was just presented that way.

El Shaddai is a game of really interesting concepts that is presented in a very boring way. Somehow they manage to make a crazy futuristic motorcycle chase through a massive city boring and that takes effort. I have to commend the developer though for making a beautiful game. It really is a piece of art, and like most art, it is exciting to look at but it doesn't do much else for you. I can definitely recommend El Shaddai to anyone reading this that enjoys artistic games, but if you're looking for action then you need to look elsewhere.

The First Annual Beardy Awards!!

2011-12-24T08:10:00.001-08:00

That is right ladies and gentlemen, it is that time of year. Time to think about all of the great games that have come out this year and then assign awards to them. Why? Why the hell not?

The awards are based on the games I've played so bear with me if something you love doesn't win. I may not have played it this year.

So, without further adieu...here are the awards. We'll start with some small ones and build up to the grand daddy of them all...GAME OF THE YEAR!

Best Voice Acting

This was a tough one...as games get closer and closer to movies, voice acting has become an integral part of the experience. Gone are the days when voice acting was a second thought and the quality was usually terrible. It used to be surprising when a game actually took the time to get some decent voice work in. Now though, games are becoming more and more cinematic, and with that comes some amazing voice work. I had to really spend a lot of time thinking about this one but in the end, there was one game that stood out above the rest and it was really the work of one man that gave the edge to this game over any other. That man...is Mark Hamill.

...and the winner is (I kind of gave it away there)

BATMAN: ARKHAM CITY

Mark Hamill as the Joker is probably my favorite performance by any voice actor ever, whether it be game or movie. His portrayal of the Clown Prince of Crime is absolutely perfect. The tone and inflection of his voice chills you to the bone and his laugh is timeless. Now obviously, if the rest of the voice acting was poor, Batman wouldn't have won. However, every voice actor in that game is of the utmost quality. You can tell the care was put forth to make Batman a game of the highest quality and it shows throughout every facet.

...Runner Up

LA NOIRE

LA Noire is a game that easily could have won for best voice acting. I was really torn for awhile over whether or not to give it the nod over Batman. The scale of the voice acting is truly impressive considering the rather gigantic cast of characters. The biggest issue with LA Noire though is the sometimes spotty interaction between characters. Too many interrogations that jump from yelling and screaming back to calm relaxed chat back to yelling again. It was wonky and awkward and took away from the experience a bit.

...Honorable Mention

BASTION

Not every category will have an honorable mention but I felt like I had to say something about Bastion. When it came down to it, I never considered it for best acting only because it is all the work of one man, and the scope of the other games was much greater. If I were doing an award for best use of voice acting, then Bastion would win hands down. The narrator, with his deep gravelly voice, keeps you in the game. He weaves the tale set out before you. Rather then use cutscenes and flashy visuals to explain the history of Bastion, the narrator seamlessly crafts a story as you progress along.

Best Comeback Franchise

Another difficult decision between two games with very different comeback stories. One franchise had fallen so far from grace that they had to start back from the drawing board and completely re-imagine the franchise as a whole. The other franchise made a massive comeback by going back to what made it so great in the first place. In the end, the winner was the game that made the bigger overall comeback.

...and the winner is

DRIVER: SAN FRANCISCO

Within the first 20 minutes of playing this game I had a thought about it being the biggest comeback I've ever played. The Driver franchise was poop. Just stinky poop from a butt. Along with everyone else, I had written off the franchise and assumed it was dead. The last Driver game was so bad that I don't even remember it. It's like my brain closed off that section of memories to protect me from the horror contained within. Driver: SF completely reinvigorated the franchise, like a defibrillator to the chest of a heart attack victim, it brought it back from the dead. Taking away everything but the meat of the game was step one. The game is called Driver, not Walker, so let's just not ever have to walk. You play a cop in a coma who is dreaming and trying to wake up. In your dreams though, you have the ability to QUANTUM LEAP into anyone driving around the city. This leads to you helping out some Asians in over their head with street racing, get dying people to the hospital, or prevent bad guys from doing bad things. Being able to warp from car to car and send people smashing into bad guys is one of the most fun things I've done all year. Kudos to Driver: San Francisco...you used your necromancy to bring a dead franchise back to life.

...Runner Up

MORTAL KOMBAT

Mortal Kombat almost won this category. It was a very close call. Mortal Kombat is a better game overall than Driver: SF but in the end it didn't win because it wasn't as big of a comeback. While the MK franchise had fallen off quite a bit, it never fell as far as Driver did. I love that Mortal Kombat became awesome again by undoing all of the crap and going back to what made the franchise awesome in the first place...fighting and gratuitous violence. They got rid of all of the fighting styles and weak crappy characters, and just made the game fun again. Then there are the fatalities..oh my, the fatalities. No other game this year made me as uncomfortable as MK did at times. Ripping people in half as Noob Saibot actually made me slightly queasy. Each character has multiple fatalities that are all brutal as hell, and the blood and gore and violence is what made Mortal Kombat great back in the day and it is no different now.

(OK, I'm writing too much about each award and I'm never going to finish so I'm cutting the writing way down so this can be done and I can write about other things.)

BEST DOWNLOADABLE TITLE

A lot of really good downloadable titles this year but one really stood way above the rest.

and the winner is...

BASTION

Really head and shoulders above the rest of the games released this year, Bastion stands out due to it's excellent story telling and gameplay. An old school feel with a twist all being narrated by the smoothest voice you could ask for. A winning combination for sure.

Runner up

Outland

Quietly released with little to no fanfare, Outland is still the most gorgeous XBLA title I've played to date. The gameplay is a mix of sword fighting platforming and color changing bullet hell, and it seamlessly blends to make an excellent game. I think a lot of people missed this one and that is a shame.

QUICKY GENRE AWARDS

Best Fighting - Mortal Kombat

Honorable Mention - Marvel Vs. Capcom 3

Best RPG - Skyrim

Honorable Mention - Dragon Age 2

Best Sports - Fight Night: Champion

Honorable Mention - Madden 2012

Best Shooter - Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3

Honorable Mention - Gears of War 3

Best Horror - Dead Space 2

Honorable Mention - Resident Evil 4 (XBLA Release)

Best Platforming - Rayman: Origins

Honorable Mention - Sonic: Generations

and now for the final award...GAME OF THE YEAR

When I decided to do these awards, game of the year was obviously my first though. A lot of games passed through my mind, but no matter what they all fell short when compared with the winner. In the end, it was never really close because one game just flew miles above every other in terms of overall quality. Nothing against the games that didn't win, there were some amazing games this year, but only one can be the 2011 BEARDY AWARD WINNER FOR GAME OF THE YEAR.

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

I know, I know, nothing surprising here. Just about every publication named Skyrim game of the year. It is for good reason though. The quality and craftsmanship of Skyrim is above and beyond just about anything ever seen in a game before. Story, graphics, music, everything is top notch. The exploration in the game is nothing short of amazing with literally a million things to find. I've been playing on and off since day 1 and will probably not be done for another year. It's the kind of game that will be entertaining for a long time and in this day and age, that is a great accomplishment. Even if Skyrim represents a genre you are not interested in, you have to respect the sheer scope of the game. Hats off to you, Skyrim. Today you're a winner.

Honorable Mention: Batman: Arkham City

Definitely the second best game of the year, and really the only other game I considered giving the award to. In the end, Arkham City doesn't lose by anything it did wrong, it loses because the competition was too much. Any other year and Arkham City is a clear winner. Kudos to you, Batman!

I Am Batman

2011-10-24T14:14:00.000-07:00

The title of this post is really the most simple way to explain Batman: Arkham City. You are Batman. No other game captures the spirit of being Batman quite like Arkham City. Arkham Asylum came close but in hindsight it was more like a simulator training you to be Batman. Arkham City completely unlocks what being Batman is all about. Swinging through the city at night, solving mysteries, fighting crime, all while engaging in an overall story arc involving super villains. Batman, Batman, Batman.

Combat has been mostly unchanged from the original game. There are some new moves and gadgets, but it flows exactly the same way. It was pretty much perfect in Arkham Asylum so not changing a whole lot makes perfect sense. What they did though, was hone it to near perfection. Boiled down to it's basics it is still punch, punch, punch, counter, counter, punch and you can win just about every fight like that. It's when you mix in Batman's utility belt of gadgets that it really gets spiced up. Leaving small amounts of explosive gel on the ground while flipping then blowing it up and stunning a group of enemies, or whipping a bad guy in the face with a batarang in the middle of a combo, or tossing an ice grenade at someone and freezing them, or whatever your imagination desires...it's all possible and it's all awesome. This is how Batman fights, with his wits as much as with his brawn and skill. Racking up a wicked high combo feels awesome(so I've been told, I max out around 25 hits or so).

The biggest change from Asylum to City has to be the actual map. Arkham Asylum was a small map located on an island outside of Gotham. There were a handful of buildings, some caves and tunnels, and that was it. You ended up revisiting the same areas a lot and the variety wasn't all that great. Arkham City on the other hand, is a living, breathing piece of metropolis. It's gritty and dark and beautiful. Everything is perfectly detailed, there is no wasted space at all. I'm not sure how much bigger the map is then in Asylum but it is at least 3 times as big, and swinging and gliding around all of it is breathtaking to say the least. There are now goons everywhere to fight, sidequests to solve around every corner, hidden riddler trophies are all over the place(and a lot more cleverly hidden), and enough other side content to keep you busy for weeks.

I'm not going to say the game is perfect so that means I have to complain about something. Some of the boss fights are a little uninspired or just don't plain happen like you think they will. There a few situations where you are expecting a kick ass fight aaaaannnnnnd...nothing happens. It's a little disappointing. Also, there is a game mechanic in particular that I found annoying. There are multiple parts where you have to make a little ice shelf to stand on and then pull yourself around with the grappling hook. It's tedious and they use it quite a bit. These are really minor complaints and I normally wouldn't even mention them, but I feel obligated to say something negative if I'm going to say a game isn't flawless so there you go.

The story is solid, there are some nice twists and surprises (FUCK YOU KOTAKU) and it is paced well. The side missions pop up during play so if you do them as you go it can easily take 20+ hours to finish the game. If you go searching for every riddler trophy, you're looking at around 40 probably. I was into the story quite a bit so I skipped a lot of the side stuff along the way and I finished it in probably 10...maybe 12. It never gets boring, though if you install the Catwoman stuff it gets interspersed into the gameplay. You play as her first, then another mission soon after, then you get nothing but Batman until near the end and BAM! they throw another Catwoman part at you. I hated how they mixed it in at the end, I was into being Batman and they completely interrupted me. Playing as Catwoman is interesting. She is a hell of a lot faster than Batman and can cling to chain link ceilings and her cleavage is always out and she does sexy slides that don't seem to be the most functional but overall her parts feel unnecessary. I kind of wish they hadn't bothered mixing it in, or at least given her a bigger role and fleshed (OH HO HO) her out a little more.

What can I say, it's Batman. They did manage what I thought was impossible and made a game that met or exceeded everyone's expectations. It's the closes thing most of us (present company excluded) will ever get to being Batman. Now that it's done, I'm left frothing at the mouth for more like a rabid, starved wolverine in a butcher shop full of delicious smoked meats. I've still got a fair amount of game left to play too. It will be a while before I'm done with the sheer joy of just plain being THE BATMAN.

Gears of War 3: San Francisco Jam!

2011-09-24T17:07:00.000-07:00

There aren't too many releases that get the blood flowing quite like a new Gears game. The latest one, which came out this week, is the third and supposedly final game in the Gears series...I doubt that. The game sells way too well for them to just stop making them. Something tells me we'll see a Ge4rs of War before too long.

If you've ever played Gears of War or the sequel then you basically already know what to expect from the single player campaign. Visceral cover based combat against relentless enemies, huge boss fights set in a post apocalyptic world, guns and bullets and blood and guts and boomers. Aside from new locales, new enemies, and new weapons, there is little changed about Gears of War 3. It plays basically exactly the same as the first two games and that's alright with me. If it ain't broke...don't fix it.

The story is excellent and has quite a few BIG moments to it. I'm not going to talk about it because I don't like taking the chance of spoiling anything for anyone, but they big moments are quite BIG. All I'll say is at the end it does wrap up in a way that makes it look like the trilogy is over, but I just won't believe it until I see it. The franchise is far too valuable to just stop making games with the Gears name. The game is pretty short, about the same length as previous games which means it can easily be beat on normal difficulty within the first or second day. However, there is a ton of online content, and I'll be talking about that some more...next Game Beard. I haven't played enough of it to talk about it here.

Next is my surprise game of the year. Crawling from the depths of franchise hell comes a shocker of a good game...Driver: San Francisco. I, like many others, assumed the Driver franchise was done. After some mediocre to bad games, I figured they were done with it. When I heard about this game, I was surprised, but my expectations were extremely low based on the previous entries. However, I am very happy to say, Driver: San Francisco shattered my expectations and pulled this dead and bloated franchise out of the murky water and back into the hearts of gamers everywhere...or at least back into my heart.

The game is good...very good. They took the formula, distilled out all the extra crap, and just left the meat of what makes a good driving game...driving. There is nothing on foot, the only time you aren't in a car is when you're floating above the city deciding which driver to possess next...wait, what? Driver handles the out of car stuff very simply. You're character is in a coma, so he can enter a ghost mode at any time and switch cars. This extends beyond just picking a car for a challenge. If the challenge is to take down a runaway thief, you can possess the cars ahead of them and drive them directly into their path to take them down with vicious ferocity. The story is out there a bit, but honestly, I didn't care. I was having too much fun possessing drivers and racing cars.

The story is a bit bleh, but I barely noticed. Honestly, there really could have been no story and just a series of challenges and I still would have loved the game. The driving is a nice arcade style that requires skill, but also can be handled by gaming novices. Some of the late challenges get downright brutal and only the most seasoned player will get through them. There are a ton of different licensed vehicles, from super cars to pickup trucks to DeLoreans, the latter of which has a special bonus if you go over 88mph.

Finally I'm going to talk about a game that's been out for awhile but I only just recently played. The new and improved NBA JAM! I waited a long time to get it because frankly, I didn't feel it was worth full retail price. I finally found a price I could swallow and purchased it. I was definitely right in waiting, it's a really good game, but there is very little meat to it.

It's the exact same formula as the original NBA Jam, 2 on 2 basketball with 3 players per team being available. You push and shove opponents while dunking from the free throw line with great ferocity. Hit 3 shots in a row without your opponent scoring and you go ON FIRE! This doesn't seem to have the same impact it used to. I remember in the old SNES game when you were ON FIRE! pretty much every shot went in. In the new version the difference seems to be negligible other then your dunks getting bigger and better. I can't say a whole lot more about it...it's NBA Jam. It's basically the exact game they made in the past with some shinier graphics. This isn't a bad thing, per se, but I was hoping for a little more. Worth the $15 I paid for it, but not much more.

Another brilliant installment of The Game Beard will be coming your way soon. Next time I'll be talking about Resident Evil 4HD, maybe some about upcoming games I'm interested in like Batman, Skyrim, and Uncharted 3. Also, look for a new top ten list coming your way hopefully sooner rather then later.

Captain America and the NFL. I've Got Patriotism Running Through My Veins

2011-09-17T14:33:00.000-07:00

Been too long since I last got my blog on. Been playing a fair amount of games lately and I'm going to do a few updates over the course of the next week or so to catch up. This update will be dedicated to two things every blue blooded American patriot should love. Captain America and NFL Football.

So I'll start with Madden 2012. Before I talk about it, let me just say that Madden and I have a history. I've been buying and playing Madden football since 1994, the first year it was on the SNES. I still remember the infamous error where the New York Giants and New York Jets had their entire rosters switched. I was there for the switch from pixels to polygons, when the hit stick was added, hot routes, blah blah blah. All of the changes. I've watched the game take big steps forward and then take big steps backward. I've bought the new version and been immediately disappointed by the lack of change some years.

Now that all of that is out of the way and I've been confirmed as a "Madden expert" let's talk about 2012(not the mediocre John Cusack film).

The game looks good. Not a huge graphical overhaul from 2011 but it's noticeable. There hasn't really been a leap forward in terms of graphics for some time. It's alright though, the game looks good as is and doesn't really need to be tweaked right now.

There are substantial gameplay changes. For the first time the blocking and tackling in this year's Madden is not magnetic. Meaning that in the old versions when a tackler or blocker got close, the players would be magnetically drawn in to the tackle or blocking animations. It makes for a much more realistic game. Running the ball is fantastic with the new blocking. You can watch which direction players will be forced and wait for holes to open up in the line. It's the most realistic running game Madden has ever offered.

The passing game hasn't changed much, but the passing defense has. You really need to read the defense and know football on the harder difficulties or you will throw a lot of interceptions. The middle linebacker is freaking Superman though. He will knock down a ton of passes over the middle and make impossible reads. It's not very realistic in that regard. It's awesome though to make the correct read and fire an accurate pass into the hands of your receiver as he cuts in front of the defender for a split second. It's realistic and tough and fulfilling.

The biggest leap this season are the changes to franchise mode. You can finally trade future draft picks (though only one year ahead), free agent signing have become more like a race. As soon as a player is offered a deal, a clock starts ticking. When it runs to zero whichever team has put up the best offer gets the player. It isn't necessarily realistic, but it works well for a video game and it is an improvement over the old system. Scouting rookies has been improved as well. You can scout a number of players ahead of time and get an idea of how good they are before the draft. Again, not perfect, but better. Rosters are handled better, allowing 75 players when preseason starts. Cut downs are made weekly until brought back to the regular season roster size. It allows you to keep rookies and free agents that you are unsure of. You'll be given a question marked rating (which is often way off) with the actual rating being shown after you decide whether to keep them or not. Once yet again, not perfect, but better.

And that's the theme of Madden 2012...not perfect, but better. A step in the right direction with some solid bulding blocks for the future.

Now to discuss everyone's favorite super soldier, Captain America. I rented the game based on very little but it looked good enough, and I'm a pretty big fan of the Captain. My first impression of the game was "Batman: Arkham Asylum Lite" The gameplay borrows heavily from Arkham Asylum but is never quite as good. You fight with basic combos, when an enemy attacks, he glows and you can press a button to dodge or counter then continue your combat. It's never as flowing as Arkham Asylum but it still works pretty well. Hell, Captain America even has a sort of "Detective Mode" where you can make ledges and pipes glow, showing you possible pathways you can take.

I haven't seen the movie so I don't know if it follows the plot line but the plot in the game is pretty basic. Captain America thwarting some nazi plans with his fists and vibranium shield. There is some stuff about a giant robot and whatever, I didn't really pay attention. It wasn't honestly that interesting.

The biggest issue I had with the game is the mass of collectibles. Virginal statuettes, cowl and gloves, Prussian helmets, blah blah blah. So many things to collect. CERAMIC EGGS. 50 ceramic eggs, hidden throughout the battlefield for Captain America to find and store...in his magic pouch I guess. I think more impressive then Captain America single handedly fighting and defeating an army of nazis is his ability to carry 50 ceramic eggs unbroken while doing it. The military should be proud. None of the collectibles are particularly hard to find and they all show up on the map, but it takes you out of the game and you have to walk to every nook and cranny while nazis are advancing their plans around you.

For a movie licensed game, Captain America is a solid effort. Better than most of them, that's for sure. The graphics aren't going to impress anyone, and the frame rate often drops making the action choppy at time, but the overall package is worth the time. It's not a long game, I had it done with 1000 gamerscore in less then 10 hours, but it's long enough. Any longer and it would have been too long though. It's not a good enough game to compel you to play it for any longer then you have to.

That's it for this edition. Hopefully another will be along soon. I've still got Driver: San Francisco, Deus Ex, NBA Jam, Lego: Pirates of the Caribbean, Brink, The Maw, Test Drive Unlimited 2, The Saboteur, and other games to talk about. Not to mention Gears of War 3 and Resident Evil 4 HD coming on Tuesday. I'll be bearding a lot about these games so look forward to a lot of updates in the future.

Simple Title: Bastion

2011-08-05T09:24:00.000-07:00

It's been too long since I've last Gamebearded about anything so it's time to fix that. Today's gamebeard is brought to you by Bastion and all of it's awesomeness.

It's no secret I'm a big fan of Xbox Live Arcade games. I own something like 70 of them and spend close to as much time playing them as I do actual $60 disc games. They are cheaper then full price titles and oftentimes just as good if not better. Bastion is one of the best I've ever played. A while back I did a top 10 XBLA games list and I've been trying to decide where it should fit on that list. Right now, I'm thinking #1.

It's such a harkening to old school games that I was immediately turned on to it. Isometric adventure games immediately make me think of Link to the Past and that is perfect for me considering it is one of my favorites. I watched a few trailers for Bastion and my passion for gaming got fired up. It looked like everything I wanted. When it was released I bought it immediately...then had to wait 2 days to play it. I was concerned the wait would lead to disappointment if the game didn't live up to my now quite lofty expectations. However, I was pleasantly surprised. It really was all I wanted and more.

When you strip away all of the fanciness, Bastion is a pretty standard action/adventure game. You use various weapons and powers to fight through enemies, collecting little colored bits that you use to level weapons, all while trying to save the world. The gameplay isn't going to surprise anyone. It's the fanciness that sets Bastion apart from other similar games. The glossy delicious details. The most noticeable of these is the narrator. He is given a name later but initially he is known as the stranger. He kind of acts like a play by play announcer, generally talking about the area you are in, making comments about your actions, and basically filling in the entire story for you. His voice is that of a chain smoking jazz musician and it is perfect for the task at hand. I'm not going to say anything at all about the story because it is so good I would hate to ruin even the slightest detail. Just know that The Stranger tells the entire tale in his awesomely smooth voice.

The graphics in Bastion are excellent. A colorful world full of strange creatures, and lush and varied environments await you. The stages range from overgrown tropical forests, to burnt out industrial warrens. Each level expands as you walk on it, the ground rising up from the abyss below to fill in where you are going. It's a cool effect and it happens throughout the entire game. It is possible to fall off of the level but you merely take some damage and fall back in from the top of the screen, causing damage to enemies if you land on them. The enemy variety is pretty decent. Bastion isn't a terribly long game, so there wasn't a need for 100 different enemy types. There may not be a lot, but each enemy is well crafted and bring something different to the table. It never gets boring or repetitive.

Bastion is the perfect example of an arcade game done completely right. It's nearly perfect. In fact, the only major flaw I can come up with is that when it was over, I wanted more. Not that the game seemed short, I don't know if I could have ever had enough. The New Game + feature is nice as it allows a second playthrough with levels and weapons in tact, but I wanted more original game. I guess being so good that I wanted more game isn't technically a flaw, but it's the best I could come up with.

I feel like there is a lot more to be said about Bastion but I'd have to go into the story and I don't want to do that even a tiny bit. The game opens without the player having any clue what is going on and that is how it should be. I'd hate to think there is a chance at all that I could ruin the experience for someone so I'm keeping my mouth shut about it.

Singularity and Lara Croft and Guardians of Light and No L.A. Noire

2011-06-29T08:57:00.000-07:00

So, L.A. Noire has been put on the backburner for awhile. While I really do like the game and the technology involved with it, it started to drag a bit, and with my extremely limited gaming time, I wanted to spend it playing something I'm going to really have fun with. So, I put L.A. Noire away for a little while and popped in Singularity.

I didn't know much about Singularity outside of it being an FPS when I bought it. It was only $8 though and generally I'll buy almost any game for sub $10. So I put in the disc with very little previous knowledge, started playing, and so far I've been pleasantly surprised. Singularity is a great game. It has a very Bioshock feel to it, an abandoned location with people who have been mutated (though in Singularity they are much closer to monsters then humans) audio logs laying around to listen to to get backstory, scrawled messages on the walls, people talking to you over a com system, etc...

When the game first starts all you have is a knife then eventually a gun and it is pretty standard FPS fare. Singularity uses some jump out scares to try and catch you off guard, but for the most part the game isn't scary, it's creepy. The atmosphere of a burnt out school with charred corpses huddling under desks, will raise the hair on the back of your neck, while blood trails and disemboweled corpses will keep your trigger finger ready for action at all times.

I haven't played too far into the game yet, but I did get far enough to unlock the thing that seperates Singularity from other FPS's and makes it original. You gain a device that can control time. Not like slowing down and speeding it up(though it does slow down some enemies) but more like aging and renewing things. Once you unlock it, certain items will put an orange stripe on your hud or a blue stripe. The colors signify whether you can age or renew an item. Aging it will destroy it and leave it a broken husk, while renewing an item...well, renews it. So far it's been used pretty well, at one point I had to age a box, which caused it to collapse, then place it under a door, then renewed it to lift the door up so I could fit under it. You also use the device as a weapon, sometimes slowing down enemies, sometimes aging them into dust. I ran into one "portal" that when manipulated took me back in time to prevent the death of a scientist. When I went back to the present, he was there waiting for me. This is where I left off in the story, so I'll talk more about it next time.

Downloaded Lara Croft: The Guardians of Light last night because it was finally on sale for a mere 600 MS points. It was definitely points well spent. Delved into it last night late, after I was done playing Singularity, and finished the first level. I'm playing it solo right now and it is truly great, I can definitely imagine it will be even better playing coop. When you play solo you play as Lara and your partner (whose name escapes me at the moment) gives you a spear to use as well as your gun. I don't know if he keeps the spear in coop or not but I'm thinking that is how it might work. Hopefully I'll be able to play it coop soon and find out.

The game plays from a 3/4 isometric view (which I've always been a fan of) and controls using both sticks, left to move, right to aim, you hold the right trigger to fire. Y sets and detonates bombs. The spear is used as a weapon, and as a means to reach higher ledges. You can throw them into walls and jump on them. Lara is also equipped with a grappling device that, so far, I've only used a few times, It hooks to specific places only and Lara can climb up walls with it. I'm not sure if it will have a further purpose yet, but if it does, I'm sure I'll talk about it here.

Still have Dead Space 2 sitting and waiting, and today, I purchased Half -Minute Hero from the Arcade. Not sure when I'm going to play either of them but I'll have something to say soon. I'll probably try to get some time with Half-Minute Hero first so that this blog is at least a little up to date with newer games.

I won the Stanley Cup this week...in NHL '09. I'm tempted to upgrade to '10 or '11 but I'm not sure I'm going to. Maybe I'll look into '12...I'm just not that big of a Hockey fan. Now, football...that's another story. Madden '12 is coming in August and I'm starting to feel the Madden itch. THE MITCH! I'm not going to go too far into it but I definitely like what I'm reading about it. Improved Franchise Mode is the thing I'm most excited about. New ways of trading and signing free agents, this is stuff that hasn't really changed in years. The gameplay is always upgraded a little every year, so hearing they are finally addressing some of the meat and potatoes of the game...well, that's just the best news.

The Game Beard is out for now. Next time I'll get more into Singularity and Lara Croft, maybe into Half-Minute Hero and Dead Space 2, and maybe I'll even have finished L.A. Noire or Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood. I think a post to talk about the titles I'm excited for that are coming this fall might be in order as well. WHO KNOWS? The Game Beard is a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a fluffy beard.

A quick update-y post

2011-06-22T17:27:00.000-07:00

Not much has been going on around here. Had to give LA Noire a break. I think it is because I'm stuck watching investigation and crime shows all day, and random cop dramas at night. Kind of takes away the fun of LA Noire. So, I started playing my season of NHL '09. Not a typo, still trying to finish a season of '09. I'm 1 game away from the Stanley Cup Finals! I'm going to do it!

Other then that, I picked up Dead Space 2 for $20 and Singularity for $8. Once I sink my teeth into them, I'll be doing some yapping about them too.

See everyone later.

Nier is a good game

2011-06-10T17:08:00.001-07:00

It really is. Don't listen to what anyone says over in this place unless they are agreeing with me...

http://forums.penny-arcade.com/showthread.php?t=136647&page=45

Still No Gaming

2011-06-10T10:21:00.000-07:00

Still little to no gaming going on and probably won't be any for a couple of weeks at least. I have been playing a fair amount of Pokemon: White since my DS is one of the only things I can play and I'm nearing the end. This is a milestone moment for me...a chance to finish a Pokemon game, a feat I have never accomplished in the past. I haven't checked a walkthrough or anything, but I'm fairly certain I'm right at the end. I've got all 8 badges, I've beat the guy they made out to be the end boss, I've captured the legendary Zekrom...I'm right at the cusp...and of course, I don't feel like playing it anymore. I'm thinking I'm going to finally pop in Dragon Quest IX but if I do before I finish Pokemon then there is a real chance that I never finish it at all. This used to be a big issue for me, I would fight until the end of a game then never finish it. I don't really know why but lately I've overcome it and have been sure to finish most every game I've played.

I do have my PS3 hooked up and during the brief times I've found to play it, I've split the time between Wipeout and Demon's Souls. I got Wipeout for free as part of Sony's WHOOPS package, alone with Dead Nation. It's been a week and I'm still waiting for Dead Nation to finish downloading. Wipeout is fantastic though a bit shallow. I really have fun with it and it is absolutely gorgeous to look at, but their is something missing from the gameplay. I can't quite put my finger on it but it might be that is lacks punch or oomph. When you crash into another vehicle at 800mph the experience should be bone shattering as opposed to feeling like a fist bump with your bro. It doesn't ruin the game, but it does detract from it's overall awesomeness.

Demon's Souls is old, I know, but I was really late to get it and it is the kind of game I can only spend a little bit of time on each time I play it. The game is kind of like S&M in that you better enjoy being beaten if you want to play. It's brutally and unapologetically difficult. It doesn't care about you. Demon's Souls isn't going to hold you hand, instead it will rip your arm off and beat you, not to death, because death would show mercy. Demon's Souls beats you until you are begging for death, then it revives you and beats you again.

Dark Souls is coming out this year and despite looking awesome as all hell, I'm torn on whether or not to buy it. I'm going to base my decision on how far into Demon's Souls I get. If I haven't beat it, I'm not buying Dark Souls until I do. Or, I'll just wait to find Dark Souls cheap and snatch it up.

I need another great RPG to play. Last time I had this feeling I picked up Lost Odyssey and it was an excellent decision. Right now though, as I look through the list of Xbox and PS3 RPG's I haven't played, there just isn't anything grabbing me. I'm considering Eternal Sonata but I've been avoiding it for years because it just doesn't look perfectly appealing to me. Most likely, I'll finally start Resonance of Fate which has been sitting on my shelf collecting dust for quite a while. Not going to happen until we get all moved into our own place though. If, and it's a big if, I actually get any time on my 360, I'll be finishing L.A. Noire.

That's it for this entry I guess. Nothing terribly interesting to talk about since I'm not playing any games right now. Look forward to another top 10 list coming as soon as a write it, and hopefully, a final write up for L.A. Noire when I finish it.

Gabbing about E3

2011-06-07T09:51:00.000-07:00

Well, The Game Beard finds himself in a position where he can't really play many video games so I've got nothing specific to talk about. Still haven't played anymore LA Noire! Soon, I will figure out how to do some gaming and get back to my multi-part LA Noire discussion.

However, since I've played absolutely nothing in a couple weeks, I'm going to talk about E3 instead.

Let's start with Microsoft. The Xbox 360 had a pretty solid showing at E3. MS showed some Kinect support though there is still a pretty severe lack of any type of serious gaming for their hands free motion controller. I bought one pretty soon after it came out and am pretty much done with Kinect Sports, Kinect Adventures, and Dance Central. They did show Dance Central 2, which looks pretty fun, but nothing blew me away for the Kinect and that disappoints me. I was hoping 2011 would be the year of the Kinect and it doesn't look that way. They did show some Kinect compatibility for games like Fable and some EA sports games but it is mostly just added features. It concerns me greatly that Microsoft doesn't know how to apply their motion controller to more serious gaming applications but we'll see. Maybe 2012 will be the year of the Kinect (I doubt it). Strongly considering selling mine at this point.

Halo fans can rejoice as Microsoft and 363 Studios promised not one, not two, but three new Halo games for the future. They showed off some footage of Halo 4 and also announced a remake of the original with improved graphics and online play.

Some solid demos of Gears 3, the new Tomb Raider game (which I'm absolutely pumped for) and of course Modern Warfare 3(which I'm not). They also showed a new emphasis on home entertainment announcing live TV and streaming music all controllable via Kinect with voice and hand communication. Nothing extremely exciting but it all looks pretty good.

Sony surprised me and a lot of other people when it announced the price point for it's new do-everything handheld. They also gave it an official name...the Vita! And it won't cost $599 US Dollars! It's only going to cost $249 which suddenly thrusts out of disinterested and into very interested. I never owned a PSP because Sony refused to lower the price of their original handheld for ages. The Vita is going to be a lot more then the PSP though. They finally have dual analog sticks to go along with a multi-touch display. It has a bunch of stuff I don't particularly care about like front and rear cameras, a 3G option for another $50, and a bunch of other stuff I'll never use. It also has some kickass specs under the hood and they showed some great demos of games like Modnation Racers and LittleBigPlanet. Color me excited(I always say it is hot pink). Sony also showed off the game I'm most excited for this holiday season, Uncharted 3: Drake's Deception, and it looks ridiculous as expected. Nothing else particularly stood out for Sony. The Vita is the big announcement and it looks pretty promising. It's slated for a holiday 2011 release right now.

Nintendo just wrapped up their conference and the big announcement was, of course, the predecessor to the Wii. It has a name now, the WII U! and a controller, a gigantic 6"+ touchscreen monstrosity, and a stable of future games. Nintendo finally catches up with Sony and Microsoft and leaps into the HD era (about 6 years too late) planning to release the Wii U sometime in 2012. Apparently all the old Wii accessories will still work on it, but it is going to be powerful enough to run games like Batman: Arkham City, Dirt, Ninja Gaiden 3, etc...all of which will have been playable on 360 or PS3 for months before the Wii U is released. Probably the coolest feature is the ability to play the console on the controller's touch screen. So if your wife wants to watch Army Wives and you want to play whatever first party Nintendo game is out at the time, you can both be happy! The controller has a camera too because every electronic device released after the Geneva Convention is required by international law to have a camera on it.

Outside of that Nintendo showed off the new Zelda and blah, blah, blah. The Wii U is really all of the news for Nintendo. It's looks intriguing as all hell. I'm very interested in how much this 6.2" touchscreen controller that can stream games is going to cost.

Overall, it's been a pretty decent E3. Two new consoles unveiled and some really good looking games. Oh, I almost forgot to talk about Battlefield 3 which looks to seriously unseat Modern Warfare as the king of first person war shooters with online action and tanks. Seriously though, it looks amazing. I've never been a big Battlefield guy, spending my time instead with Modern Warfare but Battlefield 3 has converted me like hall of famer Rod Carew to Judaism. The new "Frostbite" engine looks amazing, and they stressed relentlessly about how it will be "subscription free".

E3 is always an exciting time and this year has been no different. Exciting new games, new consoles, new ip's and old ip's, remakes, collections, etc...it all adds up to another expensive holiday season and a promising 2012 for gamers everywhere.

Middle Ground

2011-05-30T20:49:00.000-07:00

So, The Game Beard has been busy lately doing things that are unfortunately not playing video games. Been moving and traveling and right now, I am currently away from my Xbox and PS3 and I'm so very sad. However, before I left, I did pass what I assume is the halfway point of LA Noire, so I'm going to talk about it.

It's such an interesting game to talk about because it does so many new things. As a concept and an idea, LA Noire is one of the best games I've ever played. In it's execution though, a little is left lacking, kind of like the final coat of paint. As amazing as LA Noire is right now, if they continue to make games in this style and keep fixing small problems, I think we will look back and see that LA Noire is a very flawed game. There are it's obvious flaws, such as horrendous handling with the vehicles, and the acting involved during interrogations can leave you feeling like everyone in 1940's LA suffers from Tourette's, but what I'm mostly talking about are it's underlying flaws. Things that people don't even know they are wrong until they do them differently with the sequel and try to go back and play the original. A good example could be in the way they have you look for clues. Right now, it works well. You traverse the crime scene on foot and the controller gently vibrates when you are near an area you can search. You press the button to check out the item or items, rotate them in your hands or observe them deeper. Any clues you find are jotted down in your police notebook and you move on to the next clues. The game plays some mysterious sounding music while at the crime scene and when you've found all of the clues, the music stops. It is a system that works right now, but I'm sure can be improved upon with a sequel. This is what I'm talking about when I say "flaws". You don't really notice the problem until it is improved with the next game, which I'm sure there will be.

I haven't been immersed in a game like this is a long time. It really sucks you in with it's big-budget acting and excellent story. I literally find myself missing the game while I'm away from it. I got distracted a bit while looking for side items and such, but I am always thinking about what is going to happen next with the story. The characters have realistic and engaging personalities, so you actually care what happens to them. The city itself is alive and just cruising around really brings you to 1940's LA. I've heard people who are from LA make comments about just how accurate it is.

I'll make one more blog post about LA Noire after I finish it and give my final opinions then. Right now though, they are still off the charts. It's the kind of game you can't compare anything to because nothing like it has ever been done before. It's a truly original experience and that is a rarity these days.

Just a Brief Update

2011-05-18T04:38:00.000-07:00

I'm not counting this as a full update but I wanted to come on here to talk about my early impressions of L.A. Noire.

First thing you notice is the polish. Rockstar does their games right. The graphics, the city, the voice acting...all top notch. Exactly what we've come to expect from Rockstar and they didn't disappoint.

I've played through 2 cases if you count the opening section as a case. It mostly short sections of different events in the game that worked as a tutorial so you could learn how all of the different police work...well, worked. So far, the game is pretty much exactly what I wanted it to be. The special facial work they did is really something you have to see. The mouths move perfectly in sync with the dialogue and the emotion conveyed in each of the characters' faces is unbelievable. I can see this technology really making an impact in the future.

The interrogation process is a lot like Phoenix Wright. You listen to the perp talk, watch his face to give away his emotion, then decide if they are lying or telling the truth. If they are lying, you need to present evidence that proves the lie. If you choose wrong, you'll lose valuable information. It works...it isn't perfect though. I've only been through one really short interrogation and I had to redo it about 3 times because I kept choosing wrong. We'll see how I feel about this after playing some more of the game.

That's really all I'm going to say right now until I spend more time with the game. I just wanted to get a quick impression up. Early in, this has the potential to be the game of the year. I really hope that opinion holds up as I play more. Keep checking back and I'll let you know.

10 Worst Video Game Characters of All Time

2011-05-16T11:08:00.001-07:00

Title is pretty self-explanatory. This is my personal list of the 10 worst characters to ever appear in a video game. I tried to keep it to one character per series(though I failed in one instance) and I tried to avoid all of the cheesy, bland characters that showed up on the SNES.

Without further ado...here we go.

10. Vaan - FFXII

Final Fantasy has it's share of amazing characters: Shadow, Cecil, Kain, Cid, Sephiroth, and Terra immediately come to mind. However, Final Fantasy has also had its share of terrible, terrible characters. The worst of these is Vaan from Final Fantasy XII. It really was a toss-up between him and Tidus but Vaan won because of one scene; the infamous "I'm Captain Basch" scene. If you've played the game you know exactly what I'm talking about, if you haven't played the game you should, it's actually very, very good. However, prepare yourself for a very cringe worthy scene running through town yelling to people that you are, in fact. Captain Basch Fon Ronsenberg of Dalmasca!

9. Meat - Mortal Kombat: Armageddon

I think I had blacked Meat out of my brain and tucked him into the corner where I keep all of the terrible things I've seen and can't stand remembering. I was researching this article and thought to myself "Who is the worst Mortal Kombat character?" My initial thought was one of the many cookie cutter ninjas, Rain perhaps. But then I stumbled on an article about Meat and suddenly, like a blooming flower, a part of brain opened up and suddenly I remembered this atrocity of a character. Technically he made his first appearance in MK4 but he wasn't his own person until Armageddon. In 4 he was an alternate skin for any character. Just a meaty skeleton version with the same moves as whomever you selected. In Armageddon, they decided to "flesh" him out and make him his own man. He was apparently a failed experiment from Shang Tsung's "Flesh Pits" that escaped. His design was downright awful; a skinless humanoid male in a thong that constantly oozed blood and had an eye dangling from his head. His moveset was even worse then his design. Utilizing his own body parts, Meat would do things like roll his own head at his opponent, or yank out his eye cord, which when it snapped back would rejuvenate his health a little bit.

In a franchise with as many bad characters, it is hard to stand out. Meat is impressive for not only standing out as the worst, but he absolutely destroys the competition.

8. Otis - Dead Rising

Otis stands out on this list as the only character who doesn't have a particularly bad design. He's just an old, balding black man; nothing special at all to his appearance. However, he is exceedingly annoying. He spends the entire game calling Frank West to tell him about various things he notices at the mall: maybe a clothing store, or someone who needs help, Otis let's you know with a simple call to your two-way radio. He calls at the worst times sometimes. You can be surrounded by a thousand zombies and suddenly, Otis is calling. Still, this wouldn't be so bad if you could ignore him, but Otis will not be ignored...nor will he be hung up on. If he is telling you something and you suddenly molested by zombies and have to hang up, he will call you right back and give you a lesson in phone etiquette. If you don't answer, he will let it ring, and ring, and ring, and ring, and ring....you get the idea. So, for his iron-willed persistence alone Otis makes the list as one of the worst characters ever.

7. Marumaro - Blue Dragon

Blue Dragon is an excellent game, lets get that out of the way. I spent so many hours playing it that I would slightly embarrassed to admit to just how many it was. None of the characters are particularly good in this game. It suffers from the art direction of Akira Toriyama who most people will know from Dragon Ball Z. Nothing against Toriyama but his designs are dreadfully boring. He has about 3 different characters and then throws buckles on them. Marumaro is a monster sort of looking fellow, but it isn't his design that puts him on this list. He also isn't worthless as a character. He tanks really well and can deal out some solid damage. What puts him on this list is his voice and dialogue. He's supposed to be a kid, so I suppose some of the stuff he says can be forgiven, but not all of it. Everytime he talked I wanted to shove 6 inches of steel into my ear so I wouldn't have to hear it again. It really is that bad. The worst voice I've ever heard in a game spouting out ridiculous, and childish dialogue. Marumaro...I salute you.

6. Bubsy - Multiple Bubsy Games

Bubsy wins the "Completely Generic Platformer" award. Back in the days of Sonic and Mario, people were trying to cash in on the whole platformer craze and Bubsy was a product of that attempt. To be fair, the first couple Bubsy games were actually pretty good, but as a character, Bubsy was a complete bust. An anthropomorphic bobcat wearing a long sleeved white shirt with an exclamation point on it and, as is still popular with anthropomorphic characters to this day, no pants. You know, I've never understood the no pants thing. Is it that hard to put pants on cartoon characters? Then, why do some of them wear pants and others don't? This is a discussion for another blog I suppose, but let it marinate in your brain for awhile. I needed to fill up this paragraph on Bubsy with something because I just can't talk that much about the most generic character ever. His name is Bubsy, that's all you need to know.

5. Bomberman - Bomberman: Act Zero

There isn't a lot to be said here. The original Bomberman is awesome. A Cutesy sort of fellow with black eyes and a nifty little bomberman suit. He's lovable and huggable and squeezable all at the same time. When I heard they were making a new Bomberman and they were changing the character I could immediately smell something bad...like poop left too long in the sun, but I was wrong; it was so much worse. They didn't just change Bomberman, they raped him and left him in a ditch. They took the squeezable Bomberman and turned him into some

X-TREME futuristic, hardcore, robot thing that would be terrible on it's own. However, as a recreation of an amazing and beloved character. the new Bomberman finds a place on my list as one of the ten worst characters ever. And that's all I'm going to say about that. It literally makes me sad to think about.

4. Navi - Zelda: Ocarina of Time

HEY, LISTEN! The spoken words of Navi, the fairy who guides you through Ocarina of Time. Everytime there is something to say, Navi spits out those words like poisonous venom to your ears. By the hundredth time you've heard them, you want nothing more then to kill Navi with Link's bare hands; starting with the wings then shoving them down her throat so she can never again spout out her infamous phrase. The worst part is, when you do "HEY, LISTEN" to her, she is usually telling you absolutely nothing you didn't already know. The Zelda series has always been one of my favorites and has plenty of likable characters and hilarious glitches; "I AM ERROR" It also is the only franchise to have two characters on this list, and the second on is coming up next...

3. Tingle - Multiple Zelda Games

Who is the mysterious Tingle? Is he some sort of God or immortal creature? Some sort of fairy or just a weird, possibly homosexual, dude dressed in tights that sells maps? Who the hell knows? What I do know is that he is a abomination of a character. Obnoxious to look at and listen to, Tingle is the worst of both worlds. I wonder who thought of him...who sat down and thought that this was a great character to add to the Zelda universe? I'd like to meet him and just slap his face, slap it right off. On top of the terrible everything else, Tingle also has one of the dumbest catchphrases in gaming history, "KOOLOO-LIMPAH!"

*Ok, so while looking up his catchphrase, I stumbled on some real information on Tingle that I didn't know because I can't stand the guy and didn't want to really have to research him. Apparently he is a 35 year old man skilled in cartography that is obsessed with forest fairies...I think this information actually makes him worse.

2. Big the Cat - Sonic Adventure

The Sonic series has no shortage of mediocre to terrible characters. Outside of Sonic and Dr. Eggman, it is a regular pageant of just awful character design. The one that stands out amongst all of the terrible though, is Big the Cat. If you've only ever played the fantastic side-scrolling 2D Sonic games that you've probably never encountered Big the Cat, and a heart congratulations to you! For the rest of us though, we've been forced to deal with this atrocious character several times. Besides being a big, fat, purple cat in a belt, Big the Cat's biggest crimes was breaking up a very good game with tedious and boring fishing levels. I swear, it was like whoever was designing the game thought to themselves, "This game is too good. How can we mess it up?" Well, kudos to you! You did it!

1. Waluigi - Multiple Mario Party and Sports Games

I'm very passionate in my hatred for Waluigi. As soon as I decided this would be my next top ten I already knew he would be number one. Hell, before I was born, when I was merely a twinkle in my parents' loins, I was destined to hate Waluigi. He is the epitome of terrible character design. I imagine his creation came about because Wario needed a tennis partner and since he was Mario's evil opposite, they figured they should do an evil Luigi. Now, Wario works, it is similar to Mario, but Wuigi doesn't really work at all so someone, probably while drunk, just threw a wa in front of Luigi. Then, they made him purple and lanky, and he bends in weird ways, and he is just terrible. So terrible I can't express it in words here. So terrible that he should be unmade. If he had only shown up in the one game, then his creation could almost....almost be forgiven. However, they love him so much at Nintendo that now he shows up in pretty much every party and sports game with his stupid face and grating voice.

Congratulations to Waluigi for being the worst character ever in the history of gaming. It's a feat that I pray will never be topped. He is the ultimate in bad everything.

Update?

2011-05-16T09:23:00.001-07:00

I've been slacking in my blog posts lately. I'm going to finish a top ten list today but I just wanted to say that OH MY GOD LA NOIRE COMES OUT TOMORROW AND I WILL BE PLAYING IT AND IT WILL BE AWESOME AND I'M GOING TO COME ON HERE AND TELL EVERYONE ABOUT HOW AWESOME IT IS.